#just. let friendships and queer relationships EXIST already
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ā¦sometimes I just. Think about. How literal siblings get stuck with rumors theyāre dating, and m-f friendships often donāt get a chance to truly start or develop because of the strain those assumptions and pressure causesā¦
ā¦while literal same-gender and aspec-affirming couples get slapped with ālike siblingsā this and ājust really good friendsā that.
And then how this gets even more reductive with infighting like ām-f friendships can only occur when one of them is homosexual,ā or aspecs picking at eachother over rep until itās a very specific type of aroace on the aroace spectrum of the aspec spectrums (and nobodyās actually happy), and of course fanon ships pitted against gen-no-shipsā¦
ā¦and how everyone just ends up feeling stressed out and invalidated. Because anythingāand I do mean anythingāthat doesnāt fit neatly inside of the heteronormative narrative of āmen and women canāt be friends, men and women must be romantically involved, people of the same gender and/or aspec/any other queer identity(ies) must never date.ā
And how it makes the queers and cichets alike absolutely miserable.
#tigerās musings#ā¦that post about The Gay Birds and conservatives losing their fucking minds#and how many times Iāve had people Just Assume or Consistantly Forget my brother and I are datingā¦not helped by we look Nothing alike#and just. the utter BULLSHIT I have gone through to guard friendships and the chance to even be friends at all#and often wondering why Iām even doing thisā¦besides the Good Men are often timid and This Problem Will Exist Everywhere#soā¦either I fight. or I remain isolated.#ā¦but Iām so tired of fighting.#and. nevermind when emotions arenāt so Clearcut. itās not even worth mentioning when THIS. Friendship AT ALL.#just canāt be allowed to exist. gets scrutinized to death when it finally DOES like a dandelion growing through pavement#but without that resiliency. especially when I get tired of being the one to fight for it#or if the other party ever isā¦Iām so so weary of them all being silent about it#just. let friendships and queer relationships EXIST already#and let them be ācomplicatedā too
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Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo: We Are So Fucking Back
I am glad that we are all having a normal one in reaction to Hwang Da Seul's latest project (@chicademartinica, @dropthedemiurge, @shortpplfedup, @lurkingshan). I'm still meditating on the whole affair, but for now want to get into how Hwang Da Seul feels so compassionate to closeted men, and how I also am stuck on the removal of the cross (@my-rose-tinted-glasses).
Shan already linked back to The Knowing, and I keep thinking about how rare it is to see two boys who've already come to an understanding of themselves meeting each other, and also including a bully who knows himself. What stands out for me with Hwang Da Seul is how old the pains weighing on her characters feel each time.
Dohee has suffered the abuse of his father, abandonment of his mother, and dissolution of his closest friendship, and he's just pushing through to leave all of this. His pain is obvious and lived in. He doesn't have to sit around moping exclusively about how he feels, because it's ever present. Like anyone else living with chronic pain, you just have to do stuff while hurting a lot of the time.
Juyeong is so fascinating to me because his exuberance and passion makes it almost impossible to hide who he is, and I will always be a sucker for the characters who love so loudly that you can't turn it off. I also keep thinking about how he has been communicating his attraction through his eyes so often, and how he's made desire known through all of his careful flirting.
The building romance between them hits for me most because they're paying attention to each other. Dohee made food that he realized Juyeong would like, is careful about hurting him in their sparring matches, and went for the ice cream that Juyeong said he wanted. Juyeong heard Dohee say he wanted to see snow, and so he made snow for him!
Now, back to that cross. Rose's post and one @benkaben posted have been rattling around in my head for hours. We know that Juyeong's mom is a pastor, and that he's being sent here as essentially conversion therapy (as Shan already pointed out). It's not just that he takes the cross off before confessing, which clearly shows that he's setting everything associated with that aside. It's that he's also confessing through a wall. It's such a small detail in how you can set aside the weight of responsibility and guilt associated with your queerness, but you don't lose the cultural touchstones: for some Christians (I was raised Catholic) you confess your signs through a mild layer of anonymity by putting some sort of wall or separation between you and the priest. There's something so subversive about having Juyeong set down his cross but still confess his feelings like a Christian.
I am also curious where Hyeonho will feature in the rest of this story. It's clear that he and Dohee felt something between each other at some point, and that Hyeonho ran from it. He doesn't want Dohee to get hurt too badly, and he's observing the growing relationship between Dohee and Juyeong. I'm so happy this character exists, because it gives us three characters struggling with the pressures on them to be a certain way. If we had to have a character who will make ugly choices around that, it helps for it not to be part of the main pair, and it also shows that these boys have not been the only queers around that they knew of.
Finally, let me just thank Hwang Da Seul for not being precious about the kissing. I like that their first proper kiss was their second kiss, and I like that it was awkward. I loved them false starting multiple times, trying to make sure they weren't observed too closely (considering their history), and I like that they built back to it. I know that kissing early means we're in for much pain, but it's so nice to have a show not dance around the kissing, or have it be especially mild. I like when two boys like each other and go for it.
I'm so happy that Hwang Da Seul is back. Every time I watch her shows I feel like I'm talking to someone who understands what the inside of the closet looks and feels like. I always feel seen by her in a way that feels gentle. She lets me remember how scary and ugly all of that was without it being a triggering or jarring experience. Peak drama season is upon us, because we're also about to get Love in the Big City in just three days. See you all on the other side.
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Ok my fam, I think we all need a lil Come to Jesus moment. So let's talk about it.
"I'm disappointed Tommy wasn't in 8x02 and 8x03." That's ok! We'd all like to see him, and see our boys together. Going by precedent, we can probably expect to see him in 6-8 episodes this season (it could be more - Taylor had 13 episodes in season 5 - but we shouldn't count on it) and we've already burned one. I'd prefer not to have half of them during the opening disaster when SO MUCH ELSE is going on. I'd rather him appear in episodes when he's got a storyline with Buck, or even on his own, and especially at the midseason break or the end of the season when Relationship Events are more likely to happen.
"But the 217 engine!" I know. But as we sometimes like to say to other fans - we kind of baited ourselves with that. It was suggestive, sure. But the fact that production has MADE a 217 engine is also suggestive that we may see it again later, and they just put it in the hangar scene because they already had it and they had to fill up that hangar with as many vehicles as possible.
"An airplane disaster without using the pilot??" As others have pointed out, Tommy's not a jet pilot. And don't let anybody make you think you were nuts for thinking it was possible. It was definitely a reasonable theory, with supporting evidence, that he might be involved, but in the end, the big opening disaster is always going to be about our mains. As it should be. And honestly? It was great.
"But the whole point of bringing him back was to integrate him with the 118 more!" I'm sure that's still a goal they have, but it's probably easier said than done. Not just from a writing standpoint, but a contractual one, in that there's a limit to how often they can use him, so they have to pick and choose where.
"It's like they don't care about this relationship as much as we do." You're right. NOBODY will care about it as much as we do. They care about the main characters, about the show's actual premise (i.e. first responders encountering wild situations, secondarily the characters' personal lives). There is no universe in which ANY relationship in the show will be prioritized as much as we, the fandom, would like it to be. That's just life in the big city. But they do care, oh boy, they do. Enough to use BT scenes in off-season promo. Enough to write Tommy into a scene in the opening episode where, frankly, he didn't NEED to be. Also, consider this - to shoot that scene, Lou was probably on set a grand total of one day, MAYBE two. And they made sure to include him in the jokey "bee pickup lines" reel. You know what other relationship we haven't seen much? Buddie. They have not appeared together outside of work (and honestly, barely AT work either) except in the birthday party scene, and hey, did you notice that they do not interact at ALL in that scene? Buck spends that entire scene interacting only with Tommy. And that's a friendship featuring two mains that we know they value. That's not indicative of anything except the sheer scarcity of screentime.
