#i have ADHD and it's actually disabling so bad and just because I can go off on a topic doesn't make me “spicy” or “sparkly” it's because -

[serperioranimations]

BUCKLE UP KIDS, ITS TATER TED TALK TIME

I can definitely be on board with this. I am a disabled artist myself, (neurodivergent/ADHD), and I have a range of characters with physical and mental disabilities, and this also includes Red leader Tord. As well as Tom. And Matt. I’ll put my thoughts and response down below.

I also agree with the scarring points, how in film, evil characters have scars to look more “scary”. There is three examples off the top of my head that literally have the word “scar” in their name. However, I won’t really be discussing that here.

I wouldn’t say MY version of red leader is a bad guy(at least not to Edd, Matt and Tom), he’s moreso just a guy who went about things the wrong way while trying to get his friends recruited. Whole thing. He made up with them eventually. And while he has the ability to come off as intimidating, it’s moreso about the level of power he holds in a room rather than his “scary” appearance.

My portrayals of disability, at least with with red leader tord, mostly focus on the mental effects of his disability. Sure, the physical stress is a lot, but the mental stress of having to worry about your perception and how you are viewed as a disabled person makes a lot of disabilities ten times worse.

He fears that he could get into another accident and lose more of his body and therefore his humanity. Sometimes he has to take his arm off because he hates that he now has to have machinery as his arm. He has nightmares where he’ll be full robot and it freaks him the hell out.

Obviously, there are things that affect him physically too. In the crash, he lost some of his teeth and his cornea had a piece of glass stuck in it and it was damaged. His depth perception is greatly impacted because he’s now blind in his right eye, and he has to wear dentures. He had to change parts of his lifestyle in order to keep them in tact, such as quitting smoking. He also quit because he was scared of getting robot/synthetic lungs and further losing his humanity.

Not to mention, he has to do a lot of work to make sure he can actually LIFT his arm, as it has a lot of machinery in it and that can get quite heavy. He has a lot of frustration surrounding that as well. My version of tord is a tinkerer and always is trying to find new ways to improve something. So his arm is never quite finished. It’s more of an extension to his character than it is a replacement for his arm.

My portrayal of future Tom also has this concept, in the fact that he is blind. His visor does do a lot of things for him, and Tord spent a very long time even trying to get it to work AT ALL.

In a comic I made, it’s implied he had to go through several versions and tests over multiple months to even get him to see ANYTHING. And that comic also implied that it was only a START.

And even if it allows him to see, he still needs to take care of it, he has a backup incase something happens, he has to charge it, all this stuff. And also, it cannot help him see all the time. Like when he turns into a monster.

It can’t help him see when he turns to the size of a building. In fact, when he feels himself turning, he often tries to get the visor off of him as to avoid breaking it because he knows how hard Tord worked on it. But without it, He’s just a giant blind monster who has no idea what’s going on or where he is. And that is a recipe for disaster, my friends.

I will say my representations of technology are not exactly “realistic” and I’ll fully admit that. However, I think it’s important to take into account that sometimes, people just wanna design cool robot stuff that can do cool things. It’s the whole reason people love the idea of flying cars. Yes it’s unrealistic, and we have so many other vehicles that would be way more efficient, but come on- the idea of a flying car is very entertaining. And most of the time, that is what I focus on. If it’s entertaining or interesting.

Plus I’m just like “you know what, I like you- here’s some cool shit you can do cool things with.” That’s how I see the technology in WTFuture. Or at least that’s how I go about it.

In a more realistic and grounded universe outside of Eddsworld, such as my own original story “The Bad Hunters”, I would obviously go about this differently.

But in a world where people can turn into vampires, superhero’s, giant monsters, and just overall break most rules of physics and real life, I think it’s understandable why people in the fandom often default to “because it looks cool” when it comes to designs. After all, I think Edd Gould himself shared this sentiment. 90% of the decisions or jokes he made in his show, I guarantee he made “because it’s funny” or “because it’s cool”.

Like, for example, I have this joke that Tom during meetings will play minesweeper in his headset, because 1- it’s in character that he wouldn’t pay attention to meetings, and 2- it’s funny as hell. And let’s be real- if you’ve been on a zoom meeting that was boring, you’ve probably pulled up minesweeper or solitaire. Is that something realistically that a blind person would be able to do if they had a headset that allowed them to see? Absolutely not. But is it funny? Yes.

Future Matt also has a pretty big disability- that being he has some memory loss related to a brain injury. He got shot in the head and his eye was replaced with a metal one. He also had to get his jaw fixed. He often struggles with remembering what people just told him, and sometimes he forgets where Edd is and that he left. It also, much like Tom and tord and their disabilities, took some getting used to.

He’s also got a mini super computer in his eye that allows him to calculate bullet trajectory and allow him to dodge bullets matrix style. Because fuck it- future Matt is cool, he deserves cool shit. Also because tord was like “aight bro what if I made sure you never got shot in the face again”. Again- is it realistic? No. But is it cool? Yes.

Overall, as an author with disabilities myself, the portrayals of disability I enjoy the most are the ones that acknowledge “this shit sucks” but also are ones that allow for some levity and lightheartedness. This applies to both mental and physical disabilities.

Like toph from ATLA. Yes, she can’t see through the earth and she’s insanely powerful, but also, girlie can’t swim. Obviously, her drowning is no laughing matter, and they don’t make fun of that. But her confidently putting a poster on a wall the wrong way because she can’t see is hilarious.

Or like in arcane, when sevika gets a sick new arm made by jinx, only for it to turn out to be an unpredictable hunk of junk that will do random shit like blast music or shoot fireworks, and sevika is just like “bro are you fucking kidding me”. That may be the most realistic portrayal of a disability aid/tool I’ve ever seen. Sometimes it works great, but sometimes it’s a fucking piece of shit. It also helps that Sevikas arm links to her gambling addiction, hence the slot machine. Sure, it’s not the most “realistic” portrayal, but it does further her character and I think that is also a valid way to write it.

Overall, what I’d say is that I definitely agree with all of what was said above me! These are all valid points and the portrayal of scarring being used the characterize “evil”, or make them look scary, as well as just treating prosthetics as perfect replacements definitely don’t always sit right.

But also I would say that with portraying disability, don’t go the easy way out and basically get rid of their disability by giving them a perfect replacement with no issues that would realistically go along with this. Not just because it’s harmful and disability erasure, but also because it’s boring as shit.

Challenge yourself. Do some research. And most importantly, HAVE FUN.

-your friendly neighborhood tater

The Problem With the Eddsworld Fandom's Depictions of Red Leader/Future Tord, A Disabled Perspective

Disability is a contentious concept for most of society, with most either treating us with disgust, confusion, refusing to treat us as human, or to see our struggles as what they are. Ableism affects all people in many different ways, but as someone who focuses a lot of my energy in fandom spaces, the pervasiveness of ableism with how media and their fans interpet and react to disabled characters is a very personal situation for me. While many may argue that an ignorance to these topics in fiction has little bearing on real life, the prevalance of these tropes have echoed and led to feelings of othering for many disabled people, and oftentimes support the same notions that lead to the day-to-day ableism in our own personal lives.

In recent years, I have experienced this most often with the prevalance of negative disability tropes perpetrated by fanfiction surrounding the character of Tord, also known under the alias of Red Leader in some fanworks. It is a problem not just common in the Eddsworld fandom. A more recent, and much larger fandom in Mouthwashing also shares a common trend of repeated ableism in fan depictions and interpretarions of disabled characters. Most fan creators are unaware of these tropes and the harm that they cause, but as a disabled person, I am unable to ignore it.

