#i honestly do not know which one she will prefer

[merlincmgirl]

Goodbye To Good Will and Patience

Summary: Colt is ready to leave. This party has been dragging on for far too long, and he's stuck at the side playing bodyguard. Not that he minds, because it's for you. But as soon as he sees a Senator lay a hand on you, his patience quickly dwindles to zero. He needs to make sure that nobody else can mistake that you're his and he'd do anything to protect you.

Characters: Colt, Reader

Pairing: Commander Colt x FReader

Word Count: 5,514

Warnings: smut, riding, PinV sex, fingering, dirty talk, jealousy, Colt imagining violence against mentioned Senator, established relationships

Author's Note: So this was requested by @rex-meshla, I'm so sorry it took so long. But I hope you enjoy it.

I took inspiration from this post by @saradika. The lines are highlighted in bold. Honestly it's incredible and I really recommend people checking it out.

Colt wants to leave. He wants to leave right now. Either through the door or through the window, he doesn’t care which. But if he has to listen to another slimy Senator flatter and flirt with you, then he’s not going to be held responsible for his actions.

The music is light and fun – the only fun thing about this party – and the alcohol is flowing – not that Colt is allowed any – but it seems to be helping the Senator’s lose whatever inhibitions that they had. Colt once again thanks his lucky stars that he doesn’t have to deal with the Senate and the cockroaches within it everyday. He doesn’t know how Fox deals with it.

Instead of focusing on wanting to jump out the window, he directs his attention to you. You’re absolutely stunning. That, Colt would admit to anyone and everyone. Your dress subtly matched his armour, a blend of grey, black and red that highlighted your beautiful body. Your hair was tied up into a loose knot, strands hanging irresistibly to brush along your neck. What he wouldn’t give to press his lips against the hollow of your throat, to feel the way you moaned his name as he kissed along your neck.

Rolling his shoulders, he straightened up, getting his head back in the now. Escorting you to this event was something that both you and Colt was dreading. Nearly a year ago, you were assigned by the GAR to review and report on the health and well-being of the up-coming troopers and cadets on Kamino. Your work was your passion, and you enjoyed spending time with the clones, trying your best to make their life better while on the rainy planet. Especially the cadets, who you had taken to heart as soon as you had been introduced to them.

So when you were invited by Senator Burtoni to a party that she was holding for potential investors and members of the Senate, she wanted you to come and report on Kamino’s success. You hated being the centre of attention, instead preferring to be in your lab or interacting with the clones. Not flattering and selling the clones like cattle to investors and Senators who saw them as nothing more than meat-droids.

It had been something that Colt had heard you rant about ever since you got the summons. As the ARC Commander of Rancor Battalion, he had been selected to escort you and protect you while you were on Coruscant. If he had to twist Fox’s arm to ensure that he was your protection detail and not some Corrie Guard, then you never had to know.

Wishing he could have some of that wine his cyare was sipping, he once more watched as you batted away the Senator’s advances. Your eyes shifted to him, and even through his visor, it felt like you could see into his soul, understand exactly what he was thinking about. Your lips twitched, face softening for a second before you returned back to the Senator who was now boasting about his villa on the Canto Bright shores, and his VIP area in one of the casinos on said planet.

However, all of Colt’s good will and patience disintegrated as soon as he saw the Senator lay one of his slimy hands on your hip, lips curled up into what he thought was an attractive smirk but it just made him look like a demented nexu. Making sure not to just storm over there like he wanted to, he instead strode over with purpose, every movement deliberate and intimidating. The party-goers immediately parted for him until he reached where you and the Senator were near the buffet table.

He didn’t stop until he was pressed against your back, too close to be appropriate or polite. He didn’t care. If that slimy, son of a nerf herder didn’t take his hand away, he’d make sure to break every single finger so he could never touch anyone without their consent ever again.

“Excuse me, ma’am” Colt interrupted, his dark, intimidating helmet facing the Senator. The skull on the helmet was a promise of things that was to come if Colt had his way.

“Commander Colt, just the man I was talking about! Senator, Commander Colt is a fine example of the strength and bravery of our troopers” you smiled, turning into the ARC behind you, letting the hand fall away from you as you leaned closer into Colt.

“You flatter me, Doctor. However, Master Ti is requesting your service about one of the reports, she has some questions for you” Colt lied, pressing further into your back in response. “Goodnight Senator” Colt said briskly, stepping in between you and him before guiding you towards the door.

As soon as you were outside, you couldn’t help but let out a disgruntled curse. There was a reasons you hated these things, they were all full of creeps who thought they had every right to request your company. Thankfully Colt had been there to protect you this time.

Nodding to the Corrie guards keeping watch at the entrance, Colt led you down the Senate corridor towards your temporary office that you had been gifted by Burtoni. It had been a reassurance that you could continue your work, but it had almost been forgotten about as soon as you landed. There had been more important things to do than head to your office and work, Burtoni had said.

Grumbling, you stopped Colt and he turned to you in concern. However it soon turned to amusement as you used him as support while you took off your heels. Kicking them off, you shrunk down to your original size, allowing him to almost tower over you. “There, that’s much better” you sighed, rolling your ankles a few times on each foot to return the feeling in your feet.

Colt chuckled, scooping up your heels and clipping them to his belt. He held out his arm to you, which you gladly accepted. “Comfortable, cyare?” he teased, enjoying the warmth that he could feel from the crook of his elbow. His armour ensured a barrier to the world, it was something he always regretted when he was with you.

“Much! I was beginning to feel like my ankles were about to snap” you smirked, resting your head on his bicep and sighing heavily. Wriggling your toes, you couldn’t help but admire the soft carpet that felt like walking on clouds with every step.

“Maybe I should work some of these torture devices into ARC training” Colt suggested, tugging you closer to him to avoid a mouse droid running into you.

