#i kept talking during this movie pointing out all the details i feel bad for my friends lmao

[applepi69420]

Nosferatu and Dracula - A comparison

Hey Hey everyone! As we all know, the re-make of Nosferatu (1922) recently came out in December and I finally watched it last night. Since the OG film is an unauthorized adaptation of Dracula, I thought that I should do a comparison review of the two.

----Brief background----

If you haven't read it, I have done a book review on Bram Stoker's Dracula and I'll link it here!

In the 1922 film, it's expected that some details were altered for the taste of German audiences however, the similarities are everywhere! Despite small details being altered, Stoker's widow sued for copyright and ordered that all copies were to be destroyed. Naturally, some copies survived and now we have the modern Nosferatu.

----Similarities----

In both pieces of media, the two male leads (Jonathan Harker and Thomas Hutter) both work with real-estate firms and are sent to close a deal with the antagonist (Dracula and Orlok) It's crazy how both of these films are because some vampires wanted prime real-estate smh.

The two female characters in Nosferatu are based on Mina (Jonathan's fiancé) and Lucy (as Ruth in Nosferatu). Their physical attributes and obstacles, despite the changes that were made.

We have the male leads (Jonathan and Thomas) escape the antagonist's castle and they are both found by nuns and delirious. Meanwhile while this is happening, we also have the shipwreck that is transporting the antagonist to his new land (England in Dracula and Germany in Nosferatu respectively)

We have characters representing the insane asylum patient, Renfield, and Van Helsing. Of course, the details of the characters were changed including their attitudes but they all play the roles they were based on and while watching the movie, John Gottowt (Van Helsing's character) is starkly different than his book counterpart. His method and end goals are different (of course, that was the whole point) however, there are enough similarities to where I kind of got tired of it. (This is simply my own opinion, I encourage you to watch/read both pieces to form your own perspective)

I also noticed that the themes regarding societal views and the analogy that both Dracula and Orlok are representations of Satan/death. Vampires are written as satanic creatures who cannot fulfill their blood lust and are weak to Christian symbols like crosses and wafers. This is important symbolism to consider.

Both pieces of media place this societal view and expectation that women are to be chaste and pure, uncorrupted by the evil in the world. With the two female characters, they are both "tainted" and you can see in both works that this causes them to feel outcasted.

If you would like a more in-depth explanation, I would suggest reading my review of Dracula and reading the book!

----Differences----

Of course, we have differences between the two pieces, that being parts of the plot and characters. The main difference is from the female lead, Mina and Ellen, and the events that happen to them.

In the newly released Nosferatu, Ellen is depicted to have been assaulted by Orlok and references him as her shame (as someone who had similar experiences, I can most definitely see similar attributes in response to her trauma), and by the end of the movie, she learns that the vampire can be destroyed if a pure-hearted woman offers him her blood willingly. Basically, she decides to sacrifice herself and after Orlok is defeated, she lives just long enough to see her husband and then DIES. Bruh.

In Bram Stoker's Dracula, Mina is attacked by Dracula after Lucy's death and is now running on limited time. Instead of abandoning her like his movie counterpart, Van Helsing is determined to save Mina and defeat Dracula. The sense of friendship between the characters in the book is much stronger and more defined than the characters in the movie and it's something that really caught my attention. At the end of Dracula, Dracula is defeated and Mina is saved and gets to live a happy life with Jonathan.

To me, the main differences (like I stated above) regard not only the details of the journey that the characters go on but also their bonds with each other and their goals.

----Overall review----

All in all, I would say that while I enjoyed watching the movie (despite the awkwardness of the sex scene) I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to watch it. I respect it as a piece of media however, I personally enjoy Dracula more. I say this because the characters and plot have more depth which is to be expected after watching a remake based off of an unauthorized adaptation. Like I said, I think you should explore these pieces on your own and form your own opinions and if you have any questions or more to add, feel free to DM me! (Also sorry for the confusing layout of all the characters, it's most definitely a mess)

Overall, I rate this movie 5/10!!

[virginiaisforvampires]

I should be asleep, but I must know; why is Lestat’s hair so bad during the letter scene??? Was it a reference to the movie hair??? Something from the books?? Did i miss something?? It’s such a beautiful heart breaking scene but god what did they do to my beautiful boy?? Why the flat iron?? Where did the luscious curls go?? Or the cunty bob??? It’s the only scene where dreamstat has that straightened hair and i just???? Why???? Is Louis trying to make hearing how much Lestat loves him slightly easier on himself by imagining him with the worst hair possible??? (unrelated side note, I mean I do think Louis would love him to pieces bald, he’d miss the hair, but oh my gods Lestat would be DEVASTATED if that happened lmao)

Ok…..I’m gonna preemptively duck from the shoe you’re gonna inevitably throw at me…..but I actually love the blowout. 🙈

I mean, he looks like an ethereal angel, and I think maybe that was intentional?

Prior to this, Louis was still envisioning Lestat in the same bloody outfit he was “killed” in — throat injury and all. That vision of Lestat had been happening for years at that point, and Louis outright said he invited that image of Lestat, because he was lonely and bored and grieving and guilty. Bloody DreamStat was also voicing what Louis had been inwardly thinking all those years of wandering Europe — Louis did not truly believe Claudia had been “worth it” i.e. she wasn’t worth killing Lestat and also Louis just wanted to go back home i.e. home to Lestat.

We don’t see DreamStat again until the letter scene, and that moment happens after Louis realizes that Armand and the coven knew Lestat and kept his portrait enshrined at the theater. Louis went to Roget, knowing he was Lestat’s lawyer, which hints at the details of his life that Lestat had shared with him, and Louis wanted to know if Lestat was still alive. He was secretly hoping that Roget had heard something from Lestat, because Jacob later confirmed that one of Louis’ feelings at the trial was being glad to see Lestat alive again.

When Roget says the last time he heard from Lestat was in February of 1940, I think Louis’ heart broke all over again, because it began to truly sink in at that point that perhaps Lestat was truly gone. So when he conjures DreamStat to read the letter, I think it was Louis deliberately remembering the soft side to Lestat, and that softness and tenderness was manifesting in the way Lestat looked at that moment i.e. the suit from their first night of lovemaking, because that Lestat is the one Louis cannot freely talk about and the one Louis cannot bear to remember. It’s the Lestat who loved Louis beyond measure, and Louis missed that love. He wanted that love back, which I’ve discussed before more in-depth in my previous DreamStat posts.

So what better way to envision that love than to remember Lestat as a radiant and perfect and otherworldly being — the being professing all of his undying love to Louis — and to remember how Lestat looked splayed out at Louis’ side with his hand on his chest, stroking his heartbeat, and looking at Louis like he was the miracle of the universe?

It was a callback to this in Louis’ mind…….

…….and I think that’s why Louis made him look so extraordinary, because that’s how Louis remembers that love in that moment.

It also falls in line with how Louis later puts DreamStat in his favorite suit with the initials on the ticket pocket. Louis knew those initials existed, and that’s why it was his favorite, because it represented Lestat’s love for him and like I said, Louis missed it and wanted it back when it was “gone.”

Even in the reunion, as soon as Lestat starts with “September 8th”, Louis already knew what Lestat was going to ask. Louis knew that him hurting himself was going to kill Lestat. He knew, because he knew deep down how much Lestat loved him, and that’s one of the layers to DreamStat and the hows/whys he appears in the ways that he does.

Quite an answer for only hair, yeah? Sorry about that. I get lost in my Loustat thoughts. 😁

To get back to only the hair…….I actually hate the stringy S1 bob. It wasn’t fabulous enough for Lestat.

Don’t hit me with that shoe too hard. 💜

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay, so this one has been eating at me for years and I FEEL like the asshole even though everyone involved has never expressed that they think I was an asshole. I’m terrified about what the consensus will be, and either way I should probably talk to a therapist about this now that I’ve typed it out. This one is mildly sexual but I won't include like, details of that or anything.

So basically, years ago I (20 F) was dating this guy (19 ftm) with a LOT of issues. When we first started dating, I mentioned that a lot of his issues really echoed a lot of what my mom went through when I was growing up, and that he should probably see a psychiatrist/therapist. Sure enough, turns out he’s bipolar too! We found out because the psychiatrist prescribed medication for depression that has a notoriously bad effect on bipolar folks. He started cycling rapidly and it was a lot of strain on a new relationship.

Here’s where the assholery begins. Basically, I went to visit him and his family for the first time, and we were up late that night. He was having a bit of a rollercoaster of a night. He’d been crying over something personal, and then we were laughing over a movie, and then things started to get heated. I was really kind of uncomfortable because of the wild swing of the night, and while I was into it, I knew he had a history of lying to sexual partners about his comfort with sex.

I told him over and over again over the previous months that if he didn’t want it I didn’t want to either. No one likes having sex with a partner that isn’t into it. This night though, I stopped him several times to ask him if he was sure. And at one point he asked me why I kept stopping things, and I told him because he’d had a lot of emotions that night and I didn’t want to take advantage of that.

He told me multiple times that he was fine and he was good. Fast forward several months and we’re at a party playing some question game or whatever. Someone asked me about the best sex I’d ever had, and I mentioned that night because it WAS good. That’s when my partner turns to me and says he has NO MEMORY OF THAT NIGHT AT ALL. Like he’d been so out of his mind that he’d disassociated the whole night and doesn’t remember even being there, let alone sleeping with me. I mean, it sucks bad enough that he said this in front of all of our friends. He made a joke about “your best sex was during your partners mental breakdown lol.” We were ALL super uncomfortable for the rest of the night. Now, years later I still think about how horrific it is in hindsight.

Safe, SANE, and consensual right? On one hand, I know I’m not a mind reader and had no idea he was so out of it that night. But also, I knew he has lied to partners about his own comfort with sex before and I should have stopped him there. We’re no contact now, and I’m really glad to be out of that relationship for a whole host of reasons, but I still feel like there should have been some sort of sign or something I should have picked up on that would have stopped that from happening. I feel a little violated? Like not just physically but also like he really violated my trust that he would express himself maturely and make responsible sexual decisions.

He’s never said anything to me about being upset with the way things turned out. He’s never expressed hurt or that he thinks I was in the wrong. But there’s just something about this whole situation that makes me feel like I did something irreversibly terrible to someone else. So I guess I have to ask. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[beginningobserver]

Something that keeps coming back and forth in my mind is that, since the Advverse has this concept of the digimon representing their human partner's heart (or being their "other-self")... And this can also be applied to Rui and Ukkomon, in my honest opinion.

Especially when it comes to how the human psyche also affect the evolution of a digimon, which is why you get Taichi being reckless and (according to the novel) a prideful idiot resulting in SkullGreymon back in Adventure'99 (and also why Daisuke lacking any strong negative emotion during 02 never forced him to dark-evolve V-mon)

I'm not very good at meta-ing things like these, so please feel free to correct me if I'm missing something out!

To start this meta-post, i'd like to remember a few details from Rui's backstory:

His dad was extremely sick and on a deathbed status;

His mother was basically doing everything to keep everything in control, to keep his dad alive and to raise Rui at the same time, so she was constantly under stress;

Despite her being under stress all the time, she seemed to not understand Rui at all. She would just snap at a 4 year old (!!) when he didn't do things the way she expected him to do. She never had patience to explain stuff, and just wanted Rui to act like a grown up already;

In a very not-so-subtle scene, we see that Rui has a ton of bruises potentially implying she hit him countless times for not "obeying" her orders;

She also claimed that Rui "never kept his promises" and assumed things like "I made burger steaks, your favorite!" without even asking if Rui really liked those.

There's also a few hints that she never heard him at all, which escalated into Rui never being able to voice his own needs, the things he liked and hated, and to just accept anything offered to him without hesitation in order to not get hit by disagreeing;

Also, thanks to that he just seemed to be very obedient and did not even argued with the 02 group when Daisuke dragged him back and told "we're already involved here!" and then had to politely cooperate with them. The only good outcome from this was that he simply learned his own part of the problem and managed to solve it... even if later that year he was being quite paranoid about what happened and got dragged into the Dark Ocean.

You see, Rui had a very... troublesome backstory which contributed to a doomed relationship with Ukkomon and then assuming that everyone with a digimon is his fault and that now everyone was fated to an awful life of their digimon fighting til the death to protect them.

Ukkomon also reflects all of Rui's problems too, he has enough parallels with both Rui and Rui's mom (the latter at least in a scene), and Rui's whole narrative could've been affected by Rui's psyche and making him mix his grief and anger by reaching this part of his backstory again.

The thing is... Rui was basically continuing the abusive parenting he had been suffering before Ukkomon appeared. His whole version of the story tries to frame Ukkomon as the bad guy, someone who stepped in and deceived him this whole time. It's not different from Rui's mom accusing Rui to never keep his promises, and then hitting him for not doing what she asked in the exact way she expected him to do. (ma'am HE'S JUST FOUR YEARS OLD can you chill please!!?)

The 02 kids siding with Ukkomon does not mean they were invalidating Rui's feelings -- something that i saw people be quite uncomfortable with it previously, especially about Hikari's line re: Ukkomon -- none of them put the blame on him or did the same awful things his mom did, they all pointed out the flaws in his judgement and in a respectful way.

But back to Ukkomon... In the movie and Drama CD we realize a few traits he shared with Rui:

He also lacks social skills and talking with others, I suspect he never had contact with other digimon if he's directly linked to a "big entity" as he told Rui (and at the end of the movie this sole information is confirmed because whoever is linked to Ukkomon realized that the digivices were not needed anymore because humans and digimon can form strong bonds without those devices);

He has the tendency to take the blame and run away (Rui had been running away from his own problems as well);

Ukkomon being quite insensitive and lacking awareness of what's morally accepted in the human world is what led Rui to finally show a trait he had in common with his mom: He can be quite violent when triggered.

Yes, I used the right word: Rui gets really triggered when Ukkomon misinterpreted his desire of having friends and "people like me" and then says he wished for all of those. Rui is right there sitting watching a news report of the events from the movie "Revenge of Diablomon", which takes place in March 25-26, 2003 in the timeline.

By saying "It's what you wished for", Ukkomon immediately hit a very awful sore point in Rui, and resulted in their pettiest ugly spat. Note that in this scene, Rui definitely attacks Ukkomon at first, just like his mom would do every time he disobeyed her. But then, he stops and starts trying to break the digivice instead, since he either had no courage to kill Ukkomon, or he was still believing Ukkomon was some sort of "god-tier" like digimon.What i mean is that Rui really had the same destructive and violent behavior his mom had.

And this is also present in Ukkomon's final form.

His final form, BigUkkomon, connects to Rui's anger and sorrowful state (because, BigUkkomon's main attack is swinging its countless, supermassive tentacles, crushing and gouging targets over a vast range -- according to the Bandai/null lore profile.)

Another thing about Ukkomon himself is that the scene of him giving his eye to Rui in order to "fix" a mistake can be read as Ukkomon simply destroying himself (literally!) in order to keep Rui smiling and happy, which there's a few suspicion that Rui being all bubbly and smiling in the very first scene he, Ken and Daisuke witness by themselves in-movie meant that he wasn't exactly happy and just repressing a ton of frustration and sorrowful in order to not make his mom angry, and him never voicing his own needs was his own "self-destructive" manner to trying to keep her "happy" and perhaps not "worried".

