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istherewifiinhell · 6 months

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IS FLYING GENDERED?

On the masculine default, typifying gender in genre, and women as the other in the transformers cartoons.

question for the ages

once again i said back in the halcyon days of watching g1 (aka 5 months ago) i was like. Nooooo, decepticon is NOT a gender that's Silly. It's funny, but as a Read Of The Text, I thought it largely unneeded. (The concept came about, as a joke, involving dismissing the bad guys using the same language you would abt women (sexistly) that they're emotional [heh, flighty], vain, and shrill) after all. If in the 80s era there are 5 whole named/speaking woman tfs, its only ever gonna get better from here right? (<- booboo the fool)

anyway

Let's consider the axiom that the assumed default gender is male, that maleness is often seen as LACK of gender, and femaleness and gender variance are the PRESENCE of gender. In certain reasoning and worldviews, of course (See Androcentrism). Then add that, for transformers, the assumed default thing a transformer turns into, is car. (Autocentrism, if you will)

(The most general term for what a tf turns into is "Alt mode" as some of them are not vehicles at all. The other mode is "Robot Mode", whether its humanoid or not)

So I will be laying out why I believe the cartoon iterations support: non standard alt modes = non standard genders. This is in spite of the fact that FIRST lady tfs were all cars. Sleek cyber cars, but still. For whatever reason, (possibly, the reason for everything in tf, toys) they might as well not exist for how woman tf characters presence in the cartoons progressed over time.

And, to be clear, this is a reading of how these works of fiction are created, not a new unified bioessentialism but for robots aliens I'm proposing for like. In universe lore reasons. I hate that idea.

That said, alt modes in order of most to least gender: Spider, motorcycle, flying (in general, with rotors, jets), tank, and then FINALLY, car. (water and space crafts are already too marginal to rank, but they too can be assumed in relation to default maleness, AND that in making one a woman, would still qualify as othering her).

The NUMBER one reason for this is the bizarre need to have an ESTABLISHED woman tf character before making new ones. AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE. With a g1 gender ratio something like.... (counting even the most marginal cases for the ladies) 9:120? (That's a rough count from a quick scanning of the tf wiki g1 char list) Shits dire out here.

The second is, ofc, character design based. cis people [stand in phrase for the hegemonic world view] are not okay, and their opinions about how tf gender must need be depicted visually is. uh? Im not a fan. Size and shape dimorphism in general is a given, and specifically having women tfs as far more humanoid and curvy in specific. Also general cartoon lady face syndrome but, whatever. I think there's exactly one character here who doesn't have "lips" or "lipstick" as a distinguishing factor. I'm so tired.

Third is generally, the idea of The Girl Of the Team. When there's The Girl, she often isn't JUST a normal character, who happens to be a girl. See, of course, the Smurtfette Principle. But in my view there's also a trend to give The Girl "special traits" on top of "Girl", maybe even to directly combat the idea that the Girl Character has no other traits? To stop this from being a General Primer on Woman in Media, my explanatory focus is things specific to the tf franchise.

(A phrase I use for thinking about normative modes [in general, not just the Alt ones] in within the tf universe is "unique transformerdom" or, even more clunkily, "A transformer of unique transformerdom". The excessive verbosity is amusing to me personally. All I mean by it is to have an umbrella term for any of the ways tfs can be made unique from their peers in the non allegorical realities of the fiction).

I could, and do, and greatly want to, speak about this AT LENGTH. But it keeps spiraling away from me. So I'll say for now were looking at ways a character is being depicted different from her peers, not because she is the only woman (which she likely is), but cause she's a different kind of transformer, AND if she's othered for it.

(IN SOME forms of the lore. Being a transformer woman, IS A UNIQUE KIND of transformer unto itself. Let's just say I hate it and move on)

Fourth, is the gender of villainy. There is much to be said about gender presentation of villains, the ways they are allowed to be aberrant. We will get to it. There is also all the tropes specific TO evil women, and the modes of villainy open TO female characters. But a general thing I think impacting the gender ratios of the factions is the how "Good" and "Evil" female characters are written. I'll generalize and call this the "Damsel vs Temptress" dichotomy. (See concepts like the Madonna-whore complex). Transformers, is by and large, an action franchise. Unless special reasons are made, characters who can impact the action– have more screen time, and likely more memorable, and iconic presences. A villainous woman can be unchaste, violent, aggressive. While a heroic woman, even if not a literal damsel are more likely to be in a support role. The secretaries of the action genre: medics and techs.

(Another factor is that tfs are giant robots, and the good guys are often friends with tiny squishy little humans. These make very good damsel fodder, and can be taking up the spots on the roster that might, in a different franchise, go to women. Additionally, while woman characters in transformers overall is an interesting topic. When I say tf women, I'm referring to ones that are in fictionally, transformers.)

SO, now understanding our points of attack/obstacles for getting woman into transformers. (Getting established, gendering the designed, uniqueness of existence, and general villainy). Lets go over those alt modes, and the characters that have em, in more detail.

