#and its weird to be all like that after A Months

[the-sslimmest-shady]

This is something I would've related to really really hard a few months ago. Here's what I have to say about it:

Time is weird for me, for multiple reasons. I ain't gonna list em here, it'd be too long and convoluted, but yall probably know what I'm talking about. You're super depressed, no executive function, you're just trying to make it to friday, etc, you usually end up losing track of time. After a few days of just being absolutely out of it, i decide to redecorate my phone screen cuz i wanted to add a widget of my crush (now partner!) to my home screen and replace my old phone background (it was based around my ex, so that makes sense) and when I added the iamsober widget, I saw that I accidentally got a sober streak of like 15 days(!) and thought "hey, that's actually really good! I feel like i need to "fix" that... but i wonder how long i can keep it up?" and since then, staying sober is like a game to me. Like, how long can I keep the steak up? I don't wanna restart my progress! The number is on the home page of my phone with the widget! I see it go up every day! Seeing that progress in real time gives me like, an unreasonable amount of dopamine ngl. Its hecome the best idle game honestly and is SO surprisingly helpful.

I still get bad urges (like, it feels like actual chemical withdrawls) like, every day, but the only thing I've used the razor in my phone case for in 141 days now (that's almost 3/4 of the way to 200!!!) has been cutting thread when I lost the scissors when I was sewing. Like, even though I got Ds in all my classes this semester, I'm actually proud of myself for something. It's such a weird feeling, since Im not usually proud of myself for anything, but it's also a really really good feeling. I actually have milestones to look forward to for once!! It actually makes me so happy and is honestly kinda exhilarating

This is all to say, getting sober isn't easy. It's hell and takes work. But, if you just reframe the way you look at it, it can be so, so much easier. You can even start completely on accident like me. You got this.

(And sometimes poor time management works out in your favor! Dont beat urself up over everything (litterally!) :] )

I hope someone relates 😔

[vellazx]

Reincarnated!Roger Luffy x Reincarnated!Rouge Reader — a small drabble of mine!

It was hard working for the Navy, whenever the man whom you adored so dearly was bound to be your enemy for life.

How it happened? It was a long story… And you couldn’t quite put it all into words.

It started two years ago, all the way back in Alabasta, when you were sent out for a job with your coworker, Smoker.

The two of you could be considered as ‘friends’. He rambled to you the whole way there about a wanted pirate who went by the name of ‘Straw Hat Luffy’, at the time bearing a 30 million Berry bounty.

He was just a rookie. It would be easy for someone of your rank to take him down. You were respected by even the three Admirals themselves, probably only a level below them in terms of power.

So why was it that when you did come face to face with him, the two of you just locked eyes, as if entranced by each other.

Your heart skipped a beat in that very moment. And for some reason, he smiled at you, making your sudden jittery behavior and nervousness a thousand times worse.

You were so ashamed of yourself. You allowed him to simply run past you with that toothy grin of his, beaming with confidence and recklessness.

Smoker didn’t let you off lightly after watching that scene. But you didn’t argue against him, no. You fully believed you deserved it.

But why did that happen in the first place? He was a pirate, and you didn’t take yourself as the type to fall in love at first sight. You’ve never done that.

You couldn’t continue to help Smoker and the swordswoman always by his side, Tashigi, in capturing the Straw Hats. Especially their captain.

It was like your body acted on its own, forcing you to leave. After that encounter, you endured a mental crisis for nearly an entire month.

He just felt so… familiar. It unsettled you.

Why did it feel like you had met him before?

After Alabasta, you somehow ended getting tied up in his daily pirate schemes, as if you just couldn’t escape him.

Sabaody Archipelago, the Navy Headquarters, Punk Hazard… You could name even more times that you’ve met with him in abnormal circumstances.

And every time you fought him, every accidental brush of hands that made your cheeks heat up, your feelings got worse, and worse, and worse…

Why him?

Of all people, why him?

To make things worse, you could feel yourself… distancing from your duty. Your job. Like he was influencing you.

You started thinking weird things, strange things.

‘The World Government? I don’t trust them.’

You didn’t trust them? Yes you did. They wanted justice for the world, and you did, too.

‘They’re corrupted.’

No they aren’t.

‘In the name of justice? Don’t make me laugh. They don’t care about justice… They only want power.’

It was like there was a second voice in your head. An alter ego, almost…

All the while, in the midst of those thoughts… Your mind always reeled back to him. His stupid face that made your heart flutter. That smile of his, that was so infectious you couldn’t help but return a smile, which you didn’t realize most of the time.

He would point it out mid-fight, too.

“Hey, you’re smiling!”

“You’re seeing things, Straw Hat!”

You also couldn’t help but realize that during your meaningless duels, all his attention would be solely on you. Of course, when fighting someone, that was normal. But the way he looked at you… Did enemies look at each other like that?

His eyes shone, full of adoration. He always smiled at you, even if you wanted him to take you seriously. He didn’t gaze at you like he did his other opponents. He always stared them down with anger, or irritation.

He hardly knew anything about you, other than how well you fought when you clashed on the battlefield. But at the same time, he felt like he knew everything about you.

It took you by surprise one day, when he opened up his own confusion to you.

“It feels like I’ve met you before. Before Vivi’s country!”

Before Alabasta? That was where you first met two years ago.

And he was saying that he felt like he knew you before your meeting in the country?

“You must be crazy, Straw Hat…”

You said that, but you felt the same. And… he said he felt the same. You would’ve never expected him to be on the road of confusion, as you were.

You hated to admit it, but Straw Hat Luffy was the center of your thoughts ever since your first meeting. He indirectly influenced you, resulting in you slowly developing a distasteful attitude toward the World Government and all your coworkers.

He’s never even said anything to you about hating the World Government, yet your thoughts of him were changing you.

For better, or for worse? You had no idea.

It was impossible for you to deny the way your eyes softened, and the way your muscles became less tense when he was around.

In battle, you’d have to be the one to fight him if you were present. No one else. Not even if an Admiral offered to assist you in taking him down.

Because for some reason… For some odd, odd reason…

…You were paranoid that they’d be able to defeat him, and he’d die on an execution platform, leaving you alone with your feelings until your own death.

