#i just assumed it had to do with gay people
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A lot of this as true but as a cis guy who's been assumed to be queer since before i knew i was queer and has long hair, which normally wouldnt even be something i'd bring up, but this is something ive experienced due to being really short and having long hair but i wanna refer to number 3
3. That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men.
Idk if you've had to be around these fucks but let me tell you, men like this act like im not a man. every day i wear a mask i get called maam even when ive got a beard spilling out of the edges of my mask. (got called mamacita at a taco truck the other day while having to pick up a dashing order. thats new) But growing up, i was the punching bag. Didnt matter if i was agreeing with everything they said, did, or even hyped them up. I was the punching bag. Ive had my hair lit on fire while driving, beat up multiple times, bullied until i started fighting back. you could say it was just shitty high school guys but then we get into adulthood. When you become older but still dont even clear the national average men dont look at you the same. im still a target to these people just because of my look, and not even the hair. I got assaulted, by a straight man, while i was checking the oil in my car. My hair wasnt down, wasnt wearing feminine clothing, doing autowork checks. And guess what when i freaked out because some random guy came up behind me and started grabbing at my chest he backed up and then freaked out i was a guy and was threatening to beat me up because i was "tricking him" call me a coward i just ran off. You can call out your friends sure, and sometimes it might work in a social group setting. but i guarantee you youll just stop getting invited instead of behavior being corrected. this is said already but the men these men listen to arent gonna do this, and you might be able to change some minds with words. But as someone who pays attention to shit, words dont do shit. actions do though. if you wanna fix this problem its not gonna be the tiny little gay guy these men wanna beat the shit out of that they are gonna listen to.
at some point something else but words is gonna have to be done and as a man i wish i could figure something out but because of both my sexuality and my unchangeable features of my body im basically excluded by most any "masculine" guys.
I dont have an answer, i wish i did but i dont
But i will say its gonna take actions, not just words, for these sacks of patriarchal dung to take themselves to the trash can or clean themselves up.
If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.
"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.
Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.
Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.
You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."
Problem with that being:
1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.
2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.
3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.
4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.
I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.
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Vanity Fair Interview for the Hollywood Issue (2024)
In the last 13 months or so, Jonathan Bailey has carried on a secret gay love affair in McCarthy-era Washington, performed cunnilingus in a Regency England manor, rendered teenage boys speechless with a pop-philosophy lecture, and danced through life in a prince’s bedazzled breeches. This coming summer, he’s fleeing dinosaurs.
That would be in, respectively: Fellow Travelers, Bridgerton, Heartstopper, Wicked, and Jurassic World Rebirth. But even if he’s just pretended to do all those things, it’s understandable why Bailey is, right now, pinking his nose at a villa in Puglia.
“It is just so dreamy to be able to chill out,” he says via Zoom. “The cortisol levels have depleted.”
Playing Fiyero in Wicked was a dream come true for Bailey, who at one point in our conversation fantasizes about going to a Broadway rave with his castmates—he refers to Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo as simply “the girls”—and dancing to techno remixes of Wicked tracks, like “Defying Gravity,” under pulsating green lasers.
After filming the two-part movie with the girls, he’s nabbed an Emmy nod for Fellow Travelers and started a charity, the Shameless Fund, to uplift the LGBTQ+ community he’s proud to be a part of.
We’re thrilled to have Bailey as part of our 2025 Hollywood Issue. Here, he shares his thoughts on being a change agent in Hollywood, how he chooses roles, and the secret talent that he wishes he’d kept a secret.
Vanity Fair: What a run! How are you feeling?
Jonathan Bailey: I’m very much enjoying my holiday. But the girls started rehearsing Wicked, what, two and a half years ago? I think people assume that I haven’t had any breaks, but I have. Also, we had the strike right in the middle. What was crazy is going from Fellow Travelers to Wicked, just insane.
The Wicked movie is so close to the stage show that if you’re a big fan, you’re not going to be like, “Well, I can’t believe they…” It hews so closely, how could you complain there? But that flip. Are you a secret tumbler?
I remember I’d flown back from Canada and then I was filming Bridgerton. I met the girls then, and they were well and truly underway. I remember going to the dressing rooms, and theirs were pink and green and were just spilling into the hallway. And mine was just an interrogation room with nothing.
