#i have NO idea if this is even coherent cause i was just rambling

[foodtruckery]

After reading (all comes crashing) my brain took an unexpected detour, obsessively thinking about older Fords Constance, like did she actually not reciprocate his feeling or just, decided that it's for the best that they don't, Fords character has can be a bit tunnel visioned/shortsighted at times and can't see the bigger picture while Stan's is self sacrificing till the end

How would she feel about this, would she feel more self-conscious (wrinkles and more fat than her younger self) or betrayed?

I keep thinking about her

GOSH this is such a good ask! i mean, the most honest answer is the most boring and tragic which is that, similarly to handling the "bill situation" in combat baby, i simply Refused To Think About It cause it was easier that way lol.

but like. now i AM thinking about it. i think the "easy" answer, narratively at least, would be to say that his constance didn't reciprocate, so when the opportunity here presented itself, he was even less inclined than he may normally have been to stop himself from making a questionable decision.

but i think the more INTERESTING answer is something that's muddier than that!

like, maybe it's not that anything wasn't reciprocated or decided on, it's that ford and constance haven't ADDRESSED it. and ford's in this place of wanting her, and terribly, but the risk feels too high after he almost lost her. so maybe he's resigned himself to not bringing it up, to not tricking himself into seeing what he wants to see when she looks at him, because having some part of constance that still wants to be beside him is better than none at all.

cue whatever silly shit got him HERE (i'm thinking rift fuckery or just good ole fashioned inventing something that backfired). and he does TRY to keep his distance, becuase he's trying to be smart about this. it's impossible to tell at a glance if this is time travel or dimension travel, but he knows he should limit the number of ripples he causes either way. so he tries to keep a low profile, but...well he has to eat, right? and if he ends up at the diner that he remembers stan working at in high school, it's just because he knows he can afford it, not for any other reasons...

and well. then there IS a chance here to indulge at least a little in something he's already resigned himself to never having at home, a little harmless flirting, right? and he knows it isn't proof that constance feels this way about HIM, not really, but it gives him a chance to indulge in the fantasy at least. and he'd forgotten just how short her shorts tended to be, and the smell of that specific perfume she'd worn these last few years together, and when he realizes she's interested in more than a little flirting, well, who can blame him, for giving in??

BUT i promise this isn't actually about ford. that's a setup to say, surprise, maybe they were separated or they weren't spit out at the exact point in time, but what if constance was, in fact, there too, and ford just hadn't realized it? so he's trying to live out the one thing he doesn't think he can have at home. meanwhile, when constances sees them together - because of course she has to - that's just one more blow to her already bottom of the barrel self esteem at this point.

because she hadn't necessarily felt that way at the time, but seeing herself in her younger years? a little acne, sure, but no wrinkles. a figure that looks more "voluptuous" or "full" than just fat old woman. and seeing ford, fawning over her? that look on his face and the way he can't keep his damn hands to himself?

he'd never said anything to her at home. they'd had plenty of opportunity for it, and nada. it's not like she could bring it up -- she'd fucked up both their lives so many times, she couldn't risk this being one more thing to do it. but it's so obvious now, seeing them together, that ford has the same feelings she does.

or at least...he did. at one point. back when she was still pretty and her back wasn't liable to give out at any moment. back before she'd fucked things up for them the first time. and if he's willing to look like this much of a fucking creep with teenage her, but he can barely hold eye contact with her at home? it's not her -- current, old her -- that he wants; it's this nostalgic fantasy of something she's never going to be again, that she doesn't even fulling remember being the first time, and that fucking hurts.

the REAL question at this point is....does she find younger ford? i don't think she would go looking for him, but younger!ford is DEFINITELY stalking whatever the fuck older!ford and his sister are up to, so it's not unlikely that he would run into older constance without even realizing it. and he's already come to terms with some kind of future him time traveling to fuck his sister, so finding an older woman in tears, near the same vantage point he's chosen, with his sister's nose?? that's sus. constance would be entirely too chill about his hands and she'd probably fuck up and call him sixer or poindexter, and at that point, jealous ass younger ford would be like WAIT ONE GODDAMN SECOND. she wouldn't even try that card to convince him otherwise, cause what's the point since he already knows what's going on.

and then she'd just sigh and hook an arm around his shoulders and pull him away from whatever date they were both peeping on to get coffee or something, cause jesus, sixer, this is sad even for us, let's at least go somewhere to mope where they won't see us. cause it's one thing to be a weepy sad sack mess by herself, but she'll be damned before she does it in front of ford - any ford - and especially not this baby version of her brother who's already at his wit's end.

then ford would try and get answers about what the hell they're doing here, stan would have at least a passing knowledge of her best guess based on all the stupid quantum physics research she had to do to rebuild the portal, and that would distract teenage ford so fucking badly.

[mischiefmanifold]

it's really annoying how many thoughts I have both about my own mental health issues and problems with definitions and social views of mental illnesses, but I can't seem to find a way to express them

[seungfl0wer]

Jisung As Your Boyfriend

Bangchan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin | Han | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

Contains Smut🩷

-🩵

•Falls fast. Falls hard.

•Needs reassurance now and then.

•”Are you sure you love me”

•Says on those days he’s feeling more down.

•When he loves he loves hard.

•He watches you carefully wanting to know everything about you.

•Watches you so he can know how to communicate even when you’re not talking.

•Just know’s your body language well.

•Can be very clingy.

•Loves to just be close to you touching you in some way.

•A lot of times he’ll just have his hand on your lap head on your shoulder.

•Will learn your favorite songs to play you on the guitar while he sings them to you.

•Does he ever love performing for you.

•It always makes him a little shy though.

•Blushing as he stutters at first.

•Cause he just melts as you are fully watching him.

•I’ve said this about others but Ji-

•Jisung is enamored by you.

•The way he sees you, you are this perfect peace of art that he has no idea how he got.

•He still has the cocky attitude about him though.

•So when he gets into it he’s giving you that cheeky smile making your heart just thud.

•If he could he’d put your heart beat into a song because it’s his favorite beat.

•Has so many songs about you, gives you one for each occasion like birthdays and holidays.

•You make him so shy but he also makes you so shy.

•Ah you both are just a cute blushy mess at first.

•Your first kiss was so sweet though. So loving?

•He wrapped his hands around you and kissed you while you rambled about something.

•When he pulled away he’d start with “I’m sorry”

•Before you quickly kissed him again.

•He’s also one that loves when you play with his hair.

•He’ll whine when you stop giving you those big ol eyes until you keep doing it.

•He loves loves cuddling where he’s lying on your stomach.

•Where you can play with his hair and he listens to your heartbeat.

•A puddle. That’s how it makes him.

•He’s not the best at saying how he feels.

•Cause his words never come out as he wants.

•So he takes the opportunity to write you sweet notes.

•Will write you notes to leave in places for you to find.

•Fully an attentively listens to you.

•He’s like your little diary, neither of you able to keep secrets from the other.

•Ji having anxiety to he leans on you a lot, you’re such a safe place for him. Someone who calms him down.

•He enjoys simple dates, like taking you shopping and to dinner.

•Movie dates, concert dates for sure.

•Loves seeing you in his clothes especially when you wear them out.

•I know jisung gives off those fuck boy vibes but this man just has so much love to give.

•He may get in his head sometimes but he just very much loves you.

︵‿︵‿୨Smut Below୧‿︵‿︵

•I’m all for sub jisung for sure.

•But this man is a switch.

•The days he’s more dom he’s almost feral.

•You’re not a want but a fucking need.

•He comes home pushing you down on the bed kissing you sloppily.

•Hands roaming your body feeling their way to your hole.

•He whispers in your ear little “be good for me hmm?”

