#so it’s reasonable that hua cheng thinks that’s what xie lian is asking for!! which is terrifying to him!!

[yea-baiyi]

about hua cheng re: that conversation w xie lian about his “true appearance”, and why hua cheng freaks out when xie lian’s asks to see his real appearance — like san lang is basically his normie appearance. whereas he usually prefers to be full makeup platform heels acrylic nails. but when xie lian asks the question, he wonders if xie lian would consider his “true form” as his ugly self. (after all, that’s what most people mean when they ask for someone’s true form — they mean their original human appearance). but the way xie lian phrased it makes it clear that it’s about being open and comfortable with each other, not about some demand for truth. which reassures hua cheng not only that xie lian will like him no matter his true appearance, but that he would accept hua cheng’s chosen appearance as his “true self” because it’s how he truly sees and portrays himself, rather than his original appearance. xie lian’s words assure him that it’s not the Honesty or the Original appearance that matters, just that he’s aware that san lang is a facade for his benefit and he’d rather see hua cheng the way he prefers to appear.

[citronverveine]

when you think about it, tgcf really wouldn’t have the same impact if xie lian didn’t cultivate through abstinence.

it’s funny because it’s not even relevant to the core of the plot itself; xie lian never uses his cultivation as a reason to stay away from hua cheng. he only reminds the reader of it when he drinks wine, which is pretty irrelevant anyway. but if it doesn’t impact his relationship with hua cheng then it must serve another purpose, otherwise it wouldn’t be here, because things in fiction don’t exist just for the sake of existing.

xie lian abstaining from earthly pleasures fits into the narrative of control, expectations, and divinity, the transcendance of his mortal body.

xie lian’s goal, very early on, is to become a god. and what are gods? above mortals. or that’s what everyone thinks, but not xie lian, not entirely at least. xie lian views godhood as a means to serve the people, not being above them. this is why he doesn’t think kneeling before gods is right, and why he doesn’t want his believers to kneel.

obviously, very few people agree with him and tell him how his godhood should be, even his own believers who think it’s stupid to not kneel before a god.

xie lian always saw godhood as a tool, and his body as a tool to reach godhood. xie lian is self-sacrificing in nature, and even if at first he doesn’t really know how much it takes, it reaches extremes once he is forced to self-sacrifice for a hundred people at once.

during that time, xie lian’s body and autonomy was taken from him. “this is what you want? then take it.” it makes it seem as though it was his choice. he wanted to help, so he got to help, he should be happy, right?

i often wondered why xie lian didn’t just say to hell with it and broke his cultivation through his eight hundred years of banishment. not once, as far as we know, does he willingly break it completely and irreversibly, even though he is shackled, even though he doesn’t even actively cultivate anymore.

i think it’s about control. during that time xie lian had very little control over his life.

godhood is about repressing your human traits. when he was a god, xie lian was asked not to care, not to intervene, not to help. he was asked to sit back and watch as his people suffered, as his kingdom threatened to fall. he couldn’t.

that’s why he couldn’t be a god. he realized that himself after almost releasing the resentful spirits on Yong’an. he ascended and asked to get bannished once again. all of what he did was too human, from start to finish, and he would never be fit for a god.

his cultivation was the third and last shackle, self-imposed from the start. the first shackle bound his spiritual power, the second his luck, and the third one his cultivation, asking him to repress his humanity.

this is why it’s important that xie lian makes the choice of breaking his cultivation for hua cheng. it’s an obvious choice when you understand all of this. hua cheng gave xie lian his autonomy back by letting him be himself and making his own choices, and trusting him with them. never did he doubt xie lian, never did he tell him what to do, even when he had his own opinion on the matter. hua cheng lets xie lian be. while supporting him through it all. he’s always behind him, no matter what happens, no matter whether xie lian does good or bad, he’ll always be there to catch him regardless of what he does, because he is there for who he is. he’s xie lian. he’s human. it doesn’t matter that he’s a god, a prince, a scrap collector, a curse.

and because xie lian has finally found someone who accepts him as a whole, can he finally let himself be whole and let go of the control he has on his body. he doesn’t have to hold back. he doesn’t have to try. he can indulge. he can be human. he can want. he can love. he can hurt. he can cry. he can laugh.

tl;dr: xie lian, once aware he has someone that will accept him, the whole of him, can finally let go of any artificial control on his self to fit in what the world expects of him

[biboomerangboi]

My friend was watching the show for the first time and they brought up a misconception that I think we see a lot in fandom. So I want to talk about The Gamblers Den and specifically this scene in particular:

My friend genuinely wondered what Hua Cheng would do and then when they heard his explanation they were even more confused:

They basically messaged me saying, wait Hua Cheng would have made the bet. He bets people’s lives and some how Xie Lian is okay with that. How???

And to anyone else who’s thinking the same thing or falling for the Demon King vibe Hua Cheng is trying to sell here I am here to tell you, you have all been duped.

What’s import to understand is that Ghost City actually came from making one of Xie Lian’s ideas work:

Xie Lian is talking about a specialised market here, a place where the common people couldn’t just stumble into without reason and that’s what Ghost City is and The Gambers Den is the foundation of it. While Xie Lian didn’t say hey go gamble, Hua Cheng is taking a risk and playing into his greatest strength and then showing of for his crush is the most dramatic way possible when talking about it.

For Hua Cheng the house always wins! Literally. Or at least what he wants the bet to be will always happen. His luck is just that good. If the gambler wins it’s genuinely because Hua Cheng let him.

In the Den he is acting as Judge and Jury with Xie Lian as his moral code but he can’t just turn down the deals. If he does then these people could go to less safe options (looking at you Qi Rong) to get what they desire which negates the reason he built Ghost City in the first place.

Hua Cheng has to let these people play by his rules if he wants to follow his Gods wishes. So he has to be creative and look at loop holes, phrasing and Xie Lians most important teaching finding the third path.

For this moment specifically giving the options I think Hua Cheng would have taken the 20 years of his daughter’s life. Why you may ask? Well the phrasing is easier to manipulate. While the eradication of his competitors is pretty well laid 20 years of his daughters life is pretty vague.

Option 1) Hua Cheng could take her away from her shit father and put her in an apprenticeship and marry a man of her choosing since her hand is now her own to decide since Hua Cheng doesn’t want it.

Option 2) She has to work in Ghost City for 20 years and is married to Yin Yu in name only (because Hua Cheng can’t have a wife at all or he won’t win Gege) then gets pleasantly divorced and giving a severance payment after 20 years.

Option 3) He could decide life is a vague term and after she dies she has to spend 20 years in Ghost City and matchmake a future marriage between her and another ghost.

Option 4) He could decide what she has to do with the next twenty years of her life which could include an actual good marriage and education. Where she has to worship his shrine and be only his devotee for 20 years.

Option 5) He can literally say I’ll collect when I decide and never cash in.

He can do anything because the wording is so fluent and for Hua Cheng debater and Civil God Killer it’s probably easy. He’s not a demon king, he’s a crafty trickster spirit basically a fae lord.

He’s playing the system and he’s winning that’s what Xie Lian figured out and why he supports it. He knows Hua Cheng well enough even back then to trust that he would make the right decision because he believes in Hua Cheng and he’s right too.

[mikaela-the-slut-expert]

I have a request... though you don't have to write it or anything... just since I saw a new post, I just decided to write this thought in my head. Again, you don't have to write it if you don't want to.

Anyway, hualian with m-reader, right BUT the m reader that they are with is a clone.

If you have read dear door then you know the doctor, he has the ability to make clones NOW give that to m-reader and send hualian and a manhunt to find the real m-reader.

They find him chained under a mountain, serving punishment for whatever reason you can think of, and the only person the real m-reader trusts is his clone. Slowly warming up to hualian through constant company and assurances from his clone...

...

..

.

Smut scene is asked but not required...

Clones?

HuaLian x M!reader

Wanted to write headcanons for the first half and write an actual story for the smut part. Also read some of dear door and now you've got me hooked 🖐️😔. I got as far as knowing he has clones but not how they work 😭 since the doctor was a demon though we makin reader a ghost. This was actually hard, sorry if this sucks y'all 😭

Ignore grammar mistakes

!!! Blowjobs, gagging, sex, foursome, clonecest, orgasms galore, covered in cum, practically a gang bang if I say so myself.

____________________________________

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng have a third lover, he's a little strange but they love him dearly.

They love your clone that is, not that they would know

Your clone says strange things sometimes.

"Oh, I would've loved this", "I wonder what I'm doing right now?"

You're right here what do you mean?

They've decided, maybe it's a weird quirk of yours.

So without your knowledge, your clone has gained the affections of two very strong and important men.

Hua Cheng has been gazing at 'you' lately. Recently he's been suspicious of something.

He caught you crying.

While usually he would've immediately comforted you, he had noticed you were calling your own name while sobbing into the pillows.

Xie Lian has also been studying 'you' lately.

You've never been a fan of the public and usually hide your face behind a different form. The day they took 'you' out on a date and you forgot to hide your face, the ghosts seemed very confused.

They kept their space that day.

It was unusual so Xie Lian went looking around trying to see what was going on.

"I could've sworn he had been killed...", "Haven't seen that face in years..."

But you had been here the whole time?

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng eventually talk to each other about it and find out they have similar suspicions.

They confront 'you' about it and you bust into tears in their arms immediately.

Through muffled sobs, your clone admits what he is. Just that, a clone .

He tells Xie Lian and Hua Cheng everything, and tells them that his real name is just ' Kèlóng' which means clone.

So if this is Kèlóng, and just a clone... Where are you?

It doesn't take long at all to find the real you, Xie Lian knew where you were most likely being kept.

The real you however isn't as, trusting, as Kèlóng is.

You also look different. Older, scarred, and irritated.

Kèlóng, looks younger and bubblier.

They do get you out of under that mountain though, and let you stay at Paradise Manor.

You only really agreed because Kèlóng said it was safe.

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng know you don't know them, and you technically aren't their lover but they can't help but love you anyways.

They're careful with you, and let Kèlóng do a lot of things since you only seem to trust him.

It takes a while for you to be comfortable in the presence, especially Xie Lian's since he's a god.

You don't hate them, you guess. They aren't mean and even though at first you had been scared like a feral cat who hisses and scratches they seemed to keep caring and loving you anyways.

So after some time you let them in.

Kèlóng is happy, his creator and lovers are getting along well. And maybe you'll become their lover too!

He predicts correctly.

Kèlóng made it a game to roam around in your form instead of his usual young looking self, so Xie Lian and Hua Cheng can't tell who's, who.

Eventually kisses, and affections start getting muddled between both of you.

And you? You didn't say anything because you enjoyed it.

Hua Cheng is the one who finds this out. He kissed you thinking it might be Kèlóng. When Kèlóng, in his normal look, and Xie Lian walk in though, Hua Cheng and Xie Lian figure it out.

Especially with the way you don't pause to stop. When Hua Cheng pulls back in embarrassment, and tries to apologize, you pull him back closer and continue making out with him.

That's when they decide to ask you to be their lover as well.

Of course you agreed.