"They should be promoting the queer relationship!" Should they? They've never really done that before, with the several pre-existing queer relationships. I have always sort of appreciated that they have not hung a neon sign on Buck and Tommy saying LOOK AT OUR NEW QUEER PAIRING. It's never gotten the Very Special Episode treatment - Buck never had gay panic, or much coming-out drama - and I like that. I like treating it no differently than other romantic pairings on the show. And they did actually promote it quite a bit when it happened. Now it would just feel kinda performative to me.
"Will he be in [whatever episode]?" Imma gently suggest we not do this every week. He'll be there or he won't. There'll be some we know he's in (I think 8x06 is a lock), some we won't know and will be pleasantly surprised, or unpleasantly surprised. I'd say odds for 8x04 are...20%, rising to at least 50% with 8x05 and 100% for 8x06.
And if you ever feel sad about it - go look at a still of Buck from any episode so far this season, and say to yourself, "This man is having heaps of amazing sex with his hot pilot boyfriend on the regular. Canonically."
I know a lot of us have encountered some pretty irritating gloating from people who hate this relationship (in a frankly weirdly obsessive way) about him being not there. Just remember - that's all they have to gloat about. The only "victory" they can claim is the absence of a character? Lame. And it's not even a victory, it's just the cost of doing business when your ship involves a recurring character. Sit back and enjoy your canon relationship between two men who've actually kissed on screen and ignore it. We can be generous about it.
So let's not talk ourselves off the deep end, shall we? I'd like to keep being a reasonable fandom.
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āļøWelcome to skyblock kingdomās prompt week event! This will be running from January 19th to January 25th, 2025. Modded by @in-the-multiverse
āļøUse #sbkpromptweek to participate
āļøBelow the cut are FAQ (please read through them) and a little ramble about each prompt to spark ideas or inspiration (optional to read). Have fun creating! :D
What is a prompt week?
Itās a scheduled fandom event dedicated to characters, ships, or fandoms in generalā usually with a list of prompts or themes to inspire and encourage fanworks. Theyāre announced in advance and fanworks are posted on the corresponding days of the week. In this case, itās for the sbk fandom as a whole! This blog will be archiving all creations submitted as long as they follow the guidelines
Is this limited to fanart and fanfiction?
Nope. Youāre more than welcome to make moodboards, stimboards, song playlists, edits, cosplay and the likes! Additionally, thereās no art requirements or minimum/maximum word count. Anything ai generated is disallowed.
What type of content is allowed?
If itās within a creatorās boundaries, itās allowed (this information can be found in #member-info on the SBK Community discord). Tag accordingly for shipping or content warnings if your works contain them. Make use of the tumblr blacklist for topics you donāt want to see. If you donāt like something, donāt engage. Be respectful. And please be patient to those who havenāt stated what they are/arenāt ok with.
Can I post something late?
Absolutely! This isnāt an event with a hard set deadline.
Do I have to make something for every day?
Nah, you can make as little or as much as youād like, at whatever pace youāre comfortable with.
I have a fanwork Iām already creating, can I submit it to this event?
If it fits within the prompts provided, yep!
Can I combine prompts?
Sure, just mention which ones youāre combining when you post.
Why isnāt my post reblogged?
If I miss something a week after the event is over, please reach out in an ask and Iāll archive it here. Late entries may take more time to be reblogged as Iāll be monitoring the tag less frequently.
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Bond
Have a pair or group of people you enjoy seeing together, or would like to depict together? This goes for friendships, romantic pairings, queer platonic relationships, familial bonds, etc. Is it unconditional love? Complicated? Yearning? Or perhaps something more abstract?
In a different world
AUs, crossovers, homelands that werenāt 99% void, we imagine them in a different setting! Maybe youād like to add a fic or fanart to an AU that already exists, or maybe youād like to come up with one of your own. Want to explore how the sbkers would react to being in a different mcyt series? Or meet other characters? Whatever your imagination compels you to create, go for it!
Fashion
Casual modern clothing? Royal outfits? Goth? Punk? Catmaid? Cottagecore? Letās stylize those cubitos! Or maybe youād like to spin this prompt another way. Does it extend into world building? Is it kingdom specific? The possibilities are up to you!
Horror vs. Fantasy
Wanna put a blorbo through the horrors? Are they the horrors? Or would you rather create something more whimsical? Depict fantasies of certain characters? Wanna do both? The canvas and/or keyboard is all yours.
Retrospect
What happened this season that youād like to revisit? A fond memory, favourite bit, nostalgic beginnings, something thatās been spinning around in your brain since it happened. Or perhaps youād like to retell a moment from a different perspective: through another characterās eyes, another narrative lens, etc.
Meme redraw / Crackfic
We get silly with it! Have a reaction image or funny stock photo youād like to redraw the sbkers in? Maybe a show screenshot or random internet image? Or how ābout throwing these guys in scenarios where you donāt have to worry about getting Serious writing it? Weāre cringe and free >:3
Free Day
Youāre more than welcome to come up with your own prompt. Whatever you feel drawn to, whatever gets your gears going, have fun creating it!
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Who would I be if I didn't come barreling in with queer feelings??? Inspired by this post from my wife @bidisasterevankinard, this morning's therapy session and a few too many listens to Cleopatra by The Lumineers š
late for this, late for that | 7x06 coda | 757 words | G
āNot late. Right on time,ā Evan sighs, content and sated, turning in his arms so theyāre back-to-chest. It allows him to settle into his newly discovered love of being the little spoon. And Tommyās new found love of indulging Evan.
