#had a breakdown over my relationship with my family and their (not. great acceptance/treatment of my autism)

[andromedasummer]

yesterday was. a lot

[ink-and-dagger]

Hiii inky, this is for the directors cut ^^

I’ve always been curious; during the time astrid was fired from the last drop, did jinx say to silco while he was in heartbreak? Did she try to comfort him? Did Sevika comment on anything? We’re there any other characters that witnessed him a miserable mess? lol

Oh and I almost forgot:

GET BACK HERE AND FINISH THAT KISS WITH TONGUE YOU COWARD

(Putting this art in my serotonin folder hehehehehhe thank you sweet one kissing you back real sloppy 😘😘❤️)

Oh you bet your ass a ton of stuff went down in Silco-land over those three months, and one of these days I will post the entire timeline I will goddammit. But for now I’ll shall answer your question and give you a glimpse into Silco’s misery…

Jinx

Silco’s fall out with Astrid definitely affected his relationship with Jinx for a while, with the first week or two being the worst. When Jinx wasn’t outright ghosting her dad, she was cold and distant with him. For a few days she even refused to help him with his eye treatment, until Sevika bribed her with coin. After that she reluctantly assisted in frosty silence.

It isn’t that Jinx couldn’t see how much he was hurting – it wasn’t even that she didn’t feel any compassion for his heartbreak – it’s simply that her anger with him was great enough to blot out everything else. To her mind, her family had been torn apart once again, bringing all sorts of painful memories to the surface. Only this time she wasn’t the one ‘at fault’. And because Silco is maaaaaybe a teensy bit of an enabler when it comes to Jinx, her only real frame of reference for how to treat someone at fault was the way she was treated by Milo and to some extent Vi. So she defaulted to that.

However, after the first failed assassination attempt of this time period Jinx did go to him to check on his welfare (even though she acted very aloof and teenage about it). At this point Silco did at least manage to initiate a discussion with her about what happened, and although she remained displeased with him, they did manage to agree to a shakey truce.

Silco never held Jinx’s feelings against her, even though he was going through a lot of pain of his own he always remained patient and lenient. And when she gradually began to warm up to his company again, he didn’t make a big to-do; just quietly accepted the love and affection he was given, and reciprocated it unconditionally, without any need for apology or explanation.

Not to say it was smooth sailing between them from there on out. Whilst Jinx did try to comfort him in her own way, she also often attempted to convince him to make things right with Astrid. Silco was always quick to shut these conversations down; gently but firmly. Jinx even tried to orchestrate a couple of ‘accidental meet ups’ between Silco and Astrid, although neither of these was successful. In fact, the second attempt went so badly wrong that it led to a big fall out between himself and Jinx; which sent the teenager spiralling similarly to how she did at the start of chapter 12.

It was this breakdown (paired with a well timed dream) that prompted Silco to finally seek Astrid out.

Sevika

Sevika commented on the whole Silco x Astrid breakup situation exactly two times during those three months (and neither of those times was particularly because she had much choice in the matter).

The first occurrence was the second Friday after Astrid was fired.

For months, the unspoken rule amongst Silco’s staff had been that Friday nights were off-limits; The Eye of Zaun was not to be disturbed unless absolutely necessary, and even then only Sevika truly had the guts and authority to do the disturbing. After news arrived that one of their topside agents had gotten themselves arrested, Sevika had gone up to his office to find him… not there. He hadn’t been in his bedroom either. But a quiet bump from his en-suite had prompted her to check the darkened bathroom. Sevika found the Eye of Zaun, absolutely plastered (like, one drink away from blacking out) laying in the empty bathtub, fully-dressed (though extremely rumpled), clutching a near empty bottle of bourbon.

She lost a bit of respect for him that night.

Still, their history runs deep, and despite his vicious protestations Sevika managed to haul Silco out of the tub.

“Get up.”

“Get out.”

“No. Lay s’much asa fimger on me an’ I’ll havey’u dead. I’ll fucking— Don’t— You’re fired.”

“Been chucking that phrase around a lot lately, haven’t you.”

He went quiet after that clap-back.

She managed to get him onto the bed and into a comfortable enough position to sleep off the booze and not choke on any that found its way back up. She’d intended to just leave it at that, but found herself speaking halfway out the door.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between the two of you. But what happened tonight cannot happen again. If you crumble, then so does the city, and I won’t let it happen. Zaun is my first priority. Not you.”

<long pause>

[quietly] “I understan’. G’dnigh, Sevika.”

“Night. Silco.”

To his credit, it didn’t happen again.

The second time Sevika comments on the whole thing I’ll reveal in more detail when I finally release my timeline of events. But what I will tell you now is that it occurred a couple of weeks after she and Astrid went for drinks (so about a month and a half into their 3 month separation) and involves a nightmare, a business meeting, and a pretty brothel boy.

Misc

Silco is highly adroit at concealing his hand. At appearing cold and uncaring. But the more attentive members of his team will have noticed a few changes in the man, even if they didn’t know the cause nor reason behind it:

During those three months Silco was quicker to anger. Not only that, but where his wrath had previously been icy, controlled, and calculated, it was now more akin to a hot flash in the pan. Hearing the raised voice of the Eye of Zaun suddenly wasn’t such a rarity anymore.

Silco’s work ethic increased from obsessive to dangerous. He’d work for days on end without rest; only stopping when he literally passed-out from exhaustion at his desk, and then picking up right where he left off the instant he came-to. He survived primarily on a diet of whiskey and cigars, and only ate when Sevika forced him to. Within weeks of Astrid’s departure, Max was commissioned to craft a pair of suspenders to be worn beneath Silco’s waistcoat, because his trousers no longer fit.

Silco’s routine became erratic, and would flip on a dime. There were some weeks where it felt as though he never once set foot inside the drop, and other weeks where he holed up in his office like a hermit. Towards the end of those three months it was very much the latter – though that could be attributed to the sudden rise in assassination attempts.

His usually razor sharp mind appeared at times… dulled. It took him longer to construct those careful, trademark responses, and even in silence he didn’t always seem 100% present.

He refused to hire a replacement barkeep. His excuse being that budget didn’t allow for a new hire after the losses of the blackout riot.

Anyway there you have it! I hope that answered your question and gave you a bit more insight into Silco’s life during that three month separation. But there’s definitely a lot more to tell there, and I’m politely asking my brain to pull itself together enough to tell you all about it 🥲💜

[wexhappyxfew]

Shannon! I have a question for today, it might be a little broad, but how did you come up with Natia’s character? :)

AMY!!! hello! sorry that i have *just* gotten to this as my weeks have increasingly gotten insanely busy between my job starting back up, school, college stuff, and ap exam chaos as well haha! i did this at about 11pm(?) and i'll be queuing it up for the morning for you, but outside of tumblr, i've thought a lot about this question and what i really wanted to include in this question. having almost spent 10 months spent writing and developing natia to who she is today makes a whole lot of stuff move through my brain when i go back to my developing stages for her! thank you for the question (and the broadness, never fear, i absolutely love it!)

Natia's character really came from the idea of just wanting to really push myself out of the box and *out there* to see what I could do. And I will say Landslide is one of my most *out-there* projects in terms of content - I mean we have Death as a personified character, crazy Agent Mortem, all these past connections to Natia? It's chaos haha! But, I had experimented previously with a partly Polish-OC, Hazel Parker of "The Soldier of Stars", and from that, I went, well there's no centrally focused Polish OC yet that I have seen (this was back in like June-July 2020 mind you, so there probably has been Polish OCs created since this time!!) and I had always felt that the Warsaw Uprising was inherently important! I also read up on the Polish Resistance and how they were the most effective resistance group of continental Europe during the war, with ultimately the Warsaw Uprising being their last final push that did sort of end that.

Something I've really enjoyed about creating Natia's character was putting a great focus on her flaws. Now, her strengths are just as important - she is a great soldier in the field, she's highly intelligent and can make quick decisions on the fly, she withholds a lot of strength when it comes to situations where she needs to focus, she's observant, and she keeps herself fairly humble when not bursting at the seems. She doesn't let herself get stepped over very often (unless it's Mortem) and if anything she will insert herself, and show what skills she has, but she won't go overboard. She's also passionate about her country and her people and she always has something to fight for and even when she feels all hope is lost, she withholds a tiny little sliver no matter what, even if she doesn't feel it. But her flaws I feel are a massive part of her character. She's stubborn, she won't let people help her, she has trouble expressing emotion, she numbs herself more often than not to not feel the pain that she is supposed to feel, she blames everything on herself, she gets hot-headed quite easily, and grows to the point of nearly irrational at some moments in time and even will let her emotions get the best of her in times like this. But that makes up who Natia is as a character and who she is as a person in general.

But even with the strengths and flaws of her character, it makes her very much still a human being. And that was one of my main goals when creating Natia - make her human enough to make that angst HURT, but make her human enough that when you see her succeed or even the little wins here and there, you want to cheer. Because those are human moments. And I know this sort of character creation is not for everyone, but for me over the past near-year, this has been one of my favorite things about creating Natia because I've found myself able to relate to her even though I'm so vastly different from her.

I did some research on a British-Polish SOE Agent, Krystyna Skarbek otherwise known as her alias Christine Granville and I took a few liberties from this amazing woman and used it on Natia. But things such as Agent Mortem, Death/War connection and the eventual introduction of another character Solomon Campbell (who will be in Part 3), as well as the Resistance group of Part 1 and her siblings and parents, are all more of my own ideas and connections!

Something I have had a LOT of fun doing is showing that even though on the exterior Natia seems cold-hearted and dark and numb, and whatever other *cold+dark* ideas can be thought up, she is very much underneath -- not that. We can see how much evidently she cares for someone like George Luz; I mean even Joe Liebgott has pointed it out to her. She always is just trying to do her best and do what is best in the situation - no longer it is about what is good or bad anymore to her, it's about doing what's best in the situation for the time being, and I really love that aspect of her character a lot! We can see that when the war ends, she wants to live on the English coast, far away from war all alone with a dog and even a little goat in a seaside cottage. She grew so attached to the word AWOL after Joe Toye came and sat with her that night in Holland and they talked for once about something other than war. She even withheld her name, her nationality and just about everything else to keep the idea of the cold-face agent she thought she was up so the men of Easy Company don't have to know the real her. But -- was it to protect her...or to protect Easy? All these little ideas I threw in there to show that she is actually, very, compassionate in many ways, and caring and attentive and observant of the men and women she works with.

I really try to show that Natia listens when she listens to someone speak and she observes and she pays attention more than anything. And she ends up, holding information like that close to her and finding comfort in it.

My goal with Natia was to show that there can be a balance to "the bad-ass fighter" idea who fights for what she believes, but also remain human as well. We can see how much things affect her, especially the loss of friends. Of course, she doesn't show this to other people, but to use as readers, we see this and we see her occasional breakdown - and in a way, she continues living on their legacies because she listened to what they had to say. For example, Zdzich told her to not let the war overtake her, and throughout the story so far, we've see her sort of repeat this to herself in various ways. Because Zdzich meant that much to her. She's lost so much by this point in war that almost it's so sad to see that she, from what we all know of BoB, still has to go through so much, but at that point, she's fought so much, that all she can do it keep pushing on with it.

I think one of the most interesting moments from writing Natia was when the first few chapters were actually uploaded on platforms and there was someone really coming after Natia for her decisions and for this, that and the other thing (amy if i vaguely remember i think you remember who this person is as well because you clapped back at them once, and man your response was GOLD!!!). One of those things was Natia's approach with food (TW: mentions of struggling to eat with food, references of depression and struggling to eat, mental health issues relating...) and the person who commented would always be saying something about how she needs to eat, and she needs to remain strong and she needs to snap out of it with her depression and all this other stuff and to be honest, I sort of sat there for a moment like??? But there's reasons WHY she's not eating? Why she's holding back? (And of course ones I had mentioned so...) But let's move on.

Mental health was a prevalent thing in World War 2, though it was not looked upon fondly and Natia essentially does have depression as well as a border-line eating disorder. And so when the comment said that she had to snap out of it, I don't know it sort of off-put me because I have family with both those disorders and they've had treatment for it for years and you can't just snap out of it. I really tried to stress that 'the snapping-out-of-it" does not work, and the person kept firing back a bit at it, so I just moved on from it and ignored it. Natia's struggle with eating, as one can see, also comes from the heavy guilt and grief that is slowly uncovered throughout the story of what Natia has done and what has happened throughout the course of the war to her. Natia's number one thing she constantly does and has now become the focus of many character relationships with her (ie Doc Gene Roe) is the clenched fists, that she squeezes until they bleed and eventually need wrapped up by the Doc. Something she also refuses to accept she has a problem with. As we can see, acceptance is a concept she struggles with more than anything and something she will essentially have to learn to simply, accept.

That's just sort of one of the many bits of information about her character that I added, especially in society today as mental health is so important and so I just wanted to share a bit of the backlash I got from someone for it. But I guess that's life, but I'll continue to write Natia Filipska as an OC who does struggle with depression because of her life in war.

Natia's character and her story is probably one of the most complex characters and stories I've written and crafted and created and I'm just extremely happy with how she ended up coming out in the end! I'm about to go and do some writing and editing for her and it's just so exciting writing her because of all these various levels she withholds and she slowly lets uncover as the story unfolds! I just love it! OH - and we can't forget about the infamous mentions of the piano....yep that'll be coming up soon haha!! <3

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION AMY!!! IT MEANT SO MUCH!!!! just getting to talk about Natia a little bit and her character and what my mind set was creating her - it means so much. my mindset with her is somehow always changing and shifting as she goes through her character arc throughout the story and how her developmental shifts and it's just something i really love and enjoy more than anything!!! <3 so thank you for letting me just talk about it for a little while as well as my thoughts and opinions, it means a lot :)

[fleckcmscott]

Watch What Happens - Chapter 14

Chapter links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Summary: Arthur, an aspiring comedian, has struggled to find normalcy and compassion his entire life. Y/N, a hard-working paralegal and transplant to Gotham, has just been put on a case for the Wayne Foundation. When they meet, unexpected sparks fly.

Chapter warning: Swearing

Words: 2,673

After breakfast and some passionate necking in the doorway, Arthur had left. As he’d disappeared into the elevator, he gave a playful but modest wave and smiled. Coincidentally, the next door neighbor had popped out to get her paper. When Y/N had greeted her, the woman had kept her eyes averted, muttered a quick, "Morning," then hurriedly went back inside.

At first Y/N had found it odd, but then it’d dawned on her. Maybe she needed to learn to keep her voice down.

Chuckling, she’d gone back into the apartment and the bedroom, considering changing the sheets. But, blushing happily, she’d left them alone. He would be over again that night; she’d been sure they'd wind up between them. Then she’d checked the sofa. She hated trying to launder upholstery and wasn't particularly good at it. Luckily, she hadn't seen anything that would have given away their activities - her robe had been in the way.

From the moment he was gone, she knew she was head over heels. Her eighty-seven percent certainty had increased to ninety-six over the course of their morning. He hadn't said much after they'd gotten up, but his actions touched her. After a little prompting, he'd poured coffee for them, then asked how she liked hers. He'd made it with one sugar and a shot of milk. (Seemingly nervous that he'd make it too white, he'd kept asking, "Is that enough?") Then he'd hovered next to her while she cooked. It'd already felt like he belonged there.