🦊🪷

You are not a clone fucker, you never looked at your clone and thought, 'Yeah, I would fuck myself'. But this situation makes you think, you might be on the border edge of being considered clonecest?

The situation being, you gagging on your own clones cock that is. How did you get in this situation you ask? Hua Cheng and Xie Lian were curious. They wanted to see you, intimate with your clone and well... You looked at their stupid, handsome faces and said yes.

You weren't expecting to be gang banged! What the fuck?! You're brought back to be present when Hua Cheng's hips smack against your ass, forcing you to take Kèlóng's cock deeper down your throat.

You gargle, and Kèlóng is generous enough to pull out of your mouth. Since when was your dick this good? Since when was Hua Cheng's so big? This is ridiculous.

"How... How much longer are we going to do this?" Your voice is raspy now when you talk now. Hua Cheng has been arranging your guts for hours now and you swear the stupid ghost hasn't cum once.

Hua Cheng's chuckle vertebrates in his chest. "Gege hasn't even had a turn yet, why are you so impatient?" He runs his hand down your spine and then pulls your arms behind your back, forcing you to take him deeper. You whine loudly and huff through your nose.

You glance over to where Xie Lian sits. He's just watching, he always watches. It's embarrassing, his pretty eyes gazing at your face, soaking up everything they can. Kèlóng moves away from you and briefly you can hear your clone urge Xie Lian to take your mouth.

Xie Lian complies, you can tell when the bed dips in front of you and you're suddenly met with Xie Lian's cock. It's not like you hate this. They know you don't hate it. If you did, you wouldn't have lurched forward to deepthroat Xie Lian.

Xie Lian runs his fingers gently through your hair and slowly rolls his hips. Unlike your clone who so excitedly fucked your throat. It feels like you're floating right now, not having to think about anything. Your cloud palace is interrupted when Kèlóng fists your hair and pushes your head down on Xie Lian's dick.

Hua Cheng takes his chance to fuck you deeper, harder. He must be close. Xie Lian has also started rocking his hips faster. They fuck you in a way that keeps you full. Not one second do you not have a cock in you. Fuck it turns you on.

You feel someone grab your hand and put it in an 'o' position. Distantly you hear Kèlóng, "Let me use your hand Y/n, please please please" it's not like he wait for you approval. He's already got his, yours?, his dick thrusting into your hand as if you chose to jerk him off.

You're surrounded. By your lovers, by men, by cocks. You love it and soon your body racks with another orgasm. It's not long until the men around you cum either.

They choose to make it messy. Xie Lian pulls out and cums on your face, though it's obvious he was sheepish about it. Hua Cheng doesn't, he pulls out and shoots an abnormal amount of cum across your ass and lower back. Kèlóng, your own clone, cums into your hand and manages to get it in your hair.

You fall limo into the bed and pant softly. All of them are looking at you. To them you look good like this, covered in all their cum. This is where you were meant to be not under that mountain.

"why are you guys looking at me like that..?" You tilt your head.

They're definitely going to fuck you again. What God should you pray to?

[scripted-downfall]

I swear, with every danmei book I read, the protagonist gets ever more oblivious. I mean, I started out with Wei WuXian of all people, sitting there not knowing that he's pining over his best-bro-bestie (who's also pining over him) until he decides ya know what? marriage bow time! Because that is a completely logical progression!

But then! There's Xie Lian! Who has a mfing Calamity-level ghost pining over him for 800 years --- casually building elaborate temples for his celebrity crush while said disaster god burns down his house --- and who makes out with Hua Cheng "fOr SpIriTuAl PoWeR" on the regular, and who regularly runs across strange characters with one eye covered, a strange red-based colour scheme, and a strange devotion to him, only to run into a certain strange one-eye-covered, red-schemed, devoted Ghost King... and who not only doesn't connect the red-coloured dots, but also comes to the completely sensical conclusion that see how well I can resist the wily temptations of *women*? clearly, the only reason I can't resist the wily temptation that is Hua Cheng is that Guoshi never considered that hot men exist! and also regularly tries "not to bother him" while the latter is vibing --- in the literally vibrating sense --- in Paradise Manor waiting for gege to ask him for help.

AND THEN. Because that! Wasn't! Enough! There's fucking SHEN QINGQIU. (I'm finally reading SVSSS! I finished book 3 and am tracking down 4 now!) Who spends three fricking books simping after Binghe like there's no tomorrow (which, to be fair, he doesn't think there is) because oh holy shit, he's such a white lotus, look at how pure and handsome and powerful, oh god oh fuck, yes he's going to kill me but at least I have the honour of being killed by The Luo Binghe, I'm so lucky, holy shit, wait why isn't he putting together a harem of women?!?!? he's plenty hot and powerful and badass enough??!?!?! and also insists to the very end that oh, no, sir, I'm completely straight. As a ruler. I invented rulers, actually. Because of how straight I am.

AND THEN!! IT SOMEHOW GOT WORSE?!?!? Because I made the mistake of starting The Husky and His White Cat Shizun. And Mo Ran is... well, he puts the "moron" into his name, that's for damn sure. I mean, at least he knows he's into guys from the beginning, but like. My guy. You cannot sit here and say "Obviously, Chu Wanning and I shared a deeply intense hatred" and then wax poetic about how hot and elegant and calm and composed he is for two paragraphs with any degree of credibility At All.

(I'm Thriving. Never before have I had four fixations unlocked at once. My sanity is struggling, but my mind is buzzing and the world is fast.)

[baiwu-jinji]

I received a very thoughtful anon ask about Qi Rong and in the process of doing research for the ask, I came across a meta about Qi Rong on the Chinese website Zhihu that I absolutely loved, so I translated the meta into English - anon I will answer your ask ASAP, in the meantime I hope you're interested in this excellent meta:

I think Qi Rong's feelings for Xie Lian isn't that of a fan for his idol, but that of a child for an imaginary "father". So he wouldn't try to understand and study XL's character like Hua Cheng; he's only looking up to this "father figure".

This isn't a baseless conjecture - the relationship between father and son has always been a topic that can't be averted when it comes to Qi Rong. I'm guessing that when he was bullied and excluded by other kids in his childhood, it didn't occur to Qi Rong to hate the circumstances of his family; instead he wished for his father to stand up for him and help him teach those nasty kids a lesson. This wish had always existed in Qi Rong's heart and became a traumatising shadow of his childhood.

Whereas his cousin, the prince Xie Lian, who suddenly appeared in his life to help him, was unconsciously used by Qi Rong to fit his expectation of the "father". XL did what he expected a father to do, so he placed XL in his fantasies about a father. Since his abusive and useless father doesn't cut it, then someone as gentle and strong as XL must be the standard for what a "father" is like. Subconsciously Qi Rong had this idea.

Therefore I think a lot of the dumb and horrible things that Qi Rong did for XL is only due to the anxiety that a son feels towards the indifference of the "father", so he tried to do something compensatory to win the father's attention and approval; but this didn't work out at all.

This is also why he's good to Gu Zi, because Gu Zi is just another Qi Rong - he's abused by the father but still begs for the father's love and doesn't allow others to hurt his father. It's probably because Qi Rong understands what this feels like that he'd pretend to be a seemingly decent "father" for Gu Zi.

(Here the author also points out the connection between Qi Rong and Gu Zi based on their names, which needs to be explained to English readers in more detail - Qi Rong's name "Rong," in Chinese "容", is comprised of two parts: 宀 and 谷. The latter part is "Gu" (谷) as in Gu Zi's name, and the former part 宀 stands for a house or a home - in this sense the character "Rong 容" (Qi Rong) incorprates the character "Gu 谷" (Gi Zi) and provides a "home" or "shelter" for "Gu".)

Qi Rong shows off all kinds of places to the kid that he's never been to, deliberately bigs himself up, and protects the kid at the dire moment, because all of these are what Qi Rong hoped his father would do for him. However, Xie Lian was only a kid himself; how could he answer Qi Rong's expectations for a father?

Qi Rong undoubtedly loathes his biological father, because when Qi Rong was a kid, his father was useless and crass, made a laughing stock of Qi Rong and his mother and became the reason Qi Rong was mocked by other kids. But when Qi Rong needed his father and needed him to scold those kids, his father didn't care about him at all (probably only the father could accomplish this sort of task since Qi Rong's mother was depressed and sickly; this plot is repeated later on in Feng Xin and his son).

When the entire country was being destroyed, his other "father," Xie Lian, became a laughing stock too. XL didn't manage to help him before and after his death. For Qi Rong, this is a replay of the events that happened when he was five years old; this perfect "father" proves no different from his biological father.

So fundementally Qi Rong hates Xie Lian for the same reason that he hates his biological father. He indeed projected too many wishful fantasies on XL, but I think it's more about the son's disappointment towards a "father" instead of a believer's disappointment for a "god". In fact, whether XL activated the human face disease or whether he managed to saved Xianle is of secondary importance to Qi Rong; the complaints someone could voice out loud usually aren't what he actually cares about.

Of course, Qi Rong is possessed by the idea of avenging Xianle to some degree, otherwise he wouldn't have plotted revenge with other Xianle descendants. But what Qi Rong really cared about, he only managed to speak when his soul dissipated - it's what he always wanted to say to Xie Lian and his biological father but never could: "I worship and need you so much, but you don't care about me at all". This is more the case of a son who craves the father's love and complains about it. The relationship between Qi Rong and Gu Zi is comparable to the relationship between Jun Wu and Xie Lian. At least Gu Zi received some paternal love and won't grow up to be like Qi Rong, which is nice.

(For anyone interested in reading the original Chinese, here's the link: https://www.zhihu.com/question/372905885/answer/1735047946?utm_psn=1754070720630493184&fbclid=IwAR0eSI0gya5ERovl1C1Fphv2ZjnXGuKUalA378VWcZjoCj4NiUD7Pw6BDS0)

[one-flower-one-sword]

Sending virtual hugs! 🌸

I’m wondering about your thoughts on Xie Lian and how he views Hua Cheng and the Gambling Den.

He expressed to Hua Cheng his concerns about how dangerous it is, and let it go when he understood that he and Hua Cheng have differing views on the matter.

It makes me wonder how things would have unfolded if the man who gambled to have his competitors die or give his daughter’s life and marriage if he lost, had been able to complete his bet without interruption. Like how much is Hua Cheng involved in something like that?

Would that man simply have walked away with the luck he needed to get what he wanted? I can’t see Hua Cheng actively hunting down and killing those people.

But I can see him allowing the man the luck needed to make his desires come true - so not actively engaging but not interfering with the man’s terrible decisions - kind of like with how he dealt with He Xuan.

I’m not completely sold on that thought though…😅 your thoughts?

Thank you! 🌸

And thank you for your ask! I love talking about Ghost City :3

I've thought about similar things regarding the Gambler's Den, but ultimately, I think it's on purpose that we don't find out for sure and are left to wonder. Especially since, at this point in the story, both the reader and Xie Lian are still slowly uncovering who Hua Cheng is as a person.