Why did it feel like… that’s already happened before?

You couldn’t let it happen again.

[astrologicalsstuff]

Composite chart observations

(18+ mdni)

Conjunctions are great but look at what’s involved in the conjunction

Debilitation within conjunction could bring down the whole thing

Debilitated mars may make getting started extremely difficult

I had an exact conjunction (sun mercury venus mars all in early degrees cancer like 0-2orb) with a scorpio moon (mars and moon debilitated mutual reception) eventhough everything trined it took us forever to get started (Saturn conjunct jupiter in the first) we finally hooked up after 3 years we barely talk and every single conversation was either arguing or sexual. Mars really did its thing there.

I think the mars being debilitated overpowered the sun mercury and venus who are all okay with being in cancer but the mars caused these angry and sexual feelings to linger for a long time also the scorpio moon added to the inability to let it go. But it could also be because that scorpio moon is super important

Venus conjunct sun in composite is better than in synastry. Venus and sun in synastry can cause idealization but in composite it’s a little more mutual. (Can be superficial though)

Anything in the 7th house for a composite chart shows how you guys deal with third parties. From my experience

Pluto in the 7th house indicates a lot of possessiveness

Mars in the 7th people might not like the relationship.

Mars or Pluto in the 7th, 10th, or 11th people probably want to break you up.

Moon in the 7th? My relationship with this one we literally dealt with feelings through other people (we were poly and he would talk about how he felt about me to the other girl but never me).

We had 5th house stellium in cancer our relationship was mostly about sex in the house never anywhere else.

And 5th house ruler (being very important in this chart) in the 7th was a heavy emphasis on other people. I had a falling out with the girl and the relationship with him did not feel as interesting.

11th house placements talk about community. I had neptune in the 11th house and we knew about eachothers friends, but never met them. (Distance)

Chiron or Lilith in the 7th can indicate 3rd party involvement maybe Neptune too

Stellium in the 7th could be a very social relationship?

Venus conjunct moon has a deep intimacy to it

Me and one of my guy friends have a stellium in the 5ths but Aquarius rising with Uranus in the 1st and we are solely friends but the sexual tension is so real and we always pretend to be dating and like post eachother and stuff. He’s like my boyfriend but not fr.

I have a lot of 5th house stelliums in synastry apparently😂. Me and my guy friends have 5 planets in the 5th house and north node and they are all opposite Pluto and when he mentions another girl I get so tense and idek why lol. we’re not dating or anything I just get soooo triggered I had to stop talking to him for like 6th months cause he broughtt his girl best friend around me. But he’s like the same and he’s literally always going off on someone who hits on me every time we hangout. And my friend says she feels weird cause whenever she talks to me he like places himself right between us. We should never date cause it would be a nightmare😭.

At the same time we are always posting dates together (5th house stellium) and it makes people so jealous (Pluto in the 11th).

Saturn in the first house composite has been such a let down for me. On the one hand the relationship has longevity, but on the other it takes sooo long to get started that it’s over before it even begins and then it takes sooo long to move on from. I think both people put a lot of effort in and they don’t want to let go.

That’s all for now let me know what you guys want more of!

my chart readings are available:))

[donovankinard]

that's right, that's right, 911 fic recs are back! its been a pretty light month for reading for me; i travelled quite a bit earlier in the month and then school started back up, so i don't have a huge amount to link, but i wanted to share what i have read anyway! this month we've got buddie, bucktommy, tarlos, buck&chris, saltommy, teddie and louliver! a very mlm heavy month, but with hen wilson week coming up that should change for feb.

🔥 Back to Us || @kumiokosposts evan buckley/eddie diaz || 95k Buck, struggling with abandonment and feelings of being unworthy, is shaken when Chris calls, asking if he can live with Buck now that he’s no longer with Tommy. Still hurt and angry with Eddie, Chris refuses to tell his dad about wanting to live with Buck, leaving Buck caught in the middle, torn between protecting Chris and his loyalty to Eddie. Yet as Buck promises to help, he feels something shift—beneath all the self-doubt and pain, a quiet hope emerges. For the first time in what feels like forever, someone chose him, and maybe, just maybe, he’s not as unworthy of love as he’s always believed.

🔥 Time in a Bottle || @cjlouwho evan buckley/tommy kinard || 16.7k (so far) His heart began to race as the doors swung open and out. No light shined in, letting Tommy know it was still night. Then, a heavy step started down the staircase. Thud, thud, thud. Fifteen steps. Tommy counted each one. And suddenly, he wasn't alone anymore.

🔥 white shoe, black shoe || @hazeystar evan buckley/tommy kinard || 1.5k Tommy and Buck get married and somehow let Maddie and Eddie come up with the wedding games. Or: The wedding shoe game that ends with Eddie Diaz being a menace to society (really just Buck and Tommy)

🔥 You're Not Gone (You Can't Be Gone) || @theredrenard & @buck-up-buck evan buckley/eddie diaz || 5.2k “Eddie…?” Buck sways slightly, eyes wide. He’s paler than he should be and his voice sounds so, so fragile. His hand twitches at his side like he’s trying to reach for Eddie, but he can’t quite get his arm to move. In the time it takes Eddie to glance down, then back up to Buck’s face with dawning horror painted on his features, Buck’s legs give out and he collapses onto the concrete in slow motion.

🔥 a hundred times over || @fake-mouthstatic evan buckley/tommy kinard || 7.7k (so far) A collection of BuckTommy drabbles for the 118 Daily Drabble Challenge.

🔥 To Share, A little, A lot || DracaUponTheWings carlos reyes/tk strand, evan buckley/tommy kinard || 4.7k In Which the Author seized on the possible similarities in our couples and forced them to talk.

