#but I think the fandom has started to ruin her for me Fr

[snakes-of-the-undercity]

THIS

Behind every 'JINX IS A REVOLUTIONARY' poster is someone who completely disregarded the Firelights and what she did to them.

[toffeeanddragons]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Thank you so much @idle-brit for tagging me!This was lots of fun :) 💖

My tags: @delyth88, @elymusplant, @galaxythreads, @chemical-processes. No pressure to answer, of course :)

1. Loki (MCU)

As much as I love everyone on this list, there is absolutely no competition for number 1. Loki has been my favourite character of all time for nearly 6 years now (because clearly the best time to join someone's fandom is after they've just been murdered), and is showing absolutely no signs of being replaced anytime soon. I have a Loki blog, for god's sake. The brodinsons are my favourite relationship in any kind of media, ever. I love them so, so much. Loki's a million different things and feelings, all at the same time, all fighting with each other, which makes for a wonderfully complex and nuanced character. Also, he's hilarious. Look at that eye roll. This is a man who hates his life, which makes me feel better about mine. Thanks, Loki.

2. Klaus Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

As will become obvious throughout this list, I love me an emotionally traumatised crazy person. Klaus is that. One of the characters who makes me laugh the most, ever, show-stopping dress sense, and a bucketload of unresolved trauma which goes largely ignored by Klaus, the other characters and the narrative itself? It was love at first sight. Their banter with the other characters, especially Ghost Ben (rip) is one of my favourite aspects of the show. Here's to hoping that Klaus won't be getting the Allison treatment in season 4!

3. Pippa Fitz-Amobi (A Good Girl's Guide to Murder)

I binge-read the entire AGGTM series earlier this year, and instantly fell in love with it. Pip is one of my favourite protagonists ever. Impossibly clever, compassionate, obsessive, badass, and a teensy bit unhinged. What's not to love? I would die for her. I'd say that I'd kill for her, but I think she's got that covered. I think she's written in a very realistic way, firstly as a genius 17 year old girl who doesn't really know what she's getting into, and later as a haunted individual who wants to stop investigating but can't. The way she politely knocks on people's front doors to dig up their traumas, accuse them of murder and all-round ruin their lives is everything to me. She is my blorbo. I am so, so excited for the show to come out, and I'm sure that Emma Myers will do a wonderful job as Pip!

4. Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)

One of the best-written characters, in one of the best-written series ever. Reading from her perspective is such a delight- she's endlessly suspicious of everyone around her, constantly on survival mode, trusting very few people and relying on exactly no one (to begin with, at least). She's a random teenage girl, from the poorest district, and she wins the Hunger Games. She's so mentally unstable that she has to be sedated, and still she's made to be the face of a rebellion. She's rude, and kind of unlikeable. She adopts all the weakest tributes, at risk to herself, knowing that they won't win. She's doomed to fail by the narrative. She's the it girl of 2010s dystopian YA fiction. Jennifer Lawrence is an amazing actress, who does a beautiful job portraying the depth and conflict of Katniss in the films. The themes and social commentary of the Hunger Games is one of its (many) strong points, and I am so so glad that people are talking about it again, because it is my favourite book series out there.

5. Mitchell Pritchett (Modern Family)

I have no idea what to say about this man, I just love him. He just like me fr. What an icon. Impeccable music taste. I've started saying, "no my god" now, and nobody understands what I'm talking about. Even in a sitcom, my favourite is the one with issues that he refuses to talk about or fix. The episode where he's trying to hide that he dressed up as spiderman makes me cry-laugh. Claire's speech at his wedding makes me just cry. He's not a perfect man, but he's certainly better than everyone else.

6. Shin Tsukimi (Your Turn to Die)

My favourite cringefail loser! I said Katniss was doomed by the narrative in a metaphorical way. This idiot is actually doomed.

No but in all seriousness, I do really love him. Before the beginning of the game, he was just a relatively normal young man- but, when confronted with the inevitability of his own death, he made himself into a monster to survive. He has a violent vendetta against the local badass teenage girl, who is traumatised as hell already and does not need Shin chipping in as well, thank you very much. I love his relationship with Kanna, his biological sister; how he uses her, manipulates her, and still cares for her so much that he dies for her with a smile on his face in the Emotion route. Conversely, in the Logic route, his actions are a direct cause of her death, and I just love how much YTTD hates siblings. I hope that his past with Midori is explored more in either a mini-episode or the final part of the game, because I find it sooo interesting. I'm super excited to see whether he actually has no chance of survival, or whether he makes it out, against the odds, on one of the routes. He's a bit useless, so I won't get my hopes up.

7. Rue Bennett (Euphoria)

I think it goes without saying that Euphoria has its issues, lol. Sam Levinson is an idiot. While a lot of the show (especially season 2) feels shallow and like it doesn't care about its characters, Rue's storylines always have heart and depth and I am so invested in her arc. It's no wonder that Zendaya won 2 Emmys for this role, because her acting is phenomenal! Rue feels so real to me, in the way that she's trying so hard to stay sober but she falls down and relapses time and time again. Recovery isn't linear, but she's getting there, and I adore her with all my heart. Her relationships with Lexi, her mother, her sister, and her sponsor, Ali, are my favourites, and the healthiest for her, in my opinion. Her brief friendship/ romance with Jules may have kept her more solidly sober than anything else in the show, but Jules (understandably) cracks under the pressure of Rue's mental health, and can't be there for her. Rue needs to heal for herself, which she appears to be doing at the end of S2.

8. Max Mayfield (Stranger Things)

Duffer brothers, please just let her be happy.

Despite only being introduced in Season 2, Max has, in my opinion, had the best character development out of everyone on the show. Her growth from someone standoffish, rude, and uninterested in the group (maybe I'm being a bit harsh. She was, like, 12) to someone who is willing to risk her life to help her friends and Hawkins means so much to me. The scene in "Dear Billy" (S4, Ep4) where she escapes from Vecna remains my favourite in the whole show and will probably be burned into my brain forever. Her relationships with Lucas and El are very sweet, and some of my favourites in Stranger Things. Her final line in S4, after all her struggles over the season, being that she doesn't want to die literally breaks my heart. I hope she gets some degree of a happy ending in the final season. She was my first profile picture when I joined this hellsite, and I love her a lot.

9. Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

The shenanigans that this girl gets up to never fail to make me laugh. The bit where she accidentally dyes her hair green and then has to hack it all off makes me feel awful for her, but. it's hilarious. Sorry, Anne. Her friendship with Diana is so sweet but also so funny to me because they really are the most chaotic duo of the 1880s. The scene where Anne accidentally gives her alcohol instead of fruit juice is so mortifying but so, so funny. Amidst all of the insane situations that Anne gets into are a lot of really heartwarming moments and relationships. Matthew and Marilla adopting Anne, even though they wanted a boy, because she's so endearing and alone in the world is probably what made me who I am today. I still haven't gotten around to watching Anne with an E, but I've heard it's amazing. I look forward to watching it when I have the time :).

10. Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo)

My first ever favourite character! Another one who I don't have a tonne to say about. She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment. She has done nothing wrong, ever. She knows martial arts, so watch out.

Honourable mentions: Thor (MCU), Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games), Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls), Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99), Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd), The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who), James (The End of the F***ing World), Ali Abdul (Squid Game).

If you read all of this then thanks, and have a great day!

[vicontheinternet]

Fandoms you couldn’t pay me to join even though I either really do like the show, did once or have been interested but for whatever reasons have been turned off by its fandom in no order

9-1-1 (did watch but fell off vapid fandom)

Buddie (no)

Bridgertom (was interested vapid racist fandom I find shonda Rimes to be very...)

Greys anatomy (did watch fell off vapid fandom with hints of racism)

Japril (I hate this ship with a passion mostly because their stans are annoying and turned me off)

Atla cartoon (comfort show vapid vapid fandom)

Anti legend of korra ( I have a love hate relationship with this show)

Driven (I do like them on a surface level but some of their fans can be intense) you will never get me to interact with driven content one I’ve seen multiple post attacking musa for being with riven or or calling musa ugly (she’s a cartoon character) or calling Darcy’s “spell” a dubbing issue while that might be true atp I’m over driven

Klaroline (jesus fucking christ sorry for using your in vain but this ship stans I once saw a fanfic that made caroline a original heretic and she was in the box instead of ester I'll give the points for originality but if they were to do a heretic bonnie was right there you know the wich that already had powers

Anti jegulus ( im not entering a fandom where the couple is written ooc to be together atp they are whole different characters) not trying to yuck someone yum

Sterek (these are some of the most annoying fanbase they don't even like these characters fr because rewrite them to make them so ooc that they are new characters. Why would stiles be in derek pack)

Stiles (I'm not going to lie I used to like stiles but his stans ruined him for me they were insuffible he could do no wrong in their eyes. All because he's a white snarky/sarcastic boy. Dont let write a crossover then they'll make him the most powerful being in the universe. Crossover with tvd/to he's loss mikealson crossover with supernatural hes either a Winchester that has demon blood also or an angel. They think that stile would be a better werewolf then Scott when everything in the show has told us that if he was the that had been the that had been bit his eyes would been blue by the end of season 1. And don't get me started on the friend subject)

The mcu (I used to love the mcu and watch every release but it became quantity over quality and its downfall for me was very sad)

Wanda maximoff and wandavision (I could make a whole video on the whole rollercoaster of thoughts I had on wanda and wandavision because like the mcu I liked both then I didn't. The decent of wandavision was more gradual with wandavision it was episodic to me it was a let down and didn't make sense while I thought Elizabeth Olsen acting was good the writing was not it find out that the writers were swayed not to look at the source material for the show because kevin fegie didn't want them to be influenced although that's the whole point because you're making a supposed comic book adaptation then there's the alleged part reshoot that happened because ppl guessed the ending and let's not forget the whitewashing of Wanda and peitro maximoff who are canonically romani and the mcu deliberately changed it to a made up country somewhere remotely European and made wanda a knock off Jean grey (red hair, pale skin, mind powers) for over ten years so bad that it started to influence the comics

Tony stark (hes a war profiteer, his fans infantilize him. They recognize his PTSD and mental problems only. His side of civil war was dead wrong and ppl to this day will not accept that even if you explain it to then like they are 2. Come onguys the un is useless even iron man knew he was wrong he broke the accords three times in the movie and kidnapped a child to fight adult that he had no business fighting. Also his fans are insane)

Specifically black arianitors that excuse everything thing that grow women does (now I don't dislike her or hate her but man her fanbase is annoying as hell especially the black ones it's like the one non black person who does problematic shit but has a lot black ppl in their corner rooting for them so when they do something out of pocket they don't even have to say anything they're black friends do it for them)

Taylor swift (need I could say more mind you I like some of her songs)

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

Rating Characters I've had crushes on. Pt 1.

Disclaimer!!! This will get more unhinged as we go on. I somehow have a thing for dilfs and its kind of weird but whatever. This part is just male characters that I can remember. If you judge, please do it anonymously in my ask box bc I like being a little messy at times/hj. Not all of these were sexual byw!! I was like 9-12 with some of these crushes

Wanring: i am a horny teen girl whos never had a boyfriend. It will get bad.

Book Characters:

Remus Lupin. 10/10. Still fixated on him and his complex character. Hate JKR and her stupid terfy face and literal racism and the way she ruined some of her best characters. (Definitely not salty about tonks and her entire character becoming obsessed with Remus) RIP, bbg. You deserved a better author and less mischaracterization from the fandom.

Cedric Diggory. 8/10. The fixation didn't last long, but it was fun. I think I clinged to him because hes one of like 8 Hufflepuffs mentioned in the books and IM a Hufflepuff.

Percy Jackson. The icon. 9/10. Love that sassy mfer AND HES LOYAL TO ANNABETH?!?!? perfect. Had 9 year old Izzy in a chokehold.

Nico Di Angelo. 7/10. I think I wanted to be friends with him tbh. It wasn't really a crush but more of a 'i am him, and he is me.' He just like me fr fr.

Carlise Cullen. 9/10. Hes a vampire doctor father figure. All the boxes were checked. I don't know why, but I read the hospital scene in twilight and my brain went blank. Same with watching the movie as an 8 year old. Got me giggling and twirling my hair.

Atticus Finch. 11/10. You're starting to see a pattern, aren't you? Bonus point for doing the right thing despite common beliefs at the time of TKAM. He's literally such an interesting character and I think I either want to be fucked by him, or I want him to be my father. I can't decide. He was also played by Gregory Peck, so...🫡 yeah.

Klaus Boudelaire. 7/10. He was smart, and little Izzy had a fixation on smart boys who would read. The actor who played him also looked like my third grade crush and 8 year old Izzy was smitten. I would've been best friends with him fr fr. Count Olaf can catch these pale hands.

Anime Characters:

I would like to preface this by saying I was in middle school and unmedicated. I am still unmedicated, but it was worse then. Thank you for your understanding about whatever the fuck this is about to say about me.

Sebastian Michaelis. 9/10. Still fixated on him. -1 for almost dying multiple times. Black Butler is STILL my shit. It was the first anime I was really into. First Manga I ever read. First hyperfixation I can remember that wasn't a book series, not counting My Little Pony. I saw the butler and father figure and 11 year old Izzy went 👀.

William T Spears. 8/10. I don't know what it was. I just liked him a LOT. The mental illness was taking over.

...Ciel Phantomhive. 7/10. Same reasons as Nico. I wont elaborate further.

Levi Ackerman. 10/10. Who wasn't obsessed with Levi when watching AOT?? Pfff imagine liking a type of napoleon bonapart 🧍‍♂️. Couldn't be me. Not at all. 🧍‍♂️.

Shouta Aizawa. 11/10. I have no words to explain why my brain decided the teacher was my crush. Hes twice my age. Hes sleep deprived. He has zero patience left. But my brain said tehehe go for THAT one. And he was just trying to sleep in that yellow sleeping bag.

Shoto Todoroki. 6/10. I was influenced by the fandom at the time. Hes...fine I guess. Another complex traumatized character. Had 11 year old Izzy in a chokehold. Idfk.

(Unfortunately) Kai Chisaki. 3/10. He was hot to 13 year old Izzy. Complex character but unfortunately a bad person. Can't defend myself here.

Dabi. 4/10. It's slightly better than Chisaki. Had a love/hate thing. I wrote a fanfic about ripping his staples out and leaving him to die. I had problems, if you couldn't tell. Thats literally the only violent thing I'd ever written and it was one of my most popular fics on my old blog (RIP all the fics I deleted)

Kusuo Saiki: 10/10. Looking back on it, he's literally so me core. Would we be friends irl? Probably not. I think my intrusive thoughts would take him back and he'd be like '...what the fuck??' So yeah. But also yeah. He's literally so me. He just wants to be left alone but ALSO SECRETLY ADORES HIS FRIENDS!!!! Had middle school me in a deadlock. Still have stickers of him (everyone say thank you jamie).

TV and Movies:

The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. 6/10. I think its kind of common for little girls. Idk.

Prince Eric. 9/10. I think he was also common for little girls. Bro was brainwashed but lowkey reluctant bc I think he KNEW Ariel was the singing girl. I love himbos.

The Phantom of the Opera. 10/10. We love serial killers who are also obsessive but also very fucked up. And he can play the organ 🙂. Yumby. It was fruit for the soul. Talking about 2004 movie, but 1990s miniseries Erik was also good.

I guess Carlise Cullen coukd also be over here but wtv.

Bela Lugosi Dracula. 7/10. -3 bc I haven't seen the movie but hes so <333. Book Dracula is also <333. They're both such menaces but also so <333

Jack Skellington. I can't even rate this. I have no words for myself.

Beetlejuice. Same with Jack. I have no words for myself.

Hannibal Lecter (NBC series). 9/10. Most recent as of the day im making this. -1 point for making Will go insane. Bros literally insane. I would let him manipulate me 😍/hj. Just kidding. If he was my therapist I would cry. He would say something after psychoanalyzing me and I would start sobbing. And then he'd kill me. Boom.

Will Graham. 9/10. Tbh!!! More of a father figure crush thing. Is also my type. Tragic brunette with glasses. Bro needs a fucking break. Please let him live peacefully. (Number one Jack Crawford hater‼️‼️)

Musicians:

Jareth the Goblin King. 8/10. I love David Bowie. Thats all.

Dracula Tepes (Castlevania). 9/10. Yes he tried killing humanity. They killed his wife. It was only fair. Another vampire dilf. Gotta love em.

Adrian Tepes. ^ 9/10. Dracula's tragic vampire son. I HAVE A TYPE.

Papa Emeritus III: Ghost. 9/10. Made a great Album (Meliora). Our great icon. Wants to fuck Omega (Ghoul) and tbh I get it. Those ghouls are sooo awesome and cool. I love a short flamboyant man who can sing. Favorite song of his is Cirice. And Bible. Bible is underrated fr fr. Is my favorite Papa from Ghost but honestly I love all of them so count that 9/10 as a rating for all of them.

Papa Emeritus IV. 9/10. I love him too. Tbh. The Papa that I have been around for. Thank you Frater Imperator‼️‼️. You go Copia. Hes so bbg coded. Bro has glittery jackets and sings about Rats. Who wouldn't love that??

David Bowie: 10/10. Less of a crush and more of a I love his music so much and I need ALL OF YOU to know.

Video Games

Jumin Han (Mysmes). 8/10. He was the first good ending I got between him and 707. Had me stressing. Does Jumin Han Is Gay? (Maybe). Had 12 year old izzy questioning things.

707. ^-^. 9/10. Mfers route had me STRESSING. it took me 6 WEEKS to get the good ending and when I finally got it, my mom was like woah good for you hon. So -1 point for that, but also +1 to the traumatized smart boy type I have. Tried Honey Butter chips bc of him. Went hard asf. Got harrassed by an adult bc of a fanfic I liked on here. That was fun.

