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tenpintsof-sundrop · 2 months ago

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My Top 10 Fics Of 2024

So, I have decided that I am gonna do the same thing that I did last year because I had so much fucking fun with this last time and it's a great way to look back and reflect on all the hard work I have done this year. And I am counting these down not based on statistics - not how many likes these posts have or how 'popular' they are, but based on how much I like them, and I get to really reflect on how writing these fics made me feel. And that is truly the most important part of fanfiction - how much fun I am having. So I am really happy and excited to reflect on all the awesome stuff I have written this year.

And I think a really great sign is that I had an incredibly difficult time with this year's ranking. Because I wrote so many amazing fics that I had so much fun with. Even if I had a really (not so fun) incident where I came very close to quitting fanfiction altogether, I had a lot of fun, and I wrote a lot of amazing things that I am so fucking proud of. And I'm only including fics in this ranking that I have posted (which is why I strategically waited until after certain fics were posted to write and make this ranking) - and not even including ones I have written and not yet posted, which are also fics I absolutely fucking love. So even if this year may not have been great for my mental health or my physical health, this year was a year where I felt great and comfortable and happy as an artist.

Anyway, here's the ranking!!

This year I posted 20 different fics consisting of over 250,000 words - and that is not including the fics I have not edited and the unfinished WIPs I have in my drafts.

Also keep in mind, if you randomly see this post in tags and you don't follow me, this is my main blog and not my fanfiction blog. My fanfiction blog is @sundrop-writes - you can follow me there to check out my fics and follow me for all my exciting fanfiction adventures in 2025.

Honorable Mentions:

Meddle About - Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader (6,300 words). I was slightly conflicted about if I should put this on the list or not, because currently, this is (in terms of statistics) the most popular fic on my blog right now, and usually when a fic is super popular, I am less inclined to like it. But this list is supposed to be strictly about how I feel about my fics and the experience I had while writing them. And I did really enjoy the experience of writing this fic - it was really fun to write something absolutely kinky and filthy and to write a fic that was so truly stuck in my head. I had a lot of fun with it.

The Restricted Section - Dom!Hermione Granger x Sub!Fem!Reader x (Secret Voyeur) Harry Potter (4,400 words). This is one of my absolute favourite fics that I have written this year, and it just didn't make the top ten because other fics were more my favourite. I loved writing this because it was such a fun PWP and it was one of those instances where I had the idea and then the fic was posted like a day later. It's a lot of fun.

Tongue Twister - Sub!Gar Logan x Dom!GN!Reader (2,000 words). This is one that I actually forgot that I wrote this year - it feels like so long ago lmao. But I really loved it when I wrote it, I love it now. I will always love Gar so much, and I love writing slutty fics about him.

Eager Little Puppy - Sub!Isaac Lahey x Dom!GN!Reader (2,700 words). This is by far one of my favourite things I have written this year - Isaac is one of my new favourite characters, and I have absolutely loved writing about him (and I look forward to writing more about him in the future). This is just a representation of how much I love him.

One Moment Per Episode With Dick Grayson - Dick Grayson x Fem!Reader (8,300 words). This is another one that I forgot was from this year because it feels like so long ago. I really fucking love the concept and I really, really want to continue it further in 2025 (feel free to send me messages if you are excited about it and want to see more, because I would like to set aside some specific time to work on it). Anyway - I really love the start of it and I really love what I have planned for this fic in the future.

Now, onto The Top Ten:

10. Precious Time Alone (aka The Knot Fic) - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader (11,800 words)

Even with the ability to see the future, you never would have guessed that your life would lead you to falling in love with the perfect man - someone sweet, caring, funny, cute. Someone with the passion and fire to protect the ones that he loves no matter what. A precious guy with green hair who had the ability to transform into a tiger at will. And when you finally made love to him for the first time, you never could have guessed how that unique ability affected his sex life. You weren’t exactly complaining, but you wished you had seen this coming. At the end of the day, it was just another thing about him to love. Or - Neither you nor Gar knew that he has the ability to knot, and you both find out for the first time when you have sex together. Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut/PWP. Set during Season 2, Episode 9.

It's such an interesting coincidence that both this year and last year, the number ten slot contains a Gar fic that is a re-make/re-post. I have a lot of fics that are only on AO3 and not on Tumblr, and I highly recommend that you check out my AO3 for that reason, but if I am transferring a fic from AO3 to Tumblr, I love to go through and do some edits on it and see how I can improve it before I post it again.

I absolutely loved this fic when I first posted it, and I love it even more with the edits - including the new scene that I added. It is such a fun idea that could be considered Crack Fic (so often, I write Crack Fic concepts but I treat them seriously) - the idea that Gar has a Knot because he is 'an animal' (or because he has animal DNA). It's such a funny idea, but it was fun and hot to write porn about it.

I love this fic, and if it is your thing and you would enjoy reading it, I hope that you enjoy it too.

9. The Way You Miss Me - Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader (18,500 words)

Fred broke up with you. He made it clear that he was going to have a new life when he opened his shop, and he didn’t need you to be a part of it. You being stuck on him was just another joke in a long line of pranks that he pulled. And life kept on laughing at you when your fear of heights was triggered by a potentially life ending mission the Order put together that had you dangling hundreds of feet over London, held up only by Fred’s strength and determination. So what does it mean when the two of you land, and he’s the only thing that can stop your shaking panic? What does it mean when he’s looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes, holding you tight like a lover would? Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers. Emotional Angst and Smut. Set during Deathly Hallows.

This fic is one of the reasons that the ranking was so difficult. This one got moved around a lot because I had so much fun writing it and working on it. I am also super proud of this fic because originally, the idea was going to be part of a much longer fic, and I am so glad that I was able to pull off the emotions and the tone that I wanted in a much shorter word count that took me a lot less time. It makes me incredibly proud of myself - that I don't feel like I have to spend months and months on an idea in order to truly pull it off.

I fucking love this fic and I am so happy with how it turned out.

8. Why Am I The One? - Isaac Lahey x Fem!Reader (15,200 words)

Isaac loves you. He loves you more than anything else in the world - which is exactly why he has stayed away from you for so long. But when Derek kicks him out onto the street in the pouring rain with absolutely no warning and no reasoning as to why, Isaac has nowhere else to go. He could claim that he sought you out because you’re close by, because he knows that you won’t turn him away in his time of need - but deep down, it’s because he misses you. And staying away from you for so long is the hardest, stupidest thing he has ever done. Isaac Lahey x Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers. Smut and Emotional Angst. Set during Season 3, Episode 4.

Again, this is one that made the ranking very hard. I enjoyed the process of writing this so fucking much. I was immediately inspired when I saw the episode, and as soon as I saw it, I started working on this fic - the imagery of Isaac so slutty in his white shirt sparks the temptation to write smut, but I love the emotional depth of him being a literal kicked puppy (after being kicked out by Derek) and being emotionally vulnerable and needing some place to go and someone to turn to. It is literally a perfect recipe for the kind of smut I write - super hot sex with emotional depth because one of the characters is feeling vulnerable. It's perfect.

This fic is exactly what I wanted it to be when I set out to write it, and I especially loved exploring Isaac's grief for Erica (which is by far not explored enough in the show) and I might do a continuation of it in the future, I'm not sure. Either way, I think it's fantastic, and it definitely deserves a spot on this list.

7. She Keeps Me Up - Dom!MILF!Jennifer Jareau x Sub!Fem!Reader (3,100 words)

JJ is protective of you. When you offer yourself up as ‘bait’ to lure in an UnSub who is killing women of your type, she protests endlessly about it - but ultimately she can’t stop you. She can, however, possessively lay her claim on you when you get back from the ordeal with nothing more than a tiny scratch. Dom!Jennifer Jareau x Sub!Fem!Reader. Established Dom/Sub Relationship. Smut/PWP.

Like I said, this list is all about reflecting, and I was considering wiping all Criminal Minds fics off this list because of the experience that I had - but that wouldn't be fair to my past self or fair to my art. Especially because this is one of my favourite fics I have ever written and whenever I listen to the song that I titled it for, I still have incredibly fond memories of writing this fic.

I think that MILF!JJ is my favourite version of JJ, even though - ironically - I haven't seen a lot of the later seasons. But way too many people obsess over Professor Reid and Grey Haired Prentiss (who I also love, don't get me wrong) - but I think there is not enough love for MILF!JJ. Not by far. I want to be her controversially younger girlfriend.

I actually have something in my drafts that is MILF!JJ centric, and if I finished it, it would be the only thing that could get me to stray back into the Criminal Minds fandom. I am so down bad for JJ, it's not even funny. (So - if you wanna see more of her, feel free to come in my inbox and let me know.)

6. Blood In The Water - Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader (11,700 words)

Being Stiles’s best friend, you are incredibly worried about him when you figure out that he is quite literally not himself - and that the thing currently occupying his body could be destroying it in the process. When you approach him to show this concern, Void takes a particular interest in you. He’s not capable of love, or even fondness, but he likes you. And he likes the way your fear spikes when you talk about Stiles. So he makes you a deal - he’ll agree to take care of this fleshy, mortal host, in exchange for something more precious, more rare, and more delicious than the meal you have brought for Stiles. He wants your pain. He wants your tears. Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends. Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt No Comfort. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1, Episode 11).

Another one that made the ranking so hard. This fic was so much fun to write, because as I said in the A/N for it - I fucking love writing villains. I love writing characters who are absolutely unambiguously evil. I do think it's a big of a shame that the recent cultural shift is to write villains as morally ambiguous or to take characters who are evil (or morally grey shifting more towards 'bad' in the canon) and soften them up so much in fanfiction to make it seem like they did nothing wrong.

A lot of people write Void as one of those "he is bad but he won't hurt me because he loves me uwu" characters and I really don't like that - because I want to write him as a character who is absolutely fucking incapable of love. He does not know love, he doesn't know what it is, and he has absolutely no softness or fondness for any person.

I really want to write a sequel to this fic - I have one drafted out that I think would be so fucking good - and I think I want to make it one of my goals for 2025 to complete and post the sequel. Anyway, just this fic as it is, I fucking love it, and I had such a fantastic time writing it.