āGood to know.ā He presses a kiss into Evanās mussed, disheveled curls, chuckling at the light snores his ā boyfriend? Date? Guy heās seeing? ā is already making.Ā
If heās being honest, āright on timeā is the furthest thing from what he feels. Evan hasnāt said as much, but Tommy suspects heās started to question things about himself. About his life in general, past interactions, romances, friendships, crushes. Eventually heāll likely face one of the biggest, if not the biggest, questions. How could I not know?Ā
As someone who went on a similar journey, heāll do his best to guide Evan through. He wants to wave the proverbial magic wand to produce easy, matter-of-fact answers and soothe any wounds, but Evan will have to do that part on his own. Eventually it becomes a rewarding experience, making those discoveries, but he knows as well as anyone that it can be a bitch of a road to travel. An often dark pathway loaded with unexpected landmines. Full of monsters that go ābooā at the very worst times, usually just when the dust of the last jumpscare has settled.Ā
Not for the first time ā and likely not for the last ā the notion makes Tommy wish they could have met earlier. That he could somehow turn back the clock to meet himself earlier so he could be there for Evan. Heās already put himself through the wringer, in therapy and in his own mental torture chamber, about why he lied for so long about who he is. But, as his therapist reminds him over and over again, these things are never truly done. There are often new layers unveiled, triggered by different circumstances. Sometimes big and loud, sometimes ordinary and everyday. Tommy thinks Evan might be a bit of both.Ā
Either way, here he is, wondering how his own life might have been different if he hadnāt denied himself for so long. If he could have been brave like Hen and said āthis is who I amā. Because itās not as if he didnāt know. Tommy knew exactly who he was, who he is. Heās known since the first time he kissed CJ, his high school football teamās defensive tackle, behind the bleachers after practice one late summer night. God knows he had been questioning for a hell of a lot longer.Ā
However, he canāt time travel and change things. He canāt give past versions of himself options that didnāt exist. Well, technically they did, but it meant blowing up his entire life and being ostracized. While Hen didnāt have anything to lose, because she was already being isolated by that era of the 118, Tommy did.Ā
He had what he thought were friends, though, really, most of them were alliances. People he accepted as friends for the high cost of burying his identity. Paid for with girlfriends and the occasional male sex worker when he really needed to let go. With living an empty, lonely, fraudulent existence, constantly saying no to the things and experiences he craved. Because saying yes - to ājust oneā gay club, one pride event, one secret boyfriend willing to be called girlfriend for appearances - meant risking being found out. Meant taking a wrecking ball to the carefully curated macho persona heād built for protection. Meant having all of his āmeaningfulā supports and relationships ripped away. It was bad enough that his own parents couldnāt be there for him. He didnāt need the camaraderie of firefighting taken away, too.Ā
Evan snorts and snuffles, pulling Tommy back to the present. He turns in his sleep, somehow burrowing closer as he throws an arm across Tommyās waist. His mouth is slack and parted, breathing calm and even.Ā
A wave of fondness washes over Tommy as he watches hisā¦ Evan sleep, blissfully unaware of all the things tumbling around in his brain. Itās an emotion he hasnāt felt in a while, not like this, but heās grateful for how naturally it seems to want to return.Ā
Maybe they couldnāt meet earlier or change their histories, save themselves or each other from pain. But theyāre here now with their combined battle scars, ready for something, whatever that looks like. And isnāt that better than never? So, perhaps what Evan said was true. Maybe heās not too late and theyāre right on time.Ā
part 2 (Eddie's POV) here
#911 spoilers#bucktommy#tevan#bucktommy fic#hippo writes#coda fic#911 7x06#tommy kinard#evan buckley#the cleopatra series#christ i'm such a sucker for queer feels
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I am going to discuss about the Hazbin leaks because I can, and I want to think about something that NOTHING to do with the election. This is just me rambling.
Lucifer being a dick to Alastor out of nowhere make me dislike him to bit. Al is just minding his business and Lucifer insecure ass calls him Bambi and shit. I do not even like Al that much and I understand why he said fuck it and quit. I would too.
That song with Rosie and Al has racist lyrics in it with Rosie telling Al to act like a dog and that he is a part of her zoo. I know all the overlords are slave owners but having lines like that referring to a mixed Black character is a CHOICE.
I am TRIED of the bad dads/daddy issues in the Helluva. Every single father minus Millieās dad are horrible or neglectful people. Lute saying Adam never liked Abel makes me mad. Are you telling me the FATHER of humanity did not give a fuck about his own son? Bullshit. I am fine with Adam being a shitty person to everyone around him but his saving graced should have been his family. He is the first father, I guess his is the root of all daddy issues too. š
Anyway, I am glad Abel is plus size like his father. Adam is the carrier of the fat gene. Lmao. I wonder if people will debate if Abel is or is not fat too! /s
People are thinking that Abel is probably gay given his Santa Claus line in Emilyās Heaven song and Adamās dislikes of his own son is because he is a homophobe. The idea of this being canon is probably likely. Given his line about finding Charlie and Vaggieās relationship āhotā, I guess he is the type of homophobe that fetishizes WLW relationships but hates MLM ones.
This is just me thing, but I dislike when homophobia is in Queer media. I just want more queer joy stories than queer people facing bigotry stories. I just Adam maybe was more of a politically Incorrect villain than a politically correct villain.
Adam being a misogynist in Heaven was already weird, but it tracks since Lute was not allowed to be the new leader, misogyny is a part of Heavenās core values, I guess. Him being a homophobe would be awful; homophobia exists in Hell (for example: Kate Killjoy) but in Heaven too? Queer people cannot escape homophobia even in paradise?
I liked to think Adam came up with exterminations to just let out the anger he felted because of Lucifer basically fucking up his line and to protect the family he still had from Hellās uprising. Abel not expressing any real emotion when learning that his father was murdered and just saying āRIPā is just sad. If Abel knows his father dislike him, why he is taking up his father's role as the leader?
Adam being a shitty person is fine, but he never cared about his own son. Was he always piece of shit since Eden? BOO!! Bad character writing! Adam becoming morality fucked up makes more sense than "He was trash since the start of his creation!" Are you telling me that Heaven knows Adam is shitty and never corrected that behavior to the point he became a manchild? No wonder no one gave a damn by his death, he was rotten from the start.
Eve is still IMA and same goes for Cain and the rest of his children. I swear when Eve finally makes her appearance and she says that Adam was an abuser, I will start to dislike him.
I am glad that Adam is dead. I really hope that he never comes back, I just feel like his character will go downhill even more. I like the idea of him becoming a sinner as a punishment for all the bullshit he done and that he would never allow to enter Heaven. I wanted Adam to SUFFER. I hope sinner Adam stays in fanon.
Lute's song has a cool instrument, but I wish she had more character out of Adam. I do not really care about her being heartbroken by his death because we did not see their friendship that much, so it does not have that much emotional weight to it.
Adam's rizz levels were off the charts to have Lute loses her mind over HIM out of all people. I like Adam but nah he is not boyfriend material at all. It is nice to a character having a crush on a plus size character, Lute wanted that fat man BADLY. It would have been nice if imagine Adam was maskless. It gives me that vibes that Lute only like him when he had the mask on instead of his actual face.
My relationship with this show is complicated. There is stuff in it I like and stuff I just dislike. The writing of the show being all over the place is fascinating but also awful. If the fandom was not so creative and writes these characters with so much care, I would not be here. I am more a fan of the fanon content than the actual show sometimes.
I feel like when Hazbin ends, it is going to remember in such a negative light and a prime example on how to not write a story or characters.
I feel like I will not be a fan before season 3 airs, I hope that does not happen but yeah. If you see a whole bunch of Hazbin shit being listed on the secondhand market after Season 2 is over, that will probably be me.
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Aren't you tired of forced romances with no chemistry that only take away from the actually interesting plot? Don't you just want media where romance isn't portrayed as being superior and more important than (queer)platonic relationships?
Well, my exhausted aro ass is too, so here are a few tricks and wisdoms I've gathered over my years of being a-spec (which is all of them) on how to avoid romance (in media) in a very allonormative society šš¤š©¶š¤
(this is a rec list btw. no I am not shitting on the shows that I tagged, quite the opposite)
1. Middle Grade
I get if you aren't really into that, because it is kind of annoying to be pointed to literal children's literature when all you want is a story that isn't constantly being interrupted by describing the main guy's heated eyes for the twentieth time.
However.
It is true that in middle grade, friendship is always more important than romance. Because, let's face it. Making two eleven year old characters kiss is kinda weird. So even if there is a romance, it isn't very prominent and treated more like friendship and/or a puppy crush. Plus some stories get surprisingly dark?!?!
Examples
- Howl's Moving Castle (Diana Wynne Jones), technically a romance in the end, but mostly focused on found family, shenanigans, and finding your own value
- House of Many Ways (DWJ). Yes, again. I really like her books okay? They always have something so fantastical and whimsical about them. This is my other favorite book by her and it has literally no romance at all. Plus a hmc cameo that is so fun !!
- Coraline (Neil Gaiman). Maybe this is cheating because I never actually read it. However. a) the movie traumatized me. b) Wybie was added to the movie, he doesn't exist in the book, so if "power of friendship" isn't your thing this will be great. Probably vibes over plot.
