#i just need to find the people my age who can actually have discussions on the theme

[tavarezsteb]

The Silent Hero

Chapter One

Piltover, The city built on innovation. Born are its people who strive to better their cities' future, but like with any future there is also a past.

Nine years before chaos fully ensued, affecting Piltover. A Vastaya Hybrid is still trying to figure his place, mourning the loss of his father. He knew from a young age that he wanted to be an Enforcer like him, and he also loved to travel, but now he was definitely unsure about it after the mysterious circumstances surrounding his father's death. He sat quietly on a chair in his father's study looking at the family photos, and documents stacked on his desk. He begins shorting through all the important documents and in doing so he comes across a strange black envelope unopened with no sender or return address, with only his fathers name on it. Confused and curious he begins to look around the desk, then opens a drawer finding a letter opener taking it out, then going back to the envelope in  his hand and cuts it open. He begins to read the contents on the paper, his frills on his cheek rose, eyes widening. 

The Letter…

Lucello, You need to stay out of this, I cant keep covering for you. If you keep sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, the next time I'll be talking to you is at your funeral… So “Please” let it go, Think about your Wife & Son. 

 Final Warning!

After reading it he stood up quickly causing the chair to scrap loudly against the floor, slamming his hands down on the desk as his heart began to race, anger rising within him, tears rolling down his cheeks. He began to hyperventilate with the realization that his father's death was indeed a Murder. His eye began to shift back and forth rapidly as he tries to process what he just read, he throws his head back letting out a loud hoarse scream with his nictitating membrane covering his eyes as he began to swing his hands across the desk throwing everything off the sides, Then falls back into the chair with one hand over his face as he cries, while the other hung off to the side. He looks around slightly as he wipes away tears when something red catches his attention. It's another envelope, and he picks it up but this one is much nicer with gold trim around the edges with a sweet scent he can’t quite place. Unlike the other one, this one has a name and address. Tavarez Zartienz, from some place called The Honey Pot, located in Shurima. With his anxiety all ready in high gear he quickly rips open the envelope and reads the letter inside. 

The Letter …

Hola señor Sillo,

I've been thinking about our visit the other night. I definitely do enjoy your company Dulzura(Sweetness)... But I do have concerns from what we've discussed and I understand you might require my assistance but unfortunately, I must return to Shurima as I have other business to attend to. If something more comes up and you do end up actually requiring my help, don't be shy... Keep in touch.  

Tavarez 💜

He was a bit flustered after reading the letter, confused and wondering if his father may have been having an affair and just who the hell is this woman… Tavarez?! And if so, how long has his Father been seeing her? He didn't want to bring it up to his mother as she is in enough pain as it was. He sat there deep in thought wondering what he should do so he decided to pull out a map and look it over. He looked back at both the letters and then made his decision that if he's going to get any answers he needed to find this woman. He grabbed both letters and ran out the office slamming the door behind him. He runs to his room and packs a bag, then quickly rushes down the stairs. In doing so he runs into his mother stopping abruptly. He looks at her hiding the letters behind his back. She can tell by the look in her son's eyes, and with his bag in hand, that he's going to go traveling again. She smiled and nodded. He smiled and hugged And kissed her cheek and as he ran and stopped he looked back at his mother and smiled then closed the door behind him as he's making his way down the path he hears a voice. “Hello, Steb.” a lovely young short hair brunette with big brown eyes says as she walks up to him with a big smile. It was his neighbor's daughter Lucia. He always thought Lucia was beautiful and thought about being with and his dad kept telling him about her all the time, but he was indecisive whether he wanted to date her or not. Blushing, he nodded and waved at her. “ I was hoping to see you.” She giggled. “So what are you up to?” She asked, twirling her hair on her finger. Steb looked around, then pointed to his backpack, as he blushed lightly. Lucia smiled. “Oh that's a nice backpack, is it new?” He furled his brow, and looked off to the side then shook his head. 

She walked up closer to him and touched his forearm, rubbing her hand up and down. “Well if you have nothing to do, would you like to come over for dinner?” Steb shook his head no, gesturing again to his backpack and pointing to town. Lucia stepped into him more, placing her hand on his chest, standing almost eye to eye with him… At this point he was becoming uncomfortable. “So is that a yes?” She asked while batting her lashes. Steb, frustrated at this point, finally spoke with a deep gravelly voice. “S-sorry… I.. I can’t. He paused for a moment before speaking again, sounding more hoarse. “U-urgent business to attend to.” he pointed to town once more. Confused, she smiled and said softly. “Oh, well I’ll see you later today then?” He started to roll his eyes a bit, but caught himself as to not be rude. Steb smiled politely and nodded his head and waved, turning around walking away quickly as he could. He felt bad but he was on a mission, he had to find this… Tavarez. Steb finally made it to the port and got a ticket to Shurima. Before he knew it, he was on his way to his destination. He sat down, got comfortable and got out a book. Enforcer book on Rules & Regulations, as he settled in he opened it and began to read. After a few hours passed he fell asleep with the book resting on his lap. The book then started to slide off to the side, hitting the floor with a loud thud, Jolting him awake causing him to stand up quickly, he began to scan his surroundings.  There it was… Shurima.

[hermitagereheadcanons]

this isn't an ask or a request, but I hope you could still post it, because since I found this account the wave of love for this fandom crushed me yet again

not to disclose who I am too much, but here's a fact: I was dealing with pre schoolers as a part of my education(or, well, practice). around the same time I discovered the wonderful world of hermitcraft age regress fics. I myself don't regress, but I find those works insanely comforting. anyways I mentioned my education because, while in fics the looking after might be Way to soft and all-allowing (that YES can be very bad even short term), most of the works show it really well. and not just comforting, but as if the authors know Very Well they are portraying not a parent figure per say, but a "cool uncle that looks after you" type character and I LOVE IT. maybe this says smth about my childhood, maybe it's the overwhelming feeling of love coming from a friendship, but still. kudos to everyone who writes age re in this fandom, I love you.

I still haven't explored the topic of age regression as a study (meaning: I haven't really looked up the real world instances), but I have a feeling that learning about this phenomena in psychology feelings-first from a fictional work was a good idea.

Your ask has actually reminded me why I love this blog. I've been a bit out of touch with the fandom lately, but the sense of community that comes from gathering around something so niche is really nice and I love hearing about it.

I'm glad this type of content can be comforting and enjoyable even if you don't regress!

Also, when I originally had the idea to start this blog, there was very little agere-related content in this fandom that didn't emphasize a parental, set-in-stone caregiver as a key feature. I'm happy to see so much more variety in how people portray it in relation to friends and partners.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent game related things .. hrmm...

[tumbloggingattheendofitall]

Yeah I know it's stupid to say it again but Russian bots and children buying their rhetoric can actually leave the room and still please fucking vote actually if you have the right

Crazy to say but, when it's a right that we're still working on getting imprisoned people to have, I don't think it's a very Hot Take to say it's useless. Sorry, maybe crazy of me, but I'm one of those people who would've been lobotomized before getting my right to vote in The Olde Days and I think maybe we ought to consider whose agenda we're endorsing by discouraging The Literally Bare Minimum Of Civic Engagement for your average Joe or Jane

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[butchvamp]

i finished Harding's quest... whew... i don't like Harding. or i should say i don't like how nice the game treats her. she gets all of the emotional beats around the lore revelations while the elves are left to go kick rocks.

i pointed this out previously in another post, but the dwarves (and Harding specifically, and thus by extension Andrastians, too) get so much more sympathy from the game than any of the elves. you can clearly see it just in these two screenshots-- compare dialogue choices when comforting Harding after the reveal about the Golden City (and also important to note that the game assumes my elf is Dalish multiple times before this choice, but for some reason i can suddenly make her Andrastian):

versus the first real discussion you get to have with Bellara about the truth of the elven gods:

