#i have no free time. but its going. so thats good

[miifu666]

Detective and Killer Househusband Au!

An idea thats been fermenting in my mind maybe because ive been rewatching brooklyn 99! Buttt Househusband Wukong and his detective wife hihihi. Took me a while to make this cause I was confused on which role would they have but some moots in discord helped me so! HOUSEHUSBAND WUKONGG. This is modern normal AU? Ish???

Detective! Suklha

A well respected detective who managed to have the most cases broken in her youth, yet somehow a new case stumped her. The motives are sporadic and unpredictable, there has been dosen of detective investigating the case before but eventually it was handed to her as a referral.

Her advice are considered to be the highest priority. Less anyone has a different opinion, Suklha is ready to drain them dry for any reason why, will went as far as chasing them at every corner. She will never let anyones opinion go to waste and accepts criticism.

Is known to be Cold and mysterious, some officers learnt she has a soft spot but only a few and is an obscured knowledge in her precinct. They never would’ve guessed she’s married to the neighborhood’s well known monkey.

Was offered promotion a couple of times but rejected it. Already comfortable with her position and reputation, she works for her passion rather than money. Fortunately shes good at money managing, and Wukong has a good way of using his knowledge to do household chores as cheap as he can but still effective.

Introverted, she strictly works alone without a partner. For her own purposes, less she gets overstimulated she claims. In truth, she just hates social interaction when its unneeded and has a lot of trust issues she wont work on. Has been in therapy for a couple of times but in the end showed no improvement due to her stubborn attitude.

Met Wukong during her therapy session, talked to him while waiting for her. Turns out they both had the same psychologist. A psychologist who specializes in addiction and behavioral issues.

Cant stop obsessing over theories and plans, although she makes this habit of her into a job. It also made her highly paranoid, to the point she’s afraid to work with a partner. This however died down after she got married, has been taking better care of herself or should i say a certain monkey has?

This bias towards her husband, someone she deeply trusts. Made her blind from making him a suspect, doesnt help that Wukong stalks every move on his own case.

People has seen her blush an occasional time, the day she had a fever while clocking in and when she had to introduce her husband. Which shocked a lot of officers, it was the first time a police department went silent.

Yan! Househusband! Wukong

Met Suklha while he was going to therapy. Lied about his issues to get on her good side. Kept it up since then. In truth, He has an obsessive disorder.

A househusband who is well known in the community especially to the elderly, very active in terms of community services and also kind hearted. He’s very extroverted and warm. Some elderly calls him “The monkey who’s equal to heaven” referring to the many good deeds he has done.

Has a habit of giving baked goods to new members of the community, occasionally gives out free food for Suklha’s precinct because “he accidentally made too much”

Wouldn’t it be funny if his Ruyi Jingu Bang is a folding staff that he disguised as a broomstick? The name comes from Suklha cause each time she tries to use the broom it always detached itself from the broom and so far only Wukong is able to use it? Its also very heavy lmao.

Gossips with EVERYONEE its his way of getting intel and he feels like it helps Suklha in a way besides stalking her throughout her work yk-

Has a large network of “someone i know”, Macaque is the only one who knows of his bad habits and what he’s fault for. Tried to tell Suklha before they got married, after that he kind of stays out of the couples way.

Killed some people because he thought he’s lessening his Wife’s workload, even went as far as making sure they’re considered “missing” butt when the case got onto Suklha’s hand. He realized it’ll only gave her more overtime and late night, he stopped for awhile. Till he started again when he found out some cops arent… able to keep their hands to themselves when its about his wife.

Got the name “Heaven’s Sage” because the internet has been blowing up about him doing “Gods work” only killing suspected killers and perverts so far. In a gruesome and bludgeoned way, notable trademarks of his victims are : Marks of blunt objects, fatal multi-organ inflammation, left barren without clothes or valuable.

VERY obsessive of his wife, its been going on for almost a decade now… he is NOT joking. He can tell if she walks funny or smells differently.

