#i just want to go back to sleep or draw maybe
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delusionalbitchinthehouse · 22 hours ago
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Dew can't sleep, and he hasn't been talking to Ifrit. Doesn't mean Ifrit doesn't still care, though. I fucking love them what can I say.
It's too late for this shit, Dew thinks, as he lights another cigarette on the balcony, careful not to let the glowing tip brush up against any of Mountain's potted plants invading the already narrow space. Stems curl around the metal railing, leaves dripping down and swaying in the light breeze. It's somewhat of a hypnotizing sight, one that has Dew blinking sluggishly as he attempts to chainsmoke his thoughts away.
It's too late to be plagued by every thoughts and worries known to man, and yet here Dew is. He hasn't bothered to grab his jacket, hoping that the cold would give him something to focus on. So far, it's only making him shiver hard enough to make his back ache. He's unwilling to go back inside though, frozen in place like staying rooted to the spot might be the key to his peace of mind.
Smoke is exhaled toward the night sky, pinpricks of light blinking at Dew's sad little worries on their canva of deep blue. The burning in his lungs helps a bit, but there is no magical remedy to the whirlwind up in the fire ghoul's head, mercilessly keeping him from restful slumber.
Dew doesn't realize how tense his neck is until a warm hand presses against the back of it, thumb digging in stiff muscles. He barely jumps at the sudden presence.
"I figured you'd be the one here."
Ifrit's voice is gentler than usual in the quiet of the night, face soft and hair mussed when he shifts into Dew's peripherical vision, looking very much like he just woke up. The sheet imprint on his cheeks only confirms it, as well as making him look unbearably adorable. Eyes big and searching despite the slight glaze of tiredness still clinging to them, Ifrit has the good sense not to push for an answer, just shrugs his jacket off to wrap it around Dew's shoulders. It's warm and smells like cedar, so achingly familiar. Dew can't help sinking into it. So what if there's unsaid things trapped between them, arguments never quite settled, longing for something maybe past, maybe broken, maybe fixable, that they're too cowardly to attempt saving ?
Right now, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because Ifrit's arm is slung around Dew's shoulders, tugging him into the older fire ghoul's chest, until Ifrit's heartbeat echoes in Dew's ear and he can feel a kiss being pressed to the crown of his head.
Ifrit's throat glows orange when he accepts the half-finished cigarette Dew hands him, a fun quirk of his that Dew admittedly missed. It used to fascinate him, seeing Ifrit's body visibly react to the smoke curling inside his lungs. The longer the drag he takes, the further the glow spreads, sometimes reaching his broad chest in an abstract pattern of light splashed under his skin.
With the both of them sucking onto the filter, Dew quickly ends up stomping on the butt of the cigarette. He doesn't reach for another one. His thoughts are still racing, but tiredness is starting to take its toll, and it's hard to follow what goes on in his brain when his eyes start closing for longer period of times, leaning into Ifrit's warm body and the soft touch of his fingers drawing mindless forms on his shoulder.
Dew still doesn't want to go though.
That's when Ifrit starts to sing.
It's more of a soft hum at the begining, but then words start to flow out of his mouth, ableit softly to fit the late hour. Ifrit has always had a nice voice. Surprisingly versatile, a bit raspy on the edge but able to climb pretty high, just to fall to a low rumble in a steady whiplash of register. Dew has begged him to sing to him many times over the years they've known each other, and every instance where Ifrit complied with rosy cheeks and bashful smiles have a special place carved for them in Dew's mind.
Distantly, he notices Ifrit's not singing in english. Gaelic, his brain provides. To Dew's untrained ears, the pronounciation seems pretty good, which makes him wonder whether Chain taught him, or if it's part of Ifrit's hidden deck of random knowledges.
Either way, the tension in Dew's shoulders is slowly bleeding away. There's a tight ball of yearning in his lower stomach, but that he can withstand. Probably.
The sudden realization that if they don't breach the distance that settled between them ever since Ifrit retired, the older fire ghoul will become somebody Dew used to know, used to love, strikes him like a bolt of lightening, and his hand flies up to grip Ifrit's arm in a tight grasp. It cuts the singing short, which Dew takes half a second to mourn before he chokes out.