Julian Devorak. 10/10. He was the only route I've finished on The Arcana and I love him with all my heart. Lowkey wish there was less smut about him. I wanna give this tall ginger man a bone crushing hug.

Link (LOZ). 6/10. I was four.

Sebastian (Sdv) 10/10. I play his route every single time. Literally at 6 hearts with him rn at winter year 1. Hes also the sad coder core. I think I have a type. Idk.

Barbatos (Obey Me). 10/10. Same as Sebastian Michaelis. Something about OP butlers.

Lucifer (Obey Me) 10/10. I always wanted to hug him and then run away like a chaos child. More of a platonic thing for both him and Barbatos. Inner child screamed. I would literally play obey me for hours. It was always open on my little Moto E6. Deleted Mystic Messenger for it. And vice versa. Fun stuff.

Anywaysss haii thats all for now!! Part 2 will probably be soon. Maybe. It'll be all the women I had crushes on as a child. I was very gay. I go both ways. Fr fr.

[wolfepirat3]

Magnificent Seven 1998

This, is not going to be a structured post by any means.

I am about to spew so much shit out your mind will be left reeling because you have no fucking clue about what im trying to say

But, im about to talk about my intense love for this show.

Its going to entail a lot of jumping around between thoughts and ideas because i dont know where to begin when it comes to me talking about this show and how much i care about it.

If we are going to start somewhere, it has to be the friendships

I love how almost all of the seven have a closer friendship to one out of all the rest of them. Examples being vin and chris, buck and jd, and josiah and nathan.

Unfortunately ezra doesnt have that, but i do love when the fandom makes him have good friendships with the rest in their own ways (i have a huge bias towards ezra & vin, ezra & jd, and ezra & buck friendship fr)

Vin and chris were literally destined to be bffs, i think it comes with being named Chris and vin because this is one of the few things actually retained from the 1960 version of mag 7 and i really do love the connection the characters have. Especially with how they basically communicate with little looks and gestures and dont even really need a full out conversation to be close with one another.

Buck and jd actually make me go crazy and i want to cry everytime i think about them because the friendship chemistry they have is insane. Their banter and how theres literally at least one scene of them hanging out together in ever episode makes me so happy. Literally found family brothers of im being honest.

I dont have as much to say about josiah and nathan (though i do love them very much), but i like how their friendship is established as already existing during the pilot because it adds a nice difference to the fast forming friendships of the other two pairs. I also like how im season twos premiere that when the seven split up, they still went together to the seminole camp to continue their lives. Its just really nice to have a strong, established friendship that holds up through the series.

Okay so now i want to talk ezra (hes literally my favorite and hes also literally me idc)

Ezra is such an interesting character because he doesnt have that bond between him and another one of the seven like the others do. Yeah he hangs out with all of them but you cant really point to one specific character and say 'yeah, thats his bff'

Out of the seven hes the one who has the least amount of reason to remain in the town (also for my sake im just going to call it by the fandom name through here on out- four corners- because its a fitting name and the town doesnt cut it for me) unlike the rest. Everyone all wants to protect four corners, but getting into specifics:

Chris has mary and billy he wants to look after

Vin has a place to call home that he doesnt have to run from due to being wanted (even though that gets resolved in sins of the past)

Nathan has people he can take care of and heal

Josiah can repent and do something good

JD can make a life for himself in the west and prove himself

And Buck can try (and fail) to get ladies (and of course look after JD)

But ezra? The most he had was wanting to buy his saloon, but thats ruined by maude (and i have so much to say about ezra and hers relationship)

Well i guess the most prominent reason he had to stay was when judge travis made him stay for 30 days so he could get out of being arrested. But then by the time the days were over he decided to stay (which shocked everyone including himself)

I believe that subconsciously, he realizes that four corners and being with the seven is where he belongs and that this is the right path in life for him.

I also like how his relationship with other characters grow throughout the show and how he (slightly) improves as a person. Also also how you can see that he isnt completely self absorbed from the get go

examples:

Literally the pilot episode where, admittedly, he does try to run. BUT he ends up coming back in the end to help everyone out because he knows its the right thing to do

In serpents when yes, hes trying to steal all the money. BUT he realizes that someones trying to kill mary and literally puts his life on the line to save her?? Like yeah hes selfish and hedonistic, but he does do the right thing eventually

Like in working girls when he was giving the ladies lessons. He did do it for money reasons, but he was also trying to make sure that theyd be able to get onto their feet and have good lives. He also didnt have to do drag to distract the people at wickestown, but he does because he knows that itd most likely succeed in the end.

And now, onto his mother.

If theres one thing i want to get straight, its the fact that i HATE when people demonize maude and try to make her out to be a horrifically malicious woman that hates ezra and only manipulates him for selfish reasons.

Yes, she sucks a good deal of the time and does actively make life hell when shes running a con, but shes also doing what she knows will keep her afloat in life.

She did drop ezra off at familys places when she went off to do cons ezra couldn't, which did contribute to her bad parenting because it really isnt fair to do that to anyone. But i think some people need to realize that she was a single mother that had to provide for a child and was just trying to do it in a way that she knew best.

Her tactics are manipulative at times and she has done things during the course of the show that shit on everything ezra was working for (namely: ruining his one dream of owning a saloon by almost immediately buying it out after he spent so long saving up money) and most of time its because she wants to 'teach him a lesson' but we cant hate on her for being a shittier person than she actually is.

Its extremely clear that she cares for ezra and loves him and its also very clear that ezra loves her back because he still puts up with her everytime she comes through four corners.

Okay ezra rant over i think

Now i kind of just want to talk about fandom and headcanons and those kinds of things

Now im not an active participant in the fandom (mostly because its very small and very dead and idk where to find other fans), but i do read a lot of fics from 20 years ago and ive picked up on a lot of things that they did back then that ive come to love very much.

If theres one thing i love it's ezra centric fics, especially ones that include the seven comingore to understand his philosophy about things and realizing that what he does is how he shows he cares, something bad happening that involves a misunderstanding of some sort that leads to an arduous process of realization and forgiveness, and also i do love just good friendship and teamwork

I also like all the AUs that people have come up with (such as the ATF one, i was wary of it at first but i think its so cool how well thought out everything is). Also how they share ideas and ocs and theres always a thanks and acknowledgment towards the people who created the ideas. (Like when i first started getting into the fics i thought Chaucer and Four Corners were canon names, but i was so shocked when i found out that someone came up with it and everyone agreed that theyre really good names and went with them)

Finally, for now, i want to cover some of my headcanons for the guys cuz im a little silly like that and i have way too many thoughts bouncing around in my cranium

Buck with heterochromia

I thought of this one when i was trying to do a drawing of the seven and i found out his eyes were blue and not brown like i thought. Instead of conforming because im too cool for that, i decided to just go with blue and brown

Ezra probably knows most of the main romance languages (specifically french, spanish, and italian)

It just feels like something he wouldve learned either by maude making him or something hed do on his own for con reasons

Vin is more blond than he is in canon

If im being completely honest and genuine, for the first probably six months after getting onto the show i couldve and wouldve sworn that vin was blond. Then i was getting pictures of the characters when o realized that hes actually a brunette??? So anyways my thought process for the blond thing is that its kind of bleached by the sun considering he spends a lot of time outside and especially due to his upbringing

JD has a little scar through his eyebrow because he was fooling around and got cut there

Another thing that came up when i was drawing a few years back. I just thought it looked cool but its something that happened as a complete accident that jd thinks looks cool, but when someone asks how it happened he gets really embarrassed because he was doing something stupid

Post series, Nathan and Ezra actually talk shit out and find common ground so they arent so pissy with each other

I just want them to be friends tbh, like genuinely theyd be the kind of friends that hate each others guts but would do absolutely anything to anyone if something bad happened to the other one

Character ages are another headcanon i have. Last year i wanted to see how old the actors were during the filming of the show compared to how old i thought the characters were and i was a little surprised at some if im being honest. Anyways heres my headcanon ages

Chris - 37

Buck - 39

Vin - 31 (which actually coincides with how old eric close was so i did pretty good in this matter)

Ezra - 29

Nathan - 30

Josiah - 49

JD - 21 (though i have seen some people say hes meant to be 18/19? Idk I just know hes meant to be young)

Okay i think thats completely it for now. I said so much but i dont actually know how much makes sense

Thanks anyways! Plz watch the show if you havent i promise is so worth it!!!!

Have a good day, until next time

[neon-vocalist]

rating music obsessions various headmates gave us, in no particular order

dresden dolls - 8/10 - courtesy of cinna evanthe

i liked this one!! painful lyrics, impressive sound, and i think i was (am) pretty normal about it. easy to study to! slightly problematic artists i guess but we ignore that. points added for supplying me with good sheet music for months. points taken away for this one being cinna’s fault (he is absolutely NOT normal about it).

waterparks - 3/10 - courtesy of rue fowler

embarrassing. not even that good. no bonus points added. points taken away for giving me the illusion of being easy to play on the guitar (it wasn’t. wtf is c#m)

set it off - 8/10 - courtesy of sunnie madden

this one was good. despite me being really annoying about it to anyone who would allow me (points taken away), the lyrics are excellent, it got me playing the piano again, our murderous 6 year old is directly sourced from one of their songs, and they’re good people! points added for getting me through a 60 hour road trip and being supportive of neopronouns.

random encounters - 6/10 - courtesy of xenie saltzman-herbert

remember when i said parx was embarrassing? this was worse. but i didn’t bother anyone about it, the videos are pretty funny, and the music is genuinely good. points added for providing xenie with a loving family. points removed for AJ pinkerton’s existence

musicals in general - -182827371734/10 - courtesy of seven sawyer-heron

this started with hamilton in the fifth grade and then got exponentially worse. caused more trauma than one would expect. ruined my life. put our headcount at over 300 alters at one point. i was so fucking obnoxious about it too. and i couldn’t even sing so there was not a single redeeming quality. absolutely fucking not

ado - 9/10 - courtesy of kai saikota

ongoing (which is probably why it has such a high rating). but the music is so fucking good??? role model fr??? makes kai happy, makes me happy, and very pretty sound. i love her. she’s an icon. one point deducted for encouraging my mother to be a little bit racist and bodyshame me

niigo - 7/10 - courtesy of like…. everyone. all at once.

this one was….. fine. nothing exciting comes to mind. they’re all bops. not awful but not outstanding. listening to them makes crowe’s parents come into front and start singing and dancing but i can’t decide if this is a good thing or not

motionless in white / ice nine kills - 8/10 - courtesy of sunnie madden (again)

lumping these together because they happened at the same time, we saw them together in concert, and were equally obsessed with both. points added for providing me with vin and lanie, a really cool concert, and excellent music. also put the idea in my head that i could be a rockstar in the future. again can’t decide if this is good or not

egg - 8/10 - courtesy of probably emery greenhoe

ok i actually loved this one. exposed me to a wider variety of songs than i’d normally listen to and was really good to do schoolwork to. not super loud so i could listen to it at top volume and my ears were fine. very pretty voice and supporting a lesbian creator. points deducted for making me think i could sing

fall out boy - 7/10 - courtesy of seven sawyer-heron and emery greenhoe

we were chill about this one!! really good lyrics and a generally nice fandom. emo music awakening

taylor swift - 2/10 - courtesy of seven sawyer-heron

it’s taylor swift i think that’s all i need to say

[i-willstealyourtoes]

✚✚ ABOUT ME ✚✚

(Just realised I haven't made one yet lol)

✚General✚

Name: 'IWillStealYourToes'

Nicknames (in order of pref): Toto, To, IWillStealYourToes (bit ominous saying my whole username 💀 /lh)

Pronouns + Gender: She/her + Female

Sexuality: Bisexual/a-spec(?) + maybe polyam (I'm open to trying)

Languages: English, though I'm learning German and Spanish too :)

MBTI: ENFJ(-T)

Other: I'm neurodivergent bc I have OCD (and maybe smth else like ADHD)

✚Interests✚

Academic:

Languages - Ever since early Highschool, I adored all languages! I currently only learn German and Spanish, but if I could I would learn French too. My dream is to be at least tri-lingual!!

Maths - I think since I was young I was always good at maths, which I'm very grateful for. I think my favourite type of Maths is probably shapes in triangles or something like that, though algebra in general is fun :)

Accounting (ik ew) - In the beginning I found it difficult, but the more I learnt the easier I found it. Sometimes it's nice just sit and do numbers and nothing super creative.

Non-academic:

Gaming - I love gaming with all my heart. I think I've always been interested in games since I was at least 9 or something. My current favourite game is probably TF2!! I started playing in 2019 and haven't stopped loving it since (although the a lot of the playerbase can be toxic)

Drawing - I'm not the best at drawing, but a sketch now and then always helps me, especially when I want to make a new OC! I also like sketching up outfit ideas for me to try out later. I usually draw fem people, since I'm not that good at drawing masc people :(

Writing - Of course I love writing! I started writing 'x reader' fics when I was on Wattpad then moved to Tumblr!

Playing piano - I'm self-taught so I'm not that good, but I still enjoy playing simple tunes now and then. Last song I was learning was 'I Giorni'. :)

Swimming - I don't take classes, I just enjoy relaxing in the water. Sometimes it's really nice just to immerse yourself in the water and not make a sound, you know?

✚My current fandoms✚

TF2 - I think this is probably my special interest lol. I love TF2 more than anything, if I can relate it to TF2 I probably have tbh-

My fave character is Engie or Demo and my main is Medic!

PAYDAY 2 - Something about shooting things as a team is just rlly fun to me lmao. The OST is genuinely so good if you can't get the game just listen to it pls- I usually am a stealth guy but omg M1 garand yippeeeee- Used to be my hyperfixation lol

My fave character is Sokol or Dallas and my main is Joy (I play Sokol or Dallas sometimes)

Undertale - Probably the first game I actually loved??? It's literally still on my favourite list fr- I would play it again but I did the True Pacifist run and I don't wanna ruin Frisk's life 😭

My fave character is Papyrus!

Star Wars: Clone Wars - It's an amazing show with great characters and visuals! I definitely have it as one of my special interests... It's really interesting to watch the show and see how each season the animation/visuals improve. I wish there was a separate show or smth where the clones actually get a good ending for once... 😭

My favourite character is Fives, Tech or Plo Koon :)

(I literally just found out the graffiti on Plo Koon's ships say 'Plo's Bros' and I can't stop thinking about it)

Lethal Company - I love this little horror game so much! I had a hyperfixation (no longer) to the point I actually made a 67 slide PowerPoint about it... I might have a problem. I like playing it with my friends the most, since I get scared alone really easily!

Republic Commando - Recently got it and I am hyperfixating fr 😭 I love these lil guys so much I sure hope nothing bad happens to them (especially to Scorch and Sev haha) (/s, I know what happens)

My fave character for sure is Scorch :) He's just a silly guy (he has committed several murder-sprees and will continue to do so)

[bylightofdawn]

Today was a long day at work. My back is just...ruining my life at this point. I thought it got better after I stopped taking the new meds but no go. I cannot even explain how much agony I am in when I wake up in the morning. I cannot even sit up. I have to kinda roll over, swing my legs in hopes I can roll to the edge of the bed. I am worried I've actually slipped a disk or something. My GP has not called me back despite my calling them three times. Tomorrow I'm gonna get nasty on the phone and demand they send me a referral for an MRI because I think I need to explore getting some cortisone shots in my back or something. Or give me the referral I asked for PT. I cannot live like this.

My evening was improved by my brother sending over the cutest video from my six year old niece asking me which MLP was my favorite. So I sent her a reply back with my bright purple/pink hair clearly visible telling her I had not seen the new MLP and we'd have to watch it when she's here next month. Which....on one hand god help me, did I just sign up to watch MLP? But on the other, quality time with my niece so I'll take it.

Now, I find myself at an impasse. I could write, I'm in the middle of writing a very fun scene with lots of verbal sparring with Walon Vau. But I also kinda want to read but my reading history is in A B S O L U T E shambles.

I've been reading a lot of Grashir the past few days but I have a couple of D&D HAT fics written by some authors who I adore like Weatherlaw who have been posting WIP's I just haven't had a chance to read yet. On top of that I have like three or four COD fics I stopped midway through because of ADD. And now I'm teetering on the edge of falling down a FR rabbit hole. Cause there's new fics in the Notorious verse which I have not read.

I also kinda lowkey want to see one angsty Jarlaxle/Zak fic where they realize maybe two centuries of separation has changed Jarlaxle and he's not the person Zak used to know and maybe they're not suited to be lovers anymore and should they maybe start as friends. Meanwhile Artemis is totally not lowkey freaking out about this super important figure in Jarlaxle's past who has shown up out of nowhere and is potentially going to upset the delicate balance of their relationship.

BUT I HAVE NOT FOUND THIS FIC SO FAR AND I AM SAD.

Not because I want to see some divisive this pairing is superior to the other so much as people change and it gives you this bittersweet realization that when you see someone you haven't seen in a decade or two and you realize despite being best of friends or maybe something else in the past, you've both changed and you need to examine your relationship and come to terms with the ghosts of that previous relationship and whether you need to redefine it and give it a new meaning.

So any enterprising fic writer out there in the FR fandom, please take my bunny and give it a good home. I don't have the time or attention span for it. Or the brain power to read the most recent books. I still have the entire Generations trilogy sitting on my kindle which I haven't read so for all I know that's been addressed in some way, shape or form.

I thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink I'm going to be good and write. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing Seeds.

I think I might actually do something super special when I finish this fucking fanfic because yanno what? I will have written essentially two full length novels or one god damned GRRM/Robert Jordan length novel by the time I finish this damned fanfic.