5. Downhill - Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (20,100 words)

Draco knows his place in the world. He is a Malfoy, he is Pureblood. He is supposed to marry, carry on the Pureblood line. He is supposed to do everything that his parents would - including killing, if it’s what his Dark Lord wishes. Draco Malfoy is not supposed to hesitate. He is not supposed to feel fear. He is not supposed to have room in his heart for fondness, or even love. Not even when it comes to his bartered and bought fellow Pureblood fiancee. Love is nothing but a weakness. And Malfoys are not weak. Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader. Arranged Marriage/Hesitant Lovers. Emotional Angst and Smut. Set during Half-Blood Prince.

This is one of the fics that caused me to strategically wait to make and post this whole list lmao. And I am glad that I actually got this fic posted when I wanted to, and I'm glad that I waited. I have had this fic brewing in my drafts for a long time, and I have had the general idea for it in my head for a lot longer. I've actually had the idea in my head for longer than the original fic existed (the fic that this is a prequel to) and when I figured out that I could utilise my idea here, I was so excited.

I love writing about the real consequences of Draco being a Death Eater and I fucking love writing the Arranged Marriage trope, and this was all my favourite things to write about rolled up into one. And I also loved writing the inclusion of Harry having a very shallow one-sided crush on the reader when she is too busy actually falling in love with Draco to notice. This was incredibly fun for me to write and I absolutely love how it turned out - so it is by far one of my favourite fics I have written this year.

4. Figure It Out - A Criminal Minds Casefic (18,000 words)

Since you joined the BAU, you have been keeping a terrible secret from the team. When the team takes a case in your hometown - your festering secret comes to be known with a vengeance. Fem!Reader x Gen!BAU Team (Platonic). General Casefic, modelled after a Criminal Minds episode. Angst, Mystery, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Criminal Minds Season 3.

I feel like this list would be incomplete if I did not include the fic I obsessed over as my first fic of the year. This fic really did a lot for me as an artist - for so long I have been wanting to write something with a similar concept to the music video for Figure It Out by Royal Blood (something where the story essentially goes in reverse and more details are revealed along the way, constantly changing who you believe is the villain vs who is the victim). The first time I saw that music video, it changed me and I have been so radically inspired by it ever since.

And because this idea has been sitting in my head for literal years, I am so fucking proud that I managed to do it justice. And I do think that Criminal Minds is the perfect backdrop to do this kind of idea with, and I think that this is actually a kind of radical artistic episode that they might actually do.

I would also love to use this format for other fandoms (I think it would work so well for The Walking Dead especially, and you guys know that I want to apply everything I do to Titans) - so I am so glad that I wrote this fic and gained confidence in writing something with an usual format and that I just got to have fun with it.

3. When Doves Cry - Jason Todd x Gar Logan (11,100 words)

At Dick’s insistence, Jason comes back to Wayne Manor to help the Titans end Crane’s deadly plan. Jason doesn’t want redemption or forgiveness - he’s done believing that he’s worthy of those. Once Crane is back at Arkham where he belongs, Jason plans to disappear, never to be heard from again. But Gar - someone who never stopped loving Jason and never stopped believing in his goodness - has other plans. Jason Todd x Gar Logan. Friends to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Smut and Emotional Angst. Set during Season 3, Episode 13.

This fic is absolutely so fucking special to me. This is actually one of my only fics that has a dedication, even though most of my romance based fics should be dedicated to @nctzenkane - because he is the love of my life and he inspires most of my romance based fics in one way or another.

I wrote this fic at a time when I was really struggling as an artist. If you have been following me all year, then you will likely know about an incident where I spent months writing a longer fic, and that fic garnered some complaints and hate comments, and when I spoke up with my distaste for those comments - I was basically told to shut up, and I was told that fanfic readers have a right to be rude and treat fic authors like shit the second that we post our work to the 'public'.

And it really demotivated me and the whole incident really made me thoroughly consider quitting writing altogether, especially considering the fact that my chronic illness is getting worse each year and every single time I successfully post a fic, more and more work has gone into that fic behind the scenes (past my illness) in order to make that fic 'visible to the public'.

All of this to say that I was feeling down, disappointed and lost, and I asked Jaycen what to do - what I should write to truly make myself feel confident and good in my art again. I asked him to request something because I needed some inspiration and some artistic direction. And he requested this fic - because he usually only enjoys romances between canon character pairings (and he loves JayGar because I majorly fed him the juice on that) and he knows that Titans is my strong suit.

The fic is also incredibly special to me because the song is also incredibly special - even though I fucking love 80s music, I didn't really listen to Prince until Jaycen encouraged me to, and when I listened to this song for the first time, it really wormed its way in as one of my all time favourite songs. And it suits these characters and their dynamic so well in addition to being such a beautifully personal song to me.

So yeah - this fic is gonna go down in history as one of my top five favourite fics of all time, not just from this year. And it definitely made the ranking a lot harder.

2. Heaven's Gate - Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader (24,200 words)

Hope. Not the fragile, delicate thing that everyone mistakes it to be. Hope is stubborn, and grows inside of you long before you ever realize its purpose there. Hope can’t be crushed by a thousand pound tank or torn apart as easily as concrete walls can. Hope is balanced on the backs of songbirds, it whistles quietly in the wind, and it brings you right where you need to be (even if you don’t know it). Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader. Strangers to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff. Set during Seasons 1-5.

This is another fic that is so fucking special to me, and that's why it's so close to the top of the ranking. I have had this idea in mind for years probably - I fucking love the concept of any fic that involves reunions when it comes to The Walking Dead (and I could write 10,000 more fics based on this concept) because every single moment of reunion in the show just fucking gets me. Even though I don't really like Rick and Lori's relationship (and I love Lori, don't mistake me as a Lori hater - never), the moment where Rick gets out of the cube van and reunites with Carl and Lori for the first time in the first season - it gives me goosebumps every single time without fail.

So I simply aim to recreate that feeling with my fics.

Also - the bird symbolism. When I lived at my old place, I had a bird feeder right outside my window, and I used to do a lot of bird watching. And I became familiar with certain bird species and the rarity of certain types of birds, and there is just something hopeful that ignites within you when you see a particularly rare bird - and it is a myth I have heard that cardinals represent good luck (likely because of their rarity) when you see them.

And I love how the whole fic evolved to represent hope, which I think is something we all need more of in our lives. During this year of existential dread and sadness, it felt really good to write something that was purely about happiness and hope.

1. The Jaws of Life - Jason Todd x GN!Reader (19,900 words)

You and Jason don’t really hate each other - at least not anymore. Your feelings for each other are more than complicated, and before you have time to figure it all out, you have to part ways. Jason goes back to Gotham at Bruce’s behest, and you’re off to visit a long lost relative that you didn’t even know cared about you. Unfortunately, while you’re apart, the Joker makes things even more complicated with a phone call and a gun. And your world comes crashing down before you can even put names to all the stars in your sky. Jason Todd x GN!Powered!Reader. Friends With Benefits to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Smut, Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 3.

Here is the big number one! I am giving this one the top spot even though it's incomplete (and I am kind of biased because in my head, I am including how amazing stuff from the second part is) - and maybe it's just an excuse to include such an amazing fic in two different 'Top 10 Fics of The Year' posts lmao. Because when I post the second part in January, technically it will count for next year too.

But anyway - I love this fic so fucking much. This fic has been so long in the making, and I love every single aspect of it - the emotions, the metaphors, the length. This is one of those fics that is perfect to me because it came out exactly how I wanted it to be in my head. I am so utterly proud of this fic, and I am so glad that people are getting to read it now, even if it is just the first part.

Anyway - that's all for this year, and I am sooo looking forward to seeing what I can come up with next year.

#sundrop speaks #fanfiction #gar logan x reader #dc titans fanfiction #fred weasley x reader #harry potter fanfiction #isaac lahey x reader #teen wolf fanfiction #jennifer jareau x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #stiles stilinski x reader #void!stiles x reader #draco malfoy x reader #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead fanfiction #jason todd x reader

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 10 days ago

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compos mentis 8

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, chronic health issues, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After a long court case, your mother stays attached to her lawyer, bringing even more contention into your life.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: my head is fucked

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Andy brings you breakfast in bed. You can't help but feel the guilt rippling off him. All of this is penance on his part.

It's as close to vindication as you'll get. You're mother would never admit what she did, let alone apologise. That's when you see her again. You're not so sure you ever want to.

The world is distant. It doesn't feel quite real. It's like a dream. The edges aren't quite sharp enough and the colours are cloudy.

You look down at the plate and your stomach grumbles out of basic need. You don't have much appetite but your biology is at a constant battle with your mind. You shouldn't be able to breathe but you are, you should take your meds but you don't feel all that different.

A poached egg, whole wheat toast, turkey bacons, and thick greek yogurt with fruit. It's all very healthy but a bit more than you would eat, when you feel up to it. Your breakfasts are a hard-boiled egg or a small cup of hot oats and milk.

"I hope it's okay," he hovers at the foot of the bed. He's dressed already. You're less than put together. You're still groggy from a grief-laden sleep and the hangover of the bitter revelation. You wear his borrowed shirt and gym shorts, your messy hair untamed despite your efforts.

"I called in to the office. I don't think I could focus of I tried," he explains. "And there's too much to be done here."

"There is?" You nibble the toast.

You'd hoped for some time alone. Not to think, just to be. You're still lost in all of this. The anger, the hurt, the regret, the confusion, and shame...

"Sweetie, you don't have any clothes. I have a spare toothbrush for you but it's a travel one from a hotel. And you'll need everything else, right? Soaps and whatever."

"Oh, I... I don't... my mom has all my money..." you utter and deflate again. You put down the toast. Your stomach is roaring but you just want to puke again.

"I'll deal with that. Don't worry. She's not as clever as she thinks." He puts his hands on his hips. He does that when he's upset. He used to argue with your mom and stand like that. "Please, eat. Your clothes should be dry soon."

"My clothes?"

"I threw them in the wash for you--" his sentence is punctured by the doorbell. His jaw ticks. "I'll deal with that. Probably Mrs. Potter trying to give me more casserole."

