#i just appreciate the thought c:

[bunnihearted]

<3

[somegrumpynerd]

People who post dadmare stuff we are holding hands

[karamazovanon]

saw this post and remembered that i had this sitting in my folder so. take it

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[aroanthy]

the symbolism of revolutionary girl utena is key to understanding what it’s even trying to say narratively and thematically. if you remove the symbolism, if you remove the ways in which the narrative obfuscates itself and abstracts what it’s saying, then what it is saying changes dramatically. if rgu was like ‘yeah lol and did you guys know that incest is bad’ or ‘maybe gay people are good’ or ‘hey did you know that csa victims are Real and Alive and Have Interiority’— like those are all paraphrases of things that it says, but the way that it chooses to say them is so powerful and conveys so much nuance and complexity that those simplistic statements don’t. it provides an incredibly meaningful commentary on the way that systemic violence and abuse are covered up, codified, made part of our culture that supposedly resents those things. it’s examination of incest, the incest taboo and how that impacts incest victims— it’s all so incredibly considered and layered because the show chooses to convey what it’s saying through symbolism, through its metatheatrical framing, through allegory. it retains the reality of these issues; it shows them to us only when we’ve already bought into the system’s lies to make a point about how that operates, how that works to make us all complicit in that violence. nanami. nanami.

dont even get me started on how the movie uses its symbolism to demonstrate how the abuse anthy and touga experienced is simultaneously built into the world and culture they exist in, and always obfuscated and abstracted for the sake of their abusers (also specifically the way that it engenders shame and prevents people from seeking help. rgu is so damn good at understanding how and why people don’t ‘do what they should’ in abusive situations: the systems in place don’t fucking work bc they are an extension of the system built upon that abuse). anthy is the model in all the paintings, the symbol of so many undesirable things, the canvas on which they are painted. her likeness is used as an approximation for all of these awful things, many of which are a part of her in a way, but such that her interiority, her feelings, are never regarded, never seen, never understood. she’s the model. akio is never explicitly named as her painter.

[sundewhasaudhd]

Hey, y’all :D

A couple days ago, I was thinking about an unhealthy relationship I was I had with someone during/right after lockdown, and I was like “hey, just like c!Wilbur with c!Dream lol”. So I decided to post the chain of thoughts I had and put it into the context of c!Wilbur, specifically Revivebur, in my main AU since I haven’t posted anything original (I REALLY need to get caught up on that pride art). It won’t be exactly what I thought (it was a day or two ago after all), but it’ll be pretty similar. So, with that being said, please enjoy my/Revivebur’s vent about a toxic relationship:

Why do I do this? Why do I still downplay your actions in my head? I know you were awful, I constantly say you’re a bitch when I talk about you. And yet, sometimes I still think, “it wasn’t that bad”, “I don’t really know if that was manipulation, I don’t even remember most of it, it was a while ago after all”. But, I know that’s not really true. Others have confirmed that you were awful, I know that you were awful to them. And I remember you making me cry, I hadn’t cried that much in a while. I know you sometimes took advantage of my feelings for you. At least, I think you did. I thought highly of you, even though I saw you treat people badly. I loved was infatuated with you. I remember watching you hurt others. Yet, sometimes i still think “it wasn’t that bad”. Did it count as bullying? Manipulation? Abuse? I don’t know. I think it might. Abuse might be too much. It probably is. But I really don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I don’t remember it because my brain blocked it out, or because of the ADHD. It’s hard to say. I do know you made me feel worthless sometimes. Whether intentionally or not, I can’t say. I just know that… I don’t know. I don’t really know your intentions, I just know that you hurt me. And that hurt others. But there I go again, with that stupid, stupid thought of “hey, maybe it wasn’t that bad” and “you’re probably just over exaggerating”. I’m sure you weren’t trying to hurt me. Then again, maybe you were. But why would you do that? How you that benefit you? “It wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t that bad.” “Why are you like this? You weren’t important enough to him for it to be intentional.” “I know he’s bad, I know he’s bad, I KNOW HE’S BAD.” I’ve come to this conclusion so many times before, so why, why is there sometimes that little voice that says “it wasn’t that bad”? The people I’ve talked to about it all agree you were awful to me, and so did I. So why do I keep thinking “it wasn’t that bad”. “IT WAS YOUR FAULT. YOU DESERVED IT. HE DID NOTHING WRONG TO YOU. YOU JUST WHAT TO FEEL LIKE PEOPLE HAVE DONE BAD THINGS TO YOU. YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER MOST OF IT, HOW CAN YOU SAY HE WAS AWFUL. IT WASN’T THAT BAD, IT WASN’T THAT BAD, IT WASN’T THAT BAD, IT WASN’T THAT BAD. IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT.” I… I’m done thinking about this.