[arklay]

sorry okay i can’t shut up. also. i am deciding to take like the vibes and kinda appearance but like tweaked of my hawke and throwing him into resi because um. brainrot. also ada simulator???

[purrincess-chat]

Cat’s Definitive Ranking of Every ML Episode as of 4/22/21

Are you guys ready for this? I did the thing. You’re all welcome. Don’t ever ask me for anything again. You can watch me get progressively more unhinged in real time. 

Now, just to preface this, I did not give this too much thought. Most of these are just my gut feelings. I went through every episode and just made some snap judgments based off the lasting impressions I’ve been left with. These are my opinions. If you don’t like them, tough. And also I don’t care. Go spend 4 hours making your own damn ranking. And shut the hell up. Anyway, this is probably the longest post I’ve ever made, so I’m gonna put it all under a read more. Click on it if you have an hour to read it. Okay, here we go!

1.     Origins II- Good starting point for our heroes. Good establishment of canon ships and character dynamics. Umbrella scene literally stole my wallet. Cannot emphasis enough that I am whipped for the umbrella scene. I wrote a whole ass AU just to say how whipped I am for the umbrella scene. In the Rain will play at my wedding. Jk. Weddings are for suckers. But dammit if I don’t want these kids to get married. 10/10

2.     Origins I- Good introduction to lore. Good introduction to characters. Good establishment of status quoyo. Just good. 10/10

3.     Simon Says- Listen, I am nothing if not a shipper at heart. This episode just sparks joy. And the whole series almost ended when Gabriel almost jumped off the roof. I was really rooting for this one. This was the episode where I saw Ladrien and went yes, ma’am, I’ll have one of those. 10/10

4.     Evillustrator- Are you all surprised? Cat, the MC-skeptic ranked the pivotal MC episode so highly? Well, let me tell you all a thing, I started this fandom out a MC shipper because of this episode. Their first interaction is gold. I don’t deny that. I enjoy it. This is the MC dynamic I fell in love with. Yall toxic shippers ruined MC for me when you opened your mouths and spat in the face of Ladrien and baselessly declared MC the sin-ship. We all know it’s Ladrien. Stop kidding yourselves. Boy in leather catsuit? Please. Basic ass vanilla bitches. I’m getting off-topic. Solid episode 10/10. We love to see it.

5.     Stormy Weather- Baby’s first Miraculous episode. It holds a special place in my heart. It’s a solid episode. Good establishment of what the show is. Fun villain. Good times. Fond memories. 10/10

6.     Riposte- Listen, I know I’m an Adrinette stan, but hear me out: Ladrien. It’s just so good. And Kagami was compelling in this episode. It was just really solid. It’s my favorite s2 episode. If you ask me if I want to rewatch Riposte, the answer is always yes. 10/10. We stan.

7.     Gorizilla- Okay, so this episode has some solid Adrinette in it, but the real reason it ranks so high is that fucking Ladrien trust fall. I stare at that scene for hours, you guys. HOURS. It is absolutely just *chefs kiss*. Sometimes when I need a pick-me-up, I just go watch gifs of that catch on loop. 10/10. Beautiful. Radiant. Carefree.

8.     Gang of Secrets- I have been keeping most of my opinions to myself about s4 (mostly because I’ve backed way the hell out of this fandom), but GoS was pretty solid. Gotta say, it’s the first episode in a long time with this show that made me actually excited to see what happens next. Most other episodes I was like, okay, that was cute. The show is still meh overall. But GoS really got me like oh shit, is ML good again? 10/10 for making me feel things again.

9.     Oblivio- Told you guys this one was probably rated higher than I thought. Oblivio is just really fun. There is good Adrinette. That “No wonder I fell in love with you” paired with the softest of Adrien smiles just sends me. And the kisses. The unquestionable trust. These two kids literally woke up together alone in an elevator with no memories and said welp, you’re my boyfriend/girlfriend obviously, I don’t make the rules. Honestly, how anyone could argue that these two dorks aren’t made for each other after that episode is beyond me. 9/10

10.  Backwarder- Okay, I know I am weird and alone for this one, but I really liked this episode. It got a lot of shit for the constipation capsule thing at the end, but like who cares? We finally got some more backstory on Fu. He got a love-interest who is dope as hell. This episode is my favorite lucky charm use ever. Like that queen DID that. I like Backwarder, guys! Fuck off. 9/10.

11.  Kwamibuster- We all know I am a Marinette-stan by this point, but our girl was SHINING this episode. This bitch said gimme all them and let me go whoop this bitch’s ass, and she DID. Hawkmoth could never. Multimouse is a gift, and Marinette is a boss ass queen.  9/10

12.  Chat Blanc- Listen, this episode was very good. I enjoy the idea of my children being happy in another timeline somewhere very much. We got all 4 sides of the square in an episode. It’s just really solid. I know this is the fandom’s favorite, and everyone is gonna shit their pants because it didn’t make my top 10, but this is my list. So, I put it at number 12. It’s good. I like it. It just didn’t steal my wallet like other episodes did. Put the pitchforks down. It’s gonna be okay, you can still love it more than me. 8/10

13.  New York Special- I know everyone felt some type of way about this special, but I wasn’t mad at it. My perception of it might be clouded because I watched it in Disney World where I was chilling and having a great time, but like this special really did somethings for me. The Adrinette was top tier. Tippy top tier. Even though they hurt us in the end, I am okay with it because it just means the children will grow and come out stronger. I don’t care if it’s not technically canon. Ask me if I give a fuck. I don’t. I had fun here. 8/10. Solid.

14.  The Collector- This one might shock a lot of you, but let me paint you a scene. It’s the first episode of s2. We have just come off a 2 year hiatus. The fandom is thriving. We’re hungry for canon content. We have hopes and dreams and expectations. Everyone is going wild with theories. This episode confirmed something that was long since obvious (in my opinion) and ended the stupid arguments people had been having. It made Gabriel actually seem semi-competent. We got our first taste of how Chat/Adrien will react to his dad being Hawkmoth. We got a peek at their life. Adrien’s isolation and sadness. They were so close to figuring it out. The battle was epic. Like Collector really had them on the ropes there for a second. It’s a solid episode, yall. I’m not wrong. Hate me all you want, but this episode brought it. 8/10

15.  Despair Bear- Is this episode up this high because of the Adrinette slow dance scene? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS. Okay, but fr though, shipping aside, this episode gave us hope that Chloe was actually gonna redeem herself. I mean, she didn’t but, we didn’t know that at the time. Seeing her run around trying to be nice was fun. And then she actually did something good, and we had a moment of okay, she’s capable. We’ll get there. We didn’t. But what a ride this episode was for making us think she would. 8/10

16.  Startrain- Cat, you’re just ranking all the Adrinette episodes highest. And? What of it? Are you surprised? You clicked a blog that has simping for Adrinette in the description, and you’re surprised all my favorite episodes have Adrinette? I’m not wrong, you’re just an idiot. The Adrinette nap cuddles aside though, this was a pretty good episode. If you don’t think too hard about the whole space thing, we got a look at Max’s life, his mom is a driven, smart lady doing her best. Adrien rebels against papa for once. Alya stops a Lila scheme. Chloe gets to play the hero. Alya and Nino actually investigate like the heroes they are. Gabriel gets to realize what a dumbass bitch he is. I mean. Guys. Startrain is solid. 7.5/10

17.  Sapotis- This one shot up in rank for me after GoS, but tbh it’s always been a solid episode. Alyanette sleepover? Check. Alya becoming a superhero? Check. It’s a fun episode. And looking back, it’s nicely called back to later in GoS. We love it. 7.5/10

18.  Sandboy- Idk why I enjoy this episode as much as I do, but I do. Sandboy is a cute bean. I love his aesthetic. We also get hilarious looks at everyone’s nightmares. “Plagg, who turned you into a sock?” cracks me up cause like Adrien, bby, no XD And Chat Noir’s nightmare. I think it would have been interesting though if since Sandboy dusted the Agreste mansion, if we got a peek at Hawkmoth’s nightmares. It would have been a nice hint of plot to go along with Master Fu’s nightmare. Also Plagg giving the akuma the slip like the clever boy we know he is deep down? 7.5/10

19.  Furious Fu- If you guys haven’t realized by now that I love Fu, idk what you’re doing. Pay attention. I know that some people don’t like him, but I’m just gonna say it, you’re wrong. Fu took care of the Miracle Box for over 100 years, and this episode kind of gives some insight to what the Order was like. Very strict. Lots of rules. And ya know what, Fu said fuck the police, I’m gonna befriend these little magical demigods, and fuck off! Like what an absolute legend. I was really happy to see him living his best life, and that he and Marianne got married because it’s what he deserves. We love to see it. 7.5/10

20.  Gamer- People like to shit on Marinette in this episode, but like honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d have probably done the same thing if I had the skill. Ain’t nothing wrong with a girl trying to spend time with the boy she likes. And Tom and Sabine being absolute shipping trash. I love them. And the awkward Adrinette. The introduction of the lucky charm that Adrien STILL carries. Wholesome. This was a good episode for their friendship, and we love to see it. 7.5/10

21.  Christmaster- Okay, I know a lot of people hated this episode when it aired, but I thought it was really funny? Everyone skidding around in the ice rink was hilarious. If you don’t take this episode seriously, it’s really fun. Chris is pretty cute, and damn right Ladybug is the best kid in the world. Idk. This episode is fun. I’m not mad at it. Sue me. 7.5/10

22.  Weredad- What? Another MC-heavy episode in Cat’s top 30? Listen, I don’t hate canon MC. The fans just annoy me. This episode was funny. The secondhand embarrassment and cringe was real. Plagg taunting Adrien because he knows the secret was great. Marinette being a self-saving queen was great. It’s a good episode. I like MC, you guys. I do. I swear! 7.5/10

23.  Miraculer- This episode was interesting to me, and I think it’s still a good development episode. For one, Sabrina finally got her own akuma episode named after her. Secondly, because it’s a big step for Chloe, just not in the way we expected. It totally makes sense that Chloe can’t have her Miraculous back because literally everyone knows her identity. Can’t argue that logic. And she is the first person to ever refuse to become akumatized, so like mad respect. I know a lot of people had high hopes for redeemed Chloe (myself included), but I think watching a character fall from revering someone to hating them is also an interesting path. The friends to enemies arc as it were. Idk. I liked this episode. It was an opportunity for Chloe to grow, even if she didn’t in the end, but we’ll talk about that later. 7.5/10

24.  Lady Wifi- I like Alya. I feel like I don’t say that much, and people make some assumptions because of MDCSP, but MDCSP is just a concept I wanted to explore. It doesn’t really reflect how I feel about any one character. Except maybe Lila. And Gabe. But every other spite fic I’ve written branching from Chameleon, the class has been fine. Alya has been fine. So, let it be known that I like Alya. Lady Wifi was a fun episode. Putting aside the fact that she thought Chloe was Ladybug for no reason, I like her akuma. I like the interactions we get with LadyNoir in this episode. After GoS, this episode gets a bit funnier. It’s solid. 7/10

25.  Dark Cupid- I don’t have much to say about this one. LadyNoir. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Send it. 7/10

26.  Volpina- So many things about this episode. It introduced a new antagonist who we didn’t exactly 100% know was going to be an antagonist at the time. This episode sparked a lot of fun fan theories for a while. Who was Lila? How was she going to shake things up? Not to mention this episode gave us a taste of plot and lore, and set up Marinette meeting Master Fu officially. Lots of intrigue sparked from this episode. And that LadyNoir door scene? OOOOOO 7/10

27.  Hearthunter- One word: Adrigaminette. This episode was so cute for them! I loved seeing them all goofing and running around together. Adrien and Kagami being absolutely in love with Marinette when her hair is down. They both love her, I don’t make the rules. Not to mention, Marinette takes a big step by letting her friends be happy without her. Kagami not wanting to hurt Marinette. The drama!! Gabriel being a messy ass bitch to his friends. It loses points for the abomination of an akuma, but overall, I wasn’t too mad at it. Yet. 7/10

28.  Glaciator- More MC in Cat’s top 30? It’s more likely than you think. Listen. Listen… Listen. MC is fine. This episode was the closest thing to fanfiction that we got. The balcony scene was really sweet. I was drinking the irony. We got introduced to Andre the icecream fraud. Andre the please just give me the flavor I asked for man. I could have done without Chat pouting, but the LadyNoir in the end was pretty good. I wish they’d done more with Ladybug’s feelings for Chat. Had her question herself a bit more after this one, but overall, it’s cute. 7/10

29.  Zombizou- A lot of people started hating Mlle. Bustier after this episode, and like I can kind of see it, if I squint, but I did not draw that same conclusion from this episode. Mlle. Bustier just wants good things for all of her students. They’re 14 ffs, she just wants to be a good influence on all of her students and wants them all to be successful. But go off, I guess? Plus, this episode was basically just a spoof on zombie apocalypse movies. We got so many things. Julerose, Myvan, DJWifi. Chloe actually showing some depth and emotion. LadyNoir. We won this episode, babes. Sorry you didn’t get the memo. 7/10

30.  Timetagger- Okay. This is the last episode in the ones that I’d venture to call “good.” Number 30. I enjoyed Timetagger. I know people have feelings about timey-wimey bullshit, and like I’m not gonna lie and say I’m thrilled with it either (I mean, I changed the rabbit’s power in MDCSP) but that being said, Timetagger was so sassy. Bunnix was cool as hell. We get to see that LB and CN are still doing the thing in the future. So many questions sparked from this episode. It was fun. Idk. I liked it. That’s all I got. 7/10

31.  Malediktator- Okay, from this point on, less comments because this is the section that are more or less just meh to me. Like they’re fine. This episode was fine. Chloe was fine. Chat playing with the laser was cute. 6.5/10

32.  Mayura- Adrien’s speech at the end. Nuff said 6.5/10

33.  Ikari Gozen- Ryuko/Ryuuko. Gals being pals. 6.5/10

34.  Reflekdoll- I talked about this earlier, but I don’t hate this episode. It’s not as bad as people make it out to be. Sue me. 6.5/10

35.  Anansi- Nino is the goodest boy. Also I need more of the gang taking Adrien on adventures via Facetime. Stat. 6.5/10

36.  Shanghai- This one is new, and tbh I still haven’t watched it with subs, but I had a good time. Fei was cute. The boy squad was cute. Adrien bonding with Great Uncle Cheng was cute. Hawkmoth getting literally dunked on was *chefs kiss* 6.5/10

37.  Gigantitan- I love overly supportive, ride-or-die girl squad. 6.5/10

38.  Party Crasher- Idk why this episode was funny to me. Kim is the purest bean. We don’t deserve him. 6.5/10

39.  Desperada- This episode was an emotional roller coaster, and even though we all collectively hate Aspik’s stupid egghead, we love the Ladrien this episode provided us. 6/10

40.  Oni-chan- Listen, I loved seeing Lila get a tiny bit of karma even if she made it up in the end. I loved Chat going off on her. I loved seeing her get outsmarted in the end. 6/10

41.  Frightningale- My good lesbian Clara Nightingale. We stan. 6/10

42.  Style Queen- I like Audrey in a “she’s the worst person I’ve ever met, I want to travel the world with her” kind of way. She’s funny to me. Idk. I love her firing everyone. She’s the one I love to hate. She’s the worst, but we love her for it. Plus this episode gave us Plagg’s adorable little Cataclysm that destroyed half the city. 6/10

43.  Gamer 2.0- Chat confidently strutting in heels made this episode worth it. And we get to see the beginning of Marinette being overwhelmed. Plus it was the return of gamer!nette. 6/10

44.  Troublemaker- I don’t hate this episode as much as the next person either. It was fine. Jagged is a manchild, but we love him for it. He’s a Marinette stan which like mood. The Adrinette at the end was cute. I wasn’t mad at it. Idk. It’s fine. 6/10

45.  Reflekta- Where are all my Juleka stans at? I loved the LadyNoir banter in this ep. V. cute. 6/10

46.  Dark Owl- This episode was fun. And it really shows their level of trust. Plus Plagg and Tikki interacted. 6/10

47.  Timebreaker- Have I ever mentioned that I like Alix? I like Alix. 6/10

48.  Silencer- I don’t hate this episode as much as you’d expect me to, and that is 100% because of the LadyNoir. 5.5/10

49.  Prime Queen- Chat purrs. 5.5/10

50.  Syren- I think the fish power-up is adorable. Ondine is a gem. Kim is a pure bean, but we been knew. 5.5/10

51.  Befana- I like Gina, but this episode fell flat for me. Almost as flat as the animation. 5.5/10

52.  Reverser- Another episode that everyone hates that I am actually fine with. This episode made me like Nathaniel more. Probably because I was previously indifferent toward him. Marc is cute too. 5.5/10

53.  Mr. Pigeon- Marinette is one clever girl. And the Adrinette hand-touch. 5.5/10

54.  Felix- Felix is a gremlin of chaos. A true chaotic neutral. He gives his uncle the finger, and I think that’s beautiful. 5.5/10

55.  Truth- Bet you expected this episode to be higher. While I did enjoy watching toxic people’s world crumble, this episode still gets a meh from me dog. 5/10

56.  Lies- The Adrigami was cute, and I respect Kagami as a character. The akuma could have been better tho. 5/10

57.  Princess Fragrance- Not much to say here. 5/10

58.  Copycat- 5/10

59.  Bubbler- 5/10

60.  Mime- 5/10

61.  Animan- 5/10

62.  Robostus- 5/10

63.  Ladybug- This episode ranks this low purely because I don’t care about GabeNath, and I hate that Lila won something in the end. But Adrien saying I won’t hesitate, bitch! At the end was nice to see. 5/10

64.  Catalyst- I know I ranked Mayura way higher, but Catalyst fell flat for me. Like it was fine. Wasn’t as into it though. 4.5/10

