#i love my brain i love how it copes. ugh.

[praiseyourpuppy]

me when I experience hypersexuality for so long that talking about sexual stuff becomes second nature, only to out of nowhere experience intense sexual repulsion to the point of physical nausea

[fappellmoan]

made an accidental glee reference today. um. call that an aural explosion. basically something not fun happened at work

[slamminslamminmcgill]

mm finally watched deadpool and wolverine today, and my god... 🥵 so many thoughts...

Idek which ones to put here. What do you think a p*ss kink would look like with both of them? Or just more of them making reader squirt their brains out.

The dialogue you write between them sounds so natural. Like I can literally read it in their voice. -🐮

LFGGGG thank y’all for giving me an excuse to talk abt this 🙏 i got more ideas but this post would’ve been WAYYYY too long sooo be on the lookout for more debauchery

warning: piss, anal, dp, dubcon, light degradation/humiliation, intox (alcohol for logan)

anatomical terms: cunt/pussy

as with most of the fucked up kinks y'all try in this polycule, it happens spontaneously the first time.

logan had just finished inside your ass, and out of the three of you, it takes him the longest to cum. it also takes a lot out of him. he roars and jams his claws through wade's temples (whoopsie! that's why your bed has red vinyl sheets hehe) so there's a dramatic break in the action afterwards.

"ah... hah... ngh, fuck..." he's panting, heaving almost, and slides out of your now gaping hole, "fuck, that was good..." he retracts his claws from wade’s skull, then purrs in your ear and smooches your neck, "good job, kid."

wade, still hard as steel in your cunt, claps excitedly for him. "yay! good job, YOU, peanut! UGH, i love watching you fill him up. you get so... beastly~."

you giggle, nuzzling into wade's tits, feeling goofy and content. a warm load up one hole, and a thick cock up the other.

logan smiles, kissing you on the back of your head this time. “you gonna be okay alone with him for a sec? i gotta go piss.”

"mhm!"

"'kay. i'll be right back, pumpkin." another kiss to your neck, and he's off, walking flaccidly to the bathroom, shaking his fuzzy cheeks.

you drop your head back down against wade’s chest and sigh, "i gotta piss too, actually."

"oh, yeah, yes you do, mister!" deadpool pats you on your shoulders, "always make sure to pee before, during, and after sex!"

you absentmindedly chuckle, until you realize what it is he just said, “wait… during?!"

"hey! thou shalt not knock what thou hast not tried!i know it sounds icky, but hear me out."

he thrusts upwards into you sharply

“fuck!!!”

“so! i want you to imagine…” *THRUST* “how good it’d feel…” *THRUST* “to be really filled up.” *THRUST* “and i mean FULL!” *THRUST* “like your pussy is a searing hot water balloon about to explode. and then when it does?” *THRUST* “when it all comes flooding out of you? oh darling, the relief…” he moans dramatically, gripping your hips and shifting you back and forth on his shaft, “hottest thing you’ll ever experience, i swear. there’s nothing else like it… wanna try it?”

you’re skeptical, but wade wilson is a hell of a salesman. “…fuck it. let’s do it.”

“yippee!!! okay, just gotta get soft so i can piss. dead kittens… calculus homework… grandma deadpool! there we go! okay… phew… here goes…”

it’s a tense, awkward silence as he starts. you’re not sure what to expect. then, you begin to feel it. that searing heat swelling inside you, pooling between his cock and your skin, flooding what little space there was inside you. you gasp, and attempt to squirm to cope with the sensation, but wade holds you still.

“don’t move! don’t move, my little urinal boy! mmm, i gotcha, just… just trust me on this… i’m almost done…”

“you two are fucking disgusting.”

logan’s voice coming out of nowhere makes you jump, and then wade’s piss spills out of you. and just like he told you, it feels fucking incredible. you’re twitching, spasming, moaning pure nonsense as wade fucks your drenched, desecrated cunt. loud splashing accompanies the brutal pace of his hips.

“your loss, peanut! imagine wasting your piss on the bathroom toilet when you could’ve given it to this even cuter toilet!” he pecks you on the cheek with a loud “mwah~!”

from then on, it becomes you and wade peeing on each other just to mess with him. since he’s never told y’all to stop, you both figure that he likes it, but he’s too embarrassed to admit it.

the three of y’all are showering together

“so, just asking as a throuple here, are we all pro- or anti-peeing in the shower?”

“if you get piss on me, i’ll stick my claws through your fucking corneas.”

“promise?!”

”don’t. you fucking. dare.”

“aw, boo, you’re no fun.” wade pouts, then grabs you by your wet hair and pulls your ear towards his lips. “you, though… you’re TONS of fun.” he playfully bites your ear, and then your neck. “so fun, in fact, that you’re gonna get on your knees and drink every drop of piss that i give you, right?”

i feel like the only time y’all can get logan to participate is while he’s drunk. he’s too sloshed to feel shame for it.

maybe y’all are in bed together, all cuddled up in a tangled mess of limbs, and he grumbles something about needing to take a leak.

“oh, don’t worry about getting up, honey-bun!” wade fishes under the blankets for logan’s soft cock, “lemme take care of that for you.”

“wh… the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

“ugh please, don’t act like you haven’t thought about pissing down my throat. can’t i just once do something nice for you?”

he grumbles, not wanting to indulge wade, but not wanting to get up even more.“fine. whatever. i hope you choke on it.”

“oh, i will.”

[mamawasatesttube]

ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.

i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)

anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.

at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.

at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.

(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)

it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3

OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.

[korncest]

same beer belly anon here! hi! :3 also.ajdjwldnwkkansns raaaarrrgh your fuckign brain!!!!!

leon would be pretty insecure and would need quite a bit of reassuring! he would miss what he thinks was his 'prime' (I.e re4 build) and reader would literally be on their knees, worshipping all that he is and showing just how much they love Leon for him, regardless of his body <3

your dark leon got me acting up in a way that sets feminism back a couple hundred years uhmm😳😳😳 he would be bad! terrible, even! you would only fuel his alcoholic behavior rather than fixing him (there is no fixing him and you were a fool to think that in the first place.)

but pros are uhm uhm he suffocates you with his belly on the regular soooooo🤷‍♀️ like i had this image of Leon laying on top of reader, their stomach is pressed down to the floor, meanwhile his tummy is pressed right up against readers back, trapping them essentially. they have to deal with Leon's body weight pressing down on them, his arms wrapped around them and his sheer strength keeping them in place. and he's smirking the entire time as he watches reader struggle to move. he! would! be! awful!

NONNIE!!!!! IM GONNA KISS YOU!!!! this is literally sensational LIKE YOU GET ME!!! YES!!!!!! BEER BELLY LEON AGENDA IS GETTING SPREAD AND THE WORLD CHEERED!! world peace has been restored :33

insecure! leon is sooo regretful :(( like he looks at himself in the mirror and even though his tummy doesn’t take away from his skills AT ALL, he still feels so inferior, like he looks around at the people around him and even though change comes with time, their changes weren’t the same as him gaining weight so he’s literally crashing out — but YOU!!! at least help alleviate the deep rooted anxiety and just inner self loathing he’s developed over the years.

i think it’s hot idc!! riding him or sucking on his cock while he has a beer in hand, like he’s so “im disgusting, don’t do that,” like hello im currently between your thighs with my hands down your pants what are you saying??

just think abt it with me nonnie… sucking on his fat cock (hard or not) while he’s sitting back on his couch and drinking a beer.. he’s so embarrassed?? like cmon! don’t lower yourself to his level, find a better man, a man that’s not broken, one that’s not an alcoholic and not one that’s let himself go ;(( he’s drunkenly babbling but your kissing his into thighs and tummy before popping his cock in your mouth and sucking slowly while telling him that he’s the most attractive man in the world STOP!!! he cums so fast it’s so humiliating BUT IT HELPS!!! cuz you reassure him that he’s all you’ve ever wanted :33

now..dark! leon is a whole other story i fear.. he would be a horrible partner but IDC!! i still want his ass in my bed and on top of me 🔥 NO LITERALLY, there’s no way to fix him, he’s too far gone! at one point you tried to point out his addiction and it turned into an argument and you kinda stopped trying.. like yea you’re an enabler but whatever he physically can’t be in a relationship with someone trying to fix his issues it will make him crash out. he uses alcohol as a way to cope and i fear he’s never gonna give it up (>_<;)

and YES!! he does use his strength and weight against you :(( you can complain and whine all you want, but you and him both know you enjoy it. (me too girl) like he’s quite literally folding you in half, he doesn’t care if you’re flexible or not. in any context, dark! leon loves when you cry, dacryphilia king!! he just loves making you cry and seeing you squirm and try to fight to get him off of you.. like aw, sweetheart, did you really think some pushes and kicks would work against him?

him pressing his tummy against your back…UGH.. you’re so right, his cock is so girthy inside you, he gets so painfully rough with you :(( shoving his cock deep again your cervix and keeping you still..his arm wrapped around your neck as he holds you in a head lock :( and idk if you fw this but him slapping you around while you’re sucking on his cock >_< like you gag & squirm and he pinches your nose and gives you a few hard smacks across your face so you can get it together!! CMON!! you know better than that 😒 but again..YOU TWO BOTH KNOW YOU ENJOY IT!! smh! don’t try to hide it!!

[zarasu]

What I think about Bingge

So, funny story: I did not start out liking Bingge. I doubt most people do. The first thoughts I had about him were "Damn, boy's fucked up" and "Who starts ripping off limbs without even asking questions first?" He seemed more like the final boss of a horror game than a fleshed-out character.

Then I finished the book and went "Ehh do I wanna read the extras?" Tbh, I skimmed a lot of them but the Bingge vs Bingmei one was one of the few I fully read, just because the premise sounded interesting.

And it was interesting alright, to see Bingge do something else than torturing people and ripping off arms. But none of it really made my brain light up until that little scene where Bingge watches Shen Qingqiu fuss over Bingmei. Then he asks him to come with him, to choose him, and Shen Qingqiu says no. Bingge returns to his own world, sad and alone.

