#i just want to go back to sleep or draw maybe
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reader going through perv!matt’s journal
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“i’ll be back in a sec, i just need to run downstairs and help chris with something really quick.”
that’s what matt told you over ten minutes ago, and he’s still gone. you were over at the triplets place hanging out with nick, when matt insisted he show you both his new pc set up. it only took nick five minutes to be over it, but you felt bad when you saw matt’s defeatist expression after nick went back to his room. you decided to stay, but soon after matt abandoned you to go do something with chris.
you could’ve gone back upstairs with nick, but you let your curiosity get the best of you, and somehow you were going through matt’s bedside drawers, seeing what he had in there.
you knew matt had a thing for you, he made it very, very clear. although those feelings weren’t really reciprocated, it was fun to tease him. like, really fun.
before you could stop yourself, the leather binding of matt’s journal was in your hands, itching to be opened and read. you thumbed through the pages, reading matt’s chicken scratch handwriting while he wrote about whatever. you didn’t want to be too invasive, but his journal piqued your interest a lot. you wondered if he ever wrote about you, or if he only kept those thoughts in his head.
your eyes skimmed up and down the pages, nothing really standing out to you until you saw your name.
today y/n came over to see nick. she had on this rly short skirt, i think they were going out to a bar or something later. i don’t really care. i overhear her talking to nick about the guys she gets with. i could be so much better than them. i would make her feel so good, where she’d be begging me for more. god her moans are probably so fucking pretty.
your cheeks got hot as they blushed a deep red, fingers flipping to the next entry.
it’s been a few days since i saw y/n, i miss her so much. i’ve probably touched myself to her more times than i can count in the last day or two. i don’t know what it is with her, but she just gets me so worked up. she doesn’t even have to do anything and i’ll literally get hard from her. a couple weeks ago we were at her place and i heard her in the shower. it turned me on so much i couldn’t handle it. i want her so bad.
there’s gotta be something seriously deranged about me. every time that y/n sleeps over here, i always sneak up to nicks room and take a pair of her panties. she has to have noticed by now. i can’t help it though. i use them to get myself off. sometimes she has really pretty lace ones, other ones are really really skimpy. i don’t care though. i wonder what they’d look like on her. she’d probably think im a fucking creep if she ever really found out. i wonder what she’d do.
at this point, your stomach was doing somersaults, and your thighs were pressed together, trying to relieve the ache that had grown in your cunt. maybe it was weird what he was doing, but the level of obsession was turning you on. bad.
you were quick to find a pen somewhere in the bedside drawer, popping the cap off and scribbling underneath the entry in your loopy handwriting.
you naughty boy. you didn’t learn that stealing was wrong? i would probably punish you and not let you cum. i would tease you, get you all wound up and make you hold it. id use my pretty pink panties around your cock to get you off and let you cum in them after edging you for so long. maybe i’ll use my hands too, or my mouth if you’re really good for me.
you grinned to yourself as you shut the journal, drawing your bottom lip in between your teeth before returning the notebook to its rightful place, exactly how you found it.
you knew that matt wouldn’t do anything about it, either. he would see the note, and probably get off to it a million times, but never actually reach out to you. until then, he’d just have to learn how to keep pleasuring himself alone.
© mattscoquette | taglist
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𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬. ⋆˚꩜。 inspired by this fic from my girl @st7rnioioss ♡︎♡︎ perv!matt is soooo back i miss that freak
#© mattscoquette#blurbs ♡ ˚₊‧#˳༄ ₊ perv!matt ୨ৎ#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x you#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo imagine
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Once Upon a Time - A Toji x Reader Fanfic Part 2
Retold fairytales featuring the JJK men! This is Snow White featuring Toji! You live in a snowy village and have a crush on your handsome neighbor Toji, unaware that he’s been hired by the queen to kill you.
Part 1 | Part 2
Read Choso x Rapunzel Here!
Read Sukuna x Sleeping Beauty Here!
Read Gojo x Cinderella Here!
Smut. 18+. Fem Reader. Reader as Snow White. Age gap (Reader is early 20’s, Toji is mid 30’s). Rough sex. Slight size difference kink. Death of side characters.
Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more and @benkeibear!
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You awake the next morning to the sound of a fire crackling. For a moment, you wonder how your father managed to tend the fire without your help, then you remember you’re not at home.
Rising up from the rug on the floor, you first notice Toji’s coat falling from your shoulders. Then you notice that you’re naked beneath it. Oh. So that really happened. It wasn’t just another of your dreams.
You find your dress a few feet away and begin pulling it over your head and tying the laces at the front. A sound comes from behind you, and you turn to see Toji in the kitchen area, standing over the small stove. There’s a kettle being heated.
“Thought I’d make us some coffee,” he says.
You nod numbly, still processing the night before as you look around. The cabin looks different in the light of day spilling in through the two main windows. What seemed warm and cozy last night looks gray and dull today.
Looking out a window, you see that the storm is over. There’s no snow, no wind, only the silence that follows a blizzard as the woods are buried under a blanket of heavy white. Trudging through that snow will be difficult, but you feel certain you and Toji can do it.
You join him at the small table, taking a warm cup and letting it heat your hands for a moment before taking a sip.
Toji takes a drink of his own, then sits his cup on the table. “We need to talk.”
You look up in alarm. His tone is serious enough to make you worry. Is this going to be the part where he ultimately rejects you? Tells you last night was fun but it can never happen again?
Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself and say, “Okay. What do we need to talk about?”
The next words out of his mouth are the last ones you expected.
“What’s your connection to the queen?”
You blink. “The queen? I’ve never met her.”
He leans slightly over the table, toward you. “Are you sure? Think really hard. Maybe you met her when you were a kid.”
You find yourself drawing back a little from the table, unsure of where he’s going with these questions. “If I ever met her, I don’t remember it,” you say. “Why would you think I have a connection to the queen?”
“Because she hired me to kill you.”
You freeze. What did he just say? Surely you heard him wrong. “Huh?”
His eyes are focused on yours, trapping you in his steely gaze. “The queen hired me to kill you. She told me to make it messy, so it seems personal.”
Your heart begins racing, a spike of fear shooting through you as the warm mug in your hand begins to tremble. You sit it down on the table, nearly spilling it, then look toward the door of the cabin. Could you make it out?
“Relax,” he tells you. “If I was gonna go through with it, you never would’ve woken up this morning.”
Your eyes return to his face. In a small, shaky voice, you ask, “Why didn’t you?”
His serious expression relaxes a little. “I just decided I like you better alive than dead.”
Hearing him say that calms your nerves a bit. It’s true that it would have been incredibly easy to kill you while you slept, so if Toji was going to murder you, he would have done it then.
“But why would she want me dead?” you ask.
Toji leans back against his chair. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. At first I thought it was because you’re prettier than her, but-“
“I am?”
He almost smiles at you. “According to her weird magic mirror anyway.”
Now you’re even more confused. “She has a magic mirror?”
“Yeah. Every day she asks it to show the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. A couple days ago it showed you.”
You feel yourself blushing. Are you that beautiful? You’ve never seen yourself that way, and you don’t recall getting any extra attention in the village. You wonder if Toji agrees with the mirror, but you’re too shy to ask.
Apparently he can take a hint.
“I don’t know about the whole kingdom, but you’re definitely a lot more beautiful than the queen,” he says.
The comment makes your heart skip a beat, but you don’t have time to focus on that. You look up as Toji continues what he was going to say.
“It’s not just the mirror,” he tells you. “She called you a threat to her rule, then referred to you as a loose end. There’s some connection there.”
Your mind is racing. You’ve never met the queen, unless it was before you were old enough to remember. But why would you have ever met her? “I should ask my father,” you say. “He might know something.”
Toji shakes his head. “It’s a bad idea for you to go back to the village. The queen will have people watching.”
“But I can’t just hide here! My father is ill. He can’t make it on his own. Please, take me back to the village just for a little while, so I can check on him and ask someone to look after him while I’m gone.”
Toji looks at you, at your determined, worried expression, then sighs. “Fine. I’ll take you back, but you can’t stay long. If you wanna live, you’re gonna have to hide out for a while.”
You stand up from the table and move over to hug Toji, who doesn’t hug you back but doesn’t pull away. “Thank you.”
After pulling on your cloak, gloves, boots, and scarf, you join Toji outside the cabin, who is looking out over the forest. “I don’t think anyone followed us here,” he says. “The weather was probably too bad.”
You nod, taking his word for it. The snow is much thicker than the night before, all traces of your footprints long gone. Trudging through this to get back to the village won’t be easy, but you have to do it. You have to check on your father, and ask if he knows about some connection to the queen.
The trek back is a quiet one. Toji doesn’t talk much, and you feel a bit awkward. Last night you felt so close to him, but today he seems so distant. Did he lure you to the cabin to kill you? If so, what made him change his mind? Was it your love confession? Or the sex? So many questions haunt your mind as you move through the woods.
When you reach the village, it looks mundane compared to the wild revelations you’ve had this morning. Most villagers are inside, probably huddling around their fireplaces. A few of the men are working to make walking paths through the thick blanket of snow, a couple are hauling firewood into their homes, and a group of children are playing by tossing snowballs at each other.
It’s all so very normal, you feel perfectly at ease as you open the door to your house and shake the snow from your cloak. You pull off your gloves as you walk through the living area, noting that the fire is going strong. The neighbor must have added more wood last night before leaving. You hear Toji step inside behind you and close the door, but he doesn’t follow you as you make your way to your father’s room.
Until you scream.
Because your father is lying in his bed, a sword standing straight up, impaled through his stomach and pinning him to the straw mattress. Blood has soaked the covers and now drips from the bed, making a small pool on the floor.
Toji rushes into the room, then immediately pulls you into his arms. “Don’t look,” he says, one strong hand rubbing your back.
After a few seconds, he pulls away and says, “Let me go see what happened.”
You nod, keeping your face turned away as he goes over to examine the scene. Tears are flooding your eyes, no matter how much you wipe them away with your hands. “Who could do this?!” you cry. “He was just a sick old man! He never hurt a soul!”
You hear Toji’s voice from across the room. “This is a standard issue sword for royal guards. The queen must have ordered-“
His voice cuts off, and before you can question it, you hear his footsteps approaching quickly. Then all at once he’s standing right in front of you, his hands firm on your shoulders.
“Listen very carefully,” he says, looking at you intently. “Your father is still breathing. He looks like he wants to see you. But he is dying. There’s nothing we can do to stop that.”
Your eyes shift over to the grisly scent once again. You nod weakly to Toji, but you can’t stop the hope blooming in your heart. He’s not dead yet! Maybe… maybe you can do something to help him!
