#i just cant care for it
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why does writing an essay make me want to die a violent death
#delete later#its my last essay#already overdue thats mb theres something wrong with me that makes me feel better if i start it after its due#but oh my god i can feel my brain melting and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww#i just cant care for it#and yet it also stresses me out so bad#i HATE WRITTTING ESSAY GAHHHHHHHFHHF#like i DONT CARE there is something missing in my brain and i can feel it whenever i have to write#like this is so simple i should be able to bs a paper without wanting to crash my bike into a bridge????what is wrong with me actually#i think i need to medicated but also if i accept that im going to have to accept that ive suffered my entire life writing for a grade#i hate myself genuinely why do id o this why do i stress this is so easy for other people its litterally my last essay hopefully ever and#its so easy this should be so easy#writing for a class makes me as suicidal as pmsing does do you understand#i also probably need to be medicated for that but i dont have insurance or time to care#I DONT CAREEE says the guy that stresses and is stressing and is yapping in tags#i hate this lol delete later probably after this fuckass essay
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maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.
#my version of a happy ending au#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing anya#anya#curly#my art#considering this game takes place in a hellscape#i imagine one of the other horrifying angles for anya was that she might not even have the rights to abort the wound#so i like to think. curly. thinking he's going to die anyway. just takes all of the medical bills from his crew#because if he lives then he'll spend his life paying it all off#and if he dies. then he takes the burden with him#but him and anya are horrible horrible parallels now. and they cant NOT care about each other#he'll turn himself into the horse. he'll be the beast of burden. anything he said. anything#and for once he actually means it.
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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been trying to get back into animation
original gif below ^^ teehee!
#F slur#reclaimed f slur#You wanna know the worst part abt this#this is the first finished animation ive made in like 5+ yrs#animation#turbo#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#king candy#king candy wir#king candy wreck it ralph#Idk why i locked in so hard HEHRHEHHAHA😭😭😭😭😭😭 i just kept on adding more and more until it became This#abomination#i was even gonna make the background more polished and everything but then i was like Wait i actually dont care#this was so fun to make ouggjghhhmhmgjjdf i forgot how fun animation was!!!!!!😢😢😢 definitely going to be making more in da future#this was very experimental i just love putting myself on grinding duty and qorking on something like this for hours straight#i am so learning bros#ill post frames tomorrow bc its midnight and idk how many ppl are gonna see this rn but i cant just not post it immediately#wreck it ralph#silly time 🐛🐛🐛#my art! 🎨
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palestine is in a complete and utter blackout with israel launching hundreds of its heaviest airstrikes so far across gaza. this is a mass slaughter and we won't even know the extent of the casualties until it's over; israel have cut off telecommunications so they can commit their atrocities in the dark. there is a genocide happening right in front of our eyes and every person who has ever defended israel's "right to defend itself" has the blood of palestinians on their hands. we cannot ignore what is one of the most devastating massacres in human history.
#i don't even have the words ive never felt this sick to my stomach before#and people are just posting abt their fucking halloween costumes or a new album drop like im sorry but i cant even understand how#anyone can possibly not care about whats going on.#palestine#free palestine
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double victory, was it? (it doesn't feel like one)
i saw a post about 3L!Grian meeting SL!Scar, but since SL!scar never died i figured he can't see any of the winners nor join them before the next session, and they appear before him as shadows. also, i thought 3L!Grian would be really happy to see a scenario where scar didnt die by his hand and actually won.