“Oh, that is cruel, my love!” you laughed, as you came to a halt outside of the door to your office. You quickly pushed in your code before allowing Colt to enter first. Leaning against the door frame, you waited as he made sure the room was clear and secure. “I don’t think an assassin is going to want to be hiding behind the plant pots” you remarked, a wry smile spreading across your face as Colt checked everything.

“You’d be surprised, cyare. Expect the unexpected” he reminded you, as he gave the all clear for you to enter.

Locking the door behind you, you couldn’t wait to return back home to your little apartment on Kamino that you shared with Colt. It was your little slice of paradise where the two of you could be yourselves without Kaminoans breathing down your throats and watching your every move. You had spent many evenings there just cuddled up with your Commander as you recounted the days events. It made you miss your home even more.

A soft creak of leather had you turning around to face the desk behind you. It seemed that Colt had made himself comfortable behind your desk, even though there was a perfectly good sofa for him to lounge on. The corner of your lips pulling into a small smile, content to see him relaxing away from the circus that was Senators, sponsors and general politics.

Colt removed his helmet, sighing softly before placing it down on the desk, running a hand through his short cropped hair. His lovely plump lips pulled into a thin line, brow furrowing at whatever thought was running through his head. However, he shook it, almost like he was trying to shake the thought out before opening his beautiful brown eyes and locking them onto you. Noticing that you were looking at him, he sent you a confused look.

Deciding that you were too far away from your trooper now that there was no prying eyes, you closed the space between you, walking around the desk and perching on the side. Slowly, and without looking away from those compassionate eyes, you took his hand in yours, thumb rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.

“Everything okay, love?” you inquired, feeling the way his hand flexed in yours for a moment before relaxing.

He hummed, curling your hands together. “I’m fine, cyare” he assured, pulling your hands up to his mouth so he could brush his lips over your knuckles in a kiss.

Feeling heat rise to your cheeks at the gesture, you tried to push the reaction away. You would not be distracted by soft gestures and kisses, not when something was obviously troubling your trooper. “I don’t need to be a Jedi to know that something’s on your mind. Want to talk about it?” you offered, keeping your voice light and free from judgement. If he didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine, you could just go home and cuddle. If he did want to talk about it, that was also fine, and you could go home and snuggle too.

Colt let out an annoyed huff before he was pushing back in the chair, wheeling it out to make some space as he pulled you onto his lap. He helped get you comfortable, knees braced on either side of his hips. His large hands ran lightly up and down your sides, leaving the dress to bunch up under his hands.

“I hated seeing him touch you” Colt admitted, burying his face into your neck and shaking his head at the rush of annoyance that he felt every time he thought back to that Senator touching you.

Realising what the problem was, you cupped his cheeks, bringing him up to face you properly. You smiled, seeing his tinted cheeks and the way he wanted to hide away from you. “It’s okay, love, it’s natural to feel jealous. It’s not wrong. I didn’t like it either, but I’m here with you and not him” you soothed, fingers tracing over his cheeks and jaw down to his neck. Leaning forward, you pressed a soft, chaste kiss to the hinge of his jaw. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with” you murmured against his warm skin.

That seemed to be enough to set him off, as Colt slid a hand up to the back of your neck, tugging you down to meet his lips. His kiss was intense, determined to taste and feel every inch of you as you welcomed him into your mouth. The large, calloused hand on the back of your neck ensured that you couldn’t move, only stayed pressed against him as you both lost yourself into the kiss.

With every brush and sweep of his tongue against yours, you felt a heat begin simmering in your core, hips rocking against his codpiece as you felt more and more affected by his possessive touch. “Colt!” you breathed, pulling back so you could take in a breath. The clones may have an increased lung capacity, but you did not.

Colt groaned, lips swollen from your kiss before he began laying kisses along your jaw, dancing along the sensitive spot under your ear before he finally spoke. “He doesn’t deserve to even look at you!” he growled, arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

Swallowing the dryness in your throat as you were dragged along the plastoid at his crotch, you took in a few shaky breaths. It seemed that what had happened at the party had pushed Colt into a rather protective and possessive mood. Knowing that you were going to reap the benefit of this mood, you pulled back a little, trying to use your common sense.

“Maybe we should take this back to my quarters?” you suggested, running your hands over the red and black pauldrons on his shoulders.

Colt let out a deep rumble from his chest, chuckling a little at you. “Oh mesh’la, I want to fuck you right here” he grinned at you, lust dripping from every word. The way his eyes darkened at the thought of fucking you here in a Senator’s office, while a party was going on a few rooms down. It was making heat pulse through him, and he restrained himself from letting out a noise as he felt his cock twitch and swell in his restrictive blacks.

Gasping, you couldn’t help the way your cunt fluttered at the thought of him fucking you right here. Where anyone could hear you if they walked passed. Biting your lip, you glanced back at the door, ensuring it was locked. “You-you shouldn’t say stuff like that” you murmured, chiding him half-heartedly.

“Why? You like it when I say stuff like that” he smirked, hands pushing your dress up your legs, letting it bunch at your waist.

“Yeah… yeah I do” you sighed, as his lips returned to work marks along your neck. His talented lips sucked and pressed against your pulse point, teeth grazing it every so often that had you letting out quiet moans. “What if-? Kriff! What if we get caught?” you managed to get out, as he nipped at your neck. It was sure to leave a bruise.

Colt sent you a wicked grin, all teeth and darkened eyes, before he leaned in to give you a chaste kiss. “They’re welcome to watch, but I don’t share, Doc” his low voice hit your ears, making your core tighten around nothing.

Maker, he was going to be the death of you. But still, you couldn’t help but think what a way to go!

Taking a deep, steadying breath, you dragged your hands over his shoulders and towards the heavy plate of armour on his chest. Just as you were about to disengage the magnetic lock that kept it attached to his body glove, Colt’s hands blanketed yours. Frowning, you shot him a confused look. Did he not want you to undress him?