Spiders

The "Beast Era" (1996) intro-ed the spider ofc. And what don't we have with this one. She's a villain, but shes also misunderstood, the era and design style let to these more organic shapes. And they used them to make sure she was very sexy. She's genre aware, she's quippy, she's an absolute icon. So naturally. She gets ported to other later shows. Which means we just have sexy spider ladies running around when everyone else is a fucking truck and shit.

Her own origin is, well think of her as a "Bride of Frankenstein" to the resident evil scientist, also a spider. She was designed for, and manipulated by him in multiple ways. Her protoform (A blank robot base), was supposed to be one of the good guys (a Maximal), but was reprogrammed into a bad guy (Predacon). Even then, she eventually joins them, for her own reasons. She's not even the first predacon to do so, the difference? Well the characters are a lot more NORMAL about his autonomy. Both of these characters stress that being a predacon is an identity they still see as important. But only the woman is told that really, she is was was always MEANT to be a maximal. And while that's true in a sense. There's also a plot were she's forced (by plot contrivance, not the other maximals) to get corrective robot surgery for it. And when they think she died from, everyone's more sad for her boyfriend than for her. Ouch.

The second spider, in the 2007 show, is now one in a world where she is the only "techno-organic" transformer, hence, she is spider, everyone else is a vehicle. Similar to the first, her narrative is very gendered, but less in the way were, like, I do literally think the first was was experiencing in universe sexism from other characters. Here, they really focus on the "techno vs organic" narrative, and the tragic circumstances on how that happened. In this case its just real world sexist writing.

THIRD SPIDER, (2010), instead of misunderstood and tragic evil, this ones just super mega likes to cause pain evil. She also occupies a strange place between the typic vehicular tfs, and the insecticons. This is because she has a helicopter alt mode, and her robot mode is just, a lady with spider characteristics. And, more than just a passing bug like similarity, she has the power to control the insecticons (you know, cause evil woman mind control). However, she doesn't fit in with them either, as the insecticons are at the most insect like they've ever been, in look, living in hives and that most don't even speak.

They may vary in exact character, relationship to the story's moral conflict, and design. But they stay comfortably established, dimorphised, flirty and flirting with villainy. And bonus points, always, for black widow spider trope.

SO. SPIDERS. Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ (Extremely!) Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ Villainy: ✅️

Motorcycles

Tooooo my knowledge the first bike lady was in 2004, and fairly minor, in the actual plot, but rest assured, they did go the previously established woman route, by being pink, though, which one shes named after varies by language. But neither were previously motorcycles. (And yes, there is also this problem of mixing together or swapping out one woman tf for another. As if we have the ladies to spare). Even though motorcycle men also exist, this one just stuck for a bit. Maybe something to do with Those Movies. I think the Gendered Existence of a motorcycle is pretty evident though, general sex appeal, being smaller, the mode of riding a motorcycle is different, more physical and intimate. Mainly this ranks so high for the level of grossness they can pack in. Just how objectifying it can be, particularly with two instances where the human rider is an annoying teen boy. Naturally, I've also never seen a male and female motorcycle in the same room, but the approach to design tends to be different. And yeah most of em are Arcee, who's first alt mode was cyber car, but it's not just her.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: Depends on iteration, I do NOT like the way one gets called "tough, for a two wheeler". Villainy: ❌(they wouldn't need to be motorcycles if they weren't making them the Special Girl Autobot, after all)

Flying

General: It just tends to stick out when your one girl is only flyer in the group, even she's otherwise tactfully done. Only flyer of the Maximals, a falcon, only flyer of the dinobots, a Pteranodon.

Rotors

I can barely even figure this one. Maybe it's just a general, aesthetics and use case of the actually vehicles, the associations? None of these ladies (and special case) are very connected otherwise. As previously mentioned, the spider helicopter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A big one for this is the preschool demo shows, which are rescue team focused. In the first one the only woman on the human response worker team pairs with the helicopter, they mention she does medical at times. The helicopter is male, like the other tfs. But also he's afraid of flying, and while not the first case of a flyer with a fear of heights, their personalities are, pretty different. As he's both fearful AND effeminate, fine as character traits go but, with the tone of humour used, marks him as Other.

In the second, Whirl (pointing to icon) becomes a girl for the first time, now with standard humanized face. I assume as move to keep with the previous show of having a girl one, as there's no human team mates. She's also the only one who really likes rescue school. Aaaand that's all know of her. What more do you want from me.

Helicopters: Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (milder than some)

But why'd I call this section rotors instead of helicopters? That would be because one of the latest Sole Female TF we just put in everything™ is a VTOL jet with rotors. She'll tend to be the only jet of her type, which is also smaller than the type of jet used for the villains.

And, of course, aside from alt mode, the thing that makes her stand out most in the cartoons? That she's very clearly a comics character. (I find the emphasize that she's "fan created" over done, as it only controlled minor aspects, and irrelevant cause tfs get completely overhauled in new versions all the time). From her design, which is a bit busier than most characters she stars with. And also uses Japanese aesthetic signifiers in ways that I think are a bit misappropriated and untactful. (VERY USamerican comics). Also, when she stars next to a guy, also from comics employing Japanese aesthetic, you can tell its not deployed in the same manner. (E.I she has hair and makeup, he has armor). Either way, her depictions have her either as badass sword lady on mission from god who's constantly getting hit on by an annoying guy. Or have her be from a different planet and has special telepathy.

