#i literally have work in six hours ;-;
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hm. currently thinking about genichiro on your wedding night. doesn't matter if you're even getting married to him in the first place. [mdni]
can't believe i'm writing even more for this guy. but to be honest i do replay his memory just to bully him into a corner and stab him with my sword over and over again when i'm frustrated. (there's a joke in there i'm not willing to make.) anyway [word count is: 1.9k] of me just being a degenerate.
warning: nsfw. noncon, sorry gang. body worship, genichiro being completely delusional. apologies if he's ooc, i like the image of him being down bad.
a/n: written without any gendered preference in mind and no pronouns are explicitly stated.
Let's say this, you're the true grandchild of Isshin, kept hidden away inside the castle for as long as you've been alive. Genichiro is at the most, a well known acquaintance or an estranged sibling at the very least. You don't really talk to each other, let alone spend time around the other without your beloved grandfather present.
The life you lived has been one filled with lavish gifts and presents from many people alike, suitors or those who simply believe you deserve it. Never have you had to lift a finger, not once have you ever thought of doing anything that could cause you harm. Your grandfather had taught you the basics of wielding a katana, yes, but it’s not something you find yourself using often — at best, it’s a party trick you get to show off — at worst, it’s the bare minimum to defend yourself. It’s one of the reasons why Genichiro would constantly find himself hovering a few steps behind you.
You didn’t deserve to learn something that might taint your skin — something that might leave your skin bruised, cuts that turn into scars, or worse, turn you into someone like him. You’ve seen him train, watched him as he pushed himself to his limits, but you never spared him another glance. Content with just watching him from afar like you normally do.
It’s upsetting — truly, you never noticed that those moments he would catch you staring, Genichiro would be pushing himself even more. Always showing off his best moves when he knew you were watching, always wanting to prove that he was the only one worthy of your attention.
Then why did you agree to marry this worthless.. Genichiro doesn’t even consider them a person — doesn’t even believe they should be in your presence without a proper reason to be there beside you. It has him seething silently, watching as you gush to the small group of servants or even your grandfather as he stands there.. watching. Like he always is as you continue to parade around the ring and gifts that leech gave you.
He could give you so much more. He would give you everything if you so much as asked. If you wanted him to carve out his heart just for it to be in your waiting palms — he’d do it, yet find a way to believe that it wouldn’t be enough.
The night before your wedding is when he deems the act long enough. Genichiro waits, patiently, for the right moment to set things in motion. He’ll play the savior, swoop in and rescue you like he’s always done — and finally make things right. He should have done this long ago, when you two were still trying to navigate through this world together, no matter how brief those moments were. He should have been the one to ask your grandfather for permission first, but it’s okay.
Genichiro will take care of everything, just to ensure you won’t have to lift a finger or worry about any of the preparations needed. Isshin might disagree, might even refuse, but how could he? When Genichiro has only done what is right for the future of Ashina? He is the reason why the clan remains at the top despite the years whittling away at the power and influence that slowly begun to wane.
“..what the hell did you do?!” You shout at him, your eyes catching the faint red on his clothing. You feel trapped, your one chance at escaping from the walls of this place, your only chance of reprieve, gone without giving you a say in the matter.
“Only what was necessary.” Genichiro states it so bluntly, like it's something as mundane as the weather. He's not giving an explanation. Only staring at you like you're the crazy one and he's somehow sane, it's a shock that makes your blood run cold once the pieces fall into place in your mind. You don’t even realize that you’re taking a step back until he’s taking one larger step forward to shove you against the futon in your bedroom.
There's a kick against his stomach, but Genichiro doesn't seem phased in the slightest, instead choosing to grasp your wrists in his hands, pinning them to the sides of your head. Red eyes are all you can see behind the curtains of his black hair. His chest heaves as he stares down at you.
You, in your kimono, the colors perfectly contrasting against your skin and the moonlight. Its fabric so soft and delicate, cold against his and your body. He's waited long enough for this, waited years for you to finally look at him — acknowledge him like you do to others. It's only fair, he thinks, that this is something he's entitled to.
