#i hate people who do that like there's no victim in this shit they bothed wronged each other
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You’re either being purposely obtuse or intellectually dishonest but what you are saying is literally patriarchal brainwashing and so bafflingly sexist that you clearly either hate AFAB people or don’t take harm against us seriously. It’s “transphobia” to demand and maintain sex segregated spaces? Transphobia isn’t the violent males who kill trans people, it’s the AFABs who won’t sacrifice our PHYSICAL SAFTY to protect AMAB ego? Classic AMAB entitlement. Yall tell on yourselves so loud. SRS does not erase male socialization idgaf how dysphoric a AMAB person is their emotional comfort should not be prioritized over AFAB safety. You really think it is acceptable for a AFABs to be victimized so AMABs can feel validated in some weird postmodern sense of constructed identity? We don’t need to check genitals I would have no problem with the manliest most masculine most passing trans man in an afab space because no matter what hormones or surgery are involved they cannot rape and impregnate me with their penis the same way an AMAB person could. We don’t need to check gender if we normalize beating the dog shit out of AMABs who threaten us and disrespect our safety by entering our spaces. D you think AFAB trans people should be put in male spaces, not only bathrooms but hospitals and prisons, where they will be at an even greater danger risk of rape than a AMABs trans person and also stand to suffer greater biological consequences since an AFAB person who gets raped by an AMAB one runs the risk of pregnancy. Also trans AMAB people commit sex crimes at an even higher rate than cis AMAB people, they are literally the largest recorded demographic of sex criminals, and I should sacrifice my safety and let them into my spaces (which again did not START segregated they became that way because AMAB people could t be trusted not to rape/assault AFAB ones)?
Also “capitalism is real because it impacts me in a negative way but all other forms of oppression where I might be considered the privileged one in the dynamic is just hysterical people distracting from capitalism” you aren’t even trying to be subtle in your misogyny go join MGTOW.
“If you include trans people who are also oppressed by patriarchy in your fight against patriarchy but don’t include your oppressors who benefit from patriarchy regardless of gender presentation you are hateful I hope you understand this uwu” literally such a long form way to say you don’t want AFAB people to have a movement where we address our own needs because AMAB people can’t emotionally cope with any reminders that they are privileged under patriarchy exclusively for being AMAB.
I have no problem with trans people, I know and love a good amount of people of both sexes who identify as trans. I trust them fully. That doesn’t mean that women who don’t personally know them are obligated to trust them. And it’s not just bathrooms, I spend a LOT of time in institutions specifically high security mental hospitals for violent/psychotic patients including people sent over from the jails for being too mentally ill to incarcerate. I have to take sleeping pills at night and fall unconscious in a room with these people where I’m only checked on every 15-30 mins which is PLENTY of time for something bad to happen. I don’t want to risk having to share that kind of space with an AMAB person. If trans AMAB people don’t want to be housed with cis ones, they can do the legwork and create those spaces for themselves like AFAB people did they do NOT have the right to commandeer our movement and literally erase our rights and protections because not allowing AMAB people into these vulnerable spaces might give them the big sad. My not wanting AMAB people in AFAB spaces is not from not knowing them, it’s because I DO know them and listen to what is said about AFAB people in TRA spaces and know just how AMAB they are in their entitlement to everything from space to sex.
“You are letting fear define your politics” YEAH MY GUY IM FORCED TO LIVE LIKE A FUCKING PREY ANIMAL!!! Some fear is completely rational. AMAB people can not be trusted in AFAB spaces and your suggestion that I should be okay with even a fraction of a percent of AFABs being physically harmed so AMABs feel emotionally validated is absolutely disgusting and proves how patriarchal you are.
Gender is literally fake and varies from culture to culture. Sex based oppression is real and fucks over the lives of AFAB people worldwide. I’m not basing my politics on protecting feelings, I’m basically them on protecting AFAB people from actual tangible oppression.
"OP is a terf" is a thought-terminating cliche meant to keep you from questioning the status quo and keep you afraid of being labeled a heretic should you come to your own conclusions about anything.
