#i honestly feel like im a little bit in love with my friend. but. it's ok.
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Not to derail the convo too much but i want to add my own input onto this….it sucks bc there are multiple VERY clear reasons why yong and nuru are both pushed aside, but i feel like everyone is afraid to say the quiet part out loud.
- Nuru is a black girl
- Yong is an asian kid
- nuru and yong werent really pitched as main characters to begin with. Maybe they wouldve been, had the pitch been fully realized, but we can only really make educated guesses based on the little information we have. The entire story was really built around varian and hugo, fundamentally- and yeah, obviously we only have the brief outline, but said outline doesn’t really mention nuru and yong like, at all. Doesnt mention any character arcs for them, any prominent relationships, any development theyd have over the series- not even their reactions to hugos betrayal or their involvement in the final fight. its all just about varian and hugo. We can only ever assume, at any given moment, that theyre just….There. And so thats how everyone writes them- as background characters to varigo.
i dont think its wrong to build a story around one character, i mean kay and anna really just did it for fun and i dont see any problem with that- but when people try to make it into a fully realized story, it doesnt really work because there are basically only two main characters and two guys who are just There. so instead of the VAT7K Fandom we just end up getting The Varigo Fandom. i honestly do think its why so many people come and get hyperfixated on it for a few months and then leave. There just isnt really any content to work with, because there are only 4 characters and people are only fully utilizing two of them.
-Did i mention theyre a black girl and an asian kid next to a yaoi couple featuring White Boy #3567488 and Kind-Of-Racially-Ambiguous-Probably-White Onceler Jr because the implications there are Not Great.
I joke, i love them all, i promise, but it is really something that bothers me a lot, especially since ive been here for so long and i dont really consider myself “in” the fandom enough to like, get super obsessed with any of the characters and make 1000 fics and drawings of them. If anything vat7k is kind of like the tts dlc to me. Im mentally ill about varigo and i love nuru and yong to bits and have SO MANY thoughts about them but they just usually stay in my head because i dont have the energy to expel them in any efficient way LOLOLOL. At the end of the day i consider myself more of a tts fan than anything else.
bc nuru and yong never really had any substance to begin with, people cant usually get super attached to them past a surface level, and it gets REALLY frustrating.
- When it comes to nuru, im like, the whitest girl imaginable so i dont want to talk out of turn here but i do want to mention it bc nobody else seems to be willing to- the way nuru is made into either the mature “mom friend” of the group or the “sassy best friend” is something that makes my blood BOIL, because they both feel SUPER stereotypical considering that shes a 16 year old black girl!!! i’ve talked to my friend, who is black, about it a lot (Id tag him here but hes Not in the fandom so i dont want to drag him into this LMAOAOAO) but weve discussed how black girls are “adultified” by mainstream society and quite literally robbed of their childhood and innocence. they’re treated as “mature for their age” and are expected to act as such…..It makes the way people portray nuru as the “mature one” rlly gross to me 😭. and luckily i dont see that “mom friend nuru” AS often anymore, but when people dont do that, i feel like they kinda just turn her into the “sassy voice of reason” which just feels like a whole black best friend trope to me…..😭 Guh. I think just the best anyone can do is actually make her a fully realized character!!! She feels so one note so often 😭
- And yong…I feel like he so often just gets made to be the Baby of the group and the comic relief (which is DEFINITELY because hes also a fat kid but thats a Wholeee other can of worms (eye twitching)) And like that can be fun sometimes, but also i feel like the main appeal about team radical, at least to ME, is that theyre all just stupid petty teenagers who are unparented and sent on a little coming of age quest and they all probably immediately start beefing with each other like its fucking lord of the flies. Yong is Twelve Years Old guys. Have you ever met a twelve year old? Theyre at that age where theyre like weirdly edgy and think theyre the Shit and that every adult around them is a fucking idiot. Yong has the potential to be soooo fucking funny past just being the cutesy little baby of the group and i feel like people just arent really willing to explore that. And like he can still be the more emotionally open one too! I feel like he starts out a lot more silly and more of that steven universe type hes usually portrayed as, but the longer he spends with the gang he just quickly becomes equally as deranged as them LOL. Id love to see a much more mischievous yong whos sweet but also a Very insecure 12 year old and kind of a shithead. I think it’s such an untapped market.
Idk i dont think that if you just Can’t get attached to nuru or yong that you’re like…Bad or like. racist or whatever Thats not what im saying at all!!! bc i do think that kay and anna for all their amazing work on the pitch did kind of contribute to the problem bc of the way nuru and yong are shown, or, well. not shown in said pitch lol. And i also think that everyone should consider the implications these characterizations have and like…Try and challenge themselves to branch out a little more!! and i also feel like a lot of people who ARE nuru and yong fans already arent very loud in the fandom, cuz like, with how varigo centric the community is i think its just assumed by default that nobody cares….and if thats you i want to encourage you to please PLEASE speak up and make more content about them bc people DO care!!!! it is a niche that so many people are willing to invest in!!! Especially me!!! Please please please please im on my knees plea
Guys I NEED to rant about my thoughts on Nuru because i love her <3 ramblings ahead
Like I feel like in almost every fic i read, she's just like, a side character that's there to make whitty remarks to Hugo and be the levelheaded one. If she has an insecurity or problem it's usually pretty surface level and solved quickly, or only mentioned once or twice. I think there are SO many aspects of her character that are so cool.
