#i just wanna play a cow picture game okay?

[royalarchivist]

Pac: I said, "Hey, let's do something fun, you know? Let's kidnap the [Federation] baker!" And we are kind of like, locked up, and [Richarlyson's] even sadder now, right? Phil: I can put my hand through the bars. Pac: [Laughs] Can I ho– Please save us! Phil: Do you miss human touch, Pac? Pac: Yeah, I miss human touch. Phil: I'm here for you. [...] We can smuggle things into jail. [To Richarlyson] It's okay, mate. Pac: Can you smuggle me a cellphone?* I know information is power here.

Phil visits Pac and Richarlyson in jail.

* Pac's quote here is a direct reference to Fuga Impossivel, where Cell (Cellbit) had a cellphone he used to threaten people with his "contacts from the outside." (In reality, the phone had no signal, but that's how he earned his name "Cell")

[Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Pac: Richarlyson feeling a little bit sad 'because 'cus he's locked up, you know? That's why he's using a different kind of hat.

Phil: Oh, Jesus Christ. Wait– why's Richarlyson's [happiness] bar gone down?

Pac:Yeah, 'because 'cus he's unhappy, 'cus, well, we kind of like, got locked up, and it's his birthday today, and he's feeling a little bit sad about like, growing up, you know?

Phil: Is that why he's got a different cow head on?

Pac: Yeah, yeah, and to try to help him, I said, "Hey, let's do something fun, you know? Let's kidnap the baker!" And we are kind of like, locked up, and he's even sadder now, right? [Richarlyson shakes his head] Yeah, but look – jail is fun!

Phil: I can put my hand through the bars.

Pac: [Laughs] Can I ho– Please save us!

Phil: Do you miss human touch, Pac?

Pac: Yeah, I miss human touch.

Phil: I'm here for you. [Cracks up]

Pac: I miss human touch. Oh my god, a hand! Richas, you want to touch a hand? Touch uncle Phil hand. [Laughs]

Phil: Yeah, right here.

Pac: Touch it, Richas! Connect with every–

Phil: I can get you out, I can get you out, I don't know if I'll get punished though, but we'll see. [Laughs]

Pac: I don't think you're going to get punished. [He looks at Richarlyson] Right? [Richarlyson shakes his head, holding a camera] There's nothing wrong about setting two persons out of the jail.

Phil: Yeah, I feel like you've learned your lesson, right?

Pac: Yeah, I won't try to kidnap the baker.

Phil: Oh, Richarlyson wants you to take a photo of, like, hands touching, I think.

Pac: Oh. Ok, let me...

[They stand there, holding hands in silence until Richarlyson takes a photo, then they burst into laughter.]

Pac: Well, Richas, you wanna do the same? I can take a picture of you! I just need a paper. [Pac checks his inventory] ...I don't have any papers, if you have one?

Phil: [Still cracking up as he holds hands with Richarlyson]

Pac: I need the paper, Richarlyson!

Phil: I have paper, there you go.

Pac: Oh, thank you.

Phil: We can smuggle things into jail. [To Richarlyson] It's okay, mate.

Pac: Look! [Laughs and throws Phil the photo] Can you smuggle me a cellphone?* I know information is power here.

Phil: I can – hold on, let me see, let me see...

Pac: Maybe like a cellphone? Or maybe a gaming setup so me and Richarlyson could put some gaming in here, you know, so we can play games?

Phil: I can – I could just break you out. [Laughs] But it's up to you – do you want to be out?

Pac: Yeah, if – Richas, you want to get out of this prison? I know it's bigger and better than our house. Look at the size of this, Phil! You wanna, like–

[Richarlyson breaks the jail bars and lets himself out, then replaces the bars to keep Pac inside]

Phil: [Dying]

Pac: ALL ALONG? Wait – we have been in here for the past 15 minutes, Richas! Oh my god. Ok, ok, I'm done, I'm done. I'm just gonna stay here. I'm just gonna stay here. [Pac walks to a corner of the cell and sits down facing the wall]

Phil: [Still wheeze-laughing] Dude...

Pac: I'm just gonna stay here.

Phil: I can't– [wheezes] I can't break these blocks, he's locked us in!

Pac: RICHARLYSON–

[watarfallar]

Have Some more

Grian: If anyone needs me, then fuck off.

Pearl: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Scott a little bit. BigB, holding Pearl's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation. Pearl: No, that's our joint tombstone. BigB: My mistake.

Bdubs: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? BigB: Wait, what’s the difference? Bdubs: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Scott: I hate you. Pearl: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

Impulse: What is your favourite mythical story? BigB: The Story Of My Will To Live. Impulse: I don’t think I’ve heard of that one before.

Scar: Why is Joel making me do the dishes again? You haven’t washed them in a week, Ren! Ren: It’s because I’m Joel’s favorite. Scar: I hate you.

Pearl: Is the pink panther a lion? Impulse: Say that again but slower. Pearl: I don’t get it. Impulse: He’s a PANTHER. Pearl: Is that a type of lion? Impulse: No, it’s a fucking panther. Pearl: *googles panther* They aren’t pink? Impulse: AND LIONS ARE?!

Impulse: Good night. Mumbo: Sleep tight. Tango: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself. Scar: Great, now Mumbo's crying.

Scar: Pearl, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery. Pearl: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

Joel: What happened?! Pearl: Do you want the long version or the short version? Joel: Sh-short?? Pearl: Shit's fucked. Joel: Okay, long. Pearl: Shit's very fucked.

Scar & Tango:*Playing video games* Joel: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games? Scar: *silence* Tango: *silence* Joel, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you? Scar & Tango in shame: Yeah...

Joel to Cleo, who’s about to get married: Today, two families are becoming one. Tango, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one family leaves. Scar: That sounds so threatening… Skizz: The Wedding Games… Scott: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor. Cleo: Beautiful. Joel: Fuck all of you!

Impulse, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want? Tango: Blue flavor! Impulse: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry? Tango: Blue flavor! Blue flavor! Impulse: Blue is not a flavor! Tango: BLUE FLAVOR!

Impulse: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions? Grian: Put spaghetti in it. Impulse: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you. Jimmy: Put spaghetti in it. Impulse: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two. Tango: Put spaghetti in it. Impulse: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Grian: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk. Grian: *cuts piece of cake* Joel: ...Can I have some? Grian: Cake is for talkers.

Scott: Oooh, a train! Jimmy: We’re in a train station, Scott.

Gem: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Bdubs: The cow?? Gem:What? Impulse: Bdubs, W H Y?

Pearl: *sneaking in through their window* BigB: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night? Pearl: I was with Jimmy? Jimmy: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

Scar: You can track Pearl? Jimmy: Of course I can. If the NSA can do it, so can I.

Tango: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

Martyn: So, Scar and Gem. Martyn: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto… Scar: We had a bad day. Martyn: And… MURDER?! Gem: It was a pretty bad day…

Bdubs: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? Martyn: *crouches down* Joel: *kneels down* Cleo: *sits on the floor* Bdubs: Bdubs: I hate all of you.

[asbestos4president]

Hamuel Burger and the American Dream episode 3 Transcript

Episode title: Asbestos Saves Lives!

Asbestos (low energy, bored): … I am coming to you live from the floor, which I refuse to move from until somebody gives me attention. It has been ten days since we started the stream. The ship has moved approximately one American metre. The AC is broken. Abraham refuses to play "I Spy" with me anymore after losing the past seven games. Stanley is on strike until I learn to appreciate him not as a source of cheap labour but as the leading mixed media artist of his generation, which, of course, he communicated via a tear-jerking harmonica rendition of Dolly Parton's "Nine to Five". 

Chat: Are we there yet?

Asbestos: I spy with my little eye, something with a W.

Ham: If it's Worthless Earthling again, I'm turning this spaceship around. 

Asbestos: Fine. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with U. 

Ham: Useless human peasant?

Asbestos (genuinely impressed): Damn, you're good at this. Okay, your turn.

Ham: Could you please stop distracting me while I'm driving?

Asbestos : But I'm bored! This is boring! What's wrong with you, Abraham Nothingburger? You're sitting in a spaceship with an alien worrying about the traffic code. Does the excitement of having every galaxy in the universe at your literal fingertips pale in comparison to the myriad wonders of Bumfuck Nowhere, Idaho? What am I doing wrong?

Chat: I need to pee.

Asbestos: You should have gone before we left!

Chat: If I needed to go before we left, I would have gone before we left. Idiot.

Ham: That's it. If you don't know how to be nice to each other, I'm taking us all back to Idaho.

Asbestos: Wait wait wait wait no no no no! We can be quiet! We can be so quiet! 

Ham: Should have discovered that skill earlier! 

(Doing a bad Asbestos impression) 

Abraham, I'm bored. Make the ship do a barrel roll. Can't you go faster? No, go slower, I saw a cow out the window and I wanna get a picture! Never mind, it was just bigfoot. Haha, made you look! It's too hot in here. It's too cold in here! I ran out of snacks, can you get me some more? 

You're just lucky I'm not dropping you off on the side of the road and making you walk back to your home planet, you no-good-individual! 

[noise an engine shouldn't make]

Was that the engine? I think that was the engine. 

Asbestos: Everybody, stay calm. I have the situation under control. I'm sure you've all noticed this about me, but just for the viewers at home, I'm super masc and handsome and muscular and I totally look like someone who could fix an engine. I'll just use this… What is this?

Chat: That's a spoon.

Asbestos: Right. A screwdriver. I'll just use this screwdriver to, uh… What exactly is it for?

Chat: You use it to fry eggs.

Asbestos: Driving screws! Remarkable. So which end is for whisking and which end is for stapling?

Ham: The engine made a scary noise and we're all gonna die and I never got to say goodbye to my mum!

Asbestos: Don't be so dramatic. It's just a minor technical-

[another even more concerning spaceship noise]

The engine made a scary noise and we're all gonna die and I never got to say goodbye to my mom! Hold me, Abraham! Though we lived as bitter rivals, let us part as bosom friends!

Ham: I don't really want to be friends with anyone's bosom, if you don't mind! 

[harmonica]

What?

Asbestos: I'd like to spend my last moments of life thanking the sponsor of this channel, Gourd VPN. If you're like me, you're always having to parry pernicious pumpkin pirates, stab sinful squash stealers and murder malicious melon marauders. But what if I told you it didn't have to be this way? With Gourd VPN, you can protect your gourds from home without the need for high security vaults, armed bodyguards or begging for your life at knifepoint. That's not all! You can also use Gourd VPN to access varieties of gourd from all over the world, even when they don't usually grow in your climate. Want to grow cucumbers in drought season or bitter gourd in a snowstorm? Look no further than Gourd VPN for all your gourd-related needs. To grab this exclusive deal, just go to gourdvpn.com/asbestos4prez where you can get 0.05% off your three year subscription today. Gourd VPN: when there's a gourd, you're never bored! Terms and conditions apply. Ask your parents before going online. Why aren't we dead yet?

Ham: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is those noises weren't the engine giving out. The bad news is that Stanley was keeping his homemade kombucha in your fridge and it just exploded everywhere. I found a mop, but it's made of steak. The fridge is also made of steak. Why is everything on your ship made of steak?

Asbestos: Look at that, Asbestos nation! Thanks to my powerful engineering skills, we didn't die! Can I get a W in the chat?

[chorus of Ls from chat]

Chat (diff voice): I still need to pee. 

Asbestos: Alright. We'll stop at the nearest town to recover from our near death experience. Most likely there will be a cafe we can visit. If the president's there, we can poison his soup! I love a good poisoning.

[cut to cafe]

Ham (on phone): Hey, mum! This is [bassoon sound effect]. I'm okay, I'm just at a diner with my friends.

[answering bassoon]

Stanley's here! You like Stanley!

[further bassoon]

Yes, they have gluten-free options.

[just unprecedented levels of bassoonery happening here]

No, I won't eat anything with potassium in it. Or olives. Or boiled plums. Or anything French. 

[bassoon]

Yes, I know goat liver is bad for your skin.

[irritated bassoon]

I'm sorry.

[scornful bassoon]

I'll definitely do it when I get home.

[disbelieving bassoon]

I know. I'm sorry.

[enquiring bassoon]

Hang on, I'll ask.

Asbestos, do you think you can drop me back home by five? It's really important.

Asbestos: Pass me the phone.

[glass smashing sound effect]

That's better!

Ham: Oh, my goodness gracious! For crying out loud, Asbestos Margaret Le Guin! What did you go and do that for?

Chat: Damn. He's so mad at you that he gave you a middle name! 

37. Asbestos

You should be thanking me. You know the government can track you on those things. I think I'll order the potassium, boiled plum, and goat liver special. Extra French, if you please.

Waitress: We're all outta French.

Asbestos: Belgian is fine.

Waitress: We're all outta Belgian!

Asbestos: Canadian?

Waitress: Don't come into my diner with your foul language!

Ham: Stanley, what are you planning on getting?

[harmonica noises]

Waitress: We're all outta [harmonica noises]!

Asbestos: Is there anything you do have?

Waitress: We can't afford ingredients because everyone's been paying us in political flyers!

Asbestos:  Let me see that!

(reading)

Bribera Berry for president 2024. A vote for Bribera is a vote to go in the draw to win one of five cars. 

How come I never thought of making pamphlets? No, too small. Posters. A billboard! Abraham, listen. I need my face plastered on every available surface. I need my name written in blinking lights 50 feet above the highway with a witty yet thought-provoking slogan such as "Asbestos Saves Lives!" or "Kids Love Asbestos!" I need to become the leading cause of traffic accidents in America because people were too busy looking at my sick sign to pay attention to the road!

Ham: I always got the impression you were too caught up in causing mass extinction events to ever show much interest in graphic design. 

Asbestos: You're right. Murder should have always been my priority, but I was distracted by the lure of political advertising, that sultry little minx. It may happen again. Now, where can we find this Barbara Barry? 

Waitress: She's doing a charity event to raise funds for the poor. I doubt they'll let you in.