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I'm on my knees, looking at another girl who's on *her* knees, looking at me. Someone is standing behind me, my long braid wrapped up in their hand. The other girl looks scared.
"strip.". We're both wearing identical matching bra and panties. We both look away from each other as we take them off, too nervous to look- until I feel a yank, hard, on my hair. "No, look right in each other's eyes. Look at her tits. You're both fucking porn, act like it. "
I feel the hand slap my ass. The other girl winces, seeing the pain on my face. "Tell her she's just porn, just like you. She's nothing."
I look at her carefully. Her makeup is running from crying. She's already been beat quite a bit. "You're just porn. You're nothing." She just looks at me silently. "Keep going".
I look right at her. I try to summon up my contempt for her. She could have been so much. Now she's here on her knees in front of me stripped and crying. So vulnerable. "You're a stupid, stupid bitch" I start laying into her. "You're pathetic. No self respecting woman would let this happen to her.". The girl starts sobbing. I feel the approval from behind me and I can't help but start insulting her and betraying her for the approval of the force of that hand in my braid and the validation I know I'll find there if I just do a good enough job tearing down this victim.
I'm going to make her a victim.
"you're shit. You're barely a person, you just sit there and strip and cry.". I start getting into it. I'm masturbating on my knees staring at this helpless naked loser crying. "Go on, cunt, touch yourself while I insult you.". She's touching herself, one hand between her legs and one on her nipple. I can't tell if she's doing it to impress the one behind me or just to self soothe or because- "fuck, you actually like this? You sick puppy. You're not even rape bait, because I don't think you're even capable of having an opinion on who gets to use you. Nobody thinks of you as anything other than a slutty, easy, fuckdoll. You're going to remember this moment for the rest of your life. I hate you. I hope you get drugged and passed around a party. You deserve to be pinned down by somebody and fucked dry. You, oh my god," the hand is twisting in my hair and this poor girl is absolutely sobbing at all the abuse and I'm filled with traitorous contempt as I realize her flush is half crying and half arousal and I see- "you whore. Don't you dare cum. You sick fuck, you rug munching cock sucking ass eating porn making easy access " I think the bitch is actually going to cum, I feel all the approval in the world from behind me as I realize this is what they want, they want to see if I can truly betray this victim they brought for me to abuse to get them off, this is my value to them, to hurt this girl, I go harder, I feel a hand on the back of my neck, "failure, nobody takes you seriously, everybody just imagines putting you on your knees any time you open your stupid mouth, people on the street look at you and imagine raping you, your colleagues call you names behind your back, you're going to be like this forever, you stupid, stupid, stupid-"
I feel, somehow, the pull on my braid that tells me to shut up. I look at the girl I've been tearing down to earn approval. She's quietly crying. Both her hands have come up to her tits. I hear the voice behind me. "Spit on her."
I... hesitate. Do I really hate this poor girl enough to do that, is she, okay with that? Do I care about that more than I care about doing what I'm told? She looks so afraid. She looks so... you know what? She looks like she deserves it. She deserves it.
I spit on the mirror.
"good girl", I hear.
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Zionist.
saying don't fall for scams does not make someone a zionist. tumblr asks are NOT actual calls for aid!
i was just going to delete this ask like i do all scam asks, but i figured id post it just in case other people are getting similar things for... not being gullible? for trying to stop other people from being scammed and sending their money to scammers instead of actual palestinians?
many people in palestine obviously need aid. an obvious bot sending thousands of messages to thousands of people asking for "aid" will not help those people. they aren't from actual victims. they're from random people who are weaponizing the kindness of strangers to make a buck. falling for it helps absolutely no one. critical thinking is even MORE important in a time like this, stop falling for this obvious shit! they're just like the ai porn bots. they're used by the same exact people for the same exact reasons, getting money off those who are gullible. they're scumbags who are weaponizing peoples empathy to make a buck off a genocide. stop. falling. for. it.
they're trying to take advantage of you. they're assuming you're too stupid to think critically about who you think you're helping. stop proving them right.
there are thousands of actual ways to donate to those in need that aren't tumblr ask scams!
