#i just thought that they'd be the only person who could understand each other since they both had been alone for like 100+ years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gildeddlily · 7 months ago

Text

absolutely losing my mind because of these two!!!

so.

are these two actually toxic, or are they just kids who don't know how to communicate? easy, they're just kids! (this was fast)

reading the manga will not make you understand that (or im just stupid), and this is why I'm thanking the author on.my.knees for the spin-off!

so.

after watching the anime I fled to ao3, of course. read some works about Rin and Isagi, managed to not spoil myself anything.

then i read the U20 arc. after reading every ryusae I could find (writing one myself rn, doing god's work) I finished to read the manga cause, yk, I wanted to know what would happen with my babies and then boom! Reo and Nagi!!!

I didn't particularly care about them at first: Nagi was strong ofc, but kind of boring? he's not my favourite archetype, and while I loved Reo I hated their fight and wanted nothing to do with them. key word(s), at first.

then, then! I randomly read some fics about them cause they'd started to grow on me, and boom, tons of fics about their breakup/makeup. stunning works, ofc, but I started to see so many "Reo's fault" "Nagi's fault" "toxic relationship" that I kind of started to get uncomfortable (sometimes people throw around the word toxic when it's nothing like that), so what's to do? read the spin off ofc.

that I did, and now not only I love them both with all of my heart, but I'm Reo's number one fan (and kinnie)!

and I developed a deep hatred for those "toxic x" theories and takes. SO. let me blabber and rant.

they love each other so much!!

this is Nagi.

he thinks "damn, soccer/football is a pain, I hate sweating and running, but I don't hate Reo" even though most of the time he spends with Reo is spent playing soccer/football (I won't choose one english is so confusing- in italian it's literally called kick).

he doesn't feel forced to be Reo's friend, he likes it.

because Reo loves him, it's as simple as that.

he wants to be Nagi's friend "despite" Nagi's personality: this is something he currently says through the spin-off, which made me cry- Reo truly is the first person who ever accepted Nagi as someone who is lazy and unmotivated, who complains a lot, who doesn't put any effort in what he does, who doesn't offer much.

Or at least he thinks that he doesn't have anything special to offer, until Reo arrives.

he still has those terribly self-deprecating thoughts, but now he has something to offer, his talent.

(and after a period of happiness, their honeymoon phase one could call it, he starts to doubt the sincerity of Reo's care. from thinking "i'm not his slave, i'm his partner" he starts to doubt Reo's honesty: "maybe he only wanted to be my friend because of my talent, a talent he knows how to use"- since he still thinks that he's got nothing to offer! but we will talk about this later.)

this is Reo!

he thinks "I wanted to be the one who could make you love soccer/football, the one able to light up something in you" but he also thinks "seeing you like that, even if it wasn't me who'd done that, made me happy".

he's so jealous he's almost funny, and isn't that the most teenager thing ever?

who wouldn't be jealous after working so hard to be special to someone, just for someone else to take the place you're working so hard for?

it's terrible, but still, it doesn't stop Reo from being happy that Nagi found something exciting.

something that made Nagi as happy as the combo Nagi-soccer/football made Reo happy.

the thing is, Nagi thinks he's Reo's friend because of his talent, which maybe it's true. maybe, hadn't Nagi been a genius, they wouldn't have become friends, but his talent was the sparkle that made him become Reo's treasure.

Reo is someone who has everything, who gets everything he wants, or as he says everything except what he really wants.

for that, he has to work.

so, what he wants is to play soccer/football, and to play it with Nagi.

(in order to be Nagi's friend, he needs to work hard, because he needs to be honest and gain Nagi's trust- this is how friendship works: even when it seems flawless and easy, there's so much work behind it, and knowing it is important. most of the times we only realise it once we lost that bond- for example, Nagi. Reo already knew it, and this is why he tried so hard to not leave Nagi's side)

at one point, the two things became linked to one another, and his dream turns into "winning with Nagi, my partner". Because Nagi is talented, is special, and Reo saw his talent, and how Nagi was unable to do the same. He wants to show Nagi that soccer/football is fun, that his talent isn't a pain, that he is special, because Nagi doesn't know it, and for Reo a star that doesn't see his its own light? is just preposterous.

He cares for Nagi and loves everything about him, even all the "bad" things, and he doesn't think that Nagi has to change, and this is what, for me, makes their break-up way more serious and relatable for a lot of people.

it triggers a "I'll change to be better" "for me you never had to change" "I need to change for myself" dynamic.

2. changing and longing is way more fun when you're doing it together!!!

so they split up.

Nagi doesn't do it because he likes Isagi more, or because his style of play is more interesting, he does it because Isagi was stronger than Nagi and Reo: entering Blue Lock, Nagi had trust in Reo's ability to use his talent to win, he didn't even think about failing, and while Barou came close to making him feel like he could loose, Nagi overpowered him at the end- but then Isagi beats Nagi, and Reo with him.

Nagi understands that Reo's dream can't become reality if they aren't the strongest, and if being together doesn't work, maybe they should split up, part ways, become stronger and then join forces again, and win everything. win the world cup.

while his friendship with Isagi is sweet and I love them, for Nagi Isagi is like a cyclette.

he'll use the cyclette to get get fit and make his bf swoon over his legs, he won't stay with the cyclette once he doesn't need the training anymore. and even if he will, it will always be just the cyclette he uses to get fit "for" his bf.

(metaphor isn't metaphoring)

Reo doesn't know that.

he knows he's strong, but he knows that Isagi and Nagi are on a whole other level and he feels threatened. he fears that Nagi will choose Isagi instead of him, and he tries desperately to not loose Nagi.

Nagi is his dream. Slowly, day after day, Nagi became part of his dream, and now he's losing not only his best friend but the dream that made him free.

Reo says it himself- he knows that Nagi did the smartest thing by leaving, but he's young and scared and sees it as Nagi leaving him.

He feels abandoned, and he thinks that Nagi is abandoning his dream to go with the bigger fish, the apex predator, in order to become the best striker, by forgetting the promises they made at the start of Blue Lock, to stay together til the end.

Neither of them forgets the other.

Nagi leaves, and all he thinks about it "I need Reo to see this" "I can't wait to let him see how much I've improved", and he misses Reo, just as much as Reo misses him.

the only difference?

Reo is oblivious about Nagi's real feelings and thought process, and his thinking of Nagi turns into spiraling into depression and self-hatred.

so Nagi changes.

he starts to see the beauty in soccer/football, he finally sees what Reo had tried to make him see for months, and he's thrilled. he's having fun. he's grateful that Reo convinced him to not discard Blue Lock immediately. he's different.

different why? because Isagi beat him? because Blue Lock happened?

he changed not when Isagi beat them, but the moment he became Reo's friend, and found a reason to do something.

because Reo was the first person to ever tell him that his laziness, boredom, his oh so troublesome antics were alright, that he was what he was, and he was enough not only for Reo, but for the whole world.

Reo accepted him even when he was set on being static, made him want to change, and now that he's changing he feels worthy of being loved so much.

"you saw something in me back then, you forced to me work hard, and now thanks to you I ('m on my way to) realised my own worth, now I found something exciting"

he changes.

Reo sees him after what, a few days, and he's already improved so much.

and he thinks that he was Nagi's cage, his personal dead weight, that Nagi may have been his treasure but he wasn't Nagi's. that Nagi doesn't need him anymore. if Nagi doesn't need him, what will be of his dream?

(we could start a long-ass post ab mental health and recovering but I won't for my own sanity)

what's his worth then, since he got into Blue Lock just to stay with Nagi till the end- especially when he can't even be number two, with Isagi there- and Nagi won't be with him anymore?

he needs to change too.

3. destroying yourself in order to change (no fun)

Reo says that he isn't brave enough to destroy himself like the others do.

Isagi, Barou, Nagi, Chigiri, they all destroy themselves in order to become stronger and change, evolve, but Reo can't. he's scared, he's confused, the whole arc is just him looking like that. then what does he do?

he lets Nagi destroy him. "If I can't do it, Nagi will" don't you understand you're doing exactly what you say you're unable to do? the fact that you're not the one pulling the trigger doesn't mean that you're not killing yourself

he pushes Nagi until he snaps and tells Reo to fuck off, that he's a pain, that he's weak and someone Nagi doesn't want anything to do with, because that's what Reo thinks.

He thinks Nagi doesn't want to be with him anymore, he's feeling guilty for what he thought (later later), he's insecure- and instead of being reasonable, he founds a way to confirm his "irrational" fears.

"I'm not being insecure since Nagi confirmed it"

he sabotages himself. that's the nail in the coffin.

instead of destroying himself with football/soccer, by learning from a lost match, he destroys himself with life, by putting on the line his relationship with the person he (not exaggerating) loves most in the world.

he's unable to distinguish life from soccer/football (and this will be the aspect that makes him so different from most of the other characters), because since meeting Nagi they've become one thing. soccer/football is his life, Nagi is his life, because they're his only chance at being happy.

(Nagi is able to distinguish between the court and Reo: this way, Reo is just as special as Isagi is, since Isagi may have made him see the fun in soccer/football, but Reo made him get angry. Nagi who thinks that his strong quality is the fact he never gets angry, that he's a pacifist. Isagi is his soccer/football revolution, Reo is his life revolution.

Reo can't. they all insult each other on the field, but they're all friends afterwards. not Reo. not yet)

now he's lost Nagi, and his dream, and he has to pick himself up from the ground.

this is how Reo changes.

4. miscommunication is a beast

As I said before, Nagi starts to think that Reo only cared about him because of his talent. he's angry at Reo. he doesn't understand why Reo said those things, why he was so stupid, why he didn't understand Nagi.

he says "I'm not his toy" and he isn't, but really, try to get into his shoes.

he thinks his partner, his best friend, doesn't believe in them as a duo anymore, doesn't want to believe in them like he used to now that Nagi has changed, now that he's more "independent" from Reo.

"what, now that I know how to fight alone, he doesn't want me anymore?" that would be anyone's first thought.

and he doubts Reo's trust in their dream.

when did Reo start to have so little faith in them, in Nagi? when did he give up on them? he thinks that, after spending weeks trying to improve just to make Reo's dream true.

and he's angry, but he still hopes to play with Reo again.

he still want to, because him and Reo are partners and Nagi still believes in their dream. because he remembers Reo's passion, and he believes in him.

+) 5. being relatable as fuck

(what kid with absent/abusive parents never thought back on their action and went anxiously all "Am I just like them?")

Reo begs Nagi to stop being so strong, stop improving so quickly, stop running towards a place Reo can't reach yet, and isn't this a human thing to do? He desperately wants to be with Nagi, and thinks that he'd rather stop him from improving rather than lose him. He thinks "Please, give up on your dream, your ego"- and isn't that familiar?

he just thought the same thing his father, a man he hates and despises and who doesn't believe in Reo, told him. and he said that to Nagi. Nagi who gave him a ticket to the top by being at his side, who let him see hope.

he panics. am I just like him? Am I cruel enough to wish for someone to give up on their dreams, just to get something out of their failure?

he's different from his father, because he's seventeen, he's scared to lose his best friend, and we can be irrational in situations like this one. does he know it? no, the same way he doesn't understand that Nagi didn't left because of him.

so yes, he's in the worst head-space ever.

isn't he relatable? this is what that made reo my favourite character in a second, probably. he's so human and he makes so many mistakes and he's so stupid sometimes, but I can see myself in him very clearly.

and now.

in what way is their relationship not balanced? their love and care not mutual? in what way one used or manipulated the other?

I think they're flawed, and they made mistakes, and they hurt each other, but I also think that we throw in the word "toxic" the moment a relationship isn't perfect.

they're friends and they're teens, they will make mistakes and they will hurt each other, and their friendship (and they were roommates) won't be perfect- this doesn't make it less genuine or beautiful.

don't get me started on what happens in the manga (really don't do it) (all of this was just nagi's spin off!!!)

#don't take this too seriously but do at the same time #they're so fun and they make me want to rip my hair out #blue lock #bllk #reo mikage #mikage reo #nagi seishiro #seishiro nagi #isagi yoichi #reonagi #nagireo #they so silly im crying #i have so many screenshots #anxiously posting this #reo is me i am reo #pulling meta out of my ass #blue lock nagi #is this me seeing too much into things?? i honestly don't care #you'll never guess how much it took me to post this!!!

730 notes · View notes

minkyungseokie · 10 months ago

Text

When Nothing Goes Right | LS2

synopsis; Y/n, Logan's long-distance gf, surprises him at the AusGP, but things aren't as happy as they should be

warnings; none

note; requested

note 2; Y/n has no mentioned race but doesn't know English. Jackson is an Oc and the reader’s older brother

Let me know whether you prefer first person or third person pov Please be nice. I haven't written in years and this is my first time writing for F1

Autosports Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Logan Masterlist

I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.

It had been a few years since Y/n and Logan had begun dating. The two met as children after Y/n had started karting herself. They immediately hit off and stuck to each other like glue. Wherever Y/n was, you'd find Logan not far behind with a big smile on his face.

Their families could already tell that the two would be something more in the future. Your older siblings even started a bet on how long it would take for the two to fully understand their feelings and confess. Neither of them won because it only took them until the sixth grade to realize that what they felt wasn't platonic. They didn't understand their feelings fully, but they knew that they were no one just friends.

Everything has been perfect until Logan's career in karting began popping off and he soon entered F4. To make matters worse, Y/n's parents had split and decided that Y/n would go with her mother back to their home country. Dalton and Jackson thought it'd ruin the relationship the two youngest siblings had built and they'd break up, which would break the two since they were madly in love even if they fully couldn't understand what love was, but that wasn't the case.

Despite the distance between them, Y/n and Logan had decided to stay together and find long distance a try even though their parents, siblings, friends, cousins, and neighbours warned them that long distance was hard. Even people online said that long distance wasn't the best idea because it tended to end with one or both partners cheating on each other, however; Y/n and Logan trusted each other with their lives, so they decided to give it a chance.

•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•

Now, Logan was a driver in Formula One and Y/n was studying at Uni. During their time apart, they'd only seen each other at least twice. Even though they haven't seen each other properly in years, they have only grown fonder of each other.

As the saying goes, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"

Y/n plopped down on her bed in nothing but a towel, answering a FaceTime call that came in on her computer, "Hey, you." Y/n greeted happily, "Hey, babe. I'm sorry to call you so late. I know you're probably busy and tired from work..." Logan sighed. "No! You're fine, love. I just got out of the shower. Anyway, what's up?" Y/n asked, removing the towel off her head and running a hand through her hair, "Nothing much. I just wanted to see you." Logan flirted, giving Y/n a smile.

Y/n stood up from the bed and began towelling herself off, "That's cute. If I'm not wrong, the Australian GP is coming up. How do you feel?" Y/n questioned. "I'm excited. To be honest, I want doing well last year. But it's a new year and you know how I worked hard during the break, so I'm ready. Speaking of the Australian GP, do you think that you can come watch?" Logan hesitantly asked, looking down before looking back at Y/n, who was now sitting on her bed in pyjamas.

"I...Logie, you know I'd love to..." Y/n hesitantly started, "I know. You have work and school, but you have never come to a GP before. I want you to come to support me at least once. But I understand. I don't want to force or coerce you to do anything you can't or don't want to do. You'll eventually come to one, right?" Logan asked. "Of course. I plan on coming as soon as I have the time to." Y/n promised.

She kept thinking about the fact that she had never attended one of Logan's races and began feeling like a shit girlfriend, so she ended up DMing Logan's childhood friend whom she had only heard about from Logan, Oscar Piastri and he somehow got her in contact with Alex Albon, Logan's teammate. Together the three made plans to sneak Y/n into the GP without Logan noticing.

It wasn't hard.

She had notified her job and her school of her trip and packed for Australia. She got on a plane as soon as she could, which ended up being the afternoon of FP2,dropped her things off at the hotel, leaving it behind the desk so she could share a room with Logan, and made her way to the track with a VIP pass in her hand.

The girl was practically vibrating as she walked through the paddock by herself. She was supposed to be looking for Oscar or Alex, but she was way too excited to see her boyfriend again. Luckily, Alex spotted her while she was roaming the paddock, "Hey! You're Y/n, right? Logan's girlfriend?" The man asked, approaching her, "Oh, yes. You must be Alex. The teammate." Y/n said, holding out a hand for Alex to shake.

The British Thai driver looked down at her hand before taking it and giving it a firm shake, "It's lovely to meet you. Logan's been talking about you. A lot." Alex said, jokingly rolling his eyes as if he was annoyed, but he truthfully enjoyed seeing his teammate talk about someone who made him happy and kept him sane while he was having a shit year. "Hey, mate. Is this her?" Another voice asked, but this time it was with a strong Australian accent.

Y/n turned to see a brunette in an orange and black shirt approaching them, "You must be the Oscar Piastri that I heard so much about." Y/n said, reaching out fit his hand. Oscar smiled and shook her hand, "I am. You must be Y/n. Logan talks about you a lot." Oscar commented. "So I've been told. It's lovely seeing something other than the pictures Logan sent to me when you guys were younger." Y/n chuckled.

"Come on. FP2 is starting soon and we want you to reunite as quickly as possible." Alex said, leading you towards the garage with Oscar following behind, "So how long have you two been together?" Oscar questioned. "We've been dating for eleven years, I believe. Since we were twelve." Y/n answered, "Eleven years! That's a long time." Alex awed

Once they were close by, Y/n’s heart began to race. She hid behind Alex and Oscar so she was hidden while Oscar pulled out his phone to film the interaction, “Logan, mate! Come here.” Alex called, “What? Do you need something?” Logan asked, voice getting closer as he walked up to them. “We noticed you were feeling a bit nervous, so we brought you something to cheer you up.” Oscar spoke, “What is it?” Logan asked, narrowing his eyes. “Why don’t you guess?” Alex suggested, “Just tell me.” Logan said, “Come on, have a bit of fun with it. Guess.” Alex insisted.