Taglist : @phoenixeclipse-lmkau @skymoral @tuskstudioart @whatisev04 @forge-the-idiot @masterqueso @monkieshad0w @lilchickie @mehiwilldoitlater @missrosiesworld @sleepingdramaqueen @epochal-oracle

[walnutcookie]

WHAT ABOUT tos dandy and astro headcanons

Sure !!! Heres some lil things about these fellers

:33

ty for the ask anon!!

- Astro feels like he needs to be charismatic like dandy on stage which is why he seems out of character. hes forcing it, he hates the stage and hes not built to be an entertainer </3 Hes the same off of the stage though. my guy is napping between performances (they have a little rest area behind the curtain of their stage since theyre in there so much)

- astro is also still an avid reader!! Best place to look for him when hes not looking is curled up on a couch in the library. he likes it there because its quiet and he usually isnt bothered :] the only downside is sometimes rodger pesters him with questions

- dandy still absolutely adores pebble, he steals puppy away from shrimpo to play or cuddle with him (this pisses shrimpo off so bad. it makes him anxious actually because he doesnt know where his lil buddy is </3)

- While there arent any "mains" in tower of souls, they are a bit of a friend group!! they were super close back in the day but over time as things changed their relationships developed a bit of tension,, everyone pities shelly after the jone incident and after vee started getting super popular dandy started to get really jealous of her. pebble is also there because of the previous point lol.

- ^ relating to this, im not sure if the holiday toons would be included? Maybe theyd be more familiar with the "mains" friend group because theyre each the lead of their music group but the holiday toons dont usually spend much time in the main building so i dont think theyd be very close.

- Astro is good friends with razzle and dazzle :] he doesnt have all that many friends besides dandy, especially not close ones, but i think hed be closest with those two. Probably helps them script/record little films in their free time hehehe

- dandy also doesnt have that many friends, but not because hes antisocial like astro, its more that he has to keep his relationships pretty shallow just because of his job. yk. Its like you wouldnt usually be best friends with your boss because youd view them differently. hes friendly with everyone and i would say most of the toons consider him a friend but he cant have very close relationships because he needs to maintain that distance,, As previously mentioned though he is close with the mains :] i think astro is the only one who really knows all of the deepest parts of him but hes been a bit more vulnerable around their friend group. mostly in their earlier days though since again theres a bit of strain on all of their relationships

- Both of them have a much closer connection to the founders than most toons. Probably a given but theyre really the only ones who talk to arthur and delilah consistently :P the founders dont interact with the toons all too much, theyre busy doing other things and thats the toon handlers jobs, but since they primarily took care of the mascots when they were first created (being the experiments i mean they were the FIRST ones to be made they watched those two like hawks at first) they have some weird fucked up distant parent/guardian/ boss relationship. They go to the founders office pretty often just to talk about how things have been going lately, any improvements to either the business or the toons' quality of life, any incidents with toons or guests, etc :]

- Theyre both heavily reliant on each other. maaybe to a slightly unhealthy degree. ok fuck this requires seperate paragraphs

Astro is attached to dandy for multiple reasons. i mean just to begin with all of the toons form a LOOOT of trust and reliance with each other when theyre first born because theyre placed with a Fellow Toon whos also trying to figure out how to live and shit and they come to understand each other a lot.

Dandy is arguably even more attached to astro. like. as previously mentioned he cant form many close connections to other toons just out of necessity for his job. He takes on all of the social aspects of their roles while astro is more there to come up with ideas and think things through thourughly because dandy can be impulsive and impatient, theyre a very good team together but dandys confidence relies a lot on just. Having astro present. he likes just at least having him in the room, nearby, even if he doesnt help out in any way. thats exactly why he manipulated astro into helping him with all of the ichor-ification stuff, it wasnt that he couldnt do it alone, he just didnt know if he could mentally get himself to do it without the presence of his buddy. he genuinely believed that he was doing the right thing so he thought it was a worthy sacrifice to make astro feel awful as long as he could carry out his plan because Surely their life would be perfect after it all and itd all be worth it!!! (and then he killed everyone)

[mell0bee]

yall really liked this scene last wip wednesday so here have another little bit of it

edit: heres the link :]

[moeblob]

A lil guy !