#this is an extremely frustrating thing that is becomming much too common on tumblr#those asks calling for “aid” arent real people. they have never been real people. theyre bots by scammers.#this isnt a new strategy either! scammers have been doing this for years!#its only recently theyve been weaponizing peoples empathy for palenstine in these godawful asks#be kind recklessly but dont be an idiot#why do you think all these asks have variations of the EXACT same words? why do you think they all talk like chat gpt?#there are hundreds of ACTUAL ways to send aid to ACTUAL genocide victims isntead of some random guy whos using chat gpt to spam people#these scammers rely on you not questioning anything. they rely on you WANTING to fall for it#donating to some random ass dude in luxemburg or whatever helps no one#for the love of all that is holy stop falling for these scams. theres plenty of confirmed ways to send aid!!!!!!!!!#free palestine#free actual palenstine and not random shitstains trying to take advantage of war and peoples empathy#the 'i hate ai croud' when the ai pretends to be from palenstine: real shit?!#critical thinking is a blessing for both you and the actual people you could send aid to :)))))))))))#this whole situation is so frustrating. so many people keep falling for these obvious scam asks#i can only hope someone thinks twice about sending money to some random TUMBLR ASK after seeing this#please send your aid to actual palestinians and not scammers
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There nothing I hate more than people making wukong and macaque anger with each other one sided like are you watching the show with closed eyes their both equally pissed at each other like it's not just macaque who's mad wukong is also mad it him if he was the only one in the wrong why would he be mad at him use your brain like the whole point is that they both wronged each other and hurted each other in some way there is no the one who's at fault or the one who should apologise they both should apologise period
#lego monkie kid#lmk sun wukong#monkei kid#sun wukong#lmk monkey king#lmk#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#shadowpeach#i guess#i hate people who do that like there's no victim in this shit they bothed wronged each other#i wish for everyone who victimise macaque and baby him to step on a lego
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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild
#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true#like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil#feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality#sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid#like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys#i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now#its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims#which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen#and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite#which is also stupid as fuck#not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole#anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people#but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men#because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man#sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole#if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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Mike johnson has so god damn much blood on his hands, obviously Ukrainian blood, but also plenty of American blood
Refusing to renew something that helps vets exposed to atomic blast and Americans who were downwind of the fall out... it's just sick. I can't fucking stand mike johnson, he's one of the worst scum to ever be in congress, and that's fucking saying something
"Johnson refused to allow House members to vote on bipartisan legislation to renew and improve the program"
Fucking quivering little pimple seems to have a real MO for just wringing his hands while insisting it's not his fault, he just can't do the one fucking part of his job of putting shit up to a vote... oh boo hoo, so sad, he'll just have to unilaterally let funding expire on things instead of literally just putting it up to our elected representatives to see if they want to vote yay or nay
Single handedly make the choices but it's not his fault when they work out how they do
Murderer