He leaves and you put your focus on the plate. You shouldn't just eat because you're hungry, you should eat because he went to all this effort. You pick up a slice of toast and break through the soft yolk.

You eat deliberately. Chewing slowly, methodically. A shrill yowl tightens your throat around a swallow. You know that shriek.

You carefully slide the tray forward and balance it on the legs as you angle out from beneath. You go to the window and try to see past the eaves and awning. You can't. Only the police cruiser and a familiar car...

You listen. The noise wafts in from the bedroom door. You follow it and peer down at the front door. It's muffled but clearly coming from the porch.

You twist the handle nervously and open the door a crack. You can't see past Andy as he stands staunchly on the mat, arms crossed. You glance an officer's belt with the radio attached and your mother's snarl lashes you like a barb.

"He has my daughter. She's sick--"

"She's an adult," Andy insists. "I'm not holding her against her will."

"She can't-- I am her legal guardian. She can't be here on free will, genius."

"Ma'am," a stern female voice warns. "Sir, where is the daughter?"

"She's sleeping." He lies.

You let the door fall inward. You don't want to be in trouble. No one seems to notice. You stall and shiver on the threshold. It isn't cold, you're just scared.

You make yourself step out. There's not much room. As Andy stands like a wall. You peek around him.

"Hi," you murmur.

"My baby," your mother throws her hands up and comes forward. Andy moves to block her. "You can't keep me from my girl-- where is her oxygen? Officers, she needs air!"

“No, I don’t,” you say, quiet but firm.

Your mother flinches but doesn’t relent, “he’s manipulated her. I can call the doctor right now and you’ll see. She hasn’t been without her tank in years. She could die--”

“That’s not true,” you murmur.

“Ma’am,” the female officer warns. “Let her speak.”

You look around with wide eyes, taking in the full scene. Andy stands just behind you, you can hear him exhale. A male officer is on the other side of your mother. You open your mouth then shut it.

“Sweetie,” your mother reaches for you and you shy away.

“Alright, Jackson, you stay here, I’m going to talk to her. Alone,” the female officer says. She reaches out and waves you to her delicately. “You wanna come with me? We can talk. Just you and me.”

You gulp and look at Andy. His blue eyes blaze as he meets your gaze. He dips his chin slightly. You turn back and nod. As you cross the porch, your mother tries to latch onto you. The other officer, Jackson, pulls her back.

You sidle past her and follow the woman. She takes you to the curb. You look down at your bare feet then at her.

“I’m Officer Patel. What’s your name?” She asks.

You answer and she shifts so you can’t see the house. “Me and my partner came because we got a call about a possible abduction. We’re just here to hear the full story. What’s going on here?”

You rub your neck and fidget. You can’t tell her the truth. Not the full truth. You can’t tell her your mom lied to you. Not even that she hit you. You don’t want to go back to court. You don’t want to tell everyone how stupid and pathetic you are.

“I’m here.... because I want to be,” you shrug.

“Your mother says there was an argument.”

You chew your lip, “she couldn’t find her pills. She left. I don't know... I don’t know why she came back.” Your chin trembles and you clasp your hands on your shirt hem. You sway back and forth. “She doesn’t love me.”

You hang your head. That’s it. What you always knew deep down. What’s so clear now that she’s ground you into dust. You’re nothing to her so she made you into nothing at all.

“She’s your mom, I’m sure you two will work this out. Me and my partner are just making sure you’re safe. We were told that man is keeping you here without consent.”

You flinch and shake your head furiously. You wave your hands, “no, no. Andy... Andy helped me and... I shouldn’t be here because... because... because I’m a loser and.... my mom... my mom...” you stutter. “She doesn’t want me.”

“She says you’re sick? You need oxygen?” She prompts.

You twiddle your fingers. “No, not really. Not... all the time. I can breathe, see?”

She watches you, “right. How old are you, miss?”

“Twenty-four.”

She nods. “You’re not a minor?”

“No,” you blurt out. Many assume as much, especially with you always hiding behind your mom. “No, I’m an... adult.”

“Do you want to press charges against anyone?”

“Charges? For what?” You wonder.

She sighs. “You’re free to go. You’re grown up and you can make your own choices without mom.” She tuts and turns to look across the lawn, “Jackson, come on.”

You peer over. Andy stands, arms crossed, staring at you. Your mother rears like a snake, muttering under her breath. You head back up the walk and Officer Patel speaks again.

“You have to leave, Ma’am.”

You stop and peek over your shoulder. Patel points to your mother, “we will escort you if need be.”

Jackson looks at her. She snarls and stomps her foot, “oh don’t you even think of touching me.” She huffs and storms past him. She comes down the steps and you think for an instant, she might push you. She stops beside you. “I took care of you, sweetie. Do you think he will for long? After he figures out what you are?”

She continues past you. You continue up the paved squares and past Officer Jackson as he follows. As you come up to the steps, you hear the engines turn over. You’re suddenly very tired.

“Andy,” you drag your feet over the mat. “I want to lay down.”

“Alright, honey. We’ll sort everything out later,” he turns and stretches his arm across the door frame as you enter.

He shuts the door as you stagger on, eyes hazy with tears. Your own mother despises you. She’s right about him too. He’ll hate you one day but you don’t know what to do to change any of this.

💙

Andy makes you finish breakfast before you lay down. He’s right. It’s good for you to eat and you haven’t been doing a lot of that.

You lay down for an hour before you sense him getting restless. You can hear him downstairs. You can’t be lazy. You don’t have any excuses anymore. You’re not sick, just weak.

You make yourself get up and venture downstairs. He’s in the kitchen, flicking through his phone as it rests on the counter. You clear your throat and wring your hands as you enter.

“I’m sorry. I was upset. It’s really stupid but sometimes I just... can’t do anything. Even if I try. I’m sorry, Andy. I’m... so sorry.”

He faces you and his face contorts in a spectrum of emotion, “oh, honey, you don’t need to be sorry. I put your clothes on the couch for you. Just waiting. Take your time.”

“Waiting for me,” you frown and look at the floor. “My mom lied. A lot. But I don’t think she was wrong about everything.”

“What do you mean?” He shifts closer.

You shrug, “me. I’m... I’m useless.”

“No,” his voice hardens. “No, take it back.”

“What?” You pout and bat your eyes as you peek up at him.

“You’re not going to talk about yourself like that. Not with me. So take it back.”

“Oh, I’m sorry--”

“Apologise to yourself,” he insists staunchly. “Honey, don’t let her control you. She’s gone.”

“But... but...”

“You’re adjusting. I understand that. I’m not expecting you to be okay right now. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with me. We’re both... figuring this out.”

You nod and your lips twitch. You could cry.

“Thanks, er, I’ll... change then. Um, Andy... are we going somewhere?”

“Sure, sweetheart. I mentioned earlier, didn’t I? About clothes? I tried to get the officers to agree to an escort to go to your mom’s but you saw her. She’s not in her right mind,” he explains.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” you flutter your fingers nervously and he looks down at them. You clasp them over your chest to make them stop. “I’ll hurry up then.”

You turn and scurry out. You go into the front room and grab the neatly folded clothes. He keeps everything so tidy and in its place. You go to the bathroom and set it on the counter.

As you take your panties from between the jeans and tee shirt, you hesitate. It’s a bit embarrassing to think of him washing your underwear. You could’ve done it if he showed you where the machines are.

You shrug it off. You’re just happy he helped. It’s a nice feeling when people do things for you.

You change and bring out the borrowed clothes. Andy is still in the kitchen. You stand in the doorway.

“Where do I put these?” You ask.

He pops his head up and tucks away his phone, “oh, I can take care of them.”

“Thanks, Andy, but uh, could I see? I’d like to know where everything is so I can help.”

“Help?” He approaches and takes the clothes, his hands brushing over yours. “With what?”

“I don’t know, everything?” You say. “You helped me so much and I want to do the same. I want to be useful. I want to be... better.”

The tension leaves his shoulder and he smiles. “Alright, sure, that’s nice of you.” He goes to step past you then stops. “Sweetheart, you know, your mom is wrong. About everything. You’re an amazing girl. Really, you’re wonderful. And today, I want you to try as much as you can to forget. I want you to feel good about you, because you should. Because you deserve it.”

You swallow and bounce nervously on your feet, “Andy, you’re so nice.”

“I’m just being honest. Should’ve tried that a lot sooner,” he says.

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #series #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #compos mentis #defending jacob

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 months ago

Note

Lilia Silver's father telling Eric Venue that "Hey we should found NRC Single Father Alliance, and I can totally share with you my babysitting and cooking tips!!!"

Family means Nobody is Left Behind or Forgotten.

“Single Father Alliance?” Eric lowered his sunglasses. Surprise danced in his glittering violet eyes.

"That's right~" chirped the short man beside him. He kicked his legs playfully, as if he were seated on a playground swing and not a luxurious sofa in the Pomefiore lounge.

Eric crossed his legs and laced his fingers together, setting them on his thighs. He angled his body forward slightly--showing interest, but not full commitment. As a seasoned star, he knew how to wield his clout and charm like weapons.

He brushed a lock of flaxen hair from his forehead, switching roles. The kind, doting dad was stashed away, and out came the business whiz and movie star tycoon.

"... You have my intrigued. Tell me more about your proposal." His tone was friendly, but his words had a hefty weight to them. It was as if each was a brick, laid down one by one to craft a fortress.

"Most parents or guardians come as a pair." Lilia held up two index fingers, making them touch. "There are challenges only we as single fathers experience and understand. Is it not wise, then, for us to band together? There is strength to be found in numbers... and in sharing knowledge."

"Hmm, you make a strong case." Eric stroked his bearded chin. "And you made mention of sharing your babysitting and cooking tips earlier? I take it you are confident in those skills."

"Certainly! I'll have you know that I frequently host my son's childhood friend. I once nursed a bat back to health before releasing it into the night. For a short while, I even tended to a very special egg." Lilia giggled, a proud smile spreading on his lips. "My cooking is second to none! One bite is all it takes to knock you out and send you straight to heaven!"

