#i have a serious problem i fear
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i mean tell me this ain’t one of the prettiest things you’ve ever seen in your life
#alliyaps#my husband and my boyfriend#my captains ❤️#i want to wear both at once#i have a serious problem i fear#hockey#nhl#new jersey devils#nico hischier#quinn hughes#vancouver canucks
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Do you ship Godwyn and Fortissax? (p.s I LOVE your art! It's amazing!)
i mean if it were the pre-DLC version where i drew him purely on vibe going with whatever was popular in the fandom at the time (cuz i didn't have an actual take on him yet)... yeah maybe?
but the current version im drawing with bracelets and different hairstyle, no, i don't.... because i have a specific interpretation of his relationship with Fortissax, they are at most just close friends to me (actually i don't even believe that because the DLC dragon quest really got me looking sideway at any human that got love from dragons...like why all of them require the dragons to sacrifice so much for some random person that gave them nothing in return leave those creatures alone holy shit at least Nameless King forsake everything to stand by the dragons' side)
#there isn't even a spicy toxic love hate angle for me to use...it's weirdly one-sided so... for everyone's sake im seeing them as friends#im really sorry...#but how i see a character will greatly affect how i draw them#thank you for your kind words !!#but im afraid you won't find much of godwyn and fortissax in shipping sense here ;; ___ ;;;#like i already raising eyebrow at his ending requiring you to vanquish Fortissax so he could be reborn into a new Order but Florissax quest#in the DLC really makes me... jfc. so#i- i have a problem with the dragon - human relationship in ER i fear#it's ok if it's wholesome cute fluff fanarts but if it's like serious character study stuff i wouldn't go about it like that#ask#anon#reply
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What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently
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#my art#project sekai#rui kamishiro#if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t#forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured.#i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms)#& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp#so do not expect anything.#curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes.#he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems.#‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups#rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again ->#rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself#also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned#not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with#negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all!#would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron#me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk#etc etc. anyways.#once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category#in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it#once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.
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pride month is so fun to me because it means i get to see three hundred angry posts about whether cishet ppl should be allowed or kept out of pride written with the tone of that being a real problem that exists when you go outside into the world
#how would you even go about keeping people out from pride im serious. do we think theres someone asking for ppls gender/sexuality#before theyre allowed near the float/boats/etc or..... i just dont even know how i need to picture it#or like. a straight looking person getting approached by gay ppl and told to go home? what are we fighting here#never have i understood this discourse i fear#most of all because like. here at least pride is attended by at least 80% cishet ppl who just view it as a big party & excuse to daydrink#and if they want to how is that a problem.... i'd rather they do that than stay inside and not want to associate with pride???#personal
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The boggart argument never fails to make me giggle, because you know who else is "13 year old's biggest fear"? Minerva McGonagall, who is usually portrayed by the fandom as nothing less than a perfect teacher. And unlike Neville, who couldn't remember his parents tortured, Hermione almost got killed by a troll and a basilisk. And while Neville was laughing apologetically, Hermione screamed and stuttered.
#this is NOT to shit on Minnie#I love her#but the way Severus is portrayed as a child torturer who was so awful it's unimaginable#while Minnie is considered the best Hogwarts teacher#is the biggest ever hypocrisy#Sev was verbally meaner#Minnie put kids in physical danger#both boggart scenes were comic relief anyway#and portrayed not the teachers but Neville's fear of authority#and Hermione's of failure#how is that about Snape traumatising anyone?#basically he and Minerva have very similar teaching styles if we look more objectively and similar problems regarding it#exept Minnie has less exuses#and don't get me started on Hagrid#but somehow Snape is the ultimate problem??¿#severus snape#minerva mcgonagall#boggarts aren't THAT serious#severus snape defence
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INHALER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? I'M HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER A NEW MUSIC TEASER!
#inhaler dublin#what the fuck man#i have serious problems i fear#inhaler band#inhaler#third times the charm#inhaler 3
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“oh i don’t know if i have a fav arcane character theyre all so good!!” (my lock screen is the screenshot of vi eating caits pussy) (i have several posts about vis back tattoo saved) (i am constantly talking about how she’s the most gut wrenching character ever)
#arcane#vi#i fear i may have a problem i’m so serious#i wake up and giggle and kick my feet at the thought of vi
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my stress level right now is sky high, and the fall of the Republic is like fifth in my priority list of concerns. which should emphasize just how stressed I am
#my sister#who lives in another country#went into labor yesterday#and I haven't received any updates#(she specifically requested not to be pestered and I am trying to respect that)#my online business was supposed to launch this past week#but because of a technical problem#that I am not responsible for & have no ability to fix#I probably won't get up and running until February#my business launch has already been directly & indirectly undermined#by the political regime change in serious ways#I am having a bunch of health issues#that could be quite serious#but I won't be able to see a doctor for at least another month (possibly more)#i am having to get married this week to access insurance#and while I've been with my partner for 10+ years#marriage was something I was always ambivalent about#with him AND in general#but I am being forced into it by our absolute abomination of a health care system#and it is worth it to be able to get health care#but i am resentful that is my only real access point#my quasi estrangement with my mother#is in this weird limbo#and I am thinking about it a lot#because of my sister#and several other things#my life just feels very heavy right now#and I am feeling a lot of general and specific fear
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Apollo will always stand out to me because his character has this insecurity of failing. Of not being good enough, if that makes any sense. He's still a kid, sure, but kids also have these fears and thoughts. Apollo doesn't like messing up because it shows that he's not good at that thing and he doesn't want to be viewed like that and he won't be. Not as long as he knows that it's alright to mess up. As long as you get up and go at it again.
