#i get where people are coming from and this is just my personal vibe on the matter
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I have been feeling weird these days. Frankly, just not great. Pretty bad. I have been belittling myself, trying to hide and disappear. What has helped me? Going for a walk by myself. Listening to an audiobook and realizing there are things that I enjoy doing and that make the time pass. Belasting music through my earplugs while in the bathroom, and looking in the mirror as I start to move my body and dance. Write with myself; so pure and vulnerable. So understanding and loving towards myself. I felt like myself again. I reflected on a drawing, where I added a text. I realized that I was, or am, trapped. I try to disappear, trying to hide from everyone. Hoping to protect myself from dissapointing people and being too much. From them leaving, or realizing they no longer love me. Then I went on to mention how lonely it is here, isolating me and who I am, while there is someone out there who does love me for me. It then turned into wondering why I am here. And why these leaves, in which I tried to disappear, are so heavy. I realize that I am no longer wanting to hide. Rather, I am trapped. Trapped into my own hideaway. Where the leaves are no longer lovingly embracing me, they are cutting into my skin. Reflecting helped me realize it, and realize I want to get out. And I have the power to do so.
Frankly, I want to be like in the gif every single day. I also honestly know that I could. I can find casual magic in everything. I can be so passionate about life and everything it has to offer. That feels like the true me. The one who experiences it all, and is grateful for it. Sure, the other parts of me are also me. But I feel my best when I am I that mood. The mood from the gif. My boyfriend is out right now, volleyballing until the very early hours. His roommate is also not home. It is just me, and gash. I am excited. I have already listened to music and danced, but I also ate too much and feel very full right now. Either way.. it is scary to be so me. To be so vulnerable and truly myself in front of someone. I know I can do it. I acted this way during our vacation. Why is it so hard to just be myself? To trust someone enough to be my true self? It's a safe space, babygirl. Sure, sometimes it hurts in this place. But don't you dare pull back because of it. I mean, to be fair, how could anyone ever do anything but smile when they see someone living life like that? What do I expect? The worst that could happen is that someone finds it interesting how you can enjoy and aren't ashamed in public. BUTO BE FAIR EH? WHHHHHYY IS IT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF? I fucking LOVE people who enjoy like that. I wish I could be surrounded by them. So baby, if the people around you aren't like that, okay and??? Be like that for yourself. He doesn't show his emotions the way you do? Okay and??? Let him experience his emotions the way he wants to. He can honestly count himself blessed to be with a person who can enjoy life so fully. Please, love this part of yourself. Well, you already do. But do it without shame. Do it proudly. Embrace it, truly. You have been taking everything for granted. It's time to be grateful, and be so without any doubt. Please, enjoy life the way you were meant to. Learn to be yourself, the way you are yourself when you are alone. He might not vibe on the same level, but that doesn't mean you should dim your own light. Yoyoyo, please learn to be yourself. Your silly, cute, life-enjoying self. I love the way you are , babygirl. So will he. And if he doesn't, that's big time his loss. Though, I'm pretty sure he loves this part of you, too. I know you love this part of you, so show off that you love her. She is yours. Show your love off by letting her out, the way you'd want someone to love this part of you. She deserves to come out and enjoy life with you. Whoever else is around. She feels safe with you. Please let her feel safe around him, too. He'd embrace her the way she wants to be embraced. Just like on our vacation. That you can still come out during the daily life without any judgement, you know?
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my impression of the marauders as somebody who is extremely new to the fandom
this will probably make people mad. i am ready for that.
remus lupin -> he seems cool. his lore is fascinating. imagine being bitten by a werewolf and having your entire life ruined just because somebody has beef with your dad. that's some tea. i think his personality is cool, he seems very rough-and-tumble while also being quiet and plaintive, and i love how he has more street-smarts than book-smarts. the chocolate jokes are already getting old, though, i fear. besides aren't dogs allergic to chocolate?
sirius black -> this guy also seems cool. i like his natural swagger he's got going on. i hate how people are framing him as some "puppy dog" character when he's clearly got such a suave and effortless cool factor that clearly differentiates him from the others. i also think his lore is interesting. i love when the older sibling is the scapegoat, i feel like so often, the younger sibling is victimized in fandoms and i like the little reverse of expectations with that.
james potter -> THIS GUY IS MY FAVORITE HE IS LITERALLY ME. i think jegulus is stupid (to me, it just seems like a bunch of walking talking tropes, no real substance, and i hate how it frames james as some overly-masculinized knight-in-shining-armor archetype with no real personality of his own besides being regulus' savior), and i love how he defends lily from the others' teasing. i adore how his lore and personality set him up for such an interesting character development. it is so interesting to follow an uncorrupted child who has never known pain, to see him throw himself into harm's way because he feels like he has to. i also LOVE that he is a deer because i've always seen myself a deer-like sort of person. and oh did i mention that james is literally me? also his personality seems like such a nice mix of mr. popular and a fantastical, elvish presence.
