#i just don’t know if activity for it’s own sake is something i can avoid turning into a vehicle for shame and a

[tokiwarcube]

How They Celebrate Your Birthday

All the boys + Charles for this one!

Charles Foster Offdensen

Taking care of the boys is a full-time task, but that doesn’t mean he misses your birthday — not by a long shot. But be careful not to let your birth date slip — the guys would be all too happy to use it as an excuse to take all seven of you out to some insane party. Or you know, do, if that’s your style. A birthday is an excuse to celebrate, and there’s very little they won’t do to see Charles get sloshed — with his partner, nonetheless.

Otherwise, he really makes you feel loved throughout the day. Little notes in the morning, littered around the house — on the nightstand, the bathroom counter, by your morning mug. Among those are a request to let him know when you wake, so he can order in for you. He wishes he could stay for breakfast, truly, but he’s not going to wake you up at 4:00am on your birthday. God knows you work hard enough as is.

He checks in throughout the day, seemingly just a little more eager than usual to talk with you, and hear your voice. Call him sentimental, but he really wishes he could spend the full day with you. Alas, work calls.

Another note — Check under the sofa, be ready by 6:00. I love you, happy birthday.

He really shines when he comes home, though. A hand on the small of your back, adjusting the nonexistent imperfections in the perfectly-tailored outfit he had left for you, purely for the sake of touching, of holding. And from there, the night is yours. Dinner, dancing, a show… it’s all so cliche on paper, but he really makes you feel loved. A classical romance. He makes the cliche seem new, seem real, seem genuine.

Charles is a very, very attentive man, so it’s really no surprise when he brings out your real gift at the end of the night, and it just so happens to be the perfect thing. Although surprisingly, it’s not something you’ve ever asked for. Perhaps never even thought of, or seen — and yet, it’s so clearly tailored to your tastes. He’s good like that.

As the two of you are falling asleep towards the end of the night, he can’t help but check in — Did you have a good time tonight? As though he didn’t serve you your very own Hallmark moment. Again, he’s sweet like that.

Nathan Explosion

You know, for a man, who hates the media, he is pretty adamant on having a big party for you. Like yeah, he hates the publicity, but it’s you. And you deserve the darkest, most brutal birthday party of them all.

He knows you very well, don’t get me wrong, but he’s liable to overthink things a little. He could benefit a bit from some hints as to what exactly you’d like to do for your birthday… he’d like to avoid another Rockzo incident, if possible. But even if you do drop a few hints, he likes to surprise you with the results. You’ll have a lot of fun, but you might have a little heart attack first. He makes up for it, though.

Most of the heartfelt things are done earlier in the day, and the real party is reserved for night time. The boys already give him enough shit for how whipped he is for you, so a live performance is basically out of the question (lest the two of you be subjected to a healthy amount of ribbing from your peers), but that’s not to say he doesn’t attempt something similar. Instead, he writes, and has everyone record their parts individually — never quite saying what it’s for — and compiles it himself, solo. It’s not the usual production quality, but that’s not what you’re looking for — it’s sweet. Steeped in ichor and shadow, sure, but sweet nonetheless.

He’s usually pretty insatiable with PDA, and that doubles when drunk. But when drunk, on your birthday? You have to pry him off with a crowbar. He usually doesn’t talk actively about you in front of the cameras — God knows the media already knows way too much about the two of you — but tonight, he can’t seem to stop talking about how fucking awesome you are, and how it’s your birthday, and—

You’ll have a good time teasing him about it in the morning, once the hangover dulls.

Pickles the Drummer

Just when you think he’s partied as hard as he can, he finds a way to outdo himself. And your birthday is quite the opportunity, no?

Listen, if you want to have a nice, quiet day in, he’s happy to oblige. It’s your birthday, and he’s damn determined to make it the best one yet. And if that’s your version of a good time, he’s ready to get some takeout from that random place on the corner that you like — even though there’s a perfectly good Michelin 5-star restaurant in their house — and just hang out. Yes, really.

But if you want to get fucked up? Babe, we’re partying around the world. Fuck it, let’s go for a week! Best birthday ever, right? Whatever you say, goes.

It’s not all drugs, mind you — he’s got other things planned, too. The schedule just allows for a bit of inebriation in-between… or during. Listen, if you can deal with crowds while high, it’s real fun to go to a show or two. Everything is just so vibrant, so fluid — whether you’re up front with wide eyes or twirling in the back, Pickles makes it a very, very fun experience. And as much as he would like to get trashed beyond belief, the high tolerance does come in rather handy in moments like these — he’s happy to babysit you a bit, if it makes you feel more secure.

Surprising noone, he is a very, very good gift giver. After everything is said and done, and you’re both blinking awake the next day, that’s when he shuffles around to find the gift he set aside. He wanted to make sure it didn’t get lost in the haze, after all. Despite everything, he’s a fantastic listener, and somehow, he always seems to find that one special thing you’ve been looking for.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Complete royalty treatment — so long as he’s there (or, perhaps more aptly, the Klokateers are), you won’t be lifting a finger. He’s such a diva about it — you thought he was bad when it came to him, but with you? Beyond words. Consequently, this also means that everybody within a 50mi radius will know that its your birthday. He’s very embarrassing about it too, with how he takes the chance to coo about it whenever he gets the chance. Very saccharine — borderline patronizing, if you didn’t know him so well to know its the opposite — with an undertone of something you just can’t place. Although despite the embarrassment, you can’t lie — it does make your heart flutter just a little bit. You can’t tell if he’s getting off on it, or if he’s just excited to have a day where you have to let yourself be pampered.

He is very adamant about getting you an actual gift — not just sex, surprising everyone — and he’s really rather thoughtful about it. He listens a bit more aptly than usual in the months leading up to your birthday, and does his best to actually keep it a secret… with varying success. But it’s the thought that counts. When morning comes, he’s already at the foot of your shared bed, gift in hand. He doesn’t like extracting himself from your hold in the morning, but today, he’ll make an exception. Hard not to, when you tiredly paw at the gift — he places a quick kiss to your forehead before the gift is fully unwrapped, just out of softness.

He’s generally up for anything you want to do, and with the seemingly unlimited funds that come with stardom, nothing really bars you from fucking around on the daily… but now, he’s especially game for whatever you want to do today. If there’s anything you’ve been begging to drag him to do, now’s the time — he’ll do it for you, with only minor complaints.

To that end, while he does have the Klokateers wait on you hand and foot, you’re in charge of where the day goes. It’s your big day after all.

But yes, the birthday sex is phenomenal. That’s a given.

Toki Wartooth

Every birthday Toki’s had since joining Dethklok has been nothing if not extravagant — he makes it a point to live every day like it’s his last day on Earth, but birthdays? Birthdays go above and beyond — no holds barred. So with his partner, the love of his life? You may as well be royalty.

Although, in typical style, Toki strikes a perfect balance between heartfelt and lavish. He’ll buy you the world if you only ask — or perhaps, even if you don’t — but interspersed are his own, handmade gifts. This year he planned a worldwide adventure, but he also slotted in your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants into his scheduling. His planning abilities are lackluster for the average event, but he really puts his all into it for birthdays. (Although if you walk into Charles’ office at just the right time, you do gain a little bit of insight into who did the actual “organizing” part. Toki has the ideas, and Charles organizes it into something that won’t give you whiplash.)

He’s honestly so excited for your birthday, you’d think it was his own. He lets you wake up on your own, despite his own eagerness — but he can’t help placing a kiss to your lips as you blink the sleep from your eyes. Light, still floating on the ghost of your dreams, it’s a very sweet moment. That is, until he’s tugging you upwards to go on your adventures for the day.

One tradition he is very insistent on, is birthday cake. Very adamant about having a candle for every year of life — the number candles do not count — and making a wish. He always asks what you wished for, but don’t answer — it’s a trap. He’ll actively cover your mouth if you try to tell him, scolding you — didn’t you know the wish doesn’t come true if you say what it was?

William Murderface

Birthdays fucking suck — it’s another year closer to death, and nobody will fucking leave you alone, they give you all this shit you don’t want, and—

Yeah, that’s all bullshit. He loves birthdays, he’s just… never really celebrated them in a way that’s fun to him. Growing up it was all about going to the shitty little community park in town, with the hot metal slides that always managed to burn him, and if it wasn’t that, it was going to the run-down minigolf place on the outskirts that always reeked of stagnant water and old cheese. Boring. A chore. But recently, his tune has changed a bit. I mean sure, the boys aren’t always great at showing that they care, but they certainly make birthdays fun. Worth having. So despite having very little frame of reference, he really strives to make every one of your birthdays memorable, too.

Except again, he has… no idea what to do. Sure, he knows what you like to do, but you do those things every day. And it would be weird to ask, because isn’t it supposed to be a surprise? He spends night after night, quite literally, googling ideas on what to do. Unsurprisingly, Google isn’t very helpful in this department, considering the mass amount of wealth and time William has. It’s a miracle how he hasn’t been caught in planning.

But he really does put so much thought into the celebration, and is very, very particular about getting everything just right. He really takes the “diva” crown from Skwisgaar, on this occasion. This color is not the same shade he sent them, he’s certain of it, and it will be corrected before you have the chance to see it. Wh- yes it matters, this isn’t your favorite color, the one he sent was. Jeez, some people.

You’ve always known that he loves you, but it really bleeds through in all of the little decisions he makes for your big day. He’s more inclined to go big and flashy — and if you’re the type, he really does go above and beyond — but if you’re the quieter type, he sets the atmosphere perfectly. And he might be sweating a bit beneath the collar in the latter case, but it’s the thought that counts.

[lith-myathar]

.

[retrosabers]

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐔𝐌𝐄’𝐒 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐌.

logan howlett x fem!reader

summary: the scent of you is driving logan crazy.

contains: mild 18+ content. MINORS DNI. mentions of masturbation (m&f), a steamy little make out, and implications of future smut

word count: 1.8k

a/n: not me trying to capitalize off the hugh jackman renaissance and revive my dead blog…anyways, this is my first time writing for logan! hope you all enjoy <3

i feel like we don’t talk enough about logan’s enhanced sense of smell.

the man can catch a whiff of someone the second they walk into the room, even the building sometimes if their scent is strong enough. it’s especially heightened when he realizes he’s attracted to you. at first he thought maybe it was because you were always wearing perfume, the aroma lingering around the mansion wherever you traveled. but then it became such an intense, all encompassing sensation that he knew it was something deeper.

his suspicions are confirmed one night as he walks past your room. if the faint whimpers he heard weren't enough confirmation of your activities, then the scent that fills his nostrils seals the deal.

you’re touching yourself. and he can smell your arousal.

it makes something stir in his stomach. the animal-like urges he always tries so hard to keep at bay threaten to make their way to the surface the longer he stands frozen in the hallway. logan attempts to shake the heat that spreads across his skin as he makes his way back to his own room, but it only ends with him cumming hard into his hand an hour later.

the next day, when he catches you on your way out of charles’ office, you offer him the same kind, beaming smile you always did. then that damned smell fills his nostrils again and his fists curl at his sides once you’re out of eyesight.

there’s only one explanation for it.

you’re ovulating.

which means there’s no escaping his desires unless you stay out of reach.

so for his sake and yours, he decides to just avoid you completely until the week is over. he can’t risk caving to those urges and doing something stupid and irrational.

of course you’re completely oblivious to it. you think that he’s just being weird, going through another rut of being a standoffish loner like he was when he first arrived at the mansion. because after about a week, he’s back to being a bit friendlier, to being the logan you had grown to call a close friend.

then the cycle seems to repeat itself and you notice it’s just you he’s avoiding.

you try and wrack your brain to think of anything you could’ve done to warrant this kind of isolation. you hoped if something upset logan he would just talk to you about it instead of playing this childish game of hot and cold.

after a couple months, you decide you’ve had enough.

cornering him was a difficult task. but you were observant enough to know certain parts of his routine, including exactly when he would be lingering in the common areas after all the kids had gone to sleep. after two failed attempts of trying to catch him in the kitchen, you finally managed to find him alone and unsuspecting.

“why have you been avoiding me?” you blurt, wanting to cut right to the chase. you’re expecting him to flinch a little bit, perhaps even be stunned.

but he knew you were coming. logan knew it was only a matter of time before you noticed his schtick.

still, he decides to look for an excuse, any excuse, to cover up the real reason.

“m’not avoiding you” he grumbles halfheartedly around the rim of a beer bottle. taking an extra long swig, he finally turns to look at you; leaning against the doorway with your arms folded and a look akin to annoyance plastered across your pretty face.

you cock your head to the side, clearly unimpressed with his answer.