"Well, sucks to be you," I thought, and "lol, I sure hope that doesn't awaken anything in me."

...

Two weeks later, I found myself lying in bed, thinking about Bingge with a single tear rolling down my cheek.

I really shouldn't be sad for him, I told myself. He has a big harem full of hot women to tell him how great he is all day. If he's not happy, then it's really his own fault.

But what if he's more the monogamous type, my heart wailed back. Or what if he's too fucked up to let anyone love him??

Ugh, alright, I gave in. Let's think about him then.

So, Bingge is a power fantasy made for incels. But even Bingge was Bunhe once. He shares a past with Bingmei and they are, at their core, the same person. And if you can say one thing about Bunhe, it's that he really has an undying hopeful streak. Sure, when Shen Yuan transmigrated, it took him a while to gain Bunhe's trust. But even after all the beatings and insults and humiliation, he did gain it.

Bunhe gave him his trust because he desperately wants Shen Qingqiu to love him. And, if not love him, at least like him. And if not that, then at least not hate him. When Shen Qingqiu actually showed notions of doing just that, loving him, he was all over that like a dog getting a treat and a head pat for the first time in his life.

But Bingge never got that. He hoped and hoped and kept hoping for Shen Qingqiu to show even a hint of affection and all he got in return was the firm assurance that, no, Shen Qingqiu would never feel anything but hate for him.

That has to give a guy issues. Probably makes him feel deeply unlovable. Hate himself, even. Binghe is a little dumb about things like these, he likely didn't give up hope until Shen Qingqiu physically pushed him into the abyss. He probably spent a lot of nights in the abyss crying into his dirty little sleeves.

But you gotta find ways to cope with heartbreak, right? So, eventually, lightly charred Bunhe stood up straight, turned his little determined protagonist eyes up to the sky and said: "I'm going to make him regret it! He will rue the day he cast me away!" And he went on to become stallion protagonist #1, demon emperor, conqueror, etc etc.

The thing is this: if you build your whole identity on the idea of making the guy who hates you regret his feelings, you're not really over him, you get what I'm saying? You're like, the opposite of over him. Not a good emotional state to connect to the hot women throwing themselves at you either.

So yeah, after that, Bingge did all kinds of things that aren't really that important, but eventually, he got Shen Qingqiu where he wanted him: in the water prison (also kneeling at his feet). And I'm sure I have an inkling of what went on in his dumb little head. It may have been something like:

"Aha!! Now I have the evil Shizun in prison, where evil men like him belong! Finally, people have told him how evil he is! I'm going to go and talk to him and make him see the error of his ways. And when the horror of what he did finally dawns on him, and he apologises, I might forgive him and give him another chance."

Shen Jiu being Shen Jiu, he probably laughed right in Binghe's face and also spit at him too, for good measure (as is, in this case, kinda relatable). So Binghe's righteous little plan didn't quite work out as he wanted it to. This procedure might have been repeated a few times but, well.

Binghe's emotions are already volatile on a good day. Add Xin Mo to that. Add childhood trauma and Shen Jiu to that. One time, he snaps and reaches out to rough Sqq up a little, just to make him regret his own behaviour. Underestimating his own strength, he rips off his arm instead.

Awkward situation, that.

What are you supposed to do after ripping off someone's arm? Maybe Binghe just went to bed and stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking about his life choices.

See, at this point, another person might have thought: "My life is going in the wrong direction. I need to change something, maybe go on a journey of self-discovery or something."

But Binghe has never been the best at things like morals and ethics, no matter what version of him we're talking about. Even Bingmei, who had a comparatively more stable home life, never really got the hang of that stuff (Turning some people into lifeless husks? Well, better than fucking someone, right? The man you love apparently just isn't as insane about you as you are about him? Time to destroy the world^^)

Anyway, you gotta go on, and I'm sure Binghe found some convincing enough arguments for why ripping arms off was an acceptable thing to do.

"But Zar," you may interrupt me. "How can anyone think that's an acceptable thing to do?"

See, in all honesty? I think, deep inside, Binghe knows it's not. But right next to that knowledge lies another knowledge: it's that he's unlovable. And if he's unlovable, it can only be because, at his core, he's already rotten. And if you're already evil? You might as well do evil things, doesn't make much of a difference anymore.

So things escalate, surely not helped by Xin Mo. Shen Qingqiu loses limbs with the same speed other people lose socks, and when even that doesn't heal him of his evil ways, Binghe comes up with the whole Yue Qingyuan plot. And when even that doesn't help, he loses his patience and kills everyone.

Then he sits there, on his throne, surrounded by hot women, fully charred, not so little anymore, and without a Shizun he can hope to one day convince of his worth.

There sits Shen Yuan, a world away, growing increasingly frustrated at how purposeless Bingge's life has become.

Then the extra happens, and Bingge gets transported to a world where another Binghe got everything he ever wanted: the love of his Shizun. And, all at once, the hope he thought he had killed and buried flares back to life, never having been dead after all, and burns Binghe up until he's nothing more than the bare bones of his desperation.

But the other Shizun doesn't love him. He only loves the other, inferior Binghe. He looks upon Bingge coldly before he sees his husband and his eyes turn warm. And it's like Bingge is looking at a funhouse mirror, at a world of dreams and wishes that never came true.

In the end, he's still as unlovable as he has ever been. And he goes back to his own world, and he feels flayed with the knowledge of everything he will never have.

And I just think it's impressive how Shen Qingqiu manages to break every version of Binghe without even trying.

[sofasoap]

Little Beard

Pairing: Johnny “Soap” MacTavish x F!Reader

Summary: After being apart from your wonderful boyfriend for six months, he comes back with a surprise.

Warning : M themed. Suggestive. hints of smut. Not beta'ed. Semi crack. A/N: I am sure all of us who loves Soap also love his wonderful beard from his OG days. At least I do.

Part 4 of Little Bear series Masterlist

“JOHN……ny???”

Two men turned around. If it wasn’t for the almost non-existing mohawk, you probably would have mistaken your boyfriend for Captain Price. 

“Bonnie bear!!” Striding towards you before scoping you up into his arms into a bear hug. “You made it!” 

“I wouldn’t miss it in the world… but.. What the hell is this??!!” you gaped, while caressing his full mutton chop. 

Six months. It’s the longest time both of you have been apart since the start of the relationship. Oh how you missed him. There was minimal contact. The only reason you knew him and the team was still alive was through Laswell ( Only because Johnny begged her and she has a soft spot for the youngsters of the team ). You don’t know how you would have coped without her constant update and reassurances. While you are glad to have them safe back in your arm, you begin to wonder what has happened during the mission. 

“You like it?” Nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, he whispered. “I thought something different, for a change.” 

“Are you sure you boys haven’t been on the set of ‘Cast Away’ instead of a save-the-world mission??”  You laughed as you felt the tickle of his beard on your neck. “Oh! You are growing a rat tail too..” 

Glancing over his shoulder, you see Gaz sporting a not quite a full unkempt beard and equally messy curly hair, although you couldn’t see Simon’s face, a few strands of overgrown hair is peeking out from both eye holes and the back of his balaclava, and somehow Price has magically kept his mutton chop immaculate. You almost wonder if he has signed a secret pact with an unknown entity to keep his facial hair in tiptop shape and keep the boys alive during the missions. 

Pulling away a little, he gives you a playful smacking kiss on the lip, “Falling head over heels for me again?” 

You laughed as you lightly slapped his chest, you have to admit on more than one occasion you have imagined what it will be like for Johnny to have a full grown mutton chop, how it will feel when he goes down on….

“What are you thinking now little teddy bear? I can hear your brain churning.” Leaning back into you as he dropped into a whisper, “You having naughty thoughts?” Damn, he knows you too well. 

“Don’t worry, once we get back to the accommodation.. I will make up for all the lost time by taking care of ya…” he smirked. He proceeded to yell towards the boys, “Hey, I think we will give tonight’s gathering a miss, I have important business to take care of.” 

“You mean taking care of your girlfriend’s needs?” Simon perked up all of sudden.

“Oh my gosh Simon!!” You swear if someone put a kettle on top of your head now, you can boil the water in an instant. Of all people, you did not expect it from him. You seriously need to have a talk with Mini to reign her husband’s mouth. 

“You know it! See you tomorrow instead!” Soap replied, unashamed about what his plan with you for the evening was to be, while waving goodbye to his teammates and half dragging you towards the car, eagerly. And sure enough, he proceed to you the best head in your life. As always. With his new mutton chop. Again, and again. the overgrown hair made it easy to grab onto too.

“.. Had a good time? UGH!”

“ Gaz. Behave. And you too SIMON. Don't you DARE open your mouth” 

I am a firm believer Price has made a pact with the devil to keep his mutton chop immaculate at all time.

@a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

@kaplerrr

@homicidal-slvt

@floral-force @okayyadriana @deadbranch @cumikering @siilvan

@random-thot-generator

@random0lover @devcica @jynxmirage @nrdmssgs

[pixiecaps]

It’s terrible that pomme, dapper, and Ramon are gone. And with them probably the French. I keep hoping that everything will work out and things will get fixed and the eggs will come back but I doubt it ugh

im holding out hope and trying to slowly accept this change because i dont think we’ll be getting the eggs back for some time like this absence at least to me seems like a long term thing ya know? so im trying to accept that little by little. i fucking miss them a lot but im finding that gradual acceptance in just seeing the admins in peoples chats or tweeting or streaming. like yesterday i watched a bit of harus stream and mrpastelito and theyre great!!! highly suggest people watching any of the admins content off the smp because theyre all so lovely and hardworking.

theres a part of me that struggles to accept that the egg admins are rlly gone but thats just my brain coping in silly ways. like…. aha maybe this isnt true^_^ when it… is LMAO

despite pomme leaving i fucking hope the french stay as does everyone. im waiting on what antoine has to say since last time he spoke about it he mentioned he’d have a chat with quackity so im not expecting EVERYTHING to be fixed next time he says something like im fully bracing for him to say he’s leaving the qsmp but i just hope he can sorta get a better understanding of whats going on since he also mentioned he hasnt gotten any updates rlly. idk how to put this into words but i hope that antoine is able to be heard and not be left in the dark still after their conversation. basically i hope theres communication

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, how are you? I hope it's the most comfortable season in your area right now? I had covid in the summer and unfortunately I'm still getting weaker and weaker, so I was wondering if you could recommend some exercises you enjoy? Like YouTube channels or just the names of the exercises would be greatly appreciated. Sending hugs.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Yes, we're finally entering the best part of autumn, where the weather is beautiful sweater weather during the day and the evenings are cool. It won't last long, sadly, because we get early wet winters so it will get really cold all the time and just... rain until December, ugh.

