#i genuinely dont feel like i can ever be seen by anyone as myself

[angelicstalker]

Its The fact that I'm still getting made fun of by high schoolers for me lmao

[nugatorysheep]

Sometimes I think about how, back when the roster was much bigger, me and my old friend group all picked out WTL characters that we thought the others were the most like, and almost universally people thought Druid was the most like me. That probably should've been my first clue that none of them knew a single thing about me, but hindsight is 20/20

I also often think about how, after several days of going through things that had happened to me over the last four or so years, I was told 'You seem like a person who wants to be understood', and it hit me that until then, I had never met someone who ever really got me. Now that I have, I could never settle for less.

[apopcornkernel]

one day later and now i wonder if i even like him That much or if it only hurt me bc he's the only safe choice i can ever have and if i can never have him i can never have the life i want

[pinkandlilacroses]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Angel - Paige bueckers

part 6

• summary {in which an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

• warnings {angst, it gets cute at the end tho}

averys pov

“avery why cant we tell them” azzi yells, this has been our third fight this week about this topic

“azzi you know why we cant” i say, sternly

“no i dont, thats why im asking”

“azzi, bellas in the other room. shut up” i say

“ok, fuck you” say says, walking out

azzis pov

azzi

- u home

paige

- pls dont come

- stay with avery please

azzi

- im coming

fuck paige has been weird lately, and she wont tell me

its definitely something with bella

i don’t know how bella doesn’t notice

paige is in love with her

“azzi what did i say” paige says, yelling, tears flooding her eyes and the neck of her shirt

“paige whats happening” i say, genuinely concerned for my best friend

she begins wailing. i’ve never seen her cry like this before

i quickly wall up and embrace her

“i fucked it” she says, barley getting her words out

“i want her and ill never be able to make her mine” she continues

“bella?” i question

“yes” she says, raising her voice

“im calling her”

“no, azzi, no, please don’t. please” she says, pleading, her voice growing louder

“paige, you need to talk to her. i’ve never seen you like this before” i say, authoritatively

“she hates me”

azzi is calling bella

“hey bella”

“hey”

“can you come over”

“yeah ill come now”

call ended

“paige this is a good thing, you guys need to talk”

bellas pov

i know this is about paige

id be lying if i said i was fine about this situation

i’m reality, i’ve been crying. everyday. at any given opportunity

i dont have any resentment towards paige, even though i definitely should. i mean, what she did was fucked

and she never explained herself, all she could say is “i cant do it” like what the fuck does that mean

knock, fuck i should leave

knock, i hate her

knock, no i dont

“hey bella” azzi says, bringing me into her embrace. i know azzi and avery are dating, but they cant tell anyone because avery cheated on jake with azzi, and she hates what she did. but she truly does love the girl, cute. i hate love

“paige is in her room”

walking towards paiges room, nerves surprisingly aren’t present. i felt calm, normal

“who is it” paige yells, across the door

“bella” i say, yelling back

paiges pov

“shit shit shit” i say to myself, i look awful. i didn’t think she would actually show up

i’ve been crying for what feels like years, and i finally can get everything off my chest. but i’m more terrified than ever before

she opens the door. fuck

“hey paige” she says softly, i cant bear to look at her. i dont want to see how she has effected me

“paige look at me” she says, sitting down next to me, leaning over. hand on my knee

i look at her

shock plastered on her face

she says nothing, bringing me close and wrapping her arms around me, protectively

“im so sorry” i say into her chest

“paige its ok, im not mad”

“yes you are, i fucked up” i say, tears beginning to form again

she moves so we are face to face, her laying on top of me

“you dont know how bad i want you bella, but i’m, i’m scared” i say, i’ve never been this vulnerable with a girl before. i feel weak

“paige its ok, theres no pressure” she says, reassuringly

“i know you dont feel the same, thats why ive been so down”

“how do you know, paige” she says, sternly. contrasting her previous tone

“it’s obvious” i say. is it?

“no its not, i want you the same amount that you want me” she says, staring intently into my tear filled eyes, that are forming once again

“really” i say, genuinely confused

“yes” she says, slightly laughing

this cant be real, how, what, when, where, why.

after everything i’ve done, she still likes me?

“paige, you there” she says, commenting on my spacing out

“are you sure” i say, coming back to reality

she responds by gently pressing her lips to my own

this kiss was different than any others i’ve experience, its sweet, loving. reflecting of how i feel about her, and i guess how she feels about me.

[millieewilliee]

So here’s more on the girl I was talking abt 😭

I genuinely didn’t think anyone would see it or like ever reply 😭

So one time after I met up with my boyfriend for one of the first times me and her went to town and went for a walk. We would do this nearly every day and we had a great time.

So first I just want to say I would never really get attention from boys at school or anything because I’m a very quiet person and I keep to my self , boys where I’m from don’t like that in a girl and prefers them to be loud and popular so I wouldn’t get like “noticed” ig this feels so cringey to say abt myself omg 😭 but I’ve never been to a teenage disco idk if they’re things outside Ireland and maybe England but basically in Ireland atleast where I’m from the whole point of going is to get with some one this is basically like shifting a load of people in one night and like you’d wear small tight dresses. I don’t look down on people who go like it’s just not for me yk?

But anyways she goes to all these and she gets with as many boys (or girls depends on her mood) as she can. I never said anything bad to her abt it cuz it’s not my business and if it made her happy that’s all that I cared abt. But I met up with her after I met up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend was my first like really boyfriend and my first kiss. So she asked me yk if I shifted him and I was like really excited and I was like yaa and then she goes omg I got with so many boys when we went out and I was like ooo did u know anyway and yk just asking her abt it and just being nice abt it and something came up abt first kisses and I said Jesus I’ve only kissed Brian (my boyfriend) and she turns to me dead serious and goes are u calling me a slut cuz I get with so many lads. I was like what are u talking abt 😭 I didn’t even imply that I was just saying I’ve only ever kissed one person and every one else has kissed at least 3 I wasn’t saying to look down on anyone I was only saying it cuz he’s my first kiss and I was like omg like I’ve only kissed one person in a Jesus that’s miserable kind of way not omg ew u kiss who u can kind of way 😭please tell me yk what I mean 😭

So when ever I would talk abt my boyfriend she would always get like jealous over it cuz like one time we were walking into school and she asked me abt him and then goes like how do YOU have a boyfriend and I don’t I was like what’s that supposed to mean like she hates the fact that I have a boyfriend cuz yk I was never seen that way by boys when she kind of has an attention problem with boys like she always has to have one of them looking at her and all her friends are the same. I dont mean to sound like a pick me or anything that’s not my intention but that was another reason we stopped being friends cuz like all her friends were big attention seekers like always had to have a boy looking at them and yk just really loud and annoying im not trying to be a bitch but it’s true sorry.