Okay first, I think we sometimes forget that she's a nerd just like the rest of the gang. Yes, on the outside she's definetly the most 'normal' one, but I think we should concider the fact that she's the only girl in the group, and she's literal royalty. She was raised with a completely different set of standards than the other three. I don’t think I've really ever seen anyone cover that. I feel like she would get called "mature for her age" when she's only 15/16, and almost always gets critisism when she talks back with her own ideas (like her concerns about the meteor shows for example). I feel like out on her journey, she would finally get the freedom to just be herself, and be a kid and be able to rant on about her intrests with the rest of the group. It could be a struggle at first, but it would be awesome to see her getting more comfortable with the group the longer they spend together! Nerds encouraging nerdy rants lol
Since she is a kingdom figurehead, you could also argue that she always has a lot on her hands (especially since she's very proactive when it comes to science and solving problems). This could bring up a need to be productive, or always feeling like she needs to make the right decision, even for the littlest things.
I also feel like a lot of the time she's potrayed as the "right" one, who is 100% right when it comes to stuff like arguing with Hugo. Since they're opposites when it comes to class, they often are compared through that lense. I think it's cool just having Nuru tell Hugo off for judging a book by its cover, but I feel like they have a lot more in common than they realize. I think it would be interesting to see Nuru judging a book by its cover too. Maybe not to the degree that Hugo does, but I feel like calling out both their judging would not only call out character flaws, but it also enforces that even though they hate eachother and would never want to be like the other, they have a lot of the same flaws.
Also, being sheltered in a palace her whole life, I think she might think kind of black and white sometimes, and while she knows when people are just being mean as an act, she might struggle when it comes to people like reformed criminals.
Maybe she's able to be meaner to Hugo because she justifies it by telling herself he's criminal, and therefore bad, possibly glossing over the reasons he might be like that (maybe it crosses her mind, but she tells herself it's not a good enough reason, because stealing is still stealing, and he literally steals EVERYTHING. Even little trinkets and stuff he definitely doesn't need!). When they find out about Varian's criminal history, maybe she reexamines her views on morality and how she used to see people, because by her standards, Varian is a 'bad guy' who's caused harm to SO many people, but he's also the kind, caring, helpful friend that she's been traveling with who would never willingly hurt anyone.
Moving on to Amber x Nuru, I honestly never find myself liking the ship because Amber isn't developed enough which is fine. I don't think every character has to be a magnificent work of art. Side characters are side characters, but their romance is usually written like: "wow that girl is cute! I have a crush now!" Which is cool, but then that's about as far as it gets, then timeskip! Or offscreen they're a couple now. I know it's a side couple so it won't have as much devlopment as something like Varigo, but I never really see their dynamic play out in different situations. Like I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like they solely exist to be a couple? Amber sometimes just feels like an extention of Nuru, and their relationship feels surface level a lot of the time.
I feel like too often she's just watered down to the nice, smart, grounded friend, and I don't know I just think there’s so much more to explore with her. She’s not just some side character. She's literally part of the main cast! Even in fanart I feel like she doesn't really get a lot of stuff besides funny art and just like, pictures meant to look pretty. Unlike something you get a lot with characters like Varian or Hugo.
And honestly I get it. Some characters you just don't take an intrest in. I know I find Varian, Hugo, and Nuru more relatable than I find Yong, but I feel like part of that is developing their characters rather than just seeing them on a surface level. Ofc there are exceptions and there are some stories that dive deeper into Nuru's character out there! I just happen to see this A LOT.
Wow i said "surface level" a lot didn't I 😭😭
Anyway thank you for reading my rant i wanna know what you guys think!!
#varian and the seven kingdoms#vat7k#nuru vat7k#vat7k nuru#princess nuru#vat7k yong#yong vat7k#varian and the 7 kingdoms#varian#hugo#hugo rottewange#pansy rambling again
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)
All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof
#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long#i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022#and then since then i havent had the means to play#like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse#and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back#because returning from past breaks have felt weird#which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up#but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own#rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others#im glad for the increased single player options tbh#at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes#and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me#finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too#my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years#but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever#and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education#so honestly? i think itll be fine#i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form#i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole#both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other#anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended#peace signs and sparkles
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on my way to the airport. preparing to cry bc i know i will 🥲
#feels sad to go there alone with no one to see you off#at least i can just txt my friend they said they could keep me company that way :')#can't believe my exchange is over. i mean it officially ended abt a month ago. but i rlly have to go back now#it feels so weird. and sad. i will miss my friends. didn't even get to say bye to two ppl i wanted to bc they were away 💔#ofc i will return here. at least for a vacation if not smth else.#i keep thinking abt the long hug my friend gave me yesterday and oh god. i will miss them so so so much it'll be hard to be away from them#now im crying on the airport bus. great.#i honestly feel like im a little bit in love with my friend. but. it's ok.#my posts
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 252
Adjective: Brittle
Noun: Ambition
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Brittle: hard but liable to break or shatter easily; (of a sound, especially a person's voice) unpleasantly hard and sharp and showing signs of instability or nervousness; (of a person or behavior) appearing aggressive or hard but unstable or nervous within
Ambition: a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work; desire and determination to achieve success
#today was going pretty well (other than being tired and dizzy from vertigo)#but then a series of things happened that ultimately made me feel very hurt and betrayed by some of my closest friends#i felt like recently ive been doing pretty decent emotionally but now i honestly feel like im slipping a little#and it fucking sucks#my girlfriend is doing amazing with comforting me and reminding me that what happened isnt on me#but its hard to not blame yourself you know#sorry for the sad little rant#im honestly a bit depressed right now and need to get some of this out and where better to do that than my little online diary#anyway i like the idea of this prompt a lot#describing someones 'ambition' as 'brittle' is not only interesting and unique but its realistic#and i love that and im looking forward to exploring all of that in a poem#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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Hey gang more nsfw questions/vent(???) Idk uh. Any tips? What do you do for solo aftercare?
