#i havent been feeling good for the past month or so
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Danny and Reem, thank you for allowing me to explore myself and my identity through you. Thank you for showing me what love can look like. And thank you for being brave on my behalf.
#im not feeling too great#i havent been feeling good for the past month or so#everything i know feels like its collapsing in on itself#and i have no one to lean on irl i cant even talk to anyone about this#my ocs are my outlet#i wanna be someone#idk#i may sound pathetic but u cant blame me its past midnight#ocs#queer muslim#i hate being queer muslim#i hate being queer and i hate being a muslim#queer#lgbtq#pride#danny#reem
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and now i go back to my million year art slumber
#tsareena#lilligant#roserade#whimsicott#lurantis#leavanny#maractus#eldegoss#pokemon#comic :)#this probably isnt my best work but its kind of like#presenting a slideshow youve been dreading for weeks#not to say that i hate this just that it has been boring a hole into my brain everytime i scroll past the folder 😭#but here it is#its been about two months so its lost its humor im sorry#i havent been feeling too good lately#enough negatives though i hope this is at least somewhat enjoyable :)#grass :)
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@catnatch drew whiffy the squiffy for me for artfight! thank you for drawing my girl she is the best 🥺💙
#splatoon#splatoon oc#whiffy the squiffy (oc)#CAT DID SO GOOD DRAWING HER I LOVE MY GIRL SO MUCH!!! SHES A SQUIFFER ICON TO ME!!!#EVERYONE SAY HI TO WHIFFY THE SQUIFFY!!! cat gave me perms to post the attack she did for me since she wont be posting it herself-#and now i have been enabled to say silly things about my girl in the tags (<- guy who would've still typed these even if cat posted it)#in the midst of playing splatoon with my friends i would talk about whiffing my shots... i eventually said something like-#whiffer the squiffer? and then cat told me i should make whiffer the squiffer an actual character and i was like OK#whiffy is supposed to have a twin brother (whiffy) but i havent gotten around to designing him yet 🤧#EDIT: I WHIFFED MY OWN TAGS I MEANT TO SAY THAT HER BROTHER IS NAMED WHIFFER NOT WHIFFY. GIRL HELP#the twins are mascots for squiffer! they're not very good at aiming but they do their best :) they're very loved by the public to me#anyway that's whiffy :) expect more oc posting from me eventually i have decided im not going to be shy about it anymore. hopefully!#and i would say go follow cat but i feel like everyone has seen me rb cat's posts for the past few months at this point LMAOO#BUT U SHOULD !!! its great if u like yochuke :3#for me! thank you so much!
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it is now officially the 25th which means...
merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33
#sophie's idle chatter#this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays....#i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true)#also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god#(not so) mini life updates :#the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and....#my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...)#my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF#currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔#the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :((#oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series...#sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently.....#the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;)#my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps#on my own 🧍♀️#OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT???#i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this#i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series.......#tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them#idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG#thats abt it i think?#anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33#ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶#queue... ueueue
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend
#AKA what wld their reaction likely be if i told them i havent been taking my meds for the past month#and that ive felt better in that time than ive felt in the past 2 years#thats like. thats good right#thats a sign i *shldnt* be taking these meds right#like im not saying im anti-medication or smth#there are still things going on w me that i think meds cld help with#i just really truly believe i was put on the wrong ones at first#and rather than stop and go “okay maybe these ones arent working” we just started treating the side effects with OTHER meds#like#fuck#i KNEW they werent working from the moment i started taking them#and i TOLD my drs#but they were just like “give it more time” or “well lets add this one on and see how you feel”#im so curious now what this past year wldve been like if id never taken any meds#i genuinely think it wldve gone better#anyway. i think im just gonna be honest w him#im not a danger to myself or others rn#i dont think hed see it as a Red Flag or anything#im specifically trying to tell him how much *better* i feel off of them#god. wish me luck.