When we look at this scene after everything is revealed, I think it's quite clear from the mockingly derisive way he talks to him that Hua Cheng did not like that guy, and I wonder if he would even have taken that second bet if Xie Lian and the others hadn't been there - he seems to have a pretty good understanding of Lang Qianqiu's character when be talks about him with Xie Lian later, so I can see him use that second bet as a lure to make Lang Qianqiu cause a commotion. Because then Hua Cheng gets to "discover" that Xie Lian and the others are there, which means he has a reason to invite Xie Lian to Paradise Manor, which is necessary to make that whole "have them rescue 'Ming Yi' so that He Xuan's cover isn't blown" plan work.

As an aside, though of course Hua Cheng is always happy when he gets to spend time with Xie Lian, I think he must have deeply hated deceiving him like this. It speaks to how much he values his arrangement with He Xuan and how vital the information He Xuan provides is to him - which is proven when right after this, the whole Fang Xin reveal happens. Without He Xuan monitoring what's happening in heaven and relaying the information to him, Hua Cheng wouldn't have known that Xie Lian got locked inside his palace and couldn't have come to rescue him.

Back to the topic at hand though. I think it's worth looking at the actual dialog when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng discuss the den because there's so much in there:

After some hesitation, Xie Lian spoke up again. "San Lang, it may be out of line for me, but I still have to say it. That Gambler's Den of yours is incredibly dangerous. Won't it blow up in your face one day?"

A place that allowed the betting of sons and daughters and people's lives, granting wishes for others' sudden deaths - it was dreadfully sinful. Never mind a little brawl; if one day the bets got out of hand, the Heavenly Realm wouldn't be able to stay on the sidelines.

Hua Cheng gave him a look.

"Your Highness, did you ask Lang Qianqiu why he had to jump into that mess?"

Xie Lian was slightly taken aback, not quite understanding the intent of the question.

Hua Cheng continued, "I bet he must have told you that if he didn't do it, no one else would."

He was amazingly on the mark, obviously having seen through Lang Qianqiu.

"That's indeed what he said." Xie Lian admitted.

"Then I'm the complete opposite," Hua Cheng said. "If I don't control a place like this, then someone else will. I'd rather that person be me."

Xie Lian knew when to back down, and he nodded. "I understand."

It seemed, although Hua Cheng was the sentimental sort, he also cared more about control and power than Xie Lian realized.

It's fascinating that it we look at what Xie Lian actually says and thinks here, what he mainly seems to be worried about is what would happen to Hua Cheng and his friendship with Hua Cheng should Jun Wu be given reason to actively start going against him. Which is also what Xie Lian worries about during this entire mission - what will happen if it turns out Hua Cheng is involved with a heavenly official's disappearance and heaven retaliates, what will happen if he's not involved and Xie Lian has destroyed their friendship by deceiving him. It doesn't matter to Xie Lian that Hua Cheng is a Ghost King and that they're technically on opposite sides - he's decided based on his own experiences and judgment that Hua Cheng is a good person and a good friend, and he's already at this point very protective of him. Especially since he's not unaware that the heavenly realm in general and Jun Wu in particular do not share his opinion on Hua Cheng, and the political implications thereof:

Jun Wu turned around. "Tell me, what kind of extraordinary character did you engage with when you descended this time?"

Xie Lian raised his hand. "My Lord, I swear I did nothing. Just, one day by chance, I encountered an interesting young man on the road, and we spent some time together. I didn't think much of it."

Ju Wu nodded. "Chance encounter, young man, Supreme Ghost King. Xianle, surely you are aware what the consequences would be if Ming Guang was to question you further and you confessed to this in front of the other officials? No one would believe you."

"Xianle knows," Xie Lian replied woefully. "So, I'm grateful for My Lord's timely intervention. My Lord, you're not actually going to interrogate me, are you? I wouldn't collude with the Ghost Realm. These are absurd concerns."

"Naturally, I know you would not intentionally collude with the Ghost Realm," Jun Wu said.

"I'm grateful for My Lord's trust," Xie Lian replied.

Xie Lian is definitely stretching the truth here with the "I didn't think much of it" part, given that by the end of his investigation in Banyue, he damn well knew that the "interesting young man" was Supreme Ghost King Hua Cheng, and then he kept spending time with him regardless. He's very careful about protecting their friendship by downplaying it and being vague, and further than that, he's very careful about protecting Hua Cheng. We've already seen this earlier when Pei Ming was interrogating him - Xie Lian even pretended not to know who that "red-clothed young man" was because he rightfully deduced that Pei Ming would try to use Hua Cheng as a scapegoat to get Xiao Pei off the hook. Then when Pei Ming does try to pin the whole thing on Hua Cheng, Xie Lian immediately speaks up in his defense:

"General Pei, let's keep things clear and separate. Let's not talk about whether the young man I traveled with was Hua Cheng or not. At the very least, even if he was indeed Hua Cheng, that has nothing to do with what General Pei Junior has done. A Supreme Ghost King might have the worst possible name on people's tongues, but not everything can be blamed on him."

I find it very telling that the reason Xie Lian is being so carefully vague is less so he himself won't get into trouble and more that he's very aware that if Hua Cheng gets wrongfully accused, no one will question it simply because of who and what Hua Cheng is. And it's that kind of injustice and prejudice that Xie Lian will always stand up against. At this point he still completely trusts Jun Wu, but when it comes to Hua Cheng, Xie Lian not only disagrees but actively disobeys, though he's careful about how much of that he shows in front of Jun Wu:

Jun Wu shook his head. "I should not comment on the friends you make, but I will say this: Be careful of Hua Cheng."

Hearing this, Xie Lian bowed his head slightly, keeping his eyes down and saying nothing. He should've responded with "Yes, My Lord," as he should have been able to say yes with ease by that point. Yet, for some reason, he really didn't want to say that particular "yes".

Hua Cheng likewise also understands his and Xie Lian's respective positions and is careful not to endanger Xie Lian. Like here, when he explains why he put up somewhat of an act of not knowing Xie Lian because there were other heavenly officials present:

"Since gege is here, why not come in? We haven't been apart for that long, so don't be a stranger to San Lang."

At his beckoning, Xie Lian let down the beaded curtain. "Earlier in the Gambler's Den, it was San Lang who pretended not to recognize me."

Hua Cheng approached and stopped at Xie Lian's side. "Lang Qianqiu was there too, so if I didn't put on an act, I'd be giving gege trouble."

Or here when he's content to be accused of having maliciously kidnapped Xie Lian if that means Xie Lian won't be suspected of resisting his arrest and made to look guilty:

Xie Lian finally understood. Shi Qingxuan could see that Hua Cheng had no ill intent, but on the surface, they had to pretend that Hua Cheng had only barged into the Heavens to collect his due. It would prevent gossip from those how might suggest that Xie Lian had maliciously and intentionally absconded. Hua Cheng understood Shi Qingxuan's intent and had played along. However, Xie Lian didn't want to go this route.

"All right, stop acting. He only came to the Heavens to save me. San Lang had good intentions, so why conceal them?"

Hua Cheng does this to protect Xie Lian, but Xie Lian likewise wants to protect him. This has ended up quite long-winded, but I wanted to look for more evidence of why I think that Xie Lian mainly brought up the Gambler's Den because he's worried that the bets could end up endangering Hua Cheng himself.

Hua Cheng sincerely thanks Xie Lian for his concern, but makes it clear that he doesn’t quite agree, and I think it's worth looking into why that is.

I've seen Hua Cheng be described as completely amoral by fans, but I don't think that's how the text actually portrays him. He certainly can be quite critical and cynical with his views on both humans and gods, but his reasoning for establishing and keeping the den isn't "I don't care what happens there" or "I want places like this to exist for my own gain". He is, at least from his perspective and based on his experiences, simply being grimly realistic about how if he forbids these kinds of bets, the people who want to conduct them will simply move underground and do their gambling in secret. So not only will these bets happen either way, someone else will eventually take control of such a place, and Hua Cheng doesn't trust that such a person wouldn't take advantage of it.

Hua Cheng isn't amoral, he just has his own perspective on morality and justice. He's also not passive and uncaring in the face of what he perceives as wrong and unjust, but he doesn't really talk about that openly unless prompted. Like here during the Black Water arc, when they discuss the scroll with (supposedly) the names of victims of the Reverend of Empty Words:

Xie Lian turned to Hua Cheng. "San Lang, you said it's full of outrageous mistakes. How so?"

Hua Cheng scooted over to him, they were now sitting much closer than before. Hua Cheng pointed at a few names. "These are wrong."

Xie Lian looked at the names closely; all of them were known to be lawless, malevolently evil tyrants. "How do you know?"

"Because I killed them," Hua Cheng said.

Hua Cheng deeply hates people who abuse the power they wield, to the point that he personally acts against them. I think this ties in well with his reasoning about the Gambler's Den. I don't think there's anything in the text that suggests Xie Lian is upset to realize that Hua Cheng cares more about power and control than he'd thought, just surprised - until he comes to Ghost City, Xie Lian has mostly been around the very laid-back "San Lang", and this is the first time he's encountered Hua Cheng in his own territory, where he's a Ghost King ruling over the largest settlement within the ghost realm.

Also Xie Lian doesn't know this yet, but given everything we later learn about Hua Cheng's past, I think it's quite obvious that Hua Cheng's preoccupation with the power and control he wields, as well as his contempt for those who abuse theirs, is rooted deeply in the trauma he's gone through. Control in particular is a huge thing for him for several reasons, one of the main ones being that as a child, he was repeatedly punished for things outside his control, and he internalized that pattern to the point where he now punishes himself for things outside his control, as is shown repeatedly when he decides he's failed Xie Lian in some way. But I'm going to go into more detail about this in my Hua Cheng + trauma responses meta.

Lastly, I think it's important to keep in mind that the text makes clear that even when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng disagree, rather than a point of conflict it's actually proof of how strong and healthy their relationship is. I've sometimes seen fans (not you) portray their relationship as Xie Lian being irritated with Hua Cheng's attitude towards others, having him either be somewhat grudgingly resigned to it or actively trying to change Hua Cheng's behavior. But when we actually look at the text, we realize that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the opposite is the case - Xie Lian is incredibly protective of him and repeatedly gets defensive when others judge and blame Hua Cheng. I'm gonna examine that in more detail in my hualian meta though, so for now, I hope this turned out a satisfying answer!

[realbeijinger]

Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.   

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.  

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.   

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.   

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.     

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”  

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.   

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.  

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.  

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

[sunnyfoxsstuff]

Hey guy's! >:D New chapter today cuz i decided its Time that i right lol

Chapter 7:(idk tbh)

Qingxuan had went outside to take some fresh air After lastnight, walking more away into the forest

He xuan on his side was making breakfast being a bit distant thinking he caused this nightmare to him he may be dead and a Ghost now but it wont erase what he went through because he xuan's and shi wudu's action's

After some hour's around in the afternoon he xuan decided to talk to him but not about what happened but about more Ghost stuff

SQX:"what? You're gonna teach me? Teach me what?" Tilting his head confused After all he's a grown man

HX:"yes, i dont know if you noticed but pretty much any ghost's have something..'special' like their animal features or well for me controlling water ghost's usually find out what their 'special' thing is soon after having their body's materialised but since you're kind of, a peacefull Ghost." Crossing his arm's shutting his eye's "we'll have to find it by trying anything out After all a Ghost life isnt all happy one day you'll probably get attacked and i cant Always bé there," he stopped looking at sqx

SQX:"why would you want to always be there for me he xiong? Im sure i can learn it easy it'll be a piece of cake!" Lifting his fist's to his chest enthusiast and sure of himself

He xuan looked away to think, qingxuan creeped closer poking his cheek like old time's

SQX:"what are yooouu thinking?"