Ugh, I feel you about feeling weak after Covid. It took me awhile to get back to my "normal", which is going back to the gym daily and waking up at decent times and sleeping through the night. Took awhile for that.

Oh gosh, okay regarding the fitness thing, I'm trying hard to think back to a couple years ago; I had to get a nutritionist because I had a health scare (I fainted while sitting down and doing nothing) and he wanted me to get back into a routine. Let me tell you, it's SO hard, but his words of encouragement helped SO MUCH MORE than any of those """"fitness influencers"""" and personal trainers (ie. professional torturers lol) ever did because he NEVER expected more than I was comfortable with. He always said "YOU have to want to change, I'm just here to help you on that path".

Currently, I go to the gym pretty much every day for at least an hour and mostly weight lifting. It took nearly a year and a half to get back to that level of fitness for me. Pre-Covid I was doing even more to the point of obsession. Both my nutritionist and my therapist help me with coping mechanisms to ensure that that doesn't happen again. When I was first getting back into exercising, we focussed on the one exercise I LOVED doing: walking. He always said "10 minutes of walking a day is better than not doing it at all." It always started small, and walking was the thing that got me back to exercising. And, little by little 10 became 20 became 30 became an hour, and then going back to the gym was less daunting. My work has a gym which my brain deemed as "safe" in my post-covid anxiety, so I started going back via my work gym. Again, I have previous fitness experience so I started off on machines and then back into my old routines with free weights.

But yeah, definitely some walking or even just some stretching or yoga moves (my nutritionist actually tried to get me to start working out by stretching and meditating, but I don't really like doing either of those). My nutritionist, while he did want me to work towards a healthier lifestyle, never EVER pushed me to do more than I was ready for. So this is my advice to you, Lovely: what kind of exercise do you LIKE doing? Walking? Push ups? Squats? There are simple exercises that people use for physio, seniors, and limited mobility individuals. Getting up and sitting down, wall presses, light lunges, even stretches are great for working towards a more active lifestyle. Heck, even "doing weights" by lifting a full water bottle is an exercise! Mine was walking. Perhaps yours is leg lifts or shoulder rolls. Even just a little activity is GOOD!! This article here is a good place to start if you're limited mobility, and here's a good article for beginners.

Also, search on YouTube for "Workouts for Beginners"; there's quite a few workouts there, hopefully without too many ad-breaks to ruin the flow of the workouts. My favourite workouts, though are Les Mills Body Combat and Body Pump, which are both more advanced once you're into a rhythm. I used to do the classes at GoodLife before Covid, and now my CURRENT routine incorporates moves I learned in both of those (I'm still skittish about being in group settings so I kind of just do them on my own). I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come in a year and a half, when I genuinely thought I would never do it again. I could barely walk because of foot and joint pains, I was always dizzy and I was very lethargic all the time. Changing my diet helped a lot too; my nutritionist recommended a lot more protein to keep me fuller longer, and 3 meals a day with small snacks. Never have a deficit!! He doesn't believe in dieting, just "eating right". AND he doesn't make me weigh myself which helped me overcome my disordered eating triggers. He's a great nutritionist.

It can be done Nonny! Just start small, and stick to a schedule. For me I find it easier to do it during the week during my lunch break at work makes it feel like it's NOT eating into my free time, and on weekends and days off I go first thing in the morning to the gym because it's quieter. So, a routine helps for sure! I think you can do it too!!!!

Let me know if I can help you out with tips that have helped me that I haven't listed here. And, if anyone has something to help Nonny get back into a routine that has maybe helped y'all after Covid, please do offer your support! <3

ALSO as an aside, Nonny, it's recommended you start SMALL after Covid to allow your body to properly heal, so DON'T PUSH YOURSELF nor feel bad if you're slow. Every Body is different! <3

Good luck Nonny!!!

[astranite]

CH2 of Where was he? Pancakes.

Behold, a second chapter!! Thanks for everyones lovely comments and encouragement! I did not quite mean to stay up until midnight finishing this, but ADHD and I'm excited about this!! Enjoy!!!

@idontknowreallywhy yes im going to sleep now.

@edutainer2022 The rest of this, as you've already seen the first little bit!

Tumblr part 1 :)

---

Instead of pulling away from his brothers and getting to work like drill sergeant at the back of his mind nagged that he should be doing, Scott sunk into the group hug. Just a while longer. He needed this.

"What do I do now? I don’t know what to do now," he asked, or rather mumbled into John's t-shirt where he'd smushed his face. 

There. He'd admitted it even to himself. And his brothers. 

His voice was small where he'd meant it to come out as a demand or at least a question, not a pitiful cry for help.

Gordon gripped him tighter and so did Alan, and Scott was already leaning into Virgil's enveloping embrace at his side and John's fingers were still in his hair. 

He didn't actually know what to do with the mess he'd made of the kitchen or the unfinished pancake batter. The useless bowl of ingredients couldn't even be put back in their respective packets because he'd mixed them together because he hadn't thought further ahead than throwing them in. They were wasted. 

The idea of sifting apart flour and sugar and the baking powder that was possibly in there until it was like nothing had ever happened buzzed in his brain. Every solution he could come up with to undo it all was summarily discarded as they were impractical, impossible or simply ridiculous. Life didn't work like that. You didn’t get a do over on your mistakes, and even if anyone could it certainly wouldn’t be him getting the chance. 

But he didn't want to give up. What Scott wanted was to eat pancakes with his brothers, to get to laugh together without the pressing weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

Alright, at this point he would definitely prefer to jump out of One without a jetpack than face the kitchen, or y'know go cry in the shower. He had such great coping mechanisms. 

Just it was easier to think in the middle of a crisis. The present moment swallowed up all the mistakes of the past as the only thing that mattered in the universe was the next several seconds in the now. Doubt didn't have time to eat him alive; there wasn't time for vegetables to go mouldy in the bottom of the fridge. 

Maybe he'd dissolve into a puddle of suspicious goop too. Ugh, then someone would have to scrub the floor, which he'd be responsible for doing given it would be his fault if he liquified into hypothetical ooze. 

Gordon interrupted his thoughts, sing-songing out his name, "Scott, Scotty, Scooter, what can we do to help?" 

If he knew how they could help, that'd solve a lot of problems. 

Scott shrugged. Caring too much left him in the same place on the outside as caring too little. 

His brain steamrollered over Gordon's clarification of whether Scott wanted suggestions for what they could do.

The batter needed to be finished except that needed the eggs and other whatever it was that they didn't have, the fridge stuff needed to be dealt with by putting it in a place that wasn't the fridge, but those containers would have to be cleaned—

When A plus B equals C, you've still got to work out what bloody A is to find C.

"None of you deserve to have to clean up my messes," Scott burst out, "I should be able to do this on my own if I can just get my act together."

I don't need help. I've totally got this, I'm fine. I'm so completely fine, not that any of you would believe me if I said that. Not that he was doing a particularly good job of lying to himself right now either.

He was barely managing not to yell. 

His mind ran at lightning speed even as he knew he was missing out on the looks the others were throwing each other over his head.

He kept going, "I'd been meaning to do this for you guys, you know, as a nice breakfast we could enjoy on our day off..." Scott's voice jammed in his throat.

His brothers were here supporting him, but he still couldn't fix any of these problems because he was the cause of them.

"Scott." Virgil was as always his rock, there for him when Scott couldn't figure out which was was up. "You. Are. Allowed. To. Ask. For. And. Accept. Our. Help."

With how awful he was at remembering that no matter how many times everyone told him, he should let them permanent marker it onto his forehead and be done with it.

"We all need help with stuff. It doesn't make you incapable," Gordon said.

Scott never begrudged fetching Gordon heat packs when his back was bad so he didn't have to get up or rubbing at the sore muscles after missions or assisting with the physio exercises Gordon still had to do.

Alan butted in, “I mean I don’t like chores, ‘cause who does, but Scott, that’s totally unfair if you have to do everything!”

"Sprout, it's alright, I don't do everything," Scott reassured automatically.

Alan gave him a look of utter teenage incredulity. "Yeah, but you try to."

John’s arms tightened around him as he rested his chin on Scott’s head and said simply, "We help each other, on missions and at home. That’s who we are.”

Scott could hear the smile in John’s voice as added, “So, how about breakfast?”

He took a deep breath, filling up his lungs before letting it out, allowing his brothers’ presences steady him. “Breakfast.”

"They're Scott-special pancakes but that doesn't mean we can't all help," Gordon ruled firmly.

"We'd all rather that than you having to do it all on your own." John hesitated then added, "Scott, you remember when we used to cook with Mum and Dad? Sunday mornings, all of us crammed in the kitchen in our pyjamas, covered in flour, everyone helping out?"

Of course he remembered. It had hurt too much to think about for years and the ache of loss was still there, but now he had a chance to make new memories with his brothers right beside him. His small smile matched John's.

"It makes them more special, not less," Virgil said, "Because we get to spend the time together."

"Yeah Scotty, we want to hang out with you," Alan finished, and that was that.

The group hug transformed into a mission planning huddle, though John and Gordon remained propping Scott up on either side. 

