#i laughed at this ask tbh

[goldarm-queen]

why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food

"Wha--

I read this twice, but it just makes me wanna steal an oven."

"Sure, why not a new doily set while we're at it. Sam, what are we gonna do with an oven in the desert?"

"Of in the cold food: Of out hot eat the food, I guess!"

"Ya big lug!

...if you're hungry though, maybe we can drop by the Junkers'. They gotta real kitchen set and everything. Real fancy livin'! Hahaha!"

"YEAAH!! I could eat! You don't hafta squeeze in a reason to see Nani either. I can see the heart eyes from here."

"Hope ya think that was funny enough to be worth it. You're uninvited."

"Bellllleeee, nooooooo--"

[revvethasmythh]

How it started:

How it's going:

[blossoms-phan]

the way this video is literally half tumblr with NO warning like they are soooooo unserious

[whirlybirbs]

I'm not sure if you would write for him but anything for gojo?? I love him and his teasing antics so much lol

SATORU GOJO is shameless.

Always has been, always will be — especially when it comes to you.

His Clan tried to persuade him into plenty of formal arrangements that would be beneficial for all sorcerer-kind. Big talk for a whole lotta bullshit, honestly. Which is fine, because he's Satoru Gojo — not some loser push-over. He knew he was in love with you then, so it was a no brainer: he offered marriage and a promise that he'd be the best he could be for you every day he breathed.

He's buried in you to the hilt, his smirk bleeding into your vision as you whimper and try to adjust to the sheer length of him — something you're not sure you'll ever get used to.

"Aw, baby, there you go," he murmurs dotingly with a dash of humor, "And no swearing this time! Such a big girl—"

"Shut up—"

He's grinning. "Sorry, would you prefer 'mommy'?"

Your brows climb your face, you're confronted with two big, blue eyes dancing with mischief when you finally peel your own gaze open. He hasn't moved yet. He's letting you relax. How kind.

"Gross," you scoff, your breaths falling into a slower rhythm despite the buzz of pleasure in your abdomen, "No thanks."

"I could make you a mommy," he jokes smoothly, "How about that?"

Oh.

Less gross.

Satoru notices the piqued interest.

His eyes narrow comically, his posture still and arms braced by your head. "Don't tell me you're seriously considering that—"

"You're the one making the breeding joke with your dick in me—"

He's shameless. And you're his. And the clan has been asking for an heir...

"Fine," he concedes with a roll of his hips, "But, only if I get to be daddy."

— [ send an ask: birbs’ smut blurbs; minors dni ]

[ilynpilled]

idgaf wars champion

[nocakesformissedith]

SEASON TWO

Vox: Now I've come for you so you're not killed like the rest of these losers.

Alastor: You promised no hypnotism.

Vox: I know, but don't you see? With it, we're unstoppable. We'll rule Hell mercilessly!

