#i hope people get the pun

[shadedheart138]

I Left My Body Lying Somewhere In The Sands Of Time

This piece of writing focuses on a certain coping mechanism that I don't know if everyone is comfortable with, so I'm putting a border up. And here, I will put a definition! "Age regression is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when someone's thoughts, emotions, or behaviors revert to a younger developmental stage. It can be a temporary or long-term response to stress, trauma, or other factors, and it can happen at any age."

So this is NOT A KINK, and I only say this due to the people I know are out there who perceive it as such. People have this in real life. People cope with this in real life. This is just a personal headcanon that I was learning how to write with, and I'm doing my best to know all the research. Please let me know if anything doesn't fit or doesn't seem right or anything that I've gotten wrong, I'm trying to learn.

If you don't want to read it, no one is forcing you to. Be safe, readers!

Time was supposed to be unshakable, wasn't he? Their leader, the man everyone turned to for answers? When something goes wrong, who's the first person everyone knew had the answer to the given problem? Always ready to give advice. Ready to comfort. Old and wise.

So why was he curled in the trunk of an old tree, not feeling old at all?

His adventures had been hell, with time travel. More than double of his lifespan had been spent as a child. But he was in his late thirties now, he was sure, so why did he suddenly feel so small like the world was too big and he wanted to hide? Where was the strong leader people looked for?

He was gone, and a child was left in his place.

Link sniffled and cried, hugging himself. Thankfully they'd been at his and Malon's ranch, so whatever this... this was, was at least occurring in woods he knew were safe. But to someone who felt so small, feeling like the treetops hit the sky, like his memory wasn't quite there or complete, the forest was a maze. Almost like he was nine again. If Time was Time, he'd walk home in five minutes, no problem. But he... Was he Link out of Termina? Link after beating Ganon? Where was the math, what was his age? Would the Mask of Truth show him how old he really was, deep inside?

Was he nine, seventeen, sixteen, eight, five, thirteen, eighteen, or thirty six? That was too many numbers to think of. Masks he could do. He knew them, he wore them, he was the person inside for a bit. Somebody different. Certainly not the mess he was now.

He couldn't walk out, no problem, this time.

Link's hands- at least he knew he was Link, if not anything else. Was that a comfort or a curse? - fumbled at his belt. So many masks usually lined his belt. Where did they all go? The details were fuzzy. Only three of them were still there. At least there were three and they weren't all gone.

He hit his elbow on the tree and instead of flinching, his cries renewed, quiet and confused. Ow, why were even the trees being mean to him today??? It wasn't fair! It wasn't his fault that his limbs were too long and he was too tall and he felt too old to sit here and cry. Brain and body were not the same. Both complex in different ways. All mixed and matched and jumbled. He couldn't quite get a proper grasp on that feeling in the back of his brain, starting to spread and bleed fuzzily into the rest of his consciousness.

Link sniffled and rubbed his eyes. Right, what was he trying to do again? Masks? Ah. The first one he'd ever held.

He unclipped the Deku Mask with shaking, too-big fingers and cradled it gently. Perfect. He sniffled again. " 'M sorry." His voice was thick and small. He then slipped the mask over his face.

XXX

Why did transformations hurt so much? He'd forgotten how much they hurt. He didn't want to hurt. Had he, at some point, gotten used to it? But when had he had the chance to forget, it couldn't have been that long ago?

No matter. Link was maybe a little shorter than he was at nine, with the mask, and that almost cured his sniffles completely. Small in both body and mind, perfect! Matched like Malon's favorite cucco socks! But now what was he going to do, in these woods, in the late hours of the day? It was rapidly getting dark.

Being small wasn't useful in the dark.

And oh, Link didn't like the dark. Things that screamed and cried and took your life lived in the dark. The moon lived in the dark. Majora. Ganon. They all lived in the dark and he was surrounded by it, barely able to see the trees. No fairy to light his way. No song of home faintly heard through the trees to be his guide. Not even a night light.

He burst into tears again.

Link's tears weren't really there, seeing as he was effectively a Deku Scrub. There were no tears to cry. But the frantic breathing was there, the choked sounds in the back of his throat where vocal chords used to be. His hands were clumsy, made of wood, but they were small, how he wanted, needed, felt. How would he get home?

Oh, no no no, Link couldn't go home. They would think he was so silly, Mido would laugh. But was he going home to the Kokiri, or home to Malon? Would Malon think he was silly? His boys?

He didn't want to think of his boys. Link wasn't someone's dad. Being a parent was an adult job. And Link had just made the rule that he wasn't allowed to think of adults, effective immediately. Perfect rule, and rules were to be followed. Rules kept you safe.

So, instead of trying to go home, he scampered off deeper into the woods. He could find fairies, some light. And maybe when he felt better, they could guide him home. Navi always seemed so good at that.

XXX

"Where the fuck is he??" Warriors hissed, looking at the darkness outside. Time had gone out hours ago, claiming he needed firewood. It didn't take hours to gather wood from a stack of wood that was already chopped. He'd seemed a little detached as he told Warriors where he was going, but Warriors had chalked it up to needing some alone time from everything around.

"He jus' fuckin' up an' vanished." Twilight was pacing again. Time wasn't known for just disappearing. Or for saying he was going one place and turning up in another. That was Wild and Hyrule's job. Sometimes Legend's, if he was pissed off enough.

"It's nearly night, don't you think-" Four was cut off by Warriors grabbing his sword.

"I'll go get him. He's somewhere out here. I'll find him. He can't be far."

XXX

Oh, Link was so far away from home, and he wanted to go home NOW. Forget looking silly, the trees were all looking at him and they were mad and there was no moon and he could hear all the noises the forest made. He wanted to go home.

Link made soft, wounded noises, heading this way and that. No fairy bushes, no mushroom lights. No Navi. No Tatl. Just the dark and ohhelpno-

A very small hole he'd wedged a foot into. Had something grabbed him? Link pulled and pulled, but his foot was stuck and tight. Maybe some sort of burrow? He'd know if he was bigger. For sure. Link whined softly. He could hear the forest moving, which meant he had to GO GO GO or else something would find him and snatch him and he'd be gone forever-

Footsteps, quietly crunching, soft to try and not be heard. Link held his breath.

And immediately lost it in a grating sob, unnatural in the transformed body. Link's hands were too clumsy, no matter if they felt the right size. He couldn't magically dig himself out of the burrow-hole. The footsteps were getting faster, more urgent. Link couldn't get up, couldn't get free, one more footstep, Link curled up over himself, two more, hands on his face, covered in dirt one more two more three and four- "Heyyyy, shh. Are you okay?" The voice was warm, calming. As if talking to a frightened, wild animal. "I'm not here to hurt you, just looking for a- Time?" A time? What a funny thing to be looking for. Vaguely, Link recalled that he responded to that name. He paid it no mind, instead continuing to try and wiggle free.