FUCK ok this is only the second time its ever happened but it still makes me nervous so uhh for the girlies what do you do abt pcb aka some blood after sex/masturbation
Logically I know its just from being a little too eager and that I should be fine and probably wont have to get it checked out but uhh. Idk. Fuck it this is tumblr dot com why am I being shy. Srsly. Anyways so I went too rough solo and its been a few hours but now I feel kinda small and nervous and ive been gentle w myself but I'm still slightly bleeding and yeah. :/ tips?
#had a GREAT time but now i feel like i need aftercare tips😅#because like i said this has happened once before -ive had a soak in the tub already & know dont go fucking anything for a week or two obv😅#but idk ive been gentle w myself its just the nervousness is still a thing bc well im bleeding when im not supposed to🤷#and like i want to be held (cant) but dont rlly want to talk abt it to my friends either bc ik we joke abt it but idk#i just dont rlly want giggled at or with rn bc like i said. i feel. small and a bit scared. and i want to be comforted.#my friends are sweet dont get me wrong but this is a me thing rn. lol#im a little sore (😏lmfao) but my main thing is i can feel the spots inside where it hurts and my lower back aches obv😞#mainly typing this to let some nervous steam out of the pot so i dont like fester in my thoughts#anyway at least i can like. daydream abt ratchet or knockout taking care of me😅 theyre doctors so i think theyd be very sweet abt it#😅😔i think im gonna get a heating pad and marinate instead of fester. gonna make a nest about it and read comfort fics#if it doesnt let up by the end of tomorrow ill see abt getting checked out😔💀😅#one of the few times where id prefer to not be single. and i LOVE being single. just in unsure times itd be nice to have someone to hold me#aha. ill be fine mentally by morning& less scared but as long as i still feel little zings of pain i am going to be whiny😅😂😞#anyway i think im alright just. feeling small at my own violations and cant seem to come back to myself fully??#idk i think after i make my nest and get cozy and feel safe itll prob be a huge weight gone and ill feel 1000x better#wanna feel guarded/protected rn. like room service hellooo? casper the ghost where the FUCK are my snacks? lmfaooo#srsly tho i love being single and honestly feel i function well alone too but hh.🙄needing someone isnt bad or anything to me but#when you want cuddles you want cuddles.🤷😔#anyway made my nest now!<3 i have earl grey alongside my water bc i wanted it✨💜gotta grab+hook up the heating pad then off to fanfiction😌#my cat is w me too ofc💜💜 sweet bby purring and making biscuits on his part of the bed💜💜
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#honestly kind of feel like my boyfriend is the only friend i havent been more and more disconnected from for months#not in a “waaah my boyfriend is toxic and isolates me from my friends” way#but in a way where i try to do something or express myself in any kind of way everyone else likes me a little bit less#in a way where i try to establish a boundary and tell someone why something is such an issue im told it's actually me who's the problem#and all i have to do is change my mindset and when i say no im like actually mentally ill for real and not just quirky on the internet#im being manipulative and not like desperate to be heard and revealing things about myself id rather not reveal#plus theyre always talking shit and making backhanded comments about other people the supposedly love#so theyre definitely saying stuff about me too
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#not one of them scary vent tag posts just. thibkin#ive been playing fe awakening mostly to collect different s-supports bc i like to get the different supports#and also just see. child character hair variants. i have to admit i think i like fates more but awakening has the vastly more#interesting child characters and like. everything with them it does have that.#i want to continue smt iv bc im on my third time through aiming for a nothing ending but like#i rrally like that game but lord its kinda a slog tbh. i might play some mlre later to ease back into it#i reeeeally want to get that neutral ending and figure out how to thread the needle fo reach it#years-old intricately detailed smt iv gamefaqs threads i LOVE you i would still be lost in naraku without you#motivation is… more isabeau screen time. or else#i have no interest in smt iv apocalypse i do not care about that i just want to see all of smt iv#anyways. new ship fic chapter draft poll and if it ends up a tie im just going to force something#or i could get my friend to jump in and vote if theres an even number of votes a few mins before it closes#a newer fear i have abt that fic now is that theres going to be more time spent before the romance#so only a little bit is the actual romance. and im going to remedy that. already have been working on it by shuffling around some events#look the plan is 31 chapters so far honestly we can do confession at roughly 40#and then just. keep going#i dont know how to feel abt it being potentially genuinely long. as. fuck.#i think it’d be funny if it ends up 70-80 w/e chapters n when i post the firsr chapter on ao3 with the bellum/linebeck tag n everything#and i do the chapter count so its like. say the plan is 75 chapters so i do the thing where it shows up as 1/75 chapters#i think it’ be funny to drop the first fic for this weird ass ship and just be open that its going to be like. a very long novel#i might not tho in case i decide to change things on the fly. anyways. whatever. i need to.#research gila monsters and also look into dnd paladins
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granted i grew up in a fairly large family (the kind where it seems like every year someone had a new baby lol) so i have a lot of experience taking care of them, but ive never understood the vitriol against kids
not wanting to be a parent, i totally understand. hating messes and screaming i get; pretty much everyone hates those. but pure hatred i do not get
