#i love him but he’s literally destroyed my parents life in so many ways and i’m left to deal with all of it

[emily-rambles]

don’t look i’m ranting

[luneemeritus]

I was thinking about how I would imagine Husk's life before Hell... taking a lot of canon information as inspiration but still keeping my personal headcanons.

Ok so his name was Henry Oscar. A black-american man. To me, he died with 55 years old. Born in 1920, Los Angeles, and died in 1975. His parents were very neglectful and he had a special problem with his dad, that raised him with the typical abusive and sexist behaviour. Husk (or Henry) was a man, so he needed to be tough and hide all of his feelings, which as very difficult not only because of his human nature but also the world around him. Life was NOT easy for a black man in the 20's America. Still, he managed to be independent since youth and started his life working in casinos. So yes, he developed gambling addiction since he was young, but at first it didn't seem dangerous. He was just a lonely boy engaging in arts and games. Husk was a very talented man that became a great musician, magician and gambler, but he also had the inclination to be selfish and greedy due to how he was raised.

I also love to imagine him having a family. Meeting some girl in LA, marrying her and having a kid — a precious and beautiful little girl that he loved deeply. But the gambling, that was first one of his many talents and ways to have fun, was becoming a worse and worse addiction. He started to lose money, SO MUCH money, and damaged his family's financial stability. He also engaged with cheating and dangerous activities with not-so-good people. Loan sharks, mobsters, and criminals in general. He frequently engaged in violent fights with dangerous people, ending up either in jail for some days/weeks, or being chased and coerced by them — literally bringing danger to his family.

One day, obviously, his wife had enough. She was tired of loosing financial stability, having hers and her daughter's safety threatened by her husband's reckless behaviour. She also believed Husk was supposed to be strong and perfect all the time — typical-period sexism —, which led her to ask a divorce. The divorce process was painful to Husk; he truly loved his family, so much, but he knew it was his fault. Worse, his ex-wife did her best to keep him away from their daughter, because he was a lost cause in her eyes, and it didn't take too long for her to get married with another man. Husk was abandoned, replaced and pushed away from his daughter. And it was all his fault... his mental health only got worse and worse.

Now he was alone again. He saw no other choice but to continue that life style, now the alcohol took a great part of his routine and became a new addiction. His life was attached to the casinos, his only way of earning the minimal gain to pay his bills. So he fucked around — with women AND men — and gambled more and more, now that he had only himself to care about. His life wasn't entirely terrible, he traveled a lot because of the money he earned, but still, he missed his family. A lot. He couldn't see his precious daughter again, and yeah he did try to meet other people and love again... but it always failed. Everyone thought he was too damaged, too broken to be loved. A waste of time, always unsafe and unworthy. He couldn't get proper mental health treatment nor get over his addictions, so he started to believe that, indeed, it was all true, he was unworthy.

All of this destroyed Husk completely. But specially, his guilt. The guilt of what his reckless behaviour did to his family, the guilt of never being able to let go of his addictions, let go of his past... guilt of never being able to be a good partner for anyone. He thought it was all his fault, and that his fate was to be alone. Unfortunately, in 1973, he discovered he had cirrhosis. He didn't have money enough to pay the treatment. Then, Husk decided to just... give up. Give up of trying to be better, trying to be something he isn't, trying to have a normal and peaceful life. He went to a small hospital in LA and stayed there for the next two years, when he died. Alone and forgotten. No one ever cared to visit him, and he was burried as indigent because no one identified his body.

Now some other details about my headcanon: Husk/Henry was surprisingly open minded. He was basically raised in casinos, he met a lot of sex workers and queer, gender-non-confirming people. It didn't take him too long to realize he was queer himself, and to be fair, he was actually fine with that (as long as, you know, it was in secret because it WAS extremely dangerous to be openly queer at that time). Also, I've seen a lot of people commenting the fact that Husk hated cats when he was alive... and I really want to know if this is canon or not. Because I genuinely don't know, either way I don't headcanon him as hating cats.

Husk kinda made friends during his lifetime, but they were only interested in him when he had money. He was often earning a lot of money, and loosing all of it in like, one night of gambling. So his life was always unstable. The last he saw his daughter, she was nine years old. The feeling to be replaced as husband AND father was basically what fucked up his mental health the most. The problem of Husk's life was that he would always lose everything, even when he was close to true happiness. He lost his family, lost his mental and physical health, and even his soul. Obviously, someone so used to feel unworthy, to be lonely and not cared for, became a selfish and greedy person as an Overlord who didn't care about the consequences of his actions. He had power, therefore he had everything... until he didn't, until he lost everything again.

The Hotel is a new start for him. Finally, the chance to be that passionate man again, and maybe, even start a new family.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Catching up on My Stand In episode 6, and I gotta say - I understand Joe.

I'm not talking about whether he's made all the right decisions or not, there's a lot to consider on all sides, but I do understand why he would take the deal with Ming.

It would be lovely to live in a world where it's possible to borrow money from friends & family without strings, but we don't. The nature of our society's relationship to money doesn't allow it.

There's a reason so many marriages fail due to money. There's a reason groups of siblings will stop talking after their parents' estates are distributed. There's a reason friends will fall out over 50 bucks, much less thousands. Money changes relationships.

Because it's never just money.

Sometimes the strings are ones of love, and guilt, and shame, worries that you are letting someone down, or holding someone back.

Look at the relationship between Joe and his new mom - absolutely one of unconditional love. And they are both utterly wracked with guilt about the financial cost the other one incurred due to their illnesses. His mom was ready to fucking die! Over money!

Taking money he doesn't feel like he's earned causes pain for Joe, because it is a huge fucking deal and he knows it. There will be strings. And it will change things.

And I know Joe is a trusting dude and only consciously thinking of not being a burden, not bringing his problem to people he wants to keep as friends, but also, subconsciously, it makes sense there would be hesitance with them.

Wut has been helpful to new Joe, yes, but when old Joe revealed he had been literally kidnapped, what was Wut's response? Sorry, can't help. He didn't even try to talk to anyone, didn't try to problem-solve, come up with a way for Joe to still work - maybe he doesn't go to sets, maybe he trains the new crop of stuntmen, maybe he learns to do something else. The point is, Wut just shrugged and said sorry. That's when old Joe decided to take the dangerous job. And sure Wut feels guilty now, and is trying to make up for it, but - but what would he do when the chips are down? What would he do if Joe struggled to pay him back? If it impacted his wife, his kid?

And sure, Sol may generally be a "good guy", but he still didn't give a shit about knocking Joe to the ground while fighting Ming. He's not entirely selfless. And what happens if he decides he likes new Joe? Wants to date him? You think Joe would feel like he could say no? Striiiiings.

Those relationships would never be the same.

But with Ming - Ming already destroyed his life. There's no guilt in taking from Ming. Joe sees it as going to work, to once again being a stand in. The strings are laid out upfront, he knows just who Ming is, and thinks he can manage it (which of course we know is not true, but he's trying to believe it!)

So yeah, I get it Joe.

[sobasluuurp]

Ok. About Tenko.

I understand why so many people are angry that he's dead. I really do. I would've loved for him to live as well. I cried when he died.

However.

Just because he's dead doesn't mean his character has been handled poorly. In fact, all things considered, this ending (even though it makes me real fucking sad) makes the most sense for both his character and his story. Let me explain.

First and foremost, there's the matter of Shigaraki's characterization and arc. It goes without saying, but he's an angry, used, and abused child who grew up into an adult who wants nothing more than for everything to end. His goals have always been destructive to an extreme and honestly, the logical end to "let's destroy it all" is LITERALLY everything, including himself. He's also had absolutely zero agency since the moment his parents even thought of conceiving him, and has been struggling to become his own person since the beginning of his arc. He, against his abuser, who covets immortality and eternity.

What better a way for a person such as himself to assert his agency is there than to go out the way he did? To shift his focus away from the faceless masses and to the (similarly faceless, lol) abuser who caused his pain in the first place? To destroy the control AFO has held over him and prove to him that he was always his own person? To say, this is who you molded me into. And because I am who I am, I will now kill you, and take myself down with you, and be glad for it.