Flyte (Angie Sage). Technically this is the second book, but I never read the first one and still understood everything. Once again, no romance at all. A fun read, which can get surprisingly dark at times.
2. Short Story Collections
Once again, I get it if it isn't your thing. Short stories are - as the name reveals - short. Which means: no worldbuilding, very limited narrator, open ending, no time to really get attached to characters, etc.
But.
The cool thing about collections, is that they always have a certain theme. And as long as the theme is not romance, romance will not be the focus. Even if there is a romantic relationship, it will be used to explore this theme since there simply isn't time for anything else.
Examples:
Life Ceremony (Sayaka Murata) This is the book that actually made me figure out: hey! I do actually like short stories !! The main theme is basically about being different and it plays a lot with body horror and the perception of your own body in contrast with how society sees it. There is even a story about two women who platonically live together and raised multiple children!
Canterbury Classics: Classic Tales of Horror (introduction by Ernest Hilbert). As the name suggests, this is a collection of horror short stories, featuring well-known authors such as Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe or Charlotte Perkins Gilman. As these are classic old tales, the language is a bit complicated at times and you can read them for free on Gutenberg. However, the book is very very pretty and the introduction is very interesting (Origins of the genre, specific tropes and monsters, etc.)
3. Podcasts
PODCASTS!!! If you follow me, you are probably already aware of those. However, in case you don't, let me introduce you to the wonderful world of Audiodramas.
The cool thing about Podcasts is that pretty much anyone can do it. All you need is an idea, a mic, a lot of motivation, and you're pretty much set to go. No producers or publishers you need to get approval from. So it is only natural that this medium is filled to the brim with queer creators. Basically every character is somewhat queer. It's awesome.
Examples:
- The Silt Verses. I adore TSV. I listened to the first season like, four times. (the second one is good too but OH MY GOD THE FIRST ONE). And one of the main characters is canonically and explicitly aro!! Sister Carpenter, I love you with my whole being. And the great thing is, it is very clear that the writers love her, too!! There is a lot (like a LOT) of body horror so it isn't for everybody. But if you think you can handle it I really recommend it. (Plus, not any romance plotlines at all !!)
- Wolf 359. This is one of the older ones and it is really good. It's a bunch of restless and very unwell people stuck in a spaceship under the unforgiving rule of capitalism. However bad you imagine it, I can assure you it is worse. But the really cool thing is that there literally isn't any romance at all. Like, there are great m/f friendships but they never even hint towards a romance. Some people are so unused to that that they literally ship the main dude with the fucking robot AI. (don't worry, not an actual romance plot).
- Girl in space. I am sure you will be absolutely shook to know that this one also takes place in space. It is about a girl. In space. Shocking, I know. Except that she has been on her own for well over a year when suddenly a fleet of strange ships arrive and kidnap her. There is also a very asshole-y robot. And questions about what makes us human. And found family!! And a goat. And cheese. Just go listen to it okay. This is also one of the shortest ones of the list, so maybe a good start.
- Malevolent. I have to confess that I personally am not a huge fan of this one? Like the premise is really cool - a detective who wakes up blind and with a demon in his head who can see through the detectives eyes. What the fuck?, you may ask yourself. So does Arthur Lester. Mysteries and other dimensions and a whole lot of pain ensues. Harlan is undeniably an awesome VA and a great writer, but his stories just seem a bit too repetitive to me? Nonetheless I know of lots of people who enjoy it a lot. Trying to define the relationship between Arthur and John (his demon) is perhaps the biggest mystery of them all. (Jk. there are multiple murders and stuff. they've really got other priorities)
- Middle:Below. This is another short one and probably the least famous of this list? It's about this funky lil dude with a ghost roommate and a cat who can talk (.....or can it?). There is a m/f friendship but it never turns into a romance (wow it is possible!!). They all go on adventures on the dimension between life and death. Despite the description, this is literally just a comedy. A bit spooky at best. Reminds me a bit of scarier kids cartoons like gravity falls.
4. "Gay" movies/series in countries with homophobic censorship
Now you may think, "hey that seems like a bit of an asshole move!". And you would be 100% correct in thinking that.
However.
It does also mean that the main relationship of the story can never be explicitly romantic. They can allude to it, they can try to show it. But they can never confirm. So it is very easy to interpret them as having a QPR. (because tbh I don't think I've ever seen one on television.)
Examples:
The Untamed. Look. I am aware that the first episode is so fucking atrocious, all right? And no, the CGI does in fact never get better. And sometimes the translated subtitles are a bit awkward. But I swear that it is so good. Trust me on this one, okay? Just make it through the first ep. It's a wild ride. Lan Zhan I love you. (However the book it is based on (written by a woman) depicts them being in an explicitly romantic relationship, with lots of very inaccurate and badly researched smut, so the fandom pretty much sees them as exclusively romantic.)
- Word of Honor. Very much in the same vein as The Untamed. Except that the first episode is less horrible. And the one dude has a very fruity fan. And they also raise a kid together. And the costumes of the villains are really fun!! I actually never finished this one tbh. I know that the book it is based on has one very extremely terrible ableist plot point, but I don't know if that made it into the show since I never got that far
The Devil Judge. The last two were fantasy, this one is a dystopia. Very tense and interesting. There is a romantic subplot (typical childhood friend vs bad boy love triangle), but he rejects the childhood friend and they can't exactly show him and the "bad boy" (who is actually a judge. and also kinda his sugar daddy) as explicitly romantic for the reason above. They also live in the same house and cook together and take care of a child together. Can totally recommend.
Assassination Classroom. A bunch of students have to kill their teacher who is an alien. that's literally the plot. I cried so hard at the finale. Nagisa and Karma have MASSIVE vibes and you can't convince me otherwise. (There is a romantic subplot that does end in a kiss, but they agree to continue as friends since those were..... extenuating circumstances. The dude very clearly is not into her). Nagisa also very aro-spec coded imo.
5. "Straightbaiting" Anime
Sometimes Anime does this thing (which I personally find very hilarious) where a boy and a girl will have no other romantic involvements or love interests while growing closer and closer, but never get together. A bit like reverse queerbaiting.
Examples:
- Fairy Tail. The ultimate power is friendship anime. That is all you need to know. (I should also perhaps warn you that the end of the last arc (and the sequel series, but we don't talk about that) are huge letdowns. Like the buildup? So good. But....welp. If that doesn't bother you too much and the idea to have a group of people be the main character instead of one person only, this may be the series for you. Just do yourself a favor and skip all the filler arcs
Soul Eater. I really love the vibes of this one. Once again, most of the fandom likes depicting them as explicitly romantic, but they never canonically are. It also reminds me a bit of creepy children cartoons. It is also where the superior fictional school exists, Devon. Frankenstein teaches there (the dude, not the monster). People transform into badass weapons. Nobody can convince me that Make Albarn is not a trans woman. However the ending deviates a bit from the manga, and I personally think the anime one is a bit worse
Noragami. This one will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the first anime I really watched. This one also has people who transform into weapons, but the vibes are very different. It goes a bit more into Japanese folklore in case that interests you.
Bonus: Canonically Aro/Heavily Aro-Coded Characters
They were not anywhere above because the stories they are in didn't really fit any of the categories. But they exist!