•I’m a firm believer of Ji being so good at oral.

•He’ll get drunk on you.

•I mean he’s so good at everything, and this is no exception

•Can make you climax so fast just with his tongue.

•He’s also so good with his hands.

•Like I said before he knows you so well.

•Know’s every inch of your body and where to touch.

•When he’s fucking you he’s fucking you deep.

•Each movement hits every spot of yours.

•When he’s more dominant he loves fucking you doggy.

•The way he can hit you spots with ease.

•He’ll pull you back to him by your arms holding you there while he fucks you.

•He’s never coherent half the time either.

•”feels good-“ he’d be able to muster out.

•Big moaner. Makes so many noises.

•When he’s more submissive he loves when you pull his hair, or wrap your hand around his throat.

•Also enjoys when you restrain him while riding him.

•The whimpers he’ll let out while you’re riding him- fuck-

•Missionary is one of those positions that just make him weak though.

•The way he gets sloppy body pressed against yours like you’re one.

•Him moaning against your ear as he tries to talk “I- love you” he’d stutter out before cumming.

•After care is so many words but so little.

•You two don’t have to really say much to understand what the other needs.

•Jisung loves just holding you close coming down from your highs asking if you wanna shower.

•Always a nice cool shower full of loving kisses and little giggles.

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16

[novantinuum]

mmmmmmm. messy ass ramble thoughts ahead. this is not coherent, it is 1am, you have been warned.

so i've been thinking about that "i can fix anything! i can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it!" line during steven's lil manic panic moment in the ep everything's fine in the context of like... og SU episodes

this whole lil manic slip is one that's like... it seems a little extreme for him as a character at first, when one looks at the situation on surface.

but i think it really does shed a LOT of light onto one of his deepest fear. the same fear he's harbored for a good damn deal of the show.

"i didn't wanna hurt anyone!"

this moment comes just a few eps after the S3 finale 'reveal' of rose shattering pink diamond. in that final scene of the season, steven gets 'confirmation' from garnet that this happened, and seems to accept it for what it was- a difficult decision made amidst a treacherous war.

but also, he Doesn't.

because he's the legacy rose left behind. because each and every day he's growing more into his power. because now, with this reveal of rose's decision to shatter on the table, he's putting each and every decision he makes under a microscope.

he had no choice, he claims. she wouldn't let him help her.

he had no choice. it was self defense.

but is that true?

isn't that the same thing his mom probably told herself before ending a gem's life forever?

even though she poofed bismuth and holed her away for suggesting the very same idea??

rose became a hypocrite... so what if HE becomes the hypocrite, too?

see, with steven... i think it's really easy in the main show to sorta... observe all his actions on the mere surface without considering the deeper tickings of his psyche. like... take lars being brought back to life. from audience POV, that's a good deed. steven just saved someone with his magic! positive moment.

but genuinely... i think this was one of the worst moments of his entire life. i think he's still haunted by it- by the fact that he can just "fix" people in that way. and i think fixing jasper's shattered gem only made the specter of that day worse.

steven believes his role is to be the Shield.

the protector.

the one who is willing to do whatever it takes- even up to turning himself in for a crime he didn't commit- to protect his family and his friends.

and like, we all know that it's not steven's FAULT that lars died. BUT- he still died while under steven's protection.

and so the same way steven blames himself for "hurting" bismuth, jasper, and eyeball, he blames himself for killing lars. mentally, he Takes Responsibility for his death. yet another tick mark in the box of horrible "mistakes" he's made, yet another tick mark landing him just a little closer to the rose he's desperately trying not to become.

and worst of all... it's a mistake he "covers up."

because his tears are able to bring him back from the dead entirely.

and years later he realizes this is true for gems as well ;-;;;

so yeah, i absolutely think lars' death was also at the back of his mind when he said that line at the beginning

what steven saw in the depths of his mind as he was panicking there was him slipping down a slippery slope of violence that he couldn't escape from

first, causing harm to other gems and calling it self defense...

then, letting your friend die protecting YOU when you're the one who should be protecting him and facing NO consequence for this misgiving because you bring him back to life

then, expressing anger so visceral it can shatter floors, destroy whole rooms, flip vans. out of control. inexcusable.

then... outright shattering a gem in a duel while training to hone that anger. once again, facing NO consequence because you bring her right back.

then, that sudden, terrifying thought of "what if i shattered white diamond"

like, steven has absolutely no framework by which to separate his actions from genuine desire or just plain abstract thought.

he has no framework by which to understand the beautiful tool of adding a "man would it be fucked up or what-" to the beginning of those sorts of intimidating, dark musings.

he has no framework by which to understand the complexities of his trauma, and the way in which genuinely fighting back against someone he once called an enemy might feel empowering- instead, it would seem he's disgusted in retrospect with how deep he pressed into that fight, how much a part of him ENJOYED it, all because of the horrid destination it led to.

anyways at this point steven thinks he has now become the Hypocrite like his mom, and that he's just destined to hurt everyone around him forever but never be punished for it and Ouch

this post has no end, these were just ramble thoughts, the end. goodnight. i am sleepy and need to prepare to make Wig tomorrow bc OH boy i am con crunch.

yeehaw .

[smilesrobotlover]

