#i had my first date in a whole year
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Im abt ready to delete all dating apps forever š¤
#i had my first date in a whole year#the asshole waits till the last 45 min to tell me theyre polyam#tries to say it wont work out maybe so they can try and keep their options open#they then text me 2 days later saying their partner doesnt want them to date anyway#AFTER TAKING ME ON A WHOLE ASS DINNER DATE WHERE THEY PICKED ME UP#but if id still wanna be fwb#when i said politley i dont think we should see each other again they LIED and said they told me they were in a relationship#i went through the messages they fucking did not#now all i get are 19 y/o polyam kids who want a fuck buddy!!#my bio explicitly says monogamy only bc this shit keeps happening!#and weird women keep making unnerving comments abt my body and confidence???#how the fuck am i supposed to find the love of my life like this???#im gunna fuckin LOSE IT
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so much for 2ourdust
u.s. leg
magic 8 ball and piano medley songs sorted by date
color coded by album ā repeated songs in bold
tttyg ā futct ā ioh ā fad ā srar ā abap ā mania ā smfs
Feb 28 - Moda Center, Portland, OR, USA
Piano medley
- Young and Menace (First time live since 2018)
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- G.I.N.A.S.F.S. (Alias: HM)
Mar 1 - Climate Pledge Arena, Seattle, WA, USA
Piano medley
- Allie (Patrick Stump song, first time live since 2011)
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year (Alias: FLANNEL)
Mar 3 - Golden 1 Center, Sacramento, CA, USA
Piano medley
- Golden
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- 27 (Alias: RAINBOW PETS)
Mar 4 - Honda Center, Anaheim, CA, USA
Piano medley
- I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball songs
- 7 minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)
- Good Girls Go Bad (Cobra Starship cover) (with Cobra Starship)
Mar 7 - Dickies Arena, Fort Worth, TX, USA
Piano medley
- What a Catch, Donnie
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- The Kids Arenāt Alright (Alias: BARBIE)
Mar 8 - Moody Center, Austin, TX, USA
Piano/acoustic medley
- It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Think It Must Be Love (Live Debut)
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? (Alias: YIPPIE KAY YAY)
Mar 11 - Paycom Center, Oklahoma City, OK, USA
Piano medley
- Tempted (Squeeze cover)
- I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You)
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- Tiffany Blews (First time live since 2009) (Alias: ARLO GUTHRIE)
Mar 13 - Legacy Arena at the BJCC, Birmingham, AL, USA
Piano medley
- Just One Yesterday
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- Young Volcanoes (Alias: OLD ICEBERGS)
Mar 15 - Kia Center, Orlando, FL, USA
Piano medley
- Golden
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- FUCKING ALPHA DOG FUCK ME (Full live debut) (Alias: SHAQ)
Mar 16 - Vystar Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville, FL, USA
Piano medley
- Bad Side Of 25 (Patrick Stump song, first time live since 2011)
- 20 Dollar Nose Bleed (First time live since 2013)
Magic 8 Ball song
- I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) (First full live performance since 2014) (Alias: DING DONG)
Mar 19 - PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC, USA
Piano medley
- What a Time to Be Alive
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- Just One Yesterday (First full live performance since 2014) (Alias: QUESADILLA)
Mar 20 - CFG Bank Arena, Baltimore, MD, USA
Piano medley
- I Can't Wait (HepcatĀ cover)
- 20 Dollar Nose Bleed
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- Miss Missing You (Alias: CRABBY CAKES)
Mar 22 - Madison Square Garden, New York, NY, USA
Piano medley
- Spidey and His Amazing Friends (Patrick Stump song, live debut)
- What a Catch, Donnie
- Just One Yesterday (Full song, with Daisy Grenade)
Magic 8 Ball songs
- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Full live debut) (Alias: BAKED ZITI)