Bellara implies that everyone is right not to trust the elves, actually, because the elven gods (the same ones that enslaved her people btw) are bad and we should all feel bad about it.

and Davrin is unfortunately distanced from the Dalish, remarking that they're too traditional and stuck in the past (a racist trope that Dragon Age really loves for the elves), and only seems to care about how the elven gods make elves "look bad." we do get to see Davrin reconnect with one of the members of his clan later, which is a sweet moment that shows us a new side of him, but it exists more so to push along the griffon storyline than anything to do with Davrin (a problem i find quite annoying when it comes to Davrin's writing... they care more about Assan and "turlum" than him or his feelings. but that's a different post)

when we finally get to Heart of Stone, Harding has her big, emotional confrontation with a titan, and gets granted the memory of the titan's loss and all of their pain. she says some Choice lines, here.

who is thriving? the elves that were enslaved en masse by the Evanuris? the elves that are still enslaved and live in alienages? that are wholly, systemically oppressed throughout Thedas? then to follow it up with both of these lines, spoken to an elven Rook:

and i understand that this is the titan speaking through Harding, and we can be generous and say that they are addressing the Evanuris, and not elf Rook personally. but. uh. why doesn't my elf get to Say Anything. it's repeatedly insinuated that everything is the elves' fault, that the elves should feel guilty and that they should be held responsible for what happened to the dwarves (and by extension, the blight and everything bad that's ever happened including what's happening right now), and that they deserve to suffer because of what "they" did to the titans.... and there's no option to challenge this line of thinking at all.

and it's really frustrating that none of the elven companions are allowed this kind of emotional catharsis with the Evanuris. up until that one (bad) dialogue with Bellara, all of Bellara's comments/her reactions to the gods are treated as comic relief. none of them get to grieve their gods like Harding is allowed to grieve the titans-- they're not even allowed to be as angry with Solas as Harding is in some scenes. even Andrastians, in that one single dialogue choice, were afforded more sympathy and grief than the elves in this game.

it's a baffling choice, considering the plot, that elves are given so little grace or consideration. and i do think part of it has to do with the way this game has tried to distance itself from previously established lore as well as scrub itself clean of anything morally dubious-- it's all black and white and the game needs someone to blame, so the elves are bad because the Evanuris are bad, nevermind all that other stuff, because see, the elves actually deserved it all along! i don’t even think it’s unreasonable that Harding may have these feelings (even if they’re racist lol) but the fact you just have to accept Blame and the narrative never challenges her or Bellara’s guilt or Davrin’s apathy and instead just agrees with all of them and forces Rook to agree as well is shitty and takes it from “this character feels this way” to “the game is implying that everyone feels this way, and also that they’re right.”

it's really unfortunate because i do think this reveal about the titans and why the dwarves can't dream or use magic is exciting, it could cause some compelling conflict between the companions (but that's not allowed in this game at all unfortunately and you especially Cannot be even slightly rude to Harding, ever). and i do like the idea of her quest and what they're trying to convey here-- confronting this old, repressed trauma, and finding a way to reconcile with it and move forward.... but not at the expense of the elves, who also suffered massively at the hands of the Evanuris (and continue to suffer. right now)

bioware has been criticized repeatedly about their depiction of the Dalish, their indigenous coding, and even the mages, too, and i really do not understand what they were thinking with this, because it's just racist (and exactly what people have repeatedly criticized them for). this is why a lot of "fantasy racism" fails. you can't write a marginalized group as being responsible and deserving of their own oppression, that's not how it works!

[asidian]

I've seen a lot of really excellent analysis on Charles' reaction to Edwin's confession, but there's a huge aspect that I haven't seen talked about at all yet. And that is, namely:

Charles Rowland is a people-pleaser.

Doesn't seem like there's a connection there, does it? Have a seat, my friends. Let me break this down.

The show lays the groundwork for this aspect of Charles' personality early. It's one of the very first things we learn about him, in fact. He's kind and agreeable and helpful, and he's always, always smiling. When Crystal insults him, he laughs it off. When Crystal and Edwin fight, he scrambles to diffuse the situation. He calls himself "a good sort of a chap," and it's important to him that he is.

In episode 3, we find out why. At home, love was always conditional for him. He spent his entire life trying to please his father, and he confesses to Crystal that no matter how nice he was, or how good at sports, it was never enough. That's how Charles sees the world. If he can make people happy, he might actually be good enough for them to love him.

Not only didn't he earn his father's affection, he didn't even manage, in his own eyes, to clear the low bar of being good enough to earn the privilege of not being hurt. And his mother, he says, was "quiet." From the flashback we see, she never stepped in for him or defended him. However hard he was trying, it wasn't enough to get her to intervene on his behalf.

So who else does he have? His "friends"? The ones who literally murder him when he steps in to stop them from doing a terrible thing? The act he put on wasn't enough to win them over in the end, either. However friendly he was, however personable, they turned on him and left him for dead.

Then he meets Edwin.

And when he meets Edwin, he's at his absolute lowest. He's not smiling and putting on a show, for once. He's in a corner of an attic cowering while he slowly freezes to death. But here comes Edwin, offering him kindness, and company, and comfort.

All these things that Charles has spent his whole life chasing, trying to be good enough to earn? Edwin just gives them to him.

Of course he stays with this boy. Edwin is there when he's lost in the dark, shining a light to guide the way. Edwin has seen him unsmiling and afraid, not a shred of his usual act in place, and Edwin has offered him kindness anyway.

So they begin their time together. And what are the things Charles will pick up on almost immediately?

Edwin says right away that he's spent ages in hell. He's plainly had an awful time. He doesn't know how to handle people anymore, but Charles, he knows how to be amiable, how to smile, how to offer levity when things get grim.

So he does. He falls back into what he thinks Edwin needs, the way he always tried to be what his father wanted to see. In the very first episode, he tells Crystal, "I try to be extra happy for all of us, don't I? And I do a pretty good job."

He doesn't ever discuss his own trauma because these boys are terrible at communication, but more than that. He doesn't ever bring it up because he's busy being the support he thinks Edwin needs.

And importantly, Charles doesn't have the self-reflection skills to realize that's what he's doing. Crystal clocks him with shocking accuracy, three episodes in. "He's been hiding it from you," she tells Edwin. "Probably been hiding it from himself." She's spot-on here: when Charles doesn't want to examine his own emotions, or can't face them, he shoves them down under a smile and he carries on pretending.

But that's not the only thing Charles will have picked up on from Edwin.

It's blindingly obvious that Edwin is bad at people. He's terribly repressed. He's from a culture in which emotional honesty and physical affection were not valued or encouraged. But more than any of that, Edwin has his sexual awakening during the events of the show. Before then, he is absolutely clueless about his own wants.

So we have a situation where a consummate people-pleaser who has spent his entire life learning that he has to earn affection finds his way into a friendship with the first person who ever saw him with his mask down and gave him kindness anyway.

Of course he stays with this boy. Of course he wants to keep this.

And what's the best way Charles knows to win someone over? Well, by being what he thinks they want.

So, out come the smiles, for Edwin's sake as much as his own. But more importantly, out comes whatever Charles thinks he needs to perform, in order to keep what is the single most important relationship in his entire life and afterlife.

At this point, Edwin has shown zero romantic or sexual interest, not just in Charles, but in anyone at all. He doesn't especially seem inclined to dating, or to romance, or even to physical affection.

So Charles takes his cues from Edwin, and the cues are very firmly, for thirty years: this boy doesn't have a glimmer of interest in him, not that way.

Fast-forward to the events of the show. Fast-forward to a staircase in hell, where they are being chased by a literal demon. Suddenly his best mate, who he has spent thirty years with, who is his most important person in the world, is saying that he's in love with him.