“..please.” It's a whisper that leaves your lips and into the air. It's a plea that doesn't reach Genichiro's already set mind. Choosing to brush his lips over yours in such a delicate manner, it's as if you two were indeed lovers. He shifts a bit until he's able to hold both of your wrists in one of his own hands. His fingernails dig into your skin, an unsaid threat, leaving red marks that would surely be a reminder in the morning.
You can feel his other hand ghosting over your sides, pulling the fabric covering you away from your body. When the chill from the night truly hits your skin you struggle, violently. Twisting and turning, mumbling curses and pleas for him to stop and leave you alone. For him to bring back your fiance. For him to burn and never come back. It breaks his heart to see you so unhappy, but he hates to admit it — your eyes look absolutely beautiful filled with tears.
The glossy shine practically holds all of the stars in the night sky. Genichiro can't stop himself from thinking you're something he's unable to reach, a god from the stories your grandfather would tell him, a being that would never be his. But here you are.
Dressed in a beautiful kimono with him. He kisses you, completely engulfing your lips in his own as he forces his tongue down your throat. You can tell he's never done this before with how often his teeth clack against yours and how he has no sense of rhythm nor tact. He won't pull away, not until he's reminded that he needs to breathe.
You want to scream at him until your throat bleeds, yell until his ears do the same. When you try and thrash, try and fight against him, Genichiro remains unphased and almost insulted. He's so much bigger than you, so much stronger than you — it's downright unfair. He's a trained soldier, all muscle and hardened exterior while you.. you're soft, delicate, like a flower. Unlike him who knows how truly dangerous this world is. You're what this world calls weak, but Genichiro doesn't seem to mind being that protector. His hand ghosts over your chest, your hips, your thighs like a man afraid you'd break if he placed the slightest bit of pressure.
You can feel him breathing slowly, taking in every detail before he's using both of his hands to spread your thighs apart. You didn't think he'd take his time right? Genichiro is a man of precision and caution, but he is not patient. Not when he was you right where he’s been wanting you for the longest time.
He’ll spend a few moments pressing kisses against your skin, trace the contours of your body with his hands in such a reverent way, that you forget for just a second who he is — what he is capable of. Despite his desperation, Genichiro wishes for you to enjoy yourself, for you to let him take the reins and show you how good he can make you feel, how much he is willing to spend worshiping your body like it’s meant to be.
For a few blissful moments you might be able to forget everything that’s happened when his hair is brushing against the inside of your thighs with his big hands holding your legs apart. You might be able to actually ignore the building dread in your stomach as he licks, bites, and sucks on whatever he can get his mouth on. It’s apparent once again how inexperienced he is. There’s barely any skill, barely any finesse, but if there’s anything Genichiro is — he’s determined.
You’ve seen how quickly he learns too, how fast he’s able to adapt to different strategies and it leaks into his performance even now. Every gasp, every shiver, every time your legs threaten to snap shut — Genichiro notes it in his mind as he tries to find the correct way to blend his touch together, to bring you to that high faster. He’s treating you like a puzzle, a game even, as he finds that right combination that leaves you clinging onto his hair and tugging as you tip your head back just from him moving his tongue the right way.
He loves it. The way you feel, the way you taste on his lips when he’s certain he’s cleaned you up properly with his mouth. When he pulls away, it’s to show how excited he is. You can feel him grinding against your thigh, can feel the way his hands shake and even hear the way his breathing grows ragged and desperate.
It’s unceremonious — the way he intertwines your fingers together in mock intimacy as he finally nestles his way in between your legs to take his rightful place. Don’t worry, he’ll be gentle — he’ll take things slow because Genichiro only wants to savor this moment. He wants to remember all the details of him finally pressing into you — wants to engrave the expression you wear when he starts to move.
And he shamelessly drowns in you completely. It’s something he’s never felt before, something he never thought he’d actually be able to do because in his world all that mattered was ensuring his — no, your clan stays on top. He needs to show you how thankful he is for all the moments you two shared, even if you can’t recall them as clearly as he can. Genichiro barely makes any sound, content to listen to yours as he gasps or takes sharp inhales of breath each time he feels the way your warmth envelops him completely.
His body shakes and trembles, but he knows he won’t leave you unsatisfied. Not with the training he’s done to ensure he has the energy, the stamina to keep up with a multitude of opponents. Just promise him, whisper his name like it’s all you know and he’ll vow in his own way to keep you happy, to make sure that you never will have to worry about anything as long as he’s the one by your side.