- Slow Down (The Academy Isā¦Ā cover) (with William Beckett) (Alias: GABAGOOL)
Mar 24 - MVP Arena, Albany, NY, USA
Piano medley
- The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)
- What a Time to Be Alive
Magic 8 Ball song
- I Am My Own Muse (Alias: FLOPPY BUNNIES)
Mar 26 - Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, MI, USA
Piano medley
- Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers) (Patrick StumpĀ song, first time live since 2011)
- Iāve Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers
Magic 8 Ball song
- FUCKING Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (First time live since 2018) (Alias: MOMS SPAGHETTI)
Mar 27 - PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
Piano medley
- Heart Transplant (PunchlineĀ cover)
- What a Catch, Donnie
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- The Music or the Misery (First time live since 2006) (Alias: DUQUESNE INCLINE)
Mar 29 - Value City Arena, Columbus, OH, USA
Piano medley
- What a Time to Be Alive
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- Fourth of July (First time live since 2017) (Alias: FIONA THE HIPPO)
Mar 30 - Rupp Arena at Central Bank Center, Lexington, KY, USA
Piano medley
- Iāve Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) (Alias: HARD HATS)
Mar 31 - Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, TN, USA
Piano medley
- You Never Even Called Me by My Name (David Allan CoeĀ cover)
- Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) (Patrick StumpĀ song)
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- Jet Pack Blues (First full live performance since 2018) (Alias: BOOT GOOFIN)
Apr 2 - Fiserv Forum, Milwaukee, WI, USA
Piano/acoustic medley
- Celestial Lights (Uncle Barnaby cover)
- What A Fool Believes (The Doobie BrothersĀ cover)
- Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) (Patrick StumpĀ song)
- What a Catch, Donnie
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball songs
- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Alias: HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE)
- Pavlove (Alias: LAVERN & SHIRLEY)
Apr 3 - Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, IA, USA
Piano/acoustic medley
- Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
- I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball song
- What a Time to Be Alive (Alias: GROOVE METAL)
Apr 5 - CHI Health Center Omaha, Omaha, NE, USA
Piano medley
- Bishops Knife Trick (Live Debut) (Patrick when i get your fucking ass)
- What a Catch, Donnie
- Golden
Magic 8 Ball song
- āFrom Now On, We Are Enemiesā (Alias: STEAK NIGHT)
Apr 6 - Target Center, Minneapolis, MN, USA
Piano medley
- Bleed (Animal Chin cover)
- 7-9 Legendary (Live Debut)
- Purple Rain (Prince cover)
- What a Catch, Donnie
Magic 8 Ball songs
- Honorable Mention (First time live since 2007) (Alias: HARAMBE)
- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Alias: GRANDMA)
- The Carpal Tunnel of Love (First time live since 2008) (Alias: CATDOG)
- Rat a Tat (with CARR) (Live Debut) (Alias: RUMPLESTITSKIN)
- The Kids Arenāt Alright (Alias: KROGER, CHAD KROGER)
- Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (Alias: WOOT WOOT)
#fall out boy#fob#so much for (2our) dust#so much (for) stardust#2ourdust#it's missing the aliases for anaheim but i will update if i ever find them#i can't believe the first time i posted this list i had the mania purple reserved but didn't use it and now it's in there FOUR WHOLE TIMES#i'm gonna miss this tour so much#i didn't put 'first time live since' for songs that were played in tourdust / last year but i'm sure you can get the dates on setlist.fm#or refer to the other two lists i made for tourdust which are under the 'fall out boy' tag on my blog not too far down#okay i'm done <3
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#āwell it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to peopleā#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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Yeah... I remember seeing the architectural design majors at my uni having this breakdown each semester...
