#my mom went out to the store and was like idk if you planned anything but i can pick you out a gift while i’m out to give to him

[juniestar]

My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)

[emily-rambles]

don’t look i’m ranting

[sweetienans]

Lonesome || R. Cameron

Summary

"What are you going to do with all the money?" Rafe followed you to the store that he didn't even know it was there. Stores in the cut were a new world to him.

"What are you talking about? I don't have any money" You said grabbing some apples and peaches.

"I know you do, or you will do" He reached your lower back trying to gain your attention but you slapped his hands out of it.

"Don't touch me. Rafe I swear to god I don't know what are you talking about. Are you high or something?" You tried to look to his eyes to see if they were dilated but they were the normal blue and tinted green as always.

"I heard my dad talking with one of his lawyers yesterday" he looked straight to your eyes to try to see if you were lying to him. You weren't. "Your mother is dead, and she left you all of her wealth"

Nothing ever happened. No gold, no cross, no El Dorado. Everything followed the normal course. Except for you. Your mother died, not that you actually care. She never raised you. She never appeared until now when apparently she was rich and left you all of it. You didn't want to know anything about the money even though you needed it. And if it wasn't for Rafe, you wouldn't even check the numbers on your bank account. He has a plan, a plan that he would do anything to achieve even if he has to use you.

Pairing: Rafe cameron x reader.

Warnings: use/mention of alcohol, mention of drugs, smut eventually but will be labeled. Violence (jj's father) Ward is still a bad father. 18+ MDNI!

wc: idk

see Pt. 1

Pt.2

You paced through your room all night. Going back and forth with your phone in your hand. What would you do? That was a huge amount of money in your bank account but in a way it didn’t feel like it was yours. You would like to be in another situation where you were mourning your near passed mom but there you were, keeping something you deserved all your life but you were never given. It kinda sucked. And it sucked more than you had to know it because of Rafe. 

You fell asleep near four in the morning and didn’t wake up until 1pm where you felt the door slightly slamming in the entry clicking shut right after. 

“Hey sweetie” your dad peaked through your open door. His clothes were all muddy and had traces of dirt in his head. “I’m sorry I disappeared”

On a normal day you would scold him for not even calling but right now you had a turmoil in your stomach that you couldn’t bear. 

“It’s okay, I’m glad you’re here” you said laying on your side. He nodded and then left you to yourself again, the sound of the shower being on sounded above your thoughts. 

You were quickly to take your phone and start typing the news to JJ but when you were writing the text you started wondering, was it a good idea? Would you even keep the money? you deleted it and instead wrote a ‘hope you have a good day with John B’ message. 

You scrolled through your socials,  incapable of thinking in getting up when a text from Sarah popped up. 

‘Kook party in the night, you coming?’ Meet me at Tannyhill so we can go together’

It wasn’t a lie that you were considered one of the good pogues, you were good friends with Sarah Cameron, Rafe’s sister and even his friends were good to you. You didn’t understand why but you were always invited and welcomed in their parties. 

You thought about the party and decided that it was a good idea to show up, to clear your mind and do normal teenage stuff before having to worry about the elephant in the room. Telling your dad, telling your friends that in the span of night to morning you were practically a new Kook. It wasn’t your fault. 

You went to the shower and dressed up to go with Sarah. She didn’t give you much information about the party so you decided to put on a yellow sundress that had the neck v-shaped and your white snickers. You put on some makeup, basically tons of blush, mascara and gloss and went to your dad’s room to tell him that you were going out. 

He was face down in his mattress sleeping like he never slept in his life. You decided to leave a note that you knew he wouldn’t read. 

You left your house closed and walked the rocky path to the main street that was basically a highway. Your car wasn’t functioning so you made all your trips walking, it was a long way to Tannyhill but you didn’t mind. 

The gates of Tannyhill opened in front of your figure. The house was massive, it was the biggest house in figure eight all because of Ward’s effort. Something to look up to, to be honest. 

“Girl! you look amazing” Sarah appeared hanging from the side of the porch’s door. “I just have to do my makeup and we can get going, did you walk all the way from your house to here?” she asked, giving you a side hug. 

“Yeah, it’s part of my exercise routine,” you said sarcastically. “My car broke down again so the legs had to do the job” 

“That’s awful, you want a glass of water?” She didn’t even wait for your answer to reach one of the glasses in the higher cabinet above the sink just to fill it with water. 

“Thanks” you said following the blonde to her room. You’ve been up there many times. Sarah was your best friend, beside JJ, the boys and Kie, even though the latter didn’t understand why. “So, where’s this party? Topper 's again?”

“Oh no, after we left last week, some punks wrote shit on the living room walls, his mom got furious with him,” Sarah explained, putting some eyeliner in the corner of her eyes. 

“Did they know who did it?” 

“Mm no, I mean, there were only Topper’s friends” she just shrugged and turned around to face you. “What do you think?” She said giving you a full look of her outfit and makeup. 

“What can I say of the Kook Princess?” you said, rolling your eyes. “You look gorgeous, Topper is going to die when he sees you”

She made a subtle grin but her eyes darted away like she was hiding something. You would ask, eventually. 

When Sarah parked her car, you expected a good looking house, not a beach with a bonfire on it. You made a mental note to never forget your cardigan again. 

“Pogue style?” You asked to make her shiver. She hated the tumultuous fight between pogues and kooks, and you could understand why, but most people couldn’t. 

“Topper house is out of the party market, Kelce’s family from California is staying in his house for the weekend and well Tannyhill is just unapproachable when dad and Rose are there” She explained locking up the car and walking through the sand. 

You walked to her side, waving some familiar faces together but keep walking until you made your way to Topper. 

“Hey pretty ladies” he said in a smug tone kissing Sarah’s cheek. “I thought you wouldn't make it” he said fetching some red solo cups and filling them with beer (the expensive one) 

The difference between pogue beach parties was clearly the cheap beer and that the cops would show up eventually in the night. This was a private beach and people could do what they pleased without having to worry about being incarcerated. 

“Thanks” you said to Topper receiving the cup and downing half of it in one gulp. You needed it, you needed the fun and to keep things out of your mind for a while. 

“Easy” Topper said in a surprised warning. “There’s plenty more” 

“Leave her alone, I’m the one driving anyway” Sarah said pouring her beer in your glass. 

The party went without any problems. People were dancing, some of them were making out and Sarah was nowhere to be seen. You were sitting in a big log beside the fire when a guy that you have never seen sat by your side. 

“Hey” he said in a charming way. You cringed on the inside but nodded anyway to his side. “I’m new here, what’s your name?” He scooted over the log and pressed his thigh to yours, completely invading your personal space. 

That must've been the worst way to flirt with anyone. You took a sip from your drink and cleared your voice to reject him in a nice way. 

“I’m-

“Not interested” 

You turned around to his voice. Rafe's tall figure lingered above yours stepping and blocking the light from the fire making him look terrifying. 

“She’s definitely out of your reach so why don’t you go somewhere else” he said waving his hand to the guy and urging him to leave your side. 

You had a new feeling in your stomach, like the beer was settling in wrong. 

“I got it under control” you said watching him walk and take the seat of the guy. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt, those that are white and had the sleeves in another color, this was green and his cap was backwards making him look more handsome than he already was. 

“Yeah, I can tell” He said, taking your cup from your hands and gulping all the content down. “What about we talk business?

“Jesus” you muttered under your breath and prepared yourself to lift but before you could do the push he circulated his hand around your wrist. “What did I tell you yesterday? I’m not interested”

“I know you received the money” he said looking straight into your eyes, there was no way to deny it. He always had like a sixth sense. “And I also know that you don’t know what to do with it” 

“Look, spending it on coke so you can double the amount it’s not a good idea to me to be honest” you said plainly. 