peter pettigrew -> idk how to feel about him. he kinda pisses me off but i also feel like too many people are writing him off when he has the potential to be just as interesting a character as all the others. i kind of resent the idea that he was a "traitor" type from the start because the idea of him being a traitor is supposed to be a huge surprise that nobody saw coming. i love the idea of him being like a well-meaning jokester sort of person who sometimes goes too far, but just wants to be liked and wants to belong very badly.
regulus black -> okay so this is probably very unpopular but i think regulus is such an interesting antagonist. i don't want to redeem him. i don't want to ship him with any of the marauders. i think he best serves the universe as an antagonist role, somebody who holds so much bitterness and fear in his soul, to the point where he is destroying himself and everything around him to try and get what he wants - but the problem is that he does not know what he wants. i previously mentioned that i think the ship between him and james is dumb, and i stand by that. i think it would be cooler if regulus and james were sort of like enemies, though not overtly. regulus feels like james is taking away sirius and further corrupting him, destroying who sirius was. james feels like regulus is preventing sirius from growing and escaping his life of misery. but the thing is, they both love sirius. just in very complex ways. i love the idea of regulus being a tortured villain, his situation does not excuse his awful actions, but they explain them in a way that makes your heart ache for him, and then makes you feel like a weird asshole for feeling bad for him. that just seems so cool to me.
lily evans -> this is MY GIRLLL. i think she is so cool, so sweet and smart. the only thing with her that i find a bit annoying is that she's close with snape, who i find super annoying. but i love her attitude and her vibe. she's a strong woman without being one of those obnoxious "i'm a strong female character" archetypes. her strength lies in her actions, not her words. i also do think that her relationship with james is adorable and i hesitate to throw it away for the sake of gay ships, but i do think canon deviance with the marauders ships offers so much creative freedom, so james is not the only person i could potentially see her with. i think she could offer such an amazing platonic role in any story, and i hate the notion that the only storyline she offers is a romantic connection with james.
marlene mckinnon -> again, i am obsessed with her. i do not know much about her compared to the other characters, but what i do know about her, i love. i think she is so fun, and her personality is a great mix of strength and integrity. she sort of reminds me of a happier version of katniss from the hunger games. willing to fight for what she believes in, but she uses her power to support her values. i also feel like she and katniss have a similar dry humor that is so funny without even trying. i also love the idea that out of all the marauders, she is among the ones with the least emotional intelligence, in the sense that she isn't a "voice of reason" character like lily is. i hate when all of the woman characters are magically emotional geniuses.
severus snape -> i think he is incredibly annoying and i hate the narrative that he's just a poor baby who was bullied by the marauders. i just feel like he has such a victim complex about everything, and a lot of jealousy when it comes to his relationship with lily. i get that he did not have as much social power as the marauders, but if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. i don't view him as completely unsympathetic per se, but i much prefer to view him from an antagonistic lens. he just seems like such a whiner. like if you don't want people to make fun of you, then don't be an asshole to them? maybe i am being overly harsh, but as somebody who was bullied, i think it is ridiculous to frame snape's situation as bullying because he is literally such an instigator. the whole point of bullying is that it is unprompted. like come on he is NOT a little wet cat of a victim.
and the other characters, i do not know enough about to form a coherent opinion. i do know of dorcus, alice, preston, and emmaline, but not nearly enough. i would love some advice on who they are and what they contribute to the story!
also i have not read all of "all the young dudes", i made it to chapter nine and then got overwhelmed by all the names, so i got the quick cliffsnotes of the lore from my best friend. i don't care about spoilers, i would actually love them!
also please don't get mad about my opinions, this is all lighthearted and again, i don't know shit about this fandom so i am pulling most of this out of my ass.
#marauders#the marauders#marauders fandom#marauders era#remus lupin#james potter#regulus black#sirius black#peter pettigrew#lily evans#severus snape#marlene mckinnon
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Okay, so about Mel
I have a lot of Mel fans on my "following" list, so know I'm on a different place than most of them. I thought I would still sit down as a more casual Mel enjoyer and try to explain why I listed Mel as one of the better things in the last arc and genuinely read her as having one of the better arcs.
First let me say, I think I get some of the disappointment. There apparently was a lot of acrimony in fandom. And there sadly is often always a lot of bitching about being right. It's also one of those really annoying instincts for fannish people to value being right or getting character/ship payoff over quality. The kind of crappy shows or reasons I've seen people defend just because their ship was in it.
And I include myself within that. Two of my favorite ships, Timebomb and Zaundads got some stuff, and that has deeply clouded my perception of the season, even though my more neutral opinion is that season 2 was extremely spotty.
