#i hope you heal. really i do
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#if you lurk my tumblr it’s only fair if i lurk your snap#if you’re dreaming about me that’s a skill issue#i have nothing to do with that lmao get an amethyst under your pillow or perhaps a black tourmaline#i ghosted bc you were casting love magic behind my back and without my consent after months of you being manipulative and entitled#i was grieving my dead cat and you had the audacity to demand i pour from an empty cup#but i’m the villain right#because i still live in the area#and walk around my own neighborhood that i’ve lived in longer than you have#i hope you heal. really i do#because removing myself from that situation sucked.#i didn’t want to have to protect myself from you after trusting you#you violated my body and my spirit#i’m not playing games here. i’m just trying to live my life. but don’t you fucking dare make yourself out to be the victim here.#i have no interest in this kind of game.#i’m literally just trying to avoid you. lest you decide my autonomy doesn’t matter again.
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Never underestimate the healing power of a good meal!
(For @nibbelraz!)
#Poorly drawn svsss#svsss#mobei jun#shang qinghua#Noodle soup really is the most healing meal when you are sick.#SQH probably lived off instant ramen and misses it dearly. Hamster man needs his salt lick.#A pack of instant ramen would kill someone from the era SVSSS bases its world off of. He'd still do it.#MBJ's cooking is probably not very seasoned either. I imagine he's not the type to use more ingredients than necessary.#Love is a powerful seasoning though. A meal with people you care about tastes so much better than a meal alone.#Moshang lovers; this one is for you. I hope you are well fed this week on both substance and love.#Next time I draw them I will remember to shrink down SQH back to his handheld size.#Let's go with 'MBJ used..demon magic to be smaller.' That's fitting for the setting right? Demon magic can fill any (plot) hole.#Thank you again for being lovely to work with and for your participation in the raffle!
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I used to scent these flowers constantly💮💮
#i feel you linger in the air#i feel you linger in the air the series#ifylita#thai series#yaijom#nonkul chanon#bright rapheephong#them pretty lads....#my art#nandskarth#fanart#doodling them could really counted as healing😭👌#pretty show#also sup phrendsssss#so sorry just show up again life's been super messy atp#and i'll be gone again ig😔👋#hope y'all doing well!!! take care!!!
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#helllloooo alll. I thought it'd be perfect to come back today#today is my bdayyy yaaay. ✨#its one of those melancholic ones#when u ponder your existence#but its okay#watched ai no wakusei since it was made in 2004 like me 😔💔#btw#i hope ill be able to ne more active here again#ive just been really busy w school n life and my mental health went 20000 steps down so yes. i hope itll just get better#this bday is always bittersweet#well since its the 19th#itll always be#honestly ive been avoiding subrosa even until now cuz my mental health is so shit i cant even imagine how subrosa will make me feel. but im#on it. i honestly miss all of u guys so much. ye probably not many of u care but still#i like this place. it feels somewhat like home. even tho i still feel out of place sometimes its still comforting being here. whatever lol#havent yapped in a while so im vomiting words. love you all. im hoping the depressive episode will leave my ass finally.#u know its bad when u havent watched bt lives since around mid november#but its okay ai no wakusei somewhat healed me. so im hoping for the best now (says this every month and ends up worse)#yeah.#🥰#buck tick#atsushi sakurai#ameoto ha Chopin no Shirabe#even if i cant come back yet im thinking abt all of u n love u. take care of yourselves and yes. do stuff you love. smell roses. look at th#moon that's been soooo beautiful lately 🥺 love#Spotify
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you are literally faking all of your “problems” for attention. I have bpd, past severe subst abuse problems, suicidal treatment resistant depression, abuse history and I’m not on here all ditzy posting kittens and tits, in fact my shit on here is disgusting and scary. No one with severe problems has a lil flower blog, just lying and begging 4 money making us REAL troubled ppl look fake as u are
So because I post images of kittens and tits I don’t have the mental illnesses I’ve been diagnosed with? Where’s the logic like this is the most absurd stupid thing I’ve heard in a while and it’s actually incredibly harmful to think like this.