XXX

Warriors looked down at this... Deku Scrub? That clearly seemed to be Time. The scar, the eyes, even the markings had transferred. Time was making an odd rattling noise, sort of like shaking deku nuts in a bottle. Trying to talk? Trying to explain? No. Warriors noted that it was some attempt at Hylian crying, though the body wasn't built for the sound.

Oh, dear.

"Okay, okay, I'll just- I'll try to figure out what's going on, okay? Is- is it some sort of curse? Can I break it? Here let me-" Warriors reached under Time's arms to lift him free, and Time was immediately clinging to him.

XXX

A curse? Was he cursed? Link cried into Warriors' neck. He knew Warriors, knew him from stern talks and warm mugs and being carried when he was too sleepy to walk. Warriors was safe. And he'd brought light with him! Link sniffled again, hands fisted in Warriors' scarf.

Warriors started to pat him down and check him over.

"Are you hurt? Are you okay? You've been gone hours, Time."

Link shook his head. But he didn't answer the second question, nor did he respond much to his name. Warriors found the small dip under Link's chin that meant that he was wearing a mask. Warriors frowned.

"Hey, can you look at me?"

Link looked up at him.

"Are you wearing a mask?" Link nodded slowly.

"Sprite, why? You've told me you don't like using those." Link jolted at the nickname and watched Warriors with wide eyes. 'Helps', Link signed, struggling to properly move his hands the way they should for the sign.

"Helps? With what?" Warriors only got a shrug as an answer.

XXX

Time shuffled to try and lay his head down on Warriors' shoulder, but Warriors gently held his head back up. Time was being so vague. He didn't seem to be fully there, his eyes distant. What could the Deku Mask help that Time couldn't do himself? Time didn't like using masks anymore, he'd said on multiple occasions.

"Can we take the mask off?" Warriors asked, moving his hand to try and get his fingers under it-

Time startled and pushed at his hand, making that same rattling noise he'd made earlier. 'Need it!' Time signed with emphasis, shaking his head.

"Time, c'mon. We've gotta get it off, so you can tell me what's going on."

Time made what was clearly some sort of whine and tried to hide his face in Warriors' neck. Warriors made a startled noise and tilted his head a little to make more space. "Is- is there a reason you can't take it off?" Time didn't answer that one, too busy clinging.

He was acting like a child, frightened and desperate. Warriors put a hand against Time's head, holding him close. "What's going on, Time? I'm just worried." Time made an unhappy noise at the name, and Warriors was sort of freaking out inside. He hadn't seen anything like this, where someone who was normally a functioning adult acted and sounded like a child-

Oh, wait. He had.

Back in the war, once things were starting to simmer down. The nightmares and flashbacks were terrible for many people. And Warriors had seen many a person cry and wail and ask for a parent. He had seen them draw and play in a safe tent. He had watched them seem at ease for the first time in a long time. He couldn't recall what Proxi had called it, but he knew it was some form of coping. Something to make them feel safe.

Time... maybe that's what Time was facing, now. The overwhelming feeling of being small and vulnerable again. These dark woods were no place for a child, whether only in mind or not.

"Alright, Link. I'm gonna need you to take off the mask for just a little while, okay? I've gotta talk to you and need to make sure you can talk back. It might hurt, and it might not make you feel great, but I've gotta check you over. Then, if you want, you can put it right back on."

Warriors softened his voice, hoping that he'd listen.

Time- Link. He could call him Link for now. Just in case.

Link sniffled and cried... and put his hands up to take off the mask. It came off quick, and as soon as it unlatched from Link's face it fell to the ground, and Warriors was met with wailing. He'd been right, the rattling sound had been an attempt at crying.

Now with an armful of a very heavy man, Warriors grunted a little and made to sit down. Link wound up in his lap, shaking and visibly trying to make himself small as he fisted a handful of Warriors' scarf.

"Hey, hey. Okay, see, wasn't so bad. I'm gonna check you over now, okay?" Warriors started gently moving Link's body to make sure that all the nicks that'd been in the Deku Scrub body had been scars and not cuts. Finding that that was the case, Warriors then gave him a hug.

"Alright, good. You're not hurt. Can you..."

Should he really ask this question, was this an invasive ask, would he be mad-

"Can you tell me how old you are? Or how old you feel?"

Warriors bit his lip, rocking Link gently back and forth, waiting for an answer. Link gave a wounded noise and shook his head, closing his eyes and pressing at them. Worth a shot.

"Okay, can you talk to me at all? Tell me why you were so far out here all alone?"

Link visibly tried to gather himself.

" 'S hard." He whispered, voice thick and upset. Link started crying a little harder, and Warriors was quick to console him.

"No, no, no, Sprite, it's okay. You don't have to talk if you can't. I can do without. Can you sign okay? Just give me a simple yes with your hands, if so." Link signed a shaky 'yes' and then moved to hide his face again.

"Okay, buddy. Do you think we can go home now?" Link shook his head, his tears soaking Wars' shoulder. "Why not?"

Link's hands were hard to read, as he shook and clung to Warriors. Warriors caught half-made signs of 'sleepy', 'scared', and 'can't'. He sighed and moved to rest his back against a tree.

"Alright, Link. We'll just sit here until you feel better, okay?"

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST TELL HIM YOUR FOND OF HIS LOBSTER, SGT ROCK

[re-re-redline]

—General Headcanons: Mehmed II—

Foreword: You have no idea how long it took me to center the left and right squares, good grief I never want to do that again. It’s a famous portrait of Mehmed by Gentile Bellini which cropped to get the left and right squares as well as the header and the footer. The header has the nice squares that I put for Constantine’s headers and footers. The middle square is my drawing of Koha-ace Mehmed. I am working on something else to put there because, don’t lie to me, he looks kinda goofy, right? It has been changed! That is my depiction of Mehmed II and I have to say, he’s lookin’ good. But that’s just me, hehe.

On another note…Wow, who knew that working on the same thing would cause my writing abilities to slow down significantly? Definitely learning new things…Thus, I have put myself together and taken the time to work on this! Do trust that it’s definitely getting finished as the idea is way too good not to write about.