I get that from "I had to fight people in fandom" point of view, Act 3 sucked. I get that from a personal fan engagement point of view, it is always easier to stay excited and produce media if have a ship to hold on to rather than just being the fan of a singular character.
I'm kind of in a special situation, that I've always lowkey not liked Jayce and really only found him tolerable around Mel. I thought the beginning of Act 3 was still reasonably respectful to them. They protect each other, they do a couple fight with each other.
Yes it's weird that Jayce brings up now of all times to complain about the past, but for me that was pretty much wrapped by them fighting together against Viktor. Then we have this moment where Mel explains her situation to Jayce, we have Jayce complimenting her. Honestly, before the last minutes went full on "zomg, looping timeline gifts and zapping into space together", I thought the MelJay was a bit muted, but decent enough in a finale that was generally super busy and where tons of other characters didn't have too deep writing either. But again, I see where characters wound up, completely changed people's perception of how they get there (ie that Mel and Jayce actually had a decent relationship throughout most of the show and that in my opinion both Jayce and Viktor always and Cait and Vi recently had some really spotty writing).
Somethign that is more easy for me to bear, because, like I said, I never liked Jayce that much, so it's easier for me to not care.
Everybody's Arc Was Kind Of Shit And Mel Was One Of The Better Ones
This is my basic premise of season 2. If I think of season 2, if I think of the characters who to me had the better arcs I come up with for example Sevika and Ekko.
They had better arcs because they stayed roughly in characters, formed some new relationships, got some badass moments and ended up in interesting places in the end. However both their arcs BRUTALLY suffered by lack of airtime and often missing from episodes or even arcs like Ekko.
I think Jinx had one of the better arcs, because it was very emotional and poignant, was constantly present, but even if felt choppy and all over the place at times and people are mixed on where it ended up.
I guess Jayce counts as somebody with a really meaty arc with lots of airtime, emotion, ending up in a different place, getting hero moments, saving the day etc. But like I said, I dislike Jayce too much to really think about whether his story was actually good this season.
I count Mel as among the better arcs, because she got at least semi-constent airtime, she imo stayed generally in character, she got to be badass, she ends up in a very interesting situation and they tried to be emotionally poigant with her and Ambessa. (her killing Ambessa giving major Jinx and Silco vibes even if the context was completely different) The pain of Mel's storyline has always been that she was a bit isolated from other characters, so I was happy that she at least got a badass fight together with Caitlyn. [honestly, in retrospect it's noteworthy that Mel got that spot with Caitlyn rather than Caitlyn fighting side by side with either her love Vi or her nemesis Jinx]
Just getting a badass fight isn't the same as actually getting poignant moments and developing a relationship with new characters. So that was definitely missing. People are just prone to not care as much about Mel's relationship with Ambessa, LeBlanc or Kino because from the point of view of the audience those are side or new characters and the audience only cares if the show really puts a ton of work in like in the case of Isha.
Overall the gist of Mel's storyline to me is that it seemed to be very League dictated. It's the origin story of Mel as a badass fighter, it sets up her character premise.
TBSkyen, a well known content creator in the League of Legends space, "reacted" to Arcane and he got quite angry at the finale, exclaiming something along the lines of "I thought this was gonna be a closed story, that the characters would complete their stories. But these stories are not complete, this is a sequel tease".
And that's exactly why Mel's story feels unfinished. She feels like she's part of that sequel tease (together with Cait looking at those strange map, maybe hinting at an alive Jinx).
There's a chance that Mel will get a proper resolution. But to be honest. I can't promise that. Maybe she'll get a badass Noxus based either animated or live action sequel... but we might have to wait 5-10 years for it.
Maybe the "Ambessa" novel is actually 95% about her. Maybe she will get a badass intro trailer like Ambessa. But I'm not gonna lie, even if the next season of League will be heavily Noxus based and they make heavy use of Mel in it. I'm not gonna lie, League's story telling can be very, very spotty. And even when it is decent, not everybody is particularly into collecting their infomation from short stories, splash arts, music vids, in game voice lines.
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I'm not here for therapy...
*spoilers ahead..kinda*
It's going to be Camden Casey's character analysis from his three episode arc. This is part 2..
In the 6th episode of this season of Fire Country, Camden is already in Sharon's bad books what with pushing Bode to do something he isn't trained for. Calling the chicklets (or was it eaglets?) ugly (Camden, honey, sweetie, no! You are not supposed to) and eating her yogurt with her name on it (really Sharon? What are you? 12?) doesn't do him any more favours. Not that he cares because damn, he ain't here to please anyone and I quite like that about him. Guess that's where Sharon's judgement about Camden being a sociopath comes from.