For context on myself, you can call me Fish. Get it? Or"fish"eus? I like to think I'm funny. I am a mentally ill, disabled, and neurodivergent creative who has niche interests in representation in media and the intersection of intersectionality and fandom spaces. I experience chronic pain due to a multitude of conditions, all of which are invisible disabilities. I am NOT an amputee or have a facial difference, like the character I am analyzing. I can only speak based on my own research in my attempts to portray him positively, but I want to mainly focus on the ableist tropes I see and the real life effects they have. That is something I CAN focus on, because I've been dealing with it for years from conditions that came onset later in my life. I will be speaking from that perspective, but will be doing my best to try to educate on what I do know from my research to help authors, artists, and creatives create a better portrayal of him in fanworks.

The most common tropes I see with him are what I will call "The Disabled Villain", "The Innacurate Disability", and "The Ignored Disability". There are a few tropes in each, but for ease of organization (and the sake of your (and my) time), I will be talking about them together in these sections. There are also overlaps in many, but I will define the main issues with them.

The Disabled Villain

James Bond, Wonder Woman, The Witches. You name it. You have most likely seen this trope at work in cinema. A malicious evil-doer is revealed to have a "horrid" face symbolic of the true evil within their soul, while the beautiful, able-bodied hero is meant to stop them. It's a trope as old as time, one that goes back to even Plato. Tropes are tropes, people subvert them, so a few cases down the line may be excusable. But that has not been the case For many years, the most prevalent form of representation for disabled people was in these villains. Imagine if the only representation you had for yourself was narratives surrounding how the way you look or what your disability is and have it only be equated to evil people. It leads to a villainization of disabled people. People react to facial differences with disgust, because they are "shown" that it is "evil", or "ugly", or equal to being a horrible person. As stated by The Nora Project, "According to the book Disabilities: Insights from Across Fields and Around the World, disabled students are two to three times more likely to be bullied in comparison to their nondisabled classmates. The disabled villain trope contributes to this phenomenon in overt and subtle ways. For example, the trope implicitly encourages fear of disability and difference, while validating, and even elevating, those who fight against the evil, Disabled Villain. Bullying based on fear and disdain is almost a natural consequence of the trope when viewed in this light". Another big issue is that disabled characters have not been given space to exist outside of villainy. There are not many complex narratives surrounding them. This leads to our disabilities being downplayed, us being dehumanised, and we are seen more like props in real life, or simply tools to achieve a message in a narrative.

Tord's disability is never explicitly shown in the show. It is something more prevalent in Fanon, specifically in fanworks that focus on the "Future" era of the show's timeline, where the narrative and outside discussions on the show implies a high tech society, potentially dystopian, potentially a consequence of his actions. These ideas have taken a life of their own in the fandom, with many creators fully expressing these ideas. The problem arises when Red Leader falls in line with this trope. In many works, he is the sole disabled character, a figure of pure evil, or given little nuance in the narrative. Artists illustrate his scars as bright red, crimson, or, in TBATF, green. For some reason. In this way, they attempt to highlight the villainy by equating him with common symbols of evil: facial differences and disabilities. Unfortunately, these are not just symbols. These are conditions and scars that real people have, which the fandom tends to ignore in favor of dramatization.

This was a trope I most commonly saw explored in fanfiction when I first joined in 2016/17. The show, unfortunately, subtly and accidentally perpetrated it by having the only character visibly and irreparably "damaged" by the giant robot fight be Tord, despite the fact that Tom, who had a whole missile directed at him and got buried under a house, was fine with at most a leg injury and a cut on his arm. Luckily, we have grown past the need for ableist tropes, and the faults of the show can be left in the past!

... Not.

Disability tropes have simply evolved in how the fandom treats Tord. Even if it is now done with more consciousness and sympathy towards his character, ignorance still prevails. Let's talk about common pitfalls people fall into when writing him.

The Inaccurate Disability

In fanon perception, Red Leader is an amputee with a high tech prosthesis and a facial difference resulting from burn scars. Like many disabled characters, he suffers from a collective fandom lack of research. But never fret! That is what I have subjected myself to for the past four years, so your friendly neighborhood disabled Fish can tell you how to right your fandom wrongs! Just kidding! Take this as a pointer, and do your own research.

As is common with fictional prosthetics, his arm prosthetic is treated as a perfect fix for his amputation. It acts just like, if not better than an actual arm. The issue with this is that is isn't realistic. Yes, I know, I'm criticising Eddsworld fanfiction for not being realistic. STAY WITH ME HERE. Once again, if it was one instance, or a few, that explored prosthetics being incredibly functional in science-fiction, then it could be a cool concept. But when every sci-fi work has it, then that is no longer a concept. That is a misconception. And I have interacted with people who believed that prosthetics were 100% functional! The thing is, like all disability aids, it does not suddenly make us able-bodied. For example, I have ear defenders that I wear when I experience pain within my ears. But that does not mean my hearing will now become normal, and I will no longer experience pain from the sound I'm hearing. What WILL happen is that I will straight up not hear you. Like, literally. Can you repeat that? I had my ear defenders on. Oh, you're saying that my ear defenders aren't prosthetics and are not a fair comparison? Well, that's fair, but take this as an illustration of a disability aid and how they differ from able-bodied experiences. Also, many prosthetic users do many things without their prostheses, and some even prefer NOT to wear them. Blogs that explicitly cover disabled representation, such as @/cripplecharacters, have posts that cover WHY many amputees are not fans of this trope. The problem comes with that it erases disability, and yet also treats us like we are given a space at the table of representation. It's just another way that authors avoid actually doing research.

Other things that people tend to ignore are how burn scars, or any scars, would not only appear on a character, but also affect them. I have seen, aside from skin tones that looked like they were picked out of a crayon box instead of what would appear on a person, teeth exposed, wounds that look as if they are fresh from the explosion YEARS after they occurred, and what I like to call "paper shredder" scars. Because instead of them looking like burn or shrapnel scars, it appears as if his skin was put through a shredder. Once again, another consequence of the show's at most-30 second scene with questionable decisions that made massive ripples in the fandom. With the injuries Tord received, it is most likely that he would have two kinds of injuries: a burn on 18% of his body (minimum, based on rule of 9s), and/or shrapnel scars from debris. While shrapnel scars would manifest as darker scars, the burn scar would likely be a hypertrophic scar, as "70% of patients develop hypertrophic scars following burns" (Finnerty et. al). The scars, when healed, are warm toned on the boundaries of their areas and cool in between. When on a pale skintone, they are not too dissimilar, and would therefore not have such a drastic color difference as seen on skin. They would also not go down to the bone or skin, as that would be a completely different kind of injury, and are also commonly done to make him look "scarier", which then aids the Disabled Villain trope. It also treats these scars and injuries more like a work of fiction, rather than something that many real people have experienced, adding to continuous misinterpretations of real life disabilities and facial differences.

For writers wanting to include consequences of burns, what would be more likely to be affected are his hearing, vision, and nerves on the right side of his face, as burn scars can go as deep as nerve endings. Also, burn scars, especially third degree burns, require treatments, such as burn-specific skincare. Scars, especially burn scars, can affect you and become disabling. For artists, the main thing I don't see artists do is draw him with damaged hair follicles. Burn scars damage the scalp and eyebrows, preventing hair growth. I am sorry, but he would not still have fluffy, luscious hair. Do not kill me. He just wouldn't. And if you are saying that he had it in the show, I can't hear you because my ear defenders are on, but I hope you heard me, as we've gone over that the show is inaccurate and we should do our own research.

Even well intentioned authors and artists ignore many aspects of the disabilities he would likely have!

Which brings us to the last trope...

The Ignored Disability

Many well meaning people intend to give him nuance by trying to avoid the Disabled Villain trope. Accidentally, however, they end up completely ignoring his disabilities instead.