“Don’t bother, love, I don’t need to take it all off to fuck you” Colt murmured, hand sliding up your arm, brushing against your shoulder before he hooked a hand round the back of your neck and brought you in for a kiss.

As his lips moved over yours, you couldn’t help but moan at the taste of Colt against your tongue, the way he effortlessly began to nibble on your lip as his hands reached under your dress, toying with the thin piece of fabric between your legs. Every so often, his large, gentle fingers would brush against your slit, eliciting a breathy gasp into his mouth as you began to push against his venturing hands.

“Wait there, I need to get these off” you grumbled, raising to your knees on the chair. Removing your panties would be a lot easier if you could do this in a bed.

“Do you like these?” Colt breathed, laying kisses along your décolletage as his fingers glided up and down your inner thighs.

“No, not really. W-Colt!” you gasped, gripping onto his pauldrons to keep yourself steady as he ripped your panties off of you.

Returning his hands to your hips, he tugged you back down onto his lap, a smug smirk dancing along his lips. “Problem solved, cyare.”

Rolling your eyes, you instead trailed your fingers down his chest, skimming over his stomach plate before reaching for the codpiece that was pressing against you. You could only imagine how uncomfortable he was pressing against the plastoid, as a gentle touch had him hissing and bucking into you.

Grinning, you slid your hands back up to his chest and shoulders, reaching for the latches on his pauldron to begin taking it off. However, warm, calloused hands stopped her, bringing them up to his mouth. Sighing as he pressed a kiss to her knuckles, she continued to circle her hips against his.

“I don’t need to take my pauldrons off to fuck you love, only one piece” Colt murmured, lips twitching against her fingers as you gasped at his words.

Groaning, you leaned forward, burying your heated face into his neck. “You can’t just say that! How will I ever not want to jump you every time I see you in armour now?” you whined, shaking your head. You felt his chest rumble underneath you as he laughed.

“So you’re telling me you don’t want to jump me every time you see me wearing it anyway?” he asked, smug because he knew that you really enjoyed the way his armour clung to him and highlighted how broad and strong he was.

“Oh shut up!” you huffed, rolling your eyes as you pushed away from him, reaching for his codpiece again. With swift and clever fingers, you unhooked the protective plate and threw it somewhere behind you. A loud clatter echoed around the office but you didn’t care. Not one bit when you could hear the hitch in Colt’s breathing and the way his legs widened slightly underneath you.

“Hmm, good girl. You’re so good at that” Colt hummed, dark eyes looking you over as he rocked into you.

“I enjoy the practice” you chuckled, playing with the hem of his waistband. Teasingly you ran your fingers under the tight material before snapping them back against him. “Lift your hips” you instructed, eager to push them down off him.

Colt sent you a playful smirk before bucking his hips and helping you in pulling his blacks down enough so his length popped out, resting against his stomach plate.

Biting your lip, you couldn’t help but want to take him into your mouth. His thick cock was leaking, flushed and looked ready for you.

“I love that look on your face, cyare. Like you’re ready to devour me” Colt chuckled, slightly breathless at how much love and desire he saw in your eyes. He knew it was reflected in his own towards you. However much he would love to have you sink down on him, he knew he would have to open you up if he didn’t want to hurt you.

So he trailed his hands up your thighs while he caught your lips in a kiss, moaning against you as he squeezed and massaged the muscles of your thighs. His talented fingers swiped over your entrance, gathering your slick. He watched as your eyes fluttered closed, pleasure flashing across your face. He loved watching you like this. Loved knowing he was the one that can make you feel good. Coating his fingers in your slick, his thumb flicked up to your clit before he pressed one of his thick fingers inside of you. His breath hitched at the small gasp you let out against his lips. "Gotta open you up, cyare. Don't want to hurt you" he murmured, trailing kisses along your jaw. You hummed, hips bearing down on his finger inside of you. "You'd never hurt me" you said, and the conviction he heard in your voice made Colt groan against your neck.

It felt like every touch of his skin against yours set you on fire. One hand was gripping your hip, the other was opening you up for him, sliding a second finger into you as he guided you against him. A moan escaped you as Colt’s teeth grazed the thin skin of your neck, sucking a mark there that would be difficult to hide tomorrow.

Colt’s hand slid up your side, reaching to cup and squeeze your breast. He grumbled at not being able to rip your dress right off you so he could press his lips directly against your skin. But you’d both had to walk out of here, and he didn’t want anyone else to see you like that. Only him. So he continued to squeeze and massage your curves, all the while you were rocking on his fingers, pressing them further inside of you.

“Come on cyare, ride my fingers” Colt instructed, looking up at you. Your face was flushed, hair beginning to stick to your temples, eyes lidded with pleasure as your eyes met his, happiness and delight dancing in them. You had never looked more beautiful to him.

You wrapped your arms around the neck of him, steadying the weight of yourself over him as you began to roll your hips against his hand. Bouncing on his fingers as he continued to suck marks along your neck and collarbone.

“Mesh’la” he whispered, thumb circling your clit as he slipped another finger into you.

“Colt!” you whined, biting your lip as you felt him stretch you open. You ran your fingers through his cropped hair, wanting to be as close as possible to him.

“You’re soaking my hand, cyare. Gonna go all over my vambrace” he murmured, smirking up at you. He twisted the three fingers inside of you, curling them just right and firmly stroking that place inside of you that had you seeing starts.

You clenched down around his fingers, his words affecting you so much. “Kriff!” you cursed, throwing your head back as you felt Colt bury his fingers deeper inside of you, driving them in and out of you faster. “Fuck, I’m going to cum!” you managed to tell him, digging your nails into his armour. It wouldn’t make a mark but you needed something to hold onto.