When all is said and done and you're both left basking in each other’s, albeit reluctant embrace, do you finally have the energy to speak your feelings into the night air.
“I hate you.” It’s a truth you don’t even realize has left your lips.
“I’m aware.” Genichiro answers back, “Your.. discomfort is a mere sacrifice I'm willing to make.” He's tracing his hand over your side, caressing the skin — trying to commit every detail into his mind. “You do not have to love me.” The tone he uses is cold, distant, and it only makes the despair in your heart grow. “..but you will learn to.” A warm hand slides up to cup your face, gently brushing away the tears that began to fall from those eyes he never wants to see look away from him, “And when you do — you will question how you ever lived without me.”
#jelly's writings#genichiro ashina#genichiro ashina x reader#god he's such a loser#i say as i swing my legs back and forth while i think about him#genichiro ashina smut#genichiro smut#can't believe this all started because i thought he was neat#now look at me#smh#as always not proofread#i blanked for the three hours it took me to write this#also why am i always posting at 1am tf#i literally have work in six hours ;-;#sekiro#tw.nsfw#tw.noncon#tw.yandere
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next up in my revamped kj designs: jet star!! 💫
she is so important to me… the space puppy tattoo is partially because of @eggbagelz’ headcanon which i saw and thought “oh definitely jet would LOVE laika” and the design is (with permission) one of my lovely friend @andpierres’ tattoo flash designs and tattoo tickets are available on his kofi if YOU would like to have a space puppy tattoo on your own skin! :)
as with the last two posts, untextured version under the cut for cleaner details and accurate colors!
#danger days#jet star#ttlotfk#killjoys california#jetty jetty jetty#jet has the most updated design technically because i went from headcanoning them as transmasc to transfem!#i have birthday and therefore astrology hcs for ALL the fab four btw if you’re interested#ghoul also has his sign’s constellation tattooed on him i think maybe jet and ghoul got those done to be loosely matching :) family#THANK YOU NICO FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR DESIGN!!#felt appropriate for jet not only because of the space theming but also because i know you like jet a lot :) and i like how you draw them#so. i kind of associate jet with you#and again: no jacket because i wanted y’all to see her tatts but unlike kobra’s jacket#i would probably make at least a FEW tweaks jet’s jacket makes the least sense to me. leather AND denim? i THINK? and there’s a weird symbol#on it? and an epaulette? idk man it’s interesting but i would probably do it differently#god fucking damn it the gun is a little too short probably. to make sense from a top angle. OH WELL. i’m not going back and changing that#too much work#also i spent literally five or six hours just on her hair please clap#if i’ve said anything about jet’s tattoos in the past ignore that i don’t remember any of what i said if that’s the case#NEW hcs now.
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empty nest
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#'snap arent you supposed to be asleep' YEAH SUPPOSED TO#UUUUUGGGGGHVLKJLKJLKJC WEITS DONE ITS FINALLY DONE I HATE EVERYTHING BUT NOT ACTUALLY#I SHOULDVE WENT TO BED SIX HOURS AGO BUT I DONT CAAAAARRRE ITS DONE IM FREEEEEEE I STAYED UP TO FINISH IT#free to do commission work and have a crisis this week Thats Fun (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)#ugh do i have anything left to say other than The Usual.#enjoy. please. im begging you. please enjoy.#im forcing myself to ignore small mistakes and things that generally bother me cause i can NOT work on this anymore#if i do im gonna sell my soul#OK BYE IM LATE FOR MY MORNING ROUTINE#IF THERES ANY GLARING ISSUES IDC DEAL WITH IT#IM LITERALLY GOING TO HANG MYSELF I ONLY NOW NOTICED I DID THE YEAR WRONG ON THE TWIT VERSION#I CANT EDIT TWIT POSTS NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I REMEMBERED TO FIX THE MONTH THERE BUTLKAEJLKAJ#WHATEVER IM LEAVING FORREAL NOW BYE BYE BYE DONT TALK TO ME BYE#I DONT HAVE THE ENERGY TO TELL MY JOKES AND DO MY COMENTARY IDC BYE BYE BYE#NEVER COLORING A LONG COMIC LIKE THIS AGAIN I PROMIIIIIISSSSEE
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Please send good vibes my way. Work is exploding rn