Again sorry this is long but if ye want like more I have more so if ur interested lmkkk

Thank youuu xxxx

[sonicexelle-junkary]

Dude, are you romanticizing awful people like Jeffrey Dahmer or Armin Meiwea by putting up this show? Y’know the families of the victims are still hurt over him to this day… or are you an edgy insensitive person?

Plus, isn’t making him ND and ftm is awfully disrespectful to people from both communities?! My best friend is ftm and he got broke down crying saying how he hates people putting trans people as villains when he saw this.

Not shitting on you or your AU cuz your art is great TBH, just really curious or worried if you’re a Jeffrey Dahmer sympathizer?

FUCK NO! THAT MAN CAN BURN IN THE CENTRE IF HELL FOR ALL I CARE!

Ahem, anyways. I should clarify a few things regarding myself, my aus and what I put into it.

TLDR; I am not justifying or romanticizing cannibalism or peices of shit people like Jeffery Dahmer. I am also not trying to vilanize the trans or Neurodivergent community. I am just having fun with my ideas and art. It is not my intention to cause harm to anyone. It is just me fucking around with ideas.

Sonic isn’t ND and Trans because he’s a cannibal. He’s ND and Trans because he’s ND and Trans!

I, myself, am trans, I am Agender (He/They) and am Neurodivergent, I was diagnosed at a young age. I don’t like to put myself out there because it’s not really anyone’s business to know who I am. I use my art and AU’s as a form of expression, to vent my feelings in bizarre ways. This is not saying that I do wish to cannibalize or kill people, because I DONT and I don’t wish I’ll will on people (who don’t deserve it) either. I am an avid horror and gore lover, and love to create stuff in that genre, though not all the time.

HungryHero.EXE is based on MY PERSONAL HEADCANNONS OF EACH CHARACTER AND SONICS WORLD. It is NOT MY INTENTION to vilanize or create harm to the trans or ND community, or any community in general. As I’ve said, I am part of the trans and ND community myself, and I personally believe that trans rep is needed, good or bad. TRANS PEOPLE WHO ARE ASSHOLES CAN EXIST IVE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES. Many other characters in HungryHero.EXE are also part of the LGBT or ND community as well, it’s not just sonic. Shadow himself is Agender and AroAce, even Tails is Autistic.

Sonic being the main character in HungryHero is just what I landed on, as I personally really like him, as well as he just happens to be the face of most Sonic.EXE AU’s. Him being trans and ND in the au was just because I just personally like the concept of him not being cis, as well as I see a lot of myself in him so I project myself onto him, it has NOTHING to do with vilanizing trans or ND people. I am also NOT ROMANTICIZING CANNIBALISM (intentionally). I know that it can be viewed in that way, but I PROMISE it’s not my intention to.

I think that absolutely disgusting people like Jeffery Dahmer should fucking get a punishment WORSE than hell. He has done the most DISGUSTING things I have EVER read a person could do and have not even a smidge of sympathy for others. People like that can die in a ditch and be burned alive for all I care.

If you are worried that HungryHero.EXE is my only au where I put my headcannons in, you’re wrong. I have TONES of AU’s that are not horror based and have Sonic characters being ND or LGBT, even if I haven’t explicitly said it yet. For example: my PIBTLW AU has him being openly gay and into shadow.

Please remember that this blog is just an piece of what I like. I don’t like to post really gruesome and gorey things on my main blog. This blog is not who I am as a whole, I am genuinely a very nice person, at least I try to be. If you still think that I am doing this to harm people, then I don’t know what else to say. You can block me if you like, but I’m not going to stop drawing things that I like to draw just to please people who think differently. I’m sorry, I won’t do that.

That’s all and have a good rest of your day.

[sweetblossoms]

saw your post abt rapunzel manipulating tim in their convo and god hard agree it Is concerning that so many ppl didn't see it. also crazy to me that ppl are mad at tim and defending rapunzel, saying that they would have taken the book too because tim was being rude etc. to me it seemed that both tim the character and ally the player Wanted to believe that rapunzel wasn't part of the plan and was good but just kind of strange, and both are successfully fooled. tim absolutely fumbles the interaction and ally could have played things better, but rapunzel was so clearly in charge of the conversation, leading him into saying worse and worse things and putting his foot in his mouth while tim was genuinely trying to be nice. tim is awkward and blunt and eccentric with Everyone, it's weird that ppl are saying he was being singularly rude to her or patronizing her or that he deserved to get the book taken. that interaction was clumsy as hell and so many words could have been chosen better but tim so clearly was trying so hard to fix his initial fuck up and be friendly w her in the same weird way he talks to everyone. I don't see how ppl came out of that scene on her side even if tim was a little rude and unfortunate w his word choice, and it's concerning to see ppl being like "ha take that stupid old man!!" abt the book being taken + in defense of a character we met an episode and a half ago and who we have been told outright is an expert at deceiving people. the princesses are so so interesting as characters and the morals going on are complex and that's a whole different conversation, but I feel like no matter whether you love rapunzel or not, ppl should be able to recognize that she was manipulating tim in that moment and taking advantage of his trusting disposition. not trying to start discourse in your ask box ofc!!! I've just seen No One Else express discomfort w rapunzel in that scene

anon this ask has been living in my head rent free since you sent it, i've been stewing over how to respond because y e s. for context, check out this post to save discourse on main (this is about to be a long one of fan critic analysis, get your popcorn and settle in if you wanna read, this is the longest post i've ever made), im gonna put my thoughts and response under a read more, sososo many spoilers under the cut read at your own risk