“You are not giving me a chance” He said like he was hurt because of your words. 

“I don’t even know you Rafe”

“You’ve been Sarah’s friend for a while, you know me enough” 

“You just said it, Sarah’s friend, not yours” you specified. 

“That hurt” he put one of his hands on his chest and you rolled your eyes. “I thought you had feelings but this.. 

“Please, cut the bullshit” You were done and ready to leave. 

“Just invest with me and I promise you won't regret it” he said pleading, puppy eyes and all. 

“Invest with you? or invest in you?” you crossed your arms. “Because for why I understand in the first you have to put money too” 

“I’ll do it if that makes you feel safe” He answered like it was nothing. 

“You are something else Rafe Cameron, but no, I won’t, I don’t trust you” you took your cup from his hands and left him all alone with the words between his lips. He wasn’t going to give up so easily. 

Rafe Cameron was a man of his word and mind. If he had an idea (even a bad one) he would do anything to reach it and make it true. He needed the money to seal a deal with Barry and Ward got him on a leash lately, cutting him loose, so he had nothing, just the two dollars that you threw at him in the store the other day. 

He was going to convince you but apparently not tonight, because even though you had been right, you weren’t even friends with him, telling him that you didn’t trust him broke something on the inside, so he drank, and drank and drank until he couldn’t even get on his feet. 

“Have you seen Sarah?” you asked one of the girls that was dropped in her knees grabbing his friends hair so she can puke. 

“No, go away!” she yelled at you and you thought that you deserved it, bad time to ask. 

This wasn’t the first time that you’ve lost Sarah in a party, she would usually sneak around with Topper but she would always pick you up later. Right now, her car wasn’t in the spot she parked and there were no Topper or Sarah in sight. 

You kept walking around the cars, looking for someone familiar to give you a ride but you didn’t know any of them. You were about to call JJ for backup knowing very well that he will get angry at you for coming to this party when you saw Rafe leaned against his car trying to get inside. 

“You gotta be kidding me” you said, grabbing his shoulders to make his eyes snap open. “Have you lost your mind? you can’t drive this way”

His disoriented eyes, alcohol breath and languid body said that he was more than wasted. He couldn’t even keep his eyes open to look at you. You searched for his keys that were in his hand and snatched it. 

“I’m going to drive okay?” you said wiggling the keys in front of his head. “I need you to lean on me so I can open the door and get you inside, Rafe” 

“Am I dreaming?” he murmured in your shoulder while you put one of his arms behind your shoulders to keep him steady on his feet. “This is much more of what I asked” 

“Tell me about it” you said, manhandling him towards the passenger seat. “How did you end up like this, honestly the booze wasn’t even that good” you talked more to yourself than to him, he was a pure excuse of a man in that state. 

“My heart is broken” he said while looking at you with his eyes half opened while you stretched yourself to put his seatbelt on. 

“I changed my mind, I don’t want to know Rafe,” you said, closing his door and walking to the driver’s side. 

“Then don’t ask stupid questions” he said pouting and crossing his arms over his chest the moment you closed your door. 

You were good to drive and the way to Tannyhill wasn’t even that long, you would crash in Sarah’s bed and leave in the morning when the sun rises . 

“Invest with me please” he mumbled. You thought that he would’ve fallen asleep if you didn’t talk but he didn't. He was partially awake and ready to keep pushing it. 

“I’m not gonna, I already told you, drop it” you said turning to the road that leads to figure eight. 

“No, no, wait” he said, grabbing the steering wheel with one hand and turning to the opposite direction. 

He hit the curve in the road and one of the cars that were passing by almost crashed against a light pole. “Fuck Rafe! Don’t do that again!” you said pressing the brake and parking on the side. “I was going to drop you at your place, what’s your problem?”

“Let’s go to yours, my dad doesn’t want me there” he said, starting the car again urging you to start driving, giving you zero options. 

“What about Kelce’s or Topper’s?” you asked, finding an option that wasn’t your house, even though it was pretty convenient to you to be in your place and having no need to walk back from someone's house. 

“Topper is with my sister I don’t fucking care where and Kelce’s house is crowded, you can leave me with Barry if you want” he said closing his eyes again. 

You knew better than going to Barry’s. The man sold drugs to JJ's father and he was constantly hanging there, so, if he saw you there with Rafe, JJ and your father would know and they won’t stop asking for the truth. 

You were against a wall, figuratively speaking. No choice at all.

“Fine, let’s go to my place”

author's note: Rafe is coming babyyy. I'm excited, i'm not going to lie. Let me know that you think.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @haruvalentine4321

[kafka-ohdear]

hello duck :D since i just came back from a grocery run 💀😭 for brenny and dougley post war or modern au (whatever) what's your thoughts on them going shopping for groceries?? i mean of course dougley is the old married couple���ᴹ type and brenny would take meatball with them for sure (yes unfortunately this is exactly what i was thinking when I went for groceries 💀💀)

idk what kind of coincidence is this but my mom just asked me to get some groceries when i was answering this ask 😭

!!!!! alright you got me when you hit send this ask 😈

tw: long ass and random post about my headcanons for them 😭,,,

*

for dougley, i think it's like:

- blakely pays. of course.

- blakely is (un)surprisingly good at choosing fruits & vegetables etc, and he is like a professional yk. he has everything planned out and follows the exact list. nothing more, nothing less.

- dougie? that man doesn't know what is a shopping list. he likes something, he'll buy it.

- maybe i'm delulu rn but i think dougie can literally buy anything (mostly candies and random stuff) because: one, he doesm't meed to pay under any circumstances; two, blakely likes to see him smiles when he gets his favourite treats.

- okay. the neckerchief. based on the fact that blakely handles grocery runs very well, i'm convinced that dougie has tried at least once to tie the neckerchief onto blakely's head in the babushka style (idk im sorry about my poor vocabulary 💀💀,,,).

- blakely didn't resist him doing so, but he's already working on the plot of his revenge on dougie (yes i'm talking about the "coquette" bow 💀...).

- the kids in the supermarket/grocery store likes them (😭 idk because blakely has the grandpa aura to me,,, and dougie surely loves playing with kids) so whenever the kids see them doing grocery, they'd wave at the couple and talk to them.

- blakely does most of the things, and dougie will help him with smaller stuff like putting the groceries into their vehicle or help him carry some of them back home.

- dougie would steal some of the treats or some random stuff when blakely is unpacking the bags, which usually is blakely's.

- blakely knows but he wouldn't say a thing but plots on his great revenge mission instead

*

and in my mind brenny would be like:

- they certainly would bring their child aka meatball along with them whenever they are going out for groceries.

- they have zero clue what to buy for their meals and end up taking loads of random stuff back home.

- brady like canned meat. demarco doesn't. they argue over the problem that demarco throws up whenever he smells canned meat, but brady always wins and gets to buy some because their beloved meatball likes canned meat as well.

- brenny is the kind of couple would buy ice cream or other small treats after getting groceries.

- hmmm i have a feeling they might take a walk around (somewhere near there idk,,,) so meatball could enjoy some fresh air before going home.

- BTW ABOUT THE CLOTHING. i think brady would dress kinda??? like a fashion icon??? and demarco would wear clothes like some random ass guy with white t-shirt and black shorts with some slippers,,,

- demarco packs & unpacks things for almost all the time while brady uses entertaining meatball as an excuse.