But that's my own interpretation ok.

[cowardlybean]

GOING IN TEH ASKBOX TO BYPASS CHARACTER LIMITZ SORRY FOR INCOMING ESSAYZ

OKAY SO POINT 1 I think teh fact that Reigen is inspired by Mogami is SO interesting especially bc in 7th Div reigen is shocked to see psychics that aren’t Mob. I don’t know if hez just surprised that derez other people with Telekinesis powerz and not just spiritual stuff or if he thought Mogami was just a showman but it’d be rlly funny and interesting if itz teh latter . Reigen thinking that Mogami was also a fraud but a very talented dedicated one and maybe idolizing it th way you might idolize liek an actor in a movie . I imagine th details of Mogamis suicide are very unknown to th public since he kept so much hidden in his final years so all most people including Reigen really know is ‘mogamis mother died, mogami disappeared from the public eye, and some time later he killed himself’ . Reigen doesn’t I imagine know Any of th in depth bullshit but could at least extrapolate that th media and paparazzi were not kind about his mothers condition or his mental health . so during Separation Arc when reigen himself is experiencing th nightmare dimension and feeling like extremely alone falling into that swirling vortex he remembers mogami (moth imagery in teh alleyway baby!) and is liek Oh my god I can’t end up someone like that I have to make something of myself . But ends up just getting caught up in th vicious media cycle in an entirely different way though hez able to do what Mogami didn’t and call out to someone . something about fighting vicious cycles by being willing to swallow your pride and ask for help .

SECOND POINT I go back and forth on dis ! see in th manga it is very explicit that Mob has no one at home whatsoever but th anime seems more vague about it? we still don’t see his parentz but itz much less upfront about ‘mob has literally no one at home’ and I sometimes interpret it as liek . he is so lost in his own misery and wallowing that he doesn’t even interact with his family or process deir existence . and how falling into that pit of misery can hurt otherz around you as well as he just becomes so entrenched that it seems like he simply has no family . he has a brother but dey don’t talk , so ritsu doesn’t bother intervening with bullies , dey have no bond . he goes home to his parents’ house but goes straight to his room because he has no energy at all . I like dis interpretation bc it plays into Mogami only changing th bare minimum to make th point of ‘this could happen to you’ to Mob . BUT ive also seen it positioned as like . th idea that that level of depression and suffering can almost become absurd to th sufferer , so it makes sense for what is essentially a torture dimension like Mogamiland to take that literally and perform th absurdity of actually removing his family relations altogether . while I generally perceive Mogamiland as more down to earth (relatively speaking, it is still cartoonishly miserable bc even though th bad things aren’t unrealistic all joy and good has been surgically removed) th idea that Mob quite literally goes home to an empty house because hes reached an absurd level of suffering , th same as how Mogami refused to reach out to anyone or seek any help and instead chose to rot alone in his house (something its hard to be angry at him or blame him for but that hes still like, complicit in, if that makes sense?) with no one else . reflecting how deeply unrealistic th mentalities you develop at that low of a point are , Mogamiland itself becomes absurd and bends logic to keep Mob trapped and too miserable to question it . if itz th latter case of Literally No One i imagine th absurdity rules help tether reality together . he can function on school lunches because miserable people may eat very little , his house is empty and cold and unpleasant but it stands and functions , because those are th bare minimum things needed to survive (all that Mob is doing) and to keep th illusion that he can have nothing better until he breaks .

POINT 3 OH YOUVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD (RIPS OFF SHIRT TO REVEAL CHEST TATTOOS THAT SAY NUMBER 1 MINORI ASAGIRI FAN) (AND ALSO A MAJOR MOGAMI FAN BUT MINORI FIRST)

Minori I imagine is like . Considerably worse off mentally den Mob right after th arc . Mob is obviously pretty fucked up by 6 months of hell but in typical Mob fashion is able to repress that pretty handily up until confession arc when Everything is opened up by force . it’ll be on his list of things to discuss in therapy for sure lmao . but largely hes good at repressing and also part of th moral of th Mogami arc is that wallowing in your own misery does you no good so he wants to live best foot forward . Minori does too i think , because she wants to change , but I think it’s a lot harder for her . shez lived on her perch of untouchable popular girl for a While , and even if she was acutely aware that things would Not Be Good if someone else rose above her , all she had to do was stomp down any threat effectively enough . between that and just being a teenager who has had a good life itz extremely hard for her to process such an extreme terrible theft of control from her . her body was puppeted , used to lie about and severely injure her father and many others , and she was used as a scapegoat , her actions in Mogamiland were things she really would do but it still must be frightening to be trapped in your own mind especially once Mob snaps and she realizes Oh . That’s what this exists for . To kill me . Mogamiland is a conveyer belt with Minori’s death at th end , that is Mogamis ultimate goal to make Mob change and see his point of view . so not only does she know that she barely escaped th slaughterhouse but she also knows she horribly tortured th guy who was strong and kind enough to save her even after all she did . bc it would be easy for a lesser story to have Minori scared straight , and i do think she does become very paranoid , but th primary reason she changes is because Mob made her want to be better , he made her want to be as courageous as he was . I think post-Mogamiland she is very physically and mentally fucked up but intent on Being Better TM but she doesn’t fully know what that means yet , doesn’t know how to unravel social standards she carefully built up herself or not just be forgiven because people are scared of her . I think she struggles really hard w learning to be kind and develops a lot of moral obsessions , getting really really upset and angry at herself if she so much as Thinks something bad bc thats proof she hasn’t changed and that th evil spirit is going to come break her fingers again . learning to actually be better without wanting to actively die every time she does something mean is a long process she has to work through but I think itz one she does work through w her dads help . I like th HC that she gets into crafting and that slowly leads into being able to care about more and more living things . her big stupid idiot cat she got that she threatens to sell to th circus while giving it treats even if it is icky . very fucked up girl trying her best , I think she reaches out to Mob eventually and dey get together for lunch or something every month or two . casual friends , derez an underlying sting of trauma for both , but friends nonetheless who are happy to see each other getting better . Mob says she should move closer to Seasoning City one day and shes like ‘do you even realize how many city destroying events there have been in the past 3 months alone. no.’ she and teru would be CRAZY gossip buddies lmao

MOGAMI……….i know hes in that damn jar . dis ask is getting looooong so I don’t wanna linger on him too long but I imagine he and Matsuo have an extremely tense dynamic up until th jar is broken in WD arc , and Mogami wanders for a few days before actually deciding to track down Matsuo again . unbearable as he finds him , Matsuo walks a line between human and spirit that not many people do , and is one of th only people that talks to him up front to his face because he too has experienced being thrown aggressively off his high horse . I think dey have a weird gay thing but either way I think dey definitely stick together bc dey both come to realize that dere Are other people in th world capable of understanding dem . Mogami is perpetually kinda fucked up but I think Mob changed him at least a little . enough to have let Minegishi go in WD arc and accept that maybe someone Can change sometimes .

hi . Mogami arc is my favorite arc

I'M ABOUT TO GO BATSHIT INSANE OH MY GOD

just in case lemme just. put this under the cut

OK OK in 7th div i think what shocks Reigen more is the fact that there are adult psychics? or rather. a lot of adult psychics LMAO he asks Ritsu earlier if he can help out at the office so i Think he knows other psychics exist (but he probably wouldnt guess they're all somehow miraculously concentrated in seasoning city AJHSDGHGHEGFGH) but with Mogami in particular, I'd like to think in his younger years he fully believed it all, going on spirit hunts of his own, but as he grew he'd think "yeah its all a scam" bc of his own scammery until Mogami arc throws it all into question. BUT APART FROM THAT. YOUR MIND. YOUR BRAIN. THE COMPARISON OF SEPARATION ARC AND MOGAMI'S STORY IS SOMETHING I HADNT THOUGHT OF BEYOND JUST THE MEDIA HOLY SHIT. oh my god knowing Reigen and his random knowledge on every little subject i feel like hes the type of guy to go on google rabbit holes and after Mogami arc that would reawaken his curiosity in the guy and later during separation arc he's thinking "i cant let myself get to that level, i have to become someone" AUGH I LOVE THE WAY THOSE TWO ARCS INTERTWINE. something something Reigen having some kind of support to reach out to but Mogami being utterly alone,,. but yah i think its so funny to imagine that Reigen Just picked up a lot of the showmanship from Mogami and didn't think the guy was legitimate ASDJHGEFGH.

THIS REAWAKENED MY FIRST INTERPRETATION OF MOGAMILAND WAIT ID COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN UNTIL NOW after I watched it for the first time I assumed that Mob's parents (or possibly just One of his parents) were in a state similar to Mogami's mother, and thats why they arent present and now i'm thinking thats a bit of an inbetween point, in that its something that could be a reality but its also Mogami's view of a cold, hard world to live in. I'd like to think that the behavior of all the other people in Mogamiland is how Mogami imagines they'd act, because of how vicious and horrible he views humanity, not the way those same people in reality would truly react. Like enforcing his view of the world onto Mob is his point, so the world acts and behaves the way Mogami believes it to? Any absurdities (like living off school lunches alone) are what I'd call gaps in the cognitive world, because id say its gotta be pretty hard to make a perfect recreation of reality without both unconscious bias and mentally skipping over forgotten details?? Apart from that, I definitely prefer the interpretation that Ritsu is still Mob's brother in Mogamiland, but they're distant, because it reenforces how Mogami really had nobody to reach out to, especially not his family. ANYWHO. idk how to wrap this point up into a neat bow so just take my ramble

SOMETHING ALSO ABOUT MOB AND MINORI RECOVERING FROM MOGAMI ARC is that he remembers he has people who care about him there, and he resolves to appreciate them more than ever before (and then the wounds are reopened in separation arc etc etc) but Minori doesn't really have anyone she could connect the experience to? I feel like the friends she has are. likely not the best, and she's absolutely been horrible to people outside of Mob. So while she wants to better herself for Mob's sake, bc of the kid who saved her damn life from some incomprehensible evil spirit who'd puppeteered her, I'd think her initial instinct would still be to prevent herself from falling to the same position her victims were in. The same courage Mob had needs to be built up, she learns over time to lower her defenses of her status and maybe in some way stand up for others (though bc of her trauma with losing autonomy, i dont think she'd be to open with any kindness at first in fear of losing the position she has). Her pedestal is already crumbling with the rumors of her being absent (popular girl who rules the school "getting sent to the psych ward" would get her looks and whispers in the hallway) and that definitely doesn't help her after having been used as a puppet. She'd definitely grow out of it though, through feeling her way through having autonomy back and to slowly unravel the hierarchy she'd built herself into. AND AUHGHRFGH. not to be insane again but TTTAAAC made me appreciate Minori SO MUCH MORE bc of her role. her getting into crafts and having a cat?? after it all??? AFHGFHGRHGR. i need to see more of her and the rest of the cast, she and Teru would be buddies and i KNOW IT!! not enough Minori content in the world i need to get on that

MATSUGAMI IS REALLY FUNNY TO ME SOMETIMES guy fascinated with evil spirits x the one evil spirit you should Not fuck with. Matsuo definitely has smth to say about sprits still having lots to learn in their afterlife, he's probably seen spirits from all walks of life and how they eventually move on. Mogami probably chills out a little from the bone-chilling monstrosity he is in his arc, maybe a little reflection would do him good. Sitting in that bottle definitely makes him think about things (gee maybe i shouldn't have put those kids in a hell dimension for 6 months. but then again theyre in middle school what do i know/j)

SORRY IM NOT. THE BEST AT ARTICULATING THOUGHTS BUT I ALWAYS APPRICIATE AN ESSAY IN MY ASKS

[myrskytuuli]

 Oh my god, I literally just woke up and I have to write this down immediately, because I just had the funniest genre-shifting dream I can ever remember.

Okay, so this actually started as a sex dream, don’t worry, I won’t go into details, but this is so funny in the grand scheme.

So I was apparently hired as an actress for a porn set, taking place in this boarding school, because it was like a super cringe two students experimenting roleplay thing. The point is that it wasn’t even super hot, as far as dreams go, because it ended up being a bit too realistic about what it’s like fucking in front of other people and also about my skills to come up with dirty talk on the fly. It was more a dream about what it would be like to be a porn actor than about the sex part, if I’m going to be honest.

But I digress. The weird part was that the dream “plot” continued even after the wet part of the wet dream was over. So me and my two other co-actresses were just chilling and making small talk in the lobby of the what now cleared up to be an abandoned victorian era boarding school in the middle of nowhere. And the genre of the dream shifted into a nightmare as I suddenly noticed that the place looked exactly as every Victorian abandoned building from any horror movie ever. And with dream logic I could remember that I’ve been here before, with some friends, and that during that time we had witnessed some spooky activity. Like furniture moving on their own and doors banging etc. Ghost shit.

I started explaining this to my co-actresses. We three were now alone there, as with dream logic I knew that the film crew had left to do something else in somewhere else. The two women kept telling me to stop talking about the last time I was here, because it would summon THEM. And lo and behold THEY arrived, possessing these two women, making objects in the room levitate and summoning knives into their hands.

Now I was functioning with full on nightmare logic, where when you try to move it’s like your entire self is stuck in glue and when you open your mouth and try to scream, nothing comes out. The helplessness and the looming sense of dread when you try to scream so hard that you feel like your veins are going to explode and nothing comes out expect maybe tiniest whimper.

And the entities kept coming closer, and I knew I was going to die. But then one of them opened its mouth and started talking with that creepy-little-demon-girl in a horror movie voice. Something like: Oh we’re going to play such fun games” or some other cliché horror movie line. Expect that I guess the voice of a little girl unlocked my elementary school teacher part of my brain, and for the first time that I can remember, I actually managed to shout in a nightmare.

So I just very sternly shouted NO and slapped the knife from her hand. She kept summoning different knives from the kitchen, and I just kept slapping them from her hand, sternly telling her no each time. And it got pretty slapstick comedic. And then with the pathos of a disappointed homeroom teacher, I started scolding the two ghosts and or demons possessing my friends like; No. This is not a fun game to play. We are going to play some other game, something were nobody has feel bad or left out of the game.

And the ghosts/demons started fidgeting just like my 8 year old students would have, expect they were possessing bodies of adult women. So we all sat down and I started asking them: So, what do you like to do for fun, that doesn’t need knives. And they shrugged their shoulders very sullenly with a: dunno. So I asked: what did you like to do for fun when you were alive. And they both looked at me kind of very sadly, but with this small smile on their face, and that is when I woke up. and started immediately writing this. Anyway. Was pretty bonkers.

[astromechs]

Hello. Hope it's okay to step my foot in the vol 3 commentary. I'm more of a casual mcu fan. I have watched the gotg movies but haven't kept up with any background information. All of the asks you've received have me curious if there's more about what went into vol 3 than I'm aware of? I ask because I saw the movie and while I liked it a lot I felt it had some holes and characterization issues that I have seen comparable movies both in the mcu and out get more constructive criticism over. With vol 3 it seems most people either don't find the weak spots an issue or I'm seeing a lot of 'James Gunn did the best he could with what he had'. I guess I'm not getting it because I was under the impression he had more creative control on the movie than a lot of other directors. At least that's what I had read.