These were all in the replies and tags and I want to reply to all of them bc they're all worthy of being talked about bc i feel like the majority of the fandom is almost scared to critique?? So like let's talk about it since nobody else seems to be taking this approach from what I can tell (thank you to you anon for being on my side as well as the rest of you who are screaming with me) I will begin by saying that my original post is not critiquing ally the player, or any of the other players. i understand that they were in that dome, filming a session of dungeons and dragons, and improv acting and roleplaying for many hours on end with back to back episodes. i kind of get ally and the rest of the table maybe just wanting to "hope for the best", especially ally as they are quite a "hope for the good in others" type of person. it's frustrating from a viewer perspective sure, but i totally dont blame anyone ever for making a "wrong" or "non-optimal" choice while playing a ttrpg, they just have the misfortune of being filmed while doing so. i myself have made tons of bag fumbles while playing dnd, even when i thought everything through ten times over. so anything i have said or will say forward isn't to put any shouldering on to the people playing these silly storybook characters, like, i Get It

What i do want to critique is the fan response, which is the more worrying one!!! like i said in my original post, i was surprised by my d20 watch buddy having a similar response to ally. the total "oh, maybe she's just quirky bc of the self isolation, maybe she's autism rep" approach. my friend, love her to death, is also one of those "sees the best in others and hope everyone is always aiming to be their best selves" type of person, very similar to ally. i came online after that episode expecting everybody on the fanbase level to be screaming with me in a "i told you so!!" way

instead. i came online and saw people just on the attack and the defense in absolutely skewed ways!! out of NOWHERE, all these fans have come on to post about how "tim was patronizing her, and thats why she stole the book" "wow i would have hated being called girly and honey as well" "wow these conversations really didnt go their way why was tim so mean to her :(" or the opposite of "rapunzel is the evilest person to ever exist bc xyz these princesses are evil villains" or "we need to protect these princesses bc they just didnt know any better uwu"

i feel like, on a fan level, me and you anon (+all these lovely folks in the notes of that post) were the only ones screaming "hold on, that is literally not the same media i just watched"

i've seen before a lot of people be like "wow, media literacy is at an all time low" and i never really understood that until i saw the reactions after that episode. as a fan or viewer watching any media, we have the privilege of seeing more about the media than the people who are creating it. that's the best joy of being a viewer, we get to sit back and spot those foreshadowing moments and bite our nails in suspense when the music goes creepy and see the artwork and overall, we have the privilege of catching vibes that maybe those acting in it do not. this leads to those bonding moments of "i told you so" "wow im biting my nails and pacing" "oh they're gonna REGRET that". and, an "oh my god no no no do not hug her she wants to take your book god now she's feeling you up with her hair she's looking for the book ROLL INITIATIVE!!!!". it leads to glorious moments of ~dramatic irony~, a literary term for literally when something is happening in a story and the readers can catch it, but the protagonist probably didnt bc they're not seeing the full picture. While watching, from my perspective, yeah it was frustrating to watch the player bag fumble turn after turn, but it's a game of dnd, they film so many back to back, they don't get the same experience as us. however.

brennan did a great job at dropping the foreshadowing, to the point of not even so much subtly foreshadowing, he DIRECTLY TOLD THEM rapunzel was a liar and uses her words as knives. like someone pointed out, the players even PAID for that information, with the golden bridle. by the time they met these princesses, they probably knew the most about rapunzel's true nature over all the other princesses, that she uses her charisma to her advantage. the players made their choice to do the diplomatic route, to split up and chat. ally did the right thing for picking rapunzel with tim's 19 charisma stat, it would have been charisma against charisma, and an even playing field for someone they have been explicitly told is a master of words and deceit.

as fans, we've seen these episodes edited and put back to back. clues are lined up in a row. was it frustrating to see ally playing tim in a naïve way? sure. but tim's been pretty naïve this whole time, so you could stack it up to a character choice. what's more frustrating is seeing the responses of viewers being blindsided by the book thieving and chalking it all up to "evil vs good" and rapunzel's choice shaking them to their cores.

by this point in the story, by the time you get to that episode, rapunzel already gave enough bad vibes with the talk of her charismatic deceits and with her hair everywhere spying on them. maybe that last one wasn't explicitly stated, but it was heavily implied to the point of gerard writing the plans on a note instead of wanting them said out loud by elody, a scene that happened way before tim's. by the time we see rapunzel get to the kitchen, she is INSTANTLY catty. someone described her on the post as "eldritch regina george" and. yes. exactly. eldritch regina george. from our privileged spot as a viewer, rapunzel comes in, puts on the fake smile, puts on her fake tone, and says "what are you doing in here? :)". she was already ready to fight timothy. that first sentence was hostile. she was OFFENDED and checking on tim to make sure mother goose wasn't counter-spying. i honestly didnt think that would have to have been explicitly stated, she was in attack mode and plastered the fake smile for a show so that she had the upperhand in the conversation that was about to happen. this is something that fans should have at least caught on to right off the bat, we've been explicitly told that she is fake more than she is honest for the sake of being a "performative person"

the conversation happens, and she starts becoming more verbally hostile. "i dont know, what SHOULD we do hehe. it's ruined now :)" "no use in crying over spilt milk *pours milk with hair on the floor with a smile* oh no :)" "...or if it was on purpose :/ :)" "why dont you go get a mop :)" "i chose to be charming :)"