I think maybe you should not be on this website or the internet at all if this is how you’re going to act
I hope you feel better bc this is not how you treat people 🖤 and this entire take in general is very very dumb
Here’s screenshots of my ongoing health conditions :) I cropped out a couple bc I felt like it lol
I’m sorry that I don’t solely post depressing negative shit. I don’t see a reason to do that. My goal here is to lift people up not tear them down. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever
You need help babe. Badly
#you’re very very misguided and taking your own pain out on strangers who have done nothing wrong isn’t going to help#I WISH I was faking.#I’m trying to heal sis why would I consume and spread solely negative content?????#‘lil flower blog’ has me deaddd ☠️#it’s so hard to stomach what a nasty horrible bitch this person is#I hope you feel incredibly stupid#I have over 3x the mental problems you do but I don’t go around rubbing that shit in anyone’s face. weird ass#my doctors put my bpd diagnosis in as mood disorder so I can avoid the stigma that comes along with bpd in the medical system#it was really cool of them to do that
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one thing I find really interesting, and kind of sad, about Scaramouche/Wanderer, is that, despite currently being in his healing era, he's still concerningly nonchalant about a lot of his backstory. Let's take Dottore for an example. The Wanderer says, in hs voicelines, something along the lines of being disappointed that he has destroyed all his segments, because he would have liked to destroy them by himself, and in Inversion of Genesis, he says he will seek revenge on Dottore eventually. Should be a sign of him confronting his trauma, and to an extent, it is, but the way it's portrayed in game makes it seem like his desire to get revenge on Dottore is primarily motivated by what happened to Niwa. Which is valid, it was Dottore who did that, but it's a little concerning that we don't really hear Scaramouche/Wanderer complain about the whole human experiment thing, no? Sure, he agreed to it and states that he participated voluntarily, but it's a little disconcerting that Nahida describes it as genuine torture, and for Scaramouche, it's kind of just a secondary thing. Of course, if we go with the three betrayals, obviously Niwa's death messed him up a lot as well, but after Inversion of Genesis it kind of seems like getting revenge on Dottore is part of his whole self-atonement thing, since Dottore killing Niwa led to Scara eventually killing all those blacksmiths. I do wonder if they'll elaborate on any of this when we get their confrontation ingame- because I do think there will be one. I'd really like to know whether Wanderer's reasoning for revenge is really anchored primarily in Dottore's murder of Niwa, like it seems to me rn, or if we'll get some lines about the experiments as well. I think it could honestly be part of the healing process, having him want revenge for the sake of others at first, and later accepting that he can want it for himself as well. I think maybe he's still a lil hung up about the fact that his other attempts at getting revenge turned out to be him hurting innocent people, since Niwa never did betray him, so he might need to take some time to accept that he can still want revenge for himself as well
#anyways that concludes my ramble for today#scaramouche is so well written and I really love him. I hope we get more insight in his trauma as mean as that sounds#I think its so interesting to note the more subtle ways that his backstory messed him up#like yes there's the obvious with Ei; the gnosis and the betrayals#but having his whole life turn out to be a lie? the fact that he thought he was getting revenge but the betrayal never happened?#thats gonna mess someone up too#I do also wonder how much of it is intentional on Dottore's part#hell even his failed ascension might have been planned- theres some theories on the “divine gaze” translation from the lazzo trailer#appparently it might refer to a vision in which case uh. Scara honey youre in danger#like imagine going through all that trauma; failing at the one thing you always wanted#and then you finally start healing#only to figure out it was all planned#Really excited for this guys future. unless he dies. then I'll quit life#anywaysa#genshin impact#scaramouche#fatui#fatui harbingers#I do have high hopes that he wont die#mainly because showing a character that has 2 canonical suicide attempts die on screen to progress the story might not be the uh#most intelligent thing in terms of storytelling
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I feel like Crystal is going to have so much going on in season 2, and she is probably not going to handle it super well at first… just a guess
She’s trying to piece together her old life, coming to terms with who she was (not a very nice person) and who she is now that she has her memories again, her parents didn’t even notice that she went missing, Niko “died” saving her and I suspect she’ll have no small amount of grief over that, and David is buried in her mind and we already know he’s going to cause problems with the tree if he stays there too long. That’s. That’s a lot. Poor Crystal :/