65.  Puppeteer- One of my favorite lucky charm uses. 4.5/10

66.  Pixelator- My favorite Cataclysm. 4.5/10

67.  Horrificator- That almost-Adrinette kiss tho 4.5/10

68.  Pharaoh- 4.5/10

69.  Kung Food- 4.5/10

70.  Rogercop- 4/10

71.  Guitar Villain- 4/10

72.  Dark Blade- 4/10

73.  Bakerix- 4/10

74.  Antibug- And now onto the bottom 10. To start us off, I will just say: UGH, this episode annoyed me. First of all, Sabrina didn’t even get her own episode. Chloe was a piece of shit. Idk why they made Ladybug the one in the wrong when Chloe was being obnoxious. Ugh. 3/10

75.  Captain Hardrock- I’m gonna be honest. My apathy for this episode has grown into loathing. Toxic stans are 100% to blame. Birthday ruining, bitches. This is the reason I threw a breakup bash after Truth. Yall deserved it. 3/10

76.  Christmas Special- I didn’t hate this episode as much as everyone, but it still wasn’t great. 2.5/10

77.  Stormy Weather 2.0- This episode was really dumb. It didn’t need to exist. 2.0/10

78.  Queen Wasp- Why did we give Chloe a Miraculous after this episode? 2/10

79.  Animaestro- Did we really need a self-insert? Did we really? 2/10

80.  Puppeteer 2.0- Listen, this episode would have made more sense in s1 or at the very latest early s2. Adrien gave a whole ass speech on how great Marinette is, then he turns around and is like idk if she likes me… Clean it up. 2/10

81.  Miracle Queen- I could talk at length about how much I hate the ending of this episode and what they did with Chloe and Master Fu, but we’re just going to remain calm and give it a solid 1.5/10

82.  Frozer- This episode made no goddamn sense. I call bullshit on so many things. Just ugh. 1/10

83.  Chameleon- Surprisingly, even though this episode sparked many, many spite fics out of me, it’s not my least favorite because at least Ladybug semi-redeemed this episode. Still really dumb and ooc tho. 1/10

84.  Feast- Okay, okay, okay, here we are. Bottom of the barrel. Cat’s most hated episode, and you wanna know why? You want to know why this episode fills me with the rage? Because we spent two fucking seasons building up all this mystery and lore and intrigue surrounding Fu’s big mistake, and they dropped the fucking ball! They did my mans so dirty! They could have really deepened his character, deepened the Order, deepened anything other than whatever fucking affair Gabriel and Nathalie have going on, but NO. They made it some stupid, bland-ass thing that got resolved magically in the end, then just ignored it for the rest of the season. I will never not be salty about how they did my boy Fu in this show. I’m happy he found his peace, but fuck if I’m not livid about how they did it. Whatever. Chat being done with Ladybug’s shit when they’re about to get eaten was funny I guess. .5/10

[rxspbrrry]

Zhongli, venti, and raiden for bingo?

anon is an archon enjoyer and that's totally justified <3

starting off with zhongli (aka hoyo's favourite child) well. *breathes* deepest character backstory. no one else comes close, not venti, not raiden, maybe not even traveller (but that's a story for another time when traveller's story is revealed more). boy has mr geo archon been through SOOO MUCH in his life and i think his descend from archonhood is deserved :( while he's not my favourite character, he's definitely extremely interesting and i would definitely read up on more morax lore if hoyo would give it to us!!!!!!!!

i'm quite conflicted about his popularity and ship dynamics, since 1. he's the geo archon so it's expected he'll get lots of screentime. and his character trailer was (still is) the most legendary of everyone else's so that really gained him a lot of fame, not to mention he's an insanely good support in the game rn. not complaining because the screentime and popularity he gets is made up for by his complex backstory ;)) and 2. his ships are actually quite cute if i look at them alone, but fandom really ruined his ships (ahem ahem tartali) for me so :")

VENTI BOY MY FAVOURITE ARCHON FR FR (at least, before hydro archon release, that is LOL) you already know how much i adore him!!! ohhh the urge to reach through the screen and hug him and rub his back and relief him of all his burdens and trauma :((((( HOYO THIS IS YOUR CALL TO DROP MORE VENTI LORE NOW PLS PLS PLS PLS I AM SO SICK OF INAZUMA I DON'T WANT TO SEE MORE RAIDEN THIGHS OR YAE MIKO PRANKS OR AYAKA I JUST WANT MONDSTADT SCREENTIME (tbh all mondstadt characters deserve more screen time, we only have like what 4 limited mondstadt 5*????)

was kinda hesitant on putting "wasted potential" but in venti's second rerun (irodori festival) i really wanted to see more "barbatos" venti but all we got was.. drunk venti. goddamnit hoyo.

raiden, oh raiden.... i'm gonna be super honest. she's my least favourite genshin character. /srs i really, really don't get the appeal and i hate hate!!!! how sexualised the genshin community made her </3 hoyoverse also rushed the inazuma arc + both her story quests which made it very, very difficult for me to get attached to her. see the first 2 acts of the inazuma quest is basically her trying to kill you but then all of a sudden the conflict in the 3rd archon quest is solved with some bullshit power of friendship within 2 hours. hooray. let's totally forget about how she killed kazuha's friend, nearly killed us more than once, nearly took thoma's vision away, and terrorised the whole of inazuma for her own desires. so yeah. hoyoverse's terrible writing combined with terrible fandom made me LOATHE raiden ei. i'm sorry but literally nothing, no amount of sob story can redeem her in my opinion because i cannot ignore all the terrible things she did.

for the "popular ships suck" part, i don't hate eimiko 😔 like yeah i get the appeal, friends 2 lovers, pink and purple colour scheme, super close yadayada, but it doesn't make me feel something towards their ship lol. i don't enjoy it as much as i enjoy kokosara, even though both ships are based off popular ship dynamics so </3

[killian-whump]

Salty asks #1 and #5 for OUAT

Okay! :D Thanks for sending me some :D

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Ohh... I don’t really “get” Fr*zen Jewel. I mean, the characters never met in canon, and I can’t think of any way they would meet in canon, so... I don’t know. It just seems weird to me, I guess. I know it’s become a thing now, and I even enjoy it when it’s in an AU story. I don’t dislike it or anything. It’s just weird to me, I guess because my mind just would’ve never put them too together on its own, but someone’s mind out there DID and then a bunch of other people were like “YES” and that just confuses me XD

I also don’t get Sw*nfire. I mean, canon pretty much showed us a bunch of ways that Neal was a subpar boyfriend, purposely even juxtaposing him with Killian to show how Killian was more honorable and better boyfriend material... but I guess some people like going for the less palatable choice? Like, if someone offered them a five star Creme Brulee or a stepped-on Twinkie, I guess they’d just be like “I don’t know, man, the Creme Brulee is just too appetizing, I don’t really deserve something that good, I’ll just take the Twinkie.” And then he even died in canon, so it’s like “Could you step on the Twinkie again for me, tho” and I just don’t get it at all.

Okay! Next is.... #5!

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

YES. Okay, actually, the all caps response is due to another show’s fandom, an anime actually, where I RPed as my favorite character and was in a community with someone who was a great RPer and RPed the other half of the ship and OMG IT WAS SO FUN until the other RPer decided to take over the community from the secret anonymous owners (who just wanted to RP with everybody without everyone trying to “make points with the mods” so kept their identities secret) and send them hate mail and fake applications and all kinds of other shitty shit that ended up making it impossible to accept new members or even RUN the fucking place... and OH YEAH, the “super secret mods” were me and my freaking MOM, which was the other reason we wanted to keep it secret, so that wouldn’t make things weird, but ANYWAY this person was literally SUCH an asshole that they ruined their character for me for good and ISTG, like 20 years later I’m still like “Yeah, fuck those guys” about the pairing/characters.

ANYWAY, what were we talking about? Once?

Yeah, I have to admit that the fandom kinda ruined CS for me quite a bit. I still like it. It’s still my “OTP” for original recipe Killian... but the Jen-centric CSers who went on the attack for/about S7 just ruined Jen’s face for me. Like, literally her face, and a bunch of the best CS scenes, too, because they’d go attacking fans, or Colin, or Colin’s coworkers, or the show’s accounts or whoever with their CS/Jen icons and it got to the point where I’d see a Jen/CS icon and be like “Oh, for fuck’s sake” because most of the time it was one of those yahoos. Mind you, it’s gotten better since they quit their bullshit, but the negative connotations I have for certain things (Jen and the wedding mostly) still linger. I can still enjoy CS fanfics and fanart/scenes where I can separate Jen from Emma well enough to look past it... but it’s made it a lot harder for me to enjoy the ship.

Also, S6 in general was a sore spot for me, because I feel like Killian played second fiddle to Emma the whole season, and it wasn’t the equal-partners ship I got into in the first place. And the people who did all of the above shit were a lot of the same people who were very Emma-centric about the ship all along, and the same ones who had attacked people like me who were more Killian-centric and/or didn’t care for CS’s storylines in S6. I mean, I lost count of how many times CSers attacked me for not shipping them right, even though they’ve been my OUAT OTP the whole damn time. It blows my mind. Like, we ship the same damn thing, why are you attacking me and trying to “blacklist” me from the ship’s fandom? Freaking nutters, I tell you. Crazy people.

Anyway, SIDE NOTE: People do their faves a complete disservice when they use their face as an icon and run around getting into fights and attacking people. I mean, they’re literally just asking for people to associate their fave’s face with their own shitty behavior and that ain’t cool. I almost went from liking Lana to hating her during the whole CS vs SQ thing, just from the people who assumed that because I like Killian/Colin I had a vested interest in that war and came out swinging at me. Ship wars are stupid. Ship and let ship, I say, but if you’re going to start fights everywhere, at least don’t use your fave’s face for an icon.

[teenitinygod]

Hello, Hello, this is the person who did the last submit. Thank you for the offer but I don’t have a discord account, Idon'thaveanyfriendswhouseittowarrantmakingone.

Although, if you liked my previous submit, I thought you might be interested in hearing me out when it comes to mischaracterization since I didn’t go into detail in my previous submit since that’s a whole rant of its own. I’ll be taking inspiration from neutinya’s haikyuu mischaracterization post but give it a BSD twist. My intention isn’t to call specific people out, I’m simply going off what I’ve seen within the fandom. Which in turn leads to diluting or mischaracterizing a character until they’re nearly unrecognizable or portraying them in a bad light that they don’t deserve. There may be a few tw instances, so you’re free to edit this post as you see fit and add any necessary warnings.

So to begin with. Let’s get the big one out of the way real quick.

- Dazai -

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen Dazai being portrayed as nothing more than a twofaced lying bastard, I wouldn’t have to work anymore. Most of these support it by saying that he doesn’t actually trust the ADA since he didn’t tell them about his past and doesn’t inform them of every little thing. Basically, they portray him as being 100% an act who doesn’t care about anyone. And then berate him by saying that they refuse to take his mental health seriously until he’s shown to have a breakdown.

I believe anyone who has suffered from depression or any other kind of mental health issue has felt the need to act happy all the time when in public and then quiet down when they’re alone. That doesn’t make them a fake. They are under no obligation to tell every single thing going across their mind to their friend and that same logic applies to Dazai.

Moreover, we also have to take into consideration Dazai’s past. He simply can’t afford to make himself vulnerable. There’s literally a list of people out for his head. Additionally, of he were to tell everything to the ADA, he would be potentially dragging his new friends into his own mess and put them in unwarranted danger. Sure, the ADA already deals with a lot of dangerous stuff but I doubt he would purposely put them in harms way because of what he would consider his own selfishness.

Now in the terms of romance. A lot of people just mark him as the one who could never be faithful. I believe a romantic relationship with Dazai would be completely trust based. Ergo, a “love at first sight” scenario would definitely lead to it becoming nothing more than a one-time fling. To go off your last Dazai scenario, I actually do believe that if Dazai felt like he was getting too attached to someone, he might try to push them away out of utter self-loathing that he could never give them what they want. Essentially, fearing a scenario like that in No Longer Human where Yozo got together with Yoshiko and she ended up getting raped because of his involvement with her.

Atsushi isn’t just a crybaby. He’s brave simply because of the fact that he’s willing to do his best despite his fear. Moreover, his initial fear of being seen as a burden to the ADA is completely valid when you take into consideration his past treatment. A lot treat him as dull and boring character and go on about preferring his Beast counterpart. It’s fine to have a preference but I don’t think this is a reason to hate on him since the point of Beast was to elaborate on how alike Atsushi and Akutagawa are by putting them in the other’s shoes. And we see in even Beast, Atsushi is just the ultimate good boy cinnamonroll.

In romance, I keep seeing him being forced to portray the badboy roll and being just terrible to whoever is his partner within the story. Do people really think that he would so much as even consider berating his partner after all he’s been through?

- Kunikida -

He isn’t just some emotionless asshole. He cares. He’s just doesn’t show it in the most conventional way some are used to. Perhaps this is because the anime caused confusion by changing the time setting of the Azure Disciple event— But within the novel you can tell that he cares for and eventually starts to think highly of Dazai as the story progresses. He doesn’t express it since Dazai would tease him to the ends of the earth. But there were moments like in the embassy in which he mentally admired how talented he was. Or how elaborated that his way of knowing when something was wrong with Dazai was when he starts acting “normal”. As the novel put it, basically, weird is normal for Dazai while normal is weird. So when Dazai starts acting “normal” that’s his way of knowing that something is up.

In terms of romance… I swear I want to fight someone. The majority of Kunikida content I find usually involves him be pedophilic by having this thing for schoolgirls or just has whoever is his partner constant cry at him that he doesn’t love them since he doesn’t show his affection the conventional way. Then, the story goes on about how the partner keeps trying to change them. For starters. There is nothing wrong with having the thought of an ideal partner. Most of have twisted the idea of him having an ideal partner as him having this list of physical traits he wants them to have or some crap like that. Do people really think he’s that shallow? Having an ideal partner just means that you know what you want in a partner. Like how they treat you, if they’re neat and polite, etc. Moreover, we’ve seen time and time again that despite what he says, Kunikida is still willing to bend a little. Obviously he will hold his ground if you berate his ideals. But it’s possible to change his mind if you respect his ideals and offer alternatives and are willing to work with him.

- Chuuya -

Look. I don’t care what you ship. But Chuuya is way more than just that one guy who is constantly yelling about Dazai. He has every right to be portrayed as his own character without the need to involve Dazai around the line.

He may be angry when Dazai is involved but he’s the nicest grump you’ll ever see towards everyone else. In the spin-off novel, there’s a scene where he talks to Tsujimura, for example. He still kept this badass aura but spoke to her with the dignity and presence of a respectable mafia executive. Moreover, I noticed this why checking. Kyouko really did make sure he drank his respect-women dose every day since I noticed he never actually curses at female characters. With the Tsujimura scene, for example, he kept his usual rude speech but didn’t start to actually curse until Ango was brought up. With the battle against Yosano, he never pulled the “oh, you’re just a woman” crap when they appeared.

In the terms of romance. I swear I feel the need to break someone’s nico-nico-kneecaps for the outrageous amount of fics I find with Chuuya straight up raping his partner. Like, the man didn’t even want to fight against his sheep friends when they literally and figuratively stabbed in him in the back. It’s hard for me to imagine him as someone who wouldn’t treat his partner with the utmost respect in the world.

- Higuchi -

People seriously need to stop hating on her just ‘cause she’s “getting in the way of ships.” The gal clearly cares about Akutagawa and I don’t think it’s fair to hate on her just because of that. On that note, the whole idea of hating on female characters under the pretext of them getting in the way of ships seriously needs to stop. The fact that a female character cares for a guy, be it romantically or not, isn’t an excuse to antagonize them and treat them as an eyesore. She’s funny, she’s goofy, She’s just an ordinary lady who might be momentarily blinded by affection and get carried away. Which surely must happen to anyone who has experienced some kind of crush.

In the terms of romance. I haven’t read much fics with Higuchi as the main love interest. However, I have seen the AkutawagaxSomeoneElse types who just blatantly portray Higuchi as this terrible and wicked woman who is trying to ruin Akutagawa’s partner’s life. Sure, Higuchi may be heartbroken that she couldn’t be the chosen one but I doubt she would stoop as low as to ruin Akutagawa’s potential happiness. The most she would do is perhaps investigate if they’re a spy who intends to harm or use him.

- Yosano -

She’s a strong independent woman, enough said. I feel like a lot of people interpret her dislike for weak men as her either disliking physically weak men or disliking men altogether. Naturally, a strong woman would want and deserve someone who is equally as badass as them. So what I interpret her saying when she says she dislikes weak men is that she dislikes mentally weak men who bend over backwards easily and men who are so petty that they feel the need to look down on women just because of the fact that they’re a woman. The anime did her dirty by sexualizing her during her first introduction. We all know that one scene where she strips off her shirt before treating Tanizaki. Heck, I remember when I first saw that scene without knowing much about BSD I legit thought her healing ability involved her having sex with the guys. It was only until I read the manga some time later that I realized that wasn’t the case.

In the terms of romance. Again, she has every right to have someone as strong as herself. A badass would want someone who is just as badass standing as their partner. Moreover, I haven’t seen it to the degree as Higuchi’s case but I have seen the occasional hate on her under the pretext that she’s getting in the way of ships. To which I say again: We seriously need to stop antagonizing female characters who so much as exist in the same panel as a male character that’s involved in a popular fandom ship.

——–

Well then. Those were the most prominent ones that came to mind, so I surely left out some characters who have been mischaracterized just as badly.

Thank you for your time.