Carefully, with Toji by your side, you step over to the bed. Your father is staring up at you, and his eyes tear up. “My darling…” he whispers, reaching one trembling hand toward your face.
You grab his hand and hold it tightly, kneeling down to hear him better. “I’m here, father!”
“I have to tell you… who you are…”
“It’s okay! Don’t strain yourself, please!”
His eyes focus in on you, and he seems to gain a bit of strength in his determination to speak to you. “You were born… to the former king and queen… my closest friends…”
You freeze. “What?��
“Your mother died in childbirth… that was true. Your father… wanted a mother for you… so he married the current queen. He died… only two months later.”
Tears are overflowing from your eyes. “You’re my father!”
He smiles, but squeezes your hand and goes on. “The new queen ordered your death… but I begged her… to spare you. She agreed, if I would take you to a remote village… and never tell anyone the truth. You were barely taking your first steps… so I resigned as royal advisor… and raised you as my own.”
Your father pauses and coughs, blood speckling the collar of his shirt. “She broke the agreement,” he says desperately, his grip on your hand tightening. “She fears you will claim… your rightful place as queen! She will come for you!”
Suddenly he lifts his free hand and points toward the dresser on the other side of the bed. “There… in the bottom drawer!”
You press your lips to his forehead. “I understand! I heard you! I’ll be careful and I won’t let the queen kill me!”
A look of relief passes over his pained face. “I was… so proud… to be your father.”
You smile through your tears. “I and I have felt so fortunate to be your daughter!”
A second later, his grip goes slack, his hand sliding from yours and dropping at his side. His eyes are closed now, and you know they will never open again.
You let out a sob, collapsing across his bed, just above the sword, not caring that blood is staining your dress.
Minutes pass with no sound in the room but your cries, until you hear Toji’s voice again. You almost forgot he was here.
“I’m sorry, but we have to go. If you want to keep your promise and not get killed, I need to get you back to the cabin.”
You rise up and look at your father’s face, then toward the dresser. “Wait,” you say, wiping your face again, “he said something about the bottom drawer.”
Toji steps over and yanks the drawer out, his hands rifling through the contents. He holds up an envelope with your name on it, scrawled in your father’s handwriting. “This must be it. You can open it later, but we need to go. The queen no doubt has someone watching your house, and once they report that you’re here, she’ll send a whole company of soldiers.”
“What? Why so many?!”
“Because by now she knows I didn’t do the job, and I’m with you,” Toji says. “She knows she’ll need a fuck ton of soldiers to deal with me.”
You wonder about that, about how Toji knows the queen so well. He was just a Huntsman, right? But you don’t have time for questions now. You rush to your room and shove some clothing into a bag, then meet Toji at the front door. You glance back a toward your father’s room. “What about his burial?”
Toji is opening the door and ushering you toward it. “A neighbor will find him and take care of it. He’d much rather you get away safely than make sure he gets a proper burial. Trust me.”
You wonder if that’s his opinion as a father, but remain silent as you step outside. Just as you do, you hear a strange sound, like something moving quickly through the air. You turn to your right, where you see a thin blade stabbing straight toward you.
Toji sees the attacker before she even turns. He reaches forward and catches the blade between his thumb and fingers, then wrenches it free of the soldier’s grasp. Before the soldier can even react, Toji has slammed an elbow into his face, shattering his nose and knocking him to the ground.
The soldier clasps one hand over his bloody face, staring up at Toji with wide eyes.
Toji holds the blade up, quickly examining it. “Wonder why you’re using your side dagger and not your sword,” he says, meeting the soldier’s indignant gaze. “You’re the one who killed the old man, aren’t you?”
The soldier removes his hand and yells in a broken voice, “I did what my queen asked of me! Unlike you, you traitorous dog!”
Toji’s eyes slide over to his lovely neighbor, curious what sort of reaction she has to this conversation. Will she be horrified? Sad? No. When Toji sees her face, there’s only rage there. Hell, if she had a weapon she’d probably kill this guy herself.
That’s surprising.
But they don’t have time to indulge her. Toji flips the dagger around to point the blade downward, then rams it into the soldier’s throat. Blood bubbles up from the man’s mouth, his body jerking as he dies.
Toji grabs her hand and pulls her along with him, taking her back into the woods where they can disappear. The queen probably has at least one more agent in the area to keep watch, but there’s no way they’re half as familiar with these woods as Toji is.
An hour later, the two of them are back in the cabin. It should be safe for now. Only local hunters know about the cabin, and it’s located deep in the woods.
Toji isn’t sure what to say to the crying young woman who quickly went into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. He’s never been great at consoling people. When his wife died, he didn’t want anyone to speak to him. Even hearing someone breathe nearby made him angry. But he moved on, eventually. He never stopped thinking of his wife, never stopped missing her, but it got easier as the years went by.
Over the next few days, Toji doesn’t see much of his “housemate”. She comes out of the bedroom occasionally to eat the food Toji hunts and cooks or to use the bathroom. She doesn’t talk much, except to thank Toji for his help and say she has a lot to think about.
For his part, Toji is uncertain how he feels about her, how much time and energy he wants to put into protecting her. She’s the true heir to the throne, and he’d love nothing more than to see the queen lose her crown, but this heir is so sweet, so naive, he doubts she’ll decide to pursue it.