❀ bonus sketch ☘
#someone has probably done this before but i. dont. care. i wanted to draw scarian angst anyway#i dont do well with lore but my braincells are trying their best#trafficshipping#scarian#desertduo#trafficblr#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#3rd life smp#third life#secret life#watcher grian#grian fanart#goodtimeswithscar fanart#mcyt#my art#also sorry. i rewatched grians finale ep and howd he go from TRAITOR! to oh no i cant kill you :(#how could you FOLD that QUICKLY . im baffled lol#also i just had to say secret life red life scar skin. so beautiful#and lilacs and poppies? i know theyre scarian flowers at this point but to me its very grian#like wearing that on your outfit... sir sl!scar do you even remember what those flowers mean. are you yearning for something u dont remembe#im going insane#and here I THOUGHT im not going to get into any ships. im a clown#AU - Shadow Winners
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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with the pain scale poll making the rounds on chronic illness tumblr, i DO want to add the caveat that you Generally Should Not use that scale with unfamiliar doctors.
like, if you gotta go to urgent care or the ER for something related to your illness. Do Not Use A Reasonable Scale.
on the scale i wrote, a 5 (exact middle of the scale) means, "i am actually crippled from this pain and unable to live my life normally, BUT i retained the ability to drive here and walk inside unassisted."
PEOPLE WITHOUT CHRONIC ILLNESS REPORT THAT AS A 10.
for the majority of people without chronic pain, ANY pain that's significant enough to go to urgent care counts as a 10. i've been reliably told by EMTs and paramedics and nurses that they often get answers of "11" or "700" when asked to rate between 1 and 10.
when a doctor hears you say 5, they think, "ah, so this pain is mild and not distressing. it's just a little annoying." ie: about a 2 on the scale i wrote.
always, always, ALWAYS up your estimate by 3 or 4 points when you're interacting with a new doc. you MUST communicate, "this is urgent and needs urgent attention."
assume everyone else gives a 10 when they've badly pulled a muscle in their lower back. adjust your estimate around that.
#cant in good conscience NOT say this since we're on the autism website & the overlap with autism and chronic illness is so real.#That Scale Is Not Prescriptive.#medical#sidenote if you have a very good doctor who's familiar with you then you can adjust#at one point i had a doc with whom i was honest about things being like a 7 when they were severely disabling.#as a result... the one and only time i ever told her i was at a 10. she was immediately like okay. i am prescribing opioids Right Now.#no question about it no worries about whether i was 'really' in pain and no concerns about drug-seeking. just immediate medical care#what a blessing. having a doctor like that is a privilege though!#chronic illness#chronic pain#autoimmune tag#ehlers danlos life#etc
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*Jazz voice*: "Guys, I think Drift has a crush on our Doctor."
#that tfone dratchet au#drift sweetie take a big vent#he is just a little cogless miner who isnt used to bots taking care of him#ratchet is in full work-mode#tiny cogless miners#transformers#tf ratchet#tf drift#dratchet#tf dratchet#transformers one#tf one#i still cant decide on cogless drifts design#but meh i will figure it out#raise your servos if you wanna see more of them#maccadams#transformers fanart
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time travel au where liu qingge and shen qingqiu (yuan) end up accidentally traveling a decade back in time before luo binghe was amitted to qing jing peak and before shen qingqiu had his qi deviation, but after their generation has risen to peak lords.
which means, shen yuan realizes quickly, as they're accosted by said peak lords, that he will have to face shen jiu.
as they're being cleared for demonic energy and the likes, mu qingfang of course instantly detects the poison without a cure eating away at shen yuan's meridians. liu qingge pulls a copy of the treatment plan out of his sleeve (shen yuan blushes a bit, did liu qingge always keep that on hand?), and just like in the current timeline, they agree to keep it under wraps.
shen jiu tries various times to get a moment alone with shen yuan, but he never quite manages because liu qingge is there, who is also... nice?? to him?? for some reason?? shen jiu gets a bit flustered at the solemn politeness and skitters off.
it comes out pretty quickly that shen yuan has "memory loss", and thus can't remember anything that's currently taking place in this time. shen yuan expects scorn, hatred and disdain from shen jiu, expects to be grabbed and interrogated, to arouse suspicion.
but shen jiu looks....... sad???
being transported here threw shen yuan's qi off-balance (even liu qingge had to sit down, which means it's bad), and his cultivation is already so unstable, so when the peak lords are all squabbling and arguing and threatening and raising their voice, he can feel his body shut down. he sees yue qingyuan start to move towards him, which, knowing the future yue qingyuan, he really isn't up for right now—but before the sect leader can get to him someone else is at his back, transferring him qi, holding him up gently by his shoulders, then coaxing him up, leading him outside
shen yuan's been fed qi by every peak lord at least once. he doesn't recognize this one. that means it can only be one person.