I do want to be clear I'm not saying the movie is bad. It's not at all. I'm mostly thinking about how representation gets talked about and fans critiquing plots. I think there were some problems in vol 3 that mostly get glossed over. I won't go into too much detail but on the representation topic while Gamora has garnered some discussion I actually think in general Drax, Mantis and Gamora all got the short end of the stick at the end compared to the other main characters. With Drax facing Thanos was a huge part of his arc that didn't seem to get any payoff or emotional follow up. I would think the events of Infinity War would be a big topic in vol 3 not just because of Gamora but for him as well. For the most part Infinity War was treated like a non issue. I did love where he ended up at the conclusion of the movie but I think his character kind of stagnated after vol 1. With Mantis she had been with the team for several years prior to the snap. She's also an empath and can read people during difficult situations. The holiday special showed her to be more confident in herself and her abilities. It really looked as if she would get more focus in vol 3 and maybe take on leadership responsibilities. She seemed to get sidelined on this end for Nebula to have more prominence on the team and be more of a leader. This is not me saying Nebula shouldn't have been on the team. I'm mainly speaking about how Nebula wasn't on the team before the snap and didn't participate in the day to day interactions. After the snap it was Rocket she had a closer relationship with but the rest of the team had been snapped and would predominantly be familiar with pre snap dynamics. I think Mantis stepping up would have made more sense and allowed the audience to have a better grasp of her arc. There's also Gamora who as I mentioned before has had lots of discussion. But the biggest thing I felt was odd is the team was built on the back of her purpose and sense of duty. Her morality if you will. I get that she would need a different story in vol 3 but I still feel this needed more emphasis and closure. She also was a pretty equal lead to Peter who had a lot of her own plot. That got sidelined which seems like a really big problem and blow for the female lead.

I guess I'm mostly pointing this out because I have seen fans quick to call out undermining of female characters or underutilized minority characters as well as holes in writing. In a couple of mcu movies that took place after Endgame i have seen fans complain if they didn't address what happened in Infinity War or Endgame enough. Vol 3 seems to mostly get handwaved around all of this and I thought maybe I'm missing something or don't understand if there are outside influences that factored into the writing.

i think a lot of "he did the best he could, given the circumstances" comes from gunn, generally speaking, being a more skilled writer than many of the creatives who work on the mcu, and infinity war/endgame creating seismic changes for the state of the fictional world that weren't entirely within his control. i do think both of those things are true, especially when you compare the more cohesive arcs for more characters in vol 1/vol 2 than we saw in vol 3. but —

i have also found the arcs of drax and mantis, and, yes, nebula too, disjointed. it's one of the reasons why, personally, the end of vol 3 didn't feel entirely earned to me? because we didn't really see the development for these characters that we should have in order for the ending to really be a climactic resolution. so i think they were absolutely shortchanged, along with gamora.

gamora's case is most egregious, imo, because she was established as a principal character of the narrative and then subsequently sidelined, but those other characters didn't really get fully realized arcs either.

i didn't work on these movies, so i don't know what happened behind the scenes. but i think you can tell the parts of vol 3 that were there from the beginning of the story, and the parts that were cobbled around infinity war/endgame — and then subsequently didn't really address them.

vol 3 wasn't a bad movie by any means, and had a lot of good in it, but it did have some pretty glaring issues.

[reid-fiction]

A Progression of Touch

In which Spencer doesn’t like to touch people until you come along and then he can’t help himself

A/N: Look at me, dropping stories like flies. Also, I’ve been staring at this gif for far too long...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He doesn’t like to touch other people.

He knows it, you know it, the whole F.B.I. knows it. He told you as much the first time he met you by the way he awkwardly refused to shake your hand. Though he compensated with a friendly smile and a wave, you knew you were in for a ride with Dr. Spencer Reid. 

It wasn’t that he thought you were diseased. He just knew too much about germs and the human body to risk it, especially around cold and flu season which was exactly when he met you. It was bad enough that Garcia had dragged him to the Christmas party to begin with - there were so many people in close quarters, who knew what viruses were floating around - but he wasn’t a big fan of mingling and small talk either. And that was exactly what Penelope was forcing him into when he got his first glimpse of you. 

As soon as you had five minutes with Spencer under your belt, you knew you wanted a lot more time with him. He was unlike any person you had ever met and he fascinated you, especially his aversion to touch. 

A few months later, when Spencer finally bit the bullet and asked you on a date (after much prompting and borderline bribery from Garcia and multiple other team members she had coerced into helping her), he knew that his no touching rule was not going to fly for very long. He didn’t know much about relationships, but he did know that physical touch was a pretty important factor to most women. Though you never pushed him, he could tell that you were holding back for his benefit. He could see it in your eyes every time he dropped you off after a date. In most scenarios, a kiss goodnight would be expected - you wanted it, he could sense it - but it felt like you were the wrong side of a magnet that he just couldn’t get himself close to.

This was a problem, because he was falling for you and he was going to have to do something about it. 

Spencer knew that going the 0-100 method wasn’t going to work for him. He couldn’t just jump from not touching you at all to getting hot and heavy in the backseat of a car. But, gradual steps may work. If he eased himself in to getting acquainted with touching you, he could both push himself out of his comfort zone and give you a bit of the physical contact that you were clearly craving. 

-----

It started with a hug. 

One night, after walking you to your front door, you could tell that Spencer was concentrating on something and it wasn’t your current conversation. You were rambling on about some TV program you had seen the other night, and you knew he wasn’t listening to a word you were saying. 

“Hey, you okay?”

He glanced up at you, frowning, as if he had just remembered you were standing there.

“Yeah, fine. Why?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged, wrapping your arms around yourself after catching a gust of chilly air. “You just seem...far away. Distracted.”

He paused, pursing his lips at your accusation, and you suddenly felt extremely vulnerable under his gaze.

“Is something wrong? Did I...did I do something? I mean, are you -”

“No!” 

The suddenness of his reply caused you to jump, and he let out a nervous chuckle before running a hand through his hair. 

“No, it’s not you at all. I’m sorry, you’re right. I am distracted.”

“Well...about what? Maybe I can help.”

He paused again, and then smiled. “Yeah, maybe you can. Would you be able to just...stand still for a second?”

The strange nature of his request caused you to frown a bit, but you simply nodded and watched him with curiosity. A few seconds later, he slowly started to to move a few steps closer and raise his arms slightly. You had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but you didn’t move a muscle. His arms eventually found their way to rest lightly on the sides of you waist and then started to wrap around your torso. 

Your stomach instantly flipped. This was the first time Spencer had ever touched you beyond the occasional brush of your shoulders when you moved past him, or a playful kick to his leg when he beat you at chess. It had been two months of weekly dates, dinners, museum trips and evenings of sitting and talking until you were both too tired to form coherent sentences but, as much as you loved those times with him, you’d by lying if you said you never wished that he would throw caution to the wind once in a while and toss an arm around you or caress the side of your face with his fingers. 

Now, just the feeling of his hands on your back was like opening up a can of worms that had been wriggling in desperation for weeks, and you certainly hoped that this wasn’t a one time thing, because there was no way you’d ever be able to put those worms back in the can after this. 

He took another step toward you and circled his arms tighter around your back. You knew he had asked you not to move, but you couldn’t hold back any longer. You slowly raised your own arms until they were resting on his shoulders and then, when he didn’t protest, you wrapped them around his neck and leaned in until your head was nestled just below his collarbone. He tensed up only a moment before you felt him lean his head in the crook of your neck. 

You weren’t sure how long you stood there, holding each other. It could have been a few minutes, it could have been a few hours. You didn’t care, all that you knew was that you never wanted him to let go. 

-----

After the hug, his next target were your hands. 

Although Spencer was keenly aware of just how many germs the human hand picked up throughout the day, he was determined to overcome his aversion. You were clean and had good hygiene habits, he knew that. He had been hugging you every time he saw you since that first night, how much more difficult could holding your hand be?

It was during a movie he wasn’t really paying attention to that he finally made his move. Lately, his go-to move during movies was to carefully put his arm around you and rest his hand on your shoulder. He was completely comfortable with that movement now and really thought nothing of it anymore. He could tell that you enjoyed it as well, so he was more than happy to oblige you and suggest a movie night as often as possible. 

Tonight, however, he had different ideas. He purposely kept his arm at his side for the first half of the film, and he knew that you noticed. Truthfully, you had come to expect the motion now and were slightly disappointed when it didn’t happen as soon as the opening credits started to roll, but it wasn’t long until you figured out why.

You thought it was an accident at first. You had both of your hands resting in your lap and had your eyes focused on the movie when you felt it. The lightest, softest brush of skin against your own. Your hand twitched involuntarily and you silently cursed yourself for probably scaring him away. But, a minute or so later, it happened again. Still soft, still tentative, but it lingered. 

You stealthily flicked your gaze down to your lap and saw Spencer’s hand hovering just slightly over your own. You weren’t entirely sure what he was aiming for, but you kept your hand deathly still while you waited. His hand finally came to rest on your thigh and the side of his palm rested lightly against your own. You watched as his pinkie brushed up over the back of your hand, then another finger, and another, and another, until his whole hand was on top of yours. You opened the spaces between your fingers in hopes that he would lace his own through, and you weren’t disappointed. His fingers slid between yours like butter and you felt him squeeze your palm and slowly caress the back of your hand with his thumb. 

It was your idea to shuffle closer to him, lift his arm with your hands still intertwined, and loop it over your shoulder. He glanced over to you, smiled, and squeezed your hand again.

You wished you had picked a longer movie. Truthfully, so did he. 

-----

The idea of kissing you was terrifying. 

Spencer had kissed and been kissed before, but it wasn’t a common occurrence and it hadn’t ever been with someone he truly cared about. It was one thing for two body parts to come together in what science called a kiss, it was a whole other thing for that kiss to mean something. The last thing Spencer wanted was for him to screw up a potentially important moment in your relationship because he was hesitant or overly paranoid. 

He also had no idea how to know when the “right” moment was, if there was such a thing. Hugging was easy now, holding your hand was routine - he could do those at really any time, in any location, in any circumstance, and it wouldn’t be considered awkward or weird - but kissing was different. It was intimate, it was private, and it required more thought. 

It had taken him weeks, but he finally had a plan in mind. It was elaborate and detailed - as most of Spencer’s ideas were - and he knew exactly what he was going to say and do leading up to the moment.

However, what he wasn’t betting on was the sudden, overwhelming, spontaneous desire that came over him one evening while you were sitting in his apartment. You hadn’t been doing anything out of the ordinary; you had gone out to dinner, walked back to his place, and had plans to spend the rest of the night talking, maybe doing a puzzle or playing a game, and then you would go home like you always did. 

But it was something about the way you laughed after he told you a funny story that happened at work that day. It was the way your eyes locked on his every time he spoke, and the way you looked so intensely interested in every single thing he was saying, even if you didn’t understand all of it. It was the way you leaned into him when he pointed out something in a book he was holding, and the way he could smell your shampoo - vanilla with a hint of lavender - when you got close to him. It was the way your hand rested lovingly on his back while he read a passage to you and the way you absentmindedly twirled your hair as you listened. 

He needed to kiss you, and he needed to do it immediately. 

He didn’t care that it didn’t fit into his plan, he didn’t care that it wasn’t exactly what he pictured, and he didn’t care that he hadn’t prepared himself for it. The only thing he could think of was the shape of your lips and his intense need to know what they felt like on his own. 

So, he went for it.

It wasn’t slow, it wasn’t subtle, and it was probably the messiest thing he had ever done. He put the book down on the table, looked over at you, grabbed the sides of your face and pulled you to him. You were initially frozen in shock - the last thing you had expected that night was for Spencer to kiss you, let alone like this - but you could feel the intensity and desperation as his lips moved over yours, and that was enough to thaw your surprise and trigger your response instinct. You put one hand behind his head and pulled him impossibly closer to you, scooting to the very edge of your seat. 

His hands dropped from your face and landed on the tops of your thighs before he slid them up to your waist and you could feel him start to tug you closer. There was nowhere for you to go other than practically on top of him, and you knew there was no way he wanted you to do that. 

Was there?

As much as it pained you to do so, you momentarily broke the kiss to catch your breath. 

“Wow.”

Spencer chuckled, still gripping your waist. 

“Sorry,” he said, “I guess I just...couldn’t wait anymore.”

“Oh, don’t apologize!” you said, a little too enthusiastically. “It was great, and I wouldn’t have stopped you, it’s just...”

Spencer studied you, and brought one hand up to the side of your face again.

“Just, what?”

“It’s nothing, I guess I just wondered - I mean, I wasn’t sure how far you wanted to...you know...go. I don’t want you to feel like you need to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Spencer smiled, and you felt him tug you closer again. You gave him a questioning look, and he nodded.

“C’mere,” he said. “It’s okay.”

You tentatively stood and took a step closer to him before he gently guided you down until you were straddling his lap. You exhaled a breath of nerves as you seated yourself and brought your hands up to rest on his shoulders.

“You don’t need to worry,” he said. “I’m not going to push things any further tonight. But, right now, I would really like to keep kissing you. It’ll help me get comfortable with it. Repetition of an action you’re uncomfortable with is proven to retrain your mind in how you view the action.”

You grinned. “Is that the only reason you’d like to keep kissing me? To prove a scientific fact?”

“It’s more like a psychological fact. You see, in moments of intense satisfaction or pleasure, the brain releases something called dopamine which causes -”

You didn’t give him a chance to finish before you leaned in and kissed him again. 

The psychological facts could wait.

------------------------------------------------------------------

[isbergillustration]

This is a Ghost Story: Part III

I wake up, shaking, terrified. The exact details of the nightmare fade rapidly, but the feelings stay. My skin is clammy and sweaty, my hands shaking, and I yelp loudly when I look up to see the dark shape silhouetted against the window. It is tall and humanoid, with glowing eyes, like the way headlights reflect off of animals’ eyes in the dark. I blink, and it’s gone. Then, because my life is a horror movie now, feel the blankets bunching further down the bed, the mattress shifting. The movements grow closer, and I am frozen in fear, unable to move even to try to get away, but then- then the movement stops. And I feel a weight on my shoulder, and though I expect it to feel like a claw grasping me, it isn’t. A weight and size like a hand, rubbing down my back, in soft and soothing motions. Oh.

“Hey,” I say, and I can hear how terrified I sound.

“It’s nice to, uh, to see you. Feel you. And uh. Thanks.”

It takes me a while to calm down. Obviously. And to be honest, the presence of the ghost doesn’t help, but I appreciate the gesture, so I don’t comment. The idea that the ghost can actually physically touch me is… it’s deeply unsettling. Because then, what else can the ghost do to me, should I piss them off sufficiently? They haven’t done anything other than express frustration with their situation, which is fair. Being stuck in this flat for all eternity doesn’t seem ideal. They haven’t done anything to threaten me since I started talking to them. They haven’t, really, given me any reason to be afraid. But then, that’s never stopped me before.

-

“Will you tell me your name?”

No

“Okay. Fair. Can you tell me when you died?”

T-h-i-r-t-y-o-n-e-y-e-a-r-s-a-g-o

“Oh, wow, that’s before I was born. What happened?”

F-i-r-e.