Wolf (Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts). I adore Wolf. There is also barely any romance. Like, it will seem like it at first, but don't worry, it's only straightbaiting. There is a romance subplot but it's very brief and very much in the background. Overall very good aro show š
Isaac (Heartstopper) Very queer show, very high likelihood that you already know of it. The series per se is very romance focused, but as far as I've heard the a-spec rep in S2 is really good
Georgia (Loveless). Actually never read it. But, well. Title pretty self-explanatory dare I say. By the same author as Heartstopper (Alice Oseman)
Chance/Chris and Shadow/Ryan (woe.begone) Are explicitly in a QPR together !! they are also probably the healthiest couple in the podcast lol
Henry Clerval (Frankenstein). Henry is the "a couple of besties!!" to Victor's "we look like a couple <3"
Barbie (Barbie 2023) If you've seen it you know what I mean.
Jo Marsh (Little Women). I never read the book, but Jo in the 2019 movie??? very sus.
I would also recommend checking out Japanese books! I personally think they are much better at writing romance than the western people lol. It's more about knowing each other and sharing your views of the world, thus changing each other and leaving a mark forever, even if the relationship ends. (studio ghibli romance vibes). My favorite Japanese book doesn't have an English translation :(
aber an alle Deutsch-Sprecher*innen: Die Katzen von Shinjuku (Durian Sukegawa) -> og title: Shinjuku no Neko
Can't think of anything else right now, but please leave some of your own recommendations! Hope this helps ^^
#aro#aromantic#aroace#aroallo#neil gaiman#diana wynne jones#flyte#sayaka murata#the silt verses#wolf 359#girl in space podcast#malevolent#middle:below#podcasts#fairy tail#soul eater#noragami#assassination classroom#word of honor#the untamed#devil judge#kipo and the age of wonderbeasts#woe.begone#wbg#heartstopper#alice oseman#frankenstein#barbie#greta gerwig
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if ABO existed in the real world, what flavor of omega would each of the beatles be?
i am here to answer this question that no but me has ever asked! IF YOU DON'T LIKE ABO OR MENTIONS OF IT, DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST.
first off, i fully believe that all the beatles would be omegas, maybe george as a token beta, but absolutely no alphas in the band. thinking logistically, this is the 1960s we're talking about, and ABO is basically just a second gender aka a second set of gender norms assigned to people from birth. omega = more feminine traits, alpha = more masculine traits and beta = neutral, we all know this already. but because of this we can assume that omegas experience discrimination in much the same way as women do, a form of sexism based in the fact that omegas are supposed to be subservient to betas and particularly alphas, who are meant to act as protectors of weak, defenseless omegas. in the 1960s, such sexism would be much more normalized in society, and therefore the idea of separation between the different sexes in any context other than courting would be stronger. just as the idea of boy/girl platonic friendship wasn't normalized (even to this day), the idea of casual omega/alpha friendship wouldn't be normalized either. because of that, i believe all four of the beatles would most likely be the same second gender, because of their comfortability and intimacy around one another and the way that most people's closest friends are of the same gender as it's an easily shared and relatable experience.
now, why do i believe they are all specifically omegas? they could just as easily all be alphas or betas? this is where more of my opinion comes in. ABO and the omegaverse was created as a specific way of fetishizing queer male relationships and viewing them through the lenses of staunchly heterosexual, patriarchal relationships. a way to take a homosexual relationship and distill it down to inherently harmful stereotypes of queer people, that there's always a more feminine/masculine presenting person and that whether you decide to top or bottom determines your amount of "gayness" and therefore your masculinity. the creation behind the omegaverse was just a kinky way of being able to view male/male relationships as essentially just a straight relationship in which both partners just so happen to have dicks. alphas are portrayed as big, strong, aggressive protectors with huge cocks to knot their mates with. omegas are seen as overall gentle and demure, who go through periods of heat in which their sexuality is inherently tied to wanting to be fucked and impregnated by their mates aka seen as submissive. betas rarely have any emphasis in omegaverse stories, due to them just being regular people who don't have raging horomones in them telling them to give in to their most basic, sexual, animalistic urges, but they are often portrayed as mediators between the bs of alphas and omegas.
the beatles were never and have never been viewed as pillars of masculinity in the way that other rock stars at the time were viewed. that is just a simple fact, whether it be due to their overwhelmingly large female fan base from the beginning of their careers or the way they dressed and presented themselves. much like their rise to mega-stardom, i believe it was a mix of a lot of different elements of themselves and their brand that let them get this more "soft" label that they eventually tried to break out of. it wasn't just the female fans, as elvis also had a disproportionate number of female fans and he was always seen as a masculine rocker. it was also the matching suits and haircuts, their "silly love songs", their goofy demeanor in interviews and the fact that paul mccartney just has a really pretty face and voice. because of this, i highly doubt the alpha label fits any of them, not because they were particular feminine but because they didn't express their masculinity in a particularly obvious, stereotypical way. one could just say it was the styles of the decade, and i would agree with you, but also not every rock star has people debating on whether or not they were bisexual + having an extremely large community of people fully believing they were fucking/in love their best friend to this day quite like john lennon.
so, they're all omegas imo š¤· now here's my cringe hcs (,,āćāćā,,)
paul is a sluttyyyy omega who pretends to be a beta. because of his extremely repressed nature due to his upbringing (*cough* jim mccartney *cough*), he would probably be ashamed about his second gender and try to bottle away his inner feelings on the issue through suppressant abuse (if we're in a universe in which those exist yet) and overall randy-ness (he's a horny boy! he fucks a lot!). his repression leads to a lot of frustration, the regular kind and also the sexual kind, which he expresses primarily through his stubbornness/unwillingness to compromise and his obsession with perfectionism (both represented through his overbearing presence in the studio).
john is a confusing case. he is undoubtably an omega, just like paul, and he also has a great deal of self directed shame as most male omegas do (they're supposed to be masculine as they're boys, but they're also able to get pregnant and go through heats so they're seen as lesser and gay- derogatory). but i also believe he uses his omega status to benefit himself in ways paul does not do (paul hides and represses while john makes self directed digs at himself and his gender and then bats his eyelids to get whatever he wants). he is also more open about his feelings than paul is, talking more freely about his struggles and is more willing to be vulnerable around others. if it weren't for the fact that he was married with a kid, he would've probably received a lot of hate and controversy due to his very un-omegalike and flamboyant personality.
ringo is just a confident omega man who settles down when he's ready to settle down. due to his shorter height, he was never really going to pass as a beta or alpha and he's resigned himself to that. he was also the most disregarded member of the band, which led to him having less of a focus on himself than his other group members, and therefore less pressure to become a family man despite his age. but such inattention leads to insecurity in himself, his looks and his musical abilities which he compensates for by acting as āthe funny beatleā and being generally the most easygoing of the 4.
george is the youngest of the group and because of that he was always being overshadowed by an image of innocence and the overwhelming force of johnpaul. he obviously hated this image. he got girlfriends, slept around a lotttt, made sure to be more expressive and loud in interviews, and changed his style and his hair to suit the person he felt he was on the inside but that wouldn't stop the public from viewing him as "the quiet beatle" or the most ideal omega of the 4. it also didn't help that he wanted to experiment more with music and get more of his songs onto the LPs but repressed and stubborn paul mccartney kept treating him like a baby brother.
this is unbelievably long and stupid and probably unreadable as i wrote it in one sitting as a ramble and didn't look over it at all. hope this gets no attention and forces me to realize i need to get a life and a hobby outside of being parasocial about (dead) 80 year olds. holy shit
#the beatles#cringe asf don't read this#johnny#paulie#ringo#georgie#the buckles#john lennon#george harrison#ringo starr#paul mccartney#fab four
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friendlinghood: a proposal
skip to "terminology" if you don't want the long explanation
QPRs are really difficult to talk about because of the way the modern queer community has kinda framed it as like "dating but without romantic attraction"
when that's not entirely true
I mean, you COULD say that's a kind of QPR but it'd be a mistake to frame all of it that way. this is in large part to internet misinformation and shit as well as amatonormativity from which a lot of relationship discourse is framed against
queerplatonicism, from my pov refers to what is essentially the natural byproduct of queer and neurodivergent people having close friends
the queer community has been aware for a while that its members would have close friendships that in some way violated traditional social norms for behavior outside romantic relationships or family, etc.