Ladies & gentlemen, germs & worms, this list of headcanons is based entirely on the vibes that the two pictures I have of Mehmed from Himuro’s World and what I picked up from looking up the real slim shady. This shit’s being held with glitter glue, popsicle sticks and a dream. Speculation of the highest order here. I’ll probably get proved so wrong when he comes out I am so on that hopium in FGO. While you munch on this, I’ll be working on an addendum for Micheal’s general headcanons and some headcanons concerning how he confesses to you. Then it’ll be Mehmed’s turn for some long ass romance headcanons. I have plans…just need to work on plans. Should I put a ‘Read More on this? It’s about as long as Constantine’s GHcs but shorter than his RHcs…

Regardless of my writing plans, I hope you get something out of this filtered crack of a hcs post.

When he was first summoned, exactly three people (technically two) felt what many would call “a disturbance in the force.” These three (technically two) were Constantine XI and both versions of Vlad III. Constantine was having tea with Miss Crane when he felt a cold chill descend down his spine and he found himself barely able to hold his teacup without leaving a sizable crack in the ceramic. Vlad (Berserker) was working on one of his crocheting projects (a sweater for Jack The Ripper) when he also felt a chill down his spine and dropped his needles. Vlad (Lancer) experienced the same thing except he was in the middle of grilling some excellent sirloin for the boys. Case in point, all three of them wandered around a bit to find the source of this anxiety, somehow bumped into each other, found out that they’re all experiencing the same thing and next thing you know…The trio enters the summoning room to find none other than the man they all hate the most in this world, Mehmed the Conquerer. And that’s when a fight immediately broke out with you and Mash desperately fending off two pissed off Vlads and one bloodthirsty Micheal to keep your level one Mehmed alive all while our favorite sultan is smugly flipping off all three of them and goading them to attack him. Thankfully, Watanabe-no-Tsuna and Kintoki happened to pass by and they both aided you in suppressing the trio. After that, Astraea punished all four of them by forcing them all to write on a chalkboard. She was notably disappointed in Constantine since he’s such a model servant and was one of the few who didn’t have a disruption on their record. The attacking triplet were told to write “I will not kill or maim my teammate, regardless of my history with him.” 45 times and Mehmed was told to write “I will not goad my teammates into killing or maiming me.” 75 times. Needless to say, this is the definitive start to a laundry list of incidents started by our favorite sultan.

After he received his first disciplinary action from the lady justice herself, he soon found himself enamored with the technology around him. Yeah, sure, he knew about developments in tech thanks to the Throne giving him this knowledge pre-packed with his summoning, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to know more. After one month of hard studying on his part, Mehmed went from having a passable understanding of smartphones and computers to being the most tech savvy servant you’ll ever meet. He can type five long ass paragraphs with both his thumbs on his phone in under thirty seconds with near perfect punctuation. He’s jailbroken all his devices and is running Linux on his phone and tablet. He’s talking shop with Odysseus about the logistics and R&D of producing Power Armor for everyone as a thought exercise. With how comfortable he is with technology, one would easily mistake him for a man of the modern era instead of a man from the 1400s.

One has to wonder what our favorite sultan will do with his now extensive knowledge concerning modern technology. First he tried building a ‘Big Fucking Cannon’ (one that he can use separate from his NP) but was denied unanimously by administration. So, what does a guy do in place like this? With the current state of affairs with the world being bleached and all, instead of conquering all countries like he wanted to…why not conquer a new frontier? He put in much the same gusto into studying pop culture and came out simultaneously confused and very intrigued. Both came from how slang developed into its current complex form and the intricacies of it. But nevertheless he came out with an interest in the interwebs and that interest turned into…the next bullet point.

Much to the chagrin of his detractors, Mehmed is a very popular gentleman on the socials. He has a Youtube Channel, he has a Twitch Channel, he has Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, a Tumblr— he’s got it ‘em all and a huge following to back them it up. He mostly does vlogs, shitposts, and occasionally collabs with Sei Shonagon, Suzuka Gozen, and Osakabehime. Mehmed also does a history stream when the mood strikes him. He’ll either have MSPaint or a browser open as he goes on and on for hours off the cuff about various time periods and historical events he finds interesting. While the live viewers are understandably halved, y‘know ‘cause he’s the guy you watch when you want to see him shoot a mini cannon not relive your world history class, he still finds it to be an enjoyable way to fill a gap in his streaming schedule and an excellent opportunity to debunk the ‘he’s just a dumbass vlogger’ allegations. All this social media stuff is just a way to stave off boredom during his downtime on saving the world. If he didn’t have this then hoo boy, things will start getting really interesting and not in a good way! So please, just hold the camera during battle and make sure to get his good side, you’re doing Chaldea a bigger service than you think you are.

Now. You may have noticed a running theme here so far. Mehmed does quite a bit of studying. At a young age, he was taught by a ton of teachers and picked up on all the stuff they were putting down real quick. The art of studying and his innate curiosity combined to get us the intellectual we have today. It’s said that Mehmed had a strong interest in Greek and Byzantine culture, his collection of latin and greek works of art and literature are a testament to this. Hell, he even had a few portraits done of himself by the likes of Gentile Bellini. Back to his studies, Mehmed is the kinda guy who wants to know everything. If he was offered omniscience and had a strong reason to believe that he’d actually receive it, then Mehmed would have a VERY difficult time passing an opportunity like that up. Ultimately, he’d decline for two reasons. One, only god should have that kind of knowledge, humans aren’t meant for that. Two, he’d much rather earn that level of know-it-all instead of cheesing the system. The joy Mehmed gets from having that aha moment when he realizes that he’s fully grasped something is unmatched. He lives for that shit. Oh and something that miffs him about being a servant is that he just knows by default every language there is. It takes away the potential fun he could’ve had learning a new language. He was really looking forward to learning Korean, you know?

So, in between conquering the hearts of the people and his secret arms projects (c’mon, he’d totally try and build the BFC whether Da Vinci and Gordy allowed it or not), he’s reading up on various subjects that either didn’t learn about in his lifetime or updating his info the stuff he already knows, like mathematics. Many servants and staff alike got severe whiplash from stumbling across Mehmed—resident social media star—taking notes on Combinatorics and Differential Equations. Fun fact, mathematics is how Moriarty (Archer) and him became friends. Mehmed was practicing working with matrices and accidentally fudged a number which Moriarty pointed out as he was passing by. Then a conversation about the best ways to deal with matrices ensued which then turned into a conversation about cool shit like how to financially devastate your enemies. Needless to say, you’ll often see the two of them in a room together talking about…not evil things. Mhm. 100% kosher convos about math. Nothing else. You have the papa seal of approval on that.

