#i had to vent about this very specific thing...
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Found-Family headcanons for a³'s coven of chaos, part 5: (because they all deserved more time with each other)
(part 4, here) - (part 3, here) - (part 2 - here) - (part 1, here)
Lilia once had a fling with Carmilla, from the lesbian vampire novel. She absent-mindedly mentioned it one time while Billy was browsing 'queer classics' and he looked at her in absolute shock. “What? I wasn't *always* a hermit—” “That's not what I'm shocked a b o u t—”
Lilia is very irresponsible with what she eats, sometimes forgetting food all-together, never checking for expiration dates, etc. (“I don't mind a *lapsed* expiration date-”)
Jen has taken it upon herself to fix that. She won't let her go grocery shopping alone and she won't let her eat whatever. Your girl makes shopping lists and schedules specific meals for every day each week, to make sure her resident scatter-brain stays healthy.
Jen and Alice vent to each other a lot. Mainly because they provide each other with very different, but also always very honest and objective perspectives. Jen reminds Alice to put herself first on occasion and Alice reminds Jen to give others the benefit of the doubt sometimes.
One day, the Kaplans asked to have coffee with the coven, which made Billy incredibly nervous. Mainly because Agatha wasn't making it easy in the slightest.
Sharon managed to save the day, against all odds. She took them to the side for a bit and comforted them, explaining that she herself is just a regular lady, but she's grown to love the others regardless. And so the Kaplans gave the coven a second chance and ended up finding them rather endearing despite their constant quarrels.
Rebecca Kaplan gets a private moment with Agatha. She tells her that she's sorry about Nicholas, and that she almost knows what that feels like, because she almost lost her son. Then there's a pause, and she adds, “... well, not almost, was it?” by herself. Because a mother always knows.
If it was about anything else, Agatha woulf have mocked her. She didn't. She looked at this woman who's lost her son, but can't mourn him, because he's right there with her—and she nodded empatheticaly. There they stood, two mothers of boys who died, filling the void in their hearts with Wanda's son. And they don't love him any less.
“I'm glad he has you ladies in his life. At first I was... Apprehensive, worried, I guess. But at least he has some people who can relate to him more, understand him, mentor him. Because his father and I—he needs more than what we can give him.” — “Well, you're doing something right. You've already given him the most valuable thing. And for that you are his parents, you always will be.”
When Rebecca Kaplan realises Alice is Lorna Wu's daughter she freaks out completely (since we know she was a fan, having gone to her last concert.) She hadn't made the connection before meeting her personally, despite hearing about her a lot from Billy.
The fake car that Agatha distractedly entered in the first episode was built by John Collins (Herb) at Sharon's request, as 'Agnes' had been trying to break into Sharon's car and use it for her crazy episodes. They got worried that she'd get herself hurt, so they made her the fake car to make sure she wouldn't leave her house.
#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio vidal#lilia calderu#jennifer kale#agathario#billy maximoff#alice wu gulliver#agatha all along spoilers#herb#sharon davis#westview#rebecca kaplan#the kaplans#billy kaplan#agatha all along headcanons
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I hate when I'm watching a cinema history vid, and they get something you could clearly look up, wrong. If you're gonna make bold claims of certain events not happening, then you clearly have no idea what you're talking about.
#idky film youtube mostly hated the remake of all quiet on the western front lol#and then they make bold claims that certain true events didnt happen#i watched the og movie and it was fine...#but honestly the remake's last 30 mins really did use rl events to elevated the pointless of the war#that's the whole point! that war is pointless! the movie had a goal and it accomplished it lol#also it was made by actual germans not americans...#this person is clearly very skilled but jfc... how do you get an actual event wrong#i hate that i studied this for someone to be this bold about the lies they just told lol#my history ears perk up when i heard something wrong 😂😂😂#random#tbd?#the comments being like your skilled and shit she might be but she's did the bare minimum on her research#i had to vent about this very specific thing...
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Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...
I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.
I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)
I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.
And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.
Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.
If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)
All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.