🔥 when fate cries || @theghostofashton carlos reyes/tk strand || 67.8k An ACL tear, the statement posted a couple days later had read. Carlos would need immediate surgery, and obviously – he would not compete for the USA in London. TK, still coming off the thrill of being named to the team himself, hadn’t been sure how to feel. Carlos had always trained in Texas, and he in New York, so they rarely crossed paths outside of competitions. That’s why he was looking forward to being on the team with him, so sure it was guaranteed. It was practically a given among every coach he talked to. Carlos was a lock. It felt weird to celebrate. Wrong, almost. Carlos should have been with him. They’d both been working for this their entire lives. three years later, the road to rio brings with it far more than redemption

🔥 Come Back... Be Here || @911varietyposts evan buckley & christopher diaz || 1.1k Buck still hadn’t gone back to work, even though Maddie was pushing him to just so he could have something to distract his mind from everything going on around him. He just couldn’t bring himself to go back yet; not to the job that had claimed the love of his life. OR: Buck and Chris navigate the emotions after Eddie's death

🔥 just give hope a chance to float up || @judymarch15 sal deluca/tommy kinard || 23.4k Sal Deluca's marriage falls apart on national television. He and his daughter Sophia move back to his hometown of Smithville, Texas to live with his mom Loretta. He works on picking up the pieces of his life, grows closer to his family, and reconnects with old classmate and football teammate Tommy Kinard.

🔥 Louliver Road Trip || @writerdot lou ferrigno jr/oliver stark || 2.5k Oliver isn't alone on his road trip.

🔥 sonnet || @athenaeumsfic evan buckley/tommy kinard || 30.5k It wasn’t supposed to still feel this raw after so long. Every time Tommy passes him by, his cologne lingers in the air for a moment and Buck is transported back to this time last year when they were getting to the stage of really, properly knowing each other. He’d never been happier. A few times, Tommy swipes his back as he moves around him – the garden is crowded with three separate firehouses hanging around – and it feels like an electric shock every time. All he wants is to reach behind him, grab his hand and pull Tommy close. aka the one where Buck and Tommy have broken up but agree to a weekend in Vegas with Eddie and Chimney. Chaos ensues.

🔥 i'm broken (tell you i'm fine) || @hazeystar evan buckley/tommy kinard || 1.9k Two weeks after the breakup, Buck misses Tommy. He also loves him, did you know?

🔥 Tiny Heartbeats || @sunnywithachanceofbi evan buckley/tommy kinard || 9.9k Tommy and Buck's daughter, Edie, faces a life-threatening heart surgery at two weeks old, pushing them to confront their deepest fears while waiting in the hospital.

🔥 There's Gotta Be Some Butterflies Somewhere || Tea_gremlin evan buckley/eddie diaz || 34.7k Eddie joins the 118 after Buck is permanently disabled by an explosion at a call. Despite initial tensions, they learn just how important they can be to one another.

🔥 say what you wanna say (and let the words fall out) || @nephilimeq evan buckley/tommy kinard || 6.3k “You all saw me sad and upset over Tommy breaking up with me—but instead of asking me what went wrong or what you could do to help, all of you stopped me from reaching out to him!” Buck spat out, feeling his irritation rise at seeing his friends looking confused, but he didn’t care. Instead, he kept on talking, saying, “You kept me from reaching out to him by playing ‘keep away’ with my phone like a bunch of middle schoolers! Did it ever occur to any of you that I didn’t want the breakup to happen?” (...aka, the story where Buck and Tommy secretly get back together and then Buck finally stands up for himself against his 118 family, finally saying what he's been wanting to say for a long while, dragging all the dirt out into the open)

🔥 playing (playing with the boy) || @thatmexisaurusrex eddie diaz/tommy kinard || 5.2k Tommy. Snorted. Cute. Why was that cute?

🔥 shelter (feels like home) || @fake-mouthstatic evan buckley/tommy kinard || 1.9k Tommy wakes with a start to the sound of ringing and it takes him a few bleary eyed moments to realise it's his phone, loud even over the pounding of the rain outside. He frowns at the bright light as he picks it up, worry immediately catching in his throat when he sees Evan's name on the screen; it's close to 3am and from experience he knows that's rarely when people call with good news. "Hey babe, are you okay?" he says as he answers, rubbing his eyes as he sits up in bed. "The storm," Evan says, and Tommy's heart wrenches in his chest when he realises he's crying. "There wasn't supposed to be a storm."

🔥 John Doe|| @thatmexisaurusrex evan buckley/tommy kinard || 5.8k He was tanned. Not too tanned, but he definitely tanned more than burned in the sun. He had an aquiline nose, distinct cheekbones, and a cleft. He had curly hair; curly, chestnut brown hair. He was banged up from the hit and run. Cuts and bruises, though, the swelling was going down and the fresh red-purple was seeping into a yellow. Had three casts and almost lost his spleen. Dry lips from a week and a half asleep. He was breathing, though. Breathing steadily. He was Tara Kaplan’s first John Doe. And no one was sure if they would ever figure out who he was before he woke up.

🔥 want you more than a melody || @alchemistc evan buckley/tommy kinard || 2.5k “What are you looking for?” Tommy asks, and doesn’t linger at all on how at home Evan looks, just rifling through his things. He’d caught him sorting Tommy’s mail, last weekend, nothing overly curious, just piles of junk mail sorted away from the bills and the single postcard from his nephew, fingers drifting over the stocky block letters of Tommy’s name before he realized he’d been caught out, lips squeezing in like a kid tasting his first lemon. “The key to your china cabinet,” Evan tells him, still sorting, keys chiming merrily against each other. “Second drawer to the left of the fridge, little brass thing. It’s where I keep my ring cutter,” Tommy tells him, expanding heart and weak joints and all, as Evan grins at the joke and stalks halfway across the room in two wide, long-legged steps.

STATS: # of fics: 19 # of authors: 16 # of words read: 306.3k

[redgoldsparks]

January Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut. You might notice the layout image looks different! I have switched to using the Storygraph wrap up and I'm now linking to the Storygraph reviews as well :)

The Sweetness Between Us by Sarah Winifred Searle 

Perley and Amandine are both readjusting to high school life after a major health crisis. Perley was diagnoses with diabetes; Amandine was turned into a vampire after a car crash nearly ended her life. They bond in remedial classes over just wishing their lives could go back to normal. Perley tentatively rejoins the knitting club; Amandine wants to rejoin a sports team but struggles with exhaustion; both of them have less energy than they had before. Their friendship develops into something more, but can they maintain a romance when they are both still figuring out their own shit? This is a very sweet slice of life story with a fun dash of the supernatural. I wanted a little more from some of the queer themes; I spent most of the book unsure of Perley's pronouns. But I was absolutely rooting for these two oddball teens to find their way back to each other.