Asbestos: Why not?

Waitress: It's only open to the very rich, the very famous and the very beautiful. You, on the other hand, are wearing a… What is that?

Asbestos (proudly): It's goth!

Waitress: It looks like a lung from an anti-smoking campaign. I didn't know those came in turquoise.

Asbestos: I got it on Temu! Me and my companions here are already the very famous and the very beautiful, but as for the very rich… Abraham! I need some fundraising solutions!

Ham: Start a lemonade stand. Found a pyramid scheme. Sell a few of your more redundant organs. Rob a bank. I don't care. Stanley, come with me. We're going home.

[scene change. they are outside now]

So that's the long and convoluted story of how I ended up working at this lemonade stand. Would you like a straw with that?

Passerby: Oh, I'm not buying. I was just making sure this here suspicious looking individual wasn't holding you hostage in violation of child labour laws and common human decency. 

Ham: I'm nineteen!

Passerby: Good job counting that high, kiddo. Are you sure you don't need me to call the police?

Asbestos: Lemonade! Lemonade! Come getcher ice cold legally acquired lemonade! Only fifty bucks a cup! Or more if you look like you have a lot of money. Hey, you! You're a sad and dehydrated individual. I'll give you half a lemon peel for the low low price of everything you've ever loved!

Passerby 2: Uh, I only have these Bribera Berry election fliers. Do you accept those as payment? This one is signed!

Asbestos: No the hell we do not, punk! Fuck your fliers! Besides, that signature is clearly forged.

Passerby 2: It is?!

Asbestos: New tactic. Pyramids! Pyramids! Come getcher ice cold legally acquired pyramids! And if you recruit two others to help us sell these, you win the chance to lose time and money!

Passerby 1: It's a deal! How many fliers for three pyramids?

Asbestos: None! We accept cash, we accept card, we don't accept excuses! New tactic. Organs! Organs! Come getcher ice-cold legally acquired organs! 

(quieter)

Abraham, you don't smoke or drink, right?

Passerby 2: I'll take his liver for fifty fliers!

Asbestos: Godammit. Well, I didn't want to do this (yes I did) but you've left me no choice (there are innumerable other choices that I'm discounting right now). There's one place in this town guaranteed to have money, and that's…

Ham: The swimming pool?

Asbestos: No.

Ham: The local kindergarten!

Asbestos: Nuh uh.

Ham: The library?

Asbestos: Are you kidding?

Ham: Um… Can I get a hint?

Wait, you don't mean- No no no, we're not doing this. Stanley, tell her to stop. Stanley!

[suspenseful music]

Trailer voiceover: This summer… Three friends will attempt the heist of the century, but only three will survive! Starring Asbestos Le Guin as a badboy with a sensitive side!

Asbestos: Robber? I hardly know 'er!

Trailer voiceover: Hamuel Burger as her quirky animal sidekick!

Ham: Please get me out of here! I don't want to go to jail!

Trailer voiceover: And Stanley Knife as a warrior space cowgirl! I'm not entirely sure how that fits in with the group's cover story, but he just seemed so excited to dress up that we didn't have the heart to say no. Garfield Five: The Beast Within! Coming to cinemas August 29th. Wait, that can't be the right title. Can I do a retake? 

[trailer music ends]

[scene change. we're at the bank.] 

Bank Teller: Welcome to the Bank of America, ma'am. Sir? Um, you with the shapely antennae. Would you like to make a deposit?

Asbestos: Yeah, I'm just having a slight issue. We actually came here to rob this bank, but I've cracked open every vault and there doesn't seem to be any money inside. Do you have any idea where we can find it? And I come from a noble warrior/poet race known as "the streamers". You may address me as such.

Bank Teller: Sorry, Mr. the Streamer, I'm afraid there's none left. Ever since Bribera Berry began her campaign, everyone in the town withdrew their life's savings to buy her political fliers. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but they've become a kind of de facto currency around here.

Asbestos: Oh, we've noticed. We've noticed. Thanks anyway.

This is it, chat. This is the end. What kind of a streamer am I if I can't even scam my way into a charity event to kill my opponent? Although I suppose I could try just blowing up the building from the outside… No, even the explosives in this town are probably made of fliers. What about sneaking in disguised as a waiter? No, my zest for life and optimistic outlook render me unable to make a convincing hospitality worker. Alright, I'm taking suggestions from the floor.

Chat: I think if you just keep killing people, eventually it'll all work out. #istandwithasbestos #asbestosdidnothingwrong 

Chat (diff voice): That's right, keep encouraging her. I'm taking bets on how deep of a hole she can dig herself into.

Chat (diff voice): 6 feet.

Chat (diff voice): 100 feet. 

Chat (diff voice): Hahahahaheeheehoohoo. You said feet.

Ham: Well, it was nice meeting you, but it looks like your presidential campaign has come to an end. No need to give us a lift back to Idaho, there's a bus we can catch that leaves in 15 minutes. Stanley and I wish you the best in your future endeavours. Goodbye forever!

[harmonica]

I'm not telling her that.

[harmonica]

No, stop encouraging her!

Asbestos: What is it?

Ham: Stanley was just remarking on how we left the diner without finishing our food. He's hungry, Asbestos! You're contributing to the harmful romanticisation of the starving artist by denying a growing boy his food!

Asbestos: It's unamerican to lie, Abraham Nothingburger. I see your famous nickname, "Honest Abe", was nothing but jest. I bet the thing about doing your homework on the back of a coal shovel was a falsehood as well! What about you is real, young man? Nothing? Nothing at all? You disappoint me. 

Ham: For the last time, my name isn't Abraham!

Asbestos: See? Even his name is a lie! I know your mother didn't raise you like this, kid. What did Stanley really say?

Ham: He didn't say anything!

Asbestos: That's interesting, because I distinctly heard royalty free jaunty harmonica sound effect 5 dot mp3. Are you telling me I was hallucinating?

[royalty free jaunty harmonica sound effect 5 dot mp3]

There it is again! Are you telling me that wasn't royalty free jaunty harmonica sound effect 5 dot mp3?

Ham: Fine. Stanley says that if the people in this town want fliers so much, we should just sell them fliers. 

Asbestos: Why the hell didn't I think of that? Fliers! Fliers! Come getcher ice-cold legally acquired fliers! 

[commotion]

Passerby 1: I'll take a thousand in exchange for my house, my dog, my dignity, half my lifespan… Nay, my whole lifespan, for my existence dwindles to nought in comparison to a signed, limited edition Bribera Berry flier!

Asbestos: I'll just take your money, if that's okay. Put that kidney back where it belongs! Ew! Ew! Stop trying to give me your firstborn children, this thing isn't even authentic! I forged the signature myself, see? It's written in glitter pen! I made eight spelling errors!

Passerby 1: Even better! Once Presidential Candidate Bribera Berry sees that I would lay down my life for the chance to grasp even a pale mockery of her grace, she shall surely reply to my fanmail! I've sent her three marriage proposals and still haven't heard back. Do you think they got lost in the mail?

Ham: They're buying the fliers faster than we can print them! The copy machine almost tore my arm off!

Asbestos: Well, put a bandaid on the stump and keep working! If you have time to bleed, you have time to fuel capitalist greed!

Herald: Make way! Make way! I come bearing a message from her supreme graciousness lady Bribera Berry of the United States! Are you disgraced streamer Asbestos le Guin? Ah, you must be. I can tell from your swagless aura and general lack of redeeming qualities. The lady Bribera has heard that, despite being her greatest rival in this race to kill the- I mean, become the president, you have been handing out political fliers endorsing her for the position. She just thinks it's so nice to see women in politics supporting each other and invites you to attend her charity event so that you may speak face to face. 

Asbestos: Women in politics? Women in politics? I'm a woman in severe mental distress and a man badly in need of a drink. Abraham! Fetch me my apple juice!

Ham: Would you like ice with that?

Asbestos: And a little umbrella. I'm feeling distinctly tropical.

Credits

Asbestos: Podcast! Podcast! Come get your ice cold legally acquired podcast! May contain traces of lemons squeezed by Bulk, a bucket of sugar poured in by Spikes, a few cups of water added by Rawlyx, ice cubes frozen by Devyn Boer, a bottle of three in one shampoo snuck in by Lumi Oakes, a few teeth lost by Dan Mac, ten drops of red dye 40 contributed by N. V. May, and the last remaining scrap of hope for humanity that Maddie Girouard possessed. The Asbestos Le Guin corporation will not be held liable for any deaths resulting from the consumption of this fun and fizzy beverage. Drink at your own risk.

[solmints-messyocdiary]

For the ahh nsfw tag game thingy

I dont wanna make you super busy writing wise, but ahhh Iris: 7, 2

Patron: 21, 17

"Alice": 9, 19

Dogface: 14, 24

It's okay, Plent! Don't worry about it! But thank you for worrying! 🥺

Iris

2. Are they a “the socks stay on during sex” kind of person?

Considering she only strips down to reveal the "important bits" and doesn't get completely naked due to convenience...

Yes, the socks stay on during sex!

-

7. Are they into (consensual) pain during sex? Either giving or receiving

Giving? Absolutely. Iris is a big sadist so she finds it cute to see her baby just whimpering in pain at her rough touch.

Receiving? Depends on her mood. However, if they bite or scratch her, that just gives her more reasons to be mean~

☆

Patron

17. What’s their go-to safe word?

Definitely the traffic light system. It's easy to remember and convenient.

Red = stop

Yellow = slow down

Green = go

He also uses the tapping system if his darling can't speak during it and their hands are free.

-

21. What scent of candle do they light after sex?

Lavender and vanilla scents. Something soft and gentle to the senses to ease down the tension of the lovemaking~

Or tbh, any scent his muse would like. He's completely fine with it.

☆

"Alice"

9. What’s their favorite way to get in the mood? How do they set the mood?

Honestly, she's 9 out of the 10 times horny but to get her in the mood is to wear something she finds cute and sexy. Read, play, or watch something that she likes. A cute and lewd picture of her lover? The usual~

Honestly, if she pops out wearing a lewd cosplay that's probably a signal to get down and dirty.

-

19. When they “dress-up” for sex, what’s their go-to outfit? Lingerie, suit, gown, etc.?

Her cow bikini lingerie set... horns, bell and all🧍🏻‍♀️

That's her go-to set, lmao...

But she'll also wear a maid dress with the entire getup, too, or her cat lingerie.

Her partner is completely allowed to pick. She has a big selection.

☆

DogFace

24. A song they would fuck/get fucked to

I don't see him being the type to put on music if he ever gets intimate ahajskkd... but if any music was picked, he'd rather have something soft and slow rather than anything intense.

Sex is scary...

-

14. If they send nudes, are they tasteful or just quick pics?

Most probably tasteful and not even nudes. Shirtless pictures with alluring poses.

He knows how dangerous it is to do that... and with him being an influencer, it's really easy for those pics to get leaked or him to get hacked. So full-on nudes or bits won't be sent from his part.

[hailqiqi]

Plance Battle Strategy

SO.  Our little Canoe of Teal Happiness has garnered a lot of attention recently, and a Canoe of Darkness has been established. There’s discourse in the tags. That sucks. Whatever.

ANYWAY.  As far as I know nobody’s received the patented Voltron Fandom Death Threats over Plance yet but… I can’t help but think they’re gonna start at some point, especially if we keep growing like this.

Plance shippers!

May I suggest a game that will help transform your Death Threat experience from an ‘Oh no!’ to and ‘Oh yes!’ ?

BUT HOW?!? You ask?  Simple.

All death threats must be responded to with nothing but a picture of the Plance Child.

YES. THIS ONE. THE OFFICIAL CANON PLANCE CHILD.

(Relatives like this are also acceptable)

I propose that the entire Plance fandom responds to Death Threats in the same, unified manner, because fuck it it will be fun as hell.

Aim: To turn a negative experience into communal squealing over pictures of cows.

How to Play

1. Receive a Death Threat or other awful anon about Plance

2. Find the cutest, most insane or most creative picture of a cow you possibly can to respond with

3. Reblog others’ responses to rate their picture of choice.

3. Compete with each other for the best plance child responses!

Tagging a bunch of Plance shippers here to ask…. Are you in? @babsignal @myeverlastingship @justpidgance @bel-ina @the-vegetarian-artist @r-i-v-e-r @shiros-sugar @forever-painting-roses @sparklingpidge AND EVERYONE ELSE

[yoddream]

You and Jeno were the best of friends. Growing up together, you saw each other’s good and bad moments, learned every flaw, and knew every fact. It was hard to separate the two of you, even in high school. You even started attending the same college. There wasn’t a single friend one had that the other didn’t.

Then, Jeno got a girlfriend.

There was nothing wrong with Yeeun. She was an absolute sweetheart and was always so nice to you. She made Jeno really happy, which was all you ever wanted. The problem was that Jeno seemed to give her all his time. It started out small, with him ditching you some days for lunch to have it with her instead. Then, he wouldn’t be able to make it to a hangout with your friends because he was taking her on a date. That turned into him canceling at the last minute. Soon, every lunch was spent with Yeeun. He stopped responding in the group chat as much. Sometimes he would leave you on read.

The last straw was him not showing up to movie night anymore, only to show up the next day with a bunch of hickeys on his neck. Movie nights started when you guys were toddlers. They were sacred and only canceled for emergencies or an illness. If anyone was on vacation, you would FaceTime and watch together. There was no excuse for him to miss movie nights.

That one broke you.

You couldn’t count how many times Jaemin held you as you cried yourself to sleep, knowing you’d practically lost your best friend. You hadn’t hung out with him in a long time, and it felt like a part of you was missing. It was obvious the others were worried about you, but they felt helpless. The bags under your eyes refused to disappear. You ate, but it wasn’t very much. You fell into a deep depression, and they did everything they could to get you out of it.