I should go paint or something

That sounds like a good idea

Wait, I should probably take my meds first

Alright, what should I paint

Stop being thinking about it, just paint

Not thinking, just painting

This is hard, not thinking

Though, I guess it doesn’t matter if I think

How do I decide what to think though

Any thought is fine, just not…

Try not to think about him

But it’s not that easy

All my thoughts, they just lead back to…

Dream.

“IT WASN’T THAT BAD IT WASN’T THAT BAD IT WASN’T THAT BAD IT WASN’T THAT BAD IT WASN’T THAT BAD IT WASN’T BAD AT ALL IT WASN’T BAD AT ALL IT WASN’T BAD AT ALL IT WASN’T BAD AT ALL HE MADE YOU SO HAPPY HE WAS WONDERFUL TO YOU HE WAS WONDERFUL HE WAS PERFECT YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-”

“YOU DON’T THINK THAT YOU DON’T THINK THAT YOU DON’T THINK THAT!”

“-YOU LOVED HIM YOU LOVED HIM YOU LOVED HIM HE COULD’VE LOVED YOU YOU’RE JUST UNLOVABLE-”

“YOU HATE HIM YOU HATE HIM YOU HATE HIM YOU HATE HIM!”

“-HE DIDN’T LOVE YOU SO WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE”

Why. Am. I. Like. This. Why am I still thinking about you? It’s like I’m back at the van, hoping that you’d love me back. Why do you just pop in my head sometimes? I know that I hate you, that you were awful, and yet, whenever I think about it, there always that little voice that says “IT. WASN’T. THAT. BAD. :)”

Yo, Sundew here. This turned out REALLY long. A lot longer than I expected, that for sure. Again these alert my exact thoughts, but it’s the same general thoughts. By the way, I think this’d be really cool a comic. I’d do it, but I don’t have the best record when it comes to finishing comics. But if anyone else thinks that this would be interesting as a comic, and would like to make it, you can dm/Tumblr message (still don’t know what it’s called) me or send me an ask about it. (PLEASE, SOMEONE IN THIS FANDOM, PLEASE MAKE THIS A COMIC, IT’D MEAN I LOT TO ME). Anyways, have a good day/night, bye :D

[xbraveheartx]

I was reading the post under your screenshots of Romeo. I'm curious. What is your theory on Romeo's death? Before he became a puppet?

Hmmm... I gave this some thought, so bear with me on this! Hear me out:

If we look at his skin here, prior to the explosion that burnt him... you'll see he still has kinda... dark spots on him? And his dialogue during the fight is very flame oriented.

Not to mention his Ergo, the very reflection of his heart, is titled "Burnt-White King's Ergo" and while it feels sorta like a copout, I feel like just maybe Romeo was victim to a fire. Krat was kinda burnt to the ground in a lot of places, after all. Subject 826 says so himself! And I really don't think he just means the newly burnt Opera House.

There's also the fire in the main section of Rosa Isabelle Street. So what I'm saying is... maybe... Romeo, after Carlo's death, graduated and became a Stalker himself. Remember, Carlo gave Romeo his own graduation pendant, meaning... Romeo hadn't graduated yet! Is Romeo maybe a grade behind? Younger? Less experienced, and therefore, made to stay longer? Who knows... But in the end, maybe, perhaps, as his duty to the people, he was helping people in, specifically, Rosa Isabelle Street? And got overwhelmed by the puppets there and died in a fire/burning building? (Leaning towards burning building, because his face prior to explosion doesn't look charred... just kinda dusty. So maybe a building collapse?)

Also, I'm comfortable saying he died at Rosa Isabelle Street because it's there that we find the "Notes from an Experiment" document!

His body had to have been close enough to drag into the Opera House in secret to experiment on, y'know? So I'm thinking maybe it's definitely his resting place (twice over, oof). It'd also be really sad if he really didn't even realize he had died? Like the death had been instantaneous.

"When the boy opened his eyes..." As in, one moment he was okay, and the next?? He was... not where he thought he would suddenly wake up at. Kinda my take on that...

This was extremely long, I apologize for that!! But thank you for the question!!!! ♡ It's loving Romeo hours up in here, he died trying to do what's right, I'm standing by that!!! How he took it upon himself to use his new found power to fight against the disease and alchemists just says enough of his character to say he definitely died being a hero!!

[sysig]

You’ve caught my Wandering Eye ♥ (Patreon)

[elisedonut]

Give Percy weasley a purse

So he can be a Perce with a Purse

[rosylamb]

I really appreciate you opening up about your father. That sounds really personal and also really difficult both what he is going through and what you all are going through. I don't really have a lot to share but just that I appreciate your openness about what is going on with you and I want to send positive energy and support and for you to know that among your followers there are people who really care.