LaserWriter II by Tamara Shopsin

This is a novel, loosely, but more so it's a little window back into a specific era of repairable technology and the people who were drawn to it. Set almost entirely in a (real, I think) Mac repair shop in New York City in the 1990s, this book jumps from backstory to backstory, introducing a range of self-taught computer fanatics. The cast and the story both feel wide but not deep. I didn't get to know anyone well, not even Claire, the newest hire and lead character. It did give me some serious nostalgia, even though I was really too young in this era to really have any meaningful relationship with it's technology. A weird but charming little book.

The City in Glass by Nghi Vo, read by Susan Dalian

The demon Vitrine has been nurturing, building, challenging and haunting the port city of Azril for hundreds of years when the angels come to burn it to the ground. She tries to defend her people from the heavenly attack but only succeeds in cursing one of angel, embedding a thorn of spite in his side. When his brothers leave, he is forced to stay, and since he has nothing else to do, he watches her begin the long, painful process of cleaning and rebuilding. This is a dreamy stream of consciousness book with less plot that I'm used to from Nghi Vo. I'll admit this one captured me less than her work usually does though the prose is very beautiful.

The Concierge at the Hokkyoku Department Store vol 1 by Tsuchika Nishimura 

Akino is a new hire at the Hokkyoku Department Store, a store build to serve talking animal customers including many unusual and nearly extinct species. Akino must find a way to be present, polite and helpful without hovering or intruding on the customers experience. This is harder than it sounds, especially with fussy managers always watching the store floors! Sweet, silly, and very warm hearted. I like the delicate, retro lineart style.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles read by Cornell Collins 

Another fun historical m/m romance from KJ Charles, this one more in the comedy of manners genre. I had a good time with it, I liked the leads, and as usual the secondary characters really shown. I did wish the enemies part of the enemies to lovers plot had lasted a bit longer, and the overall silliness of the story isn't going to make this the first Charles book I rec to anyone unfamiliar with her work, but it kept me entertained.

Noodle and Bao by Shaina Lu 

Momo loves living in Town 99, a historically Chinese neighborhood where she knows everyone and all the best places to eat and hang out. But things are changing. Her parents are worried about making rent, and her favorite restaurant was kicked out of its location and now operates out of a cart. The owner of the new restaurant, Fancé Cafe, has big plans to buy out the whole block and upscale everything. Momo rallies her friends and neighbors to fight back against the gentrification. This is a very sweet book for young readers, with talking animal characters and whimsical food battles interwoven with community organizing. An epilogue explains the issues around gentrification for a child who might not have encountered it before.

Brownstone by Samuel Leer and Mar Julia 

Almudena grew up with her white mom, always wondering about the Guatemalan father she'd never met. Until one summer mid-high school when her mom heads off to Europe for a dance tour and drops her off at the Brooklyn brownstone her father, Xavier, is renovating. Almudena has to navigate around a language barrier, an through unfamiliar neighborhood, and into a close knit Latino community many of whom see her as not brown enough to count. But Almudena is determined not to let this opportunity to know her father slip away. This is such a warmhearted book, funny and kind, with a really well developed cast. The art and the writing make a perfect whole, capturing a deeply specific mid-1990s moment. I've been following the artist's self published releases for years and I'm so happy to see their work shine in a full length book!

Leap by Simina Pepesco 

Ana is a college student in a contemporary dance program in Budapest, but her heart has fallen out of dancing. She skips her own classes to spent time rehearsing with her secret girlfriend, Carina, an ambitious ballerina in the classical program. Her new roommate, Sara, transferred out of classical and into contemporary and is thriving in the new, more supportive environment. She's also starting to develop feelings for the kind teacher, Marlena, who helped her transfer. Both of them are struggling to figure out their relationships with their art, as well as their sexualities, as well as how safe or not safe it feels to be out at their private, gossip-prone school. This is a really well told and well drawn coming of age story; I also really appreciated it as a story of queer friendship which complicated some of the standard narratives around first crushes/first relationships/coming out being kind of anti-climatic, half affirming, half disappointing. Definitely recommend!

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar 

What a book! Several of my friends called this one of their top reads of last year and I can see why. The book centers around Cyrus Shams, a poet and recovering addict, who was raised in the US by a single father. The pair left Iran when Cyrus was a baby after his mother was killed in a passenger plane, shot down by mistake by the US army. In his late 20s, Cyrus is mostly drifting through life, working weird part time jobs, sometimes writing, trying to stay sober. He wants to write about the concept of martyrdom, about dying for a cause, or what makes people consider a death meaningful. When he hears of a Persian artist literally hosting her last weeks as she dies of cancer in the Brooklyn Museum of Art, Cyrus flies to New York City to speak with her. Their conversations will impact him more than he could ever have dreamed. This is an usually structured book, full of flashbacks, alternate POVs, dream sequences. It's rich with layers of symbolism and meaning, especially with repeated references to names, to lineage, to legacy, the lingering trauma of violence and revolution, and what a life of art demands from the artist. This book surprised and moved me. I'm delighted that it was chosen by my book club, so I've got a lengthy conversation with friends about this book to look forward to!

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde read by Susan Duerden 

The Eyre Affair is a mystery-crime-sci-fi-comedy novel for the literary nerd. It is set in England in an alternate universe version of the 1980s, in which cloning of extinct animals for household pets is common, time travel looked down on as wretched career choice, and literary crimes get their own whole division in the police force. Thursday Next is a veteran of the Crimean War (which has been running more than a century) and a Lit Crimes special agent- her expertise is immediately needed when a priceless Dickens' manuscript is stolen by a thief whose image does not register on film. Things quickly get strange- and also hilarious.