He xuan just turned his head looking at him "nothing, stop poking me its not Time for this." He sighed while sqx chuckled with a bright smile

HX:"what's so funny?"

SQX:"your face is funny, and squishy"

This Time he xuan grabbed his hand so he stops poking him continuing with "i think we should go shopping again"

Looking confused "sure if you want"

With that he xuan dragged sqx by the hand back to the market where jewel's and clothe's sort of thing's are

SQX:"y'know you Can let go of my hand i wont trip my leg doesnt hurt and its not like i'll run away either, also why are we back here"

Hx ignoring continuing to walk stopping infront a fan selling shop "choose one think of it as like a gift from me"

SQX:"he xiong you're acting weird today are you ok? Do you have a fiever?" Gettin infront of he xuan putting his free hand on his forehead

HX:"i aint sick i just had an idea beside's you're not gonna refuse a fan right? I know how you loved to use that thing everytime you would dance to summon the air"

SQX:"fine but let go of my hand"

After that sqx looked at all of the fan's he loved some but nothing felt like his past fan's he would buy some pretty fan's use them one Time and go back to the fan him and his brother had it was the only one he needed the only one he wanted but that same fan had got teared up by the same person that's right beside's him

SQX:"i dont really want any of them..i liked the old one"

HX:"you still like it even After your own brother who gave you it tried to kill you?"

SQX:"maybe he had a good reason?" Looking at he xuan which he Saw scoff probably by annoyance

Since sqx refused to buy any they had went back home After a walk around for the next day's he xuan would be busy going back to his territory sqx would wonder why he goes away for so long but he didnt dared to ask and just stay silent he still had xie lian's company he also counted hua cheng but it was clear as day that he was around only for his majesty

That night After walkin home sqx saw from a far he xuan's silhouette in the filled full of flower's with the full Moon and their house behind it seemed like he xuan had been waiting him

SQX:"what are you doing here at this hour alone? I mean beside's me i Always see you alone hehe-"

HX:"i just thought you'd be home more early and i got a gift for you" handing a fan with black silver ish detail's

Sqx took the fan openning it seeing that its his old fan a bright smile grew on his face hugging he xuan out of happiness

SQX:"ah sorry no hug's" he said but he xuan hugged back a bit which surprised sqx

HX:"..sorry for last time at the market when i got mad you're just really annoying sometime's"

SQX:"he xiong! That's not a way to apologies!..but its fine i forgive you dont worry about it your really silly sometimes he xiong" laughing

HX:"im not silly, anyway's i made diner alone since you werent there yet Come on"

Yoooo! I loved writing this chapter he'll probably will never have a title i Hope you all will love it just as much as i did!

[illuminatedferret]

Poll idea for you if you want? Or you can just take it as a normal thoughts ask. I've been pondering it myself and seeing what others think might be nice.

Does Jun Wu know Hua Cheng is Wu Ming?

1. Yes, the whole time.

2. No, he doesn't.

3. He figures it out over the course of the present day plot.

I wonder because he told XL that WM was gone and used how 'alone' and 'abandoned' XL is alot in his arguments. But also isn't the kiln and mount tonglu like his space. He never saw any of the statues and wondered? Also what did he think HC wanted from XL? Friendship? Relationship? Revenge? Control? What did he even think of Crimson Rain during the 800 years? I can see him having Black Water figured out and just enjoying that whole mess, but I'm not sure I can imagine what he thought of HC. For a character that really seems to know a lot, I can't help seeing HC as a bit of a blind spot for him? Maybe wilfully dismissed as unimportant?? Jun Wu be hard to understand 😅

Lot your fics and posts ❤

Hey! Thanks for the ask! I made a poll out of it(as u know) and now as promised I'm also gonna share my thoughts!

Short answer: no! I do not believe so. And I don't for one very specific reason- Jun Wu mentions Wuming during the fight on the Heavens-Crossing Bridge. Specifically, he mentions whether or not Hua Cheng knows about Wuming, and all the things Xie Lian did back in his first banishment. He says it to undermine Xie Lian's confidence, both in the fight and in Hua Cheng's feelings for him. If he knew that Wuming was right there, ready to go "actually that's me, I already know all about that stuff, and I'm totally cool with it." he never would have brought him up.

Longer answer: we don't actually know how much attention Jun Wu paid to Mount Tonglu. I mean, it's never confirmed one way or another that he knows/doesn't know everything that goes on down there. I think it's sort of a mixed bag. On one hand, he didn't know about the statue of Xie Lian in the Kiln. On the other, he was in the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods, and the way I see it, he could have either found it beforehand, or he could have followed Xie Lian into it(because he was following Xie Lian by that point- right before he wakes up in the cave he has a nightmare about White No-Face, actually). I think the latter, just because he doesn't act during canon like he knows Hua Cheng is, like, mega-into Xie Lian. Because I do think that it's not hard to put together who made the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods if you saw it uncovered and thought about it a little.

In regards to what he thought Hua Cheng wanted out of Xie Lian... I think it's safe to say that at least initially he didn't think Hua Cheng loved him or anything. He tries to break apart Xie Lian and Hua Cheng very early, by sending Xie Lian to Ghost City on a mission that runs directly against Hua Cheng. Nevermind Xie Lian seeing the Gamblers' Den(which many people would find distasteful and think less of Hua Cheng for), if Hua Cheng wasn't so gung-ho about helping Xie Lian, recovering Ming Yi(and Lang Qianqiu) would've been really ugly. If Jun Wu actually knew Hua Cheng loved Xie Lian(or desired him sexually), I can't see him NOT trying to use that, either to harm Xie Lian or poison his opinion of Hua Cheng(like FXMQ).

I think it's also important to recognize that Mount Tonglu opened while Xie Lian was with Hua Cheng. Jun Wu did that. By this point in time, he's(I believe) already consumed Lang Ying, so he knew that Hua Cheng had invited Xie Lian to Ghost City for the day. If Hua Cheng's reaction hadn't been #KissingTime but violence instead, Xie Lian would have been greatly hurt, and that would have had its own repercussions on their relationship. (if it had been sexual violence...? i think he would have been mad about that, actually) The more I think about it, the more it seems like Jun Wu just didn't want Xie Lian around Hua Cheng at all, like "a supreme's already called dibs on him, back off" kind of deal.

What Jun Wu thinks of Hua Cheng... Overall I think he just hated him. Didn't like him at best. Hua Cheng really did turn out to be a blind spot of Jun Wu's, because there was so much about him that he didn't know. He didn't know he was Wuming or that he loved Xie Lian, and so he didn't think to incorporate those facts into his plans. But beyond that? Not sure. He definitely didn't like him- I would say there was value in Hua Cheng being feared and thus inspiring worship of Jun Wu and the heavens, but he has plenty of worshipers himself. Maybe some stuff about encouraging Heavenly Official solidarity. But I think the existence of Ghost City had a significant(positive) impact on the Mortal Realm, removing 'evil' stuff from the streets of mortal cities and giving ghosts a safe place to live, rather than remain in the open world where they can cause problems. So I don't think he liked that either. I also think he hated having such a powerful figure that he didn't have something over, be it authority or blackmail. Even if he was confident he could beat Hua Cheng, he's very much about control, and he has nothing on Hua Cheng.

[letteredlettered]

you have a tgcf wip! i'd love to ask about that one 👀

I'm sorry to dash hopes! But I almost certainly won't finish this one.

I wrote it maybe half way through book 3? (The Seven Seas editions, so after the first flashback arc.) I just needed to see Hua Cheng wrestling between worshipping his god and wanting to fuck him. I thought it might be a series of little vignettes in which he's struggling with that, but the part I wrote is just after the first meeting on Mount Yujin, where he escorts Xie Lian up the mountain. He's just overwhelmed by the fact that Xie Lian actually touched his hand. And also that Xie Lian was dressed like a bride. Then he touches himself with the hand Xie Lian touched.

The reason I don't think I'll finish is honestly, by the end of the series, I realized that while I had written a Hua Cheng that was overwhelmed and desperate about seeing Xie Lian for the first time in so long, the version I wrote wasn't nearly overwhelmed and desperate enough. Like idk the guy is feral. I don't actually understand how he manages to be even a little bit normal around Xie Lian considering the depth of his obsession. Okay, it's not like, escorting Xie Lian up the mountain was really normal behavior; it's very Phantom of the Opera "I will appear and disappear randomly for the mystique." But, considering what he actually must have been feeling in that scene, it was really remarkably restrained behavior! So I imagine afterward he loses his shit in a way that I'm not even sure I have the capacity to write?

I mean, to me, the guy is batshit. Like really batshit crazy. In ways that I have yet to see really captured in most of the fanfic. But I actually had the same trouble writing WWX's pov in that I thought he might be too nuts for me to really write his pov and then I remembered that I am nuts so actually writing WWX pov is one of the more liberating things I've done. I hope I can maybe get there with Hua Cheng but idk writing CQL/MDZS took me like 3 years so I'm not sure when I'll get there with TGCF. I certainly do have a lot of ideas!

[kaurwreck]

OMG you also like TGCF???? I didn't know that!! Who are your favorites? What are your thoughts on my loves Hualian? Have you read any of MXTX's other books? Kisses!!

oh I love love love tgcf, loving tgcf literally changed the trajectory of my career. I love tgcf so much I co-wrote a series comprising almost 100k words of post-canon continuation. I love tgcf so much I have four tgcf-related tattoos.

hualian is love and light and healing. san lang is my smarmy baby boy, and xie lian is my sage king ferret rat prince. i wrote a fic about the degree to which they are baby boy/ferret rat prince here.

(unsolicited tidbits below)

Xie Lian woke slowly, leisurely, in the loving arms of his husband. His heart stirred with affection. His heart stirred with mischievous intent.

...

“Good,” Hua Cheng nodded, his shape rippling as he returned to the more mature form that he’d forged in the kiln of Mt. Tong’lu. “Then come to bed; you’re too far away and I want to be coddled. Didn’t you say you’d coddle me? I want it now. We can talk about my rewards too.”

my absolute favorite is he xuan, though, which is why my tattoo of him is my entire inner bicep. i tried to write a fraction of my affection for him into a post-canon character study in which hua cheng tattoos him (badly).

but I'm particularly fond of and will eventually finish my post canon wip in which he teaches mu qing sex ed (badly):

The Supreme Ghost King, Lord Black Water Sinks Ships, hissed at Mu Qing like a particularly curmudgeonly catfish.