(and in the process, destroy the worldview AFO showed us in the Star and Stripe arc, that the ones who survive are the victors. AFO has completely and eternally lost, but Shigaraki is victorious to his last.)

It's his first moment of complete agency in his life -- acting entirely against anyone else's wishes for himself or his actions. And he uses it to do the one thing he's been itching for his whole life -- to destroy the source of his pain.

It's a negative character arc, in a way. It's not what any of us would've wanted for him. In a perfect world, he would be able to recover and readjust, building a life for himself and his found family in peace. He'd be able to experience life fully for the first time, and see that the world is not so bleak after all.

(I'm choking up just thinking about what's been lost. It's a fucking tragedy.)

But not every character arc gets to end happily. Sometimes people do slip through the cracks. That's always been what Shigaraki's character is about.

....and what every other member of the League's characters have been about.

Because here's the thing. The story of Shigaraki's life and death would be incomplete without his relationship to his found family. He's their leader. Their symbol. Their All Might.

Shigaraki's death is not the grimdark, fuck-the-audience, senseless kind of tragedy. He is a martyr, yes, but the people he stood for will in all likelihood survive. He died for the League. His life -- his existence -- brought them together, gave them purpose, and showed them a bright future. It is my steadfast belief that he will be the only death among the main villains. Because this is a story about saving to win, after all. And given that My Hero doesn't like to kill characters off too often and each one of them still has a path to recovery, I think it's a safe assumption to make. Especially since (especially in Toya's and Toga's cases) each of them had a moment of reconciliation at the end of their fights -- the kind of thing that can help them move forward.

And to be honest, we've known for a very, very long time that BNHA is the kind of anime that likes to turn old cliches on their heads. Kacchan did not become a villain during Kamino. La Brava's literal power of love was not enough to win the battle. Deku fought tirelessly to talk-no-jutsu Shigaraki into redemption, and while he did get through to him, he still couldn't save him after everything that happened. It's nuanced and messy in a way that I've come to expect from BNHA.

So yea, Shigaraki died. But Shigaraki also lived. Despite everything that AFO and Kotoro wanted from him (despite the fact that he was never meant to really be alive in the first place), he lived on his own terms and fought so that the people he cared about would be seen. Because he lived, the old world was destroyed, and from his ashes, a better one can be built. He achieved everything that no one thought he could, and reclaimed his life in the process. What better ending could you ask for a tragic character?

[trekkele]

Patriach!!!!!! I love that fic it's so good and it really made me think about Bruce's relationship with Leslie

*spoilers*

So many Fics have Bruce not liking going to Leslie and I never really thought about it because that's how it's always been

But when Dick starts to point out that Bruce would rather bleed in an alleyway then face one of her lectures and I just sat there

Because kids really want to be accepted!!! And hearing only criticisms all the way well into adulthood will 100% destroy your mental health, and when you think about how much effort and sacrifices Bruce probably had to make to train under the best of the best, only for Leslie (who had an impact on him growing up but also was his dad coworker/friend) to dismiss all of it and tell him that violence is not the answer*.... It must of hurt

(*which is bull, we've been spilling blood for every freedom for as long as we've been around, open a history book Leslie)

I said this once (I think in dms with @wanderintofics) but I think it's very funny how Alfred has been cast into this overbearing mother role and Leslie has been cast as the distant and disappointed father role. Because where Alfred will relentlessly criticize Bruce, and withold care or affection if he feels Bruce doesn't deserve it, he will also always, always come back to Bruces side. It's a whole thing! Meanwhile Leslie will never whithold care, she's a doctor, she's a good doctor, but she will absolutely side with those criticizing Bruce whenever possible.

I think the fact that Leslie has been criticizing him this way since he's a kid influences it the most. Because hearing that your choices are a disappointment and your dead parents would be ashamed of you is. Not great!! Ever!! And since Alfred is literally an employee of the estate, Leslie is technically the only person in his life who gets nothing from him and isn't interested in pleasing or pacifying him. Alfred's criticism would hurt, of course, but there's also a level of "he's meant to be raising me into the perfect heir". Leslie has no such responsibilities, and that means her criticism is entirely personal.

There are two ways to write Leslie, and one is Watsonian (she represents an in universe belief) and the other is Doylest (she represents Batman critics in our universe). And my problem with her as a Doylest criticism is you cannot apply our universe rules to a universe with superheroes. The entire argument against capes falls apart with the first alien invasion. More then that, it simply isn't an interesting critique of the genre, because it inevitably falls into doomerisms and nihilism and I am supremely uninterested of that view of the world.

The Watsonian critique is slightly more interesting, because it at least has Leslie (reasonably!) acknowledge that she lives in a universe where superheros do exist, she is just personally against them. And my issue there is that Leslie is a militant pacifist, which boils down to "she believes you should also die for her beliefs". And. No.

She also believes that all violence is equal, when it clearly isn't and has never been, and insisting that it be treated as if it is is disingenuous and unhelpful. Its how we get people in prison for killing their abusers even in the most clear cut of cases. I disagree with her philosophy in the real world, and not even in a way that means I can agree in the fictional world, if that makes sense.

Leslie is a great character and I think she's very interesting even when I disagree with everything she's saying. I wish she had more screentime as n antagonist. Steph, for one, should not trust her ever again.

[lilith-is-off]

Promised Llorumi rant (based on that one voice message that i sent my friend (would tag him but he doesn't have an account as much as I'm aware)) (it all literally started when i got into an argument on reddit with someone about Harumi changing into a better person and she was selfish with her choices just like Garmadon or Morro that fans love, may uploade the whole thread later)

So basically we all know how Harumi litterally hated Lloyd throught the whole Oni Trylogy(until her death ofc), while Lloyd somehow tried to reason with her bc he belived that there is something good still in her that can be saved.

Season 16 - this is where their relationship changes completly. At first Harumi hates Lloyd even more bc she thinks that he left her alone after a building collapsed onto her - that's how their first interaction since S9. Lloyd is suprised that she is alive and tries to explain to her that he did came back for her (with Garmadon trying to get rid of him and the image of DB with other ninjas begin destroyed still in his head) but he was unable to find her. It was clearly that it was the first stage to change between them. Another episodes roll out and now Lloyd stands in front of OL. The Big Bad GuyTM wants to kil Lloyd but then Harumi panicks and ask for permission to reason with him (literally showing that she doesn't wants to kill him anymore and acctualy wants to put him in better position since she doesn't belive that OL can be defeated)

Lloyd manages to escape and OL sends the council after him but she stays and tries to find a way to get to him first to talk with him since she doesn't belive that he can somehow escape. Once she gets to him she orders rest of th court to stay away and tries th talk Lloyd into joining the OL and joining HER bc he won't survive jumping from the castle. He drags her with him and says that she's laying and jumps with her. When they are falling down Harumi not only doesn't push Lloyd from her but also hugs him harder - she belives that he can save her. They go throught the jungle together they bicker a lot bc it's the first time that they are alone since s8.

After a while Harumi is taken back by the Crystal King Court, and OL mentions how he knows that she still has feelings for Lloyd- she tries to deny it but is stopped by OL. By now it's clear how Harumi doesn't trust OL anymore but it's too far in all of it to back out (she is probably still somhow gratefull to OL for resurecting her).

Lloyd and Harumi doesn't interact till the final battle. She appears at the same place as OL, Garmadon and Lloyd. At first she only stays in the back and watches as she is no match againts them - no matter which side she chooses. Once she realizes that OL is responsible for her parents death, for taking everything from he, she attacks him (mind you she doesn't have any powers and only has a katana with herself). After the battle she wonders during the conversation with Lloyd how she would make up for all she has done and he reassure her that she has her whole life to do so. They are seen during rebulding of the Monastery when she passes him and is the first to wave to him and he does the same and smiles.

Their realtionship was firstly build on Harumi's lies, but during the events of S16, it changes. There are many moments when Lloyd still belives that she can change and back out from the mess she got herself into bc how much he acctually cares and worries about her(he's fully aware about her reasons and is convinced that once she gets help, she can become good).