#Why am I like analyzing a kid. Oh my gosh.#But like still!!! It's just so nice to see kids legitimately being kids. Fun side and serious side#And not just Apollo but the other kids they all have their problems and that's how kids are. They too have fears that aren't stuff like -#- the dark or monsters#Anyways ANYWAYS#stars messages#pajanimals#pajanimals apollo#Think fandom is small enough for no one to care about this
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bro . . . the ai voice technology thing is so incredibly creepy like. do. do we not see this as a problem in this age of recording people without their consent and just blasting it all over the internet. are we not thinking about like. the potential pitfalls of fake evidence. are we. are we not concerned about this
#caroline talks#anyways i was scrolling through the taylor swift tag today#and saw something that made me. want to scream#like. i get it not everyone likes taylor swift and that's fine#but gaylors scare the living crap out of me#saw someone like. have a taylor swift AI read a part of seven husbands of evelyn hugo#but it was like. a k*ylor thing and like.#can y'all be fuckign normal. u don't know them!!! you don't know them!! you don't know the whole story!!! chill!#also it just feels extra ugly considering that whole taylor-kanye-kim thing about the phone call those years back like. are u serious#and i'm just annoyed about this over a piece of celebrity stuff#but like. do. do. do people not get freaked out by this#maybe it's bc i too have this fear that someone is going to manipulate my voice or my actions on camera/audio#and misconstrue something i say or do and so I get super freaked out about it#but it's just. bro. do we. do we not. DO WE NOT SEE THE PROBLEM--#feeling like. i need to whack some people on the head. with a book.
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I reblogged a bunch of posts about transfeminism over the past week or so because I agree and also to test who I can trust and who I can't. some people super failed the test and that makes me sad as fuck
#.txt#its kind of shocking actually#its so wild how quickly you whispered about just for speaking up about these things even if you are tme#i dont want to hang out if you have a problem with the fact that i loudly advocate for trans rights and safety. spring cleaning#this is the beginning of whats going to be a hard year and i want to eliminate as many potential threats as possible#if you have no sympathy with my fears for my loved ones then please just leave. im dead serious.
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2023 was the year of this shit going crazy... 2023 ass edit... and it's awesome. he should kill himself... and fuck john mayor too while i'm here goddamn
#girl who had to stop reading these books because they were going too crazy. it can happen#listen if you cried every time you opened a book or put on a show you'd probably after a few months need a fucking break too#2023 also the year for ben barnes on my fucking screens. could not get rid of his ass in 2023.... love the guy#kinda a huge thing to happen considering i used to have a genuine problem with him being on my screens. remember when i literally couldn't#even handle seeing his face pop up somewhere. exposure therapy in a sense. i guess#context for everyone who was not there: prince caspian is one of my favorite movies i love him dearly it's actually so much more serious#than you could even fathom and just the sight of this man used to make me cry. i'm fine now#would love to give alina all the credit but i fear she was only like. 54% of the solution. unfortch
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😭💔
#the problem is that I tend to extrapolate things from the beginning.#I have a serious crush. I would date him if he asked. heck I think I'd marry him.#and then we get to the massive#overwhelming ISSUE:#having kids is genuinely my worst nightmare. I'm not exaggerating in any way. being pregnant and having kids is my worst fear.#so because of that I cannot get married and thus I cannot date and thus#I can't allow myself to be in love with this guy.#which then leads to mental anguish bc I sometimes wonder if God isn't doing something here#but in the end I can't have... any of this. because I'm too utterly averse to having children#and that's kind of the end result of any of it#ugh#why did I have to have this crisis (again) over my morning coffee.... alas
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I wish I had someone to talk about how much amatonormativity traumatized me
Not only when I was a kid and grew up scared that my parents would abandon me because people would keep asking me if they "started a new life" but didn't get it was romantically speaking and really thought they were gonna leave town and forget about me
Or not just because as a teen everyone started dating and caring about romantic shits that I couldn't understand and I felt this suffocating pressure that I had to become like them if I wanted to be accepted/normal
But mostly because I am terrified to be seen as an object that can be used and discarded without my consent because I "just don't know" what I'm "missing out" or I "just didn't find the right person yet" or I "just had bad experiences and need to get over it with someone new"
The only message I seem to get from amatonormativity is that my life is worthless if I don't have someone to share it with (romantically & sexually) and that romance and sex can be forced upon me if I don't act like I want them
And it's so scary. It's so so scary.