“Just give me whatever it is, mate.” Logan groaned, Y/n chuckled and tapped the boys on their arms, signaling for them to step aside. Logan watched as Alex and Oscar shared a look before stepping aside to reveal his girlfriend. Logan’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened, “Surprise!” Y/n cheered, giving the American jazz hands. Logan ran towards Y/n and scooped her up into his arms.

“You’re here! You told me—“ “That I wouldn’t be able to come. I lied.” Y/n said, burying her face into his shoulder. Logan put her on the ground and bent down, kissing Y/n softly, “I’ve missed you so much.” He muttered, ��And I’ve missed you, my love.” Y/n responded, kissing all over Logan’s face. “Logan, Alex, it’s time for free practice.” A engineer called out, “Go out there and do your thing. I’ll be rooting for you.” Y/n said, cupping Logan’s face and connecting their lips.

•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•

Y/n stood in the garage with headphones covering her ears. She couldn’t understand why she never came to a race weekend before, it was exhilarating. She could tell that her boyfriend wasn’t the best on the grid, but she knew he want the worse. It was just amazing to see him in his element, “Go, Logan!” Y/n muttered, clenching the chord between her fingers.

Y/n frowned as an odd feeling settled in her stomach. Y/n put a hand on her stomach and focused on the screen, attempting to ignore the feeling. Something was going to go wrong and she didn’t know what or when. Unfortunately, she didn’t have to wait too long to find out because Alex crashed his car, “Oh shit.” Y/n hissed, biting down in her knuckle.

“Hey, Alex. Are you alright?” Y/n asked, looking at the British Thai driver with concern. “I’m fine.” Alex answered walking away, obviously upset by the accident.

Y/n couldn’t help but feel bad for him, knowing that it absolutely sucks to crash even if she never watched or read up on the sport before.

Y/n made took off her headphones as Logan came back to the garage and jogged up to the American man, “That was so cool! I feel sorry for Alex, but that was so cool! I can’t wait to see you actually racing.” Y/n rambled, grabbing Logan’s hands on hers. While she rambled, Logan just smiled down at her with the softest gaze, “Do you want to go out after this? Or we can go to my hotel room? Have you gotten yourself one?” Logan asked, cupping your cheek.

“We should stay in. Catch up everything we missed and couldn’t talk about on the phone and no, I don’t have my own hotel room. Although, if I did, it probably won’t be getting used.” Y/n tittered. “Let me go get changed and we can go back to the hotel.” Logan said, kissing Y/n’s forehead before rising off to his driver’s room.

Y/n waited and waited, but it seemed like Logan was not coming out, which worried her. Did he get hurt or something? What was teasing so long? Y/n was leaning against the side of the garage, waiting for any sign of her boyfriend, but there was nothing. Until Alex came out, looking conflicted, “Hey, Alex. Where’s Logan?” Y/n questioned, pushing off the wall, “Um, he’s on his drivers room. He’s, uh, not happy right now, so maybe it’s better if you go see him.” Alex suggested.

He pointed out which room was his and continue on with his day, which didn’t really seem out of the ordinary to Y/n. She approached his door and knocked gently, “Logan? Is it alright if I come in?” Y/n called in a gentle voice. It was quiet for a moment before she heard a croaky, “Yeah.” Come from inside.

Y/n opened the door to see Logan sitting on the bench looking distressed, “Oh, what happened? Are you okay? Alex told me you were upset.” Y/n rushed over to her boyfriend, bombarding him with questions out of worry. Logan shook his head, “Alex wrecked his car,” Logan started, “Yeah, I saw that, but what does that have to do with you?” Y/n questioned, kneeling down in front of Logan and grabbing his hands.

“We don’t have a spare chassis, so they’re taking mine and giving it to Alex.” Logan sighed, “What?!” Y/n practically screeched, her confusion and weird turning into anger. “They said that since Alex is the better and more experienced driver, he most likely get the team points.” Logan explained further, “That’s stupid.” Y/n said bluntly, “Y/n…”

“No, don’t “Y/n…” me. I get that Alex it’s better and has more experience, but that’s that dumbest fucking decision I’ve ever heard. That’s like rewarding someone for fucking shit up! He crashed his chassis to the point where it had to be retired, so you have to give up yours? That’s bullshit, Logan!” Y/n argued. “I’m aware. I’ve given my all to this team. I worked myself to the bone during winter break when I could’ve been with you because I wanted it to be beneficial to this team. They are all aware of it.

James said he believed in me. James said he knew that I could go far if I just had a little more time in the car. But it doesn’t seem that way. Maybe I’m just not good enough.” Logan sniffed. Y/n wrapped her arms around Logan’s neck, placing his head on her chest and rubbing his back, “Shut up, Logan. Don’t you dare continue saying those things about yourself. You are good enough. If you weren’t, you would have been chosen for this team in the first place.”

“But—“

“No buts. The previous Williams owner saw something in you that no one else saw and picked you from Formulas Two to drive in Formula One. If you weren’t good enough, he most definitely wouldn’t have chosen you so early. James know he’s dead wrong for this. James know that this is going to be a blow to you, but he thinks getting points is more valuable than your growth. I’m sorry to say this, my love, but you honestly deserve so much better. It’s not your fault that Alex crashed the car. It’s not your fault that this team is so broke that it can’t afford another chassis.” Y/n angrily said, raising her voice before taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. You’re upset and I’m over here ranting.” Y/n quieted down, pressing a kiss too the crown of Logan’s head, “It’s okay, babe. It’s what has to be done for the team to gain some points. It’s whatever.” Logan shrugged, “ no, it’s not whatever, but I’m not gonna continue talking about this. Instead, let’s go to the hotel and order food. We can watch our favorite movies together and cuddle until you feel better.” Y/n said, lifting Logan’s head so his eyes met her and giving him a calming smile.

Logan smiled, albeit it was a sad one, but a smile nonetheless, “I’d like that.” He said, “Good. And since you’re not racing tomorrow, maybe we can do a bit more than cuddling. But that’s only if you’re comfortable and willing.” Y/n teased, pulling Logan up from his seated position, “I’d really like that. Thank you for being here for me and I’m sorry you came all this way only to not see me race.” Logan apologized, “Bah, I do anything for you. It doesn’t matter whether you are racing or not, I’m still here for you and I’d still come. Y/n waved off his apology

“I love you.”

“Love you too. Now let’s go.”

#f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 x you #logan sargeant x reader #ls2 x reader #ls2 imagine #ls2 fic #ls2 fluff #williams formula 1 #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 fluff #logan sargeant x you #logan sargeant x fem!reader #formula one imagine

367 notes · View notes

directdogman · 6 months ago

Note

(Sorry if I have bad English, I'm from Spain.)

I'm super hyperfixated on the original managers, so I have 2 questions.

1. In Dialtown, Tango/Terrence says no one called him Tango before. Assuming that in the DSaF universe he also liked that nickname, did any of the other original managers call him Tango or not?

2. A headcanon I've seen in the DSaF fandom is that Abel hated everyone BUT the real Scott Cawthon, and that Scott was the only one that tolerated Abel (some ppl even ship them). Is that close to canon? Or the og Scott Cawthon also hated Abel? I really want to know what they thought about each other.

Btw, I really love your games, I've played the DSaF trilogy many times, and the Dialtown demo (I haven't played the full version of Dialtown yet, but I've seen gameplays and I'll buy it for my birthday), thank you for making 4 incredible games <3

I don't answer many DSaF questions these days, but this one's interesting so here goes:

1)Tango's nickname is a DT invention as far as I remember. If he preferred the name in DSaF's universe, Harry would've used it for sure, given how much he liked Terrence and since he's literally using a name he doesn't believe is really 'his' because it makes him feel better. He of all people would understand.

2)Yeah, that's a pretty good way of stating it, but there's a little more nuance to it that explains a little bit more about Abel/Joe's rift.

Basically, the original Scott Cawthon was a unifying figure. He got on with every single one of the original managers and they all thought the world of him. The Phone Guy process was started in an attempt to recreate him by Abel (and the other managers at first) and you gotta consider why they'd all want to do that. He was the glue that held the group together, the only manager liked by everyone else there without exception, someone who could defuse tension and resolve conflicts amicably.

It's true that he had the most patience for Abel and never badmouthed Abel to the other managers and even defended him earnestly, knowing Abel the best of the other managers and knowing some of Abel's early life and where he came from, while the others were more willing to honestly discuss Abel's short fuse and occasionally mean nature (even Terrence to some extent!) This led Abel to develop more of a bond with him than the other managers and somewhat distrust the others.

While Abel was essentially Scott's number 2, as time went on, Joe became more and more integral to the running of their budding company, since he was a skilled accountant and managed to balance the books despite Scott's somewhat reckless spending at times (he was overgenerous to the point where it sometimes led to financial trouble for the company, a stark contrast to what Freddy's became later.) Since Joe was so blunt (and Abel's biggest critic), Abel was incredibly jealous and insecure that if the trend continued, Joe would supplant him.

This also explains why Abel was so willing to toss his other managers into the 'machine' when each of them suffered accidents. Ultimately, it wasn't just sheer cowardice, it was him trying to recreate the past - to recreate the one person who seemingly saw him as anything other than a vampire. Someone who actually wanted him around. Of course, no two snowflakes are ever exactly the same. Abel was a poor replacement as the owner of the company, Joe was barely able to keep things afloat amidst a messy and chaotic expansion and Harry wound up presiding over the company's demise.

There's a pretty widespread narrative theme in DSaF of damaged people trying to recreate something they've lost - Dave trying to turn Jack into the new Henry, Jake and his family, Harry and his former identity, the Kennedy family reuniting.

“Can’t repeat the past? Why, of course you can!”

But, the fact is, you can't recreate the past. The only way forward is to pick up the pieces and build something new.

149 notes · View notes

prudentseer · 2 months ago

Note

etho down bad on his knees for joel after initially rejecting him but pride-and-prejudice-enemies-to-lovers-period-drama style

sorry i had to find someone who might(?) share the vision

Hold my hand when I say this anon but never be afraid to drop your takes into my inbox, I love to hear them regardless of whether or not I see the vision.

Fortunately for you however. I SEE THE VISION, I UNDERSTAND YOU.

The "fell first--fell harder" dynamic for boat boys fits SO WELL in my mind because of double life. Etho being wary of Joel, kinda sad that he's teamed with him and by the end he's right there with Joel in chanting "The ship burns everything burns". Also their dynamic in limited life where they were "exes"...they are enemies your honour. I call that character development.

In fact, I see the vision so much that I actually wrote something in a more arranged marriage, period drama-esc style a long while back. It's unfinished (and a bit out of order for context purposes) because historical fiction is not my specialty and I know it's not exactly what you asked for, but it's what I had and I thought I'd share a snippet (it's 1.2k words I don't think I can exactly call it that anymore) of it.

It was odd, really, how much love could feel like an obsession.

He expressed it as quietly as he possibly could in forehead kisses and small gifts; just so it didn't collect in his chest to claw at the confines and suffocate him. And it was probably dramatic to say but with the lack of air he felt around Joel it truly did feel as though if he didn't let some of it out of his heart, he'd explode.

Or even worse, he'd tell Joel how he really felt.

He'd gotten dangerously close on occasion after too many drinks by the fireplace or Joel dancing a step too close. But he didn't.

Because Joel didn't love him back.

And why would he? Etho had all but forbidden him from doing so.

This day had felt equal parts fast and agonizingly slow. But he had a feeling that a marriage he didn't agree to, with someone he barely liked, for power he couldn't have might have something to do with that.

Joel rests on the edge of the bed, one leg up and crossed on the mattress while the other dangled loosely over the edge. His tie hung loose around his neck and his shoes long kicked off but his suit still on. Etho leaned against the dresser across from him, arms folded and mouth pressed into a firm line. The grandfather clock ticking beside them. It had been three minutes and 29 seconds since they've entered their shared room and neither of them had spoken.

It was much easier to watch as time passed silently than it was to look at the person in his bed, the matching ring on his finger.

A heavy sigh startles him from his thoughts. "Listen, could you at least pretend to tolerate me?"

Etho blinks slowly. "I--"

"Don't say you have because how you've been acting like there's been a knife at your throat the entire day." Joel interrupts, running a hand through his hair. A nervous tick, something Etho noticed in the time they've spent together. "I've sent you three letters since we last saw each other; none of which you replied to, you were barely there for any of the planning process and when I see you for our actual wedding, you can't even look me in the eye."

"That's because--"

"Of what? Because I told you that I loved you?" Joel rolls his eyes. "God, excuse me for putting an effort to make it work with the man I've been betrothed to for over a year."

He remembers the day. They'd been exchanging letters weekly for several months at this point but it was only their third official time meeting in person. It was a nice day so they took a walk through Joel's garden and I instead of the flowers Etho noticed that there was this look in Joel's eye, a smile on his face and a certain tone in his voice...Joel didn't even need to tell him. He just knew. It made it extremely uncomfortable to see him again, that they both knew.

He glances down at the ring on his own finger before shaking his head.

"I'm never going to love you like you want me to."

"That's fine." Joel states, a small twitch in his face betraying his words. "I'll...I'll get over it eventually if it means you'll work with me."

Etho tilts his head. "Work with you?"

"You don't have to love me. You don't even have to like me or be friends with me..."

"But...?"

"But we're going to be a team." Joel finishes, pulling off his tie in one swift movement as he does. "This means you're going to sit next to me at gatherings, you're going to dance with me at least once when we're invited to balls, you'll eat one meal a day with me, you'll share a room with me and please for the love of God, at the very least don't look like you're going to throw up when you see me."

A compromise. A reasonable one.

"I can do that." Etho replies, as level as he can, straightening his own tie as he does. "On one condition."

"What?"

"You won't ever expect anything more."

He's being bitter and he knows it. Taking out his anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it, someone who didn't ask for this either. It's unlike him really, that he can't bring himself to care.

"You're not exactly making it difficult lad."

"Joel--"

"You have a deal."

Etho nods. "Then I'll play the part."

"You'll play the part *well*."

"I promise."

Etho didn't remember exactly when it stopped being a show to him.

"Really interesting page?"

Etho blinks himself back into reality, Joel staring at him so intently from his side of the bed that he feels his chest tighten. "What?"

Joel chuckles, rubbing his eyes sleepily before shuffling close enough that Etho can wrap an arm around his shoulder. And he does, squeezing it lightly as his arm curls around.

"You've been staring at this page blankly for the past ten minutes." Etho glances at the grandfather clock in the corner. It's been longer. "You don't have to read the book if you don't like it."

This book was Joel's recommendation and Etho had to admit that it was good, he'd just been...very distracted lately.

"No I like it's just..."

"Yeah?" He smiles, head bumping Etho's shoulder. It burns. Every touch Joel gives him feels like fire has been set to his veins. "What's wrong?"

And his eyes are staring up at him so soft and kind and warm and understanding and it feels like he can tell him anything. Almost anything. The words feel heavy on his tongue, going down like oil as he swallows them.

"Nothing, you should go back to sleep."

He won't be able to resist forever but he buys himself one more day.

Joel's nose wrinkles. "You--"

And Etho is saved by the fact Joel's interrupted by his own yawn.

"You know I'm not stupid right Etho?" Joel states, settling further into Etho's arm as he does. Etho only pulls the sheet tighter. "You've been weirder than usual and if you won't tell me, I'll figure it out myself."

Theoretically, he could tell him but what then? He wouldn't leave, he wouldn't laugh but if Joel knew what Etho felt for him, he would never let him get this close to him again.

And it'd exactly what he deserved.

Karma for being an asshole to someone who just wanted to not be treated like dirt by his husband of circumstance and all he can do is accept it. Accept that he missed his chance.

Maybe one day his heart will catch up with his brain.

"Goodnight Joel."

"I'm serious." He yawns again, head tucked into the crook of Etho neck; breath tickling his clavicle. "I know you better than you like. Just wait."

It's true and it's even scary sometimes. Etho wonders how on earth he got so lucky to have someone that understands him like Joel. Someone who was willing to stick by his side through everything.

Etho waits until Joel is settled, snoring softly again before he places his book down gently on the nightstand, blowing out the table side candle. He tilts his head and presses a soft kiss to the top of Joel's head, waiting in case he stirs.

"I love you." He whispers into his hair, taking a breath when there's no response.

And the part of his chest settles just enough that he feels like he can sleep too.