But I did spend the whole day with [choreographer] Chris Scott and went from Chris Scott to see [musical writer] Stephen Schwartz, and it was just, for me, boot camp days. You just lean on the amazing choreographers and obviously [director] Jon M. Chu’s vision. So when it came to the beginning of “Dancing Through Life,” I felt like it had to be sort of a flair and sort of performative, but hopefully in a way that was just with abandon and not arrogance. I did gymnastics growing up and I did dancing. I was the only boy within a whatever-mile radius. And because I was a boy and I was dancing, whenever the Royal Shakespeare Company wanted to cast someone, they called. It was dancing that got me into acting. And in dance school—not school, but a hobby club—they had acrobatics, which I was obsessed with. So I had, and still do have, a very bendy back, as shown in Wicked.
I’m a big fan of Heartstopper, the books and then the show; I loved the comic. Was that something that you sought out, or they were like, “Hey, we need someone who’s so handsome that he sends multiple people into a crisis”?
I sort of wedged myself into that part. I was so moved by the series and also the graphic novel.
And, of course, doing Bridgerton—it’s funny what comes with doing a lot of press, and suddenly there’s a lot that people want to know about you, and there’s a lot that’s asked of you that, obviously, in any other industry, you wouldn’t have to talk about. So I was hyperaware of the complexities and nuances of how I felt about myself being a gay man, let alone a gay actor, and suddenly finding success in playing a straight part and talking about that. Heartstopper seems to allow people to feel catharsis and to feel a sort of melancholic sort of nostalgia for what could have been. I was feeling all of those things anyway. And [executive producer] Patrick Walters is really good friends with Josh Cole, who produced Crashing, so it is all a bit of a small world.
I love the cast. I think they’re brilliant. I remember seeing all of them speak to their own experiences and being like, My God, they’re so erudite and grounded and thoughtful and kind and compassionate in their answers. I would be really proud of myself if I could be a part of that as my younger self. Everyone above the age of 40 should be forced to watch it.
Do you think that Hollywood is more open to risk than it used to be? So many of these projects wouldn’t have existed 10 years ago.
Yeah. And with huge budgets and [the] trusting of Universal and Donna Langley and Peter Cramer, obviously they just got the right people, with Marc Platt, and they took their time. That’s the common denominator between these things: Fellow Travelers took 10 years to percolate and run its way in his genius, genial brain, and then four years to commission. Wicked, I think they’ve been trying to make a film of it for over 10 years. With Jurassic as well, this time they’re going back to David Koepp, the original writer of the original film, and Gareth [Edwards] is shooting on film.
I’m going to crack on with the work and I’m just incredibly excited for opportunities. I do think that as long as the work is good, anyone should be able to do the job. And I think that’s what’s changed. I obviously did not imagine myself in this sort of career, so that must be a sign of progress.
Do you get recognized out and about a lot? You’re in all these properties now that have such intense fan bases.
It’s funny—obviously, you do get recognized, but the Bridgerton of it all is really interesting, because it’s one thing to be on a show that is national, but I feel like I was more recognized outside of the UK than in the UK. It takes time to adjust to, it really does. It’s not an easy thing, but it also is amazing.
Do you have any secret talents? You already said that flipping is your party trick.
Yeah, I think that, and I was going to say dexterous toes…
What do you do with them?
…. but I would regret that, so I didn’t say it.
But then you did. What can you do with them that makes you so sure they’re dexterous?
Nothing about this goes well...I just remember entertaining my sisters by being able to pick things up with my toes, but like a monkey. But we probably don’t need to put that in writing.
Physical therapists, I’m sure, hail you.
I did ballet for ages, and I’ve only as an adult found out I’ve got very flat feet. Doing Fiyero, I learned that. And the physio one day walked in because my knees were twanging, and across the room he went, “You got flat feet.”
Your big secret: flat feet.
Yeah, that’s my party trick as well.
Revealed. Do you consider yourself to be a rule follower or a rule breaker? Are you afraid of getting in trouble?
I’m not a rule breaker, I just don’t really adhere. Do you know what I mean? If someone says, don’t do that, I won’t not do it. Probably people would always have said I was probably quite naughty.
You have a philanthropy, the Shameless Fund. Can you tell me about what inspired you to start that?
I’ve always found it is impossible to talk about this without sounding like an asshole, but it’s something that I do think about: opportunities for other people. And I also see where there’s an abundance of energy, whether that be money or creative, that could be siphoned off into other areas.
