#sorta a vent

[lobo-inu]

saw a post that reminded me of my really bad past experiences with tesblr, and how lucky i am to finally have a tes server that’s like…. actually safe. and full of people who are nothing but genuine. especially now that i’ve healed a lot, too.

i’ve heard SO MANY horror stories about rumors people in this fandom spread - and i’ve also been a victim of them too, lol. been called a scammer (was getting donations for a live saving surgery. thats it), a mysoginist (literally just explaining my mother-based trauma and being scared of adult women lol), and also like. had rumors go around about me apparently letting minors into an 18+ server. even tho i fucking hate interacting with minors online w a passion. i made a past server that was previously 15+ to 18+ and kicked all minors bc they could not fucking behave and respect boundaries.

oh, also pure ableism when it comes to a Very stigmatized diagnosis of mine. :| that was from the same person who called me a mysoginist. people over here making insane headcanons for me, i guess 😭

….so yeah. just awful, out of character shit going around.

i’ve lost a good few people i considered friends who were quick to listen to these rumors instead of just. idk. communicating with me.

this fandom irks me a lot with it’s behavior on a personal level beyond that, though. Skyrim had been one of my most intense hyperfixations since i was in a single digit age. so it sucks having such a hostile and drama-hungry community when all i wanna do is share OCs and shit.

this sounds fucking insane, but past experiences here have caused my anxiety disorder to skyrocket to such a drastically dangerous degree, so its kinda crazy that i’m even back here. typing this out is giving me chest pains lol. like this is probably one of the worst fandoms to get involved with

with that said, thank you @ the people who’ve made my return an enjoyable experience. and thank you to those who stuck around even after i left in 2023, and stuck by me and my honesty vs rumors. yall are the fucking real ones. and also the babygirls server, friends both new and old - i love u guys. thank yall for helping me continue this personal healing journey of mine (yall know what i’m referencing).

if anyone has had any ridiculous experiences here, do feel free to share 😭 cause i know i’m not the only one. also god i love the babygirls server. pls join the babygirls server

[killingmyselfanegg]

my battery is draining.

i don't sleep, but there's nothing more i want now than to lay on a comfy port,

and just shut down.

he might have not admitted it.

but i know that all that blabber about space,

was nothing more than a deflection.

[zebulontheplanet]

I’m moving rooms. I’ve been in the attic for close to two years. My room doesn’t have any heating, air conditioning, or electric. I have to run an extension cord to my room so I can charge my things and have my heated blanket for when it’s cold.

I will be taking my sisters room who moved out. My sister is for now, not welcome in our house. During my sisters birthday party a few weeks ago, my sister tried to attack me and my twin. Luckily, my little sister tackled her to the ground and no one was injured.

A part of me feels bad. The last thing I want to do is take her space so she feels like she can’t come back. She is still my sister, and I love her. However, a part of me is excited to finally have a room that has electric, has heating, and has air conditioning for the spring/summer.

I will be leaving in late April/early May, so could I technically tough it out in my room till then? Yes. But I don’t want to anymore. I want a room. A real room.

I still feel bad though, and it’s something I’ll have to work out.

[kltira]

{ 🎤 }

I’m actually so sad???? I just played a insanely good visual novel (called dead wishes) and its not that popular I guess because they’re is no fanfiction on it and im so sad cause i love the characters so much, and I would write fanfiction myself but as I said this fandom is so small and the game is so unknown that it’s not like anyone would read it and i don’t like just writing for myself. 😭 this has never happened before, mostly every fandom im in has good fics (probably since i don’t usually indulge in smaller games/anime…but still)

Anyway that was my rant LMAOOO, please check out the game its so good. Annnnnddd im not dead, and will be working on fics someday 💀 love yaaaa byeeee!

[thr4shit]

Ugghgthgb I'm so tired of constant sensory and experience seeking.

We shouldn't be watching a comfort movie right now so we don't slip into another existential void-

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so needy???

Gotta love when ya feel like an asshole for consistently having fluctuating moods and not being able to stay stable.

[gh0stcav3]

goin’ thru it and im like this close to projecting onto william wisp and making the worlds worst fic about it

[vampjasper]

Gotta love hearing my parents say that I need to go out more and get out of my comfort zone (which I admit I do need to do) but then also say that there's absolutely nothing they can do to help me (they refuse to take me to a professional about my severe anxiety because they don't want me on medications that would help with said anxiety)(this literally ignores the fact that medication isn't the only option to help with anxiety)

[zenythycal]

Walks in drenched in sweat and trembling hey guys I think i havve ocd

[cherriesyang]

seeing people say they’re connie’s n1 fan makes me cry for some reason,, mayeb bcz im too emotionally attached to her even if shes not real

[iamm0nster]

Anxiety be like

[redtail-lol]

Traumatized culture is "sure I almost died at age 3 to choking and sure it's caused me horrible anxiety around choking to the point I can't see other people put things in their mouths without anxiety and I can't make myself swallow even a pill but I'm not traumatized!! I didn't have it bad enough!!"

[ridragon]

Really feeling the downside of having a super limited amount of tools for digital art because all guides on how to draw a concrete like texture digitally is just. download a brush :'D

i am simply a sad creature barely passing by doodles as art on my nintendo switch with colors live give me mercy please.........

If anyone can help lmk? ;-; i might just sigh and deal with it not having a texture but it's gonna bother me.

Good job faustie you got used to drawing directly on screens and all the real big boy tablets in that style are too many hundreds for you

[vielzahlislands]

yesterday was rough for me but at least i was able to have some good april fool's day pranks on my friends :D

[hunkaliciousjay]

I dunno if people would wanna see this cuz it's not what I'd normally post so I put it under the thingy

when you're like half regressed around someone but because they're not a caregiver to you so you had to act normal, and you just didn't know what to do cuz you kinda get hyper when regressed and you don't know if they would be comfy seeing you in any sorta regressed way. So you're just sorta stuck in a half-regressed state and being sorta hyper because you don't really know what else to do.

[therealcodfather]

I'm cursed with waking up in the middle of the night almost every night and not being able to sleep for at least two hours. I'm also cursed with all of my friends not being awake at those hours and I constantly need to be socializing so I am depressed in these hours

[evb0]

i have a SHOW TODAY i have to get it under control!!!!!! cmon man !!!!