"Don't go."
It's not all he'd like to say, but the words stick in his throat, tongue heavy and useless in his mouth. Ifrit, sweet, darling Ifrit, tightens his hold on Dew, mouth moving in his hair as he shushes him gently.
"I'm right here, i'm right here."
You're not, Dew wants to say, I miss you, you're holding me and I miss you.
But of course, it's like Ifrit knows what goes on in Dew's overproductive brain, because he leans forward, really draping himself over the smaller ghoul, planting a kiss on his temple.
"I am here, Dew. I promise."
Dew let himself relax, takes a deep breath.
"Come to bed with me ?"
Ifrit hesitates. Doesn't pull away, barely stiffens, but he does hesitate.
"Isn't Aether-"
"Yeah, he's there already. Ifrit, he wouldn't mind. Actually, I think he would be thrilled. Unless, of course, if you were with Zeph, I wouldn't want to-"
Dew's rambling is cut short by Ifrit turning him in his hold, until they face each other, heart-wrenching fondness dancing in the older fire ghoul's eyes. Carefully, he cups Dew's face in his big hands, pressing a kiss square on his forehead.
"No, I was alone. Let's go then. Before you freeze to death."
For the first time in several hours, Dew smiles bright and wide.
(In the morning, Aether wakes up with Ifrit's arm slung over both his and Dew's waist, two pairs of legs tangled with his. A familiar sight he missed more than he realized.)
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horizontalsplash · 11 months ago
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think we might be experiencing some disregulated emotions today boys
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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a-s-levynn · 5 months ago
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I have traveled far beyond the path of reason, take me back to Eden
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edit: more context in the tags of the root post
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miutonium · 1 year ago
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Gonna cover the boyfriend so he doesn't get cold and snork mimimimimimimimimi in peace :3
Plugging my commission info here heehee ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
Anyway alt version without bg undercut heehee
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I personally prefer the blank black bg since it looks cleaner to me tbh hshdjskskslal
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milkbreadtoast · 1 year ago
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yu junghyeok and prince cedric have like practically the same design (+v similar personality) but listen the Vibes they have r diff... idk if this makes sense but u know charas w tired dilf energy... YJH has that but not cedric.. hes like a baby.. the way I describe it is YJH is babygirl but cedric is just my baby🫂🔥🔥🔥*gets incinerated* SKJDJ idk if it's noticeable at all but I try to capture diff vibes when I draw them....
when i draw cedric i try to go full shoujo... he is a romance novel male lead... sparkly eyes bright colors 90s anime blush... goes full squish mode when drawing him chibi MFNSKJ🤭
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but when i draw yjh im like... no i have to convey the Angst and Depression.... *gives him dark circles and takes the light from his eyes*😇🖤
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idk if it's noticeable but I also try to differentiate their designs in subtle ways (besides eye color etc),,, I give them diff eyebrow shapes!! I like YJH with triangle brows(thicker at the ends) and cedric w tapered brows(thicker toward the middle) like the webtoon... I also try to make cedric's hair a bit curlier than YJH🥹
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#cedric riester#yoo joonghyuk#yu junghyeok#TWSB#orv#re: i ​have to convey the Angst and Depression.... *gives him dark circles and takes the light from his eyes*#<-- this is also my approach to drawing dark choco cookie KJDKSSJ#not that cedric isnt also angsty and depressed but... he hasnt been thru the Time Loops™️😔#and besides... he has his own emotional support prince jesse(yeseo)😇#to help him sleep better at night... whens the last time yjh had a good nights sleep... he was a gamer before this too🤧#yjh may be my pookie but the sheer weight of his chara holds me back from woobifying him completely...#maybe one day tho KJFKSJ#i think those squishy black eyed chibis r just as cute tho🤭#Still need to draw both of them more...#yjh is my bias btwn them but cedric is more fun to draw for me smfbdm at least rn#AND ITS BC OF THESE REASONS!!! LIKE I GET to go full shoujo and squishy blorbo w ced#and sparkly and blushy#but i cant do that w yjh it'd be too jarring skfjsndb#THEYRE BOTH EQUALLY CUTE TO ME BTW... but since i love both... i dont want to draw them exactly the same...#and like i said it'd clash tonally too much if i drew him like a romance novel male lead (even tho hes just as handsome as one)#I NEED TO READ THE ORV NOVEL#btw for me yjh owns this archetype... the yjh archetype... 🤧#but cedric is a cute variation bc of his orange eyes and curlier hair... 🤭 his fanta eyes make him stand out#from the other yjh wannabes (shoving jumin han into a locker) im jk#me @ every chara who looks like him: 🫵u will never be YJH /j#/jjjjj#ced is the exception... i immediately liked him BC he reminded me of yjh... there r enough fun diffs too#what on earth compelled me to ramble this much#my art
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puppyeared · 11 months ago
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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spectacular-supernova · 10 months ago
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRESIDENT OF TONARI CLUB!