Just like the high-tech prosthetic, the real disabling aspects of having a disability are at best rarely mentioned. I have seen, in some fanworks, that he goes straight from amputation to having a prosthetic. And that is where his disability ends. Because the prosthetic ends up being a fix-all situation. Authors refuse, or forget, to include aspects of amputation, such as the healing process, stump or phantom pain. Artists will cover up his scars with a helmet or a mask, another trope that undermines his disabilities and attempts to brush it under the rug. I understand that there is a discomfort for able-bodied authors in thoroughly exploring how a character feels about their disability. That is something I think we should. Avoid. If you're not familiar with the experience of being that minority, you do not need to add commentary on it. And if you do, and it just falls into more negative tropes, I will send a salmon cannon at you (/j). However, I do not agree with brushing every disabling aspect of his life under the rug.

People can assume it's not a problem, like it isn't something blatantly apparent. But, if you assume that disability and being disabled is not a "big thing", you end up where your medication is denied because your insurance refuses to see your common procedure as not a necessary medical intervention because you're "too young". And that is not fiction. That is what inspired me to write this essay, because the day that I got that news was the same day I sat down and told myself that I needed to share my perspective on the perception of disabled characters by honing in on one of my favorite characters and how the fandom treated him.

Disabled characters deserve to be included in media, disability and all, with care given to how their life would operate as a result and what they would experience with their specific disability. That's why many people recommend sensitivity readers who can give proper insight upon that disability and can advise people to properly portray it.

But if you cannot afford or access that resource, what can you do?

Fish's Non-Cohesive List of Ways I Tried to Write Tord as a Non-Amputee Without a Facial Difference

Do research!! The more you are to try to understand what you are writing about, the less you are to misinterpret or misrepresent it.

Look into resources that focus on portraying disabled characters, especially with those you wish to write about. Read blogs, research tropes that are common in disabled characters, and hell, read medical journals. They can provide great insight (<< nerd who likes reading medical journals)

Include more disabled characters. Make the other boys be disabled! Want to be canon compliant? Create OCs who have disabilities! I have a bunch! It's 2024! Be cringe and be free! The character's disability would go against the traditional narrative form of "usefulness"? I'm an animator who can't wear headphones and a theatre performer who can't physically handle the volume of a band. And yet, we find ways to persist, to exist. We will always find our way to live in the way we want to, in whatever way we can.

Look into disability activism. Learn the difference between the Medical Model and Social Model of disability. Know what an invisible disability is. Listen to us when we say that we don't want to be treated as special or an inspiration for simply living (inspiration porn). The more you are aware of what we struggle in real life, the more aware you will be to not repeat those mistakes in your fiction.

Write what you can. Highlight little talked about aspects of having a burn scar or being an amputee, such as the recovery, or treatment for the chronic pain, or how different he would be in battle due to decreased depth perception. As a disabled author, I have personally touched on the experience of gaining a disability later in life, and how he copes with it. Now, not all of y'all can do that. But that is a personal experience I do have, and it is something I have highlighted in my own work. So, while I couldn't tell you the ins and outs of having a burn scar or a prosthetic arm, I could describe the shock and frustration that comes with suddenly experiencing difficulties, or even being unable to do what you had done before.

I ask that, if you are willing to do better, or to start on the right foot, you take what I have written, reflect on it, and treat disabled characters, and in turn, disabled people, better from here on out.

Fiction is not reality, but the way we deal with it is reflective of who we are and what we believe. The boundary for our own personal being does not suddenly stop within fiction. When we interact and interpret it and create for it, it is integral that we remain conscious that bigotry runs rampant, albeit often as an unseen force, within fandom spaces, and do our best to counteract that.

I have doubts that the new eddisode will treat this topic with the same respect. I hope you can all go forward with what you have read in this WAY LONGER than I expected essay, and do what those grown British men cannot. Even if they erase it, retconn it, or do not treat it with respect, let's all go forward and do better!

As for always, you can discuss more in the tags or my inbox!

I hope you have a wonderful life,

Fish

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)

but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!

so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"

....

my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!

SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!

[amokslime]

About the whole ADHD "finding a way to motivate yourself without using the stress of impending deadlines" thing:

I hate to say it, but learning to be nicer to myself changed a lot of that for me. I really truly hate to say it. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you gotta find a way to be nicer to yourself inside your own head, in whatever way works for you. I know it sucks so bad to hear.

The other thing is, if my brain is really refusing to tackle a task, often times the main thing I'm feeling is confused and understimulated. Which leads to me sitting there with the jeopardy theme song playing in my head, and then I unconsciously gravitate towards something that's more stimulating and therefore easier to wrap my head around. So overstimulating myself in some sensory way helps me be less confused about what I needed to do. Everybody's brain is different, though.

And uhh the other thing that helped is concerta, and listening to my body, and working on not being so ashamed when I failed. Which means you will probably have to fail a little bit unfortunately

[reasonsforhope]

By the way, you can improve your executive function. You can literally build it like a muscle.

Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.

This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):

Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):

Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.

But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:

Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.

Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation

Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.

Meditation

Martial arts

Sports in general

Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)

Woodworking

Cooking

If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers

Things can be easier. You might always have a disability around this (I certainly always will), but it can be easier. You do not have to be this stuck forever.

[talisidekick]

To be clear: don't call me either. I see it as insulting.

If you are neurodivergent (including all psychological conditions, neurological conditions, and developmental conditions) I have a question for you and pls elaborate in the tags if you feel comfortable

[drdemonprince]

just like going through the members of my family and my friend groups one by one, i can't think a single damn person i know who does not have a disability. ARFID. Autism. Metal rod in the spine. Arthritis. Cancer in remission. Long-term effects of repeated concussions. Bad back. Exhaustion. Crohn's. EDS. More Autism and ADHD. Migraines. Periods that lay them out for a week. Chronic depression. Alcoholism. Bipolar. Cataracts.

I do not know a single person who is not disabled, typically in multiple ways, and we all face increased disability as a natural consequence of aging. Literally every person on the planet becomes disabled on a long enough timeline. Yet we still talk about disability and organize around it as if it isn't social, economic, and contextual. people treat disability as an innate quality that some people have and some people do not have, and as if there is some large class of intrinsically abled people who are benefiting under capitalism and are withholding the fruits of their abilities from us or something.

i saw this post on twitter months ago that was like "I need people to understand that if you are in a relationship with a disabled person you are going to have to do more than them. you're not disabled and so you're going to have to do more of the work (around the house, logisticially, etc). that is what you owe them as an abled person."

and it just baffled me. because i have only ever seen disabled people in relationships with other disabled people, caring for one another in a stitched-together, messy web of interdependence and missed deadlines and dirty dishes and acceptance and love, not because disabled people are ontologically more generous than non-disabled people but because non-disabled people don't even actually exist.

the mythological abled person who can work a full time job, keep a clean home, do all the dishes, buy all the groceries, cook all the meals, run all the errands, stay on top of all the bills, carry everything, dash up the stairs, stand on their feet for hours, and have boundless energy without any mental consequences to that does not exist. it's an ideal created to oppress us all. it is an impossible standard the reification of which disables us all.

there is no one on this planet who is not disabled under capitalism and colonialism. there are only people who lack the class consciousness to recognize that they're disabled.

it's gonna have to be us taking care of one another. it's going to be the disabled caring for the disabled. it always will be that. that is the human condition.

[chroniccoolness]

this post is for the people with memory issues

people who's memories are getting worse every day, who's memories are stable but poor, people who can't remember what they did today or yesterday or this week, people who's childhoods are a faded blur. people who have slow greying-out amnesia that seems to just fade in and out of existence, and people who have complete blackouts, and people who have both. people who mourn the happy memories they know they've lost, who fear the bad memories they've lost that still affect them.

people who have "emotional amnesia" that makes it feel like none of their memories are their own, because there's few or no feelings attached. people who can ONLY remember the feelings from certain or even most memories, not actual events. people who's memory issues scare them or make them angry or make them miserable. people who's memory issues get them called childish or difficult or rude. who can't remember the names or faces of those they love. who are constantly forgetting the things that "you'd remember if you really cared". who misplace everything. who remember so little of their lives that they barely know who they are. people who's memory issues come from trauma/dissociation, ADHD, traumatic brain injury, brain fog/chronic fatigue, drug use, alcoholism. people who have no idea what causes their memory issues. people who's memory issues come from something else entirely.

i love you, you're strong, and you deserve support and care for what you're going through. memory issues can be frustrating and upsetting and disabling, and your suffering deserves to be recognized. whether you're soaring through recovery or are only ever going to get worse, you deserve good things in life and to live the fullest you can, regardless of how much you remember.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

[aroaceleovaldez]

The himbo, malewife, goofball -fication of percy jackson is such a crime by both the fans and riordan. It has made Mr not like percabeth as a couple because in all posts and in later books annabeth is such a girlboss, while Percy's dumb and can't fight his way out of a paperbag without her. All the posts are about how annabeth will be an architect and percy would love to be a trophy husband.