Harumi hates Lloyd at first and blames him for her parents death (she's unavare about Pythor's acctions and puts Lloyd to blame due his fate of the green ninja). During S16 she despises him even more bc she belives that he left her alone under the bulding to die. When Lloyd reveales that he actually came back for her - something clearly changes in her. She realizes that somebody does actually care for her and she isn't on her own. At the time it's not enough to convince her, but it was the perfect start. After he parents died she felt that she was on her own, her adopted parents were extremly strict with her and didn't properly deal with her trauma. She though that she was on her own, so Lloyd showing her how he cares for her chnged her whole world wiew.

Their realtionishp doesn't come even remotely close to the healthy one, but they were on the good path of making it better. It's clear in S16 how actually they feel about eachother - how little sides that they took matter in their feelings for eachother. After S16 they surely spend a lot of time together and maybe Harumi recived some sort of lessons from Lloyd like Garmadon got his from Vinny.

So yeah, Llorumi is not everyones cup of tea but you can't deny that they care for eachother - no matter if they are enemies, allies, friends or lovers

[stu-dyingstudent]

Sakura Haruno fic recs: Akatsuki/missing-nin

Okay, so I actually love the akatsuki so much. They were genuinely such good characters with really interesting storylines and powers. The whole akatsuki arc/repression was quite rushed imo and many of the wins from the fights felt a little unwarranted, but that's not too unusual in Naruto...

Anyway, this list is set to include fics where Sakura is either in the akatsuki or akatsuki members (excluding itachi bc that's literally any non-mass) play a large role in the story or Sakura just somehow lands herself being a missing-nin. From my experience, it's hard to find fics of this type without it being some sort of harem, which is not what I'm interested in, so here are some that I recommend!

Started: 2024.09.28

Last Updated: 2024.09.30

note: feel free to check out my master list which has a bunch of Sakura Haruno fic recs (all organized)!

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Vertigo - Cynchick || ffn || M || deisaku || akatsuki AU || complete

Sakura accepts the most critical and dangerous mission of her life, but the price of success may very well be her soul. When your entire world turns upside down, how do you keep from going under? DeiSaku.

I made this list literally just so I could recommend this fic lmao. Sakura takes on the mission to infiltrate the akatsuki, ruining her reputation and destroying her friendships in the process. Due to a brief encounter she had with Deidara, Sakura is allowed into the ranks and joins as his new partner. Their relationship is actually quite sweet and I think it's interesting to see things from Deidara's perspective as although he was very explosive (haha) in Naruto, he is also quite intelligent and a very capable shinobi.

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Ankle Biter - a_pastel_edgelord || ao3 || E || gen || missing-nin AU || ongoing

“Pinkie, attack.” Sakura's teeth tear through skin and tendons until they meet. Her mouth fills with blood but she doesn't let go. The screaming of her victim washes over her like water. “Sorry about her.” Haku shrugs. “She's always been a bit feral.” The only family Sakura has are Zabuza and Haku.

Sakura is just another orphan picked up by Zabuza. With him and Haku being all she has, it results in her dependance and desperation to prove herself to them, but now that they're in wave it opens her eyes to something new. I really like how the relationship they have is portrayed as even though they are her family, it is obvious that Zabuza isn't as hung up on the matter, which feels quite realistic to his character.

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New Day Dawning - IncompleteSentanc (Erava) || ao3 || narusaku || T || canon divergence || complete

One day, while visiting the grave of Nohara Rin, Obito stumbles across a young girl terrifyingly like her. He decides to ensure she doesn’t meet the same fate.As for Sakura? Sakura had no idea what she was awakening the day she went to visit her parents graves - but she never looked back. One way or another.(Feat. Sakura raised by Obito and the Akatsuki, and her eventual return to Konoha and all those she left behind)

Sakura is brainwashed and manipulated, but loved by notorious killers nonetheless. Incredibly well written and I won't lie when I say that the ending took me a bit by surprise. Just read it

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One Change in the Story - Aingeal98 || ffn || T || gen || time travel AU || incomplete

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was only supposed to go back five minutes in time. Instead, Sakura wakes up in a dark room surrounded by people wearing black cloaks with red clouds on them. The worst part? She doesn't have a clue who she is.

Praying for One Change in the Story to be completed!! Sakura lands herself back in time with the mind and body of her four year old self. With Pein being the first one to find her, Sakura's new life purpose is to be the Akatsuki's weapon. Sakura slowly loses herself to her new roll and in a sense becomes the embodiment of a ROOT agent. It was interesting to see Itachi's internal battle with the situation and Konan's guilt. However, even with Sakura bound to Ame, there are children back in Konoha who have an itch that a pink-haired girl named Sakura is someone important.

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Old Man by the Bar - Varmint || ao3 || T || gen || academy AU || complete

All it took was one school teacher's decision for the reality of Konoha to be altered in a way that no one could have imagined. Follow Kiba Inuzuka, Sakura Haruno, and Chouji Akimichi as they grow as individuals, friends, and ninja. All with the help of that grumpy old man with all of the cool war stories.

AHHHH READ THIS!!! For some reason I thought this fic was a school AU for the longest time and only got around to reading it recently and I'm so glad I did. It's set back in the academy where Sakura, Choji, and Kiba get grouped together for a project on the shinobi wars. The three misfits end up encountering Kakuzu who tells them a tale of his time fighting. They have so much character development and although they weren't originally happy about their predicament, they grow to look past each other's fronts and form a close bond.

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Expedient - SwiftKick || ffn || T || canon AU || complete

Konoha and Iwa sign a truce and agree to an Exchange Program between recently promoted genin to "bolster village relations." Fortunately, if anything were to go wrong, Haruno Sakura was just average enough to risk losing.

Sakura gets sent on an exchange to train in Iwa just to find out her sensei is only a few years older and a bit obsessed with his explosive art... It's interesting to see how she struggles both in Iwa and back in Konoha as Sakura is as good as an outsider in both villages. Expedient is an all time favorite of mine and I didn't have high expectations going into it, but this fic is truly great. Deidara is such a fun character and I really enjoyed Sakura's growth.

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Stumble - writer168 || ao3/ffn || gen || T || time travel AU || complete

Sakura wanted to die.Sasori was fine with staying dead.But it seemed fate had other plans for them, because when they both wake up younger with blood pulsing through their veins, they had to remember how to live again.Time Travel AU

Sasori and Sakura are both sent back in time and they try to make a difference in their respective villages. Told in the perspective of both characters, but primarily Sakura. She ends up forming a pretty sweet bond with Ibiki and Genma (which I love) and they help her through some things. Sakura has a rough time

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Will of Fire - Cynchick || ffn || M || kakasaku || missing-nin AU || complete

Forced to flee their village and the new regime, the loyal shinobi of Konoha must find a way to preserve their way of life and take back their home. As they fight for their future, Team Seven struggles to overcome the past. KakaSaku

When Danzo overthrows konoha, shinobi fled in hopes of escaping their death and the cruel reign. Sakura and many others go into hiding as missing-nin and plan on how they will reclaim their village. I love this author, and they actually have many fics that would fit on this list, but trust me when I say the writing is truly great. Sakura grows a lot as a shinobi and broadens her fighting style out of desperation for survival and I love it. The characters are all really well done, so just give it a go!

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Dirt and Ashes, or: The One-and-a-Half Body Problem - Tozette || captured || gen || M || canon divergent || complete

The invasion of Konoha during the chuunin exam didn't fail. Team seven is broken, people are dead, and Sakura is hurt and frightened and a very long way from home.Alternative summary: In which Sakura carries half of Hidan across two countries, leaving a trail of blood, bodies, and other people's legs.

Super gory story about Sakura's journey with the cranky and absent legged Hidan. Dirt and Ashes is very popular and it's for good reason.

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final exams coming up! - waterpllar || ao3 || gen || M || captured || complete

Kakuzu can name numerous reasons why Hatake Kakashi could make him an excellent profit, most of which involve the numerous organizations he's sabotaged. Specific figures would certainly be willing to pay very well for free reign to relieve their violent frustrations on one of the most notorious jounin in the Bingo books.Such a business would only function with a healer on hand, but it just so happens that a vast majority of shinobi teams have a healer, and there is a pink-haired genin without a bloodline limit or bijuu on the team.What he did not anticipate is that the Copy-nin's teaching might be so remiss that he hadn't trained said genin in any iryo-ninjutsu whatsoever. Kakuzu does not like making oversights, and he decides to remedy this fact immediately (unluckily for sakura).