Gordon was bouncing on his toes in anticipation, the fins on his clownfish towel flapping. "Okay. Where were we? Oh yeah, suggestions for us helping if you want us to give suggestions, because I don't want to stomp on what you're doing and take away your control over it 'cause that's really not actually helpful. But I do know how hard the 'thinking up what people should be doing' is when your brain is—" Gordon waved a hand about to complete the sentence. "So, yup."

Scott pressed his shoulder to Gordon's in silent appreciation of his thoughtfulness in the face of Scott's overwhelm. That's what he was, overwhelmed. 

"Having some ideas would help. Please."

"We'll clean up the kitchen together. We've all had a part in leaving stuff in the fridge too long," Virgil said calmly, like there wasn't any shame in it. Scott filed that away in the back of his mind for later consideration.

"Alan can take One to Aotearoa and get the eggs and blueberries. He needs the practice flight hours anyway," John put forward.

Alan’s face lit up as he immediately shook off Virgil's arm around his shoulders to jump to the ready. “Can I? Scott. Scott, please? I promise I won’t scratch her, I’ll be as careful as I am with Three, in fact I’ll be carefuller! Wait is that even a word? So can I?”

"Nope. Not quite a word," John chipped in affectionately when Alan had to take a breath.

"Alright, alright." Scott held his hands up. "But you'd better bring her back in one piece or you won't be getting any pancakes," he joked. Mostly. As long as One didn't end up wedged in the swimming pool...

One last moment was spent in the huddle with his brother as Alan darted back for a goodbye hug, no matter how short the flight would be. 

Putting their hands out in the centre in a stack, grinning at each other, they yelled in unison, “Tracies are go!!!”

Alan ran towards Scott's launch chute entrance, tossing over his shoulder, "Don't let Gordon eat them all before I get back!"

Gordon's indignant, "Hey!" was lost as the painting swung around, taking Alan with it.

"He does know that we need the eggs to make the pancakes which he is getting, right?" John asked as an aside.

"Eh, he'll work it out." Scott was looking after where Alan had gone wondering when their undeniably littlest brother had grown up so much. That applied regardless of continued brotherly taunting ‘cause wasn’t like he, John or Virgil had ever grown out of it.

Finally, the rest of them returned to the kitchen. Scott steeled himself as he stepped over the imaginary threshold separating it in the open plan design from the lounge.

The containers of spoilt food were sitting out on the bench where he'd left them, condensation dripping from the outsides in the subtropical heat. Unfinished pancake batter loomed from its bowl. Where would he even start? The multiple frying pans he'd need to cook such a big batch with were languishing in the bottom of the sink too.

Gordon set his hands on his hips, in a stand off against the mess. "Okey dokey. Scott, would you rather do dishes, begin emptying out the containers or make coffee so the Virge doesn't keel over? We'll split up the rest between us."

Scott found himself wandering over to the coffee station before he answered. It was the easiest, most straight forward task right now.

He bit his lips guiltily. "Can I?"

Virgil was already standing beside the sink, putting on an apron. He waved a pink rubber washing up glove at Scott in a 'go ahead' gesture, idly chewing on the corner of his flannel shirt collar.

That was about as much as he'd normally get out of Virgil before coffee, excluding missions and brotherly crises as this morning.

Scott inspected the array of coffee types set out in the cupboard next to the overly complicated, super fancy coffee machine Virgil insisted they have. It had more knobs and dials than Thunderbird Two's console he swore and that was already far too many, but Scott couldn't deny it made the best coffee.

None of that mattered though because above the machine was a laminated sheet of paper covered in Virgil's blocky handwriting outlining exactly the steps he had to follow in the order he had to do them, the same as a pre-flight checklist. Scott relaxed. Like a math problem, if he took it bit by bit he'd eventually end up at the right answer.

He'd make a cup for himself too. Not that it would wake him up, thanks ADHD, but he enjoyed the taste and it might do something for his focus.

Virgil's favourite coffee brand came in an electric green package with its name written in an indecipherable font most expected on a death metal album cover. Though at the strength Virgil drank it, it was pretty fitting. Scott had tried a sip once. Only once, as drinking undiluted tar was not his cup of, well, coffee. But Virgil loved the stuff.

Scott made the coffee and got out their biggest mug with the silly, absolutely tiny in proportion Thunderbird Two perched on the handle for his brother.

After passing Virgil his coffee, his brother turned it this way and that then grinned up at Scott. "Did you draw Two in the middle of the froth for me?"

Scott fetched his own coffee, before standing next to Virgil to squint into his mug. A lighter blob of foam floated in the centre. Those bits on the side could be the stubby wings. Though maybe Virgil was kidding, but he might not be so if he saw the Flying Turtle, the Great Green Bathtub, Thunderblob Two, who was Scott to protest artistic genius?

"Happy accident?" Scott told him as Virgil rolled his eyes and nudged his side.

Gordon stood on tip toe to look too. "It's not green. I mean, I could make it green!"

Virgil hunched protectively over his coffee. Do not get between Gordon and food dye was wisdom learned early.

"I think it looks more like Four," John deadpanned to significant outrage.

Scott cackled as Gordon attempted to mess up John's hair in revenge, both of them laughing at each other.

The coffee was warm going down as he took the moment to lean on Virgil as they both quietly sipped theirs, watching the others' antics.

His own mug had a comic of a Boeing aircraft crashing then bouncing down a runway, captioned 'boing.' Scott had giggled when he saw it in amongst the other mugs in the cupboard as he always did since Gordon and Alan had gifted it to him on his birthday, and decided he needed that today.

He held up for Virgil to inspect, along with John and Gordon glued together in their tackle hug. 

Laughing, he read the text out loud, complete with sound effects.  

Several hilarious minutes followed of them all repeating the sounds between them, bouncing around, echoing and playing off each other. Scott grinned so hard his cheeks ached. He needed this. 

Maybe it was the placebo effect or the time spent freely messing around with his brothers, but with the coffee in him Scott was starting to feel a little better about the world and possibly himself too. 

Better enough that he could face approaching the counter of suspicious containers to help Gordon.

Gordon was currently inspecting them with equal parts fascination and repulsion. He poked at the box Scott had found wedged at the very back of the fridge. 

"Do you reckon that's last month's meatloaf? Or maybe it was the stew. I think it's got its own ecosystem!"

Nope, nope, nope. It looked like it was about to crawl away. "Do not open that, Gords!"

Virgil and John gathered behind him, peering over his shoulders. Scott could tell without seeing exactly which utterly icked out face John made.

Come on, Scotty, he told himself, you've dealt with grosser things on rescues. And in raising very little brothers; he certainly did not miss some stuff. 

"We can sacrifice one container, right?" he said. Right? You had to know when to call it in the hopeless cases.

Unanimous noises of agreement were rapidly made. The container was summarily carried over to the bin with caution equivalent of handling radioactive waste. Scott wouldn't be surprised if it set off a geiger counter.

The punnet of blueberries he'd meant for the pancakes joined it. They were well beyond salvage. 

Scott tugged a hand through his hair, trying his best not to let the guilty regret swallow him up. The frustration surged, as even though they'd finally cleaned out the fridge and dealt with the stuff, he hadn't been able to prevent the waste happening in the first place.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he and Gordon wiped out the shelves so they could put back all the non-archaeological bottles of lurking sauces that he'd also taken out to get at the other stuff. The patch of mystery sticky substance probably didn't require as much scrubbing force as he was putting into it.

...it wasn't a mystery. It was the strawberry smoothie leftover from a morning Gordon had made too much that Scott had spilt while getting it out midnight to fuel his deadline induced frenzy of report writing. That had been only after he'd realised the reason he felt so shaky and sick was that he'd forgotten to eat all day despite several heavy, exhausting rescues.

After wiping up the last of it, he tossed the cloth into soapy sink with a splash. Immediately he was apologising for startling Virgil as the cloth flew past him as he did the dishes. 

There went Scott and another stupidly impulsive action. No one even had to tell him off for the gaping hole to open up in his chest. He stood in middle of the room, feet rooted to the floor, frozen as he resisted the urge to storm off to One's hanger or some other darker, damper crevice to curl up and probably sob about such a dumb mistake, so he wasn't abandoning his brothers.

Gordon's much smaller hand slipped into his own. 

"Do you wanna take a break, Scotty?"

Silently, honestly, Scott nodded. 

He followed Gordon's lead as he tugged Scott over to the patch of clear floor in the lounge by the full length windows.

Then, because this was Gordon, he just lay down on the ground with an exclamation of, "Floor time!"

Scott got down next to him and flopped onto his back staring upwards. At least attempting to work out where Gordon's offbeat schemes were going was a distraction from his thoughts tearing him apart. 

Virgil and John were still working away in the kitchen. The guilt gnawed. Scott screwed his eyes shut then rubbed the heels of his hands over them, hard enough to see spots before he opened them again as he really shouldn’t do that. He wound his fingers through the hem of his shirt, fidgeting.

Blue sky stretched above them, framed by the edge of the roof. Beyond the glass, sun shone through the cloudless expanse. Scott let himself relax into the floorboards.

"See, it's all good if you need some time out. We're proud of you, big bro." Gordon edged closer to press their shoulders and sides together.

"Thanks," Scott whispered.

He fixed his gaze back on the sky outside, on the wide, open, beautiful sky.

 "How did you know this would help?"

The fish nudged him. "Sometimes a change in perspective is what you need, getting in the ant's eye view if you will. You're too tall, the air gets thin up there."

"Like you'd get the heights, fish sticks," Scott joked.

Gordon's impression of mock offence, complete with hand clutching at his chest and shocked gasp, was ruined by his giggles.

For a moment he grew serious again, amber eyes taking Scott in. "And like literally it’s also a break so the rest of you can catch up with your brain. I get when there's so much going on up there anything extra tips you overboard."

Slowly, the world felt less like it was about to end as he briefly met Gordon eyes then turned to the blue above.