To know that my life has no value and that I deserve to experience traumatic stuffs to "cure" me
To know that anyone could want that from me and that it wouldn't be acceptable to say "no" because my body is disposable and belongs more to others than it does to me since I just "don't know" that I want to say "yes" yet
And all I'm left with is a bunch of trust issues because anyone I meet could turn on me at any moment and it would be socially acceptable.
Anyone could discard me to "start a new life" with someone that want the same things as them (romance and sex)
Anyone I meet could hit on me and ask stuffs from me that I cannot give them and I would almost always be the bad guy for rejecting them and I know that they could force me and that I wouldn't be taken seriously if anything happened
I don't know, maybe it's just the invisible poc aroace trans neurodivergent otherkin fem-looking ghost in me who's too used to be not acknowledged talking but I think something is deeply wrong with this society and I will not feel safe until it's done right.
#fuck amatonormativity#felt like sharing some traumatic stuffs that happened some time ago & left me bruised but didnt have anyone to turn to#+ i just know no one will understand anyways bc my aroace identity is never taken too seriously & aphobia is way too normalized#so im just sitting in bed all alone feeling like crying forever bc no one seems to understand#made a more general post instead of talking directly abt the problem but i hope u can feel at least a portion of my fear in here#no one should feel like that. i didnt do anything to deserve that#i just want to go someplace safe where everyone is aroace and amatonormativity doesn't exist#aromanticism#asexuality#serious talk
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the seven was so so healing to watch oh my god
#it.Explored.Teenage girldom in a way i adore so fuckingg much#it was so silly and so fulof love AND THEIR PROBLEMS WERE SO LIKE.TEENAGE GIRLY#your family is struggling with money and You want to helpthey wont let you help you don’t know how to help#parents are always at work and you cant complain because thats not fair butyou wish they were there more#you have thiis group of friends you love with everything but it culminates in the intense fear of losing them#THE SISTERHOOD AT THE END OF IT ALL DEATH IS MOST AFRAID OOF DYING AHHHHHHHH THAT WAS FUCKING WILD#ANND THEN THE END WAS SO HEALING SO SO HEALING LIKKE FIXING EVERYTHING IN A WAY that whille not realistic Like I needed it.Like I coulldnt s#DTOP SMILING during the end#NOT TO MENTION HOW SICK THE FINAL BATTLE WAS the eidolons ohhmygod#it was seriously the funniest season and so heartfelt silly and had the rigght amount of serious moments like#the mirror scene with sam and onenelope Well jesuscrist literallu changed lives#deals with trauma in a way ii like Very ugly very raw (beautiful sam)#PLUS i know ifts so simple but.man.having a trans girl character Angry and powerful and making mistakes and so fullof love I dont know#sam nightingale is such a special character and sephie iis amazing
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THERE IS AN ESSAY TO BE WRITTEN ABOUT THE SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES BETWEEN 1984 AND THE CIRCLE JUST TO GET IT OUT OF MY MIND AND THERE'S AN ESSAY OR AT LEAST ANALYSIS LURKING SOMEWHERE BETWEEN INTERNET CENSORSHIP LEADING TO WORDS LIKE "UNALIVE" AND NEWSPEAK BUT BRAIN NO ESSAY WRITING HARDLY EVEN EASY HOBBY WRITING WHICH I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR YEARS THAT REQUIRES NO STRUCTURE SPECIFICALLY I AM CHEWING ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE
#STUFF LIKE UNALIVE THATS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK THATS NEWSPEAK THATS CENSORSHIP BE IT CORPORATE-INDUCED OR SELF-ADOPTED#ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK IT MAKES THINGS LIKE KILLING APPEAR MORE HARMLESS IT MAKES ACTUAL SERIOUS PROBLEMS APPEAR NOT AS BAD#ITS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK BUT NOT ENACTED BY A GOVERNMENT BUT BY CORPORATE CONTROLLING MEDIA JUST LIKE IN THE CIRCLE#I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE GAHHHHHH#but also the circle has been praised as a mix of 1984 and brave new world and also the system being based on rewards rather than punishment#is something from brave new world also so i need to read that as well#nevermind that i speedread the circle and thus didnt catch any details and also that i havent even finished 1984#now with all the *gestures vaguely * stuff going on in the world rn do you think the fear of totalitarianism will rise again#the circle's fear of corporate/social media control is very real rn but will the core of 1984 becaome just as relevant again#bc rn people arent as worried abt totalitarianism but it feels like its not gonna stay like that fo much longer (which i hate but ykno)#a biscuit's rambles#my friend and i had our presentation today AND WHILE WE STOOD THERE IN FRONT OF THE CLASS I NOTICED EVEN MORE STUFF GAHHHHHH#I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS I AM NOT NORMAL I CANNOT I NEED TO I#funny thing is we tried to somehow get it to 15 mins (supposed talking time At Least)#but we didnt really get to talk it through so uh. we overdid it. and um. we took 35 mins#lmao
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