Kakuzu captured Sakura and Kakashi in an attempt to make money (of course) off of Kakashi's many enemies and Sakura is forced to learn medical ninjutsu in order to keep him alive. Although this is marked as complete and could be considered that to those who read it, the ending is not very conclusive tbh (I wanted more).

Edit: ok this actually just got updated even though it’s marked as complete, so ig it’s still ongoing?? Maybe???

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Your childhood home is just powder-white bones (and you'll never find your way back) - Dovey || ao3 || gen || M || captured || complete

Sasuke is not the only one who worries he's getting too comfortable in his genin life. Itachi decides to add another motivator to Sasuke's revenge plans by kidnapping the teammate who wasn't a charismatic Jinchuriki. Sakura is used to being an objective for those around her, not a person, but even for her this is a little much.In which Sakura is held captive and learns what a genjutsu specialist can do to a person's mind, that sharks can actually make great friends, joins a dying clan, and gets regifted multiple times before she's finally strong enough to fight back.*while this fic contains explicit and graphic torture, there's no sexual assault.

Okay, this was actually a really hard read for me. We truly see Sakura's decline in this as she slowly loses her mind and it is very frustrating to see what has happened to her. Nonetheless, it is extremely well written and great is you want something dark.

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Shinra Tensei - multifandom_fanfic_writer || ao3 || T || itasaku || akatsuki AU || complete

With renewed determination, Sakura stepped forward. She passed the guards, who waved at her absently. She smiled, filled with elation as her foot crossed the threshold of Konoha’s gate. She would no longer blindly follow orders. She would no longer be part of the corrupted system. Sakura felt no grief, nor regret. As of today, the old Haruno Sakura didn’t exist anymore. She would be a new person. And she would be one of the greatest. - The world of shinobi is a harsh one, filled with blood and death. Sasuke dies, and Team 7 is left scattered. Sakura’s loyalty to Konoha wavers until it breaks. Determined to find a better purpose, Sakura sets out to figure out how to live in a world where morality is merely a line in the sand. But her path is soon changed when she is summoned – by the leader of the Akatsuki.

I actually have not read Shinra Tensei, but it is quite popular, so I thought I would recommend it if any of you are interested.

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Hoshigaki - writer168 || ao3 || M || gen || sakura is kisame's daughter AU || complete

When Sakura was three, her father told her he was a criminal. When she was seven, the last thing she saw of him was the sword on his back. When she was eight, she had a friend named Kiba. When they were twelve, they met Shino. And when they were genin, they began to fight for the truth because they could no longer fight for the sake of Konoha.

Perhaps one of the more interesting AUs out there as Sakura is actually the daughter of Kisame! Definitely shines a different light on the village and is such a great story (even has a sequel).

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life goal: punch a god in the face - itsthechocopuff || ao3 || T || gen || time travel AU || incomplete

Fist poised to punch a goddess. A glare from opalescent eyes. A flicker of chakra. Sakura’s fist met Kaguya’s face at the same time her vision went black. When she woke up, it was to find herself twenty years in the past, with a pair of eyes she’d personally helped shut staring down at her.

Sakura dies and wakes up in Wind country with a young Sasori watching her. Somehow, she ends up agreeing to help him kill the kazekage once he's strong enough and sets off to Konoha where she befriends Kakashi's team.

---

I love when y'all send recs! cheers

[unqualified-therapist]

Why Charlie Slimecicle for QSMP president:

1. He is a very dedicated man

Ex: Did a whole court case to get back his daughter from the dead, went into exile and built a shrine to bring back Tilín (or Juanaflippa), edited and recorded a whole cover about how much he loves his daughter

2. He is a great person

Charlie had a very troubled past, with an abusive father who killed his seven siblings. He did not know how to be the best spouse or parent, but he still loved Juanaflippa so fiercely. He literally killed for her, performed/wrote multiple songs for her, exploded places for her. He cares for all the eggs.

3. Gegg

Gegg says vote for Slimecicle

-Gegg

Not to mention, since Charlie signed off on his most recent stream, there has been no signs of Gegg. An egg going missing is extremely worrying, and if Charlie returns, it would make sense that everyone’s favorite egg with soft spots would return as well.

4. Juanaflippa

Juanaflippa was Charlie’s egg daughter, who unfortunately lived the shortest life of all eggs on the server. She died once to neglect, and twice to misclicks. Not to mention, she is owed at least one life by Little J/Angel Rubius. If we make Charlie the president, we can return a little girl who did not deserve her fate to the land of the living.

5. EL BACKFLIPO

LOOK AT HIM. HE IS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL EL BACKFLIPO.

6. silly funky guy

Charlie is arguably one of the funniest people on the server. No matter who he is speaking with, or what language barriers there are, he finds a way to make it entertaining for the other content creators, and everyone watching. If Charlie was elected as president, he would have to come back to the server, bringing light back to everyone.

7. ElMariana

Mariana is Charlie’s wife: the man who he was partnered up with to care for an egg. A duo known as the Misclick Duo, they are extremely entertaining for everyone. Along with this, all fans of these two spending time together has been in a drought. Not only this, but both streamers have mentioned that they like hanging out in the game. If Charlie is elected as the president, these two will be online again, making the server even more fruity- they are the ORIGINAL gay QSMP sex duo.

8. The French & The Brazilians

They have only heard stories of Charlie Slimecicle, of El Backflipo. The man who destroyed for his daughter, the man who brings smiles to all faces. If Charlie is made president, they will be able to meet him. This will not only create more content for Charlie, but all your favorite Portugese and French-speaking streamers may gain even more love.

For all these reasons, and many more which have probably left my feeble brain, for El Backflipo's greatness is too much for my mind to comprehend, Charlie Slimecicle should be elected as president of the QSMP.

EVERYONE! AT THE REVELATION THAT CHARLIE WILL NOT BE RUNNING, BUT GEGG WILL, I MUST PUSH YOU TO VOTE FOR GEGG!!! HE IS LITTLE, HE IS NEITHER MAN NOR EGG. HE IS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GEGG.

[baiwu-jinji]

I'm so very late to the party but finally finished listening to TGCF audio drama season 1, love how intense the last two episodes are :3 Here are some incoherent thoughts about some of the episodes I haven't talked about:

Episode 12: It occurred to me when I'm listening to this episode that the ghosts of Ghost City are always so lively and bubbly, always laughing and flirting and teasing, when most of them must've had a tragic life story with unresolved misfortunes that caused them to turn into ghosts in the first place. Their high spirits feels incongruous with their tragic past, but maybe it's because they're happier as ghosts than as humans?

There's a ghost called 红粉骷髅 (literally "skeleton of beautiful woman") in this episode that finds afterlife much more liberating and satisfying than life itself, as she recites the following poem when she's dancing: "I danced for others in life, nobody buried my bones when I died; I sing for myself after death, my beauty moves the netherworld."

(The name 红粉骷髅 actually comes from a Buddhist story where the Bodhisattva Guanyin turns into a beautiful woman to make love to men but would suddenly turn into a skeleton in the process, scaring the men into realising that the most alluring beauty in the world is but ashes and bones and ghastly in death, and that they shouldn't give in to temptations.)

Episode 13: Hua Cheng tells Xie Lian that he doesn't look at the wishes of his believers and just throws them away because he doesn't care about being worshipped. This just shows the difference between Hua Cheng and Jun Wu: although they both desire power, Hua Cheng only wants power in himself and over his own fate, while Jun Wu wants power over others. The conversation between HC and XL is as follows:

HC: It's better to help yourself than ask the help of others. If you want to climb out of the abyss, what use is it to look to others? Others won't come to save you every time.

XL: That's why you need gods.

HC: But if everyone counts on the god, what about the god? Wouldn't the god get tired?

XL: But you must have many believers. If you turn a blind eye to their prayers, won't they consider you to be ineffectual?