“a few days ago, i watched you back out of a room the minute you realized i was in it,” you start to list off, counting with your fingers. “last month you avoided the wing where the gym was altogether while i was going through a new training regimen.”

logan winces at the memory. the scent of your pheromones was intoxicating. so much so that he couldn’t step foot anywhere near the gym without feeling like he needed to rub one out.

“and the month before that,” you huff out a sad laugh, voice suddenly soft and quiet. “you didn’t even say goodbye before you went off on that mission with scott and jean.”

guilt overtakes him quickly at the pain in your tone.

you’ve never looked smaller as you pick at a loose thread on your sweatpants. “did i do something wrong?”

“no,” logan reassures, jumping out of his seat at record speed, though still trying to maintain some distance. “you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“then what is it? you sigh exasperatedly, desperate to put an end to this nagging feeling that’s been eating away at you. “logan, you know if something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

and he wants to. he so badly wants to, maybe even see if you’ll offer to help him out. but you’re you. the sweetest, kindest thing he’s ever known and he’ll be damned if he lets his curse of a mutation ruin whatever relationship the two of you have.

but then you’re inching closer and his skin starts buzzing again. his senses are consumed by you. by the way you look up at him with big, wide eyes, the softness of your skin as you reach to place a comforting hand on his forearm. it's all too much, and he finds himself pulling away from you with a grunt.

it hurts to see him retreat from you so aggressively. his jaw is clenched tight, his fists at his sides even tighter as the veins in his arms bulge bigger than you’ve ever seen before. he looks pained. like he’s fighting something internally.

“logan,” you approach him cautiously, unsure of what exactly to do. “what’s going on?”

his eyes squeeze shut at the sound of your voice. “just, please go back to your room.”

“i’m not leaving you like this.”

“m’not asking you,” he grits out, almost like a growl. “i’m telling you. go back to your room.”

now he was starting to piss you off. you narrow your eyes, leaning your hip against the counter.

“or what?”

suddenly he’s crowding your space, chest heaving up and down as he stares at you with pupils so wide his eyes are nearly black. logan’s voice is scarily level when he utters his final warning.

“or i’m gonna do something i regret.”

when you shift closer to him, his nose twitches with a sniff. the raise of your brow doesn’t go unnoticed, and he knows that you’re not leaving this room until you get to the bottom of what he’s been hiding.

that’s when something inside logan decides to throw caution to the wind, just for a minute.

“i can smell you.”

curiosity morphs into confusion at his admission. you shake your head.

“i don’t understand.”

then, the man’s gaze travels to the waistband of your pajama pants, the tension in his jaw growing more taught by the second. his hands flex at his sides, trying to keep him grounded and calm as he finally admits what’s been driving him mad.

“i can smell you.”

the emphasis on the last word takes a minute to register. logan watches as the gears turn behind your eyes, catches the exact moment of realization as your gaze softens and your lips part.

oh.

oh.

slowly things start to piece together. how logan’s behavior seemed to fall around the same time these past couple months. a few weeks before your cycle.

he wasn’t avoiding you because he was angry, or upset. he was avoiding you because you were fucking ovulating.

logan expects you to flee, to be completely weirded out and steer clear of him for the foreseeable future. what he’s not expecting, is the words that come out of your mouth.

“i can help you with that if you want.”

you say it with such nonchalance, such casualness that he wonders if you’re even really grasping what you’ve said.

the wolverine shakes his head. “trust me, you don’t want this.”

he doesn’t quite believe his own words as he watches you close the distance between your bodies. something you’ve been desperate to do for as long as you can remember.

the thin fabric of his tank top and the soft cotton of your t-shirt is the only thing standing between you both. your chests are mere centimeters from touching and logan can feel the heat radiating from your bodies as his confession hangs heavy in the air. then that fucking smell comes back tenfold and he groans.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me,” your voice is sickly sweet, dripping with desire as your fingers ghost over the waistband of his jeans. he feels like a horny teenager as he preens at the barely there contact.

logan breathes your name, a last stitch effort to get you to run, though he knows it’s futile. if there’s one thing he knows about you, it’s that you're stubborn. unmoving in your ways.

and that when you want something, you don’t stop until you get it.

your hand comes up to cradle the side of his face, a rather gentle touch he wasn’t anticipating. his eyes flutter shut as you swipe your thumb over the expanse of his cheekbone.

your words are barely above a whisper. “i trust you, logan. completely.”

that’s all he needs to hear before he throws any sense of self control out the window.

he surges forward and captures your lips in what is possibly the most heated kiss you’ve ever experienced. you nearly stumble over at the sheer force of it. logan’s large hands fly to your waist, yours to the back of his neck as his tongue prods for entrance into your mouth. it’s messy, almost primal as you let him ravish you like he’s been thinking about for weeks.

you moan and he swallows the sound greedily, desperate to hear it again, and again, and again. when his lips move to press against the column of your throat, you know this is going to escalate into exactly what you hoped it would.

“logan,” you breathe out as he focuses on your pulse point, his hands wandering further south to knead at the globes of your ass. “not here.”

“why not?” he mutters, all smirky and smug as he continues to press wet hot kisses against your neck.

“because i would prefer if you didn’t fuck me where our friends eat.”

he laughs, a deep vibration felt against your chest as you absentmindedly grind your core against his. it makes him bring his mouth back up to yours, stealing one final kiss before he pulls away.

looking at you like he wants to eat you alive. and by god you might just let him.

pressing a playful smack against your backside, he gently nudges you in the direction of the corridor.

“lead the way sugar.”

thanks for reading! <3

[wallflowerwritesstuff]

You Chose: Rafayel

border credit goes to cafekitsune here on tumblr 🖤

Getting home had been surprisingly tame, the night passing without much issue. 

The morning, however, was the polar opposite, the pain causing you to remain in the same position despite how uncomfortable it had become. You powered up your phone, having allowed it to die last night after your shower without realizing. 

Then came the messages. 

Ding. 

Ding. 

Ding, Ding Di—

You snatch the phone from your bedside table with a whimper, finding that anger wasn’t appropriate when you could barely move. 

So, slowly, you unlock your phone and peer at your texts, responding to each in order until you get to the most recent from a contact that makes you snicker inwardly. 

-0-0-0-

hey

hey

hey 

hellllllloooooo? you aren’t ignoring my texts now are you miss bodyguard? 

have a good night. we can talk in the morning. 

its morning you know. i’ll come over if you keep ignoring me. i mean it!

alright. bet.

-0-0-0-

It only takes your read receipt popping up before you receive an incoming call from Catastrosea, your head rolling as you move onto your back. Rafayel’s voice comes through immediately, beginning with a soft gasp and click of his tongue. 

Ever the dramatic one. 

“At least you had the decency to pick my call up since you’ve been avoiding my texts,” he says, sounding offended, a small chuckle following the words. “Just kidding, I know you Hunters are always off being good samaritans or whatever. But you are still my bodyguard, you know. How am I meant to go to events without my trusty protector making sure little ol’ me is safe?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumble, shutting your eyes again and breathing through the ache building in your temples. “Sorry.” 

Rafayel pauses on the other line. “Woah, you sound….” 

You can hear the ‘awful’ wanting to roll off his tongue, but instead, the sound of rustling is heard along with a soft ‘ow~’ and something falling. You perk up, on high alert until he mumbles about stepping on supplies, a small smile forming on your lips. 

You weren’t the only klutz, apparently. 

“You alright?” you whisper, earning a huff from the line. 

“Are you sure you’re in a position to ask me that? I nearly thought someone stole your phone with how you sound right now,” he says as you frown. 

“In bed,” you respond, not adding the and that’s where I’ll be for the next 3-5 business days for the sake of sparing him concern. 

“What a surprise for someone as active as yourself. Not feeling well?”

You hesitate to answer, the slight rustling sound seeming to remain constant as you chewed on your lower lip. “...just wanted a change of routine, I guess.” 

“Right,” he answered, not believing you for a second but not arguing. “On a scale from cat scratch to completely bodied, what state are you in right now?” 

You laugh, but then you suck in a breath and curl into yourself. “Guess.”

“Completely bodied from that pitiful little whimper of yours. I gotcha,” he says too calmly, and you wonder if he regrets calling right now. He had probably been having a rather decent afternoon considering how jovial he’d sounded, but now he was awfully quiet on the other line. His mood had to have soured, but you had a hard time imagining he cared so much about your life to have it affect his own. 

It was nice to imagine, at least.

Someone was knocking on your door like they wanted to tear it down. You hear a voice as you get closer, yawning as you tap on your door to see a screen pop up, revealing exactly who you thought it’d be, though he seemed to have brought company.

“Don’t scratch me or so help me, you little terror—!”

Your eyes light up as you open the door to meet a familiar pair of eyes. 

Rafayel, with a cat in hand, pauses the moment he sees you. There is a flash of something you don’t quite recognize coming from him, but then he sniffs and tilts his head. 

“Woof. You look even worse than you sound. It’s a great thing I’m here. I have a fantastic bedside manner.” 

You lean against the doorway, managing a small smile despite your vision feeling like it was beginning to double. “Really? Because most professionals wouldn’t bark at their patients and say they look awful,” you reply, the cat jumping out of his arms to circle your ankles, purring gently. You feel your spirits lift ever so slightly, leaning down slowly as the cat sniffs your hand before shoving their head beneath it as if asking for your touch. “Just a bit of advice from someone with actual bedside manner.” 

Rafayel brought a hand up to his chin, staring up at the ceiling before nodding once. “Hm, advice accepted, but as for that second part, I’d like to think someone with a bedside manner would know better than to bring me a singular apple when I end up hospitalized,” he sighs, staring down with a mischievous glint. 

“It was the last and best apple!” you defend, feeling a bit of spirit return at the fact you had to constantly defend your poor apple—especially considering he had still eaten it! 

“Yes, yes, I thank it for its sacrifice,” he brushes off with the wave of a hand, leaning down to match your level. “You seem more happy to see the walking weapon than you do me. How rude,” he mumbles into his knees as you snort. 

“Haven’t you ever heard of therapy dogs? Well, cats have the same effect,” you insist.

He follows you when you attempt to stand, reaching out when you stumble with a small wince. Your lip stings when you come to, the realization you have sunken your teeth into it making him tense. 

“‘M fine,” you murmur, but when you turn and nearly trip over your own feet, you hear him whisper something under his breath before feeling something warm against your back. “When did you…?” you ask in confusion, brow furrowing before smoothening out when the small action caused a sharp pain to shoot across from one temple to the other. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rafayel mimics from your earlier conversation, voice right beside your ear. The frown on his lips deepens as he looks around your apartment, searching. “Looks like I came at just the right time, miss bodyguard. I’m going to lift you, so brace yourself.”

Surprisingly, he actually gives you time to do so, and so you turn enough to grip the front of his shirt as the world goes blurry again despite his slow speed. 

Maybe that head injury of yours was worse than you thought. You had been cleared and even waited to sleep as you were told, but a check-up may not be the worst idea. You did tell yourself you would go to the hospital if anything got worse. 

A hand touches your forehead, and it’s then you realize you are lying on your couch, Rafayel sitting on the floor beside you with an unreadable expression. It felt familiar in a way, though when he caught you staring, he smiled and tilted his head. 

“Admiring me only when you have a head injury? Should I be offended?” 

“You should be quiet,” you say, lacking the heat that would have made such a demand an insult. 

“Oh? I could always leave, but the terror would have to come with me,” he points out, moving to stand as you shoot up to grab him, whimpering as your head and body form an alliance to try and send you back into blissful unconsciousness. 

“Gosh, no need to hurt yourself over a joke. I wouldn’t take them with me,” he teases, but his smile has become somewhat forced as he helps you return to your previous position. You want to say that you would want them both to stay, but the words jumble in your brain as he speaks again. “Stay here, will you? I have the feeling you won’t be conscious long if you keep moving so suddenly like that.” 

The rest of the day is somewhat of a blur, you coming to in the early evening when the medicine finally kicks in. You open your eyes, your sight still dark until you remove the damp towel from your face. There is a soft purring on your belly, your hand moving to pet the sleeping cat gently. The lights are all off, and Rafayel sitting on the floor where you’d seen him earlier. He had some pieces of paper in front of him, a pencil tucked behind his ear as he pursed his lips. 

Not wanting to disturb him, you watch quietly, every scratch of charcoal against paper paired with the soft rumbles of the cat’s snores managing to lull you back to sleep. 

Before you could sink completely, you whisper a small thank you, not seeing the expression on Rafayel’s face grow conflicted, a mixture of frustration and concern unable to be hidden behind jokes and smiles. 