Of course he needs a minute. Of course he has to sort that through. Any feelings he has for Edwin are things that he has spent literal decades firmly ignoring in the scramble to try and earn affection by being what he thinks Edwin needs him to be.

Because Charles is a people-pleaser at heart. And he may be dreadful at self-reflection, but he is aces at hiding things from himself.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hey, I actually started watching HOTD just some days ago (thanks to tumblr constantly throwing fics at me with very promising summaries and gifs of very pretty men until I couldn't resist any more) and now I keep rereading everything you write about Aegon because it's just so good and just everything I need.

Could I maybe request some more about Aegon crying during sex, maybe he tries to hide it but he can't keep it quite so his wive notices anyways. I'm currently just really addicted to the idea of holding him and telling him he's doing fine

And thank you so much for everything you've written ❤️

Absolutely we can discuss all of this!!! I am always glad to welcome another into the crybaby!aegon agenda. I intended for this to be fully soft and smutty and well... there's a fair amount of angst too I am sorry in in advance but I promise it ends well!! Also this got so far away from me oh my god I thought I was writing a quick blurb and it turned into one of the longest pieces I've ever written.

Soft NSFW sub!aegon below the cut :))

So obviously as we all know, Aegon is not exactly a virgin. You knew this going into your marriage with him, hell just about every person in the entire seven kingdoms knew this. You were fine with it, well, as fine as you can be. You weren't expecting a marriage of love, or even of companionship. You knew you'd have to give him a few heirs, and then after that you doubted you'd even see much of him. That was fine, you wanted to be queen and you are queen. You can withstand a bit of Aegon's infidelity for that title.

What you don't expect, however, is how utterly shocked and taken with you your new husband seems to be the moment you show him any amount of human decency? It's like he expected you to actively try to kill him and the fact that you actually greet him in the mornings and ask him how his day went during dinner means he must now follow you around like some sort of sad puppy?

Meanwhile for Aegon, he was also certain he'd just make some heirs and then barely see you. I think his belief would mostly be because of Allicent actually? All Allicent ever told him from the moment he came of age was how much of a disappointment he was and how she would need to find a way to ensure that he doesn't completely fuck up the entire of the seven kingdoms. And when she tells him that she's found him a wife, he immediately knows she would have chosen someone who was with her agenda and would have already convinced the person that he would be useless.

But, nevertheless, he decided he would do his duty.

What he did not expect, however, was how... cordial you were with him? And not only that, you seemed to actually try to be nice to him?? He really doesn't know what to do with himself when he comes into your shared quarters after dinner to perform his required duties and instead of just rolling over and telling him to be done with it, you actually start by talking to him? And... and asking about his day??

And then when he answers, you respond? And you lament with him about how ridiculous and uptight most of the people in the castle are? He's so shocked that you even want to converse with him at all.

He doesn't even end up trying for an heir. He just... has an hour long conversation with you that ends with him nearly falling asleep against your shoulder and then when he realises the position he's in, he quickly bids you goodnight and leaves to his quarters.

It goes like that for a little while, except now you seem to be seeing Aegon everywhere? It's like he's actually trying to run into you as much as possible so that he can ask what you've been doing and have even the smallest conversation with you.

It reaches a point where you actually start to see his eyes light up every time he sees you, and well, you have no fucking idea what to do with that because your husband hasn't tried for an heir since your wedding night and has instead been scrambling for any ounce of your attention.

You consider going to Allicent about it, because she's starting to ask questions about whether you've bled for the month yet or not to figure out if you have an heir for them, but then you decided it against it because honest Aegon just looks so happy? You know if you speak to Allicent then she will set Aegon straight and it'll go back to how it was the first night. You don't want that. You don't want to see the weight back on Aegon's shoulders.

I actually think that as you get closer, and Aegon starts to realise he might have a real genuine confidant, he gets more and more nervous about actually having sex with you?

Aegon thinks he knows all there is to know about sex, and he's certainly has enough women in his bed to understand the mechanics if nothing else, but he doesnt want that with you. The women in the brothels he's been with... sure it felt good but deep down he knew it was fake and they knew it too. They'd put on a show for him, do whatever they thought would make him happy and while yes it most certainly did make him happy, it also made him... empty? Yeah, empty.

As he gets to know you and enjoy being with you, his heart starts to ache at the thought of you going into that mode that all the others seemed to where they just let him get his business over with and then promptly left the room. He knows that's what you're supposed to do, but he can't quite bring himself to do it because fuck he just, he really likes you and he's not sure where to go with this.

He's never had anyone actually make him feel safe before? And yeah you're extremely attractive but you also listen to him complain and make him laugh and genuinely care about him and he's just very lost.

He goes back to the brothel then, because he thinks he needs to just sleep with another woman and remind himself how good that feels and then he'll be able to bring himself to go do what he's supposed to do with you.

You don't know this of course.

Well, you don't know until about 2 hours after Aegon left for the brothel when he comes barging into your private chambers with tears in his eyes and promptly begs for forgiveness.

You obviously haven't a clue what's going on, but you pull him into a hug anyway and ask him what this is about.

Through many whines and sobs he eventually manages to explain that he went to a brothel, tried to fuck a whore and... couldnt? You try to get him to explain what he could mean by that and he kinda just buries his head in his hands and sobs even harder.

So at this point you've fully given up trying to figure out what's going on and you just pull him against your chest and press soft kisses into his hair. He melts against you, his body going slack as he nuzzles his nose against the exposed skin at your gown's neckline.

Once he's calmed down, he still doesn't move, but he does manage to whisper what happened.

He went to a brothel intent on fucking a whore to get himself back into the swing of things and then the following day to actually fulfil his duties as husband. Except, the moment the brothel worker kissed him he felt terrible and pushed her off. They brought in more women, and he couldnt do it. He... he felt like he was betraying you.

Eventually you just pull away to make him look at you and ask him, "What do you want? Genuinely, what do you want?"

He's silent for a moment, then he surges forward and kisses you. It's the first time you've kissed him since your wedding night, and this time it's like he's melting into your arms.

You kiss him back, and you have to tug at his hair to make him stop so you can breathe and repeat the question. He tries to kiss you again, but you tighten your grip on his hair to prevent him. The whine he lets out at being denied is fucking sinful, but you won't give in until he's actually told you want he wants.

"Wanna... wanna be good for you," he says eventually, "I don't want to be how I was before, I don't want all that emptiness I just... how do I be good?"

This time, you're the one that starts the kiss and he lets you just manhandle him so easily. He's so pliant under you, whining and whimpering and looking insanely gorgeous as he tries to touch you.

You ride him, and fuck the way tears just run down his eyes as he thanks you and grips your hips is life changing. He's so good like this, all worked up and squirmy and so so turned on. But he doesn't act, not at all. You started this, and he's not going to do a thing, he wants to your plaything, nothing more.

He turns his head to the side as you start to ride him properly, trying to hide how tears are just streaming down his cheeks but you take his chin in your hand and turn him to face you. You stop riding him for a second to wipe the tears away.

"You're so good," you promise him, "couldnt even get yourself off anymore, huh?" He whines and nods and cries, because you get it, you get it.

"I'll take care of you then," you say, smirking when he actually groans in relief, "but," you carry on, "then you're mine, yeah? Only mine, no more brothels or whores or servants."

And fuck if that isnt the easiest promise he's ever made.

(Just a quick sidenote to end off this novel: We should discuss himbo!aegon with his queen who does absolutely everything. Yes he's technically the king but in practice his only job is to look pretty and listen to wife and he is truly living his absolute best life)

[hyperlexichypatia]

It's not just about the word "sentient" -- most speculative fiction reads like it's written by someone who's never heard of animals, and once I notice this, I can never unnotice it.

So many fictional stories center on "What if there were these beings who were different from humans? Like aliens, or elves, or talking rabbits who wear clothes?" And yeah! I love stories like that!

But there are also literally millions of non-human species right here on Earth!