HC: I didn't ask them to worship me, they kneeled before me without my permission. Besides, only those who happen to have their wishes granted would dare to talk about it - those who don't wouldn't dare to complain.

Episode 17: Xie Lian tells Lang Qianqiu that he named his sword technique which he uses to break up a clash by diverting all the harm to himself "wuming" (meaning "nameless") - a fitting name because the technique is about the negation of the self, and sacrificing oneself to endure it all. "Wuming" is also the name Hua Cheng took when he followed Xie Lian after the fall of Xianle and eventually sacrificed himself to protect Xie Lian.

Episode 18: When Xie Lian worries that telling Lang Qianqiu the truth would make Lang Qianqiu question everything XL taught him and cease to be the courageous and honourable person that he is, Hua Cheng asks XL to trust in LQQ's innate moral strength. I like what HC said to XL about LQQ:

"If you value him so much, then why can't you trust him? Trust that since he's the one you chose, he won't lose himself in hatred and will eventually do what he should do, even though he once wanted to destroy the whole world out of hate."

HC is asking XL to have faith in LQQ the same way that HC has always had faith in XL.

There's also something I wonder about the situation between Xie Lian and Lang Qianqiu. LQQ's parents were murdered by the resentful ghosts of the people of Xianle, and XL took the blame for the Gilded Banquet massacre because he didn't want LQQ to think that he tried to save those resentful ghosts in vain, that LQQ's good will towards the resentful ghosts was met with hatred and revenge. But has it occurred to XL that his own supposed "betrayal" would've hurt LQQ equally much? Would LQQ really feel better if instead of the resentful ghosts, it's his teacher whom he admired and respected so much that had betrayed him?

[dangermousie]

I confess that the narrative of TTJ in the sect learning how to be a human properly was always my favorite part of the novel even if it wasn’t a romantic portion of the story. So I am so excited the drama kept it (with bits of the Cang Jiumin dream storyline, they meld seamlessly.) 

(I love that he actually gets a name chosen with care and not one that is expression of hatred and bad luck!)

Look at how shocked he is the master is all “the sword is yours, keep it.” He is so not used to care and kindness.

Honestly, it’s little things that get me, like how he’s so awkward being hugged by the blind lady and you realize he’s still not used to being touched in gentleness and love.

It’s just such a pleasure watching TTJ find acceptance and care in the sect - finally a decent parental figure in his master and then also the sect brothers who just accept and like him, do not view him as a monstrosity (he didn’t have such matter-of-fact acceptance even during his emperor days for obvious reasons.) This is the longest stretch of normalcy he’s ever had and he needed it so badly (and the fact that it comes from sect master and brothers he destroyed in past timeline is extra glorious; it does show that we are our choices, we are not doomed to do the same thing over and over.) The fact that he probably got it because Susu broke his fate/curse and so he is not being pushed by literally the Universe into more and more suffering as a goad to turn him into devil god, is an extra bonus. And the thing that gets me so hard is - TTJ aka Cang Jiumin, thrives. He repays kindness with kindness - you watch him be a good student and kind to the old lady and practice well. 

It makes me think of the scene in an early ep flashback where older nanny tells younger nanny that the reason TTJ has difficulty processing or understanding emotions and people is because of his fucked up existence. And she is proven right - he is clearly always an introvert but living a nice life full of physical and emotional caring (he does not go hungry, he is liked, he is taught, he is valued), he adjusts more and more. He soaks normalcy as a sponge and I think learns as much or more from this stretch as he did from Susu. Susu opened up the gate but it’s this time that really puts the seal on it (yes, I am mixing my metaphor.) He needed to love and be loved by at least one person to give the world a chance, but he now has demonstration that not the whole world is awful. Before he hated the world but refrained from damage because Susu loved it, but now perhaps he can learn to love it a little on his own behalf. (And it makes sense his fate was nonstop horror before - if you want someone to turn into a demon god who is in so much pain he wants to erase the universe into nothingness, you can’t give him a glimmer of hope or a positive outlet. You don’t want your would-be world destructor to go “I don’t want to end the Universe because I have a sect dinner on Thursday, and my wife and I are going on a vacay the following weekend, how about we check back in a few millennia.”)

He is so gentle with this random old lady and he’s able to analogize the two of them - that is empathy, really, something impossible for a person they claimed was devoid of feelings; he’s come so far all because he’s had normalcy and care.

And he tries to make her withered tree bloom because she wants it, tries so hard even tho he just met her (and that he tries with the help of charms Susu taught him - he really is a memorial to her in so many ways, a living breathing memorial.)

I love his conversation with the old lady btw, it is my favorite scene in the episode, where they talk about why people live. In some ways, despite his age he is pitifully young since he’s had so little normal experience. This isn’t just a mission to help and old lady, it is a mission to help him too.

The way it turns out she knew and yet still took it, because kindness is rare and precious...

I love his opening up, responding to honesty with honesty, care to care. He is like a mirror to the world, in so many ways, and when all it gave him was pain he dealt pain back, but he is slowly healing, slowly climbing out of his well of misery and abuse and seeing humanity in others and in the process finding humanity in himself.

It’s so interesting how he answers about people, not home, because he doesn’t have a home, not really. Nowhere where people are glad to see him and so there is no home for him because without care it’s just rocks and dirt and why does he care where he is.

Oh God, this killed me.

The way he ponders that!

The way this is written - it’s as if Susu translates the world to him and him to the world and without her as the conduit, he cannot judge his success or his worth or his morality. I am incoherent!!!

It is gutting that all he needed was a little push - a little choice, a little happiness. Look how quickly he learns - like when he talks about his wife to the old lady and old lady asks if he could get his wife back by becoming evil, would he, and he thinks and is tempted but says no because Susu would not have liked it. He has learned to put what she wants above what he wants (a change even from “hate me as long as you are here.”)

The way he figures out how to fulfill the old lady’s wish with his white lie and her response just...

Here he is with the old lady who passed away. I am verklempt....

It really is nature/nurture debate and the answer is pretty clear - if he was brought up with love and care instead of constant trauma and suffering - he would have been just lovely; he is climbing out of that abyss even after all the torment and without it he’d have been there so much sooner. Devil God actually is a manifestation the world’s cruelty creating its own monsters and seeds of its own destruction and I love that.

PS Devil God voice is proof that you can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good (or evil in this case.) He should have taken the body/soul when TTJ didn’t care and was offering but he wanted to wait for the perfect host as opposed to 98% compatible and now he’s living (undying?) proof of the old adage of “you snooze you lose!”

[greenerteacups]

Hi GT, I have a confession to make: I read all of the Harry Potter books and didn't like them, to the point that I cannot remember anything from canon. But reading your fic feels like I am getting to experience the magic everyone else felt when they read the OG series, so thank you for that!

I wanted to say that I especially appreciate your treatment of the female characters. Obviously you are getting rid of the weird misogyny and competitiveness of the books in regard to Hermione, Fleur, Molly, etc (I especially love your Molly, and the respect she gets from the other Order members is delightful) but I really appreciate it when it comes to the "reminiscing" parts of the story. It always bothered the hell out of me that Lily seems to have nobody who really remembers her? Like she was clever and pretty and nice and yet all anybody talks about is how cool James is and he has all these bros who would die for him while Lily had ... No friends? Apparently? Anyway sorry this is so long but I really really really appreciated that Molly, Lupin, Sirius, etc. don't just forget about her in your version, and talk her up to Harry as much as they do his dad.

This is a really incredible compliment. Thank you! It makes me incredibly happy to hear you're having that experience. It was one of the foundational moments of my childhood, and to share it with someone else is a magical privilege.

Lily is so dear to me, even though the source gives us rather little about her. I think it's a great shame that Harry in canon grows up mostly around his father's former friends, who happened to survive the war, whereas Lily's friends (we imagine probably the Gryffindor girls, so... Marlene, Dorcas, etc.?) are all dead or missing when the story starts. There's something grotesquely tragic about that, upon reflection: Harry is robbed of knowledge of his mother because of how the war destroyed her living memory. It's such an insidious remark on what death takes away — not just one life, but the memories and love that the life represented.