“Oh. Like the old building. I’m sorry. Do you have- I know it’s been a while, but is there anyone you would like me to… I guess to contact? To tell any last words to?”

There is a long pause, long enough that I almost think they have left. Then they move the planchette to no. Oh. That’s- that’s sad, isn’t it?

“I’m sorry.”

I wait as long as I think polite.

“Can you… uh. How far can you go? I’m sorry, I’m just curious. About, uh, ghost limits, I guess. Are you just haunting my place, or the building in general?”

N-o-t-f-a-r

T-h-i-s-f-l-o-o-r

“Aww, bummer. I was hoping you could tell me what the howling coming from the basement is.”

W-e-r-e-w-o-l-f

“Oh. They come up here?”

H-o-w-l-i-n-g-o-n-l-y-h-a-p-p-e-n-s-d-u-r-i-n-g-f-u-l-l-m-o-o-n

“Ah. Yeah, I hadn’t kept track. That makes sense, though. Have there been any werewolf related deaths in the building, do you know?”

No

“That’s good. I’ll make sure to be on watch during the next one.”

I lean back on my old sofa, whose cover is scratched up by some past renter’s cat, or possibly the ghost on a particularly bad day. Speaking off.

“I know you don’t want to tell me your name, but it would be pretty easy for me to find out. Can’t have been that many fires in this building thirty one years ago. Would it be safe to assume you do not want me to try to find out?

Yes d-o-n-t

“Fair enough. I promise. I’m Morgan, by the way. Which, which I guess you know from hearing me answer the phone. Is there anything you want me to call you? Ghost? Flatmate?”

The planchette moves to Boo which is an addition to the spirit board I’ve made in black marker. Ghost it is, I guess. After this, the ghost seems to run out of energy, or interest in the conversation. This seems to be about the cut off point, time-wise, every time. A few minutes. But I did get almost a full sentence today, so that’s pretty cool.

After double checking both a calendar and the night sky to make sure today is not a full moon, I head down to the basement storage units. It’s an even split between the singular largeish flat down here, and space for the storage units belonging to each flat. It’s damp down here, and smells unpleasant, and the lights flicker. They don’t eventually go out, they just perpetually flicker, as if that is their intended purpose. But then, this is a haunted building, so maybe some other dead soul is lurking down here, fucking with the wiring.

Here, behind the wire door and the fifth padlock I’ve had to buy, despite no one ever actually stealing anything, is where my art supplies live. It’s hard, when you work, to have the time and enthusiasm to get out canvas and paints. I keep and use a sketchbook, but anything bigger? Haven’t touched it since graduation years ago. Something about having to work a low wage job anyway just really takes the wind out of your, uh, poorly stretched canvases. I bring up a few of the really big ones, a few with the hint of sketches, but most of them untouched. Some paints and the better brushes, too.

“Hey,” I tell Ghost, “I know you enjoy doing finger painting with blood on the walls, but it’s really hard to clean, and I can’t really afford to lose my deposit, and also, to be honest, it smells kind of bad. So. I brought you some canvases and brushes and stuff. So maybe you can use these instead of the walls?”

The singular open window rattles in a deliberate way in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I tell them, and lay out some newspaper, and set the canvases up along the wall on top, ready for spectral arts and crafts.

The next morning, I wake up to a new painting. It is, judging by the smell and colour and crustiness, still blood. And judging by the brushstrokes, still finger painted. But it is on the canvas, and that’s definitely a step up. It is a figure, who looks a bit like me, staring wide eyed at the viewer, and a towering dark and nebulous shape behind me, clawed hands on my shoulder, pale eyes looking at the viewer. Huh. It’s pretty good. Expressionistic, certainly. Unnerving? Absolutely. But I think it’s a nice selfie of the two of us, rather than a threat. At least, given circumstances, that is what I am going to choose to believe.

“That’s very cool!” I tell them, “please feel free to experiment with the actual paint, too. I don’t know where you are getting the blood from, and I am starting to worry!”

[oitommothetease]

Invisible String (4/?)

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Description: James Buchanan Barnes, the owner of the most expensive-looking club in town and your new apartment. He was a dick and you hated him. What could possibly go wrong when you, the new girl in town, start bartending at his club to pursue your dreams?

Word Count: 2.6k words

Warning: 18+ (discussion of assault, nervous breakdown, anxiety attack, just don’t read this whole series if you are a kid)

You woke up to a night of dreamless sleep like you always did, but then the events of the previous night hit you. You wished it was a dream, but one look in the mirror and a bruise running along your cheek was enough to confirm. Not only that, but you remembered asking your boss to stay over, but you didn't expect him to. The blanket on your living room’s couch and the bowl of fruits and a glass of juice situated out for you on the kitchen counter proved that he did stay.

And then the reality sunk in, you have a decision to make. You can either go to the cops or let that guy get away. The latter sounded not so great, but you knew going to the cops isn't going to be great either. You've seen enough detective shows to know that. You've had enough, and you just wanted to forget it. 

What did Mr. Barnes mean when he said you were going to talk about this? Are you supposed to visit him before work? Is he going to come to your place?

You decided to work on your book but ended up not being able to concentrate, so you started watching a show and fell asleep while watching it. Maybe some Chinese take-out could make you feel better. It didn't. Nothing made you feel better. You wished you had some friends in this new town because you didn't want to burden your work friends. 

After a horrible day of trying to cope, when you finally made your way to the club, you noticed the security was increased. Usually, security guards weren't present inside the club, but today it was different. Everyone was so vigilant and you felt a little safer. If you didn't know any better, you'd think Mr. Barnes did it for you, but again he would have done the same thing for any other employee. 

"Boss wants to see you," Pietro told you. You were about to head for Clint's office when the blond twin spoke again and pointed his finger towards the stairs." The boss."

Okay, well maybe playing naïve couldn't avoid this meeting, so you slowly walked upstairs. How bad could this go, it's not like he saw you in your most vulnerable state? Oh, wait, he did. 

You knocked on his office door, wanting to rip the band-aid and get over with it. 

"Hey," you said, faking a smile. "Thanks for getting me home last night and for breakfast today. I didn't even know I had fruits and juice at home because let's be honest, I'm a toast and coffee kinda gal."

Mr. Barnes didn't say anything, he just looked at you as if you were a confusing puzzle that he couldn't solve. He raised a hand towards the seat in front of him and you took it, nervously fiddling with your fingers under the table.

“You do that a lot, you know?” he asked, it wasn't a question, it was merely an observation.

“What?”

“Deflecting a serious issue by using a joke.” Mr. Barnes observed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What are you? My therapist?”

He arched an eyebrow, indicating that you were literally doing the thing he pointed out. 

"Yeah, well, it's called having a healthy coping mechanism. You should try getting one, brooding is only gonna help you this far."

 "It's not healthy if you're not dealing with it," Mr. Barnes pointed out. 

You scoffed in incredulity and you felt very, very attacked. 

What is it? Attacking y/n day?, you thought. 

"Anyway, I think I want to press charges," You changed the subject to a more serious conversation to avoid him calling you out on your bullshit. 

"Okay, I understand.” 

“You do?” You asked, bewilderment clearly written all over your face. “I mean, letting an employee go to the cops is not gonna be great for your club's reputation and yours too. And, you know, considering the shady business, you do-” 

"What exactly do you think we do?" He asked.

And that's when it hit you, you didn't know what he did or mob bosses do in general. All your knowledge about it came from movies and Wattpad, both of them are not a great place to gain knowledge.

“What exactly do you do?” you pondered.

 He obviously wasn't expecting you to directly ask him, nobody has directly asked him or even made it known that they are aware of his work. It was kind of like a silent pact that everybody signed for, everybody except you, apparently. 

“Um, you know, I've been working for almost 2 weeks here now, and I haven't seen any drugs around here, so it's obviously not drugs. You don't look like the sex trafficking types-”

 "Jesus, woman!" He exclaimed, offended by your assumptions. 

"Then just tell me what you do."

You expected him to tell you something, but he just kept looking at you with a face void of emotions.

 "Fine, don't tell me," you mumbled, raising your hands dramatically in defeat. 

“So you don't mind me ruining your reputation by going to the cops?” 

“I told you I don't care. Your safety is my utmost priority,” your face might have given away the surprise you felt because he quickly backpedaled. ”I mean, the safety of my employees.”

“The safety of my employees is my utmost priority,” he told you, providing an extra emphasis on the word employees. “Anyway, one of my people would take you to the police station near-"

You cut him off immediately. 

"No, you can't tell anyone else. I don't want everyone hopping on the pity train. I'm already ashamed that you know about it," you pleaded but your voice was firm, telling him that this was not up for a discussion.

At this, his eyes and features softened. Bucky didn't want you to feel guilty or ashamed for somebody else's actions, but clearly, you did. 

"Okay, then I can take you. You just had to explain to the officer last night’s events, and they'll ask you to recognize Rumlow and then we can-"

Mr. Barnes’s voice faded into the background when it finally hit you.

"You know what, I changed my mind. It's too much. I don't want to press charges anymore. I didn't think this through," you backtracked. You did think this through, but now all the factors were adding up in your brain. You'd have to explain the details to a cop who is probably going to be another man and a stranger, and then they'd ask you to identify the guy. You didn't think you had it in you to face him. At least not now. 

He interpreted your thought process and promptly changed the topic. "Okay, we can work with whatever you want, and at least let Peter escort you home after work."

"What? No!” You quickly declined.

“It's for your own safety,” Bucky tried to reason. He wasn't letting you get off this easily.

 “I'm a strong, independent woman and I'm not scared of anything.” 

That was a lie. You were scared of many things like heights, dark, spiders, confrontation and the list goes on and on. 

You remembered all the lectures your mom gave you telling you that women should be scared because men are monsters, and you'd lose your honor if you are reckless and some other patriarchal crap that you didn't pay attention to. But you weren't scared, you were just always careful. You'd always put the keys between your knuckles when you went home alone. In your previous job, you used to laugh it off whenever your coworkers made a sexist joke. You'd ignore the subtle shoulder touch that your previous boss did. You told yourself that this is what it takes to make it. If you were to run away every time someone eyed you in a wrong way, then you'd spend your whole life running. 

Women usually shrug this behavior off as it is what is, but the truth is it shouldn't be like this.

“Please, I insist.” 

“I'm very capable of taking care of myself. Just because one bad incident happened doesn't mean I'll fucking break!” You stated, your voice louder than your regular voice to get across your point.

That was also a lie. You were walking on a thin line and you were ignoring your emotions. You were one outburst away from a breakdown, and you just couldn't bring yourself to feel anything. 

Mr. Barnes tried to call your name, but you were already bolting out of his office. 

You needed a drink. No, fuck that. You needed multiple drinks. It wasn't exactly wise to get drunk during work, but it couldn't get any shittier than this, right?, you thought.

Right?

 Wrong. It could get way shittier than this. Now it was almost midnight, you were kind of tipsy, and you could see two Mr. Stark, your regular customer, in front of you. 

Did he have a twin? Is he and his twin brother one of those identical twins that dress up the same? Because that's what it looked like.

 “Earth to y/n," Mr. Stark said, or was it his twin? It was getting hard to keep track anymore.

 And that's when you noticed. 

“Holy, Shit. You're triplets, Mr. Stark," you announced. 

"Okay, kid, close my tab.”

“Hey, y/n. Are you okay?” Peter asked, noticing the concerned look Mr. Stark gave him before leaving.

“Yes, I'm fine. Absolutely fine.”

***

Turns out you were not fine. You've been pretty much hammered for the past week, and you could barely get a sentence out without giggling or slurring. Your colleagues took notice of your state and whenever someone pointed it out, you'd just shrug it off as a bad day or a bad week. There was no concept of time in your drunk state.

You couldn't concentrate on your book, you could barely look at someone without squinting, and you've been eating takeout and leftovers for the past few days. 

James would have fired if someone working under him was this irresponsible, but he knew your reasons. He knew you clearly weren't coping with the trauma well. Your work ethics were shoved down the trash that even Clint asked why you weren't fired yet.

Bucky didn't want to talk to you, he thought that maybe giving you some space would do you good, but clearly it wasn't working. Usually, the mob boss didn't interfere in the affairs of his employees, it was Clint's job, but when you smashed a bottle on the head of a customer, he had to interject.

“I TOLD THIS FUCKER NO!” you yelled, Peter’s hand around your middle from behind. Another empty beer bottle was in your hand, ready to be smashed across the face of the drunk dude in front of you.

Pietro and Wanda were enjoying the show. Peter, being the peace lover he is, held you back when you smashed a bottle across a drunk customer's face. Even though Peter was younger than you, he was stronger, and he was not only holding you back but also himself. He didn't want to cause a scene and that is why he was mulling comforting words in your ear like, he's not worth it, you're gonna kill this guy.

Damn right I am, you thought.

It was ironic because everyone in that club had killed someone except you.

When Bucky walked into the room, the drunk guy turned towards him and pointed at you. ”You are hiring crazy bitches now? Just called her baby girl and she went psycho!!!”

Bucky didn't understand what was happening. He told the security guards to take that man outside his club and he walked towards you. He firmly yet gently took a hold of your left arm, signaling Peter to let go of you. Without a word, he started walking in the direction of his office, dragging you along with him.

Once near his office, he lightly yanked your hand and shoved you inside, making you stand in front of him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he inquired, having had enough of your incompetence.

You were seething with rage. "Wrong with me? I told him no, but he didn't listen."

Bucky stepped forward, his anger dissipating into sympathy. " I know, he mumbled, "and I'm so-"

 "No, you don't know!" you yelled, body trembling and tears welling up in your eyes. "I told him no multiple times, I even tried to push him off me, but he just kept coming back."

Bucky's eyes furrowed in confusion. He didn't understand your words, the drunk customer didn't touch you. And that's when he realized, you weren't talking about the drunk customer. He cognized that the drunk guy purely triggered something that you've been suppressing for days now. Bucky was aware that you needed to get it out of your system to cope healthily.

“I told him no, you know? But he just wouldn't listen,” you stated, trying to convince yourself that you didn't lead him on. ”And he was so…. so strong and… and then he hit me and everything just went blur, I couldn't see but... but I could still feel him with me.”

Not realizing that you were not in that place anymore, you wrapped your hand around yourself to seek some sort of protection and comfort, bottom lip quivering, the welled up traitorous tears were streaming down your face and all you could think about was that night. 

“I… I can't get his touch out,” you stammered. ” I shower, multiple times a day, but I still can't get his touch out.”

With that, you broke down completely and shattered on the floor, sobbing ferociously. Your knees ached because of the position you were situated in, but the emotional pain was enough to overshadow the physical one.

For once in his lifetime, Bucky did not know what to do. Cautiously, he made his way towards you and knelt down in front of you. He did not know what to say or do to make you feel better.

You launched your body towards him, snaking your arms around his shoulder to settle on his neck as if he was the only thing grounding you. You lurched onto him like he was your anchor, and maybe he was. It took a minute for Bucky to register your actions, and when he did, he wrapped his arms around your middle and closed the minuscule distance separating you.

He surprised himself with the way one of his hands automatically reached for your hair and whispered words of comfort in your ear. He caught you as you crumpled physically and emotionally. 

”You're going to be okay, doll,” he whispered and kissed your temple with sincerity. ”I will make sure of that.”