- demarco doesn't mind because he loves seeing his two favourite person (i kinda feel like he would refer to them as "creatures" to tease brady 💀) happy together,,,

*

i'm really sorry for this long ass post and shitty headcanons but 😭😭😭 i hope you like them,,,

[eds6ngel]

Hi! Can you do Steve and fem!reader sad/angsty fic? Maybe like king Steve cheated on her in high school and then years later they meet again and she’s engaged and he wants her back?? Idk if that made sense but I love your writing!

of course my love! i actually made this even more heartbreaking than you requested, so i hope that’s okay with you :)

warnings: fem!reader. swearing. cheating. mentions of smut (but no actual smut). talks of engagement. talks of children. hurt. angst. no happy ending [1.1k].

He knew he messed up. Cheating on the girl of his dreams to keep some stupid high school reputation back in ‘83 was up there as one of the dumbest mistakes of his life.

You and Steve were together for a mere three months in the Summer of ‘83. It started off as a simple hook up, which eventually lead to more. You even admitted that you loved each other.

And for the most part, it was true. Steve truly did love you, but, with a growing popularity at Hawkins High, he let that aspect of his life take over his personality.

You were not one to adhere to the crowds. The closest societal group that you could be associated with were The Nerds. But, even then, you did not hang out with that clique.

You stayed in your own lane. So, when Steve started to encourage you to hang out with him, Tommy and Carol a lot more than your group of friends, you were anything but willing.

Which led to the great heartbreak of your life. A heartbreak so bad that you didn’t date anyone for the rest of your high school career in fear of getting hurt again.

Your unwillingness to adhere to Steve’s rulebook lead to him cheating on you with Nancy Wheeler. You actually felt bad for Nancy, knowing that like you, she was more of the quiet type. Although, unlike you, much easier to manipulate.

It didn’t surprise you that a year later Nancy also proceeded to break up with Steve, leaving him in the dark once again to try and find a new girlfriend in Hawkins to control.

You attended college in New York, Columbia University to be exact, thankful to move away from the hellhole that was Hawkins for the rest of your life.

But, your parents still lived here, so that meant you did come back occasionally to spend holidays with them. Just like today.

Christmas of ‘92 was planned to be spent in Hawkins, you spending the previous Christmas in Colorado.

Your mom had asked you to pick up a movie from Family Video, the store still located in the same place from when you went as a teenager. The same design too.

Entering the store, the bell rings above your head, signalling your entrance as you walk up to the counter, leaning against it and waiting patiently.

A few seconds later, a very familiar face bounces out from the backroom.

“Hey, welcome to Family Video! How can I help—“ Steve freezes as he sees you, his ex-girlfriend, standing in front of him. Your hair was pulled back in a claw grip, curtain bangs framing your face perfectly. A thick black turtleneck, a fluffy material, sitting nicely on your body as you wear minimal make-up. He could’ve sworn New York had made you even more beautiful.

You cough, “Hey, Steve… How are you?”

Why couldn’t Robin have been on shift today? Steve scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, “Yeah, yeah… I’m fine. How are you? How’s New York?”

You smile softly, “New York is great, thank you. I’m back in town for Christmas though. Can’t leave my parents in the dark for too long,” you laugh.

He chuckles along shyly, “Yeah, it’s good that you’re back. How long are you staying here for?”

“Only a week. I’d love to stay longer by my fiancé has to get back to New York for work by New Years.”

Fiancé. Of course you had a fiancé. It’s you. The most breathtaking woman on Earth. Of course another guy had snatched you up. Why would you want to date him again after all the shit he’d put you through anyway?

“Oh… Fiancé,” he replies, trying not to let the disappointment show, “Well, congratulations…”

But, you noticed it, he was the worst at hiding his emotions, it’s how you found out he cheated in the first place. “Thank you…”

There was an uncomfortable silence, before the sound of crashing VHS tapes came from around the corner.

You click your tongue as a young girl, looking almost identical to you, trots around the corner. She looks innocently up at you, twiddling her thumbs as she has a soft expression on her face.

You shake your head, softly laughing as you say, “What happened, baby?”

“I wanted Home Awone, but all the tapes fell down,” she says disappointedly, saddened that she couldn’t get the VHS herself.

“It’s okay baby, c’mere,” you say, lifting her up onto your hip and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek as you walk over to the fallen pile of tapes, neatly stacking them back on the shelf.

You show her the ‘Home Alone’ tape again, asking her, “This the one you want, baby?”

She nods, holding the VHS in her hands, “Yes please, Momma!” she squeals, beaming as her eyes light up.

Momma. You had a kid?

“‘Home Alone’ it is then, baby!” you say, placing your daughter back on the floor. “Go up to the counter and ask to rent it then.”

She giggles, running up to the front and stretching to place the tape on the counter. “This one pwease!”

Steve stands there in shock for a moment, connecting all the dots on how far you had moved on with your life in comparison to him. He was still working a shitty job at a VHS store whilst you lived in New York with your fiancé and daughter. And he was still pining over you. His life was truly a mess.

He smiles through the sting of pain, “Of course! You want it on your mom’s account, right?”

“If you don’t mind,” you reply, picking up your daughter once more so she can watch in fascination at the transaction going ahead.

After Steve rings up the tape, he gives it back to you, looking down to where you had a hand wrapped around your daughter’s waist, hoisting her up on your hip. There it was: an engagement ring.

“There you go,” he smiles.

“Thank you, Steve,” you say, “I’ll see you around, maybe?”

He nods, softly laughing to himself, “Yeah… See you around.”

The sound of the bell ringing again signals your exit as he watches you place your daughter in the back of your car, before you get in the front and drive out of the parking lot.

He was going to ask you out again. A stupid assumption made that you were single. Why would a 25 year old gorgeous woman like you be in the same shitty position he was? You had everything going for you: the looks, the personality, the sweetness and undeniable kindness. Everything made for the perfect partner. Whereas him? He was stuck living in a run-down one bedroom in his hometown whilst he desperately tries to find a girlfriend.

You were living the perfect life, he was living his own nightmare. You were never made for each other, and he should’ve known that.

sorry for the lack of happy ending! i hope this is close to what you wished for <3

[threecirclingbuzzards]

Love the patch clothing! I just bought a denim jacket myself and am looking forward to decking it out. Do you have tips or resources in how to get started? Much appreciated :)

I've only been doing this a year and a half so I am far from the perfect source of information, but here's what I've gathered over that time:

This post has a lot of really good information for painting and sewing patches. I use fabric paint from Michael's over acrylic because it holds better, but also maybe because it was a "gift" from a friend and idk if he paid the actual price for those. They also changed their brand so I can't speak to the quality of the new stuff, I just know I like Imagin8 and Tulip fabric paints from them. The colours you want to mix white or test on small scrap fabric before making a design. When painting, I sketch with pencil or get a stencil reference. Another way of painting here.

Stitching onto a jacket you can follow the first post, take sewing thread, cut a length, put through the needle, tie the end around itself [make a loop holding both ends together, put it through the other side] stitch from the inside of the jacket to start to hide that knot, pull directly away from the patch on the outside, stitch back through the patch from the bottom. If both fabrics were clear it would be a sawtooth shape you'd see.

Most scrap fabric will do fine to paint on, and I like to hem the edges to prevent fraying of my painted or printed patches but you don't have to and I didn't used to/don't always still, it's just a little stronger. and is good for thinner or loosely woven fabric like those that feel like denim.

[for info on how to hem and general sewing tips, check craft blogs, I am very devil may care with my sewing and have stabbed myself a lot. For stitch spacing use a ruler or other guide. I use my fingers it's not recommended.]

I also suggest, depending on where you're located, checking etsy or other independent storefronts online for some local/semi-local shops for screenprinted punk patches to see if anything catches your eye, but especially look for embroidered patches if you want any decent embroidery. Some are also from quite a distance but have a good shipment cost, but I try to buy local to avoid it being air mail. For punk style screen printed patches in America on Etsy that I can vouch for, I can name ZombieRufio, DeadGiants, RainbowDistribution, and DrunksWithaPress.