And if she doesn’t… well, he likes her but he’s not going to risk his life for someone content to hide for the rest of her life.
After five days have passed, she emerges from the bedroom and stands in front of Toji in the kitchen, the envelope he found in the drawer clutched in her hand.
“It’s a letter from my father,” she says, “explaining what he told me in more detail. He thought the queen had the king - I mean my birth father - killed, but could never find proof.”
Toji sighs. “Sounds like something the queen would do.”
She holds out a silver necklace. “He also left me this. I think it’s supposed to be important.”
Toji takes the necklace and looks closely at the pendant. He recognizes it instantly. It’s in the shape of a cross that ends in an anchor, with golden vines wrapped around it. “This is the royal family’s crest,” he tells her. “Every kid born to the royal family is given one of these. It’s basically proof you’re the heir.””
He hands the necklace back to her and she stares at it numbly. All of this must seem surreal to her. A week ago she was just a normal young woman living in a small village. Today she’s the rightful queen of the land.
She looks up at him, meeting his gaze. “Toji, can you please help me?”
Here it comes. She’s going to ask him to protect her, to help her hide or perhaps escape to a neighboring kingdom. She’s such a pure, sweet woman, but he’ll turn her down.
“Help you do what?” he asks, already knowing the answer.
“Kill the queen.”
Toji blinks. Did he hear her right?
She goes on, unbothered by his confusion. “She killed both my fathers, and wants to kill me. I can’t forgive that, and I can’t just walk away. I don’t even know if I want to be a ruler, but I know I can’t tolerate her sitting on the throne.”
Toji can’t stop a grin from spreading over his face. “Tell you what, if you pay off my gambling debts once you get access to the royal treasury, I’ll kill anyone you want.”
She steps closer, putting one hand on his arm. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without your help. You’ve saved me twice now. I knew I was right when I said you’re a good man.”
There’s a spark of something kinetic between them, and Toji thinks she’s much more attractive now than she was a few days ago. The fiery resolve in her eyes is intoxicating. But he laughs as he says, “A good man who just agreed to kill someone for money.”
“Someone who deserves it,” she says back, her body inching closer to his.
Toji’s arms wrap around her, pulling her up against him. “I like this new side of you,” he says.
She looks away almost shyly, but seems to relax in his arms. “I don’t think it’s new. Something just had to drag this side of me out.”
He leans down and kisses her, lightly grinding his hips into her. “I can drag something out of you alright, but only if I can ram it back in.”
Her eyes flick up to his face again. In a small voice, she says, “You can do whatever you want to me. Because I love you.”
Toji suddenly pushes you against the nearest wall, your back scraping the wood of the cabin. His hands are tearing your dress open and jerking it down off your shoulders. His movements are hurried, as if he can’t wait to get you undressed. It’s so very different from the way he touched you before. There’s an urgency this time.
Maybe last time he was just indulging a love struck young woman. Now it seems like his passion has truly been ignited.
You pull at his shirt, eager to see that perfectly sculpted body again. He obliges you, ripping the fabric open so fast that the buttons are sent scattering across the floor. Your hands glide over his chest, feeling the muscles there, feeling his heartbeat.
He pulls your dress the rest of the way down, letting it pool at your feet, then down go your panties. You step out of the pile of clothes and kick them out of the way, then wrap your arms around Toji’s neck as he pick you up. Your legs move around his waist as he settles you in the right position against him.
When his throbbing cock plunges into your drenched pussy, you cry out, then bury your face in his shoulder. He fucks you against the wall, your body sandwiched tightly between it and Toji’s firm body. With each thrust, your back hits the wood again. You know you’ll have bruises tomorrow, but right now you don’t care.
You just want to forget. In these moments of mindless pleasure, you want to forget your father dying before your eyes, your burdensome lineage, the fact that your life has been turned upside down. You only want to feel Toji inside you, filling the emptiness you’ve felt the past few days.
His hands are on your thighs, his fingers leaving imprints in your skin, his mouth finding yours and devouring your lips. His thrusts become harder, rougher, leaving you whimpering his name and begging for more. You want him to claim your body, make it his, reduce you to a crying mess so that you won’t have to think about anything else.
His skin is so hot against yours, his muscled abdomen rubbing exactly the right spots to send you over the edge. When you cum, he’s kissing you, eyes open and staring at your face, his grip on your thighs tightening almost painfully. He doesn’t stop fucking you, his hips continuing to buck into you as you go limp against his chest.
Before he cums, Toji pulls out of you, splashing the wall with his seed before easing you back onto your feet. You fall into blissful oblivion as he places your exhausted body on the couch.
It’s late in the morning the next day when Toji tells you he’s leaving the cabin for a few hours. “I know a few former guards who hate the queen as much as we do,” he says. “They might be willing to help us.”
You nod as you pour yourself a cup of tea in the kitchen. Any help at all would be very welcome. Even if it’s just someone to distract the guards while you and Toji sneak into the castle.
Toji gives you a quick kiss on the top of your head before stepping out, and you settle into the couch to read a book you grabbed from home. The first couple of hours pass uneventfully, the only sounds in the cabin being the crackling of the fire and the pages of your book being turned.
But in the afternoon, there comes a knock at the cabin door. You freeze, wondering who it might be. Toji wouldn’t knock. Is it a hunter from the village? Or, the more frightening possibility, a royal guard or soldier who spotted Toji in town and knows you’re alone?