We just don't understand them. We want to think about "What if there were a species of life forms that weren't humans?" but we're so locked into our cholesterol-based human brains that we can't really imagine being one of these other species. So we either imagine other species in an anthropomorphic way ("What if a fox wore clothes and had a job and spoke English?") or imagine a completely fictional type of life form ("What if there were beings that were like humans, but they could live for hundreds of years or more, or they could read minds, or they could teleport, or?") and I, once again I must reiterate, I love stories like that.

But the appeal of these stories is that it's easier for us, as humans, to imagine and empathize with a robot, or an alien, or a mermaid, with human-like thought processes, than it is for us to imagine or empathize with an octopus, or a canary, or a beetle. Let alone a tree, or a lichen, or a mushroom. I find it so disappointing when a story featuring nonhuman beings just reifies the human/animal binary by reframing it as "higher creatures/lower creatures" or "sentient/non-sentient" or "intelligent/non-intelligent."

Usually when I mention this to people, their response is, "Okay, if 'sentient' is the wrong word, what word is better? Sapient? Intelligent?" and no. I'm not saying you're using the wrong vocabulary word with the wrong precise meaning. I'm saying you need to radically, fundamentally reexamine your base assumptions about the human/animal binary. You don't need to find a different word to express the assumption that non-human animals don't think, feel, communicate, learn, or solve problems; you need to actually start understanding that non-human animals do, in fact, think, feel, communicate, learn, and solve problems.

I only started thinking about the human/animal binary as an outgrowth of my interest in disability rights and youth rights, since so many of the purported things that make humans essentially different from "animals" are also things that exclude children and some disabled people. Oh, humans can talk and animals can't? So preverbal children and nonverbal disabled people aren't human?

Sometimes animal people invite this comparison themselves, saying things like "A dog is as intelligent as a 3 year old child." I mean, no, that's not true, a 3 year old human isn't as good at, say, scent tracking, as a dog of any age, but more fundamentally, a 3 year old human child is, in fact, human. And then some animal people like Peter Singer will actively spell out that a nonhuman animal should have more human rights than a disabled human child. The fact that "intelligence" is a concept always invoked in animal discussions, and that pet-keepers often self-identify as "parents," is proof that we can't seriously build the underpinnings of disability and youth liberation without problematizing the human/animal binary.

One time in a fandom group my partner pointed out that nonhuman animals are, in fact, sentient, and somebody responded sneeringly "You must be a vegan." Now, they're not a vegan (neither am I), but what a comeback. "You only acknowledge that animals have thoughts and feelings because you don't eat them!" My man, my dude, if acknowledging the reality that animals are thinking, feeling beings makes you feel weird about eating them, that's something you have to reconcile within yourself. You don't get to deny reality about it.

And ultimately, I do understand why stories about humans interacting with nonhumans tend to anthropomorphize the nonhumans -- because these stories are written by humans, read by humans, interpreted through the lens of human understanding. We really can't understand what it's like to be a frog or a salmon or a hippopotamus. I can't really know what it's like to feel the air change with my antennae, or process information through my octopus arm. That's our limitation. But I wish we would be more aware that we don't know what we don't know.

The best story I've read that really confronts the human/animal binary in all its existential absurdity is the Animal Man volume by Grant Morrison. Animal Man realizes that the human/animal binary is meaningless, becomes an eco-terrorist about it, has an existential crisis, realizes he's a fictional character in someone else's story, and confronts his creator. We're all God's creatures, and xe's fucking with us. Only logical reaction, really.

[meyerlansky]

i'm very 👀 about what bucky's family situation looks like, actually. historically, his dad died in nov '42, so he's only six months out from it at the start of the show, but it never really comes up—he doesn't flinch or offer anything back when gale talks about his dad, which... maybe he had a good relationship with his dad, so he doesn't have anything to offer. but he doesn't look at gale like he's surprised at cleven sr being a bad dad the way i'd expect a character with a fairly happy, uneventful home life to react to "my dad left me sleeping on benches"-level bad parenting. and if he DID have a shitty relationship with his dad, that's the perfect moment to empathize and bond over it. but he doesn't take it.

and then we get the revelation that he doesn't get any letters in the stalag. obviously he's not getting romantic letters, but one of the other guys mentions a letter he got is from his mom, with equivalent relief and comfort to gale's reaction to marge's letters. in so doing the show establishes that letters from family presumably count for the conversation the bucks have wrt having someone to get letters from. bucky's mom is still around. why doesn't he at least get letters from her? he's got two sisters, historically—one's three years older and the other's six years younger. both ages that wouldn't exactly hinder sending letters to your POW brother. but nothing.

initially i was gonna say i have trouble believing that bucky—who wears every emotion he has plain on his face, who's so stupidly easy to read that everyone thinks they know exactly what's going on with him in every scene, and who has a hugely visible downward spiral when his preferred options for coping with STUPENDOUS AND COMPOUNDING traumas are taken away from him—either:

has so solidly processed his dad's recent death inside six months that he doesn't need to externalize any reaction to it, or

is somehow better at keeping the details of how he feels about his family close to his chest than he is about basically every other feeling he's ever had

and it's still possible that his relationship with his family is simply unremarkable and there's nothing deeper to it. or that he had a bad relationship with his dad, but not any worse than your average "my dad and i didn't get along great" kind of deal, not cleven-level bad. but... i dunno, man, i have trouble buying THAT, more than i have trouble buying that the situation is deeper than bucky lets show.

his MOTHER doesn't even write to him. and we don't find this out until he's been stalag'd for over a year. so he... does actually keep it pretty close to his chest. more importantly, he keeps it close to his chest when it's something he could use to strengthen his relationship with gale. that doesn't really fit with the read of bucky as an open book looking for anything he can get from gale. like... it doesn't fit with that read of him at all.

it feels way more likely to me that there's Bad Shit there, and that that Bad Shit extends beyond bucky's relationship with his dad, into his relationship with his mom and even into coloring his relationship with his now-adult sisters. something like being kicked out, or disowned, or bucky deliberately going no-contact. and that's interesting on its own—what could he possibly have done to lose his entire family like that? my personal guess is he got caught with a boy and got kicked out over it, but it could be hetero slutting around too; it could be the drinking or the gambling or not going to school or his parents just fucking suck absolute ass, or any number of things that aren't Picturesque Rural Wisconsin Family appropriate

but also. i'm really fascinated by the sense of... isolation, i guess? that this confers on him as a character. he's such a loud, eye-catching presence In The Moment, and i wonder how long it takes the people around him to realize that he only seems to exist In The Moment, and doesn't have a past he's anchored in enough to discuss it even with the people he's closest to.

like how long does it take gale to realize he's spilled his guts about his dad to bucky, in a way that very clearly carries some level of "i'm letting you see something no one else has seen" feeling with it... and he got nothing back of equivalent weight wrt bucky's family, not just in that conversation but at any point that we see on screen? months? years? does gale EVER realize bucky's hidden/neglected to share his past even after gale's given bucky his?

[diamond-rozie]

prompt 01: gotham academy's mentorship program

“Mr. Wayne, thank you so much for finding the time to meet with me.” Principal Carson, someone Bruce, became more and more familiar with as the years passed, welcomed him into his office. 

“I hope my children aren’t causing you too much trouble, Mr. Carson.” Bruce chuckled lightly, sitting in the guest seat. 

“After your generous donations to the school, I would find that difficult to believe.” Mr. Carson laughed conversationally, before getting right to business. “Actually, the reason I wanted to meet with you in person rather than over the phone despite, I’m sure, your busy schedule was to discuss Damian.” 

Damian had come to the Manor about a year and a half ago, and had been attending Gotham Academy for almost 9 months. Bruce had hoped that going to school with other kids his age would help Damian become more sociable and learn about larger society outside of the Bat, Birds, and League, but that was proving to be difficult considering the almost regular calls Alfred received from the school about Damian’s behavior or actions. 