[abirddogmoment]

Rory has been trending a little bun-obsessed lately, probably because we have lots of bunnies in our condo complex and she has to practice a lot of impulse control as she can't chase or really fixate on them, so I've been looking for ways to help her fulfill her bunny-murder urges safely.

Unfortunately we don't have a ton of areas I comfortable coursing her (letting her chase buns until she can't see them or catches them) because our bunnies are mostly urban animals BUT I was at the bougie pet store for unrelated reasons and they had dried rabbit feets which gave me an idea!

I bought a few and got some paper bags and put Rory in another room while I hid them around the apartment to sniff out, destroy, and eat. I figured it would satisfy some of her murder urges, even if it's not the whole predation sequence.

She was pretty happy about it! I'll try to add this to our rotation of enrichment activities and maybe get a few rabbit feet to chuck at her outdoors sometimes. Hopefully it'll help vent those bunny frustrations so they don't build up and hurt my good dog behaviours.

[waywardsalt]

the only minecraft movie i want to see is the one i found on yt several years ago and have been trying to track down again ever since

edit: i think i finally found the video i was looking for. win

[boxwinebaddie]

rip in honor of an anon who asked me to have ravenstan and jerseykyle write them something cute ( smh jk )

this never fails to be funny to me

[vaniliens]

Im not even sticking around for the drama that stuff gives me heart diseases im just here to see where this guys gonna lead us and to make fun of him if it ends up bad and ignore it if it was good

[moeblob]

Amazing, take some of the side character demons from Evil Bound.

Vincie is a menace to Chuck and Chuck alone so in Hell, Chuck hexes his hand behind his back so that he isn't grabbed as much (and it's harder to pet him). Chuck is like the most irresponsible older sibling ever to demons though so Kelvin recruits him (as an older sibling vibe) to go help him get his ACTUAL older sibling from Earth. Chuck agrees. And then drags Vincie from Hell with them because no one else wants to babysit him and he refuses to unbind the hex just to re-hex when he returns to Hell.

In Hell, Kelvin actually doesn't appear much different than his human form! Like Kronos, the lines under his eyes are red in Hell but black on earth. Chuck however? In Hell he has wolf-ish ears and has a fur lining his neck (note the neck scars in human form). In addition to that he has four eyes in Hell (note the scars under his eyes in human form). Vincie just has horns in Hell. And! In Hell the hex doesn't have a silly looking "tied up" look, it's invisible unless Vincie strains it with movement and then its red text. But it shifts on earth to be visible.

Vincie's biggest agony for the entirety on earth is "dude it's colder here than in Hell I want a jacket to slip my arms into BUT I CANT BECAUSE IM BOUND".

[downsteepy]

i thought abt joining artfight this year but after hearing some things i am very glad i didnt LOL

[jaffre]

doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely

[adelinamoteru]

at some point some of yall will have to admit to yourselves that the jason todd you like and have built up in fanon is not the jason todd that he actually is

inconsistent canon writing included, I have no idea where these povs on him are coming from if ur not actually meaning to do a disservice to his character

[zaptap]

you know youd think after getting to 278 the matchmaking would improve a bit but. i just had one where everyone was constantly dying. after getting 35 on the mothership i was so tempted to throw (i had the opportunity when i was the one player left a few times) but i kept going because im not going to ruin anyone else's experience if 35 on w2 was maybe an actually good number for them. 162 total. ok

[b4kuch1n]

you’re created with hands circling your wrists. there’s never any offense meant, you must understand - it’s simply that you’re a story, and someone’s come by this desperate need to learn how to let the hell go.