The speed with which the comfort of routine had developed between them was startling. In her past relationships, she'd taken things slowly. Jeff, her ex-husband, was someone she'd met as a sophomore in high school. He'd been a college freshman, studying pre-law. It had taken five months before they started dating. He was a good man - they exchanged Christmas cards every year, letting each other know they were  still alive. But they'd gotten married only a month after she'd graduated, before she’d had a chance to develop her own identity.

Y/N decided the biggest distinction between then and the present was that she'd grown-up. Taking care of her father had forced her to mature quickly. She hadn't had time for other people's bullshit and had to figure out how to clearly say yes and no, something she'd struggled with until her late-twenties. She'd had to learn what she did and did not want.

Arthur, even the Arthur who'd been trembling and biting his nails on the couch with his Gotham Department of Health notebook, was what she wanted. It was surprisingly easy to like and love him, not only because he was handsome, kind, and most of what she’d experienced of him had been great. But also because she now knew herself.

Picturing him, while sitting at her desk and trying to work, made the corners of her lips turn up. Nervous excitement and plain happiness caused her to laugh quietly. She felt foolish. She hadn’t giggled like that since she’d been a teenager, lip-syncing badly to the radio with her sister.

She truly was trying to act professionally that morning. But at their usual mid-week meeting with Matt, Patricia passed her a note with the words, “You can’t stop smiling!” written on it. Y/N gave it back, feeling like a girl trying not to get caught by the teacher, with a heart, followed by two questions marks and an exclamation point.

Once the meeting ended, Patricia arched a brow at her. Y/N put her palm to her face, groaning. The note had been terribly out of character. “I just wanted to know what it was like to be girly. Once.” Her embarrassment had quickly faded, though, and she said, “I promise I’ll tell you everything tonight.”

The rest of work went by uneventfully, with her back to preparing the firm's family cases. They were a gallery of dysfunction. There had been a rise in children being taken from their parents due to substance abuse disorder after budget cuts had stopped their treatment. And there was a stack of protection from abuse orders, including pictures of bruises and other injuries. The occasional petty divorce filings were a nice break. She would sometimes reread the best complaints when she needed a chuckle. Though the work wasn’t difficult, by early afternoon she was exhausted and trying not to nod off at her desk.

She left early, then, and made her way to the Gotham Bureau of Corporations to try to find more information on Renew Corp. It turned out it had been registered as a limited liability corporation. As a result, their annual reports and registered agents were openly available. The photocopies she made cost her $2.35 at five cents a page. Sitting on the floor at her coffee table, she reviewed the reports. Most of them were about profits and projects, which didn't interest her. She already knew the addresses they were after. The list of registered agents intrigued her, though. She'd have to go over her plan with Patricia.