Camden is obviously very sharp and quickly picks up on the vibes between Bode and Gabz. And I do get his point about Bode's family, friends and Gabz being a distraction because to some extent they really are. And I don't mean it in a bad way, but Casey is right. Part of Bode's confusion is because different people are expecting different things from him and in order to live up to each of those expectations he is holding back his true self.
Camden as a trainer/captain is a tough guy to please and his methods are definitely out there but I also get where he is coming from. One theme about his character that came across very strong was that he is willing to do anything to protect his crew from real danger, be it breaking protocol or leaving cute eaglets to die (empathy, honey! Also, Speaking of the said eaglets, why didn't the forest chick just move them beforehand? Maybe I don't know the protocol but seriously they could have just moved the nest or the birds). This leads to Casey and Vince Leone butting heads on the strategy. Leone gets the upper hand.
When the fire catches upto the nest, Camden orders to pull out his crew including Bode but Bode refuses to follow his order and goes on to save the birds (thank God!) while Casey storms off coming across heartless (I mean poor birds!). But again I do get why he is the way he is. Clearly losing his crew left a scar on him and that messes with the way he operates.
His strictly business, ruthless and cold nature is what makes his character so interesting to me because Camden, honey, who murdered your cat that you gotta be so heartless about the chicklets? Like I need to know Camden Casey's history, see who or what wired him that way because he clearly isn't that person at heart. The exchange between Leone and Casey at the end unfolds another piece of information: one of the 9 crew members that died was a Casey, his younger brother! Camden almost breaks at the mention of his brother but then gathers himself and walks away.
Camden Casey is clearly someone who suffered grave loss, blames himself for it and has not moved past it. He has built a wall around his heart that keeps people from getting closer or worse getting hurt. Yet, i noticed he blends in the background when he wants to, quiet, just observing his surroundings and the people in it. Which brings me to the last part of my analysis.. wtf was that last scene? Gabz, frustrated that Bode won't keep waiting for her, goes to Smokey's Tavern and gulps down a tequila shot and the camera pans from her to Camden across the bar!?! Like Fire Country wtf am I to make of that scene? It's suggesting two things: Drunk Gabz confronts Casey giving him shit for telling Bode to break up with her or Drunk Gabz and Casey have hate sex (god, I hope I'm wrong!!)
Closing this post on the few things of the episode i really liked:
Camden calling the eaglets straight up ugly 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I mean, he is not wrong.. hatchlings, often furless are not very cute looking. But ok, no, we don't shame anyone here, people, animal and birds alike
Camden eating Sharon's yogurt and then offering her the tub back 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love the disciplined way Camden holds his stance: hands behind the back. Gosh I find that incredibly hot. I have only seen Jake Crawford do it often on the show then anyone else
Camden training the cadets with the eggs. I'm sure he enjoyed the irony
i don't know if it's an Audrey or Leven thing but I love her tattoos!!
Audrey calling out Sharon's methods! Who is the sociopath now, Sharon, huh?
Everyone naming the pair of eaglets. Someone called them Thelma and Louise and then others followed with their own name. To my SPN girlies, tell me your mind ran straight to Sam and Dean!! (Fire Country, that was a missed opportunity)
bode cooking for Gabz (buddy, she doesn't deserve you)
Bode telling Gabz that a maybe is a no for him! Yes! Finally!
Camden getting emotional over his brother's death
That fucked up eye contact between Casey and Gabz!!!!!
#Camden Casey#Character analysis#Sharon Leone#Bode leone#Vince Leone#Gabriela Perez#Jake Crawford#Audrey james#Jared Padalecki#Jared girl#Fire country#Not without my birds
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It's good to know how to protect yourself, but I agree that a lot of people take it way too far. I think the best general rule is; Like the first person said, highly populated areas during the day are generally safest for the first few dates. Cafe, movie, restaurant, picnic at the park, whatever suits you. As long as there's cameras and people and it's not the middle of the night. Shoot someone a text about where you are if it makes you more comfortable but it's generally not necessary to be too stressed about it. NEVER go to a bar or a club with a guy/date without telling anyone. Yes, even if you're gay, mlm and wlw dates aren't always safe either. Tell people where you are and when you plan on coming home, don't take your eyes off your drink. Common sense. Never go to a house or secluded location unless you know the person REALLY really well. Shoot someone a text letting them know where you are beforehand. If you get a bad gut feeling to the point where you feel the need to use a million extra security measures, just listen to your feelings, make an excuse, say "sorry i have to go, thanks for your time", and politely leave. Don't try to push through it or make it work if you're getting a bad vibe. Just end the date early, don't bother with a million extra paranoid measures. You're better off just going home if you feel unsafe. If you think someone's following you home, drive around a block a few times to confirm they're actually following you, then drive towards a police station. Usually they'll back off.