I, uh, m-made something f-for you.
Know that I'm totally embarrassing my ass over here, so... Don't laugh loud enough that I can hear you from over here!
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Aaaaaand now, per Lyndis tradition, I'm gonna overexplain shits and turn a simple Ask into a whole ass Ramble!
-----------------------------(why is there no "Read More" partition in an Ask? I'm so embarrassed right now goddamn it)-------------------------
If you're short-sighted, try removing your glasses or contact lenses and look at this picture. I just did and it's suddenly even prettier!
I actually planned to draw your Sonicsona at first. And then I realized I deadass couldn't even draw Base Sonic. Then I thought I should draw a mole. I realized I also couldn't draw a mole. I thought I should just go for the easiest shit and draw ToFu. I realized I could not draw either one of them, too.
Because I cannot draw, I cheat! I mean I turn things into shapes (chiefly triangles, though not all of them) and then color them and hope that something shows up. This is me using this scientific /+ philosophical concept called Emergence.
No, I didn't just say THAT to sound like I have a technique of any kind, trust. It's so totally a technique—my very productive ass told me.
I remember you saying your favorite color is something like pink, blue, and stuff? It was from that tag game from last year. Hence, I decided I should create a context so I could draw an obscene amount of pink and blue.
If I'm being honest, it took me less than a millisecond to come up with the exact context—Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom is abundantly blue.
And since I always wanted to sneak ToFu in, I thought I would make a purplish-pink dusk. And then I will sneak those stargazing two in.
Come on. Everyone knows those ToFu panels. Even someone like me, who had not seen that part of the manga yet, knows.
Bless Tonari for being so relaxing to color.
HOWEVER! Fushi's limited-ass color presented a big problem for my cheat-drawing. How many combinations of "white" can you even make before you zoom out and see... nothing?! So I basically sabotaged them. That's what you get for being difficult, you mopey, neck-crick-possessing, fragile-enough-to-be-blown-by-the-wind cutie doofus.
I made up the color of their pants. I didn't even refer to their Nameless Boy drip when I decided on the color. I assed that part.
Yes. I admit I put a shit ton of effort into coloring Zelda. This version of Zelda is my kin, you know. Anyway, I like the way her, uh, shirt turned out.
I also like how the Master Sword turned out, but there was so much blue I ended up requiring outlines to distinguish it from Link's shirt and the sky. Told ya I have no technique or skill. I cheat through and through
I was too lazy to draw those sky islands. Besides, the ToTK side is already saturated with details.
What the fuck issa "proportion?" Everyone's head is an orange. The difference, Nova, is whether it's a Mandarin Orange or an Orange.
I don't know if I overdid Dinraal's draconic mane. It looks like she's wearing a wig. At least she is different from how she initially looked—a red tapeworm outfitted with chicken legs.
I admit I put more effort than any Past Me would have into Dinraal because a certain mutual is very, ah, particular about dragons.
Drawing two of your favorite ships for their show of devotion was a completely deliberative choice on my end. Did you also realize that both Link and Fushi had a short, small, low ponytail and that both Zelda and Tonari had similar hair? I believe it's due to me hitting my drawing skill limitation.