#smalletho #boat boys #hermitshipping #incoherent rambling #Writing Wipeouts #It's taken me so long to respond to this ask forgive me anon I did not forget about you

68 notes · View notes

azusaluvclub · 4 months ago

Text

weak hero reactions; making you cry

thank you @kaazunes for the request! this was a tricky one to write because, for some of these guys, i can't imagine what they'd do to make the reader upset lol- so not all of it is them doing something intentionally, but the reader being hurt over the guys' circumstances. i tried not to make the reasons too same-y, lol. hope you enjoy!

gender neutral as always~

jimmy bae / bae jihoon

⋆ He would never mean to make you cry, but Jihoon is a person who usually acts/speaks before he thinks. This would be one of those times

⋆ You can tell he's overwhelmed; whatever was happening with the Union has him anxious, every nervous tick of his on full display. To no avail, you keep prodding him to tell you what was wrong, with him repeatedly pushing you away

⋆ Fed up, he lashes out, telling you to stay out of it and leave him alone. “God, you’re so annoying,” he mumbles. You sink into yourself, salty tears pooling in your eyes

⋆ Once he notices, Jihoon immediately regrets his words. He grabs your hand and dries your tears with another, feeling like a complete dick (granted, he is one). It’s hard for him to apologize, since it does serious damage to his ego, but he pushes one out. He loves you too much to save his pride right now

⋆ “I’m sorry… You care about me, I know,” he assures, listening as you vent about everything that was weighing on you, and how you wished he’d offer you that same honesty. It shifts his perspective, as you often do; it’s what he likes most about you, because you change him in ways he never thought he could

⋆ After some more reassurance, the two of you work it out. You forgive him and cuddle up to watch a movie, not once letting each others’ hands go~

jake ji / ji hakho

⋆ Man, Hakho is such a good boyfriend that it’s almost impossible for him to make you cry. If you do, it’s probably when you're both crying, often over your guys’ favorite anime (one piece *cough cough*)

⋆ But you hadn't seen Hakho in days and were growing more and more worried. All your calls went to voicemail and your messages left on delivered. He'd do this sometimes when he was busy with Union affairs, but you were sick of it. So there you were, standing at his front door

⋆ When he comes out, his expression is defeated and the first words out of Hakho’s mouth are, “Why are you here?” He sounds disappointed to see you and it feels like a punch. Why are you here? Were you not supposed to care about him?!

⋆ You want to explode, until you notice the exhaustion on his face and realize you can’t. Instead, you break down crying, because you hate seeing him this way. You couldn’t understand why wouldn’t leave the Union when it was draining him so much, or why he'd constantly hide from you when things were rough

⋆ Hakho envelops you with his arms, burying your head in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby, I just… I can’t leave yet. I love you, but it’s not that easy.” You beg him to explain; he says there’s no point. Honestly, he wants to spare you knowing the more unsavory things he’s done, even if it wouldn’t change your love for him. "Next time I won't run from you."

⋆ Hakho comforts you until the tears subside and promises that he’ll leave soon. You know it’s just him consoling you, right now, but you'll keep hoping none-the-less

wolf keum / keum seongje

⋆ Seongje can be a prick, unintentionally or not. You know this, but his blunt attitude was what interested you in him and, at times, you loved it — until it bit you in the ass

⋆ You’ve dragged him to the mall for a shopping day. There was a family event coming up that you needed nice clothes for, and unfortunately nothing was working. Everything you’ve tried on fit wrong or washed your skin out. Seongje was no help, either, only shrugging or nodding to the outfits you’d showed him

⋆ Growing tired, you ask him to give a real opinion. He looks at you, “If I’m honest, it’s fuckin’ ugly.”

⋆ You frown and slink back into the dressing room, dejected, quickly changing back to your regular clothes. The whole walk home you barely speak, the words still spinning around your mind. Did he really think that of you?

⋆ Unable to take it any longer, your lips begin to quiver, tears brimming your eyes. Seongje notices and pulls you into an alleyway, a bit disoriented as he thought things were going great, and suddenly you’re crying in the middle of the street. He’s never been good with emotions or situations that required a lot of them, but he listens to you and tries to sympathize, wiping away your tears. It stings being confronted with the effect of his words on someone he cares deeply for, and watching you cry is the worst consequence

⋆ “Don’t cry, okay,” he says. “I didn’t realize I’d hurt you, sorry.” It’s easier to forgive when you see his pouty face, even though you want to stay upset. He’s still learning how to be less rough, but it's an honest effort; you'll give him some grace with that

⋆ He kisses your forehead and you kiss him back, giving up on shopping and deciding to visit the arcade instead (which was a lot more fun, anyways-)

forrest lee / lee sehan

⋆ If Sehan makes you cry, he cries too; and if you are crying, it's not typically his fault. Sehan is more normal than fellow Union leaders, so he's mindful of your emotions in a relationship

⋆ You were supposed to go on a date, but hours went by and it seemed like he was going to flake. You were confused as this wasn't like him at all, and it had you worried that something happened. When he didn't pick you up, you instead spent your night sobbing in bed. You'd thought that, though he's a delinquent, he would be different to you. But he stood you up and didn't have the decency to even send a text

⋆ Around 11, Sehan shows up and you promptly pull him inside to confront him. When the light hits his face, you gasp — it's covered in bruises, dried blood caked around his nose and the side of his head. His knuckles are battered, too, and your tears come creeping back in, dribbling down to your chin

⋆ Sehan jumps into boyfriend-mode, holding you tight regardless of how sore his body was. Making you cry hurt worse than all the punches he'd taken, especially when you cried because of him. He felt like shit; all he could do was apologize profusely and rub your back

⋆ "I wanted to come sooner, but... shit happened. I didn't want to ignore you, or have you see me like this," he whispers. "I'm sorry, I should've called." Sehan kisses your head and you melt into him. Even if you wanted to be mad, you couldn't

⋆ Once you've calmed down, you sit him in the bathroom to tend his wounds and plan out your next date, Sehan eager to make everything up to you

donald na / na baekjin

⋆ As much as he tries, Baekjin isn't always the most attentive. He's often caught up with overseeing the Union + his business endeavors, not giving him much time to really be there for you

⋆ The moments you get are brief so he tries giving you his full attention, but he gets distracted easily, even when you disapprove. This time you were out to eat, sitting in a restaurant way out of your budget, on one of the few dates you'd have. It was going perfect until he disappeared for 20 minutes to answer a call, leaving you all alone

⋆ You're let down, severely. When he returns, you're sullen, unsure if you should say anything. You don't want to feel this way, so you tell him you want his phone off the rest of the night. Baekjin lets out an annoyed sigh, "I can't, you know this. There's a too much going on with this Cheongang mess and I can't drop it."

⋆ It's a slap in the face. Your eyes sting, appetite wasted; you don't want to cry here, but you hate when he does this and now he's completely brushing it off. You can't fight the tears that come, and Baekjin's heart stops. "So is the Union more important than me?" you ask, his stomach tightening. Were you really this hurt over it? He didn't realize how serious it was to you and now he's regretting it

⋆ Baekjin reaches across the table for your hand, disappointed with himself. "No, it's not," he reassures, powering down his phone and shoving it in his pocket. "You are, so it's just you and me tonight. I love you." He kisses your hand and you soften at his touch

⋆ He spoils you the rest of the dinner, buying you all the dessert you want. He doesn't say it, but Baekjin feels relieved not having to worry about what was going on outside of your little bubble; all he needed was to see a smile on your face

kingsley kwan / kwan seokhyeon

⋆ You love Seokhyeon, truly, but you can get frustrated with him just as easily. If you tell him he's wrong, he'll do his best to change, however he isn't as perfect as he'd like to be

⋆ The one thing that comes between you is his loyalty to Baekjin. Sometimes you think he should date him instead, but that's you being petty. It's not uncommon for your plans to get cancelled because Baekjin needs him. While you try to not complain and see it from his POV, today you just can't

⋆ Seokhyeon is helping you prepare for your exams, as he's a lot smarter than you (and you like the time spent with him), until he gets a call from Baekjin. It seemingly lasts forever and once he hangs up, Seokhyeon tells you he has to leave. You frown; you've told him before not to do this. Not only that, he knew how badly you needed help on your exams, yet he's ditching you again

⋆ Your lips quiver as Seokhyeon packs his things. When he goes to say goodbye, he sees your watery eyes + red face and stops, frantically asking what's wrong. He knew you wanted to spend time together, but he thought you'd understand

⋆ You decide to let it out, how you feel second place to Baekjin and that Seokhyeon's relationship with him seems more important than the one he has with you. He drops his head in shame, knowing what you're saying is true — no matter the intention. Still, it stings to see you hurt over his actions

⋆ "You're right, I should be putting you first. I love you, there's nobody who matters more to me." You struggle to believe it, but he pulls you close and you allow yourself to try and accept it when he says, "I'm sorry."

⋆ Seokhyeon calls Baekjin and asks to see him later, cuddling up to you on the couch after. He kisses your cheek and pulls his textbooks back out, ready to help you pass your exams

#weak hero #weak hero webtoon #weak hero headcanons #jimmy bae #weak hero imagines #wolf keum #donald na #kingsley kwan #jake ji #forrest lee #weak hero x reader

79 notes · View notes

hollowed-theory-hall · 5 months ago

Note

Hi! I love your theories, and I spent too long reading everything I could find on your blog on Harry and V specifically, and bc I fell into a ship hole and can't seem to get out, here's a random question for you! Do you ship Tomarry or Harrymort in any way? Is it believable for you that it could happen? I mean, most of the time people tend to ship hermione with Tom Riddle, with the excuse that she's super smart, but I think Tom Riddle would despise her actually. Harry's not book smart, but he's very intuitive, he's clever and he's cunning, they could fit I think 🤔. Also they have shit lives, and they've been through similar things (not everything), and that'd enable them to understand each other and all. And Harry is annoyingly stubborn, so Tom/V would have a hard time manipulating him or forcing him by other means (like spells or potions), and he's observant and suspicious enough to notice random little clues and trusts his instincts so he wouldn't be blindly in love either? Sorry I'm rambling, I'd like to hear your thoughts about this if you have some? (If you don't ship it, no problem, I don't want to come across as if I'm trying to rant or complain or anything)

Have a good day!!

Thank you so much 🥰

As with all ship asks, ship whatever you ship and have fun, these are just my subjective opinions. Also, no, you don't come across as complaining.

So, real talk, I do enjoy tomarry/harrymort. This ship has some of the most well-written fics I came across in all my various fandoms and it has a special place in my heart. But my thoughts on this pairing are complicated.

To summarise I think this pair can be narrativly delicious. We got distorted parallel mirrors, both of them outright say how much they understand each other, how they know each other better than anyone else. They are narrative foils in many ways, having similar enough backgrounds but making different choices leading down different paths. It also helps these two are in my top 5 favorite characters in the series, so pairing them up is somewhat natural since it gets interesting results.

But, I don't think canon Harry and Tom/Voldemort would actually work as a couple realistically (or at least in a healthy way). Like, even without their history and specific circumstances in the story, ignoring everything and just thinking about how I see their personalities, I think they'd get on each other's nerves if they tried to date. They'd try to kill each other, completely independent of any prophecy.

Now to make a short story long:

(I'll be using the name "Tom" but it refers to Tom at any stage in his life)

First, yes, they do understand each other and have the potential for really seeing each other in a way that others rarely see them. I mean, Harry has Ron and Hermione, but they don't get it the way Tom would. They don't understand loneliness and abuse the way someone who lived through it would. I mean, these two clearly don't know what to do when Harry jokes about ducking his uncle's fists besides looking at him with concern. With Tom, Harry wouldn't have to worry about this. Tom would also not be concerned about Harry's darker more ruthless tendencies, allowing Harry to actually be Harry.

Tom, for his part, is a very lonely character who is looking for companionship and compassion, two things Harry can give. But Tom is unyielding in basically everything, he is incredibly prideful and independent. While he wants a connection, he doesn't really know how to trust and open up, to give a bit of himself that is necessary for relationships which is going to be a struggle for them.

Harry is one of the only characters (if not the only one) Tom sees as an equal or a potential equal. Tom really doesn't respect many people (regardless of blood or magical skill) but he does grow to respect and even fear Harry by book 7. This respect is important for any relationship, but especially when it comes to Tom Riddle, who just wouldn't really take anyone lesser than him seriously. And he thinks 99% of beings are lesser than him, so, that's a point in their favor.

Additionally when we think of the narrative, like, god, this can be juicy. We have two powerful and capable individuals who are basically bound together on every possible level. They are bound by magic, having brother wands that actively don't want to fight each other. They are bound by fate with a prophecy interwinding their lives together. After Tom's resurrection, they are bound by blood and they are bound by soul due to Harry being Tom's Horcrux. They literally share a soul, like, that's insane. They share dreams and memories and get each other in a way few could.

And they are very fixated on each other and can't really escape the other's influence. Tom is obsessed with killing Harry and no one but him is allowed to do it. He even goes as far as stipulating he wants to kill Harry while dueling him properly when Harry has his wand. This is something that shows, again, his respect for Harry. And Harry sees dealing with Voldemort as his responsibility. Tom Riddle is his to deal with and no one else's.

Like, it lends itself to a very dramatic very entertaining story naturally. A messy one for sure, but fun.

All that being said, when I actually think about how I see their respective personalities and what they would want/need from a relationship, I don't think they are very compatible below the surface.

Yes, Tom needs someone who he'll respect, but that partner needs to have some (a lot of) give. They need to be able to work around Tom's 10 million personality complexes without him feeling like he is being fixed. Tom needs to feel like he is getting his way, so his potential partner needs to either be very subtle or put a lot of effort into making Tom dateable (which I talked about more here). The thing is, Harry is just as stubborn and unrelenting as Tom more often than not. These two both have the same complex from a lack of control over their lives in childhood that results in very stubborn people who will fight tooth and nail to get their way and a general distrust of people. This is a recipe for them butting heads often, especially with their different worldviews and how they see people.

Like, both of them would never bow down to anyone. They don't know how to take a backseat. Sure, Harry says he doesn't want all the danger and attention, and he doesn't, but he would be able to sit and do nothing against what he feels is wrong, he is used to carrying an impossible burden on his shoulders. And he takes a leadership rule easily and naturally. Tom is used to getting his way, he is used to being able to either intimidate or charm what he wants out of everyone, something his partner should be immune to, but I think Harry would rile him up worse, instead of putting a stop to the behavior. Like, Tom would just try harder to break Harry before trying something else would cross his mind because Harry would make a sassy comment that would get Tom emotionally invested. He's going to get his pride and self-worth hinging on breaking Harry's resolve, and he is going to fail. Neither of them would ever be happy in the shadow of the other and it's going to be a constant push and pull with these too. Now, this sort of dynamic can be very compelling in fic, it's a fun story about a relationship that is truly insufferable to be around.

Neither of them is particularly emotionally intelligent or capable of emotional vulnerability. Like, Harry, who didn't know why Cho was crying after Cedric died, would need to be the person carrying the emotional tool in this relationship, and, like, I love Harry, but navigating emotionally volatile situations (specifically romantic ones) is not one of his many skills. Tom is even more useless in this department, he sure can recognize emotions in others, but he repeatedly underestimates emotional attachment, both in himself and others because his conceptions about friendship and love are all skewered. And with romance, he would be so much worse.

Add to all of that the fact both of them have one hell of a temper and it's more likely that they'd blow up at each other rather than talk shit out.

And then there is how I think they'll behave when they actually are in a relationship. As I talked about here, Tom is a sentimental and possessive person. When it comes to romance, I think Tom would want a person to be his, he'd be obsessed and controlling while simultaneously wanting to remain independent and do his own thing. He'd be a nightmare. And Harry, well, Harry would handle the independent, doing his own thing quite well, since I think Harry is the same. Even in a relationship, he'd need to keep his own independence and freedom, and that's where Tom's controlling nature is going to butt heads with Harry's distaste for any controlling figure.

I think Tom would struggle with Harry's lack of ambition too. Because Harry is clever, powerful, has the makings of greatness, and is an equal to Tom, but he isn't planning on doing anything with it. This would infuriate Tom, honestly. I think Tom would find many of Harry's passions (like Quidditch) frivolous and useless and would probably tell him that, which Harry would fight him on.

Harry's sassy nature, would also, get under Tom's skin if it's directed at him, Tom takes himself too seriously to make fun of himself and take a joke. However, he would appreciate these same comments when directed at others. Tom has a sense of humor, but he wouldn't make fun of himself, especially not a younger Tom Riddle when he's still in school.

There are aspects that would work, though, I think Harry would be willing to listen to Tom going on about whatever quite intently, and Tom would love that. Harry can pay a lot of attention to people he cares about, but he can also get distracted and just not hear anything being said to him (he tunes out some of Ron and Hermione's conversations regardless of his love for them. It can happen when you get used to being around someone) which Tom would hate. Although Harry would find Tom's monologing kinda annoying at a certain point, I think.

I think Tom would do good for Harry's self-esteem issues since Tom wouldn't accept Harry thinking of himself as average when he is equal to Tom. Harry would be pretty good for Tom's weird prideful self-hatred and could probably help push for an arc there. Both by showing Tom actual affection and by keeping his ridiculous ego in check.

I also think Harry would appreciate someone being protective over him and wanting him so much as someone who grew up feeling unwanted and like he never had anyone in his corner. And Tom, I believe, would be protective and possessive in a relationship (a little too much, but still).

Basically, both of them (but mostly Tom) need work before they can make a relationship between them work, and that's before looking at their history in the books which will always require some canon-divergence or AU to make this pairing work. Very possible, but it takes effort. Most of said effort goes into forcing them to talk properly, honestly, because Tom really wants Harry, his one failure, dead. Like, Harry would shockingly be the easier one to convince of this, I think. Like, he was willing to forgive Tom, he already sees him as a person and not a bogeyman. Plus, he thinks Tom is hot (the younger one at least). Tom (as Voldemort, during the series), as I said, sees Harry not as Harry but as a representation of his own failings, and until he gets that out of his head, I can't really see this relationship working.

When it comes to the "Harry time travels to the 1940s and goes to Hogwarts with Tom" fics it's easier to get them together because Tom has fewer complexes, but it's still not easy (Sure, he doesn't have 10 million complexes, just 7 million instead). So even then Harry has his work cut out for him and this relationship would be a trainwreck that might take collateral damage in the form of everyone around them being miserable with their bullshit.

