#i have visions and reasonings for either or i just dont know which is better

[loycos]

How do you think Ekko feels about Caitlyn and Vi, separately and as a couple? Reed Shannon (Ekko's VA) stated in a post on how Caitlyn found her humanity and grace through her struggles; plus he resposted(?) a meme of Caitlyn alongside Ekko, Jinx, Vi and Isha from that gangster family meme; I don't know if you know the meme, it was the best way I could describe it.

again diving into personal headcanon territory, with a little bit of support from League lore (idk if its still relevant). i feel like i need to explain what my post canon vision for caitvi is to articulate what i think ekko would think of them. ramble incoming:

i think caitlyn and vi are gonna be enforcers again, caitlyn as the sheriff and vi her second-in-command (deputy). caitlyn will try to reform the enforcers with a stricter hand, and a watchful eye. theres a reason she didnt take her seat in the council- caitlyn is all about doing the hard job on location, seeing reality through her own eyes- she doesnt want to help by sitting in a tower and discussing things in theory, shes practical and realistic and she wants to experience the real thing. her job as sheriff will allow her to make that change while still giving her the access to do things on the field.

vi joining tbe enforcers will mainly be done to stay close to caitlyn and protect her if needed. vi never had a big direction in life other than the people she loves- she would jump on the opportunity to spend more time with cait and have the chance to punch people with her big gauntlets. her position as deputy is absolutely unearned in terms of experience or even commitment to the cause- but caitlyn is the sheriff and she put her there, so vi and her can stay close. which other enforcers, and pilties, and zaunites, are extremely aware of. it is corruption, even if relatively unharmful one. having a zaunite as the deputy made a lot of pilties upset, especially when shes so underqualified, and made them question caitlyn's ethics, for good reason. mega especially when vi is known to overall act out of line, cause unnecessary property damage, show overall disrespect to the reformed enforcer protocol and not bind herself to schedules, and yet get absolutely no punishment, let alone acknowledgement of her misdeeds by her boss, who turns a blind eye (wink wink) to her shenanigans.

so yeah, other enforcers are fuming, the pilties arent happy, and zaunites? well, despite caitlyn trying her best to solve the issues that ran years before she was born, there's only so much changing the protocol can do for her. she is harsher on enforcer violence and the prison under her watch has changed to be more humane, but its not like she can control every single enforcer personally. so its not perfect but its slightly better than what it used to be. caitlyn herself has the exact same attitude towards both pilties and zaunites- kind of cold, calculated, no bullshit taken, unapologetic, yet with a layer of empathy underneath the surface. kind of similar to what grayson was. this attitude doesnt win her people's favor on either side, but it does earn her respect- and especially in zaun, where her family status means nothing, that means a lot. she's definitely not a "champion of the people"- i think most people in the city actively dislike her, and the (true) rumors of corruption arent helping.

as for vi, zaunites see her as a traitor. she is known to be kind of a bulldozer that can be quite trigger happy, especially when it involves caitlyn (who we already discussed people dont really like) being in danger or disrespected. she has a dismissive "and what about that" attitude that is very zaun in nature, but since shes now wearing a badge, zaunites get annoyed with. pilties, of course, absolutely hate that attitude. so she isnt seen very favorably either, on either side of the river, just like her girlfriend.

the relationship between them is kind of an open secret. every enforcer in the force knows vi is only in her position cause she "gives caitlyn favors under the table", and those rumors reached topside and bottom as well. and again, they arent untrue, theyre just a relatively mean and shallow reading of the actual relationship between the women. neither caitlyn nor vi ever acknowledges these rumors. they stay at a 6 feet distance from each other while working, but the fact they are so interlinked really leaves no other answer. they know everybody knows, everybody knows that they know, and it's never addressed directly by either of them. their relationship is kind of an anigma to people on both sides- pilties think caitlyn settled for a street rat, zaunites think vi sold her soul to be with a rich pig. no one really knows the history or intimate details about their relationship, for obvious reasons, and thats what it looks like to them on the surface.

righttttt, this ask was about ekko. i got carried away. so ekko. how does he play into all of this? while he's not entirely on the average zaunite camp, he is reluctant to work with caitlyn, but does so anyway because ultimately they share similar goals. while he understands vi better than most people, and knows she always puts her loved ones before any political cause, he can't help but feel a little betrayed by her choice. i think he doesnt really see what vi sees in caitlyn, and since he doesnt "get" that, vi's choice to stay with her at all costs looks odd. especially since caitlyn on the surface just looks like a cold, authoritarian bitch. with good intentions! but still a bitch.

in the end, it all comes down to masks. i imagine post canon caitvi are both sporting masks for protection, and have their walls really high up in public. and can you blame them? they actively wear their weakest spot, their achilles heel- each other- on their sleeve. theyre in public positions, have a lot of eyes on them, and their "professional" relationship is extremely looked down upon. so caitlyn acts colder and harsher, and vi puts on a bravado of "i dont give a shit" and uses violence as a threat to deter people from seeing her as weak. the walls are there to ensure their safety. but like we saw in the series, when its just the two of them, all those walls crumble, and they allow themselves to just be vulnerable.

[todayisafridaynight]

taking a coin out and opening clip today like 'oh boy who am i going to project onto today ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶'

[la2yn0va]

We need a part 2 where stellaron hunter M/n meeting the trio was like blade being taken to Jing yuan. And M/n either being emotionless or always having a permanent smile like kafka. WE NEED ANGST but some fluff

Well… that didn’t take long.

———

“I must thank you for leading your assistance” Jing yuan said as he faced Moze and Jiaoqiu form the Xianzhou yaoqing. “Of course general.. criminals like the stellaron hunters are a threat to the entire alliance” Jiaoqiu responded with a confident smile as Jing yuan nodded.

“Indeed jiaoqiu. The nameless have also decided to lend a hand. They are in pursuit of stellaron hunter kafka. The one you seek—M/n, was last seen at the Cloudford: Cargo Lane” Jing yuan informed the two who nodded and walked away. “M/n… it’s… hard to imagine someone like him would actually join the stellaron hunters” Yukong said sorrowfully, remembering the battle hungry yet kind solider she once served with.

“I understand your sentiment Yukong… perhaps if general feixiao gave m/n a temporary discharge. He’d still be with us” Jing yuan said, remembering the stories he’d heard of the ‘yaoqing’s generational miracle solider’ meanwhile with jiaoqiu and moze, they had arrived at the cargo lane.

“Careful jiaoqiu. M/n.. is not the same person we once knew” “I-I’m aware of that…!” “But are you prepared to face him as an enemy?” Moze questioned which earned silence from the foxian “…I guess we’re about to find out” he replied as they turned a corner and stopping, seeing m/n. Just out in the open!

“T-that’s him…! He’s…he’s actually here…!” Jiaoqiu said with slight disbelief while moze scanned the environment “why is he out in the open… hes smarter than that… are their traps somewhere…?” He questioned before jiaoqiu clenched his fist and ran in “Ah-! Oi!” Moze reached out but it was for naught. So, he quickly disappeared into the shadows.

Jiaoqiu jogged to m/n, throwing some spices towards him and snapping his fingers causing Fire to erupt from the spices, which m/n quickly dodged. “Hey! It’s my downtime!” M/n said as he faced jiaoqiu “…hey… do I know you…?” Jiaoqiu let out a small grunt, clearly annoyed yet saddened at the question.