With the Shameless Fund particularly, there were certain commercial opportunities that were coming my way that I just wasn’t interested in because they just didn’t feel right, or I didn’t want to be stepping into [them]. I’m hoping next year we’re going to start giving out grants, in 2025.
Whom will the grants be going to?
Well, we’ve got three that we are certain on, nonprofits and charities that work internationally and locally in the UK for areas of the LGBT+ community, to educate and elevate. Hopefully, we’ll get to a point where we can offer smaller nonprofits a platform.
The three weeks after Bridgerton came out, there were so many requests from charities that I found it so upsetting and distressing because I wanted to do all of them. “Can you come to this thing, or can you speak, or can you send a shoe, or could you send a bag? Could you sign a script?” So this is also a way where you can work with multiple groups, become a bit of a patron.
Is there anyone who you feel reached back and helped you along in your career too?
Theater directors massively. Ian McKellen was wildly amazing, and I did King Lear with him. He was one of the first people to come to see me when I did Cock on the West End, and we went for a drink afterwards. He was so clear about how it might play out, and should it play out that way, what to be excited about and what to be aware of. I couldn’t wish for a better role model.
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#jonathan bailey#jonny bailey#interviews#interviews:2024#vanity fair hollywood issue interview#vanity fair#NEW!
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Mini-headcanon: Cordelia was a theater kid when she was younger. She told Whizzer this once, and he couldn't help but comment that she'd been a thespian lesbian. The two of them were the only ones who found it funny-
#the first time i heard the word thespian when i was younger#i just assumed it had to do with gay people#finally got to bring that full circle here#falsettos#falsettos headcanons#whizzer brown#cordelia falsettos#the lesbians next door
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For what it’s worth, coming from the future where it seems that we have counted all the votes, Harris ended up with 71.8 million votes, and Trump ended up with 75.1 million. A difference of 81 in 2020 vs almost 72 in 2024 is still a concerning difference, though Trump only had a 1 million votes lead relative to his 2020 outing (taking the 2020 numbers above at face value, and using the AP results for the 2024 count).
That is still a concerning loss in voters relative to what happened in 2020, and I’d even go as far as to say that the metaphorical blood will partially be on their hands assuming Trump does some of the awful stuff he’s been saying he wants to do.
But also they aren’t the only people who will have that blood on their hands. Another, definably larger group who is also to blame would be the party and voters for the “transgenderism must be eradicated” party. The party that’s been doing the gay panic again, only this time for trans people.
However, there’s one more group that will have blood on their hands. This is the group that I also think is most worthy of being questioned, most worthy of being accountable for their actions, most worthy of us using all peaceful means we have to let them know that we’re tired of their shit: The Democratic Party leadership that got us here. I feel they dropped the ball, in the sense that:
* they tried to run Biden, a man who’s presidency was getting more and more unpopular
* When he dropped out (probably too late) instead of letting dem voters vote for a different candidate, they just chose one for us and let us have her
* the candidate they chose for us didn’t really do enough to distance itself from the unpopular current Biden presidency
* they failed to address the problems like inflation that much of the average, not very locked in voter is getting hit hard by (personally I feel Trump was able to spread confident bullshit on the topic, despite having worse policy, which evidently tricked enough people)
It strikes me a little wrong to place all the blame on the individual voters who didn’t vote dem in 2024 who might have in 2020. Seems more productive to question the actions of the democratic leadership, and where their campaign fell flat and why. Or to go for the weirder systemic thing, why the Republican Party can just keep getting away with scapegoating minorities instead of actual policy.
Or in other words, there’s so many more productive routes to go with your anger at a Trump 2024 win then at the 9 million former dem voters.
Just so people know, in 2020 Trump got 74 million votes. He currently has 72 million. Biden got 81 million in 2020, Kamala has 67 million. There were not more people who voted for Trump, he didn’t have a crazy turn out this year. 15 million people who voted in 2020 didn’t vote this year. 15 million people abstained from voting. This, everything that happens next, is their fault.