“Good girl, want you to cum on my fingers” he grinned, nipping at your shoulder as he bounced you on him. When he noticed that you were muffling your noise with your hand, he let out a low growl. “Ah, want to hear you. Want that shabuir to hear just how perfect you sound when you’re like this. But I’m the only one who can do this, can make you feel like this” he growled, thumb rubbing around your clit and keeping his fingers thrusting into you.

Letting out a loud moan, you ripped your hand away. Instead, you entwined your hand with his, squeezing it as you felt the pleasure building inside of you. Colt was so good at taking you apart, his words enough to make you forget everything only him and the way he was touching you.

Gripping onto him, you let out a cry of his name as your orgasm slammed into you, eyes squeezed shut and body shuddering as he worked you through it with gentle words and continued touches.

As you slumped against him, he pressed a kiss to your temple, taking in your scent as you relaxed into him. Slipping his fingers out of your pretty cunt, he brought them up to his mouth, sucking them in and moaning obscenely.

Your cunt clenched around nothing at the sight, eyes widening at the way he was tasting you. “Kriffing hell Colt!” you breathed, staring at him.

“Not my fault you taste so good” he retorted, rubbing circles on your thigh with his other hand.

Shaking your head, you drew him into a passionate kiss, unable to help it as you tasted yourself against his lips. The mixture of your taste and his only highlighted how perfect you were for each other.

“You’re really hot when you get all jealous” you grinned against his lips, pulling away from him.

Colt rolled his eyes, scowling at the thought of that di’kut who thought you’d ever be interested in him. “Yeah, yeah” he grumbled, looking away from you as his cheeks reddened under your knowing look.

“I think it’s sweet, and cute, that you get all jealous and possessive just from talking to a Senator” you teased, running your fingers through his hair.

“I’m not sweet. Or cute” he huffed, leaning forward to nip at your lip as he squeezed your hips, guiding you so you were hovering over his length. “Perhaps I should show you” he warned, before he pulled you down onto his cock. He didn’t stop until you were fully seated on his lap.

Letting out a long drawn out moan, you couldn’t contain the sound as you took him into your fluttering core. His cock stretched you open, even with him preparing you on his fingers, and it took a few breaths before you felt yourself relaxing around him.

Colt was gritting his jaw, unable to believe how tight you were around him. It had only been a couple of days since the pair of you had last been together. Groaning, he rested his head against yours, your breaths mingling together as you panted through the initial burst of pleasure that came with you joining together.

“Can I move?” you panted, thumb stroking across his sharp cheekbones.

Colt nodded, hands pushing your dress further up your waist before squeezing your hips. He really wanted you to move, couldn’t wait to feel you sliding along his length.

Gathering yourself, you began to slowly rise up, your inner muscles dragging up his cock before slowly sinking back down on him. You set a slow pace, getting used to the feeling of him moving inside of you. He let out a low groan, and it sent a spark of pride through you at knowing you could make your ARC Trooper let some of his control slip enough to make a sound like that.

“Kriff, you feel incredible!” he hissed, helping to keep you steady as you continued to move over him. He watched with awe as your face fluttered with pleasure and he couldn’t help but buck his hips up into you. The way you let out a shuddering gasp and he felt your nails dig into the nape of his neck. “Mesh’la” he breathed in awe, unable to look away.

Flushing at his words, you cupped his cheeks pressing your lips against his briefly. His larger calloused hands skimmed along your sides until he gripped your hips, beginning to move you on his cock. The way his length slid inside you, stretching you around him as he slid his hands down to squeeze your ass. A moan escaped you, heat pulsing through your body with every thrust into you.

“Kriff! Colt!” you groaned, beginning to bounce on him, breath faltering as that spot inside of you was continually brushed against. You reached up to squeeze at your breasts, rocking against him as he grunted underneath you. It felt so good, he felt so good.

“That’s it cyare, take your pleasure. Take what’s yours” Colt murmured, eyes hooded as he watched you.

Clutching at him, you couldn’t help but listen to him. His words sinking into you, stoking the fire that he was creating inside of you. Watching as his jaw feathered as you clenched tightly around him, you closed your eyes at the moan he let out.

Colt let out a growl, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you closer to him until you were pressed against his armour. The cool plates soothing your heated skin, as you ached to get closer to him. The Commander leaned up, capturing your lips in a kiss as he continued to buck up into you. The cries of pleasure was muffled against his lips as he slid his hands up your back, holding you tight.

Whining against his lips, you pulled away, panting for breath as you met him with each thrust.

“Good girl, taking me so well” he praised, raining kisses along the column of your throat.

“Colt!” you gasped out, digging your nails into the pauldrons along his shoulders.

Colt grinned, enjoying the noises that he was forcing out of you with every thrust of his hips into your soaking core. “Use your words, mesh’la. Tell me how I’m making you feel” Colt ordered, hands gripping the nape of your neck and forcing you to meet his eyes.

The thought of describing how you were feeling to him made you flush with embarrassment. Which was crazy, seeing as he was fucking into you like a man possessed, determined to chase away any trace of the Senator from your mind. As white hot ecstasy flooded your body, you couldn’t even think how you would put it into words.

Shaking your head, you closed your eyes once more, trying to hide yourself from his heated, heavy gaze.

“Come on, mesh’la. I want to hear you” he encouraged, forcing you roughly down onto his cock.

Crying out, you couldn’t help but let the words fall from your mouth.

“So good! Oh-you-you make me feel so good” you moaned brokenly, biting your lip to try and stifle your noises. “Fill me up ‘till I can’t- I can’t think” you cried, resting your head against his.

“Good girl” he gritted out, pounding into you. He held you tight so you couldn’t move, feeling you flood his cock with your juices. Your breath was fanning against his face, and your core was clenching and fluttering around his cock like you were never going to let him go.

“So perfect for me cyare” he moaned, “you’re so beautiful.”