There is actually an Easter Egg of some sort in this picture. It's not the ugly doodle thing, no. That thing is me. I'm not an Easter Egg; I'm a ghost.
I'm not telling you what that Easter Egg is. I'm fine with it never being discovered; it'd be like those secret levels in old video games.
But if you DID discover it, come tell me what you think it is!
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I hope you like it enough! Instead of it giving you a migraine, that is. Surely my """art"""... doesn't require a trigger warning... right?
Have a good one, mai bruzha!
---Lyn
A RAMBLE FROM YOU LYN IS THE BEST POSSIBLE BRITHDAY PRESENT I COULD HAVE EVER RECEIVED!!!! COUPLED WITH ART BY YOU????? AND OF MY FAVORITE FELLAS????? What did I deserve to be so blessed ;A; 💕💕💕
I’ll spare us all a little extra scrolling on my part by adding that read more you were fretting about, I have my own ramble upcoming!
I KNOW YOURE ON YOURSELF ABOUT NOT BEING ARTISTIC OR WHATEVER BUT THIS IS ART!!! AND DAMN GOOD ART TOO!!!!!!! This is!!!!!!!!!!! I want this made into stained glass I want to make this the permanent window to me bed roOM LYN THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS ALMOST CERTAINLY GOING DOWN AS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ART STYLES!!!! There’s no such thing as cheating in art, it’s all art!!! “Cheating” is a style, no technique is a style!!! I should know I have none either, hehe -w-‘ your art may be some type of cubism? Hehe idk I’m not an art student :3 Either way this is absolutely gorgeous I’m in LOVE!!!
It’s so creative and well done and I LOVE your eye for detail, the lighting is inspired!!!! Like the way the sun hits the space behind Zelda is so pretty, AND ZELDA IS SO PRETTY!!!!!! EVERYRHING IS SO PRETTY, I CANT FOCUS ON ONE THING BECAUSE I KEEP JUMPING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN ALL THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT IT (every thing, every last detail!!! Is that a little you in the middle? Is that the Easter egg???? I could just pick you up and pat your little head!!! 😭 I know you don’t love hugs but that’s how I’ll be standing if you’re ever ready for one!!!)
I should slow down maybe and pick a few things to focus on BUT I JUST CANT I LOVE IT ALL!!!! The two scenes just blend so well into one another that my eyes are just naturally being drawn back and forth between both of the scenery! Dinraal, who turned out AMAZIING BY THE WAY, ABSOLUTELY NOT OVERDONE, if anything I’m so glad you had fun working on her!!! She’s so gorgeous!!!! I bet your friend is so so proud of how well she looks!!! Oh but anyway, Dinraal naturally leads my eyes over to the sun/moon (and the 24, hehe, thank you!!! /)//(\ Your memory is astounding!!), which have their own beautiful rays of light leading down onto the adorable couples 😭 I love love LOVE the moonlight leading down onto Tonari and Fushi, and the fact that she’s pointing at it too like she can almost reach it? Beautiful! Gorgeous!!! And it just leads my eyes down to them too, there’s just such a natural circular flow here, no wonder I keep getting caught in a loop of admiration! 😁
The blues and the pinks, and the stars on the ToFu side!!! I just noticed them and they’re everything to me!!!! Hahaha I’m so glad Tonari was relaxing to color hehe, same for me, something about her is just so lovely and calming when she’s relaxed 🥰 As for Fushi’s colors, I didn’t notice! Even after you pointed it out it looks good to me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this is from someone who never references colors though, I’m so loosey goosey about everything -w- BUT YOUR SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM WAS GREAT, THEIR SHAPE IS VERY VISIBLE AND EASY TO MAKE OUT hehe :3 I love their crossed little legs 🥰
Zelda being your kin is so good to know hehe, I’ve always been drawn to all versions of Link myself! I think we’ve been perfectly set up to “play dolls” with these characters in the future, so to speak! Aaaahh they can’t have been easy to draw, there’s a reason I almost never dabble in drawing those two and their intricate outfits, but you make it look effortless!!! Zelda’s shirt turned out amazing, and I’m stuck looking at her little triangle braids!!!! I don’t know why I’m so fixated on that it’s just adorable!!! 😭💕 What a lovely technique, man, I’m so enchanted! AND THE MASTER SWORD, I know you called it cheating BUT I LOVE THE LINE WORK, it makes the sword stand out, almost like you lined that specific part with some sort of melted gold??? Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
This is gorgeous and beautiful in every which way and thank you!!!! For everything!!! For this beautiful drawing and for giving me a chance to ramble and giving me something gorgeous to look at for the rest of my day, and for indulging in both of my silly little ships /)//(\ I’m so glad I don’t need glasses because I love every inch of your art, thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!! Gosh it’s so so so lovely 😭💕 you’re so lovely!!!!