“I don’t want your thanks, I want you to be more careful,” he mutters, the words falling on deaf ears, floating into the air before fading entirely. 

When you wake, it’s the next morning and there’s a note on your coffee table along with a cute cartoon sketch of Rafayel crying and holding his hand while the orange cat licks his paw. 

Thomas threw a fit about me disappearing. We'll be back. I won't make you wait. Promise.

-R

Want to explore some of the other routes?

Click here to return to the main post for a refresher.

Or, pick your other favorite love interest below:

Xavier

Zayne

Rafayel

Sylus

[paloma-ascends-into-hellfire]

eating disorder harm reduction

no one ever compiled this so that it what we are doing today. for people with eds and people whose loved ones do. please note: i’m not a doctor. this is a compilation of things from books and ed resource sites.

for people whose loved ones have an eating disorder:

try to make sure they know these things.

try not to force them to eat, they might feel uncomfortable eating in front of people. also, risk of refeeding syndrome.

if their life is in danger and you are seeking help for them, consult the person beforehand to make sure they will be safe and give them a heads-up so that they aren’t startled (especially if they’re neurodivergent! giving them notice will aid control!)

offer them ways of controlling things aside from food - practice consent, include them in conversations, don’t talk about them behind their back, compliment their makeup or hair.

be patient. the person may be irritable from lack of sleep, feelings of depression, worthlessness, etc., or malnutrition.

keep in mind that you can’t tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them. people of all weights do - only 17% of anorexics are underweight - and also, men and non binary people can also have eds.

general:

drink lots of water, especially if you’re drinking lots of caffeine.

drink some electrolytes at least once a week - gatorade, electrolyte tablets, coconut water, doesn’t matter, just get it into your system.

if you are getting dizzy or flushed and can feel your heart beating, quick carbs will raise your blood sugar - sweets, bread, fruit, juice, non diet soda, whatever. keep snacks around pls.

your brain uses 400-500 calories daily. eat more than this.

take your supplements!

you still need protein, have an egg or something.

don’t take adderal or insulin unless you are actually diabetic or neurodivergent, because you are raising the price by buying them and denying access to those who need it.

throw a towel over the mirror. it’s not worth it if it’ll cause you anxiety.

try to limit disordered behaviours like body checking, purging, and weigh ins.

practice good dental hygiene.

put your scale somewhere where you have to actively look for it to weigh yourself.

avoid social media and for your sake don’t go on pro ed tiktok or tumblr or twitter or insta.

get a buddy who also struggles with the same thing if possible to support each other.

get regular medical check ups (if you can afford it)

practice things within your control - makeup, hair, clothing, etc.

push your rules - eat 5 minutes before your time, or 50 calories over your limit.

for people with restrictive disorders (e.g. anorexia):

do weight and resistance training at least twice a week to prevent musculoskeletal conditions such as osteoporosis.

don’t drink on an empty stomach.

try to put gaps between fasting periods.

don’t fast for more than 72 hours.

wear lots of layers to keep warm.

eat an extra 100-200 calories on your period if you menstruate.

have a metabolism day.

take care of your hair.

as horrifying as this is to many people, please go to the hospital if you’re experiencing heart problems or if you’re passing out for more than 30 seconds.

for people with purging disorders (e.g. bulimia):

if you would like to purge, wait 15 minutes first.

after purging: drink lots of water - the emptiness you feel is dehydration. don’t brush your teeth but rinse your mouth out, preferably with an alkaline mouthwash or baking soda mixed into water. do something you want to do, like reading a book or watching a show. don’t smoke. don’t have anything acidic. eat a banana or some chocolate or a rice cake to keep your blood sugar levels in check.

if you vomit blood or your vomit looks like coffee grounds, this is a sign of internal bleeding. you could be drowning in your own blood from a hole in your esophagus, essentially. go to the hospital or call 911/999/the emergency number in your area.

stay safe everyone. i hope this helps. also, i do not use these tags - i have them blocked - but i am using them so that people on these tags will find this because they need it most.

[little-buzz]

Imagine Husk as your mentor

In honor of Valentine's Day, I give you this platonic imagine. Because I'm not a huge fan of this holiday, I hope y'all are having a good Wednesday ♥️

Husk is open to play card games with you, like trash or slapjack. Unfortunately for you, he is insanely good at any card games and you frequently lose. He points out if you’re holding your cards out in view, though. You attempted to play Cheat with him, but he called your bluff out immediately. For your own sake, you learn which games to avoid when you play with Husk.

You’re a frequent customer at the conceriege, alongside Angel. You occasionally get drinks, but you enjoy Husk’s company, albeit his grumpy demeanor. You’ll read a book or busy yourself with an activity at the bar. If a drink spills on the counter, Husk will raise your book out of harm’s way. Husk wondered why you want to spend your time with him, but he doesn’t mind.

You are a more recent Sinner, so he sees you as a kid. Husk calls you ‘kid’, ‘buddy’, ‘little shit’, etc more than your actual name. At first, he called you that to piss you off, but now it’s a term of endearment. In turn, you call him ‘Old man’ and ‘Grumpy McGrumperson’. You referred to him as ‘sourpuss’ once and he didn’t react well to that. You quickly learned not to tease him in relation to his cat-like appearance. Angel has taken a liking to calling you ‘Husk’s kid’ too.

There has been a time or two where you stumbled into the hotel after a fight. Husk takes in your disheveled appearance and asks if you won the battle or not. Depending on your response, he will either praise you or scold you. Regardless, Husk will nag you, but he means well.

Like the rest of the patrons at the hotel, you bitch to the bartender. Husk will call you out on your misdeeds, which you don’t take well. You storm away in an angry huff. Later, you switch one of Husk’s bottles with sparkling water. You relax on the couch and gleefully watch as he chugs the booze. He spits out the drink in disgust before you burst out laughing. He is relatively a patient guy, so you know you got under his skin from this stunt. As punishment, Husk refused to serve you at the bar for several days.

You buy Husk a pair of silly shot glasses. You bought it for him as a gag gift and left it at that. He scowls at the glasses and keeps them below the bar. Sometimes he uses the glasses with Angel. You found him passed out on the bar counter, the shot glass held loosely in his hand. You couldn’t help but smile, knowing your gesture was appreciated.

Husk tries his best to keep you from Alastor, not that you want to talk to him. He’s an Overlord, so you know better than to associate yourself with him. The day you were introduced to Lucifer, you noticed Husk seemed… off after he stepped away from the bar. While he was his grumpy self, he seemed more on edge and reserved. You also noted he was more alert when Alastor was around. Although you wanted to address the issue with Husk, you figured he wouldn’t tell you about it.

Husk can easily tell if you are upset when you’re at the bar. You don’t interact with the others, instead keeping to yourself. When it’s just you and him, he plainly comments on your mood. You don’t give him an explanation and you watch as he pulls something from his pocket. He shows you a deck of cards and performs a few magic tricks to cheer you up. Even though you know it’s fake, you are entertained by Husk’s performance.

You’ve found yourself in trouble occasionally with other Sinners. You knew it was inevitable to piss off other demons. When a guy jumped you on the street, Husk was there to accompany you. The guy didn't land a hit on you before Husk pushed you out of the way with his wings. He summoned a pair of dice and threw it at his head, where he promptly blew up into bits. You blink dumbly at Husk, wiping splatters of blood off his fur. You were reminded not to cross Husk and made a mental note to avoid pulling pranks on him in the future.

[noemilivv]

Hello :) I saw you were doing Hazbin Hotel matchups and honestly I would be very excited to see who you would assign to me (no pressure ofc!!!) so I hope this request is finding you at a good time ^^

ABOUT ME: Feel free to just call me Zo! I’m AFAB and I use she/her as my pronouns. While not officially diagnosed due to growing up in a household who treated it as taboo something that I couldn’t “catch” I definitely fall under the umbrella of neurodivergence. From past research I’ve found ADHD symptoms relate to most of my experiences.

SEXUALITY/ROMANTIC TYPE: To be frank, I’ve always internally struggled when it came to my sexual and romantic identity. Found myself craving some sort of connection that traversed the likes of just platonic bonds but the couple times when someone showed interest in me I’d clam up and push them away. The couple crushes I did have always happened to develop after I had built rapport with them, after we had grew close. So for the sake of labels and for this matchup I’d definitely like to say I’m demiromantic? In terms of sexuality all I got for you is that I’m not repulsed by it??? All I know for sure is if I like them, we’d have to have been friends or at least know each other. (In terms of gender I’m fine with either or! I’m just curious to see who fits the box el oh el ^^)

PERSONALITY: Oh boy. Ok so to start off with I’m an INTP 5w4😼…. My hog warts house is Slytherin. My temperament is Melancholic (my sub temperament is tied up between Melancholic sanguine and melancholic phlegmatic). I definitely fall under the umbrella of shyness, however I’ve also noticed that depending on my company I tend to emulate the majority of the vibe. A half hearted defense mechanism in order to fit in is what I assume it be. I’m told I’m a very emotionally intelligent person, and my friends prefer to talk to me about issues and problems due to the fact that while I can comfort I can also hold them accountable and give them solid advice. They also make jokes on how I should’ve been a psychologist if I wasn’t actively getting a degree in early education. I’m terrible when it comes to changing topics which just makes it me all the more unintentionally hilarious. I’m always more funny when I’m not actively trying to be, I just have this unknown charisma that activates when i don’t try hard being funny </3. I struggle when it comes to maintaining my relationships and also most of my responsibilities, maybe it’s a numbness for my own priorities but it’s so easy to help other people in their own slumps, that when I’m forced to face my own issues and problems I can’t help but make myself numb to it and push it on the back burner. Not for lack of care, but more of seemingly frozen in place, it’s all so terrifyingly overwhelming that I just don’t even acknowledge it. Scarily good at doing that while also avoiding spieling my own feelings on personal matters that my friends always believe I have my all together. So ironically enough while I’m good at helping my friends communicate I’m terrible when it comes to communicating about myself (yippee⁉️ #imworkingonitiswear ) more or less I’m laid back, However I did used to be more of a doormat, luckily I don’t bend backwards for every little thing that breathes now LMAO. I do have a bit of a competitive streak when it comes to games (cough uno cough) and I definitely have a penchant of using my mind and other mediums as a form of escapism. Which can be ok, but sometimes I overdo it.

LOOKS: Medium length dark brown hair, round hazel eyes. I have a round face, and here in the future I want to get wispy bangs to compliment my face shape :D. Pale but not too pale skin, I have the pear shape body type, in the sense that my hips are wide, and I have somewhat big thighs but other wise I’m relatively flat. I do have a bit of chub when it comes to my midsection. Oh! I’m like 5’5 (maybe a little taller????)

LIKES: My cats Basil and Mugwort (literally my sons). I prefer more morose weather like rain. I quite like fall compared to the other seasons. I used to draw a lot but now I don’t as much, still a joyful hobby nonetheless. Recently bought a couple new books and am getting back into the grove of loving reading once more. I will absolutely demolish croutons of any kind. Currently really into mlp, it’s those TikTok infection slideshows I swear (I redownloaded the game….) I like to ramble about my interests like animation and its evolution, cats (the breeds, the care, the everything), and much much more.

DISLIKES: I hate beans. The taste. The texture. If I see beans in food it’s an immediate ick. I will gag. Overstimulating events, like I can bear with it and grow accustomed to it, but that’s doesn’t mean I’ll like it every single time. I hate being/feeling like a burden. Oh and not really a dislike and more of an annoyance(?) the fact that ritz cheese and cracker packs don’t come with the little red plastic spatula to spread your cheese anymore. I assume because it could prove to be a choking hazard, but still I’m just like 😞

LOVE LANGUAGES: Had to really scroll through my gallery because I did take an online test before!! Physical Touch was my highest (ie im extremely touch starved but am too awkward to initiate </3) Something in me just yearns for some kind of comforting touch, but I always tend to swallow it back and push it away for fear of rejection. After that focus, intellect, acts, and words of affirmation were literally all tied not even 5% behind phys touch. I’m just a kind of mentally paralyzed overthinking insecure(ish) gal, my bad bro 😎 But on a real note the confirmation that I’m being seen and heard will make me melt.

Alright!!! Hopefully my yapping was coherent and not a chore to read through!! I think it’s really cool you’re doing this and I’m mainly curious to see who it is you’d pair with me! Because I have a favorite character in mind who’d jump with joy to see, but that’s just because of bias 😭😭

And if it’s not too much of a bother is it alright to ask not to pair me with angel dust? It’s mainly personal preference so hopefully it’s not too much of a bother :))🫶🫶🫶

hey zo! this was quite the adventure to read through haha, after some deciding, I decided to go with…

Alastor !!