Angling your hips so he was hitting that place inside of you that made you collapse against his chest. “That’s it, cyare. Only I can make you feel like this. Only I can feel your beautiful cunt squeezing around me. Not that di’kut of a Senator, he wouldn’t know how to make you scream. Wouldn’t know how to make you feel so good, just by doing this” Colt growled out, one hand slipping between you so he could rub at your clit.

“Fuck!” you yelled, hips bucking back against Colt’s as it felt like he had turned everything up to a hundred. His fingers danced against the bundle of nerves just as you liked. You could feel the pleasure building and building, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Colt was right, nobody could make you feel like this, only him. Only he could send you soaring, could make you feel so loved and beautiful and wanted.

“Gonna… gonna cum” you warned him, squeezing around him so you could feel as close as possible to him.

“Mine, my cyare,” he growled, fingers gliding against your swollen bundle of nerves, “cum for me.”

With his permission and the way he was lighting up every single one of your nerves, you felt the wave of pleasure wash over you, crashing you into an orgasm. You body shuddered, trembling against his as you cried out his name, vision going white as all you could think about was how amazing you felt.

With the fluttering and tightening of your muscles around him, Colt was helpless but to follow you over the edge. He grunted out your name, thrusting up into you a few more times as he painted your walls white, sending little shock waves through you at the feel of him shooting into your pulsing channel.

Eventually the conditioned cool air of the room was beginning to make you shiver against your heated furnace and you pulled away from him, pinks still flushed from your activities. “Got that out of your system?” you couldn’t help but tease him, trailing gentle fingers along his hairline and down his jaw.

Colt rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help feeling smug at seeing you look so dishevelled and knowing that he did that to you. “Hmm, maybe. Might need another couple of rounds to make sure” he replied, chuckling at the way your face darkened and you buried yourself back into his shaking chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, holding you back against him. He always did enjoy teasing you just as much as you teased him.

“Just as long as we can move this to my rooms. The party should be over by now, and I don’t want to meet that Senator in the hallway” you reminded, although your actions were a juxtaposition to your words. Lying your head on his chest, you allowed yourself a few more minutes in his embrace.

Your Commander didn’t seem to mind either, as he tightened his grip around you, keeping you attached together. “No, he’s going nowhere near you, love” Colt vowed, fingers trailing up and down your spine gently.

And you believed him. If Colt promised something then it was a certainty. He would make sure to keep you close to him, safe from any leery Senators. Sighing happily, you closed your eyes, happy to just be in his arms, away from the prying eyes of the galaxy.

[omegastation]

I made a post this morning and I deleted it because I feared I wasn’t as eloquent or as kind as I could be. Let me try this again. I do want to be kind, and explain myself well. And it’s not about creating drama, it’s about something I truly care about, and that is worth the post here. (tw grief, fandom talk)

Since I’ve came back, I’ve seen a lot of posts about grief, especially about Shepard’s death, and a lot of comparing squadmates, how they grieve, with the ultimate (weird to me) goal of proving “who grieved the most”. I worry about the way it might impact some of us in fandom who have grieved/are grieving. Because it is very harsh to present one way of grieving as the right way or the most showing of love.

The best way to explain it is by giving an example. In my line of work, I encounter many people who are grieving, and mostly following very difficult circumstances.  One woman I know went back to work the following year after losing her loved one. She was in extreme pain, but she reacted as if nothing had happened. People knew of course, but she kept going on and on, and she had a major job at a major corporation. A leader, one that you see speaking at conferences. She did all that for a year. You couldn’t tell she was grieving by looking at her. Another woman lost her loved one, and had difficulty walking the following months after the death. Her pain was visible, the other wasn’t... But I would never think about comparing their pain, or suggesting one was grieving the most or loved the most. Because grief is like that. It can be silent, or not. People have different ways to cope, to move on or not. And it’s a process, not always linear. 

I saw my friend who grieved on the tramway home and she was smiling for the most part, but at one point she had tears in her eyes.  I don’t need to see the tears to understand that she’s going through something. She can also smile as much as she wants. It doesn’t mean she loved less, cared less or is grieving less than someone else. And so, the way some people are pinpointing one way to grieve as the most showing of love or the realest one is not only inaccurate to me, but also not really considerate of the different ways people might be grieving. Here in this fandom, we also don’t know who is grieving, and how they are coping. And I think many of us see fandom as a fun place, and to keep it as a fun place, we should just respect the different ways we love, care, grieve, etc.  And really, the underlying thing behind all this grief talk is about the one favorite character, ship, li… The one who grieved the most, basically, as the most natural choice, the best, the “canon” one. But not everyone has that one preference (which it is, it’s a preference, not a default pick), and honestly, it’s okay.  We have to accept that people think differently than us in our fandom, because that’s how we let people carve out a place for themselves. It’s not “one way” and that’s it.  And it shouldn’t be like that, because if everyone in fandom thought the same way, it would be boring, and it would be very restricted in a way. 

I hope nothing I said here can be seen as hurtful. Making people feel welcome is important to me here. It’s how I get to talk to so many of you, and have fun, and deal with my own grief.

[damnbluewires]

She set up her instruments for a routine autopsy, and realized she has run out of gloves. Having no one else in the facility to fetch them for her, she headed out to the supply closet down the corridor. The lights were muted, but she liked it that way, being used to stay overtime. The work was indeed grueling and demanding, but this, staying this late, was out of her own volition. Not to be a walking stereotype, but she much preferred the company of the cold, dead cadavers to the company of her cold, and emotionally as good as dead coworkers.

Not mentioning, that the cadavers were far better conversationalists as well.

She didn't choose the profession because of her gift, it was more like the gift chose her because of her profession. Yeah, that didn't make sense to her either.

All she knew is that one day she was opening up some old man's chest cavity to investigate the potential cause of death, and the bastard started hitting on her.