Were you too reliant on Jeno? Probably, but this wasn’t somebody you’d met recently; this was somebody you’d potty trained with, someone who gave you his stuffed dog when an older kid pushed you off the jungle gym and broke your arm, somebody who knew every secret you had. He was very special to you, and just like that, he was gone.

///

Jeno: hey, wanna get ice cream?

The text stared back at you. You rubbed at your eyes to make sure it wasn’t a dream, and sure enough, it was still on your screen, waiting for a response. You hadn’t showered in almost a week, which you knew annoyed Haechan because he had to smell you all the time since he was your roommate, and your face was covered in acne. You looked like this, and he suddenly wanted to hang out? Normally, you didn’t care how you looked when you hung out with your friends, but this was different. Jeno could see that you weren’t doing well, and you didn’t want that.

Wait.

You knew why he wanted to hang out.

He and Yeeun broke up.

That was the only explanation. Why else would he try to make plans? The last time you hung out alone was almost three months ago. You really only saw him when the group made plans and he wasn’t canceling to be with Yeeun. Why you, though? Why not the whole group?

You: yeah gimme an hour

When he sent a thumbs up emoji, you threw your phone down and raced to the bathroom. You took extra time in the shower to make sure everything was washed and fresh before getting out. Once you were dressed, you put on makeup, making sure to cover all the acne on your face. After deeming yourself presentable, you texted Jeno to ask where you were going for ice cream. He suggested the place near your apartment, so you grabbed your things and headed out, glad that Haechan wasn’t there to question you.

The ice cream place wasn’t far, but Jeno still managed to get there before you. As you approached him, you debated giving him a hug or not. It’s been so long, you didn’t know if it was okay anymore. It sounded insane, but his change in behavior made you question every action.

“Hey!” Jeno greeted you with his bright smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but he still looked adorable. You waved to him and reached for the door, but he beat you to it and held it open for you.

The inside of the ice cream shop was cute, with pastel walls and cartoon cows painted on the counter. The tables were a light pink with white legs, and same with the chairs. It was small, but you two loved going there. You ordered and paid before bringing your cups to the table Jeno chose. He thanked you and dug in, not hesitating to eat his feelings.

“So, you and Yeeun broke up?” you asked.

He stopped eating. “How did you know?”

You paused. How could you explain it without either hurting his feelings or getting into an argument? Telling him the truth would surely change the vibe, and not for the better. “...Lucky guess.”

“Huh. Well, yeah. She broke up with me. I don’t even know why, though. She refused to tell me,” he explained, stabbing his spoon into his ice cream. “Like, was it something I did? Is it something I need to work on so that my next relationship lasts?”

“You think you won’t get back together?” you questioned.

He shrugged. “I mean, if she wants to, then I will, but that’s also if I still want to date her by the time she decided. It just sucks, because I thought things were going well. The sex was great, we got along really well, and we never fought. To be dumped just like that is just very strange.”

You winced at the comment about their sex lives, not really wanting to know in the first place. It did seem very out of the blue for her to break up with him, but you tried not to dwell too much on it. It would only upset him more.

The two of you caught up, but it seemed like he didn’t realize just how absent he was from your life. He asked about your classes and your family, wondering how they were doing since he hadn’t seen them in a while. You asked the same and also questioned if he’d made any friends, which he hadn’t. So all his time was spent with just Yeeun, it seemed.

When it was time to head back to your apartment, Jeno hugged you goodbye before heading the opposite direction. Your feet dragged, your body screaming for you to return to Jeno and get as much attention from him as possible, but you had homework you needed to work on, so you continued home.

///

“Jesus, just like that?” Jaemin asked Jeno.

The two of them were hanging out at Jaemin’s apartment, playing video games and talking about the break up. When Jaemin found out, he immediately called the other man and invited him over. They were catching up on things when Jaemin had asked about the break up, and Jeno told him everything.

“Just like that. No explanation. How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? Angry? Sad? I need something so I know how to process it,” Jeno ranted.

“Who else knows?”

“Well, Y/N figured it out when we went out for ice cream.”

“Wait, you hung out with Y/N?” Jaemin asked.

“Is it really that surprising?”

“Considering you practically dropped her, yeah.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, ever since you and Yeeun started dating, you’ve bailed on all your plans with Y/N. We tried to get her to give up, but she still had hope.”

Jeno’s heart started to race. Surely he didn’t do that to his best friend, right? Pulling out his phone, he opened his texts with you, and his stomach dropped at all the times he canceled on you, said he already had plans, or just left you on read. For months, you put up with it without saying a word to him. For months, you tried to keep your friendship going, and what did he do? Nothing.

“I’ve gotta go,” Jeno stated as he ran towards the door.

“What? Where are you going?” Jaemin called out.

“I need to fix this.”

Without elaborating, Jeno left the apartment and ran down the stairs. When he got outside, he hopped into his car and sped to your place. He couldn’t believe he did that. No wonder you seemed a little uncomfortable the other day. You didn’t know how to act around him anymore. He really fucked up.

Before he knew it, he was knocking on your apartment door. It took a few seconds, but then you were looking at him with wide eyes, clearly not expecting him to be standing there. He took in the dark circles under your eyes and the stress acne he knew you got whenever you were depressed and said, “I’ve been a really bad friend, haven’t I?”

The tears fell before it even registered that your eyes were watering. Soon, you were sobbing into Jeno’s shoulder as he stepped in and tried to soothe you. You started to hyperventilate, the emotions overwhelming you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. It’s okay, though I’m here now,” he stated, repeating his words softly.

He managed to move the two of you to your room, lying on your bed with you wrapped in his arms. You continued to cry, and it surprised you that you had any tears left. He rubbed your back and pressed kisses to your hair, just like he did whenever your depression got really bad. He felt extremely guilty for being the cause of your tears and sadness.

“I missed you so much,” you whined.

“I missed you too I’m so sorry I ditched you. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said. “I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”

///

Dreamies (plus Y/N)

Haechan: (picture of you and Jeno sleeping in your bed with Jeno wrapped around you like a koala)

Haechan: all is right in the world again.

Jaemin: oh, that’s where he went.

Mark: Finally! I’m glad they’re working things out

Renjun: Good. I was really concerned about her

Chenle: look at Renjun having feelings

Haechan: gross

Jisung: seeing her cry made me cry so i’m glad they’re talking again

Chenle: you big baby

part two is here

[rfadaydreaming]

the rfa playing minecraft

oh the chaos a mysme minecraft server would bring ♡

jumin

• does not know how to move in any direction except straight

• keeps falling into caves because he just… walks

• stands there in the dark for a few seconds to process what happened

• “the game broke, i cannot see”

• yoosung is like wtf how is it broken

• cave noises start to happen

• “h elp”

• seven has to track him down and it takes absolutely forever just because jumin does not know where he is… not even a hint... he was just walking around

• finally seven finds him and brings him up with a fishing pole, but when he finally gets him up, they both get blown up by a creeper

• “i don’t like this game very much.”

• has a house with v because there’s no way in hell he’s about to share a home with zen

• their house is actually so cute, modern on the outside but super cozy and cute on the inside

• here’s some reference pictures of what i think their house would look like !! starter home / end game home

• his room is so naked omg v comes in and adds a desk, some pictures, plants, just to make it more homey

• has so many cats to the point where it lags HEAVILY when you enter his room, it’s just a giant barrage of meows

• his playstyle is fishing, taming cats, naming cats, fishing again

• he gets lost in the boats so much though, you have to come save him because he’s stranded in the middle of the ocean

• you show up and there’s a cow stuck in the back of his boat, he’s starving to death, the phantom is killing him

• but the nice part about fishing all the time is he gets really good loot and enchantments so he’ll give them to whoever wants them since… well he doesn’t really need them

• except zen omg he gives him like. chain link boots, seaweed, paper

• zen breaks into his room and takes whatever he wants though because jumin doesn't know how to make a locked chest

• he’s honestly just here for the vibes, he’ll lay on his bed even when no one else is sleeping and listen to what everyone’s talking about in the voice chat

• you cannot even see him on his bed because it’s just a sea of cats + a drop in frame rate the second you open up his door

zen

• he’s so bad with technology so he has to read the tutorial like three times before he plays

• takes awhile to get used to the controls so he’ll stop walking, jump over a block, pause, keep on walking

• it’s cute to watch actually

• he follows everyone else around and likes to pretend he knows what he’s doing? but really doesn’t

• beats the shit out of jumin for just existing

• gets stuck in a village well and silently flips out because he’s too embarrassed to ask for help

• jumin finds him and they just stare at each other in silence… jumin figures out how to hit him one singular time before running away

• he lives in a dirt home with the green top for so long it’s actually embarrassing

• inside is just a torch, furnace, crafting table, basic bed and chest literally just a straight mans home

• it’s so ugly

• v tries to spruce it up a little because he just does not like to look at it… every time he walks by he gets the ick

• jaehee eventually adopts him out of pity and they live together, but she has to do all the hard work

• their house looks like this

• he mooches so hard oh my god she’ll spend an entire day cycle mining only for him to take all the iron and make himself a silly little outfit

• she never complains though because he’s really appreciative about it

• will give her little flowers in exchange for outfit materials

• and of course gives you flowers just because you’re you

• leaves them in a pot in your room with a sign that has a little winky face

• is always changing his clothes, every time he wakes up he changes into something different

• jaehee works so hard to find diamonds for him so he can be the first to have some diamond armor

• seven kills him the second he steps out of his house and snatches it from his dead corpse

• zen’s playstyle is just following everyone else around and pretending to help but he doesn’t do much, being sweet to jaehee and you, annoying jumin

• he gets bored easily so he doesn’t play for very long :( also gets mad at jumin and rage quits omg

yoosung

• absolutely loves minecraft and he’s been playing for years, he’s really good at it!!

• so sweet and fun to play with hehe he’s like the cheery little team leader

• helps everyone get settled and works hard to make sure the newbies have a nice amount of starter materials

• even if they die and lose them all he’s like “oh that’s okay don’t sweat it you guys!!” and runs to get them new stuff

• hums to the music while he’s playing, always updates people on what he’s doing and asks if anyone needs anything

• a man on a mission, gets to work on gathering materials with jaehee the second the game loads in, knows exactly what he’s doing

• he’ll move fast to make a quick little community house for everyone to sleep in for the night

• doesn’t like the day one dirt homes it gives him anxiety

• it’s a little small but cozy!! makes everyone a chest and puts a sign above it with their name on it

• adds a “:D” at the end of everyone’s names on the signs, but a “♡” to your name only!!

• zen goes off and makes his gross little dirt house because he doesn’t wanna sleep next to jumin

• he ends up just expanding off the community house once everyone leaves and lives solo with his little parrots

• unless you want to join him!! go ahead he’d love the company

• so nervous in caves and will only go into the shallow parts where the sun still hits, a very silent miner because he’s concentrating

• he’ll go deeper into mines when seven and saeran are with him but he almost pees his pants when the cave noises start to play

• gets startled so easily and screams whenever something happens, it's so loud that the mic automatically cuts it off– so you hear 0.2 seconds of a scream, dead silence, then suddenly “yoosung fell from a high place” it’s so funny

• 9 times out of 10 seven pushed him off too

• takes it seriously, wants to play until the end of the game but everyone else is busy running around with gremlin energy

• his playstyle is a little bit of everything, he’s not a bad builder but he doesn’t spend too much time on it. goal for him is survival and exploration

• if anyone needs anything he’ll run to get it without a second thought doesn’t get the appreciation he deserves >:(

• seven picks on him so much oh my god, once he asked him to come help mine diamonds but actually pushed him into lava and yoosung started to cry

• everyone made seven feel kind of bad for it so he apologized with a full set of diamond armor, tools, flowers and a cake… it still hurt though

jaehee

• minecraft queen

• plays by herself a lot, the music, building on peaceful mode, all the alone time she gets

• loves it a lot actually, especially after a hard day at work

• but she gets so stressed out playing with everyone else

• it’s kinda bad for her health

• sighs into the mic whenever someone’s acting like an absolute fool

• tolerates no bullshit

• do not hit her. not even by accident. do not do it

• it’s so tense, she slowly turns around stares at them for what seems like forever it’s actually so scary

• only you’re allowed to hit her because for the two of you it’s not a smack, it’s a boop

• she does it back too

• “boop!” with a cute little giggle afterwards

• instantly goes to get the basics set up when the game loads in, sticks with yoosung in the beginning to get a bunch of starter materials gathered together

• is always running around doing something but no one knows exactly what because she doesn’t share. she is doing something though, a very productive crafter

• she has never died, ever. probably the highest level here out of anyone else

• the resident necessity provider, will throw you stacks of bread exactly when you need some, it’s like a 6th sense

• has basic mining chests set up for everyone to take from if they want to, so torches, food, tools, dirt, armor etc

• she really likes to decorate more than build, but she’s still really good at it!