Even the humor in the books went from Percy's sharp wit and snark to 'my pancakes can't drown because I'm a son of poseidon.'

And now this recommendation letter bullshit.

Honestly now I'd wish percy just separated from annabeth (but they remain best friends.) He stays home with his family, becomes a camp counselor, helps young demigods, holds God's accountable and eventually becomes a social activist. (I also dislike him doing something marine biology related. It's clear he hates academics but he always wants to help people. Him helping demigods and mortals is such a wholesome profession for him.)

I fully agree with the first half of this, though I slightly disagree with part of the latter.

The later-series and fanon mischaracterization of Percy is at least a solid 50% ableism minimum, full stop. He's being warped into a very stereotyped ADHD character and the exact reason why he's being characterized as "dumb" is because of ableism. Percy is a very intelligent character! That's exactly why he's so in sync with Annabeth and they're such a strong duo! It's just generally Annabeth is more book/academically smart.

I disagree with where you say he hates academics - because that's one of the common misconceptions about his character. Percy doesn't hate learning or academic subjects! He's not even bad at them! We know explicitly that when he is in an accommodating environment he is interested in learning and gets significantly better grades! Percy only dislikes school because it is generally an environment that systematically he struggles with. It's literally just he has a learning disability (two, actually)! That's it! When his learning disability is accommodated for he does well! It's almost like that's what accommodations are all about! We know this from the first series! It's discussed pretty in-depth! Percy isn't a dumb character and he doesn't hate learning, he's just been let down by school systems so much that he's inherently distrustful of them. If they actually accommodate him though then he does just fine!

And that's exactly what CHB was all about and why New Rome University was supposed to be such a big thing for him! CHB is a learning environment geared for demigods. NRU is a demigod college. Both inherently imply an environment meant to cater to and accommodate students with ADHD and dyslexia! They are both systematically structured to be able to accommodate him! Heck, CHB and CJ even both address in the wider themes of the series a metaphor about how ADHD and dyslexia are commonly seen as childhood disabilities, and how it can be more difficult to find accommodations into adulthood because of that attitude but those disabilities don't just go away - that's why CHB is a summer camp but they talk about how demigods outside of CHB don't often fare well. The metaphor there is those who are not getting help or accommodations are struggling. Because that's how that works! This is a fully intentional metaphor from the first series! CHB is never framed as being perfect for demigods, because one of the entire central conflicts of the series is Percy and Luke going back and forth about this flawed system meant to help and support them but still letting people fall through the cracks. The "claim your kids by 13" thing is a metaphor about how acknowledging a child's disabilities (and possibly getting a diagnosis) earlier/as early as possible means they will have more time to learn and build up resources and support for themselves to be able to use later in life. One of CHB's major flaws is that it can accommodate demigods to a certain point, but it can only do so much before those demigods have to leave (the metaphor being accommodating school systems when those disabled students do not have any other forms of accommodations in their lives.)

And that's why Camp Jupiter was framed as being so revolutionary for Percy because it had an environment acknowledging that this is not just a childhood disability, adults with ADHD/dyslexia exist too and still need and deserve accommodations, AND is a place where those accommodations are available. That's why Camp Jupiter and NRU are treated as such special and important things to Percy, because it's essentially Percy being shown this type of thing can and does exist and it is available to him. It is an option he never thought was possible. Percy never thought he'd be able to go to college because he would not be able to go through school without accommodations, but NRU proves otherwise.

The part that's absolutely stupid is Rick then proceeded to retcon NRU so that apparently it's not a full college and Percy still has to take classes at normal mortal college which DEFEATS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF NRU EXISTING. Rick has fully retconned that demigods struggle past the ages of 16-18 when they're on their own (see above elaborated metaphors) and in doing so we have fully killed all symbolism in literally all of that. It's so stupid. And by having the plot of the CoTG trilogy entirely be that Percy is not actually allowed access to NRU in the first place because he is a son of Poseidon and has to do extra to even be accepted is stupid!

All that to say, I agree the marine biology feels like a huge cop-out and a disservice to his character by reducing him to just a son of Poseidon. The literal only reason why it's the default option people take for him is because oh, fish thing, fish guy. But I feel like everyone ignores the really obvious answer for what Percy would want to do which is - writing. Both his parents are writers/authors and he clearly admires that about them. Percy likes telling stories! He canonically is already a published author in-universe! That's what the books ARE in-universe! The first series fully exists in their universe and Percy is the author! This is explicit canonical information! Percy canonically has help physically writing it down (accommodations) but he is still the credited author! Percy is a writer! Already! Canonically! Why are we making him a marine biologist he already has a profession that ties into his character significantly more. Like you said, Percy likes helping people. That's what the books in-universe are supposed to be for! It's point blank at the beginning of the series! Book one! The thing everybody quotes all the time! The books exist because it is Percy trying to give advice to other demigods who don't know what's going on yet! It's Percy's writing down his experiences to help new demigods understand and contextualize their experiences so they can understand themselves better and figure out what's going on - WHICH IN ITSELF IS ALSO A METAPHOR ABOUT ADHD/DYSLEXIA! Because the core of the series has and always will be built around ADHD/dyslexia! Percy as a protagonist EXPLICITLY was created so that ADHD/dyslexic kids could see themselves as a hero!

Sorry that all was a very tangential rant but my point being: Absolutely. Percy in newer stuff in the franchise and in fanon is horrifically mischaracterized in ways that are functionally either fully ableist (shoutout TSATS for just outright claiming Percy is intentionally lazy and skips school out of disinterest, which is like the number one ableist attitude towards kids with learning disabilities) or a complete erasure of Percy's disabilities. Also I think he should be a writing major not a marine biologist.

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[veren-cos]

Asking out the Bachelors (SDV)

x disabled!reader

You presented him with a bouquet. But before he could speak, you interupt. "Now before you say anything!" He looks at you confused. "I want you to know before you make any big decisions that I am disabled. I get around fine enough, I mean, I can handle my farm and all. But some days it's rough. And I won't be able to. I might not have the energy for anything. I really- Really -like you, but I don't want to be hurt down the line because you can't deal with this." You put your heart on the line and awaited his response.

All Bachelor's below the cut

Harvey

• Gives you a big ol' hug

• Probably cries a little because he is so happy that you asked him out

• Hopes you don't notice

• You definitely do, but don't say anything because-how cute is he!

• The two of you just stay there for a second, because it's not like you can really move when you are trapped in a hug

• "Dear, having a disability is no big thing. So you need a little extra support sometimes. I am your man!"

• Literally will go to the ends of the Earth to help you when things are acting up

• When you go into more detail about it, he knows a lot already! (Duh he is a doctor)

• But he will do a lot more research about the specifics once you leave.

• He stays in that hug for a really long time before realizing that he never actually accepted your bouquet and becomes a bit of a flustered mess

• You think he is adorable

Sam

• As much as he likes to think he is sooooo cool, he is so happy that he just gives you a double thumbs up and a dopey grin

• He says, "Farmer you don't know how happy this makes me!"

• Invites you into his house to talk about things more, and plucks around his guitar while doing so.

• He doesn't know crap about disabilities, besides adhd and a few more common ones.

• But he is willing to learn!