#not art#I don't think I need a tag for asks of this nature since I'm never going to be speaking to any of this again#but it doesn't fit in with my normal asks so:#Mad as a Bag of Cats#There that's a specific tag to blacklist even though I'm not a personal drama ask answerer very often...#let's not even get into the slurs I received or the insulting things about my mother people have asked me about or the -#insulting and nasty insults about how I deserved to lose her as a friend or deserved to be hurt because I didn't listen#because if I vented how fucking shitty people who don't know me have treated me since the day I met her we'd be here all day#and let me be clear whatever else: Lily is not responsible for ANYONE being this way whether they defend or condemn her you all decided to#send those things and you know who you are - I've also seen people on both sides say to leave me alone#and genuinely for just that thank you this is genuinely some of the most distressing online experiences I've ever had#so please leave me alone.#about this subject I mean - if you wanna be nice and talk about my art or me I'm happy to engage#if you're nice to me this isn't for you#edit: even to the nice people who tried to send me well wishes now - If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed.#it just feeds the whole thing if I answer those too#you can send if you want to be nice I get that impulse but I won't be answering them
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Ooff I see that threesome WIP. Appreciate all that warning. I don't think I have the heart in me to read that hahaha. Just feels weird to have two women in a relationship and insert a man for funsies. But hey, maybe it's just me being being into only Farcille and them being monogamous and only for each other. I'm just gonna pretend it's a separate Falin and Marcille from a little creature universe so I won't look at them differently when I read the fic hahaha. Still will be reading anything else from you though. You're one of my favorite fic writers and will be waiting patiently for updates!!
I truly appreciate you being frank with what you want and don't want to read and being civil about it-- but I have to say. I'd understand and accept if you looked at me differently for making that kind of content. Maybe I'm not the kind of creator you thought I was, or my creative priorities don't line up with yours, and maybe you enjoy my content less because of that. That's all fine and well--you have every right to curate your own fandom experience and I encourage everyone to do so.
But it's very curious that you specifically said that you'd look at the characters differently. I would understand if you wanted to separate them bc it doesn't fit into your preferred image of them and that's all. But at first glance, your wording implies that they would be somehow tarnished for you if they decided to sleep with a male friend for fun some years down the line.
I don't know you, and I won't pretend I have any standing to interrogate you on a minor word choice. But here's an unsolicited heads up, if you'd humor me: you may want to examine where that sentiment is coming from. It could very well just be a knee-jerk reaction to non-monogamous content for your favourite pairing (I get that, I'm usually the one privately bitching when I see Marcille or Falin shipped with anyone else) but it could also be coming from a place that's very disparaging to adult wlw who sleep with men of their own volition. And I hope you'll agree that's something worth being wary of in yourself.
#asks#sorry if this is more wary than is necessary#if you want the full context this all was part of a fun idea i had with a mutual on twitter#who has since been getting anonymous death threats and accused of being someone who supports corrective rape.#so im just very frustrated with the general response#listen. im as surprised as you are. IM the man-hater monogamist who gets leery when people start involving men into sapphic pairings#and itd be INCREDIBLY different if both characters were canonically confirmed lesbians and i was bending their characters#specifically to benefit my own fantasies#but we're all here playing make believe. and i found something compelling and fun in exploring this side of their characters#make no mistake: if you hate it and youre gossiping/shittalking me in private circles im GRATEFUL.#im happy that you have a space to vent and be vocal about things that upset you#and that you arent so isolated and unhappy that you feel the need to attack me directly to somehow vocalize your feelings.#anyway. it was a lighthearted one-off concept that i had a lot of fun exploring#and my work speaks for itself. if you think that id write the usual male-centric drivel where theyre worshipping his dick#instead of a fun honest and candid experience that the three of them had for their own reasons#then theres already nothing i can do to change your mind#and i still unironically commend you for actively curating your own experience and choosing what you do and dont want to interact with.#edit to add that im talking about the general you in the tags not anyone specifically
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Textpost redraw that only works in a modern setting, so. I gave them silly outfits (and a little bit of lore!)
Some zoom ins on the illusts!
And Lore
Moe is like. A SHUT-IN shut-in. So in any modern setting that isn't "Hey wanna visit my hometown for a sec (events so far have followed canon at least loosely)", it would have to meet Alfonse under Extremely Specific Circumstances.
And finally! Textpost under cut!