Bruce couldn’t help the weary sigh that escaped him, “I assure you Principal Carson, we-” 

“I think you're misunderstanding, Mr. Wayne. Damian is not in any kind of trouble.” Mr. Carson reassured, “Well, for now that is.” He chuckled dryly. 

“Ah.” Bruce nodded, letting his airhead persona take the lead, while still showing that he was paying careful attention. 

“In the last few years, Gotham Academy started a mentorship program, where the younger kids usually between the grades of 5-8 can get mentored by their seniors. Damian is a brilliant child, concerningly so I believe. His peers often can’t keep up with him in terms of academics, but he lags far behind them in social skills. I think Damian would benefit from the mentorship program, where he can have someone who can truly keep up with him intellectually as well as guide him socially.” Mr. Carson explained. 

Bruce considered this, letting the idea turn over in his mind. Perhaps this is what Damian would need. “You sound like you have someone in mind.” 

“I believe the best candidate for the job would be Daniel Fenton.” Mr. Carson handed him the student profile. “He’s here on a Wayne Scholarship, which he’s held for the past year. Mr. Fenton is currently in the 11th grade, his chosen career path is astrophysics, which he plans to pursue into college. His grades are outstanding despite his difficult classes, and his professors all share the same sentiment that Mr. Fenton holds one of the greatest minds in the Academy. He shares many of the same classes with Tim as well. He has a friendly personality and gets along well with most people, pretty athletically inclined as well. All around Mr. Fenton is what Gotham Academy hopes our student to be.” 

Bruce looked over the profile in his hand. Daniel James Fenton seemed like an outstanding student. Perhaps it was time to put him to the test with Damian Wayne. 

---

When Danny had been called to the office, because apparently they had assigned him a mentee, he had been expecting the worst. All the scholarship students had to sign up for the mentorship program to be on standby if a mentee ever applied. All the other scholarship kids had said it was just a formality and that none of them ever got called for it. But classic Fenton Luck. 

When Danny walked into Principal Carson’s office he was prepared to be faces with some snot-nosed brat who wouldn’t know how to take no for an answer and didn’t care about classes because they would just inherit their parents big shot company was what he was expecting. 

So imagine his surprise when he walks into a room to a liminal kid, probably around 12, who looks like he wants to be there as much as Danny does. Danny takes one look at the kid who’s trying to project himself as angry and menacing, but Danny could easily read the kid's true emotions of nervous-scared-anxious thanks to their shared less-alive-than-one-would-expect status. 

“Daniel, welcome. This is Damian Wayne. He’ll be your new mentee from now on.” Mr. Carson smiled kindly, gesturing for Danny to sit down. The liminal kid - Damian - scowled at him, projecting irritation. But all Danny could feel off of him was nervousness.

Danny was screwed, wasn’t he?

--------

table of contents

[auraisereigh]

"One chance"

chapter ten

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: When finally reunited with her brother Star finds herself overwhelmed by the state he is in. wc: 5.3 ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Wounds/injury. Yelling, False accusations? Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

I am working on the requests you lovies put in but I'm currently extremely stressed and busy with school. ☆

Masterlist ☆ Dragon guide ☆ Star's story ☆ Empyrean guide ☆ Support me

I look at my brother for the first time in over than two months. He looks almost the same as before but he has visible bags under his eyes, and the way he's leaning against our father's throne is tense, like he's in pain.

Aethan pats my back before leaving us alone. The nauseousness is my stomach turns to pure relieve. He's alive.

"Xaden." I whisper. "Star." He responds but even his voice holds a note of pain.

I walk closer to him. I go to hug him but his hands keep me at a small distance. "Don't." He says. His voice is breaking. My worry skyrockets. "What's wrong?" I ask, my face twisted in worry. "Tell me." I urge. I need to know what's wrong, I need to help him.

"It's my back." He responds and his voice wavers as I see a tear fall. I frown and walk around him. I grab a hold of his shirt and the sweater he's wearing and slowly pull it up. I make sure to be gentle, what's on his back must hurt a lot of he's on the verge of crying. I never see my brother cry, the last time was when mom left.

When I lift the shirt and first see his back, I gasp, covering my mouth in shock. My body trembles, the sight overwhelming.

It's covered in cuts.

I lift his shirt up higher, almost to his neck. His entire back is covered in cuts. Some look fresh as if they were reopened, some actually look like they're healing. I lower his shirt carefully. i take a deep breath, calming my own emotions.

"How?" I whisper. "I made a deal to ensure the safety of all the rebellion children. At the age of Twenty we have to go into the Riders Quadrant. I took responsibility for all of them. If they do something that's against Navarre, my life is forfeit." He explains through the pain even though I can see he's trying to hide it.

Damn him. Damn his deal. This moron, I swear. For the love of the lord. What was going through his mind. Yeah sure, let me take responsibility for all those children.

"Each cut… it represents one child. All 107 of them." What? I blink, trying to get my mind to cooperate. "Who did it?" I ask, my voice cold. I have an idea, I just hope it isn't that person but deep down I know it is.

"General Sorrengail." He says. My mind turns to pure cold ice. "Get to the healers. Now." My voice leaves no room for discussion. "I'll find you after that." That's the last thing I say before I walk out the room, my anger visible on my face as I walk past by the assembly members.

I make up to the third floor. I don't even bother knocking, I just hope it's unlocked. I push the door open and slam it behind me.

Brennan flinches from the sound. "Your mother is a wretch. A cruel wretchful woman." I bite out as I restrain myself not to yell. He frowns and he gets up from where he sits on his desk chair. "What do you mean?" He ask softly. Why is he always that soft? Does he also think I'm that fragile that if you bite back I'll tremble and shatter?

"Your mother dragged a knife hundred and Seven times through my brothers back!" I scream but there's more pain in it than anything else. His hands go to my shoulders to ground me. "Don't touch me." I brush his hands off. "I didn't know, I swear." He assures me, letting go of me and giving me some space. "She burned down my home, my city, my people. She executed my father, my family. She cut into my brother a hundred and Seven times! For you! She did that for you. Her son, who she thinks is dead. She's willing to wipe my culture, my home off the map, for you! To avenge you. And for what? For a son who just ran away, who's not even dead." Most of it is pretty much true. All of this was not his intention, but it still happened.

"Why don't you go back, huh? Go home. To your mother. Tell her she did all of that for nothing. Tell her that Fen Riorson shot you with an arrow. Tell her you survived and that you didn't go home because you don't stand by what she does. By the lies she tells. And maybe, in one go, tell her that Fen's daughter is alive so she can come and kill me too." I yell the last part. I put all my pent up emotions in those words. I can feel my eyes glow their red hue.

I'm so tired. Of all this, every little thing that goes wrong pushes me into an even darker corner. Where there's good, bad usuals follows. When I want to open myself up to him, this stuff happens, which seems to backfire all the progress I had made to even get to the point of considering opening up to this man.

He takes a step back and my heart aches. Where there's good, bad follows, Xaden is back but now Brennan is further gone.

I take a step back myself, until I lean against the door I slammed not even five minutes ago. I slide down the door till I hit the ground. He also takes a seat on his chair again. We don't say anything for a while. It's just a quiet, tension filled room. But then Brennan speaks up.

"I didn't mean for any of it." He says quietly. "I didn't know what my mother would do when she'd found out I was....gone." He explains. "But she hurt you, in more than one way. And even if it's not my fault, you wanna take it out on someone, and the closets to her is me so that makes it understandable that you'd yell at me but do not think for a second that this is something I wanted." His voice is soft but he holds a stern tone at the end. That's fair, to defend himself.

I don't respond, I don't see the point. I've said what I wanted to say.