Do we see how both her gender AND the cultural signifiers are having affects here? That the main woman tf in a series can be a literal alien even among our alien robots, with cultural signifiers they don't have?

Ratings Established: ✅️ (made the comics to cartoon jump) Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (SO SO EXTREMELY, using methods in fiction and real life)

Jets

I think my association of jets with tf gender is stronger, than some of the above examples, even if there's less reason to it. And why is that? Well, lets get socratic. Here's another question.

Is This All Starscream's Fault?

No. He's not real, he can't do things. But. His legacy as THE main stay transformers character that gets to subvert gender? Yeah. (Sure, the G1 autobots have their own effete, but he's not in every single cartoon they ever made now is he? Plus now that I think about it, he is a FLYING car...)

From the get, he's not a Man's man. He's shrill, he's manipulative and duplicitous, petty and emotional, cowardly and wheedling. He is, of course, the Perfect character. Now naturally, the 80s cartoon was not concerned with your paltry logics. Starscream and his ilk are the jets, but every decepticon can fly. The gun, the cassette player, the camera, the cassettes.

And each to a last, more masculine than he is. Vocally or behaviorally, physically. Every one of them fit the gender expectations more than he does. Even being a small time grunt, is a masculine trait, after all, more so than unchecked ambition. So its not femininity from flying, from jets. But direct relationship, reference, and descendancy from Starscream that makes it. I've yet to see female versions of Jet fire and or the aerialbots, for example.

So what to do when an effeminate male villain was less maltese falcon and more that man has effeminate hips? Well. We had to start getting his ass for being effeminate, explicitly. They made the female clone of him, which yeah, is an offensive joke stemming from the various The Gender Anxieties. (Transmisogyny, homophobia and sexism. General relation toxic masculinity. A heady mix of all and more).

But I mean. It's free girl tf... Once given a name in extra canon materials, she start's showing up in other things. Once you're in books, video games, comics, and most importantly, toys, you're real. And then eventually, her first non clone appearance in a cartoon, and how her presence shaped it.

That being, Cyberverse. Which is a cgi show, you need to know this for reasons of production. Making new models is expensive. This has always been the reason you just make recolours of Starscream and name them different things. Chicken or egg on this one, I don't know, But because CV has Slipstream, and the only difference between her and the generic "male" decepticon jet, is a more feminine face; Suddenly, any random decepticon goon can be a woman.

An absolutely revolutionary take for striving to populate a fictional world with gender parity. By at large it also means they're way more lady villains, and specifically flying model of villain. The show has other woman, but none who get the same androgynous body mold treatment.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: Mildly to NO. Unique: By design, no. Othered: Yes for the clone, and Screamer himself, I suppose. No, otherwise. Villainy: ✅️(That's, the whole idea)

Tanks

It needs to be said. Sometimes, when doing things that transgress a norm, anteing up is less subversive. This is another reason why gender variance, female agency and overt sexuality are more common traits of villains. When already defying strictures of society. What's one more.

That's Right. TANKS ARE THE BUTCH WOMAN OF TRANSFORMERS.

Alright. Let me back up. Strika is the stone cold knock out undefeated champ of lady tf designs that, actually has a reoccurring cartoon presence. She is, admittedly, only a reoccurring to minor character.

Her introduction is in another show with techno-organics, this one involved in the struggle between well, the techno and the organic. Strika as we see her, and as the design that will go on to be iterated, is not in her normal transformer body. She has been transferred into a 'vehicon' body. Without a preexisting essence contained in one, vehicons are not considered alive, in the way a transformer is. Visually, they lack the more human body plan, a standard face, feet and hand like appendages.

To further contrast Strika against the two techno-organic woman. Both of them are tall, and slender. Their softer organic shapes designed towards elegance or beauty, whatever your subjective opinion of that result might be. They both have romance subplots too. By the way. Or honestly one subplot and one main plot. Strika. In contrast. Is built like a brick shit house. Her face is. Minimal. And her goal: protecting her planet... by terminating the heroes.

Now, existing as a character that can be referenced for other media, and given the detail that she was a "Famous general", it's off to the races. She makes a wonderful big tank menace that can fill out a background shot, too.

Without her I hardly think we could have Clobber, also from CV. Who is. The true goat. The finest thing, the achievements of all we could ever hope for. A big fuck off woman, gender swapped from a previous male design with minimal faff, with now even more personality and show presence. Friends, wants, desires. Emotions. Thank God for Clobber, Thank Clobber for Clobber. Thank Randolph Heard and Mae Catt for Clobber.

Established: Depends if you want to count that Strika had so much swag they kept drawing/modeling her Gendered designs: FUCK NO Unique: ✅️ Othered: only originally Villainy: ✅️

Cars

So now you have the final piece of the puzzle. In transformers, Autobots are Cars. Yes, there are plenty of autobots that are NOT cars, and there are cars that are not Autobots. But they're exceptions, they're aberrances. They're unique. And Autobots are the norm. They oppose the Decepticons. Decepticons are Villains. And Decepticons can fly. Modal simplified binaries and false dichotomy abound!