“Doesn’t matter. Leave me alone. I don’t have a reason to hurt you” m/n advised turning his back to jiaoqiu and beginning to walk away, which seemed to irk the fox further “don’t you dare turn your back to me…!! You don’t GET to turn YOUR BACK ON ME!!!” He yelled in anger as m/n dodged an attack from below, releasing a small ‘tch’ “great. A universally wanted criminal can’t get down time now.” He responded, summoning a scythe and running towards Jiaoqiu.

M/n swung at jiaoqiu, who dodged nimbly and threw some fire at him again—which m/n dodged. They continued this game of cat and mouse before m/n finally grabbed his collar with his scythe and pulled him into a knee attack.

Jiaoqiu coughed up spit, but he quickly grabbed him tightly, refusing to let him go “M/n… I could never beat you in a fight… you were always better then me in every category…!” “H-Hey! Let go—!” “LOOK AT MY EYES! DONT TELL ME YOUVE FORGOTTEN ME!!” Jiaoqiu yelled desperately, his eyes holding back tears as he glared into the depths of m/n’s soul and mind. “…Foxy…! Oh… it’s you—!” He gets cut off as Moze appears behind him and chops his neck.

Jiaoqiu looked shocked for a second before regaining his composure and standing up, m/n’s limp body being held and restrained by moze’s tight yet gentle grip. “You shouldn’t allow your emotions to cloud your body!” He said sternly, making jiaoqiu look away shamefully. “…I know.. I apologize… let’s take him back to feixiao… we need to find out why he— find out the info he has on the hunters” moze with a stern look nodded as the two left the storage area.

-Timeskip-

“Ugh…shit…” m/n groaned as he blinked away his blurry vision. He looked up to see a white haired—dull blue eyes foxian woman. She didn’t wear a smile nor a scowl, but a sad yet stern glare—Feixiao.

M/n stared blankly for a few moments whilst feixiao stared deeply into his eyes. A majority part of her rejected the fact that was in front of her—You, a stellaron hunter now in an interrogation room. How could this actually be reality? How could life be this cruel? Especially to you, who wanted nothing more than a life of fun and to die with close friends.

Feixiao:…Do you…remember me?

She asked, a hint of desperation in her voice as her glare hardened. As if she were trying to transfer her memories of you into you through eye contact. He stared before smiling “I do… where’s moze and jiaoqiu? Surely they’d want to see me. Especially little foxy” he said with a smile that held none of its usual mirth.

Feixiao felt her eyebrow twitch. Was this truly the same m/n she’d lost all those years ago? Or was this some sick parasite using her friends body as a god damn meat puppet?! “…Why’re the stellaron hunters in the luofu!” she spoke loudly, trying to drown out her thoughts with loudness.

“Hah? Come on feixiao~ you see me after.. however long it’s been, and you don’t even hug me?” “I asked you a question…! Criminal!” M/n still held his empty smile at the general’s scowl “Relax. We’re not here to destroy the xianzhou in any way~ we’re mearly here to… Help”

Feixiao: Help?

M/n: Help. Worry not. Your precious alliance and spaceship will stay safe

Feixiao:…Enough of this!

She leaned in and grabbed his collar, pulling him in close “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A STELLARON HUNTER!!” She yelled as m/n stared blankly with an equally blank smile “Sheesh. No need to get violent. Ya could’ve just asked ya know~?” That seemed to irritate the general more. She threw the table to the side and picked him up before slamming him against the wall. “Don’t mess with me m/n! Where the hell did you go after that battle! WHY did you leave…!! You were… did you even care about us!?”

“So many questions… which to answer?” She pushed him harder against the wall making him wince in pain for the first time in this interaction “DONT. FUCK. WITH ME” she warned “Alright! Fine… I can’t answer” “Excuse me?” “All those questions you asked. I’m refrained from answering. Well, except for like two of those” he said dismissively, at this point her eyes were glowing from anger, was this a fucking game to him!? We’re her… we’re THEIR feelings just a fucking joke!!?

“I do care for you three. How could I not? You three were the only ones that I actually cared about. Buuttt.. well, destiny had bigger plans for me then to fight against the abundance” that answer seemed to irk her even more. Why can’t he just answer her! “That doesn’t answer my question!! Why did you leave us!!” “I had my reasons. But for now let’s just leave it at me being… confused and going on a soul searching journey. Okay?”

As feixiao was going to ask another question, m/n headbutted her and kicked her away as he was being teleported away in pixels. “Finally. Took that shortie long enough” he said as he saw the door swing open to revel Moze and Jiaoqiu. Feixiao recovered and stared in shock before all three of them ran to m/n to grab him before he left “This was nice. Perhaps I’ll visit you three again soon” he said before disappearing from them, inches away from their hands.

-The End-

[akascow]

okay so

i think the viktor and mel hallucinations during jayce's whole Moment in 2x07, their eyes are just completely black. and its VERY faint but u can KIND OF see the outline of their irises if u look REALLY close (irl)

to show u what i mean:

first ones are just normal settings (tho my computer brightness is all the way up), i only messed with the exposure n highlights of the pictures and stuff in the middle ones, and outlined the eyes in the third ones

​which could make sense in terms of his mental state i think ? he maybe feels like he let them down, or betrayed them or couldnt help them in a way ??

they dont feel human to him anymore. or maybe hes created these images so theyre judging him as he can only reminisce on what happened and how he left things

mel’s vision looks maybe like either angry, stubborn, strong willed or annoyed lol... her chin is kinda turned down, with downturned eyebrows, and her lower lids are halfway closed implying that shes like glaring or narrowing her eyes at him, her lips almost look pursed together and i think ? her nostrils are flared but its so hard to tell lmao we only get like three frames of over exposure HAAH take these with a grain of salt lmfao

viktor (even tho i cannot for the life of me read his expression HAHA) to the best of my ability i think kinda looks hurt or confused, maybe innocent for lack of a better term or scared. ((which given how he left jayce it would kinda fit lmao)) BUT his brows are ever so slightly scrunched together, one is higher than the other which usually implies confusion or thinking or admiring. eyes are wide open, mouth is agape a teenie bit, these are usually seen with softer, positive or more admirable expressions, and his chin is tilted upward. im not trying to turn this into a jayvik thing i swear im just comparing to my facial recognition knowledge HAHA

and as he loses himself deeper in the hexcore, the more he starts losing and/or fearing the two ppl he loved most ? ... and worries how he’d get back to them (if at all) and how he would imagine they would react.

the two ppl who not only made and brought him to who he is today, but uplifted and supported and stood by him for ~10 years despite everything

anyway this theory would all pair nicely with the voices that start playing in the background during his lil Montage lmao it kind of culminates into a massive guilty conscious, that then outwardly presents itself in their hallucinations:

“i never asked for this” - jayce to viktor, after their conversation about him breaking their promise about destroying the hexcore, resulting in vik leaving him lmao. also jayce literally turned viktor into this metal husk so hes gotta have that sitting on his shoulders too lmfao

“[heimer] was my mentor, and i betrayed him” - jayce (to mel) abt voting heimer off the council despite heimer ending up being completely right about magic in the first place

“it corrupts” “you must destroy it” “ive seen nations destroyed” - heimer about the hexcore, jayce screams over this as those lines play, anguishing over the fact that he literally did this to himself and hes the reason Piltover is (or will be) no more bc he ignored the warnings

