#i know i am screaming into the void rn
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WHY CANT THIS MOTHERFUCKING REPUBLICAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE it’s literally the same four ads on loop every six posts good fucking god
#like i am literally having nightmares about the election#that’s how inescapable it is#i am so over this#i fucking hate america#i want no one to win the election#i want an end to empire and imperialism and government sponsored genocide#i cry all the time at these videos of people dying in real time#between palestine and appalachia and lebanon and sudan and congo#i just am so angry and i am so scared#i want to donate but i barely have enough money for food rn much less to donate#i do not want to keep voting for the lesser of two evils#i just want to be allowed to exist as a person#and for everyone to recognize the people around them are people#that the people around us are actual human beings who deserve to live and exist in peace with access to basic necessities#without having to work 80 hours a week to make ends meet#i want to have enough money in my savings account that i don’t have to worry about getting sick or taking a day off#i want a fucking break#i want to just cry and cry until i am empty and wrung out and can go to sleep and not dream#i want to be able to focus and i want my meds to work and i want my friends to be okay#and i want my dad to not vote for trump and use my pronouns and treat me like an adult#and i want american evangelicalism to end#i want a free palestine#i want to feel like a person when i wake up and i want to still feel like a person at the end of the day#i just want to exist and i want everyone to be able to exist and be kind to eachother and stop trying to take everyone’s rights away#i know i am screaming into the void rn#and i know most of this probably won’t happen and if it does it’ll take years and years of hard work but i want to do the work#i want to have the mental and emotional space to put in the time and effort and to take care of my community
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charliespringverse · 2 months ago
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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whatthefuckisasweep · 2 years ago
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sighing and putting my head in my hands and crying and throwing up as i think about stanley uris and how he was the most terrified loser.
how he was deathly scared of being dirty, of not knowing where he was, of not being able to predict the world around him. how he was more scared of his world order being offended than anything else. how knowing that pennywise is real sent him down this spiral of 'what else can be real' and it broke him. but he STILL was the one who cut everyone's hand and made the oath. how bill constantly reminds him of his bird book and how it saved him. how he is more mentally fragile than eddie. how he's one of the only Losers who ever says "i can't do this", but he still gets to his feet and makes jokes right after he cries. stan uris, who, after Mike is like, "i just saw a killer bird!" goes, "what kind of bird?"
thinking about how we really don't know how his death went down so we don't know what he was thinking in those last moments. how he threw away his whole picturesque life because of a promise he made, and because he couldn't honor it. how he's such a private person, a quiet one, but he's so so so sharp and graceful. i wish they showed more of his fear in the movies, how much it fucked him up in the end.
stanley uris i think about you a lot.
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hellsbellssinclub · 3 months ago
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So,
I got the graduate nurse position I wanted.
So down in Australia (in most states I think?) we have a computer match system for Healthcare professionals to apply for public health networks to hopefully get a graduate position when they graduate.
(A graduate nurse position is for first year Registered Nurses, which I will be at the end of the year)
So, I did what everyone else did. I applied. I did the interviews. I made my resume pretty. I got my hair done. I brought nice new clothes. I did my damnest to stand out and be the best possible me I could be.
And I got my first choice. And I accepted the match.
Guys, I am so happy right now. In the next coming weeks I will have a contract and my rotations sorted. I will be starting off the new year as a registered nurse and starting my 30s off with a new job in a new hospital and I am just so
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junos-cacophony · 2 months ago
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Why the fuck do I exist? Did God create me just to ruin others? I’m the cause of so much problems. If I didn’t fucking exist maybe things WOULD be better. Why the actual fuck did I do this. I’m a terrible fucking person. I wish I could just go to sleep & never wake up. Everything I fucking do ruins others. I ruin everything. Literally. How the fuck did I even get here? How am I still alive? Fear of death? Spite? I’m not sure. But I don’t want to be here anymore. I wish I could jump from the school rooftop & never look back. It’s so tempting. One day, I’ll try. Maybe by then I’ll have fixed all my mistakes.
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hazlelnoot · 2 months ago
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Guys I genuinely don’t know how much more I can take
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semiotomatics · 11 months ago
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im so miserable idk why any of you follow me lol
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nojaloart · 11 months ago
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got high and sent sonic (rouge the cat) fanart to my partner as a joke for 10+ minutes straight and then drew fanart of my own the next day (again. as a joke)
now my partner’s telling me i should become a furry artist so do i drop the rouge the cat gijinka and hope that brings in the big bucks or what
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littlepurplewakiya · 2 years ago
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I'm rewatching the Shogun Steel lost episodes and I just... The more I think about how much and how agressively Kira is constantly preaching about "the absolute power" and how he is "the strongest blader in history " (my God I cringe even typing this), the more it feels like he doesn't even actually believe that and is, in a way, just trying to convince himself of it(?)