when you sit outside the neurotypical and patriarchal norm, the conventional social understanding of what relationships are kinda breaks down for you
you display levels of closeness and intimacy and affection that are "inappropriate" for neurotypical and patriarchal society. in most cases they're not formal relationships, but natural evolutions of friendships between queer and neurodivergent folks
cishet people actually do have variants on this like the concept of "blood brothers" where two men who love each other basically make a pact to always have each other's backs and be their support and they do the whole movie thing where they mix blood to bind them together (it's a very cinematic thing, but the point is it exists in the popular consciousness)
"romance" and "friendship" each refer to a set of social norms and expectations. there's like a whole narrative constructed around those concepts and people internalize and have their own versions of them
a lot of people probably have friends they want to fuck or kiss or cuddle or declare their undying affection for but it'd just be "weird" within the social boundaries of acceptability and so people pigeonhole their relationships into either friend or romantic partner.
queerplatonicism (from my pov) is essentially accepting or practicing relationships which are neither platonic or romantic or even strictly familial. many queer people have them with other queer people they're close to. if you know queer folks then you probably know what I'm talking about - the friends they have that they're not dating but seem intensely attached and close to. they usually have weird names for each other that go beyond friendship like they'll jokingly call each other wives and husbands and siblings and partners... but it doesn't feel quite entirely joking. they'll express a lot of physical affection in the casual way you might typically ascribe to romantic partners. they'll prioritize time with those people as much as any romantic partner they may have etc.
straight and cis people and neurotypical people obviously experience them to some extent, it's just that patriarchy was built around cishet neurotypicals in particular, so it tends to cling to their mindsets more strongly, and once you're already outside of the "bounds of normalcy" by being queer, ND, etc. then it's a lot easier to feel like it's okay for you to be in relationships that aren't "normal".
because like the idea of loving someone with your entire fucking being... it's so tied up in these cultural ideas on how to behave about those feelings and it never made sense to me, because if you just let yourself feel those emotions you start to realize there are people in your life that maybe you love so much more than friends. but "more than friends" is so washed up in romance that you force those feelings down and think "this is fine, I'm happy with being just friends, what else can we be?"
maybe I don't want to have sex or hold hands on a ferris wheel or get. married or kiss or any of that. maybe I just want to exist in the same room as that person know that that person is in my life and know that person cares about me just as much as I do them.
terminology
I've started to use the term "friendling" in my day to day life, now. the term is a portmanteau of "friend" and "sibling" and "loveling" (the english cognate of the German word "lieblings" which can mean "favorite", but is also a term of endearment).
to me, it's probably the most accurate way to describe the Everything All At Once feelings that are simultaneously your weird friends that are your found family and also "romantic" but twisted beyond recognition where the term stops meaning anything.
I'm just throwing this word and explanation out there for anyone who feels like me and wants to use it too. not exclusive to queer people or neurodivergence or anything, I just think it's often easier to be cognisant of those feelings when you are queer and neurodivergent.
that being said, I do NOT want this to be folded into another "attraction label". this is, as far as I can tell, not a unique form of attraction but quite literally the opposite. it's an abstraction of the core impulses of attraction that ALL humans experience without the labels or social structures built around it. I do not want the language that I've spent so long trying to find for my experiences losing all of its value and being reapporpriated into the amatonormative, allonormative, and cisheteropatriarchal framework.
"friendlinghood" - is what I see as an attribute of relationships and the extent to which they deviate from socially conventional definitions of a relationship.
"friendlingship" - used grammatically like friendship. referring to any complex relationship acategorically.
"friendling" - used grammatically similar to friend. referring to those involved in any complex relationship acategorically.
all of this shit is nebulous and doesn't really mean anything beyond what meaning you choose to give it. I think any relationship can have some amount of friendlinghood and I don't think there's a clear line between friendlingship and friendship or romance or family, because it's not a type of relationship in the first place. it's just silly words I made that helped me.
language and labels
so the biggest problem with terminology like this is you can end up creating labels. my point was to create personal terms for myself and my relationships because that's what helped me personally process my own feelings.
that's not to say everyone needs or benefits from them. you can just vibe and do whatever you want and many people are happy with that.
I don't think words like this being codified and standardized really helps anyone. it's unavoidable that we as humans like articulating feelings, but the entire point of my interactions with friendlinghood is about certain things defying labels and language. language in this sense is just a tool, it's a hammer for a nail. it's not embodying the concept itself, it's just useful shorthand.
I will still freely refer to friendlings as close friends, best friends, found family, and other words. as long as I know the intention behind it is all that matters. I just needed that initial bit of language to articulate the feelings before the other words felt right to me.
#romance#relationships#healthy relationships#friendship#neurodivergence#actually neurodivergent#actually autistic#lgbtqplus#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#aromantic#aromanticism#acespec#aspec pride#asexuality#aroace#queerplatonic#queerplatonic relationships#queer
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hi this is random and you might be like āwhy are you asking me thisā but I genuinely donāt know where else to look for info/advice. but like. how does one go about finding a queerplatonic partner/relationship. I exist in very queer social circles and most people I know have never heard that term, Iāve never seen it irl, and thereās obviously very little representation in media to go off of. do people like. put it in their tinder profiles? is there a secret qpr dating app? is it just a matter of meeting people and explaining what you want like any other relationship? anything you can share either about how it worked for you or about other resources you know of would be helpful. if itās too personal and/or you donāt want to answer this for whatever reason feel free to ignore
i wish i had a better answer for you, but i've actually never sought out any of my relationships on purpose -- it's always just been meeting people, becoming close friends, and then deciding we want to make a permanent commitment.
my qpp was my best friend before she was my partner. also, we'd spent like 7 years roleplaying a moirallegiance between homestuck characters. moirails are platonic soulmates in canon, working our relationship around that definition is what worked for us. i used the term moirail long before i used the term qpp and switched to the latter simply because my circle is mostly normies now KFSKDJ
with that said, the one place i CAN point you to is bumble BFF, which is a dating app but for platonic friendships. if your profile is loudly openly queer, you're a lot more likely to match with other queer people who understand qprs. but with pretty much everyone i've met who has a queerplatonic partner, it was less like dating someone and more like already being friends & going "hey, i love you so much. do you want to get married without any of the sex or romance"
if anyone else has experiences wrt this, feel free to rb or reply to let anon know!
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Speaking of changes in Christian beliefs and interpretations, I've noticed a recent shift where some folks want to focus more on the idea that Jesus was human, and all that idea entails. See, although Christian churches obviously teach about Jesus as an important figure, a lot of them (at least that I've seen and been to) tend to portray him as a divine being who was just born on Earth because he had to complete his mission of saving us from Hell. The recent trend I've seen has been about discussions and slight changes in approach to Scripture, where people talk about Jesus being human, and how that adds to the meaning of his sacrifice of his life for us ā he wasn't just with us, he was one of us, and he lived like us and died like us.