...

"What do you know about matters of the flesh?" Mu Qing asked when He Xuan looked away to guzzle the complimentary tea the server placed before him. He Xuan proceeded to choke, but Mu Qing merely rolled his eyes. It was He Xuan's fault for drinking the tea as if he'd never been forced to behave in public. Then again, Mu Qing thought back to what little he remembered of Ming Yi and considered that perhaps he hadn't ever been taught how to behave after all. Mu Qing took a delicate sip of his tea and pitied Ming Yi and his terrible table manners.

...

The reality of what Mu Qing had done set in. He'd invited a god-slaughtering, divinity-snatching calamity to a meal solely to pry from him the secrets of the bedroom that Mu Qing had assumed others were graced with while he was dutifully cultivating on Taicang Mountain. His horror was matched only by his frustrated libido.

...

"And," Black Water Sinking Ships said at the crest of a great sigh, "I'm not teaching you how to have sex." "I should have known better than to ask you," Mu Qing huffed, adaptable as ever. "How could I expect someone like you to know anything of clouds and rain?" "Do you think I spent centuries in the Heavenly Realm yet can't recognize negging?" He Xuan retorted.

(if you haven't noticed, I only write post canon tgcf. except for when I wrote my 1943 san francisco diaspora tgcf noir murder mystery dinner party)

other tgcf beloveds: ling wen, yushi huang, pei ming, shi wudu, and jun wu.

and then yes! I have also read svsss and mdzs. I have also written fic for those two but not in any way that's reasonable enough to snippet.

kisses kisses, ty for such a lovely ask, it makes me so warm to think about tgcf!!!

[littencloud9]

Thanks for answering my ask. If you don't mind me asking (again), who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them. Sorry if you've answered this before.....

HI!! no problem i LOVE talking about my favs. here’s like top 3 ships of some fandoms i’m in because there is simply too many LMAO

jujutsu kaisen

- itafushi: literally my number one ship ever. they make me so fucking emo. the tragedy of what couldn’t have been prevented. i pray for itafushi moments in the jjk manga but every time it happens it is somehow worse than the last. peace 🙏

- yutamaki: they mean so much to me. i love them both platonically and romantically! their moments in jjk0 are super sweet and i love that they’re always supporting each other 🥹

- satosugu: this is a ship i’ll put in a blender. i don’t usually think of them but when i do i want to throw up blood. they’re the cause of all my problems. i love them. they are so my tears ricochet core

other ships i like are nobamaki, inuokko, and mechamiwa! perks of being a multishipper lol

-

bungo stray dogs

- shin soukoku: MY YIN YANG DUO!! they are the dumbest. somehow they bulldozed past all the normal stages of dating and went straight to dying for each other. who does that.

- kunichuuzai: i’m cheating here because i love all individual pairings in this ship AND the poly ship. especially kunichuu which crept up on me and slapped me in the face. chuuya being downbad for kunikida is GREAT. they are so good when you dont have toxic shippers breathing in your ear about how one is better than the other ❤️

- tachigin: do u ever think about how they’re both liars. how they both have a hidden identity. how they both found family within the mafia not as the person they really are, but as the person they pretended to be. how the betrayal felt like when tachihara dropped his mask. OUGH

i also really like ranpoe and atsulucy! and beast!akutagawa x beast!tanizaki is cute too

-

link click

- i’m a liar. shiguang is the only ship i have in this show. my FAVS. their devotion to each other is insane. they make me genuinely feral. cxs being an annoying little shit x lg who stays hopelessly in love anyway. ARGH I LOVE THEM. THEY WANNA SAVE EACH OTHER!!!!

-

tian guan ci fu

- fengqing: the implications of this 800 year old situationship is very fun. knowing someone so well that you know exactly what to say to hurt them. loving someone so deeply and repressing it to the point that you mistake it as hatred. i’m obsessed with them

- hualian: how can i not include the most romantic (and canon) pair EVER. get you someone who loves you like hua cheng loves xie lian because holy SHIT. i have not read the books (only watched the donghua) and yet these two make me feral i need them to hurry it up and get married already 😭

i don’t really ship anything else as of yet. but i do like and acknowledged beefleaf. i’ve heard it’s horribly tragic. i cannot wait to find out

-

sk8 the infinity

- renga: RENGA!!!! MY PRECIOUS. they are fucking head over heels for each other i’m obsessed with it. their ‘breakup arc’ genuinely hurt my soul. but i love how confident they are about each other’s skills, how they’re each others biggest supporter, how they see the best in each other etc. insane. i need season 2 asap

- matchablossom: [danny motta voice] they wanna fuck so bad. the end

i don’t ship anything else. but do i think cherry and adam had a situationship back when they were teenagers? yes. anyway

-

avatar the last airbender

- mailee: MY GIRLS. THE BEST ATLA SHIP AND YOU HEARD IT FROM ME. mai who masks her emotions with blankness and ty lee who masks her emotions with a smile. but they both know each other better than that. they protect each other and they are also 🖤🩷 how could you not love them!!!!

- zukka: [affectionately] there is something so wrong with these two. the original red and blue gays. to ME. i think they bounce off each other well and they’re a really funny duo. also. the prince and the fool. what more is there

- yuekka: personally i love love LOVED yuekka. i like how yue really loosened up around sokka and how sokka was head over heels for her LMAO they were a really cute ship. moon coded gf x ocean coded bf do you see how great that is. the tides follow the whims of the moon. they can’t exist without the other. ARGH

-

voltron

- klance: sigh. since we’re digging this deep into my fandoms list let us talk about klance. do i agree with anything that was written past season 3? absolutely not. they are definitely a wasted potential ship that ruined my life forever but like. yah. the ship you obsessed over at 14 is SERIOUS business. the homoerotic rivalry they had was seriously unmatched. nobody talk to me

- adashi: haha. my first experience with being queerbaited. they buried the gays before the gays even had lines. i was so upset about adam that i consumed an insane amount of fan content and then wrote 10k words in one sitting. thats how upset they made me

- romellura: the gfs ever. the writers screwed allura over so every ship i have for her is… very fan-based. but i’ll protect them with my SOUL. the softness of meeting someone who knows EXACTLY the kind of loss you felt. finding comfort and home in each other.

- veracxa: sorry one more. VERACXA IS SO GOOD AND SO UNDERRATED. lance and veronica having the same taste is so funny. also love that veronica went out of her way to make acxa feel welcome. and their matching judgy stares. the older sister and sister in law. i KNOW lance was sweating

-

sorry for the long ass list. there’s lots of other platonic/familial relationships i enjoy in shows too i swear i’m not just insane 😭🙏. thank you so much for the ask!!

[mikaela-the-slut-expert]

Tea Shop

Xie Lian x M!reader x Hua Cheng

Y'all I've been thinking for ages how to make a two person scene a three person scene. What am I supposed to do, make two brides??? So if you have any ideas come bless me with them. 🫵🙃

Previous part: God of Song's second ascension

_____________________________________________

After you guide Xie Lian carefully out of the heavens so that he doesn't kill himself by accident . It takes a day to get to a tea shop. It could've taken longer, like three days but you saved yourselves sometimes. Since you can actually have spiritual prowess. The only reason it wasn't any quicker is because Xie Lian demanded you to not overwork yourself and use too much mana.

Xie Lian has always looked simple enough with plain, white robes. You on the other hand have to take on an 'avatar' you don't need anyone noticing you either. So you also dawn white robes, but of course a veil stays on.

You and Xie Lian sit at a table in the corner of the tea shop and you sit across from him. The two of you look over the scroll Ling Wen has given you... it isn't very helpful, but that's alright.

Both yours and Xie Lian's attention is captured by a silver butterfly. It flies across both of you and out the window. When you turn your head your heart almost drops out of your throat. Xie Lian is surprised as well to see two men sitting by you. One sat by you and the other sat by Xie Lian. There's only so much room on these benches after all.

You grimace at their presence. It's not hard to read the spiritual energy from them, they're obvious officials. You glare at them, Xie Lian is much kinder, "Oh uh who are you guys..?"

"Fu Yao" the one by you replies.

"Nan Feng" the one by Xie Lian replies.

You've never side eyed someone so hard in your endless years of life. At the 'Fu Yao' person beside you.

Ling Wen transmits a message to the two of you that they're volunteer officials. You huff inwardly. There's no way anyone from the upper court would offer their deputies from the middle court to help them.

That's because they aren't from the middle court though.

"Well I thank you for your help" Xie Lian says, quickly accepting their new guests.

"Which highnesses sent you?" You ask with narrowed eyes. You know they aren't deputies. Who are you to stress Xie Lian out more though, he already looks horrified when the officials answer his question.

"The palace of Nan Yang"

"The palace of Xuan Zhen"

"..."

Your glare only grows sharper. You've no clue why Mu Qing out of all people would want to help. You also have no idea why he would sit next to you of all people.

"Oh did your generals send you?" Xie Lian asks with a mouthful of tea.

"They didn't know we were coming" they answered in unison.

Xie Lian ponders for a moment, but you're quick to make the two squirm. Just because you can.

"Two officials from the lower court shouldn't go off without permission no? The trouble surely isn't worth it." Your eyes crinkle, as you smile at the two.

Lower court used to be what's now called the middle court. It was changed when whiny officials started complaining it made them seem trivial compared to officials in the upper court. To them an apparent mark to their honor. To you a pathetic attempt to seem important.

"..."

"..."

Your smile widens under your veil when they don't answer. What are they going to say? Their lack of words don't stop Fu Yao from glaring at you or from making Nan Feng squirm in his spot.

Xie Lian ever so kindly saves them, "Well do you know who we are?"

"You're his royal highness the crown prince and he's general /n"

"You're the justice of the mortal realm, the center of the world"

Mu Qing does not regard you at all and rolls his eyes when he answers.

Xie Lian chokes on his tea, "Did he just roll his eyes?"

" He did, tell him to scram" you and Nan Feng say together.

"Any official who was available was welcome to help so who are you to tell me to scram?" Fu Yao sneered. Again his words are only pointed at Nan Feng, not you.

"Ah well more help is better than none right?" Xie Lian smiles.

You sigh and all four of you go over the scroll together.

**********************************************************

Eventually it begins to get dark and all of you will need to find a place to sleep. Long ago, Xie Lian and you would sleep in the streets or on the ground. You put a stop to that. After becoming a powerful enough ghost and god you entreated yourself to your own palace. Not in the heavens though, you chose for it to be in the ghost realm. This was a while before Crimson Rain took over ghost city

Your palace just happened to be in close proximity to it and eventually ghosts started inhabiting themselves. Now all three realms call your palace, "The city of the lost". It's rarely talked about because well it's "lost" not many people find it, your city also doesn't cause trouble. It's just kinda there.

That is where you would usually go though but now you have two more officials with you and you'll be damned if you bring Mu Qing into your city.

"Why don't we find a temple of Nan Yang? I'm sure there's one around." You say, standing next to Xie Lian.

The four of you do eventually find one, it's a little run down but it's good enough. Your attention is dragged away when you notice a girl praying. A girl praying in a temple of Nan Yang? Makes you want to give your heart out.