Punk With A Camera have some good screenprints if you're from North America, I know the bassist of my favourite local band has the "soup for my family" patch from there, and I'm planning to get it myself as well sometime soon. Bandcamp also sometimes has punk artists list their patches in their merch tab.

Other places I've gotten pins and patches is:

Scout Shops if you're again in North America, or Britain I think also has some, but that's a grab bag and usually just shapes like the dog my friend has or the raccoon I have.

Local festivals/shows, a lot of events in parks and such as community events with local artisan sellers have some cool pins and patches on occasion, I got my genderqueer pin from that. and of course local bands occasionally have pins and patches at their merch tables during and after local shows. For me, Local is the city next to mine with any actual punk venues for local shows [I think we have five places that punks play at currently in that bigger city.] but for you it could be your city, or a bit further. Look around on social media for your area. My gf found the bar I met a bunch of local punks at searching for cool places to eat in that city.

Finally, but not super useful, got a bunch from my uncle and grandfather on my mom's side in a big box from Scouting trades, so I have a big bag of miscellaneous patches from places they went to, and some just classic plain vintage patches, which definitely gave me a leg up. Stores catering to alternative fashion sometimes have old pins or patches but that's very location dependant.

For my studs, I had an Amazon gift card from a family member and bought it through there, but I can't advise doing that generally. Not really a fan of Amazon obviously. My cone spikes were a gift from my girlfriend who I believe did something similar, used an Amazon gift card. I know that other people have better places to order spikes from online if you're American, but I'm not sure how relevant that would be to you. Spikes I say be smart, do some research, be careful of being overcharged. Most of my jackets started without and just had safety pins from a drug store and scrap metal from wherever I found it and that looked really cool too.

Finally, I liked to build up my jackets in "stages" where I collect a few patches and then sew them all on close in time to one another, as it allowed me to plan the layout better, and make the final result look better to my eyes.

Now with all that very very long wall of text out of the way this is me expressly asking you to PLEASE reach out if you have any other questions, I love talking about this. Also if you post any progress pictures on Tumblr, you are required to tag me now. I want to see them.

Thank you to @genderfluid-and-confuzled for prompting the two posts I link at the top btw, He's awesome and has been the source of a lot of great conversation regarding jackets for me. My pieces wouldn't exist without you, comrade.

[pjo-obsessed-nerd]

sometimes valentines day really sucks lmfao i was talking to a guy 2 weeks ago, we made plans to go on a coffee date, and see a movie, and then he ghosted me. i had to go to dillons for my dad, running on 2 hours of sleep, already overstimulated, and walked into a crowd of 20 ppl all around the florist stall (which is directly in the way of our pharmacy, my destination), and then a guy came up and stood less than an inch from my back to reach for a flower that was behind my shoulder, so i started panicking. When i tried to leave, more people had come in so i literally could not get to the front doors without touching over 3 ppl at once. I literally ran out of the store crying because i was freaking out and people were staring at me. On top of that, we had no food at home that i can eat without making a fiver person meal, so i went hungry. i made brownies, burned the tops while simultaneously making the bottoms too liquidy to taste any good, let alone be safe to eat. when i went to vent to my mom, instead of being sympathetic and saying it would get better (what i needed/wanted to hear) she told me to stop bitching about it. For dinner, we had tortallini, which is normally amazing, but the tomato sauce literally made my mouth itch (Which is something i only experience when i eat citrusy foods, and im allergic to citrus, but this feeling was 10x worse), and my paycheck dropped just in time for me to get a meal from wendys before going to work on another 2 hours of sleep. The 3rd book of the series im reading (Newsflesh Trilogy by Mira Grant, it's zombies, conspiracy, journalism, tiniest bit of romance but i would die for Shaun and Bekks to kiss just one more time, go check it out if that sounds cool to u) won't be here for another week after i finished the second one on a major cliffhanger, and i haven't written anything in nearly a month. the times tamps of my book says as much. Also, i'm single, all my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends, and every guy or girl i talk to ghosts me after learning i have adhd/am working on a autism diagnosis. that, and my friends are lowkey ignoring me. on valentines day of all days, so the one group of people i'm supposed to be able to talk to when my life gets shitty the same way they talk to me when their lives get shitty have just been ignoring me for like, a week. idk what to do, cus im torn between punching a wall and curling into a ball so tight that i just POP out of existence. Anyway, sorry for the rant. if you read this far, i appreciate and love you <3

[cyncerity]

Hiiiiii Cyn!!!

Ok for your store shifted au, since you said you have a lot of info I’d like to know:

A character you want/plan to add to the story.

A random head canon you don’t know how to add but really like

If it hasn’t been said(because I forget lol) how Tommy and Tubbo met?

How the dream team met

If Dream and Wilbur’s rivalry is going to result in a certain reveal at all👀

And basically just ramble about anything you’d like to share because I want more store shifted info :3

Thanks and have a lollipop 🍭

OK THANK YOU FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS BECKYYY

Ok so the character i’m really trying to add rn is George. I wanna write something about him and his lore without giving too much away, cause y’all don’t know much about him. Some people have sent guesses based on the whole thing i wrote about Dream’s childhood best friend “Gogy” and his current long-distance boyfriend (and i’m gonna re-write that cause i wrote it before i decided on some very significant plot stuff like the language barrier so i wanna make that make more sense), but very few people have figured it out yet 👀

At some point i’m gonna write about how borrower colonies work in this au, cause that will hopefully become important later, especially since there’s some new characters to introduce that don’t live at the store.

And Tommy and Tubbo! They’ve known each other since they were toddlers. Tubbo was abandoned in a house when he was little and Tommy’s parents were never home much with their work, so they found each other pretty quickly. Since they were both pretty little they didn’t think much of it, Tubbo didn’t have the “humans are bad and will kill you” mindset and Tommy didn’t have the “i need to trap the tiny person and figure out what it is” mentality. Both of them met and basically went “oh my god friend :D” and they’ve been inseparable ever since. They grew especially closer after Tommy’s incident that turned him into a shifter. Tubbo helped him learn how to handle being small and how to get around.

Ok so this is kinda getting into spoilers, so i’ll just say the Dream team have all met each other, but never at the same time and they don’t know they all know each other 👀

I guess for Wilbur and Dream, maybe? I’m very tempted to have Quackity accidentally be revealed and for Wil to use him and threaten him to get what he wants from Dream, cause, like, angst, but Q already has his shenanigans with Foolish that i haven’t talked much about so idk, but certainly maybe.

Also if there was anything i wanted to ramble about it would probably be employees of each store. Dream’s store is a little shop opened by his mom, who’s now retired. He’s the manager, Punz is the assistant manager cause Foolish didn’t want to be, and Ponk is their pharmacist. I don’t know who else I want to work for the store, cause there are not enough people, especially compared to Wilbur’s.

Wilbur’s store is a small drug store-like shop that doubles as a restaurant. It has some outdoor seating but mainly just uses the back corner of the store as a drive through. Wilbur is the manager, Niki is the assistant manager, and also Ranboo’s older sister and guardian. Jack and Fundy work there as well and are usually in charge of the restaurant portion, even if Ranboo and Tommy almost never listen to them. Tubbo especially likes to knock things off shelf’s to hit them. Also needless to say Tommy and Ranboo work there.