every sentence she replied with was carefully chosen. as viewers, we can watch brennan's face in full clarity of intimidation. we can have the knowledge that has been provided to not trust rapunzel as she is a charismatic spy who has words for knives. in my opinion, even without those clues before now, her show that she put on in the kitchen should have been enough as is to show that she is acting maliciously and with hostility. the smile is there as to not incite physical violence on tim's part bc then it would make TIM look like the bad guy if he attacked first. by the time she goes in for the hug. im sorry. but ally the player should have caught that, the whole table should have caught that, and-more importantly-the fans should have caught that. we all watched the same thing. we have all been told the same information. to purposefully ignore all of the red flags just to pull a "well tim was kind of mean and patronizing, and rapunzel doesnt have social skills from being locked in a tower, i forgive her, wow i didnt see that coming" is absolutely *batshit*

the lack of people catching on is what concerns me. i've met TONS of people growing up (sorry here, im all for women's wrongs, but mainly cis-girls tbh) who act like rapunzel does. from middle school and high school bullies/mean girls. mean girls at college. from parents or teachers or bosses. from normal adults in my life. they always have the same tone and inflections in the same places. the same faces with the wrinkled nose. the same sickly sweet smile. brennan played rapunzel, a known manipulator, perfectly. to a T. he embodied it fully. people JUST LIKE RAPUNZEL walk amongst us every day. i can guarantee you that even these fans that didnt catch it have met people like rapunzel in their own lives.

rapunzel is a character yes, but she is a character that mimics a masterclass manipulator. she IS the mean girl, the regina george. it leaked out of her every word, tone, and inflection. every single thing told about her and shown was, in no world, some "uwu the sweet bean was locked in a tower and doesnt have social skills". that was her origin, her start point. just like sleeping beauty locked in a castle, snow locked in her coffin. rapunzel directly says "i chose to be charming. :)." she had her origin of no social skills, her sad origin of being locked in isolation in her tower, and said "this is my greatest flaw, so i am going to dedicate my life to improving this skill bc it's what stopping me from achieving my goals." she trained her social skills to be good. too good. so good that she hopes nobody will catch her sweet charming self in the act of malicious intentions. this. was. directly. stated.

it worries me on a psychological level of the fans. yes it shows a lack of media literacy, something is frustrating on a fan-to-fan level. it shows a lack of ability of critical thinking. it shows a lack of ability to participate in dramatic irony, a necessary literary device to instill tension into a horror campaign. but also, and to what is probably my main point in this novel long hot take: it has real world implications. mean girls like rapunzel are a guarantee in life. i'm sorry, but it's true. maybe the person acts differently, maybe they aren't as obvious or more obvious. but these people walk amongst us. they use the same tone and same cadence to their words. these manipulators see what they want, and devise a way to convince the person into giving them what they want. rapunzel did not use the Charm Person spell, or the Friendship spell. She used. her words. like a normal human being. and by doing so, we as the fans were able to catch on and should have had a moment of "RUN GOOSE, RUN AWAY, NO DONT LET HER HUG YOU". but instead, a lot of people turn a blind eye to these manipulators in their lives. they pull a "aw but they have a tragic backstory, they're just confused and need love :/" "they cant be THAT bad..." they see a sweet little smile on the face and an upticked tone of voice, and go "well, they're playing nice, so now i have to play nice bc otherwise im the bad guy here" which!!! you do not!!

this is exactly how manipulators worm their ways in, this is what ALLOWS manipulation to work in its various forms. it's how people get trapped in abusive relationships. it's how people get scammed. on a personal end, i lived a narcissistic manipulator for a long time growing up, and it was exhausting. once you could put down the rose colored glasses and see right through the act, you notice how every inch of their mannerisms are performative. everything they say and do comes with the caveat of them wanting something from you and are trying to butter you up in the meantime. if you catch and call onto it, they IMMEDIATELY turn on you, they sneer and retreat to their next target who it will fool. the cycle continues, the next target is selected.

on a fan level, if we as fans cannot play into dramatic irony as a practice, if we cannot exit our seats of mind to catch on to those "eldritch regina george" quirks at the bud in a piece of fictional media where the puzzle has been handed on a silver platter, then there is a l o t more work to be done on 1) general media literacy 2) ANY fandom perception on media and 3) general awareness of how to spot and deal with manipulators in real life. if you can't catch on to it in a silly fictional ttrpg media, how do you expect to catch on to it in real life? how many of these same fans are trapped in manipulative relationships around them? how many more will they fall for bc of the "oh no but they have tragic backstory so it's forgiven uwu"? as fans, you cant sit there in the same breath saying that tim was condescending to rapunzel and then follow it up with not noticing what was ACTUALLY happening in real time. if you wanna say that rapunzel was ALLOWED to be a manipulator because of her origin, what other manipulators are you defending in your real life? how many of these manipulators continue their tricks BECAUSE they know naïve people exist and will fall for it? how many have been enabled in the same cycle bc it worked on one so it'll work on the next?

i wish i had a fun way to conclude this absolutely massive chunk of fandom critique gibberish, but i just dont. i wish i could find a more comprehensive way to scream about this, so take this post as me SCREAMING about this, anon my dm's are open if we wanna rant some more

[tubbytarchia]

I've been thinking about fWhip/Jimmy even though I've barely put in any effort to look for Whimmy content and just gotten notable videos/clips from other people, because I thought it probably had good cute material and I could redeem it for myself. And I'm so sorry to all fWhimmy shippers out there but my stance is basically the same as with (mostly traffic and some other SMPs, but not all) Flower Husbands. Which is to say it makes me feel pained for Jimmy lol. If you happen to be a fWhimmy shipper who's already put off then for the love of god you don't have to keep reading but anyway

Most of this is because of Legacy and Empires S2 but hh okay the whole deal about nobody taking Jimmy seriously on E2 ever, right, so when his deputy (fWhip) also fails him, and Jimmy in all his seriousness expresses his disappointment, and fWhip immediately kisses him in response upon Sausage's encouragement to do so????? And Jimmy lacks any good or defensive retort and then fWhip also starts shooting him as Jimmy's leaving because yeah sure why not!! I know to a lot of people this is probably funny and quirky but to me this is once again Jimmy's current feelings and seriousness being completely disregarded again like "omg shut up little cute guy and kiss me already" vibes (negative). Like I cannot begin to express how fucked this response is... Similar to when he made signs arguing against Jimmy's decision to fire him and it included stuff like "you're disrespecting yourself. You can do better babe" like jesus christ is Jimmy really nothing more to you. And another clip where Jimmy gives fWhip a kiss and fWhip INSTANTLY hits him with his hammer thing like why were you so quick to do that. And also why did you do that at all lol wow Im so sorry I think the more I look the worse it gets. Sorry fWhimmy shippers I dont think I can save myself from this hell