I mean sure, there's the thing with the generic over-confident arrogant villain trope, but after a while it just kinda comes across as so...i don't know, forced i guess(?), and there's only so many times he can say it before it all starts reading as him being incredibly insecure.
And I noticed that he (mostly) only started doing that after he gets his ass kicked by Zero - which was likely the first time he's lost a battle in years. It was quite a drop from the top, so naturally he would be shaken after that. Better get myself a stronger toy and start rambling about what a poggchamp I am, amirite~? Right?
Like, this especially shines through during the last battle; yes, while he's having the upper hand he's acting high and mighty again (while still parotting about power) but the second the battle isn't in his favour anymore he kinda starts losing it emoionally. And in the end he seems downright desperate because this already fragile idea, along with confidence (and probably a large amount of self-worth) is falling appart the further he keeps pushing it...
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ridiculously-over-obsessed · 11 months ago
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You know this time next year, when I haven't spoken to mum in months and I'm not coming home for xmas, I hope she thinks back on days like today and is like "yeah that's probably the reason he went no contact"
#max rambles a lot#sometimes i think that maybe things will be okay and i won't have to cut off the other half of my family when i move out#and then days like this happen where both of them start screaming at me because idk the way i'm feeling is inconvient to them#and *my* autism and mh isn't an excuse for being 'bone idle' and 'lazy' (i swear i'm really trying i'm just Going Through It rn)#but theirs is an excuse to treat me like shit#i fucking hate it here#i've decided that whether or not this opportunity comes to fruition i'm moving to York in september#opposite side of the country while still being in the north#hate the idea of moving out of manchester tbh i love it but a fresh start is what i need so 🤷🏻#yeah fuck them both tbh i worked so hard to buy them nice xmas gifts that i know they'll love#and almost broke myself on multiple occassions to clean this hovel of a house and it's never fucking good enough#i am the only one who is *still* sleeping on the floor because mum and my sister both have new beds and mattresses#and i got yelled at for trying to figure out if i could afford to get a bed too#because mum didn't want the hassle of sorting my room out too before xmas so i have to wait until the new year???#like fuck off i'm so tired of being on the floor all the time i hate it here sm#anyway i'm sad and tired and angry i've really had enough i just needed to rant into the void#because if i go off at either of them it turns into 3 days of screaming at me and i'm way too tired for that honestly
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brainticklr69 · 1 year ago
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no because my stomach hurt so bad i not only had to get naked but i had to get on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and bow and just hope to god whatever is out there had mercy or pity on me. like the most desperate “hey god it’s me-“ i’m shaken to my core. knowing the human body can feel like this has changed my perception of the human experience. what’s the point of going on when Chinese food can make you hurt so bad. i don’t know how i’ll ever return to the life of the normal people after this. how will i relate to them. it hasn’t left me yet- this battle still has to be fought but the great enemy that is stomach cramping has given me this opportunity to seek comfort. i must return.
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ghost-fish-artnblurbs · 2 years ago
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NEW FIXATION
Uuuuhhhhh
New fixation...
The Stanley Parable has my brain grappled by the neck... I'm already drawing art for it... it's been 4 days straight now help <//3
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thedreamparadox · 2 years ago
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Jackle's bio done! HUGE shoutout to @spyroid101 for the picture of Jackle's bio from the PS2 remake manual.
Disclaimer that I do not actually know Japanese and am putting these translations together through a mix of jisho.org and two different translation software (google translate and deepl) and referencing various websites about the meanings of words.
Original Japanese:
ジャックル
大きなマントで身を包む、 最もクレイジーなセカンドレベル。奇想天外な手段を使って、何が何でもビヅターを恐がらせようとする。彼まとう大きなマント には、どんな攻撃もはね返す無敵の力が宿っている。ウワサでは、ワイズマンがファーストレベルを創り出し際失敗作だとか...?
My translation:
[Jackle]
The most chaotic Second Level, shrouded in a huge cloak (mantle).  He uses bizarre ways to frighten Visitors by any means necessary. The huge mantle he wears holds an invincible force that repels any attack. Rumor has it that he was a failed attempt by Wizeman to create a First Level...?