• loves designing up floor plans

• not the best at adding the little details though

• her homes always look kinda square so v helps her out with that

• she organizes other people’s chests because she just hates how messy it looks, seven gives her so much anxiety especially

• she’s always cleaning up after him and shutting his doors since he leaves them open constantly

• her play style is a little bit of everything, not afraid of the caves whatsoever so she’ll mine if no one else wants to do it

• you can usually find her decorating though

• spends so much time making a cute little kitchen in her house especially

• a “coffee machine” is definitely a must in her house, also has a really pretty and huge bedroom

• white concrete and dark wood slabs, her house looks so lovely

• decorates zens room for him too

• she doesn’t talk much in the voice chat when jumin’s in there because she doesn’t wanna get fired

• likes to come into peoples houses and jump around a few times to say hi before running off again

• her and zen throw flowers back and forth to each other while crouching up and down like a couple of nerds ♡

seven

• the second the game loads he is off to the races, he is gone baby!! no one knows what he’s doing but everyone knows he fears nothing so it must be exciting

• “GOD707 was slain by enderdragon”

• we’ve been in the game for an hour max how did he- nvm don’t question it

• he’ll randomly show up to the community house out of nowhere, do a few random things here and there, leave again for a few days

• comes back on a skeleton horse, enchanted diamond armor, a fleet of dogs, elytra, the wandering trader enslaved on a lead

• saeran follows him around most of the time so they’ll usually be off doing something together

• seven dies so much omg every five minutes there’s a death message in the chat

• if you manage to track him down you find that he is living absolutely lavish

• has so many bases scattered around like this, this, or this

• spends a lot of time building once everyone else goes offline, does not sleep until his base is done and he’s actually an amazing builder

• v loves to go around in his bases and just gawk

• he does not decorate whatsoever, that's for saeran to do! jaehee comes and organizes because he just throws everything into a chest and leaves

• his playstyle is chaotic horrifying, he does a bit of everything but the main goal is to get to the void and beat the ender dragon with his bare hands, he wants to become god

• never shuts his doors so there’s just big creeper explosion holes in his home that he’s too lazy to fix, claims it adds ~character~

• he loves spelunking so you can find him running around in caves most of the time, there is no fear in this man's soul whatsoever, loves battle and fighting mobs, insults them most of the time while killing them

• throws his diamond armor into lava just for the funsies, always parkouring in caves, you will get so much anxiety being around him

• sometimes mimics the cave noises just to scare yoosung

• burns down villages, starts random fires, jumps into holes, beats up any animal he sees

• sometimes he comes in to hit jumin’s cats just to hear him raise his voice a little and be like “Hey!” it’s really funny but annoys jumin

• he edges the creepers omg gets them to the point where they almost blow up but backs up before they actually do

• redstone master!! builds so many insane things out of it, has an entire theme park dedicated to himself, definitely has a torture room somewhere in his mansion

• he’s always joking around with everyone, especially with you

• “hey mc, hold this for me?”

• he slowly gets real close to you until your hands are touching and your heads are almost morphing into each other

• “bro... are we ab to kiss rn...”

• will come into your bedroom when everyone’s asleep does NOT knock first this man barges right in and stands over your bed, silent for a few seconds before suddenly tossing hundreds of diamonds down on you, throws back some ass a few times before running off once again

• hits people for absolutely no reason and yes he will hit with the intention to kill

• “no swearing in my christian minecraft server”

v

• gets motion sick at video games usually but he actually really likes minecraft!!

• a complete dad so he takes a little bit getting used to the controls but warms up quick

• don’t you dare hit him. that’s evil. he’s like “woah!! something just happened, i got attacked out of nowhere!! we have to be more careful you guys!”

• he’s genuinely so confused and concerned for everyone’s safety

• adores building so much, not just houses but also little structures here and there

• he’ll make greenhouses, vineyards, beach homes, treehouses, statues

• villages get completely revamped if he thinks they’re ugly which most of the time, he does

• his playstyle is completely just building and decorating, sometimes he’ll send jumin out for supplies but it ends badly most of the time

• aka jumin gets lost and/or dies

• he helps build everyone their own little structures so jumin gets a luxury cat mansion, zen gets a shrine dedicated to himself, yoosung gets a stage for his parrots to dance on, jaehee gets a coffee shop in the village, seven gets a giant ph pepper statue, saeran gets a sunflower farm all to himself, and of course you get whatever you want! omg he’d make you a heart shaped nether portal

• he’ll help when he’s needed but he doesn’t really play, he just builds

• everyone brings their spare materials to him if they don’t need them, yoosung and saeran help him farm for stuff if he needs something in particular

• really loves giving house tours when he’s done with a build and it is the cutest thing in the entire world

• he is just so insanely giddy and excited as he shows off all the little details, you can hear the smile in his voice

• everyone validates him and matches his energy too it’s so sweet :’)

• he’s always complimenting everyone on anything and everything they do

• “look at you, finding diamonds! good job!”

• “this house is so very lovely, i love the warm energy it brings.”

• he likes to wander around and find white cats for jumin to tame

• on the rare occasion he comes caving, he’s always the little cheerleader for everyone else of course

• “good luck down here everyone, please stay safe and call out if you need anything. we’re all here to help each other, alright?”

• two seconds later yoosungs drowning in lava, seven is mining bedrock, jumin is being shot by a skeleton, jaehee is fighting off a mob spawner, zen is lost, saeran is riding minecarts around

saeran

• he’s pretty quiet while he plays so no one ever knows what exactly he’s up to, he’s just shy

• picks flower fields absolutely clean, not a singular flower in sight, only if he finds a beehive somewhere then he’ll leave some for them

• has a lot of dye because of that, resident banner creator!!! he’ll make anything that you’d like

• he follows people around– especially seven, and just goes with the flow of whatever they’re up to, chaotic or not

• sometimes you think he’s afk so you just stop and stare at him but then he moves and you jump a little

• yoosung and him will just spam crouch for minutes on end together when they’re bored

• by himself a lot of the time, you can find him playing with some turtles on the beach somewhere or planting flowers

• builds a lot on his own solo server, but doesn’t really like to in the main one because he gets insecure comparing it to v’s and seven’s work.

• he does have his own little house away from seven’s mansion basement though

• if you come in and start complimenting it he gets so shy and blushy

• “thanks… it’s not that impressive i just whipped it up really quick…”

• seven knowing damn well that house took him several hours: 👁_👁

• he hits people to get their attention and then crouches all guiltily when they turn around, throws them a quick little flower before running off

• he has a ton of pink sheep collected outside his house, an army of jebs live in his basement

• his playstyle is just doing whatever he feels like. sometimes he’s getting materials for everyone, other times he’s just sliding around on ice with the polar bears for awhile

• he likes enchanting potions and that kind of stuff

• smacks seven with random potions like slowness, fire, poison

• had a pet fish in a little aquarium at his place, one day it despawned and he nearly burnt down his whole house from being so upset

• still convinced seven killed him

• he doesn’t get scared from the mines

• the nether though is is a different story, it’s terrifying to him

• especially ghasts and the sounds they make. will not go in there unless you are and you beg him to hold your hand or something

• has secret little minecraft pinterest boards full of silly statues and stuff that he likes to build around randomly

• blames herobrine for all of them which scares yoosung

mc (hey thats you!!!)

• jumin lets you name his cats, dye their collars, anything you want even if it’s silly. if you have your own cats then sometimes he brings his favorites over and they have little baby kittens together, you both spam crouch and jump around afterwards from the excitement of it all. don’t worry he pays child support !! you don’t know where he got diamonds but. you’ll take them anyways

• zen brings you random little presents that he thinks are super useful but… are not. you don’t have the heart to tell him that though. thinks spider eye is like the rarest thing in the entire game, secretly comes in to give them to you and message you something like “shh… keep it secret jagiya~ ;)” it’s the thought that counts

• yoosung is always so sweet with everything he does, he’ll bring you any sort of materials, tools. anything you need it’s yours. once he ran in front of you to take the hit from a poison spider when you know he’s absolutely terrified of them so you could get away safely. he tries his best to be brave for you <3

• jaehee invites you to her kitchen for taste testing, you’ll come in and try all the lil cakes she has sitting out while giving your feedback on all them in detail. mm yes very good, love the electric taste of the pixels in this one! finally she’ll be like wtf are we doing

• seven surprises you by making a cute little heart shape out of redstone, you press a button and it lights up red, fireworks go off, he’s jumping around throwing flowers and diamonds at you. he’ll put a sign down that says “will you… put your minecraft bed next to mine?”

• v is constantly checking in on you, he’ll say “knock knock!” before coming into your room, you’re like hey what’s up!! he replies i missed you! i just wanted to say hi :) before leaving again, comes in every day cycle with snacks to make sure you’re eating properly of course

• saeran brings you flowers all the time, he’ll shyly sneak into your room, crouch over to the bed super slowly, suddenly start throwing stacks of flowers all over you, crouch up n down a couple of times before running for the hills. forgets to shut your door and runs back real quick to shut it before leaving again

thanks for reading! find more on my mysme masterlist ♡!

[tots-insane-ee]

uh. hcs for being on a long car trip with the warners?

Long car trip with the Warners would include:

Reminder: This is completely platonic and just pure fluff. Reader is gender-neutral and not species specific

Oh boy-

Okay, so we all know, based on the “I’m mad” segment from the original series how they would act in this situation… normally

These kids just don’t like sitting still in confined spaces for too long 

And also sibling shenanigans

But now that you are here it kinda shakes a few things up

It was actually Dr. Scracthansniff’s idea to go on a trip, he felt guilty about tricking the puppy children back in “Hindenburg cola” and they haven’t talked properly in 20 years. He wants to make up to them

BUT! He’s worried about things that can go wrong, because A) he knows what these kids are like and B) he thinks they might be mad at him

That’s where you come into the picture

“Please, Mrs. Y/n!” Scratchy would beg, following after you on his knees “I know we don’t know each other that much, but the kids like you and trust you. They would be so much happier and I’m sure it would be much more safer if you come along as well”

You didn’t plan on saying “no”. A trip and potential adventure with your zany friends?? Hell yeah! But you also felt kinda bad for the psychologist

He let you choose the place where you all will spend the day

You both went to the water tower the next day to help Yakko, Wakko and Dot getting ready

Let me tell you, when they saw you with Scratchansniff that morning next to the car, their excitement already left the charts 

The mood quickly changed

Oh, but bold of you to assume that this is gonna be easy, oh you poor soul 

You guys were going with Scratchy’s car and he was driving. 

Problem number 1: Who’s gonna sit in the passenger seat? You guys haven’t even left the movie lot, the argument already started

“Y/n gonna sit in the middle, but that means one of us has to be in the front seat.” “Well, Yakko, we all know what that means, right?” “Uhhhh no. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Me and Wakko are too young and short to sit in the passenger seat, it’s the law. It can only be you.” “What?! That’s not fair.” “Sorry bro, the rules are the rules.” “When did we ever care about the rules?? I refuse.” “Oh, so you mean you want Y/n to sit there? If you can’t sit with her you don’t want any of us to sit with her?” “Booo, selfish!” “No, I’m not!” “Yes, you are!” “Nuh-uh!” “You are-”

In the end, you agreed that Yakko stays in the backseat and you’ll switch places with him on the way back. He will be bitter about it but oh well

Now you all can actually go

It was nice and dandy and peaceful-

“You poked me with your elbow in my side!” “No I didn't!” “Yes you did!” “Nuh-uh!” “You did!” “You're lying, don't deny it!” “Oh, I'm gonna hit you.” “Yeah, just try it.” “Will both of you be quiet?!-” 

Ahhh… it has truly been a beautiful 5 minutes...

“You guys wanna play games?” Okay, now you got their attention “Oh, danke Gott…” Scratchy would say, letting out a relieved sigh

Scavenger hunt, I spy, would you rather, barkochba, whisper challenge, finish my sentence, never have I ever, punch buggy… you name it all!

Really competitive rock-paper-scissors sessions

“Cows on my side!” “Wakko… that’s a dalmatian.”

There was an attempt for “the quiet game”, they didn’t last for 10 seconds

Just imagine singing along to the songs from the radio together 

“Are we there yet? I'm tired. I'm hungry. How far? My nose is snotty. Need to move my body. Gotta use the potty. Better stop the car.” And so you guys stopped at a gas station, got some snacks too

They, no matter what they are doing or eating, won’t get car sick. 

(Will take care of you if you do. They were surprisingly prepared for that?? Like get you some water and rub your back gently, brushing the hair away from your face if you throw up)

“Stop it!” “No, you stop it!” ”Why can't you both just drop it?!” “Well, he started it!” “Oh, yeah, I'm really sure, uh-huh” “Na-ah!” “Uh-uh!”

As I said, they really can’t handle sitting in one place for too long

Once reaching your destination, they realized where exactly they are. It’s the same circus where Scratchy took them to one time

They would give you and Scratchansniff both a big hug and a kiss, then grab you by the hand to show you everything

The day passed away faster than you guys thought, it’s always this way when you have fun. The sun was setting and it was time to go home

The Warners apologized for arguing too much and they all took their seats, now you sitting between Wakko and Dot, and Yakko in the passenger seat

The ride back home was quiet. Both Wakko and Dot fell asleep next to you, leaning their heads onto your shoulders, curling next to your side. 

“Thanks for today, toots” Yakko whispered with a tired grin on his face. He turned around and reached his hand out so he could gently ruffle his sibs’ head. “The circus was your idea, wasn’t it?” You only flashed him a knowing smile, feeling sleepy as well. He poked your cheek in response before turning to Scratchansniff.

“Thanks to you too, Doc. I thought you forgot about this place.” “There’s nothing to thank. And how could I forget? We had so much fun that time as well. Also, truly… I missed you kids.” “Awe, we missed you too, old man”

You fell asleep listening to their talking, holding the other two Warners close

The next trip just can’t come soon enough

[4aloysius-porteu]

Beat Saber

pairing: kaminari denki x reader

wc: 1277

genre: fluff 

You woke up from your sleep for the reason you don't know because its still dark. Your sleepy eyes looked at your phone to know the time.

It was 3:24 in the morning.

Your eyes closed again and hugged the pillow beside you in attempt to go back to sleep, but in vain. It was cold, but its not enough to lull you to slumber. You couldn't sleep, so you got up of your bed and walked out of your dorm.

You yawned as you walked in the dark halls and reached the balcony of the building. You opened the door and the frigid breeze of air greeted you, with a sky covered with faint clouds. You leaned your head in your hand and sighed. Who else would be awake at this time?

'What should I do now... I'm so bored...' You thought.

That's when an idea struck your brain. You rushed back inside to get something in your room and turned on the lights in the living room. You suddenly became so excited because you remembered the gaming console you bought yesterday night. You opened the box and squealed.

Its Beat Saber, a video game released last year and it got famous because of its gameplay and the level of coolness. The only way to describe it is that its a game where the DJ and Star Wars meet.

You assembled the cables and the parts to their ports. Almost everything was set, all was left is to you to wear the VR Glasses. You glanced to the clock once again.

"Gaming at 3:35am? Cool, but im'ma post this in IG later. " You shrugged.