he looks up. it's shen jiu.
and it's bizarre, getting fussed over by the scum villain, having gentle hands run along his back, his hair, that clear, soothing voice calming him down. and somehow shen jiu knows exactly what to do?? somehow it works perfectly on him?? it's almost as if shen jiu has known him his whole—
oh.
bodies, like homes, hold memories, even if the original occupants are no longer there. it's the milestone marks on the doorpost that chart a child's growth, blurry photographs faded by time, scuffed floors from well-walked paths, and tiny holes in the walls where pictures once hung.
shen jiu takes him to the bamboo house, pours him tea, and asks, calmly, what he remembers from their childhood.
it's not his childhood, so shen yuan doesn't actually remember anything, but the body he's in does. the memories it holds are emotional rather than visual; he remembers being alone, scared, and hungry. he remembers anger, pain. a dark room. loud voices. he remembers his heart skipping a beat when heavy boots stomp his way. the sound of a whip.
he doesn't have to lie. the memories aren't his own, and they're from long ago, which means shen jiu has them too. and, he supposes, this is his only chance to find out what really happened.
but shen jiu doesn't say anything about it. he just nods and stares, intensely. then he asks shen yuan if he remembers yue qingyuan. shen yuan says no, he doesn't. the conversation takes a very strange turn after that. shen yuan can't help but feel a little queasy when shen jiu asks him if yue qingyuan has taken advantage of his memory loss.
"has he come into your home? has he brought you gifts, sweets? does he invite you for tea? did you accept?"
he has. shen yuan doesn't know why that would be a problem, the sect leader has been nothing but kind and helpful and patient. and generous, too.
when he says yes shen jiu looks furious.
liu qingge (his one) comes to pick him up, and his time with shen jiu is cut short. somewhere he's glad, cuddling into liu qingge's back as he holds him while they fly. he feels a little bad for yue qingyuan, knowing he's probably caused a big fight, but it doesn't sit right with him. he wishes he knew what happened.
.
liu qingge, meanwhile, is having the time of his life fighting himself. it's good practice!
#shen bros but its future and past but actually its shen jiu and shen yuan#shen jiu is angry that yue qingyuan keeps trying to get in knowing that sqq can't remember why they fell out btw#i love a protective shen jiu<3#hes still a hissy bitch to everyone else dont worry. i just think he should experience some self love#it would be a healing experience i think#to have him take care of a vulnerable version of himself#something something healing his inner kid#yue qingyuan tries to spoil the new xiao jiu too (he cant help it)#but shen jiu goes mama bear on him (growling biting mauling)#also shen yuan's closeness with liu qingge obvs starts a rumor that they're dating#so theres that too#svsss au#time travel au#svsss time travel au#shen yuan#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#liu qingge#yue qingyuan#shen bros#scum villain#scum villian’s self saving system
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katsuki hides his face in your neck when he gets embarrassed. that’s it send tweet.