And the thing about those original Autobot woman, the one's who largely did not influence all of this? They were cars, it's true, but not like how the men where cars. They've not been designed from transforming car toys, with a shellac of humanoid gender over top. Their designed in the way of human gender. With the car on top.

When the preexisting clause leads to the original designs to be revisited, which, has largely only happened in more recent years. They aren't car woman robots. The cars are literally not part of their bodies, they are additional. Instead of a unifying identity of a robot who is a car, its Arcee and her backpack. Parts of cars get grafted onto their petite lady bodies, and placed anywhere out of the way.

In order to make a transformer a woman, they have to give her a gender, not understanding that that's always been the case. And to give her a woman's gender, she's got to LOOK like a woman, not a transformer. And to look like a woman, she's got to act like a woman. She must be heroic but reactive instead of active, or else, villainous, conniving and or self centered. To be a woman, we must have some other previous woman to explain her presence, or else explain it anew with her unique, strange, or exotic origin. How could she ever be a woman if she simply, existed, looked average, talked average. How could she be a woman if her body is hunks of ungendered car. How can she be a woman if she's everything we expect a transformer to be.

A woman is transgressive, a woman is not normal. Autobots are normal. Autobots are heros. Autobots are men. And Autobots do not fly.

#some shit #its not called cisformers #<- IT SURE ISNT FOLKS #a note on how im using citations here u can read BEFORE getting into the post proper #I'm writing this in mind that someone might have NO idea about tf. or. god forbid.#the general perspective of media trope analysis im working from.#So the links can be considered additional or further reading with intent of 1. if a more thorough understanding of a concept might help #2. something im eliding the name of for search reasons 3. a referential example of what im saying #4. a specifc reference/bit of info that might be unclear. in which case im usually linking to a SECTION of the page #5. JOKE #ALright now normal tag talking space.#THIS IS. serious media analysis done casually for fun! in that. I mean it. genuinely. But also im here for silly fun and im not trying #to be SOOOO academically rigorous that its still not. Posting. u know?#MUCH inspired. or i suppose u might say. encouraged to completion and whole hearted commitment by (fandom) silly serious analysis and #math theroying thematics #i have NO idea if this thing will be searchable with all the links and the words i used. but i prepared for it it case it is #AND I PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO IT!!!!!!!! SO its okay if anyone reads it!#but im also braced for bad faithing inwhich case. I will not be held responsible for my actions. thank you.#i have been told to tag this #maccadam #transformers #if someone tryies to kill me for it im not taking responsibility

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todayisafridaynight · 11 days

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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

#snap chats #i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets #on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone #so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll #ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla #i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others #i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr #i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things #evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least #but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs #with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO #again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything #come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent #also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL #god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull #my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny #cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character #i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This #like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her #honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there #just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this

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ninjasmudge · 1 year

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people really will say shit like 'the fic i found hasn't updated in a whole month so i think its been abandoned which is a shame, i wanted to read more' like where do you even get the nerve

#this definitely isnt abt my fic dw #this is me seeing other people start talking about fics in past tense if they havent updated in a little while #as if fic writers are your content creators that are writing for you and need to do it every day to keep the algorithm happy #ao3 doesnt have an algorithm and tiktok and other social media really really does rot your brain #like its a very specific level of anger that arises in me when i see people demanding shit for free constantly from random strangers #just because you liked something they made you think your entitled to tell thrm what to do? to demand more?#to tell them what to invest their time in when most of them have full jobs??#theres not many things in life that get that deep anger from me but people like that really do #shark talks #l #for me its usually when i post a comic and some idiot is like 'part two?' in the replies immedietly its like. u didnt even reblog #or say you liked it. its a standalone comic what fuckin part 2 do you even want?#you dont even know youre just so used to demanding things like a child that you do it automatically

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skunkes · 11 months

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current thing i keep trying to convince myself of is that making one bad drawing does not mean that im bad at drawing. The big doodle pages have helped with that. They do kind of Harm when i go back and see i was making Better art x months ago but im also a believer of If You Can Draw It Once, You Can Draw It Again so it helps to have a bad doodle surrounded by art i didnt scrap (+ consider "good").

Also trying to just accept sometimes things are left in the past.... I do think if u draw something once u can draw it again but im trying to convince myself its ok if i can never get back the art style(s)/art style elements i had in the past.