She had nerves of steel, never even as much as grimaced during all of her training, despite how bad the smell was, but this, she must admit, made her yelp and stumble onto her metal tray. She eventually was just glad nobody was there to make fun of her. Apart from the man with a scalpel still poking out of his ribs.

She learned that day, that sometimes she can see the corpses rise from the dead, for exactly ten minutes, before collapsing back, that time for good. What surprised her more, was that most of the people who were brought to her morgue were already more or less prepared to die, so they were just glad to have one last opportunity to have a chat with her.

She adjusted to that new aspect of her job rather quickly, never once thinking of quitting. She would stitch some poor sod's guts back into their body, while talking to the other next in line, about nothing in particular. She would listen to odd stories, treasured memories, and what it felt like to die. It was rather nice, all things considered.

She mused on that, as she grabbed a new box of gloves from the supply and headed back.

The one she had today was some bloke they found in the alley in a pool of blood. What was odd, is that he had no injuries on him. She would have to ask about that.

She put the gloves on, rechecked the instruments, took a scalpel, and started to feel for the right muscle to open the chest from, with practiced grace. When she found the right spot, she began the incision, and heard an inquisitive and amused: "Not even going to buy me a drink first?"

"I don't drink, thanks. Half a year sober." She answered, unfazed as ever. She wanted to continue the cut, but realized it's probably impolite to do so, and raised her eyes at the man, who was dead silent.

He was quiet for a while, and then uncertainly mumbled: "…Congratulations?"

She smiled at him, "Thanks! It has been hard to resist drinking something you know you shouldn't, but it just felt so damn good. You know?"

"I might be aware of the feeling, yes… But, hold on, why am I the stunned one? Why are you not running away, screaming?"

"And miss all the fun? Plus, that honestly sounds exhausting, and I have some more people after you, so I'd rather not waste that energy." She rationalized, while the man tried to collect himself. What the fuck?

"Right. Because the corpses coming to life is just another Tuesday for you."

"It's Wednesday, actually," she beamed again. "But, yeah! Pretty much." Is this hell? Was he finally in hell?

"Are you a demon of some sort?" There was no other explanation.

"Aw, flattery? And who was asking about a drink first?" Yeah. Hell. Most definitely.

"But, no, just your average clerk. Say, how did you end up in that alley? I've been dying to know." That's it. He had to get out of there.

"I have to get out of here."

"Oh, no, you don't. I don't need another runner, thank you very much."

He swooped off the metal bed and bolted to the door. Which was locked.

"Look, I know you are confused, I shouldn't have started with the jokes, but I really need you to go back to the bed. You will collapse somewhere on the street in less than ten minutes, and I really don't need another cop on my ass."

He paused his attempts to get the door open. "You have a cop on your ass?"

"Had one in my ass also, but that was long ago."

He slowly turned at that, and stared at the mortician, who was still just sitting idly on her stool with an innocent smile.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you will be dead again soon, and won't be able to tell anyone."

"I have been dead for a while now."

"Oh, really? Would love to know about that, if you come back and sit down. I'd offer you a coffee, but I will have to be the one to clean up the mess later, and I would honestly rather not."

He did come and sat back down.

"I don't drink coffee anyway." He said, almost to himself.

"What do you usually drink then?"

"Blood of my enemies."

"Ha! And i thought i was the one with dark jokes around here." He didn't say anything to that.

"So, back to my original question, what were you doing in that alley?"

"Drinking the blood of my enemies." He said deadpan.

"I complimented you way too soon, that joke was only funny the first time." She said, and he swears, she almost sounded disappointed. He should not care. He really shouldn't. But…

"You should try it. Tastes better than any alcohol in the world."

"It does sound good, I can't lie. But I bet Becky's blood will be gross no matter how much I hate her. She's on that new 'raw meat' diet. She adds butter to her coffee!" She made a disgusted noise and a face, and his head spinned a little. Must be from the disgust as well. Must be…

"I can understand raw meat, but butter in coffee? Really? Some people just do not care about what they consume, I swear to g-" The word stuck in his throat. He forgot for a second he couldn't say it. But the mortician seemed to not catch that.

"I know, right! But I do prefer my meat cooked. I honestly don't know how I'm not a vegetarian yet. The sight of blood doesn't make me hungry at all."

He quirked his brow at that, "Not even a little bit?"

"Not in the least. Just reminds me of my job. I do love my job, though, comes with its perks."

"Like what?"

"Like talking to you."

She smiled at him yet again, and something warmed inside the place where his heart used to be. But her smile vanished, as she raised her arm to check the clock. The ten minutes must be coming to the end, and she was dreading being in silence again. Alone. Always alone in the end. Only these rare moments of genuinely nice company is all she ha-. She froze. Twelve full minutes have passed.

It was the man's turn to smile at her confusion.

"What's wrong, doc? Forgot to put in the time of death?" He seemed to be amused all over again. "You are a bit too late for that. About two centuries too late."

She looked up at him, for once lost for words.

"I told you I was dead for a while now."

"So, in the alley…"

"Yes, I was actually drinking the blood of my enemies. And it did have a strange aftertaste. Maybe that horrid diet trend is spreading." He mused.

"You are not a ghost?"

"Ghost?! I am deeply wounded by that assumption. I am something much better than a mere ghost." He lowered his voice seductively. "I am a vampire."

She blinked. "…Like in twilight?"

"Oh for fucks- Why is that the first thing people think about? There was not a single vampire in that whole production."

"There are vampires in movie production?"

"In good movie production - yes."

"I have so many questions."

"So how about that drink? Bubble tea sounds good? There is a good place just across the road, and it is still open, I know the owner. Meet you there in ten." And with that, he winked, transformed into a bat, and flew out the window.

She sat there for a while. And then snickered, starting to get ready.