You were about to wear the glasses when you heard the elevator rung and opened. It revealed your sleepy boyfriend, who was shocked in sight of you.

"(Y/N)? What are you doing at this time?" Kaminari said as he walked towards you.

"I could be asking you the same thing, you know." You replied.

"Well, I fell off on my bed and my head hurt so I can't go back to sleep anymore and I was going to apply hot compress and then I saw you."

"I woke up for no reason and I was bored so I thought of playing this video game."

"Video game? What's the name?" He asked.

You exclaimed, "Its Beat Saber!"

His eyes widened, "For real?! That's cool! Lemme see!"

"Welp, you said you're going to apply some hot compress to your head, didn't you?"

"Yeah, right."

You chuckled, "Why do you still fall off the bed?"

He replied in the kitchen, "Why do you still play video games?"

"Cus its awesome,"

"Isn't it awesome to fall off the bed too? You should try!"

"You wish!"

After a few minutes, you asked him, "Hey, how do you know the game?"

"My neighbor played it with me once. The graphics are very lit, and I always feel like a DJ every time I play it. Plus, its all over on my social media, even if its released a year ago already. "

Oh, right. Denki likes trendy things so its impossible for him not to know this VG.

You turned to him, "Wanna watch?"

"Definitely." He answered and sat on the couch.

You connected the game into the TV to allow him to watch your game. You chose your favorite song to play and pressed the start button. While waiting for the actual start, you asked him.

"Denki, is the game hard?"

"What do you think?"

"I think its easy."

"Nope, its not. Find it out yourself. Goodluck!"

You sighed and started smashing the floating tiles coming in your direction with your swords. When the song reached its middle, it gradually became faster, so the tiles came more quick, increasing the difficulty. You barely hit the tiles.

"Uwaaah, Denki, its so hard!!" You said while trying to hit all the tiles in one hit.

"I told you so! You could've started with Twinkle, Twinkle if you want it easy."

"No way! It'll be boring!"

He shrugged and continued to watch you, while you desperately try to be a Jedi to get a high score.

The song ended, with a score of 48,687.

Denki laughed at you, "Haha! That's not even in the half of my high score!"

"Don't laugh at me, I just started the game." You pouted.

"On the first time played it, I got a score of 196,458."

"Holy cow, really?!"

"Yeah, I still have the screenshot though. Here." He showed me the photo.

"You should've told me earlier so you can demo the game to me!"

"I thought you were a pro."

"I was never a pro in any game! You are!"

"Hey, now, I'm not that pro. Okay?"

"But you know how to play it quickly! Teach me!"

He sighed and made his way beside me, "If you insist..."

You started to play the song again and waited for the tiles to come. Denki moved at your back and held the both of your arms to guide you.

You blushed at the loss of words and his closeness to you.

"In this way, my quirk won't be able to interfere." He said. You let out a nervous laugh.

The tiles came Denki began to move your arms to the right direction and hit the tiles without ease. Damn, he's so good at playing these kind of games!

"Just move your arms faster and give 'em a little stretch to reach the high and low ones," He demonstrated, "Also, watch for your timing. That gets you every time."

"This is that complicated?" You asked.

"Yeah, it is but I'm not calculating anything. You know how dumb I am so I just enjoy the whole game!"

He let go of your arms to let you control the swords in the middle of the song, "Now, you try it, baby!"

As the quick tiles came, you followed the beats and sliced each of the tiles clean. Up, down, left, right and repeat. Your timing is exact on the music.

Denki snaked his arms to your hips, "That's better."

Blood rushed up to your face, "Hey, D-Denki, let go! I can't play p-properly!"

He placed his chin on your shoulder, "Nah, you can. You're secretly enjoying this anyway." He smirked.

"No, I'm not!" You defended, even if your faced looked like a tomato by now.

"Yes, you are." He leaned in and kissed your cheek.

You almost fainted in that moment, but you managed to finish the game. In the end, you got a score of 153,390.

"W-Wow, what a score..." You mumbled.

"Nice one, (Y/N)! You almost beat my score! I told you it'll be fun!"

You removed the VR Glasses and hugged him, "Uh... I-I enjoyed it b-because... you p-played with... with me..."

"You know, I'll play that VG with you all over again. And you're also cute when you get flustered." He poked your cheek.

You hid your face in his chest, "S-Shut up..."

You broke the hug when you remembered something. "Wait, Denki."

You grabbed your phone and opened the camera to take a picture. Both of you posed and smiled for it. Once its done, you instantly posted it in IG with a caption of "Gaming at 3:51am"

After that, he scooped you up in his arms again, "Aww, I'm so lucky to have a cute, gamer girlfriend like (Y/N)!"

"Well, I'm also lucky to have a handsome, goofy boyfriend like you, Denki."

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [a picture of Rio with her eyes crossed out like 1. Miss you and 2. Guess who I just talked to]

Edie: ofc she did 😑

Edie: what’s the damage

Liam: 0 to us I deflected the - to Lexie

Liam: do you want her framed for jumpscaring herself or is there anyone else

Edie: That’s all she cared about?

Edie: Bitch

Liam: it just didn’t take no time to convince her we’re perfect for each other

Liam: bc we are

Edie: yeah we are 🥰

Edie: surprised she copped to anything of the sort though

Edie: clearly can’t resist being nice to you

Edie: Lexie needs to calm down

Edie: 🤔 I mean, be kinda fucking hilarious if everyone reckoned she was doing it to herself

Edie: but maybe I’ve been too mean already 🥺

Edie: what do you think?

Liam: I think it’s pretty close to showing everyone her true colours if we do, Lex has gotta have been talking to your sister about me, I could tell, she thought I was a dick before I talked her round

Edie: She wouldn’t be happy for me unless you were a total 🤓 with no dick

Edie: that’s just what she’s like, crazy

Edie: but also not a stretch to see Lexie being a gossipy cow, I’ve heard her on other people before so

Edie: why would I give a fuck if her life is ruined

Liam: she basically accused me of wanting to hit you up for one reason and then wanting to immediately dip, if she thinks that’s what I’m like that’s only coming from one person

Edie: She’s pathetic

Edie: it’s clearly her saying it because you didn’t sleep with her

Edie: it wouldn’t be hard to spoof some shit, make it look like her

Edie: and she has nothing to say it was me, or you like she thought, and it weren’t no one else so she’s fucked, basically

Liam: [send her some shit that you’ve already started to work on because you knew she’d agree with this plan and the bits of the Rio convo where you said you’d try and find out and made it sound like you thought it was her but obvs it couldn’t possibly be hehe]

Edie: You’re so smart

Edie: She deserves this, she was definitely bitching about you, you can tell from how hard Rih said she weren’t

Liam: don’t be upset with me, but I was thinking about how Lexie also deserves to see us together and you happy and I invited them both to your show

Liam: you did say you want your family to take your music seriously

Edie: I’m not mad

Edie: You invited Rih too so she isn’t going to think you’re trying to get back with her

Edie: and I get to rub that and the fact I’m talented in her face?

Edie: It’s a good idea, baby

Liam: still, if you wanna create me in game and spend your time testing out different murder options, I won’t be mad, I should’ve asked you if it was a good idea before saying yeah to having us all there

Edie: [an 8-bit Liam but obvs we’re making an 8-bit us to smooch him not murder him, a lil gif moment of this or whatever it would be]

Liam: you only want a play through where we 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻

Edie: that might make the thread 🤮 but idk if they’d be 😱

Liam: we’ll keep it off thread

Liam: [send her the floor plan to where your dad lives/holiday cottages so she can build it in sims like my boo would, live your dreams kids]

Edie: don’t need to make 50k nerds jealous, I get you

Edie: [just nerd out with that]

Edie: I’ll show you how generic the 👶 is

Edie: very rude

Liam: if the mods and cc don’t fix it, I’ll pretend I don’t 👀

Edie: the 👀 are already insane colours

Liam: no match for yours in real life

Edie: [pics forever]

Edie: [obviously also make your enemies to actually kill and send that]

Liam: if you sent it to Lexie nobody’d believe she created herself looking that accurate

Edie: harsh reality of a sim

Edie: the alpha CC does look like her facetune attempts, tbf

Liam: at least you can make her try to seduce the grim reaper instead of me

Edie: she’ll have ample opportunity to meet him

Edie: [all the dramatic deaths cut with her sim when they get hysterical]

Edie: I’m still mad at her

Edie: Rih blatantly thinking it was me too, not surprising but still 🖕

Edie: how’s it been today

Liam: only bc she knows how smart you are and most people who Lex hangs out with ain’t, I barely had to cover for you so she don’t really wanna think it

Edie: story of her life

Liam: how 😡 are you

Edie: it’s exhausting being mad at her, there’s nothing to do

Edie: people like Lexie, you can fuck with, or care even less than that

Liam: would it make you feel better to fuck with Lexie more

Edie: I wanna make you feel better more

Edie: you must be feeling as bored and crazy as me, if not more

Liam: if I could feel anything it’d be 💔 you’re not happy or here

Edie: is it worse

Edie: nothing

Edie: maybe that’s stupid

Edie: nothing seems preferable sometimes but only sometimes, which is maybe what takes it over feeling too much

Liam: it’s isolating, everyone expects me to feel too much, that’s acceptable, even years after

Edie: acceptance would be easier

Edie: you have me

Edie: no matter what

Edie: idc if no one else gets me, you do

Liam: I dunno what it says about people that they’d be happy if I was going round punching holes in walls but I know my ma would

Liam: she looks at me like she’s waiting for it, watching for a massive crack or something

Edie: they’ve got their reason, they want the reaction

Edie: then they can link a and b and ???

Edie: problem solved, not really

Edie: but they understand it and can wash their hands of you

Edie: that’s what they give a shit about

Liam: yeah

Edie: enough sympathy and hot meals dropped off and you’ll be ‘fixed’

Edie: you weren’t even the sick one

Liam: get enough hobbies, a part-time job, a girlfriend, move the fuck on

Edie: right

Edie: it’s so

Edie: I can’t think of the word

Liam: “she’d want you to be happy/have a life” no she fucking wouldn’t, she wanted it for herself

Edie: dead people get sainted

Edie: no room for who they actually were, better and worse

Liam: she’d hate me having any of those things just to rub in her face

Edie: what was she like, between being sick

Liam: I’ll show you

Edie: do you reckon she’d want you to remember what she’d want for you then, instead of how she was at the end

Edie: not to be like every other cunt about it

Edie: not that simple, or at all

Liam: she was a teenage girl, she’d probably want me to do more fitting in too until I’ve completed the coming of age shite milestones everyone else is, instead of telling other teenage girls from the internet how fucked up I am 😏

Edie: I think that might be a milestone so 👏

Edie: the bullshit of your sister not having her own life to live dealt with then, in this scenario

Edie: we have to find what you want

Edie: even if that’s not 🤵👧🐶🧒👰 with me

Edie: not gonna be Lexie about it, you know

Edie: I’ll still help you find it

Liam: I want you, not to be gay about it

Liam: to see where this is gonna go, how far I can take it before it ends

Edie: then let’s do it

Edie: what can I do today

Liam: what would you be doing if you could do anything

Edie: that’s the problem

Edie: I wanna be with you

Edie: but I don’t know what we’d do yet

Liam: I said I’d show you what my sister was like, the quickest way to do it is to act like nothing matters, your behaviour has no consequences

Liam: it’s not about me at all, only what you want, what’s gonna happen

Edie: and I can’t hurt you

Edie: because you don’t feel anything yet, yeah?

Liam: you can’t hurt me

Edie: you promise

Edie: do that and then we can do what I want

Liam: how do you want me to promise

Edie: 🤏🩸

Edie: mine is 📫

Liam: [brb father he’s gotta go draw some blood and put it into something she can wear as jewellery like Angelina Jolie and record the endeavour to send to the bae]

Edie: [that’s exactly what we gonna send, I know you can legit buy them so I’ll find a cool pic tah, his poor father so confusion]

Liam: [great minds boo]

Edie: kiss it better for me

Liam: [send her another video boy we’re in this deep]

Edie: god

Edie: okay, what do you do to relieve stress, let go and let off steam

Edie: do that

Liam: what do I do or what should you, bc I have an idea that I think would make you feel better about your sister

Edie: you can start by telling me what I should do because I’m intrigued

Liam: she said she’d lose it at Lexie if she did anything to you, if you lower your IQ by at least 100 you could have fun trashing her room but making it look like she did it herself to frame you, you’d have to wait til she was forced out with her family and bc there’s no check in or selfie proof everyone would just think they’re covering for her, but that’d be the only boring bit

Liam: your sister would feel bad for falling for it and believing you might be involved at all

Edie: I definitely don’t want to see her at mine ever again

Edie: I’ll do it

Edie: Bet she has a shrine to you

Liam: a curse would explain me being dead inside

Edie: she has no ✨

Edie: so whilst I’m ripping the heads off all her 🧸s

Edie: you’ve gotta do…

Liam: 🏊 the only thing there is to do

Edie: your da didn’t come prepared? 🔥🪓

Liam: he’d be prepared with a 🧯 more like but I don’t need his help 🔥🪓

Edie: you should see if anyone is around, like anywhere

Edie: see how easy it is to 👀 them without getting caught

Liam: it’s like you know me inside out

Edie: I do

Edie: I’ve got X-Ray 👀s

Liam: next time you miss me you can do an artistic rendering

Edie: of all your vital organs

Edie: not to kill the mystery and show myself up as a fake fan on the forums

Edie: but I think the outside view of you is a lot prettier 😳🥰

Liam: ok I’ll not send you any in the 📫

Edie: only the non-vitals, tah 😏

Liam: what’s left Alexis hasn’t got in her shrine

Edie: she 🥺 so hard you gave her your gallbladder

Liam: 10% risk of shitting myself side effects after it’s gone, 100% chance of that putting her off wanting to jump me, I’d do it

Edie: no need to do that now I’m here

Edie: no one is gonna wanna jump her when she’s outed as 😵🥴🤡

Liam: I’ll keep the scalpel sharp for lads who wanna get with you when they realise you’re 🤩🤓😎😇😈

Edie: I’m not complaining

Edie: I only want you around, ever

Liam: I’ll be going nowhere without you ever when I get back

Edie: Good

Edie: because I feel like

Edie: it’s like I’m doing so much to fill my time but I still just think about and miss you constantly

Liam: I’ll climb a tree and call you from the top

Edie: Describe your view the best you can

Edie: like I’m there too

Liam: facetime’ll make you feel like you are

Edie: not quite VR but I’ll take it

Edie: talking to you feels like our own 🪐 anyway

Liam: [do climb a tree and call her because what a mood just like you’re Elizabeth Allen]

Edie: [save that tree henny]

Liam: [do we wanna skip to his bday now or is there anything else you can think of that you wanna do while he’s still away?]