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as i said b4, cant wait til I'm 30 to experience my own yuri cherry maho. its gonna be great
#ive been trying in the past 8 months or so to give dating a go and I've concluded that 1. the apps arent for me also i cant rlly trust an#dating app profile to actually pick a good partner. 2. i hate texting. i prefer in person unplanned low intensity meeting much more.#and 3. I'm not ready for it yet. i want to spend these next 2 years being selfish. i feel like I've never actually been able to be purposely#self centered and frankly a bit selfish. I've never done that. ive always been compromising for false narratives and expectations in ny head#and I'm tired. i dont think i can be a good partner rn until ive had my fill of self centered ness b4 i can progress to a healthy medium.#I'm open and of the right person comes along i trust myself to not drive them away out of habit and hyper independence#but fuck yk. as mich as i want it. its nit for me. tho tbh i do think i should kiss random ppl in bars just once this year bc like.#i havent done that in .. oh god 6 years. mitski was right. one good movie kiss yk#but yea. hhh its 10pm i need to sleep but alas i cannot
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listening to ants from up there like a normal healthy person that has relationships that they know will thrive and will not be lost and is certain of their future and enjoys whats happening today and what was happening yesterday and last week and last month. and im cool about it
#ants from up there#intro#chaos space marine#concorde#bread song#good will hunting#haldern#mark's theme#the place where he inserted the blade#snow globes#basketball shoes#guys dont listen to this album it makes you cry a lot#and crying is bad (true)#anyways is anyone else thinking about anything#help#help core lolllll#i have no idea whats in store and ive never liked that ever#i need a react image where a person is staring death into the camera especially now#because ive been feeling it so so so much more lately than before and ive felt it so hard since before summer#i really have no idea how much better this is than jobless summer mentally#i mean in a way it has to be better than summer school summer but at least then i had the inbetween week of the two terms#and yes thankfully i have parents who have enough money to spend two weeks of vacation out of the country which is coming up on saturday#and it will be relaxing ignoring the socializing of family i havent seen in 5 years#but so much of the past month has felt like ive only done work#i feel like my mind is consumed by my job and i really dont know if i like this state of being more than my jobless state of being#i also havent had a workless summer since grade 10 and i was still insecure about my friend group so i didnt go to a lot of the hangouts#but in grade 11 and this year i totally couldve gone to more and felt like i made more worthwhile memories#i wanna say more but tumblr doesnt let you do more than 30 tags#long one#goomb thot
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me when i suddenly remember I can draw whatever i want and it is allowed to look imperfect !!!! and I'm allowed to use pose bases esp if I'm just drawing for fun !!!
im trying to figure out a specific cartoony style I did in one drawing from a few months back, and then I've been wanting to do one of those heart hands poses for a long time so I found a pose base to try a quick sketch tonight just for funsies hehe
#i missed just drawing whatever fbfjdkl#its been so long since i just... let myself draw whatever fjdkdl#I've had a goal or some kind of rules in my head for every drawing session for the past month-ish#no wonder I've been feeling less and less inclined to draw fnfkdl goodness gracious I've been restricting myself too much#it'd be like telling someone to go have fun colouring a picture but theyre only allowed to use yellow or smth fjfkdl#like. okay. that can still be fun but it'd be MORE fun to be freeform and have all the colours !!!#drawing monochrome is fun for a challenge or exercise every now and then but not just to let off steam !!!#bwaahhh i re-learn this every few months and then end up forgetting it again sbdjskl silly silly smh#SIDE NOTE. DO Y'ALL RLY NOT SAY PENCIL CRAYONS IN THE USA ??#IS IT ONLY ''COLOURED PENCILS''??? or... i should say... colored pencils LMAO american spelling /lh#coloured pencils sounds so Proper and Fancy LOL#i wonder if canada got pencil crayons from french 🤔 bc in french pencils are called crayons!#i feel like some of the US probably says pencil crayons but everyone I've talked to says they either havent heard of it or nobody says it#VERY WEIRD LOL i had no idea until a friend asked me wtf i meant by pencil crayons fhfkdl#dandy.cmd#💜so good at being in trouble#doodlebug.png
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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#the way that ive known my boyfriend not even for two whole months and weve been officially together for a month only#but ive already been invited to two weddings and a birthday party#its wild to me#and its also sooooo so nice#bc all his friends are genuinely so happy for him#and everyone ive met so far has been so nice and welcoming and open to me#and like i havent even met the guy who invited me along to the birthday party#also just in general.#life is really really good right now#like i finally feel like im finding some inner peace and have the time and space to calm down and just live life#the past 5ish years have been hell and so stressfull and anxious and full of isolation and panic and one prolonged crisis that were all#the final exams of my 8 1/2 years of lawschool and becoming a lawyer#and now its all just. Good.#and he is a big part of it#he showed up just at the right time#and its weird to be all like that after A Months#but its a if you know you know kinda thing#And i know he feels the same#because he keeps telling me how he feels and thats how he feels and aaaahhh#im all mushy about this#i wont see him for 4 whole days bc im gone for a long weekend and thats actually the longest amount of days we havent seen each other#since our first date#it was 3 whole days between date 1 and 2#and i dont think we even had that again since then#personal#i am genuinely so happy and in peace and its just the nicest feeling#okay anyway thanks for tuning in#bye