[littlest-bugz]

I think Im going to update my pinned for real this time. After my bike ride.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

forfy my mutual may i ask whats going on in yamete kudasai...... i couldnt find a translation 😭😭

thank u for asking i love this song dearly. i think its relatively straightforward when u see the lyrics but if u still dont get parts of it lmk 👍 there are no dumb questions.

so here u go yamete kudasai/please stop translation with a lot of notes at the end

敗北ランド 実際は排他 失敗社会だ 理解がない A defeated land, in fact it's an exclusion It's a failed society with no understanding 

快も不快も 後悔が対価 人生終わった 一回でバーイ Pleasure and displeasure, compensated with regret Life ended, a singular goodbye

差異 得 ライド 言った言わないの 記載はないが ごめんもない The disparity gained by lying, whether it was said or not There's no record of it, but no apology either

埋没ランド 失態晒した 失敗社会だ 理解がない A buried land, its faults exposed It's a failed society with no understanding

毎食ドット ファニー インダストリー道理 混濁ドーミー for Me 賞味 ソーリー 暴利 ストーキング！ Every meal I burst out laughing, it's funny The industry's logic Appreciation for Me in this muddled dormy* Stalking an excess of sorries!

背徳ノット 甘美 見出す脅威 承認 コンタクト産み 長期投資 勝利 合理苦 Show Me！ The sweetness knotted in corruption Acknowledgement of the discovered threat The creation of contact, a long term investment  Show me the rationality of suffering in that victory!

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Please stop, please stop, wait* Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz Huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz Huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz Huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブン Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz 

は？ Huh?

最速回答 聡明じゃないの？ 判断遅いよ は はい は はい The fastest reply, isn't that the smartest? The judgement's too late, I-I get it, I-I get it

愛読愛用 スーパー問う賛と ノーマル問う散に学びなさい Please learn from the well loved and used Super questioned praise and normal questioned dispersal*

単発バイト お金がないね 仕方がないね ヤるしかない A one-shot job, there's not even any money in it There's no way around it, huh, I have to do it

催促回答 どう？ ねえ？ しないの？ 判断遅いよ は はい は はい Pressing for answers, How about it? Hey? Won't you tell me? The judgement's too late, I-I get it, I-I get it

退職ボット バーニング 皆 苦労人 同士 御社不当に 奉仕飲み 飛び込み ローディング！ A flare of resignations*, its burning Everyone, the wise, my coworkers A service drinking for the unjust company Plunging in and loading!

愛毒ノット 堪忍 見た？ ストーリー更新 網膜調子 推しの身 お搾り 庶民！ That beloved poison* is not patience  Have you seen? The story's updated The condition of the retina, the favorite*, tied up with the masses!

契約もっと パーリー 人格統制 狂信 好脈通り ツルハシ 売り撒き ダンシング！ More contracts, a party Regulation of personality, it's fanaticism In line with good relations, a pickaxe The spread of sales as if dancing!

感謝 出会いに感謝 人類全員感謝 毎度 収入 お布施 恒例 脳脆 当然 放置！ Gratitude, gratitude for meeting All of humanity's gratitude  Every time we're paid, it's custom to give it as charity Weak of mind*, it's natural to leave it like this!

やめてください！！ やめてください！！ Please stop!! Please stop!!

えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Wait, Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz Huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブンブンブブン は？ Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz buzz b-buzz Huh?

やめてください やめてください えー ブンブンブブン ブン Please stop, please stop, wait Buzz buzz b-buzz buzz 

はあ。 お人よしなんて言葉ヅラだけはまあいいが ただ 「自分自身さえ我慢すれば」 「それで全部済むならいいや」って 一回二回小さな侵略を許すうち 気がついたら 唯一の聖域をお前らに何もかも めちゃくちゃにされた Damn*. Well, I'm fine with it just being words to make them look like good people, but As it is "As long as you persevere by yourself" "That'll be fine when everything finishes" While I forgave that minor intrusion once or twice If I payed attention  Everything about this sole holy ground was desecrated  By you people

断れない！ 断れない！ 断れない！ 嫌われたくない！ ああ！そのせいで！ そのせいで！ そのせいで！ I can't decline it! I can't decline it! I can't decline it! I don't want to be hated! Ah! All because of that! All because of that! All because of that!

何もかも終わった Everything ended.

断れない！ 断れない！ 断れない！ 嫌われたくない！ ああ！そのせいで！ そのせいで！ そのせいで！ I can't decline it! I can't decline it! I can't decline it! I don't want to be hated! Ah! All because of that! All because of that! All because of that!

