#i know i dont really talk to anyone here
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also im so sorry i know im a dteam blog and i know im very inactive and dont really comment on all the things happening but im always here!!! i am sadly chronically online so i see everything that happens i just dont have the energy to blog about it for some reason??? i know it kinda sounds ridiculous but yeah shrugs
#also my anxiety has been really bad lately#and ive never struggled with anxiety like this before#it's messing me up a bit#so im distracting myself a lot#especially with valo lol#but yeah#i know i dont really talk to anyone here#but i thought i would just day something because i kinda feel bad about not being active#which is dumb I KNOW#but anyways#stream good om.ens!!!
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been thinking about something wicked a little too much lately. no harm in romanticizing the ominous dreadful unstoppable force
#ultrakill#v1#v1cked#<- unsure if ive ever officially decided that was the tag id be using but i dont recall anyone else having an idea for it#v1 and something wicked... ouhehehe#in a game like this... with conflict and violence and unceasing demand for a spectacle it is a step back to have v1 find themselves in a-#dark and quiet labyrinth belonging to a force that scares even them#idk. i think about it. its so unlike everything v1 has gone through thus far (though albeit not much as 0-S is in prelude. but i assume-#-there was some killing before they decided to drop down)#maybe it reminds them of their home? where they were built? light humming of wicked passing feels like the buzzing of bright artificial-#-lights that were routinely shined down on them for maintenance#a strange but welcome connection...#and something wicked is very lonely. i dont think it has much of an issue with this seeing as it knows its maze so so well.. im sure it-#-cares for it extensively. but a machine? coming here? i wonder if something wicked has the ability to interact with the terminals at all#terminals do really only talk to machines#but this one seems quite lonely. i dont think itd mind if something wicked happened to take a look#ok im done#gen art
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i love the video, i’ve already rewatched it three times Today what can i say
i’ve seen some people saying there was something “off” or “uncomfortable” about it. i can’t relate like im having a blast.
i honestly don’t know what people expect from them, sure dan’s complimented phil many times unprovoked and that’s lovely, but i understand how it can be a bit too much to just do it on camera so directly.
the camera’s on and it’s hard for them to not be a tiny bit like no homo. when that was all they did for years in front of the public. old habits die hard especially when it’s a habit that probably caused them so much anxiety for so long.
imagine being like this is my friend my buddy my roommate for years and trying to deny anything else but constantly being told that no one believes you, so it becomes even more frustrating, and then all of a sudden you both come out and it’s been a few years and it should be okay now, but it’s still a little bit weird (which if you’ve programmed yourself to act a certain way for years, formative ones too, and you’re now going against it, it should be). how is he supposed to look at this man and be like “phil you are the most beautiful man to have ever walked on planet earth”? or whatever you wanted from him.
and still, despite all of that, they’ve managed to make the gayest videos ever since post hiatus. so how is it uncomfortable if they aren’t like sitting on top of each other or something in front of the camera? (and also like they just might someday but not because a card says it)
like i made jokes about it myself because i found it funny that when people don’t ask it from him he will say something like “you looked lovely phil” or point his way when he hears the phrase “beautiful but dense” or whatever. so he’s not incapable of it, it was just a little uncomfortable because they were playing a couples game which they haven’t done before and he’s probably already hyper aware of everything he’s saying, on top of that he’s supposed to be like omg phil you have the most beautiful blue eyes or whatever???