The second part was barely audible, it wasn't meant for you, it was a promise he made to himself.

Bucky held you tightly yet gently while you sobbed on his shoulder.

 He didn't know how long he held you, it felt like an eternity to him with the way he could feel the guilt and rage inside him. When you passed out in his arms, he gently placed you on one of the comfortable couches in his office and draped a blanket around you that he had for when he would work late at night.

An office chair might not be the most ideal place to spend the night in, but it didn't matter to Bucky. All that mattered was you.

TAGS: @bananapipedreams​ @akkinda10​  @rivers-rambles21​  @emmabarnes​@goodcleanfunsis​ @valsworldofcreativity​

[staplernpaper]

Harvey who (Spencer Reid x reader)

Summary: Spencer accidentally overhears your conversation with Penelope. After hearing the conversation, he thinks you're dating a man named Harvey. But Harvey isn't exactly what spencer thinks he is.

Word count: 3.7k

Warnings: Mentions of divorce

Author note: Ten points if you can guess whose Harvey. What did the nut say while chasing the other nut, I'm a cashew.

It was really rare for Spencer to befriend people within his age range. You however were one of those few exceptions. Your friendship started out as work colleague status which eventually blossomed into a friend outside of work status. Even though that was expected when joining the BAU; when someone new joins they slowly integrate into the family. This was different. Since you were both close in age, you never really saw him as a kid but rather an equal. It was refreshing on his part.

Being in the same age range wasn't the only reason he considered you as a friend. Turns out you are very similar to him in terms of personality and preferences. You both didn't enjoy spending your weekends at noisy clubs but rather enjoy the silence of your home with a good book in hand. You both shared a love of sci-fi shows, his vast knowledge made movie nights more fun as he'd be able to point out the fiction from facts. His rambles were one of the many things you looked forward to at work, so when word got out that you actually enjoy hearing it, he'd obviously started rambling more during your hangouts.

While you were close with Spencer, he obviously wasn't your only friend on the team. You considered everyone on the team to be your friend, but other than Spencer you'd also considered Penelope to be another close friend. While he and you shared some interests, there are just some things that he doesn't understand. Especially newer and recent pop culture. So whenever you needed to geek out on a new video game or tv show, you'd usually talk to her. Because of this, it was a really common occurrence for you to run away to the 'Batcave' during lunch hour. Which exactly was what is happening right now.

For the past week, you've been hanging out a lot with Penelope. During your lunch hour, you'd either go to the 'Batcave' to hang out or go out to have lunch with just the two of you. Spencer was obviously saddened by this cause he was starting to miss being by your side. Of course, he didn't want to intrude on your Garcia time. Therefore, he thought it would be a good idea to buy your favourite pastries and beverage from your favourite café. He wanted to see you just for a bit and see your smile. Seeing that smile would really make his day. So with drinks and pastries in hand, he made his way to the 'Batcave'. He had food for you, him, and Penelope (he didn't want to leave her out).

As he was approaching the room, he could somewhat hear your conversation. However, as he got closer that's when he could truly hear the words that were being uttered. He stopped on a dead track. For what he heard knocked him out of his mismatched socks.

"Ahhh!!! Pen I gave Harvey the bouquet of flowers yesterday. We're officially dating"

" That's so good for Kitten!!! You've been gushing about that doctor all week"

Spencer was shocked. Never had you mentioned that you were seeing someone else. Let alone mentioned that you were interested in a 'Harvey'. Hearing this made his stomach turned. But he really didn't know why. Shouldn't he feel happy for you? You finally found someone who could potentially be a partner that you could spend your whole life with. However he couldn't help but think, where would he be in this equation. Will you have to forgo your friendship to spend time with this Harvey. His brain was running through the many possibilities that he didn't hear the door opening.

" Oh hey Spencie, glad to see you here," you remarked. There you stood at the door with those beautiful (y/e/c) eyes staring back at him.

"Hi there (y/n), I umm.. decided to go to that café you liked to pick up some coffee. While I was there I thought I'd also pick some pastries and drinks for you and Penelope. Uh here you go." he stated as handed the foods and beverages to you. Judging by your smile, you were very delighted by this surprise. You handed Garcia her drink and food.

"Ohh Spencer you are truly a sweetheart" Garcia thanked him. She had also offered Spencer to join them. A part of him wanted to, this was finally a chance to be with you. But another part of him dreaded it, for he was afraid that if he joined the topic of conversation would be about this Harvey. Weighing out the odds he declined Garcia offer.

" I'd really like to but I can't. Derek asked if I could help him with his paperwork umm.. as he seems to be a bit behind so I ahh.. really need to get back to work. I'll see you later." he fumbled with his words as he tried to come up with a good enough excuse. Hopefully, Derek would be willing to play along later.

" Okie Dokie then I'll see you later then. Bye-bye," you responded with a wave. Spencer returned the wave and made his way out of the room. As soon as he was out of your sight, he made a dash for it. Maybe Emily or Derek would know more about this 'Harvey'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since lunch hour was almost over he knew he could find them at their respective desks soon. He took a seat at his desk while waiting for either Morgan or Emily. While waiting, his brain kept running through the many possibilities of what this 'Harvey' guy is like. What made you attracted to him. Was it his looks? His Personality? How did you meet? He kept asking himself all these questions, but of course, his train of thought would be disturbed.

"Umm Spencer, you okay?" Emily concerned seeing him stare into space, it was definitely out of character for him.

Even though Spencer's first intention was to ask Emily and/or Derek about Harvey, the rational side of his brain thought that this was a bad idea. This is your love life, maybe he shouldn't be such a busy body. "Oh, it's nothing” Spencer tried to brush it off maybe he really shouldn’t pry into your love life.

Even though Emily didn’t buy it she didn’t want to pry him further. He’ll tell when he's ready. But of course, Spencer's brain wouldn't let him rest. How long have you been dating? What if you got married to 'Harvey'? Oh, screw it!!!

“Has (y/n) mentioned seeing anyone?” Spencer hesitantly asked Emily

“No. Not That I'm aware of”

Spencer was obviously saddened by this. He was hoping that someone other than Penelope would have intel on Harvey.

"Why is she seeing someone?" Emily was truly shocked. Seeing the way Spencer and you interacted, she thought you two would have a major crush on one another. I mean It was pretty obvious on Spencer's part.

" I mean I'm not too sure. I overheard her conversation with Penelope..." Spencer explained further the details he heard to Emily.

As soon as Spencer finished explaining to Emily, Derek made his appearance. What perfect timing.

" What you two gossiping about?" Derek inquired. Seeing Emily and Spencer so close to each other meant that whatever they were talking about had to be juicy.

" A guy named Harvey stole Spencer's chance on asking (y/n) out" Even though she knew Spencer was having an internal meltdown on this situation, she couldn't help but tease him.

" Hey, I don't have a crush on (y/n). I just wanted to know if either knew more about Harvey. So far the only thing I know is that he's a doctor "

" Wait, I think I know who this 'Harvey' guy is." As soon as Derek stated those words Spencer turned his head and focused towards him.

Spencer was shocked. I mean Emily didn't know anything about Harvey. The girls of the BAU rarely kept secrets from each other. How would Derek know? Or was he just trying to trick him the way most older brothers do to their younger siblings?

" Yeah if I'm not mistaken he's a doctor who works in a clinic. Penelope was telling me how (y/n) would totally be interested in a guy like him. From what she said he's a kind-hearted coffee addict who's into jazz and model planes"

Recalling back from the conversation, Penelope did mention that he was a doctor. Therefore, the Harvey that Derek was telling them had to be the same Harvey he overheard. This was exactly what Spencer wanted, he wanted to know more about Harvey. He got what he wanted yet he felt despaired by this info. But why?

His sad facial expression was obvious to Derek and Emily. You didn't need to be a profiler to be able to see it.

" Hey, Spence don't be sad. Maybe this relationship won't last and then you'll have another chance to ask her out" Emily joked trying her best to reassure him.

" For the last time, I don't have a crush on (y/n). Sure I'm a little bit sad that we won't get to hang out like we used BUT I'm not sad that she finally found a partner. A partner that will spend their whole life making her happy" Spencer tried to convince Derek and Emily. But the way he was explaining it was as if he was also trying to convince himself.

" Really?" Derek raised an eyebrow. He obviously wasn't convinced.

" Yes. My feelings to her are 100% platonic" trying to further convince them.

" Your sad at the idea that she'd likely spend less time with you right?" Derek asked Spencer.

" Yes"

" Why would you be sad in the first place. You weren't sad when JJ started spending less time with you when she and William started to get serious"

" That's different. The dynamic that I have with JJ is different from the dynamic I have with (y/n)"

" Oh really, how so?" a smug tone was now evident in Derek's voice.

" I don't know," Spencer was somewhat frustrated with this interrogation that Derek was conducting.

" The way I see it is your jealous of the idea of her spending time with someone else because you want her to use that time with you"

" That doesn't prove that I have a crush on her," Spencer tried to rebuttal.

" That's not the only thing pretty boy, you also bought drinks and foods for her just so you could spend time with her. You spend most of your time talking and thinking about her. Which is exactly what we're doing right now," Derek continued listing all the other signs that proved that Spencer had a crush on you.

" Well, there you go. All the signs of a crush. Therefore you have hots for (y/n)," Derek teased Spencer.

Maybe Derek was right. Maybe he did have a crush on you.

Shocked at the newfound feelings he had for you, he decided to take a sip of the coffee he bought. He stopped drinking when he realized that this wasn't his drink, but rather Gracia's. He was contemplating if he should return it or wait for Garcia to retrieve her rightful drink. However, since it's been a good 15 minutes since his visit to Garcia's office, he knew he would have to make the first move.

" I'll be right back. I accidentally took Garcia's drink."

Once spencer was out of hearing range, Emily started her own little interrogation.

" Hey! I thought we ALL agreed that (ship name) should and will happen. It was Garcia who came up with the name for goodness sake. Why would she Garcia set (y/n) with somebody else?"

" Trust me Harvey is not who you think he is"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At this point in time, he thought all conversations of Harvey would halt. He was so wrong. But what he heard this time, made him sick to his stomach.

" If I play my cards right, I should be able to propose in roughly two weeks. After proposing we'll get married after three days. Then I'll have Harvey as my beloved husband" Your chipper voice most likely reflected the immense joy that you were feeling. This was such a huge contrast to what he was feeling. He had this really uneasy feeling in his stomach. A sense of hopelessness, anguish and despair took over his body.

This was a bad idea. You've only just started officially dating yesterday but now you have already planned to get married in less than a month. In their line of work, you should have known better than jumping into a relationship like that.

For a second he thought that this was simply jealousy speaking. Maybe it wasn't right to interfere. But after a second thought, he knew that this was crazy. He will try to talk you out of this little senseless escapade later. For now, he'd stick to his original plan

With a knock on the door, he made his entrance. He handed Penelope her correct drink and she returned his back. Thank whatever deities existed that prevented Penelope from taking a sip from spencer's coffee.

" Hey Spencie, since I should be getting back to my desk let's walk back together" Before even waiting for a response, you instantly made your way next to him. You both said your goodbyes to Garcia and made your way back to your desk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since you planned on proposing to Harvey in two weeks, he knew he had to confront you today and the sooner the better. Throughout the whole day, Spencer has been meaning to talk to you. First, it was during your walk back to the desks. He thought he could broach the subject, however, since it was the end of lunch hour a whole slew of people was in the halls. He couldn't have a private conversation with you.

He made another attempt when he saw you alone in the break room. Even though the break room had an open concept, it was already 5pm therefore half of the people on this floor had already left. Though he wanted to have this conversation in private, this opportunity was better than nothing. He was about to get up from his desk but then he saw Anderson making his way to the break room. He then started a conversation with thus ruining his chances to talk to you ALONE in the break room.

Alright, third times the charm. There he stood outside the door of your apartment. He was kind of hoping you wouldn't be home however he could see the light coming through from under the door and hear your footsteps from inside. He was practically shaking like a leaf, his hands were clammy and rehearsing was he was going to say under his breath. It's now or never.

DING DONG

Once he rang the doorbell, his heart had begun pounding rapidly and a sense of doom began to surface. A part of him wanted to make a run for it, in fact, he was about to make a run for it. But then the door opened.

" Hey Spencie, surprise to see you here. What brings you here at night?" Spencer had been practising on what he was going to say to you the whole day. Before reaching your apartment he had already decided which version of the speech he wanted to say. But now standing here and seeing you in your pyjamas, he ended up fumbling with his sentences. It was a mess.

Your face contorted in confusion, no denying you were puzzled at the words Spencer was trying to say. However, since you were only wearing your pyjamas and still standing at the door, the night air started nipping at your skin. Since the cold was starting to get to you, you invited Spencer inside. Hopefully, he'll be able to properly compose his word inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer was currently sitting on your couch while you were in the kitchen brewing up some coffee. He felt somewhat defeated since he couldn't get the right words out. His shaking hands were the evidence of his nervousness. He needed to calm down.

Breathe in

Breathe out...

Breathe in

Breathe out...

You did always say the breathing exercises did help calm your nerves. Now he was a little bit more calmed and composed. His hands were a little bit shaky but definitely more steady. Rehearsing what he was going to say, he felt like he was ready. He planned to say something around these lines:

1. Tell her what you overheard. Don't forget to apologize for listening to their private conversation.

2. Congratulate you on your new relationship.

3. Try to find out more about Harvey. Maybe she'll tell him something about the relationship that is a major red flag (besides the upcoming proposal)

4. Tell her about overhearing her wanting to propose. Don't forget to apologize again for snooping on a private conversation.

5. Try to put a stop to the engagement. Statistical facts would help to suede her to not propose.

In the many versions of his speech, he did include confessing his feelings but decided against it. It would have been selfish of him to do so. If you did find your true love he'll try to support you the best he can, even if it kills him. But he definitely could not support you in getting married so soon into a relationship. Even if he didn't have feelings for you he would still try to talk you out of it; it was a crazy idea in general.

His internal speech rehearsal was interrupted when he heard the door's of the kitchen opening and the closing. You made your way to the couch with two mugs in hand, you handed spencer's his coffee and set yours onto the coffee table.

" At first I thought your surprise appearance was because you wanted to hang out. But seeing you agitated and fumbling with your words, there's obviously something you want to tell me," Although your voice was calm and soothing, he couldn't help but feel like he was being called out, it just made him nervous.

Nervous to the point where he decided to forgo his original plan

" You can't marry him!!!" Spencer burst out to you.

" I'm sorry, Marry? Marry who exactly?"

" Harvey. I sorry but I overhear your conversation with Garcia earlier. I heard how to were going to propose to Harvey in two weeks"

"Spencer," You called his name in order to stop him. it didn't work.

"From what I heard you only began officially dating yesterday. Also congratulations to that"

"Spencer"

"But I think it's way too soon to propose"

"Spencer"

"Did you know that research surveyed 3000 people, those that dated one to two years dropped their likelihood of divorce by 20 percent at any given time point and those who dated three or more dropped to 50 percent. And..."

" SPENCER!!!"

Spencer stopped his ramble midway. The room became silent. But then your laughter broke said silence.