Keeping in line with how much Mehmed studies concepts and the world around him, it should be known that this level of inquisition is also applied to the people around Mehmed. Every single member of Chaldea, servant or not, has held at least one full length conversation with Mehmed II. It doesn’t matter if you have low-ranked Madness Enhancement, Mehmed will at least TRY to hold a conversation with you. Obviously, it doesn’t quite stop there. He’ll go through Chaldea’s index and research his fellow servants and their lives along with their abilities. Mehmed has, tucked and encrypted in the darkest depths of his computer, entire dossiers on everyone. From what incidents they started to gossip and beefs involving them. He goes deep. Disturbingly deep. The reason why our favorite sultan has acquired this knowledge is so that he feels more in control. There’s nothing this man hates more than surprises, and Chaldea is chock full of ‘em considering the wide range of servants on deck. He at least wants to be able to predict how his teammates will fuck up so that he can make the save in time, instead of getting blindsided from just believing in them and getting fucked anyways. It’s already bad enough that he’s not the big kahuna here, so just let him have this, okay?

For all the learning he does, you may feel compelled to ask him questions since he seems like he basically knows everything. And you know what? That’s the best decision you’ve ever made. Mehmed absolutely loves proving how much shit he knows AND he loves teaching just as much. Ask him anything you’d like! He’ll answer it to the best of his ability and dumb it down for you as much as he needs to until you get it. He’s already smiling and pulling out the small whiteboard he has on him at all times when he sees you walking up to him with that inquisitive look on his face, he’s already unscrewing the caps to his markers before you’ve opened your mouth; man’s 100% ready to impart his wisdom unto you. The best questions you can ask him are history related questions since that’s his jam and he’ll be barely containing his excitement if you ask about the illustrious history of the one and only Ottoman Empire. He already has your hand in his as he drags you to his room for it so that he can hold show off all the shit has from his time to supplement his lecture. This might go on for so long that you two could be missing dinner and having a sleepover while he goes on and on about the empire he loved and helped grow.

Speaking of being in his room, for all the innuendoes and dirty jokes he makes, Mehmed is the kind of guy who would pull you into his bed and softly tell you to get under the blankets with him, and instead of anything seggs related it’s actually just glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs. He’ll pick one up and tell you facts about it and after he’s done with all 13 of them, he’ll then shoot ideas on how to make real dinosaurs glow in the dark like these ones. It’s pretty cute. Oh, and if anyone walks into this, then the little shit will immediately wrap his arms around your neck and start cooing about ‘how good you were for him’ and ‘how sore he feels’ and other riveting suggestive comments.

One of his favorite ways to spend time with you is watching historical documentaries! Please give it a chance, it’s not as boring as it sounds. Not with Mehmed the Conquerer sitting next to you that is. He frequently pause to give more context, point out neat things they did and—more importantly—absolutely raze them for getting shit wrong. His full name’s not Pablo Picasso, it’s Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Crispín Crispiniano María de los Remedios de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz Picasso, dumbass. Get your shit together. You’ll end up learning a lot and your sides will be hurting from how Mehmed goes off on these documentaries. See? Not boring at all. Oh and by the way, his favorite movie is Night at The Museum. Just thought I’d tack that in there.

Vlad and Mehmed do not like each at all. Neither of them want to be in the same room as the other if they can help it. To add onto it, Vlad’s always trying to stealthily take Mehmed out of the picture through some means and it didn’t really bother him until he was nearly poisoned. That’s when Mehmed stopped messing around and nearly turned Vlad into a donut via his cannons the moment his throat started burning. Needless to say that there is a zero percent chance of either of them reconciling or working well together. There’s too much historical bad blood between them and it carried over with a vengeance into their second lives at Chaldea.

Note: If these two get into an argument—which is kinda low since talking takes SO much more effort than killing—then Mehmed will bring up, as a diss, that he fucked Vlad’s brother. Depending on who you ask, this may be true. But regardless, he’ll bring it up and that’s when the fistfight will break out. If you ask Mehmed if he actually did it, then he’ll just wink and say that’s his secret.

As for Constantine… it’s much different. While Constantine hates Mehmed for basically getting him killed and ending his empire, Mehmed on the other hand feels very differently. I implore you to look past the teasing, mean spirited “you’re an old man” jokes and pranks on Constantine for a moment, ‘kay? He’s only doing that shit to act tough and conceal how he really feels. The reality of the matter is that Mehmed actually admires Constantine. It takes balls to run headfirst into your certain doom and it takes a special kind of person to get as far as Constantine did with barely anything to hold Mehmed at bay, and you know what? He thinks that that’s the coolest shit ever. Was it fucking stupid to not accept the deal he gave to him so that he can continue ruling the Morea—you know the place he managed a while ago that really liked him—and be left alone mostly? Yeah. Was it fucking badass? Hell yeah! After Mehmed set foot into Constantinople, he understood why Constantine was fighting so hard to keep the city and he vowed to himself that he’d take care of her. Hence why the name was never changed during his lifetime and long afterwards. It’s why Constantinople became the new capital and was brought from the ground up to greatness. Was the prophecy a big part of it? Yeah, of course it was. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. But it morphed into something more, and Mehmed really wishes that someday he and Constantine can just have a nice conversation for once about the city they both loved. And maybe… just maybe they both can be friends sometime?

Note: There is a chance for Constantine to reconcile his differences with Mehmed. It’s actually possible! You just need to do the herculean task of getting Constantine to actually talk and be direct about his feelings and what’s bothering him. And if you’ve read the romance headcanons for Constantine, then you know exactly how allergic he is to doing that. You should probably ease him into it by forcing the two of them to work towards the same goal. Like, I dunno… get fucking kidnapped by Douman or something and have those two be your only hope. Trust me, you’ll be saved in the end because Constantine is—unlike Vlad— capable of putting his beef with Mehmed aside for the greater good. And hey, he’ll realize that maybe Mehmed’s not that bad. But y’know, the man to man talk has to happen. And once it does, you’ll soon have two dudes geeking out over the Roman Empire. It’ll be wholesome, but until then, it’ll be a one-sided thing on Mehmed’s end.

To get back into a more lighthearted topic, let’s talk about how Mehmed acts. Man’s not what people expected when they heard that ‘the Father of Conquest’ has arrived at Chaldea. He’s pretty relaxed. There’s not really an aura or a vibe of regality to him at all, he just feels like a normal ass dude to talk to and his usage of modern slang is making it worse. It’s definitely a conversation to hear him talk with Blackbeard, it sounds like they’re both speaking a different language. “I understand these words separately” type shit. The reason why Mehmed’s not putting that much effort into say, intimidation factor or being cool, is because he has such a long ass list of personal achievements that he feels like he doesn’t have to act a certain way. He’s him, he has been him and will continue to be him. …Or at least that’s how he sees himself.