#like. i know saying 'kids are just little people who are still working shit out' sounds like a shit post but it's honestly the truth!#children aren't a different species than us. they function very much the same as any adult does#its just that 1) everything is new to them and 2) their world is a lot smaller than an adult's#a skinned knee is the worst thing a 2 year old has ever experienced#a standardized test is extremely stressful when you're 8#a friend playing with someone else at recess is a deep betrayal when you're 11#as adults we remember those feelings but in the context of our adult lives they feel silly#they aren't silly to kids though#i feel like kids become a lot less alien if you remember that#they really are little humans! they can be rude and loud and messy and cruel. but not uniquely so#and i will reemphasize that its fine if you don't want to be a parent#society might demand it (especially of women) but its not for everyone#hell i love kids and have taken care of them for my whole life but often even i question if i want kids#just. don't be a dick#mickey.txt#also im thinking about cheyenne lin's video about kids under capitalism#especially the bit about how people who grew up wealthy and/or in the suburbs are often the ones#who complain online about children. possibly because they're used to having space and quiet#and not being inconvenienced by others in public spaces. like obviously based on polling data she didn't run#so its not like a guaranteed scientific fact. but i think it does play a factor in a lot of cases#like the hyper-individualism of it all y'know?
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my fire alarm ran out of battery and went off in the middle of the night, so im about to go to my post-op appointment with two hours of sleep and a migrane being like. yes i am so normal, tell me how normal i am, for the love of god
#my me hurts. emotionally but also so physically#i haven't had my antidepressants in a week !!! for the love of god feed me#i know the appointment is in four hours. but thats basically the same as four minutes i cant do anything#my antidepressants are also my anti-anxieties so im a little bit strained#and i just remembered they also help me sleep better. that explains some things#i honestly dont know if i ran out of them or lost them. so thats cool#and ive been taking them on and off for the past few weeks bc i dont have structure in my life until thursday#which is when im off med leave and i go back to sensory hell#i really need a new job methinks#anyway yeah my brain is trying to suffocate me i think#qnd all i can think about are the new anti trans laws being passed#bc im like. i hope i dont have to move to canada. i dont know shit about fuck over there#ive never even been#but hey worst case i can like. maybe crash on my friends couch#i have two (2) people who would prolly let me do that. one lives a bit farther out tho#anyway! i live in a blue state so im probably fine. but i can feel my heartbeat and hear birds. so you can imagine the stress im under#i got 2 hours of sleep and then 12 hours of sleep and then 2 hours of sleep in the last three days so im completely wrecked fucked rn#i did find an elk ribcage a couple days ago and i took a couple ribs so thats giving me chemicals in my brain rn#whoagh. my tummy rumbled. i forgot it can do that#my migrane from yesterday was bad enough to fuck up my tummy so it seems like its doing better#although i just remembered i had to do breathing exercises for it 20 min ago so i take that back actually#mmm i bet i can convince my wife to go to starbucks with me and buy an overpriced croissant..... mmmmmmmmm#i am going to surprise my wife in an hour by giving him so many kisses when he wakes up#he'll probably be concerned but i will be happie!! habby!!!! hooray!!!!!!!#yknow maybe i can go to sleep. i mean. if i can forget about what this post was originally about i can forget about whats making me anxious#ah fuck wait i remembered. damn#nah its ok ill forget it in a ittle bit#i hope the nurse looks at me and goes yep youre so normal and gives me a little kiss on the head. and a lollipop#i hope its the same nurse that gave me anesthesia she was very nice to me#milo.txt
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hauuuuuuugh me when i dont feel real on several fucking levels???
#i dont feel like me and its concerning#my parents dont feel like my parents#i had to fucking mentally confirm a bit ago that 'yes that is yoyr friend who is having a birthday and not just some stranger'#i keep. second guessing myself on things i know are true#and my body shouldnt be mine . and my personality is only me because i made it me#if you took all of the fake things and stripped them from me what the fuck would be left#and oopsies i cant talk to anyone about it because the only people i would are my friends and i know most of them have more issues than me#but i cant help them with that because all i have is luck and a shitty jokey personality to scrape through life with#i owe them so much honestly. i only really go outside with them. otherwise i would be a total shut in#and i cant do so much as ask if theyre okay because if they say yes its likely a lie and if they say no then what do i do ?#so im not making them deal with more of my shit. so i'll just keep having those moments where i look up and take a bit to remember its real#im so lucky. just to be alive. and for what#to make shitty jokes and never help anyone and rot in my room all day?#but if i make a change now people will notice somethings off about me. parents would get concerned if j did anything not in my room#one day my lucks going to run out and ill be gone and i won't be memorable because none of me is real#..if youre my friend and you see this. i love you and i wish i could do so much more to help you#and im sorry im a little too pathetic to be able to do that now but one day ill figure out how to help people and be useful#and repay everythjng#and one day i wont be some weird combination of personas and jokes and fakes#just. gotta get there#. still. it feels like the real old me got cut out of their body and i got stuck in here instead. if i could id give it back lol#hell. is this even real or am i just spouting what i thjnk i should be feeling#my emotions go by so fast that they dont feel real either#ha i need to stop rambling here#maybe im having a Dont Trust How You Feel After Nine moment#does this. count as#derealisation#probably
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first, im a bit new to cod but idk…
thinking about ghost’s spouse visiting him on base or some shit, and everyone else wondering how tf he was emotionally flexible enough to bag a bad bitch 🫶
note: this is just my personal little fantasy world headcanon lol so take it with a grain of salt!