“its your time now jayce” “perhaps its time for the era of magic” - mel to jayce, context is in the quotes HAHA. jayce is screaming no! no! and please! during these lines, i think its just to hammer (pun intended) home on the fact that it all ties back to him for ‘creating’ magic. its on HIM (at least in his own mind) for the destruction of Piltover and all of its people

not to mention the reason hes stuck down there for so long is because his own invention (hextech hammer) disabled him enough to make him unable to climb out for (as far as we know) weeks or even months... more outward projection of self guilt, but like far more literal than symbolic i guess

and as other people mentioned already, it put him in the same position of viktor (down in the depths of zaun having to pull himself up to piltover with the challenges of a disabled leg and illness and no one to support or help him) which allowed him to relate to viktor in a way he never could have before

maybe im just thinking too hard about it idk (im not). or unless this was extremely obvious to the average viewer HAHA. in my defense i spent this whole montage pausing every .6 seconds to take a picture of seggsy and broken and whimpering jayce so i wasnt really paying that much attention to it all AHAHA

anyway do u think this was a hallucination or was it actually the mage standing here with him for a flash lmao

okay sorry for that long ass post i would add a page break sooner but it would interrupt my flow of thoughts that i need u all to experience like i do HA

...

also shameless self promos but u should check out my jayvik butterfly effect and viktors humanity symbolism analysis posts if u liked this one >:)

[createwithintent]

My fav manifesting methods

For the girlies who enjoy variation in their manifestation process

Scripting

Supplies: pen, paper (pref a notebook or js ur notes app)

Scripting is basically when you write out your manifestations in the past tense, e.g.: "I recently went shopping with my mom" or "my dad recently gave me 100 € to go shopping!" While also trying to describe how you feel in that described moment. So it'd be something like "I'm so happy, today I went to the beach with my friends, we went thrifting, picked shells and got ice cream together, I am so grateful to spend time with them."

An important sidenote is to be grateful, seeing that gratitude is an important aspect of manifestation (at least it is in my manifestation process) because the universe can't deny a grateful person. (in my personal belief)

And to expand on this, here's a method I've been using these past days (I dont know where I got this idea from though)

Writing letters

Another cool method is to write texts/letters in your SP's name or to get a specific desire.

For example: Dear Elle (my name) we of so and so are glad to let you know that you have been admitted to our [desire]!

And you can vary on this! Say I want someone to apologise to me, I can just write something out in my notes or a physical sheet of paper and either get rid of it (or keep it, you do you!) And boom! You just manifested your desire!!

Pretending to be a narrator in a story

This method basically entails that you pretend to be e.g. an all-knowing narrator of a story that draws out a scene of a character(s) and adds a description. (Like the one from Eah!)

(Maybe add a twist and pretend to be a sassy side character in an early 2000s TV show that just saw the two MCs kiss and is ab to spread rumors— just get creative.)

So it's pretty much a fanfic on crack except it actually comes to life because we're all master manifesters ✨️

Oh and if you can't draw just manifest that you can draw‐

And if you don't wanna put too much effort into this, just draw stick men or items to represent your desires/specific people :P

This also relates to scripting

Vision boards

Supplies: use either Pinterest or an in-person scrapbook with magazine cutouts and drawings

I feel like this mostly speaks for itself, after all: an image says more than a thousand words.

Seeing your desire in an image can help your brain kinda 'target' your desire.

Your brain doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination so essentially you're gaslighting yourself into a specific idea/mindset/etc.

Also here's an example of one of my personal vision boards which i used to manifest all As for my finals last year.

Simonesquared and Fernanda Ramirez both have amazing videos and explanations on these topics, i suggest watching them to get a better idea on making vision boards. (Tho i might just make a masterlist with different links/explanations/deets sometime!)

Subliminals/affirmation tapes

Supplies:earbuds/headphones (optional), any device

If you've been in this community for long enough I'm sure you know what they are and if not here's a brief explanation.

Then there are affirmation tapes, these are the same as subliminal except the affirmations are meant to be heard to be get picked up by your conscious mind as well.

If you haven't used any before, here are some subliminal creators that put out amazing content and deserve each snd every ounce of support!

Slade (all pronouns) they practice Indian folk and also make subs that are shifting-related (for my shifters out there), though their subs don't contain any witchcraft unless specifically mentioned.

Moza morph is a medical student who makes subs, the benefits of her subliminals are thought out very well and quite descriptive. She makes great content regarding manifestation and the workings of subliminals too.

Baejin cafe and mii! both make a wide variety of subliminals but their school and grade related subliminals are popular for very good reasons!

Guided meditations

Supplies: a device, earbuds/headphones (I recommend using these for a better immersive experience)

A brief explanation on meditation can be found here.

Even though i dont use this method as often, i notice that it helps my focus and gives me clarity therefore I highly suggest it to others new in the game.

Here are some favs (YouTube links)

Guided meditation for meeting your future self

Guided meditation for self love

Also this one by Joe dispenza just because he's the goat

Visualization

Supplies: just you and your brain

I consider this by far the easiest manifestation method since you can do it literally anywhere.

It's pretty much just daydreaming about your desires, and if you're particularly into it you can listen to some music with lyrics that is aligned with your goals. (For example: I listen to Lucky girl by Carlina to enhance my lucky girl syndrome while daydreaming)

And it doesn't necessarily have to be based on your sight, if you can delusion yourself into hearing your SP's heartbeat, or condition yourself into smelling your fav flowers in the living room, then you're good!

(Sometimes when I'm watching a TV show that's one of my DRs I also visualize my highest self randomly chiming in or saying or doing something I'd say)

That's all for today!

And remember

If you have it in your imagination, it's already yours.

Stay educated and hot

With love

Elle 🤍

[poppinlovemp4]

what are your thoughts on each nct member

im crying there are 22 of you here thats fewer people than nct. who's sending me this. anyway im bored so ill answer... really long obviously there are so many guys

i dont have any thoughts on the wish members ive never streamed idk any of their names and i'll keep it that way bless their hearts. or not idk

jisung: idgaffff his dancing is overhyped and he's charmless to me and i hate deepvoice rappers forever

chenle: probably nicest voice in dream but that's a really low bar. dont really have other thoughts. i've heard he cares a lot about basketball which can either be charming or offputting i dont know enough about him to say

yangyang: thats OOMF top 3 in ncity to me <3 i really did not care about him all when i was first entering weishenville sorry for my anti-kpop rapper bias but he's soooo fun to watch onstage. imo the only one other than ten obviously who's got a good handle on #It. and he has the cutest smile ever probably. and i like him :-)

jaemin: idgaf i literally cannot think of a single thing to say here

haechan: seems like an unsavoury bloke from what i've seen of his scandals and i hate his voice so so so badly like when i first listened to 127 on purpose i had to pause and look up a lyric video to see whose voice i hated so much. good performer though

jeno: least fave nct member and i dont like many of them. disband

renjun: hope he's feeling better these days. no further thoughts

hendery: thats OOMF but kind of less than the rest of wayv sorry.. he's like one of the only idols ever i think is genuinely funny the way he speaks and acts is so 😭 i really dont know how he comes up with any of it. was sincerely baffled when i found out he wasnt wasian