#blue babbles#yesterday I almost got 1. knocked out with a sign that ripped off in the wind 2. blown off the road by wind#and today there is a football game in the college town I live in AND my work is having a deal so we are literally exploding#orders are 40 minutes behind and customers are either yelling at me in person or honking at me in the drive thru#IM JUST A LITTLE GUY. A LITTLE GUY WHO WRITES DEVESTATING FANFICTION#I need that pic of Beetlejuice with his head in his hands but captioned ‘this is who you’re yelling at when you’re asking for your pumpkin#frap for the 5th time’ bc no joke someone did that after waiting ten minutes#GAAAAAHHH. might delete this later#send me fun and or not fun headcanons and gifs and whatever please /nf tho#I’ve been yelled at six times and I’ve only been here for two hours. Will be here for five more hours#livin the barista dream I guess
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listen...listen... idk man i didn't expect downfall to hit me as hard as it did. but i'm at the end of ep101 and i have cried more maybe than during any other part of this story...and what a story within a story downfall is
it's about faith, the faith the mortals have in the gods and that the gods have in mortals, the faith in their creations, in and for their love of each other. and there is something so moving and intoxicating and emotional about that depiction, of gods deciding to become mortals to achieve an end goal, but of learning how much mortals love and feel and suffer
just the love between them all, everyone depicted. the wildmother and the lawbearer... the emissary.... trist and ayden, the everlight and the dawnfather... fucking just....everyone
idk man this sort of tragic story really just gets me so so so fucking bad, it hits me in such a unique way
#i am. so emo#cassida reaching out for the help of a god in a city that would kill her for prayer because her son is dying#betrayer gods and prime deities working together#asmodeus--ASMODEUS becoming who he is because he took the brunt of the force of their ship coming to exandria#the emissary being sent out ahead of the lawbearer because she could not bear to be unable to break her own rules if she had to save her wi#the way noshir's voice changed before the matron of ravens and he genuinely was a child#the way the lawbearer held the hand of her wife and asked the wildmother to tell her everything about her brave child#the way trist tried to hold onto her husband and children for as long as she fucking could. this mortal life she'd made#just...the matron of ravens being the matron of ravens. being kind.#the fact that the dawnfather was a fifteen year old boy#i am actively crying right now post episode#it's not a bells hells episode and i have missed them SO much but holy shit i think this six hour long insane episode has been my favorite#my favorite of the entire campaign#might even end up being of all of cr point blank eventually we'll see#not to mention the INSANE combat and roles#abubakar???? INSANE. what a fucking guy#silaha was a blast and the meteor swarm was unbelievable#the fact that nick knew the mechanics INSIDE AND OUT???#i'd literally watch it again just to pay attention to how he maneuvers the layers of abilities and stats#anyway im so weak right now#going to go through everything for those eps in the tags now#critical role#personal
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god tornado warnings r so fucking scary dude sending u strength + hope its all good!! also sending hank and marcie images for moral support they look like if someone animated little stuffed dogs to life <333
woag I actually ALSO have new friend dogy pics to share!!!
this is Sadie :]
thank uuuuu i drove an hour out of my way to swing by my apartment and make sure everything was alright (it was! all good just a few trees down) so i am feeling. MARGINALLY better than i was when I left work lmao.
#got here (dogsitting house) and IMMEDIATELY fuckign. laid on the floor w her bc i am so fucking tiresdddd#i got to work at 7am. speedran all my morning tasks. was in the water for SIX HOURS. was supposed to leave at 4.#thats also exactly when the storms hit and our building started floodinf so i stayed late to help put out buckets and also make sure#they had extra hands if the power shut off (it didnt) then i had to. drive by my own apt because i had horrible tornado anxiety visions.#everything was fine. LITERALLY just got here like 5 minutes ago. longest 12 hour day of my fucking liiiife#goddddddd. save me prime defenders. prime defenders save me. i have to go write my post about tide and wetsuits now#asks#friends!!!#intertexts
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(how was your day at work? mine has me talking to my bathroom spider and promising her that we'll take her with us when we move).