In the same way we age and have to accept we look differently than we did when we were younger and That Was and Is Us, but we wont look like that ever again. <- This is a little hard bc i also have trouble accepting/dealing with this comparison example LOL

#this is just copium bc i know its like Not True but the other thing i am trying to convince myself of is like #im at a point where i Cant make a bad drawing. ykwim. like this isnt true right of course i have huge flops i have to scrap all the time #but its more in line with what i mentioned in the post... like *lying* i cant make a bad drawing. and if i did itd just be one out of lots #of okay ones. ykwim. its not Real but i need to overcompensate to make up for the usual mindset #talkys #now i just need to get past my bizarre fear of like.#what if someone who's never seen my stuff's first interaction with my work is a Bad drawing. and so they think all my stuff is bad #but its out of my hands so i guess i jst have to find a way to stop runinating about random strangers whenever i make art #*ruminating

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darabeatha · 4 months

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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges

#;ooc #ooc #me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time #/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing #/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by #would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe #the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and #it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment #it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general #even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there #like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest #i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes #or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go #its all very cute to me #its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street #and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together #or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v #its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that #are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying #its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls #the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others

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cloudd-nyne · 5 months

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#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

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elftwink · 6 months

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just saw a mildly irritating post that talked about seeing takes about how sdv is actually bourgeoisie or whatever (am not reblogging because the rest of the post was honestly kind of unrelated and i want to talk about this sdv claim w/o derailing the rest of it) as if that take popped out of the void when i know for a fact that that take specifically is a response to the much more common "stardew valley is actually a leftist anti-capitalist utopia" type takes, a thing that is even less true about stardew valley than claiming it's bourgeoisie

like. the double standard of making completely detached from reality statements about how left-wing the ideals of stardew are, and then claiming people making the opposite take are armchair activists like... you don't think claiming that you play sdv because it fits totally with your leftist values (rather than that you play it because it's cute and fun or any other thing you are probably actually choosing to play it based on) is a form of armchair activism? isnt it more weird to need everything in your life to perfectly align to your politics, not in the sense that you select your pastimes based on those politics, but that you select them based on non-political criteria & then insist to everyone that Actually This Is Based On My Politics even when we can all plainly see that it's not???

stardew valley is a little farming sim. whether you like to play it or not says nothing about your irl politics. but literally just by looking at what you do in the game, which is produce things so you can sell them to make more things, you guys cannot seriously be claiming THIS is your anti-capitalist utopia and get weirdly mad and project this sense of armchair activism onto people who point out that it just literally isn't. sdv is a lot of things, but anti-capitalist is so totally not one. and i have no interest in explaining the intricacies of how the sdv farmer could be capitalist when they throw joja out of town, because frankly i have seen other posts about that and i have yet to see anyone involved in arguing for #sdvleftistutopia demonstrate any understanding of like. well like even the most basic understanding of class dynamics or that the word bourgeoisie has a specific meaning that is distinct from 'rich person' or 'ceo of corporation'.

also everyone takes it wayyyy personal like saying that sdv isn't anti-capitalist somehow translates to saying anyone who plays sdv and is anti-capitalist is actually a FAKE LEFTIST BETRAYING THEIR VALUES which is just not what anyone is saying ever and acting like they are kills the conversation dead. the conversation that YOU STARTED by claiming sdv was leftist or whatever

inb4 anyone gets on my ass about letting people do what they want, i LOVE stardew valley. i have played more than 1000 hours of stardew valley. if pointing out that sdv is capitalist makes you shit your pants then actually i kind of think you are a fake fan. what was all this about the spreadsheets to maximize efficiency. just like think for even 20 seconds about what you do in the game and how it may actually clash with your irl politics and hope for the world and ultimately imo that will make you a much better leftist than insisting that everything you do is actually already leftist simply because it makes you feel nice and cozy. niceness and coziness are not correlated in any way with 'correct' politics and the sooner you internalize that without viewing it as an attack on the things in your life that are nice and cozy the less we will have to have stupid conversations like this

also last thought it's totally your prerogative to turn off your brain and not think about politics while gaming but if that's your position then don't get on tumblr dot com to claim these things are leftist (how would you know, your brain was off) and also when people kept their brains on (regardless of what their conclusion was about the internal politics of sdv, or for that matter any media) and are trying to talk about it to each other, don't annoyedly get on your high horse about how actually you shouldn't have to turn your brain on. you don't have to. stop talking to me about it if you won't though.

#good idea generator #might be a limited time post this is the stupidest hill to die on ever #but im not dying yet. im standing on this hill for sure rn but if someone comes to kill me for it i'll just leave #im just. we're not going to pretend that a swath of people are calling sdv problematic. i cant do that #when i KNOW what happened is a bunch of people specifically tried to claim it was anti-capitalist. when it just isnt #and then when other people were like no its not. oh NOW we can talk about how silly it is to read politics into a farming sim!!#'video game politics are so serious when i think they align with my values but when i dont everyone who is talking about them is silly #and how come they arent talking about Real Problems? why wasn't i talking about real problems you say uhm uhhhh well'#and nobody is even calling sdv problematic a bunch of people are claiming OTHER people are calling it problematic!!!#(also also to address the real problems point. i firmly believe you can care about multiple things at once #and because of that. some of those things will be less important than others. and you will still care about them #i think this is true for all people which is why no one ever says Real Problems #like that unless they are losing an internet debate. usually one that they started. whataboutism central)

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suffarustuffaru · 1 year

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Just wanted to say thank you for the ottosuba posting you've done lately. The English speaking fandom is absolutely barren with Otto content, let alone ottosuba content. So to have someone as awesome about it as you post via Tumblr posts, fanfic, fanart, etc. on a good(-ish) website like Tumblr is like finding a diamond in the rough. Anyhow, looking forward to any future ottosuba content from you!