#to be clear I don’t think I align with being a democrat per se#but if the 2016 2020 and 2024 elections have taught me anything#voting blue is going to be the safest bet for myself and the marginalized people I care about#At least for as long as the electoral college exists and as long as most states don’t yet have ranked choice voting
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hello :) could you maybe explain a little bit how dan wootton blackmailed louis?
ugh sorry for taking a while to get to this. The problem is I feel like the only two ways to answer this are by spending a week and a half of full time labor sifting through old posts and evidence to get every detail right and lay out an airtight case, or to halfass something very serious, and so I felt a little stuck. So since I can't seem to find a good halfway point, apologies but here is the half assed version, if you want to get into it more I invite you to do your own deep dive or talk to other people, but here's how I remember things. Louis has almost never on video explicitly said things about Larry not being real and/or anything negative about fans and their theories (mostly the opposite), up until the last couple years when he obviously decided to make a major change he didn't talk about Freddie much at all let alone saying he was his kid, honestly not that much about Eleanor even; except for in two major interviews with Dan Wootton, each of which lined up with a serious traumatic Tomlinson family event that they managed to keep out of the tabloids until the very end (Jay's illness and Fizzy's struggles with substance abuse). After the fact of those events a lot of small things that didn't make sense at the time came together to look very much like Louis traded those interviews (and those answers) for having his family's private matters kept private. Story trading of this kind is a publicly known real thing that happens, and there were various clues that suggested he was being leaned on about those stories to lend legitimacy to the idea that it was something that happened in these cases. Given what we know about Dan Wootton and how he operates even before the recent flood of information and even more now, I think it's more than likely that he has been holding the threat of outing Louis (as he has done to many other public figures) over his head for over a decade, and has used his family's tragic struggles to get Louis to dance like a fucking puppet for him and I will REJOICE at his downfall when it comes whether it is now or 20 years from now... because someday it will, he has made too many enemies to stay above it forever
#I did start to try to deep dive before I realized it was too much#but I was reminded that when Louis was doing txf as a judge while fizzy was struggling#many people thought he had been pressured somehow into it; later when we knew what had been going on people were like#oh maybe he just wanted to be close to home to deal with fizzy stuff or somethng#but also: keeping fizzy stuff quiet would potentially be the info we didn't have at that time that could answer that q too of what they use#given the DW🤝simon jones🤝simon cowell cursed connections#(for the newbies: simon jones aka DWs bestie is Louis' publicist for no apparent reason even now long after he has gotten free of the rest#of the modest/syco/simon cowell shitshow)#anyway another example of story trading in our fandom is zayn's baby sister's teen pregnancy#which was known to the fandom early on but kept super quiet by respectful fans- during this time Z did some unprecedented actual interviews#for no obvious reason#and then iirc pretty much the day she turned 17 a very lowkey article reported on her marrying her bf and mentioning a pregnancy#but as if it was recent not like 7 months along#and even when she gave birth soon after it was all kind of... glossed over and around and not reported until a little later#blah blah blah#I felt like it was weird to talk about this for some reason but when I thought about it#I don't know if it matters. Like maybe talking about him not being a dad and being gay or whatever at all is bad#but assuming we're doing that anyway. why not talk about the struggles around that#and the creeps holding it over his head#dan wootton
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so im taking that oil painting class rn right. i mentioned wanting to paint something original instead of just copying a reference bc that's all the teacher has had me doing so far and he agreed I'm probably ready and went off on this whole tangent about how i shouldn't be nervous to try to do something more original and creative and how he'll show me some original stuff his friends have painted and had shown in galleries etc etc, and... I think somehow he's been assuming that the reason I've been painting realistic stuff directly from photo refs is because that's the kind of art I like to do and that I'm nervous about trying something else??? instead of what he's been telling me to do?