#I'm sorry; I both genuinely hate the man and will never forgive him; so seeing this just adds more fuel to that fire#and I'm also genuinely pissed to hear that we aren't gonna be bothering to fucking help out people we fucked over#it's fucking sick#listen; I try not to talk politics too much and I try not to tell people how to vote cause it's not really my business#and cause I don't like arguing with people on tumblr; waste of my time#but for all the dems many many many many many fucking flaws; it's shit like this that makes me hate the gop#every last line about sticking up for rural or poor people or whatever is such a fucking lie#god bless our troops... unless it would cost money to compensate them for making them stand near atomic detonations#at every turn I see fucking simple easy decent bipartisan policy shot down but fuckers like johnson; who is the gop at this point#fuck em; can't stand em#go fucking vote if you can in whatever country you're in; try and get a mail in ballot for your sake#I'm still not gonna tell you how to vote but uh... maybe keep in mind when someone's hands are fucking caked in blood#and keep in mind what kind of company people keep in their political party#fucking murder#cause inaction is murder as sure as if he stood their and kept them from getting treatment directly#removing the funding to let these people get cancers and stuff operated on#it's the same as murder#and again; that's not even going back to him personally; like literally it was just him and him alone#holding up aid to Ukraine for months because he refused to put it to the floor#where... oh look... once it was put to the floor it passed just fine (with a fucking tiktok ban added)#(hate that site but I hate government overreach with this kinda shit more)#one of the few people in this world I think I actually truly hate#I'm never gonna fucking stomach the 'he was so brave for holding a vote' shit lie#bullshit; if he had a spine or a soul he would have brought Ukraine aid to the floor before funding ran out#just like if he had a spine or a soul he'd have brought this radiation victim funding to the floor before it ran out#almost like there's a fucking pattern here of him squirming like a pus filled pimple simpering about how he just can't do his job#can't do the one fucking thing he's supposed to do and bring shit to the floor for a vote#I have more opinions on him; but if I said how I really feel right now I think it would get me put on a list#and... sadly just cause of who I am; if I were in a room alone with him I think I'd just lay into him instead of beating his ass#but he's a fucking monster and reading this story just now... I'm almost seeing red with how much it's pissing me off
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Not Reverse Robins or Scrambled Birds but a secret third thing: A Step to the Left.
Not Dick > Jason > Tim > Steph > Damian,
but Jason > Tim > Steph > Damian > Dick*.
But not only them. Every sidekick with a legacy name gets shifted one spot. (No I’m not counting the Golden Age because I’m not combing through that ).
This means that Jason’s Titans team is him, Mia (Speedy), Jackson (Aqualad), Cassie (Wonder Girl), and Bart (Impulse but y’know he was KF II in the comics).
The NTT team including Starfire, Changeling, Raven, and Cyborg stays the same since they’re the only ones with those names. Cass gets lumped in here because Jason actually wants to do college/is becoming disillusioned about cape life and the idea of Kori learning Cass's body language is too good to pass up.
Tim gets one (1) cape friend (because Jason only got one) and it’s Zachary Zatara because it has to be a d-lister who deals with that disaster Teen Titans era.
Stephanie gets Jon (Superboy), Yara (Wonder Girl II now), and Irey (Because guess what it’s Impulse on the team and not KF which means we get Impulse II). Secret, Cissie, Anita, Slobo etc. all stay the same.
Damian doesn’t get anyone until he becomes Batgirl.
Duke literally gets Damian’s exact canon team but it’s Kon instead of Jon and probably won’t end with them committing war crimes.
If the character in that placement dies in canon then the new character in that placement also dies (i.e. Jason dies so Tim will die/ Kon dies so Jon will die).
But there will be changes because these are different characters so not all of them would react the same.
For example, Jason and Cass are the first Robin and Batgirl, but Cass becomes Nightwing while Jason becomes Oracle because I feel like Jason generally fits Barbara’s character better than Cass does (which is a fucking shame because Oracle being someone named Cassandra should be a no brainer but yeah).
Or how Barbara should be Batgirl number three, but it’s actually Damian because Cass would see their similarities between them and offer him Batgirl (which he refuses at first but after his disastrous run as Robin he sees how Batgirl would fit his strengths better).
Also I refuse to believe that Jason and Cass would let Dick out as Robin so young so he’s benched until later and his place is taken up by Duke and instead of Leviathan it’s Gnomon.