let him post his little ocean blue eyes story and we can all freak out about it, like we do. it’s honestly more than enough. and this video is fantastic to me, what can i say
#but anywayyyyyy thats my thoughts#like honestly the video was really gay don’t get me wrong#and they have been Very Gay this year and post hiatus#im not saying they havent#im just talking to the people who found it “uncomfortable#like i thought they were fine it’s fine#i loved it#also im not even going to get into the whole They dont owe us anythinggggg thing because of course they don’t but i think they know that and#i don’t think they need me defending them from that or anyone really please we are grownups by now we know this of course they dont#but that’s not the point here martha#dnp#dan and phil#phan#phil lester#dan howell#daniel howell#dnp tit#d&p#dip and pip#amazingphil#dnptit#dnp games
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avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to
#i have. so many absences it's ridiculous to go right now i know it will be worse if i dont go i have to go#ive been just tossing and turning for like 2 hours with some freakign heart palpitations cause im so fucking scared#i was supposed to go last week and i didnt do it then either and every time i feel worse but i cant make myself go#AAAAAAAAA Im gonna die here i know i just have to force myself but i dont want to i want to stay at home which will fix nothing and#make everything worse in the long run#im aware of thsi but i still cant get myself to go idk what to do in this situation i feel horrible augh#i have so many absences I literally went once at the start of the semester and it's been what. 2 and a half months almost 3#i didnt do much for the class and i didnt go to class idk what to do.. theres literally no other way than to force myself to go#i KNOW I'll instantly feel better if i just stay home. i knowww i knowwww but its not going to help anything#i feel like shit and so ashamed and i just really dont want to go through this#FUUCK#im just#completely in panic mode rn. idk if i wont just try to go tomorrow idk if this is a bad decision im still just putting it off#im just totally by myself and cant even talk to anyone to calm down uauauhcgchdhd#im feeling pretty pathetic rn i should be able to do thisss i should be able to do this by myself#this is like self inflicted psychological horror and it's like every other day for me for many years now ouughh
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Headcanon that most demon royalty goes to some fancy private/finishing school. But that Stolas was homeschooled with a private tutor. It was one of the very very few requests his dad granted him and for years it was a tressure memory, one of the few times he /got to choose/ one of the few times his dad /listened/ to him. Only to realize when he enters society that it was another isolation tactic. That everybody had already spent years forming social alliances and building their reputations and social credit. And that there was no room for him to break into those circles, that he /did not know/ the proper unspoken social rules. That his wife has spent years building her clout and that he is once again. Alone.
#helluva boss#stolas goetia#stella goetia#Other demon royality#Listen I dont know anything about the world building in helluva boss or if they have any type of schools at all#I am basing this off of other dramas involving rich kids there's always a private school social credit is everything#And stolas has such perfect weird home school kid who does not know how to act around people because they've just never socialized ever#And I love the angst of dtolas's life being a compounding series of isolation and misreading situations only to realize#What was wrong way too late but still clinging to the good memory because that's all he has#And it pairs well with Stella being an excellent socialite#And the angst of stolas being like okay yay! Time to attend events i can do this i might even make friends!#Only to realize he /cant/ and forget friends or allies this means he has no one he can lean on to help with the abuse Stella deals out#Owl in a cage is a very telling song#Vassago once again in the corner vibrating because he'd love to be friends! He volunteers pleaseeee#Stolas gaining a reputation for being really fucking weird but really good at his job and for thinking he's too good to talk to anyone here#Because he never fucking talks to anyone#I imagine the first few years stolas was out in society were filled with just. So many painfully awkward conversations until he just#Stopped trying because what was the point
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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Despite the very little I know about Boothill (hot robot) I am very much reminded of this one fanfic I read.
In which one of the characters was an engineer that made robots and the love interest was like a robot. And the robot liked it when the engineer like tinkered with their circuits and went into the inner wiring and changed thing like it felt nice to them.
And that with Boothill please.
A reader that's an engineer trying to repair one of Boothill's fingers for whatever reason and Boothill likes it and he's like wait... Maybe I should get injured more often :) Poor reader that gets more work.