You quietly get up from the couch and creep over to the door, hoping to hear some clue that could help you determine who is on the other side. There’s a knocking again, and it strikes you that it’s not a very hard knock. Then you hear a voice.
“Hello? Is anyone here?”
It sounds like an old woman. It’s a weak, frail voice. Still, you can’t be too careful in this situation, so you don’t answer.
“Please, if anyone’s here, could you help me?” the voice pleads. “My legs gave out. I just need somewhere warm to sit and rest for a bit before walking back home. I saw the smoke from the chimney.”
You move to the nearest window and peek out, toward the door. You don’t see anyone. No soldiers, no hunters. You don’t have a direct line of sight to the woman, but if there was anyone with her, you’d probably see them.
After a few more moments, you hear soft footsteps crunching snow, and a small old lady steps into view as she limps away from the door. She looks so pitiful, so weak, you find yourself running to the door and opening it.
The woman turns around and looks at you, then smiles. “Oh, bless you, dear!”
You hurry over and take a basket from her hand, noting it’s unusual heft, as you help her inside.
“What are you doing out in the woods alone?” you ask her as she eases herself onto the couch with a groan.
“I was crossing through from town back to the village,” she says.
You fix her a cup of warm tea and sit down beside her. “That’s an awfully heavy basket you’ve got.”
She laughs and pulls the basket into her lap. “I’m a fruit seller,” she says, opening the basket and revealing several red, shiny apples. “Would you like one?”
“Oh, that’s alright!” you tell her.
She pulls one apple out and reaches it to you. “Consider it a gift for letting me warm up in your cabin.”
You hesitantly take the apple and sit it on a small table beside the couch. “Thank you. It looks delicious.”
The old woman smiles kindly. For the next half hour, she sits and chats with you, telling you about her husband who died two years ago and her no good son who refuses to help her sell fruit. Then, she slowly gets to her feet and bids you farewell.
After watching her disappear into the forest, you close the door to the cabin and return to the couch, picking up the apple as you go.
Toji is in town, waiting to meet up with a former guard he was friendly with, when a hunter he recognizes from the village approaches him.
“Hey, Toji. Are you still using that old hunting cabin in the woods?” he asks.
Toji’s eyes automatically narrow. “Not recently,” he lies. “Why?”
“There was an old fruit seller asking if anyone lived out in the woods. I told her about the cabin but stressed that no one’s usually there. I think she went anyway.”
“A fruit seller?” Toji asks, feeling a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach.
The Hunter nods. “An old woman. She had a basket full of apples.”
Toji frowns. “Apples in the dead of winter?”
The man shrugs. “I guess she had a late harvest.”
Toji leaves. He wastes no time with small talk or goodbyes. He simply runs as fast as he can back to the woods, because he remembers something the queen told him years ago. Something he’d dismissed as delusional fantasy at the time.
She said that if she utters a specific incantation in front of the magic mirror, it can change her appearance to look like anyone she wants.
If that was true, then the old woman could have been…
He stops thinking, only focusing on running. He tears through the woods at inhuman speed, and in record time he arrives at the cabin. He throws the door open and runs inside.
There he finds her, his young lover, sprawled on the floor in front of the couch, a half eaten apple lying a few inches from her outstretched hand.
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oh my GOD!? GWI NAM😫😫 i’m grasping on to any post about my babe
i beg for some like maybe just relationship headcanons or anything to do with him pretty much!! xx
i love ur writing too it’s so good🤤🫦 pretty please x
i’m glad u like my writing! anything for u gorgeous <3
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♡ he’s stupid. i’m so sorry but he is </3
♡ he knows that people don’t actually ‘like’ him, and that they just tolerate him, laugh when he bothers someone, because they’re intimidated by him, after all who wouldn’t be? bro literally stood on a kids head and near about crush their skill.
♡ so because of this, he knows he can’t approach you normally, or at least he thinks he can’t
♡ so instead, he kicks your chair, tugs your hair a little harshly as he walks past, purposefully does that annoying thing where he stands on the back of your shoe to make it come off a little
♡ it’s a little odd though, because at times, it seems more like friendly teasing rather than malicious, and you get confused
♡ you’ve seen him treat other people far worse, like eun-ji, so why is he almost joking in his teasing with you?
♡ maybe you feel a little brave one day as ask him what his deal is, or maybe he realises teasing is getting him nowhere with you, but one day, he really fucking reluctantly tells you why he’s being such a little shit
♡ ears red, avoiding eye contact, slouched against a wall with hands in his pocket, tongue poking at his inner cheek after he asks you out on a little date!
♡ genuinely terrified you’re gonna say no
♡ but you don’t! you say yes! aw how cute <3
♡ he’s not overly sweet, or romantic, but as i’ve said in other posts, he does live to please his s/o. not because he’s a gentleman, but to make sure you won’t leave :(
♡ so, keeping it simple for the first date i honestly just think you guys would go to the cinema :)
♡ it’s cheap, gives you guys something to do, and sometimes to talk about after :)
♡ i really can’t see him being very affectionate on your first few dates, not that he doesn’t want to, but i really think he’d be uncharacteristically timid around someone he actually likes
♡ after a few dates he would just assume you’re a couple.
♡ he wouldn’t ask, why does he need to?? you like him, he likes you, you guys have hugged and kissed, isn’t that enough to seal the deal?