#I actually have a lot of thoughts about this but I didn't want to word vomit it all up like I normally do#No lie Damian becoming Batgirl III was not planned but because it started off with Cass it honestly felt right#So now him and Stephanie parallel each other so much more than I planned with the whole 3 identities cycle of Original > R > BG> OG#Also Robins 1 3 and 5 (the ones who were actually focused on for a time) are all Gotham natives with strong ties to the people#So that feels right#Also also Mia and Jason both being on the same team and having similar traumas while comics were finally starting to tackle these things#Tim has to deal with all the shit Jason did including starting off as a Blonde Jason clone (hey Timmy Todd)#Being victim blamed for his death for nearly 20 years and brought back as a villain#Then left with writers who hate him and made him ugly *and* stupid#then left with Lobdell and having the fans of his teammates blame him and his fans for things that they had no control over#other notes I didn't put in include Cass's cover is that she's Jason's cousin via Willis who was adopted and it turns out to be true#Stephanie 'Ambiguously Gay' Brown with her team full of Women who can crush her like a bug#Cass 'Are you sure she's straight' Wayne and her Gal Pal Koriand'r#Jason and Bart's wild 50 years where they surprise everyone including the writers and editors#since none of their love interests stuck but the chemistry they had with each other was off the charts#so their friendship read more as a slow-burn annoyances to friends to lovers that was totally on purpose guys and became canon p52#like right before the reboot because the writer was like "Fuck it we're rebooting anyways!#if you feel like it's unfair that Tim and Damian gets no friends remember that I didn't shift teams at all only the people in them#so they get dealt Jason and Stephanie's canon hands#Don't come at me with 'uhm Robin is DICK'S nam'e' that retcon happened 50 years after the character#I can do the exact same with any character#great another essay in the tags#azol's posts
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and actually another thing also as a person w bpd im SICK of people pretending they are ALWAYS the victim bc of their disorder. no actually telling someone youre gonna kill yourself bc they left you or didnt respond is ALWAYS a bad thing, REGARDLESS of mental illness! its not cute or quirky to threaten yourself or others for ANY reason, and there are ways to explain the effect your illness has on you without putting blame on others for not being there 24/7!
#and im saying this as someone who used to handle my illness VERY wrong. as someone who did some fucked up stuff bc of my bpd. i can admit i#was shit and i never ever want to be that person again . but yk what i DIDNT do? flaunt my mistakes on social media like it made cool#i faced the consequences of my actions and i Improved. some of yall need to do the same. bc not only are you fucking yourself up. not only#are you negatively effecting your loved ones. you are also very much so!! normalizing it for others!! making it harder get better!#jesus christ i fucking. UGHHH i hate the way bpd is treated online.#youre either inherently a terrible person or can only ever be the victim. i hate it!! i am a PERSON. i am capable of Good AND bad.#ive DONE both good and bad. as ALL people have!#eurghh. slutever.
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im ngl the way some ppl on this site talk abt christianity is really baffling
#myposts#text of kin#my whole life ive been an atheist#with a strongly ex-catholic anti-theist mother and even she would disagree w some of the shit said abt christians on here#nevermind that like. im pretty sure people will just straight up lie about stuff thats a 'christian thing' or not#idk i dont actually think christianity is the bogeyman its made out to be#and i really struggle to think that im someone who at all FAIR to christians. trust me that i hate christians#its just like. comically absurd at a certain point#are you absolutely sure that its an exclusively christian thing to do squints social control? they invented and are the only ppl to do that?#youre sure? alright well if youre sure!#and im also completely sidestepping like. possible critiques to be offered to other religious structures. like even without saying#'hey its not the only bad one'. its literally gotten to a point just w christianity that some of u sound insane#honestly id love to see more. well frankly interesting discussions abt christianity happening on here#where is the investigation of christianitys role in colonialism? the discussion of the systemic violence its many forms have legitimized#it honestly seem like this site is hung up on#the role christianity plays in american politics and making that the end all be all#of both american politics and the effects christianity has had on the world--even just the political world#perhaps its naive of me to think this website would care abt anywhere other than american nevermind nonwestern contexts but. idk#it smacks to me of....ex christians particularly white ones making themselves into the only and biggest victims of it#which i would know because. again. anti-theist ex-catholic mother ive lived my whole life with.#idk how true that is. thats what it reads like to me largely#but i recognize for it to even read that way to me its getting parsed through my experience w my mom so thats a bias i know i have#all this to say. damn i hate christians but some of yall hate christians so much i think youve just started lying#and then also centering your particular experience of christians in an american WASP context#rather than discussing like any other (worse) form of harm christianity has been party to in say the global south
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THIS
Behind every 'JINX IS A REVOLUTIONARY' poster is someone who completely disregarded the Firelights and what she did to them.