" Spencer I think you need a little bit more context," you said while rubbing the tears from your little laughing session. "I think instead of telling you maybe you should meet Harvey"

You went to your room to retrieve your laptop to bring it to the living room. Then, you made him sit right next to you so he could see your screen. After clicking on an icon of a chicken on your desktop, the screen opened up to a quaint tune played and the word 'Stardew Valley' appeared. At this point, Spencer was already able to piece it together.

On the screen, your farmer woke up from their bed

HARVEY

Then you had your farmer water the crops that were growing

IS

Then your farmer made their way to the town

The farmer then heads to the clinic. You then click on a brown hair character.

A

"Spencer say hi to Harvey"

On the screen out pops out a dialogue box. Next to the dialogue was a pixelated art of a man with a moustache and glasses. At the bottom of the image was the name of the character: Harvey.

VIDEOGAME CHARACTER

Harvey is a videogame character

Spencer felt a wave of embarrassment wave throughout his body. This moment could easily topple the ranks of Spencer's other embarrassing moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judging by the prominent blush on his face and the lack of eye-contact, you could tell that he was embarrassed by this predicament.

" So let me get this straight, you thought I was gonna marry someone I've only been dating for less than a month. And you came here to talk me out of it?" confirmation of his action would help understand this situation better. Plus it was cute to see him blush.

" Yes," he answered timidly.

" In our line of work, I don't think so," hopefully a joke would bring back his spirits.

" That's what I thought of too" Spencer chuckled.

The feeling of comfort was present in the room. Now would be a perfect time, here goes.

" You wanna know why out of all the other town's folks, Harvey was the one I choose"

Spencer gave you a confused look

"Cause he's one who's the most like you. You're both shy, love your coffee way too much and plus you kinda look alike. I guess what I'm trying to say is the reason I'm dating Harvey is cause he's just like you. And I uhh.... really wanna date you cause I like you," now it was your turn to avoid eye contact and fumble with your words.

Throughout your confession, Spencer just sat there quietly with his mouth agape. " I completely understand if you don't feel the same, we can continue to be just friends if you want..." you continued on using whatever reassurance needed to be said in order to save your friendship.

Your little ramble stopped when Spencer uttered these beautiful words:

" I feel the same way. I like you too"

With the two of you knowing your true feelings for one another, you looked at each other with a loving look. "So now that I know I don't have to compete with Harvey, How would you like to go out on a date with me?" Spencer asked.

" I'd loved to go on a date with you"

[quackcito]

Summary of the Fornite Spanish Stream [02/14/22]

It was a pretty funny stream with lots of anecdotes. sadly I couldn't find a twitter thread that did the full translation, so I'll try to give more details. They decided to make a dynamic about asking questions to learn more about each other, so there were interesting details

Elementary School Stories

He told Pauline's story[Link] again as a failed date when it wasn't even a date at all. LMAO

He talked about how his craziest party was a kermesse he had in middle school because there was a DJ playing David Guetta songs.

But later he mentioned about how in Mexico he went out to clubs with his friends but didn't know the songs, so one of his friends made him a playlist with the songs that are normally played, there he found out about Bad Bunny.

When he was asked about his biggest fight he mentioned that in elementary school he had a friend who pushed him during recess, he fell on the lunch of a group of girls, so he got up upset, they both held each other's shoulders while staring at each other, then quackity opted to headbutt him which made his friend cry. He was proud that it didn't hurt to do his headbutt however during class his friend kept threatening him with signs and a pen.

His friend wanted to fight with him outside the school next to the moms and other children who were outside, quackity mentioned that he had friends in common who kept saying not to fight. Then quackity as he was ashamed to fight outside (with the moms) explained to him that it would be better to fight in a nearby square but before that, he pulled a trick in which he told him that he didn't want to fight with one of his best friends, but if he wanted to come in and fight he would gladly do it, his friend began to cry for his touching words to end it with a hug. [I laughed so hard, what a touching story! xD]

Fun facts about Quackity

Some of the curious answers that he mentioned:

Quackity told about how he finds songs, first he listens to one song then starts listening to another, until he gets to what he calls '4 songs' , so he doesn't pay much attention to album titles.

In one of the questions Juan asked him about what differentiated him from other creators, he mentioned his creativity.

He talked about how he has a personal project of 'collecting' bald people, on his list is:

Pitbull

Bryan Cranston

The Rock

Komander

Vin Diesel

Hank

El Babo

JuanGuarnizo

Quackity could finally feel happy to find someone shorter than him, he is 172 cm (5'8) while Juan is 169 cm (5'7) approx.

When he feels stressed he sings corridos.

His favorite beers are 'Corona' and 'Millers' and in the case of tequila he likes '1800'.

He hasn't even had his first kiss yet.

He wakes up at 9 or 10, depending on how he feels, sometimes it's AM or PM, but now it's AM.

Quackity responded that he would like to go on a date with ''the bald guy from breaking bad''.

His favorite movies are 'Goodfellas' and Fast and Furious Brazil although he has not seen the latter one. [Yes, he likes a movie he hasn't seen yet, only he is capable of such a feat.]

About his new partnership with Juan

During the previous stream of the [MC] building competition and this stream, their interaction improved and brought a lot of fun things.

At the beginning after Juan died they began to pray and dedicate prayers to each other.

Juan's nicknames for quackity were quackitys, quackyris, quacketas, my love, mamacita and at some point he was 'nalgón'(big bum?).

Quackity imitated Tom Holland's voice[Timestamp(1:23:16)] for Juan, as that was his answer to the question about who they would like to date.

At a very crazy point they decided that they would be partners to buy a hamburger restaurant to sell their own hamburgers, Juan proposed the idea that the Quackity hamburger should have snot* on it.

*I think he implied the idea that he is 'meco' whose closest translation would be: brat? goofy? annoying ipadkid? idk but they were just kidding. [Side note: The restaurant they're talking about is called Butcher's.]

As you can see it was a varied stream full of a lot of fun, it has become one of my favorite streams. At one point I don't remember very well... George sent him a message in which I think he mentioned that he knew Spanish, which Quackity denied, because according to him, he is the one teaching him Spanish [qnf crumbs] EDIT: He also mentioned the possibility of doing a roblox stream with Juan.

Other summaries made by me: Mario Kart + DSMP[01/31/22] [MC]SquidGames[01/30/22]

[soliverse]

don’t call me - k.dy

(sequel to call me a fool. you can read this by itself, but some references would make more sense if you read the first part.)

reader x bestfriend!doyoung

genre: so much angst, slight fluff

warnings: none

word count: 3.85k

synopsis: Doyoung missed an important milestone in your life. Now, it’s your turn to miss his calls.

prompt:

Ghost Of You by 5 Seconds of Summer, part of the Heartbreak Hotel collab by @nct-writers

dedication to:

@hunjins for leaving witty comments during beta reading

@johnyusangel for being my guardian angel during beta and when I was dying over a migraine + Qian Kun

@hxneyy-latte for nursing me back to health lol

taglist: @kunrengui (sorry this took a while 😔), @leolo404 @byeolhyesisi @thesongofdragons

networks: @nctcreations @kdiarynet @kpopscape @kwritersworld @culture-cafe @neowritingsnet @neoswitchnet @czennienet @nct-writers

Every day, your routine starts with staring at your phone for a few hours before getting out of bed. You'd check in all of your messaging apps to see if any of them came from Doyoung. Sadly, there's none of it this morning.

You would drag your mopey ass out of bed and start the day with dread, questioning why he hasn’t replied to your last text. Then, as you brush your teeth, you would check once again to see if you missed anything while you are preoccupied with oral hygiene.

The inbox notifications would still say zero. And then you'd wait… and wait… and wait some more hours, even days before he replies back.

Every time Doyoung refuses to reply to your messages soon, you get this sudden urge to bang your head into a wall, cursing yourself for texting him in the first place. You will then start to question your life choices, why you even texted him in the first place when you knew this is bound to happen. And that you probably sounded too clingy, too cheesy for his liking. Your thoughts filled as to why he refused to reply as soon as he could.

You sighed and placed your phone back into your pocket and proceeded to go on with your day. The academy is about to open and you have practice for your upcoming recital the following day.

You kept your phone around your vicinity even as you practiced. It's a good thing that your vocal mentor isn't here to point out your mistakes, but you're trying to hit every note as clean as you can. A feat that is impossible to do when you're completely distracted by something.

Doyoung: Hey.

That one word is enough to wash all of the worries that you had earlier. You once again attempted to bang your head into the wall, now cursing yourself for changing your emotions so quickly.

You kept your phone back at your table, practicing for a few more minutes before answering the text. This time, you sang with a smile on your lips, the burden of your worries suddenly lifted with a single word.

But that's just how it always is with you and your best friend.

Now, if you can only tell him how you feel.

///

You bowed at everyone for doing a great job at practice. You happily fished out your phone from your pocket to reply to Doyoung's earlier text.

You: Are you free this Saturday?

You placed your phone down for a moment to fix your stuff, but a ding! interrupted you midway and you just couldn’t help but look at his reply.

Doyoung: Not at all. Need help with something?

Your smile grew wider and you texted the details of your recital for Saturday. You've worked on the piece so hard that you wanted to share your success with him, just like he would share his with you.

The rest of the day went smoothly. It was full of wishful thinking and daydreams. And if it goes well, it might be the day that you tell him about how you really feel about him.

///

It was the day of the recital and your hands were shaking out of nervousness. Your grip on the mic was getting tighter, if not sweatier, as you heard the crowds forming outside to see you and your classmates perform.

The soundcheck commenced and they started calling all the participants by their name as they came on stage. You heard nothing besides your own heartbeat and your loud thoughts whenever you overthink. But you reassured yourself that you will do a good job.

You had to. Someone was watching and you wanted to make him proud.

Fiddling on your seat, you waited for a few numbers before it was your turn. You nervously walked out the stage, and you were blinded by the lights coming from the back of the theater. It was probably for the good. 

You couldn’t see anyone’s faces.

You couldn’t see his face. 

Because if you could, you would’ve choked on your words and hit the notes wrong once again. Thankfully, the performance went better than you expected. 

As soon as everyone came together for the curtain call, your eyes wandered to see Doyoung among the crowds. You scanned left and right, but there were no signs of him everywhere in the theater.

You consoled yourself with the fact that he probably went to the bathroom, or he was already backstage waiting for you. He couldn’t possibly miss this day, right?

The first thing that you did after coming down the stage was to have a closer look at the seats, just to make sure that he really was there in the crowd. Everyone else had their families with them, their friends, their lovers. 

But there were no signs of Doyoung in the crowd.

You tried hard to smile as everyone who passed by you congratulated you for doing a great job. But once again, you were distracted. Your mind was occupied with thoughts that you never expected to have that day.

Did he really forget about you?

Giving up completely, you made your way back backstage and hid your impending tears to everyone. On your way, you saw Johnny, waving a small bouquet of flowers to get your attention. This sparked a tiny bit of hope in you. If Johnny was around, then Doyoung must have been here somewhere, too.

You ran towards Johnny and gave him the tightest bear hug. You were worried that no one really watched you perform today. Your family lives abroad and they couldn’t make it to watch you, but you promised them that you will send them a video of you singing. You were really counting on Doyoung not only to watch you perform, but to film your performance as well. 

He must have been here somewhere.

“Thank God you came. I thought nobody saw me perform earlier,” you were once again on the verge of crying, but you didn’t have the heart to ask Johnny if Doyoung was indeed with him.

“Doyoung couldn’t make it today. He had to go out with the whole crew of his drama to celebrate their last day together. I came as soon as I heard about your performance.”

You fell quiet, breathing deep to hide your tears and your disappointment. But Johnny knew how you felt, so he pulled you tighter against him, completely encasing you completely on his embrace. “Don’t feel sad. You did so well today.”

///

Ever since then, you stopped taking calls from Doyoung. He would persistently call and text you every night to say sorry. Any other day, you would’ve been glad to see that finally, he’s the one that’s trying so hard to reach you. Sadly, you’re in no mood to talk to him. 

You thought it would’ve been cruel if you blocked his number from your phone, so you instead tried to text him excuses why you couldn’t talk.

You were tired. You went out with a friend. You just wanted to take some rest.

After hitting send, you tossed your phone in your bed, still feeling upset about him missing such an important day to you. You felt set aside like you’re the last person on his priority list.

That day made you realize that you’re spending way too much energy on someone that doesn’t return the favor. It was an unhealthy behavior that you need to get out of your system as soon as possible, even if that means cutting Doyoung from your life temporarily.

///

Doyoung was surprised to see you at the front door of the 127 dorm one day. You tried smiling at him as he opened the door to let you in, pretending that you were not upset with him in the previous days.

“Surprised you’re not busy today,” you remarked as you sat down, clearly aiming at Doyoung who was now feeling lost at your coldness towards him.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“Not at all,” you tried your best to avoid his gaze because one look at your face would definitely give everything away. You didn’t want to lie to him, but it was better than saying that you were mad because you had feelings for him.

“Anyways, where’s Johnny? He invited me to watch a movie this afternoon.”

“Didn’t you tell me that you had practice today? That’s why you couldn’t meet me?”

You sneered internally.

“Yeah. Sometimes people say one thing and then they actually mean another thing. You of all people should know.”

You saw Johnny coming out of his room, fully dressed and ready for your movie night together. You waved one last goodbye at Doyoung, who just realized that you were roasting him the whole time.

///

The passive-aggressiveness went on for a few more occasions. You refused his attempts to talk to you, knowing full well that your cold facade would wear off instantly once you let him. You wanted to talk to him so bad, but your pride was preventing you from making any rash decisions. You couldn’t just go back to living your life as Doyoung’s doormat. But, as per Johnny’s advice, you got to explain to him why you were feeling that way. He at least deserved that much.

That explanation came sooner than you had expected.

You were spending a lot of time with Johnny lately, but only because he treats you like a little sister. He must’ve missed his own sister back at home, so he was making sure to take care of you as much as he could. 

But Doyoung didn’t have to know that.

You had noticed the tension between the two of them whenever you would visit their dormitory. Johnny was just a bit irked at Doyoung because you were hurting, but he understood it from his perspective. He never knew how you felt in the first place, he wouldn’t have known how much he hurt you in the process.

What goes on in Doyoung’s brain though, you have no idea. He usually just stays away from the both of you whenever you’ve come to visit them, maybe throw in a couple of pleasantries before asking you to hang out with him once again. You kept on telling him that you will once you’re not busy with the academy, and then proceeds to forget about it on that same day.

One day, he’s finally had enough and decided to block the door when you were about to leave the dorm room.

"There's nothing to talk about Doyoung."

You tried to step out once again, but he didn't even budge from his place.

"Can you just tell me what I did? I already said sorry about not attending your recital. What else do you want me to do?"

You lowered your head and tried to leave again, determined not to answer his questions. But he's just as stubborn as you are, this time pushing you slightly, just enough to make you step back.

Your fists formed into a ball and your lips pursed in annoyance. Why does he care about you so much now that you're staying away from him?

"Let me leave, Doyoung. Johnny is waiting for me," you said as calmly as you could.

"Is that it? You're replacing me with Johnny? Just because of that one mistake? What kind of friendship is that?" Doyoung's voice went up a few notches, now looking as visibly upset as you are.

"I can't be your friend anymore, Doyoung," silence filled the room as soon as you said that statement. You both stare at each other awkwardly, both of you are still in a state of shock.