"Curiouser and curiouser…"

okay I had a BRILLIANTLY UNHINGED story idea for someone to write

a mortician has the magical ability to speak with the dead so she doesn't realize anything is unusual when one of her corpses sits up and starts sassing her

only to discover that her conversationalist is actually a vampire

and said vampire very confused about why the mortician isn't freaking out, normally this prank gets 'em every time

[ice-devourer]

my niece wanted pizza but my sister told me she eats a lot of those already and requested not to let her eat fastfood as much as possible during her vacation here, so,,,the options for her early dinner this lovely 5 pm are

1. hamburger steak w mozzarella-filled patties & mac n cheese

2. baked chicken w mustard veloutte & toasted butter bread

3. pork cutlet w cheesey scrambled eggs & rice

[clowningcrows]

it’s crazy how much having a safe place to be yourself and express your identity and personality and interests, both online and irl, can change your will to live. honestly.

[llycaons]

while I enjoy an AU where sect cultivators stood by wwx in his defiance against the cultivation world or supported the wen remnants with him, they can't hit like canon does bc they always feel a little...hm. like if the author is super invested and insists THIS is what should have/would have happened its like they're missing the point of all the characters and their arcs?

[dragonji]

checked the mail today to see that I received the card invite to my old highschool bestie's wedding next year and suddenly its much harder to be fine</3

[sysig]

Grump and not so grump (Patreon)

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[arolesbianism]

Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.

[flower-zombie-rob]

Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.

[earlyspringtranscendence]

ik im talking a lot abt the books im reading rn (this is due to the fact that after eons of not having the time or energy i am once again reading books) but theydies i can happily announce that after 2 unsuccessful weapons and wielders books soulbrand has truly captured my enamoration once again i’m kissing keras lovingly and tenderly (the only way to kiss him)

[notmoreflippingelves]

So I know, I know, we all hate it when people add comments and especially lengthy ones to posts that are no openly encouraging them. Nevertheless, I'm gonna do so in this particular case because the novel that I was writing in the tags just got too too long and I was frighteningly close to the tag limit.

The things that would fix Esteban Flores are (in roughly this order)

A found family (preferably one totally divorced from connections to his bio family) and/or a small child to take care of.

A heartfelt apology from his biological family (definitely Luisa, probably Elena, and maybe Francisco as well).

A hug x1000

Being shaken

Enough sleep

But most especially the first two.

Esteban's issues stem from being made to feel like an afterthought and/or an obligation to his family of origin. In his mind, he was not chosen or wanted. He was liked, loved even--but he was loved because he was familia--not because he was Esteban. He was not enough in and of himself, especially not when compared to Elena.

Do you know why he continued to tend the cacao trees during the Dark Times? Yes, it was out of love for his family, but I think there's a bit more to it than that. His abuela shared something private and meaningful (i.e. how to take care of the cacao trees) with him that she didn't also share with Elena. He was welcomed into Luisa's world--if only for a moment. This was his, the rare thing that he didn't have to sacrifice to or share with Elena. No one could take this away from him--the moment of feeling seen and chosen. Not even the fact that this moment was very very much an anomaly and the rest of his youth (and his adulthood) consisted of him being shoved into the corner of some family portraits and left out of others entirely---and no one noticing this for years.

In "Something I Would Never Do," Esteban outright states "Years ago/ I did not know/Just how much they cared for me." He's just now realizing after 40+ years that his family just might love him (50+ years if you go back to when Esteban moved into palace); he's genuinely surprised about it and terrified that he's going to fuck it all up. Yes, Esteban has atrocious self-esteem, but these impressions did not come from nothing. Even now, his family keeps him largely at arm's length. He doesn't appear (or isn't even mentioned) in the two family vacation episodes, suggesting he was left behind. His Navidad plans (the ones he has been dreaming of , all alone for 41 years!) are rejected outright by Luisa, and no one even bothers to ask what the Dark Times were like or how he is coping. Everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. He's there, sometimes he is shown attention and affection, but he's still made to feel that he's not really a part of the family in the same way the others were.

All this is pretty bad in and of itself, but it's made worse by the fact that he's not getting his emotional needs fulfilled from outside the family any more than he is within it. As far as we can tell, Esteban's only real friends as a child were Elena and Victor. (Maybe Felicia as well, but she was far more Elena's friend than his). And neither Victor nor Elena could give Esteban what he needed: the feeling of being liked and chosen for himself and that alone.

Elena is family--the same family has made Esteban feel like an afterthought and obligation, merely liked at best and tolerated at worst. But that's oversimplifying things. Elena is also the impossible gold standard that Esteban will always be measuring himself against. (And it's especially galling that she was 1-2 years younger than him, and he was still nowhere near her level). She's the favorite (and Luisa is not subtle about hiding that fact), the priority, the important one. She's the one who has always been and will always be secure in power and confidence and their familia's love--the exact opposite of Esteban.

Victor, meanwhile, was a horrible influence on Esteban, and not just where Shuriki was concerned. His selfishness rubbed off on his amigo, and his competitiveness and callousness brought out every one of Esteban's insecurities and worst tendencies. It's also very strongly implied that their friendship (at least on Victor's side) was rooted in how 'useful' Esteban was. Through El Segundo, Victor got closer to power/the crown and also found someone that he could feel "superior" to. Someone that Victor could consistently beat at races, so that he could feel like a winner. Someone who wouldn't tell Victor to go to hell if he subjected unflattering nicknames upon.

So yeah, Esteban's childhood primary source of affection/attention outside his family were two people who exacerbated Esteban's already huge inferiority complex. One of whom was part of said family that enabled said inferiority complex in the first place, and the other of whom is wrapped up in the event that caused Esteban to lose his family as well.