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need emu in this right away
#stardust speaking !#this set is so cute...#the jewelry?!?!?!?#2024 is my proper proseka reading year. im feeling it#i havent been keeping up w the jp songs lately cuz the past months has been so....T_^ gotta catch up#anyhow gbf this wknd YAHOO im not gonna watch the rising relink news probably. maybe ill watch it after. i dont want more relink news#im good until i can play
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also
#im making huge huge changes in my life and i think the next logical step would be to cut off jamie. ive already been ghosting him but thats#just me avoiding the problem. i just like. it feels fucked to be like hey i told you i was ok with what you did but i Changed my mind#i just think like. i have next to no contact with him and i feel fucking fantastic. we talk like every couple months on the rare occurrence#he can text and then i answer in vague short sentences and ghost. and now that i finally have firm boundaries with him and havent engaged#with him sexually its like. i feel like basically all my ties are cut. and i feel like im ready to let go for the first time. like ive#always felt like i just wasnt ready but now i like i Am ready its just a matter of like. doing it. thats difficult. even though i know hell#accept it because hes matured. and like. idk. i think its fine like this#and idk i think its fine like this. being the absolute barest form of acquaintances. i cannot stress how little we interact and how little#affect he has on my life at this point outside of what happened in the past. like i am in a good place he is 99% cut off i just need to do#the last bit. but like also fuck. you know. its hard to kinda finish it off. and its also like ooh it would hurt his feelings but now i#fucking. dont care lol. after everything. with blue i realize every day just how much more respected i feel and less gross and shitty#even with being jamies friend which we never were because whenever i was single we were sexual. i just felt bad. i never wanted to fuck#either. and he would say he loved me and id be like hahaha yeahhhh and now that ive finally drawn that boundary and said he cant do that#anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there#i feel like i might be able to cut him off by the end of the year. and thats crazy to me. i just also have a lot of like shit to unpack#in general too also. with what he did. and i just have a lot. but i feel like im progressing
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it's going to sound cheesy as shit but. spending time with your friends really does help. it can't fix everything and make the world a great place, but even for a little bit it makes things feel good
#ive been having a terrible time these past few months#but today i went to see a musical at my school#and i saw some friends i havent been with in a while and we talked and they drove me home#and we listened to music loudly and had fun and got McDonalds#im still floating in a pool of good feelings from being with them#cosmo talks <3#i love my friends ‼️‼️#i am so tired
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curled up by the fire, tail waggin
#long day puppies in my phone long day#so so tired i dont have class tmr cos lecture not there so i get to sleep in yay but i wake up early anyways woah just dont Have to be up#going to try meet a friend because i feel like i havent seen anyon outside of college in months even tho its been 2 weeks#this old friend if mine kinda lowkey ditched me when he got a bucnh of new friends like 2 yesrs ago and hes been reaching out a lot to try#hangout and like hm im hurt abiut how he dropped me and he like genrally wasnt a great friend anyways:/ but i feel bad being kike i cant#hang but i also amnt even lyin genuinely cant hang i havent seen my best friend in so long i only see college and my home and therapist once#but also like ugh i dont like this guy i need him to not be beggin me to hang he could be reslly mean like too often but he was nice ..ugh#i wish there was a chill bot harsh way to cut domeone out like i dont hate u i just dont love u soz#and i love my friends so so deeply like i only have time for my besties who i would est whole if i could pike the way people talk about#their blorbo from my shows is how i feel talking about my friends like i want to squish them and poke em n kiss em their my little loves#so if i dont even like someone idk like i dont have time for people j dont love or who dont give a shit about me#hashtag being autistic and my 3 close friends are all also auttistic genuinly the 3 of them got diagnosed in the past 4 yesrs..dominos#i miss my friends wailing college too busy i miss my babies#n i feel really bad for not wanting to hang with this guy who litersllybdidnt care if i lived or died like a year ago#but now is all about me strangely#anyways hm will possible rant more ive had such a long day and nowmim currles on pillows in a bjg hoodie and its so good
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we’ve been preparing clothes to be shipped to the affected regions all morning n finally we’re done boxing and cataloging everything now. this is the most manual labor i’ve done in months
#and ive dropped the boxes ive been carrying only twice! thats a win#it feels good though we went thru all the clothes in our house + my grandmas house#lots of coats and sweaters and hats and socks#they still havent reached out to me for any online translation work so it feels really good to be helping physically in some way or the othr#i feel good!! certainly much easier to breathe#my uni is leading its own kind of operation boxing supplies n stuff. getting them ready to be shipped#i want to help out over there too but ive been walking around w arm crutches for the past month lol id just. get in peoples ways#perfect timing to get injured
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