Not gonna write anymore on this because I genuinely know nothing about this man other than he's a hot cyborg dude but honestly that's enough. He has a really cute smile :)
#hsr boothill#boothill x reader#mmm the fanfiction potential here is actually insane#i was like really vibing with that one fic i was talking about in the beginning#i dont remember the name or the fandom tho D:#i think it was an au of one fandom in another fandom???#i completely forgot tho if anyone knows pls tell me
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Pet store clerk gives Charles a bag of free treats for his ""dog"" all while Charles can feel Erik Looming in the BG
the real mortifying day is after months of getting small bags of dog treats one day the bag of dog treats has like. perfectly normal human candies/pastries or something inside
Of Course charles is confused and impulsively asks what it is/how it's different from the usual only for the clerk to reply theyre Whatever Erik's Favorite Treat Is and its that day forward erik is adamant they just do their shopping online
#snap chats#clerk fully provides this information straight faced. by the way. and still pointing out those are for “”“”“The Dog”“”“”“”“#inviting all of you to assume the three of them became Vaguely Acquainted while charles and erik were fran shopping#like you know how you just happen to do small talk while at the store. at least five months of accidental small talk has led to this moment#'oh yeah i know these are his favorite- [Insert Food Here] right' and charles doesnt have to turn around or probe eriks mind#to know he's itching to leave the store but he cant just do that lest he validate this clerks suspicions#charles absolutely wants to try to laugh it off and tell the clerk he cant give these to his dog but the clerk Just Stares#they dont gotta say anything else ... charles dont gotta read their mind ... he wont argue he'll just swallow his shame and take the goods#anyways ... if anyone needs me ... im gonna succumd to the 3PM nap#i almost made it to 4 but alas ... i am sleepy ... then im gonna work SO im done answering asks for the evening#maybe ill answer some more tonight but i really have to focus. after my nap BYYYYEEEE#im gonna giggle about this new scenario tho ... Cherik Pet Shenanigans Somehow Getting Goofier Than Previously Thought#will have to do more thinkings of that down the line .... for now nap time 😴 cause i repeat i am five years old 😴
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Me patiently waiting for a way to make comics about the shitty things that happened in 2020-2023 but unsure of how to go about it in a way that will make me feel better smh
#like-#ugh#it all seems rrally stupid and blown out of proportion when i think about it too long#and then when i DO talk about it with other people who were there#theyre like ' yeah that was shitty' but what if my perspective is skewing their idea#idk#I also worry that my memories are new skewed by other people's perspectives#its like a whole thing#and its not like im upset by these things in a way that is actively hurting me#but i am retroactively realizing it was kinda bad????#idk maybe if i make comics about it someone will be like ' yeah that IS really shitty' but#i still dont know if that will be a warped version of what happened#the point is shit happened and i cant make art about it cause what if it really wasnt that bad#i think im just mad cause that person is currently having a great fucking time#and not feeling any regrets about anything#and overall just not facing the consequences of their actions#against me or the people that they hurt way worse than me#like theyre just gonna get away with being a shitty fucking person#anyway#this is not directed at anyone here btw this person ( hopefully ) can't see this#also damn i kmow for a fact that not being able to trust my memories and perspective is partially because of all this#smfh#its really not that serious but unfortunately it did effect me haha
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also here's two terrible photos of what ive been knitting this week:
there's too many stitches so i cant stretch it out properly, and the construction makes it hard to really show it off. also im in bed so it's the best i can do right now.
anyhow this is clue 1 of Stephen West's Go Go Dynamo MKAL, which im two weeks behind on but it's fine. it's been fun so far, minus the 'bubbles', which are the bane of my existence.
#im a stockinette hater (when worked flat. truthfully im a purl hater even though i Norwegian purl)#but it really has been fun#i truly dont know how this man comes up with this stuff#my mom is also making one in shades of blue#technically we're only supposed to use two colors but that's not something either of us are capable of#i thought about putting the pics under a readmore bc it's an MKAL but idk how big a deal it is here#like on ig or ravelry id use the placeholder image but like. i dont think anyone here will really be 'spoiled' for it yknow?#if im wrong let me know#oh and to those who have no idea wtf im talking about#every year stephen west does an Mystery Knit Along#with 'clues' (parts of the pattern) released every week and the idea is you dont know what you're making when you start#it will be a shawl but we have no idea how it will be constructed or what stitch patterns will be used or what it will look like#(my mom and i always wait until week 2 or 3 to see what it starts as bc we've been had in the past by a different designer)#clue 4 comes out next week and we have no idea where it's gonna go#theyre fun even though we cheat lol#anywayy#knitting#ks talks