I'm sure they're way better than this in some other SMPs but as far as they go as a ship uhhh this is all I've gotten. Their appeal is that Jimmy tries to be serious but no one takes him as such including fWhip who just finds it adorable, and that Jimmy likes to be insulted by him...? This is what I've gathered and, obligatory: I'm not here to police anyone, I dont care, only expressing my personal thoughts from what I've seen because I'm genuinely intrigued about anything Jimmy related. In E2 fWhip just ends up feeding into the bit of making a fool of Jimmy and it hurts me the same as it has with all the other members driving this bit into the ground. Jimmy having trusted him and then having to fire him meanwhile fWhip is acting like... the way that he is, just makes it so much worse for me uwaa. And I obviously have seen very little of E2 but Jimmy is almost always so polite if not hesitant even when he tries to be scary and take revenge etc. (Eg when he was unfairly being doused in lava in Legacy, he STILL hesitated to stop that and as such made a very poor attempt to break out of his cage even when he was in totally full right to do so because that was bs. And his entire villain arc in E2). That and he always gives such love to any one of his partners, only for people like fWhip to be relentlessly mean and never return the sentiment to a point where it'd make for anything mutual... I think I need to see season 1 of Empires or something. There's got to be stuff there. There's got to be something. There's got to be some genuine mutually cute ship potential for this somewhere that isn't just them being buds. Although I think fWhimmy is too far gone for me. Pensive

[mybuttonfelloff]

The Amity Affliction released a redux of their 2014 album Let The Ocean Take Me and i cried listening to the whole thing. TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, gender dysphoria, and anxiety.

10 years ago i was 16, incredibly depressed, and suicidal. I was so sad and so numb all the time and felt so hopeless, like I would never love myself or ever be loved. I also didn't know i was nonbinary, and my gender dysphoria was at an all time high. Music was genuinely my escape and my refuge, and I felt so seen by that album. i still felt scared and sad, but i felt comfort knowing i wasnt alone, that i wasnt broken and my feelings werent mine alone. And part of me felt guilty for feeling comforted by that, but in a family that rarely spoke of mental health it was the most comforting thing.

Now, at 26, i am still struggling. Anxious, depressed, and struggling with 2 different sleep disorders. I am currently on FMLA from work because it's gotten so bad. But the difference between 16 year old me and 26 year old me is that i feel hopeful. Sometimes barely, but still hopeful. I have changed so much, and yet I still have my teenage self with me. I carry that scared and sad child with me, so they can see their future. So i can see my past. So we can grow together.

This album.... I feel the same about it that i feel about myself now vs then. Its different from the original, but it's grown up. Its still raw, its still full of emotion and hurt but its still here, still trying, still evolving. And Im still trying, still here, still growing. I still relate to so much of this album, feeling so lost and drowning and tired and angry, but im still here.

I dont know if this makes any sense. I dont know if anyone will read this. But if you related to anything that i said, either in the past or the present, please know that i am so proud of you. No matter how you got yourself here today, im proud that you're still here. And i hope one day you can look back on all versions of yourself with fondness, to see those selves as someone who wanted to fight, and fought hard, to stay.

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

[transfemlogan]

You are so right about that post you made about sanders sides, the show has lost so much enjoyability and this fandom is so fucking annoying when people voice their criticisms. Being a fan of tss is so miserable

it sure is. why are we still here. theres nothing here 4 us. we are complaining abt the series & fans & were still... here. why are you still here, anon. why are we both still here.

can u guys tell i have been thinking about leaving this fandom for a 2nd time

i know that sounds like a . happy fun time but really i mainly feel pushed out. im blocked by a majority of fans, both here and instagram apparently (and twitter b4 i left), which makes it hard to interact w/ content (not that i am like... WAHH WAHH UNBLOCK ME RIGHT NOW!!!) but. i dont even want to interact w/ content. none of it intrigues me.

i left the 1st time bcuz i had 2 watch my black mutuals get called the n word & have white fans argue w/ me in my inbox.

and now im still seeing that racism. i had my mutual & close friend, chance sankiisides, get a callout post & be pushed out of the fandom because of racist ass fans who dont know shit.

this fandom not only is the most annoying and aggrivating fandom ever, you guys refuse to make anyone who isnt a white queer feel safe.

im still here because, despite all its issues, i adore sanders sides. i still am thinking abt this series constantly. i am still analysing it. despite its newer, terrible writing & mischaracterisation of the characters, i am still watching. despite thomas being the most annoying creator ive ever had 2 witness, i still watch his content. because i still like him and what he makes. because i cant ignore how genuinely happy i get when i watcb his videos. i hate this fucking fandom but i am still here because when i see fans make dumbass theories & new fans come up w/ the same analyses we had as older fans, i am Happy. i think its genuinely such a beautiful thing 2 c how ppl analyse this series.

but like. why am i still Here. why do i have this blog.

i am being attacked for being a ""violent"" person by yt remus fans, while i watch my white mutuals and friends say the same things i do. i am watching my mutuals & friends be friends with the ppl who have said these things about me. i cant interact w/ half of this fandoms content. i am still seeing rampant racism and transphobia and queerphobia within this fandom. i have so many "popular" mutuals & friends who agree w/ my takes & opinions but dont express it because they feel like they cant.

obviously a lot of this is bcuz i have been super mentally ill & suicidal for the past (checks watch) 5 months. which is not a fandom thing, its an irl thing. i moved out of my parents house secretly 2 get away from the abuse i was experiencing. i have to share a room & (help) take care of a child every other week. i go to work as a cashier, a job i did not want but was moved 2, every week & i still dont have fucking money. i am so overwhelmed & stressed out of my goddamn mind.

and i cant even come on here 2 analyse abt sasi, something i love 2 do, w/o being told i am too violent. that i should just leave the fandom bcuz no1 wants me here. & whatever else fuck nonsense i have heard & seen abt myself. obviously people can disagree w/ me but like that is the point of me being here. this isnt a safe place, bcuz you guys do not make it a safe place & i dont think you guys ever Will make it a safe place. bcuz you are all yt queers.

sorry 4 the rlly long ramble i woke up at like 3 am. ill delete this later

[cyberr-v0id]

Im so tired, I genuinely can’t be dealing with this hell again.