#if Niko does somehow make contact with the group I bet you it’ll be through Crystal too.#you know because she won’t have enough going on with everything else fjdjxkcm#it’s also why I don’t see any kind of relationship with Charles progressing in s2 beyond like. maybe a few more kisses.#she just won’t be in the right headspace for that. also I suspect Charles will have some discoveries of his own to think about#*cough* ‘do I have feelings for my best friend’ *cough*#I do hope we see Crystal getting to talk with Emma. her ancestors more. Jenny.#I think it’s really good how Crystal healing from her amnesia and discovering herself involves not just support from the boys#but from a good array of other women who care about her#dead boy detectives#storyrambles#crystal palace#random thoughts
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cole not showing up in veilguard despite literally joining solas & his cause is so... then again the whole fen'harel agents and elven rebellion plot was scrapped and solas' character was reduced to going oooo rook you wanna repeat the cycle of abuse and indentured servitude i am in currently ooooo rook you wanna be me soooo bad ooooo rook you wanna kill the evanuris for me and then i'll tear down the veil anyway oooooo rook go prey on your companions' trust in you to kill themselves for you like i was willing to do for mythal. oh u got her to forgive me? oh and the inquisitors here too and they forgive me? oh and you forgive me even though it's clear idgaf about you or your opinions? well alright the veil can stay. despite the fact that it's obviously deteriorating anyway and me making the black city golden again won't do a fucking thing. ok i'll go :)
#solas in memories also has ?? so much to say why he's rebelling etcetc#and obviously he's already explained this to inq and rook's seen it firsthand#but it's still so funny how it's like well idk man i got hired by the allmother and built her a nuke so ig i'll just nuke this new world#and hope she's like really chill about me nuking her people AGAIN. and if not then idk!#the answer is clearly a nuke tho don't tell me otherwise#even when talking ab & to elgar'nan it's not rly anything#like dont use my creators / friends name against me when ure the one who blighted her#n elgar'nan's like ohhh eat a dick wolfboy#but like they never even tell us why they betrayed her like clearly mythal had no qualms joining the evanuris#like was her going dont nuke the world the last straw??#n like we never rly learn what regret mythal thinks ab them apary from ohhh they killed me eat shit#but then shes also like ohhhh solas is a bitch eat shit#n then we just have to be like ok queen but u could undo all of this n heal#n shes like man alright but i'm doing it for YOU and cus i'm a stunt queen#veilguard critical#datvs spoilers#its jus so....
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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they for real just had wander call himself worthless with no objection or indication that he’s wrong and it never got brought up again and that’s just how he sees himself apparently probably likely not
#actually illegal#out of everything that got lost with the cancellation of this show the thing that im the absolute most angry at is the wander character-#-exploration and the huge challenge he would’ve undergone in s3#just:./…. he has his moments where hes confident and even vain and i love those moments cuz it shows that you can be as beautiful and-#-helpful as he is while also loving yourself a whole lot and putting yourself first.#but to think that aside from that he just sees himself as a tool for others that shouldn’t exist if he’s not of service to anybody . Yeeoech#and the way the episode the helper is immediately after this which is just an episode of wander freaking out bc nobody needs him that day#so he can’t do anything#i really hope it’s apparent i’d die for wander in a heartbeat he heals me#wander over yonder
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S E V E R A N C E
#my art#furry art#blood cw#i guess. just in case. i dont rrrrreally know how to tag this art haha its just personal emotions#i'm REALLY pleased with it as a digital collage piece. one of my fav mediums to work in#textures as always from unsplash as is my usual gameplan for sourcing them#if you want the meaning behind this piece its fairly simple#just a commentary on feelings of how a fight for freedom and self governance always hurts and is hard but you have to do it anyway#you will bite your leg and bleed to sever the string binding you but you will heal free rather than living this half life#this is about my own inner turmoil of struggling between the want to transition and the knowlege of how much of my current network i will#lose and how much my life will change in ways that will hurt.#it is also about some other personal feelings along these lines of conflicts of staying unhurt but not free or hurting but gaining freedom#but i dont really feel like getting into much more. i hope u enjoy the art tho#and please like. dont be a dick? about it? its the first piece ive been physically well enough to do in a while#so if you dont like it or you think its embarrasing or you want to make jokes just like. maybe dont? thank youuuuuu