xiaojun: he's all right

mark: ive literally never been impressed by any performance ive seen from him idk WHERE people get the all rounder genius idol thing from it's not showing #ToMe!!! the originator of many fave reaction images though so he's okay in my book

jungwoo: idgaf. wait no back when djj was announced people kept comparing him to xiumin in cbx to justify his place there (as in 2 main vocals / guy who isn't a main vocal) and he is not xiumin he could never dream of having my beautiful sister's charisma uniqueness nerve or talent! other than that idgaf

winwin: saw the news today hope he heals all righttt and it's nothing too serious... as an idol he brings nothing to the table except cuteness and that's not very important to me so i hope his career in cn thrives bless

jaehyun: tbh when nct first debuted i hated him so badly for literally no reason like his face just made me so mad. and look at us now <3 he is my entire 127 tag. i liked his debut so i'll continue following his solo career and he's also funny to me but i can't say that without feeling like jaehyun tote bag tweet

ten: thats OOMF another top 3 member <3 he's EVERYTHINGGGG imo the only nct member who's like absolutely a star & built to be a soloist.. i cannot wait for his second albummm i love his vision he is so so so so insanely talented it boggles the mind. and also so cool... i rarely think idols are cool but he is so cool

doyoung: he's a crazy ass hater with an evil spirit but i kind of fuck with it idk if i had to pick a second fave 127 member it would probably be him he's funny to watch. i streamed from little wave a few times also

kun: thats OOMF every time he's mentioned that he was the one who pushed for a certain song/production choice (new ride being in gmt, the strings at the end of omy) it's been one of my favourite parts of whatever the final product is so i really appreciate that. ten's kinda right about him he's so old but it's really charming to me

yuta: idrgaf. i thought his solo debut was interesting ill be giving his future stuff exactly one stream and perhaps more if the execution improves

taeyong: i think it's so funny how everyone buys the cutesy act he started going hard on immediately after his bullying scandal came out😭 loved his work on baby don't stop & call d. hated his work on everything else. every time his verse on rv's cover of be natural comes on i take a moment to curse him out

johnny: from chicago and yet so deeply charmless he gives this beautiful city a bad name. disband

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/754179646302617600/httpswwwtumblrcomdearweirdme7541625461493596?source=share

The issue is, everyone that has a strong bias, has the same perception about their bias. They always think that "they don't care as much about my bias". You can ask Jimin biased and they will say the same thing. And they can also point out reasons for their statement, like the fact that he had very few appearances and a short promotional time. Yoi can check the tl right now and they are crying about everything.

The conclusion that ppl that has a strong bias reaches is always the same - only ppl that bias that member care about them and all the rest either doesn't do anything or just the bare minimum. You can find this repeated everywhere, just changing the member name.

Are they all right?

At some extent they are. People will always prioritize their own bias, simply because it's usually who they like the songs better and will naturally listen to them more.

Also, maknae line (not vocal line) has more fans than hyung line (for multiple reasons, which also influences individual success) so they have bigger numbers. Which has very little to do about how mainstream some music genre are. Hip hop is literally the most popular style in the US, however, rapline numbers dont reflect that and people keep using the same excuses. Also, pre-release numbers are not related to music genre/quality because we didn't even listen to the song before, so we have no idea how it sounds like (just an idea from the media release which will never influence someone's decision on buying or not). It's just a popularity/buying power measurement.

The thing about Jm in particularly, at least from what I noticed, is that pjms are extremely organized and focused, and many ot7 big accs are also Jm biased and they work really hard for him.

I don't think that my bias receives the same attention as some of the members from the fandom or the company, but honestly? It's his problem to deal with. He's chosen to stay in the company and I dont think he will leave. He's smart and he knows how the industry works. He's building a name and has enough money to quit whenever he wants to, so I'm definitely not worried about him. I will not cry and throw up because army dont love him as much as the next member and fight strangers on twt/tumblr, and I believe that no one should. It's not worth nd it's part of the textbook manipulation that kpop uses.

Hi anon!

I think a problem many are having is that solo era feels as though army is falling apart. We’re used to be a force that gets things done, and now people feel betrayed.. because things are different from when BTS are together.

I don’t think being a solo is wrong as long as you don’t spread hate to the other members. I think it’s a natural development as a result of solo era. I can imagine new fans of Jk because of Golden (as an example) but who have never experienced BTS don’t really feel attached to the other members (yet). Army is changing, I think that is what’s happening. I mostly wish the hate dor other members would go away.. they don’t deserve that and they wouldn’t want that.

Tae is my bias, but I wouldn’t say I feel any sort of competition for him to do better than other members. I know Tae will do well with whatever he sets his mind to. He’s smart, he’s talented, he has vision, and he’s extremely likable. Do I think BH is shit to him, yes. I also think BH has been shit to other members. I just mostly think BH is shit. I can honestly say that I support all members equally. I might talk about Tae and Jk mostly on here, but I listen to all of their music, I mostly watch BTS footage of all of them together, I watch all their solo content (if I have time.. I can’t even say I’ve seen all Tae’s interviews I think..). I think what I’m mostly missing in fandom is the wish for members other than a person’s bias to do well.

[stellarcobweb]

have i ever mentioned tht whenever i think of the web i just go "thats just my mom?"

(putting a break in here bc after typing everything out, its more of a ramble than i thought it would be)

like. specifically in my own weird as hell way. as well as like *insert my conpantheon and soft polytheism, certain aspects and presentations can be forms that make it easier to talk to and influence humanity*

for whatever reason i look at like. moon/primordial void/mother as being very very VERY Web . using Smirkes detailing of the Fears (which . i think its a lot more nebulous than that but whatever)

also its DEEPLY funny to me that like. my system name for the longest time and even now tbh was Maratus, with collective name Mara for short. Maratus is the peacock spider genus

as well as my Thing abt weaving fate together, getting into tatting lace and crochet, wanting to get even more into like. honest to god spinning and weaving and knot magic and stitch magic in my practice

AND ALSO. final nail in THAT coffin. someone did an energy reading on me once and straight up got fullblown spider demon vibes off of me? w the concept of "you can literally spin ur own web" as something they noticed. which is just. FASCINATING.

+ my energy being called sticky and/or web-like on multiple occasions

like. thinking of terms that i would consider myself w the Fears that ARENT the spiral (bc i am first and foremost an Avatar of the Spiral).

Child of the Web feels a lot better than any of the others? bc im not a Victim, Avatar, or even really necessarily Marked imo. its just like. thats who created me? thats who made me and who built me out of nothing? thats who legit created my soul? if nobody has my back, i know my Mama has my back! its a more personal relationship than anything else honestly. just like. wholeass that is my Mother and i am absolutely my Mother's Child. you *could* consider me marked from birth but idk that doesnt feel OR sound right

(also im a pretty doll :) i mean Doll and dollself are legit. identity at this point. both for coping reasons and xenic reasons. in both marionette AND bjd ways. im not human! and have never ever felt human!)

+ Marked by the Lonely . bc yeah former Victim WOOOOO my childhood was AWFUL!

ik theres an Eye association w me but i have no idea what it is. shrug. research is my hobby and i legit live for doing it. also it def feels nice to chew on info when im researching, very satisfying. no i dont think im an Avatar, and im definitely not a Victim. the Eye just straight up doesnt scare me. tbh i think theres *potential* for Avatarhood fr me at some point but if it happens it happens idrc either way. i just exist!