I was endlessly inspired by that one throwaway remark Lupin makes about being friends with Lily. It's really odd, in the context of Lupin's setup as a Marauder, that when he finally gets a one-on-one with Harry about his parents, his first move isn't to talk about James, but Lily. (Of course, this is on the heels of a comment about Lily's eyes, but like — Harry is said by many people to look like James, and if Lupin was James's friend first, shouldn't that have been the thing that struck him? Wouldn't it be "you so resemble your father, one of my dearest friends on this earth"?) And what was that kindness Lily showed to Remus? Especially since James literally altered his own biochemistry and risked his life in order to support him on full moons? I'm not saying Lily wasn't a true friend to Remus, but like — that's kind of a hard gesture to top, Lils!!

Between that and the goldfish story with Slughorn, Lily gets a phantom characterization as this intensely selfless, giving person. Problem being: that's not a personality, that's a character value. And we don't talk about people we miss that way! We don't go "damn, I'm missing my friend Lily, a noble heart capable of great kindness," we go "oh damn, Lily would have loved that joke," or "those were her favorite kind of pickles," or "I bet she'd have hated that guy." It's the ephemera of knowing someone that we use to feed their memory, and it's that ephemera Harry will never get.

[your-local-hoemie]

Can i request zhongli thoma and kazuha with reader that gets sick easily and often nose bleed cos of over working?

YES AAAA KAZUHA I get to write my maple prince!! TvT

Ya’ll are being awesome with the requests thank you :P I have three more to do after this and then I’m finally caught up aaaa!

Warnings: Fluff, very caring boys, Gn! Reader, swearing, mentions of blood, not proof-read.

Characters: Zhongli, Thoma, Kazuha.

Zhongli~

For someone so calm and collected 24/7 he’s still unsure of how he managed to fall for someone that’s constantly overworking theirselves into a trembling mess at least once a week.

When you first came home one day with a bloody nose he was prepared to commence with the wrath of the rock istg

When you told him that it just happens sometimes with the most causal attitude you could muster without passing out he just kinda stopped and was like

?????

Deadass just stopped and looked at you with the most deadpan expression ever and was like:

“My dear, I don’t quite believe that’s as ordinary as you try to make it out to be”

After this happens a couple more times he starts to become very good at taking care of you!

As soon as he picks up signs that you’re overworking he’ll immediately make sure to get some tissues and force you to stop whatever you’re doing and pin you to the bed in the most innocent way possible.

If he doesn’t pick up on you destroying your physical and mental state then be prepared for a hour long lecture about how you should take care of yourself!

He just wants you to be safe. He’s already lost so many people he’s loved and wants to make sure you’re ok!

Thoma~

The panic attacks you give to is poor man-

Genuinely thinks you’re about to die every time you show up with blood spurtin’ out your nose.

Has medical supplies at all times

When you told him it happens when you push yourself too much he makes sure to do everything for you when he can!

Makes you food and does chores like the precious housewife he is.

When you’ve been working too long he’ll force you to take a break and give you a nice massage even if you don’t ask for one!

He’ll ask Ayato to put a word in with your boss or teacher to take it a little more easy on you.

It’s not that he thinks you can’t handle the work

Which you can’t you dumbass

He just doesn’t like seeing how much of a toll it takes on your body

He just loves you so much and wants to make sure you’re ok~

Kazuha~

He’s like a concerned parent who also loves you too much to be angry

He understands how important the work you have is but really doesn’t like how you push yourself to literal destruction.

When you first start getting a nose bleed he’d act very calm and do his best to make sure you were ok while sitting you down to rest

But you can bet your ass his poor little heart was terrified something bad had happened ;-;

He has trauma ok! Who fucking doesn’t in this game

Doesn’t have the heart to tell you to stop what you’re doing but does do everything in his power to distract you

Oh look. He found a pretty view and needs you to come and see it with him

It’s life or death

Trust him.

He found these fruits he found and thought you’d like to try them but he needs you to eat them with him so he knows your opinion.

Such a sneaky boy.

If you refuse to peel your eyes away from whatever you’ve been torturing yourself with the last who knows how long-

He’ll finally voice his opinions and tell you to stop.

He never has a harsh or demanding tone

It’s always sounds so soft and caring

Because he is!

You’re like a beautiful flower that even though he knows you can withstand harsh conditions he still wants to protect and care for you!

It’s also impossible to say no to him he gives you his pretty smile and puppy eyes

He’s a beautiful boy with a beautiful heart

And it belongs to you completely~

Thoma’s was kinda short because I’m running out of brain juice for him today ;-;

I’ll be catching up with the other requests in a few days I’m just going through some stuff with my mom not accepting me being no-binary which is really disheartening just randomly inserts a rant wtf but I assure I will get to all the requests sent in :P

[violetren]

Just took my nephew to see Strange World and it was a great movie. After so many mommy issues driven Disney movies it was fun to see a daddy issues driven one.

There is actually so much I could say on it.

Like how one of the key messages actually felt like it was aimed at the parents rather than the kids - don't let building a legacy for your kids actually get in the way of being there for your kids in the now because they are your real legacy. Alternatively: don't lose sight of the fact that your kid is just as much an individual as you are.

And the more general theme of: seek to understand and work With your ecosystem instead of destroying it because short term gains will only meet long term destruction.

Or how the whole "I'm not you dad" plotline would have been called queer coding in any other movie except in this one on of the main characters in that plot is literally already out to his family who loves him unconditionally.

Which brings me to the one scene that prompted me to make this post. Spoilers. Duh.

There is a scene maybe halfway to two thirds of the way through the movie where Ethan (our mixed race gay child protag) is talking to his long lost grandfather Jaeger (old self absorbed white man, kinda protag).

It's a catch me up on your life tell me who you are type convo so there's a pretty rapid fire "what do you do for fun, what do you like, WHO do you like?" Flurry of questions.

Ethan has a massive crush on this guy in his friend group and so when asked about romance gets all stuttery and flustered which makes Gramps push for details.

At this point my queer ass was white knuckling my seat because sure he's comfortably put to his family that has been there but Jaeger HASN'T been there he's been cut off from civilisation for 25 years and is the bad father of the movie if anyone was gonna be the homophobe it'd be him. If this had come out when I was nephews age This is where the grandad would call it a phase or get mad or play along to retain cool status and then go get mad at the parents. This would have been a dark moment of heart break.

But then with no hesitation Ethan starts gushing about this boy and how he hasn't been able to ask him out because he's so awkward around him, and the grandad's literal only response is to give him well intentioned but fucking awful advice as to how to ask this fella out (Which Ethan appreciates but also instantly calls out as an awful idea).

I unclenched purely from shock, because it went good.

It was just another light funny scene but also and this is crucial it wasn't a shoehorned in coming out moment.

There was no formal coming out, just used he/him pronouns when talking about his crush like super casual and realistic like in a scene whose actual function was to show that while Ethan thinks adventuring stuff is cool he isn't "like his grandad" (a major fear of his father's) he is instead a smart young man who is already starting to see his own path in life doesn't look anything like his father's or grandfathers.

Anyways I fully recommend everyone go see Disney's new movie about sustainable living and daddy issues just as a massive fuck you to Disney who has been making active decisions to give it less attention than recently renewed long held licenses and the 504th Christmas short from basically every franchise they own.

[aotopmha]

What are your thoughts on the whole Mikasa's new family thing? As a normal person with some romantic experience, I think it makes sense for her to have a family and not be stuck single on a dead guy for life. As an AoT fan who can basically not separate her from her 'Eren' rhetoric, it feels like a twist... or dare I say, betrayal? I wish we had a bit more padding to the ending, because it seems these things were wrapped up very quickly, and besides the literal deaths, I feel like my girl Historia and Levi got such bitter endings...

This is quite a few questions so I'm answering them in a list:

1) I really like Mikasa moving on because from the framing of her final moments in the story and the passing time in the extra pages and credits, I feel like she had a mourning period and then was able to move on and start a new family, something she always wanted. And I think earning that ending is at least some (and an appropriate one) reward after what she went through.