• The two of you actually have a really long heartfelt conversation about it.

• Lots of hugs.

• Like he cannot get over the fact that you are dating now.

• Maybe a makeout session if the mood feels right?

Sebastian

• Kinda just stares at you for an uncomfortable amount of time

• You have no idea what he is thinking, and frankly neither does he.

• His brain is frying at the fact that you like him back.

• And then he is also panicking at the fact that you think he won't like you because of something you can't change!

• Grabs your hands once he snaps out of it, startles both of you

• "Yes!" He somewhat shouts, "yes! Yoba, I swear. I care for you and nothing about you will change that."

• Proceeds to just hold your hands and blush because OHMYGOSHMYCRUSHLIKESMEANDIJUSTTOLDTHEMILIKETHEMAND-

• Later when you talk about your disability more, he recognizes the name from late night internet browsing, and will do whatever he can for you when things get bad.

• Like Sam, there is a lot of communication about how he can help because he isn't well informed

Alex

• Literally picks you up???

• Idk he is weird (it's okay we still love him)

• Like holds you bridal style and gives you a big smooch on your cheek

• He doesn't care you have a disability

• Will do his best to learn how to help!!!

• Absolutely will take care of your farm and animals if need be

• When he sets you down he gives you an actual kiss

• Shows up at your farm the next day after talking to Harvey

• He wanted to learn a bit more about helping people with disabilities, now having two important people in his life that have them! (You and George)

• The two of you talk about everything

• Overall he'd be really good about it once he got going

Shane

If he was sober at the moment

• "We all have our problems, and yours is nothing."

• "I'm shocked you want to go out with me, but remember, this was your idea!"

• Aka, he tried to act all tough but when you look at his face, he is just a softy

• He has a slight blush on his face

• He is so happy you trusted him enough to tell him your personal business

• Won't be perfect by any means at helping when things get hard, but he tries

If he was drunk at the moment

• "I'm not dealing with that."

• And then he walks away.

• Regrets it so much when he sobers up but the damage was done

• If you felt that he deserved another chance it wouldn't be for a long time

• If you get together later, every time things flare up he just feels so guilty.

Elliott

(Apologies in advance for possibly being out of character. He is the one I know the least about-)

• Similar to Alex ngl (kinda?)

• He smiles at you, places his hand at the nape of your neck, and then gives you a kiss on the cheek

• Let's his head rest on your forehead for a few moments before accepting your bouquet

• Gives you a gentle kiss

• Will learn all of the things to know about your disability

• Makes sure you check in with Harvey about it whenever things get bad

• Will make you soup :) he knows it won't 'fix' anything, but he doesn't know when else to do when people aren't feeling good

• It's cute

• Will gives you cuddles after he accepts the bouquet, and makes sure to talk to you about what you need.

• He tells you, "nothing can change the way I feel about you. You are the light of my life." (Or some fancy poetry that idk how to write)

This is the first thing I've written that I've posted, so please lmk if I made a typo or something!!! And let me know if you want me to elaborate on any prompt. Or give me a prompt! I will be posting more, I just have to edit them.

Also I mostly write x reader, which I am down to make weirdly specific. Mostly fluff or hurt/comfort, but I am down for almost anything so if you have any fic you want written, lmk!!! I might not get to it for a while because, life, but we'll see! Hope you had fun reading, sorry for the long outro-

(Thank you to my friend for proofreading if you see this)

(Edited Alex's, thanks for pointing out George is disabled!)

[hellyeahsickaf]

Abled people don't fucking get it.

You don't get to imply I'm living some kind of "forever vacation". It's perpetual pain. If you see me doing something I enjoy, it's not because it's what I'd rather be doing than being "productive". I fucking miss the gym but things like video games are just a much more accessible activity these days. I'm not "lounging", I don't get a break from the pain just that sometimes I'm able to take my mind off of it

Unemployment isn't some kind of break or excuse to not participate in society (capitalism is garbage but being disabled=/=unemployed for the hell of it). For reasons, I fell behind in school, bad. But I got myself a diploma equivalent and finally felt I'd chosen the line of work I wanted. I had connections, opportunities. I had fibro and some fatigue (unknowingly CFS as that was manageable) but I was getting PT and managing it as best I could. All I needed was to take courses and I was ready for that even with the difficulty of my then undiagnosed ADHD.

And then I got sick, really sick. Worst mono infection my doctor had ever seen due to medical neglect, Shoutout to those shitty CVS minute clinics. It made my ME/CFS so much worse, I was stuck in bed all the time before getting put on Adderall for my then newly diagnosed ADHD. Then I thought the fatigue was finally healing and a side effect of Adderall was a huge crash and wave of fatigue. No it turns out when it wore off I just felt the fatigue again lmfao

I was told I'd be better within 6 months. Okay so I can opt for the Spring semester, no big deal. 8 months go by, a year, a year and a half. I waited and waited. Hoping that "when I get better" I could be caught up with everyone else I knew my age. That was over 7 years ago. Do people think I wanted that all taken from me? To get progressively worse and worse?

Do they think loss of agency is something I enjoy? Needing help, being unable to drive, to enjoy my old hobbies, cook for myself regularly? I've been accused of enjoying this and not wanting to get better as if this hasn't put my head in very dark places. Sometimes I feel like I see a way out of this and it isn't recovery. They don't get it. I don't enjoy being heavily medicated but I know I need to be. I don't enjoy having things purchased for me because I want more financial independence. I don't enjoy feeling like a leech, actually.

It's not a vacation, it's hell. You can go on about how much more exhausted you are because you work or whatever but the thing is I don't need a job to feel what you feel after working. I feel like I worked a 12 hour shift after taking a shower on some days, no exaggeration. You can't compare your able bodied exhaustion to the effects of a chronic illness that fucks you up without you needing to work a full time job. This is my full time job and it wasn't the one I was hoping for exactly

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I���M STUCK ON THIS FUCKING PLANET. I’M STUCK ON THIS GODDAMN EARTH.

Tap photo for better quality

That’s right!! I’m talking even more about sinner bodies because I’m CRAZY!!! RAAHHH!! 🤪 SHES SO CRAZY WE CANT TAKE HER ANYWHERE!! 😝 it’s 3 in the morning and I can’t stop thinking about this goddamn TV.

I think Vox is genuinely the most fucked up character in this rewrite currently. Not really morally fucked up, there’s definitely worse people, but physical alterations in hell out of the main cast he definitely has it the worst. In my last post I talked about how Angel formed in hell and I want to go back to this because Vox did not form in hell as a TV or even a robot at all. He got formed on the road after dying in a car crash and was literally just this fucked up clump of wires and metal panels and had gross little robot hands and he had to make everything else himself and wait for his body to adjust to it, so he literally cannot regenerate normally. He didn’t even have a face yet or screen of any kind, just a little camera to see out of. If his screen shatters he needs to get a new one or if his body breaks he needs to get it repaired, thats why he’s able to upgrade his body and stuff.

And like yeah some tech sinners do just form as robots but Vox just is a fucking mess and I think about it all the time and thats why his demon form is all fucked up like that and I think thats partially another reason he hates Alastor’s ideals so much sometimes because hes like “technology bad!” even though he literally is also partially a tech sinner and hes just stupid but like without technological advancements Vox literally would have nothing like they wouldn’t’ve met, Vox would not have a company, etc, etc and thatd probably help a lot of people yeah like the Vees would not fucking exist but ignoring that, just on a personal relationship scale I imagine your “friend” being like “man I really hate the thing that gives you life and allows you to live a somewhat normal existence” hurts a bit.

Technological regeneration is a bit more confusing and hard to explain than biological regeneration since machinery can’t really “heal” in real life. The concept sounds almost bewildering, like you can’t cut a wire and have it slowly heal like skin would, you’d need a whole new wire. But Vox internally, the things that allow him to move and live how he does now, it’s the only part of him that he can heal, and to him, it’s still “defective”.