Whumptober day 31- asking for help

And that’s the end of whumptober 🥺🥺 I just wanna take a moment to say thank you for those who read my fics this month and for listening to my many rambles haha. I appreciate the comments and reblogs on these fics and I appreciate the support! It was a challenge for sure but I’m so proud of completing yet another year of whumptober, and having it be a coherent story! After last year when a story formed at the end, I knew I wanted to do it again but with the whole month, and it was a challenge but I could feel myself improve in the middle of the month! Thanks again and I hope y’all enjoy this softer day 😊

~~~~

Leon stared blankly at the thicket in front of him, his back turned to the group as he sat away from them on a log. He was picking at his hands, his mind blank as he heard soft chatter behind him, the chatter of his friends. The only relief he had from everything was knowing that despite the puppeteer’s trick, Leon had tricked him as well.

“He has my son,” Leon had explained to Rusl while hugging him by the river, his voice as soft as it's ever been as he said it directly in his ear. “He wants me to kill you for him and I don’t know what to do. He’s watching me.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispered back to Leon, instantly understanding the situation, and he left to explain it to the others. They devised a plan to fake their deaths, even going as far as to burn their clothes after Leon had “killed” them to make it seem more real. The men had executed their plan perfectly, explaining it to Leon through a crumpled piece of parchment Rusl handed to him when he returned. It was difficult to read without the puppeteer knowing, but Leon was able to do so, and he followed through with the plan.

The puppeteer tried to trick him into killing his friends, but he was unsuccessful, and it gave Leon some peace of mind.

Though his friends were just… too good at acting. Even though he knew he was pretending to kill them, the very idea of actually doing it was too much to bear. He couldn’t ever hurt them, no matter how annoyed he got from them, or how furious he got, he could never hurt them of his own free will. Leon’s breath hitched as he rubbed his hand, the phantom pains from the healed bones shooting through his arm, and the bitter taste of a red potion lingered in his mouth.

“Hey.”

Leon turned to see Rusl holding out a cup to him, a soft smile on his face.

“Some tea to help calm the nerves,” he explained, and Leon took the cup, giving Rusl a grateful nod. Before he could turn back around, however, Rusl stopped him, gesturing to the rest of the group. “Come join us, will you?”

Leon was reluctant, but nodded, knowing that he'd been sulking for long enough. He owed the men an explanation and an apology for everything. His friends watched him as he sat down with Rusl by his side, and he looked down at the cup of tea, avoiding their gazes. They were all wearing different clothes after burning their old ones, save for a few articles of clothing that were sentimental to the men. They looked different—they looked stronger. Leon sighed, rubbing the rim of the cup as they continued to stare, as if waiting for him to speak up.

“I-I’m so sorry,” he finally said, “I’m sorry for everything I have caused and… for any stress that may have come from this.”

“All is well Leon,” Talon said, the men all muttering in agreement. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, it was my fault,” Leon pushed, “I fought the monster on my own instead of getting you all to help me and I got myself captured and—“

“Hey, it’s ok, it all worked out in the end,” Talon continued, but Leon shook his head.

“But I risked your lives! You all could’ve died if I hadn’t been so careless!”

“But we didn’t,” Rusl said firmly, “you still made sure we had a chance for survival despite the risks!”

“Yeah!” Benji jumped in, “how else were we supposed to come up with a plan without you telling Rusl?”

Leon looked down, still feeling guilty over everything. “It’s my job to protect you all.”

“You put too much on your shoulders for us, Leon,” Kass said, and Rusl nodded.

“It’s all of our jobs to protect each other. We’re a team for that reason.”

Leon sighed and looked down, nodding slightly. “I know… but—“ he sighed again, resting his face on his hands. He was so tired.

“It’s ok, Leon,” Rusl pressed.

“Yes, if I was out in your situation, I don’t know what I would’ve done,” Ammon jumped in. “You acted very wisely despite all that was given to you.”

Leon shook his head that was still resting in his hands. “I still could’ve done better.”

The men grew silent this time, the sound being his heavy breathing as he tried to get himself under control.

“Well, I guess there were things you could’ve done better,” Linebeck finally spoke up, and Leon peeked through his hands to look at him. His arms were crossed as he stared at him, a firm look on his face. “But the point is that we survived. You survived and so did your kid. So it’s time we stop thinking about what we could’ve done and focus on what we do next. Ok?”

Leon blinked, shocked into silence, but he slowly nodded his head. Linebeck was right, there was no reason to dwell on the past. In the end, everything turned out fine despite the emotional turmoil it caused him—it was better than it ending up with everyone dead after all. But…

“I j-just need a moment,” he stammered, shame apparent on his face, but he knew he had to be open with them. “I don’t think I can go on like th-this, I’m sorry.”

Linebeck’s expression softened and he nodded. “Of course. We don’t need to move on yet. We can just… be here in the now.”

The rest of the men agreed, and Leon looked down as the tears started to form in his eyes. Goddesses, he’s been crying so much lately….

“I just… thought I finally had him,” Leon whimpered, “I thought I had him in my arms but it was just a fake. I almost went home without him!”

“The puppeteer is a sick man,” Rusl commented, rubbing Leon’s back in small circles, which calmed him. “My guess is that it was his plan from the start, but he needed the real one to get you to believe him.”

“At least he’s ok,” Kass said, “he’s with the Links, right? I’m sure he’s safe and sound now.”

“Yeah, thank the spirits.”

Leon nodded. He was eternally grateful that his son was at least alive and safe from the puppeteer. But he still hoped that he’d be able to finally reunite with him—he hoped that they could be led to the rest of the Links. But they were back to searching for clues, running in circles in a desperate attempt to find them while nearly dying in the process.

“Hey,” Ammon started, rubbing his beard, “since the Links saved Leon’s son, then surely they’d be… somewhat closeby, right?”

“We don’t know when they came, is the problem,” Benji said, “they could be long gone by now.”

“But we’re closer than we’ve ever been before,” Ammon continued. “They must be somewhere in these woods, right?”

Leon blinked, his breathing evening out as he thought about it. They were closer than they’ve ever been before; even if the Links arrived way before he had, they definitely were still in these woods. Maybe there was hope…

“Well, we can go searching tomorrow,” Rusl commented, looking up at the golden sky. “I think it’s getting too late.”

Rusl glanced down at Leon who was sitting up now, his eyes puffy and red. Leon glanced back up at him and he nodded.

“I agree. We can search tomorrow and hopefully find their trail,” he said, feeling a bit more energized with the sliver of hope in finding his son. The men all nodded, smiles on their faces as he stopped moping slightly, but Leon glanced around and frowned, looking down at the ground once again. “I—I just want you all to know that… I never want to harm any of you. That’s why I’m so… disturbed right now—that and my son—but… you all were so… decisive and…I—thank you.” Leon let out a sigh, his eyes closed as he nodded his head. “Thank you. For helping me despite the risk. I-I’m glad to have met all of you.”

“Aw, Leon.” Taon got up from where he was sitting and walked up to the man, his hand resting on Leon’s shoulder. “You need a hug, buddy?”

Leon was hesitant, but he honestly needed one, so he nodded with an embarrassed look on his face. Talon chuckled and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him close so Leon could lean on him. He instantly melted into the hug, wrapping his arms around Talon and clinging onto him as if his life depended on it. There was shuffling behind him, and he felt Rusl lean on him, joining in on the hug.

“Oh I need to get in on this action!” Benji exclaimed, ramming into Talon.

“Oh—I guess we’re hugging now,” Ammon muttered as Kass led him to the hug, and he reluctantly stood there with Kass wrapping his wings around everyone.

“Uh, I’m gonna stand over there,” Linebeck started, but Rusl grabbed him and forced him back to the group hug, which he begrudgingly joined. “There there Leon,” he muttered, patting his head, which made Leon chuckle slightly. It felt nice to laugh after the past few days, and it truthfully felt nice to be held. He was still tired and distressed, but the weight felt lifted slightly by those around him, his chest felt looser, and he felt warm. As long as he could rely on these men, he knew that they’d all survive, that they’d be victorious.

As long as they stuck together, they were going to be fine.

[omgahgase]

charthur oneshot

so it happened. again. a pathetic wet kitten of a man with his pretty eyes and gorgeous smile captivated my heart and the result is a semi-coherent fic speed written in the wee hours of the morning. this is for all you charthur enjoyers out there, and for @tortureddpoett for always listening to me ramble in the dms. thanks for withstanding my lengthy headcanons <3