#no don’t get me wrong I don’t hate jinx. she is a very well written character that I would love the shit out of in every other story#but I think the fandom has started to ruin her for me Fr#because this is accurate. people (both in the story and the fandom) are going ‘jinx is the revolutionary of zaun’ without any nuance#‘cause yeah. she’s become a symbol. but she’s arguably killed more zaunites than piltover folk.#she’s the reason why they’re in such a bad political climate. both because of the fact she got Vander killed and started working for Silco#who arguably did essentially nothing for the city (Silco slander ILY). but she then provoked Piltover#which is something zaun is not prepared to handle.#she killed a ton of the only semblance of a relief group they have (firelights)#and. believe it or not. this is not a criticism of Jinx’s character. she’s written extremely well. just like Silco was.#but I feel like people are just..ignoring the fact that they are objectively bad people (mostly Silco. not jinx)#because everyone in arcane has been shitty at some point#(not ekko. we love u ekko.)#but people’s love for Jinx and Silco specifically usually end with the absolute destruction of nuance for anything in the story#and this sorta has nothing to do with ops post now that I think about it but it just reminded me of that#because this is nuance that people forget in order to have Jinx just be a victim rather than anything else#also. people who hate vi with no nuance. like girl. what?#arguably the main character that’s been right about everything (albeit never quite doing it right) aside from being stuck in the past#see? nuance. not that fucking hard.#anyway. fabulous analysis op :]
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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
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not to do "discourse" or whatever on whats mainly supposed to be a blog that i use to find posts but im glad other people are finding val/houn (alyx vance/barney calhoun) weird. its like you guys saw people debating tooth and nail about free/mance and anti free/mance rhetoric of "hes actually in his 40s and knew her as a kid thats weird" and went "so lets pair her with the other 40 something year old then!"
#black mesa alert system#i dont have opinions on fre/e//ma/nce i dont really care. its not really my thing so i just go 'ok whatever'#like i think people who think theyre victims cause people dont like it are weird as fuck likw why are you that self victimizing#you sound like pro//ship/pers. when you do that.#but v/al//h/oun on the other hand....theres no debate on his mental or physical age hes in his 40s.#lets say even if the age gap wasnt strange cause 'duuuuude theyre both adults who caaaares lol' or whatever its like. their dynamic....#is just.....idk#rubs me the wrong way#i just hate v/al//h/oun with all of my fucking heart lol like i just want to talk with whoever popularized it :^)#slashing shit cause i dont want this in the tags. smiles. but its weird! its weird#you people are weird
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Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser
(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)
Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.
And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.
The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.
Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.
He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.
He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.
And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.
He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.
Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.
It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.
There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.
So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.
But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.
Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly
They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.
Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.
But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.
So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.
I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimcurly#jimcurl#jimmy x curly#curly x jimmy#tagging it as a ship bc I imply they have less than platonic feelings toward each other#No guy implies that his boy best friend is his home and he's his unless the two are in love#They love each other#it's an abusive and toxic codependent relationship#but what they feel for each other is genuine#anyway#Typical Mouthwashing trigger/content warnings obviously
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ok i keep complaining about feeling sorry for the victim from my story
BUT I DIDN'T EVEN CREATE THEM YET
what if they're a monster who only caused pain to people and their killer is the actual victim for having to pay for ending the victim's cycle of cruelty once for all??
omg what should i do the other idea (the one where i would criticize society) was also good 😭
#in one side i could make an innocent person get murdered for a really stupid reason#so i could show how people can do the most cruel and dumb shit over stupid matters#and then i'd show my hatred towards society#on the other hand i could make the victim a shitty person#maybe even make them inspired by the people who hurt me lol 😂 (i can't deny it would be a way to cope with the pain)#this victim hurt so many people including the killer#the killer couldn't take it no more and ended the victim's shit#but in the end they get punished even if everyone sees them as a hero#bc everyone hated the victim#i'm so confused lol#i like both ideas
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Astrology observations - Part 3 (use whole signs)
🎀 For a lot of people with moon in 7th house, their mother had a huge impact on their personality (in a good or bad way). They'll either admire her a lot and try to be more like her or, do their best to not be like her. Their mother usually has a lot of say in who they marry. If the ascendant lord is not strong, then these people completely change after marriage and start to behave in a way in which their spouse would like them to.