You don't need a million self defense devices and gadgets. Learn some basic maneuvers, keep one or two REASONABLE self defense tools at most if necessary. You only really need any of this stuff if you're walking home alone at night a lot. You don't need a million alarms and locks in your house either, they're probably more dangerous than whatever threat you're trying to protect yourself from. Simple latches on your doors and windows will usually do just fine, especially if you're not in a high-crime area (most of the women posting their elaborate security systems online, nay, the only people that can AFFORD elaborate security are white people in a nice little middle class neighborhood with white picket fences. They have nothing to be scared of). You don't need 50 guns, you don't need a husband with you 24/7, most of you don't need 10 alarms or 100 different locks on your door and barricaded windows that'll be real inconvenient when you're in a housefire or a more realistic emergency. Let loose a little. enjoy your life. Go on a cute date without checking your phone 80 times. Live in the moment for a change. It's ok. A while ago I had to walk a mile in the dark after a long shift at work. I share transportation with someone and I live too far away to just walk home, but they had the car, and we worked in the same town so I thought I'd just walk over and ask for the keys instead of waiting around for the next few hours for them to get off their late night shift. The sun went down before I left, it was quiet, dark, and there were lots of run down houses. I passed by a few strangers on the way there. You wanna know what happened? Nothing. Well, my legs were tired and I got a few stickers stuck to my shoes. But other than that, nothing. Did I have the means to defend myself if I had to? Yeah. I keep a couple practical things on me just-in-case. But I've never needed them, and hopefully I never will.
You know the most dangerous thing I encountered on that walk? The lack of fucking sidewalks and crosswalks. Had to strategically dart across some very busy roads and watched a guy slam on his brakes past the white line because he was going to run a red light until he saw me step forward a bit. The danger was not the random guy or two I saw walking around, probably in a similar situation as me, and minding their business. If you want to make your city safer, advocate for better walkability or public transit, lmao.
i'm sorry the self-victimization of some women i see online is crazyyyyy, they're saying shit like "yeah being a woman is so crazy, if you go on a date you have to text his full name and picture to your friend, and also where you're meeting, and share your location throughout the date, and check in hourly" girl the only safety measure you need is meeting in a populated place. that man is NOT going to kidnap you from Popular Cafe on Well-Frequented Street in broad daylight at 2pm. i promise. do you go forest hiking as a first date or what the fuck.
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What VOCALOID/utaite song fits the sds characters?
This is basically me combining my two biggest interests haha, but yeah I've really thought about this.
Meliodas: Aun no Beats. So from what I've read and what I think the meaning of the lyrics is. It's a person who mourns the death of their lover, and not being able to be together anymore (we all know why this checks out) the line that stuck out to me was "we were going to be together forever" anyway I really like this song and I think it fits him.
Elizabeth: Yume to Hazakura. This is a really beautiful song and its very melancholy. It talks about distant memories and unforgettable words, tbh I think it just fits her vibe. For Meliodas I had like a reason I don't think I have for this one. But it fits her and it's a beautiful song.
Diane: Lonely Universe. It was HARD finding a song fitting her man. But I think this is cute and it's her feelings toward King. It's in my opinion about a person who loses someone (King making Diane forget about him) and waits for them to come back, like they are always looking for something. It also feels like the person waiting is quite alone which Diane was after she left the giants, she didn't have anyone since the humans found her scary.
Ban: Vita. I gotta give my man a depressing song bro. So I can't really find the "meaning" of the song so I'll just make my own conclusions. It says "I'm living as best as I can" and "dying as best as I can" and I feel like that resonates with Bans character, you can't tell me that man doesn't want to die when he deliberately went to prison to get tortured. It also says "it's getting worse and worse" which I feel like Ban felt when he said that everyone he likes ends up leaving him.
King: Lemon. Ya'll I cannot not give King the yaoi angst okay. So the song is about grieving for a loved one, someone who's already passed (Helbram hehe) it has lines which are very beautiful like "Even the pain from that day, I still loved it all with you" and "more than I knew I was in love with you" (if you can't tell I really like King x Helbram) overall the melody of the song fits him too and overall I really frickin love this song.
Gowther: Hitomodoki. This is a mafumafu song (one of my fav artists btw) and Hitomodoki means kinda like Pseudo-human which in of itself fits my boy here. As soon as I listened to this song I thought how much it fit Gowther and I could go on a super long rant, but instead I'm just gonna drop some lyrics on you cause you'll see what I mean. "Is this hole I had mistakenly opened within my heart" and "In this human form, without becoming a human" and "oh, my heart — I once wished that you would have stopped" like you get what I'm putting down??