And then, Elena was trapped in the amulet and Victor was banished from Avalor, and Esteban was without anyone at all for 41 years. His primary source of attention and affection during this time was the woman who conquered his kingdom and took away his family. Someone who had preyed upon his vulnerabilities from the very start and who kept him alive only so long as he remains obedient and "useful" to her. There's nothing even remotely close to equal or mutual about this dynamic, and Shuriki did even more damage on Esteban's already battered psyche than all of the others combined and multiplied by ten.

Even after Shuriki is gone, Esteban still doesn't have anyone in his life that voluntarily chose to be in his life. His entire social circle is comprised of people that he knows through his family and/or his role as chancellor (and later his magical abilities). There's Naomi, except there isn't, because their dynamic is rooted exclusively in their shared devotion to Elena and their roles on the Grand Council (which is also directly tied to Elena).

Similarly, Doña Paloma interacts with Esteban almost exclusively in reference to his role as Chancellor. Would she give him the time of day if he had no political power or influence?. Doubtful, especially as she seems to really dislike him most of the time. There's a bit more potential for a genuine friendship to develop with Julio or Professor Mendoza, but again, these connections were formed through Esteban's job and we don't really see any interactions that aren't in service to that.

Higgins is explicitly Esteban's employee and given how insensitive he can be to Esteban, it seems unlikely that he has any real non-professional loyalty or affection to him. Same with Armando, except things do seem to a bit more cordial between them.

Esteban seems to have a good rapport with Avalor's allies, especially Toshi and Shoji, but these are unlikely to be anything more than friendly diplomatic connections and ones separated by distance.

So yeah, my boy literally does not interact with a single character on the show without at least one of them doing so out of obligation/duty/job requirement and/or ulterior motive. Fifty years later and almost nothing has changed, Esteban still has nothing and no one to call his own.

[medicinemane]

Few things piss me off more than when I'm researching something, and I find someone asking the question I want answered, and the response is just "you shouldn't want that, just do this instead"

Today, it's me trying to look up a build for this witch farm concept that uses raid captains to manipulate the witches ai instead of using redstone

"Just use the shifting floors farms, they're just about as good" people respond... you stupid prick, that's not an answer to the question actually asked. I don't know about these guys, but me, I want it cause it's novel and there's no redstone, and I like putting bespoke prestige projects on my server... you might have noticed I tend to do form over function on a lot of my farms... so this is about form, the function is just a bonus

Second example, I wanted to see if there was any way to make Terra Invicta load faster, "just don't save scum"... you idiot, one that's just stupid advice, people can play games however they want, but two this once again doesn't answer the question

Like yeah, how dare people want to know if there's a way to make a game load saves faster when loading takes like 1 minute

If they at least phrased stuff like "sorry, I don't know how to do that, he's an alternative you might try", it's not helpful but it's at least polite

But man... I just get tired of people not answering the question being asked and instead answering the one they've decided was asked

(Actually, a legit real problem in the real world such as... with doctors who don't listen to their patient and decide they know what's really being asked. Don't do it, answer the asked question, or at least ask questions to confirm what's being asked before going off pig headed)

[grapecaseschoices]

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

edit : i'm sorry but this post is messy i don't like how this is the ramble that got the most attention shhffs please check out the addendum in the reblogs if you want a more clearer analysis

-

FIRST OF ALL the thing about the paint huffing - Other than that it's funny - is that we were getting ragatha at her most honest . she's more reflective and reveals her mind more which is a Lot considering that she has shown herself to be a people pleaser trying to avoid conflict . this is Literally The Last thing she wants

and honestly it would be fun to see the fallout of this in episode 5 when she would inevitably sober up and be Mortified about that fact considering she said This to gangle here

like . interesting ragatha . is that why you Do Not Stop Jax when he goes to bully gangle . other than not wanting him to hate you you also prefer it if gangle is in her tragedy state . is that it . Is That It -

also you guys don't know how much i fucking screamed at these scenes okay . there's nothing i love more than nice characters that show their less than desirable traits . my favorite thing about ragatha is not that she's a sweetheart but that she's Dishonest . even to the point that gangle mentions it in her talk with pomni

like my ongoing theory right now for the ' evil ragatha ' comment gooseworx made for episode 5 is that ragatha's going to say or do the Most Morally Ambiguous thing possible that will send the entire fandom on fire . like we're talking Arguments on whether she's in the right or wrong Even though this is a show that invites nuance instead of black and white views , and it'll be so fucking marvelous to witness

NOW . i really don't think she's faking being nice ! i believe with all my heart that ragatha's inherently Good and i will throw hands at anyone who thinks otherwise . it's just that she's just Repressing What She Thinks About The Others because , again , Avoiding Conflict ! which is shown by how annoyed she got with pomni talking to gummigoo ( gayass ) , what she said to gangle , and what she said to zooble

yes i screamed about the toybox interaction i knew that ragatha was going to not like zooble's grouchiness But I Digress .

all of this is interesting because . again , ragatha's a people pleaser trying to avoid conflict . i think her reasons for being nice and helpful are both selfless and selfish . selfless - she doesn't want anyone to go through the stress and pain of feeling alone , and selfish - she doesn't want anyone to hate her . they're like a smoothie , she's not one or the other . it's just that the latter reason ... has a lot more influences on her thought processes than she'd like to admit .

and that's showcased if you look at episode 2 with her conversation with kinger . she was worried about pomni going through something traumatizing , yes , but she added that she thinks pomni doesn't like her that much . which . it's a small piece of dialogue but it really shows how much ragatha's Gripping That Fucking Fawn Response . yes , her concern is everyone's wellbeing , but she also Would Not Like It If Anyone Hates Her , to the point that it'll stick to her . and she'll try So Hard to compensate for it .

like . she is really a nice person but she's dishonest because she doesn't want to be hated which is very much a selfish reason . she's falling into that pitfall of ' a friend to all is a friend to none ' . argh . why is she so complicated god i'm going to put her in that deepfryer again