♡ only asks when he realises you’re sad he hasn’t😭
♡ “am i not already your boyfriend though??? :/“
♡ “fine, i’ll ask.”
♡ because he likes you, he’s happy to do so, he just really doesn’t understand why it’s needed
♡ he isn’t timid forever though, once he’s sure you’re together for real he’s a cocky asshole.
♡ ruffles your hair, bites your cheek or shoulder, draws on your hand in class, if you’re a smoker will blow smoke into your face when you guys sneak away for a cigarette during lunch
♡ not super publicly affectionate but doesn’t mind slinging an arm around your shoulder
♡ LOVESSS when you hug his bicep instead of holding his hand. makes him feel all big n’ strong
♡ also makes you light his cigarettes for him, something about it is just so hot and he fucking loves it
♡ goes over to your place a lot more than you go to his. honestly, you’ve probably only met his parents once and he likes it that way
♡ i dont think his parents are terrible or anything, but i think he can tell they’re disappointed in him, with his grades and behaviour, so he doesn’t enjoy being at home much
♡ SLEEPSS every time he’s at yours. your bed is his.
♡ runs hot, like furnace hot. the boy is an incinerator so the moment he’s at yours, his shirt is off, he’s changed into joggers and he’s sleeping on top of the covers.
♡ because he runs so hot, no cuddling in bed. he’ll have you on his chest or an arm around you watching a movie, or talking, but as soon as you guys sleep you’re on opposite ends of the bed because he just gets uncomfortably warm😭
♡ if your parents are cool with him sleeping over you’re late for school every time because you just cannot get him out of bed
♡ at school, you’re getting pulled away for the sloppiest make out sessions
♡ he’s such a perv for you, the moment he gets the chance, you’re being dragged to the construction site, pushed against a wall with his tongue licking into your hot, wet, open mouth, one hand in your hair and one on your ass
♡ passes lewd, dirty notes to you in class
♡ once he’s comfortable he’s just horny all the time i fear
♡ draws on your hands in class too, but it isn’t cute stuff, he’ll probably draw a penis or something
♡ special occasions!!!
♡ he doesn’t really go all out, and he doesn’t want you to either
♡ for his birthday he’d really just prefer some convenience store food and a casual date or sitting in your house😭
♡ doesn’t want too many presents, just a few small things, maybe a new jacket or cologne
♡ asks for birthday head
♡ for your birthday, again, the presents are small, but little things he’d know you’d like
♡ they aren’t wrapped, probably just shoved in his backpack or maybe a gift bag
♡ why buy wrapping paper if you’re jus’ gonna tear it open anyway???
♡ doesn’t really care for valentines day, but he will buy you little things like your favourite sweets if you care about it, but he will NOT give them to you at school because that’s embarrassing!
♡ doesn’t buy cheesy shit like heart shaped chocolates or whatever, if he’s buying you something he wants you to actually like it, and he thinks those little stuffed valentines bears look stupid
♡ is ODDLY sweet when he meets your parents
♡ similar to the scene in the principal’s office when he and his group were being questioned about bullying eun-ji, jin-su, and cheol-su, he’s a terrifyingly good actor
♡ “thank you for having me :)”
♡ “the food was lovely, thank you so much :)”
♡ OSCAR winning performance honestly
♡ will ask u to do his homework </3
♡ not really huge on pet names, he usually calls you mean shit to tease you, and actually enjoys when you do it back
♡ he wants someone he can joke and mess about with
♡ but if he does use little pet names it’s probably something simply like baby, and honestly only really uses it in private or when you’re making out
♡ or fucking
♡ lowkey, a surprisingly decent boyfriend, just not super romantic or anything
♡ but he’s loyal, because as i’ve said, he wouldn’t even consider dating someone unless he was super sure about them
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think we might be experiencing some disregulated emotions today boys
#it’s fine. it’s literally fine. why is my body so tense#i really shouldn’t be that surprised everything considered but fr. nothing is wrong#mostly#ignoring the thing that is wrong but there’s nothing i can do about that#being mad at my homework probably isn’t helping dhsjdj#i just want to go back to sleep or draw maybe#i’m not tired so draw maybe#maybe write a few scripts for short comics#since i wanna do that more and i have time#but no#this is multiple things compounding isn’t it#welp#ramblings
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I have traveled far beyond the path of reason, take me back to Eden
edit: more context in the tags of the root post
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#levynn tries to draw#so the thought behind this..#there was a lot but in short#the concept is that the moth represents vessel mostly#the masks are the past cycles or states of being#essentially they represent the past selves of the individual#and the moth is chasing those past memories and feelings and familiar things even if they kill it#and Sleep is basically trying to protect them from that#by physically pulling them back#but i wanted to have the tentacles a sort of insect like feel to them#to somewhat evoke a spider in a way so that protection still probably going to harm the moth#and beyond that maybe even play on the idea of it trapping the insect and maybe even consume it up after a period of time#so the moth is both trying to escape that reach but also chasing that pull of the beacon like familiarity of the past#there is no escape#there is no reason left#no options just what is behind and what is in front#stuck between the two#in a way this is an iteration on my idea of the vessel failing and getting lost on the journey at the very end#anyway this was a fun little one day project and i hope you enjoy it at least half as much as i did drawing it
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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(okay, I don't want this website to stay broken and struggle under big daddy apple's boots, so I thought i'd see if they had any goodies for decorating my blog that I liked... and oh my god the moon badge is neat and the little bone guy is so cute. I guess i'll finally retire the funny checkmarks because they ruin THE VIBE of moonbones)
#I am a sucker for cute decoration so yeah i'll buy that#I do wish we could have animated avatars again (again right?)#i'm not losing my mind they used to be able to animate right?#that could be a tumblr sub perk tho#do it kinda like discord nitro I guess#I really recall being able to have an animated icon but maybe i'm thinking of deviant art#I had my pixel chibi that painted bees made for me as my main blog icon forever and recall it animating#anyway i'd have (NAME REDACTED FOX) animate if I could#maybe discord nitro's sub plan is something worth looking at idk#anyway I just wanted to say MOONBONES is cute#I will go draw now#i've got a couple of asks in my inbox too#will get to them shortly#I already flipped my sleep schedule back around#be proud of me I work so hard to make my sleep behave
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Trying to access headspace/innerworld except when you try to visualize the places you remember, they're just memories and not the real thing, and when you visualize a SINGLE person/character/sentient thing, it's like Other Wybie from Coraline where bro can emote and make expressions but can't speak at all.