So I wrote another poem to deal with my feelings! That’s a lie, I spontaneously decided to write one whilst making this post. Deal with it, I’m a literature nerd you freaks.

Another day I am forced to wake

To rip myself from the land of dreams

And walk this one of torment

To sweeten my day

I turn to my phone, the rectangular box

Of hells and horrors

And I send you a message

‘You’ could be anyone

Anyone to me

But against my better judgment

I have allowed you to become a ‘someone’

I greet you in my usual gruff manner

‘Morning’

And I hope that you understand that I am not mad at you

But I am mad at this cruel existence

Full of vile people and iron pain

I dont know why I worry.

I say this every morning

And it is yet to scare you off

It is far more frightening

And to myself too

When I start the day

With a cheery tone and sickening smile

A choking honey message

Of ‘good morning :)’

Or ‘GOOD MORNING’

Nay- the most cheer you will get from me

Is a brash and bawdy

´MORNIN FREAKS AND AINT IT A TRULY WONDERFUL DAY’

Lathered in sarcasm

But anyways

I message you

In my usual manner

I do not deviate

And I wait for your reply

It never comes.

Not before I have to march

Into the enclosed tin hall

But no matter

You don’t need to be in today

And are likely still sleeping

In that sweet land of dreams

I am early to rise these days

It is not unusual to wait hours

Before hearing from you

While I am trapped in that tin can

I fantasise of you

Before I blink

And am brought heavily back

To where I really am.

I open my phone to our messages

As soon as I am let out

My heart

DROPS.

You have seen it

And you have not replied.

I leave it be

And wait till I am home

Before I ask, at almost lunch

How your day is going?

I foolishly dare to be hopeful

A bit later

An hour or two

You reply

You do not ask me

How my day is going

What I am doing

Or how the exam

Which you know I was dreading

For I do not have a way with numbers

(Though you always attempt to convince me that I do and I am not bad and that ‘no one is bad at maths there’s just bad teachers. Now I say it here, you have no tact, too caught up in your own greatness and teeny tiny failures to even imagine that someone might be bad. But that is cruel and I know it’s not true. You’re good. You’re better than the others. That’s why I chose to trust you. Remember? Remember, o heart?)

Time skip to this evening

Just after tea

And we have spared almost no words

Though I have replied to all of yours in my usual manner

(Still you do not ask about me.)

And I crack

And I spill genuine words

Not about you

And the hurt that you cause

But about a situation that we both can see

Just expressing my frustration

Left.

On.

Read.

Until later I feel the need to clarify something

You’ll never guess

On read again!

Till hours later

You reply

A corporate email sounding response

I almost say that too you

But then you’ll just apologise

And then I’ll feel guilty

For your faults

Suddenly, you appear

The tiny words

´Online’

Atop our messages

Just below your name

I stare at you

You stare at me

Through the screen

Three seconds

Then you leave

I laugh, quietly and dryly to myself

So predictable

This time, I leave you on read

It’s the first time I’ve ever done it deliberately

Yet we both know

That I will not leave it as long as you

And I will be back

To bark my goodbyes of the night

A loyal hound

Despite the beatings

Of the hand that feeds

- Left On Read // Hound that feeds

Another poem by me

[stellawolfearts]

MK looking at his dad's and brother with a sort of gloomy expression. Naturally they ask what's wrong and his response is

"Its just ....none of you really know how to take care of yourselves mentally..which leads you to not take care of yourselves physically...

You are always telling me to be open and ask for help if I need it, to not be hard on myself. To take care of myself and take a rest when I need it.

You give me all this advice but I never see any of you really taking it.....and it really scares me ya know.... because I know eventually it's gonna come to a head and....mean any sort of breakdown is scary....I'm not sure if ill be able to help when it happens..."

MK being clearly aware of his family crippling mental health situations, especially nezha's, surely has left him with anxieties. He knows what the worst case scenarios are in most cases. he's scared himself imagining what their mental breakdowns will look like. What might happen if he wasn't able or present to help.

That's why he's so persistent in getting them to have fun, tries so hard to stay positive and happy. To be their little ray of sunshine. Even when his own struggles are weighting him down he tries. Not seeing till much later that he's doing the same thing they are. Pushing his feelings and needs aside, neglecting his own mental health to keep others happy...

"if we know we can ask for help,...why aren't we?..."

(I was stuck in my own head at work today and this started running threw my head, thought I'd share. Sorry for the sad feels but I think MK genuinely being scared about his family's mental health and expressing that fear and talking about seeking help should be another thing that happens in the show.

CAUSE EVERYONE LEGITIMATELY NEEDS THERAPY. SANDY IS PROBABLY TRYING TO GET THEM INTO IT OFF SCREEN YOU CANT TELL ME OTHERWISE.)

HONEY LAVENDER THIS IS GREAT

NO BC I BET YOU ANYTHING HE DOES SEE THIS SHIT IK HEDOES ESPECIALLY IN WUKONGS AND MACAQUES CASE NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THEY DONT

----------

"monkey king?"

"yeah bud?" he says with a big and bright smile. his posture tall and straight, never faltering no matter how many miles he walks or how sore his feet have become. his tail slowly swishing behind him

anyone would think Sun Wukong was happy. Anyone would think he's such a joyful monkey. and if they do, they don't know Sun Wukong.