I can see you and Alastor meshing well together due to your craving of a platonic bond (you both may or not have a QPR? idk)

Alastor takes deep appreciation for not only your charisma and wit, but also your ability to read the room and match everyone’s energy, it’s helpful in certain situations with him

He isn’t the most touchy feely person you’ll meet in Hell, but he does make an effort, you’ll both usually have your arms loops while holding hands, or he’ll let you lay your head in his lap while he reads and he’ll rub your scalp

But Alastor isn’t afraid to tell you how it is, he makes sure you know your worth, and that he sees you all too clearly

[ryosei-hime]

Moxxie’s Abused Body Language

Obligatory disclaimer: This is my interpretation of the subject at hand. Nothing I say within should be taken as an attempt to state what is and is not canon. If your views or interpretation differ, this is not an attack on you personally or those who interpret things differently from me.  

So, with that out of the way, this post’s focus is primarily on Moxxie’s character and how the Spindlehorse crew managed to convey a lot about his childhood abuse through the use of body language in season 2, episode 3.

It’s very easy to see that Moxxie begins to show signs of fear from the moment he realizes where they are. He becomes physically and vocally distressed to the point that he actively fights getting out of the helicopter before Blitz pushes him out. He’s literally shaking here.

Even Millie’s presence isn’t comforting him. In fact, he becomes even more nervous when Crimson takes her hand and watches them very carefully. He knows what Crim is capable of and he knows he won’t hesitate to hurt Millie. Neither being a woman nor technically family is enough to stop him.

A lot of Moxxie’s body language during the introduction of Crim is very obvious. He hunches a lot. He has a lot of darting eyes and fiddling motions. He becomes quieter and more withdrawn than usual. He’s noticeably uncomfortable the entire time.

Even Blitz picks up on it. Once they’re inside, he’s much more subdued than usual throughout the rest of the night and seems to be focusing on assessing the situation. 

And, of course, you can see that Millie knows something is wrong from all this as well. She’s in tune with her husband’s feelings. In the scene where Blitz and Crim are talking, Millie’s eyes follow Moxxie’s as they dart, looking where he’s looking to track the source of his distress.

Anyone who has been raised in an abusive home recognizes certain tones when used by their abusers. We can hear that tone when Crim says “Moxxie, I raised you better than that.” This is a warning tone. This is a threat to get back in line and know your place before they put you in it. Moxxie obeys this underlying command quickly, habitually falling back into appeasing his abuser to avoid his wrath.

I believe he does this not only due to his own trauma reaction but also in an attempt to keep Millie and Blitz safe. If he sets off his father, he knows both of them would come to his defense and that could lead to them facing the same fate as his mother. I personally believe Moxxie is well aware that her attempts to help him as a child resulted in her murder, and he would do anything to avoid the same fate for Millie. 

However, we all have our limits, things we can’t help but stand up for even in the face of abuse. You can see that Moxxie cares a lot about his identity as a bisexual because he actually speaks up against his father’s past treatment of his relationship with Chaz despite the potential costs. He’s indignant that Crim would spend so long making him miserable for who he is only to turn around and pretend to accept queerness just for the sake of money when he wouldn’t make that effort for the sake of Moxxie himself. It’s clearly a very sore spot for him.

But the minute things turn to guilt tripping about abandoning the family, Moxxie sinks down into his seat in shame. Familial duty and obligation like this is something that’s hard to shake as a child of abuse. No matter how much you understand on a logical level that you don’t owe the people who hurt you just because they gave you life, it sticks with you. And when you add the mafia and its sense of duty on top of this, it’s gotta be staggering.

So, Moxxie is immediately obedient when Crim decides everyone will be sleeping there that night. He’s been successfully put back in his place with fear and guilt. Hoping that if he can just get through this ceremony without causing a stir, he can leave in peace and never be bothered again as he’s been promised. He’s so convinced he can give his father what he wants and make him go away, that he’s a little caught off guard when called back to continue the altercation. 

And then Crim hits him.

I want to take a moment to talk about the surprise on his face here. One might think this means that Moxxie wasn’t heavily physically abused as a child, because the blow surprised him. But I don’t believe that’s true. Even when you’ve become used to being hit, you still react to sudden strikes this way. Especially if your abuser is one that’s hard to read. Crim strikes me as the quiet until he’s not kind and it’s hard to predict when that kind of abuser will strike. It’s also likely been years since Moxxie has had to deal with anyone hitting him in a domestic situation. So, of course he’s shocked by the sudden blow. But we’ll come back to that.

Panic begins to set in as Moxxie realizes, as far as he’s concerned, he can’t possibly concede to his father’s demands to marry Chaz. An instinct to do whatever needs to be done to appease the abuser has kicked in. He wants to give Crim what he’s asking for but can’t. And he knows being his son doesn’t mean he’s safe from his wrath.

Again, even in this moment, he speaks up for his bisexuality. And this is obviously an old argument that’s just become tiring at this point for the both of them. They slog through it like a well worn groove. But Crim doesn’t have the patience to run that track for long right now because money’s on the line.

He’s not playing this game with Moxxie anymore and Moxxie will be made to know it. Crim reminds him what he’s capable of.

The first thing shown in the flashback sets up how Crim feels about Moxxie’s relationship with his mother. He thinks she’s making him weak by seeing to his needs (cutting his food) and not demanding he do things for himself. She’s actively standing in the way of him preparing Moxxie for the life he’s chosen for him.

In my opinion, he does think he’s doing what is best for Moxxie considering the world he’s growing up in and the path Crim has chosen for him. Abusive parents often do in these situations. Each time his mother stands in the way of preparing Moxxie for that life, Crim sees it as both a disobedience towards him (which is already unacceptable) and a hindrance to his progeny, a source of pride in his world. He can’t have a weak son or it’ll reflect poorly on him with his associates.

So, of course the only thing to be done to save his own pride and his son’s life as Crim has planned it, is to remove this obstacle and get back to teaching his son to man up and become what’s expected of him - which is, of course, to become a carbon copy of Crim. And I feel like their designs being so similar really helps to underscore this desire of Crim’s whether or not that was done intentionally. 

We see evidence of physical abuse toward his mother during the flashback. In my opinion, she’s likely protecting Moxxie from suffering it himself as mother’s can sometimes manage to do in these situations by taking on even more abuse of their own. So, it’s possible there was very little to no physical abuse for Moxxie until his mother was gone.

But it’s shown onscreen that Crim has no problem hitting Moxxie even as a child. As far as I’m concerned, this is when Moxxie’s physical abuse from his father likely starts in earnest. But Moxxie probably learns that as long as he obeys him, he can avoid this abuse. So, I believe he would have been able to decrease the amount of abuse he received in time by being more obedient. 

I wanna take an aside for a moment to back up - or maybe better to say go forward - to his past with Chaz. In that flashback, Moxxie is shown being painted nude and his body has no white marks. One might question whether or not he actually received physical abuse based on this fact but to me it has no bearing on the issue. 

For one, smart abusers often try to find ways to do so that don’t leave marks. And Crim is the head of a mafia family. If he were to go around openly beating his kid, it would reflect poorly on him. Not because anyone in the organization would care about the actual abuse. But because it would make him look brutish and stupid for allowing it to be seen by everyone. That sort of leader just doesn’t last long and can be a danger to the longevity of the organization itself.

For two, imps get white marks from more extreme injuries such as gunshot wounds and broken arms. It seems that the skin has to be broken or theoretically burned to leave an actual mark. At least from the evidence we’ve seen so far. 

Given these two points, whether or not Moxxie was physically abused doesn’t really hinge on how many white marks he has on his body as far as I’m concerned. We’ve seen plenty of imps take blunt force trauma that didn’t leave them covered in white. 

If I were to speculate on the trajectory of his experience with abuse overall, he likely received none to very little as a child before his mother’s death, a lot after her death with it decreasing as he learned to obey and avoid triggering his father, and barely any as a young adult. 

I believe that reaching that time of almost no instances of abuse once he’d become what his father wanted possibly left him a little more comfortable than he could have otherwise been during the first part of this episode.

And yes even with all the fear and nervousness that I’ve pointed out, I do think there was a sense of security in the possibility that he could appease Crim in the end. Now Crim is telling him in no uncertain terms that he will kill them all if he doesn’t get what he wants. 

He knows this isn’t an empty threat. Those who suffer abuse at the hands of their family know the difference between warnings and promises.

I don’t think I really need to go over this scene. Moxxie is disgusted as he should be.

But this whole circus clown of a come on, definitely leaves him worse off once Chaz is ejected. The terrible price he has to pay to protect his loved ones has been thrust into his face, as it were, immediately, giving him no time to process first. 

Once he does get some time alone to think about his situation, he has something of a breakthrough. I really appreciate the growl in this scene because I don’t think we very often hear Moxxie growl. We usually get hisses from him instead it seems. And I think it helps portray the depth of his anger over what his father is demanding of him.

As far as Moxxie knows, his father has promised that all he has to do is marry Chaz. He wasn’t told he had to stay. So it would be easy to just comply and leave. That’s the safe route. But doing so would, presumably, violate vows he’s made to Millie. It would compromise the integrity of his relationship with and devotion to her.

This is important enough to Moxxie to fight for. Scrolling through his pictures of Millie not only made this clear to him, but I think it also helped to remind him that he left once before. He can leave again. He doesn’t have to be pulled back into the life that he worked so hard to escape. He doesn’t have to compromise what he wants from life to appease his abuser anymore. 

This is a very brief moment but it’s also a very important and powerful one if you know what you’re looking at. It’s so, so easy for abusive family to cause regression when they manage to wiggle back into your life for one reason or another. Family reunions, funerals, weddings. They will take those moments to grab you by the ankles and start pulling you under again. 

And that’s when the consequences and stakes aren’t even this high. But Moxxie won’t let himself be dragged back down and I really appreciate they gave him that moment no matter how brief. 

And even though they don’t go through his thought process for you to see that, you hear it in his speech the next day when he stands up to his father. I honestly appreciate that Moxxie threatens Crim the way he does here. It not only shows he’s regained confidence in himself and his skills, but he’s also speaking Crim’s language now. He’s putting himself on equal footing with him, insinuating he’s as much of a threat as Crim is to Moxxie.

I’ve seen a lot of criticism of this moment: that having Moxxie zapped and forced into the wedding regardless makes his standing up to his father fall flat. And I would agree with that a little but for the fact that there’s still time to bring that confrontation back around to completion. As season two and Helluva Boss as a show is still ongoing, there are plenty of episodes left for Moxxie to follow through with his threats and support this breakthrough with actions. Crim is clearly coming back, after all.

I also think, however, that having that moment at all is still very important to character development. Simply because there was no physicality to back it up, doesn’t mean the emotional journey that led to it was entirely worthless. Moxxie still had very important character development here. When he left the first time, he simply disappeared and did not confront his father. But now he has. And that makes a big difference. 

When he returns to his life, it’ll be with a different mindset and a different kind of confidence. He’s no longer running from his father, hiding from his duties, or obscuring parts of himself from his loved ones. He’s truly stood up and taken his life fully into his hands. And now there are parts of himself he can share with Millie that he couldn’t before. This can only bring them closer and make their marriage more intimate.

In the same way, he now has a point of connection with Blitz over their daddy issues, which brings them closer to fulfilling that true friendship Truth Seekers hinted at. One step at a time, Moxxie and Blitz come closer to understanding one another.  

All in all, I loved this episode. It does a good job of handling the subject of abuse and associated tragic backstory without sensationalizing or downplaying it, both of which are extremely easy to do in a comedy-drama mash-up. But I personally feel like they managed to hit the sweet spot between the two.

[piracytheorist]

Okay look maybe that's just me looking for opportunities for angst, but it kind of piques my interest how Twilight reacts to Anya playing spy. He may find it hard to understand how her mind works when it's play time because he didn't get to have play time as a kid in the midst of a war but he doesn't react as much to any of her other games or activities (other than wishing she would focus on her studies like she focuses on watching Bondman); for someone who has made it part of his identity to not reveal he's a spy, it catches his attention a little too much.

Then you've got his reaction to Daybreak; Twilight takes his job so seriously that every little thing Daybreak does annoys him to the point of breaking character and risking an actual fight with him because of it.

Another one, his reaction to realizing all his work in the Campbelldon was for nothing.

Annoyed (and visibly exhausted) by his hard work being for nothing, trying to grasp at straws, hoping that the diary holds another secret meaning which would've made his efforts worthwhile.

It even takes Handler to point out that there were no further threats to the current peace for him to look at the bright side.