Alastor: But I don't want—

Vox: I̵̛̠̲̪͖̼̳̞̝̟̳̟͚̞͍̱͍̲̫̘͎̹̯̤͗̈́̇̀͋̏͐̅͒̄̈́̿̏̎́͛͜͝͠͝��̢̖̮̲̘̳̳̮̣̯ ̴̨̧̧̢̧̖̮̥͍̳̳̬͍͍̙̳̱͓̥̻̤̖͍̪̜̮̳͕̯̠̝̟̞̦͖̌̒́͜͝ͅͅd̴͈̯͉̗͓̰͉̞̼̪͉̰͖̲̹̝̞̖̰̞̝͍̠̠̤͙͇̤̬̘͔͕̲̞̊̆ő̶̧̧̫̲̩̪̪̦̟̗͎̦̫̥͙̐͗̓ņ̸̡̧̨̨̨̛͓͕͙͕̺͉̣͔̮͍̟͍̳̩̘̘̥̞̲͉̫̱͈̞͍̤̞͛̈͆̍̃́̀̇̂̽͗̅̄͊̓͆̓́̅͌͌̔͗͊͑̈́̈́͝͠͝͝ͅ’̶̡̢̧̧̹̣͙̦̱̳̹̱̤͍̩̭̠̺̪̦̖̤̱̜͉̏̿̽͆̈́̇̈́̓͋̽͑̕ͅͅt̷̢̢̡͈̠̖̻͔͇̣̜̯̺̫͚͙̱̯̝̻͙̯̠̖̬̬̃͂̊̿̏̎͐͗̈͛̄͌̊̅͋́̓̒̕͜ ̸̗̈́̕͝C̶̡̡̨͔͈̲͈͉̜̼̥͎̖͖̗̭̱͓̩̺͚͕̜̮̻͍̈͆̇͋̀́̋̀̿̾͌̚͜ͅͅĄ̷̛͙͔͍̞͎̥̝̗̯̠͖͉͙̺̯͙̼͓͍̜̲̰̙̩̇̌̿̓̈́́͆̂̄̋̄́́͑̽̈̋̊͂͌̕̕͝͝͝͠͠͝R̵̡̧̛̛̟̤͕̰͖͎̮̙̝̰̣̲̻̞̘̬̗̜̻̠̯̤͎̹͌̊̈́̍̽̽͐̅̅̒̾̓̎̃̃̂͌́̏̇̓͑́͂͘̕͜͝͝Ȩ̷̨̧͓̯̞̙͉̠͍̱̗̖̭͉̺̙̰̘̥̳̫̰̝̥͔̈́̐͐̈́͗̓͋̍̎̏̉́͗̔̈́͐̔̃̾͑̅͒̔̀̉̓̈́̈́͒͛͆͊̃̏̍̂̚͜͠͝ͅ ̴̢̧̻̬̫̳͎̖̙̯͚̹̜̬͍̲͉̭̘̥͓͍̮͙̝͖̩̆̉́̏̐͛̈́̆̚ͅẅ̴̨̡̨̢̛̛͔̤͓̣̲̱̼̮͙̜̠͖̫̜̞͚̪̑̿͒̽͘͜͜͠ͅͅḥ̴̟̝͓̮̹̬̠͖̭̀̈́̌̎̉̒̂̓͐̇̉̿͋̍̈́̎̀̏͒̋́̈́́̍̈́͐̏̽̆̌͜ą̸̢̢͇͉͔̤̬̹̮̳̬̦̰̟͍̺͍̻͌̍̈́́̿̌͗͌̍͋̇͆̑̐̃̆̿̈͋͑̊̎͘͝͠͝ͅͅt̴̜̝̳̪̦̝̫͎͖̓̐͑̂̄̂͆̀̎̋̔̄͆̋͌̓́̀͊͌͆̓̔͂̂̀̋̅̕̚͝͝ ̴̨̢͉̭̣̳̝͚̠͇̤̖̳͙̼̝̬̭̲͓̼͍̯͖͔͎̬̙̟̮͎͈͇̣͍̞̘̞́̈́͐̾͒̈͛͒̚͜͜͜ý̶̢̧̧̡̘̜̺̬̻̗̖̜̘͔͍͖̠͚̰̟͚͈͔͔̯̈́̑̽́̿̚ͅơ̵̛̛̞̻̊̂̈́̽͑͌̂͆̇̉͑̊̒̈́̈́͌̀̔̂̎̓̋̑̅͘͝͝ư̷̢͕̯̜̘̣̤͎͉̙̰̝̤͉̹̼̗̺͖̻̟̞͍̹͚̦̪͐̄̀̔̿̅̆͌̿̓̊̎̄̕͝ͅͅ ̷̡̨̞͚̬͙͈̟̞͍̮̼̼̠̳̙̳͓̱̭̝̬̱̳̟̪͙̹̬̙̜̗̔́̽̋́͛ͅw̴̨̢̨̢̜̜̳͇̺͙͈͈͕̮̼͈̼̖͎̹̘̬͉̜̬̞̥̱͈͚̼͔̬̳̬̉̎̇͗̀̾̕͜ͅą̶̢̡̗̯̫͍͔͖̺̬̗͕̞͕͈̙͔̌͌̍̐̋̀̐̈́̐̒͂͘͘͘͠ͅn̵̛͙͗̆͌̄̄̇̉̈́́̆̓̄̅͑́̊͌͐̊̈̽̀̎̔̉̆̌̐̎͘͠t̷̛̜͇͈̥͍̓̎͌̽̉̈̐͐̉͋̆́͂̐̔̍̀̿̕̕̕͝͠!̸̳̩͑̋̈́͆̈̔͌̄͗͌̈́̈̒̿̒͊̇̃͑͒̿̑͋͘͠!̸̺̠̯̮̞̱͓̦͈̘̖̘̐̋͆̀̋͐̏̈̋̔̚̚̕͝͝ͅͅ

Charlie: Oh, my goodness.

Angel Dust: [Bleep] is cray-cray.

Alastor: I won't leave the hotel. It's one thing being an evil Overlord, it's another thing to be a capitalist sellout, and I would rather die than join the Vees!

Charlie: Me too.

Husk: And me.

Angel Dust: And me!

Vox: Right, well no one invited you lot, but whatever.

[whatsitcalledagainn]

Just read the coffin scene teehee and talk abt forced proximity good lawd

[kulliare]

tagged by @shrips for 9 books you'd like to read in the new year! ty for the tag-- i tag @halfagod @albatrossisland @eponine119 @tru-lyly

[fumifooms]

Mickrin

Fifth entry of my “Dunmeshi rarepairs I will birth with my own hands if I have to” series. This one’s straight up embarrassing, like of course the shadow version of Chilchuck and Marcille would get me.