And yes I can TELL that the visualization isn't REAL. It's like looking at a photograph of a place you've been to.
#sepiasys.txt#Naturally one took to a specific muse for the other person/character in the scene#once realizing/coming to terms with the fact it would probably work better if one simply saw themself present wherever they manifested#As you can {[clearly] fucking} tell; 👑's faceclaim or stolen identity or 'source' came to mind. OH MY GOD IT REALLY IS LIKE A CORALINE OTHE#Well sorta ig /lh. I won't lie with how much I was thinking about the appearance; like 'well there's atleast 3 versions of this character b#AUs so maybe it could be a different one' but try as I might I could not put a different body to the idiot's face#I unfortunately receive smug looks from this definitely npc in my mind#Also. Did wonder if 'pseudo-verbal' speech internally is limited to those closest to front. or smth.#Like if you exist and are a thing why can't you talk? I don't want a purely vibe based conversation from you while I use words 🥺#I even suggested writing and probably got ignored initially. or the response vibe of 'No that won't work' or 'I don't want to' smth#Btw saying that I could absolutely see this dude drawing on a pad of paper (or whiteboard now?) and like being far away and tapping on a#wall of glass. Like just an actual physical barrier. Looks more like clear plastic though in my opinion /pf#I'm gonna try and go back to it and pretend to write my findings even though I need to sleep real soon
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I wonder why my brain is so fankid-focused, even when dealing with Transformers (I don’t say it out loud as much as I think it, but it is)
But then I remember, I spent over a year and a half making 100+ fankid requests for Cookie Run, and technically speaking I never stopped, I just have kind of forgotten about continuing them, particularly with my new Transformers fixation (though that’s not necessarily an invitation for new ones, since I feel like it’ll be even slower than the snail’s pace it already is at this point, and that’s assuming I don’t just stop at some point. Just an FYI)
Like at that point, I feel like this sort of mindset makes complete sense. Yeah I did other stuff during that time, but you probably don’t do all that and not have a brain oddly centered on this sort of thing, especially when it’s another series where there’s no clear answer to where children come from (though in Transformers’ case that’s because they don’t have children, even if it is a widely fanon concept. But my point still stands)
#hmm maybe I just need to properly make some to get this out of my system#and not be stuck in this state of not knowing whether it’s weird or not#because like at this point I kind of want to#but I’m also still stuck in the issue of not knowing how to make Transformers OCs in general#it’s a lot more difficult than Cookie Run since you have to be able to draw robots#and also you got to pick out alt modes which means you probably need at least some vehicle knowledge#which I don’t#I might be able to draw heads but it’s not gonna get much better than that for now#so another thing holding me back from doing so#but yeah random observation I just had#I really shouldn’t find it as weird as I do#especially since it was my bread and butter for a good long while here#I should probably go to sleep soon#fankid#fanchild#random stuff
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the physical exhaustion so bad that i can barely hold and move a pen/pencil VS my need to express the love i have for my guy. battle of the ages.
