#written i dont even try to consistently write. i want to see people articulate their praises for me or at least acknowledge my work. for
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#vent thing so if you dont wanna see scroll away#i dont. feel good#not in a sick way nessecarily but#its weird seeing my writing perform so much better than my art#often times its like i put more effort into my art and my writing is just spur of the moment. ive been doing art for even longer than ive#written i dont even try to consistently write. i want to see people articulate their praises for me or at least acknowledge my work. for#some reason seeing it done privately isnt enough. i think i just want to be enough for me but i think that requires the applause. maybe its#just me chasing trends on the writing side but i think more people have seen anything i wrote compared to any work i drew and i dont know h#how to feel about that. i get hundreds of hits for some damn reason but as of late i dont get more than thirty notes. this is all so selfis#im questioning if ive even made it anywhere. if all my work meant nothing. if im even worthy of what attention i have. i know when you thin#of it ten people can be a lot of people but just comparing the numbers leaves a foul taste in my mouth. i dont like this. i dont like being#so insecure and jealous. i see my friends getting so much more than i do and instead of being happy for them i just feel worse about myself#and then feel even worse because im supposed to be their friend. im supposed to care for them. i think i do but something in me wants to#steal their place for the sake of the recognition. i keep on reminding myself this isnt a competition but something doesnt quite click. wha#a friend i am. ive thought about just posting it on here or self reblogging but its what little ego i have left telling me not to. i can#understand and i think if i wasnt feeling like shit rn id actually agree that its valid to want my art to stand for itself and not just#try to get notes for the sake of it. i mean anyway it just gets lost among everything else here so what even is the point. im sorry for#being jealous. its okay if you dont forgive me#arte screams into the void
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