The key point in all scenarios I mentioned is that Harry needs to actively pursue Tom because otherwise, it won't happen. Because Tom isn't going to pursue it on his own unless some AU reason pushes him to do so. I can see him getting obsessed with Harry easily in various circumstances, but while he'd pursue his obsession, I don't think it would cross his mind to date Harry. Not on his own, I just don't see Tom coming up with it without something to help him get there. Maybe (again in a time travel scenario) a younger Tom could pursue a fake relationship in pursuit of his obsession, but Harry would fight against it because he'd see through him. I also find it hard to imagine Harry pursuing this relationship with Tom through all of Tom's bullshit. I don't think Harry has the patience for that (unless he has a specific reason to do so).

I don't think Harry would pursue this relationship to begin with either. As I mentioned, emotional intelligence and romance in particular are not Harry's strong suits. He could be in love and not notice it because he shrugged it up to something else and he has more pressing things to worry about. If he does notice, he might try to pursue it, but it again depends on the AU or specific situation. I think he could flirt if he set his mind to it, but whether that's effective with Tom depends on which point in Tom's life we're talking about...

I wrote here about the trope of Tom finding out Harry is his Horcrux and, honestly, what I wrote there applies to any potential romantic relationship between them too. Especially if this trope is relevant in the getting-together stage.

All of this is without talking about the elephant in the room of their specific age difference that I'm kinda ignoring. In the books it's a difference of 54 years, which is a lot, but hey wizards and in fic scenarios, Harry can be an adult or they can be the same age, or, well, in fic you can do whatever even when said whatever situation would be messed up irl. I mean, irl I would never advocate for anyone to sleep with their parents' murderer, but this is fanfiction we're talking about so it doesn't really matter. It does mean that this isn't the kind of pairing that I think could be canon or even canon-adjacent. And though I like it better than Drarry in many ways, it's way less likely to happen than Drarry in the canon books as they are.

So, yeah, I like Tomarrry/Harrymort. It's fun, it's juicy, it's dramatic, it has great fics for it out there, but can it realistically happen without some AU? Not really.

(Also, you mentioned Tom and Hermione so I'll add in a little aside that I think that pair will get along worse than Tom and Harry. I think they would misunderstand each other a lot. And Tom, contrary to popular belief isn't going to appreciate someone who's trying to prove he isn't the smartest person in the room. I also think Tom wouldn't like Hermione's attitude over basically anything. I think Hermione would disapprove of Tom's general disregard for others' lives and well-being as well, and she would take more offense at it than Harry. I think Hermione is more likely to get intimidated by Tom than Harry too. Like Hermione would startle at something Tom says whereas Harry would call out his bluff)

#harry potter #hp #voldemort #tom riddle #lord voldemrot #harry james potter #tomarry #harrymort #hp meta #harry potter meta #i guess #hollowedtheory #anonymous #asks #ship talk

93 notes · View notes

kitorin · 2 years ago

Text

one more time.

contents. 6.031k words (gave up on proof reading i'm sorry-), second chance romance, hurt to comfort, author + psychologist reader, swearing, nsfw (not smut just mentions), getting drunk, one nightmare, abandonment issues, kaiser’s terrible with people, it takes a while for kaiser to appear

part two to this

a/n. i guess you could read this as a stand alone, but a lot of the details won't make as much sense (like they'd have a lot more relevance and meaning if you've read part 1). and you're being referred to by your first name by your nephew for the sake of keeping it gn

"y/n?"

Your nephew's question brings some of your attention towards him, with the rest focusing on the road. Rain droplets raced along the windows, and he must've gotten bored of guessing which one was the fastest.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"When are you getting married?"

The innocent yet so significant question made you choke on your own spit. It was unexpected for a child to not gag at the idea of intimacy and love, let alone one questioning your marital status.

"Why are you asking something like that?" You carefully dodge the question, given that you have little to no experience with any sort of romance, the closest to love was an eternity ago. Despite graduating from college already, nothing about that had changed.

"Well." He begins explaining himself. "Mama and papa met each other in high school, they got married when they were younger than you." Unlike you, your sibling had a quite successful love life, already married and with a child. The fact that they were even high school sweethearts seemed to only accentuate your sorrowful envy.

"Your parents were lucky. Not everyone gets to meet the person they love forever in high school. Even if they do not everyone ends up marrying them." It was a difficult approach. You wanted him to fully understand the possible outcomes of love but didn't want him to avoid it entirely. "Love is dumb luck. Sadly, not everyone ends up loving someone who loves them back."

"Hmm." He sounds like he's deep in thought, which also surprised you given that he was still young and oblivious to these sorts of discussions. "Were you unlucky? Is that why you're not married?"

The query stung a bit. Not necessarily because it hurt to be reminded of him, but because it wasn't mere misfortune. It was ultimately up to him to act that way.

"Hmm, I guess. Your father got all the luck I suppose." You chuckle, an attempt to conceal that your heart was begging for some sort of closure, even after all this time.

"But that's not fair."

A sigh leaves your lips as you continue. "It isn't. But that's just life."

"What happened to them? Did they not like you?"

"They did at one point. I think. It was pretty obvious but after I liked them back, they became a bad person" It felt so weird. You've bottled up all the memories and emotions, sealing them away from the world, yet with this tiny child you've decided to open up. It's odd, but not uncomfortable.

"They're dumb."

"You can't say that. It's not their fault for not liking me-"

"But you're amazing. You always spend time with me since Mama and Papa are too busy to. You bring back yummy snacks and tell the best stories. You even teach me so many new things. You're the best person ever."

Although misery from the past had been reawakened and nurtured at the topic of the conversation, his kindness seemed to combat that, you can't help but grin.

"I'm glad you appreciate that."

"You deserve better!"

That makes your breath hitch up, a weird, indescribable sensation accumulates in your chest, and for the first time in a while your eyes begin to prickle.

You blink away the sensation. Three, simple words uttered by a literal child, yet it seems to affect you so much to the point you're moved to tears.

Because no one ever told you that.

No accusations of you being delusional and crazy. No sort of discomfort inflicted through others attempting to make it public.

It was what you've been waiting to hear for so long.

"Thanks bud. Keep this a secret from everyone else, yeah?" You come to a stop at a red light, turning towards him with a grateful smile.

He mimes zipping his lips. "Of course!"

"I know everyone's asking about me getting married, but it won't happen."

"Why?"

"Because." Because you feel undeserving of it. Because you're terrified of being abandoned like that again. Because you're simply just scared. "Because it just won't. I'd rather focus on making sure you and your parents are happy."

"Am I supposed to do that when I'm older?"

"Maybe not to my level. Make sure you treasure your family, but your lover too." Now that piece of advice makes you wonder what it'd be like if you got lucky.

"I don't want to get married even if I'm lucky. I want to be cool like you and take care of family too."

"Then do that. But don't close off your heart completely. Your dad didn’t think of love when he was a kid, look at him now. But it's completely okay if you don't love anyone." Obviously, you'd support him no matter what, but a part of you desperately wished that he'd be lucky enough to never experience what you did.

He nods but changes the topic. "What about you? You seemed happy when you talked about that person. A different kind of happy."

What was that supposed to mean?

"It's just nostalgia."

"That's a hard word. What does it mean?"

"You'll learn when you're older. Promise." And with that you dodge the topic of love, adjusting the conversation to one about the new Doraemon episode he watched the other day.

"Holy shit Ness look at how good they are at this."

"Fucking useless."

"Please help me with trig, I'm begging you. Really? Thank you so much."

"That's such a bitch move. Class average was so low, yet they're still scared of showing their high B. Fucking pussy."

"I love you."

Fuck.

Another nightmare. It's only a mess of his words, both the good and the bad; followed by overwhelming dread and fear swallowing you. A wave of relentless cold engulfing you and drowning you in the depths of torment.

The dream leaves you drenched in sweat and panting. It doesn't fucking make sense. It's been years, you were only kids and now you're an adult. Yet it still leaves you so affected. You don't even clearly remember what he looked like. Only the cerulean orbs and the blonde wolf cut.

Most people brush off any sort of heartbreak in high school as trivial and temporary, yet yours has clung onto your heart so persistently, that it still constantly haunts you.

Nothing's working. Attempting to date others only accentuated your paranoia and abandonment issues. Trying to open up to trusted ones caused the words to get stuck in your throat, to the point it feels suffocating. You even wrote an entire book about it; sure, it was effective in expressing yourself and it was a huge hit and profitable, but something deep down still hurts.

You keep trying and trying, heart craving for closure. But the only way you'd satisfy that miserable desire is through meeting him.

Only you know that so damn well.

Maybe that's why you keep fiercely trying. It's your own way of hopelessly trying to escape him.

But it's futile. It's so draining.

It doesn't matter though. It should stop soon. It's such a stupid thing to be sad over. You're successful, a now bestselling author known for your beauteous expression of love and hurt, while still working as a psychologist. You've achieved something majority of people couldn't do, and you're seeing the fruits of diligence and hard work. But it still hurts.

You do your best to shrug off this sense of dread, focusing on what's important.

"Thank you for today!"

Your nephew wore his signature grin, one that was adorable and so full of joy. It was almost impossible to not smile back at him.

With the commencement of school holiday, you decided to take him to a nearby soccer match, France vs Germany. You didn't know anything about soccer, but he loves the sport, constantly practicing and rambling about Julian Loki (a.k.a. his favourite player of all time) You got extremely lucky, if it weren't for Yoichi and his connections to the JFA you wouldn't've been able to surprise your nephew. Yoichi wasn't prepared to see you constantly thank him ("You're my closest friend, your nephew's a good kid too. Lemme coach him some day!"). He even managed to get you three VIP seats.

"Yocchan, how do I win more? I want to shoot the most goals in my team!"

You passively listen to Yoichi's advice for your nephew, as you can't understand or contribute to the conversation much. It's impressive how people play with this many people watching. The whole stadium was flooded with people, except for the VIP section but that was purely due to how expensive it was.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to France vs Germany!" The commentator booms, earning a cheer from everyone. You expected it to be loud, but not to the point you think your eardrums would burst.

The event went on normally. Player names were read out, with an energetic screech from your nephew when it was Loki's turn. At this point in time, you were pretty laid back, given that you recognized no one.

"Aaaaand Germany's ace and forward, Michael Kaiser!"

You froze.

Michael Kaiser, the Michael Kaiser from back then?

Finally, you have a vivid image of what he looks like. His blonde hair was partially dyed blue, the pretty shade slowly fading out, and navy roses decorated his neck. Red eyeliner adorned his almost feline like eyes. He looks almost unrecognizable yet he's still the boy who had a crush on you.

Suddenly, VIP seats weren't so tempting anymore. Suddenly, you want to drag yourself out of there and ask Yoichi to supervise your nephew.

But he still looks beautiful.

"I hate that bitch." Same Yoichi, same, you silently agree with him. "He's insufferable and a fucking prick."

"Language." Although you'd agree with him, it was a bit too early for your nephew to start speaking like Yoichi (though you wouldn’t mind him learning how to verbally defend himself from Yoichi).

It's only 90 minutes. There's over 20,000 people. Kaiser won't notice. Besides, high school was years ago. He's a professional player and seemingly a famous one, he would've met plenty of players and coaches, too many to even remember your existence.

You suck up your fear, the three of you cheering on Loki.

"Do you think I can be like Loki?"

The game concluded, and to your nephew's joy with France's win, 3 - 2. To be honest, you were still clueless about the sport, but you could at least tell Loki lived up to his name, rapidly scoring and leaving his opponents in the dust.

"Of course, you could be better than him!" You appreciate Isagi's support but that probably wasn't the right thing to say in an environment full of soccer fans. Nor the smartest.

"I'm going to head to the bathroom, I'll meet you outside." You hurry away, ready to get out of the stadium.

You were being too paranoid earlier, obviously nothing would happen. To a national athlete like him, someone he hurt all the way back in high school, someone who he entirely ignored for a few years too.

"Fucking found you."

As if the universe was transpiring against you once more, you're dragged into some unknown corridor, a hand silencing you.

It's him.

Michael Kaiser, now a full-grown adult. His high school popularity bloomed into real world fame and glory now. While your success had sprouted from seeds of hurt.

Now you're pressed up against a wall by him again. This time with his arms having an iron grip on your shoulders, roughly pushing you against the wall.

You can't help but reflect on last time something like this happened. But instead of childish affection it’s aggressive and rough, with his aquamarine eyes clouded with something unreadable. That wasn't particularly new, but what changed was that the foreign but hostile glint flickering in them.

All Kaiser does is stare, hair messy from the match and breathing unstable.

You don't say anything either, you can't even think properly, let alone find the right words to say.

"I've waited for this for so fucking long. You're too distracting."

His arms wrap around you, tightly, as if his life depended on it.

You can't move. Your body won't let you. It's not like you were petrified with fear. It was more so all the conflict of emotions. You weren't sure if you wanted to reciprocate the hug, scream for help, or spit in his face and swear at him.

"Kaiser... Please let go."

He abides, partially, changing back to his original position of holding you against the wall.

"No."

"Please?”

" You always fight back when you're uncomfortable." He wasn't wrong, you didn't exactly hate being in his proximity. You hated how he treated you, and how he's suddenly here again.

"You don’t mind this, right?”

Despite his words, his releases you, allowing you to run away whenever.

But you don't.

Because even though it'd be smarter to run away and never see him again, the tiny hope within you is still pleading for closure, and Kaiser himself.

"Kaiser, I can't, my nephew-"

"Is with Yoichi." Kaiser brings his face a lot closer to yours. "If you wanted to run away, you would've already."

Both of you remain silent, as your cheeks heat up at his touch and presence. His hands reach towards your face to caress your cheeks, the roughness of his calloused hands contrasting your soft skin. Annoyingly, you whimper at the unfamiliar sensation. It earns a cocky smirk from him.

"Cute, you really haven't changed."

"I don’t want to see you."

"Why? We both know you would've already kicked and slapped me if you really hated me."

"Because" Because he scarred you beyond words. "Because you hurt me. A lot." Your voice cracks up at the end, he's the one person you didn't want to be vulnerable around, both before and after heartbreak.

For the first time in forever, there's something vaguely readable in his eyes. Was that regret? Sorrow? Guilt? Empathy, even?

"I know, I could tell-"

"Then why did you do it?"

You've given up on sounding stoic, evident anger was displayed in your voice.

"I tried everything, dating other people. Yet you still haunt me to this day." Years of accumulated feelings were finally released. "Just when I finally figured out, I liked you, you fucking did that then, and then." The rest is cut off by him.

"... You liked me back...?" There's a significant shift in his tone, from cocky and confident to vulnerable and shocked. "You, liked me...?"

"Of course I fucking did Michael." A quiet gasp leaves his lips at the sound of you finally using his first name again. "You were so sweet and was always there no matter what, until you decided to hate me for no reason."

"No, I've never hated you-"

"Just stop lying. Please. First you lie about loving me and now-"

He swallows the rest of your words with a kiss, denying your claim. The kiss gives you butterflies, your cheeks heat up even more and his lips taste you and him; sweet and irresistible.

When he's done his face is flushed as well, lips swollen. His chest rises up and down, he seems more flustered from the kiss rather than the actual match itself.

It's back to the uncomfortable silence, his hands gripping your shoulders tight and various emotions clouding your mind and heart.

Without a word, Kaiser just leaves.

The action evokes a nostalgic yet dreaded emotion, it's just like how he initiates whatever he wants without considering anyone else.

You swallow your hurt, leaving the hallway and finding Yoichi and your nephew.

You don't lie to your loved ones. You’d rather die than deceive your nephew or your best friend Yoichi. But tonight, was an exception.

It's not like you wanted to make Yoichi baby sit your nephew ("Sorry, work suddenly called me in), but you were too hurt to spend time with anyone.

The bar's loud, all the noise drowns out your thoughts, as you're up to the nth bottle of alcohol, no one was keeping track.

It's out of character for you to drink so much, but the state of being disconnected from the world, not having to deal with any worries was irresistible.

"You're drinking a lot." A stranger seated next to you comments, you don't bother questioning who they were.

"I desherve it." You slur out, evidently flat out wasted. "I hate men! Especially the German ones." A few glares were probably received after you said that.

"Why's that?" Their calm tone juxtaposed your upset and livid one.

"Because, because, this bitch leaves me heartbroken for years, appears out of nowhere, kisses me and." You're cut off by a hiccup. "Disappears again! I, I-" You're a complete mess, hiccupping while chugging down alcohol, and now sobbing with tears messing up your expression.

The stranger doesn't respond, taking a quick sip from his own glass.

"Did you know," You begin explaining, despite them not asking. "I did so much. I never wanted to date much but I tried to so I could forget him. I even went to a party, and I'm scared of those. Heck, I wrote a whole ass book! At least I can monetize my pain."

"You must hate this guy."

"Beyond words, he's the reason why I think everyone will leave me, but I still feel like I have some kind of hope. If you want to know more, you should read my book." Now you were self-promoting, but the alcohol diminishes your shame. At this point it wouldn't be surprising if people were concerned about how much you've drank. "There's no point of a stupid psychology honours degree if I can't fix myself."

All they do is chuckle, still calm. "I'll read it, and I'm sure he likes you back if he kissed you. There's nothing about you to fix."

You burst into laughter; you sound borderline manic. "That's what I thought after he said he loved me." Another glass, swallowed down by you with ease.

"After all, there's no way the Michael Kaiser would actually love me."

The next morning you wake up, with a splitting headache and swollen eyes.

You try to get up and get started with the day, but the lights are so blinding, only amplifying the splitting headache.