which is really funny to me because apart from this class I haven't 1:1 copied a reference for years, I just haven't gone out of my way to show him any art I make in my own time because this is like a professional full-time oil painter who has paintings in galleries and shit, real high-brow art stuff, and idk how to tell him that left to my own devices I draw video game fanart and dragons and furry commissions and gay sex and cringe and i dont want to draw other things
#the temptation to make an ultrakill oil painting is really strong#i think it would be really funny#everyone else in there is making their art school portfolios or smth. pan over to me painting a robot and angel making out#trust me if my mom hadn't signed herself up for this and then not had the time to go i would NOT be here#side note why do ppl assume that if i know how to paint from photos very realistically then that's what i ENJOY drawing???#and vice versa why do ppl act surprised when they see my personal art and then find out i can do realistic painting (looking at u mom)#“why dont u paint like that all the-” because its not fun!! fuck off#my mom's so convinced me or my sister are one day gonna be the kind of professional artists where ppl pay thousands for a single super#realistic painting and that we're gonna have shit in art galleries and whatnot. just a weirdly outdated view of what “artist” can mean#and its like. but i dont want to do that. iwant to draw video games and gay people and do whatever i want forever. eat my entire ass
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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ive had such an…. interesting day today 😇 anyway how are you all <3
#ranting in the tags btwws!!!!!#so me and coworker became pretty good friends recently and im more comfortable talkingto her cuz#we’re both lesbians and i dont like talking to men (we work at a gym so its a big male population)#also shes 4 years older than me so to her im like a little kid and shes like an older sister#but my other coworker (my manager) talked to her thinking that i had a crush on her and that she was ENCOURAGING my crush#I DO NOT LIKE THIS GIRL BTW !!!! like we’re genuinely just friends and its so annoying cuz#ive worked here for a few months now and im finally kinda coming out my shell and being comfortable with my coworkers#and people are only like recently finding out im gay (u could probably tell tho i have gay face bad…😭)#so it just gives they only think i like her cuz im gay and like any girl that i interact with#and apparently i look at her a certain way that gives i have a crush… MIND U THIS PERSON HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE#IF I HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE SO IM CONFUSED???#also generally speaking i really hate being accused of liking someone especially when i DONT like them because why would you even think that#especially being gay people just assume i like every girl i interact with FUCK OFFFFF#anyway. i didn’t mean to rant like that but yeah#kiwi talks …♡ᵎᵎ
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…sometimes I just. Think about. How literal siblings get stuck with rumors they’re dating, and m-f friendships often don’t get a chance to truly start or develop because of the strain those assumptions and pressure causes…
…while literal same-gender and aspec-affirming couples get slapped with “like siblings” this and “just really good friends” that.
And then how this gets even more reductive with infighting like “m-f friendships can only occur when one of them is homosexual,” or aspecs picking at eachother over rep until it’s a very specific type of aroace on the aroace spectrum of the aspec spectrums (and nobody’s actually happy), and of course fanon ships pitted against gen-no-ships…
…and how everyone just ends up feeling stressed out and invalidated. Because anything—and I do mean anything—that doesn’t fit neatly inside of the heteronormative narrative of “men and women can’t be friends, men and women must be romantically involved, people of the same gender and/or aspec/any other queer identity(ies) must never date.”
And how it makes the queers and cichets alike absolutely miserable.
#tiger’s musings#…that post about The Gay Birds and conservatives losing their fucking minds#and how many times I’ve had people Just Assume or Consistantly Forget my brother and I are dating…not helped by we look Nothing alike#and just. the utter BULLSHIT I have gone through to guard friendships and the chance to even be friends at all#and often wondering why I’m even doing this…besides the Good Men are often timid and This Problem Will Exist Everywhere#so…either I fight. or I remain isolated.#…but I’m so tired of fighting.#and. nevermind when emotions aren’t so Clearcut. it’s not even worth mentioning when THIS. Friendship AT ALL.#just can’t be allowed to exist. gets scrutinized to death when it finally DOES like a dandelion growing through pavement#but without that resiliency. especially when I get tired of being the one to fight for it#or if the other party ever is…I’m so so weary of them all being silent about it#just. let friendships and queer relationships EXIST already#and let them be ‘complicated’ too
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It’s wild how so many people are fundamentally incapable of recognizing queer characters unless they explicitly say the words, “I’m gay” on screen