Scott bumped their heads together. "Thanks, again for everything."

"No problem, I'm always happy to help my bros."

It was impossible to miss the emphasis that this very much included Scott, despite him being the eldest.

Lying on the floor with Gordon in a pool of sunlight streaming in cut through the frantic spiralling he had been nose diving into again. 

Scott calculated the windspeed outside from the movement of the small branches at the tops of the pōhutukawa trees he could see upside-down at the corner of his vision. Little bits of leaves and debris, a constant pain to clean up on their heavily vegetated island danced across the concrete patio outside. 

"You reckon it's blowing about twenty, twenty-two kays per hour out there, Gords?" he said.

Gordon levered himself up and leant towards him to get a better look over to the ocean. "Yeah, thereabouts. Twelve knots."

They heard Virgil's hum from the kitchen before he chipped in, "Closer to twenty-four or so kays, I'd say."

"Bets all in?" The mirth in John's voice was obvious as he pulled up a holo, though Scott didn't doubt he had his own number in mind. "Our weather system puts Tracy Island local windspeed at twenty-two—"

Scott pumped a fist in the air.

"—Point nine kilometres per hour." 

Gordon cheered. "AKA twelve point four knots, boom!"

Scott rolled his eyes and high-fived Gordon in celebration.

With several more breaths of watching the sky, he sat up, stretching his arms above his head.

"Ready to go, Scooter?"

Scott stood before giving Gordon a hand up from the ground. "Yeah, I am." 

Coming back to the kitchen, the first thing Scott did was fall into Virgil's offered hug before he, Virgil Gordon and John gathered in a circle to work out what was next. When John got too wobbly on his feet to keep standing, he hopped up on the counter, sorting through the papers that had been stuck under the fridge magnets as Scott handed them to him. Categorised piles formed from the sticky note and post card debris heap before his eyes.

Alan's holo popped up on the com. "Hey everyone!"

Scott jumped at the sudden noise before grinning at his little brother. 

"I swear I was listening but what am I supposed to be getting, again?" Alan said, twisting one of his hoodie strings up before tucking the end into his mouth to chew on.

"It's alright Alan. Get a dozen eggs, actually make that two dozen if we want to have any for breakfast another day. The blueberries, a couple of packets. Bananas, while you're at it. Maybe more maple syrup, I don't know if we're out," Scott listed as he wandered over to the pantry to check. "More cornflakes!" he yelled back.

Scott returned to the kitchen proper to stick his head in the fridge to find out about their milk situation. He turned back to his brothers after determining they were probably two days from running out.

Alan on the holo glanced up from inspecting the bottle of caramel sauce that had materialised in his hand. "Uhh guys, I kinda missed everything after how many eggs?"

Scott winced. He should've noticed Alan was distracted by the overstimulating hell of a supermarket, and that as ADHDer number three he probably wasn't going to remember all the points on Scott's rambling list, hell, Scott didn't ever remember half of them and he was the one who'd just said them. He hadn't thought—

"Scott, I've got it." John waved his phone in the air before resuming tap-tapping out Scott's dictation. "Allie, I'll send you the list once I'm done.

"Awesome, 'kay thanks! Hey, can I get ice cream, it's half off?"

"Get the one with the marshmallows and the little fish!" Gordon exclaimed as he shoved his way into view. 

Alan hung up before Scott managed to get a word in edgeways. The fish of Gordon's favourite flavour were made of chocolate, not actual fish as Scott had feared the first time he'd tried it.

Alan would have the written list to refer back to, it was all alright. Scott didn't need to worry. Even if Alan had spent a while wandering the shops as One must've gotten there fast, his littlest brother had been more sensible than Scott had been in the past in calling them up for clarification. Or in the present.

It hadn't been the first time and it definitely wasn't the last, but Scott remembered getting sent out to the local shops to get bread as a teen and how he'd made sure to get everything from John's bagels, to the type of cereal Virgil liked and all the other stuff to go on sandwiches for school lunches, except he'd forgotten the bread and Dad had just sighed disappointedly, going back to his way more important work. Scott had barely managed to put everything away before bursting into tears, hiding in the kitchen by ducking below the cupboard level so no one would see at a glance. Damn, he hoped he was doing better than that with Alan.

"Thanks for the save, John," he murmured, approached to lean against the counter next to John.

Typing one-handedly, John reached out to squeeze Scott's hand with his other.

Instead of throwing himself back into the fray with frustrating emotions ready to boil over like he usually would, or joining in with whatever the fish and the tank were getting up to that involved overly loud whispering near the pantry, Scott boosted himself up to sit on the bench with John, carefully avoiding all the papers. With a quiet question so as not to surprise his brother as he was focusing, Scott ended up leaning his head on John's shoulder for a bit to rest. John leant into him too. 

A change of perspective did help. Scott was doing okay. Not perfect, but well enough, no matter how hard that was to admit that when he spent too many nights up worrying about all the things he should've somehow done better. As well, some part deep inside him nudged that maybe, possibly he also deserved the kindness he gave everyone else but never himself. 

Gordon spotted him taking the moment out and they shared a smile. Gordon being Gordon also gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. See? Scott told himself, Progress.

Shortly, Alan's holo popped up again, back in Thunderbird One.

"Groceries are stowed, enroute to Tracy Island now!" Alan chirped.

"FAB," sounded off from all of them.

Everyone was now listening out for the sound of One. Several stomachs growled.

Soon, soon they'd finally have pancakes.

The minutes passed in suspense. Scott put the organised papers back on the fridge, filed them over at the desk or chucked them in the recycling as John directed.

They discovered the fishtank plan in the form of the opened bag of chocolate bits being squabbled over.

"Can we make some choc chip ones too?" Virgil was practically vibrating with excitement. 

Gordon unrepentantly stole a chocolate chip. "What he said," Gordon campaigned, despite Scott knowing that Gordon actually preferred the blueberry and banana pancakes as his top pick.

Finally rockets arrived with a roar, as the pool slid open and One disappeared into it.

Then the elevator dinged and Alan triumphantly stumbled out carrying far too many bags for one person. 

"Good work!" Scott cheered, as he and Virgil rushed to help.

"Thanks, Scotty!" Alan lit up. "Also I'm starving."

"Well we'll soon fix that problem!"

Scott took the eggs and cracked them one by one into the bowl of dry ingredients for his pancake batter. Just to show off, he did it one-handedly. The blueberries were washed and he added them in, popping a couple in his mouth too for good measure. Someone needed to taste test, it was tradition, all the way back to the ranch and small hands trying to sneak around Mum before she bopped them playfully with the sticky wooden spoon. The berries were the perfect ripeness, sweet with that tiny edge of tartness cutting through right.

"The baking powder," Scott began, "I don't—I've got no idea if its in there or not."

The pancakes wouldn't rise it he had forgotten,  they'd fall flat as unfortunate, failed pancakes. But in reverse, if he had put it in and added more—he'd made that mistake before. The resulting puffy ooze resembled a science experiment more than an edible food.

"I found the box of baking powder open on the bench, if that helps," Virgil gave him.

"Yeah, it was right next to the bowl. Looks like it had just been sat down." Gordon confirmed.

Alan's eyebrows were crumpled into an incredibly serious expression as he contemplated. "I think you probably did put it in, Scotty."

There was no guarantee. But he could take the leap, having faith in his brothers and the best guesses they all had.

"Okay, alright. The batter is done then!" he said, putting as much enthusiasm into his voice as he could muster.

Virgil shooed Alan out to set the table , following with plates so there wouldn't so many cooks in the kitchen with the potential to bump the hot stove.

Gordon set the several pans to heat, guarding over them as he added butter, melting and bubbling.

Scott lingered, beating the last lumps out of the mix with the whisk. He bumped John's dangling legs out of the way of the drawers so he could dig out a ladle. 

"Worse case scenario, we will make another batch. We have enough ingredients," John said quietly, just to him as the others danced about preparing things to eat the pancakes with, Gordon pretending he wasn't listening to them also.

Scott could always trust John to think through all the possibilities on missions, even, especially the hard ones. It was more reassuring to know that they had a plan if stuff all went to hell, than pretend it simply wouldn't. Biting experience had taught him better than that. 

This though was just making pancakes for his brothers, not saving the world from high stakes catastrophe. His brothers, who no matter how badly he messed up would always love him. 

Scott ladled batter out into the pans, flipping the pancakes over once they grew bubbly and cooked at the edges.

Even when the first one fell apart and turned out rather burnt on one side as he attempted to salvage it after flipping too soon, they all tore it to pieces and ate it anyway as a snack before the proper ones.

The next turned out golden brown, speckled with the blueberries.

Scott grinned happily, joy bubbling up inside his chest.

He made sure to make some blueberry and choc chip ones, and blueberry and banana ones, separating out the mixture. Then some all of the above ones too for good measure.

Virgil and Alan were singing along to a boppy pop song Scott would probably find stuck in his head later. Gordon twirled around the kitchen, dancing along with his wonderfully ridiculous clownfish towel swirling. John kept him company, nodding his head with the beat before he joined in the singing, swinging his legs slightly out of time, carefree. Scott flipped the pancakes, tossing them recklessly high in the air, waving the spatula and moving his whole body with the music, wiggling his hips and bouncing on his toes in excitement. 

Scott ate pancakes with his brothers, closer to noon than to breakfast time but everyone swore this lot were the best they'd had. They laughed together and the weight of the world pressing on Scott's shoulders didn't feel so heavy.