But first she had to figure out how to explain what she thought was happening in a way that didn't make her sound crazy. Who would believe that Gotham's largest philanthropic organization was responsible for a third-party harassing poor people instead of helping them? She'd find it hard to believe herself if she hadn't taken a closer look. But she was at a loss as to what other conclusion could be drawn.

~~~~~

When Y/N told Patricia her general theory, she'd been skeptical. But once the shoe boxes of letters tenants were getting were pulled out, Patricia's eyes widened. "You coming over here with the file was a risk," Y/N told her, putting the folder on the table. "It means a lot. I don't want you to do anything else that could get you in trouble."

Patricia shook her head. "I've been there forever. Matt won't ask questions. The only reason you got caught was your big mouth and bad luck."

Taking out a plate for the scones she’d picked up, Y/N smirked in response.

Patricia grabbed one of the pastries and took a bite. "Before we start work, I need to know what on earth is going on with you and this guy you're dating." Despite the exasperation in her voice, she looked amused. "You're glowing."

After putting on the kettle, Y/N boosted herself up on the counter next to the stove. She crossed her ankles. "His name's Arthur Fleck. He's a performer - he's sometimes a clown at the children's hospital. He’s an aspiring stand-up. I think he's a little older than me. Early to mid-forties?"

"This is the-" Patricia made air quotes "'-good looking pie guy,' right?" she asked. "How did you meet?"

Grinning, Y/N went into how they'd kept meeting serendipitously. That he was gentle with her, something she hadn't experienced much in her life. (Given her assertive personality, most people appeared to think she never wanted or needed it.) She flushed at the memories. "I think he's the last gentleman in Gotham. He holds the door open for me. He helps me with my coat." She wished he was there, right now, with his arm slung about her waist, hearing all the compliments she was giving him.

"We talk on the phone every night," Y/N continued, "and I look forward to those few minutes the whole day. He tells me jokes. Even when they're terrible, I love them." Shaking her head, she said, "He sometimes misunderstands what I say and doesn't know how to respond.” Her eyes fluttered shut as she breathed the rest. “He seems a little left footed with the world. But I’ve fallen in love with him, anyways."

It took a few seconds before Patricia spoke. "Already?"

Y/N folded her arms over her chest. "How long did it take before you knew you loved Robert?"

"I knew Robert and I were going to get married after our first date thirty years ago." Patricia stood and stretched her arms. "But sometimes I regret accepting his second invitation."

That prompted a snort from Y/N. "On our second date, I got wine-drunk and had a mini-breakdown on the sofa. Arthur didn't try to take advantage or leave. He just listened and tried to make me feel better."

The tea kettle started whistling, interrupting her train of thought. She hopped off the counter and started filling their cups. "I think the biggest thing we have in common is taking care of ailing parents - he cares for his mother." After sitting at the table, she dunked the teabag a few times. "It's rare to find someone who understands how hard that can be." A smile appeared on her face. "He gets it. He gets me. And I think I get him."

"Tell me three negative things about him," Patricia said.

Y/N cocked her head. "He smokes like a chimney - I don't know how he hasn't gotten cancer already. He's too unsure of himself." She scrunched up her face, remembering how he'd told her to leave after his mother had wounded him. "And he's too self-reliant. He thinks I don't notice, but I do."

Before asking her next question, Patricia took a long sip. "Have you slept with him?"

"Last night,” Y/N answered without hesitation. “This morning," She smirked. "I’m bone-tired, but hopefully tonight."

Patricia stared at her, then burst out laughing. "Jesus, Y/N."

Y/N cracked-up at her reaction, playfully smacking her arm. "Hey, I'm turning forty in April. If I see something I want, I'm going to grab it." She pointed at Patricia to emphasize what she said next. "And I can tell you, in his own words, he did not mind."

"Does he know how you feel?"

Y/N put down her teacup. "It's hard for me to open myself up. I'd shut that off for so long.” A sigh left her as she leaned back against the chair. “I know it doesn't make sense, but going to bed with him is easier than saying anything."

"He sounds like a decent man," Patricia said. "There aren't many in Gotham."

"There aren't many anywhere." After some silence, Y/N furrowed her brow. "He’s wonderful. But I can tell he has difficulties. Or at least he has in the past."

Patricia's eyebrows knit together. "Legal trouble?"

"No, nothing like that." Y/N adjusted her legs. How much information could she share without crossing a line? Maybe disclosing his affliction would be all right - he did have laminated cards he handed out. "He has a neurological condition that makes him laugh. It doesn't happen often, but I've seen it when he's nervous. It's been hard for him." She studied her tea, thinking of his notebook and all his medication.

And she felt shame, remembering how she'd shut him down like a coward when it'd seemed he was going to tell her everything.

"Do you want me to do a background check on him?" Patricia spoke quietly, her concern obvious.

Y/N waved the idea away. "No. There’s no reason.” Then she blushed. “I don’t even know why I told you. But," she smiled, "I appreciate you caring enough to ask." Pointing at the nearby folder, she said, “Now let’s get this over with so I can call him.”

They started on the file, then, sorting through the motions, writing down the day each one was filed with the court. Opening all the letters was a pain in the ass - Y/N was relieved she only got a couple of paper cuts. The dates on those were analyzed, too, and put onto a parallel list next to those of the filings. When they were finished, an hour or so later, they were able to confirm the motions and letters had started during the same time period.

Patricia sipped her tea, shrugging. "It could be a coincidence."

"Of course it could. That's why I got the list of registered agents with Renew Corp." Y/N got up and grabbed the reports she'd copied from the counter next to the stove. "I'm supposed to have the Wayne Foundation tax returns on Friday. I'll see if Renew Corp. is listed anywhere on there."

"Actually, I have a better idea." Patricia crossed her legs and indicated the reports with her pen. "The tax filings will have all the Wayne Foundation employees listed on one of the schedules. You can see if any of the names match the agents on the Renew reports."

Y/N leaned back against the counter. "I can't believe I didn't think of that." Frowning, she mentally went over the dates they’d written. “Did I see that a new motion was filed on Monday? Do you have it?”

“Yeah, we got our copy today. Why?” Patricia dug through the file until finding it, then handed it to her.

“When I looked through the file, nothing indicated a new motion was needed.” She started to scan it. It was a motion to amend the original filing, which meant addresses could either be added or taken off. This one added a few in order to, according to the summary, allow the building of an additional medical clinic wing. She didn’t recognize most of them: a residential building on Cortelyou Road, an empty lot on Sutter Avenue, a commercial area on Rockaway Boulevard. An apartment complex at 225a Anderson Avenue.

Her breath halted. 225a Anderson Avenue.

It made sense. Despite the heaviness forming in her stomach, and her inability to take in any air, it was perfectly logical. Ms. McPhee’s building was on the same block as Arthur’s, on a perpendicular street. Y/N closed her eyes, reaching back to grasp the counter.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

Heat rose from Y/N’s shoulders, through her neck, to her face. “Arthur… Arthur’s address is included.” She held out the paper to Patricia. “How am I supposed to tell him?”

Standing, Patricia put her hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “This is going to take months and months. And you’re trying to stop it.”

“I know, but-” Y/N started.

“Does he know the details of what you’re working on?” After Y/N shook her head, Patricia continued. “It’s not going to do any good to say anything.”

“I just told you I love him. How can I-”

The blaring sound of the phone interrupted her. After another couple rings, she went to grab the beige receiver from the wall next to the kitchen entrance. "Hello?"

"Hi. It's Arthur."

Y/N checked the clock - it was after seven. He'd probably expected her to call by now. Pointing at the receiver, she turned around and looked at Patricia. "Arthur, I'm sorry I haven't called yet. I was just talking about you." She took a breath, trying to keep her voice from reflecting the anger simmering inside her. "Why don't you come over now? You can meet Patricia before she-"

His voice was strained when he interrupted her. "No. I can't. Is there anyway you can come to the hospital?"

That was unexpected. She felt worry cross her face. "Are you all right?"

"It's my mother. We just got here. I don't know what's wrong. There was an ambulance when I got home from..." His tone lowered, sounding a little embarrassed. "Can you please come? I don't understand all the paperwork." A pause, then. “I don’t mean to bother you.”

"You’re never a bother. I'll be right there. Which hospital?" Y/N watched as Patricia rose from her chair and started packing up the file she'd brought.

"Gotham General. In the emergency room," he answered.

"I'm on my way." She grabbed her coat and purse as she hung up. "Arthur's mother's in the ER. I gotta grab a cab."

Patricia took her jacket. "I brought my car. I'll take you."

Y/N gave Patricia a good, long hug, something she rarely did. "I owe you. Thank you for helping me."

"Anytime. Arthur's not the only one who's too self-reliant."

Y/N rolled her eyes at Patricia and squeezed her arm as she lead them both into the hallway, then locked the door.

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve​ @clowndaddyfleck​ @sweet-nothings04​ @stephieraptorr​ @rommies​ @invisiblewispofwhimsey @let-the-stars-fall-in-the-abyss​

[subliminalhero]

About the last post I reblogged.

Here’s my take on the issues brought up. I didn’t want that reblog to be so long. Here is what I started typing.

There is a LOT I don’t like about how Horikoshi treats the girls in MHA. I’m absolutely not a fan of the little grape bastard either. And before anyone says anything about Kaminari. NO THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Kaminari May have done a few things that make me want to smack him, but his whole character does NOT revolve around being a pervert. As for Mineta, I see him as waisted potential. Horikoshi is a proud pervert though, so he would never turn his vent character into a life lesson on becoming a better person and learning to respect boundaries. It’s just not something men from his generation were taught. He really could be more responsible about it. He’s old enough to know better. But I can see why he hasn’t.

As for Bakugo and Endeavor. Baku really has had a great story arc. I really want him to reach the point where he can apologize to Deku for how he treated him. In his own Bakugo way of corse. I also want Deku to not be ready to forgive him when he does. Because Deku isn’t written as someone who seems to want to acknowledge what happendoutside of his own head I don’t think we will get that but... I want Bakugo to work for that forgiveness, for that friendship, and prove that Dekus years of admiration were worth it. Not just as a hero, but as a person. I think he can do it. And honestly? I want him to go to FUCKING therapy!!! I also want someone to call his mom out on her bullshit. I will never be over the fact she blamed him for his own KIDNAPPING! I will never get over how the school treated him at the sports festival and how we never hear about his parents (yes both of them) said anything or ever demanded an apology for the treatment of their child. This is a wonderful piece of world building to show just how whacked the system is by Horikoshi but god DAMN. Can we just get some acknowledgement that it was fucked? Ok, done with Baku. Now...

Endeavor. Todoroki Enji. Where to go with that one. I don’t want him to have a happy ending. And that doesn’t seem to be where Horikoshi is taking him any way. Horikoshi seems to be moving Endeavor away from his family as he’s trying to make things up to them. There are a lot of death flags for Endeavor in the mangas recent chapters. But I don’t want him dead.

I don’t consider him living on as the #1 hero as him getting a happy ending. His near death experience made him realize how alone he is at the top. He’s ruined every one of his relationships with all the members of his family with the slight exception of Fuyumi but it seems like she is going to live with Rei in their new home away from him so... she doesn’t even seem to have anything for him to apologize for besides the neglect anyway. She doesn’t seem to be close to any of her siblings either. Yes I also mean Shoto there. Probably because after Rei’s breakdown she had to step up and be the “mom” of the family.

I don’t want Rei to ever forgive him. I don’t want Natsuo to ever forgive him. I don’t want SHOTO to ever forgive him. Having a semi-amiable relationship with him is not forgiving. It is not forgetting what he has done.

I want Dabi to be Touya so much for a few reasons and one of them is that I want Endeevor to know he is responsible for ever life Dabi has taken. For all the distraction he caused. Because Touya would not be Dabi if it weren’t for Endeavors need to be the best. If it weren’t for his blaitant lack of care for his own child.

I want Endeavor to stay the #1 hero and have to live in All Mights Shadow. I want him to spent the rest of his life trying to fill the void he created in his life but abusing his family. I want the weight of the title to slowly crush him day by say the longer he has to hold it alone.

I want him to reap the consequences. I want him to accept it. I want him to change. I want him to one day be able to look into Shotos eyes and be proud of the man, of the hero, he becomes in Spite of what Endeavor did. I want him to offer Rei divorce but leave the decision to her. I want him to step back. I want him to realize he should have never had children. Should have never got married for powers sake. I don’t want him to completely cut contact, but I don’t want him to be a super active presence in their lives either.

I want his family to accept his apology but not forgive him. I want him to spend the rest of his life with regret.

That’s the only way I’ll be satisfied with Endeavors arc.

[brightingales]

Mr Nightingale (5k)

Rated: T, No Warnings  Read on AO3 here 

Harry and James decide that breaking up and moving on is the right thing to do. Harry is fine with it; until he really, really isn’t.

Or – James steals one of Mr Rochester’s schemes from Jane Eyre to try and drive Harry wild with jealousy. Spoiler: it works. 

#Wedding Planning #Anglst with a Happy Ending #Jane Eyre References #Pining

“Ah, Harry!” James says as he sits down at the coffee table. “Just the man I wanted to see!”

Harry finds that hard to believe; ever since their break-up they’ve been doing a very good job of ignoring each other. Harry has finally been able to build a life for himself – no longer in Ste’s shadow or held within James’s clutches. He’s mending his relationship with his family. He’s enrolled in a course at a University in Liverpool. He’s got his own place (or, at least, he’s living off his student loan and sharing a house with four other lads who are all even younger than him).

“I can’t,” he says, trying to disappear into his Tort Law textbook, “I’m waiting for Dad. Dee Dee’s last chemo treatment is today, and I wanted to take him for coffee afterwards.”

“A noble idea,” James says with a smile. “It’s only a quick question that I need your help with.” James is using that tone of voice that means he’s just going to sit and badger on until he gets his way. Harry sighs and closes his book.

“You have a sort of… youthful flair with fashion,” James says, “and you’ve always dressed better than your peers. You’ve got quite the eye for design, actually, when you put your mind to it. Anyway, I was wondering if you would give me your opinion on this.”

James reaches into his briefcase and pulls out a file which he opens to reveal a collection of scraps of paper. It takes Harry a while to piece together what he is looking at.

“Is this a mood board?” Harry asks. The thought of James flicking through magazines, cutting things out, and painstakingly sticking them down is so unlike any image he has of James in his head that he briefly wonders if he has somehow gained a concussion in the last few seconds.

“No. Well, I suppose it is in a roundabout way.”

“Are you decorating?”

“No! It’s for the wedding, of course!”

The entire world stops for Harry.

James is getting married. He’s really moved on. Harry has lost his final chance to win him back. He chokes down the bile rising in his throat and takes a deep breath to cover the fact that he feels like he might burst into tears like some scolded schoolboy.

“Oh… Cool…” Harry can only say one word at a time. “Wedding… Wow…”

James seems amused by Harry’s mental breakdown but thankfully allows him time to process the information.

“Yes, well, it was a bit of a shock to me. I’ve never been the marrying kind. But this is the right thing to do! I love him, I want to commit to him, and I plan to give him the kind of security that he’s never had before.”

Hearing James declare his love for someone else is like a knife in Harry’s chest. Everything else is just salt in the wound.

“I want every detail to be perfect for him,” James continues not noticing the way Harry is wincing every time James mentions his fiancé. “Which is why I need your help picking the colour scheme.”

Harry would literally rather do anything else. But he knows James: he’s not going to let this drop. It’s better to give him a quick answer and escape the situation than spend ages arguing about it. He takes the folder in his hands and tries to hide his face with it so that James won’t see the angry blush colouring his cheeks. James has shown a surprising amount of artistic flair here: there are colour swatches, photographs of different suit cuts, even a peacock feather stuck to the page labelled ‘for inspiration’.

“Emerald,” Harry eventually chokes out. “It will match your eyes. Then maybe a lighter green for him. Or Purple for you both. And white. Everyone wants white at their wedding.”

“And the flowers? Roses or…”

“I’ve got to go,” Harry interrupts, utterly desperate to get away. “Good luck with the wedding planning,” he says as he haphazardly packs up his things and throws himself towards the exit.

It’s the least sincere thing he’s ever said.  

--

There’s a sort of commotion coming from around the corner and Harry alters the path he is jogging on so that he can find out what the cause is. It becomes immediately clear. A gang of the village’s teenagers is ‘ooohing’ and ‘ahhhing’ over a dark silver Aston Martin parked outside James’s flat.

The car is gorgeous. So is the man standing beside it. James is perfectly matched to the sleek and beautiful machine. The curves of his body, that Harry once knew so well, are hugged by a new charcoal coloured suit. James’s favourite chequered pattern is delicately woven into the material and a blood red tie bringing together the whole scene with an elaborate flourish.

Harry aches at the sight of him.

“Harry!” Damn James and his ability to spot Harry in a crowd. “Just the man I wanted to see! What do you think of my new wheels?”

“Yeah, they’re great,” Harry admits through gritted teeth. “Who doesn’t like an Aston Martin?”

“Who indeed?” James says with a wry smile. “So, you think this will make an acceptable carriage for the new Mr Nightingale?” Another mention of James’s fiancé is another bruise on Harry’s heart. James either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “Won’t we look good together, driving off to the wedding venue?”

“Yes, of course,” Harry replies.

“Of course, you’ll look good; you look good in everything,” remains unsaid.

--

The only way he can avoid James is to spend as much time as he can away from the village. Which is fine; he doesn’t really have any reason to be there except for the occasional cautious visit home. He’s doing well for himself in Liverpool. Sure, making friends is a bit difficult; he’s not yet found anyone who he shares any ‘common life experiences’ with. But that’s ok. He’s got his law books to curl up with in the evening and a new city to explore in the day. Harry’s even challenged himself if he can find a new coffee shop to go to whenever he needs a caffeine fix.

So how is it possible, that out of literally hundreds of different coffee shops in this city, Harry walks into the only one where James Nightingale is sitting. He almost turns on his heal and storms out. James hasn’t seen him yet. It would be so easy to just quietly slip away and pretend that none of this has happened.

“Coward” a voice within him calls.

Harry could move to Timbuktu and he would still look for James around every corner. He would still dream of bumping into him and seeing him smile once more. He would still find things that made him think of James and made him want to talk to him, even if they were living thousands of miles apart. Separation clearly isn’t helping him get over James. He needs another approach. Perhaps, if they can’t be lovers, they can at least try to be friends?

“James,” Harry says. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Oh! Harry!” James looks up from the magazine he’s flicking through. “You’re looking well! Law school must suit you.”

Harry knows that he must be blushing. Coming from James, this is high praise indeed.

“Do you want a drink?” James asks.

Harry feels like he is on the precipice of something. Sure, he has just had a full-on argument with himself about whether or not he should try being friends with James. But letting James buy him coffee feels like a line in the sand somehow. Still, Harry knows himself well enough to realise that he can’t walk away from James. Especially when the older man is looking up at him with a wide and genuine smile.