Edie: [hmm, we probably know the vibe, she’s busy with all the things they’re gonna continue when he’s back, also finding the first house they can break into and stay in, fucking with Lexie loads more]

Liam: [yeah and if we do think of anything specific later we can skip back it’s chill]

Edie: [let’s do it]

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 6/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: and it’s a wrap! for now anyway bc i totally dont have a fic coming based on the good news nicky had for jaida! i just want to say thank you to every single person who read, liked and reblogged this story. it means so much to me, i’m so glad people enjoyed the strange idea that came into my brain. <3 (also! i wanted to let you guys know that i’m planning on posting this fic on ao3 as well, probably after this chapter is posted on here. my username on there is drivingmecrazy !!)

crystal: does everyone’s spring break start this weekend too?? anyone doing anything??

jan!: mine does! i’m staying home all week, jackie is leaving me :(

nicky: my spring break isn’t until late april!! wtf :(

heidi: ha loser

heidi: i’m going to play animal crossing all weekend i can’t wait

Jackie: I’m going to Canada to visit family on Sunday. Jan, if you want we can hang out on Saturday if you’re going to miss me that much. :P

nicky: i’ll hang out with you jackie

jan: i hate you nicky

jaida: i have a pageant next week!!

jan!: yaas gorg

nicky: bring home the crown!

crystal: GO JAIDA!

nicky: also jaida call me. i have good news for you :)

gigi: crystal you already know what’s going down

crystal: do i now?

gigi: GOOD LUCK JAIDA!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OUR WINNER

Crystal had somewhat of an idea of what was going down. She had been granted permission to sleep over at Gigi’s house, and they would be going on their date the following day. Gigi would not tell Crystal anything about where they were going, and refused to give her any hints no matter how much Crystal begged. 

The next morning, on their walk to school, Crystal finally got a hint. 

“You tweeted about it. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Crystal had almost 30 thousand tweets, her Twitter was her space to say weird things without being judged too harshly, and she had a lot of things to say! She thought about things she might’ve tweeted about wanting to do, or places she wanted to go, but came up empty handed.

“Well, you have the whole day to think about it. I’ll meet you after school, yeah?”

-

Gigi’s mom offered to pick them up after school, even though the walk from their school to Gigi’s house wasn’t far. Crystal finally met Nancy, Gigi’s beloved dog. Crystal didn’t want to do anything besides hold the dachshund to her chest all night, but Gigi wouldn’t let her, saying it wasn’t fair for Nancy to get all of the attention even though Gigi does the exact same thing with Tic Tac.

They made homemade pizza for dinner, and played monopoly with Gigi’s parents and her brother. Gigi’s brother thought Crystal was cute, and hit on Crystal; trying out a ridiculous pickup line on the green haired girl every chance he got. After they called off the game, Gigi excused her and Crystal to her room.

“So quick to leave, Georgina,” Crystal teased, sitting down next to Nancy who was using Gigi’s strawberry cow pillow pet as a headrest. 

“Wanna spend time with you. Can we cuddle?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company until Gigi spoke up.

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Crystal asked, lost.

“Come out to my friends. I thought I was ready but obviously I’m not.”

“It’s okay, Gigi. You’ll know when it’s time, don’t rush it.”

“I just want to be more open, I guess.”

“That’s good, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to take baby steps, G.”

“Was it hard? To come out?”

“To who?” Crystal snorted, “You know I don’t have any friends. I’m pretty sure everyone at school already knows, though.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Probably. She got a little too suspicious when I started liking Poppy.”

This turned into revealing who their first gay crush was, and how and when they figured out they liked girls like the rest of their friends liked boys. Crystal told Gigi about how she originally tried to fake like One Direction so no one would suspect anything, and Gigi told Crystal about how she refused to listen to any music sung by female artists for half a year before they decided to go to sleep.

-

Crystal had woken up first. She didn’t bother waking up Gigi, going to scroll through Twitter instead. It was still early, but the group chat was on some bullshit, Jan changed her display name to Nicky and changed her profile picture to Nicky’s to mock her. Nicky did not find this funny in the slightest, but Jaida did.

nicky: i’m nicky i’m french i love stealing my friends gfs

jaida: omg period!

THE REAL nicky: JAIDA THAT’S NOT ME!!!

jaida: proof?

THE REAL nicky: I HATE IT HERE!!

nicky: croissant

crystal: HELPDGNJKFNJ

THE REAL nicky: i cannot stand jan. this is why jackie should date me instead

Crystal couldn’t stop laughing, which ended up waking Gigi up. Gigi was grumpy at first, but that changed when she realized they needed to get ready to go on the date she had planned.

After they had gotten up and dressed, they sat next to each other in front of the giant, floor length mirror next to Gigi’s closet to do their makeup. Gigi stopped doing her makeup after putting on her foundation, deciding that watching Crystal do her eye shadow was more entertaining than finishing the look she had in mind.

“Stop looking at me, you’re making me nervous!” Crystal giggled when she noticed Gigi’s stares, not actually wanting Gigi to stop.

“I’ll think about it,” Gigi paused, pretending to think, “I will not. You look beautiful.”

Crystal squawked, “I barely have anything on my face!”

“So?”

“What are you, gay or something?” Crystal teased, making Gigi poke at her sides, “Stop being a dork and finish your makeup!”

“Fine. Only because we need to get going soon.”

-

“Wait, you know how to drive?” Crystal asked, getting in the passenger seat.

“Yeah! I don’t have my own car yet, but I got my license on my 16th birthday. I am not enforcing the stereotype at all!” Gigi grinned, opening the garage door and starting her mom’s car.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Can I play music?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Gigi handed her the aux cord and started backing out of the driveway. 

“Okay. This is the ultimate test,” Crystal stated, starting to play a song. “Which One Direction song is this?”

The song in question was good, but Gigi didn’t recognize it. She had only listened to ‘Midnight Memories’ because it was Crystal’s favorite album, and she knew for sure Crystal wasn’t playing a song from that album. “Is it from ‘Made in the A.M’?”

“Trick question! It’s one of Niall’s solo songs. It’s called ‘Dear Patience’!” Crystal laughed, thinking she had pulled off the biggest prank in the world.

“Oh, fuck. I should’ve known there was only one person singing.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, and Gigi almost running a stop sign, they finally pulled up at a cute little thrift shop on the outskirts of town, and Crystal was just about shaking with excitement. “I love thrifting! I’ve only been once, but it was so fun! I found that jumpsuit I wore that one day while thrifting!” She rambles, rushing to get out of the car and inside.

“Wait, when I did tweet about this?”

Around the time they had first started talking, Crystal had tweeted about how her dream date was going thrifting. Gigi naturally stored this information in the back of her mind, even though at the time she never thought she would need it.

On their walk from the parking lot to the store, Crystal held her hand out, which Gigi hesitantly accepted.

“We should play a game! We should split up and pick out an outfit for the other person without them knowing and then meet up and try them on!” 

Gigi’s heart swelled, Crystal was so cute. “That sounds fun, but how do I know this isn’t just a trick to dress me up in something hideous?” Gigi teased, making Crystal blush.

“I would never, don’t be ridiculous,” Crystal scoffed, “I’ll save that for the next time we go thrifting!”

Crystal let go of Gigi’s hand to open the door for her, splitting up as soon as they walked into the shop.

It didn’t take them very long to pick out their pieces. Crystal stayed true to her word, picking out a light green, halter top dress for Gigi. Gigi, on the other hand, had picked out a hideous pair of neon pink, zebra print leggings and a red flannel shirt.

“Gigi, what is that?” Crystal scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“You like patterns, why not clash them?” Gigi tried to defend herself, but could barely finish her sentence before bursting out laughing.

“No! I’m not getting that! I’m not even going to try on that outfit. It’s yucky.”

“That’s fine, give me the dress you picked out for me. I need that.” Gigi snatched it from Crystal’s hands, walking quickly to the dressing room.

The dress looked gorgeous on Gigi. Crystal was so glad she took their game seriously. 

They looked around together for a little bit before wandering from each other yet again. Gigi somehow ended up with a pile of clothes that you would only see in a very successful thrifting haul video on YouTube. Crystal had stuck to the men’s section, immediately claiming some loud button ups and with a little digging, she found a very specific, out of place t-shirt that said something about how ‘real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper’ that she found hilarious and needed to own.

“What does that say? Some grandmas play bingo, real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper?” Gigi questioned when they finally met back up, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it’s sending me. I need it!”

“So you hated my outfit I got for you, but you’re buying that?” Gigi teased.

“You do not understand the art of highly specific shirts, like these, babe. I’ll have to teach you all about them later.”

Gigi thought Crystal was an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

-

After paying for their clothes, they got back into the car. Gigi started driving, not telling Crystal where their next stop was. The stop happened to be the Taco Bell drive thru, which Crystal was excited about. “Okay, I do remember tweeting about wanting to go to Taco Bell.” 

When they got their food, Gigi placed the bag in the back seat, making Crystal raise an eyebrow. 

“You’re a messy eater, so we aren’t eating in the car. My mom would kill me if we made a mess.”

While Crystal tried to convince Gigi she was not a messy eater and her mom’s car would be fine, Gigi pulled up to a park.

“Can you find a spot to sit down at so we can eat it there?” Gigi requested. It took Crystal about two seconds to travel from the car to the grass, settling down in a shady spot underneath some trees. Gigi joined Crystal, holding a blue blanket as well as the brown paper bag.

“It’s not a picnic blanket, I couldn’t find one but I hope it works.”

“It does! I love picnics!” Crystal hops up so Gigi can lay down the blanket, going to retrieve the drinks that they forgot in the car. 

Their lunch was filled with flirting, stupid inside jokes and Crystal loved every second of it. She knew for sure by the end of the day she would not be single anymore, but the lack of confirmation was making her antsy.

Once they were done eating, Gigi collected all of the wrappers and cups, walking across the grass to the nearest trash can to dispose of them. When Gigi came back, she had a huge grin on her face, “Well, Crystal Elizabeth. I would like to think that I successfully wooed you, if only you could do something for me in return…”

“What do you have in mind, Georgina?” Crystal giggles, hoping Gigi couldn’t tell how nervous that statement made her.

“Crystal Elizabeth, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?” 

“God, yes. I’ve been waiting for this for months.” Crystal exclaimed, immediately being pulled into a kiss.

They stayed at the park after that. Crystal’s inner child had jumped out after the kiss was broken and she wanted to play on the playground. 

“Wait, Crystal! Come here, the light looks good right now and we need to take our reveal selfie!”

-

Their date came to an end when Crystal’s mom texted her asking to come home. Crystal’s mom had no idea what she was interrupting, as Crystal did not tell her mom what they were actually doing.

“I hate it here, I would let this date go on all week if I could.” Crystal pouted, buckling her seatbelt.

“If there’s any other place you want to go this week, we could go on our second date.” Gigi smiled, reaching out to hold Crystal’s hand.

“Be careful, I know steering with one hand is peak lesbianism, but I don’t know if you’re a good enough driver to do that yet.” Crystal joked, even though she gladly accepted Gigi’s hand.

“Oh, shut up. Like you could go ten minutes without holding my hand.”

Crystal kissed Gigi again when they got on her street, Gigi parking a few houses down for privacy.

“This was fun. I really am happy with everything. You completely wooed me, Georgina.”

“I’m glad. Does this mean I can call you my clown girlfriend now?” Gigi jokingly asked, making Crystal let out a tiny scream.

“As dumb as that sounds, yes. You can.”

Gigi did not let Crystal get out of the car without getting another kiss.

-

Crystal entered her house, her grin slowly fading when she saw her mom waiting for her.

“You took a while to come home.” Crystal’s mom started, under the impression she was at Gigi’s house. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t find my charger.” Crystal felt bad for lying to her mom, but she didn’t want to tell her what happened yet.

“Oh, your generation and your phones. I was starting to get worried.”

“Mama, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m going to my room now, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start dinner. We’re having your favorite!”

The second Crystal got into her room, she locked her door and jumped on her bed, logging onto Twitter.

crystal: good evening l a d i e s

jan!: HEY!

jaida: crystal!

Jackie: You haven’t been active today, what were you up to?

heidi: not jackie demanding answers

nicky: ooooh

gigi: well, since you asked…

crystal: :D

gigi: my girlfriend crystal and i went on our first date today. isn’t she beautiful??

The group erupted into chaos the second they saw their selfie, congratulating the new couple for finally getting together. Crystal wouldn’t have it any other way. She would be forever grateful for being added into Elites Only, and even more for the special girl she had met there.

gigi: so, any ideas for our second date?

crystal: tons, babe. i’m gonna blow your mind.

[juminsmysticmc]

I'm that anon with the cutting request. It's ok that you don't want to write it I understand that like you said it's a really sensitiv topic😊 Can I have a Headcanon with the RFA+Minor Duo who play Shooter Games like Borderlands, Bioshock or Games like that together with MC who loves this kind of Games and is really good at it insted?