2) She has always loved Eren, but she has also punched him in the face when she thought he was doing stupid shit and being hot-headed. She threw him in chapter 1, punched him in the face in episode 2, is perfectly capable of making her own decisions without him, which was the point of the first half of episode 6. As much as she loves him, her attachment has actually comparatively little to do with him and everything to do with the death of her parent(s) figure(s) twice in a row in the span of a year when she was a child.

(Episode 6 in the anime, chapter 5 in the manga.)

Her attachment to Eren has caused a bunch of issues and is her biggest "flaw", but she has never been a *doormat*, which is what so many people read her as and I disagree with.

The decision to kill Eren was made by her when she saw families and children suffer because of him, something she can deeply relate to and works to prevent.

(Chapter 48)

Mikasa isn't a crying damsel, she's a warrior who went through some pretty tough shit and is reacting accordingly.

She will fight when she needs to fight and do the right thing when she needs to do the right thing.

3) Pacing was actually probably the biggest issue I personally had with the manga's ending, but the anime pretty much fixed all of it in my eyes. Mikasa's feelings for Eren, though, and vice versa was one of the most obvious things about the entire story from start to finish, so you've got a disagreement there as well. From the moment you see the subtle blush from Eren in the flashback, the trope became really clear to me and nothing onward from there really convinced me otherwise because Eren never had any other relationship like that in the story, no other love interest characters or characters framed in relation to his character in the same way.

4) Likewise, I think Levi probably had the best ending out of every single character in the story. As much of a pyrrhic victory as defeating Eren was, he got his revenge and kept his life. He got the most strongly defined closure he could get in context of the story.

5) What I agree with you on is how Historia was treated, though I'm not sure if for the same reasons or in the same way. The final arc basically destroyed her character and the anime equally did not even mention or even have a nod towards any of her defining moments as a character or her important relationships (because I suspect Isayama just could not figure out how to write her in this context in any other way).

In my eyes, she went through one of the best, most strongly defined character arcs in the entire story, but all we got from it was a metaphor for the birth of a new world... through a clearly gay-coded character. It's pretty awful and contradicts the theme of freedom her character is about and embodies by the end of the Uprising arc AND the general ideas of freedom the story is about, but I choose to put it in its own awful box and reluctantly close my eyes to it.

I think her arc was about her finding out what she wants and no longer living in a role and I think the entirety of the final arc went against that.

I've gone into why Historia's arc is awful in many other asks and posts, so I don't feel like reiterating it all right now (I have a tag for her character and pretty much all characters, so if anyone is interested, you'll probably find my detailed thoughts looking around there, but, yeah I think it's pretty awful even if you don't see her as gay-coded.)

Thank you for the ask!

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.58 Still scared

I appreciated her asking, but the question blindsided me and I hesitated to answer. The issues that still haunted me were mine to work through, and I didn't want to burden her with them. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel even the slightest bit of regret. But I couldn't lie to her and say everything was fine. No matter what I wanted or how I presented it, this burden would always inevitably end up at her feet. She had always handled me and my hesitations with grace, but I wished she didn't have to handle them at all.

"I'm going to be honest with you," I said, "but I don't want you to take it personally and think you did something wrong, okay?"

"Of course. Okay."

I inhaled deeply and bared my soul.

"Being here with you gives me so much joy. I am where I want to be. These feelings I have for you...I've been trapped inside myself with them for a while. You forced me to reckon with them in a way that both scared me and freed me. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have concerns."

She nodded slowly, and I feared she still took offense despite my warning.

"You think this is a mistake?" she asked.

"No! Being with you is one of the best decisions I ever made, however scary and unexpected it was. But..."

I had shared many things about my life with Sophia, but I glossed over the painful parts in favor of keeping the mood light and not wanting her to feel sorry for me or whatever women did with men's drama. But I couldn't keep her in the dark forever.

"The thing is," I continued, "My parents are divorced. You know that. What you don't know is how it affected me. I didn't find out why they broke until I was well into my teenage days. I lived nearly my entire childhood wondering what happened and confused about why we couldn't be a family anymore, especially when my parents seemed to get along."

"My mom cheated on my dad for literally no reason. She was in love with another man their entire relationship, even though she said she didn't realize she had feelings for him until right before she cheated. But anyway...I was so devastated by that. Like, I just couldn't picture it. My mom? She was so perfect and magical to me. I just couldn't imagine her hurting my dad like that...hurting me like that..."

"And to be so flippant about it? Who decides to destroy their family like that??"

My face started getting hot, and I couldn't lose my cool, so I took a moment to calm down before continuing my sordid tale.

"Ever since then, bits of information about their relationship and past lives keep coming out here and there, and every time I think it can't get worse, it does. I feel like if this can happen to two people who were very happy and in love, what hope is there for me? I have zero reassurance that I can be happy with someone for the rest of my life."

I took another moment to breathe and reflect on everything I blurted out. If I didn't have Sophia and hadn't committed to being brave, I think my words could have hardened my heart. But I continued.

"My parents started dating, moved in together, and got married within a matter of days. One thing my dad said he would do differently was date longer. We've known each other way longer than my parents did, and even though it feels like we rushed into living together, I know that's not really the case. But I can't deny how familiar this feels. On one hand, I feel like we have a solid foundation and are well on our way to a long, fulfilling life together. But on the other hand, I feel like we're following in my parents' footsteps and are perfectly primed for repeating their mistakes."

"Wow," she said. "You never really told me about their situation. I figured it was just one of those things you didn't like talking about. I had no idea it was that bad."

"Now you understand why it took me so long to ask you out. I wanted to call you so badly immediately after getting home from Mt. Komorebi, but...I just couldn't. This fear paralyzed me. I only recently decided to work toward fighting against it."

"I understand, Luca. Trust me," she said with a little extra something in her voice.

I turned back toward her with my eyebrow raised, but she turned away from me.

"I am all too familiar with what you're going through," she said.

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"Let's just say...I've been where your dad is..."

The anger that attempted to arise in me earlier returned, and I wanted to know names and addresses. What kind of idiot cheats on a sweet angel like Sophia??

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah, thanks. I've had a lot of time to get over that, but like you, there are certain things I haven't been able to shake. And also like you, I'm working to grow past them. I asked you to live here because I know you're the man for me, and I am the woman for you. I love you, and I want you around. But...there is a tiny voice inside that tells me I need to keep you close so I can watch out for threats. I ignore it because I trust you, but it doesn't go away completely. So...yeah. I know what you're going through."

I completely missed the last part of what she said because my hearted pounded in my chest so loud I couldn't hear a thing when she admitted she loved me. SHE LOVED ME?!! The weight of her admission pressed down on me, filling me with a mix of exhilaration and terror. I wanted to reach out and hold her, to tell her how I felt and say it back, but the fear held me captive. I could share many things with Sophia with ease, but when it came down to exposing the deepest depths of my heart, I freaked out. The words got stuck in a huge knot in my throat. I swallowed a few times, trying to stuff down the fear that tried to choke me, but it prevailed.

"I...I want to say it back. I'm trying to... In my heart, I know that's what I feel, but..."

I longed for the words she deserved to hear to flow effortlessly from my lips, and it pained me to admit I wasn't ready. It hurt so bad I could feel the pressure of tears building up behind my eyes. But I couldn't cry in front of her. Not over this, especially after everything I'd just confessed to her. But she grabbed my hands and caressed them, giving me hope that one day I'd be okay enough to tell her exactly how valued she was.

"Hey...it's okay, Luca. Don't beat yourself up. I said it because I was ready, not because I wanted to hear you say it back. We don't have to be ready at the same time. I agreed with what you said about us rushing. It was a long time coming, but it was sudden no matter how you look at it. You need time to adjust, which was why I asked the question in the first place. Don't rush the process on account of me. When you're ready, you'll say it."

I don't know what I did to make the Watcher deem me worthy of such a woman, but I was eternally grateful.

"I'm glad you understand. You're a real gem and I..."

I tried to ignore her and force myself to say it, but it still wouldn't come out. Instead, I said, "I care about you deeper than I've ever cared about anyone."

She smiled.

"I will take that and cherish it."

Need to catch up? See what you missed or start reading here!