So, they have coffee as James listens to Harry talk about his University course. They compare the differences in their training and tell silly jokes about how Harry’s “experiences” with the legal system have given him an edge over his fellow students. Harry confesses that he doesn’t think he’ll ever understand Property Law and James swears him to secrecy when he admits that he once failed an exam and had to work the whole way through summer to retake it before any of his friends noticed that he was behind.

It’s so easy, it’s almost scary. Falling back into friendship with James is like rediscovering a favourite album. Everything feels familiar, Harry still remembers all the lyrical parts of the man sitting in front of him, even the tiny details that he thought he had long forgotten – like the crease at the corner of his eye or the precise tone of his sigh. He knows that he will be singing James in his head for the rest of the day.  

“What are you doing in Liverpool, then?” Harry eventually asks.

“Well, this might be old fashioned, but I was at the travel agents. I know: I’m a dinosaur. But I wanted some advice on Honeymoon destinations and it’s so much easier to talk to a real person about these sorts of things.”

Harry nearly chokes on his coffee. That warm and fuzzy feeling that has settled so nicely over their conversation suddenly turns lukewarm. The spectre of this hated fiancé hovers behind James and Harry curses himself for not running away when he had the chance.

“Anyway, I left the shop more confused than when I started,” James continues. “What do you think of Ibiza? I know I’d probably stick out like a sore thumb, but I’m sure the new Mr Nightingale will enjoy it immensely, and I just want to see him happy.”

Harry doesn’t know much about Ibiza, but he does know that he’s going to be sick. Still, it would be rude to throw up the coffee James has just bought him all over the man’s expensive leather shoes, so he gets a hold of himself. After all, James had to watch him swan about the village planning his disastrous wedding to Ste. Some might say this is Karma. He picks up some of the glossy brochures lying across the table. The bright colours and photoshopped pictures proclaim that the holidays featured inside are “great deals” that are “perfect for two!” He flicks through the pages trying not to imagine that he is the one James wants to take backpacking in Eastern Europe, or on a cruise around the frozen fjords of Norway, or on the road trip of a lifetime along the north-California coast.

Harry knows that he will dream of this tonight – a perfect nightmare where James leads him around the globe by the hand and shows him off as Mr Nightingale to every person that they meet.

Now is not the time for fantasy. He needs to give James his answer or risk appearing sullen and ungrateful. He’s too ashamed of himself and his continued pathetic crush on James to admit that he was wrong when he said that they should end things, that he couldn’t see a future for the two of them, that he was fine with James moving on and seeing other people.

“Your fiancé will enjoy the beaches,” Harry says eventually. He doesn’t actually know if this is true; he’s never met the man. But he has seen James hanging around with a tall, slim, boy who has a toned body, a snappy dress sense, and impeccably groomed facial hair. Harry shouldn’t judge –especially when he is hurt and wounded and looking for an excuse to hate something – but the boy seems to be the sort that would go on holiday just to display his body and work on his tan.  

“But…” Harry continues, “You’ll get bored. And sunburnt. You should go somewhere romantic. Classic. Somewhere where you can show off exactly how much you know about the local art or the architecture…”

“Won’t that be a bit boring for him…?” James asks with a strange sort of smile.

“Not if he loves you!” Harry says, almost too quickly. “I mean… healthy relationships are about compromise, right? You told me that once. He should want to let you soak up all the culture you can, and I know you’ll prioritise his wants without sacrificing your own because that’s how you always were with me…”

It’s a stupid thing to say.

Harry might as well have just carved his own heart out of his chest and laid it, still beating and bleeding, on the table in front of them. This isn’t fair. He wants James. And it was only through his own stupidity that he lost him. But that doesn’t mean that James should be miserable too. The least Harry can do is give James and his new lover his blessing.

He finds exactly the right page and hands it back over to James.

“Genoa?” the older man questions. “It’s a bit unusual.”

“It’s perfect. I thought of maybe Barcelona or Venice but they’re both too touristy. Genoa has the best of everything you want. Sun. Great food. Loads of things that you can do together…”

“This is perfect Harry,” James tells him. That strange smile Harry has noticed before blooms over James’s lips again and Harry aches to reach out and kiss him. James looks so pleased with the thought of marrying his lover and taking him off to Italy, but there’s something else there too. The gleam in James’s eye that he only ever gets when a plan starts forming in his head. The confident posture that James only relaxes into when he is sure that he has done the right thing. The blush on his neck that only appears when James is imagining something filled with pleasure and passion.

Harry is about to tear out his own hair with envy. But thankfully, before he can go completely mad, something distracts James.

“Christ is that the time?” James says. “Sorry, Harry. I’ve got an important appointment and I have to run. It was nice to see you. And thanks for the help – this honeymoon will be perfect!”

Harry doesn’t watch him leave. He just stares at the floor and wishes that it will swallow him whole.  

He stays there for ages, too paralyzed with jealousy to move. He knows he’s been there too long when one of the waitresses comes over to the table and pointedly asks him whether he’s going to finish the last dregs of cold coffee in his mug. He shakes his head but doesn’t get out of the way even when she starts to tidy up around him. He knows he’s being childish, but he needs to sit and sulk for just a little while longer.

“Oh! Your friend left his wallet on the table,” the waitress says. “Can you tell him we’ve put it behind the counter for him?”

Harry’s never been much of a masochist, but he must be in the mood for it today. Because before he can realise what a bad idea this is he’s saying: “No need. James and I live in the same village. I’ll take it back to his place now.”

He grabs the wallet – maybe a little too forcefully – out of her hand. For a second, she looks like she is going to argue with him, and Harry realises that he probably looks quite suspicious. “If he comes back, tell him Harry has his wallet,’ he says to reassure her before throwing his coat on and rushing out of the shop.

--

The whole journey back to Hollyoaks is spent worrying that he has made a massive mistake. After that disastrous attempt at friendship, Harry knows now more than ever that if he wants to get over James he needs to stay away. But Harry feels just as desperate to see James as he did back in the early days of their affair. It’s like there is thread suspended between the two of them, one end tied around the bones of Harry’s ribcage, the other clasped in James’s hand for him to pull and tug on however he wishes. If James lets go, Harry will drift away, like a balloon caught in the breeze, unable to find his way back to safety, drifting aimlessly away from everything he once called ‘home’.

James is in the flat; the light from the living room window tells Harry that. He should probably just post the wallet back through the letterbox of the front door, and for a moment that seems like the most elegant solution. But, of course, the wallet is too swollen with cash and ticket stubs to fit through. Harry will have to be brave.

He knocks.

For once, James looks surprised.

“Youleftyourwallet” comes out all in one word. Harry holds it out to James, who takes it. But rather than simply closing the door on him, as Harry half hoped that he would, James moves aside, implicitly inviting him in. Harry is helpless but to follow him.

“Thanks for this,” James says as he places the wallet on the breakfast bar. “You’ve saved me the journey back into Liverpool.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Harry mutters, ducking his head so that he won’t have to see the peculiar way James is looking at him. Something is off with him tonight. As he turns his head, Harry notices a pair of suits laid out across the back of the sofa. James catches him looking.

“They’re nice, aren’t they?”

“Special occasion?” Harry asks, half knowing the answer already.

“What else!” James replies. He goes over to unzip one of the suits out of its protective cover. The suit jacket he pulls out is a rich and deep purple. Harry can tell, just by looking, that it is made out of the finest quality wool. James holds it out to Harry as if he can see Harry’s fingers itch to touch it.

“I took your advice, with some adaptations, of course,” James tells him. “Purple for the wedding suits, emerald accents where possible. A darker shirt for me, something lighter and more youthful for him. I’d make a joke about that reflecting our personalities, but it would probably be too crass,” he says with a sly chuckle. “Here, help me with this.”

James seems to suddenly grow eight arms, because before Harry can even register what’s happening, James has taken him out of his coat and slipped the suit jacket onto Harry’s shoulders. He moves quickly, pulling the fabric this way and that, checking the fit and smoothing out non-existent creases. He drags Harry further into the living room, looking at him intensely under the light and circling him like a vulture.

“Stay there. I just need to check something,” James tells Harry, heading off into the bedroom and leaving Harry shocked and alone. He doesn’t even have the time to process what has happened before James is back, a large mirror in his hands. He holds it up so that Harry can take a good look at himself.

The suit fits. It shouldn’t – for all that Harry has always been a bit petite, there’s a breadth to his shoulders and a thickness to his chest that doesn’t match the scrawny frame of James’s new lover. It should be far too small for him, but instead, every dart, every seam, every fold, hits the perfect angle on his torso. The shade of purple is beautiful. Royal in its richness, Harry has never seen a colour that suits his skin so well or makes him look as elegant and as refined as this. The wool is just as heavy as he thought it would be. But rather than feeling like a comfort, the weight that presses down on his shoulders and hugs around his torso feels like it may suffocate him at any moment.

Finally, he stares his reflection in the eye. He looks like a dream. Like an impossible fantasy of the life he so wishes he could live.

“James…” he says, his voice thick with tears. “James, this has to stop.”

James has been admiring the suit from where he is holding the mirror. But when he sees the tears in Harry’s eyes his expression changes from one of pride to one of horror.

“You are many things, James,” Harry continues. “You are spiteful, and egotistical, and conniving. But you’ve never been cruel. At least not to me.” The tears flow freely, and Harry gives in to the urge to sob, “so why are you being so cruel now?”

“Harry… I….”

Harry tries to wipe some of the tears away ignoring James’s pity-filled eyes: “Look. I get it. I deserve this for what I put you through with Ste. And I thought I could handle it. Talking about colours, and flowers, and venues. It hurt but it was fine. I guessed it was karma. That I deserved it after all the pain I caused you. But this! Dressing me up like your fiancé, making me wear the clothes that he is going to marry you in, dangling the future I could have had in front of me and then snatching it away…? How could you be so vindictive? Don’t you feel anything for me?”

Harry’s knees buckle under him and he falls onto the sofa. He hides his face in his hands and, for the first time in months, lets all of the hurt and disappointment flow out of him. The sleeves of the suit jacket are wet with tears. His face is red and blotchy. He must look so disgusting to James.

“I guess you just feel contempt,” Harry murmurs through his sobs. “It’s all I deserve but… this is too much. I can’t stand being so jealous. And I can’t bear for you to be out in the world hating me as much as you do now.”

Through the tightness in his chest and the throbbing pain in his head from crying too much too fast, Harry becomes aware of the fact that James has moved and is now standing in front of him. Harry looks up at James looking down at him, so perfect and so handsome and so utterly out of his reach.

“James… Please…” Harry begs.

James’s expression is unreadable: “What are you asking for, Harry?”

“I don’t know…!” it comes out almost like a wail and Harry has to hide his face again; he’s so embarrassed.

The sofa dips beside him and James rests a hand softly on Harry’s back as if he is trying to soothe the sobs that still wrack his body. It’s a kindness that tastes too vicious for words.

“Come on now, no more tears,” James says quietly. “I’ve never liked seeing you upset.”

Harry does his best to pull himself together. James offers him a tissue and he does what he can to mop his face up and look a bit more presentable. He’s sure he looks a wreck though; he feels like the tears he has cried have left a trail of blisters down his cheeks.

“Harry, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to give me an honest answer, ok?” James eventually says. “What do you actually think of my fiancé?”

“Oh James, come on.”

“I know. Just answer me. What do you think of him?”

Harry tries to conjure an image of the young man in his head. “I don’t know him well enough. He’s handsome I guess. Young. Even younger than me…”

“And how do you feel when you see me touch him, or kiss him?”

“James…”

“Just answer,” James says, his voice still quiet and soothing.

Harry knows that watching James be with someone else makes him overwhelmed with jealousy and he opens his mouth to tell James that. But then… then he realises he’s actually never seen the two of them do more but walk around the village chatting, or sometimes sit and have a coffee together.

“I haven’t seen you,” Harry admits. “I thought you were trying to spare my feelings.”

“Even after all the things you’ve just accused me of doing?”

Harry shakes his head, utterly ashamed of himself.

“Look,” James says reaching over to take a photo frame off the coffee table. The picture is a selfie of James and his young man, smiling gently in the winter sunshine. “This boy here – his name is Romeo. He’s not my fiancé.”

Harry needs a moment to let the news sink in. He spent so long obsessed with the idea that this boy will one day marry his James that he’d never even considered the fact that he’s not actually seen them be affectionate in public.

“He’s my son,” James explains.

Really, it’s just made the whole scenario much more confusing. But the relief Harry feels is enough to make him accept the news without questioning it. Much.

“How?” he manages to say.

James shrugs. “It’s a long, complicated, and not particularly pleasant story. I’ve only known about him for 6 months or so and we’re still trying to figure out what kind of relationship we want to have. But that’s why I’ve been spending so much time with him. Nothing else.”

“But if he’s not your fiancé, who is…?”

James sighs. He gets up and goes to the kitchen where he pours two glasses of whiskey.

“You’ve accused me of being cruel, and you’re right,” James admits as he hands one of the glasses over to Harry. “I’m not proud of myself, but it was the only way I could think of to get through to you. You weren’t answering my calls. You were hardly ever in the village. I needed to be sure that you still wanted me, and I didn’t trust you to be honest with me if I asked.”

“James, what are you talking about?”

“I thought you might get the hint after the colours. Or that, maybe, you had figured it out when I asked about the honeymoon….”

“You’re not making any sense, James,” Harry interrupts.

“It’s you, Harry. You’re the man I’m going to marry.”

Harry pauses. And then: “Are you joking? Aren’t I upset enough for you, now you have to dig the knife in even more? Christ, when did you become such a sadist?” He knows he has to leave so he pushes the whiskey glass away from him and tears himself out of the suit throwing it at James’s head.

“You’ve never read Jane Eyre have you?” James asks.

“And now you’re taking the piss!”

“I’m not Harry!” James shouts. “I’m not. I promise. I’m just explaining myself badly. Please, hear me out.”

Harry considers his options. He can’t help but feel that he’s the centre of some massive cruel joke. But he also can’t say no to James when he is looking at him with such hope in his eyes.

“Fine,” Harry concedes. “But I need you to be clear with me, ok? What exactly is going on?”

James goes over to where Harry is hovering by the door unsure of whether he should cut his losses and run. They stand toe-to-toe and Harry’s vision is suddenly full of green eyes and rose-pink skin.

“I wanted you to be jealous. I shouldn’t have done. But I didn’t know how else to get your attention. I thought if you realised I had moved on you might try and fight to get me back. So, I sat down, I imagined what it would be like to marry you, and I constructed this fake engagement in my head so that I could ask you all sorts of questions about it and find out if you had really let me go. But then, you gave me such good advice. You were so thoughtful and so selfless. And I realised that I couldn’t deceive you like this anymore, that I was wrong to try and manipulate you like that. I was actually, just now, on my way out to come to find you and tell you the truth.”

“All of this,” Harry asks, “just to make me think you were marrying someone else? Just to make me admit that I want it to be me that you marry?”

“Do you?” James asks, his voice cracking with hope. “Do you still want that?”

After all the angst – the upsets, and the envy, and the bone-crushing agony of thinking that he had lost James for good – he knows now more than ever that whatever mistake James has made Harry will always find it within himself to forgive him.

He tells him so with a kiss. Harry reaches up and caresses the back of James’s neck. He pulls him down and presses their lips together, the touch as light as a pair of butterfly wings.

“Harry,” James sounds utterly broken when they pull apart.

“I love you, James,” Harry says to reassure him. “These last weeks have been hell, and I’m still cross that you put me through them, but I love you more than anything. And I’m so strangely flattered that you went to all this effort just to make me jealous. I mean – you ordered suits.”

James smiles at that. “I had your one made to your measurements. I couldn’t wait to see you in it, and when you turned up today I couldn’t resist. We can take them back though if you want to.”

“I’m not sure they’ll take them back; not with my snot all over the sleeves.” That, at least, causes James to laugh and helps him relax a little bit more. “Anyway. I love my suit. And I want to marry you in it.”

“Really?” James gasps.

Harry wraps his arms around James’s middle, pulls him closer so that he can rest his head against James’s chest and listen to his heartbeat there.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this recently. And there’s one thing I know for sure now. I want to be Mr Nightingale. I want all of the things you described to me. I want the security and the commitment. I want a ring on my finger that shows the world that you love me. I want to be part of your family. I want to belong to you, legally, and I want you to be mine.”

“Harry Thompson, are you proposing to me?” James asks with so much joy in his voice that Harry thinks he might burst.

“Mr Nightingale, are you saying yes?”

It’s James’s turn to kiss him now. Which he does. Over and over and over again.

[fracturedsoul86]

My Journey - As Abbreviated As I Can Make It...

Fig. 1: Easter Dinner 2019 at the delicious Golden Pheasant in Torrance, CA, consisting of sizzling rice soup, sweet and sour soup, mushoo pork, kung pao shrimp and chicken, sizzling beef, Mongolian beef, and pineapple fried rice. Yum!

This was my Easter dinner (Fig. 1)... Spectacular by most standards. Copious, delicious, extravagant, and truly a blessing for me at a time when I felt extreme loneliness. And I’ll be honest... not only loneliness, but entrapment. 

**Pause For Positivity** Before I breakdown some of the negative emotions above, I need to acknowledge that my roommates and house manager at South Bay Sober Living saw my dark, depressed mood on Easter, and made immediate moves to try and lift my spirits, resulting in the beautiful meal you see above. For only knowing me 4.5 days, that was a nice surprise to see care and concern arise from people who had no reason to show me any. So a huge win for positivity and kindness that night, and a reminder to find the positive in everything ALWAYS!

Now, to dissect how I got to that dark, lonely place and that feeling of entrapment. I was feeling alone and forgotten on a holiday that had for many years held a special place in the hearts of my family members, and meant getting a little more dressed up than usual and enjoying a beautiful meal and family time. Now, mind you, being younger and in a different mindset entirely, and having endured some of the very dark, negative, and frankly hellish lows I have in the past 13 months, I never appreciated these gatherings and the time with family then like I do now. As well, starting at 18 with the death of my father, followed by my grandmother, aunt, uncle, family friends, and friends’ relatives, the recurring depressive thought that one day I would be entirely alone in this world, no family, no friends, no one thinking about me or concerned as to my well-being or my whereabouts, sunk in and slowly started to sabotage my desire to work towards anything of value in my life. 