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#mdzs#lan wangji#jiang yanli#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#i ask bc i think the subject just never comes up in mdzs. we know how lan wangji feels about jiang cheng (he's a hater) but not yanli#which is a bit strange given how important she was to wei wuxian#uhh given that im the poll runner im not sure if i should share my own opinions. but#imo you can argue for any of these#yanli was made to be the perfect fridged woman so it feels like sacrilege for anyone to dislike her. she's too nice#and given that she's kind of similar in temperament to lan xichen i can see lan wangji thinking highly of her#especially after she sticks up for wei wuxian at the phoenix mountain hunt (it always comes back to wei wuxian)#but i can also see lan wangji focusing on the fact that she married into the sect that ultimately destroyed wei wuxian#he's not exactly reasonable when wei ying is involved. so i can see him arguing that she should have used her position#as wife of the jin sect heir to do more for wei wuxian. or that she should have convinced jiang cheng not to expel wei wuxian#when she was still living at lotus pier. or something like that#this is not reasonable and lan wangji does not have all the facts. but he isnt a reasonable person lmao#grudge holder 100. blame slinger 1000.#there is also the fact that wei wuxian super killed yanli's husband#so in a yanli lives au would lan wangji expect yanli to just get over this? so wei wuxian can be happy?#honestly i dont know#at any rate. in canon lan wangji doesnt seem to think very highly of jin ling. who is yanli's son#which seems to imply to me that he and yanli did not have any sort of friendship or acquaintanceship#so imo the most realistic option out of all the options here#is that lan wangji thinks of yanli as just wei wuxian's dead loved one. and not really her own person#in the end it all comes back to wei wuxian lol#yanyan polls#yanyan speaks#adding second tag bc i talked too much in the tags
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am i just so far gone with these two that i can barely correctly comprehend anything they do toward eachother as normal casual interaction anymore or was this actually topher being worried about abe
#bc like…….. in my mind#topher is SUPER like way overprotective of abe. both in the way that he doesn’t want him to get hurt#and he also doesnt like anyone else getting really close to him but he’s calmed down with that one a little#and to me this is one of those moments where topher would 1000% just drop everything#if he thinks abe is in actual danger#dont talk about it much bc i hate them yada yada but seriously i love just… thinking about the most mushiest take on them as possible#like topher is legit in love with abe ya know hes never felt the way he does with abe around in his life ya know#that’s just what they are to me. and that’s what this moment here makes me feel and i have not gotten over it at all#probably won’t until s4 comes out. this is my new favourite crumb#and another thing#i can not lie. i did. get unreasonably excited and happy when abe said he’d come with joan to where topher is#and then later when he said he’d stay behind with topher and the bleacher creatures#im not Even gona reach and pretend it means anything cuz it doesn’t i just love them being together at all#clone high#tophabe#clone high spoilers#mine
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Au where quirks exist ever since the beginning of humanity but thought the last 200 years they started becoming rarer for no explainable reason
"for no explainable reason"? Not "because someone born two hundred years ago started eating them all"? Well, both can be true I suppose
1- humans have always had quirks so just go ahead and disabuse yourself of the idea that world history looks anything like ours now. Any boundaries humans have drawn between themselves or their spaces are totally different. Anyway, our story is set on the island nation of Akitsuba, which has begun to receive reports of children who are born without quirks- it seems impossible, but apparently the child born in Canton Province to two glowing parents but had no light himself was not the result of an affair. He is genetically both his parents child - just, without any unique plus alpha factor at all.
2- when the news breaks, Setsuji looks over at his twin brother. The two stay in a group home, and on the record, they have a spike quirk, just like their mother did before she died at their birth. In truth, Setsuji can take others quirks. He assumes he took his brother's in infancy, which why the boy can't use them, but now he wonders if his brother was in fact simply born without. He doesn't say anything, but his brother does- whispering it at night, apologizing for assuming his brother took it all this years ago and refused to even try to return it, but there's simply nothing to return, is there?
3- more people are born quirkless over time, and more people lose their quirk to AfO over time. Ujiko theorizes that quirks would get too strong, so both quirklessness and AfO are evolutions to prevent plus alpha self destruction. That is, sadly, a generous view- quirklessness is largely viewed as a horrible strange disability, and suddenly quirks become more important. Few people before had jobs that specifically used their quirks, but now no one wants to be mistaken for not having one. Many people campaign to treat and 'fix' quirklessness, trying to force activate one, study and prevent it, etc. Just go ahead and assume all the terrible things that can happen with this mindset, it all happened.
4- by the time of canon, however, quirklessness has been around for two hundred years, and it isn't going away- clearly the opposite. about half the population of the world has no quirk, and the number's hanging around 45% in Akitsuba when our main character, Akatani Mikumo is born. He's quirkless, and lives in the capitol of Higakyou, as schools there are required by law now to no longer require certain or any quirks. It's an election year, so his first semester of high school all anyone can do is talk about the candidates- especially Yagi Toshinori, a bit of a symbol for quirkless politicians and one people thought would run years ago. Mikumo, who helped Yagi carry groceries home one day and didn't recognize him outside of the bright suit, camera lights, and makeup, makes friends with a few kids at school. (Ochako, and the twins Tokoyami Fumikage and Kuroei- while the latter has a quirk, the former does not).