#love in the air#lita#rain#scriptwriting was the only course within my major famous for making people openly cry#because the professor would eviscerate you with her feedback#not to be mean; but she would look at the feedback you'd already been given by your classmates over and over throughout the course#and if you still hadn't fixed issues she'd really stab into them and rip you apart#she liked me though- i followed the syllabus due dates and no one else did#meaning day 1 i already had a treatment ready by the first class#and even though she told me the syllabus schedule didn't need to be followed; i chose to follow it#because it kept me a week ahead or so#So when I finished each 200+ page draft of my script I was finishing it a week early#which let me focus on other exams in other classes and manage my workload more easily#the only time scriptwriting made me cry was when i spent 6 hours typing draft 6 of a 214 page feature and my computer crashed#erased the whole thing#i'd been typing up the script based on hand notes i'd written on my previous draft so it was easy to recreate#but redoing it took 8 hours since my hands were so tired#but that wasn't the classes fault; that was my fault#i did really well in the class; you just can't take feedback personally and a lot of writers really struggle with that#i've lost so many friends because they claim to be writers who take feedback seriously#and then it turns out they're little bitches about it and throw tantrums after begging me to give them feedback#so now I will not give a friend feedback on anything they write#for the record- the way i was trained is not to be cruel or mean#you literally just go through it like 'here is what I had issues with as a viewer and here are some ideas on how to easily fix that'#always offer a solution#and for every complaint you have to give a complementt#so i'm not out there like gordon ramsey ripping into people; it's very gentle and kind#except when i gave M her round 6 feedback on her script and she STILL insisted Mt Everest was 3 billion years old in her story#AT EVERY STAGE OF THIS SCRIPT I REMINDED YOU IT IS AROUND 30 MILLION YEARS OLD GET IT THROUGH YOUR-
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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for reasons that i just made up, catherine and willis todd are dana scully and fox mulder now
just look at them ahhh
#unfortunately the first time i saw catherine in the comics she was a redhead#and now she'll be a redhead in my head forever#i just think they would have a similar dynamic idk#especially when they first met#i like to think that catherine was this rebellious punk-goth girl that liked to piss off her controlling dad#and how does she do it?#by hanging out with the weird punk guy that sells weed at school#then she realizes willis is just a silly guy obsessed with cars and the color green and space#so they 100% would've been loser malewife and done-with-everyone's-bullshit girlboss#they would've been in a situationship for like three or four years that ended up badly and had them drift apart#don't worry they ran into each other when willis already had jason with him after the whole sheila thing#and decided to actually date this time around and got married eventually š#willis todd#catherine todd#jason todd#dc comics#rambles#i was just rewatching x files and I've also been thinking a lot about the todd family so
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think itās time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo ā¦ unwell. wasnāt out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time weād been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didnāt tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didnāt like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause sheād blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether sheās there or not#she said āyeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too šā she used that fucking emoji#and I havenāt spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isnāt fair she replied so casually to my text when I said āyouāve blocked meā#it isnāt fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I havenāt even written about my family issues (im#out and theyāre supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi š hope you are having a lovely day#donāt get in lesbian situationships!!!
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series iām gatekeeping from my family vs series iām āØokāØ with my family knowing iām into:
#āwhy do you gatekeep hw from your irls?ā well. the thing is. i just āØdonāt want toāØ#and. like. iāve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected Ī¼ās content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now iāve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldnāt helpā#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but iāll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account insteadā¦ maybe thatād keep my spending under controlā¦#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isnāt as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isnāt crying as hard as it couldāve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i couldāve bought with the amount iāve spent on hw and ll merch to dateā¦#at least a thousandā¦ i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into considerationā¦#ā¦this is probably why itās important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot iāve had to do this week so farā¦#i hope i wonāt have to work till 5am again over the next 2 daysā¦ that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. Itās not too bad home. Iām over dramatic. Itās not bad and it wonāt be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldnāt have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldnāt have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents arenāt in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. Iām sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didnāt go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents werenāt both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldnāt wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I donāt know if my scholarship would have held I donāt know if my financial aid would have held. I couldnāt have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I werenāt able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldnāt survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They arenāt going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents wonāt feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my fatherās gas eater truck. We couldnāt be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didnāt get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I donāt regret it. But a kid shouldnāt have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning āhomeā for the breaks. I donāt know what Iām going to do.