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just watched the barbie movie everyone was discoursing about last year and I can't help but feel like a lot of the problems in its execution could have been avoided if the kid character's arc had been about learning to embrace girly stuff as an act of rebellion against the adultification of teen girls while barbie went full butch transmasc
#deerchatter#i know why they didn't do that obvs the writers haven't a fucking clue what a feminism is and the bosses prefer it that way#but it's fun to think about what a good version of the premise could have looked like. there were interesting pieces on the board#the kid character could have been interesting if her arc had been about rejecting barbie bc of increasing awareness of the association#between femininity and weakness. but in wanting to gain respect she started acting and dressing like a young woman because she's at that age#where girls begin to be rewarded for being a more subdued and quote-unquote natural kind of feminine.#she could have become friends with barbie as a symbolic way to heal her inner child#meanwhile barbie takes the you-can-be-anything message to its logical extreme and decides what she wants to be is the one thing mattel will#never let her be: gender non-conforming#these 2 character arcs and where they intersect could have told the same story much better i think#emphasis on personal choice/growing up/social rebellion/embracing what will really make you happy#while also covering multiple ways to handle gendered expectations. pick out the parts you like or throw the whole gender out. both r good!#anyway i have to admit this movie was disappointing. i knew it wasn't gonna be woke but i thought it would still be a bit more fun ....#was hoping for a guilty pleasure kind of experience but even setting aside that hard thematic fumble it's underwhelming :(
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rip in honor of an anon who asked me to have ravenstan and jerseykyle write them something cute ( smh jk )
this never fails to be funny to me
#i am shit posting but at least i am free if i could do cursive this would be so good bc u know jks cursive is so beautiful#and so scary i would kms#also jks teacher handwriting and ravenstans lopsided lefthanded scribble scrabble ( not him spelling it wrong ) god bless you baby#why do the handwriting posts amuse me so much#u know when they leave each other notes it’s so funny#rip all my lost anons#i loved u so bad#CHOKE!#not ravenstan being so lovely and jersekyle being NASTY#LIKE YOU ARE IN TIME OUT#GO RIGHT NOW#like i could tell him to do anything#just kidding bestie do whatever u want#HOPE THAT HELPS!#HTH IS THE NEW HOPE YOU HEAL#I AM IN PAAAAAAIN#EVIL EVIL MAN#sorry they both kinda look like me...trying to write in two different handwriting styles is...uh harder than it looks#but ravenstan only writes in captial letters and texts in lower case letters and its basically illegible but very enthusiastic#and he draws cute things and is so so so nice and wonderful#and jerseykyle is only formal and MEAN and horrible#jfc ravenstan really Does have rockstarboy starpower handwring like its messy as fuck but you can tell he loves you so much#ly goodboy badboy king ur my hero and jerseykyle one chance u would kick me in the face and kick me out the fire escape#but it would be worth it ( he wont let u kiss him above the collar bone tho so thats an L and if u leave a mark he will kill u )#*me thinking abt jk kissing rs on the cheek after their hate and slamming the door hsadklhas* EEEW LIKE WE GET IT! UR GAY#ITS NOT PRIDE MONTH PACK IT UP HOMOS EEEEEeWWW
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bro my adrenaline is through the roof holy shit
#that was the most intense zombies match 😂#i really like the new map#i legit thought i fucked us all#it reminds me so much of house of ashes#like i really loved doing the citadel easter eggs#which is learned you don’t actually get a blueprint#it’s just the legendary pistol 😂#BUT AFTER LIKE 50 TRIES I FINISHED MAYAS SECRET QUEST#i’m actually so proud of myself#i didn’t think i was gonna hear those beastly fickers#i was hoping we could all do it together#but apparently only one maya can go through#healing aura saved my ass twice 😂
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It's taking me ages to write this chapter because every time I look through old VODs / notes to check something, I come across moments like this that make me want to lie down face-first on the floor:
[Context: Pac commits to the idea of taking the Happy Pills so he can create a cure. He's about to write a note to Cellbit to explain his plan.]