Ok quickly, our discord (dazai simps) is open to having you. We love new friends and meeting people, so an open invite is available.  i couldn’t agree with you more- i hate how Dazai is portrayed sometimes, his emotions are complex and he’s not as simple as an angsty suicidal flirt. Especially went the reader comes into the picture and it turns into a “love at first sight” thing. They may be fictional characters but i care that the characters i write for are as close to accurate as i can

I’ll go deeper into this later but i agree

Also I love when you send me these, i love reading them and you’re so sweet <3

[partyinthemysterymachine]

as a classic cats fan what did you think of the 2019 movie?

FOREWARD: i have full respect to those who enjoyed CATS 2019 and show their support and engage in that part of the fandom. rock on. very truly, honestly, sincerely, i hope you have a blast and create and share and have the best of times. welcome to the fandom, it’s great to have you here; thank you for joining us and i really, really do mean that from the bottom of my heart and soul. it really makes me happy that CATS has become something good for you like it is, and has been, for so many of us. i’m ecstatic to see the fandom expanding and i’m so very serious about that.

unfortunately this is the time to jump ship if you don’t want to hear any more complaints about it. thank you and ilu all and once again, welcome to the fold, i love that you’re joining us and y’all being here honey butters my toast xoxo

there was a 2019 movie?

runs hands down face

from the very first sneeze of an idea of doing a CATS movie went around being speculated in what.. 2012?? i have been against it because i knew it wouldn’t be done right. what i really wanted, really hoped for, what the fandom very honestly deserves and STILL does to this day and beyond is another honest, no dances cut, full on professionally shot video of the stage production again.

i’m still putting my hand to the cold glass and pulling my thin shawl around my shoulders as i gaze past the rain blurring the dreary world outside and sighing a tremendous, weary sigh because Hamilton is getting a full professionally-shot stage movie...... and CATS likely won’t ever.. and how cruel that is.

(not hatin on Hamilton, btw; im just old and bitter LOL i have zero hard feelings towards Hamilton and honestly good for them for getting that done, they deserve it)

so...... listen. i appreciate the thought and commitment to making a CATS movie. i think the biggest thing that busted my balls about it was the use and execution of the CGI cat people. ofc this is a big thing in a lot of opinions. but i’ve always been sitting here like....... 

there are... decades of fanart. decades of productions and photos and costume design. but the fan. art. did anyone go in and look at it? artists have been drawing these characters a wide variety of ways, but when it boils down to the anthropomorphic take on it, i thought it was pretty damn clear how good it could look. i feel like they should have been diggin in the CATS art trenches all this time, all these years, and really taken all these artistic interpretations very seriously to heart. 

it felt like a slap in the face when they overhauled nearly everyone’s design/look to the point where i don’t even know who i’m looking at. and listen, i’m here for redesigns, don’t get me wrong. i dug Jason Derulo’s Tugger design. i dug Idris Elba’s Macavity base idea because he was made a shorthair and clearly all source material says otherwise? and where’s the ginger, mate?? 

(NOTE: in the b’way revival the new Macavity costume is easily 99% black in contrast to the original design in which the costume was 95% red and orange. stark difference. “Macavity’s a ginger cat” contradicts the revival costume a bit since, again, it’s largely black. so in its defense, the costume’s red/orange accents are well placed and the black pays more tribute to the “very tall and thin” aspect he’s supposed to have. (the old costume was wild and hairy, it kinda puffed him out a bit, esp with the much fuller and taller wig.) the revival wig is more on par with main wigs, and it has that coppery color, the makeup is simplistic (as it needs to be added on to Plato) and the color use FOR base Plato brings out the red and etc etc etc. i like the revival costume; it didn’t go overboard on the reds and oranges, it was sleek and powerful, and oh my god you’ve got fingergless gloves with fucking fringe there is a MANE wiht FRINGE who designed that bc i gotta kiss em and offer a piece of my heart and soul)

everything felt muddled, disorganized, foreign, and god why did we do Jennyanydots that why please why are the cockroaches people please are you all ok in production? blink twice if you need help

oh yeah and the fat jokes. i think we were supposed to be getting over that but ok

very interesting thing with Macavity kidnapping the potentials. kinda dug that. fuck it up, Skimbleshanks

and speaking of fuckin Skimbleshanks you have no idea how much of my shit i lost when he started the tap number. i was over the MOON. GOOD shit, FUCK yeah, GO OFF and it was brilliant, absolutely beautiful

ALSO when i heard Judi Dench was gonna be in it i was really hopeful she’d finally play Grizabella. what a fucking treat that would’ve been. she was set to debut the role in the West End, then she tore her Achilles, so Elaine Page replaced her and the rest was history. i’ve really wanted to hear/see her Grizabella. :(

(and briefly on the topic of Grizabella i’m kinda not here for the trend of younger actresses in the role just hhhhhhhh kinda takes away and misplaces her whole vibe and story imo)

i just.. i didn’t understand some of the plot changes like how Macavity was up in everyone’s bs tryna force himself up to the Heavyside Layer, it was silly, and yeah i shouldn’t take CATS so seriously even with the longtime fan background but 

gestures helplessly

y’all fr?? 

there were a lot of super questionable decisions across the board and all that has already been gone over by so many people a dozen billion times. on one hand, i’m glad CATS got some exposure. on the other, :( not like this

however, on a very good note (other than skimbleshanks bless him): let me tell you how EXCITED i was that they used the original Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer arrangement. what a fucking pleasant surprise. HELL yeah. i LOVE that arrangement and i’m tickled to pieces that it was chosen.  good shit. good shit.

tbh as Serious and Bruh Calm Down this might all sound, it’s honestly no skin off my teeth. it’s a frustration, sure. i’m so very tired.  i’m disappointed. i didn’t have any specific expectations about it, just a lot of hopes. maybe too many hopes.

being a longtime CATS fan i know as well or even better than other people what a fucking dumpster fire the show is LMAO it’s wild and it’s ridiculous and god it doesn’t make any sense, it has a plot and it has no plot and everything about it is so horny and it’s the greatest fucking thing to ever happen to me

i obviously have a lot of feelings and history with CATS, and 2019 did not “ruin” anything for me, it didn’t “taint” anything about it, despite everything i’ve complained about i don’t consider myself a purist. (ok. except about the revival choreography. some things are more sacred than the vatican.)

i don’t dig 2019 as a whole. i don’t want to completely disregard it. there are bits and pieces i did like and that i can appreciate. i wish it wasn’t done that way. i just wish we had gotten a true blue professionally shot, no dances cut, honest portrayal of the stage production. 

but hey it is what it is. at the bottom of it all i’m just glad there are new people coming in and taking a look around. it’s nice to see a resurgence of the fandom. it feels really good to see more people here and loving it. i missed CATS and the CATS community. it feels so good to be home.

[smblmn]

Favorite  clips of s5 :

@flying-elliska tagged me on this (thanks Ellie! I wish I had your eloquence but I’ll do my best ❤) and it’s taken me a century to answer but here it is!

First of all I have to say that I have very mixed feelings about this season. I was one of the people who thought they would make a love triangle happen with the first underwater clip and that made me react very badly to all the clips with Noeé and Arthur. I know that from an aesthetic point of view there are amazing clips with them like the one where they’re rollerblading through Paris, Noeé dancing or the one in the pool from episode 7, but I can’t include them bc the love triangle ruined them for me.

I wanted to make the list from most to least liked but I can’t decide so I’m going to do them in chronological order bc it’s easier. And sorry in advance bc this is way too long.

Mardi 23:49 31/12 - 3, 2, 1… : What a way to start the season, I remember the buzz in the fandom before this clip dropped and the excitement from the notification of a new clip (and hiding in the bathroom of my parents’ house to watch it while they were all celebrating the new year). And it was so good seeing the cast all together again dancing and being happy... And of course the moment Arthur loses his hearing is so well done... A great first clip.

Vendredi 20:45 - In the present moment: Of course I love Elu and seeing their flat with all the little details of their love story hanging in the walls was amazing. Eliott talking and Lucas reassuring him (and calling him mon amour)... All of them together again dancing and having fun and being happy... it was great.

Samedi 00:25 - The shock: This was such a powerful clip. I knew something bad was coming but it was still a shock: the blow, the silence, the snow and Arthur walking around totally lost and looking right at the camera in the last shot... I think there’s one thing that we can all agree on: give Robin all the oscars.

Dimanche 15:02 - Something to do: In this clip we saw a glimpse of how Basile would be like for the rest of the season when he immediately wanted to go for whoever punched Arthur. And it felt great seeing Arthur tell his friends (mostly) all that had happened to him. And of course Eliott being a ray of sunshine and taking them to the graffiti place, and the check the gang, and the hugging... 

Mardi 7:00 - 4 days: I liked all the 7am clips showing how Arthur slowly loses hope, but this one especially when he thinks he is hearing the alarm and suddenly realizes he only heard it bc it was connected to the speakers... again, give Robin all the oscars.

Vendredi 13:12 - Bro check: The clip where I started loving Basile with all my heart. He is just so sweet and loves Arthur so much and he is not afraid to show it and say it... The definition of wholesome and the real MVP of the season.

Lundi 10:31 - Silicone is life: I just love Alexia, and her reassuring Arthur felt so good. And then those idiots being idiots and everybody hugging in the end again... it felt great.

Lundi 19:02 - Hearing: I loved watching these stories and this clip showed that Skam fr had really made an effort to learn about the Deaf community and show it to us. 

Mardi 10:37 - Touch bench: This isn’t one of the most especial clips but I liked it. Arthur getting rid of running and Lucas acting like a little bitch. Emma joining Arthur on the bench and them bonding... and the SM we got was great too.

Samedi 8:30 - Lies: There’s not a lot about this clip but it was so satisfying watching Arthur going off at his friends for lying to him... 

Dimanche 14:41 - Wanting nothing: I loved Alexia talking about her insecurities (even though later it would feel like a punch in the face with Arthur cheating on her) but it is a beautiful love scene and I’m glad they gave Alexia that speech about acceptance.

Ep. 8: This episode has lots of bits that I loved (and others that I hated but lets not talk about them) so I’m not going to choose clips bc this is already waaaay too long... so, things I loved: Elu talking about being 50 and married and going to Kathmandu, meeting papy Basile, Lucas calling Eliott Mon amour and FIFI, the story about Jeanette, Emma talking to the horse, Lucas apologizing and Basile being a disaster in the background, that shot of Basile and Daphné (fuck, that was beautiful) and the group photo.

Vendredi 20:17 - Choose for you: What can I say? Just: ALEXIA MARTINEAU. Given the circumstances this was the best possible outcome for her and I loved her song and the grace and dignity she showed... 

Samedi 13:29 - Mom: I think this is my favourite clip of the whole season, I love Carole so much (also, I’m so glad Patrick didn’t hit her too). Bc this is a show about teenagers, I think adults are often used only as antagonists and this clip shows Carole and Arthur as a team. She is completely wrecked for not knowing what had happened to her son and Arthur is so sorry for mistreating her by being condescending sometimes. They share their fears and their doubts and they talk like equals. They smoke and they cry and they hug and I loved seeing that (I also cried my eyes out).

Lundi 10:04 - The same life as you: I loved all the clips with Laura and Melchior, but this one sums up all we’ve learned from them and shows the necesities disabled people have with humor but without taking away the importance of the message.

Vendredi 20:37 - Le meilleur des mondes: Yeah, I didn’t like the idea of a new character as a main but they got me with that ending, ngl. They got me super intrigued about Lola, so we’ll see... It was super cheesy but I don’t care, give me all the cheesiness in the world as long as you show me my favorite characters being together and happy... I can’t believe how much I’m going to miss them when this ends... 

Special mentions: Gif attached as a proof of the interaction I’ll never get over:

Elu being cheesy and in love even if it was in the background was all I wanted for them this season, so that was great. Sofiane dancing and Imane calling him Habibi, Emma and Arthur’s sister/brother bonding, Camika, Noee being a badass and of course Broussary.

I’m going to tag @lallemanting, @lepetitepeach, @surrealsunday, @elsarah, @mirroroferisedx, @jebentnietalleen, @lifeisevak and anyone who wants to talk about this. But no pressure if you don’t want to, of course. ❤❤

[kegofglory]

if risk leads to ruin, my heart would forgive me (1/1)

SOS, Captain Swan has taken over my brain. 

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Pairing: Killian Jones/Emma Swan

Summary: "He tells her all about what made him open a dog shelter, and how much he loves his job. She admires his passion, and finds that she could listen to his voice for the rest of her life if he’d let her."

OR, a story in which Emma and Killian become friends because their dogs become friends.

AO3

Emma never really considered herself an animal person. Probably because she never had a pet growing up, moving from foster homes to group homes, half her time spent wondering where she’d be living the next day. Pets are something she associates more with family, with a real home, something she was never privy to.

Then one day, Henry came home from school with a golden retriever at his side. She called local animal shelters, posted pictures of him online, did everything she could to find the poor guys home.

And nothing came of it.

She and Henry got a little attached, so they named him Duck (courtesy of Henry, who thought Duck Swan was a hilarious name) and he became a permanent fixture of their little family.

She takes Duck on a walk on the first nice day in April, and she revels in the feel of the sun on her skin after months of bundling up for freezing weather. She’s even humming quietly, a sense of peace coursing through her.

That is, until Duck lunges playfully at an unsuspecting Australian Shepherd dog. Emma’s eyes widen. “Shit,” she mutters, pulling on Duck’s leash. “Duck!”

There’s laughter beside her and she turns to see a man running toward his dog, Duck’s new pal, and he grabs his leash. There’s commotion as she and the stranger both shout at their own dogs, trying to tug them apart.

Emma laughs, though, when her dog lays in the grass, panting happily as the other dog nudges at him playfully.

She glances over at the stranger, and curses herself for almost immediately noticing that, god, he’s attractive. Like, unreal attractive, actually.

“It seems my Davy has taken quite a liking to your pup, love,” he says, and she laughs, raising an eyebrow at his lilting accent.

She shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s easy to do,” she says smugly, as if she were personally responsible for her dog’s adorable factor.

He grins at this, eyeing her carefully, and Emma does not miss the way his eyes slowly travel from her head to her toe. She shoots him a look, and he has the decency to look embarrassed.

“Killian Jones,” he says, extending his free hand as the dogs continue to roll around together.

She looks at his hand, then meets his eyes again, chuckling. “You named your dog Davy Jones?” she asks. “Like… the pirate?”

He chuckles, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.. “Of course I did. And you are?”

She extends her hand, shaking his easily. “Emma Swan.”

He nods at their dogs. “And this is…?”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s Duck.”

It takes him a minute, but a smile slowly takes over his whole face, and it’s almost blinding. Emma looks away, glances down at the dogs again, because she can’t quite meet his eyes when he’s smiling like that.

“Duck Swan?” he says finally, laughter in his tone.

She shrugs. “My son named him,” she says, and waits for him to flinch, to wince, to anything, at the mention of her son. He only beams at her. She doesn’t know which scenario is worse.

“He’s a smart lad,” he says, and she glances over at the dogs, keeping her focus on anything other than his kind eyes. It’s too disarming.

“Yes, I suppose,” she agrees, and sighs. “Speaking of, I have to pick him up from school, so, I guess I have to break up this play date,” she says, tugging lightly on the leash.

He shuffles a little closer to her, tugging on his own leash. “It was lovely to meet you, Emma,” he says quietly, and she smiles tightly up at him, nodding kindly before getting a hold of Duck and heading back to her car.

---///---

On Saturday, Henry wakes up well before eight in the morning, shaking his mother awake gently.

Emma squints one eye open, staring at her nine-year-old son. “Are you okay?” she asks sleepily.

He nods. “It’s really nice out,” he tells her.

She turns around, glancing up at her clock. Then she groans, stretching her legs out, before returning her attention to her son. “Yes?”

He grins. “Well, Duck really wants to go to the park,” he says innocently, but she gives him a look and his cheeks turn pink. “So do I.”

Emma hums. “Give me time to wake up, kid, and then we will go.”

He practically rushes back out of her room, and Emma laughs lightly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

It takes her less than a half hour to drag herself out of bed, shower, and get herself somewhat presentable. Or at least, presentable enough for a walk through the park on a Saturday in Boston.

Henry’s going on and on about a story he has to work on for English class, and she does her best to keep up with his spiraling thoughts. He’s going on about recreating fairy tales, and she just takes the time to admire his passion and excitement. These qualities, she is sure, he inherited from his father. And seeing them in her son, the person she loves more than anyone on this planet, well, it makes her anger towards Neal fade quite a bit.

“Mom,” he says, cutting off his own thought. She glances down at her son, and he points to the guy sitting at the bench a few feet from them, who is smiling openly at her.

And, of course, it’s Killian. And Davy.

Oh, and a beautiful brunette.

Emma feels a pang in her chest that she doesn’t even really understand. She moves to head down a different path, one that doesn’t take them right past the bench, but Duck starts barking wildly, running straight to Davy. Henry, who has a tight hold on the leash, gets pulled violently to the bench.

Holding in her groan, she slowly walks toward the couple and their dog.

“Swan!” Killian calls, standing up and watching adoringly as the dogs tangle together.

Emma has to admit, looking at the dogs, that they are pretty adorable together. She lets a small laugh escape, shaking her head. “Wow, they love each other,” Emma observes.

“They’re best mates, of course,” Killian agrees, and then motions to the woman that is still sitting on the bench, watching the scene before her with interest. “This is my girlfriend, Milah,” he says.

She’s older, Emma thinks. Maybe ten years older than him. But she’s breathtakingly beautiful.

“Milah, this is Emma Swan. I met her here the other day when our dogs tackled each other,” he says, and Milah stays seated but smiles just the same.

Henry’s giggling at the way that the dogs are playing together, and Emma points in his direction. “This is my son, Henry,” she says, and Henry spares them a smile before joining the dogs in the grass, laughing as he rolls around with them. Emma can’t help it, she pulls out her phone and snaps a picture.