Arthur hears it, but he absolutely refuses to acknowledge it, let alone accept it. 

“I can’t kill all of them silently, so…when they chase me, you go the other way.” 

It’s a simple enough plan, one that’s ten times better than Micah’s bright idea of “Shoot the motherfuckers and book it.” Hell, even Dutch agrees to it, and that’s saying a lot because he’s normally the one cooking up a way to escape a potential shoot out. Or, in this case, a quick way to the Devil downstairs. When Dutch agrees with someone, it can only mean one of two things:

It’s in his favor.

He doesn’t have anything better.

And, considering how there’s four heavily armed Pinkerton’s and only four of their men are in fighting shape—Hosea and Lenny are practically bleeding to death on Bill and Javier, Arthur’s surprised those dirty pigs haven’t picked up on the obvious trail of blood leading to their pile of crates—this is the best they got. 

So, when Arthur thinks about it afterwards, maybe that’s why Dutch had to lock an arm around his middle to he wouldn’t fling himself in Charles’ face and explain why this plan is fucking stupid. He fights, dear God, he fights against him. Javier tells Arthur to shut up lest he gives them away, but fuck that because Arthur would rather get arrested with him than let Charles be hunted so they can bag. Dutch tightens his arm around Arthur’s chest, tries to cover his mouth so he doesn’t scream why sacrificing yourself is, again, fucking stupid, but what barrels up his throat and trips out of his mouth like a sputtering gun spitting out a rusty bullet is a choked plea. 

“You can’t—please—”

But Charles—smart, kind, stupidly brave Charles who wouldn’t put himself at risk for anything other than what he believes in, and goddamnit if Arthur doesn’t love him a little more now than ever—is as sturdy as a bison when he cuts Arthur off. 

“It’s your best bet to escape, don’t fight me on this.”

Arthur almost hoped Charles would tack his name onto the end of that demand, give him some idea that he’s saying it more to him than their band of outlaws who wouldn’t be as destroyed as Arthur would be if Charles gets hurt in this dumb fuck plan. He’s lost almost everyone he’s ever cared for, he’s not about to add his best friend to that growing list. 

(He’s also not about to pay any mind to how his chest constricts at the mere thought of lobbying Charles in anything less than the person who holds his heart, but his brain is too busy flagging down the ice-cold dread spider-crawling across his skin and tampering his adrenaline to something worse than fear.)

The arm around Arthur loosens, if just for a moment, maybe because Dutch can feel how badly Arthur’s shaking, or maybe his age is finally catching up to him and he can’t hold back a grown man dead set on not carving out another gravestone for his beloved. It’s enough to break out of Dutch’s hold, nearly sending him flying into a loaded crate with how hard Arthur pushes him back, and in two quick strides, he’s face to face with Charles. Passionate, gentle, beautiful Charles who looks even prettier in the moonlight and with a splatter of blood across his cheek than Arthur’s ever seen. It’s not his blood, thank God,  and that’s all Arthur can focus on before that rat bastard Micah is putting in his two cents. 

“I say let the man go. He’d be doing us a noble cause, letting us go.” 

Arthur growls, and even Charles is a little taken aback. “No one fucking asked you, Bell.” 

“Well, Morgan, you got any other ideas? It’s not like we got the law on our dicks and our friends bleedin’ out, but, sure. Hold up the line. That bullet in the boy’s guts ain’t going anywhere until we do.” Micah chuckles a dry, humorless laugh that, normally, would’ve had him getting real intimate with the end of Arthur’s pistol. Only now, it’s making the shake in Arthur’s hands turn into a full tremble. 

He chances a glance at Lenny, takes in his blood soaked front and the way he’s almost deadweight, slung haphazardly across Javier’s shoulders. His breathing is getting shallow, his eyes barely open. Hosea isn’t doing much better but at least the shot went through clean, he only has to worry about a few stitches. Lenny, on the other hand…

Charles plants a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder, and the world stops on its axis, if just for a moment. The gang falls away, the Pinkerton’s disappear, every thought that’s ever occupied Arthur’s mind up until the moment Charles touches him, his thumb a soothing little thing on the gooseflesh of Arthur’s neck, melts into a puddle and drips into the waves lapping at the dock’s edge. 

“I’ll be fine.” Charles says it with such assurance that Arthur is damn near convinced right there. But still, he’s gotta voice the words hammering behind his teeth. 

“It’s a fuckin’ stupid plan.” 

Charles grins, a soft, barely there upturn of his mouth that could be mistaken as just a twitch of his lips if Arthur didn’t know him any better. But he does. He knows how Charles wakes up in the morning, eyes groggy and with just enough energy to piss before grabbing his first cup of coffee. Arthur knows how Charles’ hands feel in his, rough and calloused from the reins of his horse, the ax back at camp, how such big and strong hands can craft the most delicate of arrows, string the tiniest bead into his hair. And Arthur knows that once Charles makes up his mind, there’s no going back. There’s no use fighting him on it, no matter how badly he wants to fight. It’s what Arthur’s good at, arguing, butting heads, but Charles, with all the ways he so easily lassoed Arthur’s heart and hitched it to his person, his stubbornness towards never backing down was the first spark against Arthur’s flint as to why he loves this unyielding, honorable, stupid man. 

One of the Pinkerton’s tilts his head in their direction, squints real tight to see beyond the glow of the shack’s light. “Y’all see something over there?”  

No one answers, but the guy is still staring in their direction, and Dutch is getting real uneasy by just standing around with two guys knocking on death’s door and bags filled to the top with cash. He tells Charles to get on with it or else they’re sitting ducks, and Arthur has half a mind to say fuck it and throw Dutch to the hounds instead, but Charles is grabbing Arthur by the handkerchief around his neck and Arthur kinda of forgets everything else besides the way Charles’ chocolate brown eyes dance in the flicker of the overhead lamps. How the scar on his cheek and the plump of his lips has Arthur wanting to pitch forward and know if Charles’ mouth is as soft as it looks. 

‘Not the time to get rejected, cowboy.’ Arthur swallows. He allows himself a few seconds to get his fill before Charles runs off because he’s a selfish prick when it comes to him, wants Charles all to himself if he could have him, but instead, Charles is gearing up to host the worst game of tag Arthur’s ever played. He huffs. ‘This is a stupid fucking plan.’ 

“I know it’s a stupid fucking plan,” Charles agrees, because who else would he be if he also wasn’t smart like that. Maybe that’s another reason why Arthur’s in love with him.

And because it’s a stupid plan, maybe that’s why Charles kisses him too. 

It’s the shortest, roughest kiss Arthur’s ever had. It’s all force and no finesse, no time to get a good enough feel for each other, and their teeth clicked on first impact, but by God is he gonna think about it for the rest of his life. He doesn’t care that the guys are watching and that Bill is flinging all kinds of insults because he’s a bitch who can’t let Arthur live. Hell, the Pinkerton’s could open fire on them now and Arthur wouldn’t bat an eye. As long as his last conscious thought is Charles’ lips on his and Charles’ hand moving to cradle his jaw and Charles Charles Charles. Arthur doesn’t give a flying fuck. 

It’s over before it could get started, and Arthur is left a little lightheaded from the shock of it all. He’s not shaking anymore, the hand twisted in Charles’ dress shirt isn’t trembling, only pulling him closer because Arthur is selfish and he wants the full line of Charles’ everything pressed against him, but Charles pushes him away, breaks their kiss with a breathless gasp. 

“I’ll find you after,” he promises, eyes doing that thing to Arthur’s insides he’s only recently come to realize is just the overall effect Charles has on him. “I swear.”

He’s off after that, and Arthur is left standing there, a little off his center of gravity and more than peeved that their first kiss wasn’t under the stars near a glowing campfire like how he’d envisioned it. 

He walks in front of them, then breaks out into a run. The Pinkerton’s immediately chase after him, and in the midst of Arthur watching the whole thing go down like a prisoner in chains, Dutch turns to him, expression unreadable. 

“That is one of the most beautiful acts I’ve ever saw.” He checks for the clear then motions for them to follow. “Come on.”

They make it a total of five steps forward before Arthur swivels towards the lot of them, gun cocked and voice steely when he says, “Not a fuckin’ word.” 

Javier snorts, hefts Lenny a little higher on his person. “How about five, compadre? Karen owes me twenty bucks.” 

Arthur growls, arms his pistol at Micah and Bill. “I don’t wanna hear anythin’ from either of you, if you say some vile shit about me and Charles—”

“Don’t get your granny panties in a twist, Morgan,” Bill heaves, moving Hosea so he’s not being completely dragged. “We have more pressing matters to deal with than who you swap spit with.” 