It suddenly grabbed me out of nowhere. What got me thinking about it is this exchange, first comic third panel, because like… Woah. He knows she has a thing for Kabru? Or something. And he has NO FEAR. Like it’s so forward and has 0 pretenses lmao. And then I thought… And oh no. Oh no.

"I can fix him" x "I can make her worse"

Very uptight and strict and rules-following and too self-aggrandizing tbh x will not hesitate to insult you to your face and sleazy and free spirit…. Kuro is involved in an ot3 of sorts in my head and basically they drag her into Situations of various moral standing aka scams or idk going to a club god forbid. I think she needs to relax and get taken down 1 peg maybe, and I think he needs like…….. Someone to teach him what is unhealthy lmao, also remind him to get work benefits, and if they can like get to feel safe and comfy with one another (and god just the road there would be a beautiful trainwreck to watch) they would be gossip besties worsties.

Kabru needs to be the epitome of morals but like, if it’s Mickbell she can lower the bar… Just for him… <3 She can fix him just a little and she’ll be like "wow! Ok I can settle for this amount of upstanding behavior from you Mickbell you get a gold star"

I never expected it ok I read this extra expecting nothing and god knows why I saw him be like "hey u like Kabru right. You’re his babysitter right. Which poor sap is being Kabru’s maid" with 0 fear and her being so casually pissed back at him and idk, how they’re so comfy being not polite with one another but they’re still coworkers-friends despite it… Crazy for how prickly they both are that they manage that much. They bicker and see each other as annoying at best but weirdly dependable and friends despite it all and……….. I am going to grow them in a lab and observe how I can make it work

MICKBELL IS A REBOUND MORE AT 9??? Maybe Rin and Mickbell have a one night stand and then the aftermath dynamic is this….. She probably regrets it. And then it gets more complex and grows into something odd as she becomes hyperaware of him and they have this little complicity thing going on….

I think cuddling with Kuro (who would be more like a platonic protective & soothing presence in his and Rin’s relationship rather than romo) would destress her actually I think she needs and deserves it. Go to a dog cafe bbygirl it’ll fix you. So what I’m saying is the three of them watch a movie and Rin and Mickbell are sitting on Kuro’s laps and everyone is so comfy. Kuro’s legs die halfway through but he’s self-sacrificing it’s fine….. Actually Mick is on his laps Rin’s just nuzzled into his side. There, fixed. I am so weirdly invested in them… They’re funky to think about. Rin seeing Mickbell and Kuro like "you guys are aware that what you two have is fucked up right" and then joining them in the messy dynamic 🤝  Put them in situations. That will be all.

The sheer amount of sass on their own, let alone together…

Make them get drunk together it’ll be glorious

[sandpapersnowman]

The arcane crew said that viktor and Jayce have no romantic feelings for each other (to be honest I have always seen viktor and Jayce as paralleling vi and jinx. While one pair ended up leaving each other one stayed together while vi got to stay with cait Jayce didn’t stay with Mel

'they parallel vi and jinx' they parallel their dicks together when they frot cosmic nakey style

[proteusolm]

I never realized just how isolating being out of work because of disability is as a young adult. I don't want to be around other adults because they'll ask me about work and I'll have to be a huge fucking bummer by ashamedly explaining that I currently feel too awful all the time to function. It's sad and humiliating and makes me scared that everyone just thinks I'm lazy and a failure. Especially because the issues I'm dealing with now aren't visible ones.

[lostreverb]

????????????

[introspectivememories]

sometimes i wonder what was the source of the obsessiveness between lewis and nico, knowing each other since childhood? i was always curious about lewis acting "no homo" when it came to nico?? is there an answer? i don't really want to have what they had. sounds intense

i'm sorry i'm not answering any of your other questions but "i don't really want to have what they had" is sooo fuckin funny to me

[peachdues]

Do you think Sanemi actually frequents bustybeauties.net (reference to compass)

OAKSMSMSKSNSN I snorted my ginger ale omg.

Definitely as a teenager but less so when he actually started getting his hands full iykwim. Then again, as you’ll see in the next chapter, he lost his v card when he was like…15.

But he absolutely is not dallying in busty beauties once he gets down bad for a certain bookstore worker 👀 now it’s just a convenient way to hide his little contingency

[blitzbuckz]

. . . since when did the mask ball thing turn out to be an AMONG US party???

[a-fucking-tornado]

HELP I JUST EXPLAINED GEN ALPHA BRAINROT TO MY MOM AND NOW SHE'S LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY 😭😭