#If I canāt work all of the breaks then I either wonāt be able to pay next semester#Or Iāll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Canāt buy gas. Canāt do anything. Canāt buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff Iām doing pulls through. But Iām willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldnāt that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldnāt you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But youāre leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You donāt want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of āthey had love in them all alongā moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole āI dont need a princeā arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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okay been thinking about this more but the first meeting w/ arlecchino, as I've mentioned before is literally when my harbinger's making herself breakfast in the kitchens & everything (like the first week she's at hq bc of signora -- maybe not the first day but that first week definitely). so she's not a harbinger at this point (and arle hasn't been one very long (the meeting might even be just a little after the tsaritsa grants her her title)
just imagining how that goes. like i'm not ready to meet any of the harbingers yet (signora's in charge of me meeting the others mostly) and it's early and i'm likely still disheveled somewhat - comfy clothes (if not pjs), slightly messy hair, all of that. and of course i get nervous when it's the first time i don't have the kitchens to myself at that time but i offer to make her more of the dish i'm making when she recognizes that it's a fontainian breakfast
i think there's something about her crush (however vague it is at this point) starting when I'm not looking put-together. like there'll be an official meeting with her later (like signora introduces us) where she sees me actually putting effort in, but her being attracted to that kind, imperfect state <3
#also this would mean it's two years of pining with the way i had things planned; hehe oops?#like the first kiss - i like that being when my s/i becomes a harbinger which she does at 20#but with arle... honestly two years of getting to know her and get past her walls and everything seems about right#she wouldn't rush (though maybe there's some light courting beforehand - like she gets permission from signora and buys me gifts)#(occasionally before the proper confession/getting together - maybe even dinner dates & trips bc that's normal for friends too hehe)#but no wonder she's so eager to kiss me when it comes time for that first kiss - she's waited that long <3#but also the pining makes more sense given that the whole thing with clervie is so recent in her mind#i doubt she'd be so eager to open up to another person so soon after that so it gradually taking place over 2 years#with her seeing how i treat the children of the house during that time - it makes a lot of sense#I burn brighter by your side šāļø#((this has been in my drafts for ages lol but posting since she's on my mind again <3))
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really amš
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FIRST COLLECTION ā 7 January 2020
"The album features a variety of tracks that highlights the musical attainments that SF9 has achieved and which will present a bright vision of the future. In particular, the members participated in all 10 songs, proving a wide range of musical growth. In addition to the sensuous performance that has become the trademark of SF9, they will open the prelude to the SF9 Golden Age with a luxurious and slick visual concept named āGOLDEN RATEDā that only SF9 can be awarded." Happy anniversary to SF9's first full album, which graced us with the much-deserved first win!
#sf9#sfnet#byfantasy#first collection#good guy#gifs#mine#tag ramble bc i didnt want to embarrass myself out in the open:#but like not to be dramatic this album means so much to me SDHFJSKFH#like first win aside im p sure this was the first comeback after I accepted sepgus as my ult#and it's the first comeback i had with my wonderful goodtasy besties!#i literally associate this era with the groupchat I love you girls SO MUCH#also the whole experience of the good guy mv dropping a day before the album release date omg i lost my mind#it's hands down my favorite title like maybe it's the emotional attachment but by GOD it is my favorite and I think it always will be#like it's been THREE YEARS i am not getting sick of this song any time soon#let's not forget the VOCALS on this album vocal line did what they had to do!! and more!!!#like when i didn't think i could fall in love with their voices more they keep surprising me#also. the suits.#ALSO. 200119..200209.... the way i have these dates engraved in my brain. in my HEART#okay i'm done hehe#if anyone wants to join me in yelling abt first collection....be my guest#tawa.log#might as well at this point since i yapped so much lmao
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it ššš#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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Canāt wait for my drivers license to arrive so I can be driving legally again for the first time in 1.5 years!