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

anon you made my day fr these are very high compliments T^T <3 i appreciate it a lot pfft a part of me is always like "I CANT REVEAL HOW MUCH MY BRAIN IS ROTTING OVER THESE CHARACTERS..." bc i get a little embarassed a little shy bc what if i am posting the same things too much...??? but then i simultaneously go "lol my blog my rules anyway im gonna make a gazillion billion content *clicks post*" which is how all the otto and ottosuba content gets churned out alsdflj. especially bc - like you said - the english speaking fandom is a BARREN DESERT when it comes to otto and ottosuba content T^TT ive been thinking about it lately bc they seem to be a lot more popular in the japanese speaking fandom i think, but theres next to Nothing with the english speaking fandom :o interesting difference there.

but regardless :o yeah i keep making otto and ottosuba content bc i am in Desperate need of it... its a desert and i gotta feed myself too HAH theyve always been interesting to me but in the years ive been into rezero that Interest has skyrocketed bc of all the interesting developments pfft (and also the lack of english fancontent for them HAH). i just think theyre so underrated in the english fandom.... thank you for liking my stuff anon <3 :DD

#ask #also you made me remember that ive been otto(suba) posting in like so many mediums lajdfljsl #i ended up sneaking a bit of meta into these tags oops aljsdfljsf but.#also i just think otto and ottosubas feralness is super interesting and my taste in characters totally isnt predictable (i say this as a p #five shuake fan also. cries.) but also like. people in the english speaking side of the fandom dismiss otto a lot which is interesting to m #like its u know that typical fandom tendency to sometimes only see characters for how they look on the surface. and its also interesting b #ive also been seeing a few people like. almost kind of miss how toxic ottos being in arc 8??? and also ottos general. subaru obsession #things yeah. like why do people miss this stuff??? he literally says his reason for being / existence is to oppose subaru??? what sane #person does that lajdslfjsldfj what sane person is so ride or die theyd rather leave a whole country + their bffs daughter figure to die??#what sane person manipulates all their friends in order to save them??? understandable motive but literally insane lajsdlfjsld #yeah so anyway im super curious on why english vs japanese fandom have different attitudes towards otto and ottosuba HAH #being an emilia otto AND astrea fan is so weird bc people are so kind with the astreas usually and then being an emilia fan means suffering #through all the sexism and then being an otto fan is just going “YOU GUYS WERE FOOLED BY HIS SOFT BOY AESTHETICS???” and begging people to #remember that he cares about subaru. but that goes for many emilia camp members treatment in fanon.#and also yeah being a fan of almost any character in this fandom is suffering i think alsjdfljsd #granted i was also fooled by the soft boy aesthetics but that was way back when okay. i know now. hes my silly fucked up little guy now HAH

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raineandsky · 7 months

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This is a epilogue to a lil project of mine - loving titled Around the World in 80 Cafes :)

Crow arrives in the village, accidentally, under the cover of darkness. His client has made his rounds of the lands a lot more hurriedly than he’d expected, and the opportunity to get the hell away from him as soon as possible was not an opportunity lost on Crow.

“Everyone’s favourite mercenary’s back early,” the guard, Phive, comments from the walkway as he reaches the top of the ladder. Her job’s been rendered a little obsolete since Norveticus brought his family’s little empire to the ground, but she seems more than happy to stand here, with nothing to do, at one in the morning. “Good run?”

“Was a’ight.” He waves her off with a gruff laugh. “Pays just enough to deal with the nobility that comes with the job.”

Phive snorts, gesturing down the walkway with her spear. “Speakin’ of, I think your noble’s been anxious for you to get back. He’s been stress-bakin’ for, like, four days.”

Crow frowns suspiciously. “He's a cook, Phive. He doesn’t bake.”

“Exactly.” Phive grins. “You should get outta town more often. He’s good at it, and it’s usually me that gets first pick of whatever he’s makin’.”

Crow rolls his eyes as Phive laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He pauses in front of his house. It feels strange to think—his house. He spent so long flitting between the houses here in his youth; whoever had the space, had the energy for him. Now here he is, standing outside a house he can actually call home. It’s a strange feeling, and not one he hates.

It smells delicious inside, as always, and he can see what Phive was talking about. It’s definitely the aroma of baking—sweet, a little less intense than usual, and concerningly strong for one in the morning. He can see that the kitchen light’s on from here. He can’t be worried enough to be up at this time, surely.

The culprit of the smell is sitting on the kitchen counter. A cake of some sort, by the looks of it, but not one he’s seen before. The kitchen’s empty though, thankfully, so after a second to marvel at the treat he’s back on his way.

He doesn’t find Norveticus where he expected to; he’s neither in the kitchen or the bedroom, where Crow was mostly hoping he’d be, but instead in the living room. Crow comes across him on the sofa, his arm left hanging over the side and a book dropped heartlessly on the floor. He carefully picks the book up, giving it a onceover—it’s Norveticus’s own cookbook, nothing he hasn’t read a thousand times—before laying it on the table nearby.