Vox is disabled mentally and physically; he has Autism, ADHD, and epilepsy, all of which he is unable to be medicated for due to his new body. These are all things that he hates to acknowledge and will become irrationally upset by if they are mentioned to the point he will actively to deny certain aspects of disability. Being a man from the 1900’s-1950’s his views on mental disabilities and mental illnesses are… less than uh.. “acceptable” for today’s standards. He often disregards slurs towards this being called slurs and insists that “They used to just be words” or “It’s a medical diagnosis.” yet still gets incredibly upset when he is ever called a slur that actually could apply to him. In a way he tries to come off as purposely ableist so that he doesn’t have to confront this aspect of himself that he doesn’t understand. His knowledge in technology or sharks or economics aren’t “special interests” to him, they’re just “regular things a man likes”. He can’t process what a hyperfixation is. He doesn’t know that it’s normal for him to be unable to speak on occasion or that certain textures make him severely uncomfortable. These are either seen as weaknesses or “average people things”. Aside from how terribly disabled people were treated back around the 50’s, he views the neurodiverse aspect of his mind as something that only serves to further push him from grasping the feeling of regular humanity again.

For physical disabilities, he doesn’t lie or deny that he has epilepsy, yes he has an intense disdain for mentioning it, but for very few people he is close with he will disclose this information to them privately. There are a very select few people that are aware of this and two of those people are Velvette and Alastor. This post isn’t really about diving into Vox’s epilepsy so I’m keeping this concise because I have another post to put all of that in. Hope you all enjoy the wacky art :)

The binary says “Trust us” for anyone curious

[cloveroctobers]

SILVERADO — Boone [September Prompts]🩶

A/N: this was actually supposed to be my first drop out of the small bits of twisters fics that I’ve written but I’ve been waiting on a certain song that I knew fit perfectly for my loud mouthed ADHD baby + storyline so blame her okay!?

WARNINGS: written in bullet form as a “quick” summarized read type of situation since I’m not entirely in the mood to write a fic, possibly language, giving Boone a backstory along with reader (not overly done for reader dont worry), & the anxieties of finding your place in the world!

PROMPT ADDED FROM HERE & I’m using: 8) a coat draped gently over a sleeping form.

˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు

It’s become a thing, pointing out Silverado’s or catching each other’s eyes across the field whenever the other spots it first.

This was also a shared look that was given after the EF5 hit down in Oklahoma (along with the vicious wind that shoved you to the theater wall that you thought you may have broken a rib. Boone rushed over to you, getting you back up to shaky feet and underneath the seats as he shielded a bruised you and you accepted that maybe this was how it was intended for you to die, right in Boone’s arms. When it was over you snorted to yourself, not believing that you were more dramatic than Boone in that moment!) and you both made it back outside to excess the damage before running to Kate out on the field. 

A silent message of being thankful for that truck because the both of you came a long way since North Carolina but that didn’t mean you weren’t the same people inside.

You and Boone went to high school together, weren’t really in the same circles but had a few classes together and actually ended up bonding over a Saturday detention (you initiated a walk out during one of your classes and Boone set off fireworks in a nearby trashcan in the hallway for fun but actually caused the schools nervous wreck of a teacher to go to the hospital over it. She didn’t die though!) —real breakfast club type shit—which you mentioned and Boone was in awe that you knew of that classic.

That’s where you learned he was a huge film nerd and not just some loud class clown.

He would film majority of his friends doing stupid stunts and parkour all over the city but as an artist yourself, you appreciated the perspective.

Boone even started slipping pieces of paper of handwritten recs of films for you, whether it was in class or in your locker and you for him with books.

You learn he’s dyslexic and got crapped on about it by some “friends” and even a few mean teachers growing up. Boone even debated about dropping out of school after some disciplinary action was in place after he got violent because of his learning disability junior year.

thankfully he had a caring guidance counselor and a social worker who looked out for him and taught him how to start using his own voice in better ways, even if he chest got tight, blood was boiling, and if he stuttered.

Even learned new techniques to help him out with reading and writing.

He didn’t like getting confrontational but he had to learn to stick up for himself and sure it didn’t have to turn violent and he vowed to never get to that head space again but it was still a page of what made Boone, Boone.

He lived in many foster homes since the age of seven and some were less than pleasant. His mother couldn’t care for him anymore and he never knew why, which left an ache he couldn’t describe but he still remembered what she smelled like.

His father passed before he was born but he’s got a pocket sized picture of him at a race track…he’s got his easy smile and jawline.

His mother named him, “boone,” because that’s where she gave birth to him in NC. It’s not a nickname, or last name, it’s his government.

You’re originally from PA but moved away from a bad home life to live with your grandparents sophomore year in Banner Elk, NC.

Boone was able to reconnect with his father’s sister (who funny enough lived in Miami and actually knew Javi’s family) claimed that if she would have known she had a nephew, she would have done everything in her power to raise him.

He let her in because he’s always wanted to know what it felt like to have family that was blood.

Once high school was done, the both of you enrolled into community college with Boone majoring in media studies and video production and you in screenwriting and illustration.

Boone expressed that he felt like the school wasn’t teaching him anything he already didn’t learn on his own and quickly grew tired of the routine of school.

He was the first to drop out with the plan of having his own production company, he already had a camera or two and a laptop that he worked hard for at a shitty minimum wage job since he was fifteen and he had the YouTube channel that has over nine hundred subs then that he accumulated, thanks to those old videos of his childish high school friends but he also had side gigs of editing a few other YouTubers videos that gained traction.

It seemed Boone always knew what he wanted to do and didn’t mind if it took time. He knew after awhile that he couldn’t grow if he stayed in NC and knew it was a big ask for you come with him, asking you while the both of you swayed on your grandmother’s porch swing after that thanksgiving feast.

“…And where exactly are you going?”

He sent you that easy smile with the small laughter lines on his cheek, hands clasped together over the brown fedora that looked an awful lot like your papa’s (grandfather’s), “wherever the world needs me, baby. And I need my best bud to be right there with me but no pressure.”

Which sounds like he didn’t have any idea, just like whenever he would sneak onto your GranGran’s and papa’s property trying to get you to hang out with him at midnight on a school night. “To do what, boone?” You whisper-yelled from your window half awake; you hated having your sleep disrupted.

“Does it matter?! Why wouldn’t you want to spend time with me? I’m good lookin’, talented, the bestest buddy you could have ever asked for—

“Yadda, yadda, yadda.”

“Dang, don’t got to be so sassy about it.” Boone pouted with his arms crossed.

Yeah he was a sensitive thing but you loved him anyway, it was that kind of charm and heart that made it impossible to not believe in him. Sure you weren’t friends long back then but it felt like you were going to know him for a lifetime and vowed to have that friendship even more after that.

You didn’t break right away, telling him you’ll think about it but you were spending the holidays together and going Black Friday shopping with your papa—which your Gran-Gran all called you fools for doing.

She still went on that tangent about that time she went Black Friday shopping with her sisters back in the late seventies when she was pregnant with your father!!! which resulted in your papa having to post bail for her 😬

After a talk with your grandparents, your gran wasn’t exactly thrilled about this whole idea of you exploring the world while your papa was usually always down for an adventure and he liked that Boone brought that out of you.

In short: You were the house black cat and Boone was the golden retriever.

It’s funny how it took some time for papa to get along with Boone and see that he wasn’t just some loud mouth nut job who was always “all over the place!”, but actually found him to be a good friend of yours.

And Boone wasn’t going anywhere so Papa had to learn to love him.

You made some friends during your first year in NC, sophomore year but you know how high school friendships sometimes turns out!

Boone was the only one who you ended up being tight with after the diplomas.

Ofc they started to come back around once The Tornado Wranglers made it big but you made it clear that you wanted them to get well soon from their clout chasing. You really weren’t on the team anyway, which if you brought this up to any of the members they would tell you it’s all hogwash.