Btw all of those are subject to change if i feel like it since they don’t really add plot, i just think it would be funny. I may add Hannah, Eret, Callahan, Shubble and Schlatt but idk yet. If i did i’d definitely need to put some in Dream’s store.

so ig if any of you have suggestions for characters for the stores lmk! and if you’re going “wait what about this person they seem like kinda an obvious choice?” they’re probably in the au already and you just don’t know lol

[noro-noro-noro]

dreamed again

first bit was like I was playing w a stranger on a modded Minecraft server. no idea how any of it worked but there were weird caches that had skeleton eggs (?) like not skeleton spawn eggs but red eggs that had cursed purple skeletons in there on them. the person I was with also had several buttons labelled "oh fuck" in the overworld that wluld teleport you back to base. they were very blunt & businesslike. to the point. idk why I was there but I think I was like forced to live in there or whatever so that was also the world. most of the time I was inside trying to tend creatures.

actually this came before - I was bringing home a bag of small crabs & horseshoe crabs & also giant triops & other made up dream crustaceans. & an alien-like sea urchin made f 6 or 8 jointed segments that would extend its segments through anything slowly but surely to gain more nutrients. I got a HUGE tank and put it in my mom's living room & tried to amke them.comfy - I wasn't planning on keeping wild animals, but I needed to have them, so they light as well be in a better environment than a bucket of water. there were also several mid size dead and decaying animals I threw in for them to eat.there was also several isopods . one in particular was like a rubber duck one exceot with a white body instead and he was super interested and active. my sister wasn't scared of him

eventually the first tank was too full of water(we had no lids) and I realized the creatures might jump out so I asked my sister to help me drain water & she broke the whole thing. I tried to save everything but some of the tiny fish died while I was gettjng two new tanks setup. I threw them in for the crustaceans to eat, and eventually the second tank was devoured and eaten through by the special sea urchin that ate glass. and this happened BEFORE the Minecraft dream bc it then shifted into me taking care of mieceaft fish in our base.

scene shift & that person became wrio genshin. his story quest was now released....! and it was about helping those two researchers that hate each other but everyone thinks they're in a relationship bc they disappear to the infirmary at the same time all the time. this was a 3rd person dream where I was basically just watching the traveller as she assisted wriothy with helping the researchers as thry bickered the whole time. there was a scene where she went too far out of her way for them and got hurt and wrio came to visit her as soon as possible in the infirmiary and like grabbed her chin and leaned over very closely tp have the conversation. it seemed like she was about to be kissed & was like um !!!? 😳😳😳😳 and then the researchers peeked in and immediately started gossippibg like "and everybody says WE are in a relationship even though we hate each other and these people are RIGHT THERE doing this kind of stuff with the duke ‼️" & wrio kinda smilled & sighed & walked away to reprimand them like"do you really think spreading rumors about the Duke of the fortress of meropide, your employer, is a good idea?" & they eere like "no your grace sorry your grace see you later" & scurried off, & thr story quest ended with a cgg of rhe traveller doing that anime girl thing where thry look off to the side beet red and touch their lips where they were almost kissed, & wrio in the bg. I was like wow.they really went shippy with this one this never happens. even with ayaka and Xiao.

hm after that I had a dream I was with my sister at ?a beach resort or smth. there was a GIANT wall of makeup products including a bunch of really weird colors of eyeliner. I tested out a bright silver from a silver/orange/gold palette & actually genuinely really liked it,so I wanted to buy it without the rest of the pallette. apparently the owner of the brand was in the same town, so I told my sister I'd be back and walked over. the makeup store was also part hair salon - a girl was getting her hair died to have like a dark blue tint with kther rgb streaks in it & each streak that overlapped had like a sparkle illuminating that part, but the sparkle was dyed in..anywsy the whole place was run by a large and very friendly trans lady. I asked her directly aboit the eyeshadow I saw and also asked for a haircut since my split ends were acting up.in the dream I was also on my period & the lady said sympathetically "oh if you're on your perjod your splot ends get worse but we ca fix that!" & I was like okay.... and sat on the hairsresser chair, which was more of like a lounge chair than a normal one.

I don't remember if she actually did anything about the hair bc a lot of people I knew suddenly came inside. kt wasnow dark and raining outside. one of my studio classmates revealed that she'd lived in this shop before bc the owner kindly let her use the room upstairs for free after her landlord screwed her over. also the assistant from work showed up but younger? and I forgot her name and said it was ALMOND. so embarrassing. anyway I was just sitting in the chair for a while and texting y sister updates. when I asked again about the silver eyeliner, she revealed that they were leftovers shipped in from somewhere else & arrived here unlabeled, but she'd try to find the one I wanted for me.

eventually I went to walk home but the weather was so bad.... I was treated to another 3rdperson scene of lumine genshin impact waking up in a cozy bed in a strange room with leafy branches putsife the window and a warm sun shining through. wrio's Castle...? (even though he's only I charge of the underwater giant prison) then I woke up . I need to wash my hair but kts getting stixky again and I don't want to.

[purplesurveys]

1682

When was the last time you wore eyeshadow? Idk, maybe a month ago. I’ll occasionally borrow my sister’s makeup and dabble with her eyeshadow, but I don’t use it every time I put on makeup. Only when I’m in the mood and time for it.

What is your favorite color eyeshadow to wear? I largely use nude shades but sometimes I’ll feel a little bolder and use purple.

Which gas station in your town do you think has the best snacks? I don’t buy snacks from gas stations. I just think food from them are dirty, even if they’re packed and even if they’re in the comfort of a convenience store lol.

Would you rather work with animals or work with children? Eh both can be pretty tricky but I think I’d pick the animals. With kids, I’d probably lose my cool in like half an hour.

Would you rather work with children or work with teenagers? Ew, but kids.

What is the most frustrating health issues you've been dealing with recently? For the first time in forever I’ve got a cold – the Full Package™ at that – so I’ve got a cold, dry cough, and a sore throat (which I initially thought was just a side effect of my vaping...until the soreness lasted a day). I feel like I’m terrifying people every time I let a cough out so that sucks too lol.

Do you own a pair of red pants? More burgundy than red, but sure.

Would you rather watch a movie, watch a TV show, or watch a YouTube video? YouTube video!

When was the last time you walked outside barefoot? A month ago when I was playing a prank on my mom.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? 🍷 Long Island Iced Teaaaaaaaaaa. That, or peach soju.

Do you like the taste of wine? 🍷 No. I’d drink it socially but I’ll be faking my pleasure the entire time because wine for me has just never tasted good.

Do you like the taste of beer? 🍺 No, that’s even worse. At least wine isn’t fizzy haha.

Do you like the taste of vodka? I never drink it straight but it’s fine when mixed with other alcohol or like juices.

Have you ever taken a jello shot? Nopes.

Would you say you are more spiritual or more sexual? Sexual, if anything. I’m really neither though.

What is one unpopular opinion that you have? I don’t believe in forgiving.

Do you think you look good in yellow? Mustard yellow sure, but I avoid all other shades of yellow not just because of personal preference but because I also think the others don’t suit me well.

What was the last type of cookie you ate? 🍪 It was like a healthy-ish apple cinnamon oatmeal cookie. Bea gave it to me before I went on That Hike that killed me.

When was the last time you had a cookie? 🍪 I had that ^ at the end of April.

When was the last time you had a donut? 🍩 IT’S BEEN SO LONG I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER AND I HATE THAT.

Have you ever planted sunflowers? 🌻 No.

What is your favorite thing about growing older? Being able to call the shots on your own life. The independence from “what are my parents gonna say?” “what are people going to think” is just really freeing, especially in a country and culture where older people think they can dictate your fate. I think a perfect example is the fact that I was able to plan out my Thailand trip on my own and informing my parents instead of asking permission.

How old will you turn on your next birthday? I will be 26.

What is your favorite type of frosting for a cake? Chocolate or peanut butter.

Which department store do you shop at the most? I don’t really shop at department stores.

Where do you buy most of your clothes from? Shopee is the key.