Merlin: Rollin' Girl. I had so many songs for her, like bitter Choco decoration, bad apple, lost ones weeping etc. But I decided to go with the old classic depression song. Again from what I read and how I interpret it, it's about a girl who's very lonely and needs help but never accepts it from other people. Even though she's in pain she want to keep "rolling" each day at a time (continue to live) she always wants to be perfect/succeed. Lyrics: "it doesn't matter how It turns out, that's just a downward hill towards more mistakes" anyway I feel like this song really fits her. Also this song may or may not have been my most played song last year and Merlin may or may not be my favorite character hehe...
Escanor: The reason I wanted to die (Boku wa shinou to omottetanowa. So as you can see this is a depressing song once again (all these mfs be traumatized) and its a really beautiful song that really shows how Escanor feels in my opinion. It sings about reasons to want to die and it's about grief and despair but also hope. The lyrics "The reason I wanted to die is because I hadn't met you yet" and "I fell in love with this world a little more where people like you were born" feels a bit like his feelings toward Merlin which is cute.
This is honestly mostly for myself but if you enjoy reading all this thats great!!
#i really like doing these haha#i was thinking id do more happy songs next time since this turned depressing#nanatsu no taizai#seven deadly sins#nnt#sds#7ds#merlin nnt#gowther nnt#meliodas nnt#ban nnt#elizabeth nnt#diane nnt#escanor nnt#king nnt#rant#vocaloid
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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what makes minedai even sadder is that we never rlly see daigo try to build a bond with anyone else like he did with mine it rlly shows how badly it effected him like yeah he reached out to shinada in y5 but that’s rlly it and he probably would wanna leave him alone after that and not involve him in any yakuza stuff so i don’t think they would’ve hung out or anything like that afterwards. All he rlly had were saejima and majima but they were more like babysitters than anything, wish we saw more of their dynamic tho like we did with majima and daigo in dead souls since that was fun and we were lowkey robbed but in canon he’s just as lonely as he was before majimas promise to kiryu. And mine is the only person he really had a meaningful relationship with romantic or not they were still really close and we don’t see that again with daigo ever (from what i recall after y3) ok sorry for rambling LMFAO
even with shinada, he reached out to him more so out of 'duty' and trying to make up for the misfortune that befell him because of yakuza than wanting to rekindle any kind of friendship they might have had in high school (though it sounds more like they were just acquaintances if shinada needing a second to remember who daigo was is anything), so yah i doubt they really had any kind of bond afterwards
dead souls really was the only time after Y3 where we got to see daigo be more sociable with someone, but its as you say majima and saejima are more like retainers than close friends
#snap chats#you can tell i was into fire emblem when the first term that comes to my mind to call majima and saejima was 'retainers' omfg#but yeah ..... depressing ....#does make me wonder who daigo was on the phone with during the rggo story though. like clearly daigo has friends#apparently. we just never see or hear of them. tho ig it is implied those were his friends from the y2 era. as mine said flarkjla#REGARDLESS yeah after y3 daigo just feels depressing to watch#i think its just because he really has to do everything on his own now#but not even have a friend to just chill with at the end of the day- like the technical work is whatever. for the most part#THATS stressful obvi so to not have anyone to really be personable with thats probably the dire part. imo.#cause yk the world could suck but as long as you have that One Person to just relax with then its ok but with mine gone. 🧍♂️#probably doesnt help that like. during the 'flashback' segment of y3 where we get to see daigo sitting with kiryu and nakahara#we see him all cheery and bein a lil jokester and just. A Happy Dude#granted this is barely a year or two into being chairman so The Horrors Havent Set In relatively but still ... i miss his smile ..#every time i think of daigo post-mine i think of those like. tragedies or accounts of people where its like#'after X's friend/lover died they never found another again' like thats the vibe i always get#he really packed it up and never got close with anyone else again and it makes me want to throw up#y4 widow arc still good tho it makes me chortle
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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I'm gonna continue with the requests later, but I also felt the need to doodle my two PVs with a little bit of gender on the side
They're both still very much genderless, but because not every non-binary/agender person will have the same perception/feelings regarding their gender and won't have the same gender presentation, I decided to mess around with it a little
Hallow is genderfluidv(though after some consideration I realised agenderflux describes them more accurately, but oh well, these labels don't even exist in their story so who cares), they're non-binary but their alignment fluctuates between fem-leaning, masc-leaning, something in-between and neither. They're fine with any terms and pronouns but mostly go by they/them.
Luna is genderfae/transfem, their gender fluctuates between agender and fem-aligned non-binary. They mostly go by they/them and gender-neutral and feminine terms, they're fine with she/her and some neopronouns, but any masculine terms and pronouns are a big no-no for them. Currently, I'm considering making them an enby lesbian, but that might change in the future.