[pooplyface1423]

Tsudere /sub Jax that pretends to hate the reader but does things to secretly be with them x a fem happy but smart Uzadere that loves being in the circus.She loves adventures,animals,cute things,fighting,food ect! lots of energy too but can be pretty insensitive and a little selfish with a little crush on jax. I feel like at first jax would completely reject liking her then he would be extra mean,then Maybe subconsciously know he likes her amd hates the feeling lol. cus he copes by trying to not have feelings and tries to act "tough". its pretty obvious that the reader is in love with him but his dumb ass cant catch on . She gives lots of compliments which makes him flustered and mad ( he is mad bc he thinks nobody likes him that much, he is mean to her to make her go away but it doesn't work ) but he pretends not to care. the reader would definitely confesses first tho. Sorry for such a long request its just that not many people write jax in this sorta way so i had to be detailed lol. also if you don't wanna use female pronouns you can make it non gender ofc 😅tysm for even reading such a long thing! and you don't have to do this at all lr you can switch it up. Anything is VERY appreciated tho😊

DUDE this question was long but its a very good one so lemme write it.:]

Warning: Kissing (just like one but still) CRINGEEE and that it.

also Y/N is female just so ya'll know but not a lot is said about her gender here so could be non binary.

Lil backstory : When You first got here it was around 7 months before pomni gets into the circus. your reactions to seeing all the supposed people was terrifying u were laughing your brains of since u thought it was all just a big prank but once u realized it was real u were just stunned. I mean u were still amazed like wow i'm in a virtual reality type of reaction. And about what u look like idk that up to yourself but lets say Ur like a type of animal could be a cat or something else. U were always ecstatic to be in the circus and everybody even Caine were surprised. Like it not everyday in this virtual reality u see a person who is more than happy to be there. (also i'm not really gonna add Kaufmo since their is little to no info bout him)

Okay now to the good stuff

So really your weren't stupid to not notice how Jax would occasionally "look ur way to see something else" nor to notice how differently he treated u compared to the others. Either he would go out of his way to be nice or mean to you.

You were chatting bout random nonsense with zooble when she said

"Hey Y/n do you see how much of a dumb### Jax's looks like just looking at you"Looking at you then at Jax then at you.

"no lemme check"You turned around to see jax looking away from you to above you? yea he was doing the "look ur way to see something else" crap again.

"ugh it starting to annoy me" Says Zooble wanting to stand up and start to beat the crap out of Jax but thankfully u stopped her then said

"hey its okay he may be weird and all but we got to be used to this anyway where stuck here"

"but he does like you Y/n we can all see it in his eyes" Says Ragatha entering the conversation

"yea ragatha is right how bout we make a plan to you know um- make him confess he like you" says zooble looking at you waiting for an answer.

Then u spoke up

"Sure i guess but knowing him he would never confess"

"Ugh lets head to my room to discuss the plan" says ragatha getting up

You three walk all he way to the room corridors and enter Ragatha's Room and discus how you would get Jax to confess his feelings to you.

"Okay so how should we do this" says Ragatha with some confusion in her face

"Well we know that Jax is a very Um- how should I say this es stupid and lets just say hes like a little puppy who follows you around" Says zooble before you with shook face say

"WAIT what is that supposed to mean I never see him trailing behind me"

"He does he always trails behind you buts ur either dumb or blind since u never see him literary behind u. ALL THE TIME" Says Zooble

"Well um- we should get started with the plan and stop taking bout how Jax is a little twerp" Says Ragatha with a bit of an annoyed face splatted in her face

"Okay okay well first of all since we know Jax is like a little dog with nothing else to do than follow Y/n we should..........."Says Zooble spilling out what the plan would be about.

Well basically the plan is make Jax follow u around Y/n complements Jax every time he does something for her even the smallest of things like letting u have the first of anything picking up flowers for u,him pranking u and much more.

Everything was going according to the plan Jax being Jax follows you around and sneaks up on you with a centepied (which ur scared of) and lands it right besides u trying to get a scared yelp from u but instead u just threw it away and said

"Jax u little bad bunny don't do that again" while pinching his cheek just slightly

"~wait you aren't mad?" Says Jax while becoming a blushing mess

"no of course not bunny boy come on lets go outside"

you two go outside and jax keeps trying to make your way there horrible by trying to trip ur feet over and over again but failing miserably.

Once you both are by the lake you start to look around and see Zooble and Ragatha watching impatiently.

"So what are we doing here again?" says Jax

"nothing much just .. Taking in some fresh air i guess"

"Y/n there is no fresh air here u know that right?" says Jax with a serious face

"Oh um i meant like ..... space apart of everyone"

"ok i guess then what should we do?" says Jax with a sly smile appearing in his face

"how about we go on the tea cups?"

"whatever you want toots" says Jax

Both spend 2 hours trying all the rides over and over, Jax never saying crap

As the day ends in the digital realm first comes the digital dinner the classic chicken and veggies.

After that, Caine suggested that you all play a quick game, and with no other option, everybody agrees.

HIDE & SEEK

"yay i guess" says zooble clearly annoyed they have to do this activity even tho it is fun she wants her alone

After the game which took around 30 min like damn these dudes have great hiding spots ,Caine gave everybody the green light to finally have there alone time/sleep

"UGH finally" Zooble before walking up to you

"Hey Y/n did Jax say anything to you?" Says Zooble quickly before she forgets about it

"No ... what should we do?"

"Hey idk bout you but i would of totally just make the first move at this point"Says Ragatha walking up to you both of you

"Well she has a point" "bout what?" "bout how you should def make the first move now since his dumb##s won't do S#it"

"okay I'll try but do i have to do it in front of u all or do i wait for everybody to leave?"

"Um okay new plan......." Says zooble making the new plan

Basically make gangle distract Jax long enough for everybody to leave to there rooms then gangle runs away, Then y/n will sneak up on Jax and spill the beans herself.

Everything went accordingly as planed gangle ran away just as she noticed everybody gone. Then Jax shrugs it of and slowly walks up to his room until...

"Hey Jax" "what do you want?" "not much just wanna talk to you...bout something"

"bout what dollfac-"

He says before being interrupted by a kiss

"does that answer ur question?"

"UM what was that?"... bb-but i guess it does"

"that's great! its official were dating"

"Wait WHAT!?" says Jax surprised as hell

"Goodnight Jax!" Says y/n as she gives one last kiss on his cheek

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Hello finally finished hope u enjoyed.:]

@fuckyalllkl

[questforgalas]

Who Needs a God When I Have You?

Notes: This is how I cope with my uterus throwing a tantrum: Rex being so soft.

Also, this is the first time I've actually put down on paper my OC, Kandri Kendra. She's been in my brain since I was probably a teenager (I'm in my 30s now for context) and to actually be sharing her with you all, even if just a snippet, is both exciting and terrifying. I may bring her out some more, but I hope you enjoy this little tidbit with her

WC: 2.7k

Characters: Rex, OC Kandri Kendra

Tags/Warnings: Menstruation, description of pain (menstrual related), mentions of throwing up (menstruation related), dry heaving (menstruation related), swearing, so much freaking fluff

Tay's Masterlist

For those who prefer Ao3

Kandri Kendra was not a religious woman. No god or gods hung over her head attempting to guide her through life or miraculously providing the answers to the questions swirling around in her head. She never gave the Maker a second thought since she passed through the temple doors all those years ago she doesn’t remember. But as she dry heaved into the toilet once more, she was starting to think maybe she had it wrong. 

“For the love of the force,” she pleaded into the bowl as spit dribbled past her chin. “Maker, if you make this stop, I promise I’ll give you a baby next month.” 

Lies. Pure and utter lies. The idea of a child made her shutter more than the pain stabbing below her stomach, but the Maker or the force or whoever else anyone wanted to believe was out there listening didn’t need to know that. 

As if detecting the desperate deceit of her words, another sharp pang ripped through her lower abdomen, and another surge of nausea rolled through. Another valiant attempt by her stomach at emptying its contents, but it ran out of ammo five tries ago. 

“Ugh, not you too,” Kandri groaned down at her traitorous uterus; the cool metal of the toilet a comfort on her sweating forehead. “We go through this every month. It’s not happening. You don’t have to throw a fit every fuckin’ time.” 

Deep breaths. 

In. 

Then out. 

In. 

Please for the love of the force.

Then out. 

I’ll sneak an extra ration from the mess tomorrow, I promise.

In. 

I will cut you out myself, I swear. 

Then out. 

Time passed. How much, Kandri wasn’t sure. She gave up checking the chrono on her vambrace after an hour of cramps with no end in sight, and that felt as far away as the creche at the temple. Oh, what she would give for those years again. Beautiful, pain free years when her own body wouldn’t throw a tantrum every month. When she could sit there and say, “Hey body, swell day we’re having, huh? Not going to throw any wrenches in it, are we? No? I trust ya!” 

A thought that reminiscing about her pre-pubescent years while her cheek rested against a toilet seat may fall under the category of “New Low'' flitted at the front of Kandri’s mind, and she decided now was probably the best time to try and make it out of here. Dredges of energy laid dormant in her muscles. She called on the force, digging past the exhaustion and the pain, and clambered from the spot on the floor. She half expected to see an imprint of a butt in the tile flooring. 

Another cramp flared to life forcing Kandri to grab onto the edges of the sink beside her. Focus on your breathing. In through the nose. That’s it. The rise of the chest. Slow. Slooow. Out through the, oh force. Oh, that’s awful. 

An unsteady hand grasped the empty glass sitting on the corner, and the mere seconds it took to fill it with water were almost too much for the fried nerves and muscles hanging on by a thread. She didn’t bother looking up into the mirror. She didn’t need to see the sweaty wreck her rosy hair was or how deep the bags under her green eyes were. She could feel it all. The sweat sticking to her shirt. The throbbing in her lower back. The muscles cramping up and down her legs. The desert in her mouth. 

Lukewarm water took care of one discomfort, and maybe there was a higher being watching over this poor performance of a human in a tiny venator fresher because suddenly Kandri found the energy to drag her stone limbs back to her wall alcove of a bunk.

Nearly there. 

The standard issue blanket seemed like a luxury duvet in her eyes, ready to wrap herself and fall into whatever blissful sleep her body would allow. Just one more step and she’d be curled in…

Knock. Knock. Knock.  