"Really!" Surprise lit up Eric's famously handsome face. "Your resume sounds about as stacked as the elite nanny I hired for Vil in his childhood."

"My, a nanny?" Lilia's eyes crinkled. "Mmm... I suppose it is a necessity for a man as busy as yourself. But if that's the case, perhaps you won't find much use for my tips."

"Haha, don't be mistaken. I did rely on hired help back then, but I do make time even now to spend with my dear Vil. Movie outings, arts and crafts at home, spa nights..." His gaze softened, and there was a real warmth threading his voice. "After all, he's the apple of my eye--and he always will be."

Lilia clutched at his heart. "... Such a pure, true love. Kufufu, yes, yes, having an honorable man like yourself on the Single Father's Alliance would put my weary old soul at ease. It would reassure me that our future is in safe hands."

"Weary old soul? You barely seem a day over high school age yourself."

Or at least that's what Eric thought. Most of the time when he snuck a glance at this chap, he seemed young. The height, his mannerisms. But his voice and the advice he dispensed with it was deep and worn with wisdom, and sometimes creases and wrinkles appeared where they weren't before.

"I can share my anti-aging secrets with you as well," Lilia offered with a cheeky wink.

"You drive a hard bargain--but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. It's not that you don't make a tempting offer or that I think I'm the perfect father. It's that my Vil's an adult now, and I want to give him that time and space he needs to grow and learn... without me stepping for him. I'll be there for him if he needs it, but Vil's path is his ultimately his own--end of story."

"... What a shame." The fae slowly shook his head. "That's alright though, I accept your decision on account of that moving speech you delivered. That, and I could tell from listening to you speak that you already know what you're doing."

There is nothing left for me to teach you. I know you'll be able to figure things out on your own.

Lilia curled a hand against his chest.

To have a father such as you... Vil is very fortunate indeed.

#disney twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twisted wonderland #Lilia Vanrouge #Eric Venue #NRC Family Day #twst interactions #twisted wonderland interactions #twst imagines #twisted wonderland imagines #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland scenarios

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vigilskeep · 2 months ago

Note

You're my favorite Viago poster & it's my birday so I would love to get your thoughts on that lil datamined bit from Viago's vo notes where it says "he won't be happy until he sits on a throne" (or something like that), would love to get your thoughts on 1- how true that feels to you, 2- what Viago going after the throne could look like if he really decided to make that move, & 3- how the rest of the Crows (esp Teia & House Dellamorte too I guess) would realistically react. Would also love if you include any thoughts on how Sol would handle/react to this because I love them 💖

well if it’s your BIRTHDAY i suppose i have no choice but to viago post... i do this against my will...

okay. first of all the datamined files are vastly out of date information so i don’t consider it as dismantling canon to disagree with them as much as it would be dismissing canon to, like, express that canonically a certain piece of concept art did not happen. that being said, here it is: “Calm, ambitious, and ruthless, Viago is the bastard son of the late King of Antiva. As a high-ranking member of the Crows, Viago has just as much influence as the Monarchy, but he still resents the fact that he is not a legitimate heir and feels his birthright was stolen from him. Beneath his cool exterior is a lot of anger and frustration. He will not be satisfied until he sits upon a throne.” (you can already tell this is directly not canon because viago’s dad is still alive in veilguard lmao)

here’s what viago thinks about the subject in eight little talons: “Rising to the rank of Talon should’ve been enough. With a small army of assassins at his beck and call, Viago was more powerful than the king. But the harder he worked, the more resentful he became of his half-siblings, who knew nothing of ruling or tactics. The knowledge that, given the chance, he could restore strength to the Crown dogged him��leaving a hole that no contract or coin could fill.”

one thing we should say is that the entire system where bastards are put into the crows is to prevent them from entering the line of succession. it would shake up the whole of antiva and how things have worked for centuries to abandon all pretense and put a crow on the throne for real. but that’s small fry because viago is saying he would do even more than that. what viago is talking about here is not just taking the crown—it’s restoring the crown to STRENGTH. he is fairly explicitly not talking about a future in which “the crows rule antiva.” it’s really an incredibly, incredibly audacious, hubristic thing to think, and his confidence in it takes me aback every time. it’s not the idea that he could restore strength to the crown, or the thought that he could do that. the knowledge he could do it. viago you’re insane.

does he really want that, even if he could achieve it? would it really satisfy him? i don’t know. i know that viago’s underlying self-superior beliefs about his ‘birthright’ did probably hold him together at his worst, but are also the root of, like, all his worst instincts. i know that crowns almost always make people worse! i also know that he only thinks through the entire above spiel because he is distressed that teia immediately devastated him with one line, and that the very next paragraph after the spiel is him immediately getting distracted by wanting teia so bad it makes him look stupid (again). would teia take these risks with him, or, even if he won the throne, condescend to be a king’s mistress? between the throne and the woman he loves, which is likely to satisfy the empty void in his chest, if he can only have one or the other? are we likely to enjoy the kind of king we would end up with, if viago loses one of the like two to three humanising connections he has that make him not a complete tyrant? (said with love.)

on the other hand, it’s not as if, right now, viago is holding a normal job down with supreme mental health support and a long life expectancy, let’s be real. and let’s be clear: if restoring strength to the crown does really mean going up against the crows, god, i can’t say i don’t want to see it. i can’t say the thought of viago-josephine-zevran triumvirate finally taking the crows out of power has never crossed my mind, okay. i’m a predictable person with simple wants. but you had best believe caterina will fight to the death on that, and many other talons with her. teia—to whom the crows are a family, however much they fight—could be lost here, which is nigh unbearable.

i don’t think viago is actively, seriously planning doing any of this, to be clear. in eight little talons he’s just thinking he could do it “given the chance”, i.e. if he was one of his legitimate siblings. not, this is my end goal i’m actually working towards for real! but i knowww he’s thinking it. and god knows what fighting for and winning treviso did to his ego. if he and teia break up again we are so in danger 😭��

(for sol, my dearest rook de riva, the reaction is mostly Extreme Distress because they do not actually care about the fate of the crown or whatever, they just want viago to stay alive. this is not the Safely Staying Alive route, actually, viago. i don’t think they would really grab that skinny man by the lapels and yell, “i don’t think before i act? I DON’T THINK BEFORE I ACT?” and then shake him until he makes a laminated paper wobble sound. but it’s a close call. emotionally, it’s where they’re at. also, god knows what their dellamorte boyfriend, currently at least nominally first talon, is going to feel obligated to do about this. real mess!)

#viago de riva #veilguard spoilers #thank you for asking after sol ily

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weirdmarioenemies · 3 months ago

Text

Name: Grass

Debut: Super Mario Bros. 2

Hey guys! Did you know that Super Mario Bros. 2 was originally a reskin of a game called Puck-Man, but they changed the name so people wouldn't vandalize the cabinets and make it say Q*bert? Anyway here's Grass

I hope you like Grass. I hope there are some ruminants among our readers who get so hyped upon seeing a depiction of grass. But I don't care about the grass itself. I care about what's underneath... Funny Vegetables! The kind to throw at a Shy Guy or a Tweeter! Let's look at each Vegetable's NES and SNES design, and discuss them!

Turnip is the most iconic of the These Vegetables. Not the most iconic vegetable, but the most iconic Mario Vegetable. It's the main one that gets referenced, reappears as of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, and is even part of Peach's Smash moveset! Where they make even more variants that I don't feel like getting into here for the sake of post length. I quite like Turnip's classic brow(s), though they would be removed, along with the mouth, in future iterations. Such is brand identity.

In Minion Quest and Bowser Jr.'s Journey, Shy Guys' main method of attack is throwing turnips! I like that a lot. It references their debut and is just a very whimsical thing!

I would expect to pull up a turnip from the ground, but lookie here! A couple of Fruits. It's unclear if these are pumpkins or bell peppers, and they come in red and green, which are both options for both fruits! Neither of the options, however, grow underground, so maybe they were playing hide-and-seek. It would explain their surprised expressions! They thought that was such a good hiding place, and it was! Also, I am not averse to calling these fruits vegetables. "Vegetable" is just a culinary term, referring to a part of a plant that we eat! Every fruit is a vegetable. Blueberry pie is a Vegetable Dessert. Words are fun!

Beet is the happiest vegetable we've seen so far! But oddly thin. I hope it's not malnourished! If it is, it's still optimistic, and that's commendable. Maybe it's happy because it was voted Most Likely To Be Pickled in the vegetable high school year book! (Cucumber was homeschooled)

Beet was so thin, and now Parsnip is so wide! It feels like their colors should have been swapped, maybe. But a Parsnip Muncher would delight in having so much more to munch here! A parsnip you could eat like an apple! I am not sure what Parsnip is thinking, with its very neutral expression. If I had a nickel for every time I couldn't tell what a parsnip was thinking, I'd be rich!

Tomato is my favorite! It's SO happy! The biggest smile around! So happy to be a tomato! Maybe it's thinking about how everyone loves tomatoes and how versatile they are! Maybe it's happy because THIS fruit is never buried underground- this and the following vegetable only appear from the Dream Machine during the final boss battle against Wart. I guess Wart doesn't like tomatoes. So not everyone does... but phooey to him, because he's a Bad Guy! We goody two shoeses love Tomato!

Finally, last but not least, is a quite interesting vegetable! This one is a bit mysterious, a bit ambiguous. Ambiguous whether it's an onion or a garlic. Ambiguous whether it's wearing thick glasses, or it has wide, pupilless eyes. I'm going to claim this vegetable as non-binary, and also establish "onion/garlic" as a binary. And then all humans will become non-binary...! What I can be sure of is that this allium looks like a nerd. "According to my calculations, my presence serves to enhance the flavor of any culinary delight!" Ok, dork! I love you.

So these have been Vegetables! I hope you liked them! And I also hope you like them in real life, That's Health! This post was funded and approved by the FDA. Can I say that? What are they going to do about it? Sue me? Kill me? Hopefully neither!