#for legal reasons this is a joke#SO THIS IS WHATS UP#as a youngin#a young adult one might say#I was starting to learn that some systems are bullshit when Iād previously been a pretty big rule-follower#my mom showing me how to navigate the healthcare system a bit/showing me how student loans legit have practices to confuse and fuck us over#also im really bad at getting things in on time (this is an important fact)#so when I see that my drivers license is abt to expire. Iām like āOup gotta get that done!ā then promptly forget abt it#next time I remember itās 3 months expired.#I check the date and realize that wait! in a year imma be turning 21 and just one yr after that Real IDās will become mandatory (im p sure)#so I decide to push off renewing my license! I think that the whole process will b annoying asf bc Iāve only dealt with the DMV in-person#and it SUCKED and took forever. Iām thinking that if I renew my drivers license right on/after my 21st birthday I can knock out two birds#with one stone: I can get it as a Real ID and I can get an updated picture thatās flipped sideways so getting age-checked is faster#little do i know: itās v much illegal to be driving around with an expired license!#I drive around for a year (over a year? I donāt remember when I first realized it was expired) j having fun#then one month b4 my 21st birthday I get into an abroad study thing and have to get my passport. which I realize is also expired. and#realize that to renew my passport I have to have a valid drivers license. At this point I also realize how fucked I could be if I get pulled#over with my expired license. so I check out the process for DL renewal and rejoice! itās online!#AND THANK FUCK I CHECKED THEN. bc if I had waited LITERALLY two more days I would not have been able to renew online and wouldāve had to go#in-person. and there were no in-person appointments until after my 21st. and I learned in this process abt the fines my state applies when u#renew a DL late and ALSO that u have to entirely retake the test/redo all the paperwork shit if itās expired for too long. I wouldāve had to#retake the test n everything if Iād gone past my bday. I was also in another state for college. idk how incoherent these ramblings are but#basically I wouldāve been Ultra Fucked. anyways! got that figured out#renewed the DL and had it sent to my home. then da house floods and crime goes up in the neighborhood and my DL ends up either being lost#Or tossed (with other flood-damaged things) or stolen.#I donāt realize this for 4 months bc I am silly. also in college out-of-state. also other reasons.#finally got around to calling DMV and telling them that my DL never arrivedā¦ 6 months after I renewed it!#and they were v sweet and are resending me my DL for free. so in the next few weeks I shall finally b driving legally again#!!!! the end#mypost
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found my ancient mp3 player recently. finally found a charger for it and plugged it in. and remembered i found a yt playlist of the whole httyd movie chopped up into like 20 videos and i downloaded the mp3s of all of them to listen to on the school bus. which is why i can effortlessly quote the whole first movie now
#i was. unhealthily obsessed with that whole franchise#oh my god i just remembered i used to write rise of the brave tangled dragons fanfic oh my god š#i didn't publish much but i had an irl friend also in the fandom and we shared a quotev account to publish stuff together#i still remember the full name she used online#we both used our main characters names online- Rosa and Sara#though i sometimes went by Jenny bc canonically Jenny was Sara's name before she changed it the second she wasn't on earth anymore#(<- EGG. EGG. EGG. EGG.)#(like legit the second she got isekaid she cut her hair super short and changed her name-)#also sara canonically had the ability to absorb others' souls when they died and then shapeshift into them majoras mask style#(<- EGG CARTON. EGG CARTON. EGG CARTON. EGG CA#sara was dating jack frost bc of fucking course she was. also she had fire magic#Rosa was with Hiccup#and then we had another fic with Kate and Billie who were sisters#years after me and the irl friend stopped talking and i reworked the characters into their own original stories#Billie ended up in a lesbian relationship with a girl named Raven#and they ended up finding Billie's long lost infant sister and raising her like their own kid almost#also i say i wrote RoTBTG fanfic but honestly. i did not care much for tangled back then#i included Rapunzel because i didn't want to seem petty like i was just cutting out the girl i didn't like#bc i did like her just not enough to write her#but she never like. Did Anything#if anything she was usually stuck talking about politics with Stoick and meridas parents and couldn't adventure much#such is the life of a royal i reasoned . so i do not have to have her there and be bored by her#usually i replaced her in the quartet with fucking Melody from little mermaid 2 bc i was unreasonably obsessed with that since childhood#i watched little mermaid 2 before the actual first film because we owned the vhs and i was SO obsessed with melody i LOVED her#i also wanted to become a mermaid and loved singing#so i just. found ways to shoehorn her in#i do not remember everything that i posted and everything that stayed in the vault#bc when me and that irl stopped talking we both deleted Everything in a fit of 14 year old rage and pettiness#I've long since deleted the quotev account- she actually kept using it for years and i let her cause i wasn't THAT petty#but it was under my email and since i noticed she seemed to have abandoned it and i needed to delete the email. it is now gone
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