#like season 1 and 2? sure maybe you can overlook Will’s queercoding and believe it’s just a result of the bully’s homophobia#season 3 is a huge stretch but it’s hypothetically possible to believe will is just a late-bloomer or asexual#but how on earth do you watch season 4 and still genuinely have no idea will is gay?#and this is not a rare occurrence#it’s astonishing how many people you have to literally explain the van scene to cause Will’s sexuality never crossed their mind#you didn’t see him staring longingly at his best friend the entire season?#some people’s minds are so aggressively heteronormative that they assumed will had a crush on el#and even after noah has explained that will is gay 50 million times#people still are confused and think it came out of nowhere or they quickly forget#somewhere there’s a fan who doesn’t keep up with stranger things news and doesn’t really use social media#a fan who is the exact opposite of chronically online#who hasn’t heard about NOAH coming out let alone Will’s sexuality#who will walk into season 5 and be utterly flabbergasted when Will comes out as gay (let alone when Byler happens)#and they’ll say that Will being gay is a huge plot twist they never saw coming#and they’ll be 100% sincere#and that’s truly baffling to me#do people think shows just randomly include melodramatic rain fights where ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’ is said for no reason?#do people think the show went out of its way to show wills rejecting the attractive girl in his class cause they were in a silly goofy mood?#I genuinely wanna know what goes on through people’s heads when they have no gaydar or media literacy#even today there are people who still think romantic stobin should happen and think that Robin isn’t really a lesbian#will byers#byler
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,
#it’s crazy to me that people are just fully expect gay eddie to happen when there just#hasn’t been any build up to it at all#even buck and tommy had a brief moment in the episode before 7x04#like it’s one thing to think it’s possible (i don’t really because i’m pretty sure ryan has no interest in playing queer eddie)#but to just like. assume it’s going to?#people are reallyyyy setting themselves up huh#people do remember that chris is still gone and he still very much has unresolved issues related to shannon right?#right???#it’s funny how fast certain shippers will just forget chris’s existence when it doesn’t serve them lmao#eddie has way too much shit going on for it to be about that lmao#buck and tommy might break up in 8x06 who knows#i don’t think they will but that’s a much more reasonable assumption than#assuming this show targeted at 30-50 year olds is gonna do another coming out arc a second season in a row with the last single straight+#character they have left#like this isn’t iwtv or even spn#please be aware of what you’re watching and what ryan has been teasing this whole time through interviews i beg#anyway#i only follow a handful of b*ddie shippers anymore so i see the occasional post from That side#and i’m concerned how they’re gonna lash out when they inevitably don’t get what they want lmao
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i really dont want this to come across as homophobic but i have lifelong issues with tone so if it does can someone tell me and ill fix it!
so i have spent the last 4 years of my life coming out as a straight person. sounds stupid.
but basically i have had so many dating rumours surrounding me and my friends that i used to get asked at least once a week if i was gay. i dont know what im doing thats making everyone think im dating my friends but apparently i do it to everyone. i have been the queer awakening for several of my close friends who fell in love with me and through that discovered that they liked girls.
all of that is fine and i can deal with it. im happy to keep correcting people and i've been working on being less flirty with my friends and putting effort into it. what's been pissing me off for the last year or so is the ongoing assumption that i am gay and i just dont know it yet.
i have been outright told by people "one day im going to kiss you and youll discover you like girls"
it made me feel uncomfortable and weird and im gonna be so honest here. i just dont think i like girls that way. i really thought about it and i dont. but i would (and still am) getting told by my close friends that one day when i 'eventually come out' they are all gonna sit around and say i told you so.
but i also wanna say that if i ever was to discover that i was not straight, it would be pretty hard to come out to any of those people, to any of my friends. theyd be so aggressive and constantly tell me that they knew or that it was old news. and so it kinda feels like even if im questioning things, ive been forced to reiterate that im straight so many times that being queer doesnt feel like an option anymore. its like i was forced to decided gay or straight when i was twelve and then people have harassed me ever since and now im not allowed to change what i chose even if i was to be seriously considering not being straight.
to me that feels really fucking toxic and its just upset me for the longest time.
and at this point i dont know what to do. like i cant really retaliate or say anything without people thinking im homophobic (which i swear to you i am not and my intention is not ever to harm that wonderful community in which so many people i love exist). i never want to hurt anyone but like what the fuck do i do!
im so sick of this. its also so weird and i kinda doubt that anyone else has really had this problem lmao.
i would love some opinions. look idk why im posting this. i dont care. i want people to tell me im justified but i also want people to tell me why they think im not. i want someone else to tell me what to do because i dont know.
#im just sick of repeating myself#and i feel like#tumblr is the wrong place to complain about this#but its not like i can do it to these people#i have had nearly all my friends assume im gay#i have had family members assume that i am gay#i have been asked out by random girls on the street#i have been asked out by girls on the internet#what the fuck#what the fuck am i doing#what is causing this#why do i attract women#??#SO MANY QUESTIONS#anyway#sorry for the rant guys#skate rants!#i will probably delete this later
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All those articles and posts about "the best show that no one is watching" kinda miss the big picture. Iwtv is the most popular show on amc, as they say every single time I open the app. The problem is that amc is a late game streaming service with almost nothing enticing on it. The only reason my dad is considering getting it after I stop my very brief subscription is to watch Mad Men.