“I’ll bitch about it later,” Micah says, which tears a ‘fuck you’ out of Arthur’s throat, “as for now, that boat’s calling my name and those lawmen,” he points over his shoulder to the flashlights coming dangerously closer, “are on our dicks! Let’s fucking go!” 

No matter how much he wants to shoot both of them because they’re not going to let this little moment go and they will be total assholes when they get back to camp, Arthur can’t argue because the flashlights are closing in and Dutch is nearly out of his sight. 

They make it to the boat and sneak below deck to an empty medbay. Dutch goes to find the captain with a little gold in hand, ‘financial persuasion,’ he called it, while Arthur and Javier get to work on Lenny and Hosea. It’s a grueling task, digging out the broken fragments of a bullet from Lenny’s insides, but they manage it without making him take more damage, and Bill only had to knock him out twice to keep the screaming down. By the time the two of them are all patched up and sleeping in the bunks, Micah found some booze and passed out on the floor. Javier wasn’t too far behind him, followed by Bill, and then it was only Arthur. 

With nothing better to do, Arthur goes to the open window facing the retreating glowing lights of Saint Denis. They departed somewhere around the first time Lenny woke up screaming, and now the city is just a line on the horizon. Arthur’s mind drifts to the camp, wondering if the Pinkerton’s are on their trail now too. He thinks about John and Abigail, worried if either of them are alive, scared that Arthur may return to camp to find Jack without his parents. 

And like how he’s been doing for the past half year, he thinks about Charles. Something in him tells him Charles gave those bastards the slip and he’s safe somewhere, probably lost in the bustle of gossiping men and women demanding to know who could’ve robbed the Lemoyne National Bank and got away with it. 

It sinks in, then, like a bolt from the blue. The robbery, the chase. The bags of gold stashed under the floorboards. They pulled their last heist. The money's theirs. 

Arthur lets out a disbelieving laugh that soon into a full, belly clutching bellow of sheer joy. No more scams and schemes, no more running. He can get some land, settle down, be it in Tahiti or otherwise, Arthur doesn’t know, nor does he care. 

What he does know, however, is that when he returns, he’ll find Charles and they can have a proper first kiss, one without blood and guns and life or death situations. He’ll probably ask Charles to go hunting with him, spend the day shooting game and exchanging tender looks that can last longer than the few seconds Arthur always gave himself. They’ll pitch a tent somewhere in the wild, their bed rolls a little closer than before, sharing a meal with a bottle passed between them. 

Then, as Charles describes the different constellations and explains what the stars and the gods mean to his people, bellies and hearts full, hands touching, thumbs caressing over scarred knuckles, Arthur’ll stop him mid sentence because he’s selfish and he can’t stop himself now he’s gotten a taste. He’ll kiss Charles like he means it, words never said but always felt, exchanging between their lips. Hands and kisses softer than what Arthur could ever deserve because he’s only lived the life of an outlaw, only ever knew how to shoot and survive.

But now, with cash in his pockets and a new dream in mind, one where he’s not just a gunslinger, but maybe a farmer, or a horse rancher—a husband. Yeah. That sounds nice. 

Arthur thinks he can be a little selfish, if just this once. 

[cilasbestos]

My autistic rambling about Cassandra from Tangled.

I refuse to use Gothel as her last name…

Anyways,

Saying that Cassandra was “angry at Rapunzel for getting kidnapped” is such a grossly incorrect representation of what was actually going on and I am tired of people pushing that that was all that upset her, instead of the seasons long conflict that was building up that culminated in her taking her anger about something only partially related out on Rapunzel because she was ALREADY upset with her.

Cass’ issues with Raps did not start when she took the moonstone, hell it didn’t even start when she went into the room in the house of yesterday’s tomorrow. It started in season one when Rapunzel was constantly, even if unintentionally, finding ways to overshadow her. It was worsened when Raps stopped valuing her opinion, which was a problem for Cass because she felt she had outlasted her usefulness, even though Cass is shown as a character who feels like she always needs a purpose or a duty to follow (which is likely a trauma response from being abandoned tbh???). Everything builds through seasons one and two, and Cassandra consistently finds herself overshadowed and ignored by Rapunzel and the people around her.

And THEN, Cass is given earth shattering news. Everyone else already chooses Rapunzel over her, of course her own mother did too. This particular instance wasn’t Rapunzel’s fault, but it pushed the same idea and feeling that all these other instances did; Cass isn’t important, and will always be outshined by Rapunzel. Something she had felt and experienced over and over, but this time the information was just big enough to be what sent her over the edge.

Yes, Cassandra overreacts, but she also is CONSTANTLY shown to be seeing whats wrong with her actions and rethinking everything. The first time, during Crossing The Line, she only doesn’t back down because Rapunzel triggers her by telling her to “wait”, the one thing she had been doing her entire life.

After that, every single major conflict with Cass throughout season 3 involves her realizing her error or questioning her path in some way, but people love to forget that she was actively being manipulated by Zhan Tiri at this point, leading her to being convinced to stay on the path Zhan Tiri wants her to be on. Yeah Cass is acting terrible, because an actual warlock found her when she was at her lowest and used her negative emotions to manipulate things in their favor. Eventually, when she is freed from that relationship with Zhan Tiri, everything resolves rather quickly, her having noticed the errors of her ways for a while now, but being constantly assured she was right.

In a way, Zhan Tiri plays a very similar role for Cassandra to that of what Gothel was to Rapunzel in the original movie.

I can probably do a more coherent, not-written-at-almost-midnight analysis of Cassandra eventually, because I have a lot to say and this is all over the place, but to conclude: Cassandra’s anger is not directly at Rapunzel for being kidnapped by Gothel. That simply happened to be the straw that broke the camels back after other events causes Cass similar feelings. This reveal was just the biggest, held the most weight. Even though Cass calmed down and again and again realized her wrong doings, the wrong person had influence over her when she was extremely vulnerable, leading the conflict to continue when it could have easily been avoided without the warlock’s influence.

[timmo-eggo]

Remanufactured AU: Frankie and Monster Frankie lore!! part 1!!

This is an au for my silly self insert world where canon stuff isn’t r e a l l y changed aside from the Contestant backstory but I’mma call it an au to be safe. I just added wordbuilding that works for my story so apologies in advance if some stuff doesn’t sound like it fits in with Finding Frankie vibes! I’m just fucking around and having fun with it!!! Some prior info before the info dump: I like to think that the brothers who originally made the cereal are separate from the Frankies. Frankie (I'll be calling Other Frankie just Frankie) would become the visionary for the park and show while working under the CEO who bought the IP.

Also, excuse my writing aaaa I'm not the best at writing coherent stuff esp when I'm brain rotting. Here's the link to part 2! Link -Frankie put a lot of money into the show when it was just a regular parkour show along with having this place be unnecessarily massive for the immersion. But profits weren't coming in enough for everything, for the bountiful of fast food, the amount of electricity used for this place, and ofc it didn't help that the place was right next to a garbage disposal zone. Frankie went too close to the sun with this idea and tbh it didn't even entertain him as much as he wanted, something was missing.

-Frankie went home to his apartment and did a spring cleaning. The place used to also be where his other brother, the soon-to-be Monster Frankie, also lived before he got sent to jail for murdering some children. During the cleaning, he found a lil secret nook in his brother's room, inside it was a journal with a 6 fingered gold hand and the number 3 on it that contained all of his brother's insane ramblings and ofc rambles about the show before it got made. Frankie couldn't make up the scribbles but did understand the visuals. This was the thing he felt was missing.

-Frankie would start implementing the ideas but it was more harmless so his ratings didn't immediately drop to hell, plus the place was still very public. He would also start giving in more and more late rent as he was using the leftover money to bail out his brother.

-Then the two deaths occur at the park. The place wasn't shut down but it was in hiatus for a while as the police investigated. Perfect hiatus for Frankie cause he just completely ditched his apartment and used the money he had to bail his brother out.