Who in your family has been in the military? My maternal great-grandfather.

Have you ever volunteered at a homeless shelter, and if yes, what was your experience there like? Did you enjoy it? Would you want to do it again? I’ve never.

[kalyri]

Yet another “I suddenly remembered” from me—after midnight when my brain just decides to randomly go off on its own, wandering through memories.

This one’s got transphobia and I hate it.

I was a trucker for the last four years of my life, and during my… second year? I think? Yeah, I was in my automatic instead of the manual. Anyway, I’d worked all day, probably close to 10 hours driving so like a 12 hour work day. Pretty typical of my mid to late work week at the time.

And I wanna say I was in Alabama. I could probably tell you exactly where this Pilot was, but I’ll leave that out. Anyway, I was exhausted, I was hungry, and I really had to pee, so I went into the bathroom. And I tended to sit in there for a good long while because walking the half a mile from my truck to the store to pee wasn’t something I wanted to do more than twice in a night. So I’m sitting there and I’m not paying attention to anything, people come in and leave. It’s a bathroom, most people are in there for 1 of 2 things.

Well, suddenly someone’s banging on my door. I make a noise, like mm? And she says something but I don’t fucking know what it was, I’m hard of hearing. So I ask her to repeat it and she says it again, but still not loud enough and I said “I don’t know” or something. Idk. I had no idea why she was knocking on stall door, there were like 4 stalls and I was the only one in there before she came in.

So I think nothing of it, but she’s being loud with her children—what I assumed were two boys at the time. She leaves soon after and then maybe five minutes later someone else comes in and pounds on the door and asks me a question. I ask him to repeat it and he does: “what’s your gender?” In more words than that, but you could tell he was uncomfortable. And I asked him why? He said he just needed me to answer and then like the bottom dropped out from under me. Because I could simply answer what he wants to hear—but I instead say “why does it matter? I’m using the toilet.” And he tries to get me to answer again, I don’t and he sighs and leaves.

And I continue scrolling like Facebook or tumblr or ao3 or whatever and then I think about it—I’m in Alabama… they could call the cops on me, lol. So I say fuck it, wash my hands, and leave. And I can feel eyes on me. The ladies behind the check out counter—my plan of getting McDonald’s goes out the window and I leave through the trucker entrance. And I call my mom. Because I’m shaking.

This lady knew nothing about me, but made an assumption based on the only thing she could see—my work boots. And then made another assumption on the only thing she knew—the pitch of my voice, which isn’t high on a normal day, and definitely wasn’t that night because at the end of a long work day, the last thing I want to do is mask for strangers. So I don’t.

I’m non-binary. Visibly not feminine, but not exactly masculine. I was wearing jeans, tshirt, and my work boots—which just looked like low-rise hiking boots because my feet are weird and I can’t wear calf high footwear.

Like it doesn’t surprise me that it happened. Some people are just hateful and refuse to mind their own business. But it’s so much different when it happens to you. And I was reminded of that just a few minutes ago because my brain just likes to throw random memories at me for no reason some days and today it was that one.

I made a point of avoiding that truck stop for at least a month afterwards. There’s a few more on that stretch of interstate that are better anyway…

[calliecat93]

2022 was a year where I focused on improving and starting to like myself. To some degree I succeeded, in others I failed. I've taken the steps to improve my anxiety and I'm doing pretty well since starting taking meds. The anxiety is still there, but it's becoming a lot more manageable. As far as liking myself... let's just say that some days are better than others. It's still super easy to fall into that void and be so hard on myself, but I have better awareness as to why I do and how to manage it. Overall I'm in a better space than I was back in 2020 when my anxiety/mental health really went downhill.

This has however affected my online life and Tumblr. I accomplished pretty much nothing. TBH I think it was necessary to both begin focusing on my actual life and to just enjoy being online again instead of imposing these expectations on myself. I hope in 2023 I can begin doing more again, but no promises. I'm taking it day by day. It doesn't help that a lot of my fandoms either had their shows end (Amphibia), I've stepped away from for multiple reasons and plan to remain stepped back when things resume (RWBY, The Owl House), or I've just lost interest in.

Really I'm gonna be honest... I'm in a terrible rut concerning animation. There's barely anything I want to see. Recent decisions like with HBO Max severely impacted my enthusiasm. Some stuff like Bob Iger coming back to Disney helped, but overall... I'm at a low point. I've always been so passionate about animation... but right now it's dead. The last time I got like this when I was 13-14 I got into classical animation to reignite it. But I feel like I've explored every single avenue over and over. IDK, there's just nothing left to excite me and IDK how to reignite the passion this time around. Most stuff I indulge in nowadays are cooking shows, some documentaries, and RuPaul's Drag Race which I doubt anyone's interested in me posting about. I have been rewatching Ed, Edd, n' Eddy which has been fun so maybe 2023 will be better, but yeah... I just hate feeling like this.

As far as RL goes, we lost our dog Lovebug after sixteen years and that was hard. There's some other stuff with some relatives that has stressed me out, but for the sake of privacy I won't discuss it on here. There's also the multiple celebrity deaths/deaths of childhood icons that REALLY hurt. Gilbert Gottfried, Angela Lansbury, Mom McGrath, Emilio Delgado, Pat Carroll, Kevin Conroy, Jason David Frank, and those are just the ones off the top of my head. Otherwise, 2022 wasn't my worst year. There's been a lot of changes, both good and bad, but I've certainly had worst. 2022 was a rough but overall okay year. At least I made it to the end in one piece.

What's in store for 2023? IDK yet. I have some ideas, but I don't want to open up about it quite yet. I'm hoping to get blog stuff running more, but ultimately this is what I do for fun. I need to focus on my actual life. That was probably my biggest takeaway from this year. I also turn 30 in February, so... that'll be fun. I have something big hopefully happening that I won't talk about until closer to the time, but I am SOOOOO excited for it~!

Happy New Year everyone~! See you in 2023~!!!

[shego1142]

There’s also the social stresses of using the damn things too. To the point that if I’m not with my friends and actively using my cane, I will not use one of those electric wheelchair-carts to save my life because the second you’re in one of you move your legs or stand up to get something someone will be either yelling at you or filming you. Especially if you’re young. I once broke my ankle as a small child (about twelve or so) and this grown woman followed me around the store calling me a “faker” and saying I was taking up disability resources for using my own cane that I brought from home. She didn’t stop until I found my mom and my mom got physically between me and the woman.

And she didn’t apologise when my mom explained that my ankle was broken either.

The pressure and anxiety I feel to not ever move my legs or adjust the way I’m sitting in my manual wheelchair makes it almost un-useable, especially when I don’t have the emotional spoons to deal with someone’s entitlement to my disability.

My mobility aids DO help me, when I have the time and energy and social security to use them. But the idea that anyone uses them for “laziness” is such the wrong way of looking at it.

It’s shaming a feeling (“Laziness” actually being a lack of a specific type of energy) instead of looking at the reason the person is lacking that specific energy to begin with.

I mean, it’s not anyone’s business why someone is using an accommodation. You are not entitled to know why someone needs a mobility aid, why someone needs sensory processing aides, anything.

But like, if you want a peek behind the curtain, I’ll go ahead and say, yes sometimes I do use mobility aids because I’m what some people may call “lazy”

Because laziness doesn’t fucking exist. Lazy is just a made up term for “You’re not doing the activities I think you’re capable of so therefore I think it’s because you simply don’t want to, and I’m not going to look for any other underlying reason why you don’t want to.”

Oftentimes, when I do use them, I use wheelchairs or electric carts in stores because of my sensory issues, not my mobility issues. I have both, but it’s the sensory issues that can make things worse for me, nine times out of ten.