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Kandri pounded her fist against the wall. She glanced over. Her chrono read 0300. “Who the fuck could that be? I swear-” She shuffled toward the door. “If that’s Skywalker, I’m putting my lightsaber right through his stomach and slashing him in-” 

The door to the sleepy halls of the Resolute swooshed open.

“Please, no lightsaber stabs. Especially in my general,” Amused honey eyes greeted her. “The paperwork would be a nightmare.” 

Kandri wanted to cry. No, sob. No, completely breakdown and let her body crumble and feel every cramp and pain it has thrown her way the past hours because she knew the man in front of her would catch her before her knees even buckled. Because she knew the arms and hands and fingers that would wrap around her and hold her to the warm body wrapped in his military blacks were the safest place in the galaxy she could be. Would ever be. 

“What are you…?” Kandri trailed off, still stunned by the miracle in front of her. 

“I could feel you,” he simply answered. “Well, not how you can feel me. At least, I don’t think so. I just woke up and knew you were in trouble.” Honey eyes glanced all over her, taking in every inch. “Are you injured? I swear, Kandri, if you hid another injury-”

“I didn’t hide another injury,” Kandri interrupted. “I promise, Rex,” she added on when he quirked an eyebrow at her. “It’s just the joys of being-” her explanation was cut short by a stab in her abdomen that caused her to double over, arms wrapping around her middle as a feeble attempt to stave off the pain. 

Immediately, her space was crowded by Rex’s presence as he smoothly put one arm behind her knees and the other against her back, effectively scooping her into his arms as if she wasn’t six feet tall and rivaled most of his brothers’ muscles. “Shh, it’s ok. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he mumbled into her hair. 

Force, he was warm. Warm and comfortable and home. Kandri nuzzled into the soft crook of his neck, near whimpering at the ease merely his presence gave her. Gently, he lowered her onto the stiff mattress of her bunk and wrapped the blanket around her. “Stay here, ner cabur. I’ll be right back.” 

Ner cabur. My guardian. 

“You can call me your personal guardian, Captain,” she’d quipped at him years ago, at the beginning of the war, while she smiled down at him with an outstretched hand and a squad of droids in pieces around her. The squad of droids that had been on the verge of overtaking the captain. The captain who had been laying on the Felucian ground as he grasped that hand held out to him. 

“Nice to meet you, guardian,” he huffed back. 

It became their personal joke. Rex’s guardian having his back whenever Kandri joined the 501st. Rex’s guardian laying droids to waste around them.

Rex’s guardian finding him alone in the barracks, listening as he mourned his brothers. Rex’s guardian laying her head on his shoulder as she cried in the cargo hold. The war went on. Missions passed. Over time, Rex’s guardian protected more than his back on the field. Over time, she protected his heart as well. 

His guardian. 

Kandri didn’t have time to protest as Rex placed a kiss to her temple and walked out of the room. His strong back clad in black retreating away. The venator hummed. Her body ached. Her mind begged for rest. Not long after, dim hallway light flooded in from the doorway once again, and Kandri could feel the tears pricking at her eyes at the sight. 

“Mine should be a little bit more comfortable than the reserves used for the guest quarters,” Rex offered as he held up the long rectangle in his hands. “But before I tuck you in there, do you want a shower?” 

“I’d rather sit through an entire council meeting than move right now,” Kandri answered.

“Alright,” Rex chuckled. The low light of the room did nothing to dim the warmth in his eyes. “Let’s at least change your shirt, yeah? You don’t look too comfortable.” 

“Say that to my uterus.” 

“I’m afraid I can’t change your uterus.” 

“And I thought you clones could do everything,” Kandri teased.

“I’ll happily add it to Kix’s training if you’d like.”

“Sounds reasonable.” 

“Very.” Rex gently kissed her temple again. His favorite spot. Well, one of them. “Be right back.” 

The harsh light from the fresher briefly blinded Kandri, causing her to blink through it, squinting at the offending light. Rex searched the solo cabinet unit for a moment before a victorious “Ah!” left his lips, and he produced a small cloth in hand. The sound of running water drifted through the space before cutting off, and then Rex appeared by her bedside once again, cloaked in darkness with a wet cloth in one hand and a fresh shirt in the other. 

“Alright, off,” he gestured to the current shirt drenched in sweat while he placed the clean one on the end of the bed. 

“If you wanted me naked, Captain, you could-”

“Must be bad if you’re trying to crack jokes at 0330.” 

“They distract from the constant thought of wanting to carve my uterus out.” 

“Not dramatic in the slightest.” Kandri wished she could bottle Rex’s laugh and keep it for eternity. “You may not be up for showering, but you’re covered in sweat, and you can’t tell me you’re comfortable like that. Now, come on. Up and off.” 

“That’s what-”

“Kandri.” 

“If you don’t want my clothes off, you know you shouldn’t use the captain voice.” Slowly, Kandri disentangled from the flimsy cocoon and lifted the clinging shirt over her head. An unceremonious toss landed it near the pack on the floor. 

Rex started on her neck, the wet cloth a blessing against her heated skin, and with soft, reverent strokes, he wiped away the grime. Kandri watched, transfixed by the adoring look fully displayed in her favorite honey eyes. She never cared for the comments that these men were just clones. Never listened to anyone who said, “They’re all just the same.” Because they were wrong. Because they didn’t notice that Kix tanned a little easier or that Echo’s eyes were a whiskey, not a honey, or that Fives’ hair curled a little more on the sides than his brothers’ did. They didn’t notice that Wolffe had a mole on his shoulder or that Cody’s smile quirked to the right. 

They didn’t notice how Rex’s brow furrowed the same way while forming strategies as it does while he watches holoball. They didn’t notice the way Rex preferred sunsets over sunrises. They didn’t notice how the sun turned his honey eyes into gold. They didn’t notice the relief in his shoulders whenever he spotted her across a battlefield, still up. Still breathing.

But she noticed. 

She would always notice. 

“Did you have your cup on you?” Rex asked as he finished wiping the top of her thigh, finger gently tapping against the knee while he patiently waited for an answer. 

“Yes. And the cramps woke me up before the flow started, so no cleanup necessary,” Kandri answered, the soft smile on her lips matching his. 

“One less thing for you to deal with.” A soft kiss pressed against where the finger had tapped. The cloth joined Kandri’s old shirt in the corner, and Rex reached for the clean shirt waiting at the foot of the bed. “Arms up,” he instructed. 

“Rex, I can dress myself,” Kandri laughed. 

“Just, let me take care of you. Please.” 

Well, how can I say no to that face?

“Better?” Rex asked when the hem met Kandri’s thighs.

“Better,” she answered. 

Rex rested his hands on the mattress, leaning in until the tip of his nose brushed against hers. “Good,” he murmured. A whisper of a kiss touched their lips. Soft. Caring. Adoring. Matching the quiet of the room around them. Kandri would trade every relic in the Jedi temple, every treasure in Coruscant’s treasury, every trinket in the galaxy for her life to be filled with moments like this. With the quiet and the stillness where she can practically hear Rex’s heart beat in the darkness. Where they have the luxury of just being, of drinking in each other’s presence. Of ignoring the realities beyond the door. 

Where they know they’ll see each other at the end of the day. Each day. 

Where they know each goodbye is a “See you later” not a “Please come back to me.” 

But such is not the reality for a clone and a Jedi. 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Rex interrupted, each movement of his lips causing them to bump against hers. “But we have a briefing in two hours.” 

“Nope. War’s over. Dooku retired.” Kandri would hold onto this for as long as the galaxy would let her. 

“Is that so? Anti-climatic if you ask me.” 

“Lazy, really.” Kandri brushed her lips against his. 

“And Grievous?” 

“Fell into a bottomless pit.” 

“One hell of a pit.” He brought a hand up, cupping her cheek, brushing his thumb against the skin. “General’s going to be pissed he didn’t get all of the glory.” Honey eyes looked into green.

“Skywalker will get over it.” She held the hand against her cheek, sinking deeper into the feeling. “You’re not leaving, right?” 

“Need any pain killers?”

Kandri shook her head. “Already took some and have extras in my pack.” 

Honey eyes crinkled. “Then no, I’m not leaving. Scoot.” 

Gingerly, stiff muscles and a cramping abdomen scooted to the wall along the bunk. Once Kandri found a position that didn’t irritate the pain more, she looked up at Rex with open arms. “Snuggles.” Grabby hands followed. 

That chuckle she was addicted to escaped past his lips. “Such a hard demand.” The warmth of Tattooine was ice compared to that which was in Rex’s eyes. 

The standard issue blanket draped over Kandri’s body once again, followed by a larger, thicker one. Kandri near purred. 

Finally, Rex lifted up the blankets’ corners and slid in perfectly beside her. “Come here,” he said as he snaked one arm under her waist and the other over, resting his palm between her shoulder blades. “This ok?” 

“Can I slot a leg? The cramps like that angle tonight.” 

“Of course.” Rex maneuvered so Kandri’s leg slid perfectly in between his. Her knee hooked over his calf. “Better?” 

“Better.” 

The venator continued to hum. The room remained still. Peace settled around them. A soft hand rubbed up and down along Kandri’s spine, occasionally kneading into the muscles stiffening along her lower back. Relief audible in the breaths puffed against Rex’s tan neck. 

“Thank you,” Kandri whispered into the dark. 

She felt the gentle tap of a finger under her chin. A command. A plea. “Look up.” And she obeyed, as she always did with him.

“You never have to thank me.” He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Taking care of you is an honor.” 

“Still.” She brushed her lips to the tip of his nose. “Thank you for taking care of me.” Her lips brushed his temple. “Thank you for choosing me.” Lips brushed his cheek. “Thank you for loving me.” Lips brushed his. 

“Ner cabur.” Whispered in the space between. Just for them. Always for them. “You are the greatest gift this galaxy could ever give me.” 

Their lips met. Slow. Unhurried. Savoring. 

Time stood still, the galaxy pausing around them. As if their love was enough to stop it all. To stop the war. To stop the bloodshed. To stop the missions separating them for weeks at a time. To stop the worry and the panic when their com channels remained silent. To stop the frantic check for injuries before each embrace. To stop the “Please come back to me”s. 