One of the jokes he often makes is that you have to pay him tribute and will sometimes point to his cheek or open his arms. Again, it’s a joke, so don’t feel compelled to give him a smonch or a hug if you don’t want to, Mehmed’s expecting you to say no and he’ll just say that he’ll ‘put it on your tab’ for later. Said tab does not exist and he isn’t keeping track. Though, he certainly doesn’t mind if you do peck him on the cheek or hug him as he’s a physically affectionate person by nature. On another note, uh, don’t ever let him be the event shopkeeper. You may find that things cost a bit more than usually do. Like your Corona Fous cost will 475 currency instead of the usual 400. If you ask why, then he’ll just smile and say that he’s ‘funding a personal project.’ It’s the BFC.

I want to loop back to something I said at the very beginning of these headcanons. I said that Mehmed will start a long list of incidents. Well, these incidents don’t come from Mehmed’s ‘inner desire to sow chaos for his entertainment’ something wack like that. Nope. It actually comes, surprisingly enough, from wanting to improve Chaldea. See, this guy took a look at the rules and found himself disgusted. There’s just not enough rules here! And the punishments are so lenient! This is awful, said he to himself. And thus, the incidents Mehmed starts are based on loopholes he found in the rules and technicalities and he hopes that with how much trouble he’s causing, that Chaldea’s administration will step up their game and bring the hammer down. …Yeah, they don’t. But that’s no reason to give up, he’ll just have to— oh shit that’s Astraea. Run!! Mehmed’s unfortunately made an enemy of Astraea with all his shenanigans and she has made it her mission to give Mehmed exactly what he deserves in place of Chaldean administration. So if you see him with an icepack on his head and a couple of bandages, it was probably the Lady Justice drop kicking him. Don’t worry about it too much, he knows he deserves it.

All in all, Mehmed II is a nerdy and learned type of guy who shows off his knowledge and loves imparting his wisdom to others just as much. He’s pretty goofy and laidback for a sultan and often rolls the jokes made at his expense. Seems like a simple guy, right? Well… what if I told you that this is actually just the light side of the moon? That Mehmed, in fact, has another side to his personality. A ‘gap-moe’ if you will. As much as our favorite sultan likes to hide it from others, he’s not all that good of a person deep down. Don’t get me wrong though. The man I just described is very real and is by no means a facade, that is Mehmed II. But where there’s light, there too is darkness.

Talent is a thing people are born with, it’s described the dictionary as a natural aptitude for something, after all. Mehmed believes that, those who are bestowed talent by god will at some point pay for that talent in some manner. And when you look at some of history’s best geniuses, you can see why he thinks that. To him, he believes that since he’s so talented, god has cursed him with the worst inner demons a man could have to balance him out and stop him from being too powerful. And honestly, there are times when Mehmed really wishes that he was just a regular person so that he doesn’t have to hold those wretched things at bay.

You will find, at times when Mehmed hugs you, that he’s squeezing a bit too hard. You tell him in a strained voice that you can’t breathe and for two seconds he’ll squeeze even harder before letting go and apologizing, stating that he doesn’t know his own strength sometimes. You’ll also find that Mehmed sometimes will squeeze your hand too hard when he’s holding it in his, and you just barely catch him looking away when you turn to ask him why he did that. When you’re in the kitchen cutting veggies, you’ll feel a pair of eyes burning into the side of your head. You don’t find who it is but, conveniently, when you cut your finger, guess who’s already at your side with a band-aid? Honestly, it’s like he was waiting for this to happen. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this, right?

Mehmed II is, in fact, a sadist. He likes watching your face contort in pain, he likes seeing the minute differences in your expression for different injuries, how you sound different too. It’s all so morbidly interesting to him and he wants to know more. He wants to see your face when you sprain your ankle, he wants to hear how different you sound after being nearly choked to death, he wants to see you deal with missing a hand. It’s another facet of his curiosity and he won’t stop thinking about it until he’s dealt every injury known to man onto you and sees the results for himself.

Now, you may be saying: “Redline, this is just Beryl 2: Electric Boogaloo. This headcanon is ass.” But I dare to disagree. See, Beryl flopped because he’s an undercooked loser who appeared straight outta left field and did jack all in his own damn Lostbelt. He has zero character to him other than “hehhe, breaking Mashu’s fingies is gret show of love, eye hop she luvs me when aye snap her neck tomorrow <3 <3” Mehmed, as I see him, is more than this. Way more. Go back and read the paragraphs before this if you don’t believe me, and for that matter go and read about the his history while you’re at it, the man’s a legend.

Not only that, but Mehmed—unlike shithead mcgee here—actually has self-awareness. He knows that causing you pain is a bad thing and that it only serves to satisfy his sick and twisted desires as opposed to being anything constructive or enriching for either of you. He knows that it will drive you away from him in the end. He knows that this isn’t healthy and that feeding the demons is going to end with you lying dead on the floor. He knows, he knows, he knows. Trust him, he knows.

There’s also the fact that his sadism is not how he shows love, it directly comes from his want and need to know things. Mehmed shows love like a normal person would. He gets enjoyment from hugging people, holding hands, giving gifts and spending quality time with his loved ones. You know, like a normal person. He feels genuine guilt when he actually harms you and he’s quick to right his wrongs in any way that he can. You can see the self-loathing and the guilt in his eyes when he sees the bruise on your arm from when he grabbed you too roughly. His self awareness and the subsequent guilt, that which compels him to hold the inner demons at bay, puts him leagues above Beryl Gut. His internal struggle and how he deals with his self-control waning along with his thoughts and feelings on the matter make him more than just a sadist. It makes him Mehmed II. An ultimately good man burdened with desires that harm others which in turn hurts him too, leaving him all alone to beat the hell out of himself when those desires hit their logical conclusion.

And ideally, you’ll never ever have to know about the awful awful thoughts around wriggling in his skull. You’ll just see him as your nerdy Archer class servant who likes goofing around, making posts on the internet, and shooting cannons and stuff. That’s all he is and that’s all he should be. ( :

P.S. If you tell him about the Elixir of Immortality, then he’d immediately tell you to destroy it. Good on you for not drinking it yet but seriously, that shit needs to go now. That is not something that should be in human hands and who knows what’ll happen if the wrong person finds out that you have it. If Qin Shi Huang has a problem with him destroying it for you then they’re going to have to deal with the Father of Conquest himself. Immortality only brings infinite suffering to poor soul cursed to have it, forcing them to watch the people they love wither away time and time again for the rest of forever. And that’s not getting into the prospect of you witnessing the horror that is the heat death of the universe. It sounds like a nightmare and Mehmed doesn’t want that for you. End of story.