Emma tries not to look over at Milah again. Really, she does. But she seemingly has lost physical control of her body because she turns back and looks at Milah, who is watching her too. Her eyes are distant, her face guarded, so different from the openness and trust that Killian seems to wear on his face at all times.

She awkwardly smiles, and turns to see Killian watching the exchange thoughtfully.

“Lad,” Killian calls out to her son. “I heard you came up with the name Duck?” he asks.

Henry stands up, brushing the grass off his body, and nods, his face full of pride. “Yeah!”

“Brilliant,” Killian shouts, and Henry smiles wider, if that’s even possible. “This is Davy Jones. He has taken quite fondly to you it seems,” he says, crouching down so he’s at Henry’s height.

“Davy Jones,” Henry repeats, then chuckles, looking over at his mom with glee. “That’s awesome!” he shouts.

Even Milah laughs at this, the joy on Henry’s face too pure to deny.

“Thank you,” Killian says, shooting an I-Told-You-So look at Emma, who only rolls her eyes. “I thought it was quite clever as well.”

Emma rocks back on her heels, and she looks down at her watch. “Henry, why don’t you start trying to reign Duck in, okay? It’s about time for breakfast,” she calls.

Killian frowns slightly at her, but she pretends not to notice.

She also pretends not to notice the way his jeans look like they were tailored just for him, or how he somehow makes a plain black tee look like vogue, or how his crooked smile sends a shiver down her spine.

“It was nice meeting you, Emma,” Milah says, standing up to join Killian. Emma nods, then gives Killian a wave before practically dragging Henry and Duck down a different path.

“Killian is nice,” Henry says, his voice full of innocent kindness.

“Yeah, he is,” she agrees, shrugging as she ruffles Henry’s hair. “Now, Granny’s?” she asks.

All it takes is the thought of blueberry pancakes for Henry to forget the exchange completely.

---///---

Henry doesn’t forget for long enough, though, because he brings Killian and Davy up at Granny’s.

“Mom’s friend was there, and his dog was so awesome!” he’s saying around a mouthful of bacon. Emma grimaces, shaking her head at her son.

“Chew, swallow, then talk, kid,” she admonishes, and he smiles sheepishly at her.

“Yeah, alright, who’s mom’s friend?” Ruby cuts in, reaching over to take a piece of sausage off of Emma’s plate.

David grunts, looking all sorts of uncomfortable, and Mary Margaret giggles lightly.

The four (five when Henry comes along) of them try to meet for breakfast every weekend, and this weekend is no different. Ruby’s in the clothes she wore out the night before, while David and Mary Margaret look perfect and put together as always.

“Killian,” Henry supplies, as if they’ve all known Killian for years and just forgot.

Ruby raises an eyebrow, and when she reaches over to steal more food, Emma smacks at her hand. “Order your own sausage, Rubes!”

“Killian… weird name,” she comments. “Who is he?” she asks, completely disregarding Emma’s outburst and stealing a piece of bacon from David’s plate instead, who only scowls as he glances over at Ruby’s untouched bowl of fruit.

“I don’t know, some guy at the park,” Emma answers. “I’ve only met him one other time. Duck loves his dog.”

“Is he cute?”

Emma levels Ruby with a hard stare. “He’s not ugly.”

“Ooh, intrigue,” Ruby practically croons, and Henry’s face scrunches together with confusion. Emma glares at Ruby, who just shrugs.

“Ruby, didn’t you hear her? He’s a stranger from the park,” David cuts in, and Emma smiles at David, who has once again, for the thousandth time in their lives, saved her.

“Everyone is a stranger before they meet. They’ve met. They are no longer strangers.”

“Either way,” Emma says sternly before the conversation can spiral even more. “He was there with his very lovely girlfriend, so let’s all change the topic.”

Mary Margaret starts talking about their road trip plans a few months away, and Emma fights the urge to let out a sigh of relief at the change of conversation.

Emma tunes the conversation out, though, when she notices Henry staring across the room and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Emma follows his line of sight. A young girl, about his age, was seated in a booth with a grown man, likely her father.

“Who’s that?” Emma whispers, trying not to grab anyone else’s attention.

Henry’s cheeks redden in record time, and he shrugs, looking back down at his plate. “A girl from school,” he answers, and Emma laughs, leaning forward to place a kiss on her son’s head before returning to conversation with her friends.

---///---

The next time Emma sees Killian, it’s after a long overnight shift. She gets home at six in the morning, just in time to get Henry up and ready for school. After he gets on the bus, though, she tosses and turns in her bed for an hour before she gives up on getting sleep. She brews a pot of coffee and looks over at Duck, who’s laying on the couch, eyeing her intensely. She smiles, looking out her kitchen window outside. The sun is shining brightly through minimal clouds.

She jumps in the shower, gets ready, and pours coffee into her large insulated coffee cup before taking Duck to the park.

Emma usually rotates between a few different parks and trails to keep her walks with Duck interesting.

She doesn’t admit, not even to herself, that she keeps returning to Peter’s Park because that’s where she met Killian. She also doesn’t admit that she spent a little more time getting ready for an early morning walk than she normally does, just in case.

And it’s stupid, she knows, this weird flicker of hope she feels whenever her eyes meet his. He has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that is beautiful, and obviously very kind.

She’s not trying to get in the middle of that, she really isn’t. She just thinks that, you know, maybe she and Killian can be friends.

When she sees him, he’s laying on a blanket, Davy laying down next to him, his head resting on Killian’s stomach. Emma’s heart swells, and she forces that feeling down when she approaches him, Duck barking excitedly at Davy.

At the sound of Duck’s barking, Killian sits up and beams when he sees Emma nearing him. She waves easily, dropping the leash and grinning as Davy and Duck wrestle on the blanket, forcing Killian to stand up.

“Swan, you’re frequenting this park as much as me now!” he says, and there is nothing in his tone that would imply that he thinks it has anything to do with him, but she blushes anyways.

And she curses herself for it.

If he notices her reaction, he pretends not to because he just smiles widely at her, sitting back down on the grass, gesturing dramatically to the spot beside him.

She raises an eyebrow but sits down across from him, crossing her legs pretzel style.

“What brings you out on this fine Tuesday morning, Swan?”

He sits back, placing his hands in the grass behind him to support himself.

She shrugs, her eyes on the dogs as she responds. “I had to work night shift last night and I couldn’t fall asleep when I got home,” she tells him.

“Really? When’s the last time you slept?” he asks, concern in his tone.

She looks back at him, and his eyes are so curious. “I napped before work yesterday, so I’m fine,” she says, although the yawn that interrupts her sentence doesn’t quite sell the sentiment.

He laughs, shaking his head. “What do you do for a living?”

She watches as he leans forward, mimicking the way she’s seated, as his fingers pick at blades of grass.

“I’m a detective,” she says casually, waiting for the typical reaction she gets from men about her career choice--something between intimidation and distaste.

He only raises an eyebrow, though, and she pretends that doesn’t mean anything to her.

“Officer of the law? Wow. I could have guessed that,” he says, and she laughs genuinely at this, shaking her head.

“How so?”

He just gives her a half shrug. “You’re something of an open book,” he tells her, and the statement makes her heart race for some reason.

“What about you? Where do you work that you’re able to hang out at the park on a Tuesday morning?” she asks, desperately feeling the need to turn the interrogation around on him.

He smirks, and she feels like he’s looking right through her. “You ever been to Sea Dog’s Animal Rescue on Beacon Street?” he asks.

He looks surprised when his simple question elicits a laugh from her. “I had the weirdest experience there once, actually,” she says. “Do you work there?”

“I own it, actually. What kind of weird experience?” he asks, sounding offended.

She shakes her head. “When I found Duck, he had no collar, and I was trying to connect him to his possible owners. I walked into your shelter and talked to this guy… ahh,” she groans, trying to remember his name. “I don’t remember his name, actually, but I think he hit on me. And he kept calling me sheriff when I told him I was a cop.”

Killian groans. “I’d bet money that was Scarlet,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “He’s exhausting.”

She sighs, wondering when she got so good at making new friends. “How’d you meet Milah?” she asks, the question slipping from her mouth before she can stop it.

His smile fades into a look of intrigue, his eyes searching her face with profound sincerity. “It was complicated,” he finally says, his voice taking on a grave tone. “I met her through a friend of a friend. And she was married when I met her.”

He leans over, running his hand lovingly over Davy’s head, who is now laying down next to Duck, both exhausted from their own festivities.

“She was married to a real piece of work. He was terrible to her. And we remained friends until one day, she left him. She ran, actually. And she showed up at my doorstep, needing a place to stay. And the rest is history, I suppose,” he says, but there’s something under his tone that she can’t quite read.

“She seems great,” Emma says, her voice too bright to her own ears.

He nods in agreement, even though his eyes are distant. “She’s a force to be reckoned with.”

She smiles and lays down, looking up at him when she starts telling him about how Duck became a part of her family.

His eyes are kind and encouraging when she tells him about her life in the foster system, and she surprises herself when she tells him about David Nolan, who she met freshman year at Boston University. She tells him about how David made her feel important for the first time in her life, bringing her home to his mom’s on holidays, showing her what it’s like to be a part of a real family.

In turn, he tells her about his brother Liam, who lives in New York with his wife, and how he didn’t have much of a family unit outside of his brother either. He tells her all about what made him open a dog shelter, and how much he loves his job. She admires his passion, and finds that she could listen to his voice for the rest of her life if he’d let her.

As soon as that thought crosses her mind though, she sits up abruptly. “I better get home,” she says, looking at her watch. It’s already nearing eleven, meaning she’s been sitting in the grass with Killian for almost three hours. “I need to get some sleep before Henry gets home.”

She can feel his eyes watching her closely as she grabs her now empty coffee cup, gathering Duck’s leash in her other hand.

“See you around, Jones?”

She means for it to come out as a casual statement, but it sounds more like a nervous question. She stands up, shuffling a little awkwardly on her feet under the heat of his stare. Then he stands up, nodding. “Maybe we can have some dog play dates. Davy enjoys hanging out with Duck a lot, it seems,” he says, and she wonders if he’s really talking about Davy.

He scratches behind his ear nervously, and Emma finds the nervous tick to be incredibly endearing. “Can I have your number, Swan? It might be easier to coordinate walks in the park if I could contact you.”

She nods in affirmation, too afraid to speak as she takes his phone from him, quickly entering in her number.

He takes his phone from her and shoves it in his pocket, settling back into the grass and she and Duck head the opposite direction.

---///---

After that, she and Killian become friends. Or, friend-adjacent. They become park buddies, if anything.

It’s not weird.

At least, that what she’s telling Ruby one night at their favorite dive bar.

Ruby, however, isn’t convinced. She grabs Emma’s phone and opens up her text conversation with Killian.

“Emma Swan,” Ruby shouts, eyes widening as she looks at the texts.

Too exhausted to wrestle her phone back from her best friend, she simply takes another drink of her rum and diet.

“There’s nothing in those texts that warrants the scandalized face you’re pulling right now, Ruby, so cut the crap,” she says tersely.

Ruby chuckles. “It’s not what the messages say, it’s what’s behind those words,” she says cryptically before downing the rest of her tequila sunrise.

“Behind… the words?” Emma repeats slowly, staring at Ruby like she’s lost her mind. Which, perhaps, she has.

“You like him, Em. Why else would you be hanging out with him?”

“I can’t make new friends?” Emma asks, signaling to Mulan that they’re ready for another round of drinks. “We literally hang out like once a week, and all we do is walk our dogs. It’s not romantic, it’s not weird.”

“You can make new friends. But you’re like… keeping him secret. Why haven’t you brought him around, if you’re just friends? Unless… you’re afraid that we’ll all see how hopelessly in love you are if you bring him to one of our nights out.”

“This theory you’re working on?” Emma starts, turning to smile gratefully at their bartender when a new drink appears in front of her. “It’s heavily flawed. I don’t bring him out because there is no reason to… he’s busy. I have you guys. He’s just, like, my park friend.”

“You sound insane,” Ruby decides, setting Emma’s phone back on the bar counter. “But I’ll let it go. For now.”

“We can talk about why we’re really here,” Emma suggests, grinning wickedly.

Ruby furrows her brow in confusion. “We’re here because it’s a Saturday night and your son is at his father's house.”

“Weird how when Mary Margaret invited us over for a cookout you shot her down in seconds, swearing you had to hit up happy hour.”

Ruby scoffs. “I had a long day. Sue me for wanting a drink!” she shouts indignantly.

“Uh huh, and you couldn’t bring drinks to Mary Margaret’s?” she asks.

“What’s your point?” Ruby asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Emma just turns, making a show of looking over at Mulan, the bartender that Ruby has had a crush on for over a year now.

Ruby chokes out a forced laugh. “That? I’ve been over that for forever, Em,” she argues, but Emma can hear the lie in her voice.

“You sound insane, but I’ll let it go for now,” Emma says, repeating Ruby’s words back to her. Ruby doesn’t mention Killian again after that.

---///---

Emma’s halfway out the door on Thursday evening when she decides to text Killian.

Headed to the park now. You up for a walk?

Are you dead set on the park?

She stares at the text, wondering what he means as she gets into her yellow bug, laughing when Duck immediately shoves his head out the window.

That’s normally where I do my dog walking, yes.

Fancy meeting us at The Jolly Roger?

That weird nautical themed bar by the docks?

She stares at the little animated dots that appear on the screen, heart pounding.

You wound me. This is my favorite bar in Boston. And it’s dog friendly.

Emma stares at Duck, who’s panting happily, and sighs, debating her options.

When she pulls up to The Jolly Roger, she has two realizations that stop her in her tracks. Duck sits patiently on the pavement, watching while his owner has a mental breakdown right in front of him.

Milah might be here.

This is the first time they’re hanging out somewhere other than the park.

Duck moves closer to her legs, licking at her jeans, and Emma sighs. “Fine,” she mumbles to her dog. “Let’s go.”

When she enters the bar, she finds it’s open and filled with natural lights from the tall windows everywhere. She looks around, and smiles when she sees Killian sitting at a round table, Davy laying on the floor under his chair. She raises an eyebrow to see that he’s not alone though. He’s actually surrounded by friends.

She stops and considers turning around and heading straight home, but he spots her first.

“Swan! Over here!” he calls, and she tries not to let her nerves show when all the unfamiliar faces turn toward her.

When she reaches the table, he motions to the empty stool beside him, and Duck howls with excitement, jumping on Davy.

Emma looks at Killian, who’s taking a sip of his beverage, cheeks tinted pink. “Swan! Meet my friends.”

Emma looks at the group surrounding her, two men and a woman, and she laughs when her eyes land on a familiar face.

“Don’t I know you?” he asks in his cockney accent.

Emma cocks her head to the side, considering the man. “I came in to your work like two years ago… you kept calling me sheriff,” she says.

“Emma, this is Will Scarlet. I’d like to apologize in advance for him,” Killian says, and Will shoots his friend a glare, smiling at Emma.

“I do remember you, Sheriff,” he says, sending her a wink. “How could I forget a face like yours?” he asks.

She raises an eyebrow in disbelief at him, and he grins.

Killian rolls his eyes. “This is Robin,” he says, pointing to the man next to Will who is watching the exchange with amusement. “And beside him is his wife, Regina.”

Emma looks at the couple, and smiles at the way that Robin’s fingers trace circles into her back absent-mindedly.

Emma just smiles, feeling a little awkward. “Hi, nice to meet you all,” she says, and then motions to the bar behind them. “I’m just going to go grab a drink.”

“No, love, let me. What will you have?” Killian asks, standing up and inching toward the bar before she can object.

“Rum and diet, please,” she says, and something flickers in his eyes before he nods and turns away.

“So, you’re the infamous Emma, huh?” Will asks, and Emma shrugs. “Killian talks about you all the time.”

Robin groans. “Please, Emma, ignore our friend. He’s a complete tosser and we only keep him around for our own amusement.”

Emma laughs. “Everyone has that one friend, huh?” she asks, and Robin laughs loudly in response. Regina smiles, surprise crossing her face.

“Sad but true,” Robin agrees. “You have one, too, then?”

She thinks of Ruby, her neurotic, mess of a best friend. “Yep. Definitely,” she says.

Killian slides back into his seat, arm brushing hers as he places her drink on the table. She can see the goosebumps rise on her forearm, and Killian seems a little affected, too, his gaze lingering on her for far too long.

“Where’s Milah?” she asks, and he straightens up, clearing his throat.

“She’s stuck at work tonight,” he says, but she doesn’t miss the matching expression that all of his friends are wearing: disapproval.

“You’re never free in the evening, Swan,” he observes, his voice lighter than before. “Where’s your boy?” She frowns. “He goes to this dad’s every other weekend, but I let him go a day early this week so they could go to the Red Sox game tonight,” she says before taking a sip of her drink.

Robin sends her a knowing look. “Shared custody never does get easier, huh?” he says, and Emma finds a small smile forming on her face.

“It truly does not,” she agrees.

Robin tells her about his son, Roland, and whips out his phone to show off pictures, which only prompts Emma to do the same. Killian watches it all with a content smile on his face, and she tries not to dissect the moment.

Emma finds herself falling into easy conversation with them all, enjoying the snarky banter with Will, the kind words from Robin, and by the end of the night, even Regina seems to be opening up a bit more to Emma, telling her about her work on the city council.

“Emma!?” she hears, and jumps, searching the bar for the face that matches that voice. She smiles when her eyes land on Graham, and craft beer in his hand as he approaches her.

She smiles politely at Killian and his friends before she jumps off the stool and gives Graham a quick hug.

“Hey stranger, tell me, please, what the day shift is like? I’ve nearly forgotten what the day looks like,” she jokes, and he winces, shaking his head.

“You’d think that having David as your boss would score you some perks, huh?” he asks, and Emma shakes her head.