5- Then one day, Yagi is kidnapped, vanishing on live tv through a smokey warp. Mikumo doesn't know what to think about that, until he runs into the man on his way home from school- clearly in bad shape, with strange dark eyes that glow with some quirk he shouldn't have. Mikumo helps Yagi hide, and asks what happens, and how he can help. (AfO decided to end Yagi's use as a symbol by forcing a quirk on him and controlling him, but one of his brother's successors managed to break Yagi out first and give him his brother's quirk, allowing him to fight against AfO's quirk and withstand them safely. As for what Mikumo can do to help... he's done far more than he should already, a kind boy, but that answer isn't going to be good enough for him- he's determined to do more anyway.)
#kuroei is dark shadow btw#wow this is a Entirely Different Genre from canon isnt it#also izuku is just straight up mikumo yeah. looks like him but acts just like izuku#uhhh and im not sure if anyone else is more of their prototype#but i do know the todoroki kids dont exist#or at least. arn't todorokis here#because the Himura line kinda just went all out preserving the family ice quirk lineage at all costs#and would not risk 'tainting' rei with a fire quirk (what if they cancel out? what if enji has a quirkless gene somewhere?)#also. you may notice i said nothing of heroes. im not sure they'd be a thing in a world where people always had quirks#and are recently going away#so i dont know if enji would have any need for that anyway#so. yeah.#very different!#except afo being a bastard. thats about the same really#pocket talks to people#ask game#anon
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck
#trevor.txt#zero escape#zero escape phi#phi vlr#vlr spoilers#virtue's last reward#zero time dilemma#ztd#like. not that junpei/akane/sigma Dont also kind of go through it a bit in the space they're given#especially in sigma's case how LONG it is is one of the things that messes him up a bit#but phi gets like. a matter of days mentally#which is insane. what the fuck. i personally could not handle that she is stronger than i am#like i talked abt this in the post where i mentioned how the characters chsange from 999/vlr to ZTD but like!#it makes sense that phi's notably more emotional + doesn't really care if she dies or not. its all kind of Recent#just messes me up thinking about it. especially with the whole “going from a body with radical-6 to a body that doesn't” thing i mentioned#and the flashback with diana !!! Good Lord#who else up being known for being cold and unemotional but having a moment where you're just so tired after everything youve been through#that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't even know that well#i dont know. im fucked up. does anyone understand this fucks me up a bit#phiposting#<- making a tag for this bc i talk abt her A Lot on here
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when sapkowski is all “i don’t believe in absolute evil” like he didn’t write like vilgefortz and leo bonhart and birkart grellenort likeeee okkkk but those guys were preeeetty evil though
#likeeee it kind of seems to me that… they got pretty close. to absolute evil. you know#like uhhh… nilfgaardian invasion detailed in baptism of fire anyone#though ok ok his point was that there is no absolute evil as in being motivated by evil itself#that evil always has its own motivations and those motivations can be evil but it’s not evil for the sake of being evil#HOWEVER that being said i feel like bonhart really was just evil for the sake of being evil#you could say for the sake of sadism or for greed (him being the anti-geralt lol and actually being a stereotyped idea of witcher ngl)#buuuut i feel like sadism and greed are just niche evils themselves#with vilgefortz and the wallcreeper and also emhyr (didnt mention his ass at first but throw him in too) they’re more just power hungry#and wanting revenge on those that wronged them (interesting because isn’t this also what our protags want—minus the power)#anyways reviewing these interviews again has me 😂😳😌 but also 🤨#sometimes i feel like (with this discussion on evil) the economics background really shines through LMAO#like well sometimes i feel like there really is evil that is evil evil. sometimes people are just hateful and targeting with their hate#and you know this yourself bc you wrote it wtf#like you’re not gonna call the human peasants who slaughtered the dwarves and elves in rivia evil? i would call that absolute evil#maybe not their entire lives but in that instance true evil manifested#i feel like the definition of evil im getting at is hate and bloodthirst#which yeah sometimes that exists for no reason whatsoever#i mean it can be based out of economic ‘reasoning’ (manipulated into propaganda) to scapegoat a population and target of hate#but it quickly excels past any reason whatsoever. yeahh i dont think evil always has a motivation outside of evil. disagree#the elbow-high diaries#also there’s more context here i’m leaving out bc its just too much to talk about in the tags of this post
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