You can't resist your temptations when Xie Lian asks why the temple has so many women worshippers. It's unusual for a martial god's temple after all. While Nan Feng feels the need to block the question, Fu Yao indulges it.

"I know what you want to ask, you want to ask why there's so many female worshippers right?"

You hold the urge to cackle, and lean in close to Xie Lian's ear. You happily ignore the two officials's glares. You whisper to him, "Xie Lian many women worship Nan Yang's temple so in the future their man will have... Good assets" you giggle into his ear.

For a martial god it isn't normal for many women to pray in their temples. Xie Lian was an exception because he was more of a ' feminine god ' depicted with lotus flowers. You were an exception because of femininity and because you're the God of song. The arts, like dance, drawing, and song were more partaken by women than men. Most martial gods don't have femininity, so rare for women's prayers.

You stay close to Xie Lian's side as Fu Yao judges the poor girl to pieces, calling her ugly. Xie Lian sighs, "You can't talk about girls like that Fu Yao" but you can tell Xie Lian is thinking the same thing. You snicker placing a hand on your hip.

Xie Lian notices a slash in the girl's dress, he tries to offer her his outer robe so that she can cover herself but of course she freaks out. She moves to slap Xie Lian but why would you just stand there? You grab her wrist and throw her to the side. 'throw' is an overstatement it was truly a nudge.

Once Xie Lian tells her she has a slash in her dress she finally accepts his robe and then runs out of the Temple.

Now Xie Lian's undressed. Bandages over his chest, and neck can be seen now. Nan Feng and Fu Yao stare in quiet shock. You on the other stare in admiration. Xie Lian is undeniably beautiful. You chuckle softly and remove your outer robe, unlike Xie Lian you have an under robe on. You move it over Xie Lian's shoulders.

"Should've let her run out with the slash in her dress. It's just like you to give the clothes off your back, A-Lian" you hum softly. Xie Lian smiles in thanks and puts on your robe.

He does look very pretty especially in your clothes.

**********************************************************

The next day all four of you go back to the tea shop. You aren't paying attention to the conversation about Mount Yunjin. You'd much rather pay attention to Wèizhī. The two birds hop around on the table and chirp away.

You decided to bring them today, simply because they bring you peace of mind. Of course they aren't only birds they're much more than that. Anyone would know if they're close to you, and they've seen the earring hiding behind your long hair.

Right now they're birds though and you'd much rather chirp away with the Magpies then pretend to chat with the officials next to you.

It isn't until loud drums and a gathered crowd outside has all four of you going outside to check it out. A line of men outside carrying a sedan is what the crowd is gathered for. As for the last inside the sedan... She looks like her neck has been snapped. It proves so when a fake head rolls to yours and Xie Lian's feet.

"Ew" you sneer and quickly kick it away. You assume whatever these mortals are doing is connected with the Ghost Groom. You stand to the side however as Wèizhī perches on your shoulders.

"If I was a ghost groom I'd kill the entire group for sending such an ugly thing to me" Fu Yao comments in disgust and rolls his eyes

"Fu Yao you aren't talking like an immortal should." Xie Lian said. "And can you fix that eye-rolling habit of yours? Why don't you set a small target for yourself first and only roll five days or something like that?"

" Set it fifty times a day and it still won't be enough!" Nan Feng yells

"Leave Fu Yao alone, if he rolls them hard enough maybe they'll fall out on their own." You add, with a snicker.

You're interrupted by yelling, one of the men in the group yelling about how it's useless and that they should just charge into Mount Yunjin and dragging an ugly freak out. They all hoot in agreement.

"Ugly Freak? Shopkeeper what are they talking about?" Xie Lian asks

The tea master explains, "The ghost groom has such an ugly appearance that no woman loves it, so he wears bandages around his face. That is why he kidnaps brides."

"Just because his face is wrapped in bandages doesn't mean it's ugly. There's a possibility it's so beautiful that it doesn't want others to see it, so he covers it up" Fu Yao says.

When Fu Yao quickly glances at you, you ignore. This isn't about you and you know that Fu Yao is truly a prick. No need to make something out of nothing.

Your group's attention is caught when the same girl from yesterday begging them not to go do anything dangerous and a man bitching at her because she refused to join them.

You don't care about anyone's affairs unless it has something to do with Xie Lian. You perk in attention when the man pushes the girl roughly, Xie Lian ever so kindly catches her.

Xie Lian uses Rou'ye to smack down the man and then just as quickly hides back in Xie Lian's sleeve. You snicker softly at the slumped man in the dirt. The man is not happy though, he's having none of it. He brandishes his sword and yells that Xie Lian is using wicked magic.

Nan Feng uses his palm to snap a wooden pillar of the tea shop and the group of men run in fear. You side eye Nan Feng. You have mixed opinions on him, but even after so long... "You're still just a brute dummy. You're paying for that" you smile behind the veil and return to Xie Lian's side.

The four of you eventually head back to the temple. With newly acquired information from Ling Wen, you now know that you're going to need a fake bride. However you can't use any mortals since it's a wrath level ghost.

"Well if we can't use women we'll have to use men" said Fu Yao.

"What man is going to want to dress up as a bride?" Nan Feng sighs.

The two suddenly have the same idea and look over to you and Xie Lian.

"???"

"No." You glare.

**********************************************************

Nighttime, the temple of Nan Yang.

You watch as Xie Lian walks from the back in a brides dress, hair down and flowing. You sigh into your hand. It doesn't look like a bride at all

Nan Feng has a more extreme reaction, "Fuck!" He just can't stand to see Xie Lian in a brides dress, it's awful.

Fu Yao scans Xie Lian with a complicated look.

"Do you have something you wish to say?" He asked

Fu Yao nodded "if someone sent a woman like this to me..."

"you'd kill the whole town was it?" You snicker.

"No I'd kill the woman." Fu Yao replied frigidly.

Xie Lian smiles, "Then thank goodness I'm not the woman."

You hum, "A-Lian let me help you, obviously these two have and never will see a bride in their lives" you smile, "not unless it's each other..." You mutter the last part out.

"Excuse me..." The four of them look at the voice. It's the girl from earlier. She has a white robe in her hand and stands with trepidation. "I've washed these clothes to return them to you and thank you so much for yesterday and today"

You see Xie Lian smiles in response but suddenly remembers his attire.

"Are you... if you want I can help?" She asks, no longer shy.

"No miss you misunderstand this isn't a hobby of mine" Xie Lian laughs nervously.

You on the other hand are happy with this development. "Yes! Come help us."

And so that began Xie Lian's makeover. The girl has a sewing kit on her and helps Xie Lian fit into his dress. You do Xie Lian's hair - you do it all the time anyways - and together the two of you do Xie Lian's makeup. After you're finished with him, he looks like a proper bride and a damn good one too. If you weren't a ghost there would be a blush on your cheeks.

__________________________________________________

Guys. If anyone has actually read all of these parts I need y'all to tell me if Y/n is making sense. 😭 Like do we understand the background and his character? Do we understand the b i r d s?

Time gap between here and first glance

First Glance

[harocat]

5, Hualian

Hello. There is a cat AGAIN. CW for animal death I guess, because it's a ghost cat, but it is being loved and cherished and there's no details.

----

Hua Cheng could never begrudge Xie Lian’s kindness. It was one of the things he adored about him, that he found so special. Among all the gods in the realm of heaven, in Hua Cheng’s opinion, only Xie Lian was good enough to deserve to watch over the prayers of the common people. 

But lately, and he’d never admit this to Xie Lian, lest the other man think he’d done something wrong, which he hadn't, Xie Lian’s kindness had come at a disadvantage. 

It had only been a couple weeks since Xie Lian had come back to Paradise Manor with the tiny black and white cat in his arms. It wasn’t a normal cat, but a ghost cat that had wandered to the entrance of Ghost City. Xie Lian had found him on the way back from a meeting with the heavenly court. Hua Cheng did not know what had befallen a friendly domestic cat that would cause it to return as a wandering soul, nor was he sure he wanted to know, but Xie Lian had not been able to resist its plaintive mews. 

And so now the cat, a little girl Xie Lian had named Jiahao, had free reign of Paradise Manor. The truth was, Hua Cheng was actually very happy Xie Lian had felt comfortable enough to bring the cat home without even asking beforehand. It showed he viewed Hua Cheng’s home as just as much his home, and that he fully understood, believed, and accepted that everything that belonged to Hua Cheng also belonged to him. He knew the Xie Lian he had met again years before would not have been able to do that. 

Xie Lian doted on the creature. She was a ghost cat, he reasoned, so she could eat whatever she wanted and it wouldn’t matter. This meant that if the cat asked for it, she got it. This was also fine. Hua Cheng wanted him to be happy. He would just get more food if they ran out. 

The bigger problem was that the cat clung to him like a particularly stubborn shadow. There was no time at which the cat wasn’t by Xie Lian’s side. He couldn’t even take a bath without Jiahao coming in and reaching in to playfully splash the surface. She slept with him, she ate with him, she bathed with him, she relaxed with him, and she even went out with him, walking alongside him dutifully. He imagined if E-ming had been a cat, it might act a little bit like Jiahao (though Jiahao, to her credit, was much quieter and mellower). 

In short, Hua Cheng missed Xie Lian. He missed having his full attention and cuddling with him and Xie Lian only having eyes for him, and he also missed sex, because it was hard to have sex when there was a cat in bed with you. And he was trying to be patient, because the cat made him happy, and Xie Lian’s happiness was tantamount to everything, but it was becoming difficult.

Was he jealous of a cat? Yes. A ghost cat, even, but as he himself was a ghost, he supposed that was irrelevant.

Xie Lian, to his credit, did finally notice. It had been Hua Cheng’s fault; he’d accidentally dropped his nonchalant front and scowled when Jiahao got with them one night. The cat licked both of them on the nose (she was sweet, he couldn’t deny), then nuzzled up to Xie Lian, coaxing him to open his arms so she could snuggle in them.

The scowl was, he imagined, quite dramatic. His brows were furrowed and his lips were drawn, and to anyone else, it might be frightening to have Crimson Rain Sought Flower looking at them that way (though to be fair, he was looking at the cat, not Xie Lian). 

Xie Lian froze, and concern crossed his features. “San Lang, what’s wrong?” he asked. He was still petting the cat, but he did reach over and press his other palm to Hua Cheng’s cheek. 

“Nothing, gege.” He shook his head. “I think I’m just tired.”

Xie Lian frowned. “San Lang, you rarely get tired. Please tell me what’s wrong.” 

“We haven’t had sex for two weeks,” Hua Cheng managed after a few moments of silence. That is not what he’d meant to say. 

The other man burst out into peals of laughter, and Hua Cheng thought, as always, that it was beautiful. “Why didn’t you just say something?”

He continued, despite his embarrassment. “Well, that cat is always here. I know you love that cat, but gege… it feels like you give her so much attention and…”

Xie Lian gasped. “Sang Lang, are you jealous of Jiahao?” There was a playful edge to his voice. 