You came up a few of the designs and knew some web designers after the both of you settled in Arkansas (and they also helped you with your own work) but you kept far away from the tornados as much as you could…however you experienced one or two up close (before Oklahoma) after Boone and Tyler dragged you along just to show you what a day in their life on the job was like.

Tyler was also something.

He came up out of the blue and seemed to know who Boone was, Tyler saw his much smaller channel and was a fan of Boone’s work and said he could use someone like him for a team he had in the works.

Boone told him, “I appreciate that man, really I do but I’m a package deal.”

And that’s when the two of them snuck up on you at the parking lot of a 7/11.

You’re scowling at not having any luck on the lotto tickets that’s placed on the console when they catch you off guard.

You’re the skeptic of the two, wondering what the guy with the wide grins that resembles folds of batter motive was.

“Nah, I don’t buy it. You could be a undercover creep of a serial killer for all we know.”

Tyler laughs while Boone is rolling his eyes up to the clouds, “you’ll have to excuse my friend here…first they’re sour, then they’re sweet.”

“I’m not offended by any means, you do have to be careful out here…especially if you’re all each other’s got.” It didn’t take Tyler long to analyze the situation: old joints in a liter bottle, duffle bags tossed in the backseats, ash on the dashboard, minute man and Wendy’s leftover bags that decorated the front floor thanks to you having the passenger side door open to the 2007 Silverado.

In summary, Tyler assumed that the both of you were either on a lengthy road trip thanks to the NC plates or you were living in this car.

He would be right.

You held on for the longest being Boone’s road partner but there were times where this journey became a lot and arguments were had. Even storming off to catch a ride with a trucker back to the nearest rest stop to hitch more rides back to NC.

It took time but Boone searched for you, after you left. Almost had a panic attack once he realized the outcome of this disagreement—you no longer being by his side.

Boone’s voice is shaking once he locates you, “What? you don’t believe in my dreams anymore or somethin’? You don’t think I can do this?”

“I never not once ever believed you couldn’t. I’m your biggest fan, no matter what you do but I’ve got dreams too and this isn’t what I pictured.”

“Well i can’t fully say ditto to that cupcake, you’ve always been part of mine.”

And that got you back into the Silverado, things tossed right back into the backseat and arms wrapped tightly across his shoulders. “I love you booney, I don’t know how many times I’ve got to tell you and I can never picture a world without you in it. Life is just so damn hard sometimes and I don’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, I get it but we’ll be fine.” He mumbles against your shoulder, “I’m sorry for raising my voice…I just need you to never leave me, alright? You have no idea what that does to my heart.”

You kiss his cheek and apologize too.

That all happened a couple of days before Tyler found you two and ofc you didn’t want to be looked at like a charity case (especially since your gran-gran always told you to come on back home) but Tyler proved that wasn’t his mission in creating the wranglers.

You were more leery towards Tyler whereas Boone was more open.

Tyler even opened up his home in the natural state but you chose to continue sleeping in the Silverado for the first night or so until your back and neck told you to let your guard down some.

He gave you two the tour of his spacious storage unit where he sometimes did his sit down streaming on where he kept track of storms all over America and talked about them. If he wasn’t out there getting in on the action, he was sharing his knowledge on how this storm was working and providing links to support family and businesses that needed help.

Tyler Owens journey was lengthy too, you two learn. He vaguely talked about it on his channel but he felt like he could be open with you two in private and saw the determination in both of your eyes.

Boone with all things film and you with illustrating. You picked up that interest more than ever after being trapped in the car and grabbing a sketch pad from the dollar store you two always made a routine of going to on Sundays nights.

It was long a time coming, seeing this kind of success. With boone being the head videographer and editor, finding more family members along the way, settling into Arkansas (which you never would have guessed for the two of you), finding your own path in this world writing for some tv series and selling illustrations as a small business online.

There were talks of a certain network that reached out to Tyler, wondering if he wanted to have his own show—which was different than running a YouTube channel—and everyone turned to you that night in your shared townhouse at dinner, which you were oblivious to as you chewed into your food happily before being elbowed by Lily who almost made you drop your fork.

“Ow?”

The woman with locs looks unapologetic, “So whaddaya think about that?”

“About?” You question, now reaching for your beverage.

Lily groans with a hand slapped to her face, Dani laughs with a shake of her head, and Boone is seated across from you, leaning on his own elbows to peek at the screen Dexter is on to see if he’s listening, since (you weren’t) he’s visiting family back in Detroit.

Javi speaks, “told y’all not to bring this up while they’re not all the way fed yet.”

“Shut up, Javi.” Kate says while he raises his hands in surrender.

You turn your eyes into slits as you wave the fork at each and everyone of them, “Wait…have you guys been talking about me behind my back? And what for?”

Tyler clears his throat, “well if you had your listening ears on—

“Hey,” Boone warns, “not too much, T.”

“My bad,” Tyler sends a knowing grin before continuing, “You would have heard that I have a proposal for you—

“Ew, this finger is kindly reserved and not for you.” You peek down at the tatted diamond on that exact finger.

Tyler frowns, “now wait a minute, what do you mean by ‘ew?’”

Javi and Dani snicker leaning into each other, trying to stifle their laughter at Tyler’s offense.

You keep your eyes on the cowboy while feeling familar eyes burning into the side of your face, “get on with it rodeo grinch, I’ve got an early morning.”

That makes the table go silent, which was odd. Everyone was used to having their own separate conversations but the focus was on you this evening.

“Right,” Tyler clears his throat glancing at Boone who dips his head and gives him the okay sign which makes you furrow your brows and ready to question what that was but he quickly carries on, “I have a feelin’ I’m going to be part of that early morning since the executives that you work for invited me…well Kate, Javi, and myself to meet with your writing team for a show that approached me and wrote to me about.”

You take in this information, “okay…that’s huge if you’re all open to it? You’re be able to reach even bigger audiences than you already have. Are they including everyone?”

Kate speaks now, “we told them we wouldn’t be involved if everyone isn’t. They just want to meet with us three first and then if we agree to whatever contract they have for us, then they’re bring in everyone else to do the same.”

Two seperate signing contract sessions…you hoped they had a lawyer they trusted.

You’re actually shocked that Kate was interested since she was sorta like you, not wanting to be the face of the wranglers and cared more about the work than the show. She’s introverted but seemed to get along with everyone once she got a better understanding of what this team was about.

“Wow! That’s great guys, I’m happy for you.” You smile at everyone, which lingered longer on Boone who winked at you.

“Which also means that it doesn’t work without you,” Tyler adds, “I told them if they’re going to have some sort of layout of how these episodes are going to go they have to give me the best when it comes to these things and that’s you.”

You pointed to yourself which everyone nodded to, “that’s sweet and all Ty but… none of you give scripted tv. It wouldn’t be authentic to any of your characters.”

“Hear, hear!” Lily raises her black plastic up, “thank you for knowing us so well! But we definitely need you just as much as they need us. You’ll have our backs on the inside, is what Tyler is taking too long to get at.”

Tyler sarcastically replies, “thank you, lily. Yeah…we already told them what we wanted and they said they would talk to you about it?”

“I guess that’s what Jason was blowing my phone up about all weekend but he knows not to bother me on the weekends and he did it anyway.” You mentioned, “I’m thankful that you all think so highly about me—

“Are you kidding?! Course we do! Each of us makes up the perfect puzzle to this little gang.” Dani announces while Dexter nods.

“What Dani said!” Dexter calls out.

“Don’t forget that other part though, Tyler. About you wanting them to also be your manager.” Javi tells, making you blink rapidly.

“Seriously, Dude!?” What was it with everyone speaking for Tyler tonight?

Javi shrugs, “Just had to rip the band aid off, man.”

“…you’re asking for a whole lot here…when did this even all come about?” You sit back in your chair, feeling your crossed foot shake a little.