Re-read in 2025: I revisited this after reading and loving Jasper Fforde's stand alone sci-fi novel Early Riser last year. Unfortunately, The Eyre Affair suffered in comparison- the main villain of the book is very weak, and I can now see the pacing issues of this debut novel. I still found it very funny and probably caught more of the classic lit jokes than I did last time, but it's no longer the Fforde novel I'd suggest people start with. Try one of his more recent works! 

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat vol 3 by Sakaomi Yuzaki translated by Caleb Cook

This series just keeps getting more and more adorable! This volume introduced two new characters, and I braced for a moment hoping they wouldn't be rivals to the main couple, who are very slowly beginning to flirt. I should not have doubted!! Both newbies immediately seen that Nomoto and Kasuga are interested in each other and begin to cheer lead/wing man from the sides. Plus, in the author's note, the author talks about selling merch for a Japanese organization supporting marriage equality. I can't wait to read more!

[michellejonesgf]

come on, live a little • patrick zweig x reader

pairing: patrick zweig x fem!reader

synopsis: patrick hasn't been kissed in a while. and so he asks for a kiss.

words: 1087

warnings: written in second person, pat zweig being persistent (he wants a kiss so bad) (not in a creepy way, you and him have a good friendship), hinge mention (author does NOT know how dating apps work), friends to lovers!

a/n: wrote this during a quick writing session in between study sessions, hope you like this <3

“hey can i ask you a favour.”

“nope.”

“if you were a really good friend.”

“good thing i’m not that.”

“you would really care about me.”

“pat, i don’t have time for this.”

“can you kiss me?"

and with those eyes so wide, so beautiful, who are you to say no?

“i haven’t been kissed in so long.”

patrick zweig has never been big on emotional vulnerability. he prefers to hide behind a veil of cheeky remarks and flirts with a mission, but laughter is all he expects even when he does happen to make a joke or two with personal anecdotes.

“did art put you up to this? or tashi?”

a part of his heart seizes at this. did you really not believe that someone could ache after you? or did it stem beyond that? did you not want this?

he says your name, “it’s already so embarrassing, you think they have that much of a hold over me?”

you shrug, looking anywhere but his eyes. your heart won’t accept its sincere but if you see even a glimmer of amusement in his eyes you will never be able to speak to him normally again.

“oh, i know they have a different kind of hold on you.”

“i don’t want to talk about them right now.”

“then don’t.”

patrick’s at the end of his rope. and he’s never at the end of rope, at least not in this way.

“the other day you said ‘what’s a little kiss between friends’. you know nothing’s going to change, or whatever.”

“is this how you get everyone to kiss you? no wonder you’ve been, what was it, thirty people in the last–”

“–don’t be mean.”

you feel bad. and you did say that a little kiss between one’s closest friends only makes the friendship stronger. but you also said that to tashi. who you don’t currently have feelings for (although art would say that’s debatable). maybe you should do this, be a good friend. “you really want a kiss, huh?” you squint your eyes at him.

“i don’t want to make you feel weird–”

“what about hinge?”

“what about it?”

the pause tells you all you need to know. "you got banned, didn't you?"

he averts his gaze, voice a bit smaller than before, "no i didn't".

he huffs and turns to you, eyes focused into yours, desperately peering, "do you not want to kiss? i won't bother you if its making you uncomfortable."

you think it's now or never. take a chance, risk it and hope that you can salvage what's left of your friendship over the next six months. art and tashi would understand right, they'd help you through it?

you lean closer to him, and slowly bring your hands to his face, cupping each cheek gently with each hand. you look into his eyes, smiling, "i'm going to need you to put on a shirt first."

he springs up and you hear the shuffle of his feet as he walks towards the bed. you smile at how he's quick to come back.

he sits back on the floor, just the way you both were a minute ago and you resume the position of your hands cradling his face.

“patrick zweig,” you say smiling.

“yes?” his voice is hesitant, he doesn’t know if you’re going to make fun of him or–

“can i kiss you?”

“please.”

you lean in and give his lips a slight feather-like touch with your own. neither party pulls away, both with closed eyes and held breaths. you make a decision. you lean in once more and press a kiss that feels more real this time. he kisses back but its so soft your heart melts at the thought that this could be something.

you try some more pressure and one of your hands goes to the back of his neck to pull him a bit closer. you’ve never felt this tingly while giving someone a kiss, you wonder if a friendship this deep makes it more special. if knowing someones hidden threads and tending to their bruised split knuckles when they try not to cry grants a special warmth to any potential future romantic dalliances with that person that sours any other romantic experience with someone else forever.

the leverage that your hand on his neck gives you feels dizzying because in this moment he is yours to hold and to kiss. you feel his palm in the small of your back, barely there, a bit more than ghosting. a deepened kiss, lips slotting between each other that meet for a moment only to slot a different way and you deign that enough. you both halt with your lips so close yet so apart.

you look into his eyes, from that so-close-so-apart distance and every resolve you had to stay civil dissolves. he looks at you and you feel dishonest and–

“i’ve liked you since that weekend at the basketball court.”

“i deleted hinge three months ago.”

so he was telling the truth.

a patrick zweig in love practices emotional vulnerability and tells the truth. who would’ve thought.

“so this isn’t just a kiss between friends?” as much as you don’t want to a smile creeps and lifts your cheeks so much there’s no way you can do a bit.

“come on, i just told my best friend i like her!”

“you didn’t tell me any of that.”

“well, the way you kiss told me that.”

“well, i also kiss your mother like that, if that helps.”

he holds your face the way that you were holding his just a few minutes ago, “will you stop seeing my mother and let me be your boyfriend, please?”

“come on, live a little, its the 21st century!” but your heart is beating so fast you cannot bring yourself to answer earnestly.

patrick’s smile turns toothy and you wonder what it would be like to taste the inside of his mouth.

“did you really save yourself for months so that you could kiss me?”

“you know how traditional i am.” this is the same patrick who kissed art to get him to stop talking that is now kissing you, and saving himself to do so.

“can we do that again but with tongue?”

“yes, director.”