#fire emblem#feh#I PUT. SO MUCH LOVE INTO THIS ACTUALLY IT'S INSANE. ESP FOR A TEXTPOST REDRAW LMFAOOO#the vision was so clear to me though. the vibe of the post (struggling). a catastrophic fall from grace.#the idea of alfonse venting about almost losing a social interaction. a performance slipping.#a setting where he isn't performing at all now. there is nothing to perform here bc moe. well.#also the visual. i am imagining a very specific nostalgic shitass swingset in my mind.#one that doesn't exist anymore actually bc they rebuilt it (probably for the best.) but that thing#would leave rust on your hands and arms and leave your ass blue. it sucked but it was awesome#the rust marks don't show up as clearly here unfortunately LMFAO so i had to point em out.#ALSO. I AM ACTUALLY SO INSANE ABOUT THEIR OUTFITS ACTUALLY. bc BOTH of them are hiding#alfonse is trying to blend in. pass as normal. moe is trying to distract you. but also desperately trying to communicate Something.#like do you wanna be seen or not little buddy (the answer is Yes.)#back to alfonse like if not 'normal' then at least 'put together'. will suffice. i think he's also beginning to loosen up here too tho#like. so at the beginning of it that he isn't Really LMFAOO but. he painted his nails black. just to try it.#it was also so fun to freehand the patterns... camo and argyle (the socks) (hardly noticeable but that's the intent!)#'beginning to loosen up' actually i think he's just starting to fall apart.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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#not feeling so great as of lately#i thought it was just that i was thinking about stuff at a too late of a time yesterday but now its morning and i still feel bad#sure i slept very badly so maybe its still that but idk it still doesnt feel great no matter what the reason is#i feel like. so annoying lately#and like yea maybe i am and it shouldnt matter yk like all that ur allowed to be annoying and just be urself and whatever#but it just of takes a lot out of u when u t talk about ur interests or ur day or smth ands like everyone just brushes it off or ignores u#and obviously im probably being dramatic like this is a busy time of the year!#and its not always about me and like other ppl have their reasons to do what they do u know#but it still feels bad :'))#also this isnt about like anyone specific its like a combination of little things that FEELS bad to ME not a thing someone else does#like i know ppl dont have to care about stuff yk i like that i KNOW they dont care about so like what do i expect#and i dont ever know what to say to stuff idk anything about either so its very understandable#but its took me years to like. talk about things i like without prompting so it feels like a big hit when i dont get any reaction back fsgsh#and thats not trying to blame anyone else either its not anybody elses fault im not good at something#i think my kind of insecurity is showing one of my friends had to reassure me that yes they do want to hear how im doing fsgsh#but im thankful for that it feels good to hear when ur feeling kind of unstable with ur relationships fshsh#also since i am feeling like. unstable on EVERY relationship i suspect its just seasonal depression or stress or something#still wont stop the brain from like trying to blame itself lmao#this is kind of stupid idk what im trying to even say here#my post#vent#maybe ill delete it later?? this feels stupid
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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female leg hair is genuinely so pretty i have no idea how men ever managed to convince so many people it's like. not inherently pretty and fitting for where it grows.
#same goes for armpit hair and pussy hair ofc but it's specifically leg hair that i'm thinking about rn#because i had an argument with my mother#who is. like . a feminist in a 'You must work to always be independent of a man.' way and in many meaningful ways actually#but extremely conservative about very surface level things#like beauty and femininity#mine#i do think i prefer that approach than 'liberated' girls with Grl Pwr tattoos but bending over backwards for men at the same time#in long term relationships or living off men. etc#like i prefer the politics of someone who shaves and even shames people for not shaving but also lives an essentially separatist lifestyle#than the other way around#so i mostly try to reason with her#it doesn't really work#not much#and she's a little more radical in some other cases like with lgbt rights#which is extremely funny bc my sister is an out lesbian#and i on the other hand came out so long ago she must have blamed it on my age#like at 13 i guess#and since then i've stayed single so like. the topic was literally forgotten. and i'm fine with that. but my sister came out at like. 19.#and now my mother actually vents to her gay daughter about. the gayness of her other daugh#like it's literally hysterical#and i just nod politely. occasionally i ask her a question like 'wait. so if it was a trend/publicity stunt. then what would you do if it#didn't pass for her when the trend was over in many years? and she. like. had a wife?'#just to like. feel out what she Actually doesn't accept. she never gives me a clear answer though. oh well. and i never reveal whose side#i'm really on#it is so fun. like actually so fun. i look so straight but act so gay i can infiltrate any space and leave them confused.