I find it silly to be up in arms about a plural interpretation of the Trinity because "it's change!! It's not exactly what we worshipped before!!" when people are already doing that in a different way lol. Good luck preventing *checks notes* people wondering if Jesus had a favorite wood he liked to work with as a carpenter
This also reminds me of something in When God Talks Back by Tanya Luhrmann.
One of the interesting things she discussed was this shift in culture where in a lot of modern evangelical churches, god became more of a close personal friend.
There are references to friendship with God and with Jesus in the Bible, but this friendship is not the free and easy companionship of two boys swinging their feet on a bridge over a stream. The remarkable shift in the understanding of God and of Jesus in the new paradigm churches of modern American Christianity is the shift that the counterculture made: toward a deeply human, even vulnerable God who loves us unconditionally and wants nothing more than to be our friend, our best friend, as loving and personal and responsive as a best friend in America should be; and toward a God who is so supernaturally present, it is as if he does magic and as if our friendship with him gives us magic, too. God retains his holy majesty, but he has become a companion, even a buddy to play with, and the most ordinary man can go to the corner church and learn how to hear him speak. What we have seen in the last four or five decades is the democratization of GodāI and thou into you and meāand the democratization of intense spiritual experience, arguably more deeply than ever before in our countryās history.
The chapter tells the story of how a lot of this change was owed to an unconventional union of these conservative churches and hippie preacher Lonnie Frisbee.
Frisbee's teachings essentially single-handedly rewrote how God and Jesus were perceived in these evangelical churches for generations.
... and then he was excommunicated from the denominations he founded for being gay, and they've been trying to erase his history ever since.
Because yeah, right-wing evangelicals suck...
But the point is, doctrine changes. People's understanding of and their relationship with God changes. That's how religion works. And sometimes, it only takes a single person to start making those waves.
...
Also, never let the Vineyard Church or the offshoots they spawned forget that their church owes its entire existence and doctrine to a queer hippie who they turned their backs on for being gay!
#syscourse#christianity#jesus#religion#evangelicals#god#religions#jesus christ#christ#sysblr#multiplicity#pro endo#pro endogenic#plural#plurality#system stuff#system#endogenic#systems#plural system
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"hey you": a submission to a departed blog
You'll never see this. You'll never post this. Unless they have Tumblr in whichever realm you exist in now.
I have regrets. The last time we spoke I was dismissive. I honestly didn't think it would be the last time we'd run into each other after a long absence. Well, it wasn't the first time either. But before then I was convinced I'd never hear or see you again. I was wrong twice. Fuck.
Anyway, since we last spoke I'veĀ felt likeĀ been an asshole. A selfish pervert with bad habits and boundary issues. It's disgusting.
At first, my decision to leave you alone was to protect my emotions.Ā We've already talked about it, but it was impossible to settle for just being friends. It was painful. You deserved better-so much better than me tbh.Ā In retrospect, I wonder if you were trying to protect your friends from the heartache of your sudden loss.Ā I suppose I felt justified in letting you go. I finally found someone to fill the void that you were never meant to fill (see, that already sounds dumb as hell cause people aren't responsible for filling each other's vacancies). Besides, reigniting our friendship might have caused unnecessary drama in my current relationship. Nonetheless, it felt right.Ā
Now that you're not here anymore it feels like I miss you a bit more all the time. I miss your new obsessions every month, and the way your eyes light up whenever you talk about some fictional character in some obscure piece of media only nerds like you know about.Ā Shit, I logged back into Tumblr for the first time in like 6 years, and in less than 3 days I'm here scrolling through your blog checking out the last things you posted.Ā I miss your queer fanfics and head canons. I miss the eloquent way you spoke when you read. I miss you tryna bake, even though I would sit there and eat them burnt cookies. I miss bickering about Star Wars v Harry Potter. I miss you teasing me about my cishet masculine insecurities.Ā I miss the way you stood firmly against injustice and oppression, particularly your arch nemesis the fuckinĀ patriarchy!Ā I miss how you really didn't give a damn how anyone saw you or tried to squeeze you into their little box.Ā I miss how you would drive people nuts just being yourself. I miss how loving you were even when you tried to hide it from the world sometimes.Ā
Remember that one time you spotted me on the bus all zoned out, and you sat right next to me and forced me to practice our lines for that play we were in? I was annoyed and happy at the same time lol. This year I did 4 plays. First one I did was HAIR up in Harrison, and you would've loved some of my cast mates. At one point we had a recasting...um..."crisis" to find a new Dionne. I couldn't think of anyone else but you. Except you'd already been gone for some eight months by then. That almost broke me. Oh! And one of them was this bizarre musical parody of Hamlet (I was hamlet btw). It made me think about hearing how you were such a talented Lady Macbeth in high school that the production was requested at Purchase Collage. So whenever I prepared to step on that stage, I thought to myself secretly "I hope she's watching and I hope she's proud." Honestly I felt that way for every show, but that's the one I wish you could've seen.
When you left it seemed like all of Mount Vernon came to see you go, probably a lot of people you didn't even like. But as each person got up to talk about their favorite memories of you, I realized as much as we talked and hung out, all I ever experienced of you was just a fragment of who you were. And I always knew you had heart issues, but I didn't realize just how sick you really were because you were so fiercely independent and full of life despite it all. As we left, my friend asked me how I thought I could honor your memory. I told him "By doing everything with as much passion and energy and purpose as she did."Ā
The problem is that when I had an opportunity to be friends again, I took you for granted.Ā There was only one of you. Anybody similar to you by comparison was a bootleg with missing pieces. You were the genuine article:Ā the Real Deal. I'll be processing the guilt of how things ended for quite a while longer than I should. I don't know if you were upset or indifferent, or if there's any slight that you held against me after we parted ways for the last time. But I hope, if it's okay with you, that I could take part of you with me in my journey through life.
You are missed, and you are loved.
Beloved (11/18/1993-6/21/2023)
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wip wednesday
thank you @heartstringsduet for the tag! cheating a little this wip wednesday and posting a snippet from my already published sapphic marjan fic! you can read the full thing on ao3.
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Amongst all the confusing emotions she feels about this whole situation, one of the more prominent ones is guilt. Guilty, not for whatever developing feelings she might be having for Nancy, but guilty, for potentially having feelings that betrayed her friendship with Mateo. Guilty, because she knows that Joe deserves to know sheās having doubts. Guilty, because she thinks sheās taking too long to figure out what this all means so that she can decide what is the right thing to do.
Marjan wants to talk to someone āĀ needsĀ to talk to someone ā about all of this, but despite the fact that the majority of their friend group is queer, she doesnāt actually know who she can confide in with this. Nancy was, undoubtedly, out of the equation, but the thought of bringing this to anyone else in their Catan crew felt wrong. Like she would be risking the dynamics of not only her relationships with them, but that sheād be risking the entire family theyāve built over the last few years. She couldnāt do that to them.
She feels a bit silly, having a whole existential crisis about something so fundamental at her age. Sheās not a teenager anymore, with a lifetime of love and romance ahead of her. She has lived her entire 28 years of existence as a straight woman, and she doesnāt know how to just accept that sheās been wrong about herself the whole time. She takes pride in her assuredness, her self-confidence, and if sheās being honest with herself, these revelations are shaking her to her core.Ā
Marjanās distracting herself by mindlessly scrolling on Instagram, when she comes across a photo of that weird firefighter from LA they met during the wildfires a couple of years ago, Buck. Sheād kept in touch with the firefighters from the 118 on social media over the last couple of years, but she hasnāt really been in direct contact with any of them other than Eddie, whom she exchanges the occasional text message with. But his newest photo piques her interest ā itās a photo of him and another big, burly man, who honestly kind of reminds her of Buck a little bit, but heās kissing Buck on the cheek and itās clearly an intimate photo. Unsurprisingly, Buck does not have a caption on his photo, which is unhelpful, but she clicks on the button to view comments, andā¦bingo.