#grass #vegetable #turnip #pumpkin #bell pepper #beet #parsnip #tomato #garlic #onion #super mario bros 2 #doki doki panic #mario #mario items #mario entities #mario allies #?#they are helpful little things #mod chikako

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jsprnt · 26 days ago

Text

Alliance PT. 2 | Prince!Jude Bellingham

W/C: 3.058

A/C: so excited for this chapter! what do we think so far? 😌

part one

I lean back in the seat, which had been my late father's during the time he reigned as King.

The dark leather underneath my elbows had gotten damaged through the years. The dents and tears through the stitch work a testament to the hours of time my father had spent in his study.

Dedicating his life to our kingdom, and fulfilling his duty until his last breath.

Pride and encouragement bubbled up in my chest, emphasizing the heavy weight of my current position and responsibilities on my shoulders.

I had been reading up on my future wife, the papers spread over my dark, wooden desk. Edges curling up due to the amount of times I had stuffed them into the cabinet, only to pace around and grab them to read them again. Trying to visualize every sentence over and over.

Princess Y/N had become the woman my mother had chosen for me to marry.

The person I respected most through my teenage years, studying and traveling all over the continent, was my very own mother. Who supported my father, brother, and I all through her own hardships.

Even now, loving my brother and me with all her heart, while reigning and ruling our kingdom with a clear mind and an incredible sense of purpose.

After the death of my father, I had seen her decline in both health and happiness. The smile on her face never reached her cheekbones, then her eyes stopped lighting up like when she was with my father.

It was only a sign of urgency.

I needed to take the position as King as fast as possible, just to lessen the burden on my mother's shoulders.

Mother could reign- until I had married my wife and we both went through the coronation process. According to our constitution, a King could only be crowned and start reigning if he was married, making it impossible for me to reign as a single man.

Even though I absolutely hated the idea of marrying an absolute stranger, it had to be done. I would not go ahead and mess with anything that held great importance to our kingdom, especially rules written down in our constitution.

Having both a King and Queen who ruled together, gave its people a certain reassurance.

Of course, in a normal marriage a couple could lean on each other, but with the past, and even current relations of our kingdoms- we both would not get along until we learned to ignore each other enough to stand each other.

Mother had repeatedly emphasized that even a couple in an arranged marriage should get to know one another. Which led to the sudden decision to inform me and probably the Feronian Royal Family that the princess would arrive a week early, and so it meant that she was on her way here at this very moment.

Not that a week mattered much, because we would get married whether we were familiar with each other or not.

Weeks ago, I had ordered my closest men to look for information on the Feronian Royal Family.

Since this would be the end of the war, I would have to actually act like I wanted something to do with this marriage.

I needed to figure out how this family operated.

How exactly things would go after our alliance gets put into motion..

I was especially interested in the Princess.

The Feronian Princess was known to the public as the most beautiful woman of her kingdom. If correct, her intelligence was well praised by scholars who had both taught her, and gotten to know her over the years working for the Royal Family.

I laughed at the initial wording of my men's statement, then stopped.

Staring into the void as I came to a realization that I actually was getting married to her.

Not that I was jumping at the idea of being a married man, far from it...

With marriage came the coronation, and I still could not quite believe how my life had changed in mere months.

I had been having fun with friends and acquaintances, studying the world and traveling wherever my heart desired, until everything stopped that one day I received the devastating news of my father's death..

Even the war with Feronia and us had come to a halt, a truce I had pledged my mother to make something permanent with this marriage.

I move my gaze to the next piece of paper. It was a summary of Feronia's sources of income, through the years, a decline was very visible.

I distinctly remembered that agriculture had been their biggest source of income for decades now.

From the beautiful green fields, forests, and crops, to even their official title 'Feronia', everything was connected to how well they had done with keeping their grounds fertile, making their agricultural trade a staying economic success.

Even managing to do so during the war.

At the end of my parent’s reign , this deal was the most significant duty I could ever fulfill.

Our kingdoms would receive each other's most prized and valued aspects.

Valeron needs a Queen for me to actually start my reign. And Feronia needs the connection to end this war. They were losing big time.

Losing their precious land to us, and different acting rebel groups who disliked the ruling family, and their dwindling weapon supply did not help much.

The last time I had visited the Feronian palace was not an encounter I could remember as positive. Their palace was decent, but humble compared to ours.

Though, it had beautiful gardens where I had the opportunity to see the most breathtaking views of the land.

The first time I had been there was to accompany my father to a visit to their palace. It was before the war, before the heads of both kingdoms had sour feelings about one another.

Their Queen was a cold woman from what I could remember, her presence radiating darkness.

I had been young, but old enough to remember the abundance of flowers in all the corners of the big rooms. I was incredibly excited to finally meet a princess my age, only to be let down as I was told she wasn't allowed to leave her chambers.

Years later, I had never learnt the reason behind it. I did, however, remember the nasty look her older brother had given me.

Their Crown Prince was incredibly hostile, even as a teenage boy, like he'd known I'd snatch up his baby sister as my bride only a decade or so later.

It was incredibly interesting to think back on such a moment, since I had gotten to know that her brother was not often in the palace. Always sent away for schooling, never home for more than a couple of weeks.

With his baby sister getting married soon, I'd doubt big brother would miss out on our wedding.

I wondered if the Crown Prince knew about our marriage, he really could be classified as a coward if he let this happen, especially since he was known to vocally dislike us.

Had he thrown a tantrum like a child when he heard of our alliance?

The thought made me chuckle, I bring my hand up to my mouth, wiping the grin off my face..

I move my eyes to the old clock on the wall, leaning back in my chair. I had received word of my bride leaving her home this morning. With a carriage and a few trustworthy men my mother had sent.

'To make her feel comfortable and safe..' she had told me.

My mother was a sweet, sweet woman, despite all the hardship she'd endured in her life.

My duty as future monarch was to protect everyone close to me. Which also meant that I had to prepare to meet the Princess halfway on her long journey.

It would be seen disrespectful as Crown Prince to let my future wife and Queen make such rough journey alone.

But, I also was an impatient person, and if I wanted to meet my future wife before anyone else, I would take the opportunity to do so..

Getting up from the chair, I grab the small suede box from the wooden cabinet of my desk. Sliding it into the inside pocket of my jacket, I leave my study.

Wondering if my fiancée was as beautiful and intelligent as they said.

Two freaking birds.

Two.

They had landed on the few snacks I ate, flew into my carriage as I opened the windows for some fresh air, and one started attacking me for quite literally no reason while I took a short nap.

I had tried to fix my now messed-up hair, without any help or a simple mirror, it proved to be difficult. I just hoped it looked presentable at least.

I grumble as my carriage hits another stupid rock on the road. I was getting absolutely fed up with this journey. Which no one had prepared me for to be this- boring and long.

The roads were messed up, covered in mud. Not used to a big carriage led by two big, strong horses and about seven additional knights with their own trusted horses.

Two men on either side, two behind my carriage, and the lieutenant leading us. And of course, the older coachman making sure my carriage moved along.

After all, these roads were only used by knights until now...

The Valeronian Queen was definitely protective of me and did prepare a great deal for my long journey.

If only I were emotionally prepared..

I was completely alone.

Gianna would only arrive after my wedding to the Crown Prince- which made me bawl my eyes out when I realized that- just minutes before leaving.

From all the servants in my palace, I had chosen for her to join me in my new life as future Queen of Valeron.

But right now, I had absolutely no one to chat to, gossip with- or complain to..

Even with all my travel buddies here, Lieutenant Kent and his crew on the horses didn't look like the chatty types.

At least I had thought of bringing a single book. It had kept me entertained for a while. Though, all the bumps and rocks on the road made me nauseous and feel unwell- so I quit reading a while ago, it sat across from me on the opposite bench- challenging me to pick it back up.

"How long until we get to the border?"

I lean forward to move aside the curtain laid across the window. My eyes meeting with a knight. He had dark, smooth skin. Long, beautiful braids falling down his back, some shorter ones that had escaped from his hairtie, falling in front of his face.

If a simple knight looked this handsome, my fiancé could not disappoint me..

"We have already passed the border, Your Highness. Rest assured, we will keep pace, and stay aware..'

I give him a simple nod, before pulling the curtains closed.

We had already passed the border? I had left my homeland without even knowing? It must have been while I took my nap, because every forest looked the same to me, for me to realize I was in Valeron already..

The realization stung, a slight pinch in my chest as I pondered whether I should be upset or thrilled for something new.

So far, if I could turn this carriage back around - I would.

I missed the way Gianna and I talked each other's ears off.

My wondering thoughts keep me occupied for a while, until the carriage stopped in an abrupt halt.

Gasping at the quick stop, I slide off the bench, and in an attempt to save my behind- I move forward, falling onto my knees.

Yes, the carriage was brand-new looking, but there was no way someone had just made me fall onto a place my dirty shoe soles had been..

I take a deep, mortified breath, put my hands on the bench opposite me, and pull myself up.

If there was some- big fucking tree on the road, again I'd freak out.

"What just happened?!" I scream, my blood was boiling at this point. Knees screaming at me to sit down, I could even swear I scraped them so badly they were bleeding.

"Your Highness-"

No, yelling from my carriage alone wasn't going to cut it.

I grab onto the handle of the door, pushing it open, before stepping down onto the leaf-covered, earthy ground.

The orange leaves crunch and ripple under my feet, as I angrily stomp towards the front of the carriage.

"Why are we braking so hard?"

I point towards the coachman, scowling in anger.

One more crazy brake, and I would hit my face against the leather benches.

What would it look like, the Princess having a facial injury at her wedding because the roads were so unprepared she fell on her damn face?

I scoff when the horses neigh, they were probably laughing at my predicament..

No response from the coachman, not even an apology or look, really?

"What is happening? Tree on the road? Another carriage? Cattle?"

My questions go unanswered again, and I sigh, placing my hands on my hips. Until I'm interrupted by a tone, not one of these men would dare to use against me..

"I'm not sure how to feel about being compared to cattle at our first meeting, Princess.."

My body goes rigid at the smooth, accented voice.

Suddenly, all sane thoughts had left my body and mind, if I even had any left. Leaving me frozen, scowl melting into a wide-eyed expression.