Pac: If Cellbit puts himself in this position, it's worse for everyone, because Cellbit is smarter when it comes to coming up with strategic plans, so he is the thinking mind of the Favela Five group, so if he no longer has the mind, he’s not capable of solving this whole problem, you know? But if I put myself in this position to help Cellbit so he can get the cure... You understand? It's better if I'm the bait. Right? I can't- I can't carry things alone guys, I've already lost Mike [...] if I lose Cellbit and I alone had to carry things, I won't be able to. But I think Cellbit can manage better. He is more independent, and he has Roier. He has a husband. I'm trying to– to be lucid here, understand? That's all.
Date: September 11, 2023 || Timestamp: 03:10:10
#i talk#qsmp talk#Oh Pac... :((((#I know the Happy Pills arc is soured for a lot of us (for valid reasons) but I still love it because of how vital it is to Pac's character#This arc is what solidified him as my favorite character. He was so brave and he's so full of love and grief#Aghh. Those self-worth issues man... :(((#Pac cubito I carry you in my heart forever and ever and always#fic talk#I don't know if it's funny or miserable that whenever I fact-check myself thinking#''Am I misremembering this / misrepresenting this? Is this too grim?''#The answer is no I hit it dead center#I love Pac's dynamic with all the Favela members but Pac and Cellbit's relationship dynamic has so many layers#it's fascinating to explore#Especially since in the stream before this he had a complete breakdown because he was terrified Cell was going to come back#Love and fear and friendship and anger and hate and healing...#So many layers#The murderer who once mauled him who he left to die#Now a dear friend and co-parent of his son#It's fascinating#What breaks my heart is when Cellbit finds out Pac took the Happy Pills a few days later and they have a confrontation#Cellbit tells him ''You were my only hope- the only scientific person who could create a cure; how are we supposed to save you?''#''We still had one another and now I'm alone!'' <– As always please take my translation with a grain of salt#But man. MAN.... Pac saying Cellbit will be fine he can handle things on his own and he has Roier#vs. Cellbit having the same fears of being left alone#I wonder if; even for a moment; he remembered what it felt like when Pac (e Mike) abandoned him on that Island after Fuga#Obviously he realized / later learned why Pac took the pills but AGH!!!!!!!!!! It hurts.#I wish they logged on at the same time more frequently I WISH we got to see them interact more#I can't really explore this too much in the Fit Pac fic but I am delving into it in the Pac fic#I don't think I'll go as in-depth with the Happy Pill stuff as I'm doing in this fic though. This has been exhausting. It's a heavy arc#(Stream date: September 13 2023 || Timestamp 1:34:00 for Cellbit's POV of that conversation btw)
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.
#on Friday one of my students was like 'are you a swiftie' and i said yes#and this one boy was like i have never heard you mention her#and i gave myself a mental high five for my own restraint#i have really tried to tamp down on that this year because things just get out of hand too fast otherwise#then of course 6th period came around and my defenses were gone and it was Friday and several students were gone#so I spoke on her and what I believed her legacy would be lol#and then I felt really bad about that decision :((((( for some reason#the kids loved it. but that is no sign that it was the right call!#anyway still reflecting#i did love that the student didn't know#i really want to be restrained both in general but especially about Taylor in my professional setting#and just. not be opening myself up to needless barbs about her but also not alienating people?#i HATE alienating people i want to reach all of them and the less I have standing in my way the better#so kind of constantly diffusing what threatens to blow up out of proportion#is like. half of my job#another student asked me immediately afterwards if i liked Kanye and i said gently that i did not know Kanye's music so i couldn't tell him#but like. i'm not getting into it you know? i'm not getting into the Taylor Culture Wars or whatever. I will not fan the flames of that#with students especially. but also i do care about her she's such a real part of my heart and my outlook#that sometimes I feel compelled to speak!#and just let them know what's going on in my heart#but yeah. as with many feelings relating to Taylor i often feel bad or foolish immediately afterwards for being vulnerable#kind of no position more vulnerable than taking the side of a millionaire pop star that people love to hate on#kidding!!! but I mean it's not wholly untrue#i like to think i try to move the space of the conversation immediately into something both grounded and relevant#when I do bring her up. and hopefully away from the worst bits of the inflammatory nature of Taylor discussions.#i hope it's healing for somebody/does any good.#but i have no way of knowing#i'm just rambling. it's saturday night and i had half a very strong drink#so my mind's just mulling.
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