"I don't think this is the perfect time to tell you this, but you have to know eventually," grasping the straps of your handbag, you braced yourself for what you were about to say.

"I have feelings for you Doyoung. That's why I was so hurt that you didn't attend the recital," you paused for a bit, biting your lower lip to hold yourself back from tearing up.

"It made me realize that my life, everything about me, revolves around you. I would literally drop everything when you say you need me. And yet, I'm so far away from your priority list that you can't even sit down for a few minutes to watch me perform," you felt a bit of moisture from your cheeks. Tears were already falling from your face without you even realizing it. 

You wiped your tears away with your sleeves and you held yourself back from sobbing to proceed to talk.

"But it's not your fault. I was the one at fault for lending you my time, and I was the one at fault for setting high expectations for someone who just treats me as a friend," you smiled weakly as you walked towards him one last time.

"So for now, I can't be your friend anymore. Not until I sort my feelings out and make things more awkward for us. Give me time for myself, Doyoung. I'll try to be a better friend soon."

You smiled as you lowered your head once again, your shoulders brushing over when you left the room. You didn't try to look back and walked as fast as possible, holding yourself together just before you reached the exit.

You ran out of their apartment building and as soon as you found a place where you can hide, you finally let yourself go. You sat there balling your eyes out and looked around for signs of your best friend. When you realized that he didn't even make an effort to comfort or follow you, your sobs got even louder as you sat down on the pavement to hug your knees.

"Go on... Let it out."

Someone sat down with you and started patting your back to comfort you. You raised your head and cleared the hair strands that stuck to your face to see who it is. It was Johnny.

"I saw everything that happened. I'm happy that you finally told him."

He rubbed your shoulders to calm you down once again, offering you his handkerchief so you could wipe your tears out. Once you finally managed to stop crying, he stood up from his seat and placed his hands on the pockets of his hoodie.

"If you need to cry all day, I'll be here."

///

Doyoung proved that your presence left a big mark that he never realized before. He thought he was just confused at first, or that he was just getting used to not being able to contact you whenever he could.

Just that evening, he was having a hard time memorizing the new choreography for their comeback. He kept on messing up one of the killing parts and everyone was frustrated that they couldn't move on to the other parts of the choreography. He felt sorry for everyone, so he left practice early to work on it himself without burdening the other members. His first instinct was the grab his phone and listen to your soothing voice, telling him to cheer up and that he will do better tomorrow.

But as soon as he was about to hit the dial button, it pained him to press the back button instead, stuffing the phone into his sweatpants and he wiped the sweat off of him.

He felt very heaviness, even more, when he was changing, basically ripping the door of his locker as he took its contents to rid himself of the uncomfortable feeling of sweat. He was both mad and upset at the same time, almost ripping a part of his shirt when he was about to put it on.

He hasn't felt like this in a very long time and he needed a way to get things off of his chest. But without you to do it, it was practically impossible.

He grabbed his matching hat and jacket, stuffing his dirty clothes on his backpack and he made his way out of the building.

He made sure that no one saw him in that state, especially Haechan, who gave him so much shit when everybody found out about your confession.

"Everyone knew, you dumbass."

He just wished somebody would've told him sooner, but he knew it wasn't their place to tell him about it. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

His heavy footsteps dragged him to the ramen shop that you used to go to together. He stopped coming here when he lost contact with you, and instead of making him feel better, it made him even more upset upon the reminder of how he fucked up. But he needed a way to make himself feel better. Ramen worked back then. Maybe it would work right now.

He made the choice to not sit down at your usual spot, the one closest to the kitchen so you would get your meals as soon as you could. He instead opted for one of the corners. It felt awkward, but he was there to eat, not enjoy the ambiance. He ordered a bowl to himself, something that he wasn't used to seeing on the table. The bowl of ramen looked so empty on the table by itself, and so he ordered a lot of side dishes with a few bottles of soju to comfort himself.

To his surprise, he was served by the same auntie that used to tease you and him before when the two of you used to go to this place. He hoped that she wouldn't recognize and ask for your whereabouts, but he was very unlucky that day.

"Oh. It's been a while since I saw you! How are you?"

Doyoung just bowed to the auntie and told him that he was fine and that he missed eating there for the longest time.

"I'm glad that I finally get to see you! You missed your friend though, she just left earlier."

He was put to a halt. Something about you being mentioned sparked something in him. Although, he wasn't able to pinpoint what that feeling was at that time.

"I think she was showing the place to another friend of yours. The big guy ate a lot, so we're worried for a bit that we’re about to close early for today."

Doyoung felt his heart sink, but he still bowed and thanked the auntie for the meal. 

He stared at the contents of his table for a while, but you would always remind him that the soup tasted better when it's still hot. For some reason though, the bowl of ramen wasn't as tasty as it used to be. He used to finish bowls of that same ramen before, but he couldn't even manage to finish one. He knew better than to waste food though, so he forced himself to eat the rest of it and jumped out of there as soon as he could.

The ramen certainly didn't make him feel better.

///

It's been weeks and the first thing that Doyoung did after waking up was to open his phone for messages. There were a few of them, most of it coming from the other members, but he wasn't interested in reading in any of them.

Getting out of bed seemed harder than usual. He felt a few pounds heavier, which meant he either gained weight or he just lost the will to get up from his bed.

He tried not to stare at his phone as he brushed his teeth, so he kept them hidden in his pocket and used all of his wills to not check on it every hour.

He noticed that there was a bit of commotion coming from outside. He paid no attention and went back to his usual morning routine, getting ready for a separate schedule that he had that morning. He went to his room to get dressed and pack the things that he may need that day. Once everything was done, he went to the kitchen to tell everyone that he was going, but he was met with something else instead.

The rest of the boys were gathered up around the table, enjoying breakfast that he assumed that you made. You just stood there happily as you served everyone pieces of the omelet that you made. You turned around in his direction and he was met with that smile that he missed so much.

"Doie, would you like some?"

The nickname made him flinch. It was something that you never used on him before, but it was enough to make him look away and step out of the room immediately.

"I'm good. I just came to say goodbye to everyone."

"Oh good!" you said as you gathered your things and stuffed them neatly in your tote bag. "I just came here to drop some food because this guy said that he wasn’t feeling well. Let's go together," you said as you tiptoed your way out of the tight kitchen, messing Johnny's hair before you finally stepped out of the room.

"Let's go?" you asked giddily as you grabbed Doyoung's arm and waved to everybody goodbye. He finally realized what you must've felt when it was the other way around.

The walk towards the bus stop was a quiet one. None of you dared to talk. But he noticed that the spring of your step is back, if not better than before. Meanwhile, he was just walking there awkwardly, not knowing what to say to you because of how he left things the last time that you talked. He wanted to talk to you for the longest time, but he respected your wishes to be alone. Now he was regretting making that decision.

The both of you stood there at the nearest bus stop, the atmosphere is even quieter since it was just the two of you standing there.

"I missed you Doie," you spoke, breaking the silence between you too.

"I was hoping that we can talk right after this. You know, just to clear the air."

He remained quiet in his place, not really knowing how to respond to her.

"Meet me at the ramen place later?"

"Sure," Doyoung almost hit himself for answering so soon. To him, he sounded very eager to eat with you once again.

The bus finally arrived and you stepped inside, making your way into the seat. His stare lingered at you for a while, to see if you would look around like how you always did when he sent you home. You took those same steps, hesitating at the eighth one to see if he still stuck around to look at you.

You hesitantly sat back down in your seat, unsure as to whether he finally looked back at you when you were about to leave.

You never saw him though, because he asked you to sit down and within a split second, he was gone from your view.

Guess you're just gonna have to find out tonight.

xxx

[likesrandomstuff]

Avalance Fic Recommendations Part 4

The final part of this series. Thanks to everyone who reblogged and liked, and a huge shout-out to @heywhereisperry who encouraged and motivated me into doing this.

As I said in Part 1, feel free to add any more stories you think should be recognised to any of these posts, and my ask box is open if you would like more detail on anything.

Part 1: Bite Sized

Part 2: Snacks

Part 3: Meals

Banquets (Over 75,000 words)

When you do not have anything you need to do in the next couple of days

You're My Miracle by bihexualmess

My tags: Ava is FBI, Sara is a Private Investigator, Rip brings Sara on for a case

This just got updated the other week and ruined multiple nights of sleep for me. At almost 350k words, still going, I don’t know how to explain without spoiling stuff that happens a long way in. There are so many layers to both Ava and Sara here, and the trauma, and the issues, and the fact they will not talk to each other about anything. I jumped on this a bit late, as the title and description didn’t grab me, but oh boy, I was missing out. I did get to read a heap of it in one go, but that doesn’t help the slow burn. I would start this even though it’s still a WIP, just because it will take you a while, to read, and also the storylines need time to settle in, because they are heavy, but just amazing. It is now the longest Avalance fic with the latest update.

this is the way that we love (like it's forever) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: College Avalance dated and broke up, five years later they meet again, Ava’s dating someone else

This fic had me crying in the lunchroom during my second week of work because I couldn’t not read during my lunch break, and it was hitting me so hard. That was after starting it at 10pm, reading to 2am, sleeping until 6am, reading until 11am a couple of days before. Warning for major character deaths; the funeral for one is alluded to in the description. If anyone says something bad about Jordan, I will not be happy; one of the best original characters I have ever read in a fic. Sara’s not in a great place initially, but she gets there. And there’s some cute flashbacks to college Legends too.

you make me smile (please stay for a while now) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: High School Rivals AU, Ava’s class president, Sara is the superstar soccer captain, they have more in common than they thought

I just looked at the word count for this, and it must be the first time I have, because wow! It is a journey! There’s a couple of prequel, sequel and interjection stories in this universe too. Ava has to deal with her family not being super supportive when she comes out. Sara has to deal with Laurel struggling and their mum having a clear favourite (Laurel). Most of the Legends have really great arcs in here as well. Ava’s family is great. I wanna hang out with her little sister. Don’t be like 2018 me who gives up after the first chapter because they are mad about what Laurel is going through. She’s fine, and there’s a heap of great Sara and Laurel moments. I recently re-read the last 10 chapters, and I still couldn’t stop myself from reading like it was the first time.

i am who you used to love (and you are just a memory) by justpalsbeingals

My tags: The Vow AU, but Ava makes some better choices early on, they’re married, Ava gets into an accident and loses all memory of Sara

I hate the movie this fic is based on. The movie’s fine, and it was a delight seeing Tatiana Maslany in it while I was watching Orphan Black, but basically it is my worst-case scenario, losing my memory. The fact that this fic kept me hooked despite that, is a testament to the quality. The fic itself says “light angst”, I say it’s much, much heavier than that, but that’s just me. Warning, there are some intense twists in here, and everyone is a bit OOC to me, memory loss being considered, which might not be your thing.

and i will stumble and fall (i'm still learning to love) by lucylikestowrite

My tags: SwanQueen kid fic AU, yes, I know go with me on this, Ava adopted Sara’s unexpected baby, said kid finds Sara years later

In general, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like kid fics. Fics with future children coming back to meet their parents, or the couple going into the future? Some of my favourites ever. This has no time travel, but I trust Lucy. This story is under 75k, but the sequel is almost as long, so combined they’re over. The sequel is a WIP. I didn’t watch Once Upon a Time, but it’s the plot of the start of that, except the gay actually happens. There are a lot of issues our girls have to work through here, but the kid is so cute.

and we could try by plinys

My tags: it’s a story mostly told on twitter through fake screen shots of social media, Sara drunk messages Ava, Ava doesn’t block her

I’m sure this format of storytelling is not for everyone, and that’s okay! I was so confused by it at first. I would recommend starting with the shorter one, I can be your hero (in Part 2), just to see if you like it, before jumping into this. I read this when the epilogue, the fic, was released, and I was up until 5am because I couldn’t stop. It became part of my personality. Story wise, Sara and Ava are on different coasts, but both know Nate, Ray and Nora. Ray and Nora get engaged, and Avalance have to deal with planning that wedding, and whatever is going on with them.

take my hands now by plinys

My tags: Another Social Media twitter AU, Sara is The Canary, Ava is trying to arrest vigilantes, Nate accidently gives Ava Sara’s number

Another brilliant twitter story. Some of our gang is trying to arrest the other half. Sara knows who Ava is, Ava doesn’t know that Sara is the person she’s chasing. Everyone has public twitter accounts. Sara actually gets [spoiler villain] to stop an attack by sending them money for a drink.

your eyes, they shine so bright by plinys

My tags: Social Media AU, everyone works for not Buzzfeed, a colab series is pitched, Sara and Ava’s teams have to work together

Ava makes factual videos, Sara does not, they are forced to work together. Nate is everyone’s boss technically, but they do what they want. Nate and Ava are non-biological siblings, and Satan Camp is a running gag. Oh, fake dating is in there too!

right to the top, don't hold back by SJAandDWfan

My tags: American Ninja Warrior AU, Sara’s a veteran and the Legends train together, Ava’s a rookie, rivals to training partners to friends to …

I re-read this every year when the new Australian season comes out. It’s so burned into my brain that when I was watching the speed climbing at the Olympics I genuinely thought “I wonder how Amaya would go in this?”. Amaya’s pre-Ninja experience is rock climbing in this fic. I learnt so much about Ninja Warrior and how the show (at least in this universe) works, and it’s fascinating. Would recommend watching some clips if you’re unfamiliar with the concept. The story goes pretty in detail about the courses. For recommendations, either Jessie Gaff, who was a S1 Supergirl stuntwoman, or Australia’s own Olivia Vivian, who is just stages better than our next female.

biding our time (until tomorrow) by TheTruthAboutLove

My tags: Period setting AU, Ava’s too noble for her own good, Oliver’s dad is the villain

This was a really cool experiment. Basically, told in lots of mini chapters like a soap opera. I do not know much about this period of American history, but it did not matter. A lot of different Arrow-verse peeps show up along the way. I’m sure I complained out loud “you’re allowed to want things Ava!” at some point. There’s an attempt for fake dating, and it’s not the homophobia but the second daughter problem that gets them.

Click here to see all the parts

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

Adding this song to the list of songs I'd like sung to me one day

Thinking a lot about this girl (me, circa 2011/2012) tonight.

I was the cringiest person on the planet, but I love that girl. She was so angry and silly and immature, and I just want that energy back. I want the ability to feel rage again and to stand up for myself. I mean, I PELTED a boy with my unused pads! I hopped a desk to beat a boy's ass because he called a girl that I did not like ugly! I cussed people out on the regular and roasted them on sight! I kicked a girl in the back of the knees and made her slam down against the pavement once when she said her little brother could call my brother the N word if he wanted because that's probably exactly what he was!

But I also wrote out the funniest diary entries. I planned mine and my crush's wedding out to the minutest detail: The flowers, the venue, the dress, the colors, the theme. I drew pictures. I wrote the headings out in different colored markers. I drew myself as Rapunzel and wrote captions begging for my prince. I wrote that boys were bad, and then in all caps wrote that I like that.