I don’t know how to say goodbye so I guess I’ll just say good night for now! Thank you for thinking of me… I’ll have a wonderful day, so long as you promise me you’ll have a wonderful night along side me 🥰
Goodnight, Mai Bruzha!
- Nova
#Lyn the Zelda Kin (I’ll come up with a better tag some day I PROMISE 💕 haha!!!)#Friend Rambles 💕💕💕#long post#IM SO STOKED YOU HAVE NO IDEA AAAHHHHHHHHHH KICKING MY FEET#I’m typing the tags before I actually type the main body heehee I’m gonna jump over the moon!!!!!#and thank you for the letter too I’ve been rereading it! I’ve been getting back into writing letters of my own and wow!!!#the quality of yours are amazing!! I may have to take a note or two on how to craft a good one that one was amazing!! and thank you :’)#ok editing: this nova back after her ramble in the body text#I’m sorry for how disjointed this all looks! I kind of tackled my response based on where I was looking at at any given time#and I wanted to get my reply back before you hit the sheets for the night!!! still it took me some time but I hope I made it!!!#ahhh Lyn I hope you rest well! I’m going to have an amazing birthday and you’re a contributing factor in that my friend.. Mai Bruzha!!!#I know for a fact I’m forgetting details too like just the fact that I love the idea of Tonari and Fushi chilling at night#chatting and looking at the stars and enjoying each other’s company. my favorite scenes of them are always them shrouded in darkness and#covered in some sort of fireside lighting I just!!!!!! they’re so good in the dark thank you for drawing them at night#they are a moon couple to me… and ZeLink is a sun couple to me like idk how you got all these details DOWN about me! maybe we see the world#similarly :3 good to know I have someone in the world who sees them the way I do 😁#aahhhh I’ll let you get off to sleep now dear friend!!! and thank you again! thank you thank you thank you!!!!#this is truly shaping up to be the best birthday ever!
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solace-seekers · 5 months ago
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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bleaksqueak · 1 year ago
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(okay, I don't want this website to stay broken and struggle under big daddy apple's boots, so I thought i'd see if they had any goodies for decorating my blog that I liked... and oh my god the moon badge is neat and the little bone guy is so cute. I guess i'll finally retire the funny checkmarks because they ruin THE VIBE of moonbones)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago
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#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator#i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much#but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday#forever and ever drawing#but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal#literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i#chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms#bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys#the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so#long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from#everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is#warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable#but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head#hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor#for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b#i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am#but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the#past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria#unrelated
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dandyshucks · 1 month ago
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the physical exhaustion so bad that i can barely hold and move a pen/pencil VS my need to express the love i have for my guy. battle of the ages.