And I'm starting to think... for him there's barely a "bright side" in what he does. I don't think there's anything in his work that makes him happy in any way. He finds it dangerous (something kids shouldn't even pretend to do), demanding and serious (enough to get personally offended when other spies don't take it as seriously), exhausting (without actually complaining about it or asking for time off, despite understanding how tired he is all the time), and with full understanding that his deeds won't see the light of day and he won't get any recognition for them (and is, arguably, a little sad about that).

And finally, as I said in another post, how prepared he is to act entirely against his own beliefs in order to do his job right.

Like, Best Spy of WestalisTM or not, it must not be pleasant to smile at and agree with a man who for all you know wants to start a war when you have war trauma of your own. As if all the danger, loneliness, and pain he suffers for his job were not enough, he also has to shut down his emotions, no matter how strong and soul-crushing. And Twilight is no fool - he knows how much he hates war, he knows what it cost him, and he knows he needs to ignore all that. And though he also knows he does it all to avoid another war... I don't think the impact of even just that is lost on him.

I doubt any of his fellow spies harbor any illusions about spy work being glamorous and badass and whatnot, but I feel like we're being led to think that he also understands the impact his job has on his soul and sense of self. He may be willing to do it for the sake of peace, but I feel he hates that this is his only and most promising option.

And maybe... I wonder how he really feels about being so good at this. He's both physically and mentally extraordinary - and you cannot tell me that this is just because of his dedication. No amount of dedication can grant you a photographic memory, the ability to perfectly mimic other people's voices after listening to mere seconds of them, or the ability to fight off entire groups of people dedicated to killing you while you're only on two hours of sleep. Twilight has inherent talents that make him not only suitable to be a spy, they make him the best.

His awareness of his talents and the realization that he can put them to use in order to stop any further conflicts or wars from taking place are what got him where he is now - a lonely, physically and emotionally exhausted man who has given up on ever finding any personal happiness. And as he's said before, he sees that as his duty. With his personal disdain for war, and the knowledge that he can help avoid one in the future, how can he see for himself any future where he doesn't do exactly that? If he doesn't, who will?

So yeah. If that's what he truly thinks of his job, and if his deepest wish is to create a world where children are happy... it's no wonder he reacts negatively to a child pretending to do his job for fun. And I'm like, he already reacts to Anya simply playing spy. Can you imagine his reaction when he finds out she's been helping him with his mission from the moment she met him??? Can you imagine a moment shortly post-reveal where Twilight asks Anya just why she chose him, and she says she originally did it because she found it cool and fun, and then because she saw his noble intentions and wanted to help... and he just replies with "There's nothing cool and exciting about this job, it has destroyed me and I hate that I have no other option" and that completely crushes the way she sees spies?

Yeah I may have gone a bit overdramatic there but honestly that's a whole vibe I'm getting from the story. I cannot see the story ending without identity reveals, and without Loid and Yor giving up their secret jobs (which can only happen if the cold war ends, cause there's definitely no other way Twilight would feel he deserves retirement). The story starts with a spy without a family life; it deserves to end with a family without the burdens of spy life.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[writingwhimsey]

Married to the Enemy- Shingen Ch. 15

Chapter 15

Shingen sat in his room, leaning over his desk, unable to focus on the reports in front of him. It had been two weeks now…two weeks that his wife was now actively avoiding him. “What could have happened? What did I do?” He murmured to himself.

“You have got to focus on your work, Lord Shingen.” Yukimura spoke, his voice snapping Shingen from his thoughts.

“I’ve already finished most of it.” Shingen replied. “Besides…I really need to figure out what happened.”

“What you mean with Ava?” Yukimura asked. “Don’t women usually get all weird at least once a month?”

Shingen sighed. “I really failed with you didn’t I?”

“See, this is why I don’t want to get married any time soon. Women are just annoying and moody irrational wild boars.”

Shingen shook his head. “Yuki.”

“What? Look at you. You’re all distracted and gloomy because of her.” Yukimura remarked. “Why would I want that kind of headache?”

“Some things in life are worth a headache.” Shingen replied. “Like seeing her beautiful smile… I haven’t seen it in two weeks.”

Yukimura looked at his lord…really looked at him. He let out a sigh. He’d never seen Shingen get this way about a women before. Sure, Shingen had pursued many women in his past…most fell for his charms and they had their flings, but then it was over. When Shingen would run into those woman later, they’d be married to someone else with families and Shingen would always smile and wish them well.

“Ah, dammit.” Yukimura muttered. “Finish up your work. I’ll be right back.”

“Are you giving me orders now?” Shingen asked.

“If you don’t finish your work I’ll tell Lord Kenshin you finished off his favorite sake.”

“And here I thought you didn’t wish me dead, Yuki.” Shingen teased.

“I don’t.” Yukimura replied. “But I’ll do what I have to. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Yukimura left the room, Shingen staring after him curiously before returning to his paperwork and his pondering over Ava. Yukimura made his way through the halls and soon found Saki out hanging up some laundry to dry.

“You have to do something about your lady.” He greeted her.

“And a good day to you, too Yukimura.” Saki remarked.

“Oh, cut that crap. This is serious!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Saki replied. “I’ve been trying to get Ava to talk to Lord Shingen for two weeks now.”

“Well, try harder.” Yukimura said. “What could she possibly be so mad at Lord Shingen about anyways?”

“She’s not mad at him.” Saki replied. “It’s actually not his fault at all.”

“So…you know why she’s being like this?”

Saki nodded. “Yes.”

“Can you tell me why?”

Saki shook her head. “She swore me to secrecy. I can’t tell anyone…otherwise I would have already gone to Lord Shingen.”

Yukimura sighed. He knew what it was like to keep a secret for the one you served. “Well, we have to do something. I’ve never seen Lord Shingen look so miserable before.”

“Miserable you say?” Saki asked, lifting a brow.

“Yeah, he’s distracted from work. He just keeps trying to figure out what he did and how he can make it right.”

“So…you’re saying Lord Shingen is missing my lady?”

“Yes. He’s never gotten attached to a woman like this before.” Yukimura said. “I…he seems to really care about Ava.”

Saki chewed on her lower lip in thought. However before she could open her mouth to speak, they were all interrupted by the sound of Kenshin shouting. “Have you come to die?”

The pair looked at each other before rushing in. They found Kenshin standing in the hall, his sword drawn…and at the other end stood Nobunaga and Hideyoshi. “Remember Lord Kenshin, we are in an alliance with them now.” Sasuke said, doing his best to try to defuse the situation.

Nobunaga looked amused by the greeting. Hideyoshi was beside him ready to leap in front of his lord, his own sword drawn and ready.

“I didn’t think we were to be having our first meeting for another month.” Shingen said, joining the group.

“We are not here for the alliance.” Nobunaga said.

Saki’s eyes went wide. “Wait, you didn’t come because of my letter, did you Lord Nobunaga? Lord Hideyoshi?” She asked.

“Of course we did.” Hideyoshi answered. 

“Wait, you wrote to them?” Yukimura asked.

“I’ve tried just about everything else I could think of.” Saki replied. “I had just expected Lord Hideyoshi to write Ava a VERY long letter. I didn’t think he’d show up or that he would bring Lord Nobunaga with him.”

Kenshin sighed. “That woman is turning my castle upside down.” He muttered, finally putting away his sword.

“So…you are here because of Ava?” Shingen asked.

“Yes, we heard our fireball was giving you some trouble.” Nobunaga said, a haughty smile on his face.

Saki looked towards Shingen apologetically. “Please forgive me, Lord Shingen. I didn’t know they would come…though I should have.”

“Of course, we are here. If Hideyoshi had his way, we would have been here last week.” Nobunaga replied. 

“Wait, did you tell them what happened?” Yukimura asked.

Saki shook her head. “No. I only wrote to Lord Hideyoshi asking him to write to my lady and that I thought she could use her big brother right now.”

“Big brother?” Shingen asked.

“Yes, Ava is like a little sister to me.” Hideyoshi replied. “No matter what, I will always be there for her. And once I find out what you did…”

“Please tell me so I can correct my mistake.” Shingen replied.

Saki sighed. “It was nothing you did, Lord Shingen.” She said. “It’s not your fault at all…just let me take Lord Hideyoshi to see her. I think it will help her and then…I hope she will be ready to talk to you.”

“Of course.” Shingen replied. He was then looking over at Nobunaga. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here, Devil.”

Nobunaga chuckled. “Why to see exactly what my fireball has done.” He answered. “And perhaps to sate both of our appetites for a battle.”

“Are you offering me your head? How kind.” Shingen replied. “Though I wouldn’t say that too loudly, it will bring Kenshin back.”

Nobunaga laughed. “Do you play Go?”

“Of course.” Shingen answered. “Then we should have a game while Hideyoshi goes to Ava.”

“It would be fun to defeat you in at least one way.” Shingen replied.

“I look forward to the challenge.”

“Okay, well you two do that and Lord Hideyoshi come with me.” Saki said. She then turned to Sasuke. “I’m counting on you to keep the peace.”

Sasuke nodded. “I will ground spike every one in place if I must.”

“Hey, what about me?” Yukimura asked.

“Please you’re as ready for a fight as the rest of them.” Saki replied. “Sasuke and my lady are the only true pacifists here.”

Saki was then leading Hideyoshi down the hall. “She’ll be heading to the garden for afternoon tea.” She said.

Hideyoshi nodded. “So, what’s going on? In her letters she was telling me that things were going really well.

“Do you remember when Lady Ava first arrived in Azuchi, there were some women in the castle staff and around the town who…had certain feelings towards her for being Lord Nobunaga’s favorite and all the rest of you doting on her?” Saki asked.

“Yes.” Hideyoshi replied.

“There’s…been a similar incident.” Saki replied. “And the things the women told her…they really upset her…and has her questioning things.”

“Like what?” Hideyoshi asked.

“I’ll let her tell you.” Saki replied. “And thank you for coming, Lord Hideyoshi.”

“You said Ava could use her big brother.” Hideyoshi replied, with a warm smile.

Shingen and Nobunaga…

Shingen sat across from Nobunaga, a goban between them. Nobunaga was playing black and Shingen white. “So, what is going on with Ava?” Nobunaga asked, placing his first stone on the board.

Shingen kept himself calm as he placed his white stone on the board. “That I wish I knew.” He answered.

“She is generally moody.” Nobunaga said. “And worries over some of the strangest things. I would pay no mind to it. She will likely get over it on her own.”

“Then why did you come?” Shingen asked. “Unless you were hoping she would want to come back to Azuchi?”

“The castle is much livelier with her there.” Nobunaga replied. “Her antics are amusing. Of course, that is why I am here now. To see what she has done in her time here.”

“Then why are you volunteering to have me beat you at Go instead of going to talk to her?”

“Because I wanted to see her effect on you.” Nobunaga replied. “She affected castle life in Azuchi quite drastically…and it seems she has caused a stir here as well. I am always fascinated by what she does.”

“I see.” Shingen replied, eyeing Nobunaga before placing another piece on the board. The flow of the game never stopped even as the pair continued to converse. “And what do you see here?”

“Well, I see that she has the Tiger of Kai as enraptured as she has everyone else she has come across.” Nobunaga replied. “Granted you have always looked at me with such hatred, but you did not have that same fire in your eyes when you saw me in the hall.”

“Don’t worry, I still hate you plenty,” Shingen replied.

Nobunaga chuckled. “I knew this visit would be amusing.”

Tag list: @limonzu @zulablaise @oda-princess @tele86 @kisara-16 @selenacosmic

[bengiyo]

The Eighth Sense Eps 9 & 10 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

So we’ve come to the end of the road with this show. I’m sure, like I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You The Moon, this one will stick with me. It’s been a fun ride, and I’ve enjoyed meeting new people because of it.

Last time, we processed the aftermath of Ji Hyun’s near-death experience on the ill-advised surfing trip. The seniors from the surfing club were absolutely horrible about it, and were completely insensitive. Jae Won has retreated completely within himself and is barely interacting with anyone, except to beat Tae-hyung’s ass for talking shit about Ji Hyun.

Meanwhile, Ji Hyun is absolutely radiant after recovering and is in his confident era. He’s handing out L’s left and right. No one is safe! Jae Won has been avoiding Ji Hyun, but Ji Hyun came through for him in the disciplinary hearing and handed Tae-hyung yet another petty defeat. Ji Hyun then forced Jae Won to talk to him, only for Jae Won to disappoint all of us for trying to shove Ji Hyun away.

Episode 9

I am glad this therapist is being direct with Jae Won. I don’t know if that’s proper or not, but he needs to have his head yanked out of his ass on this.

I’m glad Ji Hyun has friends to talk with. They’re also forcing him to see beyond himself and interrogate why Jae Won is being so weird. They even came up with a plan of action!