Hua Cheng sighed. Jiahao meowed. 

“I just miss spending time with you alone.”

“You miss having my eyes on just you.” Xie Lian smiled, and he placed his other hand on Hua Cheng’s cheek as well, then squeezed. “I’m sorry. You give me so much, and in return I made my San Lang feel unloved.” 

“You’ve given me more than enough.”

Xie Lian shook his head. “Poor Jiahao. She’s a lonely ghost who has clearly been through so much, and she just wants to stay by the side of someone who loves her.” He glanced down at the cat, who had already dozed off. “Maybe I like her so much because she reminds me of someone else.” 

Hua Cheng’s mouth dropped open, and then he pursed his lips. “Gege…” 

“But I hate that you’ve felt neglected, San Lang,” he continued. “I’ll try to be more conscious of this so I can take proper care of both of you.” 

The other man shook his head. “Jiahao makes you happy. I’m glad you brought her back, gege.” 

“Mhmmm,” Xie Lian replied, “but I don’t want any of my happiness to come at my San Lang’s expense. We’re married. We exist to make each other happy. It goes both ways.”

Hua Cheng nodded, then after a few seconds, spoke up again. “Can we have Yin Yu take her some nights?” 

Xie Lian laughed again, beautiful. “Yes, and we can do whatever San Lang wants on those nights.” 

“What about tonight?” he asked, and he leaned forward, attempting to ignore the cat between them so he could whisper in his husband’s ear. Xie Lian pressed a playful kiss to Hua Cheng’s cheek, interrupting his attempt at seduction.

“Not tonight. I’m not moving Jiahao when she’s already fallen asleep.” 

Hua Cheng would have to look forward to tomorrow, but, he thought, that was fine. They had endless tomorrows. 

[xueyuverse]

Now I Want You: A HuaLian fanfic, chapter two

Trigger warnings

This is an +18 fanfic, so it may and/or will contain themes such as suicide, physical and psychological abuse, violence and cruelty, explicit sex, complex or highly impactful sexual situations, and rape. Be careful when reading, do not force yourself and protect yourself.

Contains age gap, Xie Lian is 20 years older than Hua Cheng here.

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Having San Lang around was a great thing. As the intelligent young man that he was, San Lang could talk about anything and everything and even express his emotions emotionally. Because of this, Xie Lian, curious and expectant, asked him his opinion on the heir of the extinct Xie noble house… himself, that is.

After a moment of silence in which San Lang seemed to contemplate this question very seriously, as if he was worried about what words to use, which was unprecedented, he finally answered: “Xie Lian seemed to be a noble, selfless and kind person, who didn’t deserve the fate he had.”

Xie Lian fell silent, feeling disappointed.

Disappointed?, he thought. But why?

San Lang's answer was quite good for someone like Xie Lian, but the young man had such deep and elaborate opinions on everything that it ended up being a bit disappointing to only have one sentence about him. Despite this, Xie Lian still felt warm from being under San Lang’s good eyes. It was somewhat contradictory, as if his expectations had not exactly been met, but not frustrated either.

And wasn’t that his reality now? Xie Lian had become a footnote in his ex-husband’s articles; it made sense to be reduced to a one-line sentence.

Not that he was upset with San Lang, of course.

The silence that followed was calm, somewhat awkward because the two clearly had more to say, but they opted for stillness, and it wasn't exactly uncomfortable, anyway. 

It didn’t last long anyway, because Xie Lian soon had to go to work. The two of them said goodbye at the door of their house, but they still stood there in silence just looking at each other. Xie Lian couldn't tell what San Lang was feeling, or didn't want to risk guessing, but he knew that what he was feeling was that pain of knowing that they might never see each other again.

“I’ll be staying at a hotel for the next few days,” San Lang said, breaking the silence and lighting a spark in Xie Lian’s heart. “I’d like to meet gege again later. Meet me at the teahouse after your shift ends.”

Xie Lian smiled, letting out a sigh of relief and excitement. He nodded in agreement.

“Of course! I’m already looking forward to it.” Such an excited response, as if he was needy, made embarrassment spread through his body and his cheeks heat up. From his situation, it seemed like Xie Lian was a 15-year-old teenager, and he didn't know what to feel about it.

The smile that San Lang gave was radiant, showing all of his beautiful, small, white teeth, two of which were slightly longer and sharper than the rest, like fangs. Xie Lian stared at them for an embarrassingly long time before bidding farewell and hurriedly leaving, almost hoping that the wind would blow his shamelessness away.

His workday this time was lively thanks to Shi Qing Xuan, who always had a lot to talk about and catch up on. Xie Lian could barely keep up with her, so most of the time he just listened to what she had to say, making comments every now and then. She didn't seem to mind or lose her spirit, sometimes even getting more excited.

As he listened to her speak, Xie Lian couldn't help but think of the lives they both had been destroyed by other people, and yet the difference between them was stark. Shi Qing Xuan still looked so lively and optimistic, as if she was at least trying to be happy, while Xie Lian always had a weight on his shoulders and pain all over his body because his defeated lifestyle was ingrained into his bones.

Of course, his daughter was his greatest joy and always would be, she was the reason Xie Lian was still functional to this day, although, the amount of times he had thought about seeing her being killed in some brutal way, with limbs and blood scattered across the floor, and him being the one to cause it, was enough to make him feel disgusted with himself and believe that there was something very wrong with him. What father thinks of killing his own daughter as if it were something normal? What does that say about him? What is he, if not a father who perhaps hates his own daughter so much that there is some part of him that wants her dead?

Don't cry, don't you dare cry, Jun Wu said. You keep doing this, playing the victim. Poor Xie Lian, have you no shame?

A shock spreads through his body, burning his flesh and making his skin twist. He closed his eyes and felt something run down his face, he wiped it away thinking it was sweat. Xie Lian felt like he had fallen into the open sea, because he couldn't breathe or return to the surface, all he could do was struggle and scream in a futile attempt to get out of this situation.

It was like drowning. It was like falling into a sea of lava. It was like being thrown into a hollow, endless void, with no air, no gravity, no way out.

Something landed on his shoulder, rubbing his back. There was someone next to him, sitting next to him, touching him as if he weren’t something disgusting.

Slowly, Xie Lian regained control of his breathing, first in a disorderly fashion, even choking a few times; then taking large gulps of air, alternating between deep breaths and more desperately rapid ones. His body was covered in cold sweat, his face was ice cold, it felt like his blood pressure had plummeted.

He saw a hand stop in front of him, holding a bottle of water. Shi Qing Xuan, he saw, sitting beside him, looking at him with suppressed worry. It seemed like she was holding back from shouting out the zillions of questions that were jumping out of her eyes. Xie Lian accepted the water, remaining silent.

As he drank the water, Xie Lian cried. If only the thoughts of death were about him alone… but no, his mind had to create countless horrible scenarios about other people’s deaths. Many times he would just be resting next to a colleague when, upon seeing a car pass by, he would ask himself: what if that car ran over us now?; then he would get up abruptly, without further ado, and leave without looking back, feeling his face burn with guilt.

Xie Lian wanted to go into the hospital, so he could keep his little Ban Yue safe from himself.

“Don’t worry, Lao-Xie[1],” Shi Qing Xuan said after a few minutes of silence, “everything will be fine. It’s my catchphrase, like ‘keep swimming’ and all that.”

Xie Lian laughed and handed the water back to her, “I prefer ‘By the Blessing of the Heavenly Official, No Path Are Bound.”

“That’s great! But I still prefer the ‘keep swimming’ saying, it’s personal.”

Xie Lian smiled. He didn’t understand his preference for such a saying; it wasn’t like he still practiced his religion, although he hadn’t abandoned his beliefs either. Besides, all paths have been tied for him for two decades now, even more than that.

But this was him, someone who wants to at least think that there is some clear path, even if it is an overflowing lava path. His body was in the abyss and his heart was about to fall out of the small corner left for him in paradise, desperately trying to stay.

***

As promised, at the end of his shift, Xie Lian soon found himself at the door of the teahouse. During the entire journey, he considered going straight home, because San Lang certainly wouldn't be there. After all, even though they had spent a good time together and the young man was such a good person, that didn't mean that he would be in such good eyes of the latter that they could meet again.

However, Xie Lian still went, because even if San Lang wasn't there, he could still have some good tea and relax to go home cool-headed and calm, and watch some movies with Ban Yue, like he owed for a while.

When Xie Lian entered the store and saw San Lang sitting at the same table as the day before, fiddling with his phone with a stressed crease between his eyebrows, he couldn't help but sigh and laugh with relief. As he walked excitedly to the table, San Lang quickly noticed his presence; he smiled, his eyes became half moons, and that crease disappeared. Xie Lian's entire body heated up and he had to restrain himself from rushing over and grabbing the young man in a tight, lingering hug.

Xie Lian definitely didn't know what it was about this guy that made him feel so good and relaxed — and needy — but he couldn't let his emotions override his rationality. Still, his steps quickened a little, the expectation of having a good conversation after yet another tiring and difficult day got the best of him.

“Gege! You’re right on time!” San Lang turned off his phone and put it in his bag. “I made a special request for us, something I’ve wanted to try ever since I found out what it was.”

Xie Lian smiled, “Hmm, what is it? Oh, and tell me the price too, so I can…”

“Nothing like that.” San Lang waved his hand, interrupting him. “It’s on me. Consider it a gift for having me stay at your house.”

Xie Lian felt his face heat up, both from the shy embarrassment of receiving a gift and the shame of being the reason for someone's money being spent.

“But, I don't want it to be heavy for you…” he tried to insist, but San Lang shook his head.

“Money is no problem for me,” he said. “Like I said, it’s a gift, it’s rude to refuse, gege.”

“But…”

“Gege doesn’t like me giving him presents?” The young man’s mouth twisted into a pout; his eyes seemed to grow bigger and brighter as well. “Gege hates my presents.”

“No! San Lang ah!”

But the youth’s head and shoulders had drooped sadly, and Xie Lian couldn’t help but laugh at this drama.

“Now gege laughs at me…” he muttered unhappily.

“No… haha… San Lang, it’s okay, you’re too much.”

San Lang was excited, “So gege finally accepts my gift?”

Xie Lian laughed again, “Yes.”

“Great, I was looking at other things that go really well with gege, in a few days you will receive a package in a gift package at your home. And I want to see gege wearing it. I talked to Ban Yue about what you like to wear and I came to the conclusion that what I bought will look really cute on you, maybe I can't even stand that image.” San Lang sighs dreamily, smiling childishly and resting his chin on his hand. Xie Lian stuttered incoherently, not knowing what to say.

Finally, Xie Lian decides that it would be best to change the subject, with some hope that this new gift would just be a joke, or else he didn't know if he could handle it. He asked, “Does San Lang have any of his works to show me?”

San Lang smiled broadly, “Coincidentally, I made something especially for you.” Xie Lian sighed. So the topic of gifts wasn’t over, he thought.

Inside his bag, the young man takes out a brown paper envelope and hands it to Xie Lian, who, upon opening it, his mouth immediately opens into a perfect O.