And that’s that. Those are my headcanons straight from my cranium put into words for your screen’s depicting pleasure. Am I reaching? Are these headcanons awful? Or perhaps I have done something right? Let me know, and um… I am considering opening my inbox, not for requests but for talking, so I’ll pondering that. And I hope you all got who you wanted for the GSSR and Destiny Order ‘cause I sure as hell didn’t! Murasaki I love you but I wanted Castoria And I’m gonna sit on my 400 SQ until September when a certain very beautiful saber who shares a seiyuu with Kakyoin comes out on NA. I’ve folded a few times but I’ll save as much as I can for real! Wait for me! Uh, ahem. But yeah, that’s all from me. Until next time!

—Redline, over and out!

[nostalgia-tblr]

I have not quite finished writing this but the first three parts are done so here is the first one and fingers crossed that gives me sufficient time to get the last part written.

This is the Sylki Quantum Entanglement Fic, which was not intended to be an Alternate S2 but it does more or less look like one, oops. Chapters are 2000 to 3000 words long, E-rating applies from the start because this is Sexy Quantum Entanglement :D

Title: Towards a New Theory of Variant Entanglement [Chapter 1/4] Fandom: Loki (TV 2021) Rating: Explicit Pairing: Loki/Sylvie, Loki & OB Wordcount: ~2000 Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Not Loki (TV 2021) Season 2 Compliant, No Loom; No Time-slipping; No Depressing Ending!, Fake/Bad Physics, Accidental Mental Link, Self-cest, Sexual Content, Banter, Happy Ending, Idiots In Love, (it’s him he’s idiots) Summary/Snippet: “The atoms are made up of even smaller things, and that’s where it starts getting weird. Sometimes, two of the really tiny things interact in a way that leaves them connected, so that the state of one affects the state of the other, instantaneously, no matter how far apart they get. And that, scaled up and with time travel, is how you got your Sylvie action at a distance!”

[analyticallyminded]

so like ngl i'm kinda having a Time rn, I know i've kinda been radio silent anyway and I'm hoping to change that soon but until then. i'm usually sorta on discord so you can catch me there if you ever wanna talk or whatever

[silbeni]

WAHHH thinking of angst....

[crybabydraws]

They're bonding! :>

Sans and Chara friendship propaganda for your viewing pleasure. I know I say this a lot, but man I just love them so much.

[galwithalibrarycard]

Developing an allergy to any mention of the Doc as being monosexual in any direction tbqh. They have literally always been 100% bisexual please I’m so tired

[stardust-falling]

Have seen some posts about “why would Genshin localize 嘉明 as “Gaming” instead of “Jiaming” and yes it’s a Cantonese romanization, but a lot of people also don’t think thats why bc it’s not pronounced that way in CN dub…

But also the CN dub is Mandarin Chinese? So ofc they’re using mandarin pronunciations? Like they also use mandarin pronunciations of Inazuman names instead of Japanese pronunciations I’m pretty sure that kind of localization is standard for Mandarin CN dubbing. Also, the first syllable is pronounced as “Gaa” in I think every other dub too.

But yeah… that’s just kind of how pronunciations work in CN spoken language.

[voxtagram8k]

      ❛     you resemble a fool,    though you're only just a man       isn't it best to give up and smile?     ❜  - @archorcist ♡'d!

[lavenoon]

important question, if someone were to say... Make celestial puns/puns out of Eclipse's name or code name, how might he react?

In kind.

Puns are clever! You're basically just showing off your vocabulary, wit, and humor! Plus, he's already very much accustomed to the "says anything and gets a groan in return" reaction, thinking it's really really funny, and puns are so polarizing, either eliciting a groan or laughter! Win win, no matter what!

(Just a hint of it is "class clown" behavior where if people groan because of the pun, they don't groan because of him.)

But no, really - he's bright, he's got a good sense of humor, and he loves any sort of attention and proof that people think about him - name puns are just one step away from nicknames, even! Making jokes with someone is a sign of friendship! He's all about that and will be very much go wild, enable at your own risk GFDHJS

(I'd enable him)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I guess it’s time for me to advertise to the entire neighborhood how insufferably neurodivergent I am by blaring a very specific playlist on a portable speaker while I ride my bike around the neighborhood, wearing very specific clothes — holding my hands, face, and posture in a very specific way — and pray to Satan (not really… I’m agnostic just like someone else, unironically) they understand what I’m trying to tell them with the music, and make the connection between the name I’m alluding to and exactly what that name means, and put two and two together that the name will happen to them if they take any pamphlets from my father seriously and decide to convert to the path of “everlasting life on a paradise earth” ahahAhAHAHAHA I AM MAD SCIENTIST! (sunuvabitch)

[parallelunivrses]

[ID: black text on a white background reading, "your impending execution should be your 2nd priority. Your 1st priority should ALWAYS be your commitment to the bit" /End ID]

i like the term "gallows humor" because it always makes me think of someone getting sentenced to death and being like "i have GOT to be the funniest person at my public execution"

[joysmercer]

in other news, s3 rewrite fic now has a title subtitle and summary :))

[astonmartinii]

you gotta look out for the quiet ones | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem musician!reader

a surprise appearance from y/n in the formula one paddock raises some questions, but the rumour mill will never guess who she's there to see...

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

note: olivia rodrigo is the face claim but i'll be pulling from her music as well as taylor swift!

f1

liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc and 2,439,677 others

tagged: yourusername

f1: there's paddock guests and there's paddock guests, y/n y/ln is here for the bahrain grand prix!

view comments

user1: MOTHER WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

user2: this is not what i expected to see this friday morning

user3: okay i've only ever heard of y/n y/ln through others but like she must be dedicated to be there for friday as well

user4: certified y/n superfan here! y/n has always said she's a massive fan of f1 - she hasn't been asked about it recently but when she was last asked about it she said she grew up loving jenson button!

jensonbutton: @yourusername i see you have amazing taste

yourusername: how could i not love the playboy of f1?

user3: okay she knows what she's talking about, i guess it's time to have a little listen to her music

user5: okay so what garage is she going to be in?

user6: ferrari 🤞🏻

user7: did we not just see this ^^^ she's clearly going to be in the mclaren garage

user8: if she has any sense she'll be in the mercedes garage with sir lewis hamilton

user9: what about the literal world champions?