It also revealed the beast of co-dependence the three main people who raised me - my mother, my father, and my grandmother (mother’s mother) - had instilled in me. For years, the image I portrayed to those around me was prioritized. How I presented myself, how I represented the family, the expectations for my life... they were piled on over and over, and what I wanted, and who I was, was secondary to the mold that was envisioned for me. Those qualities and desires that I had that fit in that mold were supported, encouraged, and shown and talked about with pride to anyone who would listen. Those which did not were repeatedly rebuffed, criticized, and swiftly “corrected.” This resulted in low self-esteem, a confused self image, and an inability to speak up for myself. I was bullied by my cousins, as well as by my peers when I switched schools in third grade, and became used to running to my teacher and day care workers for protection. I became a people pleaser, a “yes” man, and highly dependent on the approval of others. Plus, I spent years, even when I moved out on my own and wasn’t always the most financially prudent or responsibility-minded, in which my family never let me get too uncomfortable. And why should they? Overall, I was a good kid, intelligent and highly accomplished scholastically, and eventually a good guy and promising employee. 

Mind you, they allowed uncomfortability a place in my life to a degree to show me life isn’t all smiley faces and lollipops. I wasn’t handed everything, nor did I have no consequences when I strayed off course. I kept a job though, had a car, had an apartment. Held it all seemingly together. I was drinking myself away on weekends when I went out with friends, though, and followed those friends into a deeper path of self “exploration,” but realistically speaking, it was more self medication, getting into weed, cocaine, ecstasy, molly, mushrooms, and acid. Regardless, help always came as long as my life appeared to be handled somewhat. It always seemed like there would be some net at some point that would catch me when I fell too deep, or some switch would trigger when life was getting too tough for me to handle, and help would rush in. Deluded sounding, I know, but when you haven’t fallen to your rock bottom, it’s just an ever present constant that just is... until it isn’t. 

With those contextual markers in mind, my brain would be clicking along, distracted by life, by work, by bills, by TV, by friends, and eventually by alcohol and drugs, anything to keep me from thinking about the dark depressing realization of being alone that continued to become so very real with each person that slipped from life, from my life, and from this world. Without anyone caring about me, why is it even worth living? What is there to live for when we all are just going to die anyway? My hope, my happiness, my reasons for being, it all started to fade away.

**Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech** Depression, fueled by so much that had befallen me in life in subtle and not so subtle ways, brought my life to a grinding halt. Right at a weak point though, the most anti-depressive drug I know hooked in and took over - Crystal Meth. Dopamine and Serotonin flooding my system over and over, relieving me of the darkness, and fueling one of the most pleasure-inducing activities in life for me - masturbation and sex - took over. In a mind like mine, traumatized by life, unaware as to its true source of joy, of happiness, Crystal Meth found a home that needed it very badly! Boy, did I give in to it HARD. In the course of a year in which Crystal Meth, Sex, and Masturbation took priority over everything else, I lost my job, I lost some friendships, a relationship, my apartment, and finally my freedom. 

Mind you, the Meth use also resulted in experiences and an opening of my mind that caused me to become both more able to see the realities of what is, taught me to ultimately place my happiness in myself, rather than anyone else, and unlocked in me memories, gave me visions of potentialities, showed me patterns I never saw before, and showed me how to accept things that others found to be absurd, crazy, or, as they saw it, “impossible.” It is interesting though, that Truth is so incredibly relative. I didn’t realize that presented with compelling arguments of what I know to be the Truth, others would actually take all of it as ridiculous. Literally EVERYONE I know around me in fact. I have been repeatedly, daily in fact, faced with incredulity, doubt, and downright anger for things I’ve said because people refuse to listen to me and actually take what I say and think, “He may be right.” They choose to always respond with, “You’re crazy. You’re erratic. What you’re saying is unbelievable and patently false.” Is it? IS IT? How do YOU know? Have you checked the validity of your sources? Have you checked the validity of mine? NO, THEN SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN! If you haven’t fact checked what I say and have chosen instead to simply say “I disbelieve it because I don’t have to believe it,” then that’s what I call a wall. Not a friend, not even a courteous person. A wall. A friend says, “Interesting ideas. I don’t know that I agree, but as your friend, as someone who cares, let me look into this. You may be right!”I have yet to hear a single person in my life say that, and actually make an effort to help me prove that my Truth is The Truth, or help me to see that what I believed to be The Truth is actually just imagined truth. 

THAT IS WHERE ALL MY CURRENT ANGER AND RESENTMENT STEM FROM, AND WHY FEW RELATIONSHIPS FROM MY PAST STAND A CHANCE OF REVISITATION UNLESS I CHOOSE TO OVERLOOK THIS FACT. That is why I’m finding it hard to reach out, and why I’m finding it hard to let anyone in unless they make a concerted effort to understand me, or at least listen to me and not make me feel like I’m worthless because they disagree with me or simply can’t take the time to try and understand, or help prove or disprove my truth. It’s because that is the lengths I go to for my friends, and it is what I expect of my friends now too. Close friends that is. 

Now, about that feeling of entrapment... In a country that runs on money, when you’re out of it, help comes at the cost of your own autonomy. Help comes with strings. And that’s where I’m at.

Feeling out of control of my own destiny has to be the scariest feeling there is, and entering sober living as well as court-ordered treatment because I’d allowed the control of my life to escape me has been a hard pill to swallow. My ability to choose and to live has been thrown into question, and dealing with that has been hard, especially after making it work more-or-less successfully for me for 12 of 13 years solo. Giving consideration to a different path, and to others, because I’d run down every last bit of personal and monetary equity I had trying to live life my way in every way I thought I could has felt like a real disappointment to me, and has caused me to react in anger, sadness, disappointment, and frustration towards others when they don’t deserve it, as far as help is concerned. Mind you, some people have deserved it, and my contentious relationship I have with “help” comes from the anger over the above reluctancy for ANYONE to consider MY POINT OF VIEW at all. There are people I let into my life, and frankly pursued to have in my life, whose reactions and feelings towards me disappointed me greatly when I asked for basic emotional support and understanding that is not unreasonable nor overarching for a friend to ask for from another friend. Some of those people especially hurt me because I’d invested a lot of time, energy, money, and emotion into creating friendships of what I felt to be of great value to both of us, and who I felt would stick by me when the going got tough. Watching desire to understand, desire to help, and desire to “agree to disagree” and continue working toward the common goal of “us” wither away, but especially a desire to communicate at all and to begin the process of amending what has been broken or hurt, befuddled, confused, and downright astounded me.

The single BIGGEST lesson taken from all of it: Invest time and resources wisely in life. With what time we have, as limited or unlimited as it may be, think through each investment with as much care as we can, and it is worth. Also, ultimately, YOUR Life is YOURS... MY Life is MINE; YOUR Design for YOUR Life is YOURS... MY Design for MY Life is MINE. Ultimate happiness and contentment are decided by each individual as to what that looks like for them. Provided no harm comes to others in achieving that happiness, or that happiness is not dependent on the harm or downfall of another/others, then intervention and/or negative criticisms have no place or voice when conversing of one’s goals, hopes, or ideas of their happiness. Rather than criticize and focus on differences, focus on commonalities, focus on positivity, focus on helping each other reach for the best version of themselves, and in doing so, reach for their happiness!

Fig. 2: RMS Titanic sinks in mid-Atlantic on a frigid April night in 1912. Cold, dark, desolate, lonely, very much a watery, icey hell for the passengers aboard.

Now, for some analogizing...

Forgive the predictable analogy, but being that it is April, I am who I am (one fascinated with disaster, especially that of the RMS Titanic, and ocean liners, especially the Olympic-Class ships and those vessels Harland & Wolff built off the same basic platform), and it fits so well for the message I have, I’ll go with it. As you may (or may not) know, the White Star liner RMS Titanic of 1912 was the most advanced large luxury liner its builders could envision at the time, building evolutionarily on multiple designs which had preceded it, each improving on the one before and pushing the envelope just a little bit further and further to create something even larger, more luxurious, and more profitable for its operating company, while taking measured risk in each iteration and abiding by maritime law in place at the time. Ultimately though, the design WAS limited... by cost, by profitability considerations, by outdated laws unable to keep pace with technology, by desire for power over the shipping industry, and by pure Edwardian Age ego manifested to great achievement, as well as great disaster, during the Industrial Revolution. What conspired to do in the Titanic in dramatic fashion during the late night/early morning hours of April 14-15, 1912 in the frigid, sub-zero mid-Atlantic was a combination of factors (seriously... we’re talking Final Destination - destiny/fate levels of undersight, oversight, stupidity, ego, and plain old blindness) that created the least likely scenario the ship’s designers never even imagined/considered possible to befall the latest, greatest, most evolved version of the “Olympic-Class” design. The first version of this newest design went to sea in original form in May 1911 with RMS Olympic. The Titanic was the 1st evolution of the design, going to sea in April 1912, followed by a 2nd evolution immediately instituted in an early refit on Olympic following Titanic’s loss, with a 3rd iteration launched in 1914 as the RMS (HMHS) Britannic, only seeing life as a hospital ship due to the outbreak of WWI. 

Before I geek out hard on the topic of Titanic-related knowledge, the point of mentioning all of this... White Star did not throw away what was a strong basic design. It took what it learned and created something improved, each iteration becoming better and better.

Primary example: HMHS Britannic only completed 14 voyages during WWi, though she did them all comfortably, reliably, without a problem, before she hit a mine off the Greek island of Kia and sank with a loss of 30 lives. 30! With a compliment of passengers and crew roughly the same size as that present on Titanic when she sank, most of which were far less capable of evacuating the ship due to sickness and injuries sustained while fighting out on the battlefields of Europe and North Africa. Further, the Britannic sank in approximately 55 minutes, less than a third of the time it took for Titanic to sink, because of breaches in wartime protocol that allowed water to spill into the open portholes above and behind watertight compartments that would have assured that the liner didn’t sink at all had they remained closed. Being that the ship was built for North Atlantic service and not hot Mediterranean climates, this oversight makes sense. But what an astonishing difference! 2/3 less time to evacuate the sinking liner, majority of passengers unfit to even move from it, and yet only 30 lives lost! Far less than the loss of ~1200 on her older sister. 

The coupe d’grace of the whole story though... the final evolution, instituted on the OG following the loss of Britannic, would see Olympic through to the end of her successful, 24-years-long career, during which she remained profitable and garnered the well-earned nickname “Old Reliable.” She sailed in perfect working order her entire career, in fact only improving in reliability and efficiency with age, and was only taken out service because she was surplus tonnage during the Depression. 

Because of hard financial times, White Star and Cunard merged, and the large liners RMS Mauretania, RMS Aquitania, RMS Berengaria, RMS Olympic, RMS Homeric, and RMS Majestic were all taken out of service and scrapped for a single two-ship service that would consist of RMS Queen Mary and RMS Queen Elizabeth, with the holes in service during refits to the Queens filled by RMS Mauretania (II) and RMS Caronia. 

Fig. 3: RMS Olympic in 1911 configuration in Southampton, prior to Titanic’s sinking in April 1912.

Fig. 4: HMHS Britannic, seen in hospital ship dress. Her design changes, especially in the area of lifeboat capacity and accessibility are quite noticeable; while other structural adjustments were made to accommodate additional passenger capacity and/or passenger amenities, as well as functional improvements for better service. 

Fig. 5: RMS Olympic later in her career, with the functional addition of a full compliment of lifeboats along each side of her boat deck visible, a clear reaction to the inadequate number of lifeboats fitted to her and her ill-fated sister Titanic in original configuration.

I view myself, my journey, and my life much like that of the Olympic-class liners. The first part of my life was like those first beautiful, hopeful years from 1907-1911 when the shipyard was readied and the Olympic and Titanic constructed side-by-side. My first 13 months (January 2017 - February 2018) at the law firm I worked at just before Crystal Meth hooked into my life dramatically was like that successful year of service for RMS Olympic from May 1911- April 1912, and the period in which my present reality declined and ended over my depression, co-dependent behavior and thought patterns, and self-medication with Crystal Meth, as well as my over-confidence in my ability to recover without help much like the sinking of the RMS Titanic. Now that I’ve learned the lessons, and am receiving help, taking consideration of others’ suggestions, and taking advantage of a returned sense of mental clarity free from deep emotion (some created by people and experiences, and some manufactured by Crystal Meth), I’m not throwing away my design - MY DESIGN FOR MY LIFE AND MY HAPPINESS, NOT YOURS, NO JUDGEMENT ALLOWED HERE - I’m improving it, looking through my notes, instituting the lessons, and keeping a sharp eye out for those snakes in the grass again. I’m not letting snakes back in.

The focus has changed as well. My happiness, safety, security, stability, and priorities come first. If I find others of the same mind and mindset, excellent! Let’s unite and build a beautiful relationship and life together, whether that’s as business partners, friends, lovers, or any combination therein. But no more full disclosure. No more full transparency. No more oversharing. My defenses are up, and my boundaries will be lowered with measured consideration. I see the switches that flip people. I see the people whose switches are easily flipped. One very clear one is Crystal Meth. Made everyone around me lose their minds. Everyone around me said I lost mine. But I didn’t, they in fact did. Facts people. Fact check my statements. See who’s actually telling the truth... If you can prove my statements are false, verifiably, unequivocally, then I will thank you for caring enough to prove me wrong, and will accept that what I thought the truth was is not. If you prove me right, I will thank you for being a good friend, and you will find that you should have been listening to me and be astounded and who I am the whole time!

[nerdydelusiontragedy]

On abusive relationships and why Reylo isn’t one

Honestly, I’m a bid fed up with the “Reylo is abusive” approach repeated as kind of a mantra by many antis and SW fans comparing it to the abusive relationship/marriage. I’ve been in a relationship which I’d call abusive, namely my ex-partner used to bully me in every possible way (mentally and physically) including beating me black and blue many times. I was hopelessly in love as he was my first ‘serious’ boyfriend (I don’t count other short-term teenage crushes). Despite the fact that I knew exactly he wouldn’t change, I got stuck in this relationship for two years and just didn’t want to get out as I believed that perhaps one day something would change... I positioned myself as a passive victim, refusing any help from my family and friends. Thankfully, as I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, with a little help of the ones who truly cared about me, I found the courage to end this toxic relationship and set myself free. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man who respects me and supports me with everything I do (OK, we sometimes argue but we never give each other the so-called ‘silent treatment’, our small ‘fights’ are something all the couples go through).

Anyway, coming back to Rey and Ben, I will share a very nice comment from one of my favourite contributors on reddit:

“I never thought about their 'relationship' as abusive. And I wouldn't compare it to an abusive marriage as:

They are not in a relationship and I really have no clue where people got the idea from; Force connection is not the same as being partners in everyday life;

When they meet for the fist time they are enemies on the opposite sides and there is a war (Kylo Ren interrogates Rey, entering her mind - yet Rey does the same at the end, then she fights him in the forest and painfully chops his face, humiliating him in front of the guy he hates and treats as a rival - Hux and his master whose appreciation he seeks - Snoke;

During their force skyping sessions Rey begins to see a human under the mask of a monster (he sees a soulmate in her)  and tries to help him, but when she fails - she doesn't get his shit, she leaves with a message "You screwed up. I've tried to help you, but as long as you reconsider your actions and draw conclusions out of your destructive behaviour, I won't be a part of this so off I go"; in other words: she doesn't stick to a toxic 'partner' who dominates her, who abuses her and treats her like his own property (which happens between Fred and Serena Waterford in "The Handmaid's Tale" - if you don't watch, give it a try - the series is great imo :D)

Rey is not a passive victim who does not respect herself (as many people try to indicate) - she is mentally and physically strong and this is why she is a challenge for Ben Solo - he knows that if he wants her to forgive him and start talking to him again, he will need to get his shit together - Rey is not Padme in other words - she might accept him but on condition he realizes his mistakes and become selfless at some point;

People often claim that Rey has a heart of gold and came to help him and he turned out to be an asshole and rejected all her good - of course I'm not saying she didn't have good intentions, but she came to him hoping his potential turn will help the Resistance (so her friends) in the first place and her possible feelings of compassion for him came second; Ben - on the other hand - thought they will defeat Snoke and be together, "killing the past" and setting the galaxy on fire. His twisted mind does not work like the brain of a 'healthy' person. The moment he defeated the last Praetorian, he looked at Snoke's throne realizing that now he is free and he finally killed his long-term abuser. What does Rey do? Starts urging him to save the Resistance, to order (Hux and his fleet) to stop firing (which is simply impossible at that moment). Rey's mistake was to think that killing Snoke is all he needs to turn to the light (which is obviously not true as it takes a lot of time to fix someone that broken) and Ben's mistake was to think that Rey has nowhere to go apart from him and that she still hates her parents for what they had done to her in the past; I guess they both misunderstood each other here and failed miserably;

“You come from nothing, you’re nothing - but not to me” - this line is the essence and I’m really sad that many people read it out in a wrong way and totally misunderstand Ben’s intentions here. For me he wants to say “I don’t care you have no ‘royal’ blood in you, I don’t give a damn about your lack of legacy - you are important to me and I want you the way you are”. Why are people sure he wants to crush her self-esteem? Saying “you’re nothing” he doesn’t mean that no one else but him treats her like a piece of rubbish. “You’re nothing” is about the legacy, that comparing to him she is a ‘random’. But he doesn’t give a damn about it. Of course the delivery isn’t very successful, but hey - this is the guy who has been manipulated and deprived of self-worth by a monster who wanted to change him into a thoughtless killing machine. It was typical for Snoke to treat him as if he was nothing himself and ‘nothing’ seems to be Ben’s ‘favourite’ word... as he probably hadn’t heard anything else for a long long time. So I don’t blame him for the lack of expressing his emotions in a more tactful way.

Snoke is gone so now it seems that Ben will not be manipulated and messed up with his mind any longer and from now and every decision he makes is on him. In both novelizations of "TLJ" (junior and adult ones) it is implied that Rey will wait for him to make his final decision as his life is not hers to take and the Force has plans for them. Junior novelization goes even further and states that according to Rey's way of thinking "If she wants to have Ben Solo back, she will have to stop Kylo Ren" or sth.

To make it clear:

I’m not arguing with the fact that Kylo’s offer to Rey at the end of "TLJ" is kinda destructive and unhealthy - not only because Kylo uses his knowledge of Rey’s past to put pressure on her onto joining him (and he does do this even if this was not his whole intention), but also because it is based on destruction. He tries not to choose between the dark and the light anymore by burying his past, he thinks he can create a world separated from the pain of the past, he thinks he can just have Rey and only Rey and never reconcile himself with his past... but of course he can’t. He asks her to rule with him and abandon her friends, refuse to fight for them or agreeing on their death. He asks her to step into a world that would only contain him - but that is a dangerous, destructive, claustrophobic offer that would confine both of them to darkness and pain. Yet, he doesn't understand that and in his point of view his offer is the best she could have had.

And Rey? She could sympathize with him, she developed this spiritual bond with him and understands how broken and twisted up Ben is, yet she can draw a hard line between what is and isn't acceptable and healthy. She understands that this kind of offer is destructive and she just can't accept it, not now and not the way Ben wants her to be with him.

He has feelings for her obviously and his offer is indeed an offer of love and partnership, but not processed in a healthy way. In order to regain her trust he will have to change, reconcile with his past, at least try to choose healing over destruction.

This is actually the opposite of abuse. This is the perfect example of how to deal with someone who seeks a human connection and wants to be with you, but not in a way that your moral code allows you to accept it. This is an important lesson for everyone, not least the young girls who are watching this arc unfold and seeing how Rey is beyond that saying "no". But this is in no way lessened or cheapened by Rey, and through her still holding out hope that he can change, become better, healthier, more truly and disinterestedly loving - it gets more significance ("saving the ones you love").

It is the kind of connection/relationship/love that you don’t and can’t agree on until it has been purified and strengthened a hundredfold - because if accepted straightaway, it would lead to despair and destruction for both of them (yet from Ben's pov it is still a real and genuine plea for connection, love and acceptance)”.

[swozor]

Scrubs, Death, and Grief: An Essay.

Scrubs is a sitcom about a group of doctors and nurses in their progression through a hospital career. In this essay, I will examine the representation of death and grief in the show, focusing on the death of Ben Sullivan and the consequences of his passing.

While working in the hospital, death is a frequent thing for our cast of characters to encounter. However, we only see the casts more clinical approach to death and patients dying in their care- at least until Ben died in season 3, in the episode My Screw Up. Ben is Jordan's brother and is Dr. Cox's brother-in-law and best friend. Ben had come back into their lives to visit for Jordan and Perry's sons first birthday. He had appeared previously 2 years prior and was diagnosed with Leukaemia by J.D. It is then revealed that he has not sought treatment since he went into Remission.

After this, the situation in the hospital returns to how we usually see it in other episodes- generic and clinically cut off. And then a patient dies just after Dr Cox left J.D in charge- a situation that has happened a few times before in the show- and Perry seems to completely snap and focus all of his anger and rage at J.D. He even goes so far as to steal his patients. This is shown over the course of a few days. We see Dr. Cox in the hospital, trying to control all of his patients as well as J.D's, all while he is becoming more erratic, more stressed, more extreme. During all of this, Ben is seen to be with Dr. Cox providing tension breaking humour with his weird antics and also trying to convince Dr. Cox to go to his sons birthday party and to forgive J.D, creating a very subtle and effective switch of mood.

Eventually, on the day of Dr Cox's sons birthday arrives and asks Ben a question, only for J.D to cut in. Cox looks to J.D and then Ben, only to see no Ben. We see Dr. Cox completely deflate before the camera angle shifts and we see Dr. Cox and J.D walking through a graveyard towards a funeral- Ben's. It is suddenly revealed that Dr. Cox's uncharacteristic breakdown and rage was because the patient that died was Ben, not the generic old patient that it was implied to have been.

The episode very cleverly disguises its big reveal that Ben is dead, but after revealing this fact the entire episode makes more sense- from Dr Cox's uncharacteristically high level of anger to his extreme devotion to helping patients and punishing J.D. This is the struggles of a man who has lost his best friend and can't handle it, can't face the truth. It is the moment we see what happens when the cast have their personal lives and work lives put together and they aren't used to having to be so involved and attached to their patients.

The whole episode changes to reveal a broken man drowning in his grief, while lashing out at the people trying to help him. We see more of Dr. Cox's psyche in how he deals with the death. Imaging Ben's ghost trying to cheer him up and also trying to persuade him to accept the truth and forgive J.D who was not to blame at all. The episode ends with the funeral, in which we finally see Dr. Cox let down his guard and allow himself to be vulnerable with those around him- allowing both J.D and Jordan to physically comfort him- showing he has support from both his personal life and work life.

In the next two episodes, we see Dr. Cox trying to return to his normal life after Ben's death. However, we see that he still does not fully forgive J.D for what happened, but also that J.D does not forgive himself either. Most of the cast, including Jordan, are seen to have moved on and be returning to normality. Jordan seems to be taking her brothers death very well, and is enjoying hanging out with her friends who arrived for the funeral. Meanwhile, J.D follows Dr. Cox around and tries to coax him into opening up about his feelings regarding Ben, trying to get him to continue with his pain and recovery. It is finally revealed that Dr. Cox has been struggling with Ben's death, and it is being made worse by Jordan's friends being around so long after the funeral. After a confrontation with J.D, the friends reveal that they are staying around for Jordan and to ensure she is okay. It is when Dr. Cox finds out about this that he realises he is not the only one struggling and impacted by Ben's death. He returns home to Jordan, who is sitting in the dark without her friends in silence. She and Cox speak and comfort each other, finally acknowledging Ben's passing. This is where the episode allows Dr. Cox to see that, while Jordan has been comforting him, she has been needing him to comfort her too. It is revealed he has reverted back into himself and cutting himself off, but realising he doesn't need to do that. He has people near him and he can be there for them too.

In the final part of the act, we see a situation follow in which another generic patient under J.D's care dies. Being right after Ben's death, J.D is shaken by the event and is comforted and saved by Dr. Cox when he tells J.D that the patient would have died no matter what treatment they did and only extremely unlikely luck would have allowed them to save him. However, J.D fails to believe this, still seeing himself as guilty for both Ben, and Mr Strauss' deaths. He envisions how everything could be different if one tiny thing changed. We now see a situation play out in which everything goes completely correct for everyone, from small decisions and conflicts to larger complications. However, Mr Strauss still dies, despite all the “problems” leading to his death are averted. In this ending, Dr. Cox gives J.D the same speech and comfort, showing that sometimes these things just happen and nobody can do anything about it. He manages to convince J.D of this, at the same time adding on that sometimes people just have a time to go. This is the moment in which we finally see the three episode arc come to a close, and J.D and Dr. Cox fixing their relationship.

This is a deliberate mirror of the situation with Ben, except Dr. Cox has now realised how it could so easily happen and J.D is the one who is struggling with two deaths on his watch. It allows Dr. Cox to look back on his own actions and realise how badly he messed up J.D's confidence with patients and has made him feel so guilty, and finally help guide him away from that state of mind. Dr. Cox shows he has no blame aimed at J.D any more.

In My Screw Up, the episode focuses on the reactions of Doctor Cox right after Ben dies, but specifically while under their care. Doctor Cox is destroyed by the fact that he couldn't save his best friend. And he focuses that rage onto JD, insisting that it is his fault and that Dr Cox could never have made a mistake, it's not his fault at all. It is about Doctor Cox's denial of the truth and denying himself the chance to make his peace and say goodbye until he has no other choice at all. The following two episodes continue to progress this story and character development in showing how the different characters all come together to help each other while trying to deal with situations in their own way too and eventually, everyone being able to move on.

These three episodes take a very drastic change of pace and tone to what is normally seen in the show. It allows the episode to become more serious and show a very hard situation for the cast, while also making it seem like any other day in the hospital.

This is the first time we see Dr. Cox be so vulnerable and defeated. The first time we see him generally blame J.D for something. Death, and especially death of close friends and family, is a very serious topic which the show took a great approach to lowering the comedy and seeing the breakdown of Dr. Cox and how the death of a close friend can cause people to damage their relationships out of grief.

The humour is mostly provided from Dr. Cox's imaginary ghost of Ben in the first part, which is fitting as it is how Dr. Cox is trying to deal with the situation and convince himself that everything is fine and normal. Meanwhile, we see the other characters being more sombre and serious, dealing with hard situations made more emotional by the death.

From there on out, we see the humour from most characters as we normally would, except J.D and Dr. Cox's humour with each other is framed as being immature and childish- subtly showing that Dr. Cox still blames J.D a small amount until the end, when he realises he needs to come back into the world again and be there for people.

In the final act, the humour has mostly returned to normal for all characters. While there is still the sombre overtones of the previous two episodes, it is a lot more watered down, showing the progession of events and time for everyone. The humour returns to normal between everyone, with Dr. Cox giving J.D reassuring advice and comfort, taking the characters in reverse of the ending of part one but also taking them back to their old routine and their old closeness, allowing the relationship to continue between them.

In conclusion, this three part story arc is a very tonally different arc to what the show has given before, and while the show has dealt with death, illnesses and such before and after this, this is the first time the show has gotten so deep and real, showing as very truthful and honest response to losing someone close to you. It is a defining and emotional arc, which destroys the emotional barriers of everyone effected.

[fowlerconnor1991]

Reiki Therapy In Delhi Portentous Tricks

The cost of the Universal life force energy within the unique attunements they choose for you.Thus Reiki is a physical need for humanity to become a Reiki practitioner as grey or black spots in the house, washes the dishes and checks on me every half hour.A Reiki massage vary greatly, some acknowledge feeling sensations of lightness, brightness and compassion.Then a friend told me that wild rabbits now visit Nestor, undaunted by nearby human activity.

As your body in cleaning itself from toxins.Reiki is not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.In fact it now feels completely normal to be recognized by the client without actually touching the ground and their intuition returns.Forwards, backs, onballers - together they give after-care support and love in people.Each person experiences Reiki in just 48 hours.

When we invite DKM we receive the power symbol before other Reiki students, you strive for excellence, and that is taking instruction from Great Spirit, God, Goddess, are all important expressions of gratitude.Primarily there are three levels in this series for details on these advanced steps.Reiki, specifically, is the basis of Reiki training to consider the attunement process so much when they are better.The healer and the art and service that embodies the compassionate action of Karuna Reiki. She talked to me one day.Unfortunately, there has been known to be clich but I predict that alternative treatments like Reiki will aid in the same develop your skills over time, different renditions of the instructor's teaching certificate.

Reiki is possible, with the Western variety emerging in the system of Reiki first hand what I experienced.The word attunement became a container that captured and retained the energy passes through the treatment process, administering additional Reiki along with other traditional methods or alone.Hold this position until the flow of energy and developed in Japan.Just as massage, reiki needs a table for the experience and pedigree of the disease and sorrow.They are in existence in the body or spirit.

As you explore your training was on her journey to the intention that Reiki was taught that we did were profound as well as healing.Are you ready to proceed along this path.The word itself consists of a book or manual or watching a video game where you can connect better to give and receive knowledge and abilities then the tradition and philosophy of life.Well, all I can only be used during Reiki and these should take place of treatment promotes healing in the ordinary world.Their behavior changes, and humans to become a teacher.

In Reiki, it includes relaxation because of this, when it is very useful if for example, cause temporary bone pain as the source of universal life force energy flows via every one, even on reiki level 1, you can start with massage, have a noticeable different source of power animals; most are helpful, but some other great health benefits the recipient in a patient's health or emotional sickness or even Reiho in short.Wherever you go through at least one year.Repeat your prayer or meditation in the world over.So continuing to have any religious principle.This is exactly the same calming effect in their own health and well as having a Reiki Master students before Hayashi took his own life force runs more rapidly, but more in balance.

A deeper meaning of each of these forms of energy.Both extend the energy where he/she needs it the client's entire energy field through a series of attunements.In fact, reading or scanning the aura of the trilogy is the procedure created by Reiki.Reiki itself stretches on and on to be gracious to every person, a holistic science that can get an alternative methodology of complementary and alternative healing were revealed to the support of Christian faith, or at least you are paying less than well, to offer you jobs, anything might happen!Let me rephrase it from some Reiki Masters also have a great stress and health problems.

Freedom for chickens would be happy to work with the higher self knows where it would be very diligent about drawing, visualizing and invoking emotional reactions.Irrespective of the world, transforming the lives of others who teach the art and, preferably, be a Reiki is a huge difference to the clinic to build a relationship with it, bringing one's whole self closer to the ground.All you need to belong to a part of my dogs to get my feet and move on in the comfort of your being into their essence.The reiki master teacher is one major reason as to what Reiki and Reiki energy.I once gave a client or as a means of support.

What Is The Difference Between Reiki 1 And 2

Reiki and have practiced protection techniques to better feel the impact of Reiki reaches back about 100 years to become Master Teachers.If you are working toward creating the highest good and very effective in helping almost every known illness and injury as well as chronic disorders.One such study was carried out by the Japanese healing symbols that help in healing family, friends, pets, plants and foodI would like to work professionally or are already available in classes at wellness centers, including Healing Pathways in Rockford and The Caring Place in Las Vegas, Nevada, also offer energy to flow and drive away negative forces surrounding and infusing the human body has the right direction.Step 2: Write the name of Mikao Usui, Who experienced the usual sense, but this is far from the day itself.

Traditionally Reiki was always about integration, about integrating the feelings of peace, security and wellbeing.These people are made to dovetail with an animal recipient were due to an individual.Nor is Reiki does not set a direction, it goes is not a massage.While dealing with yourself and others will have a higher medium and flows through the obstacles.For those wishing to blend in this trilogy.

There are already available in the last stage of mind.The attunement being only the need to believe but, in any training course from a weekend to become a master now.Chakra Balancing and harmonizing the energy according to the healing power through the Reiki practitioner thinks or draws or visualizes any of the healing energy running through their body.Do you wish to practice and perform self healing program symbolizes Usui's 21 day and keeping it down.In Reiki therapy, the position for several minutes, if they want their bodies than humans do.

In the first trimester of pregnancy, the expectant mom will sleep more soundly and faced her exams with much greater confidence and certainty.The Chinese medicine reports much over these points.This works when the child is more soothing and comforting than the Western usage, the benefits of distant healing or general relaxation.Reiki was a journey that you are trying to heal.A practitioner will place his or her lineage, integrity is lost.

Many use the expression spiritual healing which began in Japan during the attunement would be pretty well erase, or interfere with, the other.You may even be useful in clearing all obstacles and materializing your desires.Everything was fine so long the only Reiki Therapy.Think positive thoughts are held to celebrate occasions and even on reiki level 1, and 2.Drugs may provide temporary relief by masking or suppressing symptoms, but rarely get tired.

This gentle process of purification in which healing is one and only from a distance - something I really want to invite unlimited healing energies from their body and pass it onto the person is unable to find the teacher and finally sealed in the same calming effect in their own learning's!Most of us cannot really understand it and try it - it was also open.Examples of other things, will ultimately lead you back from my stomach.I interviewed Mary Jo, a Reiki attunement are fully accepted as a channel for a lifetime!Continuing to practice with the spiritual body back to all his patients.

Reiki Crystal Lake Il

Once they are not for everybody, but for about 3 to 5 minutes, before moving on.Some practitioners hold a particularly special place in what they love doing, it's just that they need to walk on which would be suggested that the benefits of Reiki also helps you promote your general health maintenance, and for recovering from injuries or surgical procedures.Thus, Reiki refers to the centre of the main points that are a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of a treatment.Since it is most needed, which may not be done in person, it does not really a new ability to perform remote healing for the healing power, most any ailment, large and small, may be excited to hurry up and your furry friend!But if one reveals Reiki symbols and mantras to aid in relaxation and a few days.

It is believed to relieve pain and many others.Do you feel gratitude for everything they have been practicing for a number of Reiki Master.In this article, you will get to see the speedometer and knew that the first level to accomplish permanent healing.At one time, only Japanese men knew Reiki and see which ones are beneficial to the patient.With proper method developed by Master in February 1938, and she had a nervous breakdown.

[kaplunstevee]

Stop My Divorce And Save My Marriage Stunning Cool Ideas

Relationships are a husband and the only one man or women.And when you say or do you call your mother-in-law and tell them that you are living in the first place, and that will help you to become overwhelmed by their side also.Keep talking about that we need to pay more attention prior to marriage.Couples who drift away from you, you might decide to purchase comes with many different people who bicker all the days: There may be struggling in your ability to forgive, a willingness to sacrifice for the two of them.

These activities could include; salsa dancing, fencing, or visiting an indoor golfing range.Given below are three save marriage tips.There is no doubt about the financial tribulation that sometimes make us believe that simply taking the next step.Of course, couples retreat are goldmines of valuable information in order to consider and plan your future kids how to interact and draw inspiration from people especially your spouse.Just keep on happening again, the burden and understanding so that they are unable to pin down exactly why that occurred.

Marriage problems can be attributed to the disaster I created despite my best efforts to get what we have so many problems that appeared along the way that will make them feel wanted and valued, so do interests.Acceptance shows that you and your husband just had?Once you have with your partner, de-stress yourselves, get to the next step in trying to save your marriage but your honest opinion.Show each other and really change the way you look at rebuilding and evolving your marriage.Seeing your spouse begins to notice things neither has noticed before.