It was an oil painting on paper of him, only he was wearing the ceremonial clothes of the festival he had starred in a lifetime ago: The Martial Warrior Who Pleases the Gods.

The Xie house was noble, but not royal. However, the newly appointed kings did not have any sons old enough to star in the festival, so Xie Lian was chosen for the role because of his martial arts skills and age. And his performance was memorable enough to become a tale that is still told today by storytellers and families with young children, even if the ending is not happy.

Xie Lian’s face in this painting was 29 years younger, happier, more confident and naive. In his hand was a beautiful, long sword stretched out close to his neck, in a sacrificial stance. He laughed.

“Why pretend to believe in my fake identity?” He asked, looking back at the boy.

San Lang shrugged, “You chose to introduce yourself as Fang Xin for some reason. But also, why would Gege ask me about himself?” He smiled mischievously, “Gege wasn't really trying hard, was he?”

This only made Xie Lian laugh harder, “San Lang got me. You’re right, I’ve never been very good at lying.” 

The young man’s smile softened, “Did Gege like my gift then?”

“Very much,” he smiled. “I just don’t have a good place to keep it, I don’t even know if I should hang it somewhere. Wouldn’t that be to much…? Maybe not, your painting is too beautiful. So talented!”

San Lang waved his hand, slumping back in his chair in a relaxed posture, and said, “Bullshit. Gege can do whatever he wants with this. Tear it up; burn it; throw it away; lock it in a drawer until it's dusty and forgotten; whatever you want, as long as you keep it.”

Xie Lian’s eyes widened more and more at San Lang’s every destructive suggestion, horrified, “San Lang! Don’t talk like that. It's so beautiful, why would I destroy it? Does San Lang really like me? It's like he wants to see me destroyed,” he finished his speech with a pout.

San Lang’s eyes widened as much as Xie Lian’s had widened his. “No! My gods. I just thought that since it was something I did, then it's okay. Forgive this one, gege, for dishonoring you.”

The man in question is silent for a moment, blinking his eyes, before bursting out laughing, “San Lang! Dishonor me? It's not like I could be desecrated if this painting was destroyed. Don't think so either!”

The young man was blushing, but he still had that beautiful, childish fox smile back.

“But gege! It's sacred! It would be sacrilege to destroy your image.”

“San Lang! No!”

“Gege! Yes!”

“No.”

“Gegeeee,” he whimpered. Xie Lian laughed harder and shook his head.

At this time, San Lang’s order arrived. Several plates of various types of sweets and glasses of juice were placed on the table. Xie Lian looked at it all in disbelief.

San Lang smiled: “Here,” he picked up a spoon, took a piece of one of the sweets and handed it to him, “Try it and tell me what you think.”

Xie Lian put the painting back into the envelope, picked up the spoon, and ate the sweet treat. A rich flavor of chocolate with vanilla, hazelnut, and lemon exploded in his mouth, causing him to let out a small groan of satisfaction.

“So good!” He said, taking the plate with this sweet and eating more. It was made with cream, syrup and biscuits, with grated lemon peel.

San Lang smiled, taking a sip of reddish juice, probably watermelon or strawberry. Xie Lian picked up his own glass of orange juice, discovering that it was papaya with something sweeter. Honey.

Finally, he asked how long San Lang planned to stay in the city. With a shrug, his answer was, “Undetermined.”

“Are you on vacation?”

“No.”

“And what about your work?”

“I can do it whenever I want.”

Xie Lian raised an eyebrow. But if he was a civil servant and wasn’t on vacation, then he definitely had orders with deadlines. 

“Nowhere to go back to? Isn’t anyone missing you?”

“No, it’s just me. Why?” San Lang arches his eyebrow with a sly smile on his face, “Is Gege tired of me already?”

“No! No. Actually, I was wondering how many more times I could meet you. I think I'm very lucky, from your answers I have plenty of time.”

“Hmm, true. Gege will have me all to himself for a loooong time. Is there something you'd like to show me here? Or better yet! Gege, would you mind if I made dinner at your place again? Also, Ban Yue told me that you owed her a movie night and used me as a substitute yesterday. We can surprise her.”

Xie Lian became excited.

They planned how to surprise Ban Yue. It would have to be the next day, on Xie Lian's day off, so he could take her somewhere while San Lang made preparations for movie night and dinner. But once he realized who had gotten the biggest share, Xie Lian felt guilty and wanted to take some other share. San Lang refused.

“There’s no way gege can be in two places at once,” he joked. Xie Lian felt embarrassed for giving the young man all this work, but he was also very grateful and touched that not only had he volunteered, but he had also come up with the idea.

When he picked up his cell phone after finishing eating to send a message to Ban Yue saying he would be home soon, he saw one from her about having received an invitation to dinner at a school friend's house that night and accepted, the girl's mother would pick her up and take her back home, so there was no need to worry about her. Xie Lian sighed and replied, “Okay, take care and be sensible. Call me if anything happens, my phone is already on full volume.” Ban Yue’s response was just a thumbs up with a smiley face, which made Xie Lian smile.

“What’s wrong?” San Lang asked, making Xie Lian turn his attention to him.

“Nothing major, just Ban Yue going to a friend’s house for dinner.”

“Well, at least I still have gege to keep me company at dinner.”

This made Xie Lian feel excited again, so the smile he gave in response was wide.

***

They arrived home when Ban Yue had already left.

San Lang started preparing dinner while Xie Lian was in the shower.

Wearing only a pair of pants after his shower, Xie Lian injects his biweekly dose of testosterone into the syringe and injects it into the intramuscular region. When he first started hormone therapy in his youth, Xie Lian was somehow terrified of needles and would always ask his personal servant, Mu Qing, who had knowledge about nursing thanks to his then-current undergraduate degree, to apply for him. Mu Qing, even though he always snorted and rolled his eyes at Xie Lian's fear, was always extremely patient and careful, his touch was so light that he ended up never feeling even the needle, even though he was terrified every time.

However, there came a time when Xie Lian needed to learn how to apply his injection on his own. After all, no matter how blind he was at the time, he never trusted Jun Wu to the point of allowing him to stick a needle in him. Who could guarantee that that man wouldn't hurt him on purpose, if he didn't do something worse?

After the hormone was applied, Xie Lian discarded the syringe and needle, put on a blouse, gathered all his long hair into a bun and left the bathroom feeling refreshed, even though his body was sore all over.

He found San Lang stirring something that smelled like a delicious mix of spices, pepper, and chicken in the pot and humming some song in a foreign language, and from the tone of the melody it sounded like a lullaby.

“What song is that?” He asked as he sat down at the counter.

San Lang looked at him over his shoulder and smiled. “Gege, you look really cute with that hairstyle.” Xie Lian blushed.

San Lang looked back at the pots on the stove. “A lullaby from my mother’s people, which she sang to me when I was a baby.”

“Oh. Where was she from?”

“Xijiang Qianhu, Guizhou Province.”

“Has San Lang been there?”

“Hm-hum. I go there periodically to see my grandparents. I met them a few years ago and have kept in touch ever since.”

“What is it like there?”

“Peaceful. Would Gege like to go there someday?”

Xie Lian smiled, “Why not? Would San Lang take me?”

“Whenever you want, just say so.”

“Can I meet your grandparents?”

“If it’s gege’s wish, then yes.”

“It is my wish!” Xie Lian laughed. 

“What about your mother?” San Lang shook his head, turning around and holding out the wooden spoon so Xie Lian could taste the broth. “She died when I was still a toddler.”

Xie Lian swallowed hard.

“Oh, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for your loss.”

San Lang shook his head again, smiling softly. He said, “It’s okay, it’s been a long time. How does it taste?”

Xie Lian licked his lips, ignoring the heat on his face caused by San Lang, making him taste the broth from his hand, “Delicious.”

“Good. Gege, I have a question.”

“Ask.”

“This is the second time I’ve cooked for gege, when will it be gege’s turn to cook for me? I want to try it,” he pouted.

Xie Lian felt like his heart would explode from the boy’s pouting.

“...San Lang ah.”

“Gege ah.”

He whined, “San Lang, as much as I love cooking, only I can eat my food without ending up in the hospital. Seriously.”

San Lang smiled.

“Maybe other people aren’t as strong as Gege then.”

“San Lang!”

“Gege!”

Xie Lian sighed, “Do you really want to try my food?”

“Yes!” San Lang nodded forcefully, causing Xie Lian to laugh.

“Then make room for me, you’ll get your chance today.”

San Lang lets out a victorious exclamation, as if he had just won the lottery, which only makes Xie Lian laugh harder.

His cooking begins when the young man's pans of food are cooking on the fire, with little time left before it is ready. The smell of his cooking wafted through the air, making Xie Lian’s mouth water, meanwhile, just as he put his own food to cook, another strange and strong smell burst forth like an explosion, canceling out the first.

It was supposed to be just a simple vegetable soup, but Xie Lian mixed in several seasonings without even knowing what the result would be, and the vegetables had burnt and the broth had turned purple.

He ran to put out the fire when he smelled it, having been distracted by talking to San Lang, who had already put out the fires in his own pots a long time ago. Xie Lian stirred and scooped up some of the soup with the ladle to taste. At first, there was only a slight salty taste, however, a few seconds later, his mouth felt as if it had been hit by an explosion of salt and pepper, heating up his mouth and causing a burning sensation to the point that his eyes were watering.

Despite the excess of pepper and salt, it wasn’t so bad that it couldn’t be eaten!

“It’s ready!” He said excitedly.

“Then let’s eat,” San Lang smiled.

Xie Lian prepared a plate of San Lang's food and a pot of his soup, while the young man opted only for the other man's food.

As they sat at the table, Xie Lian anxiously did not touch his own food as he watched San Lang prepare a spoonful of the extra spicy vegetable soup, blow on it to cool it down and drive away the smoke, and then put it into his mouth in one go. A few seconds later, the young man was already preparing another spoonful, unwavering and relaxed, as if it was a normal meal, making Xie Lian feel more anxious.

Xie Lian blinked, “San Lang?”

San Lang looked at him, “Yes?”

“So?” he pointed at the soup.

“Oh. I think Gege underestimates his own talents. As long as he adds less pepper and salt and cooks it for a shorter time, the soup will be just right next time.” 

Xie Lian’s eyes lit up and he said with a smile, “Okay! I’ll follow San Lang’s advice next time. I’m glad!”

San Lang smiled, and his eyes also shone, but with a different light.

As he tasted the young man’s cooking, Xie Lian groaned at how good it was. There was ginger, a faint taste of lemon, and spicy seasoning in the tender meat, delicious and unique, nothing like the strange cuisine he made.

“San Lang, it’s so good!” His words made the young man, who was watching him eat, laugh. “So talented!”

The light in San Lang’s eyes grew brighter, “Hm, one day gege will discover that this San Lang is very good at many things.”

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Footnotes

[1] 老 [lao]. Here it means "Old-Xie".

The author has something to say:

Any food mentioned here was taken from my head. I'm not much of a cook, so I don't know many dishes other than the most common ones in Brazil hahaha

Chapter one — Chapter three

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