...honestly Victim of the Corruption would also apply to me but i take a very "if i dont see it it doesnt exist" approach to that and its not anything active in my life . fr the most part. so shrug

YKNOW. the Dark would be called my parent too. i dont think of that part of things as often as i do my Mom but like. Child of the Dark also fits here. i mean . "Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow" is something that i take fully as identity. (yes thats a line from Landscape by Florence and the Machine). also it connects to my former beliefs abt Leviathan = soul parent and what is he but associated with the abyss, water, and darkness

ngl its also funny looking at that from the concept of like. my eyes practically cannot handle any direct sunlight. it hurts them so bad ;;v;; like my eyes are ridiculously sensitive to light and i have insanely good night vision somehow. i know literally nobody else like that. also the concept of the Void is deeply comforting actually. vantablack :)

also unrelated slightly but A Fathers Love is my favorite episode out of literally all of the ones ive heard on TMA. like its just the best one ever

[br1ghtestlight]

"hello burger lady!! tiny people. BOB."

THE SLOW HEAD TURN WHILE FISCHOEDER IS STARING AT THEM LMAOO he's such a freak. what is he doing

aww linda put a smiley face on the check thats so cute. "nooo i enjoyed it :)"

A BROTHERHOOD?? BLOOD OATH? love how louise hears this and immediately stands up she's like hello. hello im interested. PLEASE let me into your blood oath club mr fischoder

babalon like the ancient uhh. thing.

ooooh :0

(also my dad used to call my mom babalon among MANY other creative insults when they were married and this immediately brought that memory back to me. but he said it like babble-on like she was babbling. sorry idk why i wanted to share that)

"and the other members already picked all of the best chefs in town soo im asking you" i literally dont believe fischoeder lmao he definitely just wanted bob to come along as his personal chef and couldn't come up w/ a better excuse like. come on

"a billion dollars" "nope." "a million dollars" "no...." "a billion dollars :D" "she just said that"

i know bob is holding onto fischoeder's back bcuz he cant see but also its like. kinda intimate?? like?

also love bob's new jacket. these are the kinda things you only notice when you've watched WAAYY too many bob's burgers episodes but its a nice jacket :) the blue color suits him. and it has a hood

personally i would be a little more concerned that mr fischoeder only has one eye and it is NOT looking in the direction of the dangerous sharp cliff theyre walking beside. i know he's driven bob in his boat before but he's SOO BLIND WHY ARE YOU WILLINGLY GETTING IN A BOAT WITH HIM <- saying this as someone who doesn't really have vision in one eye or depth perception. i wouldnt give in a boat with myself driving either

"it was actually kinda fun to come up with!! i-i hope you like it :)" bob is so sweet im gonna cry. he's so excited about cooking SOMEONE LET HIM RANT ABOUT HIS SPECIAL INTEREST RIGHT NOW. he's in autism heaven

NOT THE TIKTOK MENTION 😭😭

recognize some of these guys from the gingerbread house episode which was another horrible experience for bob lmao

"can i keep hiiim? 🥺" what is his PROBLEM

WAS HE WORKING THE OMLETTE STATION AT YOUR LAST SEX PARTY??? <- brand new sentence

also this 100% confirms to me that fischoeder has had sex with every old ass man on this camping trip bcuz NO WAY he's getting rich old woman pussy im sorry. i do think he's bisexual but his sex parties are male-exclusive. he fucked those old men

not looking forward to whatever is going to happen to bob in this episode.

I ALWAYS FORGET FISCHOEDER IS LIKE A HARDCORE DRUG ADDICT remember that time he did mushrooms in s13 That would explain some things. that weren't already explained by the alcoholism

bob is surprisingly chill considering the circumstances and the fact that he's getting less than a thousand dollars of restaurant equipment out of this. i know he trusts fischoeder (for some reason i dont entirely understand) but being blindfolded and taken to a secret island with a bunch of rich old men and having NO CELL SIGNAL and everybody is drugged as hell.... he doesn't even know where he is..... GIRL RUN‼️‼️

also there's only one bed in fischoeder's tent which means there's either a seperate camping section for the chefs (unlikely) he expects bob to sleep outside in the storm (very likely) or bob and fischoeder are going to have to share a bed 👀👀 i know its probably not going to be addressed but i need somebody to write And There Was Only One Bed bob x fischoeder fanfic about this episode immediately. like that needs to happen

bob realizing that the chances of him dying on this camping trip are quickly reaching eighty or ninety percent ooh he's COOKED

"Don't wear brown and black. Never look into someone's eyes..." "Bring your own fork. And briefcase." "Of course. Everyone knows that." "And leave one of your shoes as a gift." "But you have to hide it..." gene and louise are SOO silly i love them so much. they play off each other so well its like a constant improv class

this subplot is Trying To Teach Tina Social Skills meanwhile gene and louise don't have them either they just dont give a fuck about learning them. well louise knows them she just disregards them. gene doesn't know ANYTHING

HAHAHA BOB REALIZING THEYRE LEAVING HIM THERE TO DIE. ITS NEVER BEEN MORE OVER love him not even acknowledging their crazy fire drug-induced dancing he's so used to this bullshit. bob should get a week off after this MINIMUM but we all know he loves cooking too much for that

NOT MR FISCHOEDERS GAY ASS HIP SHAKE?????????

mfw im the only sober person at a crazy drug party full of rich people on an island during a deadly storm and its only Tuesday. 😐

UH OH IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE. BOB REALIZES HES SO FUCKED

aww its kinda cute he's making sure that fischoeder is taken care of too and packing up all their things. dad instincts

at a certain point u kinda have to call him calvin dude. like you're WELL past "mr fischoeder" territory in this situation <- is also calling him mr fischoeder in this review

"shh he's hunting us" is probably NOT what bob wanted to hear

there's something about this that is sooo.....

in defense of bob he has almost died or been killed with fischoeder SEVERAL times before this episode including in the movie. its like a male bonding thing for them at this point

"and i invented a new way to tie a tie" I KNEW I WASNT CRAZY FOR THINKING THAT LOUISES TIE WAS TIED WRONG IN THAT SCREENSHOT i love that i picked up on that and felt the need to point it out. having never worn a tie before in my life (not to my knowledge at least)

this is literally what it feels like when ur autistic and trying to understand neurotypical social conventions. tina is trying SO HARD she's such a sweet girl :( its okay baby girl i understand i get it

THE BITEY GUY HAS A NAME BOB

am i allowed to say that bob with wet hair is kinda 👀👀🔥

why'd he kiss him like that ??

he's suuuch a sweetie in his oversized jacket <3

"No, no. Plants don't like sweet drinks!" "Just hard liquor?"