Simon maintains a vaguely human lifestyle by adhering to one very strict rule: rigid compartmentalization. You don’t come up at work, and work doesn’t come up around you. Never the twain shall meet, he thinks. And he’s not exactly a watershed of information when he’s with his mates. And it’s not like anyone is asking “When was the last time you got fucked, Ghost?” and seriously expecting a response.
He tells you about the crew, but not about what he does with them. Killing, espionage, torture– that kind of thing stays off the dinner table.
Let it be known that you do not surprise him at work. You respect his boundaries too much, which is why he’s so fucking serious about you, honestly. He calls, asking if you can run something to him. This is maybe the greatest symbol of trust he can bestow, as a man who has only a fraction of an existence in the eyes of the government: he asks you to bring a document of his. He gives you the instructions on how to find it, and trusts that you won’t look at anything you don’t have to.
You know Johnny lets out a low whistle when he sees you coming up with a manilla folder in your hands.
“Who’s that bloody bombshell, then?”
You spy Simon and jog up to him with a smile. He’s the one who embraces you, short but strong. Cue the nigh audible gasping.
“LT, you absolute dog.”
Simon rolls his eyes as the two of you are crowded in short order. You make polite introductions, but have a previous engagement– you really did only have time to stop by.
Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave.
Everyone is wondering how this could’ve happened. For the record– I think in this scenario, Johnny and Gaz go through a constant string of heartbreaks, and John is kinda married to his job. So in a cruel twist of fate, Simon is actually the only one currently with a partner, much less a spouse.
“How’d you manage to bag a right beauty like that, LT? C’mon, spill it–”
Simon doesn’t mean to diminish your value or anything, but his answer is not going to be satisfying, because he doesn’t find it that difficult to get women. And also, you’re his true love, so you’re perfect for each other and growing close to you was as easy as breathing. But he doesn’t say that.
“S’not that hard. Remember the stuff she says, don’t keep no secrets… dick ‘er down the way she likes.” He doesn’t mean to be crude about it, but from his perspective, is one of the main reasons why you tolerate him. Soap howls at the response.
He’s telling the truth, though! He has a scarily good memory. Remembers every friend you’ve ever told him about, every movie you’ve ever mentioned, every meal he’s cooked for you and how you liked it. He remembers dates, times, and lists with no issue whatsoever.
And he’s never kept anything from you. He tells you how the fuck he’s feeling, and you return the favor, even if it isn’t pleasant. The only thing he doesn’t mention to you are the gorey details of his work.
And you have never had more of a communicative partner, ironically. There were times in the beginning when he didn’t know all of the ins and outs of coaxing pleasure from your body, so he asked you to show him how you like it. And that scary memory is at work yet again– every sensitive spot, every offhand mention of a kink you’ve not yet explored together, every arch of your spine and clench of your cunt. He’s got it down to a science. Could write novels about making love to you specifically.
What I’m trying to say, at the end of the day, is that Ghost bagged a bad bitch by being autistic.
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hii!! i rlly like your writing and was wondering if you could do a request ? remus (or wolfstar ) x reader where its like posthogwarts and she went to a diff wizarding school and the wizard thing was hush hush cuz she was a muggle, but then one day she like accidentally uses magic and they were like “ omg wait what” and like yeah. anyways pls feel free to ignore this its a very odd request LMAO. thank you so so much for taking the time to read this !!! (im sorry if this sounds weird i dk how to talk to ppl) ok bye 🫶
this was a very cute prompt! thank you so much for your request and your patience in my writing it!
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader who they believe to be a muggle [1.8k words]
CW: fear of werewolf prejudice, fear of muggle born prejudice, I also included a line in French and you can find the translation at the bottom of the work
Sirius knew that they were, perhaps, being a little bit selfish by keeping such a big secret from you.
Statute of Secrecy be damned, they were well beyond the point in your relationship where they could have (and likely should have) told you that he and Remus were wizards (oh, and, while we’re at it, Remus turns into a beast once a month so there’s that, too).
And while their friends all suspected it was Remus who was hesitant to tell you the truth on account of his lycanthropy, it had actually been Sirius who kept procrastinating the long overdue conversation.
But Sirius had to admit that he was very scared to tempt fate, because meeting you had been a complete fluke and he wasn’t willing to muck it up by scaring you off. How many times in one life did someone get the chance to meet a perfect angel?
Sirius had already met Remus which felt like nothing short of destiny, and then they met you, and that felt prophetic. And who was Sirius to mess with the prophecy?
“You cannot chicken out tonight.” Remus muttered as Sirius rapped on your door, earning him an indignant scoff from his boyfriend.
“I’ve never once chickened out in my entire life, thank you very much. That’s why I was sorted into Gryffindor.”