#spooky arts#hollow king au#I swear this is the longest I've ever spent considering what labels would describe a character. I myself have a weird relationship with#labels so I only ever think about what people would a character be into and how their gebder 'feels' like and never go into details#I spent like an hour looking for a term that could describe how I imagined Luna's gender LMAO#Hallow is mostly me projecting. Luna is 75% me wanting to explore a situation where the pure vessel comes out as trans after they're found#out that they're not hollow. And 25% spite for all the people who call them he/him#So you know how some enby lesbians describe their gender as like. The only connection to womanhood they feel is their attraction to women?#That's kind of the vibe I get from Luna. They're enby just very sliiightly titled towards womanhood#They're also a teen and in a scenario where all the different AU hollows interact they'd bond a lot with Hallow as the only other person#who went through the same confusing gender feelings as they are going through right now.#They're kind of like 'man I wish I was a girl sometimes so I could be called princess and wear dresses' 'you know you can just do that#right?' 'I CAN?'#Also even though they're fine with different pronouns I'm still just gonna be using they/them on my blog for them. Bc I know some people#are weird about Hollow's gender and refuse to acknowledge theyre enby or keep misgendering them 🙄 I don't wanna add to that#We give a little bit of gender fuckery to the vessels though. They deserve it.#But yeah I still wanna be clear. Their genders fluctuate in alignment but they're still very much agender/genderless. Please don't treat#them like binary people 😭
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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Arcane s2 spoilers
Powder in episode 7 is so unsettling to me. They neurotypicalized my girl. She’s in regular girl clothes and has a boyfriend and a stable job and is able to think rationally and also work towards her goals and reach her potential…she’s no longer #hashtag relatable. That whole arc had me like “put it back!!!!! I need that girl to be fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
#sillyposting#and shitposting#as soon as they started the Ekko and Powder love story I’m like come onnnn not my emotional support ‘I’m not like other girls’ girl#JOKINGGGGGG kind of#the narrative framing a Jinx free of any neurodivergence as the ideal self she should strive to achieve makes me cringe#like of course they should frame recovery as a good thing#but there idea of a recovered or ‘normal’ Jinx seems so far divorced from her character that she may have well been#*their#an entirely different character#I don’t know. it feels insidious somehow#I can’t explain the gut feeling well but it gives me vibes of autistic masking and the idea there’s a version of you that is palatable#and good and all you have to do is work endlessly to reach this impossible standard of normality that you will never reach#with the cards you were dealt#it’s just the VIBES I get man#that actually might be the entire point of that section (assuming the writers are competent) but I fear people will walk away from it#thinking omg she could have been so normal without the trauma! and not unpack anything else about it#jinx was right when she said there’s no world where she can be ‘good’ because there’s not!!! not in the uncompromising way society#wants her to be!!!!#the moral of the story is that if the narrative would have had her recover (which I wish it would have)#everyone around her would need to come to terms with the fact that she is traumatized and there is no world where she is not fundamentally#changed by that trauma#but she can still work on becoming a better person in spite of it#even if she can never become that idealized non-traumatized girl that she will never be#does this make ANY sense#I will say. At least Vi kinda tried I guess lol#but the Ekko thing I don’t know it just!!! hm.#something about it…
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I think I'm ready to say something about punish by Ethel cain.
I've only listened to preacher's daughter and I think Ethel Cain is a master producer and lyricist, with an incredible sense of detail and ambiance. I'm not really in the circle of cain or that familiar with the fanbase or the lore though, and she's not really centered on my social media algorithms except for incidentally as she's relevant to pop music and alt trans ppl, so that might be impacting the lack of discussion ive seen around punish. ok disclaimer aside
any of the discussion, comments, or reviews I've seen of punish praise it like, in a normal social media fan way, people love the song and listen to it 30 times a day and love the silent hill vibes and think it's an amazing song to play in the car and love the way the guitar sounds or feels and think it's abstract and praiseworthy. I literally cannot and will not be listening to this song other than that first listen, except for when I listen again when I go through the entire perverts project when it releases, bc it's literally like too good at everything it does and I find the song deeply and traumatically uncomfortable to listen to. as a lead single, punish does a great job of telling me what I should expect from perverts: cuttingly sharp and smart exposure of discomfiting themes told through the lyrics and then made into a 360° 3D synesthetically sensory experience through the production. and speaking of production, Hayden's ability to create mood, ambiance, and literally just "place" through the production is so masterful, I can't think of a better word except for diegetic like her ability to introduce and expose a world or a moment (or a memory?) through songcraft is literally masterful. it's the epitome of what "show don't tell" means, to me. when I listened, it felt like, even if she doesn't say child sexual grooming, and post trauma, and sexual assault survivor, her ability to evoke shame and punishment and helplessness turned into rebellion, and feeling trapped in a cage, and feeling like a captain of your own ship in a storm, and feeling like the broken thing inside of you isn't capable of being healed only survived. the clarity and intensity with which punish evoked this in me makes me like never want to listen to this song again. I'm really glad that there are people bumping this 7 minute track on loop during their morning commute but like I do start to think. are you people just stronger than me or
#like am i the only person who feels so strongly about how strongly this song made me feel#did it not feel that strong to other people. or are y'all just rocking w the strong feelings#anyway thats all i had to say i meant to write like a pithy paragraph but im getting over the fact that i treat this like a diary#my long thought i guess#more than anything tho punish FEELS like its just one window into the perverts world and it FEELS like a cliffhanger where i know the vibes#of what to expect from the project but i also know that there is much much more that will come that i will not expect#anyway ethel cain punish i look forward to seeing you again jan 8 🫡 unless i get brave enough to deeply interrogate my psyche before then#a:ethelcain#justalkin#minna's reviews#g:pop
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i had such a cool dream i want to remember so bad but it's already so distant im aa,, REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!