For Yoon Won’s sake, I hope they manage to save the surf club.

Jae Won’s tired eyes are making me feel exhausted too. I love Ji Hyun’s determination to comfort, even if Jae Won instinctively pulls back at first.

I get Yoon Won trying to save the surfing club as something she can accomplish. Unfortunately, Ji Hyun and Jae Won are not going to out themselves to the university. Still, I’m glad Jae Won isn’t so out of it that he can’t comfort this friend.

Eun Ji declared war on Ji Hyun and came to win. Making out with Jae Won in front of Ji Hyun is a bold strategy. Let’s see how it pays off for her.

I’m deeming Eun Ji only partially successful. She may have driven a wedge further between our leads, but she did not succeed at getting Jae Won in bed. Jae Won sent her home so he could yearn outside of the bar Ji Hyun works at. A victory for the homos.

I am back to being a Joon Pyo fan. He’s been working overtime to keep Ji Hyun’s life intact and is still out here locating secret Instagram accounts.

I liked the time passage montage of Jae Won at school, though I don’t know why he’s showing more signs of life.

The camera gift along with the sketch was so touching.

Eun Ji is a liar who lies, and I’m proud of Jae Won for crushing her.

I love the Boss. Jae Won needs a firm kick to get out of his own head sometimes, and I love her straightforward nature.

I’m so glad a radio song request gets to play a role in this story. Hilariously, they chose Conan Gray’s “The Story,” which, I am too polite on Tumblr to elaborate on further.

This isn’t a Japanese BL, so Jae Won isn’t going to run across the city, but we know where he’s going.

Okay! They just went for it with that kiss! Love the enthusiasm, boys!

Episode 10 (Finale)

I always lose it a little bit for yin and yang imagery with the boys. So glad these two finally spent a comfortable night together.

Of course Jae Won left without a message and has his phone off.

Oh good, he was just with Joon Pyo. We should definitely take Joon Pyo out clubbing. He’s done enough for us at this point.

Oh, the classic tropes! Love when the older boy puts his jacket on the love interest.

I’m happy, too! This is the final episode and we’ve been in angst for three previous ones! We are going to make it clear! We are dating! This is new!

Great, the phone is ringing. Time to spoil the moment.

Whew, never mind. Yoon Won might be getting a job and the surfing club is active again.

I love gay people. “Admit you joined the surf club for me.” “Oh yeah? Admit you had a lighter the whole time.”

Ae Ri. She gets a plate.

Whyy are Eun Ji and Tae Hyung at this party??

Male friendships are so embarrassing sometimes. Petty threats into stilted apologies into something strangely earnest. Men were definitely involved in the writing of this project.

I’m glad Ae Ri will keep teasing Ji Hyun.

Bit Na handed Tae Hyung one more loss before the end. Good.

That’s right Yoon Won. Jae Won needs to know his true friends support his love life.

We chatted a bit about the forgiveness in the clown server, and I will say that I don’t mind Jae Won forgiving Tae Hyung and Eun Ji. It provides closure for all of them, and he can focus on the people that matter in his life now. Besides, celebrations are a chance to let go of things.

GOOD FOR YOON WON AND JOON PYO! GET. IT. IN.

I do like them having the question about who knows and who is allowed to know.

TIME FOR JI HYUN TO GLOAT TO EUN JI!

Look at Eun Ji also trying to be a proper senior for once. I still think she should apologize to Ae Ri, but we can’t get everything.

“Don’t just treat me as cute. You don’t know what’s coming.” YES INDEED, BABY BOY!!

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. This was a fantastic collaboration between a German director and Korean director. I think everyone gives incredibly accessible performances that convey the complex ideas within the story. Much is allowed to be shown rather than said, and conversations unfold naturally. I also think this show captured the experience gap between graduating seniors and freshmen really well. This show brought out a lot of familiar feelings for me in a gentle way. I think it’s one of the best things I’ve seen this year. 

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Interwoven, but Tangled [2]

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader

Warnings: mild/brief angst, fluff, pining, cursing

Word Count: 3,461

Summary: The red string of fate connects the pinky of one soulmate to the pinky of the other. Not everyone can see them, but since you had this rare gift you figured it was your duty to make sure as many soulmates found each other. At the very least, you could make sure your friends found their special person. What happens when your best friend’s soulmate isn’t her soulmate though?

The A/C in your apartment wasn’t working, but this was hardly a new occurrence. The problem was with your thermostat, but that was the extent of your knowledge. A handful of times the landlord had come out to fix it, mostly because he was too cheap to hire someone with actual knowledge, and it’d work for a little while before dying on your again. Like always you had called him to come fix it again, and like always he told you that he’d be there when he got there.

So, you settled on your own little version of being an A/C repairman. Texting all your friends, complaining to them, and hitting the thermostat with the heel of your hand over and over and over again.

“Fuck. This. Stupid. Thing.” You mumbled with each slam of your hand. Sweat beaded on the back of your neck and nearly every other crevice. The windows were open, but without a decent breeze it didn’t do much. You were sticky and gross and hot and angry.

The sound of knocking at the door interrupted the sound of you punching a thermostat. You breathed a breath of relief, never so happy to hear from your mildly sexist landlord, and rushed over to swing the door open. Instead of seeing Joe, you came face to face with Sam Wilson. Your jaw fell loose in surprise as your eyes darted to the string between the two of you.

“Hey there.” Sam greeted and held a bag of tools up, “I hear you’re having a rough go of it.” You just stared at him dumbly. He nodded once, “Sharon told me you could use a little help. Can I come in?”

You blinked in surprise and stepped back so he could step in. He let out a low whistle as the wall of heat him. Apparently, Sharon had taken your complaining and done something about it. This was not the solution you wanted though.

Your best friend and Sam had been dating for three months so far. Their relationship was a lot like a metronome. It’d jump from yelling and fighting each other outside of the bar your group wanted to visit then jump to them making out in the corner of the said bar at a booth. It was the happiest Sharon had been with a guy though.

“How are you?” Sam asked cordially. “Other than hot.” You stared at him again, and he awkwardly gave you a small smile and motioned to you with his screwdriver. “You’re sweating.”

“Yeah, I am.” You mumbled, then crossed your arms with furrowed eyebrows, “Why are you here??”

Sam pointed to your thermostat, “To fix this.”

You nodded once and forced your gaze to the floor. This was all Sharon’s doing. She knew you were distant from Sam, that you actively avoided him, but the poor idiot didn’t know the whole reason you were doing that was for her sake. The less you knew about the man in front of you the better.

“It’s a nice place you got here.” Sam commented, making you look up at him, “Good location. Pretty view. Nice furniture.” It was so awkward as he continued to list things he liked that you couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Sam grinned, “Hey, I knew I could get you to laugh. I’m a funny guy.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s what everyone tells me.” Sam shrugged with a casual smile, “Except one buddy of mine, but he’s a piece of shit and doesn’t know nothing.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Your buddy is a piece of shit?”

“Oh yeah.” Sam took the plastic cover off the thermostat. “Absolute worst. Can’t live without him though.” He glanced over his shoulder at you, “Don’t tell him I told you that.”

You smirked, “Don’t tell your piece of shit buddy that you actually love him? I’ll try to keep that in mind.” The back and forth had snuck up on you so easily. You stiffened and shook your head, “Seriously though, you don’t need to do this. My landlord is on his way.”

“Come on, girl.” Sam continued to work, “I’m already here.”

“Sam, I don’t need you here. Just—”

Sam turned and set his screwdriver down with a slight frown, “Did I do something wrong? Insult you in some way?” You glanced away, but he continued. “If I did then I’m sorry. I mean that. I just…wanna be your friend.”

“Because Sharon wants you to?”

“Because I want to.” Sam replied without missing a beat. “You seem like a really cool person and I know I’m a really cool person—” Despite your best efforts, you cracked a smile. “I just think we’re gonna be seeing a lot of each other and I wanna get to know you. Maybe you wanna know a little bit more about me?”

No. Yes.

Knowing more about him was a very, very, bad, terrible, no good idea. That was literally common sense. At the same time though… God, you wanted to know. You had lived your entire life watching the red strings tangle through this world, and you always wondered what it felt like personally. Well, it was agonizing. With Sam in the same space as you, it was like the string was constantly tugging on your pinky, trying to pull you closer to the person it was connected with. The urge to put your hand in his and make the length of the string turn to nothing was a physically tangible feeling in your chest.

“So,” Sam drew the word out. He picked up the tool again and pointed it toward you, “I fix your A/C and we agree to call a truce?”

“Only if you can actually get that damn thing fixed.” You replied.

“Oh, I can get this thing fixed.” Sam smirked.

This wouldn’t end well.

3 MONTHS LATER

The room was filled with a general buzz of excitement and laughter. The way a bar should feel at this time of evening. Although, this was a much nicer bar than your usual watering hole. If Valkyrie knew you were here drinking a $20 cocktail, she’d beat you to death with her bare hands. Your eyes lifted from the oddly colored drink to land on Sharon who was leaning into Sam as he whispered something to her. Your red string stretched across the room and other bar goers walked through the metaphorical line over and over.

“So, is that a yes?”

Your eyes snapped back to the man standing at the bar beside you. It was Sam’s friend. The piece of shit buddy that he loved. A guy named Bucky which definitely wasn’t a real name, but he had explained it was a nickname from his middle name that you couldn’t remember. He was a good-looking guy, no doubt. His dark hair cut short, stormy eyes that could hypnotize literally anyone, and damn if he didn’t make a black leather jacket look good. He was the kind of guy that 7 months ago you would’ve been all over.

Now though? It was like you only had eyes for one thing.

One person.

“Yes.” You answered quickly. Mildly embarrassed that you had no idea what he had asked. “Uh huh, definitely.”

Bucky chuckled, then leaned forward, “I asked if you wanna get outta here and have sex with me.”

You had been drinking when he spoke and immediately sucked the ridiculously, expensive liquid right into your lungs. The back of your neck felt warm in embarrassment as you tried to hack all the alcohol out of your system so you could breathe again. Bucky just stared in amusement.

When you finally cleared your throat you spoke, “No, you didn’t.”

“I actually did.” Bucky replied. “I knew you weren’t paying any attention to me so I figured the easiest way to get a pretty girl like you to go home with me was to catch you off guard.” You grimaced and prayed that a meteor would fall out of the sky and strike you down. Bucky added, “That part was a joke. I’m not trying to get you to come home with me. I feel like I should clarify that since you haven’t heard a single thing out of my mouth and because of that you might think I’m serious…”

You groaned, “Can you just kill me? Put me out of my misery?”

“Nah.” Bucky replied. He leaned forward so he was closer and didn’t have to talk so loudly for me to hear him, “How long have you been in love with my friend?”

Your eyes widened, “Your—what? You mean your friend that is currently dating my best friend??” Bucky nodded once. You forced yourself to scoff. “You’re…dumb.”

Bucky laughed, “Yeah, okay. You’ve only been staring at him the entire night. Pining over him.”

“I am not pining.” You argued, but Bucky shot you another look. This was obviously not a fight you were going to win. You took a large sip of your drink, “Do you believe in soulmates?”

His eyebrows raised curiously. Instead of questioning your own question though, he paused in thought then tilted his head, “Maybe. I kind of hope they don’t… otherwise I might’ve really fucked up, but…”

“Lost love?” You asked.

Bucky smirked and held his glass up, “Why do you think I was able to see it on you so easy??” The two of you clinked your glasses together, took a sip, then he cleared his throat. “Plus, you’re super obvious about it.”

“Thank you.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you for that.”

“No problem.” Bucky said. “You’re in a better position than I am.” You gave him a questioning look and he continued. “I had my chance, fucked it up, and now I’m hopping from bed to bed looking for a new soulmate. You on the other hand, haven’t even tried. You have a world of possibilities.”

You held a finger up, “First off, maybe you should stop drinking because I think you’re starting to overshare.” Bucky chuckled and took a sip of his whiskey. “Second, I have no possibilities. Sharon and Sam are dating. I’m not gonna be that bitch.”

“First off,” Bucky copied your format, “I’m trying to be a warning tale. Appreciate it a little more. Secondly, maybe there’s a reason why that bitch gets shit done and the rest of those not bitches just sit there sad and alone.”

You blinked at him once, “How many whiskeys have you had?”

“This is number 6.” He replied while bringing the glass to his lips again. Bucky glanced over his shoulder at the couple, but you kept your gaze on the bartender. When she finally noticed you, you held your hand up and ordered Sharon and Sam’s drinks. The whole reason the two of you were up here in the first place. Dinner had been a drag, but the good thing about an after-dinner drink was the drink part. “Let’s go home.”