“I love you,” Kandri spoke when their lips broke apart. 

“I love you too, ner cabur,” Rex responded. 

Kandri Kendra was not a religious woman. But in the arms of the man she loved, her head nestled into his chest, legs intertwined together, she could certainly believe.

[angelmichelangelo]

between sainw and the last ronin i just get SO SAD picturing the brothers dying. their deaths STILL take my breath away like an actual gut punch and i tear up. like. i care about these turtles, this family SO MUCH and seeing bad things happen to them that can't be fixed will always break my heart

seeing the lows leo sunk to in s4 before getting help is so heartbreaking, the idea of how much worse he might get losing don and splinter (and casey, we never mentioned casey but he also died) and then feeling responsible for hurting mikey even if he saved his life... damn. is it even more painful to picture that he did go to japan, did try his best to fix himself with the ancient one, only for it to not matter in the end anyway because by the time he returned raph and mikey are so bitter towards him for leaving to begin with? even though deep down all three of them want to be a family again? except they will never be able to rekindle that because they fucking die on the floor trying to save the world?

it's just so so sad.

mikey feeling guilt over losing his arm because it led to the others leaving OUCH. OUCH OW OWIE. BABY BOY. COME HERE. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

the 2003 writers were WILD because how do you just write all of this trauma into a single episode and then never return to it. how do you never even dig into how donatello copes after the insanity he witnessed? sainw writers please come here i just want to talk ;___;

a miniseries would be soooo good. for now all we have is fanworks (amazing fanworks btw), but maybe someday! 2003 seems to be getting a lot of attention from official sources this year (two new toy sets, 2k3 don appearing in the saturday morning cartoon crossover issue, and the 2003 variant covers and comic in the anniversary issue) so that + the success of the last ronin... now would be the best time for them to return to sainw!!

UGH YES sainw and last ronin.. the tmnt writers do love making poor old man mikey suffer huh ;—; they say our resident comic relief character and went haha now what if we made him mega depressed…?

but yeah!! imagine when leo goes to japan! not only would raph be sore for missing him but he’d also lash out about it because he has all these emotions he doesn’t know how to regulate and maybe in turn him and mikey butt heads about it (kinda like they do in canon when mike has to yell raph to lay off leo because he knows something is up with him) and UGH it just makes tensions worse and everyone is hurting :((

and dude i know. the 2k3 writers will literally put the turtles (mainly don) through the most insane bat shit crazy horrors, have them breaking down and losing their minds and then by the next episode they’re like “well that was just silly :D” like GET SOME THERAPY I BEG OF YOU!!!

and yes yes!! it’s so so exciting to see the series finally FINALLY get its flowers after all these years.. one can only hope that a resurgence is enough to kickstart something like a miniseries or a comic.. but like you pointed out we have sososo much fan made material so either way im happy :] though boy would i love to hear 2k3 donnie’s voice again.. idk what it is but sam riegel’s voice scratches something in my brain lolol i just miss them (i like watched the show like yesterday)

[twentysidednerd]

POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR “I SAW THE TV GLOW”

‼️‼️‼️‼️THIS IS YOUR WARNING TO TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED‼️‼️‼️‼️

i’ve been thinking about “i saw the tv glow” ever since i saw it yesterday and all of the layers that were in it. especially since my brain’s been kinda blah since last night

yes, the whole movie is essentially an allegory to being trans and not being able to be yourself. and i LOVE that messaging, don’t get me wrong. i think it’s so important to have that narrative be told. that messaging is literally part of the reason why my friend and i got so emotional when we watched it lmao. i literally started thinking about the scene where owen/isabel tackles maddie/tara on the football field and runs away right before they go through with their plan at the dinner table yesterday and almost cried. how owen/isabel was so close but got too scared and ran away. that happens so much with trans people, myself included, and it just… ugh, it hit home so hard

but so much of it also reminds me of how it feels to deal with maladaptive daydreaming. how owen/isabel wants so badly to run away into the world of “the pink opaque” and be someone else, be someone he wants to be rather than what real life dictates he SHOULD be. when maddie/tara talks about time and reality feeling different and wrong when she’s in this world but feeling better or “normal” when she’s in the world of “the pink opaque”. the image of owen/isabel literally sticking his/her head into the tv screen, so close to that fantasy world, before being pulled away and forced back to this reality sticks with me to this very moment

you want to live in, and stay in, the worlds in your head so badly with MADD. i know i have an issue trying to be present and be a part of reality when the worlds in my head make me feel so much better. i have so much of an issue trying to be there for the people around me and focus on what’s happening but the second i start getting overwhelmed or just have time alone for myself, im right back into the worlds in my head and i would much rather stay there because it feels safer. i feel some semblance of control, of being someone worthwhile. the exact same way maddie/tara would rather be in, and stay in, “the pink opaque” world

that in itself is a coping mechanism for stress! a coping mechanism the stress owen/isabel finds himself/herself in when trying to be who he/she is in a world that doesn’t want him/her to be! the stress from the fear of wanting to come out and be yourself but being forced to conform to what the rest of the world wants! it’s all intertwined! and i love it! this movie just gets better the more i think about it!!

and i love that even though it doesn’t have a happy ending, there’s still a twinge of hope. because there is still time for owen/isabel, just like the chalk on the street says. there are plenty of people who transition later in life. though owen/isabel is struggling badly at the end of the movie, he/she still has time to be who he/she wants to be. who he/she is. it’s not too late. it might be bad at the moment for him/her, but it’s not too late

[windydrawallday]

FEEL YOUR SKIN

One-shot comic from the past year about my experiences coping with gender dysphoria and assigned binary roles. Feat my birdsona Maggie and Acantho (early design, changed a bit since then).

… practically I'm baring my heart and brain here; also my views are not facts, I know talking about these themes in public can help others to realize and reflect on their own views. Something I find pleasant and one of my main objectives when sharing my comics!

From my side: I always felt uneasy about my gender because, since my teenage days, I saw how different girls were treated than boys. Because I was a "girl" I needed to look like this or that to be treated like one and UGH.

I felt sad and angry with myself for not falling properly into my assigned label so I practically rejected all of it to the point of hating everything "femme" coded… I was so wrong.

It wasn't the fault of the label, the clothes, aesthetics, colors, etc, or even the roles but of society for imposing them without any flexibility or room to question and reinvent them.

The script for this comic is from October 2022 during a time when I was questioning if I was non-binary and--. I thought: if someday I wish to use that label, first I need to make peace with this other part of me. And in the next months, that's what I tried to do and I found I didn't hate it as I used to do.

That doesn't mean I will go back to it by default just that now I understand and cherish its existence as another option for me to choose when I feel like it! And even… I want to let some traits of it be part of my new gender expression in the future.

And to keep admiring and loving people that surround me and identify with it.

And because I have gotta admit: IT FEELS SO GOOD TO JUST BE SEXY FOR YOURSELF.

Feel your skin: make it yours from the inside out!

[codename-adler]

DANCE TIL YOU FIND SOMEONE TO DIE FOR UPDATING??? YES GOD YES!!!

Yes!!!!! It really warms my heart that you still care anon 🥹🫶

Adler's WiPs ~ Project: dance 'til you find someone to die for (dtyfstdf)

Premise for newcomers: What if instead of Seth, Riko had tried to get rid of Aaron? The night Seth was supposed to "accidently" die, Ravens found their way to Aaron instead. By pure dumb luck, Kevin answers his call for help and from then on, Kevin and Aaron are thrown together to brace themselves for every deadly trap sent their way. The dangerous game they play isn't just Exy anymore, and their hearts might get caught in the crossfire. >>Here on ao3 or >>here on Tumblr (masterlist of all parts)

Oh dear lord I have not updated since… 2021. I am so sorry. Things in the brain and the body got in the way. But that does not mean I have stopped thinking about Kevin and Aaron and the alternate timeline I have created. I’ve just had to scale down the plot a little bit, for now, as well as my expectations and goals. It became too big for me and that scared me, and discouraged me. So now it’s little bites and little steps! Or what they call “filler episodes” in the industry… We love those, right?

Up next: Shower Scene. Will it be sexy? Uh, yeah, you could say that. Will it be angsty? Oh yeah. That’s the main goal. I’m drawing a lot from personal experience with physical scars and how it affects routine activities such as washing up. I wanted to give a new perspective on scars, different from Neil’s or Andrew’s, and realized that I could expiate some of my demons through Aaron (like one does), who now has scars similar to mine due to every injury he has suffered in the fic until now. I also just love shower scenes in aftg fics. They’re so tense and charged!! There’s Kevin, and there’s Aaron, having an emotional conversation under hot water, only separated by a stall wall. Ugh! The boys have got to get hot and bothered about each other at some point, ya know? Anyhoo, that is the starting point of this new era for the fic. It’s small in the grand scheme of things, it’s full of dialogue (my péché mignon), it’s good therapy (for me, not them) and well that’s the dream for now!

Now, what after that. There are, evidently, unavoidable parts that must happen in order for the story to progress both in its own timeline and according to the canon timeline. There is the infamous New Year’s in NYC / holidays at the Nest thing, where I want to explore how Kevin copes with both Neil and Andrew locked away, and how Aaron helps (or aggravates) him considering how changed their friendship is. Thea also has to make an appearance at some point, both for the sake of this fic and for her own spin-off with Katelyn. And also so I can end things between her and Kevin in a way that I deem respectful and believable enough for both Kevin and her. I have little fillers here and there that mean the world to me, but they all lead to a First Kiss. They gotta get there at some point right? I’m not sure yet which of them will make the first move. I got multiple scenarios for each. There most certainly will be blood involved.

I really want to give you a snippet. I’ve got nothing ready or non-spoilish. But maybe, just maybe, by the time I post the corresponding part, y’all will have forgotten about this? So, um, there:

P.S.

Ye olde playlist