Notes:

Dormy: (can also be spelled dormie!) has a meaning of place of rest/sleep & is often used in the names of college dormitories! so in this case it's implying a place a stay that really can't be called home (again think of school dorms) (she is not in school more on this later)

Eh? Hah?: chose to translate the eh? as wait since thats the sort of feeling it carries - one of being caught off guard. where as the hah? i went with huh? but it's not confused so much as irritated & a sort of "what are you saying/doing?" type of nuance. although put plainly both could be translated simply as "huh?"

愛読愛用 スーパー問う賛と/ノー���ル問う散に学びなさい: dont really know how to put this nicely in english. aidoku is text or literature thats well known & read and aiyou is saying its been well used for a long time. "super" and "normal" are embellishments to look cool really. the tou san parts are a bit of word play since they're intended to be said the same. so to put it more clearly this "praise" and "dispersal" are essentially some sort of guidelines or edicts that are given to employees/the group and expected to be followed. another fun fact this is one of the lines in the song written with a degree of formality despite the complaint in it. (while she is politely telling to read the materials, and while tou can be neutral, with the overall tone of the song this line reads like a mockery of something she was told herself)

Flare of resignations: in this case the word used is taishoku which very specifically is for leaving work/a place of employment. despite the earlier noted dormy commonly being used for school dorms, this paired with the preceding talk about not having a choice in doing it despite the low pay is proof she's not a student. isnt it refreshing to know this isnt another story about high schoolers. but i digress, the other part of this phrase is ボット which written in katakana like that may make u think it's just bot like a robot but considering the following phrase is burning i believe its intended to be the onomatopoeia instead & written in katakana for emphasis 

That beloved poison: word play time! this word is also read as aidoku! its a play on the aidoku from earlier! keeping the pronunciation as doku that same well known text imagery is still there but this time its written as poison, implying the text they're forced to internalize is actively harmful to them. which if her later words are to be believed she's right about it.

The favorite: literally 推しの身(oshi no mi) if you're in jpn fan spaces at all you may have seen someone say they oshi a character or that a certain idol is their oshi. its the same as that, it's a person (or character) you're a fan of. im not quite sure if she's talking about herself or someone else in this line but the overall meaning is that not even popularity or public favor will keep you safe. 

脳脆: more word play! it's read as nouzei which coincidentally is also how 納税 (tax) is read! it would be really easy to overlook if the surrounding parts weren't about not even getting to keep their paychecks. so more directly its saying "those who do not already have strong conviction are likely to fall victim to these practices and do nothing to stop or change them." the practices in question resulting in sacrificing their selves to serve the job. this section of the song also has a bit of religious connotation to it. almost a cult-like behavior with how she's describing it.

はあ。: this is sort of more like an exasperated sigh but im not putting *sigh* in an otherwise serious translation. i debated also going with "man" as in the phrase to express disappointment/frustration/dissatisfaction but in the end i thought the slight expletive gets the mood across better. 

断れない！: "can't refuse it!" or "can't turn it down!" also work. what she's saying is that even though she's aware of all these harmful practices now, she can't say no to the work she's given. this goes hand in hand with the earlier lines "there's no way around it, huh, i have to do it"

I think this song is one of the most straightforward aru sekai series songs, but to break it down even simpler she's complaining both that this company she works for is actively contributing to the permanent death of employees and also that she herself wasn't strong enough to turn against it despite seeing how wrong it all was. There's no motif in this song because she was solely doing her job and following orders, meaning nothing she did was of her own free will, so as per series standard she's not a "person" but merely a "thing" and thus her death is permanent. The "regulation of personality, it's fanaticism" and "Every time we're paid it's custom to give it as charity / Weak of mind(a tax), it's natural to leave it like this!" is a complaint on this, on how the company is taking their lives as tax essentially, or at least that's how she's framing it. And of course, although it's a lighter way of putting it, the "Everything ended" is also confirming her death. 

my last note is actually for something in the beginning and thats the 理解がない could possibly be her saying "i don't get it" but usually if that's the case its rikaishinai or rikaidekinai and not rikai ga nai so for the time being i'm choosing to leave it this way.