How much did you drink?

Now you start remembering last night, the (probably) unhealthy amount you drank, your inconsolable bawling and that mysterious yet kind stranger. Your immediate reaction is to grab your pillow with plans of screaming into it, out of embarrassment, praying that you'll never meet that person again and that they'll forget who you are.

Wait.

Since when were your pillow cases white?

And where did your bookcase go? What about the drawings from your nephew and childhood you cherished and decorated your room with? And what happened to your clothes, since when did you own white robes?

Shit.

"Finally awake?"

Your eyes have finally adjusted to the light, and blinding white melts into something, no, someone.

Kaiser.

He's seated at the end of the bed, white robe matches yours, with his exposing his toned and muscular chest, and the navy roses blooming on his neck.

What the hell happened.

It's as if your fight or flight response was triggered, and your brain decided on flight with full confidence, you scurry backwards, avoiding him like the plague.

"Did we-?" The new and completely different outfit and waking up in his bed were obvious hints.

He blinks.

There's no fucking way.

"Did you at least use protection? If I get fucking chlamydia because of you, I'll ki-"

Kaiser laughs. So hard that it sounds like he can barely breathe.

"I didn't say we slept together. The y/n who never understood anything remotely sexual, instantly assuming we went that far." He composes himself, "No, we did not fuck. You were too drunk to consent."

"Then..." Your hands grip at the robe.

"Nothing happened. All I did was give you that to change into"

Alright, now you've confirmed that you don't need to get tested for any STDs or STIs.

"Goodbye then, where's my stuff?" As you try to get up, his hand holds you and your shoulder down, denying your question.

"Don't run away."

It's so ironic for him to tell you that when he stopped talking to you, avoided you, and even went as far as treating you badly. Anyone would want to run away if their first love who had scarred them emotionally randomly reappeared in their lives.

You remind yourself to remain rational, to stay calm and respond maturely, to deescalate the cascading sentiments overwhelming your heart, like a proper, polite, and perceptive adult.

But you don't want to be an adult. Not when it feels exactly like your high school years, ones where you had stayed up late just to innocently fawn over Michael Kaiser. Only for your heart to be a toy, one that he had thrown away and ruined merely because he had enough of playing with it.

You're a scared teenager alone in your room again, fearful of everything, heart closed off to the point not even you could fully comprehend what it was feeling.

You just want to run, to run away from all your problems until they'd give up hunting you down, until they found other prey to pursue, until you could live at peace with your scars.

When people mention 'confronting your fears', most would imagine someone fearless and undisturbed, someone who knows what they're doing. Yet you completely contrast that curated image, a troubled individual who wants to return to how they were before their irremediable suffering.

"Don't give me that crap. You're the one who fucking did that to me."

He's the one who decided to poison you with the suffocating fear of abandonment.

"You never cared for me in any way, why should I bother listening to you now?"

To break your heart was one thing. To do it out of nowhere without explanation after years of captivating affection was another.

Kaiser remains silent, expression still stoic.

"I hate you."

That's what you've told and convinced yourself for so many years, yet something inside of you refused to fall for your self-inflicted dishonestly. The part that miserably prayed that Michael Kaiser would one day go back to the boy who was head over heels for you.

You've managed to forget this torment for years, but all he's doing is ruining it, making it even more difficult to get over him and the indescribable hole in your heart.

But now, it doesn't seem like you're the only hurt one.

By the end of your speech, you're panting, despite only staying still in bed. You still have so much more to say, but you're already in disbelief that you've finally expressed the hardships plaguing you, and to the reason for said burdens.

"Why'd you hurt me?" And it finally happens. Tears. Ones that had hid from the world, cowering at the thought of another witnessing this pathetic vulnerability. “Everything would be so much easier if you never appeared again, but you had to randomly appear again to kiss me, only leave again.”

He finally speaks. Voice equally soft and weak as yours. “I know I did. And I know it wasn’t right. But I never wanted to, I never wanted you to hate me or end up hurt. I’ve always wanted the opposite.” Kaiser shuffles closer, hand inching closer towards yours, not daring enough to hold onto it.

He inhales, deeply, as if this whole ordeal had an emotional toll on him too.

“I didn’t avoid you because I hated you, or wanted you to get hurt. I wasn’t trying to play with your emotions either. I was young and foolish.” For the first time, he’s readable, evident sorrow painting his features. Right now, he was a complete juxtaposition of his image on the field, assertive and lionhearted to now frightened and uncertain.

He’s not done yet. “I’ve always liked you, from the day we started talking. I wanted to love you properly, to take you out on nice dates and to be a boyfriend no one could ever compare to. I was just… scared.” The Michael Kaiser admitting to fear was something new. “Scared of ending up as a disappointing lover or you never reciprocating. I ran away yesterday because I was a coward. But I don’t want to stay as one. I refuse to."

Kaiser continues. “It feels unreal, the idea of you liking me back when you’re so perfect. You’ve always been mature, diligent, and hardworking, your future seemed so bright with how academically proficient you were. At the time I was so unsure of myself and felt so inferior, it doesn’t justify anything I’ve done but I wanted to rather hurt instead of being hurt.”

“You, think I’m perfect…?” It’s such an innocent question. The praise seemed to melt away the resentment accumulated within your heart, and momentarily you forget wanting to leave.

“Of course, I do.” There’s still the same vulnerability in his expression, but this time it’s complemented with a soft smile. “I mean, look at you. You always got the top marks, and you’ve achieved a dream of entering the psychology field. I still love what you wrote about PSTD.”

How did he know that?

“I never mentioned my job.” He still remembers that one piece you wrote, a task that your English teacher had given. You were allowed to write anything you wanted to, and that was the birth of that PTSD essay, which Kaiser had found impressive for the level of detail it had.

“Your books state it.”

And how does he know about those too? You used a pen name for privacy and to avoid any attention to your personal life and loved ones.

“I never mentioned being an author.”

“You certainly did last night. I quote ‘you should read my book’.”

Wait.

A wave of realization crashed over you, the poor individual you complained to about Michael Kaiser was Michael Kaiser himself. Now the memories are flooding in, the declarations of hate, the miserable murmuring, and your stupidly embarrassing behaviour.

But even after recalling all the events and details of that night, you don’t remember providing a title and your pen name. It’s a complete secret, not even Yoichi or your own family know.

“I didn’t tell you the novel name though?”

Kaiser’s now grinning, but there’s still the soft feel to demeanor. “I’m a bit of a fan. ‘Where the Sea and the Horizon Meet’ is my favourite." It’s the book you wrote about him.

“But how did you know I wrote it?” Anyone can write about their tragic first love and the bitter yet beautiful saccharinity it entails. Your pen name didn’t allude to your legal one in any manner, and you dismissed any questions that interviews that attempted to intrude into your personal life.

“Because I instantly knew it was about you, about us. I’d never forget that day, right before English. When wanted to tell you I loved you since it was so pretty that day. I missed bothering you. I missed you.”

He actually remembered?

All this time you had assumed it was a memory that had been sitting at the back of his mind, only to be forgotten so easily after a couple of years.

You don’t say anything. It’s so confusing and overwhelming, the person who hurt you did it out of the fear of hurt, yet still missed you.

“You didn’t forget?”

“No. You were the first and only person I’ve ever loved.”

First… and only too?

You hadn’t shown any signs of auditory hallucinations recently, right?

Even though he himself just said it, it’s still a fever dream to you, unreal and fictitious.

Did you hear that right? You’re the first and only person he’s ever loved; all those touching memories were real, that heartfelt proclamation of love wasn’t fake.

Despite Kaiser’s confession to being in love with you, there was the tiny part of you that was still convinced that you were dreaming; that none of was real.

Because someone who completely destroyed you so long ago shouldn’t be able to waltz back in so easily.

Yet every part of you is begging for him to come back.

You haven’t said anything for a while, only lost in the storm of thoughts while trying to navigate the seas of your emotions.

“Same.” You whisper, you wish you had said something more than a simple agreement, but it’s all you can muster. And it’s true. No one else had been that loving with you. “I don’t hate you. I hate the pain I felt.” You take back your claim, and he looks like he’s received the best news of his life, relief washing over his features.

“I know, which is why, I would never do again. That’s if, if you’re willing to give me another chance.” He finally has the courage to hold your hand with his own, fingers ghosting over your knuckles. “I want to love you. Again. This time properly, and until I learn how to do perfectly.”

There’s an undeniable fear of you have of vulnerability and love, yet the offer is so tempting.

Is the risk really worth it?

You’ve always depended on logic and rationality to make decisions, and here, it’s clear that trusting someone who hurt you isn’t a smart idea. It’s common sense, but something about him makes you want to oppose your usual ideals; to get hurt over and over again until something works, to finally break down the walls you’ve miserably built, and to expose your heavily guarded heart.

“I love you y/n.”

It doesn’t the possess the same grandeur it did that day, years ago, but it still conveyed the same passion, laced with his true feelings for you.

Only this time, you say it back.

“I love you too… Michael.”

“Am I allowed to kiss you again?”

You permit his request, pressing your lips against his, and it tastes just as saccharine and tempting, but this time it’s now garnished with satisfaction.

“Congratulations on your wedding, Kaiser!”

A smile tugs at his lips as his teammates congratulate him, well pleased with how the event had been turning out so far. His parents were overjoyed about you and the occasion, and everything was running smoothly.

It’s been around three years since you had given him another chance.

You looked flawless, the outfit you chose complemented all your tones (though he’d argue that any colour and shade would’ve looked beautiful on you).

Kaiser couldn’t find the right words to describe how euphoric he felt. The closest to this happiest he’s ever gotten was when you accepted his proposal.

He's relieved and buzzing with a sense of pride. Not the typical, cocky kind, but the kind of proud where he’d be able to happily tell his younger self about all of this, that it all works out in the end, that he eventually makes up for his actions; that he ends up marrying his long time crush.

Everyone was happy, at least, except for one person.

“I can’t fucking believe you’d date and marry this man.”

Kaiser snickers at Yoichi, someone who he’s been competing against constantly and has been his rival for years but is also your best friend.

“I swear, he’s not that bad. But I understand if you’re disappointed.”

“Excuse me, I’m the perfect boyfriend and husband.”

“Oi, did you hear something? Must’ve been a fly. Didn’t expect any here.” Michael’s jaw drops at being ignored by Yoichi.

“Shit, I’ve forgotten the bug repellent, my bad. My mother might’ve brought some.” Michael lets out an exaggerated gasp at the betrayal.

“You guys are so mean.” You and Yoichi grin at his faux pout.

“Well,” Yoichi begins to slip away. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone; I’m going to go say hi to Kunigami and Hiori again. Kaiser I’ll kill you if you ever hurt y/n.” He waves a small bye to you before running off.

“Someone seems to trust you a lot.”

“I- “Before Michael can try to defend himself and respond with a witty comment, your nephew interrupts, with his parents following from behind.

“y/n! Congratulations!” He comes running towards you with a bouquet, so big that it was almost the size of him, it’s a miracle how he’s able to carry it. You quickly accept, hoping that it wasn’t a hassle for him to bring it.

“Thank you. How’d you carry these? They’re too big for you.”

“He insisted.” Your bother replies to you, his wife nodding. “He said he wanted to be the ones to give them.”

A hand playfully ruffles his hair. “Thanks bud.” Even after years he still has the same kindness and enthusiasm.

“We’re going to say hi to everyone, are you coming?”

“Can I talk to Michael and y/n more?” They nod, reminding him to be polite and greet everyone afterwards.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the Michael Kaiser though.” Kaiser stands with pride at your nephew’s disbelief, about to make a confident statement until your nephew continues. “You better behave properly, you clown.”

Again, Michael’s jaw drops and the sight has you biting your lip to avoid laughing uncontrollably. Your nephew runs off to his parents, saying that he wants to see his grandparents.

“Since when did he talk like Yoichi?” He nudges you, still shocked at being called a clown again. “He even waited for his parents to go. And he ran off immediately. ”

“No idea, but I like it.”

“Of course, you do…” He takes a few moments to stare at you, dazed by your beauty and seemingly in a trance. “You’re stunning.”

“What’s with that suddenly?”

“It’s not sudden, you’ve always been cute. And pretty. And just perfect in general.”

“Someone’s cheesy.” But your smile is out of control.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me a second chance.” The morning you woke up in his hotel room comes to mind, and although you were conflicted on whether to let him back into your life again or not, you don’t regret anything.

“Liebling, I’m truly forever grateful for it.” His hand takes yours, planting a kiss on your knuckles.

Because it’s been amazing with him. From the small yet sweet things like how he'd pay attention to literally everything about you, and remember every time detail about you to his grand proposal by the beach, the one that was located near your high school, the one outside of the window when he first declared he loved you. You adored it all; the connection you and him had that no one else would ever understand, to how the sun sunk into the sea, breathtakingly beautiful. Even the aftermath of arguments because he always refused to deal with them immaturely, knowing the consequences of not doing things right better than anyone else. The mere thought of you crying could bring him down to his knees.

Now, if someone were to ask you about Kaiser you'd end up stumped, thinking of all his actions of love, from always defending you no matter what, even if it's him against the world and the media, to how he constantly teases you (he never shuts up about how you assumed you had slept with him when you woke up in his hotel room.) He's your everything, your boyfriend, lover, your own proof reader and soon to be husband.

Now, you'd describe him as your favourite, someone you adore beyond what words could capture, not even your experience as an author could ever change that.

“I love you, so so much. I would die for you Liebe.” Kaiser eagerly kisses you, and no matter how many times he does you never get sick of how he tasted, or how soft and tender they were.

“I love you too Mihya.” You breathe out, crimson dusted all over your face as you’re panting in between words.

He really wasn’t lying when he said wanted to love you properly.

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk #bllk x reader #michael kaiser angst #michael kaiser #alexis ness #michael kaiser x you #fluff #second chance romance #michael kaiser x reader #michael kaiser x y/n #hurt to comfort #bllk x you #bllk angst #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you

439 notes · View notes

project-sekai-facts · 1 year ago

Note

Do you have any thoughts about rui’s character and his relationships? I really enjoy your character analysis i think they’re super good so it’ll so cool to hear something about rui ^_^ otherwise i really enjoy the work you put into this account!

thank you! here's a little something i threw together to commemorate the end of curtain call hell on EN, except it's about the main story because the animation released recently and i have thoughts about it. and i think it's a good starting point for his character.

First though, we need to go backwards a bit to the flashbacks in Revival my dream and KAMIKOU FESTIVAL!. When Rui was a kid, he was considered a prodigy by many and it was constantly shoved in his face that he was different from everyone else. Be it because he was incredibly intelligent beyond his age, or because he had different interests to the other kids in his class. At the end of the day, if he was having fun with his classmates, it wouldn't last. Usually they'd all leave at some point because they thought his ideas of fun were weird or they didn't understand them. By the time he was in middle school around 8 years later, he was completely isolated from his peers. As he said in A Once-In-A-Lifetime Pandemonium, he believed that he would never be able to connect with or understand anyone around him. What Rui had always needed was like-minded individuals who could accept him for who he was, not shun him due to his perceived weirdness. He had Mizuki, but even they said back in middle school that the reason the two of them were friends is simply because they were both lonely; they couldn't actually do anything to help each other change.

It's very clear that Rui didn't think things would ever change. In the main story, even after Tsukasa invites him to join the troupe, the only reason he accepts is so Nene can do what she's always wanted. Sure, it's what he wants as well, but he's never worked well with people before, so why would it be any different now? He'll go along with it so long as he can try and help Nene change, because if he can't change himself, then the least he can do is help his only true friend.

Was joining the crew at Wonder Stage so bad for him? Not really, he actually ended up hitting it off with Emu due to their similar way of thinking, something that had never happened before. Nene even points out that he seems happier than normal after joining.

I think the part where he leaves the troupe is the part a lot of people fail to get their heads around, I've seen so many arguments on twitter over it and I think people just need to get it into their heads that there were multiple factors that contributed to him leaving and refusing to rejoin.

First off: Nene. Nene is Rui's closest and pretty much only friend. She's the only person who stuck with him since childhood. Everyone else left him in the end because they just couldn't understand him, Mizuki bonded with him over their shared loneliness but they were never truly close. Nene means a lot to him because of that, hell, the whole reason he even decided to join Tsukasa and Emu's troupe in the first place is because he saw Nene suffering and wanted to help her be happier. Tsukasa took his anger out on Nene, and Rui felt bad because he was the one who got her into this mess. He wanted her to be happy and to try and overcome her trauma only for her to mess up again and face even worse repercussions. Tsukasa hurt her, and Rui doesn't want to work with someone who's going to act like that, especially not towards his closest friend.

Second: Tsukasa's selfishness. Which admittedly plays into the last point as well. Tsukasa was selfish. He just wanted the fame and glory and to be in the limelight. Nene messed up his debut performance, and he was angry. After all, it was his moment to finally shine, so it had to be perfect, and yet a member of his troupe made an amateur mistake. He wanted to put on the best show with the best troupe, he can't have anything short of that. That's what Rui points out here. Tsukasa says he has a passion for theatre, but really all he wanted was to be in the spotlight. He prioritised himself, let it all get to his head, and couldn't work with other people. That's what Rui means when he says Tsukasa doesn't have what it takes to become a star. Tsukasa doesn't care about anyone but himself, and you can't be a star and put on the greatest show by yourself.

The animation actually adds in a little extra scene here. Leaving the group wasn't easy for Rui, it hurt him and you can really tell it did. As Nene said, it was the happiest he had been in a while. While he denied at the time that anything was different, I think he did know things were different. He thought he'd maybe finally found like-minded people, just like his mother told him he would when he was a kid. And he's a hypocrite even. He tells Tsukasa great shows can't be made alone, despite the fact he's trying to do that himself.