Translation notes:
Interestingly, unlike NiGHTS and Reala, Jackle is actually referred to by a gendered pronoun! Kare (彼) meaning he/him. This is only used once, but I elected to use the gendered pronoun thing throughout for consistency.
The katakana for 'crazy' once again shows up like it did in NiGHTS' bio, so I kept with the consistent use of it meaning 'chaotic' as I found on a website while working on that bio.
Jackle being a failed First level is 100% canon! That's so neat.
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wilberave · 1 year ago
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STILL NO JAINA MURPH IM GONNA KILL YOU
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How to lose 20 pounds in 3.5 weeks!
Have an autoimmune disorder
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astudyintheburningofhearts · 2 months ago
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YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. THE FIRST EPISODE OF HEARTSTOPPER SEASON THREE I'M SCREEAMINGGGGGGGGGG OMG (SPOILERS IN THE TAGS BTW PLEASE JUST SCROLL PAST) FEDJHWKQJ
#ok so basically#my brainrot has returned#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND#MY FRIEND AND WERE SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER BACK AND FORTH ABOUT THE ADMITTANCE OF LOVE SCENE AT THE END OF EPISODE ONE#ALSO IM LIKING POSTS OF SPOILERS BC I'VE READ THE COMIC BUT IM NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THEM BC I HAVE EXAMS AND CANT SIT DOWN AND BINGE RN#SADLY#BUT BUT BUT ERHGAKAWLOFIWEFHW THE#FUCK I LOVE THEM#THE WAY NICK POKES CHARLIE'S CHEEK AT THE BEACH#GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF SHIRTLESS NICK???#THE WAY NICK'S SO CONCERNED FOR CHARLIE#THE WAY CHARLIE'S NERVOUS ABOUT TELLING NICK HE LOVES HIM#CHARLIE AND ISSAC WITH THE WHOLE AROMANTIC THING (FUCK ME UP MY GOD THE FRIENDSHIP?????? GOD GET OUT)#THE ACCURACY OF THE I LOVE YOU SCENE- LIKE DOWN TO WHAT I IMAGINED THE COLOUR OF NICK'S CLOTHES AS#GOSH I LOVE YOU ALICE YOU'RE SUCH A GENIUS MY GOD#ALSO IM GONNA BE HONEST I DIDNT LIKE S2 AS MUCH AS I DID S1 BUT I FEEL LIKE S3'S REACHING THERE ALREADY AND IM ONLY ON THE 1ST EP OMG#BUT GOD THE FEELINGS THEY GIVE ME- WHEN I SAY I WAS IN TEARS LISTENING TO THEIR BANTER#AS NICK WALKED CHARLIE HOME- FUCKIN BAREFOOT TOO- GOD#ALSO TO EVERYONE EVER WHO'S SAID NICK AND CHARLIE ARE THE TEENLOCK WE NEVER GOT YOU'RE SO ON POINT#BECAUSE TELL ME YOU CAN'T IMAGINE SHERLOCK SAYING “YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I SAID IT ARE YOU?”#AND TEEN JOHN REPLYING “SHERLOCK... COME HERE YOU IDIOT”#ALSO FUCK ME- THE WAY CHARLIE WAS SCOLDING HIMSELF BY CALLING HIMSELF AN IDIOT#AND THEN NICK'S RUNNING AFTER HIM TO TELL HIM “I LOVE YOU TOO” AND HE'S BAREFOOT AND THEN HE'S LEANING IN AND CALLING CHARLIE AN IDIOT TOO#LIKE THE WORD “IDIOT” IS IMMEDIATELY FILLED WITH SO MUCH LOVE AND SUCH LOVING CONNOTATIONS IM SOBBING#KIT AND JOE THE ACTORS YOU ARE GOSH#ALSO OMG TAO IS ME AND I AM TAO I WOULD SO DOTE ON MY PARTNER THE WAY HE IS IN THE FIRST EP LMAO OML#ALSO STOP TAO AND ELLE AND THE BRACELETS?????? AND THE FLOWER?????? UGHHHHHH LITERALLY#AND AND AND ISSAC IN GENERAL. LIKE MY BRO'S JUST CHILLING AND BEING ALL ISSACY I LOVE HIM SM HE'S SO. I LOVE YOU SM TOBIE I HOPE YOU KNOW#ok i think that's enough for now#i will however scream into the void the moment i finish an episode though so be prepared for 8 more rants
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