They don't see how his smile is just ever so slightly strained, they don't know that the slow movements of his tail don't mean joy. They've never seen it swish around like a happy puppy. They don't know about the skip in his step. how his glamor tends to sparkle ever so slightly when he's truly happy and reveals the natural wrinkles beside his eyes when he laughs or the red gleam that shines in the sun.

They cant see behind the mask perfected by years of lonely tears and pain.

Mk can.

and he knows when he isn't.

"are you okay?"

----------------

ohmygod stellas writing angst on tumblr aaaa AAAAA

[heademptynotasinglethought]

No one I know has seen this movie and It wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be and I’m upset

Has anyone seen that movie Fanfic on netflix? Its a polish movie so it has english dub which is how I watched it. So take this into consideration with my opinion on it. Maybe its exceptional in polish idk.

The writing is so bad but it had so much going for it :(

As the title suggests, there’s a reference to fanfiction, what it can do for its readers and the people who write it. But that’s all. A Reference. Its not really something that we focus on throughout the movie and I actually forgot that this is what the movie was supposed to be about halfway through until they throw it back in there at the end for some reason. 

We’re following our main character, an alternative looking teenager with a cool edgy shag cut that hates their life and their parent and uses their fanfiction writing as a form of escapism. They see themselves as a rockstar, dating the character of their dreams, living a life they could never live. I get it I get it seems cool.

But its weird because, the life that our main character is escaping tbh doesnt seem that bad. I mean sure they are unhappy, don’t get along with their father, but also they basically go to euphoria high school so they get to go to all these cool warehouse raves with their huge group of friends all the time? Thats not so bad. Its truly silly like, our character will be out with their large group of friends to this bonfire that they didnt have to go to if they didnt want to but for some reason they brought their laptop with them to write fanfiction. ( how their laptop battery can survive all this I dont know im jealous)

And they see a therapist who seems to be genuinely interested in helping them deal with their emotions in a way that isnt just yelling at people, but alas the world is against them all the time of course. I think what really makes this character not work for me is that there is no internal dialogue? There is initially, like in the first couple minutes of the movie but then they just decided actually nvm? and from then on I just have to guess the main characters thought process and feelings from some longing stares. 

I kept watching despite how much I didn’t like this main character only because the show is nice to watch tbh its pretty. And then I got even more sad because our character finds out that theyre trans. 

Now i just want to like this movie even more right???? But how they find out theyre trans is truly silly. I’m nonbinary and do consider myself trans, sure I dont know everyones experience... but also has anyone ever just decided to put on a pair of jeans, a t shirt, and a jacket and then decided they got the wrong gender? Because our main character does. Its not like he was in drag or something thats just a comfortable outfit for any gender? Have they never been allowed to wear pants before???? I just dont understand. 

The rest of the movie is not that exciting just kind of finding themselves with a love interest who shows up every now and again and isnt too exciting. This movie feels like something that was made to be a show but some higher up said nah so they smashed in to an hour and a half. Why are the characters so flat. Why is our main character the worst in a way thats not intentional? Why cant they wear pants until they find out theyre a boy? 

Am I a girl when I wear mini skirt and a boy when I wear pants?

Also who is our main characters hair stylist I liked his hair before he cut if off I want that please and thank you.

Anyways head empty.

[darkxwolf17]

i remember following you at some point when you were arguing with this one proshipper, and at the time i was well... on your side. but lately, i've started thinking.. what's the point of all this discourse?? like... even then, there's a difference between proshipping and comshipping (proshipping- ship and let ship; block and move on) (comship -"complex" shipping; what proshipping in the md and other fandoms are usually confused with) so.. i feel like i've been adopting the proshipping mentality, though i wouldn't call myself a comshipper :] i know you're probably not going to answer this, but what's your full, honest opinion on the pro/anti ship discourse?

EDIT: Proshippers DO NOT INTERACT with this post i dont want you here get out

Hello, thank you for this ask, my opinion on the whole debate is actually more complex than what might be seen. Despite me being very much anti-proship (which I'll get to what that means later), I actually do not consider myself anti-fiction (though some proshippers may disagree with me and call me a "puriteen" or whatever).

Personally, I am in the opinion that the original meaning of dead dove and all that is something i can get behind. Before anyone calls me a proshipper, (I'm not and never will be), let me specify I said the *original* definition. This definition being "okay, there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction that shouldn't be romanticized ever in the real world." By this, I'm mainly meaning toxic relationships (I joke about toxic yuri, and it's because there are some ships that Are toxic i do genuinely enjoy, ie Voll), as well as some other kinks (that I won't get into because this is a safe for work blog that minors follow) that cannot be performed in real life. Fiction is a place to explore these things, and I am fully in support of using it as an outlet for the bizarre and weird.

My issue with proshipping is that, despite what many may claim, nowadays it really is just a fancy word for enjoying drawn csem. I don't care if it's "just fiction." Remember that thing i said earlier about how there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction? Well, children are not and never will be one of them. It is never okay, in ANY universe, to sexualize a child. I will stand by that firmly.

Other things i do not condone being romanticized in fiction is incest, or literal animals. Incest because it's a real thing that is traumatizing just like child abuse, and animals because, well, I hate zoophiles. "But Marven!" you may say. "You're a furry, doesn't your community have a good chunk who draw furry nsfw?" Well, to that I say there is a huge, huge difference between sexualizing an anthropomorphic walking talking consenting creature that is essentially just a human with fur, and a literal dog on four legs. If you can't see the difference between those two, that's your problem.

"But what about trauma? Shouldn't victims be able to express themselves through art?" Why, yes! of course. However, there is a difference between drawing vent art privately in closed circles and posting erotic material featuring children with the intent to arouse publicly. I am in full support of trauma survivors using any method to cope, but forming communities dedicated to drawing and getting off to images of children is not a way to cope. It's illegal! And normalizing terrible behavior, repeating a cycle of abuse.

So yeah, tldr; There are some things in fiction that can be romanticized that shouldn't be romanticized irl. There is some merit to a "Dead dove" label. However, if you do end up calling yourself a proshipper, just know that you will be grouping yourself with some very, very nasty people.