#y'all!!!!!#can you believe at my super cool new marketing job that they've been paying the only other two employees $40k a year????#and one is a web developer with 10 years of experience and the other is working full time at this job AND finishing her MBA????#and that they didn't know they were both being underpayed until i asked about the quarterly bonuses in my contract#and they said “BONUSES!?” and y'all lemme tell you they have worked here for two and six years and never gotten a raise#i took this job and a paycut because of “the opportunity for quarterly bonuses”????#“there aren't any quarterly bonuses you stupid girl!!!!”#that's not even from just today#that's just “Wow she's really into her bathroom spider” context#we're going to move to a town of 296 people#seriously!!!!#literally!!!#i would never joke!!!#anyway#let me tell you this#if you watched “Mad Men” before your prefrontal cortex fully cooked - don't think you're Peggy Olson for one gd minute#you'll end up writing a month's worth of seafood emails in an hour while the Productive app snears at you until you have daily diarrhea
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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.
#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck#oh i just said something dumb to my boss#give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me#oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake#agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it#oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time#oh no my one coworker hates my guts#she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it#i'm not special#it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be#but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues#i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me#i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again#but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong#if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with#plus#these people aren't dwelling on my failures either#they all have their own stuff going on#yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget#they aren't thinking about me that much anyway#XD
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hugely sick and tired of my family assuming that i'm always miserable and treating me as such. like maybe if you didn't constantly ask me what was wrong with me i wouldn't be so fucking annoyed all the time
#like they start FIRST THING in the morning#i mean am i going through it? yeah kind of#there are things i should probably deal with re: several people that i'm avoiding because i simply do not want to deal#whats the line from buffy. happily vacationing in the land of not coping#but it's not like i'm moping around all the time i'm literally just existing and my mom Takes Offense#this is the second saturday in a row i've just been sitting there eating breakfast and my mom is like WELL DO YOU NOT WANT THIS JOB#?????????????? am i supposed to do a jig before going to the most boring job on earth? i sit in an empty room for six hours#it's not like i said a word about work or anything else for that matter. i was doing a crossword puzzle and minding my business#i am burned the fuck out. i really am#it's not just the october craziness i'm burned out from living with my parents#i was going to go out with someone again and i finally just pulled the plug because i do not have the mental energy at all#anyway whatever the reason i'm tired of being yelled at about it
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yeeeesssssssssss
#just happy that. while sure i still dont have time to play it today. i got it running. sure it was on the nvidia cloud thing. but its#working. its finally working. cant wait to see my rook in 3d tomorrow. and yeah there's a six hour session limit but. thats gotta be long#enough to make a character and get to a save point at the very least so. fuck yeah#original posts#also like. talked to my wife with both of us having clearer heads (thanks to literally clearer air) and shes open to slowly building a new#computer which is cool. just not with the absolute minimum parts this time. so until then nvidia it is for anything too modern for this#2012 ass machine. ah well its better than nothing
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WIP Title Game
I was tagged by @riotstarruika!
Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
(I had to censor the one because it's such a specific ship that when it gets anonymously posted for an exchange in a couple of days I don't want everyone to immediately know it's me.)