"dad is missing a WILD night" *hard cut to bob tied up and being used as a human sacrifice for cannibalism*

WHAT WAS RHAT. WHY DID CALVIN LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT. YES IM USING HIS LEGAL FIRST NAME BCUZ WTF WAS THAT GAY ASS GUILTY LOOK?? HES NEVER BEEN GUILTY BEFORE he care so much about bob im gonna throw up. what the hell

HE LIIIKES HIM 😭 HE FELT GUILTY BCUZ HE LOVES AND CARES ABOUT BOB THIS IS SO FUCKED UP 😭😭💕

he probably also feels guilty that this is like the sixth time he's gotten bob into a near death situation. like at a certain point it starts to feel personal yknow

*howling* "god. i hate when he does that"

straight up on the verge of a meltdown. i dont even blame him tbh

bob isnt WRONG but also we are talking about a crazy drugged up cannibal who thinks he's a wild animal so maybe we could leave saving him until tomorrow morning? like idk i feel like he wouldnt exactly fit on their dingy. and even if he did what if he bites

"and you do have to come for ice cream!! it wont be any fun without you" okay thats kinda cute. this episode definitely kept up to pace with the insane homoerotic relationship between bob and fischoeder and im happy about that. almost gave us the tiniest hint into what fischoeder really feels/thinks about bob which. yeah

VERY UNHINGED EPISODE BUT REALLY FUN AND CUTE?? everything between bob and fischoeder was so. soo. yknow. and the subplot was funny and cute too :) very sweet little episode i always love when they go off on adventures like w/ teddy in sea me now. and of course their (many many) near death experiences together thats truly what its all about baby!!! really enjoyed this episode it was exactly the right amount of unhinged and funny

[umedao]

Heartslabyul, but they're in teyvat

I've been having a lot of genshin x twst brainrot lately so here we go, I'll try to draw them later but rn I don't have my tablet with me so please bear with the messy text block

((note that if we're speaking twst lore then technically ALL of them would be catalyst user (save for rook, silver, sebek and maybe vil since he did fencing but we're not gonna talk about them here) but we're going to ignore all of that and go with aesthetic/vibes))

starting from ace, I feel like he'd either use bow or polearm because as seen in the og alice in wonderland movie, all of the trump soldiers use some sort of lance(?), but I'm going with bow because I feel like it matches his vibes the most. rust would fit his overall visual especially with his dorm uniform (bc I am not about to teyvat-ivy their outfits I Am Not The Art Archon).

if we’re talking about kits/skill set, I picture him having an anemo vision (dead friend aside and purely by aesthetic bc we dont know much abt his past/um/I will not kill deuce) and being an off-field dmg dealer sort of like yelan and his skill being an enemy aggro that also do a mini swirl like mona’s/faruzan’s. so a sub dps maybe.

then we go to deuce, I want to say he’s a catalyst like heizou that punches his enemies like he got a personal grudge but listen to me : deuce with a claymore. deuce just. swinging that shit around and beating the mobs to death. I mean I can picture him being a catalyst that do normal, sort of calm attack until you make him do his charged attack and it’s a rage-filled uppercut sort of but. claymore deuce. deuce wielding song of broken pines.

now about the kit, I can’t see him with any other vision than hydro and I’m torn between him being an elemental dmg dealer with parry gimmick like beidou or just a full blown physical dps. while hydro isn’t a good element to do physical reaction, at the same time I also see him being able to deal some sort of decent physical dmg so I’m really conflicted about what his kit is going to be like. but I DO see that he’s going to be the type thats going to scale off of hp like zhongli or nilou.

next is trey, I see him as somewhere between sword or polearm, but then I decided on polearm because imagine trey with those baker hand swinging a polearm around. also he reminds me of thoma for some reason (househusband material, serving powerful/important figure??). Also he’d look good wielding skyward spine, no?

I cant decide on his vision but I can see him being dendro, mainly bc he’s green and also that the whole reaction with dendro kinda(?) fits his unique magic ig. Which means he’d probably be both a healer and em support/buffer. I think he’d have kits similar to shenhe and bennett where he increases dmg with his skill while he heals and buffs em/atk with his burst and doing small continuous dmg.

cater is kind of hard for me to picture in this setting. like ace I do think that bow fits his vibe, but so does polearm and sword. I literally cannot decide. I wanted him to be like childe where he wields one weapon and change stance during skill, but I already have different idea for his skill that would match his um better so. I ended up going with polearm after seeing mika with that crossbow

just like his weapon, I cannot decide on a vision for him. it’s either cryo or electro, based on his personality alone. he reminds me of fischl in a weird way. kit wise I think he’s going to summon his clone for his skill that function more as totems like yae’s that also do aggro (it is a bit funny imagining like 3 caters ganging up on a mob in game tho lmao). I think it wont do that much damage but it’ll be a consistent element applicator. as for his burst I really have no idea except maybe it’ll be like gorou where he’ll summon just 1 copy/totem that follows the character and also buffing/dealing damage alongside them(?)

now riddle, we can already tell that this boy is a full blown catalyst dps. I’m sure he can wield a sword/polearm just fine but catalyst just seems to fit his vibe the most. blackliff agate would look sick on him even if it’s not a 5 star weapon.

and yeah he’s definitely pyro. his kit would also be like yanfei and klee mainly bc I cannot think of a way to integrate his unique magic completely (zhongli’s burst is literally stunning the mob and his um is more close to taking the vision away from his enemy teyvat-wise). so he’d be a normal+charged atk focused dps. like yanfei he’d have this point(?) thingy(???) on his back everytime he do normal attack and if he do charge attack with them (max 4) he’d do big damage. I think his skill would have that pyro/elemental res effect while dealing damage and I think it would be cool if his burst is a one-shot pyro hit that deals lots of dmg like hu-tao’s while also giving him the maximum amount of point for charge attack. 

That is all for now, I think. might also do a hsr au with heartslabyul (please don't ask me why I keep throwing them into aus. I. Am not. A Heartslabyul fan I swear ((that's a lie)))

[ill-say-this-fast]

hey! since the poll ended a while ago, i would like to give my two cents in-

If the general public or the twin's social circle found out about their relationship, how badly would everyone react? Would it be like a pre-HOM situation where everyone is tryna persecute the maximoffs? how would the kids (Billy, Tommy, & Luna) play a role in all this? (and yes, let us all finally acknowledge that these three kids are (long-lost) siblings) #sc*arletv*s*on fans feel free to rage hehehe

Thanks for the ask :) theres a lot to say

In their close social circle I dont know how many people are actually shocked. But suspecting something youd never say outloud and being publically told it are different. It would be a negative reaction generally. I feel like superheros have got better things to do than actually attack them for it, exclude, sure, make nasty comments about, some people probably, but no ones gonna try and arrest them I dont think (definitely not pre-HOM 'maybe we should kill them' ideas). As Toby's said, Wanda's friends might be worried about her, especially those of them that dont like Pietro. But none of them are likely to accept it comfortably if she tells them she's happy. She might get quietly pushed out.

Now its different if the general public find out (who have less reason to already think it). That'll cause a lot of outrage, and the angry crowd will always be louder than the crowd that don't care. That demands a PR response and some of the other heroes would be obliged to either publicly denounce them, argue that its fine and there should be no legal consequences (unlikely), or argue that the evidence is fake.

Frankly Wanda and Pietro should probably be arguing that the evidence is fake. I imagine Wanda would just pretend nothings happened and try and go about her life. A lot of her social circle who were already doing the same about their suspicions might continue to. I can see a lot of the avengers doing that, especially if she's still working with them cuz she's a big asset as well as a friend. But the xmen and that lot, the periphery social circle, who like her less, are much more likely to take the opportunity to attack her.