#it was like a world where we had to stay in this building and everything outside was a wreck and there were monsters out there#but the monsters were like . people who used to be with us#and they could jump and do all kinds of shit and also there was like this toxic spill area that healed them#which i only found out after i got sent out there#because . i was a part of this group in like a school setting and if you did something wrong or u messed up you wouldnt get this like.#thing which i cant remember but it was something only the guy in charge could give you which would make the monsters not care about you#it made u like immune to becoming one too i think#and everyday it was stressful and then i think some guy messed w me and i got removed from the class#and then sent out (along w another group)#but also theyd like try and break into the windows even of the apartment building#which also was very cool#the whole thing was like kinda faling apart but filled w stuff n decorated#u could tell they collected things#overall the vibe was just so fuckn MWAH#also there was a part where we had 2 fight the creatures and we hid in like an old home depot#and had to run and jump and shit on the big shelves but it was fuckn scary because those monsters were really good at jumping and climbing#like it was right behind u at all times#and all i had was a pipe#also for some reason the guy in charge was giancarlo esposito#no one else in the dream was an actual person ive never had just like. an actor be in my dream before HBJAHBJ#i think it's because ive been rewatching the boys again#but also there was a lady who ran out after her daughter who was with us and was like begging him to give her the thing that made u immune#i think it was also his daughter#and he was like no i cant#i cant do it unless she proves herself those are the rules they come before me#and then she got snatched away by the monsters#it sounds very boring when i write it out like this but i am just trying to remember HBJAHJB... it was so cool in actuality
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and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
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wait i just remembered. on friday we has a "awesome committee" staff meeting which is apparently just a meeting for staff to like. bring food. play games. and bond with each other? and this week we played two truths and a lie
mine were i have only broken one bone and it wasn't even my fault (lie), i'm the youngest of five children (true), and i dislocated my arm six times before the age of seven (also true)
so many people picked the youngest of five children as the lie. one person commented that they thought i might have four sibling but i don't give off youngest child energy or something
what does that mean
what. what energy do i give off. what birth order vibe do i have. i just remember this happened and it has been haunting me ever since
#personal#two truths and a lie#birth order#what does this mean.#my energy is 'adhd golden retriever who is too eager for their own good and also can't stay still for too long'#like even if i excluded my half siblings i'm still the youngest of three kids#i mean i think i give off a very confident vibe (false) because my fellow interns do seem to come to me with questions#i've always blamed the false competence vibe on my english accent though. americans just assume english = smart for some reason#which is super funny bc my family is from northern england#which is traditionally a very working class accent#not the smart posh southern one#also idk if i play two truths and a lie differently than other people but. i was prepared for cross examination.#no hesitation i was expecting people to ask questions. what bone? when? how did you break it?#but apparently that isn't how other people play this game#idk to me it's an improv game!! you have to convince people of all three!#also rip sorry to bill who worked in DCS for a time i promise i was not an abused child i was just clumsy as fuck with weak ass joints#he was like 'uhhh i hope that last one is the false one bc my work history means i get worried!!'#m8 the only time i actually remember dislocating my arm happened when my sister literally just. pushed me off the arm of the couch#i just landed wrong#we were watching tom and jerry and did the game kids do. where i sat on the arm of the chair. she pushed me off.#i sat back on the arm of the chair. she shoved me off. rinse and repeat until i dislocated my arm#sometimes you're a child and you just like being surprise shoved off of things onto the floor#some of the other times were just like. i tripped while holding my mum's hand. my mum did not let go of my hand.#and my arm joint decided to side with gravity i guess#actually the six times before the age of seven is a slight exaggeration. it was before the age of 5.#5 or 4#shoutout to the 'click clack moo' book i had that received the high honor of getting my from-the-doctor-panda-sticker attached to it#ALSO do people play two truths and a lie with their lie being like one (1) tiny detail in an otherwise true fact being the lie??#i just straight up lie. i just say something that has never once happened to me#if i say something you know to be MOSTLY true about me then the whole thing is probably true
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