RFA + Minor Duo with a Mc who likes and plays shooting games and is good at them 

Okay babe! Here you are! Sry for the long wait, I also had to watch some videos on YouTuber since I’m not a gamer, lol! I hope you enjoy it!

Jumin

,,Oh oh oh oh oh!’’ you suddenly cursed as loud noises were heard.

Jumin Han just came home and rushed into the living room where he heard your voice.

He was a bit scared of what he would find there. There were loud noises, but all he found was you playing a game.

It was winter apparently, and you seemed to run.

,,Are those little dragons?’’ he suddenly asked you, making you shriek and look up at him.

,,Oh dear, Jumin, you scared me!’’ you giggled and kissed him.

,,Welcome home, husband. I’m sorry that I didn’t welcome you,’’ you told him and hugged him.

The game was on pause and somehow Jumin wanted to know what you were doing.

And so, just a few minutes later the both of you sat in front of the device while you began to explain what the game was about.

,,Like, basically you fight against different enemies and gather different things until you get a key to open the -’’ suddenly you stopped.

,,Actually no, let’s just play. I don’t want to spoil it for you,’’ you laughed and made him play.

At first it was pretty hard for your husband, but you also got to laugh a lot, making him grin too.

,,Woah, I never thought that we wouldn’t win something, but we have to play the second game to see what we really are fighting for. That’s a good marketing technique…’’ he mumbled.

You nodded.

,,It is and I think that they were also pretty good at it,’’ you nodded and showed him all the games you owned.

,,Let’s have a game night, Jumin!’’ you tapped him and began to play once again.

Zen

,,You’re a gamer?’’ Zen asked you when you begged him to enter GameStop.

You nodded and looked at their latest games.

,,I love shooting games and I’m good at them. I know everything, Borderlands, Bioshock, Call of Duty. Hell, there are so many games!’’ you laughed and looked at him.

,,I don’t believe you. How can a girl be good at such violent games?’’ Zen asked you, making you fired up.

The both of you spend the whole night playing together and really - you were always the winner.

You even showed him some new tricks and taught him how to play different games.

,,Oh babe, I never thought that you could be so good at them. I mean, I’m baffled!’’ he laughed as he looked at the ranks.

You nodded and clapped on your shoulders, turning off the TV and kissing Zen.

With your hands you signed a gun.

,,Hands up and promise me that we will play every weekend so that you can become better or you’ll embarrass me when I make you meet my friends!’’ you laughed and kissed Zen, who was now  kind of scared of your environment.

Yoosung

,,What is my husband doing?’’ you asked him as you looked over his shoulder, seeing that he was playing LOLOL.

,,Mhh… you still play it?’’ you asked him and got a nod.

,,I need to teach you one day. It’s such an amazing game!’’ he happily told you, making you shake your head.

,,Everyone has a different taste but,’’ you began ,,I know games which make you fall in their abyss even more than LOLOL,’’

Well, this was something that your husband just couldn’t believe and so the both of you made a bet and began to play all the games you knew.

However, you won and ended up playing three hours with him in some shooting games.

You were pretty good at them and Yoosung wondered what you were doing all your life.

,,I think I know now why you always defended me and supported me,’’ he began as he paused the game to brew you some coffee and take out some Honey Buddha Chips you stole from Seven.

,,Yeah, because we’re the same. You don’t wanna know how many lessons I missed,’’ you laughed and began to explain to him how to play Devil May Cry, turning on your PS4 and grinning like crazy at him.

Jaehee

,,Oh, I don’t think that these kinds of games are my taste,’’ Jaehee honestly told you.

The young brown haired woman was still hesitant and looked at the console as you tried to pressure her into playing.

,,Killzone: Shadow Fall, old but gold,’’ you told Jaehee, wetting your lips as you put the DVD into the device.

,,Shouldn’t we watch Zen’s DVD instead?’’ she asked you.

,,Shooting games really aren’t something for me. I don't like the violence in there,’’ she told you.

You nodded and then made a good deal.

,,Let’s play one round. If you hate it so much, we will watch two DVDs, but f you like the first round, we’ll play a second one and watch only one DVD, okay?’’ you asked her.

Indeed, Jaehee found it rather interesting.

Yes, there was a lot of blood and it seemed a bit...odd, but she did want to play a second round.

The two of you, however, didn’t stop at the second round, but instead spent more hours playing the game.

You were so good at it that Jaehee just couldn’t stop observing you.

And besides, her fingertips were itching to play too, and so you spent way more time than you actually planned in front of the TV.

Saeyoung

,,OH MY GOSH!’’ you suddenly whined.

,,Mh?’’ Saeyoung asked you as he worriedly looked at you.

,,I can’t play Counter-Strike: Global Offensive anymore!’’ you whined louder.

,,I always knew that you weren’t an innocent lady like everyone said,’’ your fiancé chuckled and began to type something on the computer.

Half an hour later, he finally told you that you could play again.

,,You really hacked the server?’’ you asked him. However, before he could even answer, you were already deep in your game, not looking to him anymore and instead shooting down your enemies.

,,Holy cow, babe, I’m scared of you…’’ he laughed when he saw how good you actually were.

You happily grinned since you thought that Saeyoung was joking, but the truth was that you were really amazing.

,,Your opinion on Destiny 2?’’ he suddenly asked you.

,,Mhhh…’’ you mumbled and shook your head.

,,So many problems. They didn’t reset the trials and now we have Loot-Problems,’’ you sighed.

Saeyoung nodded as he followed you.

,,So my 606 is a gamer. I like you even more now,’’ he laughed and kissed you.

Afterwards, he played with you and noticed that you were much better than you seemed.

Saeran

Your boyfriend looked away as you shot down another enemy.

,,I don’t like it,’’ he whispered and made you look at him.

,,I’m sorry, Saeran,’’ you apologetically smiled.

You felt guilty since you really loved shooting games.

However, over the years, Saeran got used to the games you played, to the noises of the guns, screams from characters, and to the sounds of the characters walking through the forest.

And at some point, he even tried to play it too.

However, even though you were a really good player, you were pretty bad at explaining.

But at least it was always pretty easy to decide on a present for you.

Weekends like these were always the best.

The two of you on the couch, the console in your hands, and you guys playing together to shoot down enemies.

,,We’re a dream team!’’ you laughed and kissed him.

,,We will always be,’’ he nodded and kept shooting down another figure.  

Jihyun

Since Jihyun’s eyesight wasn’t the best yet, you tried to hold back.

But there weren't many times when the both of you could play.

Even though you were a big fan of violent and loud shooting games, you were still a mother.

And so you wanted to protect your daughter Lucy.

But you still played a lot and you were still the best between the both of you.

,,Hahaha, you still can’t achieve that level,’’ you teased him.

You still remembered when you first confessed that you liked to play these kinds of games.

Jihyun didn’t really like it since there was a lot of violence and triggers.

But by now he noticed that as long the both of you kept playing with limits, playing was okay.

And he actually enjoyed going to conventions with you and Yoosung, shooting pictures of all the new contacts you guys made and then returning home.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

25.03.2020// 22:10 MEST

IF SOMEONE WANTS TO GET TAGGED PLS TELL ME

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

You should already know that I want to hear some fuckery about Captain Blowhole, I’m Your Huckleberry, and This is Sparta.

What are your most fucked up halloween related thoughts about them? Wherever your warped mind takes us, I’m down for the ride lol.

One idea for your consideration is what are their favorite Tricks and their favorite Treats? Both to give and to receive 😈

@safarigirlsp I KNEW YOU’D COME THROUGH WITH THESE YOU BASTARD OMFG!

*CRACKS KNUCKLES* HERE WE FUCKIN’ GO!

Favorite Tricks and Treats of our personal AUs:

Tricks for good Ol’ Captain Blowhole include tying you to the bed in his quarters and mercilessly torturing you with the giant feather on his buccaneer cap. he loves watching your little ass writhe and scream at his will. IT FEEDS HIM. he loves edging you into the abyss, a little clit torture here and there is no big deal for him in the slightest. Anything that causes you the slightest bit of pain mixed with pleasure, he milks to no end. Pouring hot wax over your exposed tits, creating layers of it on your budding nipples in his own personal erotic canvas of sorts. Biting, twisting, sucking, and licking on them until they go numb. Leaving hickeys of every single color all over your body, only to show his possession to his crewmen who have caught glances at your beauty. He has to put his X-mark’s the spot on you somewhere and why not on every nook and cranny he can find?  

Treats for Captain Sea-Legs you say? When you’ve taken your punishment like the good lil’ whore you are, he rewards you in every single way. begging for your release is his favorite. The tears welling up in your perfect little eyes, your aching body wincing as you try to gyrate closer and closer to your own orgasm. Once he deems you've suffered enough, that he’s sucked the very life out of you from the endless amounts of colored bruises on your body, and welts forming from the slaps he’s given, he'll coax your euphoria until your an absolute sobbing mess. Edging is his favorite thing, but watching your face conjure pleasure has to be his second favorite, especially when it's from his own mainmast. 

Tricks for This Is Sparta? I feel like he’s not really into tricks. After all, he runs an entire army of strong warriors and he doesn't have the time to bullshit when he’s around you. All he thinks about is filling your empty cunt with his fertile seed, marking you as his forever. The breeding kink running through his veins begs him to dump his big mack truck inside your little garage every second of every single day. And you don’t wanna play any games either, you crave his seed, getting on your knees open your mouth in submission to him. He gazes down to his gorgeous muse, lifting you from your knees and taking you into a searing kiss, lifting you onto the bed to fuck you into oblivion. He’ll dump his spend into your rearranged guts so fuckin’ far, you’ll slosh around for weeks while he’s gone at battle. 

“You keep that nice and warm for me my goddess,” he slips out of you to lay himself on the bed, panting at the intense fucking he’d given you. 

“Anything for you my love,” you wince, laying with your legs up in the air and a pillow perched under your hips, “I only live to serve you, my love.” 

“I know you do my dove,” he whispered, running a hand over your lower abdomen, “I have a good feeling about this one.” 

“I do too,” you put your hand over his, praying to all the God’s that a son would come out of this for the both of you. 

Treats? Well I mean can you picture him in the little get-up that Spartans wear? I mean like... His bigass balls would be falling out of the underwear, and his fucking tits in those chest plates? THAT’S A FUCKIN’ TREAT BITCH IM WET!

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST... YEEHAW COUNTRY COWBOY HUCKLEBERRY!

His tricks you say? He ain’t one to fool ‘round in the sack ‘cept when yer bein’ a little whore ‘round these here parts. Y’all have just come back from the saloon as you had to depart on account a all them boy’s glancing at your ass in those britches ya decided to flaunt on the night out. He’d turn your ass into grass the second y’all hopped in the truck headed homeward bound. grabbing a thing a rope and strippin’ your ass naked with his pocket knife. 

Tyin’ you up like a hog is his ultimate kink, gaggin’ you with your filthy whore undies too just to top the evenin’ off. You cry and whine as he tosses your bare ass into the bed, getting in the driver’s seat to bring his Lil’ Philly on home. You try to move, but his expert ties prove no success, so you bounce around the back like a rock, bangin’ your bony parts on every surface as the road twists and turns. 

Ya finally pull up to your homestead, and he grips your ties like the lil’ calf you are and takes ya naughty ass into the house where he fucks all your holes until your stuffed like a Christmas turkey on a dinner table. 

“Maybe next time,” as he pulls his throbbing dick from your gaping mouth, choking on his large load, “ya won’t flaunt this whore pussy to all the menfolk.” 

smirking as he caressed the bruises forming on your neck and back. Finally untying you after you submitted to his will. 

Okay now that we're all horny as fuck, here’s the treat part! On nights when Flip feels a lil’ sappy after he’s had his supper and the cows have come on home, he’ll pull you into his large chest, and caress your form as if you were made of glass. He’d kiss you softly, treating you like a porcelain doll, removing your nightgown as you unbuttoned his shirt, removing his cowboy hat, and leaning into his soft lips. He’d fuck you slow and soft, which was very rare given his demeanor in general, but on this night, it was just you and he present, so he didn’t have to prove himself in any way. Making sure you got off before he did, which was a treat to you as well, he’d fuck into you slow and soft, cumming inside your cave with the largest load he could muster. Mind you this is rare for him, but it’s a treat when it does happen. He can be soft, some of the time despite his big bad ‘this town ain't big enough fer the two of us’ aura. 

WELL FUCKIN’ SLAP ME SILLY IM POOPED NOW... WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED I DONT EVEN KNOW. HAPPY HALLOWEEN I FUCKIN’ GUESS OR IS IT STILL FUCKIN’ SEPTEMBER I DONT CARE! 

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR SICK MIND BITCH!🖤

[pomegranateruin]

Middleditch and Schwartz Play Animal Crossing - Museum Tour

This was done for the convenience of anyone who wants it - just this video but written out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpRG_432AWA

Ben: Thomas, what is this?

Thomas: What?

Ben: What have you been doing in here, what is this room? What is this Dexter laboratory?

Thomas: D-don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.

Ben: What do you mean it’s nothing?

Thomas: It’s just a few… experiments.

Ben: What is this?!

Thomas: It’s- It’s- I’m combining genetics of various animals to create hybrid animals in the vain of the “Isle of Doctor Moreau”. I’ve studied his research- Ben, don’t think me a monster. Ben, wait! It’s not what it looks like. I’m a man of science! Ben, come, come, come.

Ben: Alright where should we go?

Thomas: This-

Ben: There’s another room!

Thomas: Just a couple of boys in their unders having a great time on various islands.

Ben: Just running around a museum. What??

Thomas: Look and of course, if you want to get your- something stamped, maybe you should get something stamped here? Isn’t that what you get stamped?

Ben: Stamp it, baby. *stamps* Nailed it- thanks, buddy.

Thomas: Now what I want to show you is over here.

Ben: Woah another stamp, excuse me, sir.

Thomas: Ben, about- about my experiments in the laboratory earlier…

Ben: Yes?

Thomas: You can keep this- Excuse me- you can keep this between you and I, correct?