He squats down near his face, simply content to admire Norveticus for a moment. He seems so peaceful like this, blissfully unbothered. The light from outside dances over his face, his hair a little ruffled from his obviously unintentional nap. He’s unfairly pretty, as always, and Crow didn’t realise how much he missed him until now.

He knows Norveticus will find something to worry about the moment he wakes up, so he just quietly takes in the view before giving him a light nudge.

Norveticus stirs, kind of. He clearly has no intention to wake up. “Angel,” Crow whispers.

Norveticus makes some halfhearted noise that sounds vaguely like “huh?”

Crow can’t help but laugh a little. He ghosts a hand over Norveticus’s face, his thumb brushing idly against his cheek as he finally opens his eyes. “I’m home, Norv.”

Norveticus stares at him in a blank half-squint for a long moment. Then it suddenly seems to click what he’s seeing—he bolts upright, his eyes wide, his mouth working to probably try and say several things at once.

“Hey,” Crow says plainly, an unavoidable grin working its way onto his face, and the single word seems to break Norveticus out of his stupor.

“Oh my god, Crow!” He throws his arms around Crow’s neck, half-dragging him onto the sofa with him. “You’re back—” Norveticus pulls away rather suddenly to hold him at arm’s length, a frown adorning his face. “… early.”

“Don’t worry,” he says quickly. “The job just finished earlier than we expected.”

Norveticus lets go of him quickly, a disappointed frown on his face. “But I had everything planned,” he whines. His gaze slides past Crow and to the kitchen. “I was going to do this big thing for when you came back. I was going to make that pie you said you liked, and I wanted to get you some flowers and I was going to get Hettie to make another cloak and—”

“Norv,” Crow interjects exasperatedly. He gently takes Norveticus’s face in his hands, like he needs some sense talking into him. “I don’t need a big thing. I came home because I wanted to be with you, okay?”

Norveticus huffs. “Can I at least still make the pie?”

“I’m not stopping you from making anything.” Crow snorts at the slight scowl on Norveticus’s face. “Phive tells me you’re a baker now, anyway.”

There’s a half second where Norveticus looks like he’s about to delve in to explain the exact things he’s been making—a common occurrence, and music to Crow’s ears—before he leaps out of Crow’s hold and to his feet.

“My cake!” he cries. Crow slowly gets back to his feet as Norveticus beelines for the kitchen. “God, I didn’t mean to go to sleep—it’s ruined.”

Crow lingers in the doorway as Norveticus flutters nervously over the perfectly fine-looking cake on the counter. “It looks a’ight to me,” he offers simply, “and it smells pretty good.”

“Smell and taste and entirely separate experiences, Scarlet Crow,” Norveticus says matter-of-factly. “It may smell like a god has made this, but I can assure you the texture will be absolutely vile. I was meant to put it in the ice box, like, two hours ago.”

“Did you seriously just drop my full mercenary name to explain food to me?”

“Yes,” he says flatly. He gives the cake a poke for good measure, his nose wrinkling slightly when it wobbles. “I am the culinary expert here, and I’m telling you that it will taste bad.”

“I don’t believe you.” Crow’s already rooting through the drawer for a fork. “You wanted to have something ready for when I got back, right? Let me try it.”

Norveticus seems to go through the five stages of grief in half a second. “Crow, I wanted to have something edible for when you got back. This will probably kill you.”

“I’d like to see it try.” He reaches for the cake, only stopped when Norveticus tries to block him. Crow tries to nudge him out the way but he’s goddamn stubborn. Nothing particularly new.

Norveticus grabs his arm to try and stop him and Crow wriggles theatrically in his grip, making another stab for his prize.

“Crow!” Norveticus yelps with a laugh. “Stop!”

The two of them wrestle for a moment before Crow finally manages to tear a bit of cake with his fork. Norveticus notices a second too late, and Crow shoves it in his mouth before the other can stop him.

For a moment, all Crow can feel is victory. Then surprise. Then overwhelming disappointment. Then, like the cherry on top of the cake, acute defeat.

Norveticus watches this cycle of emotions blankly, like he was expecting nothing less.

It takes Crow a second too long to talk around the dough sticking to the roof of his mouth. “It’s… it’s really good,” he chokes out.

“You’re a horrendous liar, Crow.”

“Divine.”

“You’ve never called anything divine in your life.”

Keeping his face passive is almost impossible with the cake practically attacking him from the inside. Norveticus was, tragically, right—the dough clumps and glues to anything it touches. The taste wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t burning itself into every inch in his mouth.

He swallows it, finally, and it’s equally a relief to have it gone and abysmal going down.

“Welcome home,” Norveticus says flatly.

Crow hums a laugh, planting a soft kiss on the top of his head. “Glad to be here, angel.”

Norveticus smiles pleasantly before a yawn forces its way through. Crow laughs lightly. “D’you wanna head back to bed?” he adds after a moment.

“Ugh, please.” Norveticus grabs his hand and drags him from the kitchen. “But only if you come to bed with me.”