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swordmaid · 3 months ago
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having shri’iia thoughts as one does bc GUESS who’s save file completely died when the new patch came out nooo we have to replay her again 🤭 alas. just stewing on the thought of how she never got to fuck her Mistress even though she wanted to…!!!! like she was out there getting psychologically tortured and mind broken but she was just like WHY won’t you fuck me im literally doing everything for you. which is so bad for her, woman who already has an excruciatingly low self worth because she missed the mark on the standard for lolth’s children (and that’s worse than not fitting in the standard at all) by something out of her own control btw (not being born in a noble house) but she’s been recognised and blessed by her goddess, and she’s been invited to join a drow house so everything should be good right?? she should be desirable right?? finally everything is correct and well and good and the way it should be right????? but no..!! it’s not..!! and so she’s doing everything for this woman, no dignity left, literally doing anything to get her approval, to be told that she’s finally enough, and she’s finally fitting in - and she gets it sometimes, she gets ignored most times tbh and it’s just this painful excruciating stew of self loathing and insecurity that she’s in, and she’s in there for a century but the thing is she can’t even give up. it’s not in her nature to. and she’s done too much to just give up , and she’s been doing this for a long time that she can’t give up and lolth didn’t raise no quitters so she sticks by it, trying to achieve that hopeless praise. but then one day she gets dropped like nothing, everything she’s done and suffered and worked towards and sacrificed gets thrown out bc her goddess isn’t pleased with her and good luck going home btw you’re not welcome here anymore bc ur pathetic. the rug gets pulled under her feet and she’s left in this strange world that she can barely navigate in let alone speak the language and u expect her to b fine with that…?
#I rlly want to. hmm maybe make a comic or draw something abt shri’iia in the tiefling party#^ bc that is the turmoil currently and she’s PANICKING …!!!!#but she can’t show it. she can’t give herself away. so she gets DRUNK. and she’s in her corner chugging down wine#also like the idea there that she undoes her braid bc her hands aren’t steady enough to put it back to her usual style#and maybe it keeps getting caught lol. so hair down shri’iia 🤭🥳 and her hair is wavy going down near her feet 🥳#hair down drunk shri’iia who looks like she’s having so much fun but if you look at her properly her eyes are rabid#and if u just watch her she’ll just stare at her hands with the most haunted expression#but if someone gets close to her she’ll go back to smiling and laughing and it’s so fun woohoo 🥳#but if someone invites her for a chat she doesn’t want that. just fuck her please the last woman she’s with never did even#though she always got her off. and when she does sleep someone she gets disarmed and bewildered that it’s mutual#and someone else makes her come after how many years#and that in itself is so dreadful that she can’t think about it so she’s like can you drain me again. like what u did before idc just go#for it idcccc and astarion is like. mid dissociating just going through his motions caught off guard bc this is the first time he’s#gonna be drinking someone and fucking them so . unsure what he feels about that chat let’s put a pin on it. does drink her albeit much more#demure than before. he doesn’t wanna go overboard. only doing What he Needs to Do. like hag romance first time rlly is about#the deceit and using each other for their own agenda. so when the act 3 graveyard comes around it’s like a redo of their first time bc#they’re both aware! and present! and there’s no pretense! and I like the idea that shri’iia actually confesses after like when they’re#holding each other. admits that she was actually scared of her own feelings bc it’s new. doesn’t know what to do with it. she’s very aware#of how she loves and her devotion and she doesn’t want to subject him to do bc it’s a Lot#but she wants to learn. and she wants to give her love if he wants it (just want to know if ur capable of love!!!!!)#and it’s this SWEET confession in my head augh aughhh 😭😭😭😭😭😭 maybe I’ll just do a comic of the graveyard scene lol#bc in my head. it’s a bit different. 🤭🤭 and I like it a lot heheheheh…..#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers#oc: shri’iia.
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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this might be the most ambitious perspective ive done and its not even that damn hard. its literally just the foot/leg looking bigger. anyways sequal (AND TRIQUAL) for that little dust thingy i drew because i cannot make content of one mtt member and not the rest. here are my absolutely shitty sketches! theyre actually so bad its literally just a stick figure i dont know how i always turn this into art
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and then i have a cute idea for a comic for dream and then a little thingy thingy for nightmare too. jk au RULES i have SO much motivation for drawing. me when i get to draw the cute adorable sweet things my heart ACHES for
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horizon-penblade · 6 months ago
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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after I've worked thru my current library stack I think im gonna reread tlt for the millionth time. bc I deserve it <3
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