-It was still early in the investigation when his brother got bailed and during which the other contestants and parents were yoinked while the police weren't looking. The meat and the classic mascot suit would be used as the new vessel for Frankie's brother.

[randomness-is-my-order]

one of the main reasons for why the gods as as they are–largely selfish, unfair, immature and insular–is because they don’t operate on the same power levels as humans do. their influence is unfathomably immense and their power is hugely unchecked. their responsibilities aren’t a marked thing, either, so shirking them doesn’t always promise proportionate consequences. they exist in this limbo of otherworldly power that is beyond human grasp and thereby their behavior appears so erratic and absurd and full of bullshit to us. that’s why there’s a constant affirmation of “well, don’t try to understand what the gods do, it’ll drive you crazy” in the show itself.

BUT while all of this may be true, i think the message of the books & show ultimately is that be it a mortal human or a centuries old god, your morality is something that should still be judged on the same parameters. just because you can control the sea or embody the essence of war or cause firestorms or bring on lightning showers doesn’t mean you get to hurt those who don’t deserve it, doesn’t mean you get to mess with the lives of those you deem “below” your status. if the king of gods is being a dick, you can call him a dick. if athena is an unjust prideful bitch you can call her out on it. if poseidon is deadbeat father you can say that with your full chest. you don’t need to contextualise their actions or justify them. rationalise them? yeah, maybe so, but not more than that because why tf is it the burden of the demigods to understand these ancient powerful beings when said beings never initiate constructive and emotionally engaged dialogue with any of them? why do they need to dishonour their own feelings of hurt to avoid disrespecting the gods despite them deserving a bad reaction (a recent eg would be annabeth thinking athena’s actions are a proper retaliation for a perceived “slight”, instead of expressing her own hurt at her mother’s betrayal)?

because isn’t that exactly the kind of issue we face in the real world? we can all logically infer that there is literally NO ethical way of becoming a billionaire, then, well, do you think there’s an ethical way of being a god–atleast a major one with a physical domain? an ethical way of having control of some major element and constantly meddling with affairs of the mortal world, while full well displaying a lack of understanding of humans? just the way the gods are in the books, in the show? yes the gods have feelings and yes they are allowed to make mistakes (and doesn’t this make me laugh, because to err is to be human and all) but their actions are also allowed to be called out by demigods if they’re being hurt. their whole relationship with humanity is a two-way street anyway.

and with all that said, i think percy is a very much needed kick-in-the-shins for the gods in the series, a young demigod who refuses to dance to the gods’ tunes and stands up to them and even calls them out and strips down this idea that godhood is something superior, that godhood frees one from scrutiny and criticism.

this is just a very weird ramble and i have way more thoughts on the matter but i’ll have to take some time and wrangle it all into coherence.

for now, to summarise: the gods suck and i love when percy makes them aware of that fact.

[emberunderscore]

midas villain thoughts have been consolidated into 3 seperate ideas

number 1 - "Lost to the Decay" Midas was the same as canon at the beginning, they were kind and their moral compass was strong enough they wouldn't bring a child into the worldport. then the decay starts, as we know it goes for their eyes first and when it takes their eyes it takes their soul too - or at least a part of it, stripping them down to some of the core things that make up a sherbert: denial, how okay they are with being alone (and how much of an asshole they are) and i need to cook on the other two a bit more but their denial is high, its like they've been reverted back to default settings and high denial feels right to be the default for a sherb. the decay causes them to forget why they stayed as quixis in the first place so they convince themself it was a choice they made because they wanted the power and the control (and the spite that fuels them to not let anyone be quixis ever again). especially when they're unable to pull icarus to be quixis they use that time to convince themself that theyre the one in control and even if they could they wouldnt give away their position. this one is probably the one that convinces themself that they want to carve a name for themself and if youve seen my recent ramblings this is probably the one that'd (tell themself that they should) be proud of being the longest quixis and the damage they've caused think like coughing up blood (weird decay goo or smth) and laughing hysterically kinda thing also this midas would be more decayed than canon because i imagine they abuse their power and dont try to stop the decay as much so like if c!midas was pretty close to being fully decayed this midas would probably be dead before the finale (alternatively they just begin literally falling apart . you can probably tell this is the one i like to think about body horror stuff for the most) probably the closest to epic au midas (whos scylla if you dont know my epic au) song: Oh Ana by Mother Mother / Lonely King by CG5

number 2 - "Overcome by Anger" Almost everything the same but Midas is just more angry in general . they get so sick of being yelled at and ignored and having their intentions assumed all by icarus and then fable getting released just causes them to fucking snap . they decide that if icarus wants to see them as this malevolent god-being then why try to be anything else (can you see the similarities between them and s3 icarus deciding that if they keep fucking up then why try to be anything but a villain?) and the wings would've been intentional . they were done with not being listened to and they were done with trying to help . they still hate fable's guts and as icarus gets closer to him they start to hate them more as well . songs: Angry Too by Lola Blanc / ANTI-HERO by Sekai No Owari

number 3 - "Chaotic Neutral" chaotic midas who just wants to fuck up everything and be a little chaos gremlin, just somewhere between chaotic neutral and chaotic evil type shit . this is the version with the least amount of coherent thoughts regarding it. most of it is based on vibes and songs those songs: Entropy by Awkward Marina / Whose Eye Is It Anyway??? by Jhariah (/ Haunted by Laura Les)

[mdhwrites]

So if Dana said she didn't have any original season 3 ideas, why did she also say on Twitter that she wanted 10-20 half hours for season 3?

Now apparently from the transcript and the like, what was said that there were like one sentence pitches for episodes but nothing concrete or the like. That I believe. After all, it's like taking sticky notes and using them to jot down passing thoughts. But... Ideas don't mean anything. You need to have an actual coherent thought as to how you are going to use those ideas as a creator.

So when she says she wanted those episodes, I believe her. But... Instead of it being so she could have coherently finished her story, something you can feel isn't exactly happening during S3, it would have been to explore her ideas and let it be her mouthpiece. Even as far back as S1, you can clearly see this conflict in the show. The First Day lets her take potshots at modern education and saying kids should have more freedom... At the expense of everyone forgetting that multi-tracking is literally illegal. But the idea was more important than the overall story so in it went.

Besides, when asked about your work that you cherish so much, are you going to tell people you wanted LESS time to do whatever you wanted? Or are you going to say you wanted as much time as possible? Especially since without a solid plan, you can't be like Matt Braley who straight up went "Nope. Amphibia wasn't shortened. It was always planned to be three seasons."

I still stand by the idea that Dana actually wanted to just keep going WELL past S3. Even now, she wants to do a spin off and one of her greatest regrets for what was missed was not being allowed to do more teenage Raeda stuff in the show. A second episode in the past. Expanding on what? Who knows but it's more time spent with the ship that Dana clearly loved.

I am not saying Dana was lying or a bad person but the question that is worth asking is if that time would have been spent actually wrapping up plot threads or exploring characters as they are now. Otherwise, it would end up being like the S2B and S3 we got where we are still getting elements added, refusing to wrap up story elements, and having to drag back plot points from almost entire seasons ago (Willow and Amity's friendship), if not MULTIPLE seasons ago (Willow's lack of power control) just to do something with these characters despite it being way too late to treat those elements as relevant. There is a reason why if I hear that Dana is the lead for another cartoon, I'll probably be staying away. Not when I don't want promising statements to never have a plan behind. Not again.

Expected this to be shorter. I'm rambly though. Also just wanted to clear this out. Admittedly, it's stuff like this that makes it so that if anyone ever told me they didn't trust me as a writer, I'd understand. Not because of me wasting time but because my mental health gets in the way and can cause ideas to die as my brain just refuses to write them. How we as writers use our time with the audience is important. It leaves an impression and for me, Dana's impression is incredibly negative because I care about story, even if characters come first to me.