#and not even like cutely too hes a fucking NUISANCE#like he’ll literally shove his head in there making full contact w ur chin too#And he does not care if you whine about it he’ll just grumble and squeeze you so u cant get away#and if hes feelin like an asshole (which is all the time) he’ll bite you#you’ll pay for making him feel this shame#Its all your fault he feels like this anyway so..🤷🏾♀️#hes just gettin his lick back#stupid dumb idiot#random katsuki thing on yr foreheads#i lub him smuch#bakugou katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugo fluff#bakugou imagine#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou katuski x reader#bakugou fluff#bakugo katsuki x reader
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage
you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out
"i'm calling shepherd"
his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books: to go up the chain. that goes against everything we've seen him do. he bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns
he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer. there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends
nothing's happened yet
it doesn't have to go this way
but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy
he doesn't hesitate
it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from
only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat
and somewhere along the line, between civilians’ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for
"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"
he's learned the price of trust
just like ghost did
but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath
"good advice, It"
#im gonna add these to my notfics on ao3 i think i have a Lot of these floating around#a bit shorter than my other metas but i think its something that gets missed when people talk about alone#soap is a violent man#his career literally trains him to shoot first ask questions later#and yet he still tries his best to avoid blood when faced with betrayal#and you realise it actually does fit him#soap cares about the men he serves with#he wants to save the men at the crash site he checks on a downed soldier he asks about civilians about alejandros family#hes very tuned into the people around him#and he cant turn that off until hes forced to#until graves gives him a reason to hate him#and all of that previous care and consideration goes out the window#‘makes me want to commit a few war crimes of my own’#dont cross soap#you want like what happens if you do#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#meta#phillip graves#graves cod#save post
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siffrin starts the game with oddly empty pockets for a rogue who has a habit of stashing away every little trinket that isn't nailed down
and a hardy pocketwatch is an indispensable tool for oceanic navigation
#loop slinking off from the other half of the party to go jump a random rival rogue before The Morality Squad can get on their ass#anyway this is once again me playing with How To Do Comics Literally At All. no real deeper message just a random ficlet basically#ALSO YEAH. MAP MEN LINK. YOU FIND ANOTHER CONSISE EXPLAINER ON THE CHRONOMETER LOL#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat odile#isat loop#lucabyteart#the compass is there mostly to make the pocket watch navigation thing more obvious + because i like the staging of loop presenting 2 items#big dipper/polaris is the most basic choice to get across NAVIGATORY USE OF CONSTELLATIONS but . beggars cant be choosers#also the return of the Vague Postcanon Loop Outfit. love to just put them in a vague toga or whatever.#implication wrt odile's questioning is they still havent come clean about anything. but she's got suspicions.#theyre playing Truth Confession Chicken. psychological warfare#+ bonus artist's insight: loop odile up top there is me channelling the pop team epic GOGOGO DANGER ZONE comic#[odile voice] careful. danger zone. [loop voice] but i love danger zone.......
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JULIA. JULIA YOU DID NOT HAVE TO GO THIS HARD. JULIA WHAT THE HELL. DOWN TO THE GRAFFITI AND THE POSTERS SO THAT WE CAN IMPLY THINGS ABT MIDNIGHT ALLY WITH. OH MY GOD. AND THAT ONE PART WITH THE PUSHING IN THE CHAIRS????? ISTG IK ITS A SMALL THING BUT MY GRANDMOTHER OWNS THOSE CHAIR AND HOW LOVINGLY RENDERED THE SCRATCHES ON THE TABLE ARE. JULIA I AM IN AWE. HOLY FUCK.
#you can also really tell how loving and beautiful the community is in this bc all of the aid that is offered#even in the play area!!! there was a lil poster that said pls tell us if u need mobility assistance like the little things!!!#so much love and care was put into this I just CANT#julia lepetit#drawfee#drawtectives#drawtectives spoilers#drawtectives season 3#drawtectives s3
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That omake of little Kabru not being able to show off his howetown sweets because of Misril gets to me a lot so...
Here's a happier Kabru (and Lairu)
#kabru#lairu#labru#laios#dungeon meshi#my art#my fanart#fanart#idk why i resort to fluffy fanart even tho i keep thinking and seeing gag/hornt lairu stuff#kabru is just so.. fascinating and actually endlessly tragic#i kinda like that ryoko kui doesnt try to over-explain or dramatize her characters that have tragic backstories. it makes her world that-#-much more believable and realistic. that being said i will devour more kabru stories from her#i kinda cant stop thinking abt kabru (and to an extent lairu)#ik in Lairu/Labru fanart Kabru is usually depicted as humorously in denial guy#but i see it everywhere and it made me think more of their more understanding phase in the epilogue#maybe laios is ooc here but i think he will also warm up to human connection now that he actually has people he cares abt around him#(and maybe because kabru is teaching him tips and trick to be a Normal Guy lmao)#im also not very good at humor so theres only so much i can do with gag lairu 😂
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