“David? Playing favorites? Please, Humbert, he’s a man of honor and I’m offended you’d even imply such a thing.”

Graham chuckles, and Emma swears that his eyes land on someone behind her for far too long. She assumes it’s Killian.

“You’ll be back to days in a couple weeks, though. Aurora is coming back from maternity leave soon,” he says.

She rolls her eyes. “Two weeks is too far away,” she mumbles.

He only shakes his head. “What brings you here, Em? I’m here all the time and I’ve never seen you. Don’t you and Ruby like to frequent that god awful dive bar, what’s it called?” he looks up, racking his brain.

Emma scoffs. “It’s called The Rabbit Hole and it’s our safe haven so watch your mouth,” she threatens. “I came here to meet my friend,” she says, turning around to point at Killian, who’s sitting in his seat tensely.

Graham smiles warmly, though, and Killian seems to shake out of his weird mind state, standing up and shaking his hand.

“Killian, this is Graham Humbert, my partner when I'm on day shift,” she says before introducing him to the rest of the table.

Everyone exchanges kind words, and Graham says his goodbyes, heading back to his table where she spots a few familiar faces from the precinct.

She sends a wave to the table, not in the mood to socialize with the people from work that she doesn’t really care for.

When Emma settles back into her seat, Regina raises an eyebrow.

“When did you guys date?” she asks, and Killian practically chokes on the rum he’s drinking.

Emma shakes her head. “Ah, no, no, we never--” she stammers, shaking her head. “We didn’t date,” she finally says.

“Well, you’re aware he wants to, right? I mean, the guy was practically salivating at the mouth the whole time he was over here. It was honestly painful to watch.”

Emma grunts, feeling insanely uncomfortable. “Well, it’s not like that,” she says, shrugging.

Killian laughs, a little too loudly, and then sets his drink down. “Regina, let the lass drink in peace,” he scolds, and Regina shrugs, looking unapologetic.

“The Rabbit Hole, huh?” Will says, and Emma’s thankful for the new topic. “I love that place. I mean, it’s a dump, that’s for sure. But it’s my kind of place. These gits are always dragging me to hipster places like this,” he says, motioning to his surroundings, and both Killian and Robin voice their disagreement.

Emma laughs. “Yeah. My best friend and I love that place too,” she says.

The night continues on without incident, and when they’re ready to leave, Emma feels a tightness in her chest. She doesn’t want to go.

She nudges Duck, who has fallen asleep under the table, and smiles as she watches him stretch out peacefully.

She says her goodbyes to Killian’s friends, feeling oddly warm when they all sincerely tell her they can’t wait to do this again.

“You okay to drive, love?” Killian asks when they get outside. The night brought a slight chill in the air, but it feels good on her skin.

She nods, and he walks her to her car in silence. “Thanks for inviting me, Killian,” she says when they reach her bug.

He laughs, looking at her vehicle.

“Quite the vessel you captain there, Swan,” he says, his voice low, and she laughs.

“This is my baby,” she says defensively, and he smirks. His gaze is too dark, though, too intense. She opens her door, allowing Duck to climb into the passenger seat. “I’ll see you, Killian.”

He doesn’t respond though, just keeps his eyes trained on her.

“Tell Milah I said hi,” she says, and once again, at the mention of Milah he backs up, as if he realizes where he’s at, what he’s doing.

“Goodnight, Swan,” he says before she gets into her car and drives away.

---///---

I go back to day shift tomorrow. Wanna take one last morning walk?

It’s only seconds before Killian sends her a text back.

Meet you in fifteen.

She finds him waiting for her in the parking lot, Davy at his side. He doesn’t notice her arrive, leaning against a tree and staring into the distance.

“Why are you thinking so hard, mate?” she asks, imitating his accent playfully. He looks at her, but his expression doesn’t change. “Okay, what’s wrong?” she asks as they start walking the familiar trail.

“Nothing, love, just a long day,” he says.

“Killian,” she says firmly. “It’s nine in the morning.”

He sighs. “I didn’t sleep last night,” he tells her, whistling when Davy gets distracted by a butterfly. Emma would normally laugh at the dog’s attention span, but she’s consumed by Killian’s distress.

She stops, placing a hand on Killian’s forearm. He stops, looking down at her hand, and then he meets her eyes.

He looks pained and exhausted.

“Hey, come on. What’s going on with you?” she asks.

He sighs, nodding, and continues their walk down the path. “It’s Milah,” he says.

Emma fights the urge to cringe, because the last thing she wants to talk about is his relationship.

After that night at The Jolly Roger, she came to terms with the fact that she clearly has feelings for Killian that are more than platonic. She also came to the conclusion that she has to force those feelings down, for the sake of their friendship. So she’s kept it casual, texting him a little less, bringing up Milah a little more, and it’s been working.

“Is she alright?” Emma asks carefully.

“She’s fine,” he bites out, groaning. “We were up all night fighting,” he says.

“Over what?” she asks, frowning.

He groans, shaking his head. “I don’t even know anymore. Nothing, at first. Everything, by this morning,” he says vaguely.

Emma sighs. “Those kind of fights are never fun,” she agrees, thinking back to heated arguments with Neal and how quickly they would escalate. “But you guys will work through it, ya know? You love her,” she says, and she hopes her words sound more convincing than they feel.

He stumbles a bit when he takes his next step, but continues.

“Yeah,” he says, sounding a little resigned. He sighs, then, shaking his head. “It’s just… we want different things, you know. I’m ready to settle down here, to start a life. She wants adventure.”

She frowns, shocked at the confession. “Adventure?” she asks.

“Sometimes it feels like she thinks I’m supposed to always be the exciting younger man, like she’s always comparing me to her ex and wanting a shiny fun toy. But there comes a point where it feels like it’s time to build something strong, meant to last.”

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “Killian. I know you guys are in love, and I’m happy for you. But don’t forget that what you want matters too. You guys need to find a fair compromise,” she says. He nods, looking around like he wants the conversation to end. She leaves him with her last thought, hoping it doesn’t reveal too much. “You have so much more to offer than fun times, Jones. She should know that.”

She starts to tell him about how excited she is to switch to days and how she can’t wait to get Graham back as her partner. “I mean, listen, Sneezy is nice and all, but I literally have never gone through so much hand sanitizer in my life,” she says.

He cringes. “That’s disgusting,” he says. “How long were you and Graham partners before your switch to nights, love?” he asks, his eyes trained on Davy.

She shrugs, thinking back. “About two years,” she says. “We’ve been partners since he started at our precinct.”

“He seems like a good man,” he says, and he doesn’t sound unkind, but he also doesn’t sound quite like himself.

She brushes it off. “Anyways, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be on day shift for a week and then we’re headed to Cape Cod for the weekend,” she says, her voice raising with excitement. “It’s going to be the best. Henry’s been working on a road trip playlist for us all week.”

Her words bring out the first genuine smile she’s seen from Killian all morning. He chuckles. “Did Ruby end up asking Mulan to join?”

“Of course not. She’s being the biggest coward,” Emma grumbles.

“Okay, relax, lass. Matters of the heart are usually more complicated than they appear,” he says, and Emma rolls her eyes.

“Sometimes they’re not as difficult as we make them,” she says. “And besides, you don’t even know Ruby, you don’t get to take her side.”

Killian shakes his head. “That’s through no fault of my own. You’re the one that hides me from your friends like I’m something to be ashamed of.”

It’s not the first time he’s mentioned it. It’s about the tenth time since she met his friends a few weeks ago. She always has an excuse. But the reality is that Ruby was right from the start. She doesn’t want her friends to meet Killian because he means too much to her, and they will see that.

“Yeah, yeah,” she whines playfully, rolling her eyes. He frowns slightly, but Emma pretends not to notice before showing him pictures of the house they rented for the trip.

He doesn’t bring up her friends or Milah again for the rest of the morning.

Instead, he asks about Henry’s father.

Emma sighs deeply, trying to figure out where to start. “I met Neal my senior year of college,” she says, and Killian points to the bench, signaling for a little break. She nods, and they sit down, watching as Duck and Davy play in front of them.

“I fell in love with him so fast,” Emma recalls. “I mean, he was my first love. And David and Mary Margaret hated him, told me he was bad news, but I was naive. I found out I was pregnant the day of graduation. I told him and he ran,” she says, shaking her head at the memory. Killian places his hand on her knee, squeezing tightly.

“Bad form,” he hisses, and Emma laughs without humor.

“Truly bad form,” she agrees. “But, you know, he grew up. He came back around when Henry was one. I made him work for it, telling him he needed to prove that he was here for the long run. And eventually, he did prove it. And as much as he gets on my nerves, he has been a wonderful father to Henry.”

Killian nods. “You’re a wonderful mother, too, Swan,” he says.

She smiles. “He’s the best kid in the world,” Emma says. “He makes it easy.”

Killian looks at her with awe in his eyes, so she turns her head, staring down at her feet.

“Hey, can I ask you a favor?” she asks, desperate to get to lighter topics. He nods “Can you watch Duck when I’m out of town? If not, it’s no worries, I just figured--”

He cuts her off, laughing easily. “Relax, Swan, I’d love to hang out with Duck for the weekend.”

She smiles gratefully, and they stand up and continue down the trail, keeping their conversation on superficial topics for the rest of the morning.

---///---

“Rule number one of our road trip,” Ruby shouts as they gather around Emma’s bug. “I will not hear one more mention of Mulan. I am escaping my reality for three whole days, and I don’t want to get made fun of the entire time,” she says.

Henry laughs while Emma, David, and Mary Margaret collectively groan at her dramatics. David throws the last duffel bag into the bed of his truck.

“No one even wants to talk about Mulan anymore at this point. Your cowardice is honestly boring,” he says, and Emma’s jaw drops at the bold statement.

Ruby pouts, shoulders slumping.

“Yeah, what we really wanna do is ask about Killian,” Mary Margaret interjects, and Emma’s jaw drops even further.

Henry’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, and Ruby grins victoriously. “What the hell!?” Emma complains, and David’s face somehow looks both annoyed and disgusted.

“I promise, that’s not what we want to talk about,” David says.

“He’s watching your dog for the weekend, Ems! That’s insane. Since when do you trust anyone with Duck?” Mary Margaret questions.

“I think it’s safe to say that leaving him with a man who opened his own dog shelter makes him a pretty good dog sitter,” Emma reasons.

Mary Margaret lets out a hum of disbelief.

“Can we hit the road or what?” she asks just before her phone chimes with a new message. Emma reads the message with the best poker face she can manage.

Hope your trip is fun, Swan. Sorry I’ve been so busy this week, but I can't wait to see you when you return.

She sends back a quick thanks before climbing into her car, smiling when Henry climbs into the passenger seat, forcing Ruby to climb into the back.

Emma doesn’t think about Killian for the rest of the drive, too distracted by Ruby’s constant antics and Henry’s playlist.

---///---

Emma wakes up on Saturday morning to a text from Killian. It’s a picture of Davy and Duck both sleeping in what she assumes is his bed.

Even though the dogs look adorable in the photo, her eyes are stuck on the king size bed, the black sheets, the grey comforter.

I miss Duck already :(

He misses you. So does Davy.

Emma wonders, not for the first time, if Davy is code for Killian. She doesn’t linger on the thought for too long, though.

The weekend away from Killian does her good. He sends her pictures of the dogs every so often, but other than that, they don’t communicate much. Emma starts to wonder if the fact that she needs a vacation from Killian is a bad sign. Perhaps forcing down her romantic feelings was doing more damage than she suspected.

She doesn’t want to lose Killian, but at the same time, she can’t just sit around and pine for a guy that’s taken. It’s a waste of time.

It’s also making her feel a little out of control.

On the last night in Cape Cod, Emma voices this to Mary Margaret over a glass of sangria. Ruby’s mumbling I-Told-You-So’s the entire time.

“I have advice,” Mary Margaret say, her words measured. “But it’s not advice you’re going to want to hear.”

Emma shrugs, gesturing for Mary Margaret to continue.

“You have to let it go,” she says. “Move on. You can’t torture yourself like this. He has to realize you have feelings for him, Em. You’re not exactly subtle. He’s leading you on.”

That is the last thing she expected from Mary Margaret. Ruby’s wearing a matching look of surprise on her face.

“He’s not leading me on, Mary Margaret. He knows that I know about Milah. He’s just being a good friend. It’s not his fault that I like him more than that,” she says.

Mary Margaret considers her words, nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’m sure he’s a great friend, Ems, but that doesn’t change the situation at all. Just, I’d put some distance between you guys. At least so you can sort out your feelings.”

Emma agrees with her, actually.

She does need to move on.

---///---

When they get home on Sunday, it’s only noon but she and Henry collapse on the couch in their family room, exhausted. She can feel her son staring at her, so she turns. “What is it, kid?” she asks.

“Are you okay, mom?” he asks, his voice small and concerned. She jumps up a little, reaching over to pull Henry closer to her, smiling softly when he rests his head on her shoulder.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” she asks.

He shrugs slightly. “You just seem… sad,” he tells her.

She frowns, her heart aching at his words. “No, kid, I’m okay. I’ve got you in my life, how can I be anything but happy?”

He laughs, and she presses a kiss to the top of his head before he gets up to take a shower.

She stares at her phone for what feels like forever before typing out a message to Killian.

I’m home.

Fantastic, love! Would you like to meet at the park to pick up your dog? I’m heading to work around two to help train the new volunteers.

Emma sighs, considering her options.

Henry and I are spending the day together, actually. I can come pick him up from your place now, though, if you’re home.

It takes him a bit longer to send a response, and when it comes, her heart thuds against her chest violently.

Of course. See you soon.

When Henry gets out of the shower, she asks if he wants to come with her to pick Duck up. He agrees, and when they get to Killian’s, her son seems to read the discomfort on her face.

Nine-year-old and still the smartest person she’s ever met.

“Do you want me to go get him?” Henry asks.

Emma chuckles, shaking her head. “No, let’s go,” she says, opening her car door. When they reach his apartment, she knocks lightly, realizing she’s never been to his place. She dropped Duck off to him at his place of work on Friday morning.

He swings the door open, wearing a large smile.

“Swan! Henry! How was the trip?” he asks, and Emma notices that he looks drained beyond belief. He’s still gorgeous, but his eyes look exhausted.

She wonders if asking him to watch Duck was too much.

“Really fun! Mom poured a margarita all over Ruby when she wouldn’t stop being dramatic and it was awesome!” Henry tells Killian. Killian’s eyes shoot to Emma, and she looks down at her son, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, we also went sailing and hung out at the beach. Why don’t you tell him about the normal things,” Emma suggests, laughing.

Henry shrugs innocently. “That was the best part, though,” he reasons.

Emma just rubs her hand over her face, and Killian’s chuckling with amusement.

Henry’s face lights up when Duck runs out into the hallway, jumping excitedly all over his family. Emma laughs, leaning down and petting Duck lovingly. She stands up and sees Killian watching them with something close to yearning in his expression. She wonders if her mind sees things that aren’t there.

This is why she needs distance.

He hands her Duck’s leash, smiling. “Have a good day with your boy, Swan,” he says softly.

She nods, smiling tightly. “I appreciate you taking him for the weekend. Hopefully it didn’t put you or Milah out,” she says.

He opens his mouth like he has something to say but he just shrugs. “It’s not a problem.”

With that, she sends him a small wave and rushes back down to her car, ready for a day out with her son.

---///---

She makes excuses for weeks when he tries to make plans with her. She feels guilty every time, but the space is helping her gain some much need perspective.

When she gets a text from Graham on Friday night asking her to meet him at The Jolly Roger, she says yes. Because, Mary Margaret’s right, Emma needs to move forward. And it’s not like it’s a date. He meets their coworkers at bars all the time.

When she arrives, he’s sitting alone at the bar, nursing a beer. Emma grins, slipping into the empty seat beside him.

They spend the evening chatting, joking around, and it’s easy. He’s one of her closest friends, so of course a night out with him is fun.

“Sheriff,” she hears, and turns to see Will and Robin sitting a few seats down from them.

She jumps, searching the room for Killian, but he’s nowhere to be found.

“Hey, guys. What’s up? Is Killian here, too?” she asks before she can help herself.

Scarlet smirks knowingly, but Robin smiles kindly at her. “No, he’s at home dealing with the Milah stuff.”

Emma raises an eyebrow, frowning. She didn’t realize they were still having issues. She exchanges pleasantries with them, but she can’t help the guilt that builds up in her stomach while they talk.

Killian’s going through serious stuff in his home life and she’s avoided every effort of his to hang out. He probably needed a friend. When she turns back to Graham, she finds her heart not quite in it anymore, and when she finishes her drink, she makes an excuse about being too tired to stay out. He nods, walking her out to her car and telling her he’ll see her at work next week.

When she gets home, she lays in bed for an hour before finally grabbing her phone from her nightstand and shooting a text to Killian without thinking.

Is everything okay?

His response comes faster than she expects.

I should be asking you that. You’ve been avoiding me, Swan.

I have not.

I’m actually quite perceptive, love. You’ve been avoiding me.

She sighs, sitting up in bed. She types and erases, over and over.

We’re all meeting at The Rabbit Hole tomorrow night around eight for Ruby’s birthday. You should come. Bring Milah, Will, Robin, and Regina if you want.

I’ll be there.

With that, Emma falls asleep, hoping that she doesn’t have a breakdown when she sees him the following day.

---///---

Emma takes a big sip from her rum and diet when the clock strikes nine. She looks at Ruby, who is already well on her way to drunk .

Killian had sent her a text to let her know he’d be late, but that he would be there.

“What?” Ruby finally asks after slamming down a shot of tequila.

“I invited Killian,” Emma says quietly.

Ruby grins widely. “Oh my god. Best birthday gift I could have ever asked for!” she practically screams. Emma groans.