Using a mobility aid so I don’t have to feel my shoes and socks, so I don’t have to count my steps, so I don’t have to hear myself walking, so I don’t feel the way my pants brush against my legs, etc

So I don’t have a meltdown in the middle of a store.

Anyway I just wish the term lazy would die.

Sure I’m definitely lazy, if we’re defining lazy as “exhausted by dealing with chronic pain all the time and just want something to be easy.”

I’m lazy if we’re defining it as “I can walk but I just don’t want to walk because walking hurts today.”

Lazy either doesn’t exist, or it’s not a bad reason to use a mobility aid.

The one and only bad reason to use a mobility aid is if you’re planning on purposefully destroying the thing you’re using and it doesn’t belong to you.

But who actually does that? It would cost thousands if not hundreds of thousands to replace one of those electric carts, why would anyone ever bother?

And more people using them regularly actually signals to the company that they need to purchase more!

Idk this post went some places but like just let people use mobility aides omfg

The idea that someone would willingly choose to use a mobility aid without actually needing it due to being "lazy" is really absurd to me because of the amount of work and physical energy needed to use aids that people just do not think about.

If you use a cane, you now only have ONE arm to do things like hold bags or open doors--how many trips do you want to take to bring groceries in again? If you use 2 crutches, or a walker, guess who doesn't have ANY hands free? Manual wheelchair user? Guess who has a horrific time getting food from cafeterias or restaurants because you only have a lap? Oh you have to drive somewhere? Time to think about storage and whether you have the energy to lift your aid out of the car unless you had the thousands of dollars to spend on a ramp! Electric wheelchair? Time to not be able to go out unless your chair is charged, also btw the space underneath manual chairs has been replaced by battery/components ;). Oh no! A tall curb. Time to make a 10 minute detour. Time for your upper body exercises so you can even move in things like manual chairs or crutches for any extended period of time and/or up any sort of incline. Etc.

[smollobsession]

Posted 27.5.

Start of the month:

Met with P in Telč. The weather was terrible :D but I had good svičkova and a good talk with my friend! I also picked up some albums she's been wanting to get rid of, and I'll pass them on to my kids who want them! woo!

As I was on the bus to get there, I passed the "pretty bridge" again and I decided to finally find it and check out the view. I was right, it's amazing! I then went on to Chodov for some more cinnabuns :D

On Sunday I went to Hlavni, thought I'd play some pogo. Honestly not many good raids but I did one and I finished a few researches so ok. I had a YUMMY pancake with ice cream.

6.5. Considering doing this

7.5. I had the most productive morning wow. first of all, i slept i think 9h so wow to that! Made and filled pancakes for C's bday, packed them up nice with skz stickers :D caught up on met gala skz gossip :D made lunch (sandwich and smoothie) bought rice and made breakfast (i researched this morning and apparently potatoes are also bad for ibs. all starches except bland ass white rice are, so, white rice it is) did most of the dishes so it's not a whole mess.

i still have pancakes left over so that's tomorrow sorted :D

i'm following what's happening in Palestine and getting ready for this week's protest. :/

but in the process i was on fb again and found this bit of typical internet discourse

8.5.

:( onigiri class for adults is full. the lady hasn't contacted me about meeting. and yesterday i made pancakes for a new friend but it turned out we weren't able to meet and my class pissed me off so i just ate the pancakes.

i'll give it till the end of this week and then i'll contact the lady asking to maybe only speak online, if meeting is too hard.

talked to my dad about this new job idea and he's enthusiasic. his idea is that if i'm looking for a bridge job, i might as well look for one in the general area (family) of they company i'd like to work for. he said oil rigs have a similar system. they are called differently tho which makes my search even more complicated.

idk why, when i talk to others about this, it seems so possible, but when i'm in my own head, it seems like a silly dream.

meanwhile, pogo gave me 2 more useless 4 stars :D i mean yay i'm happy with my collection but truly every pokemon i use and want to be good is meh :D

the animation before i could catch the diancie was fun :) but the diancie also has trash stats lol.

hello sir mr vegas sir... afterglow you say? O.O

in completely opposite news, i guess i'm happy someone put this up, even if clearly someone was Very Upset it was up.

it's nice to know that despite it all, there are SOME czech people who care.

OMG SOMEONE IS USING THE ESIM I BOUGHT!

12.5. They used a bit more!

The lady I wanted to talk to about work has rejected me. I guess my next stop is reddit :D

I had Korean on Friday and it was excellent! I then went to the agency that someone recommended to talk about potential job offers in my city and they were like "uh you should send us an email" which YEP i knew it (i tried but it got spammed).

Yesterday sure was a day. It was my mom's 11 years dethiversary. I had a weird ass dream about her of course.

I made a very hopeful meal plan for the rest of the month... fingers crossed. then went shopping for it. I also went to balkan store to get sweets for my kids, but I'll have to do more today bcs they didn't have my faves. Went to Flora to do some of my Korean HW - I have too much lol - and had a cake for breakfast... not the healthiest of choices but I was starving by that point because I didn't have breakfast at home. Saw C and said hi :D Then had a phonecall with D.

I hoped to see Aurora Borealis last night so I went to sleep early. I just slept until midnight, went out to see if anything was there - saw the city was oddly lively at midnight - didn't see AB, went back to sleep. Got a solid 9-10h last night thanks to this :D

There's a protest today, I'm getting ready and I shaved my legs :D priorities! :D

wore a dress and open sandals, no regrets, it was perfect for the weather, especially with the hat and the mask.

on my way to the protest i was on a bus and a man reached over and gave me a flower. i was confused but my kids reminded me it's mother's day!

some of them are going to the rammstein concert so the chat is buzzing :D (in the city i also saw hockey fans so wow so much stuff happening here now)

it was a good protest overall, though i felt like there were maybe fewer people than last time. sadly when we arrived there was a small group of pro isr protesters waiting for us (with cops between us, no issue) and a lady had a massive panic attack, it was kinda scary. ambulance came and helped her and i think it all ended up ok.

I went to the other balkan market later and got a burek and the rest of the sweets i want to share.

then i went to flora again to finish my homework. and have one more cake hehe

rip my feetsies :D

meanwhile... two things i'm considering. a) swimming in the local pool once a week. idk yet i'm so scared to try but :/ i want to? b) tmi but there's a big sxtoy store near the balkan market and i'm considering a toy. we'll see. honestly i'm far more concerned about the swimming... being perceived half naked is uh :(

and on a totally different note, i asked on reddit about the job and yeah... i think it's not for me. sadly. ah well.

18.5. hm so far all my attempts to socialize have been destroyed, i wonder why :D telc was good but rainy and i ended up being 1h late. my local friend wasn't in for pancakes. last week i made plans for pub quiz and then i locked my card by typing in the wrong number 3 times as i was trying to withdraw ca$h for the quiz master. Sigh. Even the fun lesson i planned with that one class ended up being with only half of us!

Now I joned a pogo group for bounsweet community day... let's see if i manage ><

some other adventures have been happening tho! I managed to try corncob - why sweet? and i found a taiyaki place that i really like!

yesterday before korean (since i had to leave early to unblock my card......) i was bored and it was raining so i found myself in the small botanical garden which currently has a succulents exhibit.

I did buy a smol one :) and it inspired me to clean my plants too so i did some of that yesterday and today.

After Korean I ended up at the Nepalese Indian place and had a great lunch. Omg their food is so good sob.

In fandom news, Jeff is in Sweden. I'm fine.

And this vid of Khao by First just melted me. Sometimes when people take pictures or even draw people they love you can just see how they see them and it's wonderful.

And I made plans with P for next weekend! I'm exciteeed!