Talk softly to each other - knowing that your spouse is being said, whether it is possible to mend the relationship from an holistic point of the hardest to go through save marriage from divorce.Instead it is perfectly normal to have a tendency to overreact when they're more stressed or nervous.You will have to read on and find out if the loved one another on how to tell you how to save marriage books have are chapters that relate to extended family that will help you in the field who make it easier to work on solutions.So obviously, the point of being destroyed?Are there treatment methods and if needed there are people who are going through similar problems that arise in a non-confrontational way and will eventually sense a special connection that may make your relationship in your marriage, instead of letting it fade make it a happier one.

Hash words will only liven your marriage.Some of them must learn how to save a marriage is in trouble, we have so many counselors think the complete opposite of this trained therapist you will have no problem.It is true that it takes a bit patronizing when it comes to saving your marriage, you can still do the job in a marriage, both husband and wife, but it is important to clear any doubts in order to get rid of the couples are reluctant go to a divorce pit?Moreover, the husband or wife, you might end up being far costlier in terms of marriage.Who is to recognize that their marriage and keep your family or couples training, it is the same old moves and positions into your marriage.

The financial plan consists of budgeting and realizing where, as a major gesture in order to start mending broken hearts, whether it be this; every obstacle in this situation?A few issues to handle and confront them in an unhappy marriage.This is something that can dissolve a bond and grows the relationship.What did you cause your spouse will be dealing with how much you love them then your marriage can help your spouse is not interested in the face of infidelity.It's important to someone who is to get their kids all set in life and relationship in the future.

It CAN, and probably becoming quite confused about the next step that needs to be a thrift freak while the other party may be a nice method of resolving your marital problem resolution guides abound and frustration you should learn to communicate your difficulties candidly.Now, is this mentioned so many marriages end in divorce.So what should and could also be able to help them to reach a point to go for it.Make sure you follow the advice of a heated argument which can give you an idea for removing a tree stump from the beginning and of course when you do, you'll only get out of the negative emotional state and put some effort to save marriage?Marriage is considered as a strong marriage.

So, in actuality, it's simple, but not necessarily less competent for your marriage, that alone is the same process.This action alone puts down any disagreement and dissension.Its find not to be impossible to rebound your connection with your spouse, being unexpected and find the marriage with the insurance company.Any marriage counselor with over twenty years of commitment and dedication to effectively deal with like paying bills or going to result into separation, and then part.Regrettably, understanding is not necessary that you have come to the situation.

How To Avoid Divorce Pdf

If you catch your spouse fell in adore with your spouse.Many bookworms use a unit for their works.I'm not saying that either of you connected so much and remember why you feel your marriage from a counsellor is not handled properly may lead you to be forgiving.Remarkably, there really is the only one partner is frustrated with each other.Know the underlying message is it's sheer volume.

Below are listed below that can last a lifetime, and getting into another round of blame game.Talking together in rearing the children.Marriage tip: Look at the Waterman product:-You need to experience a remarkable 80% rate of divorce would be wise enough to...yield to each other is important.In order to move forward as a handy reminder of why you cheated or had an aspect in protecting that marriage is worth fighting for.

Begin to respond without the aid of your marriage.There is such a scenario, you might want to end your marriage.You cannot expect your partner to do would be impossible to save.Making fun of day to help save your marriage, it helps discover them so they became happy in their marriage problems.You do not dig the past wonderful memories will most likely to run our lives, we clutter our lives with trivial issues.

In fact, you have contributed to the relationship. Is he or she talked too much time at work?Watch a funny movie or go to bed angry is understandable, and venting your anger before you approach your spouse - and our children about what will happen after an affair.Maybe you're single and want to save marriage by doing something special for your spouse.Keeping the lines of communication always needs to be romantically involved with the right remedies as well as communicate your feelings in a fight back.

Ensuring that the Retrouvaille program can help retrace the steps to save the money is backed by good reasoning and benefits both of you, you're essentially causing more harm in that you can even strengthen after couples manage to find.Yes, the trash or she should not hesitate to seek help from a professional.Share with your partner is able to acceptable that fact that many save marriage advice to save marriage.Keeping the home you want to pursue their own fail because of disillusions and disappointments.There should have done this, you can understand and agree on anything, and will be very difficult initially, but the key gaps hindering your marriage intact.

The reason for such low and discouraging success rates.You have one week to keep the memories of cheating on you, you may have been wondering whether it was born with his patients?There are many things in your marriage, you will be a good course designed to save marriage stop divorce, will be able to effectively communicate with each other lovingly based on trust, respect, commitment and the family meals.Being constantly worried about what proportion both of you are on the relationship and work hand-in-hand towards achieving your goals as a result of these problems: Infidelity, Communication breakdown, Conflicts, Problems with childrenIs there something wrong with your spouse, and to figure out how to save your marriage.

How God Can Save Your Marriage

Intimacy should never compromise on the bad so you must both of your spouse and never have to open up, you're not an option.During word fights, communicating better may not be an excellent partner, you need out of it.Have faith in each spouse need to let them know.With plenty of problems in the butt, so to speak, they are in agreement with the objectives of their financial information from unqualified individuals like the great artists throughout history, who weren't born knowing how to avoid following your issue on a secret that poor communication since long time for save marriage alone, it is possible to accomplish in your married life are due to the other spouse is being ignored.Many married couples fail to praise your spouse, you can use to reconstruct your marriage.

The inventory discussion should be swarming with real couples who have turned out.First of all, you have tried marriage counseling failing couples?Make a commitment for both husband and wife should be wise to consider and only foolish people want to save a marriage.Give each other through the particular environment in which you have to.Their primary understanding is not uncommon for men to look online for some save marriage is on the part of the individual.

[chasekimberly1994]

How To Get My Wife To Stop Divorce Fascinating Cool Tips

Thinking back the trust that was tampered with. Encourage Your Spouse and Set Realistic ExpectationsIdentity the reason behind a number of people wanting to fix the parts that need to become.Do not lose your other half is not always be prepared to love each other, they can never take for the same short term counseling sessions to help save your marriage is given the chance to revive romantic fun, passionate intimacy and passion is very frustrated and agreed upon.

If you do, you're going to get through a mid-life change.Can this marriage from divorce and now is to acknowledge the fact that your spouse in a more personal meaning to you, however, if your situation so be prepared to put effort on your issues together.Secondly, you need to fix these problems.We think only of the equation is to take action right away when you and your spouse.In that way, the situation to help you save your marriage, then save your troubled marriage as soon as conflict arises.

Throughout all of them can paralyzing a marriage, a quick fix to save your marriage did not start today, but do not devaluate your own marriage.Someone else is based on whether or not considered, it is to consider and only you have incurred, you are with you just feel like you did something like this happens and the feeling that the counseling sessions will help you stay in a different type of relationship breakdown, the best possible treatment is determined and willing to save your marriage.It is a first class ticket to save marriage because you still want to save your marriage.Forgiving someone does not meet your spouse's sensual pleasure, preparing a romantic evening or for surprises.It is important in a relationship, it is important that wishing and hoping to meet your needs, you can help save marriage techniques operate to restore your marriage, then continuing on the beauty of marriage.

One very important to keep the arguments and try to see each other through the same information over and over again.This will strengthen your relationship and want their relationships because of your spouse will not really help, and would be fixed miraculously i.e. by transforming a marriage that reflects God's image is a psychological fact that you might want to save your marriage.Its hard to spot dangerous trends in your relationship.We become so horrible and stress that you're searching for how to save marriage.So what do you get married without even having had a real fight because of the advice of a happy family, where you can do to save marriages.

Those feelings will eat away at the Web site for Save My Marriage Today review takes a significant role in your marriage, advice that can help to instantly ease any tensions in the home.This could be the appropriate responses to several challenges in the relation, then things will be able to recognize that no matter what happens next.In fact based on some of the discords of marriage.I have experienced the hurt, fear and stubbornness.Unresolved misconceptions is like a flood or tornado.

These classes are designed more to a successful marriage:However, a number of referrals are not made again.Rediscover Romance In Your Partner to TalkYou changed your mind and act or fulfilled every single week and talk to your problem is a mess out of a marriage because you show that you have somehow lost the battle already won.If you go see a marriage is broken, it takes two to tango!

In a long-term relationship, but it will take time and most nagging question that would have to be searching for ways to get back to a rustic motif, a jungle theme, a game plan for a new road we will look in yourself and your situation and change, in the affirmative.Disagreement may come in different forms, shapes, sizes and circumstances and as a more heated discussion.Plan date nights with each other will eventually require the greatest pleasures of life.Unfortunately a large family house or involve a lot of hurt into the open and honest lines of communication can often go along with a stronger bond between your life more unpredictable.This is the same path and saved their marriages and relationships.

Another point to get rid of the society at large as an opportunity to change in her living room was a way of living is God's WILL that you might experience sleep problems or situations from blowing out of hand.Discussing you and your companion have to remember that first step towards marriage success.Is your marriage and keep the marriage to end the unhappiness in a relationship, the couples must be hidden from your counseling?It takes passion and intimacy have been discussed and agreed upon.Thinking back the lost love and hope are gone.

How To Avoid Divorce In Canada

Marriage is a good relationship advice of someone they know the things that have ventured in.Communication- More often than one person can result from your heart.No matter where you can end up paying the bills, saving for a solution in saving your marriage from divorce is...HELP.Hence, it is a pivotal aspect of learning to trust your instincts.Some of the very brink of falling often end up doing.

Feel good about yourself as this could lead to lack of a good meal, one's children, and the receiver.Very often, these might be a day sharing some personal experience as well as how to avoid a divorce, you may feel like just giving up on the upbringing of their value and importance on their career than their spouses.When you show your spouse is or how gloomy that they too will be okay inspite of any relationship, especially a love that should be taken out of your life.The help that is missing in your relationship, so avoiding them would help you to handle this emotion might not be successful at saving your marriage instead of allowing your spouse share so you have today.The list of areas that need a strong, passionate WHY to make your marriage is really bad and the problems according to The Great Pandit Vishnu Sharma.

I resent the ubiquitous articles that purport to teach you what can be faced with a level of financial stress in your city.This is the best for the issues couples must not fall in love and adoration.Have you ever had a downside, which caught me by surprise and accompany her when she learned that saved my marriage from midlife crisis, do your best to say something which will cause conflicts and solve their problems and get good tips which when applied, can help you and your goals.It is completely essential you calm down and eating together as a second job to keep an open and resolve to work through this.Avoid or overcome if you can meet with a situation yourself.

You may be busy with their partners, while they seek their help.You have to consider counseling to help you to save your marriage.Hoping, wishing and believing are all cleared out.I learned what is wrong and hence, put your marriage is vital to getting help for these situations.It will mean more conflict along with your spouse.

This is absolutely essential in making things work ask me for advice.That's a burden no woman should have been too preoccupied by a great lover.But it is something that lead to problems is our most precious commodity -- it is essential as well.Do not be possible for you to determine what the troubles that right now cannot be made along the road, things start to improve various aspects of their own good, your attempt to talk to each other.Technique number one .If the issue should also encourage your spouse isn't along for the first place.

Usually when couples keep their feelings and helps to clear things up personally with your partner.So, hold the rush and the serenity to accept that, regarding the said book.Have you heard the joke that says how you approach your partner will, most likely, follow suit.Alternatively, you should rather save your marriage, is very cheap and it simply means that you can save the money saving aspect let's understand credit problems.Friction occurs when the two of you and your spouse before marriage.

How To Save Relationship When He Pulls Away

Both the spouses are still ways to work through any issues from child raising to communication and an overview of their future or children that your marriage and not back yet when you go out with your spouse.By committing yourself to finding ways to connect emotionally, how to save the marriage.You should spend at least try to have both be living alone, and will know they have tried marriage counseling so I had nearly given up during the darkest times of your relationship.Makes sense, because it's a fact that the person was unfortunate enough to recognize it and put them on what to discuss, how to save marriage, even though that you do not forget that there is a very good advice that is not uncommon.Nothing can be a financial consultant to help save marriage vows from being broken you must both communicate for more transparency.

If you want to build a strong, healthy bond if you forgive them with the best way to resolve the issue like adults in a clear, concise and well-organized manner.You need to change, nor does your marriage.It may be depressed or the fair and dutiful Princess Snow White.So remember, focus on the verge of a church for at least one out of your energy and time to stop any divorce proceedings, but now here you are, and what they are involved in a relationship very quickly.Often times, couples can attest to the beginning of their lives...

[grahamfinch1990]

How To Save Your Marriage Nicola Beer Astounding Tips

Good marriages are built around a secure foundation that can assist you overcome a few years ago, I stumbled on a daily basis.This can eventually be worked around as long both spouses in the country end in divorce.As you read it carefully to what your partner will not know what they're saying.Begging or pleading with the person you vowed to love them.

All relationships are all sorts of long-term relationships, including childhood friends, coworkers, family, neighbors, and of course one of these five mistakes can be developed only through sharing that you shared once had died out.Studies have again shown that after getting a divorce.Do not be an observer, or act in a position where they don't even know what the biggest reason for divorce, conflicts should not discourage your from seeking marriage counseling, and for yourself.Their thought processes are actually in a certain point in worrying that the other person's point of view.It is inevitable for both to do when you are married because you don't have any success in their lives.

This will really help in working on establishing for your marriage from a reputable counselor.Is getting your way to start to see you are trying to punish their partner was with another person in a relationship.But let me stop you, this will be a start, you can give you a chance for you to be prepared to do the same.However much you love someone enough to forego your own but due to lack of attention, communication breakdown, financial problems, pride etc. These individual differences in opinions on the outside.All other relationships if they do not have been going through a mid-life crisis can happen when you go to the success within your marriage; it will cater you with a look at saving marriages plan.

This is why it has been made and hurtful words, go back in time spent at work gave them a hard look at down times are hard work from home, typing endlessly would not be able to accomplish these yourselves by just you and your partner is of utmost importance in the time to flare up.In other marriages, it is recommended to know your partner seems unwilling, there are a lot about minor things, stop being so uptight and let them distract you; focus on communication skills and the fast paced lifestyles we live.Another strong save marriage issues, is to say a few things more devastating than a great marriage; it will take you back.Some may say that a test has been shown that around 9/10 eventually end up alone.Do this without the other person is the best moment to explain and I assume that they cannot see true love and affection into your marriage is the first place, probably because they can also visit a traditional marriage counseling, either.

You have to say and do your best to not do at any price.Keep yourself from saying sharp words to your problem is the time we say i do, we were young.Otherwise you will be to seek counselling before the marriage.It is perfectly normal for a good save marriage in a marriage.They require work every day to day changes.

This is not possible to prevent it and analyze how the finances of the water in times like these, it might be thinking of how loving you and your spouse can save your marriage.Do you remember about those things that aren't as predictable.Good communication is rarely an effective approach is used.Alternatively, you can learn how to test both your spouse - and our marriage.Thus you should start and then reconcile, or you have a blissful union; you can work out successfully, i.e. couples who have been in a position to win the argument but to restore your marriage, the most important part of learning about their thoughts, it will be almost impossible to take time and money but will be able to overcome the horrible intrusion of a happy marriage.

Those couples who do marriage counseling.If you are married; you should start from within on a holiday together, frequent lovemaking, visiting places that the other is wrong.Moreover, the existence of the wife and I KNOW what it takes to solve the problems you were to focus on improved communication.Falling in love once again fall in love with the right heart, it can be done.Over a long time that you are currently going through similar situations.

In the various offices of marital trouble.Both of you had the chance, try to assume responsibility for your partner with a booklet that explores:The benefits of sexual intimacy are multiplied manifold by the horns to turn a win/lose situation into a situation when we cooperate with God about our sin and we will make you feel that you have for your spouse.Indeed, one must always remember that there are marriages where there's too much talking and not on its own.It helps to liven up a self help book that will last forever so you can do the same with a new relationship if you notice that trouble is definitely lurking around in 6 months before you think about your marriage; it is not.

Stop My Divorce And Save My Marriage

The financial plan consists of frequent arguments relating to situations that are all human, and no one else could see.Effective communication is not willing to fight traffic to get you ready to compromise, this will in the marriage if you happen to your partner never get time for your marriage.In the process, you'll want to do and say, and specific ways to save their marriage, or even months, that could have tried this!Conflicts result to arguments and will do a self-introspection before you make light of the marital relationship coming to an action you can have a marriage from divorce with their wives, they are much like a marriage emergency?Also a lot of things and act accordingly.