#and the outcome is that i just end up crying bc i'm so frustrated with my body :')#i have done almost Zero physical activity for 5+ days. i've walked around the house and a tiny cemetery and to the bus stop and back#that is all i've done and somehow my body is still like ''uhm idk boss we're outta fuel'' WHAT DO YOU MEANNN !! I'VE DONE NOTHINGGG !!#i need to not be crying bc that is just more exhausting but fsdjkl i'm just so frustrated BLEASEEE I WANT TO MAKE ART...#i'm going to see if i can set myself up in bed to draw for a bit otherwise im just. going to have to lie there and scroll mindlessly#maybe i have enough mental energy to play pkmn.... that can be played while lying down sometimes.... hmmm#i rly want to draw though so that's first priority. if i can't do that then i will figure out what else to do for another hour before sleep#vent //#dandy.cmd
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Jaya time
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I love these moments of nearly cosmic horror when they encounter inexplicable things (at first) they are so intriguing
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Is strawhat here?! *Megan thee stallion saying AAH 😜*
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This cover just goes hard... Get it chopper
#usopp and luffy wanting to go to skypiea and nami only gets it going when luffy says she won't do it cause she can't... now it's personal#robin getting nami an eternal pose..... yeah exactly#luffy eating takoyaki immediately after he finds an octopus... sanjis speed is no joke#THE FUCKING GUY SHOOTING THE SEAGULL IS THE ONE IN BLACKBEARDS CREW!!!! DAMN#dying swiftly or not is result of your actions??? i guess man whatever#FUCKING BURGESS TOO!!! and the fucking transing your gender virus maker.... here luffy doesnt explode!!!#teach and luffy having complete opposite opinions on everything.... having bad vibes immediately.... incredible its like luffy knew#luffy doesnt fight bellamy bc he isnt worth the fight sinply bc they have different ideals... yeah.. also emerald city when#the pirates that do it for the money and the pirates that do it for their dreams... which is weird bc luffys foil (?) is blackbeard#also a d also a pirate with dreams (the same one even?) but they go about it in two different ways still.... compelling#why dies luffy think about shanks and ace when he hears teach outside the bar i an going insane... why does luffy just stare at him#WHAT ARE YOU THINKING LUFFY!! DOES HE SEE HIM AND SEE COMPETITION??? THATS WHY SHANKS AND ACE TELLING HIM TO BE A GOOD PIRATE??#how do they know about the them. why do they not tell anyone. to this day they havent said A WORD#noland was also from 400 years ago.... we got joyboy noland and toki#also are the next cover stories about ace.... please......... i need to see him#el señor de la noche moment (luffy fighting bellamy) draws near... i am so excited#i love ace being a hobo and just jumping on whatever boat he can find to eat and sleep and nobody refuses bc he's with whitebeard ajdjajkqw#ALSO I MISSED YOU KING!!!! COME BACK TO MEEEE#gorusei kuma and doffy first appearance omg... hello everyone#'if we let redhair act more than its sufficient it could be problematic' does this mean they can control him? shanks sus evidence n.1#'redhair is not one to change the world on his own' is he waiting for luffy??? is that it?? is shanks rogers successor to aid joyboy???#he told something to shanks before dying about laughtale and left that work for him so thats why he went after the one piece right after#joyboy manifested in luffy. thats why he refused so outright to buggy when he proposed to sail together to find it... maybe shanks not evil#lafitte was a cop and is the one to propose blackbeard as shichibukai? for some reason even if he hasnt done anything yet ✍️#whitebeard appearance... loving this in between arc issues even if they are not in between arcs... in between islands arc i guess#see??? why does benn beckman care about what the gov thinks... why would they give af and why would they even think about it#fucking blackbeard was after luffy..... but he 'settled' for ace i am going to be sick#blackbeard should have died when the knock up stream destroyed his ship what happened there....#also i didnt notice cricket smoking so much and trembling akdhsksjk he is hoping he didnt send luffy to die#reading one piece
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after I've worked thru my current library stack I think im gonna reread tlt for the millionth time. bc I deserve it <3
#i just wanna feel smth... ive been suppressing the hyperfixation too long I need to get rly annoying abt it again. and make so much fanart#fortifying the defences before the seasonal depression properly hits..!!#my flatmate was saying it would probably help to have a project or smth and shes right its just difficult for me to start things atm#so it might be easier to go back to smth familiar but interact with it a new way. i want to annotate more and draw a tonnnn#and dredge up the half finished art I drew 2 years ago when I first read gtn.....#I definitely have a list of personal projects id like to work on somewhere but maybe this can work as an on ramp to that. we shall see#anyway going to bed early bc i have parkour tomorrow morning and also i wanna read a few chapters of smth before i sleep.. byeeee#.diaries
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hit one-two combo of being extremely discouraged about my character designs and being inclined to sit around and feel terrible in my room while doing nothing
#rot.txt#the character design thing is like. i just remembered how much inspiration i took from this woman when i was a beginner artist#and i know some of those character design things SHE uses a lot stuck around in my art#and then i remember that people have told me my art reminds them of hers#and then i get worried im falling into the same design pitfalls she did#and them im scared all my character designs suck shit and ass#and then i dont want to draw. hey guys what if instead of doing something that makes me happy i just sat in my room not thinking about this#its getting late i think i need to go to bed early. if i do that maybe my pokemon will love me#im also frustrated with myself for sleeping so late so often it not only sets me back in pokemon sleep but also just makes me miserable#its been a very social day maybe thats why im feeling like ass#and ive eaten like nothing today good god how am i not hungry
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Oh the indescribable feeling of dread after you get exactly what you're asked for
#story time#so a month ago I picked a pencil again after a looong time and swiftly after that decided#“maybe I should go to an art school like I wanted and almost got accepted into 4 years ago?”#and now after submitting my works and being told that they are “weak” I've kinda lost interest#Idk if I should follow through with this cause I hate drawing when I'm told that I need to and I hate when I waking up early#and although I can afford this education (I was planning to choose graphic design) I feel doubtful and don't know what to do#what I really want to do is travel I don't really dream of labor or career#but it is important if I want to earn a bit more than a minimum wage ig#I have only a few days to submit my works and documents then there will be exams etc. but I just woke up today and felt#what I've thought was a long forgotten sense dread and all consuming sadness and hopelessness#I just really hate waking up early and I would need to wake up at 5:30 AGAIN and I don't know if I could handle it AGAIN#Idk how I did it back in hs and college (well I kinda do since I was skipping a lot just to sleep)#and I would have just the most horrible ptsd whenever I would wake up and hear my alarm clock (like my heart would start beating so hard#I could hear my heartbeat)#Ik I'm probably overreacting but I just idk what to feel and do#moodboard
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