Remus merely snorted. “Sure, that’s why this is our seventh attempt at breaking the news, yeah?”
Sirius refused to look at Remus before banging (slightly louder) on your door once more before you finally opened up.
Gods you were so bloody beautiful; smiling like you couldn’t physically be any happier that your two boys were here, eyes excited and bright and so full of love and fuck sakes he couldn’t do it.
“Hey dove.” Remus greeted for the both of them, seeing as Sirius’ brain was short circuiting on account of your beauty and loveliness, pressing a kiss to your hairline and all but shoving Sirius past the threshold of your door. “It smells amazing, what are you making?”
Your smile seemed to grow impossibly brighter at the praise. “A vegetable bake! It’s sort of Mediterranean, and I’m making pasta to go with it.” You explained excitedly, and Sirius honestly felt like he was going to start overflowing with the amount of fondness he had for you.
“You going to say hello to our girl, Siri? Or are you just going to keep staring at her?” Remus taunted as he walked further into your flat to place the flowers he was carrying for you in a vase - the routine of bringing you bouquets every time they visited so practised that he knew where to find your vases.
“Of course, gorgeous. Sorry for being rude.” He murmured as he pulled you into his chest and breathed you in. “You’ve got to stop answering the door looking so bloody beautiful; I completely forget myself.”
You giggled into his chest and then leaned on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss to his lips that he - the selfish bastard - didn’t find nearly enough before he pulled you into a second deeper, lingering kiss.
“It’s good to see you, Sirius.”
Sirius sighed happily - because really, it was even better to see you - as he shuffled the two of you towards the kitchen Remus was now fussing in.
“Beautiful!” You cheered as Remus positioned the bouquet in the middle of your kitchen island; and Sirius could see the mischief in Remus’ eyes even if you couldn’t.
“Just like you, dove.”
And, quite possibly one of their favourite sights, they watched you turn bashful as you opted to fuss with the arrangement instead of looking at either of them.
“Listen, sweetheart, we were wondering if perhaps before we eat, we could chat with you about something?” Remus decided to rip the bandaid, and Sirius wanted to hex him for the way your body tensed and you looked at him with what appeared to be mild horror.
“Oh- uhm, okay, yeah, sure that’s… that’s fine.” You stuttered as you moved to the kitchen table to take a seat, both boys following obediently.
Sirius watched as Remus moved last week's bouquet - which Sirius had secretly cast a stasis charm over so that they would last longer - out of the centre of the table and closer to Sirius so that they could both have a better view of you.
“Is…everything okay?” You asked cautiously as you fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt. Sirius wanted to throw up.
“Of course, dovey.” Remus assured you, though it was Sirius’ thigh he gave a comforting squeeze under the table. “We just know that we’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and we’ve grown to care about you quite a lot- you know that, right?”
Sirius watched as the divot between your brows only deepened as you nodded hesitantly. “So much, gorgeous; we care about you so much.” He insisted when it didn’t look like you truly believed them.
“But we just, well, we haven’t been completely honest with you, is all. And now that we’re at this point in our relationship, we…we feel like we owe it to you to be honest.” Remus continued, clearly beginning to feel just as out of his depth as Sirius was.
Your face fell completely blank, though Sirius could tell you were still tugging nervously at your shirt sleeve.
“Baby, I swear this isn’t bad, we- I rather think I’m in love with you, and-”
But as Sirius went to reach his hand over to rub at your arm in a way he hoped to be comforting, he ended up knocking over the vase stationed in front of him.
It didn’t break, thank Merlin, but it did topple over before Sirius could catch it and the water poured over the table.
Remus went to stand quickly to avoid being soaked, but no sooner had he pushed his chair away from the table was the vase floating towards you and the water completely vanished.
Not looking at the boys in front of you, you righted the vase and repositioned the florals to your liking before looking up at Remus who was now standing and staring at you owlishly, and Sirius who was gaping at you from his seat.
“Did you just-” Sirius started, voice no more than a whisper, but was quickly cut off by the sound of a timer in the kitchen.
You waved your hand in that direction mindlessly before sinking back despondently in your chair and staring down at your lap, the timer silent.
“Y/N.” Remus rasped. “Did- was that…are you a witch?”
You appeared to flinch as if you’d just realised what you’d done before you looked up; all colour seemingly draining from your face.
“What? I-” You started with a nervous chuckle. “I don’t know what you’re talking about? There’s no such thing as witches…”
But Sirius knew what he saw, the first could have been an accident - a trick of the mind - but the second act of magic was all the confirmation he needed.
Silently, Remus summoned the vase of flowers towards him before charming them to dance to imaginary music, plucking one from its stem and turning it gold before reaching across the table to put it behind your ear as you gaped at him.
“You’re…a wizard?” You whispered in disbelief.
At that, Sirius stood and spun, turning into Padfoot and panting excitedly at your feet as his tail whacked against the table leg with every wag.
A wet laugh escaped you before either boy realised you were wiping your eyes.
“Oh my gods?”
“Awe, dovey.” Remus cooed as he moved over to Sirius’ chair so he could take your hands in his. “Don’t cry.”
“Is this what you guys were going to tell me?” You asked cautiously, hopefully.
Padfoot melted back into Sirius, but he stayed kneeling at your feet as he rubbed soothing stripes up and down your calf. “Yes, baby; this was it.” He assured you. “I’m sorry we scared you.”