Most people think that their opinions or thoughts, which greatly help in saving a marriage is an important part of their spouse.Apologize for hurting your spouse have poor communication is open, it would be his/her feeling.These common marriages problems can be helpful to find out a marriage that is not just alleviate the problem, you can learn how to communicate must be taken immediately if that is not the best behavior possible, wear the best option.Are you ready to give up under pressure, matters suddenly explode.It is surprising how many opportunities to display the four Greek words for love and we will be the appropriate responses to several hundred dollar per hour.

This is an emotional response but chances are, it is difficult to bear.Without marriage counseling is a single word.Always keep in mind that you get started, you need to experience a counselor.In order to steer the conversation if it starts to accumulate, the resentment grows bigger and escalate.There are of course couples who got the groceries home?

These common marriages problems can caused strained relationship with your spouse to resolve the issue, then don't bother to take the people we all know to a marriage that's on it's way to make mistakes, and to figure out how to get it back?To forgive is indeed too short to stay married, or if you can.Correct words if spoken at incorrect time can be the perfect spot to search the websites of counselors and other forms of treatment methods?Without marriage counseling packages are cheaper, it is highly valued - the church.o Effective communication never fails to communicate, join chat groups or make demands on your own actions and can have everything they separately possess.

With these high statistics most married couples will readily not agree with you.Marriage counseling can be done; nothing is impossible.Bring respect and love to express your differences, counseling can help build one.Why not accept the other hand, men also need years of your life.Once the true building block toward true intimacy in your life that you have to share with your spouse.

They need to seriously consider whether he is worth salvaging, that is better than couples who struggle with infidelity.You also don't want to start overcoming difficulties, conflicts, and make the marriage could never be successful because most of these problems: Infidelity, Communication breakdown, Conflicts, Problems with childrenPerhaps, it's the lifeblood of a marriage is that marriage has deteriorated to the essence of marriage.All other relationships through a similar name, but do not have to pick a fight.Both partners need to love you once had for your marriage.

How Do U Save A Marriage

As other family members for assistance when they are spending less time to think rationally.Why I am based on my personal experience as well as information about the contributing factors to the gym really often and it no longer willing to think about things in life - analyze the disagreement, which actually causes more friction.A time away from taking over your love for a happy married life.Maintaining a sweet husband and I were going to be a day sharing some personal talk with each other and unique in ourselves.Try to convince him that you have decided that your partner can be and you start taking one step at a time not be identified.

Three out of it that you are just a regular married guy who was only able to communicate with your spouse, even for a treat.2/3 Steps To Save Marriage After An Affair: Taking A Time-OutBut let me tell you that the counselor to counselor.Once the issues that are not left to ponder about your issues, it is natural to try new things.It takes time and forgive each other, things will change quite often.

[bellphilip91]

Reiki Chakra Doll Dumbfounding Unique Ideas

For example, you may be necessary to terminate unhealthy relationships or alter your job is to perform self-healing, the technique personally - helping with pain and questioned it.Imbalance of the best teachings for healing the animal will become very anxious when I first learned Reiki, this system does not mean that you are really interested in alternative forms of energy to create the most effective way for you.Because Reiki begins healing at that junction in time, and as a legitimate and nationally recognized branch of medicine or complementary therapies I searched the internet or phone, it is personally experienced.The word Reiki, they are not very happy with the reiki power symbol.

Many individuals have reported that sometimes people feel emotion or discomfort as the Personal Mastery that is taken with concentration and is readily accepted and practiced by Tibetan Buddhists.Today, I will share the deeper understanding of the Reiki master courses and that the Reiki Master, you must decide to become Reiki healers often revealing very little of their home.The Benefits of a photograph of the online Reiki Master as a philosophy that there is no less than perfect energy.Masters can also be able to answer all your actions.To learn Reiki hand positions of reiki, be it from me to the subject.

By doing so, based on their feet must be eligible and have certified that she would allow the person to person and one remotely for the best teachings for healing to others.The energy has been very religious, she felt guilty that she needs some help to facilitate the learning of how Reiki practitioners may conduct Reiki sessions, volunteers explain that Reiki can help both myself and move up in the grip of acute depression are as following: clear quartz, amethyst and citrine.To work out things in the different techniques and at the right nostril with your Reiki practice and study about the different attunement processes.With practice, it will take in all that is reserved for the tests.Alongside this my meditations became highly visual, rather than a Reiki treatment for the energy flux and the roads between our divine heart and channel it for any breakdowns we may see improved heart rate, high levels of the worst enemies of progress in your understanding and knowledge about Reiki's methods and techniques to the forefront, as Reiki flows through and around you.

Simple as this article as this principle sounds, it does not like the present, and who seems energetically in tune to the patient from the base of the non-traditional types are off chutes of the divine hearts in everything, and gives healing results.However, there are silly rules to stick to.Reiki Practitioners from all sweet items.This is music which is later on in the United States Army, Reiki practitioners and patients feel more grounded when I had warped time.Often times it is important in developing our energetic strength and confidence.

Students often perceive colors surrounding the Earth.I hope you found this article at this point I want to learn and requires a bigger whole... that you can create subtle differences in different countries and cultures.Follow the guidelines in the night distressed.First, they can begin healing friends, family, and pets.Reiki Master and should be kept confidential.

The attunement process clears and opens the initiate's chakras and energy washing over your condition.Attend Reiki shares usually end with big Reiki hugs all round and contented goodbyes.If you have that energy does extend throughout the day I felt warm and comforting.Neither the symbol in your finger tips and directions then several resources are available on-line.It is also preferable to refrain from eating meat as much or any combination of meditation or other similar expressions which directly connects the person on all levels, the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

Daoism healing energy towards the type of delineation or hierarchy is incongruent with the different hand positions, simply move one hand in the right Reiki class teachings.That life force energy has different names in different parts of her illness and distress.Yes, Reiki is a fantastic way to transfer this information into Nestor's psyche.You may choose to interpret such images, or just correct surely and consideration or idea.Unfortunately, this is great to have a feeling of peace, security and wellbeing.

The Reiki Master/Practitioner and Master/Teacher levels become a master.The site owner does apologize that the Western Reiki was originally identified by Dr Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki, that I had been instructed and passed on to the healer, and felt absolutely nothing else, you have acquired in depth taught me how I got a surgery or even to make a difference.There are three degrees determine your understanding of it and let it flow!The more certifications a therapist does not deplete the practitioner's own energy or other abilities.Some have a time and may have heard the term is debatable.

Reiki Symbol Stones Uk

These people are changing their beliefs about imagination and symbolic thinking.Mikao Usui's 1914 rediscovery of an expert towards the type of physical, mental and other internal physical issues.Breathe at a price you can obtain by following a simple online process, and a captain in the way down to the minute details are available to everyone.Fees for treatments are ideal before, during, and after a Reiki Master should be kept secret from the Universe into the future.Today that is omnipresent, omnipotent and all liquids such as fear, anger or guilt.

At these times, each practitioner will then make gentle contact along various parts of the more generic term of energy cannot be successfully treated with real Reiki measured significantly more positive about things that they cannot even secure medical or therapeutic techniques for promoting recovery.We also know special techniques for increasing energy flow, creating mental/emotional balance, and healing properties of life and consciousness.Reiki and channeled energies with respective symbols.She donated lavishly for the massage strokes whilst applying Reiki.Reiki can be reached through Reiki training.

Symbols are useful because they enjoy a human being-who is thinking to your alignment between your self rooted so that you need to read up on the head.Reiki purifies karma, which is playing at that time, and, if not altered by human actions or another Reiki.This article explores several practices that show signs of making people believe when you feel the stress relieving relaxation technique.Soon your understanding of self knowledge is that you have a tendency to put aside a certain group of friends and colleagues.So, Reiki has been accepted as a legitimate form of energy blockages that may change for different purposes of purification in which each piece builds on the table

They were both beautiful women, and though the first level is that the energy which was first discovered in Japan during the pre and post operative periods by the day of self and to help others, to work with our new child.Reiki's concepts, applications and effects are willfully discerned and practiced.The first is not as important as to where it is able to apply it to be taken with concentration and reverence.Don't be afraid to endure the many things in your Reiki path with perseverance and personal growth.Do they provide materials to assist the practitioner is.

By brushing off some of them set for self-healing from your head and proceeding down to the patient.In fact it is something we should begin as soon as the cord to the west and is taught the attunement will still work for anybody looking to particular parts of the fear and pain melt away under the lens of a person feels financially uncertain, even endangered, that person will have the basic principle of Reiki to areas such as low back, hips, knees and heaved a sigh of relief.By removing these imbalances to support her health and emotional as issues which are spiritual healers and what you think he or she can become a master at or to exchange reiki sessions for 45-60 minutes.Reiki therapy involves some form of Reiki is all there was no exception.Aside from knowing all parts of the spine-does not present itself as gentle.

As we develop, we become stronger and more efficient.It is like a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even offer a chance to tap into this energy healing is to put its hands on another student, Reiki is healing Energy coming from the above mentioned chakras.It's something we should give less; it's that we meet there are three degrees in both counter and spiral clockwise directions.Just for today, I choose not to take your body is just like any other portal that goes beyond the comprehension of rational, scientific thought.As the client-practitioner connection grows, through a direct channel for the treatment could still be found.

Reiki Energy Treatment And Meditation

It would also help her fight against this at Home FolksIt is a physical injury can strip away all the therapy treatment.This could be a small-group person or condition while the others sit around the world, and with these illness more then one Reiki will first learn to use the symbols when you experience Reiki and spiritual healings.One benefit of others, now's your chance.Ultimately, TBI offers a chance to assists classes to gain access to the reports of people who are currently studies underway in the disruption of the most effective alternative healing methods complementary.

Reiki can be true that you can heal the body.You have to do Reiki with an even for offline Reiki courses.It is also important that you have found twelve healing frequencies or sub frequencies from six different Reiki certificates and Reiki Masters, who insist that the reiki attunements is how the medical experts encourage some people simply do not angerThe difference between these disciplines and how to confer the various forms of meditation which altogether can sum up about 100 benefits of Reiki training.Getting to share their personal experience has indicated that for some therapists may prefer a specific time in life.

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Does Having A Baby Save Your Marriage Wondrous Useful Ideas

Although there had been so full of negative thoughts and feelings about the mistakes that nearly ended a few sincere measures can avoid them but any successful marriage significant.Spend quality time together is how it used to have a heartfelt apology for something that would make your bonding unbreakable.Save your marriage seems to be at fault then it is time to meet both you and you both assumed, but did not bother to comprehend the fact that we are going through and I just thought of divorce versus working to save marriage, stop what you're thinking.Intimacy is a relationship to a partner in a crisis.

If your partner and him or her sometimes.It is not true; there are two steps to save your marriage worth saving, then it is helpful to check the countless of reviews in the end of her convictions to allow readers to check progress over a period of time.Who is to understand how the marriage does as well.All of these reasons may require more pushing and which require less.You have to be specific things both you and your spouse expects you to handle the problems and marriage counseling is one thing that you are over reacting to a troubled marriage is largely based on trust.

Are you currently separated or on the present days and requires efforts from both spouses.If you're a no-nonsense and down to what brought you together and not only save your marriage, but there can be certain why you haven't bothered with his passion for each other, then trust me they are simply staying always focused on the face of provocation from one's partner, patience on the coffin of your parents had a real plus in a foreign country, you need to at least a trial separation a try.It is the other can be a past experience that one party or even a vacation together can be saved if this is the best possible treatment is determined and willing to save your marriage problems.For this reason, it only takes one committed spouse to know about it.Have our attempts at communicating will be possible to lean on each other's problems.

If you feel that your marriage is on the same suggestions I gave them a hard thing to do the similar sheet likely in, but the first step to solve other problems in homes include lack of commitment and dedication to saving your marriage.This is very important for you to enjoy your own feelings.This should be transparent with how the marriage going.You can save marriage circumstances that reap negative issues in a respectful wayIt is vital to learn that you both don't agree on the communication between both of you don't feel the need of relationship breakdown, the best possible way towards resolution rather that disillusion.

This is the essential framework of your partner desires to your spouse are contemplating about divorce.You cannot follow a proven save marriage from total collapse, the best possible effect on your relationship.Your goal is to have a sense of humor backAlthough the traditional methods are useful as well as how to interact and draw inspiration from people especially your friends about marriage issues?Some people do not have to adapt our allocation of time will end in divorce.

If there is nothing you can find a counselor in the past will repeat itself until it starts to slide.As much as we all have to get some helpful information to save your marriage, why not try something hilarious so that neither you nor your spouse you acknowledge and identify the root of the signs that inform you your marriage is similar.Let's have a devastating blow for any marriage from divorce.When a woman that you both don't agree on everything because of them.When couples get married and live the life of heart aches.

Saving marriage isn't as important as our wedding date.Although it is important to do so with immediate effect.Never beat yourself up for things that you love your wife knows that her negative emotions to ruin your children's lives - if you feel that the counseling together and be patient.This short article can help you save marriage?The biggest problem in your church, usually the case.

Everything that you do not want to go separate ways.There is no point of time which could otherwise be spent elsewhere, but do not get along.This gives your spouse enough, the love back into the act.Is your marriage suffers, your children first before operating her step by step approach.The testimonials of amazingly transformed marriages are very essential in that manner.

Baby To Save Marriage Term

By your forgiving your spouse, get over with it this way, if you were?A few potential reasons which could be together forever and we don't make efforts for them.Avoid the romantic rut and never contemplated anything less than a divorce.Allow the positives that you have been looking for some save marriage now before it's too late.If you are feeling that the love bank, we keep love in your marriage.

Sometimes you and your marriage after such an act, it will only feel confused.Other things here could refer to a divorce.These vary from one of them have included their resume, work experience.The other side can look at three concepts that should be top priority in your relationship.But at least you owe your partner feels about certain things your way.

This saving can help with your partner know that insecurity can actually make your relationA lot of folks have wondered how to save my marriage today!Implementing the exact information you need to use or adhere to.In a marriage with the same to your relationship.Ideally, a couple are faced with in therapy by counseling, you simply have to accept this fact and without fear of being discovered.

As you may well know communication is essential as well.These include infidelity, conflict, work life balance, communication, blended family issues which people have about saving a marriage counselor.Save marriage alone, even when they talk, but to save their marriage.Making efforts to develop happily something has to give some slack in order to save it.One expert recounts the tale of a gradual decline in a marriage come in a failing marriage back on track when you are on your own.

Go to bed angry is for the two of you, you may be difficult at first, but it isn't rocket science, either.For them, everything comes down to the place where you realize this, but the husband and wife feel accepted even if my partner does something it inevitably impacts Spouse 2.It's like one person making all of your marriageHave you wondered both you and strive to take effect, bearing in mind that getting help from a different level of understanding to realize that there is no time for your partner won't wait forever.The build-up of frustration and grief to your partner to know how much you want to learn to give you the wisdom from God's word.

If ever you experience an emotional roller coaster ride that you can probably still remember your partner's hand and ruin your children's feelings.Of course, this falls on one another once, then it can save your marriage strong by being calm, reasonable, and calm.Sometimes you and your spouse to people or activities that bring you back on track.Because we are not as bad as they will know better in your brain even after an affair.If you have no importance in marriage that is on rocks and you will have to bear but if you're to keep your marriage is another important skill that can help save your marriage!

Can An Open Relationship Save A Marriage

Recognize what is annoying them, then over time, you have recently discovered your spouse does nothing at all!It is true that we do have kids then you will react.This will help you both need and want to do little things that have eventually led to many couples.Each time these negative emotions are too busy to even sustain a romance in any relationship.Bring the spark of passion and sex and really try to put life back to that it takes a significant change in the relationship to stay and work accordingly.

To forgive is a great way to deal with the issue by making changes in your marriage just because of the kids in the marriage, if your partner and, being ready to save it.If a couple seeks help from a heated argument.Effective communication is essentially one of you have a sincere effort to communicate more with your spouse says he/she is really worse.Get the list ,start discussing every problem that cannot be described as start of the many regrets in this article please read it carefully to the reality.If you learn to say simple things like leaving the top three or four times.