🐈⬛Saturn in 9th house people can be really good when it comes to their career, they end up getting promoted earlier than others, but I've noticed that they prefer to work alone. It's like, they create something, but they would like someone else to market and sell it since communication is not their strong suit. Can be very introverted, not the best at taking initiatives, are very prone to undermining themselves.
🎀 moon in 11th house people have a really good relationship with their kids (unless it's debilitated). It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, it's the same for both. They're the parents who have a very "chill" relationship with their kids, their kids trust them a lot, treat them as a friend. All my friends who have a great and healthy relationship with their parents, 85% of those parents had moon in 11th.
🐈⬛ Mars in 5th house people have such an "interesting" dating life; love triangles, friends with benefits, they've (or will) experienced it all. The people to say "it's complicated" when you ask them about their love life. But I've also seen that these people are very accepting of other people's dating preferences, this is one of the things that I really admire about them, this can result in them having a very diverse group of friends.
🎀 Jupiter aspecting ascendant/midheaven is one of the best placements that you could possibly have. I was going through celebrities' charts and I noticed that the ones who were exceptionally popular or rich had this like 90% of the time. With opposition and square it can indicate that people hate you at first, but then some info comes out and suddenly everyone loves you, but you gotta go through the hate first. Conjunction can go either way depending on the sign.
🐈⬛ Saturn in 4th house women have my full respect, like, these people go through so much shit in their life and yet they're so hardworking and never give up. Their mother was probably their worst enemy growing up. If you know someone who has this, give them a hug, they're carrying so much burden, and yet they never show it. You'll never hear these people complaining about life, have a very, "it's okay, problems come and go, you can't be sad all the time" mentality.
🎀 Sun in 1st house people make me so angry, I don't get along with them. They have such a shitty personality, and always wanna fight for absolutely no reason. Start a beef out of nowhere, but they are so fucking good at their job, that's actually what makes me hate them more. My class representative has this, and she's such a bitch, but she's so responsible, it breaks my fucking heart, can't even complain 😔
🐈⬛ Mercury in 11th house people have unmatched Rizz, will charm the pants off you (unless it's debilitated). I'm so jealous of people who have this. I know people with this, who are not conventionally attractive but their charm is what makes people like them. I never knew what it meant to be attracted to someone's personality until I met someone who had this. (I know this sounds like a backhanded compliment, but it's really not)
🎀 I have never in my life met a moon in 8th house person who was like....okay. these people will have a mental breakdown almost every week. Can't take criticism AT ALL. I have seen that people with this have a tendency to date whoever they see once they break up, just to show their ex how "wanted" they are, and it's not healthy because a lot of their hook ups have bad intentions. Have a habit of playing the victim "everyone bullies me 🥺" "I have the hardest life" and blah blah. On a positive note, they can handle fame really well because of their ability to manipulate people, once you get in their trap and start liking them, you'll never be able to hate them.
🐈⬛ I never see people talking about how smart Venus in 3rd house people are. I'm always so amazed by the way they carry conversations. A lot of women who have won beauty paegents have this because of how nice their answers were. A lot of young politicians have this as well. Their juniors often look up to them.
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#moon in 7th house#saturn in 9th house#moon in 11th house#mars in 5th house#saturn in 4th house#sun in 1st house#Mercury in 11th house#moon in 8th house#Venus in 3rd house#astrology observations#astrology#astroblr#astrology community#astrology content#astro notes
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