Sigh.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[sl-ut]

Can you pls elaborate on the breeding kink w abby and reader?🥺love ur writing!

more college!abby

baby you don’t gotta ask me twice

it doesn’t really come into play until they’ve been together for a while. abby is a very practical person, and while the prospect of it might pop into her head once or twice, she doesn’t feel like it would be appropriate to bring it up until it’s clear to her that they’re going to be together for a while and would actually have a future together. this probably doesn’t happen until after y/n graduates from college, when abby decides that they should finally discuss what they want in the future. in fact, abby might not even realise how much of a breeding kink she actually has until the discussion comes up; when y/n brings up kids, and mentions that she would be open to having them together, abby couldn’t help but envision how beautiful she would look while pregnant, and how great of a mother she would be.

they both agree that they would be interested in having kids in the future, though not for a few years just yet. both of them agree that y/n would probably be the best primary carrier for their baby if they chose to do ivf, and abby is suddenly obsessed with the idea of her girl swelling up with her baby–even if it wasn’t gonna happen for years to come. 

from this point on, when the strap is in use, abby is just rambling on and on about it;

“you want my cum, baby? want me to fill you up?”

at first, she’s the main one involved in it, but once y/n finally joins in on the dirty talk???? abby’s brain goes brrrrrrr. the first time she does it is while she’s face planted into the soft sheets of abby’s bed, lazily working her hips back onto abby’s strap and struggling to form a single coherent thought. it just slips out–she wasn’t even aware of the words until after she’d spoken them and after her girlfriend had reacted to them. 

“harder abs–put a baby in me.”

abby stuttered to a stop at the words, then rocketed into a pattern of seemingly impossibly hard and deep thrusts. she made quick work of flipping y/n onto her back, pressing her into the mattress and gripping her jaw with her hand, holding her face so that she couldn’t escape her heated gaze.

“yeah? you wanna be a mama?”

when the idea dawns on her to order one of the ejaculating straps, she’s showing y/n her favourite ones, but would definitely let her pick the colour and size. the glittery pink one that abby had gifted her for her birthday would remain to be a favourite, but this one was for those special nights when they wanted to play pretend. abby loves watching the synthetic white cream seep out of y/n’s tight hole when she’s done with her, always reaching down and forcing any that may have escaped back into her.

“not losing a drop, baby.”

when the time finally comes for the process of ivf to begin, it comes out even more. the strap isn’t used quite as often as abby would like in this case, because the process of fertilisation can cause penetration to feel quite uncomfortable, but she’s happy to go the old fashioned route and get her hands–and tongue–dirty. this doesn’t change the dirty talk, though. in fact, it probably enhances it, knowing that y/n is actually in the process of becoming pregnant. 

“i can’t wait till you’re pregnant baby.”

“you’re gonna be such a good mama.”

“you’ll be so pretty all swollen with my baby.”

she’s gonna be so much more in love with y/n’s tits too, if that’s even possible. the second that she notices them getting swollen, she’s all over her, constantly suckling and kissing over the swells and nipples, and even massaging them in both sexual and non-sexual manners–she knows that it helps when they’re tender, and is more than happy to just hold them in her hands and act as a human heating pad for her favourite girl. 

the dirty talk is even just dirty, either. it’s intimate and playful, she’s telling y/n about how she envisions their future–how she wants the babies to have her height, but y/n’s gorgeous eyes and smile, how she’s gonna train them to play lacrosse like their mom (she might be a little heartbroken if none of her kids take an interest in the sport, but she would get over it). she’s teasing y/n about how much the kids will take after her, and probably be equally obsessed with y/n as she is.

“soon enough i’m gonna have to be beating those critters away with a stick just to get a second alone with you.”

if they get married first, abby is dead set on the order of things to happen next. she keeps repeating the line to y/n on their wedding night teasingly, but they both know that she’s being 100% serious. 

“first comes love, then comes marriage, what’s the next thing?”

and it doesn’t go away even when y/n is pregnant or once they finally have kids. i hc that they have no more than three, but when all of them are older, abby is whipping out the breeding kink in the bedroom, calling y/n mama in a husky voice to get her going. when y/n begins to show, abby is dead set on taking monthly photos to remember the process, and will definitely be taking a few snaps while getting down and dirty to fuel that kink and remember how beautiful she looked when she was pregnant. 

[kobold-that-bites-people]

kinda missed tdov overthinking how to phrase this but... its okay if you dont have a "coherent" idea of your gender. or if it feels contradictory or different each time you think about it.

it took me a long time to realize i was trans at all, cause some days i dont seem to mind being a guy. it took longer to realize i wasnt just a girl, and was actually genderfluid, which made a lot of things more understandable in hindsight. it took even longer than that to realize that my personal experience of gender is complicated enough that its easier to just say im a kobold and then explain what that means than to stick to the "normal" labels.

im no less trans on days where im a guy with tits than on days when im a girl with a fat packer. (if i could afford one that is, spent all my money on a bra recently lol)

and at the end of it, even if i didnt want the label of trans, thatd still be just as valid a position. for me, trans rights are fundamentally about self determination. saying, my body is what i make of it, and its meaning is my own to decide. and on these days where we call attention to ourselves, its to show everyone that you can take that idea of self determination anywhere, even if you decide not to be openly trans at all. theres no wrong way to experience gender, and everyone deserves the space to experiment with what it means for them.

anyway, enough rambling, hope yall had a nice tdov.

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

I just randomly found ur blog and am now OBSESSED with the whole avian!mumbo concept

…….tell me everything there needs to be known abt it please I want to draw little bird boy (even tho my main way of doodlin mumbo is vampire but I WANT BIRD)

(apologies for the ramble I live laugh love moustache man)

(here's the previous avian!mumbo post for anyone curious)

It has taken me far too long to get the chance to respond to this ask and I have been so impatient because adjsaklfhaskghjd someone actually saw and enjoyed my unedited babbling about avian!mumbo :')

anyways I think I already said most of what I have coherent ideas on, and the rest is just nebulous vibes and happiness and fluff and hurt/comfort potential, but! I can share doodles and also reiterate/expand upon stuff I have already said

(putting it below a cut so I can make it soso long)

WING FLAPPIES!! I feel like this would definitely be something he'd appreciate about having wings, because I feel like it would be a more satisfying expression of emotion than like. stomping or bouncing or whatever. He would also totally struggle to control his avian body language, you can read his wings/ears/tail like a book, he's so unused to paying attention to and stifling his bird gestures. (Grian finds this beyond hilarious especially, because he can read Mumbo even better than everyone else being another avian)

His wings are red and black, though I haven't entirely decided if I'm gonna switch which goes where to make it match Grian's wings better. Since Grian is a Scarlet Macaw, Mumbo really ought to be too, but that would look just. so goofy. with his color scheme

AND SPEAKING OF LOOKING GOOFY- his wings look so silly for the first couple weeks. Until the feathers grow in properly, they're just kind of gradually more fluffy. raw chicken. wings. stuck to his back. because that's what baby parrots look like apparently! And then also pin feathers, before finally being pretty feathery bird wings

He also just accidentally passively collects the other members of Boatem's clothes. Grian does this too, but intentionally. Mumbo just does it without realizing and then gets confused about it because he doesn't understand the whole nesting thing, so someone else has to explain it to him

Oh and Mumbo tries to just go about his life without any changes or accommodations for his wings at first, because he doesn't want to ruin his clothes or generally have to change his routines. Grian and the others do not put up with this and persuade him to take proper care of the wings instead (<- this is a constant uphill battle for months)