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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also shoutout to the hospital for sending us a bunch of PDFs with information about preparing for surgery and what to expect, except the information was all generic stuff where most of it does't actually apply to wisdom tooth removal, so I had a huge panic attack where I nearly threw up because a bunch of the stuff mentioned in there is extremely triggering for us, only to then find out that stuff literally doesn't apply anyway, but now I feel like I have even less of an idea of what to actually expect because it's so hard to figure out which information does apply
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#emetophobia tw#the thing is one of the PDFs is actually specifically for us and has our name in the file name and has been edited to be the right info#but it's only for one specific thing while all the other information about what to expect is just generic stuff#which makes it even more confusing because it gives the impression that it's all specific to this surgery when it isn't#also it's 13 fucking PDFs and we're supposed to read through all of them#but I managed to skim over like 2 paragraphs from one of the generic ones before I started panicking so hard I nearly threw up#(I tried to read the others while already panicking and you can imagine how this went)#it would be nice if people could fucking communicate with us clearly about what's going on#instead of whatever the fuck this is because now we've had multiple instances of being confused as fuck because nobody explained shit#and also if medical professionals could actually fucking understand how medical trauma works and maybe work with us#to figure out how to make this less distressing so we don't have to keep dealing with panic attacks like this#we're not freaked out by the procedure itself. it's a bunch of the other stuff around it that probably doesn't seem like a huge deal#a lot of it feels very dehumanising and like we don't get a say in what people do to us#and there are lots of little things you can do to make us feel less like we're in control and less like we're being dehumanised#but nobody does that and they don't seem to get why certain stuff would be distressing#also the kind of panic attacks we have with this are ones where we don't seem to be able to calm ourselves down#we literally have to use the ''shove an ice cube/something really spicy in your mouth'' trick when we have them#because our brain will not fucking stop and then we spend the next couple of hours really dazed and struggling to process anything#and obviously I don't fucking want that to happen in a hospital because nobody is gonna handle that well#I'm concerned the nurses won't understand how dissociation works and will keep refusing to let us go home#because of us being really spaced out and woozy from the dissociation because they'll assume it's from the sedation instead#when going home would be the thing that would help us stop being so spaced out because we'd be leaving the triggering environment
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i am at this point very certain that i am legitimately, actually cursed. the only degree to which this is metaphorical is that there's not a word for it that doesn't imply supernatural means, instead of ones that can be explained by science but haven't been yet.
#moogletalks#venting#negative#like. i have much; much; much evidence by now that this isn't a mental illness thing#it doesn't do my related mental illness/trauma stuff any favors!#and it's actually something that over the last few years has *motivated* me to put a lot of good work into addressing that#but this particular pattern has been escalating over the last few years in particular#and by now is a hundred percent reliable#it happens like clockwork in very specific ways that i have observed over and over and over#to the point where i will calmly and in full practicality mode say 'i am going to pay for this before long' and every time i do i am right#when that doesn't occur to me; it happens and i get blindsided by it#and then after a few minutes tops of thinking about it i can go 'god damn it i know exactly what caused this one'#this is happening. it is a fact. and i'm so fucking exhausted of not having words for it or knowing what the mechanism is#fucking i hate this. anyway my health condition from a few months ago has flared up again even worse than before#in retaliation for exactly the same *things* as before#and this time i'm at significantly higher risk for becoming quadruplegic!#and last night in retaliation for a particular thing that had happened less than 24 hours beforehand i've stopped sweating!#and i don't know if it will be permanent!#and as proof that it's in direct proportion to what it's retaliating against#a smaller; less life-changing hope spot than the things that've been retaliated against w/ Extreme Shit; which happened within the last week#led to me finding one of my fish dead the next afternoon#i am not kidding or exaggerating about this. It's Happening#medical stuff cw#health issues cw#pet death cw
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yesterday was. a lot
#was sick on saturday right. slept from 4pm to 10am the next day#had a convo with my sister that turned south#and because of the weather being awful my SAD combined with that and sente into a depressive episode#had a breakdown over my relationship with my family and their (not. great acceptance/treatment of my autism)#cried for hours until my mum and dad sat down to have a talk#i vented stuff i have wanted to say for like. 2 years now. both understood and talked to my siblings about it#brothet completely understood#think my sister kinda understands#which is better than i expected because i was fully prepared for her to just. not give a fuck because i have trouble communicating with her#and now i feel kind of better?#i did. purge a fuckton of motorsport stuff from my blog because it was related to the conversation we had#but was one of many many many things that compiled into a very uncomfortable atmosphere for me in house#my mum is gonna try harder not to use the r slur which is a relief. my sister has agreed not to make fun of me when i do hear it#and become upset about it. they understand why i am upset about specific people they support and talk about in front of me#and i made sure to let them know i understand that they have diff opinions on people who have said hurtful things about disabled people#because they none of them will ever come from a place where those words hurt them#but still let them know how that affects my.... i dont wanna say trust? like my comfort in being autistic vs masking with them#which ive often been forced into doing and am still unlearning#most importantly theyve now accepted that i am autistic#that my diagnosis was not officially completed/given because the doctor advised against it. because it makes things way harder#really im just happy that i wont get comments from my sister about not actually being what i claim i am/have because they.#really upset me esp when these things that i am (autistic+adhd) and have (ocd/anxiety/depression) are linked but have been confirmed#multiple times by multiple doctors#idk i just hope things get easier from here. i can tell my family werent aware of how much this stuff was affecting me so im glad we talked#because keeping that inside was. exhausting
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If you need to vent, I'd like to offer this post as a safe space to vent in the tags (or reblogs if you're brave enough) about whatever you feel like. Even if you just wanna infodump about something you like. Or your day just sucked. Whatever you want.