user10: shut the fuck up (i would like to see max blush and stutter tho)

user11: i love how y/n said she's taking a year off of music after her tour and we're immediately seeing her here, there and everywhere

user12: living her true sports nerd life and i love that for her

landonorris: i promise that mclaren have the best hospitality xx

user13: oh brother are we about to see some lando norris snapchat u up flirting?

alexalbon: this is tragic

georgerussell63: make sure you don't tell her about the massive poster you had of her that you practiced kissing on!

georgerussell63: whoops!

landonorris: i am in your walls george

user14: well.. that was something, i don't think we'll see her in the mclaren garage anytime soon now

logansargeant: @oscarpiastri i hope you brought your vinyl to be signed

oscarpiastri: i didn't want to risk it on the plane, it's limited edition 😔

user15: wait so oscar is also a y/n fan ???

user16: not this mclaren battle for y/n's attention

user17: lets be real, there's no competition here - there's no way she wouldn't choose lando

user18: i'm tired of you people sleeping on oscar (pun intended)

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 21,309,784 others

yourusername: i had so much fun the first time round, i thought i'd come by again

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user25: okayyyy i thought the girlies on twitter were delusional but the second race in a row ... i fear there's another incentive

user26: once again, she's been a massive fan of the sport and has a ton of disposable money why wouldn't she go to a load of races?

landonorris: can't wait to see you again this weekend, i'll get you that win i promised

alexalbon: nurse he's talking to himself again

georgerussell63: this is crazy thirsting to do in front of 21 million people

landonorris: i assure you i'll be the one with the last laugh here

maxverstappen1: sure you will buddy, it's good to see you so confident

user27: are they gentle parenting lando?

user28: bro is about to get his heart broken they're actually being good friends

user29: idk i think he's still the one in the paddock with the best shot

user30: i gotta get this delusion all lando fans seem to have

carlossainz55: i think you'd look great in red ❤️

charles_leclerc: oh gosh....

carlossainz55: they don't call me the smooth operator for no reason, just sit back and watch the magic

maxverstappen1: you fucking morons do realise you're proclaiming this in a PUBLIC instagram comment section that everyone INCLUDING y/n can see?

user31: this is a mess ... keep going!

oscarpiastri: i celebrated my win here in 2021 with the release of sour - i know you're on a sabbatical but any chance of a surprise single?

user32: yall getting on lando and carlos for their bad flirting when oscar is stinking up the gaff with his attempts

yourusername: i'm so sorry to tell you this but no surprise single, but i can show you some demos?

oscarpiastri: please, please, please! good 4 u is my scream in the car song

user33: i just know oscar was streaming traitor when his DRS failed for the ten billionth time

oscarpiastri: it went platinum in my car yes

yourusername: i imagine it's even better at 200mph

oscarpiastri: i'd be happy to show you anytime

yourusername: carpool karaoke x hot laps when?

oscarpiastri: name a time and i'm there

user34: why is oscar trying so hard bro she's not going to choose you

user35: and yet he's the only one she replied to ... makes you think

user36: you guys are miserable because i'd literally do anything to see them singing in a car together

oscarpiastri

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 832,988 others

oscarpiastri: jeddah you were okay i guess

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user37: holy soft launch

user38: and right after flirting up a storm with Y/N Y/LN

user39: first of all, oscar is a fan of y/n so it could've definitely been from a platonic point of view

user40: it has to be platonic cause bro had no chance to start with and has a gf ???

landonorris: i'm sorry what is this ?

oscarpiastri: an instagram post, would hope you would know what that is if you're already on the app

landonorris: don't get smart with me mister

oscarpiastri: you got smart first 🤨

landonorris: what happened to my sweet rookie?

oscarpiastri: he's still 23 years old ?

landonorris: i need to meet this mystery woman who has seemed to give you all this sass

user41: prema girlies know that this sass has always been here

user42: but i'm glad it's coming out in f1

yourusername: okay i guess? you slayed mr piastri and i won't hear anything less than that

oscarpiastri: okay it was a bit of a slay

yourusername: a bit?

oscarpiastri: a big slay then

yourusername: stop talking down on yourself otherwise you'll have me to deal with

oscarpiastri: that is not the threat you think it is

yourusername: it's not a threat it's a promise x

user43: excuse me what the fuck was that ^

user44: i can't tell if they're flirting or if y/n just feels sorry for him?

user45: they did get coffee like once this weekend so maybe they're just friends

user46: they have to be because there's no way that is y/n in this soft launch

user47: there's no way oscar piastri could woo the y/n y/ln idk why people are even suggesting it

user48: and i think even flirting with her is a bit weird considering his teammate has made it so obvious he likes her

user49: oscar doesn't seem to be the type to step on toes but we'll see

logansargeant: if that's who i think it is i am going to fight you for not telling me straight up

oscarpiastri: i'll meet you in the parking lot i guess

logansargeant: be there or be square

user50: what does logan know that we don't ???

f1tea

liked by user52, user53 and 11,209 others

f1tea: now she's attended THREE races in a row, i think it's okay to start the conversation about her being with one of the drivers... so here's our theories!

lando: he's been on this train the longest and has the old thirst tweets to back it up. he's been spotted talking to her numerous times at races and has been camping in her comment section since bahrain

carlos: he has also been in her comments since bahrain and has been seen with her in the paddock - less than lando but y/n has worn red a couple times in the paddock so??

lewis: y/n was blushing up a storm when they were spotted together and i honestly think if the age gap wasn't so big they would be so cute together

liam: an outside shout but this guy was stuck to her side the whole time she was at red bull

charles: they have spoken a lot in the paddock, i don't think it's him but omg imagine them together

view all comments

user54: not this oscar erasure - i.e. the only driver she's actually interacted with online

user55: if it's oscar i will literally streak across the track at the next race

user56: admin snuck liam in there like we wouldn't notice

user57: idk why they think that liam is a better shout than oscar

user58: i think all the fangirling from oscar defo put him straight into the friend zone

user59: idk about you guys but i've actually listened to y/n's music and her album after her last breakup suggests that she might like someone who appreciates her craft and publicly supports her

user60: yeah but she also deserves a boyfriend that's on her level

user61: oscar is a literal f1 driver?

user60: yeah but he's not cute enough

user62: to YOU

user63: omg just say you have no taste and bounce gosh

user64: how did lando become a frontrunner in this?