Dani answers, “well there were talks about it before we touched down in Oklahoma but Ty’s been giving them the runaround. It wasn’t until he and Kate made it to New York to pitch the barrels that the producers actually popped up to Tyler’s house to talk more about the show in works.”

If looks can kill, if looks can kill!

“But Tyler’s been thinkin’ about making you his manager for the longest if that helps?” Kate also cuts in, her tone attempted to be comforting although she can tell you’re dissociating.

She’s been there.

“It doesn’t.” You’re monotone but Boone can see the pressure weighing in on you. He thought having you part of the wranglers in this way would be the best but he knew Tyler asking you to also be his manager would be more than a lot, considering you didn’t like him chasing after storms anyway but you would never get in between that.

It’s his passion and who were you to crap on it? You saw Boone in his element, watching the videos whenever he wasn’t around and when he was, witnessing just how much went into all of it and you were more than proud. So you always said a silent prayer, every time he ran off to Tyler’s red suv doing some wild flip that should have broken his neck and was always excited to clock in for the day with his other best bud.

“I told you we should have buttered them up with a root beer float or a possum pie.” Lily muttered to Dani and Javi, while you went quiet.

The rest of the dinner was a little awkward but you all pushed through it since there was the weighing question of what you ultimately chose to do. You were more behind the scenes if the wranglers ever asked for your help on anything, preferring it that way and sure it would still be the same but not really if you became Tyler’s manager.

It wasn’t about the money or not wanting to put in the work, it was about the big responsibility of having his career in his hands. You only liked having your small business and writing rights in your hands but this? Felt like holding the beloved Tyler Owens life in your hands and that was a weight you weren’t sure you wanted to sign up for.

Worrying about Boone was enough for anyone to handle!

Tyler never did anything in hopes of getting anything in return, this you knew while you got to know him and consider him a big brother over the years but you thought it over while you lay outside underneath Arkansas’ warm September air out in the inclosed patio.

Thought so hard about it that when Boone came out to check on you, he draped a jean jacket gently over your sleeping form.

He sighed beside you on the lounge chair, getting ready to smoke when you spoke with your eyes still closed, “that better not be a cig cricket.”

You were cupcake and he was cricket.

“Why no, it’s my number one girl MJ.” Boone informed, “and I wish you’d stop doing the whole pretending to be sleep, sleeping beauty.”

“Who said I was pretending? My eyes are closed.”

“Are you sleep talkin’ or prayin’ then?”

“…maybe.”

“Aye look baby doll, you don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do. The tv part I thought you might be down for but I told Tyler that managing kind of pressure? might not be the best choice for you and not because I don’t think you won’t do a phenomenal job or nothin’…it’s just you overthink and you’ll constantly overthink that you’re gonna let him down.”

“You know me too well Boone Veluz.” You stretch raising your arms above your head, “but…there might be a good angel on my shoulder this time.”

Boone raises his brows while placing MJ behind his ear along with his hair, “don’t tell me I’m that angel?” He jokes while you scoff at him.

“I’m picturing more of a zendaya to be honest.”

“Hopefully not rue zendaya.” Boone mutters while you lightly kick his chair, which makes him chuckle a little.

You groan as you push yourself up into a sitting position, rubbing at your eyes before saying, “since we got to Arkansas…things have been looking up. It brought us to Tyler, you were able to further achieve your filming dreams, I was able to study and establish a career, we created a home together, found more family and happiness and I say that’s a huge blessing considering all that we’ve been through on this road.”

“Yeah you got that right, you’re a jelly roll hater.” Boone teases as he points an accusatory finger at you.

You glare, “if that’s true then you hate Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac.”

He exclaims, “Lies!”

“Anyway, I’ll have to see what tomorrow brings but I’m gonna sleep some more on it.” You start to get up, fixing Boone’s jacket to now drape over your shoulders, as a piece of chocolate slides out from one of the pockets.

“My advice if you do say yes twice: Just look at it all as a silver lining right?”

You hum as you toss the mini pack of chocolate into his lap before getting to your feet, “well…you’ve always been mine since the day we met.”

Boone felt like melting just then as you grab his hand, which he squeezes against yours as you kiss the back of his hand, “i love you, cupcake.”

“I know and that feelings mutual, Booney cricket.”

“You headin’ to bed?”

“Yes, I’m gonna need it for that abrupt meeting.”

“You’re gonna crush it, no doubt.”

You shake your intertwined hands up in the air before letting go, “God’s willing. Night.”

“Night.” He echoes and watches you go into the wood siding home, still being hopeful that one day he’ll plant one on you.

As always Boone just goes with the wind and where he’s needed, letting out a sigh as he checks the group chat where they’re looking for answers hoping that he finally did something about you.

“I’m not going to persuade them by kissing them, I told y’all that already. That’s not me. They got their own mind and know how to use it, so leave it be.” Boone quietly speaks into his phone before sending the message.

Lily: You must be a shitty kisser then.

Which is HAHA’d by Javi.

Dexter: not nice, Lilith.

Tyler: Patience little lambs 🙏🏼

Dani: uh…our patience ran out with you and Kate ijs🥤

Which receives two thumbs up from Dexter and Lily, an exclamation from Javi, and a thumbs down from Tyler.

Kate: gn 👋🏻!

Boone: goodnight lady! & guys…everything always works out the way it should 🤘🏽

Javi: hope that’s true my guy because my faith lays more with them than some monkeys in a suit.

Lily: whats storm par’s number again?

Dani: ohh!

Dexter: well…

Boone: damn ur on one tonight lil!

Javi: 🖕🏼

And then all chaos breaks loose in the group chat, which leaves Boone to rip into the candy with his teeth before he moves to head into the house and up to his room to get comfy as he watches this family dynamic carry on into the night.

Yet he can’t help but to let his own overthinking erupt in his brain—he’s always been a night owl—noticing that you didn’t leave his jacket on his bed this time and just hoped that you had nothing but good dreams and maybe even one about him!

Boone’s just counting on many more good years with you in it, is all 👉🏽🙂‍↕️👈🏽

౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు⊹₊ ˚౨ు

more September prompts can be found here.

[anamericangirl]

Hi! I’ve got a question. So, I’m in my early 20’s (so, I’m not considering pregnancy now LOL), but I have both physical and neurodevelopmental disabilities (ADHD+autism). How do you think, if I want kids in future, but I’m doubting due to my genetics and what if they gonna suffer the way I do/did? Is it eugenics? And what should I do? Am I a bad person? :( thanks !!!!

No you're not a bad person :)

What makes something eugenics is killing off a person because of "undesirable" traits they may possess.

Believing you shouldn't reproduce because of your genetics makes me sad for you and the things you believe about yourself. Like of course having disabilities like ADHD and autism aren't ideal but they don't devalue your worth as a person. Your life is still worth living and you have intrinsic value that doesn't go away just because you face some unique struggles and if you were to have children and they had the disabilities it would be true about them as well.

I understand not wanting your children to suffer through disabilities but here's the truth: any children you have, even if they are perfectly mentally and physically healthy, are going to suffer and you can't prevent all of it. It's part of life. But that doesn't make life not worth living. It also has beautiful moments of joy and peace and happiness and if you abort a child with disabilities to "save them" from potential suffering, you are also depriving them of all the wonderful moments they are guaranteed to experience in life.

The truth is even though we all suffer at times in our life, people don't actually prefer death to these struggles. Even through suffering people work through it to survive because we know the suffering is temporary and getting through it is worth it. And if people do get suicidal in these times we don't go like "yeah I understand because look at the suffering right now. We just need to let them kill themselves because otherwise they are just going to suffer" because that is crazy. We know they are depressed and need help because death is not the answer to suffering.

The same thing is true for unborn babies. killig them because of suffering they are bound to face is not the answer.

If you want children in the future I say you should go for it! Sure, they might have some disabilities but that's not a reason to not give them a chance at life. You can be a good parent and any children you may have can have beautiful, happy lives.

Hope this was helpful!