When I moved in Luca, I checked her relationships, whims, etc. to see what I'd be working with. She had the fear of being cheated on! We're still getting to know her, but what do you think?

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 5 Review

- Happy Birthday is forever doomed, and that greenhouse does nothing but destroy relationships. God, I am suffer

- Sadly, Miorine fell for Prospera’s provocation and decided to team up with her, but on the condition that she leaves Suletta alone. But that’s perfectly fine for Prospera, Suletta doesn’t matter to her. She’s just a replacement daughter, and now that Aerial has hit Permet 7 or 8, she doesn’t need her.

- Shaddiq has the worlds most punchable face, but he is playing the game smart. Peil was an obvious wildcard, so he’s decided to partner with them in order to get them out of the way. And it looks like he already got his father out of the way too. RIP Sarius, you were the only good parent.

- Jeturk House is a literal found family and I can’t stop crying. They all love each other so much. It seems Petra and Lauda are dating and Felsi just learned about it. Also, the fact that Lauda loved his brother and wanted to support him from day one is sweet. God I hope nothing bad happens to any of them.

- The callbacks and dark reflections in this episode to Episodes 1 and 3 have slayed me. The end of the episode was an exact copy of the end of episode 1, but this time, Miorine is saying goodbye instead of hello, all underneath a darkened sky compared to the bright dawn we originally saw. The entire dueling room and then elevator-hallway scene was an exact copy of Episode 3, so much so that they reused Secelia’s animation. Since the three main characters this episode were Suletta, Miorine, and Guel, it makes sense to bring back references to the episodes that started their character development in the first place

- also somebody gotta glue Secelia’s ass to that couch cause every time she gets up some bad shit happens

- Guel and Suletta’s scene at the greenhouse made me feel like I was walking on air. Guel has grown so much and has decided to be honest with his feelings, and you can tell just how happy those words made Suletta. But at the end of the day, Suletta loves Miorine, and Guel supports her. He isn’t that selfish jerk we saw in episode 1 anymore. He wants what’s best for others to, not just himself. But also the GueSule shipper in me was crying a bit

- But that beautiful scene in the greenhouse leads to Miorine strengthening her resolve to give Suletta a good life, even if it means hurting her. She’s willing to work with Guel, someone she absolutely hated, because she knows he loves her just as much as she does, and all they want is for Suletta to be happy. The fact that Miorine is willing to sacrifice herself and enter a marriage she doesn’t want is heartbreaking, but there’s no one else she can trust.

- The scene where Guel says there’s no world without Gundams and weapons hurts a whole lot. Miorine and Suletta, despite all they’ve gone through, still haven’t seen the true harshness of the world. Guel, who’s experienced even just a fraction of what horrible things are taking place, can’t see any world where peace is absolute.

- Guel suffering from PTSD makes so much sense. As much as we like to meme that suffering builds character, what it ultimately did was fuck up Guel’s life forever. He’ll always carry the trauma of killing his father, but as we saw in this episode, the impassioned cries of his family is what snaps him out of it. Really, between Chuchu and Guel, I think Felsi has the magic voice ready to heal trauma. Maybe she should hang out with Suletta after this ep

- All right, this is going to be a long fucking section about El5n, because I genuinely have so many thoughts rotating in my head about this failson. First, the greenhouse scene. Seeing the way he so violently assaults Suletta out of desperation is terrifying. He’s being pushed to the absolute brink. He even brought a taser just to knock Suletta out. It’s a large change compared to his usual “just smile and wave” and I think it’s wholly because of last episode. El5n had his mind violated by Eri, the one place that not even Peil could assault and change. And that combined with Belmeria’s whining set off a bomb inside him. He realized in that moment that he will never be safe as long as he plays by Peil’s books. Any more attempts of hijacking the Aerial would continue to hurt the one thing he has control of, his mind, and if he sticks with Peil any longer, he’s going to die

- But what hit me the hardest was his anger at Suletta’s cries for Elan, specifically the line “The man you’re thinking of isn’t here.” It’s a short line but packed with so many meanings. First of which, the simple one being that El5n finally lets the cat out of the bag, stating that he and El4n are two different people. But looking at it deeper, we can see more to this statement. The second meaning could be the intense hatred he possibly feels towards the original Elan. That the man Suletta thinks he is has been hiding behind body doubles and living his life without even sparing a single thought towards her. The third meaning is that El5n is pissed that El4n is dead, and that Suletta’s cries for him just make his grieving so much worse. Fourth, and finally, is the fact that El5n doesn’t want to be a replacement for Elan, he wants to be his only person. All Suletta can see is Elan, not the kid underneath the mask, and that hurts him. The fact that his very identity and status as a person has been torn away is sick, but no one but him knows.

- But before any more of his true self can pour out, Guel comes in to protect Suletta, just twisting the knife further into El5n. He’s had no one to stand up for and protect him, he’s alone from everyone, separated by a mask. And the fact that the one who comes to Suletta’s rescue is a man who’s lived in luxury and hasn’t struggled a day in his life (at least on El5n’s eyes) is even more painful. The final shot was the “What are you afraid of?” line Guel says to him. Cause for the first time, someone has finally seen the pain and hurt he’s going through, and it happens to be some spoiled rich kid. But really, what is El5n afraid of? Is it a physical death or a spiritual death? Is he willing to wear the mask of Elan as long as he isn’t incinerated, or does he not want to lose his true self?

- Ultimately this retrospection El5n goes through is hidden to us, but we see the outcome. In which he’s chilling in a room with Norea and Nika for no reason. Truly a king. The dub said this line, but El5n feels like Norea is a kindred spirit. Someone who can understand what he’s going through and the amount of rage bottled up inside him at the unfairness of his situation. God, I hope these two end up together, or at least as partners. They need to fix each other so bad

- But where does El5n go from here? He can’t hang out with Peil anymore, so will he cooperate with Shaddiq? But Shaddiq is now working with Peil so that would cause some issues. Will he go full scorched earth at the presidential elections and air everyone’s dirty laundry? I think that would be an amazingly funny moment. Will he and Norea bond over their tragic pasts? I want to dig into his backstory so fucking much, but I know that doing so would only hurt me further

- Also small detail but El5n saying to Nika that her friends missed her was pretty sweet. He understands what it’s like to feel alone so he reassures Nika that she isn’t.

- When the happy birthday song came in and Suletta pulled out the big fucking gun, I got scared for Guel. We’ve already seen that thing eviscerate a mobile suit’s legs, so it’d probably have killed Guel if Mio didn’t step in. But still, who the fuck decided to put that song in there?! This isn’t funny anymore Okouchi

- God, Suletta’s love for Miorine hurts so badly. She wants to be properly married and do everything a married couple can, but in the end, it’s taken from her. Suletta’s codependency on her mother, Aerial, and Miorine is not healthy, and she needs to experience the loss of these things in order to grow as a person. But the real question is will she regress or progress? She still has Earth House, who are filled with nothing but the sweetest children, but she could also be taken advantage of by Shaddiq or simply dig herself into a hole. In the end, it’s all Suletta’s choice. She has to find strength within herself

- Miorine hesitated when hearing about Suletta’s dreams for the future. She wants just what Suletta wants, a happy life with the one she loves. But in Miorine’s mind, as long as Suletta is tied to the Aerial, her mother, and her, then Suletta will forever be stuck and taken advantage of. Miorine is willing to play the bad guy, no matter how much it hurts her, because she loves Suletta. She’s become the person she hated so much, her father, and you can feel the pain it’s causing her.

- Guel and Miorine feeling extremely guilty for what they did just means that Jeturk finally took another L. Though I hope Guel will be able to help Miorine realize it’s okay for her to love Suletta

- Ever Eri feels bad for what happened, but it also seems like she’s moved onto a higher plane, possibly within Prospera’s mask. I guess if she really is gone, that means the Aerial is back to killing people status. Or maybe it’ll find a new leech?

Guel claiming a W but still getting an L is perfectly on brand. The lesbians are going through a divorce arc. And I can’t believe I spent that much talking about El5n when he only showed up for like 3 minutes. All of our characters are suffering but Shaddiq, the bastard