I pirated season 1 and now I have the dvd so they don't have my statistics when I rewatch. I plan to get the dvd for this season too but if the show is unpopular it is mostly because it is on one of those streaming services where things go to die. They made a good decision by allowing season 1 to be available on HBO and you can watch ep1 for free on prime but HBO is also one of the most expensive streaming services out there and that one episode teaser doesn't properly display what the show is
If it was on prime like good omens or Hulu like Buffy and wwdits it would probably be a lot more popular. It relies entirely on word of mouth and most people I know pirate it (or use my login)
#rehks rants#iwtv#I mean the fan response feels massive to me#but I also surround myself with fans#plus like when I first saw the gifs in 2022 I had no interest in watching it#I assumed it was gonna be boring gay men drama shit like everything else I try and hate#I eventually gave in to it and right before Claudia's episode which I think she really hooked me#but my first instinct when I heard they were doing race bent iwtv was wtf#there was a lot of initial outrage of them just making the slave owner black and washing over it no one knew they were gonna do it good#AND 2021/2022 was the hight of when people had problems with rice there were a lot of people who celebrated her death#plus just the general reputation of the movie this show has a lot going against it but I'm glad they're putting in the effort it's very good
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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I miss my Berufsschul-Klasse 😭 I was finally like. a tiny bit out. about to come out. comfortable with the possibility of being out. and then the universe said "haha I have given you a taste of something you've always wanted! now watch as I take it away!" *makes me get sicker*
#like. even as nonbinary i was kind of out...#bc another guy. maybe guy. who definitely absolutely isn't cishet. when somebody called me girl he said#'...girl? question mark?'#and I did went 'mmmh kind of maybe not really?' and he grinned and gave me a thumbs up 👍 and the conversation just continued normally#I want that baaaackkkkk#I felt comfortable enough to be stellvertretender Klassensprecher when before that my anxiety would have made that impossible 😭#and now I'm back to spending all of my time alone at home. except even more than before bc I can't leave#doddie redet#actually he probably didn't grin and give me a thumbs up he's too cool for that. he probably just nodded and said 'cool' or something#(oh and I was out to my two roommates bc with one it was just. kind of obvious. and the other had a 'be gay do crimes' sticker on her laptop#so I asked 'hey uh is it possible that none of us are straight?' and the girl with the sticker is actually still questioning but#maybe probably straight? she looked uncomfortable with my question but to my defense. don't put a gay sticker on your stuff if you don't#want people assuming you're gay. and the other girl has a girlfriend 👍)
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SOBS i hate chainsaw man i hate it i hate it
#my post#my brother us making me read the manga and i had to stop dear lord if power dies im quitting for real this time#csm spoilers in the tags ->#I AM GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE#I WAS LITERALLY *JUST* CRYING OVER THE WEIRD-ASS FAMILY THAT IS AKI DENJI AND POWER AND THENEDWM#WEYUGFDAHKSJILWAKSMD#FD#AKI FUCKING DIED???? HE GOT TURNED INTO A GUN DEVIL FIEND AND FUCKING DIED?#THERES NO WAY IN HELL MAKIMA DID NOT DO THAT ON PURPOSE#AND IM ASSUMING ANGEL DEVIL IS DEAD AS WELL?#FAWKKKK#AND LIKE. AUGH THE FUTURE AKI SAW POWER IS GONNA DIE TOOOOOOOOO#I DONT LIKE CSM I DONT I DONT I DONT WANY TO READ THIS ANYMORE IM TOO ATTACHED#THEYRE KILLING MY THREE FAVORITE CHARACTERS#my brother: well denji survives! me: -_-#hes making fun of me like 'ouousouo well you watched death n0te so how is this bad?' FIRST OF ALL i cried at the end of death n0te#so jot that down#SECOND OF ALL this HURTS i jsut wanted them to be happy. i understand why lots of people say aki and angel devil were gay and in love bcus#they 100% were#i just wanted them to have a hppy life GOD AKI GAVE HIS LIFE TO MAKIMA SO DENJI AND POWER COULD BE SAFE#AND NOW MAKIMA IS GOING TO KILL POWER?????#i left off in the middle of the chapter bcus i cant take this anymroe tonight#sigh. thats my csm rant. dorry i just like my silly little families and csm HATES THEM WITH A BURNING PASSION APPARENTLY
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