Pietro doesnt have a lot of friends to lose. Or a lot of good public rep. I do think he'd tailor his general response to fit with Wanda's even if he wanted to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. I see Wanda wanting to keep out of the spotlight (this isnt a wrong of hers to earnestly take accountability for and make right, it's one of the most important things to her heart that people want to insult), and Pietro taking the spotlight for them if she thinks either of them should make a public statement. He'd get in a lot of scuffles about it, especially if people are saying unkind or crude things about Wanda to him to goad him about it. Magneto is more likely to be his problem, either gonna deny it or blame pietro but almost certainly deny especially publicly. Maybe hed try and set Wanda up with other people he approves of more like in ultimates lol.

Wanda wouldnt want to stop doing her helping people job even if the people were horrible. I cant see her running off with Pietro to live away from any hate really, even if he might prefer that. She'd rather negotiate (or magically influence) her way out of a prison sentence if anyone actually managed to bring a legal case against her and keep working even if that means alone now. Maybe move her official domicile to new jersey or rhode island or wherever cuz it wouldnt be a legal crime there even if everyone still hated it. She'd be sadder and lonelier but people leave her that way a lot and she keeps going.

The only thing that might get her really set against other people is if they start bullying her kids. They still have the shield of being magically created even though everyone's gonna be theorising they're Pietro's. (I can see Vision taking the opportunity to blame her and the kids being someone elses for their marriage problems which would add fuel to the fire.)

Billy would hold onto the magically created thing both as a public defence and internally cuz he would not want to think of himself as an incest baby, he might step away from Wanda for a bit to collect himself but he does idolise her. It would be good for him to get over that idolising and appreciate her more as a real person with human flaws and struggles and not his favourite celebrity, and maybe this situation would be a way for that to happen. Or maybe he'd get over the incest first and things would stay the same. Or maybe he'd so not get over it that he starts to feel negatively about her instead. I don't like that but it's possible for him. Especially if he's recieving negative attention, he doesnt handle that well, but also he's a baby god how many people want to test him.

Tommy would definitely fight people bad mouthing him mom in public. He's not worried about protecting his own reputation, he doesnt have a particularly good one and he sets himself against other people easily so what they think is worthless to him. I don't see him being bothered about Wanda and Pietro's relationship. Its more likely to drive him closer to his mom (and dad) because he's setting himself against the people who are against them. People giving him a hard time is nothing new, and he's gonna give worse back because he's vengeful like that, and he can blow things up. (Tbh I'd like Billy and Tommy to argue about it, that would be fun.)

Luna would be far less affected because she isnt their kid, just Pietro's. And she's more than used to people saying bad things about her dad. In-marriage doesn't seem to be taboo for Inhumans so thats not gonna bother her. Maybe the other kids at her school try and bully her about it, but she's more than capable of spilling all their secrets which might keep them in line, and as I said, it's not about her like it is her half-brothers. At the least though, it's another nail in the coffin for Pietro not getting custody if he tries to again.

[raphwshere]

jefferson morales, father of two. (its actually one but he doesnt know thats atm) (this is a character analysis) (its long)

so in the beginning of the movie, its clear that jefferson isnt entirely sure how to interact with miles given the way they interact, specifically in the i love you scene at visions. the drive isnt much better either but the i love you scene. he doesnt approve of miles' incredibly mild vandalism, which like, he is a cop. were gonna ignore that though cause uh, its my post. point is, in the beginning of the film, jefferson doesnt know what to do with miles at all, they love eachother but theres a rift. (this rift is likely caused in part by miles' attachment to aaron but that is for another day)

anyways, i dont have all the screenshots and even if i did, a large amount of the development im about to reference is offscreen. also theres a picture limit.

sometime after he issued the apb for spidey he probably spoke to rio, who probably wouldve helped him process enough to get to the point hes at when he shows up at the miles' dorm for his talk, which because miles was tied up ended up being more of a speech. something about aarons death made him realize that keeping his thoughts about miles and his hope for him locked up could only end badly. he spends to whole movie reaching out to miles, here is where he actually manages a genuine connection. hes just lost his brother, and for all they didnt get along near then end theyre family. jefferson doesnt want to lose miles, thats what this is about. not entirely, but enough.

more time passes, i imagine another talk with rio and some wicked introspection, then hes at the collider. he sees wilson fisk beating up the new spiderman, wilson fisk the philanthropist. throughout the movie its hammered into the audience that between all the spideys, one of the few things they all have in common is that they get back up, the characters know this to. what else is he supposed to do here but say "get up spiderman"?

when they get out of fisk tower, the first thing miles does is call jefferson, heres where i really reccomend you just rewatch the scene buti i will talk about it after this. once spidey shows up, we see that jefferson is mildly uncomfortable and unsure how to react in his presence, its not hard to understand, hes gone from thinking spiderman killed his brother to knowing that he didnt. that and the fact that he saw him save the city and probably the world first hand has the obvious potential to make one uncomfortable.

miles however, is entirely comfortable with talking to him, even going so far as to hug him, mitigating most, if not all, of jeffersons discomfort. now heres the thing, he doesnt know this spiderman, wedont even know if he new peters spiderman. miles has been spidey for a very short time and for most of it hes been wanted. but not only does jefferson allow himself to be hugged, he hugs back. of course from his end its sorta awkward, but still. heres another hug from them just cause i can.

jefferson has always wanted to support miles, we know that from his speech in the dorm, but the way he specifically finds a way to connect with miles though graffiti is different. its fairly safe to assume that part of the reason he specifically went to graffiti is because before aaron died miles did art with him. while there isnt really any evidence jefferson knew specifically what aaron and miles got up to its not a stretch really, he and aaron did graffiti when they were younger and miles is very artistically inclined. id also like to take the time to point out how palpable the relief on their faces is during the call. just cause.

idk where this came from tbh. father-son relationships are very specifically important to me. also this was not written in order but i did rewite the non analyzing parts. this wasnt even supposed to be an analysis but here we are :D im open to criticism btw :)

[molanobessivenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[wc-confessions]

"To be honest? I'm kinda sick of people saying WOF is better than Warriors, when it shares MANY of the problems Warriors has, whether it's racism, the portrayal of abuse, colonialism, ableism and more. I dunno guys, maybe we shouldn't act like EITHER is all that great. Warriors has it's issues, we all know that. But putting WOF on a pedestal and sweeping the issues it shares under the rug ain't it. :/"

Tbf, the reason people say this is because the issues that come from warrior cats vs teh issues that come from wof are for completely different reasons. Issues with WoF's writing stem from trying to comment on big systemic issues without having the right level of expertise to tacle them delicately. Warrior's portrayals of these subject matter comes from biases that the writers and editors have that they dont want to address at all in the first place and those biases bleeding into the writing as a result. Not to mention Warrior's issues are much, MUCH, MUCH more egregious between the EXPLICIT sexism and colonialist messaging. I cannot stress enough that in warriors we get repeated, very clear endorsement of xenophobia, racism and sexism over and over again as CORE values and messages in the stories of the series. Where WoF tries and fails, EX: mixed messages with the whole lost continent arc, nightwings vs icewings thing, and anemone wanting to 'fix' tamarin's blindness being portrayed as a good thing- Warriors doubles down and spits on the fans for having values with stuff like ashfur and frecklewish. Not to mention WoF is made by one person with a concise vision for the story vs warrior cats which is pretty disjointed and has extremely inconsistent charization of its characters - if they have characterization at all. Afterall when people say WoF is better than Warriors they might not even be talking about values they could just be talking about the actual books themselves being more entertaining to read.