Once, I wrote a poem for my crush and read it in class. He was in that class, and I looked him directly in the eye and read it to him. When he laughed at me and asked if I wrote it for him, everyone laughed with him until I said, "Don't flatter yourself. I'd never waste my time writing about you." But I did! I absolutely did write about him and truly thought if I read him a poem declaring my love for him in class, he would magically love me back. He did, but he didn't admit it until the end of the year after I moved.

I followed boys around in elementary school taking notes on their character to see if they worthy of my time and if they aligned with my values. One time, a boy asked my brother if he could ask me to stop watching him practice for basketball because me taking notes on him was creeping him out a little. Like, y'all, I had no awareness of social cues whatsoever. I just did this. I'd fill whole journals with my notes.

I would give anything to know what happened to those journals because I just know the notes were funny.

One time, my friend and I went on a field trip when we were in the 5th grade and we convinced ourselves that the surprise guest they kept telling us about was Justin Bieber. We were insane. There was absolutely no reason for us to think this. But when they started to announce who the guest was, the arena we were in, which housed almost all the elementary schools in the area (this was in Hawaii), was dead silent. And we both got so fucking excited and gaga over this guy that we both jumped up and started screaming and dancing, "WE LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then the announcer announced some guy???? We were both immediately embarrassed. I remember sitting down and both of us just covering our faces with our hands until everyone looked away. A few years later, when the Justin Bieber movie came out where he was talking about his life, I went with a friend and we wore Justin Bieber everything and squealed uncontrollably whenever he came on the screen. And then we fought over who was going to marry him.

And you know the brand Little Miss Matched?

This one?

The entire point of the brand is that nothing matches and it's supposed to be super zany and unique. I discovered them in New York and begged my parents for as many pairs as they would buy me. They got me several, and I wore them. Every. Single. Day. I was twelve. I wore these to school and around the house. I wore tutu's to school with combat boots and fake nerd glasses and my makeup never looked good ever.

At my school, we used to take used, unwashed chip bags and make bows out of them and put them in our hair. It was camp. I remember one time, I wanted to show school spirit during spirit week and I wrote out the mascot on my face in eyeliner while looking in the mirror. A girl who became one of my best friends ended up telling me that the word was backward before anyone else had the chance to see. Love her.

That was dumb shit. I was best friends with all my teachers. I loved my art teacher because she told me that I was the only tolerable child she had in any of her classes and my art was always so creative. I used copious amounts of glitter and gems on everything. My lit teacher and I used to talk about my goals to read all the classics I could before high school, and she would recommend poetry to me. She made me feel like a queen because I knew the psychological term for a fear of being without your phone.

When Mindless Behavior was big, I nearly fought a girl who told me that Ray Ray was hers. I made edits and devoted whole albums on my Facebook to these guys (and to Justin Bieber). I sobbed when Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas broke up, and I secret shipped Fiona and Imogen on Degrassi when they fell for each other. I used to use words like "salutations" and say terms and idioms that everyone laughed at me for. I'd ask philosophical questions during math class, "What if the Christian God is just like the Greek Gods? If our God is the god of everything, and there are individual Gods of certain things with the Greek Gods, that means that our God could be just like the other gods. He just has all their powers in one place." To which they answered, "What the hell are you talking about? There's only one God." They just weren't on my level *flips hair*

I've caught myself reverting back to this girl in the last few months. Listening to the music that she did. Not caring so much about the way I dress and present myself. Writing fanfiction again and posting it.

I just love this girl, this version of me, so much. I know how much she cried, and I know how hurt she was. I know how badly she needed help and how often she cried out for it and was ignored. I know what she went through and the way she was treated. I know how hard it was for her to fit in because she just couldn't get herself to mask in a way that would allow her to fit in. She always did things a little bit wrong. Always misread situations just slightly. Was always using language in the wrong context.

But I also know that she's still friends with her friends from middle school, and that they always have kind things to say about that girl. I know that my room was carefully covered from wall to wall in posters of all my favorite celebrities from Teen Bop and Tiger Beat magazines. I know that she used to try the crafts from American Girl magazine, and that she loved to read about every celebrity's life. I know that she used to explore the woods and pretend she was a princess or a witch. I know that she left out offerings to fairies until she was thirteen, and that she made spells under the moonlight, and hit her nephew (he's two years younger) with the back of a rake and knocked him down the stairs by accident when he kept jumping into the same pile of leaves that he had just heard her dad threaten to beat her ass over.

I know how much she hated herself. But all these things about her are what I miss the most. I miss her inability to fit in because it protected her from a lot. I miss her inability to read and interpret social cues because it means that she didn't process just how deep a lot of the hate for her went. I miss her lack of awareness, her freedom, her drive to live her own life on her own terms even if it meant putting on makeup at school and changing her clothes to something she liked after she left home. If she wanted to wear lip gloss, she would make it happen. She was so fierce and angry and tough and funny and full of life. She had no chill whatsoever and embarrassed herself at any given moment.

When did I stop getting angry? When did I stop fighting back for myself? Why did I stop?

I miss her. I miss her so much and I admire and love her. I don't care how cringey and weird and funny she was. She is a part of me, and every day, I strive to give back to her just as much as I give back to little Brooklyn.

In 2023, I want to go back to her.

[geminisholland]

Hi! What would you think about writing a fic where Tom and reader are both working on a show or movie or something, and they have feelings for each other, but they're too nervous to do anything, and then they both end up in a prop closet or something alone, and then ✨stuff✨ happens? If not that's fine!!

a/n: uhhh i got really carried away with this, and am really obsessed with the idea so thank u for sending it over!! also actress!reader is like my favorite trope to read so it really was no shock this was my favorite to write! i also did my best to portray tom as the gemini man he is. also, my inbox is open, send over requests!

warnings: cussing, sexual tension u could cut with a knife, an intense make out sesh (no smut)

word count: 2211

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the long nights on set were beginning to catch up with you and your costars. every day you felt more delusional, surviving only by the caffeine that tom would bring every morning. it was really a routine at this point, you’d sit down in the chair of the hair and makeup trailer, and one minute later tom would stroll in with your exact order.

“and an iced matcha for the diva,” he liked to joke. that was his nickname for you, diva. he thought that maybe you’d pick up on his flirting if he started calling you names like diva, and princess. you payed no mind to him, because you thought he was making fun of you. that he didn’t take you seriously, and that was frustrating, because, well, you had feelings for him. you weren’t entirely sure how he felt about you, though, and it was driving you insane. you’d convince yourself you would be okay without him, that if he didn’t like you back, you’d survive it. but then he would walk in to the trailer, holding your matcha, and calling you diva. you couldn’t push aside the euphoria that rushed through your body every time he called you that. you actually really enjoyed it, but tried to ignore that as the embarrassment of him making fun of you settled in.

tom was really cocky too, but you assumed that came with being an excellent actor, and being quite successful. you’d talk to your friends about him, because when were you not talking to him? when were you not thinking about him?

“he’s so cocky, maybe i don’t actually have feelings for him,” you’d explain. “he walks around calling me names, who does he think he is?”

your friends would groan, because they heard this everyday. they would go from “yeah he sucks” to “aw, you should tell him how you feel, you two would be so cute together.”

you just felt so stuck. you’d act in scenes with him, and would feel the connection, but as soon as the director yelled cut the connection would turn to a code that you couldn’t decipher. you really couldn’t figure him out.

he would abruptly open your trailer door, and yell, “hey princess, let’s get going they’re ready for us!”

you’d roll your eyes, but walk with him to set anyways, because you enjoyed his presence. you were friends, at this point. he would invite you to his place for game nights, and take you out to dinner during particularly hard days. he would show up to your place, unannounced, with a pack of truly’s- just cause. you would give him rides to set, and get him his favorite food when he’s filming. you tried not to think about how often he would send you the “you up?” text, because you didn’t want to convince yourself this was something, when there was a possibility it was nothing.

but, you really liked him. he was tom holland, your celebrity crush. the person you’d call when you’re sad. the person who you’d run scenes with for hours on end, and never get tired of being around him. the person who you could just look at, and feel safe. he was home to you, you just didn’t know he felt the same. so, when the electricity went out during a particularly bad storm in Atlanta, and you and tom were in the supplies closet alone, you weren’t exactly prepared for what was about to happen.

“you really ordered an iced matcha while there’s, like, a borderline hurricane happening outside?” tom exclaimed. he stared at you as you stood up, and grabbed the drink from his hand.

“yes, i really did,” you shot back. “what are you gonna do? call me a ‘diva’?” you smiled at him, and his eyes slowly moved down your body than back up to meet your eyes. yes, he really did just check you out, but you were sure you only imagined that in your head.

“i might,” tom replied, then sat in the chair next to you. “it’s still early, though. there’s time to catch up on the name-calling.”

“i’m looking forward to it,” you teased, rolling your eyes at him. sometimes pushing tom was fun. tom shot you a glare, and you smiled to yourself as you sat back down.

“weather is crazy, huh?” tom observed. “i’m not the biggest fan of big storms like this.”

you looked over at him, noticing the concern on his face.

“i think they’re fun, i absolutely love just sitting at the window, and watching rain,” you confessed. the two of you were looking at each other, the only noise was the rain outside the trailer. your heart was beating so hard, you were certain tom could hear it. just the two of you, alone in a trailer. nothing new, yet something felt wildly different this time. perhaps it was tom’s vulnerability due to the storm happening outside.

the feelings you were marinating in were disrupted by the trailer doors being opened, and the makeup artists walking in.

“so sorry we’re late, the storm is insane,” one of them apologized.

“no need to be sorry, tanya, we’re just glad you got here safely,” you replied. tom nodded his head in agreement, and they started to work their magic on the two of you. while in the makeup chair, you and tom decided at the beginning of filming that you would switch who plays the music every day. so, your day to play the music was today, and even though the two of you agreed on this, tom complained.

“why can’t i just play the music today? you always play the same songs,” he whined. you rolled your eyes at him, trying to ignore him.

“oh god not taylor swift again!” tom groaned. you loved that even though you were the one who was perceived as dramatic, tom was actually the diva.

“tom, shut up,” you said back. “you are so annoying when it comes to this shit.”

you looked over at him, and he was looking at you. his eyes sparkled in the light, and you felt your stomach flutter at the way he stared you down. you looked away, staring back down at your phone to try and recover.

a few moments passed, and the two of you were done with hair and makeup. now was the real challenge, getting to the set during the insane storm.

“where’s the umbrella, tom?” you asked while you looked around.

“i have no idea,” he answered. you looked up and glared at him.

“didn’t you bring it over here? i could’ve sworn you were holding one when we walked here twenty minutes ago,” you mocked. tom smiled.

“it’s right here, i’m just messing with you,” he replied.

“you’re so annoying,” you remarked.

you grabbed your script and the matcha, then made your way over, talking about the scenes you were shooting today. this was something the two of you did almost every day, you liked to rehearse your lines before getting on the stage. when the two of you arrived, you set down your script, but kept drinking your matcha as you and tom started blocking. this was something you did before every scene, and was what made your days so long. you had to work out every detail of the scene you’d be filming before actually filming it; which was time-consuming, and sometimes frustrating. you and tom were set up at a table for this scene, sitting across from one another.

“y/n, if you could just move your head more towards the right, we’d get a better shot,” the director called out. so you did, and in doing so, your hand moved with you, and knocked the matcha off the table.

“oh shit,” you said, looking back at the director with an apologetic face. “i’ll clean it up, don’t even worry!”

tom sat across from you, laughing at you as you scooped the ice off the ground, and put it back into your cup.

“that doesn’t sound good,” the director replied.

“no, don’t even worry! i’m totally cleaning this up, it’s gonna be spotless,” you breathed out. you were extremely worried, though. the green liquid covered the floor of the diner set that was built. tom eventually started helping you.

“this is ridiculous, y/n, you can’t scoop the liquid with your hands,” he observed. “let’s go get some paper towels, okay?”

you looked up at him with watery eyes, you were worried that you had just ruined a set that took a while to build.

“okay,” you agreed. the director walked up to the two of you, looking at the spilled drink then back at you.

“i’d think paper towels would be more helpful than your hands, y/n,” he joked. “don’t you think?”

you nodded, “yes, tom and i will be right back with those.”

you and tom walked in silence over to the supplies closet, where they kept the paper towels.

“so embarrassing,” you let out under your breath.

“what was that?” tom asked. he opened the door to the closet, and turned the light on. the closet was huge, so both of you went in to look for the paper towels.

“it’s so embarrassing, doing that in front of everyone,” you admitted. “i shouldn’t have had my drink there.”

tom scoffed, “oh please, we all bring our drinks with us when we’re blocking, anyone could’ve done that!”

you nodded in agreement, uncertain of your voice at the moment, so you opted to stay silent. the lights started flickering right as you found the paper towels.

“that was weird,” tom announced.

“yeah, that was weird,” you replied.

the lights flickered again, and within seconds you were in pitch black.

“wow,” you let out. “tom, where are you?”

“i’m right here,” he said. you laughed, because you thought it was a ridiculous answer. you put your arms out, and tried to walk towards him.

“do you have your phone? i need a flashlight,” you asked.

“no, i left it out there,” he replied.

“shit, me too,” you noted. “put your arms out, i can’t find you.”

“okay,” he said. you walked for a few seconds, then ran into him.

“there you are,” you commented.

“here i am,” he said. the two of you were standing so close, his hot breath was felt on your face. your eyes started to adjust to the darkness, and you could see his features now. you could see his lips. oh my god, you could almost feel his body against yours. you felt butterflies in your stomach as you realized just how close he was to you. you could just touch him, you thought. you could, you really could just grab his face, and kiss him. right here, right now.

“should we try looking for the door?” you asked out loud. the silence was killing you, you had to escape it. tom stood still, breathing harder with every second. “tom?”

“you talk too much, you know that?” he breathed out. you were so taken aback by that statement, your breath grew shaky. “every time i try to make a move, you talk. you just-you talk too much.”

you stood there, in the dark, in absolutely disbelief.

“oh,” you let out. you didn’t know what to do, you were frozen. your eyes were completely adjusted now, and you could see tom more clearly. his face, his arms, his hands, everything. his hands moved up your body, starting at your hips then making their way to your face. you brought your hands around his neck, you were breathing so hard you felt as if you could pass out.

“you are so beautiful, y/n,” he revealed. “so fucking beautiful.”

you smiled, although you weren’t sure he could see that. your hands moved to his face, you cupped his cheeks into your hands. tom moved his face closer to yours, cupping your cheeks as well. he placed his lips onto yours, then started to kiss you. like, really kiss you. not a cute, little peck that you would see in the movies. a rough, passionate kiss. the kiss you had been waiting for all this time. one of his hands dropped to your lower back, and he pushed your body onto his. your hands started to move under his shirt, as your tongues started to swirl together. your cheeks flushed as the warmth of his tongue and body encapsulated you. his hand moved off your cheek, and started to move under your shirt to take it off.

the door abruptly opened, and a bright flashlight made you and tom move your hands up to your face. your bodies broke apart, but the damage was done.

“tom, y/n, we need you back on set, they’re about to turn on the generator,” one of your costars said. “oh, don’t forget the paper towels.” they started laughing, as well as both you and tom.

the three of you walked back, and you wiped your mouth, then looked at tom. he smiled at you, then put his hand around your waist.

you leaned into him, then whispered, “we’ll have to finish that later.”

he shook his head in agreement, “okay, diva.”

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