Considering the knight's sudden attention to the person speaking, and not an immediate reaction to defense.

It could be one person speaking.

The crunching of leaves only gets closer, and I almost hit myself in the head to get myself out of my stupid trance.

I run my tongue along my dry lips, blinking a couple of times before turning my body towards the noise.

Harsh wind blows past my face, and I shiver slightly as I look at whom the voice belongs to.

My heart skips a single beat when I make eye contact with him. The jittery feeling made me hold my breath like an idiot.

Handsome alone was not enough to describe his face..

Those deep brown eyes, staring into my soul with an intensity I could not even try to describe. He looked cold, but his simmering gaze could burn a hole into my face.

Crown Prince Jude stood next to his deep-brown-coated horse, eyes on mine.

It suddenly got incredibly hot, even though the temperatures had dropped in the forest. My face turning warm, cold wind making me notice it even more.

The knights greet him immediately, in the corners of my vision, I could see them lower their heads in respect, their horses following as if they could sense the Crown Prince's demanding and authoritative presence..

"Your Highness! We were not informed of your presence.."

Lieutenant Kent spoke up, bowing in respect before approaching him.

But the Crown Prince kept his gaze on me.

"What kind of man would I be if I let the respectable princess make the entire journey alone?"

He raises a single brow at me, nodding at his lieutenant dismissively before approaching me.

I pull my coat closer to my body, even though my skin burned like a flame..

"It seems like she already is fed up with your leading, Lieutenant.."

A slight, mocking grin forms on his plump lips, eyes slowly move down my frame, lingering on probably the bloodstains on the fabric on my light gray dress and coat.

"Your Highness.."

My eyes widen as he makes a deft bow, his hand reaching to take mine.

"I imagine you are quite frazzled as you meet your fiancé in the middle of these woods.."

You would imagine he would go ahead and kiss the back of my hand, but he only shakes it once, letting go of my limp hand, making it fall back to my side.

Okay, rude.

I stare at him for a little too long, before replying.

"Crown Prince, as you just said, I was not made aware you would accompany me in the last hours of my journey to the Palace. It is great to see such chivalry..”

Woah, I had never spoken like this before, apart from my long etiquette classes..

I guess they really did have a purpose..

He chuckles, he fucking chuckles at my carefully created response...

"Are you always this pronounced?"

What?

"Excuse me?"

He shakes his head once, stepping closer.

The Crown Prince leans down, his face inching toward my ear..

I turn my head, making him look directly into my eyes, challenging him to say his response directly to my face..

"A simple observation, do you always yell at your servants when things do not go your way?"

I tilt my head at his audacity.

Where did he get it?

"Do you always cut off carriages and endanger the occupants of them?"

I question, raising my brows in annoyance, a scoff leaving my dry lips.

His smirk only widens, and I already can start crossing off the predictions list Gianna made for me.

'#1. The Princess will punch the Crown Prince in the face..'

"Most people being driven in Royal carriages are aware of themselves and their surroundings, actually, Princess."

I gasp at his insult. Did I look like I was not self-aware or something?

Before I can even respond, the Crown Prince- or asshole now, turns towards the surrounding knights..

"There is a prediction of a rainstorm. We should get going before it hits us. Please keep in mind to be careful with the carriage, our Princess here gets flustered easily...."

He shoots me one look before walking back to his horse.

I was deep in enemy territory, and he showed me exactly that..

Turning around, I climb back into my carriage.

No introducing himself?

Not even a ‘nice to finally meet you, my fiancée and future queen. You saved my ass, I will die for you’?

This time my blood boils twice as much as before, and I wonder if I was even made for this..

#jude bellingham #football imagines #football fanfic #footballer x reader #real madrid #football imagine #real madrid fc #football #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham imagine #jude fanfic #jude x reader #jude #jude bellingham x reader #bellingham x reader #bellingham #football blurb

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starwell-tarot · 7 months ago

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PAC: What part of you requires some introspection this summer? ⛱️

Pick a pile reading: What aspect of yourself or your life needs some thinking over? What questions should you be asking yourself this summer to get to know yourself better?

Pile 1-3, left to right

Pick the picture you feel most drawn to. If you feel drawn to more than one of them, you can read the interpretation to multiple piles.

Disclaimer: All my readings contain themes of mental and emotional struggles and pains as they strive to comfort those. I don't intend on rubbing you the wrong way and I'm doing this with the hope I can help people feel better, but if it doesn't work I might just not be the right person to comfort you.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional in any way. Although my tarot readings focus on giving emotional and mental reassurance, I can only give you as much as a friend could give you - encouraging words, friendly advice, a shoulder to cry on or a metaphorical hug. Please take in the information responsibly, and if your mental health is greatly affecting your day to day functions, please consider looking for a professional if possible. I'm afraid I can't be more than a tarot-enthusiastic friend.

Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Take care of yourselves and remember hope is your best friend. 🖤

Pile 1 - VIII of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Knight of Swords, Balsamic Moon

Who do I dream of becoming?

The key elements in your reading are your dreams and hard work.

It seems like you have a very clear idea of how your ideal life would look like, and it's beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that the cards depict a twirling dance, gracious and romantic. There is a version of you that you have fallen in love with, but I fear you think it's unreachable. You might have put some work into it already, into reaching your goals, and yet you still feel far away from what you want to achieve. But do not rush.

No big dream in life is easily accessible to grab. They require patience and perseverance, and a lot of obstacles must be overcome before you can finally feel you've gotten everything you ever wanted. The key here is, you must avoid self-sabotage. Perhaps you are insecure, or you lack self-belief, or you get easily discouraged. Know that failure is only the path to success, so look into the lesson you can learn from your mistakes, instead of letting them consume you. Look ahead to the future fully, and break down the demons in your head into tiny little digestible pieces. Identify all of your obstacles, the things (or people) that might stand in-between you and the version of you you dream of. Think of ways you can solve these obstacles, one by one, slowly and surely. Go into the smallest of details when you question what is stopping you, where exactly you stand right now, and everything you want to achieve. Plan and be meticulous.

The balsamic moon gives the advice that, in order to become this dream version of yourself, you must first let go of all the limitations you've put onto yourself, taken from the past you've lived. Your past circumstances should not define you anymore, and you must allow yourself to change and live as though you are truly reborn into the person you want to be. 💚

Pile 2 - The Lovers R, Knight of Wands, Balsamic Moon

Who am I becoming?

The key elements in your reading are self-image and transformations.

It seems that for a very long time, you thought you knew exactly who you were and what you needed. You didn't feel much need to change the way you were doing things, and you were wearing your own personal colors permanently, and they were painting a self image of you. And lately, there's new colors on the canvas. And you don't know what to do with them. It is almost like discovering there's a whole another person living in your body, a strange experience of newly acquired self-knowledge. This can be uncomfortable, but know we as people are always expanding. Whether you are changing for good or for bad (this is also subjective) it is something you must embrace and address. If you fear you are turning into an unknown, malefic force, figure out what is making you act this way, and face the demon in the mirror. There's darkness in all of us, and we're allowed to be imperfect, but we must not let it consume us. Tell the darkness you see it, you acknowledge it and you'll work hard to heal it so that it doesn't burst out again. If you feel you're turning into something unfamiliar and strange, but not exactly bad, you must address what it brings into your life. Perhaps it's a change you needed. Perhaps you're on your path to growth, and that's always confusing.

All in all, do not resist strangeness and changes in yourself - instead, identify these changes, welcome them in, and let them talk to you. Let them tell you what they need from you, what presents they bring, or what old beliefs they want to replace. The balsamic moon gives the advice that you should be open to change, for that's what defines the future moment. The past cannot change, it is merely a limitation. Do not limit yourself, and instead let the future gently sway you. 💛

Pile 3 - Ace of Cups, Knight of Wands, New Moon

Why am I afraid of saying yes?

The key elements of your reading are self-love and opportunities.

I feel like you are in a very strange situation of almost… procrastinating self-love. You know you deserve more, but you cannot bring yourself to accept it. But deep inside, you know.

Deep inside you know you bring beautiful things into the world. Deep inside you know your quirks are not negative as you see them. Deep inside I think you know you deserve all the love in the world. You simply must accept it, so that you can finally let yourself receive all the beautiful things you've been denying yourself of having. I fear what is keeping you stuck is heavy and tangled, binding you to this version of yourself that is afraid to ask for more. These binds must be untangled. Try to think why you are denying all the blessings - what makes you believe all of these negative things about yourself? Once you find the cause, ask yourself if that situation is, in fact, still relevant to the person you are today. Once you let go of your old belief systems, you can finally be free. And if the fear of change is strong, or you cannot let go of your beliefs, ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen if I love myself a bit today? Who's stopping me from doing that?

The new moon gives the advice that the hardest part of everything is always the start. However, once you begin to allow a little kindness, a little love to grace you, things will slowly become less and less uncomfortable. Baby steps can take you a long way. It is time you allow your life to become beautiful. 💙

I hope this reading was useful to you!

Please consider leaving some feedback so I know if my readings resonate well. 🖤

While introspection is hugely important for self development, do not forget having fun is just as important for the mental health! So go have fun this summer 😉

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi.

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vingler-mirror · 3 months ago

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Reverse 1999 KR released a special video for Pepero Day (Pocky Day), so here's an amateur translation of it by me:

youtube

Sonetto: Timekeeper, we organized all the letters we received on the day of the celebration and distributed them to everyone in the suitcase.

Vertin: Except for those who didn't receive the letter because of their duties, everyone replied with sincerity.

Sonetto: That's right! X sent us this "Scene Recreation Phonograph." How about we read the letters aloud with this?

Vertin: Then let's listen to it together.

"Regulus, take off your sunglasses!"

Regulus: Huh? You still haven't seen this Captain's face? That's okay, you'll get plenty of opportunities to see this Captain's cool appearance in the future. Save that moment for a bigger party!

"I never thought I'd like apples in my life... Mr. APPLe... don't drink too much and live a healthy life with Captain for a long time~!! To Mr. APPLe"

Mr. APPLe: Ah, a letter full of affection for me, Mr. APPLe. Thank you very much, but don't worry. The juice of this Apple flows smoothly and won't be thickened by alcohol.