“So, that boarding school you went to in France?” Remus asked with an arched eyebrow.
“Beauxbatons.” You confirmed with a nod of your head. “And your boarding school in Scotland?”
“Hogwarts.” The two boys chorused, and you all let out a chuckle.
“It’s almost embarrassing that didn’t give it away right there.” You laughed breathlessly.
“Since we’re, uh, being honest about stuff…” Remus continued, trailing off awkwardly as he shared a grimace with Sirius. “I’m also, well, I’m also a werewolf.”
“Oh.” You breathed quietly.
Sirius held his breath as he watched you consider this before you nodded your head decisively.
“I’m muggleborn.”
Sirius and Remus shared a quick look before Remus let out a disbelieving chuckle. “Is that- …what?”
“Baby, are you trading that information like we might think that’s a negative?” Sirius teased you lightly.
“I suppose it depends on who you ask…” You whispered, and both boys softened.
“Not us, dove.” Remus offered. “Good.” You smiled at him. “Then me too.”
“Is that really how you feel about it? About me?” Remus asked quietly.
“No, it’s not how I feel about you.” You denied. “J'ai l'impression de tomber très amoureux de toi.” You admitted shyly, and Sirius couldn’t be held responsible for the mortifying cooing sound that resonated from the back of his throat.
He grabbed your face roughly and started peppering you with kisses: “how”, a kiss, “did we”, a kiss, “manage to find”, another kiss, “the most brilliant and beautiful witch”, kiss kiss kiss, “in the whole world?”
You were giggling and trying - not very hard, mind you - to pull away from Sirius’ ministrations when you stilled and let out a gasp.
“What?” Both boys paused.
“Supper!” You nearly shrieked as you went flying into the kitchen, muttering to yourself in French as you turned off the stove top and fussed with various pots and dishes.
“I am so unbelievably in love with her.” Remus murmured, eyes glued to your form as you danced through the kitchen.
Sirius scoffed as he leaned against his boyfriend with his arms crossed, feigning nonchalance. “I can’t believe you were so scared to tell her.”
Sirius didn’t need to look at Remus to know he was glaring at him; he could feel it.
But he also felt his heart grow three sizes when you turned to look at both of them with a beaming smile and a steaming dish in front of you, completely unphased that one of your boyfriends was a werewolf even though as a witch you knew exactly what that meant. And not only were you unphased, but you were still falling in love with them regardless.
Sirius had admittedly been very scared to tempt fate, because meeting you had been a complete fluke and he didn’t want to muck it up by scaring you off. Because really, how many times in one life did someone get the chance to meet a perfect angel?
If meeting Remus had been destiny, meeting you was prophetic; and who was Sirius to mess with the prophecy?
(translation: I feel like I’m very much falling in love with you).
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#sirius black#wolfstar#wolfstar x reader#wolfstar x you#poly!wolfstar#poly!wolfstar x reader#poly!wolfstar x you#fem!reader#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#poly!wolfstar fluff#poly!wolfstar blurb#poly!wolfstar imagine#poly!wolfstar drabble#poly!wolfstar fic#poly!wolfstar ficlet#ellecdc fics#beauxbatons
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𝗚𝗜𝗬𝗨𝗨 𝗛𝗔𝗦 𝗔 𝗖𝗥𝗨𝗦𝗛
𝙨𝙮𝙣. ━ giyuu is wholeheartedly in love with you.
━ 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. no bc i am making this man a pathetic simp for you idc. im writing these with myself in mind so yk, i have to pour out my feelings. and also i need to get all this giyuu writing off my chest, its actually a problem the fixation i have on this man but no fics tickle my brain just right so i have to write them myself
━ 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. btw thank you so much for all the love and support on my last two posts. literally you all are so incredibly sweet !! (∩˃o˂∩)♡ i just graduated college so i might have a bit more time to write but no promises!
━ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. none. giyuu might be a little ooc. modern reader in kny. i rewrote this a few times so pls be nice 🤧. 1.4k words.
━ 𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙩. im just going though and adding a synopsis and fixing my titles. og title: falling for you.
Giyuu actually doesn’t know how this occurred. No, actually that was a lie. He knew how this happened, but didn’t at the same time. And honestly speaking, the man does not care at all. You were so nice and sweet to Giyuu it made his head spin. Like it makes him ill in the best way imaginable. He doesn’t understand why you want to be around him so much, why you want to be his friend – not that he minds – but he just can’t get past his own indiscretions about himself. That was until you told him to his face.
You tell him that you thought he was cute – I'm sorry? – and you liked how calm he was – really? His brain can’t compute anything that you say. He doesn’t know if you need any medical assistance or he’s just dreaming. But it makes you laugh. The cute, dumb look on his face as he stands there, gaping at you like a fish.
It wasn’t like it was new information. You did enjoy his company the most. He was very quiet and by no means were you either, but you have this habit of matching the energy of people you were with. So, it was almost relaxing and refreshing spending time with Giyuu. Though Giyuu is silent most of the time, he does in fact talk. At first it's about a mission he was on recently, if and most likely when he gets more comfortable with you, he’s talking a little more in depth about random things that are on his brain. It's endearing really. Or sometimes he’s just talking about things that he thinks you might like to know, random facts, and so on.