The first time Emu, Nene and Tsukasa try to get him back, he refuses. Tsukasa had apologised to Nene, she accepted his apology and rejoined his troupe. And he's really happy for her, she's making moves to help herself get better, but he still refuses. After all, Tsukasa getting angry at Nene wasn't the only reason he quit. As he says, he and Tsukasa aren't compatible. Tsukasa only wants the fame and glory, whereas Rui wants to make shows that the audience can enjoy. Their goals simply do not align. He thought he'd finally found a place where he could engage in what he's passionate about, but was harshly reminded that place seemingly doesn't exist for him. Whether it was Tsukasa's hubris and selfishness or his classmates isolating him, he can't find anyone to pursue his interests with. Nothing changes.

But it does change. WxS isn't complete without Rui there, Tsukasa needs to prove that he's changed and that his goals do align with Rui's own. And what better way to communicate that than with a show - it's what Rui knows best, after all. I think what's particularly impactful here is that this is a rewritten version of the show Rui was performing the first time he was asked to rejoin the troupe. The show about an alchemist who wanted to put on shows, but everyone who joined him left him because they found his ideas to be ridiculous. Neither the alchemist or the townsfolk understood each other, and the townsfolk wanted nothing to do with the alchemist. It's a bitter ending with the alchemist's happiness being limited and him ultimately being lonely forever, since the story does not continue.

The ending is not a happy one, so they change it.

Tsukasa has changed, and now he's giving Rui the chance to change as well. Rui has never had anyone take his shows seriously, never had anyone take him seriously. No one understands him and he never understood anyone. But that changes. There's finally people who want to do shows with him, who appreciate his ideas and understand his motivations. Even if he's a little different, everyone else in WxS is a little weird too.

I also like how they actually show in the animation that things have changed through a little bit of stage direction. Rui watches that entire play in the dark, alone. When Tsukasa reaches out to him, the light turns on on Rui. We then cut to reveal another person in the scene. He's not lonely anymore.

Ultimately, the most important part of Rui's character arc is change. He never planned on changing - what was the point? He wasn't going to pretend to be someone he wasn't, but he also wasn't going to risk being himself and get rejected again. But once again, as he said in Pandemonium, once he joined WxS, he did change. He's the happiest he's ever been, he has friends that he never wants to let go for the first time, he's able to actually have fun and let himself enjoy things for the first time, he begins to be able to understand people without using shows as a reference point. But even before then, he changed. He changed as soon as he decided to take Tsukasa's offer. As pointed out by Tsukasa in Pandemonium, even if he was the one to give Rui the chance, Rui was the one who took it. He could've refused it again and continued to be lonely forever. He could've chosen to continue to believe that truly he would just never be able to understand and connect with the people around him. But he wanted to change, even if he denied it at the time. And he changed that belief so he could change his life.

(TL)

#i have got a longer piece on the parallels in mizuki and rui's arcs in the works. i mentioned this months ago but it's been taking ages to #finish bc of college and just burnout lol. consider this a preview of sorts #asks #mod talks #once again i didn't proofread this #rui kamishiro

210 notes · View notes

batmanfruitloops · 6 months ago

Text

Happy 1st Anniversary to the Batmanfruitloops!!! 🎉

Whoo! This is such an achievement, but also it's such a crazy thought that it's been a WHOLE YEAR??? It means a lot that so many other people like our au as much as we do, and even more that we've been able to make friends; we want to thank all of you new and old for joining us here to have fun and enjoy the journey of our au!

With that said, I'd like to share some old art that's "behind the scenes" stuff from out time since we started our au.

also if you've been here since these were the profile picture and banner, you're a real one;

Fun fact, I (Sarsee) don't like fruit loops, but it was the first thing I thought of to name the blog, plus it was memorable. The au name being "Batman: A New Gotham" came later! Double plus, the abbreviation is BANG and I find that coincidence just delightful.

One of favorite changes that happened out of nowhere was John's eyes changing from more round to almond. He used to look a lot more like the Telltale Joker, but I feel like his current eyes fit better with his personality in our au. This also isn't going to show up because it's file names, but I had originally wanted to call the Joker "Jbird" like Batman calls him in the Lego Batman movie. (for context, it's the scene where Joker is tied to a bunch of balloons - you know the one - and side note, I want to redraw a screenshot from that with our Joker eventually) I don't have any pictures with a "Jbird" design because I never got the idea to work, I just thought it could have been interesting considering Joker works with Batman in our au and that would put him on theme with the Batfam being flying mammals/avians.

Most of the other original designs aren't too drastic either - or at least it doesn't feel like it to me. Scarecrow and Riddler have changed a lot though. And I think the changes that came about with Fluffy joining on board were much needed (Scarecrow's costume was always done by Fluffy, but I designed him out of costume originally -I was originally making the au myself, but that didn't last long when we started yapping about ideas to one another and never stopped) She also couldn't understand how I stylized his hair, so it became puffy and unruly instead of curly and gelled back. Ed can still gel his hair if he wanted to, just for special occasions.

Some old sillies as well from Fluffy;

we find the contrast between Batman vs. Scarecrow and Joker vs. Riddler very funny because it's so drastically different. The Joker and Riddler never really try to hurt each other, they just like to play into the dramatics and vibe while still on their separate sides. Batman and Scarecrow want to tear one another's throats out and watch them suffer for it because they have no idea what's going on in their heads.

with the villain!joker timeline, there's an alternate version of the Goon squad (Dork Squad + Joker) where it's Harvey instead of the Joker. Or as well, there can be all five of them. Harvey is the only person who can scruff Jo like the gremlin he very much is and he'll just let it happen.

I don't know if this will show up in the comic anymore, but at one point the Joker was going to refer to Scarecrow and the Riddler as Samhain and a leprechaun because they're both partially Irish - couldn't really be that specific with voice claims, and they'd be offended

and lastly, Ed gets cranky when he's tired

Batman and Riddler are the only two to get digital references at the time and man, do I much prefer how streamlined the final ones look. I mean, what was the dingy brown I had behind Batman? For a split second, Ed's coat was almost purple, but thankfully, Fluffy convinced me otherwise and suggested his shoes be purple. This is also before his vest, and now there's an in story reason for why he doesn't have it in the beginning. Also look at how skinny and tall Ed looked!! (he was still short, he's not allowed to be tall in our au)

That's all I have for now, we'd love to hear any thoughts/memories/etc. in the comments!

Love, Sarsee and Fluffy, your batmanfruitloops creatures

#batmanfruitloops #anewgothamau #sars babbles #behind the loops bowl #blog anniversary #tw: eye contact

57 notes · View notes

mytragedyperson · 8 months ago

Text

So I was reading a TCF reaction fic, I think it was Beginning of the End by who-stole-my-fries. And in that one of the Choi Hans, TCF Choi Han I think, was talking about what happened at Harris Village. And he said something like "I used to wonder how anyone could take another person's life. After that [the assassination of Harris Village], I realised how blind I'd been". Something along those lines.

What a line. What a line to have in a fanfiction. What a line to have Choi Han, the protagonist of The Birth of a Hero, the hero of a story and a hero in this world too, say. And it doesn't really matter which Choi Han said it, because it was referring to an event they both experienced, so we can assume that they both had this realisation.

This somewhat but not really links to an interesting theme among Cale and his friends and family. Because they are heroes, they're saving their world and other worlds and saving people. But none of them are completely pure or morally white. They all have, can and will do evil sadistic things to the people who hurt those they care about and put them in danger and they won't feel remorse for it. They have no qualms about killing or torturing or getting revenge. Because, yes, they're saving the world, but one of their main motivations, main reasons for doing this, is each other, to keep each other safe, to protect each other, to get revenge on behalf of each other. They only do those things to evil people, villains, but it's so interesting, because I feel like if you put them in other worlds, not their story but other stories, they'd be seen as vigilantes or even, in worlds with black and white morality, villains.

And I always think that's really cool. When a story doesn't have that black and white morality, when the heroes have to do "bad" thongs to win. Because really what's the alternative? They don't kill or torture people, they let them live, imprison them or something. Considering some of the villains are gods and others have special powers and abilities, that won't work. And these people aren't going to change their minds and suddenly abandon goals they've been working towards for decades and centuries. There is no alternative.

Or maybe there is. Realistically Venion could have simply been imprisoned, left with the knowledge that the brother he hates, the brother he thought he'd got rid of, had the position he always wanted as Marquis. But he tortured a child, a child dragon, but still a child. So is imprisonment punishment enough? I'd say no. Not for this. For abusing and torturing a child since they were born.

And that's one of the reasons I love these stories. Because there are so many stories where the villain is allowed to live at the end, hoping that justice, the system, will deal with them. But sometimes, sometimes revenge is understandable, sometimes the only way to stop the villain, is to kill them.

Choi Han wondered how anyone could kill another person. But then people came for his family, his friends everyone he knew and cared about, and he realised how blind he'd been.

Sorry, idk what this was. That one sentence or couple sentences from a fanfiction just stuck in my brain, not the exact words but the meaning. Ugh, god, I love TCF and I love fanfictions based on TCF.

#tcf #tcf novel #trash of the count's family #choi han #tcf fanfic #trash of the count's family fanfiction

123 notes · View notes

b0njourbeach · 2 months ago

Text

LeoVil Dynamic Analysis

Their dynamic could be - in my opinion - classified as "enemies and lovers". Mutual annoyance with the tendency to insult the ever-living rainbow out of their asses. They're besties, they're exes, they hooked up at some point.

Vil can't stop calling Leona pretty, visibly annoyed by his beauty (relatable). But both of them are known to have the habit of keeping up a certain image of themselves: Leona as the rough, "not caring" guy who acts all high and mighty but in reality, he does care - He just doesn't/can't/won't express that he cares (for most likely multiple reasons but that's a different story). And Vil? Well, it's obvious he has to only show his perfect side, no? He cares about people but he expresses it in a way that can and is seen as him forcing everyone to be their perfect selves. Yes, his tips might be unwanted (depending on who it is) but he still looks out for the people he cares about - And it's not a secret that he's nagging Leona every breathing moment if given the opportunity.

But there's something about these specific two that tickles a special part of my brain: Their trauma. Its source is entirely different yet practically carbon copies. Leona, the second born prince who could work as hard as he could possibly do and he'd be still "just" the second born, the shunned, a royal nobody. It is carved in his nature that he will never be first, he'll be never be the best - He's the eternal second place and no work will ever change it. Much more, there is this little person who's practically sunshine as a person - this little person that was the final brick on the wall that would part Leona forever from the first place: Cheka. What's worse is the fact that Cheka is entirely oblivious that he is a problem in Leonas life and his mental health. Cheka wants to be around his Uncle, wants them to play and get along well, unaware of how bothersome he truly is (in Leonas eyes).

And it's the same with Vil. He is not bound by blood to his personal "final brick" but it's just as persistent. Ever since he was a kid, he wouldn't be the last one standing, the number one, the star. He was the Villain, the second one, he belonged in the shadow. A shadow that would cause the "hero" to shine even brighter: Neige. A ray of sunshine, the hero, the number one. It would not matter how much Vil would work on his acting, on himself, on everything - As long as Neige existed, he was nothing more than the shadow.

Having this deep understanding and relations - without having the same source of "bother" - they could support each other like no other could. Sure, people can listen to them (if they'd ever open up to begin with) but it's different, it's more intimate, if the person *knows* the pain. Talking and knowing that the person in front of you bleeds from the very same wounds, it's a special bond.

Now that I explained the base of my sight on this Duo/ship, I would like to introduce my headcanons to this lovely ship because I believe that it makes this ship even better.

When Leona first saw Vil, he mistook him for a girl and treated him with utmost respect (since he has a natural respect for women). It took him several weeks to realize that Vil is indeed a guy. He immediately dropped his manners and became the Leona we know - Much to Vils annoyance because in his eyes, Leona became suddenly an arrogant asshole and refused to elaborate why the sudden shift in attitude happened.

For my next headcanon, I first have to mention an HC I have for/about Vil: I genuinely believe that he has an issue with potions / is addicted to them. We know that he's extremely talented when it comes to brewing potions - Not to mention that his Unique Magic supports his abilities if needed. Being the prominent person he is, he has undoubtedly dealt with extreme stress, probably (extreme) pain, self-doubt and most likely self-hate as well. So if it becomes extremely bad, he would get himself a potion to calm the thoughts and stress, giving him similar experiences to taking drugs. Obviously, he wouldn't want to see others that he even remotely does such measures to get himself in a calmer state, so he genuinely keeps himself hidden in quiet places of the school. Unfortunately, he once thought hiding in the Botanical Garden was a great idea - It was not. A certain feline was - as usual - in the garden and immediately noticed something was off. Not only did he notice the messed up mental state of the "Oh so perfect" Vil Schoenheit but he also smelled the faint scent of some potion. He first wanted to be the usual cocky guy but decided differently. Even with the potion, Vil was in a bad shape and it was quite easy to tell. Sitting on the floor, leaning against the tree, completely fatigued. Leona decided to get him a bottle of water and placed it in silence next to him and leaned against the other side of the tree. They didn't talk, they just sat there. Neither of them would ever talk about this situation but it became a habit of the two of them for a while (until Vil has started to catch Rooks attention more and more).

-> After Vil overblotted, they met again on the tree. It was as if Vil was seeking comfort by the silence of the feline. If there was silence, there would be no judgment, there would not be Betrayal and what he needed most after the competition was a person who gave comfort that he could trust in.

They also have shared custody over Epel, trust me. I know, many see Rook and Vil as Epels "parents" but having Leona and Vil to be his "parents" would make more sense: The strict mom that wants Epel to make use of his potential (which are unfortunately his feminine charms) while Leona is his Sports dad, the "masculinity" Epel admires and wants so badly.

#twisted wonderland #twst #leona kingscholar #vil schoenheit #leovil #leona x vil #shock the heart

41 notes · View notes

lunatic-pudge · 9 months ago

Note

Hi, I was wondering if you could do a Platonic Tf2 crew x reader who struggles with S/H. I totally understand if you don't take my request but I think it could be good for others who see's these characters as comfort characters.

Many thanks

-Springy

Gotta be honest, I've been slacking with asks but I felt like I needed to make this one cause:

1.) I relate to it, especially since I've been going in a downward spiral recently

2.) I can use this as a chance to talk about the Mercs and their mental health as well. Not only have some of them had such terrible childhoods, but also killing your doppelganger and dying constantly in a neverending cylce has gotta be absolutely damaging to their mental health, especially the first time they respawned

So yeah, this is gonna have a huge TW on it. So please proceed with caution. If this is something you aren't comfortable with reading, please don't. Take care of yourself. <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mercs and (Platonic) Reader who Struggles with Self Harm

Scout:

-Now with Scout, he'd try to be a comforting person, but it's gonna be hella awkward.

-I full believe this poor thing has some self-esteem issues, so he'd very understanding in that aspect. But as for SH, that's where he's kinda lost. Why would his best friend wanna hurt themselves? Why do they feel the way they do about life and themselves when they're such a cool person who's put up with hum for so long?

-This would definitely be one of those times where he puts his ego away, removes the cocky facade, goes from Scout to Jeremy. A boy who grew up with no Father, bullied by his older brothers, and learned that the only way to get away from his problems is to run

-He may not be good at talking about his problems, or giving you advice, but he knows how to put a smile on your face. Scout would do everything in his power to make you smile and laugh.

-He would be wanting to spend more time together as a way to help you with SH. He views it as, "If I spend time with them and get their mind off everything, then they won't wanna hurt themselves" sort of thought. I had it but immediately forgot, I'm sorry :(

-But yeah, Scout's trying. He's not good with these thing but he would genuinely wanna help you. He knows life sucks and things aren't easy. But he wants the best for you and just wants you to be happy

Pyro:

-Now Pyro is interesting to me. I fully believe that they are one of the few Mercs who self-harms, but no one knows cause they never talk about it and are constantly wearing such thick and concealing clothes all the time, even in the worst of heatwaves. And even then, if they did show skin and showed some SH marks, no one would really be batting an eye, maybe Medic and Engie being the only exceptions

-So when you come to them for comfort, they would panic. They don't like that their friend is hurting themselves and they would be at a loss for words. The only thing they'd know what to do in the moment is give you a big hug, maybe even shed some tears with you

-After some time though, Py would open up about their own SH, they probably wouldn't be comfortable with showing their scars though. If you have any fresh injuries, they'd clean you up, being rather knowledgeable on first aid care

-They would let you vent out any and all frustrations. Trying to offer help when they can, even if some of it is concerning. Pyro knows better than any other Merc with what it's like to have such a deteriorating mental health, so they'd be very understanding of how you feel and such

-They'd probably wanna trying helping each other going SH-free. Words of encouragement, being there for each other when things get rough, setting milestones and giving gifts when those milestones are reach, etc.

-There would be some bumps in the road, but Py would be the most supportive friend ever. They want the best for you, no matter what. And maybe this is even the start of them being able to get the help they need and get better

Soldier:

-Now Solly is dense. He wouldn't grasp it at first. Like, you'd say it, he'd go "Huh?", and then as you're repeating yourself, it dawns on him what you said and he's immediately springing into action.

-He's definitely got some PTSD and paranoia. You've seen how he lives in the WAR comic, and in the main comic, you see how quick he is to snap necks, accuse people of being Commies, thinking that there's listening devices around, etc.