"The Best First Line of Defense Discipline Assistant in the world!"

Matilda: Huh! It's obviously a letter addressed to me! But you must have been nervous? I think you forgot to write your letter. It's okay, I know what you want to say to this great Matilda Bouanich.

"To Alphabet No. 1. Stop drinking coffee and exercise."

X: Hahaha... the "Automatic Eating Sandbag" and the "Step Controller" are both working well. I don't think I'll need any more athletic inventions for the time being.

"Dear Ms. Campbell, you've always worked hard. I'm a human, but if you want, I can show you how I eat 100 tooth fairies. May all the people in the world eat tooth fairies as you wish... I love you, Ms. Campbell"

Tooth Fairy: Tooth fairies have good healing properties and taste delicious. But if you eat too many at once, it's not good for your health. I appreciate the thought, but please don't eat 100 tooth fairies, okay?

*The letter is a doodle of Marcus saying "Maaang"

Marcus: "Maaaang." "Maaang?" "Mang..." "Maaang!" (I beg you to listen to the VA saying this line, you won't regret it)

Marcus: I saw this word written a lot in the letters I received, but what does it mean? No matter how much I read it, I can't understand it...

"37 = 1² + 6²"

37: What a witty letter! The person who wrote this letter must have a cool number. 29, 41... or maybe 53?

"Dear Lucy, are you thinking of adding a USB-C charging port in the future?"

Lucy: It is true that experiments on the efficiency of data transfer via USB are being conducted in Laplace. The so-called USB charging method USB-C...

Lucy: Data error

Sonetto: Timekeeper, are you all right?

Vertin: It's okay, X's invention must have broken again

Sonetto: I'm glad you're okay, but the play button on the phonograph seems to be broken. Fortunately, the record function is working fine, so we should be able to record our replies to the letters.

Vertin: I trust X's machine, but we still have to be careful.

Vertin: Okay, let's get started.

Sonetto: Look at this, Timekeeper. It's a letter with a drawing of me! Next to the drawing, it says, "you found a good poem for me."

Sonetto: Thank you so much! I should probably write a poem in return, but... it'll take some time, so I'll express my gratitude instead.

Vertin: *reading the letter* "Vertin, please eat well and have a good time."

Vertin: Of course, I don't only eat sugary candies instead of food. I'll take care of myself. Thank you.

Sonetto: Don't worry, I'll be responsible for the Timekeeper's diet.

Sonetto: By the way, can I deliver this recordings to the people who wrote the letters?

Vertin: X's machine always give us surprise, so let's trust it again this time.

#reverse 1999 #vertin #sonetto #regulus #mr apple #matilda #x #tooth fairy #marcus #37 #lucy #r1999☔

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hoseoksluna · 1 year ago

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YOU'RE NOT DIRTY | myg

pairing: ex boyfriend!yoongi x f. reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2.4k

summary: he, who has always been able to untangle the ropes of chaos that is your mental health, helps you when you need to not be alone for once.

warnings: demonization of sex, anxiety, fear, crying & all kinds of iffy feelings about sex, yoongi being perfect

note: this was purely written as a way to heal and cope with the fact i felt extremely dirty after writing my last smut fic 'story'. if you've been following me and reading the little updates i post, you already know this. while this fic is loosely based on 'story', it's not necessary that you read it if you haven't, although namjoon is mentioned. i'd spent over a week writing this and every day had been a step closer to feeling better and it's all thanks to yoongi. he's always been the person who helped me with my mental health, especially when d-day came out. it had to be him. he's linked to this part of me forever. enjoy reading guys <3

“You’re not dirty.”

Those words should comfort you. Those words should rip away those sleazy fingers of the ghost that touches you—the ghost of shame, who mocks the touches of the lover you were with barely an hour ago. But those words do anything but.

The man, who uttered them, studies your ashen face. He doesn’t see the demon’s large body on top of yours, constricting your airflow. Nobody ever does.

He doesn’t see the way the ghost scrapes the surface of your skin with its long claws; how its flimsy, wet and tattered cape deepens the wound with its rough fabric as bile rises in your throat. How could anyone?

It hurts.

It hurts to the point that you think your sexuality is that demon. That anytime a person of the opposite sex would touch you from now on, he would somehow beckon that hostile creature to come and collect you, slimy hands grasping yours and pulling you in—the touch so deathly that the sordidness would seep into your skin and make a bed in you. Then, the torture would begin all over again.

Shortness of breath. The feeling of your body being dirty and heavy. The distaste towards sex and men that follows after. The despair; the loss of hope that life could be possibly normal for you sometime in the future.

Despite it being such a hefty feeling, only a small part of you regards as true that this is someone else’s fault. It’s devastatingly pathetic.

The majority of your being believes that the foulness is yours. That you’re the one to blame. You believe that it’s your decision and your repulsive actions that stain you. And if that wasn’t enough, the certain question of why links arms with that belief, troubles you along the way, and it becomes much, much worse.

Why does filling a dose of hormones that you lack, that you need for your well-being leave you feeling like you did something very bad?

And, also, another one.

Why does enjoying yourself with another person—becoming close with them in a way that is tempestuous, dizzying and beautiful in such a simple sense, in a way that makes life truly worth living—why does it leave you with those burdening thoughts, soiled body and even grimier conscience?

Those questions fill you up with dark clouds with no stars, dense and thick ones that weigh your body down. You walk through your daily life with trembling legs. And it’s all forced. You’d rather not feel that way, but it comes over you, swallowing you whole, and you have no strength to fight back. It’s all very frustrating. There’s nothing you can do.

The man’s words should take the edge off this discomfort, the lull and the softness of his tone—the maturity, complexity and dependability of his persona the very warmth that coats his voice—like a damp towel to all your gashes and sores. Help you in some way that you’re unable to help yourself. Perhaps lift the body off of you like Atlas held the world above his head. But they don’t.

And it’s Yoongi. The man you love, even if the state of your relationship is chastely friendly at the moment.

It’s Yoongi, who picked you up in the rain pouring down on you woefully, perfuming your hair with the sweetest, most heady scent of the forest. Yoongi, who gave you his clothes—boxers that fit you comfortably, even if they are a little loose in certain areas, gray sweatpants that decorate the ivory waistband of the Calvins, an old shirt, quite an expensive one, warm and cozy from the dryer.

Yoongi, who let a velvety blanket fall on your shivering figure once you’ve showered, dressed, and rested comfortably on his couch, placing a light pink bowl filled with cheese puffs on your lap, knowing how much you love the color and the snack, too. Yoongi, who typed the title of your favorite Korean drama into the Netflix search bar, thumb clicking on the up, down, left and right buttons on the remote control, even though he hates doing so and prefers the voice search. Yoongi, who opted for muted leniency to waft through the room, turning off the big lights, sound low, fingers having finished typing the title: ‘It’s Okay Not To Be Okay’.

It should do something. But it doesn’t.

You’re incapable of looking him in the eyes. You just numbly gaze down at the orange tastiness, plopping another one into your mouth, swallowing down the bile. You dissociate, eyes defocusing, the pressure to respond to him a distant siren alarm at the back of your mind.

A solid, peculiar peace steps over the threshold of your mind to check if it’s welcome before it takes a step back and walks the other way, the stench of the mold of your feelings pushing it away.

Must have been his.

He’s careful before he says what he wants to say in its entirety.

Yoongi takes his hands off of your forearms. The glint of his silver watch pulls you out of your detachment. Guilt pricks you at the nape of your neck over the fact that he’s trying and you’re too numb to receive it from him. You will your body to be normal, but it stays the way it is.

You had told him briefly in the car, amidst the onrush of your liquid emotions, that you felt that way. Dirty, soiled, ashamed of your perverseness. He didn’t comment on it, driving in silence. He knew that if he spoke too soon, you wouldn’t hear him—choosing to place your palm on the stick shift instead, holding your hand like that.

It struck you with the notion that you spoke too much. Did too much. That you should’ve just stayed quiet, stayed without feeling until he killed the engine at your apartment, until the door softly clicked behind you. You didn’t hear the language of his hand, all the words that gesture said. Instead, you listened to the false words in your brain.

You’re bothering him. He doesn’t care. He thinks you’re annoying. You should’ve called an Uber or you shouldn’t have come at all. You should’ve been home, depriving yourself of life, of excitement, of love and pleasure.

But Yoongi didn’t drive you home—he didn’t drive down the familiar path to your apartment. And Yoongi didn’t speak because he knows you better than you know yourself.

He wanted you to pour out the rain of your clouds before his words could tear them apart with sunlight. It wasn’t his intention to make you suffer more than you already did.

You didn’t know this, though.

“Did you hear what I said?” the grim man asks, the grave acrimony to his voice alerting you and you feel so bad. So, so very bad.

A silky waterfall of his ebony hair brushes the tops of his cheekbones. You notice how the similarly colored hood of his sweatshirt envelops his neck in warmth, merging the hues into one color within the dimness of the living room. Looking down at your crisscrossed legs, mimicking his, you unfurl the blanket over his thighs. It pulls you into one unity with him, his steadfastness reaching for you.

“I did, Yoongi,” you say, wanting to be honest within the environment you find yourself in. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“Did he make you feel that way?” Yoongi folds his arms over his chest. Leans over the backrest. Suddenly you’re aware of the distance between the two of you. Glad that the blanket is big enough. “Dirty?”

It’s a question that hurts because you wish you could change your answer.

“I wish he did.” Your voice wobbles. Somehow his calm demeanor cracks yours, pushing the voices aside. “It would’ve been easier.”

If Namjoon were the one who hauled the words at you instead of your brain—if it were his touches that dug a hole in your heart instead of the ghost—you wouldn’t be sniffling your nose, willing your tears to go back where they came from. It’s all you and the broken interior of your body. Namjoon treated you perfectly, having invited you over to his residence near the woods. He didn’t make love to you, but he did play with you, coaxing moans out of you that echoed through his mansion. You enjoyed yourself, even though you enjoyed pleasuring him a little more.

Perhaps, that’s the biggest problem of it all.