user65: i think because he's liked her the longest? and has been the most insistent

user66: i hate to say this but just because you like someone and said it first, does not mean you are entitled to actually date them

user67: i will laugh my ass off if she's not with any of these fools

user68: bro took a year off of music to have some fun and now is linked to everyone and their mum

user69: unfortunately this is the way it goes although if she does become a wag (tho be real, whoever is with her is the wag) i shall be enjoying her paddock outfits

user70: carlos vs oscar i think i've seen this film before

user71: oh trust me off track there is no competition

user72: you people are so mean

user73: oscar will win again, mark my words. i'm not sure if carlos can cry to the fia about that tho

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 23,874,093 others

yourusername: getting the real aussie experience down under

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user74: AHHHHHHHHHH A MAN

user75: who the fuck wears jeans on a hammock she needs to run away from this man he's clearly a psychopath

maxverstappen1: you went to see quokkas without me??? does our friendship mean nothing ???

yourusername: it's not considered normal to invite friends to a date

maxverstappen1: boring. i will remember this when you try and get some red bull from our hospitality

yourusername: nO PLEASE

maxverstappen1: no, for this you must suffer through the piss they put in monster cans

this comment was deleted

maxverstappen1: well you should've thought more of our friendship :P

yourusername: you are impossible. no more limited edition merch for you

maxverstappen1: WHAT

user76: for all this love life speculation i am loving this max and y/n friendship

user77: but... the monster comment... it has to be lando right? monster sponsor mclaren

user78: i think this is the most confirmation we're getting right now

user79: they're so cute

oscarpiastri: i am glad the homeland is treating you well :)

yourusername: i've only had one scary insect encounter so win!

oscarpiastri: we'll have to get you some real australian delicacies this weekend

yourusername: i've heard of grandma's baking so i'm excited!

oscarpiastri: we've got a tupperware box with your name on it

yourusername: ugh i love you guys

user80: the monster comment pointed to mclaren but there's only one of them in the comments...

user81: i mean this is a soft launch so it would make sense that lando wouldn't comment if they're trying to throw people off of their scent

user82: the mental gymnastics you people are doing is insane

user83: literally just admit that your driver just doesn't have the sauce like that

user84: and oscar piastri does???

user85: STOP SLEEPING ON HIM HE'S LITERALLY GETTING HER HOME-BAKED GOODS

oscarpiastri

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,349,761 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: home win means more than you could ever know. and you can stop theorising now, i may be a nerd but i've still got game.

view all comments

user89: HHAHHHAHHAHAHAHHA THAT'S MY AUSSIE

user90: stunting his stunning gf on all these delusional fangirls

yourusername: now i can finally say it: I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU

yourusername: and i'm proud of you

yourusername: forever and always

oscarpiastri: maybe i was so fast because i knew there was a literal angel waiting for me back in my garage

yourusername: oh so the other races i came to i just didn't look good enough for you to win :(

oscarpiastri: NO NO NO you're always the most beautiful woman in any room

oscarpiastri: but this time you're wearing my jersey and my name

yourusername: i guess i'll never take it off again

oscarpiastri: you might not take it off, but that doesn't mean i won't

yourusername: ehhhehehhehheeh hurry up in debrief :P

user91: oscar piastri i am so sorry i was not familiar with your game

user92: i for one had complete faith in that bumbling fool

yourusername: as you should, he may have stuttered through the lines, but he's one smooth operator

carlossainz55: that's my nickname? please stop rubbing salt in the wound

yourusername: it was better than your attempts. and better than whatever the fuck you've been doing on the track - keep your dumptruck away from oscar

user93: y/n defending oscar, consider me moved

user94: okay fave celeb couple just dropped

landonorris: HOW LONG HAS THIS BEING GOING ON? HOW LONG HAVE YOU LET ME FLIRT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND? HOW DID I LOSE TO YOU?

yourusername: watch your tone.

landonorris: sorry???

oscarpiastri: we've been together nearly a year. i didn't 'let' you flirt with my girlfriend i tried to tell you but you ignored me at every turn. you didn't lose to me, there was never any competition.

yourusername: best year of my life 🫶 and lando i tried to tell you, maybe listen to oscar for once 😭

oscarpiastri: awwwwww i love you 😘

yourusername: i love you too osc xx

user95: not them dancing on lando's dead body 😭

logansargeant: I FUCKING KNEW IT YOU SON OF A BITCH

oscarpiastri: never doubt me again eagle boy

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 35,609, 451 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: if you saw me ugly crying on live tv - no you didn't. i'm so proud of you osc, my beautiful boy.

view all comments

user96: i think y/n was all of us

user97: absolutely screaming at all of the y/n fans on twitter having a meltdown and trying to figure out how f1 works

user98: this was me, am i really going to learn about tyre compounds because y/n is dating a driver? yes!

maxverstappen1: i am very happy for you both but enjoy the win while it lasts oscar i have a score to settle after being ABANDONED on the quokka date

yourusername: once again it was a DATE which is for the two people in the relationship, not the weird third guy with attachment issues

maxverstappen1: well jokes on you i do have attachment issues and now i've latched onto you and oscar which means you're contractually obligated to come to every race now

yourusername: ok?

oscarpiastri: it's okay max with our combined powers, y/n will have to stick around she hates making us sad

yourusername: it's true :(

user99: not lando fumbling yet another lead

yourusername: he never had a chance to begin with

oscarpiastri: 😆

user100: this is another level of teammate psychological warfare

landonorris: i am a victim of a smear campaign

oscarpiastri: smear campaign being you flirting with my girlfriend after she told you she had a boyfriend

landonorris: I DIDN'T HEAR HER

yourusername: i said it multiple times 🤨 and SOFT LAUNCHED OSCAR AND YOU STILL TRIED

georgerussell63: looks like it's back to the poster now lando

yourusername: and for the record ^^ this is very creepy

landonorris: THAT WAS LIKE TEN YEARS AGO

alexalbon: that's what you want us to think ...

user101: i am screaming at them rubbing it in lando's face

user102: kind of deserved LOL but funny nonetheless

oscarpiastri: all things aside, i'm so glad you could be there for my first win! i love you so much and can't wait to spend there rest of my life with you, even if it means my teammate flirts with you everyday

yourusername: i love you too osc, i'm sure you'll win so many more

oscarpiastri: i'm counting on it ;)

landonorris: I AM SORRY HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT

yourusername: you gonna let oscar have the upgrades first?

landonorris: no?

yourusername: then i will guilt you at every corner 🤨

fin. i know, i know. guilty as sin is coming but i just wanted to get this out. i had to come home from silverstone early cause of a mechanical dnf (foot stopped working and had heat stroke and a cold at the same time). but i had a great time while i was there and met a load of drivers with lando and alex signing my hat !!!!!

[tony-andonuts]

Roger Mali please die challenge