Tagging @saintmouthed @akallabeth-joie @opens-up-4-nobody @fremedon @everyonewasabird and @riotstarruika again, since it's been so long that you probably have entirely new WIPs by now. XD
#also I drafted this in April but apparently tagging people was too many spoons#so the fic (Favourite/Fantine) is now up#it's technically been written since before posting#but the pacing was annoying me#had a minor breakdown. got therapy. changed jobs. back babyyyyyyyyyyy.#and starting writing again in ... November XD (new job is great but now I have a social life idk man)#tag game#cannot overstate what an absolutely insane state this original tagged post found me in though#I had just driven five hours through the hot SE Asian summer to my old host family's village while listening to Yellowface#and also anxious about a workplace issue#I arrived at my grandma's house and deadass thought “oh no what if they find out I'm white”#y'all it's been seven years I LEARNED [language] with them I AM UNAMBIGUOUSLY WHITE#and then I saw this post and started doing screencaps#and then my brain said “but what if people realize I stole my work from someone else?”#again for SIX YEARS this is literally NOT something I have ever done I have always written my own work#Yellowface had me THAT fucked up#anyway it was a joy Ms Kuang hmu when your latest criticism of an academic institution releases <3#ask game#APPARENTLY
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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“are the girls going to help you make pierogis?” well no one else is fucking gonna are they? no one else in this house has functional fucking hands apparently
#every Christmas i think about the time we came home from mass and my father said “finally! now we can relax.” and sat down at his computer#and played video games for the next three hours while my mother and sister and i stood six feet away from him in the kitchen making#200 pierogis.#it’s crazy considering the amount of stuff he gets done for him on a daily basis that I would never even think would be done for me by anyo#like bed made for him/all meals/all dishes/food put on his plate for him because he refuses to do it himself/pretty much all errands#whenever he wants tea he just says that want out loud and it gets brought to him by magic#i mean or anything else! he once said “did you say we were having cappuccinos today?” just to no one in particular and we all knew no one h#had said anything of the sort. and then he was given one!#of course he goes to work from 8-6ish every day but other than one day a week it’s remote and has been for years and i can hear him#he is pretty much never not on the phone gossiping with someone#and i don’t begrudge him having a not physically intensive job or anything but im just trying to think of the things he has to do#he makes my mother mow the lawn. i do it when i am home because i think that’s disgraceful.#if my mother begs hard enough he'll do the least amount of yard work possible if it’s something we can’t physically do by ourselves.#but on a daily basis it’s just go to work/eat the breakfast brought to you/eat the lunch brought to you/come downstairs eat the dinner made#for you/play video games until you go to bed in the bed that was made for you in the morning#and on non work days it’s just eat/video games/bed#and like all this to say#he complains more and has a worse attitude than anyone I have ever known in my life#whenever he encounters a minor inconvenience he's talking about how it never ends and he never gets a chance to rest for once#literally any day that’s not spent in complete and total stagnation is considered a failure#he hates when my mother and sister and i are happy like we can’t even play music and laugh in the kitchen while we cook and clean up after#meals because it distracts him from his video games and his YouTube videos about video games and the war in Ukraine#he gets mad when we laugh too much lol like dude you’re pretty lucky you have daughters who can have fun while doing the dishes#considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years#word to the ladies out there btw: my parents used to clean up after dinner together when they first got married. so watch out lmao
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Today at work one of my coworkers did the "hey can you guys watch my boss for a minute?" thing where they leave the phone camera on to watch you 😭 i was laughing too hard to do anything funny. Much needed after the stress and hell that this shift has been
#literally adore all the people i work with#that being said. fucking pray for me because i have five or six hours left at work today and they are going to be Bad i already know it#brookie's bullshit
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it's weird. when I initially stopped shaving and cut my hair off I was pressured about both. I was explicitly told to go back to shaving and long hair. It sucked, but eventually I got over it and enjoyed it and was living my best life. And now, all the sudden, without anyone actually saying anything, I am feeling that pressure again. I am genuinely considering both, even though I don't want either.
#I have one? friend who I see semi-regularly who also has short hair and doesn't shave#literally everyone else I am friends with/know/everyone in my family/etc does#I'm going to six flags with friends this weekend and they all talked about spending hours in the shower doing full body shaves#every single woman I work with shaves and has at shortest a bob#I just want to feel not out of place#I don't like feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb#in pictures of me with other people it's almost jarring how different I look from everyone else#don't look like any of the women and have too much tit to look like a man#and no one I mention it to seems to get it. I've tried talking about it with my sister#and she's like 'I feel the same way :( cause I like a different kind of fashion and I'm not small and skinny enough'#and I don't want to downplay that or say that isn't happening and doesn't suck#but she has hair to her ass!!! she wears makeup! she shaves regularly!! she likes shopping and dresses and being pretty!!#she is gorgeous! and it's so obvious and like yeah maybe she feels out of place but visually she is not#I very very much am. I exclusively wear like 80% men's clothes at this point#I'm not sure I know anyone else who does that???? and it's very obvious that's what I'm wearing!!!!!#I can get along with other people and have similar interests and stuff#but I still feel out of place cause I don't visually fit in and it sucks
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