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open tag, but please let me know if i can tag you in the future (and feel free to tag me back as well) š
#wip wednesday#marjan marwani#plus a little bi buck for as a personal indulgence#but i just feel like they'd be besties if we had more crossover eps#911 lone star#911 lone star fic
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Preface, 3 Years Later
To be clear, I think my original Preface essay still serves its purpose quite well, and it's still recommended reading for understanding the gist of this blog, but I also believe a lot can happen in just a few years!
As of writing this, I've been out of college for 2 years and moved from Utah to Oregon 6 months ago. Many of my relationships and friendships with others have evolved and changed, come and gone.
I've also fully rescinded my self-identity as a member of the mormon church; that wasn't entirely on the table when I first began writing these essays and putting them out there. If you've already read through most of my stuff, that was probably apparent to you. Still, I think it bears repeating, just to make myself clear:
I no longer consider myself mormon, nor will I ever rejoin as a member.
My original stated goal with these essays was to find ways to process my experience and to find some form of reconciliation between these two disparate facets of my identity. Coming out the other end of that struggle, I've decided that trying to balance those two parts will never be worth it to me - to the mormon church, my queer identity will always be too much, no matter how much I compromise and tone myself down, no matter how many parts of myself I cut off to fit their mold.
Instead, I've decided to just be me and let myself exist, letting myself be this weird and messy and imperfect creature, because you know what? Fuck the church! Look at that, I can say 'fuck' now, too! Who cares?!
I'm still writing and thinking about all this though, because really, I don't think this kind of trauma just completely goes away. The journey to healing is a long, never-ending road, but goddammit I'm gonna make the best of it and smell the flowers on the way.
If you're going through something similar, please know that my hand is outstretched, and I hope I can make this path a little less lonely. I promise things are much better on the other side, and that those things the church tells you about leaving aren't even remotely true. It's not always easy, but it's worth it to live for yourself.
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I feel like your blog would be the best to ask this, haas anyone here watched eleanor nightwalker's new video about Alex and Maya as queer rep? My adhd brain is curious but would not let me waste my time on it
you just made me click on an eleanor nightwalker video on my own accord and download it onto my computer (she gets no seconds of watchtime from me, fuck that) how dare you
Basically "ue ue ue all the relationship development happened outside of the game" which, fair, but it's hard to retcon things when they've already happened in your main story line.
"The events in Elli's comics don't feel official because they don't add anything to the game" die mad wtf are you on about, we got so much lore regarding the game and the characters in it from those comics
"You meet them as two separate characters and then all of a sudden they're cuddling in a field" yes, people in relationships are also their own separate entities, good job!
"We need something to explain why they're a thing, not just that they are" yet you do not push this narrative on any straight couple in the game. queer people do not owe you a grand romantic story to be "permitted" to exist, sometimes their relationship can just be one small part of their story and their existence does not need to be justified.
"Alex had a crush on justin in the clouds over silverglade comics!!! She also thinks about him a lot when we need to rescue him and is the one who suggests breaking him out of jail." WHAT. OUTRAGEOUS. BISEXUALITY? IN MY VIDEO GAME? (Doesn't even need to be bisexuality a lot of queer people mistake their close friendships as romantic feelings because they haven't clocked what they're attracted to yet) Also, like, yeah, if i was breaking someone out of prison i'd... think about them too? "She needs to stop defending him to make Alex and Maya's relationship seem more genuine" She's being a good friend? A good Samaritan? A person who sees someone get kidnapped and says "yeah i don't think that's right, stop it"??????
"Lisa would be the best queer rep because she doesn't have a romantic past and it fits her character" Lisa is word-of-god-confirmed to be bisexual. Get dunked on. Also, die mad.
"Maya's model is smaller than Alex so it looks weird" ok? fuck short ppl ig.
In short yeah, i'm sure we all want to see more of alex and maya, but that doesn't make their representation forced or bad. To finish off, die mad.
#TW eleanor nightwalker#none of this anger is aimed at you anon i just fucking. hate her lmaooo#that is 8 minutes of my life i will never get back
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GAY SPOCK REAL OR FAKE PLEASE READ
i havenāt been an active tumblr user in about 3 years but SNW and the whole gay spock debate has been occupying enough space in my mind that i felt the need to inflict my opinion onto you all.
as a spirker myself, iām not at all denying that the het romance arcs SNW is pushing for jim and spock are by no means my favorite. i dearly dearly wish that we wouldāve gotten at least SOME queercoding from SNW this season, but iām also not as disappointed as some of you are with the choices the SNW team has made for spockās character. iāve seen quite a few people begging for gay spock (bless u all) and canon spirk from SNW, which is unquestionably the ideal outcome for the series ā and given the way both the writers and actors have reacted to and welcomed fan opinions and questions about where the jim/spock dynamic is heading, i donāt think itās unreasonable at all for us to be optimistic about the showās direction. if sybok can be in a queer relationship, then weāve already gone miles past existing TOS canon in terms of queer rep.
admittedly, SNW has issues (ortegas show us ur girlfriend and the lesbian flag hanging in ur quarters!!! we all know itās there!!), but i struggle to believe that the het romance arcs for jim and spock were written with the intention of convincing fans to ~let go of spirk~ or anything along those lines. in fact, i think the biggest issue that trek fans are having with SNW is wanting it to deliver on all the subtext and queercoding that existed in TOS on an implicit level explicitly and immediately. SNW is a prequel. itās whole job is to set up and develop the relationships that appear in TOS; and it does an amazing job of this for the most part, especially in giving the female characters like una, christine, and tāpring traits other than crippling gene roddenberry syndrome. what iām trying to say is that the SNW writers are doing a good job. yes, even (ESPECIALLY) with spock.
i get why people are protective of his character, i am too, but i donāt understand the lack of faith and, honestly, lack of viewing comprehension, that iām seeing from self proclaimed spock fans. if you were expecting SNW to give us fully formed Nimoy-Spock within the first two seasons, then iām sorry, but youāre a little bit of an idiot. a lot of you both donāt understand the purpose of the show (in general and in relation to spockās development) and donāt value the importance of long form storytelling. in fact, in my ideal world, spirk wouldnāt even be together by the end of SNW. part of the value of the k/s dynamic in TOS was spockās internal struggle with his feelings for jim, a struggle that defines his character, actions, and life throughout TOS and the movies. this is a struggle that isnāt resolved until midway through the movies, and it wouldnāt be doing justice to the canon that created spirk to have their relationship evolve into romance before the events of TOS.
spirk is, and always will be a long form story which derives its value from the fact that it is a Very Very slow burn. for the relationship to retain its value without being watered down by reinterpretation, it needs to have all the turns, pitfalls, and pining that it did in the original canon. although itās entirely possible that the SNW writers have no plans of canonizing spirk, itās also entirely possible that their plans are just a little more long term than what most of the community wants right now. i would far prefer a spirk that begins in 3 seasons of steadily evolving homoerotic friendship than one that jumps the gun and results in an unsatisfying and underbaked depiction of a relationship that deserves to be done justice.
TLDR: be patient!!! stop acting like SNW is actively taking spirk out behind the shed and shooting it!! SNW is already the best new trek to come out of the revival ā give it a little more time and slack to build momentum and solidify its position within paramount and the fan community and youāll be happy you waited.
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