“What do you mean by that?”

“It would’ve been easier ‘cause I would’ve blamed him.” You sigh, averting your gaze, plucking out fluff from the blanket on your knee.

Yoongi runs his fingers through his hair to sweep it away from his eyes. His leisure position sinks him deeper into the dimness as he lowers his body into the cushions, arms back on his chest.

“There’s no one to blame, though,” he says simply, biting his lower lip.

You don’t know what to say. Busying yourself, you take a sip of the can of Sprite Yoongi got for you, aware of the strange emptiness within the walls of your mind. There’s always some kind of noise, some kind of accusation towards you. You’ve become used to it, learned to live with it. It’s a strange newness, this silence. You don’t know what to do with it.

“You did nothing wrong,” he continues, voice so warm and so deep, despite its monotonicity.

You merely shrug your shoulders.

Yoongi reaches forward and places a hand on your left shoulder. As if to stop your stubbornness from overwhelming your body. You feel the heat of his palm and your mouth rounds in a pout. There’s energy in it—some kind of energy that mends you. His words are tall pillars that you slowly make your way over to, leaning against their coolness. Lukewarmness.

You discover that it feels better. The heat of his touch, the coolness of his solemnity. It creates a temperature that your body responds to, walks away from the hostile creature.

Before he had spoken, Yoongi touched you. Placed his palms in the crooks of your arms. But it didn’t affect you—and it’s because he hadn’t spoken. Now that he has, it whirs with some kind of spark in you that speaks the language of your body.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Yoongi asks, lowering his head, eyes up, so he can look more deeply into yours. Perhaps read an answer. Any reaction that would tell him that he can move forward.

You remain quiet, but you reciprocate the eye contact. And you do it for a reason. Now that your mind is empty, you desire for him to fill it.

You shake your head.

Yoongi cups the side of your neck. Brushes your hair away from your face with his other hand. Inches closer. Pecks you gently on the forehead.

The gesture squeezes the clouds in you and rain pours out. It trickles out of your tear ducts, down your pallid cheeks. Yoongi leans against your temple. Doesn’t let himself see those raindrops, but he knows they’re there.

“You did nothing wrong by enjoying sex and you’re not dirty because you had it. It doesn’t stain you. Do you know what it does instead, though?” He whispers, keeping his voice low just for you; waits for your response.

You shake your head ‘no’ once more, your shoulders relaxing now that you’re being held, now that you’re being spoken to, filled, made new.

“It paints you golden. Glittery. And all colors of the rainbow are in that glitter. It’s all over you and it’s in you. And do you know the reason?”

This time he doesn’t wait. Your tears soak the thick fabric of his sweatshirt and a rosy flush floods your cheeks in their place. You sob, and the sound is muffled.

“It’s because you had a good time. Good experiences paint you in all kinds of different ways. You just have to open your eyes to see them. All those colors. Wait a bit before you can try ‘em all out. It takes time, doesn’t it?”

You nod, and you do it so many times that your head spins, whimpering at the sudden lightness that your body welcomes. Yoongi hugs you, enclasps you in his arms. The blanket falls to the ground and it’s his body that keeps you warm, the ghost shoved away. You continue to cry until not one cloud fits in your ribcage, Yoongi’s words being the bodies that settle there, cleaning up the disorder they left there. Bodies speckled with the same glitter he talked about, myriads of silver, violet and blue flakes spelling the abbreviation of his name: MYG.

I have glitter inside of myself.

You repeat it to yourself as your lungs calm down, regular breaths soothing your fragile form still held by Yoongi. He caresses the back of your head, fingers smoothing down your hair, making sure it cascades down your back in one singular stream.

Lifting your head like a toddler on its belly, you do the same for Yoongi. You brush his hair away from his face, thumb stopping to caress at his cheek. Yoongi puckers his lips at you, hauls you a bit further upwards on his body. Mimics you again, fondling your cheek blooming with a new color.

“No matter what you do with whoever you choose, you’ll always be a good girl,” he murmurs, the pad of his thumbs flicking away the last teardrops under your eyes, swiping tenderly across the intricate fan of your wet eyelashes.

You believe him, so you nod, chin quivering with another onrush of emotions but nothing comes out. You don’t say it, but you have a confidence in the notion that your body will be eternally his.

And you ponder it in your brain, softly, as Yoongi leans over and sets a tangerine down on the top of his chest. You come to terms with it being the current reality while he peels it for you. And you fully believe it and accept it when he feeds you the half moons. One by one, painting the walls of your mind with the faintest color of orange—the very reflection of a morning sunlight pouring in.

A solid peace, no longer peculiar, steps over the threshold of that suddenly illuminated room, and it doesn’t leave this time. It swings the door closed, the sound of the click the very announcement of stability coming to stay.

BACK to masterlist

#yoongi fluff #yoongi x oc #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi scenarios #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts fic #btscreatorscorner #btswritingcafe #myg x reader #myg x you #myg #min yoongi #yoongi #kpop fluff #kpop fic

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osakanone · 2 months ago

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On mental health, and lost childhoods:

Things I wish I knew in my teens, my 20's or even my early 30's

youtube

I got carried away with a comment-reply in response to this video which I found pretty dire, so I'm including it here. I hope some of you find it useful.

What you're experiencing is a kind of dysthymia and its very common for people to experience in their 20's and 30's (the hardest years of their life) where they unlearn all the over-compensation that being a teenager surrounded by other emotionally clumsy teenagers brought you. What you have to do is become less guarded and embrace new experiences.

You're looking to objects to get the feeling, when you should be looking to feelings to get the feelings. Part of growing up is thinking you an run away from bad feelings and not accidently amputate the good feelings too and then wondering why you don't feel anything -- or even as much.

You have to accept that if you want the highs, you must have the lows. You must feel vulnerable to also feel euphoria because vulnerability is where acceptance is born and kinship and bonds are made. It begins by figuring out when the magic stopped, and going back to that place mentally and figuring out why it stopped. Trauma is a thing everybody experiences -- usually when we're let down by someone important, or someone we trusted and we don't fully heal properly.

Like physical trauma, the obstruction must be removed so the body can heal itself, and so too is the case with the mind. Sometimes that means doing childish things to get into that mental space so you can have those really big really emotionally draining thoughts.

When folks say "love yourself before others will love you", what it really means is you have to value yourself enough to know if the way others treat you is fair or not, to not let people be unfair to you.

This doesn't mean reacting with violence or anger, or shutting people out or using your power it means telling them that you're not okay and diplomatically dismantling what they do to you -- and then when all peaceful means of diplomacy end, you move to unpeaceful means to protect yourself.

Likewise, it also means not just assuming that you like yourself, and not just assuming that you're a good person so you ask if you are actually in the wrong so you weigh things up fairly. If you feel guilt, or you feel like a bad person, process that, figure out why that is.

If you have some gap of "But I know I'm X" but "I feel Y" which contradict, you have knowledge, and understanding in conflict. You only turn knowledge into understanding with repeated practice, so it becomes engrained as part of you -- and likewise, this is how you also unlearn bad habits, with the help of those around you -- which begins by helping those around you. When you start feeling, people will want you around, and you'll stop being lonely, because everybody just wants to feel witnessed, and acknowledged and to do that, you have to be a feeling human being who doesn't cast judgement to placate some ego.

These difficult emotions will absoloutely make you cry and they will make you angry, but you must feel those emotions to break the blockages so you can flow properly as a human being, and so your emotions can come freely and so the world can be enjoyed sincerely again without hedging expectations to protect yourself that risk robbing you of your future joy. The real lesson of finally growing up is that like Peter Weller says, you need to be strong enough to be gentle.

youtube

Being hurt takes strength. Folks who hide and run away from their emotions are weak, or are in situations where it makes them vulnerable and others will capitalize on it to hurt them. Those are situations you must leave if you ever want to be happy.

Being a child isn't being naieve, its being open to oppertunities and being willing to experience some really low lows to find those highs because you didn't "settle" for a life on some "Once in a Lifetime" Talking Heads life-plan track that everybody has laid out for you through implicit non-explicit social signalling shit like 2.4 kids, a wife, a car, etc etc. The sooner you get that and you figure that shit out, the sooner you'll sort your shit out. The kid was not eager to grow up to be who you became.

That doesn't make them naieve, it means you failed them, and you're putting the blame on them. You can't do that. It will poison and kill you by making ANY emotion you associate with the kid (even good ones) be seen as threatening to your concept of self now so you cannot have those emotions in the present. Its a contradiction. You cannot have it both ways. Like Carl Rogers said: When you accept yourself just as you are, only then can you change. You must know your current location to figure out which direction will take you to a destination.

That means accepting the parts of yourself you have trouble with: If you don't, you'll never work on them, and you don't improve. Every carpenter accepts the facts of their material. Every artist, every sculptor their canvas or their clay. Every engineer, the limits of their scope. You must be this way to live skillfully. It sucks. It hurts. It means yeah you probably get dealt a bad hand, but you're not quite down and you're absoloutely not out. Pick yourself up and try again. You are worth it, even if every cell in your body tells you that you're not because its easier for it to be some bullshit foregone conclusion to forclose your entire life to "I guess this is it then". The moment you do that, you're already dead.

Everything you've been trained to do to protect yourself is there to turn you into a worker who doesn't complain, who can't network with others, who is isolated so your employer can take advantage of you -- where you just shrug and say "it is what it is". As absurd as it sounds, It doesn't have to be that way. Welcome to emotional availability, and welcome to the rest of your life.

Source: Just turned 38, and this is the best lesson I have ever learned in my entire life. I strongly advise you follow it. I went from obsessing over the old Armored Core games trying to recapture nostalgia to finding personal projects that let me find new joy that isn't locked in the past. Just as there is nostalgia, there is also a kind of neo-stalgia, a longing for the future. Try to find futures you care about.

Y'all take care. You're in my thoughts, and you deserve the world even if you've gaslit yourselves into thinking you don't.

That you are still here when so many others aren't is worth celebrating.

You don't know me, and I don't know you but you beat the statistics, and I'm proud of you.

Godspeed, Spartans. To the moon and back. o7

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