It's spring here and plants are pretty <3

21.5. I've exercised 3 days in a row so that's nice.

On Sunday i did go to the center to meet up with the pogo group i follow on discord. i managed to speak to absolutely no one and even the pic we took hasn't been posted so there's like 0 evidence i was there. well, i got some codes from the leader so that. sigh, i'm so bad at this.

i got my period and bled all over everything again, despite a tampon and a pad. so now i'm washing all my sheets and protectors. happy tuesday to me.

27.5. last Thursday I joined the Pub Quiz group and had a good time and wasn't totally useless. Just got another confirmation I should have more faith in myself.

Evaluations sent and I'm slowly wrapping up the school year. (Omg today I talked to S*'s mom and I was so awkward lorde why am I like thissss aaaa)

Ugh ANYWAY. This weekend P visited! We did some good (and some mid :D ) food tasting, went to a medieval fair and visited the castle!

When she left, I got on a tram and spent an hour just traveling and reading. I'm reading Natsume's book of friend's finally and I still love it as much as I did originally. Such an underrated manga.

Did my homework in a cafe and had some cake :) and then did my shopping for the week.

Wednesday will be my last Full Day at work. It's really hard saying bye to some of the kids. sG said today that he'll continue if I'm not the teacher. He will be really busy and he would have made time for me but now he's not sure. I almost wept yo. Teens.

PS. I tried a new form where I write more often and keep it in a draft. I like it... but I wonder if it'll post without errors hahaha

[bandit-heart]

Somehow, my feed on multiple platforms has turned into all the cute slow-living, cottagecore type things I was really into when I was in my early 20s. I ventured so far from that in my last relationship. And the weird thing is, it started like that. We went on bike rides in the evenings, we would get coffee together or shop local record stores. He helped me pick out my record player. After we started working two jobs a piece, we would order a pizza together every Friday. I thought this was the person I would be with for the rest of my life. Then we both changed as people. He started drinking and smoking and that "home" feeling started to slip away. Now he didn't want to do anything that would take away from him getting to drink or get high. We would get out of the house so he could feel like he did something before getting too buzzed to leave the house again. It makes me sad sometimes. I spend five years with this person. I prayed for at least the last year we together, maybe longer, for this relationship to being taken from me. For ending it to be taken out of my hands. And so it soured and festered until it felt so foreign to me that when pushed just a little too much, I ended it. I only regret not ending it sooner. The person I'm talking to now is sweet and good and when things are flowing well between us, I feel like the person I always wanted to be. But he can be sort of unavailable. I want to be with him, but I don't feel like he's as invested as he sometimes seems to be. Idk. Maybe I should end it. Or just focus on myself. It feels so easy to let him take the lead between us, which actually seems to be something he wants. When on my own, I am again the hardest working person I know. I am self-sufficient and strong. I am a woman who doesn't need a man, and chooses someone just because I want him. I forget that sometimes. He wants me to take time off this year at the same time as him, but I don't really see the point. It's not like I feel we'll spend any of that time together. He's off on my birthday. He could see me, but I don't see him planning to. I sort of use my birthday to measure how much a guy cares about me. Does he make some kind of effort? Is he going to forget or wait so long to plan to do anything that he's like, "YOU plan something and I'll fit you into my schedule." Or does he get excited because it's a day to do something nice for me, to make it feel special? The way that I feel when I get to celebrate someone. I don't need a big celebration, but maybe think to get me a cake or take me to a movie or something. Just acknowledge that it's day that is special to you because I am special to you. This year I want to send my mom flowers on my birthday. She used to tell me how sad it made her that I never did anything for my birthday. She and my grandma are the only two people in the world who consistently celebrate my birthday. Maybe doing something nice for them will feel better. It's a tradition I want to start. Honoring my mom on my birthday. She should know how much I appreciate her.

[okcoolthanks]

Yeah screw it im explaining

I don’t have a lot of physical pictures but the ones I do are pretty important, I have a few from my grandma with my mom and her and her husband in them and I have one from a day we went to a boardwalk and we went to a Hard Rock Cafe

I’d never been in one before but it was cool I got like tiny pizza slices. But we were there because my mom had tickets to an aquarium and she asked me and my brother if we wanted to bring anyone with us and I remembered that G hadn’t been to an aquarium before so I asked her if she wanted to come with

She got really exited and the day that we went was really fun. I didn’t spend money so I had a Bit of savings (over a hundred dollars) and usually offered to pay for stuff (like there was a ring in a store that I still see pretty frequently online that had a fairy on it. It really fit her and she got it herself despite me saying I could pay lol)

Anyways at that Hard Rock Cafe they asked to take pictures of us, my brother asked his girlfriend to go with him and they got a rlly cute picture, and then they asked me me and G wanted one. I was anxious about my picture being taken at the time so I was a little worried at how it’d turn out. I didn’t even know Why they took our picture I think it’s because those are like special or smth idk I don’t know the culture around shit like that. My mom said that she was fine paying if we wanted a physical picture and my brother and his gf were like “yeah” so we got physical print outs and G was curious what ours looked like. I was mostly scared. I didn’t know what my hair looked like and I didn’t want to think about my appearance

When we got it. Yeah ok I looked weird. I put the mask on right before and my smile looked weird anyways (I don’t think I’m rlly good at it) and my hair was completely covering one of my eye brows and was about to fall into my glasses and I had a blue jacket that was probably not washed in weeks but beside me was G who had a really pretty black dress on with red flowers and some sort of jacket, I forget but I don’t want to check. And she was also smiling. Thinking back on it I don’t think she wanted to be around me as much as she said she did so I’m not sure if it’s a real one or not. When we got them back my brother was all happy because they put a little heart filter over his and his gfs and our mom got a picture of all five of us and when me and G got ours I wanted to be funny and poke fun at how I looked because come on if I had a black jacket on or anything I’d look emo or smth. So I was like “haha wow I look weird” and she said back “what? You look really cute! If anything I looked weird” and I didn’t think a lot of it because people give their friends compliments but I also had like a crush on her at the time so my brother told me that I blushed really red.

After that we walked around the board walk pointing out things in shops and watching a comedy juggling group (?) do a performance. She told me that she hated the smell of the seals so we didn’t go over to them and we sat next to the water and she told me about how when she was younger she and her friends at her grandmas house would dig around in the mud at a lake there and she would find really pretty jewelry and like cool rocks and bones and stuff. She said that usually her and her friends would spend a few days in the summer there and she could show me if I wanted and I didn’t know if we had plans then (we did but that’s a different story that ended up. Interesting) we also went to this store that had a lot of fairy themed things in it and it was really pretty and smelled like incense and she showed me some dolls that she said she had a few of when she was younger (the same place where we got the ring I mentioned earlier) and after that we went on a merry go round because she said she hadn’t been on one in years so she let me pay that time (I offered too many times to pay for shit that day. Look I didn’t have friends for three years before that and I had over a hundred dollars it’s not like I was gonna spend it on other shit) and I got a a little anxious so I started pointing out things about the carousel like the paintings on it and the other seats and I got to the things we were on

They’re usually horses but this one had a lot of different animals, she had a dragon and I didn’t really care so I sat on the one next to her and it was a black and white pig. And to be funny I started a fake argument about which was cooler hers or mine and one of the points I made was “yeah well mine is a real animal!” And she said that dragons were real they were flying all around us we just couldn’t see them. And I wanted to believe her so much. I wanted to believe that we were really friends I wanted to believe that it wasn’t gonna end and I wasn’t gonna end up wanting to throw up every time I walked past her I wanted to believe what happened for three years wasn’t gonna happen again I really really wanted to believe it wasn’t gonna end in the shittiest way it could.

Someone kill me I woke up way earlier than I should’ve and I have a sad lyric stuck in my head