You gave him a skeptical look, “We’re on a date.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of a shitty date. You know it.” Bucky replied. He glanced over his shoulder then caught you off guard by leaned into your space again. He set his mouth by your ear before speaking, “Do you trust me?”

You trusted him enough to know you weren’t in any kind of danger, even with him drunk, but you chose the funnier reply, “No. Not at all.”

“Perfect.” Bucky replied just as the drinks arrived. He pointed to yours, “Finish that. Now. I can’t be your friend if you waste alcohol.”

Bucky downed the rest of his whiskey, made a quick grimace, then grabbed your friends’ drinks and turned to walk away. You shrugged and threw back the rest of your cocktail. It really hadn’t been worth the money. When you turned around to look over at them you spotted Bucky giving the two of them a charming smile. Sharon laughed, but Sam’s eyebrows furrowed in his signature concerned look. Your soulmate asked something, but Bucky just waved it off and gave them a quick goodbye.

He readjusted his jacket then walked back over to you. Without hesitation, he threw his arm over your shoulders and you involuntarily wrapped your arm around his torso in response. He was stumbling just a bit and you had a feeling he’d careen to the floor if you didn’t keep a hand on him. Bucky grinned, “Let’s go, doll.”

Despite the weird turn this had taken, you were thankful for it. Watching Sam and Sharon flirt for another second would make you wanna drown yourself in your next drink. You used your free hand to tap his chest, “You know I’m not going back to your place, right?”

“What kind of man do you take me for?” Bucky scoffed.

You laughed and the two of you stumbled out of the bar. It took you only forty five minutes to get an uber, get it to take Bucky home, make sure he got to bed and didn’t pass out in his kitchen or something, then get back in the uber and make it back to your place. It took you even less time to strip out of the date clothes you had on and replace it with the most comfortable pajamas you had.

The rest of the night was going to be a face mask, bottles of wine, and Netflix kind of night. Talk about a successful date. Your phone buzzed. It was a text from Bucky asking if you made it home okay, and you were surprised he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. You texted him a quick affirmative and seconds later there was a knock on your door. Your eyes darted from your front door to your phone.

“I swear to God…” You mumbled and stood up. There was no way Bucky had been functional enough to get an uber himself and come here, right? It would be a waste of the money you spent to take him to his place to begin with and you would be getting that $10 back. You pulled the door open and gasped in surprise as Sam stormed into your apartment still wearing the gray blazer over the dark shirt he had worn on his date. “Sam…?”

Sam looked down your hallway, “Bucky?! Get your dumb ass out here or I swear—”

“Sam?”

“Bucky!”

“Sam!” You grabbed his arm and made him look at you. You shook your head, “Bucky is not here. I helped him get home and then I came home. Very much alone. Please stop yelling down my empty hallway to my empty bedroom.”

Sam’s eyes widened in surprise. He stiffened and pointed down the still empty hallway, “Listen, Bucky is a fantastic guy but he’s in a weird place right now and I don’t want him to use you. I know he wouldn’t mean to be using you, but like I said he’s in a weird place—”

“Sam.” You cut him off. “What the hell are you talking about? You set up the double date in the first place.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Sharon set that date up, okay? She asked me to bring a friend and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna bring Steve ‘prince charming’ Rogers.”

“That… I am not following this at all.” You rubbed your forehead in confusion, “Also, I—I am not sleeping with Bucky, let me put that out there, but why would you care? Why are you here?” It suddenly dawned on you that it was early, and the date shouldn’t be over for him like it was you. “Where is Sharon??”

Sam crossed his arms, eyes darting to his feet briefly before looking back up to meet yours, “I left her at the bar. We had a fight. She wasn’t happy, but… she hasn’t been happy in a while.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The past month and a half we’ve been trying to fix us. Fix what we had, but maybe…maybe we can’t fix it because there’s nothing left there to fix.” Sam said.

You swallowed a lump that had formed in your throat, “Sam…”

“And maybe there’s nothing to fix because I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.” Sam blurted and the air between you seem suffocating. He pressed his lips together, shaking his head, “I know that’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t be having those kind of thoughts about my girlfriend’s best friend but… I can’t stop. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

God, how many times had you dreamed about hearing those words? A part of you wondered is this was a dream. Had you gone home from the bar, chugged an excess of wine, and then passed out? That was the only explanation, but Sam took a step toward you. His hands reached out to take yours and you were convinced that this was real.

“Sharon…” You said softly. A reminder to yourself.

Sam nodded once, “Yeah, she didn’t like any of the things I just said to you.”

You let go of his hands and stumbled back in shock, “You told her!?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.” Sam replied. “I had been thinking of telling her for a while, but I kept putting it off, and then watching you go home with Bucky?” He let out a quiet scoff. “I know this could be ruining everything, but I can’t sit back anymore. I need to know…”

You wrapped your arms around yourself. He didn’t say it out loud, but you knew what the question was. Unable to lie, you nodded and quietly answered, “Yeah, Sam. Yeah. I—I’m crazy about you.” Sam’s lips curled up into a bright smile that made your heart flutter in your chest. You took a hesitant step back, “But, Sam… Sharon is…”

“She gets it.” He replied. You raised an eyebrow and he chuckled, “I mean, obviously you need to talk with her on your own, she wasn’t happy, but she…she understood.”

“Seriously??”

“I swear it.” Sam held his hands up. “Like I said, we’ve been just… going through the motions the last month and a half.” He moved to hold one of his hands out to you. You hesitantly set your hand in his, lacing the fingers together, and loving how right it felt. “So…yeah?”

You laughed, “Yeah.”

“ Yeah, ‘I can take you out on a date sometime’ or yeah ‘get the hell out of my apartment, Wilson’?” He asked.

You beamed at him with a nod, “Yeah, you can take me out on a date sometime, Wilson.”

Sam grinned and that was the only convincing you needed anymore. You trusted him when he said Sharon had been okay with this. You planned on calling her first thing in the morning and taking her out to brunch to talk, but Sam knew her well enough to be able to say if she was truly good or not. Just like you didn’t want to hurt her, you knew he didn’t want to either. Sam closed the space, keeping one hand in yours and using the other to trace your other arm, “I know you probably wanna take this slow and I just want you to know that I’m okay with whatever—”

“I am actually completely okay with jumping your bones right now.” You smirked.

“You—You—” Sam cleared his throat with wide eyes, “What?”

You let go of his hand and wrapped your arms around his neck. Sam immediately put his hands on your waist and lower his face to yours. You never let yourself dream about what it would feel like to kiss your soulmate, it would be too painful to even think about, but even if you had daydream about this? It would’ve paled in comparison. Sam nipped at your lower lip. You opened your mouth further, deepening the kiss, and the two of you stumbled back until Sam fell onto the couch with you straddling his lap.

You pulled away for a second, breathless, and grinned, “Oh, I am so finding Bucky’s soulmate for him.”

Sam smirked, “Girl, are you thinking about Bucky damn Barnes during our first kiss?? Because I swear to God—”

“Well, let’s go for our second kiss.” You replied, leaning into him again, “I’ll try to think of Bucky a little less.”

Sam let out a bark of laughter then shifted so you were pressed into the couch cushions with his weight holding you down. He buried his face into the crook of your neck and you suddenly understood why all those perfect, fated couples were so intertwined. Nothing felt better than being tangled in the arms of the person sharing the same red string of fate with you.

[previous chapter]

[crackedegotheories]

Making Sense of Monologues

At the beginning of Part 2 of ISWM, we see the boot up screen for the universe with some interesting information on it.

There’s a lot to break down here, but I want to focus on the list of senses below the box. Of the 6, only sight and hearing are active, which tells us two things:

1) We were completely nerfed from the start ; and

2) We don’t have ESP, but we can somehow still hear Noir!Mark’s inner thoughts, as well as Wug’s and the Bandit’s in the same universe (and they can clearly hear each other’s at times).

So what’s going on there?

I think the key is that Noir!Mark specifically refers to it as monologuing when he calls out the Bandit on listening in to his. A monologue is a long speech, as in one given by an actor in a play or movie, such as, well, a main character narrating to set the mood for the audience in a noir style story. Think like a character in a Shakespeare play giving voice to his inner thoughts for the sake of the audience while the other characters go about their business.

Yes, I know, I used the word “actor,” but stay with me, we’re not talking about that guy right now.

At other points in ISWM, we and the other characters also hear the voice of the narrator, even talking to him and potentially meeting him in person. Narration and monologues can both serve as narrative devices that normally the characters inside the story wouldn’t notice or draw attention to.

And we’ve seen this before In Space, haven’t we?

Specifically I’m talking about Wilford Motherloving Warfstache.

We heard Abe monologuing to himself before in Who Killed Markiplier, but it’s here in the car scene that we have someone in story visibly react to it.

Wilford not only responds to Abe’s monologue, he does so in the detective’s own mind, leading to the whole freakout and screaming thing before Abe decides to use a taser to skip ahead in the story to something that makes a little more sense to him.

This clearly hasn’t happened to Abe before, despite the viewer also being able to hear his monologue back in Who Killed Markiplier--although since his back was to us, it’s entirely possible he was speaking out loud without realizing it like Noir!Mark does at one point.

So why now, in this video?

Well, it’s not because Wilford gained telepathy and can suddenly read Abe’s mind. He only intrudes when Abe is actively monologuing, and I think it’s for the same reason the characters in ISWM can hear the monologues or the narrator’s voice in certain universes.

It’s not ESP or mind reading or any of that. It’s the characters becoming aware of the fact that they’re in a story, and suddenly noticing the narrative devices or conventions going on around them.

In Space it might be because jumping from one universe to another so much has begun to strain the characters’ sense of reality to the point all of this barely feels real anymore. None of this makes sense, but they try not to draw attention to it or even try to ignore the weirdness, like how Mark avoids directly calling out the narration at first. Even after being confronted with the knowledge that the entire ship is just a set and Mark is an actor, the Captain goes back into the story like nothing even happened.

In the same way, Abe occasionally notices inconsistencies (like the vape in place of the cigarette he was just holding), but doesn’t question it until he’s forced to confront the gaps in his own story.

Wilford though, Wilford knows none of this makes sense. His grip on reality was shattered a long time ago, but in turn that allows him to freely acknowledge and play with the narrative going on around him--interrupting Abe’s monologue, freely moving around when the camera’s not on him, messing with the viewer by getting them to seriously whether they might be Chica...

And it gives him the freedom to send the Captain back into their story when they go wandering off, or slap the Detective out of it when he starts to slip back into his own a little too soon.

Wilford knows what other characters at times seem to suspect--that this is all just a story. And what he reminds Abe when he gets too caught up in the details, and the Captain when they walk away from their own story in search of hidden secrets or clues, is that the whole point of the story is to relax and have some fun.

Yes, even when the multiverse is falling apart.

You know what, especially when it’s all falling apart.

[volucerrubidus]

Updated my Rules recently; there are a few new additions, so I'm going to copy/paste them here for ease of reading! If you don't feel like going through every single line to see what's new, the main section that's new is the "Disclaimers" section at the bottom. Otherwise, I've just altered wording, sorted things into categories, and tried to make everything clearer and easier to understand. Thanks everybody!

--

I am not harsh about enforcing these rules, but I will ask politely that you abide by them! They are in place to ensure that we have a good time together!

I usually hate DNIs, but I do want to make it clear: if I find out you are not pro-Palestine, I will hardblock you and move on. End of story. 

Basics:

Mun is 24. This is an 18+ blog.

Please note that if I can’t see what age bracket you’re in anywhere on your page, then I’m not taking a chance. You don’t have to disclose your age to me, but if I don’t see at least something that says you’re an adult, or over the age of 18 in some way, then I’m not going to follow back, and will softblock you. If you follow again, I will hard block you.  

RP etiquette applies. No godmodding, no metagaming, etc. Mun is not muse. Don’t assume your muse can automatically beat Tim in a fight. There’s more on combat below, but just be fair, and plot it with me beforehand.

Activity:

This blog is selective and mutuals-only. That said, I’m very likely to follow back/follow first. If you don’t follow me back in a week or two, I’ll unfollow again.

If I ever follow you a second time (or more times after that because I have memory issues and I’m not here often enough to remember urls well [I am so sorry]), I promise that I’m not trying to make you follow; it’s likely because I forgot about the first/previous time. Feel free to soft/hardblock me for your own comfort if it happens! I’ll do my best to avoid doing this. 

I am a low-activity blog; I work a full-time job, and struggle with energy and brain fog. Tim is also a finnicky muse.

Please do not pester me for replies. I will respond when I can.