[sandwicz]

Happy (Late) Birthday, Malleus!

this can be romantic or platonic yk if you can’t work out the design of the cake, its understandable; if u can, then yey

It is somewhat early January, probably a few days after Lilia’s birthday. After a merry celebration of the old peepaw’s birthday, you looked forward to the upcoming birthday of another special fae of the same month, Malleus ��Draconia, whom you fondly called Tsunotaro, much to Sebek’s dismay.

You were planning on gifting him something that he’d like or enjoy, maybe something useful to him or something related to his hobbies and/or interests. 

You decided that his gift would be somewhat about gargoyles. 

……..

The only problem is... you don’t know how you’re supposed to give him one related to gargoyles. 

According to Malleus, gargoyles wouldn’t be called gargoyles if it weren’t for the fact that they had a waterspout that projects from a roof and carries rainwater away from the walls of a building, whereas a decorative one would be called a grotesque. So it would be weird if you were to give him a gargoyle present; it would’ve been called a grotesque present instead, since it’s merely decoration and has no use whatsoever other than being a decoration or a mémoire. 

You’ve thought of a toy that would be up to your expectations and standards, but you can’t seem to find any on the internet, so instead, you resorted to making one. Toys are not easy to make; they are usually made of materials like plastic or wood. Unfortunately, you had no talent for making a toy or even carving wood. The WIP of the project ended up in nothing but a chaotic jumble of chipped wood that looked like it came out of a 5-year-old’s colouring book, its colours going out of line and all. 

Think of another idea, then. Food is quite easy to make. You then thought of any foods that you could make for your dear Malleus.

Malleus likes ice cream, and the only reason he dislikes cake is because there’s no one to share it with. A cake? That’s it! We can make an ice cream cake! One that can be shared with everyone. We can make it gargoyle-themed. We can make a structure or something. A cake that can be shaped into a house with it’s own gargoyle water spout!

It needs to be an ice cream cake with a strong structure. Maybe gingerbread with frosting. That can work! You smiled to yourself.

Now, we just need to design the gargoyle structure. It’s the main gift, after all. You decided to use a straw, cut it in half, and then stick it on the bottom edges of the roof, covering it in chocolate to fit the theme. You made a hole on the side of the semi-straw structure for the waterspout, aka the gargoyle.

You used another straw, cut it into a segment, and then put layers of chocolate on it to sculpt it into a gargoyle. You tried to mimic at least one of the gargoyles in Ramshackle, maybe simplifying it a little bit to not make it complicated, then stuck it into the hole you made.

Its going swimmingly. You plan on making it “rain” by maybe adding liquid to the roof, so the liquid would fall to the semi-shaped straws and flow into the gargoyle. You made sure to coat the roof with chocolate beforehand to make it somewhat liquid-proof. 

The liquid you planned to use would be milk. You added blue food colouring to it to add the cartoon-y water implication. You thought you’d let Malleus do the honors by pouring the milk onto the roof of the chocolate-coated gingerbread ice cream cake house.

After the blueprint/structure is decided, the only thing left to do is decoration.

…………………………………………………………………..

It is the day of his birthday, and everyone has gathered at the Diasomnia dorm to celebrate Malleus’s birthday. You were one who’d not want to attract unwanted attention, so you asked Malleus days beforehand if he was willing to celebrate his birthday in another location after his party in his dorm. He happily agreed to your request. 

He smiled while covering up his excitement with his words of amusement. You chuckled at his response. He can look so intimidating and frightful, yet at the same time he can look so adorable, like a little child excited when someone gives them sweets. Both of you exchanged conversations afterwards, saying goodbye after realizing it was already late.

At his birthday party, you greeted Malleus and happily wished him a happy birthday. You went to celebrate the party with him and the others: his dorm members, their friends, and some of your friends as well.

Once the participants of the party had all gone back to their dorms, all that’s left was the post-event melancholy of the celebration and its decorations. It was supposed to be cleaned once all the guests had left the party; however, the dorm members of Diasomnia all agreed to clean up the decorations tomorrow due to the fact that they were all exhausted. Although Malleus offered to clean up all the decorations simply with the snap of his fingers, all of them instantly disagreed; one hysterically loud shout can be heard in the background. They claimed that they shall not burden His Majesty in any way possible, and it is their duty to serve him instead. 

After the party started coming to an end, you decided to invite Malleus to Ramshackle, to celebrate one last moment before the day ends. This conversation, with the terrifically keen sense of hearing faes have, was heard by Lilia and Sebek; a dozing Silver beside them.

 

Sebek let out a squawk as if your invitation to Malleus was as scandalous as seeing a Victorian’s ankles before marriage. Sebek was about to strike you right there with his magic, before, fortunately, Lilia came to the rescue by holding Sebek back while calming him down with giggles. You then invited Lilia, Silver, and Sebek(Sebek agreed to your invitation “begrudgingly”; but all of you knew so well that he would sulk like a kicked puppy if he were to be left alone in the dorm. He agreed to come along with the four of you under the guise of being a bodyguard for Malleus, which, again, all of you knew wasn't the whole reason he wanted to come along with the four of you.). After wasting time convincing Sebek to join you, the five of you directly teleported to Ramshackle afterward with Malleus’ magic. Sebek was about to comment about letting Malleus teleport all of you with his magic, before he got dismissed by Malleus, reassuring him that it's all fine, and just a little favor he wanted to do for his friends.

…………………………………………………………………..

With Malleus’ magic, the five of you landed on the front porch of Ramshackle. You opened the door to find a sleeping Grim on the couch; he told you earlier that he wanted to go back first, even before the party ended, feeling unwell after eating so much food– to which you deduced that some of the delicacies might have been made by Lilia. Poor Grim. 

You then walked to the kitchen afterwards, Malleus following suit. He saw you open the fridge to reveal… a cake? 

You took out your prized masterpiece and showed it to them; you put the cake on a big baking pan on the counter so it could hold the “water” that was poured.

“It's a little thing I did in honor of your birthday,” you smiled at Malleus. 

“I know you enjoyed gargoyles, so I tried to make a cake that replicated how they work.”

This intrigued all four of the Diasomnia members. A little replication of a gargoyle in the form of a cake? How riveting!