On a more overarching note, Mumbo initially Does Not Like the wings, because they're just tiny and kind of ugly things that get in the way of his elytra and make him have to get all his shirts edited and they don't really do anything but cause him problems. Then once the wings start getting feathers and stuff and they have to start making preparations for learning to fly, it kind of becomes a bit of a bonding thing that brings Boatem together, with Mumbo starting to get used to them and accept them, and everyone else being able to help out with their care some (preening, stretches and exercises...).

Ultimately (probably sometime around HC 9), Mumbo ends up quite loving his wings in the long run. Once they're fully grown they're actually pretty impressive (since he's so tall they end up being a fair bit larger than Grian's, much to his annoyance) and Mumbo ends up putting a fair bit of effort into their upkeep and keeping them all nice looking (at least, when he's not too busy with other projects). He does still find a bunch of the other avian traits a little embarrassing (nesting, chirping, dietary restrictions, wings giving away his thoughts...) but he gets used to them.

[yuenity]

what are your thoughts on tua s4?

Oh boy how long of an answer do you want baha 😭😭

The short answer is I generally enjoyed the season despite its many many flaws. The two major things that I hated with all my soul was Five and Lila’s whole thing (for so many reasons) and Klaus’ arc. Did I love the ending?… no, but I saw it coming. I can’t say I hated it, even if I would’ve liked to see them finally happy.

But if we really want to get into the nitty gritty of it… (Long, half-coherent ramblings below cut)

The show definitely felt… off this entire season. The characters didn’t really feel like their characters and they were always making decisions I didn’t see them making. But the first 4 episodes were generally fine. They still sort of felt like the umbrella academy. It was the last 2 episodes that stuck out as the worst. They felt rushed, and they kept putting in new information last minute (like all that shit with Abigail, woof).

I won’t talk all that much about Five and Lila cause I’ve already reblogged so much about it, and there’s nothing I have to say that others haven’t already expressed. The things that bother me the most about it is how it destroyed Five’s character and how unnecessary it was. Obviously I understand how Five and Lila would fall in love after 7 years of being stranded together. I mean… Five literally fell in love with a mannequin last time he was stranded. But at the end of the day, he would always choose his family. My man was literally stuck in the apocalypse for 45 years and STILL never gave up on finding them. He abandoned Dolores for them. He would not give up after 7 years because of Lila fucking Pitts, especially after all the trouble he’s already been through to save them. But the big thing is, NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN 😭 it literally didn’t affect the plot whatsoever, it just made Five and Diego hate each other in their last few minutes of existence. ALSO it literally sours every joke about Five and Lila from season 2 and 3. The whole reason they were funny before was because we thought the idea of them was ridiculous. We thought it would never happen. Ugh poor Diego, I felt so damn bad for him this season

Now Klaus… sigh. I spent the whole time thinking “there has to be a reason for this right? There has to be a reason he’s doing his own irrelevant thing on the side right? He probably knows some important information that the group doesn’t and that’s why” but noooo. It was just pointless. I missed him so much, but to just get that was 😭😭 also the fact that nobody fucking went after him?? Every time someone else tried to leave the group, they protested, but then they literally just let Klaus walk away. I. also the germaphobia… I already made a long ass post about that in February, it should be below this post if you wanna read that lols

the possession prostitution was uh… interesting. I can’t say it was out of character, especially when drugs are involved, but it is strange that there were no protests despite his last experience with possession. I haven’t thought a lot about that aspect though tbh

I wish we would’ve had more Ben and Klaus moments :(( I MISSED THEM SO MUCH it’s not even funny. That’s the thing I was looking forward to most, but alas 😔 we get a greeting and that’s it 😔 it feels like the show just forgot how important they were to each other. Obviously sparrow Ben is different from umbrella Ben, but Klaus was the only one to make an effort to connect with him last season. I thought they had gotten somewhere, but now they’re practically strangers. For the second time they didn’t get to say goodbye to each other. Sigh

don’t even get me started about the whole Durango thing. Look… I’ve always found it easy to put aside plot holes when it comes to this show. And I did for a lot of this season. But the fact that this particle is apparently so important to setting things right, and we get no explanation for how Jennifer has it is crazy. That seems like a pretty important thing to explain 😭😭 WHY WAS SHE IN A SQUID??

Also no dance sequence :(( no, Jean and Gene’s didn’t count

…

These are my main grievances, but there was also stuff I liked about the season

Like Jean and Gene!! They’re such classic tua antagonists, I love them.

And finding out Ben’s death!! 6 years of speculation and not ONCE did I think that’s how it was going to happen. I was happy to finally have answers, and holy shit was it shocking. Do I like that it was bc of the Marigold and Durango situation? No, but whatever. Small victories. One thing that I couldn’t help wondering though, was if Klaus knew what happened. Like surely he and Ben had to have spoken about it before? And I remember Klaus making a comment like “I know you didn’t ask to die violently at a young age” back in season 1, which was more than anyone else had ever said about it. Hm just thoughts

Also Luther’s entire character. Seems fitting that he would be my least favorite of the family in season 1 and my most favorite in season 4 lols. He was like the one characterization that didn’t get fucked. The way he kept bringing up Sloane and looking longingly at Diego’s family :(( the return of his stress eating 😭 I love that guy

I also really liked seeing all the characters at the end. The gasp I gusped when I saw the Swedes and the tears I cried when I saw Hazel and Agnes…

Anyway yeah

[cephydeluxe]

okokokok so I was listening to chappell roan 2 spite ms.sw*ft and like

wasn’t expecting 2 be hit with rika feels so I’ll try 2 be a tad coherent…..

so first of all, you will never convince me that rika is anything but a heavily closeted lesbian for most of her life, being adopted by extremely religious conservatives, and even being influenced by the church when she lived in an orphanage, being taught that her desires were bad and that made her innately evil and disgusting no matter what,,,,,, and her constantly torn between wanting to appease her family to be loved for once in her life, to “unleashing the devil” to keep herself safe from her tormentors,,,,,, yeah she refuses 2 acknowledge that she like women even if the truth slapped her in the face for a long time,,,,

And even when she meets V and “falls in love” with him,,,, when in actuality she just wants to be loved by another person so bad that deluding herself that she feels attraction to him is easy, twisting her envy for V into romantic interest,,, AND HER ENVY FOR V,,,,,,,, omg I could go on abt it forever but I’ll sum it up to its bare bones like,,,

“ I’m envious of V because he has the ability to love me endlessly, it comes naturally to him, and deep down, despite my attempts to fool myself into believing differently, I don’t feel love for him the way I’m supposed to. This must mean I’m incapable of feeling love, and my abusers were right, and I’m a horrible monster.”

(And I could go on about how wrong she is about v’s “love” but this post is already incoherent)

BUT LIKE,,,,, ITS SO OBVIOUS SHES JUST PERFORMING COMHET, but she can’t come out it!! Because:

If she breaks up with v, then her abusers were right, she’s incapable of love inherently, and therefore doomed

If she says “fuck it” and comes out, then she’s guaranteed to be dogpiled by her family and their community, either constantly harassed or completely ostracized and isolated, or most likely both. Not to mention having to “give in to her devil” wouldn’t help her self image.

And I’m not saying being a closeted lesbian is the reason she broke down, but I am saying it was like,,,,,, 40% of the reason at the least,,,,,, cause it ties into so many of her other issues,,, it exasperates all of them at once uuuuhhhhhggg (((*hooked up to life support brain dead but still rambling*)))

Eventually she DOES break down and creates mint eye (fucking love that she modeled her paradise off of V cause of her envy, holy shit I love it sm) and embraces her devil, she comes to accept the idea that she likes women,,,, and falls in love with MC in V route,,, AND SHE SAYS SHIT LIKE,,,,

“Oh I’ve never felt this way before, I stare at the moon longingly and think of you, can you just come back and be my moon and I’ll brush your hair?”

BUT LIKE,,,, ITS TOO LATE CAUSE SHES ALREADY TOO FAR GONE IN HER “DARKNESS” FOR MC TO COME BACK!! it’s the irony of because rika embraced her devil led her to coming out of the closet somewhat and accept the idea of loving a woman,,, but BECAUSE she let the devil loose it cost her the love of the only person she’s ever loved genuinely DO YOU SEE THE VISION……… im losing consciousness someone herlp-