“Please don’t be weird, Rubes,” she begs.

Completely ignoring her, she turns and screams to Mary Margaret, who is on the other side of the bar talking to David and Belle.

“Emma invited Killian!” she shouts.

Mary Margaret raises an eyebrow in response, and David wears the same pained expression he always does whenever Emma’s love life comes up.

“Would you chill?” Emma scolds, shaking her head. “Let’s do a shot, though,” Emma concedes, her nerves getting the best of her, and Ruby just giggles, turning to Mulan to order two tequila shots. Emma watches the way Mulan’s eyes linger on Ruby and she smirks to herself.

Emma’s eyes find Killian’s the moment she brings the shot to her lips. He grins mischievously as he takes in the scene before him, and she takes the shot quickly, wincing at the burn in her throat.

She looks to see that he brought Will and that’s all. No Milah.

Emma can’t help but feel a little relieved, motioning for him to come closer.

“Hi guys,” she says softly when they reach her. Ruby’s burning a hole into the side of Emma’s face, so she rolls her eyes and motions to her best friend.

“This is Ruby. It’s her thirtieth birthday so naturally she’s drunk by nine,” Emma explains, ignoring the scowl she receives in response. “Ruby, this is Killian and his friend Will Scarlet,” she says.

Ruby stares Killian down, inspecting him from head to toe, and Emma watches as he shrinks slightly under her stare.

“So, this is the Killian I’ve heard so much about,” she says, and she’s laying it on thick. Killian smirks slightly in response, and Emma rolls her eyes. “Not Ugly my ass, Emma,” she scoffs.

“This is the Will Scarlet of my friend group,” Emma explains quickly, tripping over her words slightly, and Killian barks out a laugh, while Will only shrugs.

“Pleasure to meet you, love,” Will says, winking at Ruby, who smiles back at him.

Emma grabs Killian’s arm, brushing past Ruby and leading him to the bar. “Drink?” she asks, and he laughs, taking her in. His eyes study her face, and for once, she keeps her eyes trained on his.

"Where’ve ya been, Swan?” he asks, softly. His voice sounds a little hurt, and she sighs.

“I’ve just been sorting some things out. I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” she says vaguely. He nods slowly, considering her.

He looks over at Mulan, who’s pouring shots for Will and Ruby. “Is that the notorious Mulan?” he asks quietly.

“Yup,” Emma says, popping the p . He chuckles, smiling kindly at Mulan when she reaches them, and he orders two rum and diets.

He hands her the new drink. “M’lady,” he says.

“Where’s Milah?” she asks.

He presses his lips together into a tight line, and she frowns at his change in demeanor.

“Killian, are you guys okay?” she asks softly.

He shakes his head after a moment. “We broke up,” he says.

She doesn’t feel the relief she imagined she’d feel. She feels guilty. And worried.

“When?” she asks.

He sighs. “When you were in Cape Cod.”

Emma gasps. “That was two weeks ago,” she says. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He levels her with a knowing look, and she cringes. It’s because she’s been avoiding him. How the hell could he tell her when she shut down every request to hang out since she got home from Cape Cod.

“Fuck, Killian, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

She thinks back to the day she came to pick up Duck. He asked to see her, and when she saw him at his apartment, he looked so different, so tired. She should have known something was going on.

“Yeah, love, I’m alright. It was for the best. She moved out that weekend, actually. We just weren’t right for each other,” he explains.

She sighs, placing her hand on the bar over his. “I should have been there for you. I’m sorry,” she says.

He shrugs. “Don’t worry about it, Swan,” he says, but his voice is distant. Then a devilish grin takes over his face. “What did Ruby mean when she said not ugly ?” he asks.

Emma grimaces, but figures he deserves a little pick me up. “When I first told Ruby about you, she asked if you were cute. I said you weren’t ugly,” she explains, and she can feel blood rushing to her cheeks at the memory.

He smirks. “You didn’t feel the need to mention that I’m actually devilishly handsome?” he asks, doing that absurd thing with his eyebrows that she hates.

And by hates, she means absolutely loves.

“And so modest,” Emma adds, but his smirk only grows deeper.

When Graham walks in with some people from the precinct, Killian stands up a bit straighter, eyeing Emma carefully. She simply sends Graham a little wave before returning her attention to Killian.

He nods to Graham. “Have you decided to take the leap with Humbert?” he asks, his voice tight.

Emma shakes her head. “What? No. Why would you think that?” she asks.

He smiles knowingly at her. “Will mentioned that he saw you out with him last night,” he says.

She raises an eyebrow. “Yeah. He’s my partner. We were just grabbing drinks as friends,” she explains.

He looks ready to say something else but gets interrupted by Mary Margaret and David.

“Em, are you going to introduce us to your friend?” Mary Margaret asks, and Emma nods, feeling her breathing even out when they break up the intense moment.

“Killian, this is Mary Margaret and David, my life savers and kindest people on Earth,” she says, and David laughs while Mary Margaret beams at Emma.

“I’ve heard a lot about you guys,” Killian says kindly, shaking their hands.

David stands up straight, crossing his arms over his chest, as he eyes Killian closely. Emma groans, shooting David a look while Mary Margaret only shakes her head good-naturedly.

“You’ve been a wonderful friend to Emma. I’m glad she has met you,” Mary Margaret says in an attempt to break the tension.

“She’s been the wonderful friend in this scenario, believe me,” Killian says, sincerity shining through every one of his words.

Mary Margaret wears a knowing look on her face that puts Emma on edge, so she turns to Ruby and starts talking to her and Will while Killian continues a conversation with Mary Margaret and David.

The night goes by easily enough, Emma doing one too many shots, officially buzzed by midnight. Killian’s standing in the corner with Will and Belle, laughing loudly at something Will is saying, and Emma is sitting at the bar next to Mary Margaret.

“Em,” Mary Margaret says quietly. “I take it back. He’s in love with you.”

Emma chokes violently on her drink, coughing roughly. “What!?” Emma almost sreams.

“Talking to him… it’s obvious,” she says, shrugging easily as she examines Emma’s face.

“I think that’s a bit extreme,” Emma says, setting her drink down once she’s recovered from her cough attack.

“Maybe,” Mary Margaret says, but when Emma turns back to glance at Killian, he’s already staring at her, eyes vulnerable, and Emma turns back around quickly. “Maybe not, though.”

As if he knows what’s going on, Killian leaves Belle and Will alone, sliding into the seat next to Emma without a word.

Mary Margaret excuses herself, and then it’s just the two of them.

Emma props her elbow up on the bar, resting her head in her hand as she stares at him. “So, you’ve finally met my friends. What do you think?” Emma asks.

He mimics her actions, resting his own head in his hand.

She always thought that Killian was so unguarded, so soft, her complete opposite. But if she thought he wore an open expression before, this is something completely different. It’s like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

“They’re as lovely as you said they were,” he says. “I like seeing you around them, in your natural habitat,” he tells her. She raises her eyes eyebrows in confusion, and he chuckles. “You’re beautiful,” he says softly.

She feels her body go rigid at the words.

Because, no, she’s not going to do this when he broke up with his girlfriend of several years less than a month ago.

She cares about him too much for that.

“Sorry, love,” he says, obviously realizing the way his words impacted her.

She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. I just…”

He nods. “It’s okay,” he cuts her off. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

She sighs, and she wants to explain herself, but perhaps under better circumstances, when she hasn’t been drinking for several hours.

“Want to join us at breakfast tomorrow?” she asks. “We always do breakfast at Granny’s on Sundays and I have a feeling we will all be needing some hangover food,” she adds, and he chuckles, affection all over his face.

“Of course love. Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

Emma smiles, and it’s only a half hour later that she calls a cab and heads home.

---///---

They fall into a pattern. They hang out a bit more than they did before, and they text everyday. He joins her friends at breakfast and on the weekends that Henry’s at Neal’s, she joins Killian and his friends for happy hour.

It’s not much different than before, except that she doesn’t feel guilty when her eyes catch on his for a moment too long anymore, and it happens a bit more than before.

Ruby tells her that they’re dating without the label, but Emma ignores the claim, explaining that they’ve never kissed and she has yet to tell him her feelings. And she doesn’t plan to.

It’s only been a month since Milah moved out. He’s still adjusting.

Will makes a comment at happy hour one night that cuts her, though.

After several shots of whiskey, Will turns to Emma, who isn’t doing much better than him. Killian and Robin are at the bar ordering another round, so he leans over the table and grunts.

“When will you put the lad out of his misery and kiss him or something?” he asks, words slurring together slightly.

She scoffs. “What?”

“Please. Milah treated Killian like the solution to her midlife crisis for years and it never seemed to matter to him until he met you. You must realize the guy is in love with you?”

She opens her mouth, shuts it, opens it again, struggling to find a response.

All she can manage is another “What!?”

He rolls his eyes. “Emma,” he says, his tone growing more sincere.

She pouts. “I liked him first. It’s not fair. Why do I have to make the move?”

At this, he looks confused, but before she can elaborate her drunk line of thought, Killian and Robin return with drinks for the table.

An hour later, Emma’s a bit too drunk to drive home, so Killian laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he leads her to his car.

The drive home is quiet, but comfortable.

Well, at least, he seems comfortable.

Emma, on the other hand, is on the verge of a mental breakdown as she replays her conversation with Scarlet in her head over and over.

“Are you happy now that you and Milah aren’t together?” she asks.

He clears his throat. “Uh, I’m happier than I was, yes.”

She nods, leaning back in her seat, trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts.

“What made you realize you weren’t happy with her?” she pushes.

He shrugs, looking at her from the corner of his eyes. “I just… did, I guess,” he says.

She groans, shaking her head, clearly unhappy with his response.

He grunts. “Is there a specific answer you’re looking for, Emma?” he asks, confusion etched into his face when he turns to glance at her quickly.

She sighs. “No, I guess not,” she says. She doesn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive, and for some reason, she’s full of an anger that she can’t quite decipher.

When they get to his place, she realizes she has never been inside his apartment before, and her whole body feels warm when she enters. It’s large, open, and spotless.

“Neat freak,” she comments, taking it in.

He laughs. “You can have the bed, love. I’ll take the couch.”

She shakes her head. “No, that’s dumb. I’ll take the couch.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not taking no for an answer on this one, love. Come on,” he says, leading her through his apartment to his bedroom.

She stares at his bed, just as she remembers from the photo of their dogs, and stupidly says, “big.”

Her voice is small and enamored and a little breathless.

There’s a hitch in Killian's responding laugh, and she knows he’s thinking the same thing she is; the bed is big enough for the both of them.

He hands her a soft white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, pointing her to his bathroom before he exits the room.

Emma takes her time changing into his clothes, reveling in the familiar smell of Killian when she puts them on. She stares at herself in the mirror and grabs his face cleanser, washing the makeup off her skin.

When she exits his bathroom, he’s digging through his closet. She watches him, taking in the sight of Killian in a black t-shirt and black mesh shorts.

“Whatcha doing?” she asks, and he jumps in surprise.

He laughs, and hands her a toothbrush that’s still in it’s packaging. “I was looking for this,” he says. She takes it from him gingerly, fully aware of the way he’s studying her in his clothing.

She smiles easily, enjoying the way his eyes linger on her. Heat spreads through her entire body, and, god, it’s so dumb. She’s in pajamas holding an orange toothbrush, and all she wants to do is kiss Killian Jones.

Instead, she goes back to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

When she comes back, his bedroom door is closed and there’s a glass of water and some advil on the nightstand.

She sighs, climbing into his bed. She allows herself to inhale his scent as she buries her head into his pillows.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, though, because all she can think about is Killian on the other side of the door.

She finally passes out, and it feels like only an hour later that she wakes up to the sound of Killian’s voice on the other side of the wall. It’s muffled, but she can make out bits and pieces.

She stands up, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She runs her fingers through her hair, feeling strangely self conscious as she stares at her sleepy face in the mirror. When she looks at her watch, she realizes it’s only eight. She pads out into his bedroom, opening the door quietly and entering his living room.

He smiles at her from his seat at his kitchen table, coffee cup in front of him, while he holds his phone to his ear. She sits down on the couch, still warm from his body, and pulls the blanket he was using over her body as she sprawls out sleepily.

He gets up from his seat and moves around in the kitchen a bit before approaching her with a cup of coffee. She smiles, taking it from him gratefully. When she takes a sip, she’s surprised to find he knows exactly how she takes her coffee. One sugar and a splash of cream.

“Yeah, I understand, brother. Tell Elsa I’ll make a trip out soon,” he says. Whatever his brother says in response elicits a flustered laugh from Killian, and she raises an eyebrow in curiosity. She’s never known Killian to get flustered.

He bites out his goodbye, annoyance in his tone, before hanging up the phone.

Emma eyes him with open interest, and Killian takes notice quickly, sitting down at the opposite end of the couch, moving her legs so that they rest in his lap.

He rests his hand on top of her shins. “You feeling alright, Swan?” he asks.

She nods. “Not hungover at all. It’s a miracle,” she says. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

He holds a hand up to stop her words. “No thanks necessary, Swan.”

She thinks back to the night before, to Will’s words, to her resulting anger. He’s watching her carefully, and she has a feeling he’s thinking back to her words in the car.

“Remember when I was avoiding you? After my road trip?”

Her words evoke a wounded expression from him, and it takes everything in her not to climb into his lap so that she can physically smooth out his features with her fingers.

“Yes, I recall that happening,” he says, his voice coarse.

She sets her coffee mug down on the glass table in front of her, clasping her fingers together nervously.

“I had to distance myself from you because I was coming to terms with the fact that I was in love with you,” she says, and she’s proud of herself for getting the words out, even if they’re shaky and unsure.

He cranes his neck to observe her, but she continues on.

“And it was really hard for me. I mean, I finally admitted my feelings for you were more than platonic the moment I walked into The Jolly Roger that first night and met your friends. And I struggled, Killian. I mean, I don’t do that. I don’t really fall for people. And it happened with you so naturally. And you were with Milah.”

She hears his sharp intake of breath, and he’s studying her so intensely that she’s sure he can see straight through her.

Her heart pounds against her ribcage.

“Anyways. It hurt too much. So I had to take a step back, and put myself first, I guess.”

He’s frowning, guilt all over his face, and that wasn’t her intention.

“Emma,” he breathes.

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” she explains. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“You said you were in love with me,” he says.

It’s not what she expects.

She laughs. “I’m in love with you, Killian,” she confirms. “I’ve tried not to be, but the feelings don’t seem to be going anywhere.”

“Emma,” he repeats, and she’s surprised by how brave she feels. She doesn’t mind telling him how she feels, and it’s a completely new experience, just like everything else when it comes to her relationship with Killian Jones.

“Yeah?” she asks.

He breaks into a smile, laughing lightly. She pulls her legs from his lap, scooting closer to him, kneeling into the cushion beside him, as she examines his face.

“I’ve been trying to be straightforward with you for the last few weeks, I just, I didn’t have the courage,” he admits.

She sits back on her heels, allowing him to collect his thoughts.

He smiles sadly at her. “I was miserable for years, Emma. I just, I didn’t even realize it. Not until I met you, ” he says. His voice is heavy with emotion, and Emma’s heart twinges with the realization that Killian has been hurting for so long.

“Then one day, I met a beautiful woman who made fun of my dog’s name and glared at me when she caught me checking her out,” he says, his voice shaking with quiet laughter. She grins effortlessly, recalling their first meeting in the park.

“Emma, it’s like I was sleepwalking through my life, you know. Just going through the motions. You woke me up. And you were so perfect, that I was sure you could never feel for me the way that I felt for you. So, I pushed it down. Until it came to be too much. I never felt a fraction of what I feel for you when I was with Milah. And you were on your trip, and it became so clear.”

She smiles, and she can feel the tears in her eyes. “And then I started to ignore you,” Emma says.

He nods. “And then Will told me you were out with Graham,” he adds.

She groans. “So stupid,” she grumbles. “I should have just told you. But… I didn’t want to rush you after getting out of a relationship.”

He nods. “Emma, listen,” he says. His hand finds her face, and now she does climb into his lap, much to Killian’s surprise. She settles her legs on either side of him, and she leans forward, pressing her lips to his like she’s been wanting to for months.

Her fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck and he smiles against her lips, and it feels right and warm and like sweet relief.

She’s laughing when she pulls away. “I love you,” she says, her voice watery.

“I love you, Swan,” he says, his eyes meeting hers with a new intensity.

It feels so right, so natural, the way his hands trace up and down her body, the way he bites at her lips, the way she moans into his mouth. It’s like they’ve been doing this for ages.

She leans her forehead against his, sighing contently.

“You can thank Will Scarlet for giving me the courage to say something,” she says.

At this, he scoffs, pulling back slightly to study her face.

“I knew you guys had to have had an intense conversation last night while Robin and I were at the bar. What did that idiot say?” he asks, annoyance in his voice.

She laughs. “He told me to kiss you already,” she summarizes, and Killian grunts. Emma shrugs. “He wasn’t wrong.”

“A rare occurrence,” Killian concedes, then presses a kiss to her cheek. “What do you want to do today?”

She grins. “Wanna go pick up Duck and take the dogs for a walk at our park?” she asks.

He laughs, his face brighter than the sun. “Our park, huh?”

She grins. “I only started going their consistently in hopes of running into you.”

He laughs loudly, shaking his head. “I started going there every morning after the first time I met you,” he admits.

She shrugs. “So, it’s our park,” she decides, and she takes the kiss he pulls her into as agreement.

One year later to the date, Killian kneels down at the rock where he first met Emma, holding a rock of his own, and asks her to marry him. Duck jumps on top of them when she tackles him to the ground with excited kisses.

Ruby uses their wedding as an excuse to ask Mulan on a date. Finally.