“Kufufu, oh my, how curious, does this gargoyle figure here actually work like one?” commented Lilia, pointing at the gargoyle of the cake.

You expressed  a crooked smile, “I hope so,” you sighed.

You took out a tiny watering can from the fridge.

“The liquid inside smells like milk,” Silver pointed out.

“It's because it is!” You beamed, “I colored it with blue to give the ‘water’ its cartoon blue color, you know?”

You then approached Malleus, gently implying to him to take the watering can from your grip. You can’t hide your nervousness and excitement, so you smiled widely instead, restraining yourself from shaking or being jittery.

“So, you pour the milk into the house, as if it's raining, then you'll see what happens!” 

“Is that so? Am I pouring this correct- Ah. I see it now.”

Malleus smiled, his eyes lighting up as he saw the result of what he had done. The milk that was poured on top of the roof fell into the chocolate-covered straws that worked like a gutter. The milk then flowed towards the spout connected to the gutter, the gargoyle spout. The blue milk flowed out of the mouth of the chocolate gargoyle like how it would with a real gargoyle. 

Malleus’ eyes widened before crinkling as his smile grew even wider. A wave of emotion crashed over him, so intense that he felt like he might break down in happy tears. This feeling of warmth in his heart was a warmth he wasn’t sure he deserved, but one he cherished nonetheless.Unfortunately, it is not becoming for the heir of Briar Valley to act like so. So, in the end, he can only thank you, expressed in his most sincere voice and tone, with a nod of his head. 

Lilia, Silver, and Sebek were quite mesmerised with the cake you made. But on top of it, they were happy, happy at the fact that Malleus felt this way on his special day. 

Malleus was over the moon, his appreciation for you growing tenfold in that moment. The effort and time you had put into making this—just for him—was almost overwhelming. You had remembered his interests, understood what would bring him joy, and that alone was enough to solidify his devotion. He’d stay by your side for as long as you lived, and even beyond that—life and death be damned, he wasn’t going anywhere.

How could he not? You had been kind to him from the very beginning—his first real friend at NRC. He hoped, deep down, that it could one day evolve into something more, but for now, he cherished what they had. People were often scared of him, and even when they weren't, they never seemed to care much for his ramblings about his interests. But you, you actually listened! You understood him in a way no one else did. It was an actual gargoyle—one that worked like one! Your design might have been simpler, but it was unmistakably the same gargoyle perched on the back left side of Ramshackle.

How could he be so lucky to have met you? The thought made his heart swell. He wanted nothing more than to hold you close, to kiss your forehead in gratitude. He’d worship the very ground you walked on—no, scratch that. You were too precious to walk on dirt. He’d charm you, magic flowing from his hands, so you could soar freely through the skies instead. 

He was sure nothing else could make him happier than he was in that moment.

…

“Oh! And one more thing. I knew you liked ice cream, so this is an ice cream cake!”

The words had barely settled in the air before Malleus vanished. One second he was standing there, and the next—nothing. Only a flicker of green fireflies remained, twinkling for a brief moment before fading into the night.

… … …

The three of you stared at the empty space where he once stood. No one spoke. No one moved.

Lilia, however, let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head in amusement. “Oh dear,” he mused, eyes twinkling with understanding. “It seems our little dragon has… retreated.”

Unfortunately, you were not Lilia; you couldn’t understand that sudden behaviour of his. According to that tiny little head of yours, there was only one possible explanation for Malleus' behavior—agitation.

Had you offended him? Was mentioning the cake a mistake? Should you have gone with a regular one instead? Panic bubbled in your chest as you stared at the empty space he had left behind, your mind scrambling for answers.

Lost in a whirlwind of overthinking, your mind raced through every possible reason for Malleus' reaction. You barely registered the sudden weight on your shoulder until it pulled you from your spiraling thoughts. Blinking through the blur of your vision, you made out only shades of pink, black, and red against the distant colors of your kitchen. A gentle chuckle followed.

“Cheer up, Prefect. I’ve never seen Malleus so happy before. Kufufu.”

You perked up at Lilia’s words, quickly rubbing your face with your hands to wipe away the stray tears. "What do you mean?" The question slipped out before you could stop it, curiosity pushing aside the lingering sorrow.

Lilia smiled knowingly. “He’s been experiencing many new things at this institution. One of them is this moment—happiness so overwhelming, he didn’t know how to process it.”

“So he just… disappeared like that?” You stared at him, incredulous. That couldn’t be right. Surely, he was joking. But the mischievous glint in his eyes told you otherwise.

A quiet voice finally broke the silence. Silver, who had been watching from the sidelines, offered a reassuring smile.

“Fa— er… Lilia is right.” His voice was steady, calm. “Don’t worry, Prefect. Malleus isn’t upset with you at all.”

Sebek grunts, agreeing to both Silver and Lilia.

...

"My, my, look at the time! It’s far too late for you young ones to be up," Lilia mused. "Off to bed now, Prefect. We can continue this tomorrow."

With a casual wave of his hand, the objects on the counter lifted into the air, floating effortlessly back to their proper places. The cake, baking pan, and mini watering can slid neatly into the fridge, while the unused utensils tucked themselves away inside the kitchen drawers.

Satisfied with his work, Lilia turned back to you, gently ushering you toward the door. He rambled on about the importance of sleep for teenagers, reminding you not to worry—Malleus was perfectly fine. With that, he and his two wards vanished, teleporting back to Diasomnia in a flicker of green light.

You let out a deep sigh, briefly replaying the night’s events in your mind before shaking off the lingering thoughts. Instead of flopping onto your bed immediately, you steeled yourself to go through your nightly routine first.

…………………………………………………………………..

The quiet night, with Grim nestled in your arms, soothed your restless mind. Finally, after absentmindedly stroking his fur as a comforting ritual, sleep gently claimed you.

…………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………..

Bonus:

Back at Diasomnia Dorm…

Lilia: Malleus, you owe the Prefect an explanation for the misunderstanding you caused earlier.

Malleus: …

Lilia: (sighs) I understand your internal conflict with the emotions that overwhelmed you, but it is quite discourteous to leave so abruptly without a proper farewell—especially when the host put in such effort to celebrate your birthday.