[weirdoinred]

Buckle up yall Okokok so when i was thinking about which specific decepticons knew how to read for sure, i didnt mention shockwave bc he was a tricky case

Shockwave can read, he needs to in order to document and research information for his experiments but literacy is not just the ability to read its the ability to understand what you are ready

This is the case for shockwave, he can read the information in his research but theres a lot of it that he doesnt truly understand 

Its why most of his experiments turn out horrendous and terrifying

He’ll often mistake one words meaning for another’s and so on and so forth

That kinda messes up the other cons that cant read bc they dont know either but hes the super smart scientist so they just believe him and go about their day

i do like the idea of his vision being messed up post-empurata and needing glasses and that also opens the floor to the possibility of his vision slowly deteriorating over time 

Going through the tags to answer things bc i love yapping

Some of soundwaves cassettes can read and how they know how to read is different in every iteration. Like in g1, they know how to read bc soundwave taught them and they need to when they infiltrate the ark and need to collect information. In tfp, laserbeak can read to some degree but bc shes attached to soundwave 99 percent of the time, she gathers information through him and therefore doesnt have the time sit down and read a book. Tfa is vastly different though bc of the drastic change in soundwaves character, neither that child or his cassettes know how to read and he doesnt really care. Idw ravage, lb, and bs know how to read bc they taught themselves to increase their chances of survival.

And i still stand by my statement. No matter the iteration, rumble and frenzy cannot read.

G1 Hook, scrapper, and mixmaster are self taught readers, long haul is actively trying to get better with their help, scavenger is dyslexic (a few cons are dyslexic actually), and bonecrusher is an artist he doesnt think he needs books

How it applies to the MTOs is pretty straightforward, you dont need to read to be a good fighter so literacy isnt considered when theyre being constructed. If they want to learn to read, they need to find someone who can and convince them to teach them.

The stunticons cant read and breakdown is the only one that has any interest in learning but bc motormaster doesnt see the value in reading or books or literacy in any way, the other stunticons disregard reading as an important skill

Skywarp is another one of the dyslexic cons and hes long given up on trying to understand words. Hes a hands on learner anyway and bc his other trinemates can read he doesnt see any reason why he needs to improve his reading skills 

He can read picture books but dr suess books trip him up with all the rhyming 

there is a widespread pandemic of illiteracy within the decepticon faction

Its mostly due to the fact that most of them come from poor backgrounds where education was scarce and unaffordable and unattainable.

some decepticons can read like megatron, starscream, thundercracker, soundwave, the combaticons and some of the contructicons

they can read for the most part but most others have very little clue and have terrible reading comprehension skills

[gjjokok]

20 - August 27, 2023 (sunday)

Wow it has been a really long time since I came to this Tumblr blog! I guess that's a good thing because it means I've been mentally stable for a while lol. Some things that happened since I last journalled:

Got completely over Syl

Had a situationship with some other people, most namely Royo (i guess)

Had a very serious situationship with Will who I was pretty much dating and really really liked

Moved to new york with EY, made many friends here

Living with Daniel in new york which is crazy since we both thought we hated each other when we first met

In new york, fell in deep LIKE with Kevin Wu who I met when I visited New York last summer with Royo but barely remember meeting. Also have met many other notable boys in new york (ricky, JC) but Kevin is by far the most notable

Anyways, life has actually been going really well and up until about 2 hours ago before I had a nap I have been doing great. But then I woke up from a nap alone in our apartment and feel like crying for unknown reasons so lets see why I feel so bad!

The thing most pressing on my mind is my health anxiety. I feel like this is something a lot of people have, but it is truly so frustrating how I will have (or at least think that I have) 1 major health concern after another. Most recently I was really sick, like insanely sore throat, for about a week where I thought I had strep throat and was stressed because I dont understand the american health care system and didn't know how to get treated or how expensive it would be. It got better last week and I was fine for about 3 days...until now...I just have random double vision. Not all the time, but when I look at something too close to me or if it's really bright in my eyes then I see double. When I close one eye it's totally fine, and a lot of the time I can walk around fine but then I'll rub my eyes and feel like I'm going to fall over because everything is double and I feel a bit dizzy. It's like I've been drunk constantly for the past few days. When I look it up it's either like "GO TO THE ER NOW YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR OR ANEURISM" or "yeah there's not much that can be done other than monitor it and if it persists for 12+ months without improvement then there is a surgery." This is stressing me out so much because it just makes me feel out of it when I'm hanging out with people and walking around doing basic stuff because it takes extra effort just for me to not see everything in double. I would just go to urgent care, but based on what I saw online i dont think they could do much, and I dont know how expensive it would be....anyways if it continues for another few days I will definitely get it checked out, but it's been better today so I'm hoping it's correcting itself..

I think this is more just a result of the fact I feel alone in this exact moment, but I feel so depressy about Kevin not wanting to be with me. In short, Kevin and i met and get along SO WELL and his personality is perfect and I cant keep my hands (and mouth) off of him when he's around me. I never would have came onto him if he didn't flirt with me first, but I'm just so into him and everything about him. However, we have both always said we aren't looking to date - that changed for me about a month in and I realized I really like him and want him to be mine. I spoke about this with him about 5 days ago, and this hasn't changed for him so he still isn't looking to date. To protect my feelings I decided that I need to talk with him less then, but I'm just so sad because I really saw a future for us or I thought we could at least try dating. Since we spoke. I've been generally good and am starting to accept we are just friends and I've been speaking very casually to some other guys. I really thought we were in a good place because we were hanging out at a club on Friday night and we kissed a lot with no strings attached and it felt great. And then him and Tommy, Ricky, Merlin, Chris came over to have dinner with Daniel and i at our place and to play games and stuff. It was so fun and I had no sad thoughts about wanting to be with him. But now I wake up from this nap alone in our apartment, and god I wish I could just hangout with him and cuddle with him and maybe I still have more work I need to do with myself to accept that him and I will never be together. Similar with Syl, I think this is so hard with him because I would have never come on to him first but he started things with me and then decided he doesn't want to be with me after I got so emotionally invested. But, I got over Syl eventually and now we're good friends, and Kevin is kind of more mature and a better person than Syl in general so I know I'll be able to get over Kevin and be friends with him hopefully for a long time.

I was more anxious about this last weekend and earlier this week, but I really feel like I never belong in any group I'm in. After never fitting in with friend groups that are all straight or all girls, I found gay people I love to hangout with in Toronto and New York, but they're nearly all asian so I still feel like I dont belong. This gives me huge imposter syndrome when I'm out with my friends and I kind of hate taking pictures because it is so obvious that I don't belong. It also doesn't help when I feel like I'm always the one reaching out to make plans with people instead of people reaching out to me. For example when I ask people what they're doing for EZoo next weekend, people are very inviting and ask me to join them, but only after I reach out first to ask them their plans. It would be really nice to get an invite to something without being an after thought for one (however as I type that out I remember so many times people have invited me to parties or to cottages or to movies without me asking so many I'm only remembering the times that I don't get invited).

So that's everything I can think of that might be making me feel anxious right now! I just want this double vision to go away...I can deal with heartbreak from Kevin and I can try to strengthen my relationships with friends, but this constant anxiety from feeling like I might die at any time is kind of ruining my life right now. I guess this is in my control though because I can just go to urgent care and at least know that I did everything I can instead of just waiting and hoping it'll go away..