I sit drained on the floor, completly exhausted by emotion "yeah... Fair." I mumble. I don't even have the energy to argue with him anyway. He holds a fair point, none of this is his fault. All of this is weirdly connected in a way he could have never guessed was possible. Then why does it hurt so damn much? Why does it all have to hurt so much?

I grab the door handle to help me stand up. Once I stand I lean against it before standing back on my own legs now that they don't feel like jelly anymore. I rub my temple, a rough headache forming, my throat dry and aching from yelling.

I open the door when he speaks up. "Where are you going?" He asks, getting off his chair and walking to me. "I have to help my brother." I mumble, headache pounding.

"I know you do." He replies softly, putting a hand on my arm. "You don't trust me. Every time you try to something happens that makes you distant. Give me a chance to prove I can be trusted. One chance is all I ask." His voice is soft and pleading. "Why do you wanna know me? I'm not even that special." I question. What is it about me that he keeps trying to know me? "Because Naolin always said you were special. From what I heard you were an amazing friend to him and maybe that's what I want for us." He explains. I can hear the vulnerability in his voice.

"I'm not a good friend." I state, my voice drained. "One chance." He repeats, his eyes look straight in mine. Those same eyes that glowed red not that long ago. "One chance." I whisper.

His eyes light up at my whispered words. "Thank you." His words are sincere, genuine. "I'll come to your room. Friday night, then you can still get some time with your brother, is that okay?" I nod and something in my heart grows fuzzy at the thought of spending time with him.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then." He smiles. I manage to give him a small, genuine smile back.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog@bangtanxberm@hyperactive-bookworm-0 @littowl

[polygnosticu]

I kind of feel like shows such as TOH have been a big contributor to the infantilization of adults. Luz doesn’t have to change and everyone who calls her out is made to be in the wrong. This series kind of enabled my worst tendencies with the “I just want to be understood” from a character who did not deserve that. Evangelion actually helped me grow out of that with its harsh but necessary lesson. What do you think?

Evangelion is a discussion I would love to have someday. That show had so many layers to it to dig into and explore. I don't think you can hold The Owl House up to it as Evangelion was a show intended for adults from the outset. Not to mention what Anno Hideaki was going through when he created it. Then that can be said about most anime even when children are the intended demographic.

The fandom of The Owl House seems to have little to no interest in the show Dana Terrace actually created. The show is dark as are the characters but that seems to have escaped the fandom when Lumity became canon and all the fandom cared about was shipping. That's why MoringMark is so popular and almost treated as canon by much of the remaining fandom. They don't want to know just how messed up these people are when you look at the things they've actually done in canon. Luz wanted to blow up a school for her book report. Amity is guilty of at least two attempted homicides. Eda ate a defeated enemy alive. The Demon Realm is well named as it is not a nice place. The show could have been fantastic if Dana had stayed with her original vision of Luz going through a coming-of-age tale in the Disney equivalent of Hell. Instead the fandom wanted Luz to find a happy place where she could be who she was without being judged no matter how inappropriate and dangerous her behavior was.

Amphibia got the concept of the isekai right. The Calamity Trio arrived in Amphibia as irresponsible children and through their journey matured into the young adults we saw at the series' end. TOH fans hated that ending because Anne, Sasha and Marcy grew up beyond their need for a fantasy world to escape into. They preferred Luz retreating to the Demon Realm where she and her friends could remain children forever. Adulthood is scary. Ask me how I know. The Calamity Trio are prepared for the adult world of getting a job, earning and saving money, paying taxes, making new friends and finding new relationships, etc. All the things that mark passage into the adult world. Luz never made that trip. Instead she got a fantasy world where she can stay the child she was in the first episode forever while trapping her friends in their childhoods as well. Amphibia will age well as a series because its creator and fans took the show seriously. The Owl House is largely being forgotten as we speak as its fans move on looking for the next big ship.

[vamptarot]

Vamp Readings

— ⭑.ᐟ this is the page where you will be able to find my paid readings. currently, there is 50 of them, but if that still doesn’t sound like enough, or if you can’t find anything that pleases you, custom readings are always an option. I also offer ‘pay what you can’ readings! thank you for your time.

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི please refer to this post for feedbacks. 🩶

─ 𝗜𝗜𝗫 ㅤ𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫’𝐬 𝐂𝐚𝐯𝐞 ✦

♟️. . . the upcoming readings will be romantic love related.

✦ Prince Charming

✉️ have you ever wondered who your person is? the one you will spend the rest of your life with. the person they are, not what they can provide for you. this will dive into their current personality, possible core memories / experiences that affect them, their likes and dislikes, their idea of love, their relationship with their possible family, their friend circle, their red, green and beige flags, their energy when meeting you, their aspirations and goals in life, their appearance, possibly zodiacs and so on. as many details as possible, you can also ask a few things you are curious of.

🏷️ 70£

✦ Earth Angel

✉️ this is going to be a reading about you and your chosen one, the one that will stay with you for the rest of your life. it will include your love story. how you met, how did things evolve, their feelings towards you, your feelings towards them, first date, first kiss, first time, wedding day, how it’s like to live together, the nature of your relationships.. and so on, until your olden ages.

🏷️ 70£

✦ Does He Love Me? Does He Not?

✉️ this if for the people who usually have more than one crush. it’s basically a reading on who is most compatible with you, and why you feel so connected to each of them. this can be with celebrity crushes, real life crushes or fictional ones. you do you baby. this isn’t an encouragement to play with people’s feelings/life or to prioritise your love life over your mental health. this is simply for the curious people, if it’s not for you do not buy it. this reading is designed for five crushes, for every more you add I will charge you 2£.

🏷️ 33,33£

✦ Romeo and Juliet

✉️ sometimes people say that we are not meant to be with certain people, or a certain someone. this reading will focus on whether or not that’s true in your case. would being in a romantic relationship with this person really as bad as they say it is, or do they just not get it like you do?~ that’s the question this reading is trying to answer.

🏷️ 15,55£

✦ Hades and Persephone

✉️ in this I will channel about three to five romantic, or at the very least important, moments between you and your future spouse/chosen one. however, I will describe them how an author would.

🏷️ 35,55£

✦ Titanic

✉️ would it have worked out if things were different? this reading is designed for people who have lost a romantic interest to death. if you decide to purchase this reading, I will need a little insight on your situation as long as you are comfortable with it.

🏷️ 12£

✦ Light Yagami

✉️ when people fall in love they tend to have rose tinted glasses. this reading will be diving into how you view your person vs how they actually are.

🏷️ 12,22£

✦ Through Out The Multiverse

✉️ this reading is designed for reality shifters and their romantic relationship within their dr. if you purchase this, you will need to tell me a little bit about your dr and we will discuss the sections most suitable for you together! <3

🏷️ 25,55£

✦ Put Your Head On My Shoulder

✉️ all your romantic partners from each and every of your past lives. in this I will cover your crushes, casual flings, short lived relationships, long lived relationships, marriages, forbidden loves, unsuccessful loves.. and whether or not they have reincarnated with you into this life time.

🏷️ 55,55£

✦ It couple

✉️ in this I will just be describing why you and your crush/love work out perfectly together. if you don’t have anyone in mind, I will describe the sort of person that is perfect for you and the one you should seek out.

🏷️ 35, 55£

─ㅤ ㅤ𝗜𝗜𝗫 ㅤ𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 ✦

♟️. . . the upcoming readings will be related to sexual things.

✦ F U

✉️ a reading about why your intrusive thoughts are not your desires. dealing with them can be scary on it’s own, let alone at times when you are filled with doubt and fear. I am here to remind you they are intrusive thoughts for a reason.

🏷️ 8,88£

✦ Mary Shelly 

✉️ have you ever wondered how would your future spouse or love would react to that one “weird” kink you have? this reading is about that. you are free to be completely honest and open with me about this, I won’t judge. after all, I could have kinks you may find odd as well even if it’s normal for me. I, or anyone else for that matter, are in no place to judge you at all.