Malleus: (bows his head slightly) I deeply regret my actions, Lilia. Would you… aid me in making amends with the Child of Man?

Lilia: (sighs) I suppose I can’t refuse your request—especially since the Prefect cried after you left, thinking you were truly upset with them.

Malleus: ∑(; °Д°) !!

Malleus: (sulks) I didn’t mean to make them think that…

Lilia: (chuckles) Kufufu~ Then make sure you clear up that little misunderstanding tomorrow. We have a cake to share, after all.

Malleus: (◞‸ ◟)💧 …………………………………………………………………..…………………………………………………………………..

A/N: Thanks for reading until the end!! Sorry for the very late fic ;-;;; I’ve been so caught up with school that I kept on postponing it until the end of the month. 

But it’s finally done now hehe :D

[alijuan]

I resent the glorification of BG3 over Veilguard not only because Larian copied BioWare (and not very well imo) but also because that game was a disappointment to me. I expected a sequel to BG2 but got DOS3 at best, if not a copy of DOS2. Although Durge as the culmination of the series hits the spot for me, it’s one of the few things that got me stuck with BG3 for so long.

Not like Veilguard, because DA was special to me, but still disappointing. Especially problems with lore and sometimes its superficial presentation, with a few good exceptions. And Tav as an alternative main character who doesn't fit into the series or even the plot of BG3 (typical Larian). Sorry for all Tavs, mine too, but their plot is boring and sometimes alogical; they’re not much different from Rook to me outside of roleplaying.

Larian tried to copy Bioware but it turned out to be more a parody to me. BG3 is still a typical Larian game. Hollow world that can’t be compared to DAO, the oddities and changes in lore for the sake of narrative, not a very interesting group dynamic (inspiration from BioWare is so obvious here but so superficial; it’s progress for Larian because relationships between companions weren't in their games before but overall it's average).

I think they were trying to evoke a sense of nostalgia. Astarion is a good example of this. They changed tiefling to white-haired elf who reminds Zevran, Fenris and Dorian at the same time. At least they changed that he wanted vampirism and paid for it, otherwise it would not only be weird for a young high elf to be so greedy for vampiric immortality but he'd just be Fenris 2.0.

Even compared to other similar games, BG3 is not brilliant. I usually use Pathfinder WOTR as a modern example because it has similarities with BG3 but better in many aspects, including choices, respect to lore, mc’s connection to the plot (if we speak about Tav) and many more, with much smaller budget. In my opinion, Owlcat is a better successor of classic CRPGs. Not to mention that Owlcat doesn't rewrite character stories or change scenes after release for the sake of fanservice. They stand up for their ideas when it comes to adding or changing something in their game for fans (Larian would never).

I disagree that Larian released a finished game. The third act looks rushed and unfinished, the epilogue came six months later, the evil endings only a year later. It wasn’t a final product on release because they're still changing cutscenes and dialogues like it's early access. But finally someone said that Larian didn't do something revolutionary. This is how RPGs work, and a lot of the standards came from BioWare.

I am just a little bit annoyed how everyone is comparing Bioware to Larian....

Not because I think we should be too lenient towards Bioware. God and everyone who follows me on this site knows how massively disappointed I am with Veilguard and that I am not expecting them to deliver on the next Mass Effect.

And Larian has done an outstanding job with BG3.

However: the praise Larian has gained also served to show how low expectations in the gaming industry were. I read and hear time and time again how Larian supposedly has set a new standard in gaming but they actually didn't?

What have they done? They released a finished well written and well rounded RPG. An RPG with diverging story branches and player choices with consequences.

Do you notice something? THIS IS NOT REVOLUTIONARY, PEOPLE!

A revolution by defintion entails a course of action that is entirely new and a complete break from what was done before. Larian did not do that. They simply fulfilled the PRE-EXISTING criteria for an RPG. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yet, since standards have appearantly fallen so low in the respective genre, everyone acts like adhering to the working definition of an RPG and selling a complete product is somehow revolutionary. Literally nothing about that is new. It should be standard.

And it breaks my heart everytime someone compares Bioware to Larian in this regard.

No, before you come at me, not because I want to defend and protect them. They 10000% deserve all the backlash (minus the death threats) they are recieving. But because Baldur's Gate was originally a Bioware IP to begin with.

Larian did not do anything revolutionary. They built on what Bioware has already established. And you feel the old Bioware DNA even in BG3.

You feel it in the characters, their stories and personalities, the dialogue. They brought back old characters like Minsc and Jaheira. My heart breaks a little more everytime I feel these pieces of OG Bioware. Like echoes of an era long gone, only to realize it is not Bioware.

I feel its spiritual proximity to DAO. Sometimes the combat music even reminds me of DAO combat music. I briefly think I am playing my Warden before I snap out of it and see my sorceress Tav between Astarion and Karlach. And my heart breaks.

Boo, Minsc's hamster, was originally referenced by Shepard having a hamster when the player decided to purchase one. Shepard's hamster made the same noises as Boo in BG2 and Shepard even used Minsc's signature line in regards to him "Go for the eyes." in the Citadel DLC.

Now Minsc says Boo is a miniature giant SPACE hamster and I tear up because I instantly think of Shepard and my heart breaks. Breaks but also warms because Larian thought it was important to still honor the original inventor of Baldur's Gate with a Shepard reference in return.

To sum it up: it is so frustrating to see people comparing Bioware to a developer studio that was conforming to standards implemented by Bioware to begin with.

[kathrynmjaneway]

.

[ghostofsnails]

so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and

[pwouted]

going to keep this short .. but my family and i are currently in need of groceries ;w; anything would help and would be vv much appreciated :

my ko-fi & my paypal !

[biblically-accurate-dca]

moon n ballora

[holyshit]

.

[todayisafridaynight]

[druidshollow]

ugly baby rivers is gonna be in my brain forever

its not his fault..... newborns are just ugly

(i did some rambling in the tags if u wanna look at it lol)

[intotheelliwoods]

I have one more thing I want to work on before I get back into updating 2AL regularly, but until then......