Crow stops him in the doorway to the bedroom, pulling him in for a kiss. It’s short, sweet, frankly atrocious-tasting with that cake still lingering in his mouth—but it’s a kiss all the same, and Crow’s been craving one whether it tastes bad or not.

Norveticus pulls away from him after a moment, his eyes drifting over Crow’s face for a moment. “I missed you,” he whispers into the quiet.

Crow sighs contentedly. “And I missed you, angel.”

Norveticus smiles at that, and it’s so bright and warm that Crow might as well be staring into the brilliance of the sun.

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #fantasy writing #fantasci writing #mlm #i know this isnt my usual thing but covid had me stuck in my room for like 3 days and i contracted brain rot for my ocs #and i dont post anything about my own projects here! and i should cause i want you guys to enjoy em as much as i do!!#so enjoy this whilst covid is breaking down my 'mortifying ordeal of being known' complex #this is from a game i wanna make!! tho game dev is not going well for me. i may not be a smart man but ill be damned if i dont try

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rainingincale · 8 months

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#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess #but ive just been debating something for a while now #so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons #i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried #2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me #like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh #anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings #and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog #posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home #for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily #you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i #do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and #art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this #is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post

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firstroseofspring · 21 hours

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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!

#diary #miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands #john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened #in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head #on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now #and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the #person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems #serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will #take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and #you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg #not literally of course here but also literally. lol #but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands #who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes #i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so #sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)

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autisticlee · 10 months

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the whole "you shouldn't identify as X, don't form an identity when you can't/don't know yet, you're too young, what if/you might change your mind!" etc etc. it's so silly when you think about it. what's wrong with changing your mind anyway? why did we all decide that gender/sexuality identity has to be static and can never change? why did we decide that it's a bad thing to change? because the old generation tells us change is bad? because they (mostly conservatives) want to conserve "the good old days/the way things are supposed to be" in their minds???

WHO CARES if someone says they're gay then realizes 5 years later they're bi. WHO CARES if someone says they're a girl and realizes after trying it out they're not. let people explore who they are until they figure it out even if they go through every lable available to them! maybe none fit and they make up their own! who cares! who cares if they change it every year for the rest of their lives! humans change. that's the only constant about us! why is it a bad thing, even taboo, to accept change and exploration within sexuality and gender specifically?

there's always so much shame that comes with someone realizing they were wrong, changing as a person, or discovering something new about themselves. i've seen people afraid to explore themselves more or afraid to talk about a change in identity, for fear of the queer community pushing back on them the same way they're afraid to come out to the cishets in their life who are trans/homophobic. that's just not fair that their own community can become hostile towards them, too. being in a closet within a bigger closet essentially. everyone is always told to figure it all out first before claiming an identity, because then you're locked in it for life, apparently. you can't change your mind after that. why though? what's the point of that really? why can't we embrace fluidity a bit more? why can't we accept that humans do change all the time? why is making and trying to prove that these identities are static/unchanging/innate the only way to validate them? why can't they just, I don't know, BE VALID. without reason. why must we jump through hoops to be valid when we should just automatically be valid because we are human. stop letting the cishets gatekeep everything, leading to us gatekeeping each other!

I am sometimes very hesitant to talk about my own identity. I identified as a gay/biromantic trans guy for like idk 8-10 years? transitioned and everything. then like a year or two ago, I realized/decided that doesn't fit right anymore. now i'm a nonbinary, but also kinda fluid, aroace person. sometimes I don't like to talk about that because of the stigma behind changing your gender/sexuality identities. but you know what. i'll talk about it anyway and people have to learn to accept it.

what were the consequences and bad parts about changing my mind/identity like that? none. absolutely none. (outside of people being weird about it for no reason) but the benefits are feeling more comfortable with myself, and that's no one else's business.

#lee rambles #lgbt #lgbtqia #what tag do people usually use. idk #sexuality #nonbinary #transgender #gender #i know some things you cant “change” like if you transition. reversing some parts might be hard. but who cares #change what you want. change back a 3rd time if you want. we should let people do what they want in a safe way.#we arent going to talk about and debate children and their ability to “choose” im not opening those worms. thats for another discussion #but i will say them simply using words to describe themselves (identity) and changing it later DOES ABSOLUTELY NO HARM. LET THEM DO IT.#we are not talking about physically changing things so dont argue that. only words. words dont harm ans are allowed to change.#but people gatekeep adults from words as well so its not “about the children” its people in general.#everyone wants to gatekeep everyone from gender/sexuality so much for some reason #but this isnt about “the children!” so lets not talk about them #if anyone tries to argue children i will instablock. you have no permissiom #anyway. i feel like this entire post is a whole unpopular opinion. it'll probably make someone mad or cause misunderstanding #because words are hard and explaining my thoughts is hard. but youre not allowed to argue with me. im tired and dont want to deal with it #thats my boundary and im setting it up. no arguing. im not asking for debate or opnions. im simply rambling to myself snd anyone who #might not have thought about this before? idk. not sure who im rambling to or why i even added specific tags lmao #im tired and sleep deprived where am i going with this.......

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