#i just... still am depressed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

teteminne · 11 months ago

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Am I being a dick or is EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE PLANET SETTING OUT TO IRRITATE ME???????

#personal #do u guys remember that text about how people with deppression become scary and unpleasant?#yeah i am living proof of that #if would be easier to be more pleasant though if people would just STOP IRRITATING ME #NO MOM THE BEST WAY TO ANSWER ME SAYING I NEED TO GO TO THE PSYCHIATRIST AGAIN ISN'T “Do you want to kill yourself?”#like wtf she asked “are u depressed again?”#and i answered that i hadn't stopped being depressed and then became depressed again #i just... still am depressed #she said that “no but you're better”#and like yeah but considering what i was like before that actually isn't saying a lot #so i told her the ocd and the anxiety were better but the depression was worse #which i honestly thought she knew cause like... i spend so much time laying horizontally i dont think i even know how to be vertical anymore #like standing???? i dont know her #but anyway her response to that?#“do u want to kill yourself again?”#GIRL WTF #Delicacy? Gentleness? Politeness even???#and like #yeah i do actually #but do u truly think I'll tell u that?????#after u treated me like a nutcase after i talked the first time??????#as if #anyway this got long #just needed to vent ig

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ghosted-jazz · 4 months ago

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Species Swap AU! Retired couple gets a fairy godchild to help repair their relationship

#fairly oddparents a new wish #fairly oddparents #hazel wells #fop cosmo #fop wanda #fop species swap au #god it felt so wrong drawing cosmo and wanda not green and pink. the assignment was to make them human but blonde cosmo feels so cursed #shoutout to my friend who kept pointing out how depressed i made human wanda and cosmo look. good. they're 5 fights away from a divorce #Cosmo and Wanda start with the dynamic they have in the later seasons of the og show but end with the loving dynamic they have in new wish #fairy Hazel's outfit is from 'Crock to the Future' but with blue pants and no hat or bag. Fairy GodParents dress formal so shes fancy #I know Hazel got a fairy design in the new episode but there's too many fairies with blue hair ok- i am stealing the sparkles though #Peri and Dev incoming. still deciding whether Dev would be an anti-fairy or just a regular jealous one. Peri gets to be a dentist #my art

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tea-cat-arts · 6 months ago

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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panthermouthh · 1 year ago

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And I said, “Hello, Satan

I believe it’s time to go.”

#my art #southern gothic #been too depressed to create anything but I’ve made this today #the little rhyme has been in my head for a few weeks #spilled ink #I guess do people still use that tag for poetry or am I old lol #I’ve been writing in my journal pretty much daily and sometimes spitting out little poems like this #not much energy for art #so I’m not gonna pressure myself to keep it up #I’m just gonna enjoy the fact that I made this #I hope ur all well <33 #the devil #by the way this isn’t meant to be fan art of Robert Johnson #but it’s inspired by him and the stories of musicians who sell their souls to the devil #I am still thinking very hard and have mostly drafted a cornstalk fiddle comic #god knows how long it’ll stay in a notebook haha #my comic #comics

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mellohiizz · 2 months ago

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dropping off some of my unstable universe art because im going insane and we got 3 episodes in like one week?? below is just some sketches i dont feel like finishing but you guys can have them too i guess

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territorial-utopia · 4 months ago

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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.

#terri #niart #got my wisdom toofies out #well 2 out of 4 #still got stitches #idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless #also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash #i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet #I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for #the difference is like night and day #old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day #new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day #i am sobbing #the right people are out there #don't lose hope #i've never felt this platonically loved honestly #also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd #just #a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out #this piece was such a strain and i just #don't have patience for art rn #this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers #i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh #ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH #i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now #Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man

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thatswhatsushesaid · 10 months ago

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psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌#editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously)#but he is just. /clenches my fists!!!#THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!!#who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war?#who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life?#who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession?#no one!!! that's who!!#ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

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my-darling-boy · 4 months ago

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It’s horrible how my design course has killed my enjoyment in creativity because all they want is finished pieces founded in nothing but a spontaneous mark just to hang at some concrete art gallery or to sell to some “join our revolution” comfy business-casual company with a prison cell wellness room. I’m not saying that it’s “not art” —cos that’s a different post altogether— it’s that the ethos behind this particular formula for art education is ruining the way we think about creation.

Design courses (and other art courses I’ve heard?) are no longer teaching artists or designers techniques, drawing skills, art fundamentals and allowing them to find their own voice so much as they are only instructing how to tic boxes alongside pushing corporate and classist motivated style/methodology bias aimed at producing workers, not creatives, not to mention providing Adobe with endless funds for their despicable scam programs. That’s it. My creativity is only a means to money for them, and if they can extract the process of creation from me without the complex creative intimacy involved in it, they know they can churn out products and services faster and it’s concerning some lecturers don’t seem to be aware this is what they’re teaching? Like they’re buying into industry propaganda?