#gonna vent rq#i feel like my friend group is gonna fuckong implode any second#and i am genuinely starting to resent some of my friends because its very clear that the cracks start with a couple specific people#and i dont want to feel yhat way bc i genuinely enjoy their company#but i no longer enjoy having group conversations and hangouts with some of my friends#because it always devolves into drama and shittalking people we barely even know for nothing but fun#and it wojld be one thing if it was jist tea#but they say shit like they hate this random people or want to physically hurt them#they make fun of people for completely normal and fine things just because tjey dont like the person#THEY MAKE FUN OF DISABILED AND NEURODIVERGENT FOLKS BECAUSE THEY DONT LIKE THEM#AND I MEAN THEY MAKE FUN OF THEIR TICKS OR THEIR STIMS OR STUTTER#they straight up said that they call people ugly and their art ugly just because they personally dont like that person#like#if tjis had happened once or twice#whatever#but its every conversation theyre in#and it just feels like its gonna fall apart because everyone talks behind each others backs and half of us are aware of all tjese issues#but the other half arent#and i dont know what to do and i dont know jow we can bring it up#because ot feels like no one wants us to say shit about it#theyre comfortable living in that lowkey toxic ass environment
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hey i know u didnt mean anything malicious with it but i really dont think calling people dumb and telling them to go read a book is a great look when u have followers with things like learning and intellectual disabilities who can see that kind of rhetoric come from ur mouth
I understand where you are coming from so I deleted the rb but I need you to reflect on if this was necessary to send to me
#the specific point of the post was the lack of reading comprehension that people on this site have#so let's go over the post. ex gifted kids using burnout as an excuse to not engage with any sort of internal assessment#and just complain about being dumb. beyond this short vent post. that is often grating to listen to and constantly hear when people with#learning disabilities have had to work exponentially as hard in the same rigorous and demeaning environment#2nd. the tag was gifted to iep -> the person who made the comment = me also has a learning disability#so going to other disabled people and telling them that the way they express frustration is wrong is really annoying#3rd. the read a book comment stems from a common phrase to mean go educate yourself. it does not need to be an actual book#so I am sorry that sometimes words said in the moment not intended for you can bounce back and feel insulting#but you have gotta get a backbone and realize not everything is about you#that might feel harsh but it is 8am and school is a very specific sore spot for me#also “bad look” I am not an influencer I am a 19 year old dropout on a personal tumblr blog#if you are my friend then come to me and we can have a conversation. if you are not then you really need to learn when things#are not actually a problem#delete later#I try to be very nice and that is not fake but this sort of thing irks me
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truth bombs
truth bombs: what is one thing you wish you could be honest to someone about?
Because it has become very clear to me in the past couple of days, I wish I could be completely honest about when I have hit my limit of just interacting with people and just telling people straight up that I would like to just be left alone for a couple of hours, I have found myself just pushing through to make everyone around me okay and god it’s kinda ruining me tbh
Dnp ask game
#there is a whole other story with a specific person and a specific something I wish I could be honest with them about#but like it’s a whole story#that I don’t know if people would want to see me ramble about#this telling my people I want to be alone thing is very relevant atm#it’s like it’s not you guys that are the problem I just need some time for myself because I haven’t really had anytime by myself#for like 3 days which is a lot for me especially when in those 3 days there was international travel#I have just turned this ask into a venting session#ask game#answered
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