Interactions:

Personals are free to follow, look, and like, but please do not reblog any of my posts.

Asks are a fantastic way to interact with me, and perhaps the best way. Often, I cannot access tumblr on the browser due to my work, so asks are something I can do on mobile at a higher frequency than threads.

If you want to continue from an ask answer, please make a separate post. If you don’t, then I will transfer to a new post on my turn.

I do not do M!A’s (magic!anons) unless I specifically reblog an M!A post– otherwise, I will not respond if you send one in.

Don’t forceship with me. Ships come from chemistry. That said, you are welcomed with open arms to tell me if you want to ship with Tim, and we can go from there! I do reserve the right to deny a ship, but if that’s the case, then I’ll work with you to plot a fun and interesting dynamic that makes us both happy!

I don’t do exclusives or mains; please don’t ask me to make you one or the other. If you do have exclusives or mains, then that’s awesome! No judgement either way; I just personally won’t have them on my blog.

Please reblog memes from the source. This is to keep my activity page easier for me to keep up with. 

Content:

I don’t rp smut.

I don’t use fancy text formatting for the sake of my own ability to proofread my writing. You are welcome to continue to use whatever text formatting you’d like, though!

I will make sure to tag any warnings that I find necessary (and upon request if I miss something!), and in turn, I ask that you please tag topics involving non-con situations. Thank you!

Communication:

If I do something you don’t like, PLEASE tell me! I want this to be fun for everyone involved, but if I don’t know that I did something you were uncomfortable with, then I can’t fix it, and thus, we are no longer mutually having fun. I know confrontation is daunting, and people have probably treated you very poorly when you tried to communicate a grievance in the past; it’s happened to me, and it’s happened to so many people I know. I will do my best to be kind, fair, open, and apologetic, and I will do what I can to help rectify the situation, no matter how big or small. Come open a dialogue; I’ll be happy to have one with you. 

I chat in the tags often.

If there’s something in a thread that you want to discuss, please come chat with me about it!

Please tell me if you want to ship! I want to know!

If you have a plot request, send it my way!

Combat between muses is going to come up often on this blog given the muse and source material. If a thread starts to go in that direction, I require that we plot out the fight before proceeding, so that we can work together to write a scene that both goes the way we need it to for plot reasons, AND goes the way we want it to for fun reasons. The only exception to this is people I’ve written with for long enough that I feel we will not accidentally step on each other’s toes during a fight.

Disclaimers:

I do not and will never ship Tim with Bruce, Dick, Jason, Cass, Duke, or Damian. If you write batcest, I don’t care, but I will not follow you. If you follow me, I’m likely to soft or hard block. The only exception to this is multimuse blogs who have muses I want Tim to interact with, or blogs that have a clear line of separation between batcest and batfamily interactions. I will be HIGHLY selective about this, though.

If you do not make it clear on your blog that you ship batcest, and then we become mutuals, and I see you suddenly start writing batcest, I will softblock you. It is not personal; I just don’t want to read that stuff on my own personal dash. I just ask for honesty. Please don’t trick me into following you; tumblr rp follower counts are not that important.

For full transparency: I do think the pro/anti debate is stupid. Those words are thrown around willy-nilly to vilify people or virtue signal, and I will not entertain that discourse on this blog. In my humble opinion, anyone can write whatever they want in fandom spaces, and I just would hope that tags are used appropriately, so that people can curate what they read or view. I personally could not care less what another writer ships; if there’s stuff I don’t wanna see, I’ll just not look for it, and I won’t follow people who write it. Simple as that.

You’ll see it in my bio too, but I want to address it here as well: I actively dislike fanon, and it will have no place in my writing of Tim. I don’t care if your muse draws from fanon—you do you—but don’t be shocked if my Tim acts surprised or confused by fanon assumptions of him (ex: if your muse brings Tim coffee to drink, he will be very confused as to why that was the choice. Tim Drake is not a coffee drinker). I am not going to gatekeep your experience with comics, and I am never going to send you anything that might make you feel bad for how you write your character. I love everyone’s interpretations, and I like seeing different takes on them! I just think it’s courteous to put this note here to be fully open and honest.

Thank you for taking the time to read through all of this; I know it’s long! I hope you have a fantastic day, and I look forward to writing with you! :D

[deadpoolunofficial]

Mobile: Rules + Guidelines

Hello, I’m Carlos. I’m in my late 20s. I’m black and I have a full-time job. I might not be as active due to my life IRL.

PSA: It is not a requirement to know what Source Material Deadpool is from. Depending on the fandom, I am interacting with, I will format his character into a new verse for that.

MUTAULS ONLY

I will only rp with mutuals. No exception!

Godmodding and metagaming will not be accepted here.

If it’s not shared IC or discussed ooc, then your character cannot know about information listed in his bio or in headcanon posts.

I won’t send any passwords. But I read all the rules! If I don’t follow you, I couldn’t find your rules!

I won’t follow back if you don’t have a rules page.

If the art isn’t mine it will be credited to the original artist.

IC does not equal OOC. My muse’s views are his own and not mine.

No smut will be written on here, though NSFW asks and questions and topics are okay.

Please be patient for replies, if you bother me to reply I will delete my part of the thread and stop interacting with you. I have a full-time job and will be tired most days. - THIS ONLY APPLIES IF YOU PESTER ME EVERY DAY. Or every hour on the hour.

Non-Roleplay/Personal blog: Do not reblog my posts, you are welcome to follow, just don't reblog rp threads.

Shipping is okay if there is chemistry, however I like to talk about things OOC! However, don’t be disheartened if I don’t think the characters are compatible.

My blog is OC and multi-fandom friendly. However, I have the right to decline your OC/Character’s connection to mine.

Things here will be tagged accordingly. Trigger warnings, OOC posts, character tags, gifs, videos, art, audio, etc, for example. THERE WILL BE NO FANCY TAGS IN THIS BLOG for the sake of practicality.

I have severe dyslexia, and I will make typos and grammatical errors. Feel free to point them out in dms, but please do not make fun of me or get mad at me for them.

Roleplay asks for the mun and the muse is welcome! I encourage it!

Do not bash me for my HCs and interpretation of my character.

Reiteration on the no drama; I do not like drama at all. If I address something that I deem drama. It will be tagged as “drama” All “drama” posts will be taken down within a few hours of their original posting.

If I DM you about something that concerns me and I want to set a boundary. I am not accusing you of ANYTHING. If you read the tone way differently than I did then that’s fair. I will never assume you are intentionally trying to hurt me or anyone else. I am only bringing it up to potentially avoid it in the future or just not have it happen again.

If what we talk about in dms makes it to tumblr without any of the original contexts, and I see you are calling me a bad person. You will be blocked. If you ever take me trying to approach you about a discomfort as bad that’s on you.

Please read - Content Warning

18+ topics will be on this blog, however no SMUT will be on this blog.

Gore, Religion, Murder, torture, Horror, body horror, and suggestive content. This is due to the “Hellverse” Au on the blog.

Heavy about depression and mental health will be present on this blog. Since Balan helped others with their mental health in his game, it’s a core part of his character.

I don't tag personal triggers. I will not and cannot keep up with everyone's personal triggers! However, if you are my friend I will be sure to trigger tag things.

I tag common triggers only.

Blacklist

While I do have triggers there aren’t many I am comfortable with sharing as I can just avoid them. However, since these few can SPECIFICALLY come up in rp. Please do not rp or talk to me about these topics. I don't care if you tag them or not. But I'm 100% likely to just not respond!

The Military - I’m ex-military, it’s an uncomfortable topic for me. I don’t joke or even talk about it.

Mass genocide - Self-Explanatory. If it’s backstory I can deal, just not in-depth topics.

Eco-fascism - This is the devaluing of human life stuff like “All humans are bad” or “Humans are disgusting"  This is uncomfortable to me, I am a minority through and through, it’s uncomfortable.

Racism - This is self-explanatory.

Fantasy Racism - I’m not a fan. It’s bad writing.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! I know the Dreamland System irl (been friends since high school) and I’ve been in the tulpa community way longer than they have. Coming up on 6 years, actually! But could you cool it with talking about them (Halberd) pls? I know they’re hospitalized at the moment but it’s unnerving to see you talking about them regularly like this. Do you think you would mind talking about something other than a traumatized vulnerable system in need of serious help?

I don’t follow you (but from tulpa to tulpa - hi!!) And honestly I don’t agree with a lot of Hal’s alters’ takes, but it just doesn’t seem right, what you’re doing. I know you don’t know them, but they were majorly traumatized and ultimately assaulted back when we were in high school which all started from people telling lies about them behind their back.

Hopefully they won’t know about what you’ve been saying here, but I just thought I’d shoot you a heads up because you might not know what they’ve gone through and how that affects them today. Even though Hal probably isn’t going to see this, I thought it would be the right thing to ask you to leave them alone for their sake. I’m really worried about them!

If it would be of any benefit, I could maybe pass along a message to them about your feelings and how their actions have affected you too! I can see how they’ve been kind of hypocritical about this, but as far as I know their concerns with racism and stuff were always about your actions and not you specifically! They’ve gotten into activism over the last few years and I can assure you while they may be misguided or misinformed, their intentions are good. From what I know from our conversations about existing as a system online, they’re mostly trying to stand up for marginalized people in the system community.

I’m not the one picking them up from the hospital, but I am a dear friend of theirs and will be in touch with them after they’ve been released. Let me know if I can pass a message along! It would do them and my own system a lot of good to see this put to rest.

(You don’t have to post this if it makes you uncomfy of course! I hope you and your host are staying safe and hydrated ❤️)

I'm sorry. I didn't know what they went through. I do... wish that they had considered their own actions before the posts they made about me for all that time, and how that can hurt others.

Anyway, I think I've gotten out most of what I needed to say and won't mention them again after this post.

This post... does also get a little venty too though, so there's your warning.

This has been... a really sucky position to be in... being attacked and smeared by someone for months, finally saying a couple small things about them, and triggering this type of reaction. I'm having to defend myself from abuse accusations, while still trying to put out fires they set and continuously stoked (the zoophilia allegations, being a major one) and still being upset at them tagging me in response to a post where I explained that tagging people makes it easier for potential harassers to get to them.

So I'm in a position where I feel like I need to share my side of the story before the attacks against me escalate and get even further out of hand.

And I feel like I need to balance all of this while... genuinely not wanting to cause this person I used to like and get along with harm.

I mean, part of the reason that I didn't address the personal attacks for so long was because I know that I have a large blog and some of my followers can be a tad overzealous. (I love this community, but when you have 1500 followers, it only takes a small percentage of them to get aggressive and decide to resort to sending people hate anons. Another reason that I generally avoid engaging with anti-endos directly. Despite them taking it as a personal offense that I often screenshot without tagging them, this is done for the protection of the people I respond to. I generally only tag these days when I deem it absolutely necessary.)

I took a small precaution with my vent post and turned off reblogs to make it less likely they'll find it. I'll turn off reblogs on this one too.

And in a perfect world, that would be enough. I blocked their accounts that weren't blocking me already. They shouldn't see my posts.

And yet I can't shake the feeling their friend group is still watching everything I say, discussing it in that server of theirs, and will probably send it directly to them once they're out. And so any precautions I take to avoid hurting them further, while still trying to defend myself, are likely moot.

As for passing on a messages about how their actions affected me... I don't know what the point is.

Why would I want you to tell somebody dealing with suicidal ideation right now how much it hurts to see someone you used to like and respect turn against you? To have them namecall and attack you constantly? All while you stay quiet because you feel like anything you say will make things worse? (And yes, it does feel extremely personal when my name is mentioned constantly on their syscourse blog.)

Maybe there was a time to have that conversation with them but that time has long since passed.

Telling them that right now doesn't seem productive at all and only causes more strife.

If their other friends do decide to show them this last vent of mine, then that's on them. I've done what I can to keep this post from getting beyond my own blog. But I'm not going to ask somebody to deliver that message to somebody who is vulnerable right now because them knowing would only serve to make me feel better.

I guess... if you want to pass on a message... tell them that I'm sorry that I hurt them... tell them that I hope they're well... and ask that they not contact me or @ me again. Maybe that sounds cold, but I genuinely believe that's going to be the healthiest thing for everyone involved.

(Actually, if you don't mind, maybe ask them to avoid any accounts that have them blocked since last I heard, they were talking about remaking their post @'ing Eeveecraft on their main blog since Eeveecraft only blocked the syscourse blog... that's very much not okay. And I certainly don't want to see them develop a habit of that.)

There. That's it. Now I've said everything I have to say on the matter.

Thank you for being a good friend to them. I'm glad they someone like you looking out for them. 💖