🏷️ 14,44£

✦ CottonCandy

✉️ your loved chosen one’s differences when making love vs when having raw, rough sex. For this you will have to tell me who you would like this reading to be with.

🏷️ 22,22£

✦ Til Death Do Us Apart

✉️ sexual compatibility with the person on your mind! you might already know your romantic compatibility with them, so this will fully focus on how you two work together in bed.

🏷️ 22,22£

✦ Love Bites

✉️ in this I will be telling you about five of your most enjoyed sexual experiences with your future spouse/chosen one! of course, these will describe events you have not yet experienced.

🏷️ 20£

✦ S&M

✉️ rihanna’s lyrics from s&m are stuck in my head, ‘sticks and rocks may break my bones but chains and whips excite me’ to be specific. so naturally, this reading is about what qualities of yours excite your future spouse/chosen one in bed. what makes you sexy, and what turns them on to the point they show a side of them you have not yet seen before.

🏷️ 30£

✦ Sweeter Than Sweets

✉️ a very long list about all the things on your body that your person loves. very detailed, so if you get uncomfortable easily I advise you to not buy this reading because I am not going to miss a single thing they will find attractive about you. Of course, this strictly focuses on physical appearances.

🏷️ 25,55£

✦ You Don’t Know You Are Beautiful

✉️ all the reason why’s you shouldn’t be ashamed of your sexual desires. everyone has them, and these will be gentle encouragements from your spirit guides as well as my attempt at making you more comfortable in your own skin.

🏷️ 15,55£

✦ StarStruck

✉️ the kind of sex you crave vs the one that could possibly be life changing for you, in a good way of course. sex is much more than to invade someone’s body, it can help discover parts of yourself you have never known before.

🏷️ 16,66£

✦ ‘Til Death Do Us Apart

✉️ this reading will touch on your first, best and last time having sex. it’s an odd little reading of course, but I do believe it could be interesting to see the differences. after all, it doesn’t usually occur to people that one day they will have sex for the last time in their life.. like ever! though, I am aware it is a heavy topic for many. so you are free to replace the last part with whatever you wish to! 🫶🏻

🏷️ 32£

─ 𝗜𝗜𝗫 ㅤ𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐔𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 ✦

♟️ . . . these upcoming readings will be ones related to spirituality

✦ Your Voice

✉️ this reading is meant for religious people and the one they worship, it’s about the message they have for you. it doesn’t matter if it’s God, Allah, A hellenic ruler or anybody else. your relationship with religion is your private life. I am simply here to help out.

🏷️ 7,77£

✦ Shut Up & Drive

✉️ I think every person that’s in into shifting/reality jumping have wondered before if an experience of theirs was actually shifting/reality jumping or not. that’s what this reading will explore! this is going to be about 3 experiences, 2£ for every plus experience you wish to add on.

🏷️ 8,88£

✦ Infinity

✉️ this reading is about your spiritual abilities! what they are and how you can be more in tune with them, as well as anything else you might be curious of.

🏷️ 8,88£

✦ Tenner

✉️ ten experiences in your life that you might not have realised were related to something spiritual or paranormal. I will go as in depth as I possibly can!

🏷️ 10£

✦ Persephone

✉️ which hellenic ruler is it beneficial for you to work together with? in this I will analyse your energy and who you would be a good match with. I will give you multiple options/possibilities as well

🏷️ 11,11£

✦ Kiss Kiss Fall In Love!

✉️ the title doesn’t have any correlation to the reading.. or does it?! that’s up to you. this reading is about whether or not the spirits/ghosts who are around you are safe or not!

🏷️ 8,88£

✦ Empress Sissy

✉️ is witchcraft truly for you?! with reason whys! of course, not everyone is into witchcraft, so if you are interested in asking about anything else that’s still related to the topic, feel free to custom your reading.

🏷️ 6,66£

✦ Archangel Micheal

✉️ who are your spirit guides? this reading will dive into their personalities and why exactly they were chosen to watch over you and help you out in life! I will also mention any additional messages you need to know in regards to this topic 🫶🏻

🏷️ 15£

✦ Walk On Water

✉️ In this reading I will describe three moments in your life where your angel guides saved your life but you have possibly not have known of.

🏷️ 13,33£

✦ Tick Tock

✉️ what will your last day be like when, before you die? we often wonder about the moment of our death, but not the day before it. of course, this reading is for people who are interested in darker things. if this topic makes you anxious, I advise to not buy this reading!

🏷️ 5,55£

─ 𝗜𝗜𝗫 ㅤ𝐒𝐨𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 ‘𝐧 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨 ✦

♟️ . . . the upcoming readings are ones related to platonic connections

✦ Babushka

✉️ this reading is about a friendship you will have even in your elderly days, that will last a while.

🏷️ 14,44£

✦ Mother Gothel

✉️ this reading is about the relationship between you and your first born child! I think the relationship between a parent and their first child is precious because it’s the first step into motherhood/fatherhood. so this is a reading meant for those who wish to have children in the future.

🏷️ 15,55£

✦ Stand By Me

✉️ there is a scene in the movie stand by me where it’s stated that no one makes as good of friends as they did when they were twelve. and I agree, I think the friends we make in childhood are special even if you haven’t talked in years. this reading is about whether or not they remember you, what they would think of you now and if you would still get along well with one another.

🏷️ 15£

✦ M,S,D

✉️ this reading is about what ancestor of yours you are most similar to, personality wise of course. as well as other ones you might find interesting!

🏷️ 15,55£

✦ Moons Ago

✉️ channeling a past life of yours that was important to you, and could still potentially impact you in this life!

🏷️ 12,22£

✦ If My Eyes Could Take Pictures

✉️ this reading is about what do other people find beautiful about you!

🏷️ 13,33£

✦ Glimpse Of Us

✉️ this reading is designed for my movie and book lovers, so basically the people who adore fiction as a work of art and/or entertainment. this is basically about how you and the person of your choice would be like in one of those cliché tropes! [ex.: stuck in a time loop, there is a killer in the house, sucked into a parallel universe and so on.] you can choose whichever trope you would like me to do this with.

🏷️ 11,11£

✦ Old Wild West

✉️ this reading is a silly and fun one, at least it’s designed to be! just like the one before! ultimately, this is a reading about if you would get along well with your parents if they were the same age as you! with this reading I will consider both the possibilities of if you were in the past, and if they were in the present!

🏷️ 14,44£

✦ WildCats

✉️ this reading is about what your friend group thinks of you! with this, I will channel for 3 people, but if you want you can add more. though, each addition is another 1£.

🏷️ 13,33£

✦ Peanut Butter & Jelly

✉️ often times we might struggle with understanding what people feel towards us, and whether or not they are meant to be in our lives. this reading is about who is a person you can always rely on, someone who will never leave your side no matter what.

🏷️ 11,12£

─ 𝗜𝗜𝗫 𝐂𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐬 ✦

♟️ . . . the upcoming readings are what I like to believe as fun, creative and intriguing ones

✦ Pay What You Can!

✉️ the name of the reading is pretty self explanatory! if you have a topic you want a reading on you pay what you can, and I will do it for you. it can be under 1£, 5£, 50£ or 500£. of course, those are only examples. it’s entirely up to you! I don’t discriminate and I don’t judge, whatever topic you might be interested about.

🏷️ Up To You!

✦ Mystery Reading

✉️ this is what it sounds like! with this reading, you won’t know what reading you will be getting, but it will be extremely detailed. I will pick the reading you will receive based on what your guides lead me to make for you, or you can list 5-10 readings you wouldn’t mind getting and I will pick one with the help of your guides.

🏷️ 33,33£

✦ Mystery Readings: ‘Are You Crazy?!’ Ver.