-So with him, I see him as someone who unintentionally suicidal? I don't know if those are the words I'm looking for. Like, he believes that his whole purpose in life is to fight for his country and die on the battlefield. I don't think he could handle dying any other way. Solly's ready to give up his life for his country, at any cost, no matter what

-He's kinda like Scout in the sense that he isn't the best at comforting. He is very good at giving motivational speeches and trying to hype you up. Though, he might sound mad at you for self-harming, he isn't. Yeah, he's upset, but he's not mad

-He'd make you go to Medic to have any wounds taken care of. He'd be like a loyal dog and stay by your side, ready to fight Medic if he asks a question that might make you uncomfortable

-He would have you come to him any time you feel like you're gonna hurt yourself so he can help take care of you. He'll get you anything and everything you want, no matter what. He wants to make you feel comfortable and safe. Hell, he'd even kill for you if asked, even if you're just his friend

-If he can't be available for you, he'd ask Demo to go check on you. Demo wouldn't know why though, he just thinks that Soldier wants to make sure you're okay. But he does trust that Demo would keep you safe when he can't be there

Demoman:

-Gonna be honest with ya, Demo would probably cry if you told him that you SH. He would feel so horrible and wouldn't know what to do other than to hand you some alcohol and drink your woes away

-Demo had a rough childhood, I don't think he had ever been able to accept the fact his bio parents were so quick to abandoned him and take him back one he start honing in on his demolition skills.

-I can see him as someone who has self-harmed before (if you don't count the alcoholism), but it was only when he was younger, like as a teen. Though, you can count the alcoholism as him self-harming, cause technically he's slowly killing himself that way. He's only gonna be a Merc for so long, and Medic can only do so much. So if being a Merc doesn't kill him, it's gonna be Cirrhosis of the liver that does

-So he'd be understanding of why you hurt youself. He'd let you tell him everything, being a listening ear and offering help and advice. Afterwards, he'd take you out to destress, whether it be hitting up the bars or blowing stuff up.

-He may be drunk almost all the time, but he knows how to give good advice. He's a master at comforting and his hugs are to die for. He'd drop everything he's doing to help you if you're having a bad mental health day. He WILL make sure you're okay. He'd even stay up all night with you if that's something you need

-And my last point in Soldier's applies here as well. If Demo can't be around when you need someone, then he sends Soldier to help fill in the void. He'd probably tell Solly to check on you and make sure you're safe from the Commies or something. But even then, he and Soldier are great friends and would help each other out no matter what, even if it's heelping another friend in need

Heavy:

-Heavy may not be good with his words (in English cause it really do be a struggle), but his actions make up for it. He's another merc who will get you anything and everything you want if it means making you feel better

-If anyone knows what it's like to have a rough life, it's Heavy. Growing up in a prison cause of his Father speaking out against the government, losing said Father, having to become the man out the house at such a young age, and taking such a dangerous job overseas to help support his Mother and sisters. He knows how rough it can be

-Homie know how to be there for a person. Though, he might ask Medic for help on this situation cause he's never been one to SH so this is new territory for him. But he's trying his best though!

-I don't have much to say for Heavy. He's more of an action person rather than a word person. He's fine with even just sitting in silence and reading if that's what you want. He truly does want the best for you, even if he doesn't show it

Engineer:

-He's such a dad friend. For real for real. Where was this man when I was a child?

-He helps Pyro through their episodes so he's very much ready to help you. If you have a specifc way you like to be comforted, he's right there to help. If you need to vent, he'll take you somewhere private so you don't have to worry about prying ears

-Now with Engie, I'd say he has a decent upbringing. I don't think he'd be one to SH either. even though he literally cut his own hand off... But he really is one of the more "sane" Mercs. So while he has never SH, he know that there's reasons people do it and how to help them through it

-Plus have you heard his voice?! It's as sweet as honey. So imagine him conforting you with that voice of his! Telling you how you're such an amazing person, how things will get better, and how he'll always be there for you. For real, I'm an Engie and Sniper voice defender til the end!

-Again, in my very biased opinion, he is the BEST, MOST PERFECT person to go to for help/comfort. You know that if he can help Pyro, he can help you. He's the perfect person ever, platonically and/or romantically

Medic:

-Immediately goes into doctor mode. Checking you're wounds, cleaning up any fresh one, asking about what is causing you to do this to yourself. It's all clinically at first

-If you need any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, he'll give them to you, though it will be under his supervision cause he wants to make sure you're safe. Don't ask how he got them. Just trust him

-Medic is another Merc who's had it rough. He is very well aquainted with SH. Though I also do see him doing it for sexual reasons but I ain't gonna get into it. Let's just say that Medigun comes in handy quite a bit.

-He'll become more observant with you. Paying attention to even the littlest of details. He'll become more observant during routine checkups, making sure you aren't hurting yourself. But if you do, he'll patch you up and tell you it's okay.

-He may be a mentally unstable man who will put a baboon uterus in you for his own "research" (making mpreg real) but he does mean well and will want the best for you. He'll even let you take your anger and frustrations out on a cadaver if it means you not hurting yourself

-Homie's got his doves ready to help comfort you as well. They're his emotional support animals :D

-This goes for all the support class, they're all good people to go to if it's late at night and you need someone to go to. None of them know what a normal sleep schedule is so they're perfect to go to and just hang out with them, talking or not

Sniper:

-Poor thing would feel for bad when he finds out you SH. He wouldn't even know what to say at first. Offering an awkward pat on the shoulder and to hang out in his camper

-You gotta give the poor thing time to digest all this info. He's also one that's not good with words. He'll tell you that it's gonna be okay. He'll try to help and offer some advice. But again, he's very unsure of what to do and say in this situation. He doesn't wanna make things worse or have you angry at him

-Poor baby was such an outcast his whole life. He may claim that he's used to the isolation, but god when those moments of loneliness hit, it hurts. So he definitely knows what it feels like to be lonely.

-But as for SH, that's where he's kinda lost. I don't think he's ever been one to SH. I just ain't really seeing it, to be honest. You might need to help him understand it all. Once he knows what to do to help, he's a very helpful friend

-He's always available to be there for you. You wouldn't have to say anything to him for him to know why you're there. Whether it be in his camper or his nest. It's not hard to find him

-He'll take you out on a little getaway if you want. Sometimes you just gotta get away from everything, and he's more than willing to help you with that

Spy:

-I'd say Spy is by far one of the most understanding in this scenario

-I've said it in my SWF alphabet with him, he SHs, whether he still actively does it or not, I'll leave it up to you. He's very knowledgeable in this area of life. He might show you some of his scars if he feels comfortable enough

-Definitely someone who had a rough upbringing as well. I see him as someone who grew up poor with parents who could care less for him. It is still something that effects him.

-Usually he takes the stress away with chain-smoking and drinking. Yeah, he knows he shouldn't, but with how long he's been doing it, he'd rather not deal with the withdrawls and such.

-He's good at being a listening ear and giving some solid advice. Being his age, he's been through quite a lot. He's rather surprising with how he handles the situation. He'll let you hide away in his smoking room and drown your sorrows away with some alcohol.

-Don't expect any sort of physical comfort from him. He doesn't like being so touchy with people. Just please don't touch him, okay? Okay

115 notes · View notes

shoechoe · 5 months ago

Note

YOU GET IT. a diavolo and pucci bible study would end up in them trying to mangle each other and still... Alluring

Haha yeah. I mean, it's not even just the obvious fact that Diavolo is a guy named "Devil" and mild thematic opposite to DIO while Pucci is a priest and one of DIO's closest confidants.

Like, "What would Diavolo even think about God" is a question I've pondered a lot in the past.

Diavolo does mention an "afterlife" for his enemies on occasion, but otherwise his real thoughts on it are unknown. (Hell he might not actually believe in an afterlife and he's just saying that to taunt his enemies dying). However he was raised by an Italian priest so we basically know for a fact that he has history with religion.

It's always been my personal headcanon that Diavolo has religious trauma- the fact that he has trauma is canonical yet unexplored, and his father seemed like the most obvious source of it. That could mean a lot of things. He might have resentment for the church after he got away from it or he might have developed an odd version of its teachings after all that time.

Considering his name is Devil, Diavolo's belief that he can surpass his own fate could be construed as his desire to "surpass" God in a way (to escape the punishments that his father made him feel like he was born deserving, maybe). At the same time, he also believes that he's chosen by "fate" to rule, creating an oddly self-contradicting worldview. (Then he's ultimately punished with the death loop, which disobeys his fate of death to torture him for eternity.)

Pucci's idea of fate is heavily intertwined with his religion, with his idea of "Heaven" being the ability to see your fate before it happens. Considering the common Christian belief that God predetermines what happens (which would make sense as a belief for Jojo since fate is a real, tangible force), Pucci probably believes that fate is God's will. So, his idea of "heaven" could be Pucci wanting to be close to God and understanding God's will (as much as it also ties to the tragedy that happened in his backstory, spawning his desire to accept what will happen in his life and thinking that's what's best for everyone).

At the same time, Pucci also states that only he is untied by fate in his ideal universe, which would logically be disobeying God's will, making him a bit unintentionally hypocritical. I mean, his entire "Heaven" plan is an attempt to usurp the set-in-stone laws of the Universe, which is also logically an act of disobeying God. Him obeying DIO and telling him things like "I love you as I love God" could easily be construed as idolatry. DIO heavily manipulated Pucci when he was young and used his religious beliefs to make him obey him, so his whole "Heaven" plan could very obviously be seen as an act of disobeying God despite Pucci's belief that it's what God wants. But I digress.

If it's like that, then we'd have a character who strays from God's will despite thinking he's a righteous man of God, and a character who intentionally desires to surpass fate, has a potentially tumultuous history with religion, and believes he "deserves" to rule despite cheating his way to the top. It's so interesting how similar they become when you think about it despite them being so dissimilar at first glance. They'd hate each other and the way they think despite how adjacent they really are. Like, man, if they interacted, let alone were somehow forced to sit down and talk to each other about their worldviews... I don't even know.

#sorry i instantly started going into a spiel here lol #i haven't read stone ocean in a little while so sorry if i get something incorrect here #shoe talks a lot #enrico pucci #diavolo jjba #religion tw

37 notes · View notes

ashwhowrites · 1 year ago

Text

So good by Halsey

This fic is inspired by this song, but you don't have to listen to it to understand the plot. Summary of the song ( and fic ) is - two people that would have been amazing for each other but never got the chance

Angst ahead~~~ pretty long, so buckle up <3

I really love the idea of this and I hope you guys enjoy it as well :)

Never proofread - it glitched and moved some paragraphs around - I think I fixed it?

~~~

Y/N and Eddie have been best friends since middle school. Side by side through everything. She was there when his dad hit him. She kept her window unlocked for him to sneak in. She'd hold him as he slept and clean his cuts in the morning. She was the only person he allowed himself to be vulnerable with.

She held him when his dad got sent to jail and his mom left. They cried when he moved in with his uncle. But she refused to walk out on him. She biked to Wayne's the second her house phone rang, and his sad voice cut through the silence.

Once they made it to high school, she realized she had fallen in love with him. She realized his smile made her stomach flip. His laugh made butterflies fly all around her heart. That she never felt happier than when she was tucked in his arms. His smell warmed her all over, and she felt like his hands were crafted just to hold hers.

Freshmen year and sophomore year passed, and she never got the courage. Falling helplessly for her best friend every day. Nancy always encouraged her to say something. Promising her that Eddie felt the same way. But Y/N was scared he'd reject her, and she'd lose him forever. She promised to never walk out on him that night his mom left, and she needed to stay true to that.

She knew Eddie didn't handle his emotions well, and she didn't want to scare him away. If she said that she loved him more than a friend and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. That he'd run away in seconds and never be the same with her.

Eddie never showed interest in anyone and that made it easier for her. She could hide behind the fantasy that he was waiting for her to make the move. Their friends always talked about how cute they would be, but she could never read Eddie's expression. She couldn't tell if he agreed or was disgusted with the idea.

But it was senior year, this was her last chance to get the boy of her dreams before she ran off to college. She spent all fall preparing to ask him out, Nancy was growing impatient when the ground went cold and the snow started to fall. But Y/N didn't see the rush, she had the rest of the year to do it.

"I think it would be best to do it the last day I'm in town! If he says no and breaks my heart, I'm leaving the state anyway!"

"That's a horrible idea. You can't run from Eddie. You promised him." Nancy would always remind her, causing Y/N to roll her eyes and accept defeat.

But she and Eddie had a lot in common, and running away from issues was a big one. But Nancy was right, even if Eddie didn't feel the same they'd vowed to be there for each other.

January was close to the end and the winter dance was right around the corner. The school voted to have girls ask the guys.....kill her now. She could take this chance to ask Eddie or make a joke that dances are lame and ask to hang out at his place. The second option felt more appealing because there was less of a chance he'd laugh in her face.

Nancy thought it was the best news in the world. Jumping as she cheered that this was the exact push Y/N needed.

And it did push her, just in the opposite direction.

~~~

She caved and listened to Nancy, swallowing her anxiety with a shot of courage, and planned to ask Eddie.

She didn't want to do a sign, she wanted something that Eddie would like.

So she bought a guitar pick, something that showed she knew who Eddie was. Something she knew no other girl would ever think of.

Nancy beamed happily as she looked at the pick.

"This is amazing!"

Y/N felt proud of her idea. So proud that it almost made her feel confident to ask him.

~~~

It was the Monday before the dance, and Eddie hasn't said a word about it. Which meant, no one asked him.

She gave herself a pep talk all morning in the mirror, today was the day she'd ask him to the snow dance. He'd say yes, and she'd slowly work on telling him her feelings, and it'll all come together.

She waited outside the school that afternoon, chickening out to do it in the morning. She didn't want to spend the rest of the day hiding from him.

After school just made more sense. She waited for him to finish a deal, sitting in his van as she listened to his tapes.

She held the pick in her hand, crushing it in her grip as she nervously scanned the parking lot. She sat up straighter when she saw Eddie walking out with Chrissy.

The deal was with Chrissy?.....he didn't mention that.

She watched as they hugged and he walked to the van. Her stomach turned at the smile on his face.

She held her breath when he got in. The music was blaring but all she could hear was her racing heart.

"What was that about? Chrissy does drugs now or something?" Y/N tried to joke. Desperately needing answers but was too scared to seem like she cared enough.

"Oh no! She...um...she asked me to the dance." Eddie said, scratching his head as he shyly looked over at her.

Y/N felt like she could burst into tears. The exact day she finally got the nerve, a fucking cheerleader beat her to it.

She put on her best fake smile, slipping the pick into her jacket pocket near the door.

"That's so great!" She said, hating the way he got more excited from her reaction.

"I know! I mean I've never thought about Chrissy liking me in that kind of way. But she's cute and nice. I think it could go somewhere fun." He shrugged.

"Oh! So you are thinking it'll be more than just the dance?" Y/N choked out. She could handle losing him for a night. But multiple nights? He's going to start liking her. He's going to fall in love with her. And she'll fall too. Oh my god, they were going to be together. Eddie would have a girlfriend and it wouldn't be her. Eddie would be dating a cheerleader.

"....you there?" Eddie asked, waving his hand in front of Y/N's face.

She snapped out of her thoughts, quickly throwing herself back in the conversation. Realizing she distracted herself from hearing his answer.

"Yeah! Yeah, I just forgot I need to get home. Can we leave now?" She asked, buckling her seat belt.

Did she lose her chance completely?

~~~

It was the night of the dance and Y/N did her best to stay collected around Eddie. Not that he would notice, suddenly all his time was spent with Chrissy.

Nancy and Steve refused to let Y/N be sad and alone all night, so they planned a sleepover. Nancy hosted as she got Mike dressed up for the dance as well. El asked him and he was more than happy to be her date.

Y/N watched how adorable the young couple was. Steve offered to give them a ride when Mike said that Eddie was picking them up.

Hearing the name, Nancy and Steve snapped toward Y/N. Nancy had an apologetic look on her face, she had no idea.

Y/N waved it off. She was fine and she didn't want to make anything uncomfortable with the group. She hid herself away on the couch, staring out the window to prepare herself to see Eddie again.

Once he pulled up she wanted to cry all over again. He was dressed up in black pants and a white button-up, he looked beautiful. She wanted to imagine he was there to pick her up, take her to the dance, and have their happy ending.

But Chrissy sat in the front seat, looking gorgeous as ever. Y/N felt her heart pounding as he walked closer to the front door. She hid herself from the view of the front door, staying out of his eyesight.

Once Mike and El left with Eddie, she broke down in tears. He was going to a dance with Chrissy and she sat alone crying about it on the couch.

~~~

Just like she feared, Eddie and Chrissy made it official after the dance. Everywhere Y/N turned, there they were. She hated how happy they looked. She questioned if she ever made Eddie smile that wide or made him laugh just as hard. Did she make him happy like Chrissy did? Did he like Chrissy for a long time but never said anything?

~~~

They were reaching the end of senior year, and Eddie and Y/N were still best friends but his heart was still captured by Chrissy. Y/N spent all winter long forcing herself to get over Eddie. Vowed to have her feelings melt away like the December snow. But now the snow is gone, and her feelings remain the same. She feared she might always love him and that he'll always be her biggest what-if.

It pained her every day to watch them fall in love, but as Eddie's best friend she dealt with it.

She bit her tongue and helped him ask Chrissy to prom. Another special event of her senior year that she spent sobbing alone. She was selfish, and she hated that Eddie ruined these special moments for her. But she couldn't find it in her heart to go with anyone else.