Dear friend ･｡ ⊹ 🎀🧸

I am sorry this is so late !!

Because I truly appreciate the warmth and compassion you have shared *so* much ♡

It’s just hard for me to talk about my father, though I do share what I can as I believe in honesty!

And what if someone else is having a hard time, too?

Maybe they are losing or have lost a loved one or they are having some hardship?

So it might comfort them to see they are not alone c:

But it is still hard .. my father’s disease is a lot for me very often (I cry pretty much every day)

God is walking in this valley with me, however, and despite all I am still amazed at all the small joys He brings me, and how blessed I am ♡

Like *this*! Your kind words, and encouragement — you are a blessing to me, and have given me something to smile about today !!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, friend c:

I send much love and light to you in return! Please take care, and have a really *really* happy day today ~ !! XO

(Also a hug and some of the little cakes I’m baking .. they are looking so nice! I used a fancy heart shaped cupcake pan and some heart sprinkles and they’re gonna be sooo yummy I just know it !!)

🤍 ･ ｡ ⊹

⊹ ♡ * ･｡ ⊹ 🎀

🩰 ⊹ 🧁 ♡

♡ ⊹ * 🧸 ˚ . 🤍

[moeblob]

But consider: You are allowed to be happy. Borgar can make happy.

True, but the counter consider: unemployed. That's rent money I can't be spending on $250 borgplush.......... I wish I had funding but alas.

(and no way can I expect or would I want someone to give me that much for something I do want but do not need.)

[xstarlightxstarbrightx]

thoughts on how the Liyue Archon quest went [5]

Bolai: so what kinda silk flowers u guys want Paimon: uh. the good kind? Bolai: Zhongli: lists the flowers Bolai: oh i see, u three must be this fine gentlemen's servants then! please refrain from contributing further! Kaeya: Lumi: ???? bro. Bolai: anyway!

i love how, immediately after, Zhongli just,,, yaps about flowers. he's so silly, and he yaps so much. and also Kaeya and Lumine are just like "oh,,, he's so knowledgeable,,,, and also his voice pretty,,,,,,,,"

and then immediately it's followed up with "oh do you have any mora to pay for these flowers?"

anyway, the Traveler Trio go off to get the flowers turned into perfume after the whole thing, while Zhongli goes and waits by the Statue of the Seven. while i am focusing mainly on Lumine and Kaeya rn, i do think that currently, Zhongli's just,,, burdened by such a heavy weight? he's probably still thinking about this decision he's made, and is probably consistently thinking of the outcome it'll have. he's a God of Contracts currently thinking heavily about this Big Ass Contract(tm) that he's got rn. so it makes sense that he kinda just,,, stops to stare at this Statue of his Divinity.

meanwhile, with the Traveler Trio goes off to like,,, talk to women abt perfume.

Paimon: [in reference to some NPC i forgot] Paimon remembers she smells pretty good! Lumi: Lumi: we barely spoke to her when we first arrived here, why are you SNIFFING PEOPLE, PAIMON Kaeya: even by Lumi's standards, that's weird.

anyway, Lumine gets a Weird Vibe(tm) from Ying'er and Kaeya, meanwhile, is personally very concerned and disturbed by the,,, innuendos that Ying'er uses when chatting with them.

on the way back to Zhongli, I like to imagine that Lumi tells Kaeya about her theory while Paimon is charging ahead. she's incredibly adamant about him being the Geo Archon, but Kaeya's not convinced. the current belief he holds is that Zhongli is more likely an adeptus of some kind—because Zhongli's DEFINITELY not human. but the God of Commerce not knowing about Mora??? pleaaaase.

and while Lumi's like 100% sure, Kaeya makes the joke that 'maybe Zhongli was just a simp for Rex Lapis before he died or something, lmao'.

and then they walk in on Zhongli staring at the Statue and kind of being Zoned Out(tm) and Kaeya's just like "hmmmmmmmmmmm"

[beaniebabs]

i don't wanna brag or anything but i finished my first college semester with 3 A's B)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

as kids who love horror and like theatre enough to repeated do that, brooke rodgers & zeke matthews getting to do that true combo event: i mean, trick-or-treat / becostumed halloween larping of course, but also putting together &/or putting on any event wherein there's Decorating an Environment to be hallowscary....making some form of haunted house walkthrough deal, manning your own trick-or-treat stop and making it into an Experience for anyone, throwing a halloween party that is Not a winetasting vibe Yes babadooks Absolutely going all-in on the Theme beyond just "idk have a costume Maybe"

[meatmensch]

not gonna go to the effort of finding it but @pussypopstiel's post about john not caring about dean being queer because he just doesn't care about him...i think of it often ngl. and bro. yet another way i'm deancoded as hell

[capyclub]

🙃🔫.