✉️ in this mystery reading you will receive 25 different readings that you will not be aware of what exactly they are! you can let me handle this with the help of your spiritual guides or list me 30-40 options of what you would like a reading on. I don’t actually expect anybody to buy this, I just needed something to fill the space with. You can, but keep in mind 25 readings can take several months to fulfill.

🏷️ 1000£

✦ Alexander The Gay Great

✉️ are you straight or will history say you and that one person were just really great friends? or that ‘times were different, of course they were masculine/feminine!’ or something of that spirit. you get the point, you are smart enough to. this reading is designed to help you understand if you are lgbtqia+ or not! with this though, you will need to be a bit vulnerable and explain to me your situation so I don’t accidentally misgender you, or offend you in anyway. ultimately this is up to only you, I am only here to help you out. I don’t get to decide for you.

🏷️ 12,22£

✦ Won’t Say I Am In Love!

✉️ just a fun little reading on how the relationship between you and your celebrity crush would be like! dead or alive, modern times or not I do not care! this is supposed to be your fun. I do not support a parasocial relationship but I do support a good time! and just so it happens that you deserve to have fun.

🏷️ 25,55£

✦ Siren

✉️ Imagine you died.. what do you think, what sort of paranormal creature would you be? a demon.. a succubus? perhaps a ghost that haunts schools? well, with this reading we are here to find out! you can present a scenario for this if you want.. or don’t! this is only for fun, look at this as if you were an actor/actress and you played a character very similar to yourself!

🏷️ 13,33£

✦ Know You

✉️ are you.. per chance.. a maladaptive daydreamer? regardless if you are or not, this reading will be about a story line that you frequently daydream about. with this, you have two choices. a) I write about your daydream as if an author would, with the help of tarot cards or b) if you struggle with daydreaming but want to continue this daydream, I will help you fill out missing gaps and such with the help of tarot so your story can flow in a more natural manner.

🏷️ 35,55£

✦ My hips, My back..

✉️ I think we all sometimes wonder what would it have been like if we lived in the past, although that is a different decade for everyone. some wonder what it would have been to live like in the 50s, some are curious about the 80s.. and even the 1400s. with this reading I will tell you what your experience would have been like in the time period of your choice! pros, cons, fashion.. just whatever you are curious of!

🏷️ 18,88£

✦ Roman Empire

✉️ a look into a past life that you loved! a lot of people don’t enjoy past life readings, but I am personally fascinated by them. it can tell so much about you as a person. so, if you share this fascination with me, this might be a reading for you!

🏷️ 17,77£

✦ Spider-Verse

✉️ what if you had the life that you constantly dream of for a week? would you actually enjoy it, or would it turn out to be much different from what you actually imagined it like? this reading is mainly for unsure people!

🏷️ 15,55£

:¨ ·.· ¨: . . . 𝓘𝐧𝐟𝐨 !

please read these carefully, as I am serious about these things. These are rules, not suggestions.

𐙚 payment is made through paypal, before you receive your reading. I can provide a link if you need it.

𐙚 at the moment, refunds are not possible.

𐙚 readings are sent through email in pdf format unless stated otherwise.

𐙚 please leave feedback after you receive your reading.

𐙚 I don’t have a set time frame for delivery of your readings because each one is unique, but I will constantly update you during the process.

𐙚 minors are not allowed to purchase 18+ readings, if you lie to me about your age I will blacklist you.

𐙚 I’m free to turn down any readings I don’t see fit to do, regardless of reason.

𐙚 if you make me uncomfortable during the process of your reading, or act in an inappropriate way you will be blacklisted.

𐙚 bundle buyers, - aka, people who purchase 5 or more readings over the price of 10£ - get 26-36% off depending on the total amount of their purchase.

𐙚 those who actually purchase 1000£ get 25-50% off on their next 5 purchases, those who purchase over 1000£ get 3 or more free readings depending on the amount they bought, after all their readings have been completed.

𐙚 by purchasing from me you agree that tarot is a form of entertainment and not any sort of professional advice, treatment or anything of the sort. you buy for your own entertainment and are responsible for your own actions, thoughts and emotions. as well as that you have bought it after careful consideration and are completely aware of the information presented to you. you understand that I am making these readings as a form of entertainment for you, and that it’s luxury. that it’s created on possibilities, not facts. if you have read everything and decided to buy a reading please add a pink heart emoji in your dm when messaging me. [🩷/💞]

[actingwithportals]

I wish more people understood that not every blind person is the exact same and we do not all need the same things and also the circumstances under how you were raised and when your blindness occurred and how involved you were in a blind community all play parts into what accessibility needs you will have.

Like. I was born legally blind. My vision has been for the most part stable my whole life, and it is likely to not change (unless normal worsening with age). I was raised in a family full of sighted people and all of my friends and members of my community were sighted people. I did not start meeting other blind people and joining blind communities until my early teenage years. This shaped me in such a way that I never learned Braille until I started teaching myself when I got older, did not learn to use a cane until I started attending blind camps as a teen, did not know I had an option of asking for accessibility with videos or images or menus or shopping or cooking or ANYTHING until I met other blind people who made it clear to me that there was a way I could exist with independence as a blind person and didn't have to just. miss out on life that I couldn't see.

So a vast majority of the way I taught myself to get by is very different from someone who spent a lot more of their early years around other blind people. But I also picked up a great deal of "normal" blind accessibility tricks from my teen years of involving myself with more blind communities that other blind folks who never involve themselves in blind communities are aware of or find useful.

My vision teacher as a kid showed me JAWS and explained what it was, but never really bothered to teach me to use it because ZoomText she decided was better for me. So I grew up to use screen magnifiers and not screenreaders. She didn't teach me Braille because she could get ahold of large print books, and when she couldn't she would find me a vast array of magnifiers to use. Ones with lights, ones in different shapes, some that were actual screen devices while others were simply glass. She didn't teach me how to use a cane and instead got me monoculars and bioptics, even though those actually...were not very easily usable to me. I had to teach myself how to use a cane after my first year of camp where I was gifted one, and later expanded upon learning when I finally took Orientation and Mobility training my year before moving out to college. I wouldn't start learning Braille until around the same time when I was given a Brailler by the specific state agency that provided assistive devices to blind students during high school and college.

So now, as an adult, what I find useful is reading text on a screen so that I can adjust my own contrast and magnification, I use a cane when walking around on my own outside of my home or other familiar areas, I use Braille on my keyboard and around on my household appliances so that I don't have to bend over or squint to attempt to read any settings or buttons or keys. A different blind person who grew up with different circumstances will have a very different list of assistive technology that is useful to them. Some will hate magnifiers and prefer audiobooks. Some would rather read Braille. Some will use puff paint or color-coding for household appliances or items like on clothing tags or toothbrushes. Some will use bioptics or monoculars when going to the theater instead of sitting close to the screen, or they might do both, or neither and will just listen. Some will use canes, some will use service dogs, some will use neither, or might prefer a sighted guide.

There are...so many ways a blind person might choose to make their life accessible. And we do not always agree with each other on what is best, because we do not all have the same eyes. Nor do we have the same ears, or hands, or feet. We are varied and complex and we disagree sometimes and come together other times and we discuss amongst ourselves on how to make things better for our community and we confer with other communities on how we help ourselves and help each other. We are not all the same. We are not all the same. We are not all the same.

If you want an answer for what is the One Agreeable accessibility feature for blind people: there isn't one. So just talk to us, instead. Get to know how we vary, how we relate, how you can best help one of us and how you might best help another. I'm sure we'd be happy to tell you what works best for us individually if you ask. And if we wouldn't, then that's ok. Sometimes we gotta figure things out on our own first before we can explain it to others. Either way, never stop asking. Because accessibility is always evolving, and someone is always going to have a different answer to the same question.

You can't get accessibility wrong if you're just willing to try. So keep trying.