She felt betrayed that he never seemed to care. He used to notice one change in her eyes and make her talk it out with him. Now he doesn't even notice she's falling apart at the seams. He doesn't even care that she isn't at her senior prom. He didn't question if anyone asked her, didn't ask her what she planned to wear or anything of the sort. He simply didn't care.

Graduation came before she knew it. And her fresh start was on the horizon. She'd leave the town behind and start somewhere new. Somewhere that didn't remind her of Eddie everywhere she turned.

She would spend this last summer with him, cherishing every moment she got with him, and move on.

But she barely saw him that summer. The only person that saw him was Chrissy. At the end of graduation, he moved into a new apartment. Y/N was his best friend and she's never been to the apartment. She still checks in with Wayne Eddie stopped visiting him as well.

Wayne and Y/N enjoyed each other's company. She told him all about moving to New York and the amazing opportunity she has there. She told Eddie at the start of the school year but it didn't seem he cared to remember. She was supposed to leave in September but plans changed and now she's leaving in a week- August.

He didn't bother to see her all of June and July, so she figured he wouldn't make time for her during August so she accepted arriving in New York early. Wayne offered to drive her to the airport and she couldn't have been more thankful for him. She lost Eddie, but she never lost Wayne.

~~~

Eddie was planning to sell his old van. He's been fixing it all summer long to raise the value. He needed the extra cash to help him pay rent. Part of him wished Chrissy offered to help pay the rent since she practically lived with him, but he wouldn't ask that.

She was inside preparing dinner as he worked on cleaning the inside of his van. He worked on all the important things first. Now he had to take out all the small things that made the van his.

He started with the back seats, making sure nothing was underneath. He smiled when he saw an old bracelet, snapped with beads everywhere. Y/N made him in middle school, and Eddie wore it every day until it wouldn't fit. He remembered the day it gave out, and the beads exploded in the van when Wayne drove her home. She gasped next to him in the backseat, tears in her eyes as she realized it was broken. Eddie felt himself laughing at the memory. He scooped up all the small beads and put them in his pocket. His stomach turned when he realized he hadn't seen her in so long. He knew he was to blame for that. He let Chrissy take up every hour of his life.

He moved on from that memory, taking out the trash and old receipts. He saw a receipt with a number written on it. He looked at it confused until he remembered where it was from.

"Hey, are you dating the girl you were eating with?" Eddie looked at the waiter confused. Y/N ran off to the bathroom as Eddie paid for their meal.

"I'm not, why?"

The waiter smiled and quickly placed down the receipt. Eddie hated the smirk on the guy's face.

"Could you make sure she gets my number?"

Eddie saw that the receipt had the boy's name and number written on it.

Eddie felt a tad guilty he never gave her that receipt. But he was boiling over with jealousy at the thought of her calling him. Eddie didn't like to admit it to himself very much, but he always had a crush on her. But that was something he planned to take to his grave.

He crumpled up the paper and threw it in the small trashcan he brought out with him. He cleared the back and moved to the front.

Taking down the sun visor, he watched all the polaroids dump in his lap. He barely used the visor since it snapped off the second he touched it. He took his time looking through the photos he forgot all about.

Smiling at all the ones Y/N was in. The summer before freshman year Wayne got him a camera and Y/N used it like it was hers. Snapping pictures of Eddie, Eddie, and Wayne, and some of all three of them together. Eddie remembered when that was the only family he had. He felt his eyes watering as he watched himself and her grow up through the pictures she took. Twisting in his gut when he realized the last date was Junior year. They didn't have a picture at prom or even graduation. The two big events she swore they'd take the most pictures at. Neither of them had any. Eddie quickly put the pictures in his pocket, the guilt feeling worse knowing he stood in the way of those pictures happening. He felt his blood burn when he opened his glove department. Pictures of Chrissy scattered all around. All are dated from senior year to now. The pictures didn't make him smile like the way Y/N did. The pictures didn't take him back to the moment when the camera flashed like Y/N's did.

He missed her.

He smacked out the old tape that got stuck in his radio. Groaning when it fell to the side of the passenger side door. He quickly got out of the van and opened the passenger door. The tape fell on his feet, he bent down to pick it up. But his eyes caught something small and silver under the seat. He threw the tape in the trash and then moved the seat. He scrunched his eyebrows as he grabbed the small item.

He realized it was a guitar pick, but he knew he never had a silver one. He flipped it over, even more, confused as he saw writing engraved on it.

"Pick me for the senior snow dance"

Eddie was even more confused. He's never seen the pick in his life, he put it in his pocket. And closed the van. Heading up to his apartment.

He walked in as Chrissy finished plating the food.

"Hey, baby?" Eddie asked

She looked up as she sat down at the plates.

"Yeah?" She asked, her blue eyes questioning his confused state.

"Did you make this when you asked me to the dance?" He asked, handing her the pick.

She looked at it just as confused as he did.

"Um no." Chrissy shrugged, handing the pick back to him as she sat down to eat.

He sat down to eat, listening to Chrissy talk but not paying attention. His mind reeled about where the pick came from. If it wasn't her, who else would have asked him? He doesn't think it was planted for him to find, almost like it was dropped.

"Are you listening?" Chrissy asked, her voice snapping Eddie out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, honey. I just don't know where it came from." Eddie groaned

Chrissy looked at the pick again, a sick feeling in her stomach.

"Could it be from her?" Chrissy asked Eddie was confused by who she was talking about and why her eyes seemed sad.

"Who?"

"Y/N, Eddie. Do you think she would have tried to ask you to the dance? The pick is a very clever idea and I think she would be the only one to think of something like that." Chrissy explained. She hated that she knew she was right. Even if Eddie didn't think she was. Y/N was always Chrissy's competition, but Eddie didn't see that. He didn't see the way he talked about her or how he smiled at pictures of her.

She wanted Eddie's heart, but his heart was already Y/N's.

Eddie froze and his heart started to pound. The possibility of Y/N trying to ask him to the dance made him sweat. Was she asking as a friend? Or did she want something more?

"Um, I don't know," Eddie said honestly.

~~~

The dinner was silent after that. Both their minds were thinking about what would have happened if Y/N got to ask.

Chrissy knew Y/N would be in her spot right now in the bed.

Eddie wondered if Y/N would be laying in Chrissy's spot in his bed.

Eddie watched as Chrissy slept and the time clicked close to midnight. He couldn't sleep, he needed to know.

He got out of bed, threw on sweats and a sweatshirt. He looked at Chrissy's sleeping body before he left.

~~~

Eddie arrived at her doorstep, questioning how terrible of an idea it was. He stared at the door, remembering the countless times he raced through it. He remembered the night he almost kissed her. Eighth grade after the winter dance. She stood there in a blue sparkly dress, hair curled with sparkly blue eyeshadow. To this day Y/N regretted nothing more than doing her makeup for that night. But Eddie thought she looked beautiful. He remembered being so shy, leaning in but her mom yanked open the door. Eddie awkwardly walked back to Wayne's car, upset that he never got to kiss her. Once her parents moved, she kept the house for herself.

Eddie was so lost in his head he barely noticed when the door opened.

"Planning to knock or what?" Y/N's voice cut through his thoughts. He hated that he hadn't heard her voice in months.

She stood there with her arms crossed, an extremely annoyed look on her face.

"Hello to you too," Eddie said sarcastically.

"Why are you here?" She asked. Of course, Eddie would show up on her doorstep the night before she leaves. He was always a minute too late with everything, ever since he missed their kiss in eighth grade.

"I needed to ask you something." He breathed, digging in his pocket to pull out the small guitar pick. He watched as her eyes widened. A nasty feeling in his gut all over again.

"Did you?....were you?....is this yours?" He asked, his brain went blank trying to ask. He was scared of everything he could have had if she said yes.

She opened the door wider, inviting him to walk in. He turned to her once the door closed, impatiently waiting for her to answer.

"Yes, it's mine." She sighed, cursing herself for not checking her jacket pocket that day.

"You wanted to ask me to the dance?" He watched as she scratched at her arms. Rocking on her feet, he could taste the anxiety coming off of her skin.

"Yes! I mean why else would I make the damn thing." She snapped. She was irritated. He had the nerve to come to ask her about something that he knew was from months ago, why bring it up now?

"Why are you so mad to see me?" He snapped back. She's been growling at him since she opened the door.

"Because! I haven't seen you since graduation and now you show up at my house at midnight, like four fucking months later to ask me about a stupid pick. I mean what? Why are you asking me? Why the fuck do you need to know?" Eddie hated how angry she sounded but he knew he hurt her. He ignored their friendship for months and only showed up when he needed something from her.

"I need to know if you were going to ask me as a friend or something more. And the real intention behind it, before Chrissy happened." He admitted. He knew she'd lie to make it easier for the both of them, but he needed the truth.

"Eddie, seriously. This isn't fucking important." She tried to ignore the question again. She didn't want to open up the can of worms right when she was getting ready to leave him behind. She worked so hard to be okay with leaving him, and now he brought up all the reasons she wanted to stay.

"It is important. I need to know. So tell me." He demanded. He was growing irritated by her attitude and that pissed her off more.

"Fuck, fine. Yes, Eddie. I wanted to ask you about the stupid dance and I wanted it to be more than friends. But once I went to ask, you came in telling me that Chrissy asked you. So I didn't say anything because who am I compared to her? Nothing fucking special, which you easily have proved the second you weren't forced to have classes with me."

"That's not what happened at all," Eddie tried to defend," you had every chance to ask before she did. And don't put words in my mouth and cruel intentions behind my actions. Because none of that was because I thought she was more special."

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I sat in my room every night since she asked, just beating myself up for not doing it earlier? I screamed at myself every morning for being too late. Knowing if I asked just even a minute earlier, I could be where she is now. And don't act like I'm making this up. We graduated, you got an apartment and I never saw you again. You got absorbed into a bubble of Chrissy and Chrissy only. You ignore me, and you even ignore Wayne. I'm not putting words in your mouth. I'm calling you out on the bullshit behavior you've been pulling." She said, her words were sharp and cut him down to the bone. Throwing Wayne in his face made him angry, but he hated knowing he deserved it.

"Do you still wish to be where she is now?" He practically whispered, punching himself for asking that above everything. Kicking himself for ripping her apart just so he could have the answers he's been needing all his life since he met her.

"You don't get to ask me that, fuck you." She laughed, he was unbelievable. All he cared about was if she was jealous of his girlfriend. Not even taking a second to apologize for all the ways he treated her like crap.

"Answer the question, Y/N. Are you in love with me?" The question lingered in the air. Eddie watched as she slipped into a shell of herself.

"I never said anything because I was scared of losing you. Then Chrissy came along the second I was ready. I wasn't going to ruin that, and I'm not going to ruin that." She said.

"She knows it was you, and the second I found this pick, it was ruined. SO JUST FUCKING TELL ME." Eddie screamed, trying his best not to slam his hands against the wall to relieve the anger in his bloodstream.

"WHAT DID YOU WANT EDDIE? TO COME HERE AND ASK IF I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU? THEN WHAT? WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN WHEN I SAID YES!" She screamed back. Her confession filled the silence, along with their heavy breathing.

Eddie felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs. The answer was now in his face and he wished he never asked. It made things so much more complicated.

She felt uncomfortable with the silence, opening the door, "Please go."

She watched as he walked towards the door, she closed her eyes as he walked past her. She didn't want to have to see him leave. But she felt his body stop, standing right next to her.

She opened her eyes to see what he was doing. Before she knew it his lips crashed on hers, her back against the door and slamming it closed.

It was stupid, kissing her was stupid and it was stupid she kissed him back.

She was so caught up in his lips, lost in the ways his hands touched her skin as he removed her clothes. That she didn't notice he never said he loved her too.

Gasping as he slipped inside of her, rolling her eyes as he attacked her neck with his teeth. All the things she thought about on her loneliest nights. He filled her up perfectly like their bodies were made to connect in this way.

~~~

The clock was inching closer to three am, and Eddie knew he needed to go back home. Y/N was passed out in his arms, her head on his bare chest as he rubbed her naked back. His mind was spinning even worse. He just cheated on his girlfriend with his best friend. A best friend he knew he had a crush on for years, but did he love her? Did he even love Chrissy?

Eddie knew he needed to go back to Chrissy. He needed to fix the mess he was making. He pecked Y/N's forehead as he untangled himself from her.

He gave her one last look before he walked out.

~~~

He tried to quietly open the door to his apartment door, moving slowly to close it behind him.

He sighed in relief when he didn't hear any movement from the bedroom. He slowly walked to the room but froze when he saw Chrissy sitting up.

"Three hours? I wonder where the fuck you went for three hours!" She snapped immediately, standing up as she got in his face.

Eddie knew he was guilty and it was easy to tell on his face.

"I'm so sorry." He immediately apologized, trying to reach for her face when she smacked him away.

"For what? What did you do?" She crossed her arms to stop herself from falling into his touch.

"I went to see her," Eddie said quietly.

"You fucked her, didn't you?" Chrissy growled. Eddie has never once seen the angry side of Chrissy. She was fuming, her eyes were dark and her tone was slicing through him.

"Yes," Eddie admitted

"Do you love her?" Chrissy asked, this time her words sliced through her. She had a feeling deep down he'd always love Y/N and she was dumb to think she could stand in the way.

"I'm not sure."

"Do you love me?" She threw out another question

"I don't know " he sighed

"That's all I need to know." She smiled at him sadly as she grabbed the suitcase she packed while he was gone.

"WAIT! You're leaving?" He panicked

"Eddie, we've been together for months and you've never looked at me the way you look at her. You don't love me and I'm accepting that. But Eds, you love her and I think you always have. I got in the way and blinded you from her. I was just a distraction." Chrissy admitted. She began to walk towards the front door, Eddie hot on her heels.

"What the fuck do I do?" Eddie asked. His girlfriend - ex-girlfriend knew he had feelings for Y/N before he even did.

"Pick her."

~~~

Y/N woke up to her alarm blaring, squinting her eyes as she turned it off. The time read at four am, which meant Wayne was on his way. She realized the side of her bed was empty. She got out of bed as fast as she could, racing to her front door. She yanked it open and saw his car was gone, he was gone.

She felt her eyes water when she realized he went back home to her. She felt like laughing at herself for being so stupid, but she didn't.

She collected all her boxes and got dressed. She said goodbye to him and that's all she wanted before she left.

He didn't want her, he didn't pick her. Otherwise, he would have said he loved her back. She didn't leave him, he left her.

"Ready, kid?" Wayne asked. Standing in the doorway as he held her key.

"Yes."

~~~

Eddie paced around his apartment for what felt like hours. He saw that it was six am.

All he could think about was Y/N. How she tasted, how she felt, how she smelled, and the way she sounded. He thought about how his body reacted to her in ways he never felt with anyone.

He just needed to pick her.

He raced back out to his car, driving down the familiar roads to get to her. He raced to her door, pounding on it.

Picturing her sleepy eyes as she opened it. Realizing it was him and that he left. Smacking his chest as she vented out. But then he'd wrap his arms around her and say he wanted her. Chrissy was gone and left. They could be happy and be in love the way they were supposed to be.

But she never opened the door.

~~~

A couple years passed and Y/N was alright. She saw Eddie everywhere she went. A boy sipping coffee with his haircut. A guy playing guitar in the park. His familiar cologne surrounded her. She felt like he was haunting her. His face showed up in every stranger she walked past.

He was miles away, and she still felt him. She hated that she'll never forget him.

Eddie never believed in ghosts or spirits. But he felt like she was watching his every move. He swore he could feel her sometimes. He'd see her face in everyone. He felt like if he sat in a quiet room, he could hear her voice again. His shirt from that night used to smell like her, and he hated that her scent was a sniff away from being gone forever. He hated that she left, and he hated that she didn't tell him that night. He hated that he left. He hated that he didn't have the answers she needed at the moment. He was always a fucking minute too late.

~~~

Nancy and Steve were getting married, and Y/N would never miss this. Nancy sent her an invitation and called her on the phone, the second she said his name, Y/N felt like a teenager all over again.

"Steve invited him, and he accepted. Will you be okay to see him again?" Nancy wanted nothing more than to keep Eddie away from her wedding, but he was a friend of Steve's.

"Yeah. I'll be okay."

That was a huge lie. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of seeing his face again. And knowing this time it was actually him. She felt sick to think if he and Chrissy were still together. If they'd show up together.

But she was going to be there for Nancy and Steve.

As she watched her two best friends get married, she never felt so alone. She hasn't met anyone since Eddie. She was so convinced they'd make it work and be the end for each other. She never spotted Eddie throughout the ceremony, but as each hour passed the more anxious she got.

She was waiting for him to walk through the door and flip her world upside down all over again.

Luckily for her, she had an escape plan. Her flight was right away in the morning and Nancy knew she'd have to leave before the wedding was over.

Three hours passed and he still wasn't there and she felt relieved. She said goodbye to Nancy and Steve, congratulating them on their big day.

She drove to her hotel, never once running into the man that occupied her mind.

~~~

Eddie was swearing at every car that he was stuck behind. He was running three hours late for the wedding, and he tried everything he could to get there to see her. He knew she'd be there, Steve and Nancy were her two best friends other than him.

But traffic and construction had other plans. He finally arrived and raced to search through the crowd. He couldn't spot her anywhere.

"She already left." Steve said, holding Eddie's shoulder as he delivered the news.

Eddie felt everything in him fall apart. He spent the past few years trying to find her everywhere but no one said a word. He hit every dead end and this was his only chance.

But he was just another minute too late.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93

#Spotify #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson angst x reader #eddie munson angst x female reader #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie munson song fic #ashwhowrites

238 notes · View notes