Ben: Um- Why are you doing it?

Thomas: Ben, they’ll revoke my license. I’m a doctor, but sometimes doctors have to go without borders.

Ben: Yeah, but I saw what you were doing, you were combining like monkeys and… giraffes. You’re not- what you’re doing doesn’t make any sense. The head of a monkey but the body of a giraffe??

Thomas: This could cure world hunger! Imagine a monkey-

Ben: How??

Thomas: -a monkey with a really long neck, it could eat anything it wants!! This way, trust me, there’s more to show you! *maniacal laughter* I’m so glad you’re here, Benjamin!

Ben: You’re foaming at the mouth!

Thomas: Now I’m not by myself anymore, I’ve got a friend!

Ben: Well how is your museum so very big, sir?

Thomas: It’s not just a museum, Benjamin, it’s an Imaginatorium! This way, down in the basement. Benjamin, now, you mustn’t breathe a word of what’s going on down there, okay? You mustn’t say anything-

Ben: Wait- what’s going on in the basement? No, tell me what’s going on in the basement-

Thomas: Follow me!

Ben: Thomas, don’t go down there! Thomas! Blathers, what do I do? What do you mean, trust him? Blathers works for you, doesn’t he?

Thomas: Come, come, come- follow me- I’m somewhere down here *echoes* down here, down here, down here-

Ben: If you show me anything-

Thomas: You’ll have to find me *echoes* find me, find me-

Ben: Okay, but before I find you- let me stamp my thing!

Thomas: Keep going down the hallways *echoes* hallway, hallway- There you’ll find me *echoes* find me, find me, find me-

Ben: Where are you? It’s dark down here. Where are you?? It’s dark down here!

Thomas: It won’t be for long- bones.

Ben: Thomas, you’re in the dark.

Thomas: BONES, MILLIONS OF BONES! Look, this: a fishy type bone, this: a long necky type bone- and you thought I was insane-

Ben: What are you doing?? That was your neighbor!!! That’s your neighbour!!!

Thomas: And you thought I was insane for trying to combine a- a giraffe with a monkey, well look at that!! Turtle bones, a claw bone, stegosaurus bones-

Ben: Look how many terrifying- dinosaurs you have.

Thomas: Oh, they’re not dinosaurs. These are the skeletons of my babies.

Ben: What are you talking about?

Thomas: Not everyone that I combine makes it- to live a full, happy life, but I still love them- I still love them, Benjamin.

Ben: What’s the purpose of it, Thomas?

Thomas: Science.

Ben: What do you mean, science?

Thomas: Science!

Ben: I’m sorry I gotta get a stamp.

Thomas: *breaks character and laughs* Sorry, I’m a real stampaholic- and there’s a special on stamps today.

*cuts*

Ben: Where are you? Oh my god, you’re up there.

Thomas: Up here.

Ben: What are you doing up there?

Thomas: Find- I want- here’s the best opportunity for another photo opportunity. It’ll be a perfect opportunity for it. Now Ben, the final step to visiting-

Ben: *laughs* I like that you always make me stop! I try to run and you get in my way!

Thomas: Ben, the final step to my island, is I want you… to go ahead and stand behind the animal that you have the privilege of combining your genetic material with.

Ben: What do you mean, whatever thing I go behind-

Thomas: Just-

Ben: -whatever thing I go behind is the material like, if I go behind this cow-man, I’m gonna become some sort of cow-man-boy?

Thomas: You’ll be half cow, half boy, is that what you want?

Ben: Why, what happens?

Thomas: I’m going to be a pig. A little piggy, a pig-boy.

Ben: Wait what does this do? I don’t understand what’s happening.

Thomas: They’ll call me Doctor Pig-Boy- now, you’ll take a photo.

Ben: Mmkay, we’re gonna zoom in. You ready?

Thomas: Nice smile!

Ben: Nailed it.

Thomas: Perfect.

*cuts*

Ben: Thomas, who is this- who’s this?

Thomas: Who’s who?

Ben: What do you mean, who’s who? Thomas, there’s a light on a skull, down here.

Thomas, Oh, hah. That was the last visitor that came to Bagel Town.

Ben: The exit’s gone. Where’s the exit, where’s the exit?

Thomas: Oh, you’re not going anywhere, Benjamin.

Ben: This is supposed to be Animal-

Thomas: *whispering* Run, run, you better run, you better run!

Ben: I’m going to talk to that owl on the way up. You can’t catch me, now I’m running for my life. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Thomas: Oh, you better run.

Ben: ♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

Thomas: ♪ Di, di, di, di, di, di ♪

Ben: ♪ Di, di, di, di ♪ Oh, you almost got me by wanting to stamp right there.

*cuts*

Thomas: Well guys, just make sure to watch, uh, “Middleditch and Schwartz” on Netflix- three completely improvised comedy specials, watch ‘em- and as well- as well, Ben’s got a little something, he might want to share with you.

Ben: “Space Force” is out on Netflix as well, watch “Space Force” with Steve Carell, John Malkovich, me, Tawny Newsome, Jimmy O. Yang, Don Lake, uh, a bunch of great people. But, let’s tell you about “Middleditch and Schwartz” for a second. We’re so happy that Netflix gave us the chance to do it. The only way we get to watch more- uh, Jess. S is gonna play- Everybody, all my friends are getting ready to play Mario Kart, it’s 5 o’clock it must be- “Middleditch and Schwartz”, we only get to get more episodes if enough people watch ‘em. So please tell your friends, watch ‘em, we’re really proud of ‘em- it kind of gives you the experience of what happens when you come and see us perform, um, uh, on stage, on tour- and, uh, I love you, Thomas. I enjoyed playing video games with you. This was a very relaxing, calming game to play together.

Thomas: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ben: Until you brought me to your museum.

Thomas: Why? Wh- I mean, again, that’s… just between us, correct? Ben, you didn’t take any pictures other than- other than the one that I told you to take? Ben, that’s evidence-

Ben: Don’t follow me in here! Don’t follow me in here!

Thomas: I- I- Ben, Benjamin.

Ben: I need a ticket, I need a ticket! I need a ticket home!

Thomas: Benjamin, you’re not going anywhere!

Ben: I wanna go home! I wanna go home!

Thomas: You’re going to stay here forever.

Ben: *starts crying*

Thomas: Here in Bagel Town.

Ben: I wanna go home!

Thomas: No, nooooo!!

Ben: Oh, clear skies, ohh, oh, I’m just gonna get on this plane totally naked.

Thomas: Safe travels, Ben.

Ben: Wait a second, who’s flying the plane? Who’s flying the plane??

Thomas: *maniacal laughter* I can tell you he’s not entirely human.

Ben: Ohh, no, it’s half gorilla, half giraffe!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #326

“life by life  /  waste to waste  /  i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

[teiasviago]

A 2004 Kid Watches GoT S1E1

That’s me, I just finished watching the very first episode of Game of Thrones. I was live Tweeting, but now I’m going to ruminate using my Tweets before watching episode 2.

First off, there’s a lot of problems with this show. It’s nothing obvious, but I feel like I need to say it because it’s a big problem: there’s a lot of unnecessary nudity of women. Sure, the actresses are consenting, but that doesn’t make it right. Just because a character is nude doesn’t mean the camera needs to show her boobs or naked body for fuck’s sake. Maybe if men were also nude as much it wouldn’t be so bad, but they aren’t. The writers of Game of Thrones sexualized women, which is abhorrent and disgusting. They “had” to age up the characters for nudity and sex scenes that were either unnecessary scenes or could not display nude bodies! It’s, quite frankly, disappointing. I just needed to get all that out.

Onto my actual thoughts of the first episode.

YO WHY TF DID THE NIGHT KING HAVE A HORRIBLE DEATH SEQUENCE WHEN THE WHITE WALKERS WERE LITERALLY THE FIRST PLOT THREAD INTRODUCED & THEREFORE THE MOST IMPORTANT?????? (like seriously, wtf. he’s literally the main villain of the story!!)

(okay but like what is the symbolism for?????)

oh lawd Arya is a feisty one and Bran’s super soft oh fuck I love: them. (YOU HEAR THAT?? I LOVE THEM!)

Jon, bby, ur a real Stark. (but seriously he’s literally a Stark. his mom’s Lyanna he’s legit a Stark lmfao no infidelity here, Cat.)

Oh shit NED U BETTER NOT—YOU BETTER BE THE “winter is coming that means white walkers” TYPE OR I WILL RESCIND MY MISPLACED DEVOTION TO YOU.

Omg direwolves i’m OMG JON’S A SMART ONE! HA! WHOULDA THUNK?

Lol Jon’s a real Stark fuck off Theon

If I have to watch Cersei and Jaime be romantic or sexual istg i’m gonna throw up a little in my mouth.

Please don’t hit me w twincest in the first episode prayers as I take a bathroom break (they hit me with the twincest 😭)

Also, King’s Landing is soooo beautiful!

*squeals in Jaime-gasm*

ah...ahaha... He’s so hot i’m STOP LOOKING AT CERSEI JUST STOP STOP STOP IF HE MAKES ANY SORT OF LOOK OF LOVE AT HER I’M GONNA LOSE MY APPETITE.

Oomf me ser why is he so hot my GOD BRIENNE IS SO LUCKY 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 KBDJDVSIBSJDBDKDBDKDNKDBDKDNDKNDKDBDJDBKDBDNDBDNDBDJD

Okay but in all seriousness, who died? *Opens character guide* ohhh ok idc abt him lol

I was about to press play but...I just wanna appreciate Jaime for a moment. You know? Just...the outfit is...damn.

Also idk if i’m ready for this conversation between Jaime and Cersei. PLAY—

HE LOOKED AT HER WITH KINDA HEART EYES AND LOVING SMIRK (VER. ONE) I’M—

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I had to pause. Idk if i’m ready to proceed. Props to Nik tho bcs damn he knows how to do heart eyes. That’s not easy.

Ok ok ok I just need to get this over with and watch it.

OHHHHHHHHHH THEY THOUGHT JON ARRYN MIGHT’VE LEARNED ABT THEM FU—FUCK—FUCKING!

Issa raven~

Cat! ❤️❤️

Oop is this actually the episode where Bran gets pushed out of a tower? I hope not cuz oof that would suuuuuuuuuck

But also foreshadowing~~~~~~ hot damn if he hadn’t climbed a lotta shit wouldn’t have gone down... Woah.......... Holy crap...

Heyyyyyyy Joffrey!

Oh shit Sansa’s got a crush on the wrong guy.

Skksks Arya turned into Aya sk

Hot damn helmet hair is too sexy. Maybe i’ll just...leave it pause...right here...

No one should be allowed to be this sexy. No one.

Teehee I made a reaction pic lol

Jaime, sister-fucker: Tyrion, I’m disappointed in you for having sex with a whore even though you’re not related.

Tyrion: -_- right. Okay. Fuck off. I love you.

lmao their relationship is really cool

My mom came in the room to talk to me and she was like, “He [Jaime] looks like a shithead.” AND THEN I MENTIONED SHREK’S PRINCE CHARMING AND SHE WAS LIKE

I REMEMBER HIM AND THEY TOTALLY LOOK SIMILAR MAYBE THAT’S WHY I THINK HE’S A SHITHEAD

BSKBDODHDJ I’M DEAD DECEASED GONE LMFAO

This Jaime is peak shithead energy lmao

BWHAHAHA that wasn’t what I expected at all didhjdhd Jaime is kind but he’s closed himself off to everyone but Tyrion 🥺🥺 poor baby 🥺🥺 even Cersei doesn’t know his true self...

God I love this show already WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE RUINED WTF

i have since rescinded my previous statement FUCK why do i care so much...

Lyanna 🥺💕💕

Dany! She’s so pretty! *Bisexual mode activated*

Unnecessary boobage  And why is there MORE incest vibes?????? WTF????? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh, Dany i’m sorry for everything that’s happened and will happen... 😔

Wait—wait lol Sansa’s only thirteen? I THOUGHT SHE WAS LIKE MY AGE AT LEAST HOLY COW WHY’S EVERONE SO FUCKIN’ YOUNG????

I feel old now lmfao

Lol they really did make Joffrey seem nice, didn’t they? 

Oomf me ser UM—right, Jaime’s back, just as hot as always—I mean...

Ned Stark with the great comeback! Jaime Lannister with the sexiest smile of the century!

HAJSHKEBE Arya and Sansa are legit me and my sister. I’m Sansa and my sister’s Arya ksksbdkdb

OH SHIT! OH SHIT LYSA KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED OH SHIT oh ohhh ohhhhhh not good

Oh no Ned...

On another topic, I did this bdjndkdjdjdn

I’m tempted to rewind to Jaime & Ned’s convo just to make another reaction picture... I don’t wanna forget so imma do it now skskks

Here’s the pic:

Wait fuck he was already making heart eyes why did I cover them up

Oh, Dany... I’m so so so so so so sorry. But now she has the dragon eggs, at least.

Bye bye Ned :’(

OMG BRAN’S CLIMBING THE TOWER EYE—I WANT TO VOMIT GOD I’M SUPPOSED TO EAT DINNER RN BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE THAT’S VILE AND DISGUSTING AND ABHORRENT AND—

Ok but the fact that they don’t sound into it makes it a bit better. Only a bit. I don’t think I can eat my Mac n Cheese for a while tho. And I love Mac n Cheese :’(

Bran’s too young for this!

Idk if I can play it...no idk I just no no no no Jaime......... 😔☹️😨😰😖😵🤢🤮🤒

OH MY GOD JAIME YOU ARROGANT, SISTER-FUCKING, KING-SLAYING, BRIENNE-MOCKING, BRIENNE-HURTING, BOY-CRIPPLING, MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD-ASS PSYCHO HOW COULD YOU TRICK HIM LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

Sorry, Ser Dad, but idk if i’ll be able to look at you for an hour or so

These can go in the trash. Bye. I WANT SEASON 2+ JAIME CUZ THIS ONE SUCKS ASS