And the whole time it’s sold to you like you can be some trailblazer when the irony is they’re usually either prepping you for cubicle work or for some misguided high horse creative team pumping out design solutions completely divorced from the reality. I’m tired of all the talks about sustainability in a vacuum with no conversation about nuanced designs that factor in broader social and economic perspectives which lack thereof is leading to sustainable products being sold at a price only able to be afforded by wealthier people who are causing said economic and social problems and contributing to the rapid obsoletion of trades and crafts. Lecturers and speakers don’t seem to think that’s any of our concern and should just worry about producing the design for the hypothetical Bluetooth powered organic hairbrush or using the twigs to make the pattern for the £85 fabric square.

Like? Can I please make something that actually resonates with people outside the circle jerk of egotistical creatives and corporations? Something charming and maybe idk something that doesn’t make me want to tear my miserable portfolio in half with my teeth? And they’re like Mm nope sorry it has to be an extreme close up of a mark making abstract leaf you made from a recycled trash bag inspired by a stalled urban space which we will force you to price at £100 during your exhibition 5 people will bother to attend and no you’re not allowed any other style cos this isn’t the Dark Ages :///

I think the worst thing my lecturer ever said was, while looking around the room of our class work reduced down to a series of cubes and splatters and abstract typography, “Wow, I love how you can’t tell what anyone’s [main artist discipline] is!” Like awww conformity at the expense of a person’s individuality to make pieces for airport hallways and rich people’s living rooms wow so cool heehee like girl that’s not good?? Why on Earth are you complimenting us for that? Like I get it, I thought this course would boost skillset as an illustrator (as we were told), turns out the degree is really not for me, fair enough to anyone thinking that, but forcing students to produce modern abstract art because you think it’s the ONLY Logical Pathway for the future of design, judging them intensely for doing a different style, and thinking producing financially inaccessible art + design is the solution to things like climate change and community severance is an objectively bad take.

#needed to get that off my chest it’s been sitting in my drafts and it’s still true #genuinely hate just about everything I’ve produced on this course #like illustration as a course was fine #this one is just depressing #had to almost completely reinvent my art after first year cos this Forced Style threw me off so bad #I am Scared for the future of creativity in academia #wrote a 10000 word essay (for fun) about why the corporate bullshit is contributing to the downfall of art #so needless to say I have my dissertation for my honours already #ok to rb #illustration #design

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myokk · 3 months ago

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💘

#this might be the most scribble thing I post here yet bahahahahahahahahahahaaha #I still like how the hands turned out even though I didn’t finish them😇#but it’s pretty messy and the hands might be the only part I like🥲#but since this blog is my art journey documentation here you are #I was pretty busy today so no good art but maybe tomorrow we’ll see #I am preparing things to FINALLY answer my asks🥹#& if you tagged me in anything I actually have been meaning to respond!!!!!!!! my notifications are the WORST and so confusing on here😵‍💫#and I’m technology grandma…#hope u all have had an amazing day !!!! 🫶#my brother in law has been fishing and catching SO MANY sargo #(sargo = sea bream for the animal crossing playing English speakers😙)#AND ITS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS !!!!!#i cook it in the weirdest way possible #you just have to gut the fish and cut off its fins etc #then you put it in a wet salt bed and cover it up…cook it for 30 min…AND VOILA ITS DONE !!!!!#I don’t add any spices…NOTHING…and this fish literally has the taste and texture of crab covered in butter #LIKE…😳 it might be my favorite food/fav thing to cook these days bc it’s so easy and fresh caught fish is just delicious😫#well that was my grandma cooking show of the day👩‍🍳#now you know how to cook sargo a la sal 👩‍🍳#also going back to the drawing🥹 I just love these two so much…#I love thinking of sweet moments…most of my angst is confined to writinc😆#the chapter I’m writing right now is SO ANGST DEPRESSING (sorry Eloise)#it will get better…I promise…#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanart #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy mc #eloise babbit #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc

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pemprika · 2 years ago

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sketches of post winter phos to cope with recent hnk chapter depression o(<

#houseki no kuni #hnk #land of the lustrous #phos #phosphophyllite #i'm trying to avoid thinking about the recent happenings specifically with 98 and 99 #everything is so depressing and my heart hurts for phos #also i really cannot bear the thought o this manga ending omg #what am i gonna do after #i don't want this series to end... but i want phos to have closure....#also this version of phos was truly so good. when they just boarded the emo train and still had more of their original self ^_T #miss...#pemprika

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vegaseatsass · 4 months ago

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You know, these past two episodes I was thinking to myself, Su Yin is almost perfect in every way, simply the ideal devoted, protective, loyal, dedicated sworn brother, call him Da-ge indeed!!!, but my one piece of constructive criticism is that he needs to learn how to give real hugs - he does a lot of manful shoulder clasping, but Xiaobao is a shivering chihuahua desperately in need of cuddles and body heat, you gotta HUG THAT BOY - but now I see that Su Yin's hugs are simply reserved for his horrible little gremlin of an imperial cousinwife.