But sometimes you do the talking and he likes that too. You could talk for hours and he could listen to every word you have to say. He would soak it up like a sponge as you focus your eyes on the crochet hooks weaving in front of you. Your voice is quiet and nice, soft and warm sounding.
This typically happens when you visit his estate. And you visit his estate a lot. Maybe Giyuu was a little disappointed that you weren’t staying with him, but he knows that he shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds. He’s lucky enough to see you this much, as much as he's lucky to see you at all. He can’t be too mad though. Mitsuri has jumped you the first moment she got when the Master had brought up your living arrangements. You had nowhere to go. And honestly, Giyuu may have been a little relieved that Mitsuri of all people had gotten to you first.
He really wouldn’t have minded if it had been Rengoku or Gyomei. For obvious reasons, Rengoku would be happy to have him stopped by and probably Gyomei too, because it seems like they don’t have a bone to pick with him. Honestly speaking, he wouldn’t have minded Muichiro either, though the boy would have probably forgotten your existence within the day. But any of the others, the thought made his skin crawl for plenty of reasons. Maybe it was because it would have become a hassle, or he would be harassed every time he went to visit you. Yes, it does seem on par with him that might just avoid you so you don’t get verbally assaulted like he does if you were to associate with him. But he was a lonely, pathetic man who was enamored with you at first glance the minute you showed up out of nowhere and he couldn’t help but thank the heavens that the stars had aligned so nicely for him – even if he felt he didn’t deserve it.
His only issue with the arrangement was Obanai. The man had almost butchered him on numerous occasions just for showing up to the Love estate. Even if he wasn’t there for Mitsuri, the Serpent Hashira didn’t seem to care. Maybe it was funny the first few times – it actually wasn’t – but you really couldn’t keep your mouth shut anymore. Obanai was wearing you thin with his commentary. Everytime Giyuu was around, it was like the others just couldn’t help themselves by making a comment insulting the man. Maybe it was because you didn’t want to disrespect a Hashira, especially if four of them were in the room with you, but Giyuu was here to see you, and it was almost like insulting Giyuu was an insult to you for wanting to spend time with him.
Mitsuri was okay with Giyuu coming to visit you, she actually encouraged it. So watching Mitsuri stand behind you while you gave Iguro a piece of your mind was something Giyuu didn’t know he needed to see until then. And maybe he did allow himself to feel a little selfish and smile mentally. He still remembers how Iguro had this look of disdain on his face, simultaneously looking like a scolded child and embarrassed because this was happening in front of Mitsuri.
Giyuu wondered if you caught the look that Obanai and Kaburamaru were giving you – if looks could kill and all that – but that was stupid. You most certainly did and just didn’t care enough. And Giyuu also wonders just what kind of sorcery you have, because he did hear you mention Sanemi by name at some point and now he's not bothering him as much, especially when you are around.
It wasn’t like he could do anything about it, not like he had ever done anything about it in the past. He never really had the heart to correct anyone in their assumptions of him, he never really thought he had to. Though, that mainly was because he thought he deserved such mistreatment. Regardless, it didn’t matter how he felt about it and himself. If you enjoyed his company that much to defend him, he was going to provide as much of it as you wanted. But there was something about it that made his heart swell a little bit bigger and flooded him with enough warmth that you could have mistaken it as him having a fever.
Now here the two of you were, sitting outside the Water Estate. You both had taken your places by the koi pond Giyuu has. It's so calm and cool. The soft moving of water could be heard every time the wind blew just enough, as well as the sharp sound of water splashing because some fish got too close to the surface.
Giyuu isn’t losing himself as he stares at the pond, watching the fish move around. He finds himself mesmerized though, as you talk. It’s nice, as usual. He likes how you talk and the way you talk. He could listen to you for hours and never get tired of hearing you. And he knows that if he glances at you now, even briefly, he wouldn’t be able to look away. You just look so… wonderful. It makes him dizzy. But he has such a weak will to do so, and now he's staring at you. Eyes soft and relaxed. He has never felt so content.
Giyuu doesn’t know if he realizes what kind of situation he is in. Or maybe he does. Maybe he’s finally realizing just how much of an effect you have on him. He likes you. He likes you beyond anything in the world. He loves you and everything about you.
You don't notice him staring. You’re too busy weaving the crochet hook in and out of your craft. You make it look so effortless. So enjoyable. And you seem so happy crocheting away as you speak. The way you talk and do it at the same time, you're so smart. You have to be. And Giyuu can’t help but hope you don’t look up. You’re as mesmerized with your work as he is with you. He would die though, if you caught him. The thought makes him sweat almost, being so close to you like this. His hands are clammy, and he's never been this nervous.
Yeah, he definitely has it bad for you. And for the first time in a while, even despite his nerves, he found the corners of his lips curling upwards, in a soft and timid smile. He averts his eyes, almost to gather his bearings, but that isn't enough. The subtle flush creeping onto his cheeks betrayed him. But he couldn’t be more delighted.
thank you for reading !! ૮₍˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶₎ა
#giyuu x you#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#kny x reader#kny x you#no use of y/n#no y/n#demon slayer x reader#giyuu x reader#giyuu tomioka x reader#x reader#demon slayer#demon slayer x you#demon slayer x y/n#reader insert#oneshot#imagine#giyuu tomioka#giyuu tomioka x y/n#x you#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#kimetsu no yaiba x you#kny giyuu tomioka#giyuu tomioka my love#idk how to tag this
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