I hope I could be of some help, best of luck to you anon and I urge you, as someone who nearly fell down the proshipping pipeline, to please understand what kinds of people that community holds.

[septembersghost]

Before I begin I must say I am a swiftie.

I love Taylor. Her music means a lot to me. It literally helped me in a lot of ways. But her recent actions have actually genuinely is upsetting to me(not saying she has to live the way I want her to but I feel really sad). Its just........he is a very disgusting person. He is someone who was literally m@********* in public and made misogynistic comments.

My biggest fury with him was when he called harry a queerbaiter. It was extra hard for me because harry's acceptance was what made me feel peace about my sexuality. I am still figuring out my sexuality and it's mostly fluctuating. He was the first person I saw say 'you dont have to tick every box'. He said that when I was questioning myself for the 100th time. Because if you want to come out to everyone you need a label right! He made me realise it's okay to not know everything and it felt like a warm hug from a friend. And watching M@** ***** call that person a 'queerbaiter' angered me to extreme and 'almost' destroyed my self esteem wondering whether everyone around me thought I was faking for attention too. I know him and Taylor have been friends for a long time but her being romantically linked with someone like that and being so carefree about it while he has been linked to 100th warranted controversy makes me feel sick in the stomach. It makes me wonder if she's like 'I know the things he said/did but I don't care ' and it hurts me so much to even think she feels that way. I know she is a good person and all that but.....the Taylor who made me feel accepted about being the odd kid in the school or the one who understood about my fear of growing up seems so far away. I feel so hurt by the fact that I am feeling this. I think I need to take a distance from her and her art and I don't know how long will that be.

Sorry if I bothered you with such a long paragraph but I feel you can understand this better than anyone here

hi love, i apologize it took me all day to answer this! so i'm going to be honest, i've been thinking about this specific situation ever since the first rumor surfaced, but i didn't address it since i know it sounds like fan-based bias, even though to me it's a larger issue than that.

let me digress for a moment - i've seen a lot of his fans try to defend the n*zi salute as "satire," and that it wasn't meant to be antisemitic, but as a jewish person, i find this deeply troubling, because, even as edgy ~performance art~, using such a direct symbol of hate is never okay (in conjunction with a lyric referencing someone who's been virulently antisemitic in public - and yes, the lyric itself is satirical criticism, but the combination of the two is unsettling, to say the least). it's concerning and it's hurtful and it's inappropriate, full stop. his non-apologies for his grossly racist and sexist comments are as well.

his antics onstage (i have to laugh at the raw steak thing somehow being a criticism of "toxic masculinity"...bro. what?) also cross a line from being performance art to being. ick. (UGH i'd forgotten that other incident you mentioned because it's gross and i blocked it from my memory. just. WHY!!!)

in truth, i had no idea who he was and had never even heard his name (though i was aware of the 1975, i never listened to them) until their album came out last year and suddenly he was spouting off everywhere and doing things and fans began to speak about the old rumors of he and taylor (which i dismissed out of hand, but now. idk). everything i've learned since has been against my will tbh.

which brings us to that awful queerbaiting comment. if you've followed me for any length of time, you know this is a particular hot button issue of mine, i just get incensed at the way that term is misused and weaponized against real people, and harry gets it in a particularly disgusting way because certain sections of the internet seem to feel a superiority complex in tearing him down for existing. never once has harry claimed to be a bastion of queerness or a trailblazer of fashion, and yet he's criticized for...what exactly? being himself? dressing however one chooses without being boxed in by gender expectations is exactly what we're meant to be aiming for, isn't it? not demanding someone's label and identity is supposed to be part of championing the community, isn't it? his choice to remain unlabeled matters. not only because it's no one's business but his own, but also because BEING an unlabeled/mspec person IS itself a whole identity. what matty said about this was appalling and WAY over the line, and particularly disrespectful since they're supposedly friendly. he had no right to make the comments that he did. he should've received more criticism for it than he did (and had he attacked anyone but harry, he probably would have).

(i wish what adam lambert said in response had gotten more traction. Automatically labeling looks and performances that aren’t cisheteronormative as queerbait is “almost underestimating the intelligence of gay people.”)

you feeling enraged and hurt by that is understandable, and you have every right to feel that way. it touches my heart to read that harry has helped you feel more at peace with your sexuality. i've mentioned before that i've grappled with what exactly mine is too and where i fall on whatever spectrum, and just the idea that we don't even HAVE to put a concrete definition on that, or that it's allowed to be fluid, is a relief. i also feel like there's a huge amount of bias where people forget that just because you haven't been in a relationship with someone of ___ identity/gender doesn't mean your own identity isn't real! you DON'T have to tick every box, and you ARE allowed to expand or change along the way, and you're still you and still valid! nobody has to have one set label forever, and nobody else is owed that explanation from you!

He made me realise it's okay to not know everything and it felt like a warm hug from a friend. 🥺💕💕💕 this is so sweet and i feel confident he would be touched by it too.

i am SO sorry that what matty said hurt you the way that it did, it was a reckless, thoughtless thing of him to say, and you and every other person who is working out their identity or who feels confident remaining unlabeled deserves better than him cruelly running his mouth. (which i also think had a level of jealousy in it, because, let's be honest here - he's never going to be harry, success-wise, and he also admitted harry declined to perform at his show, so). matty has frustrated and upset me on multiple occasions since i became aware of his behavior, and you're allowed to feel that way.

regarding taylor, as i said earlier, of course we have no control nor input over what she does or who she associates with, and much as we may love her, she is just a flawed human being too and she has made mistaken choices, and has overlooked behavior from others that perhaps she shouldn't have, or that we wouldn't ourselves, but only she can make those decisions for her life. i've seen a lot of disgust and concern over this on my dash, and i'm with everyone on all of that, but at the same time i think it's a bit of a wake-up call that she is her own autonomous woman whom we do not know personally, and we have to find our own ways to approach that boundary. if that means ignoring this until it blows over, if that means taking space away from her for a while, if that means making silly jokes. i think as long as we're not harassing others (which you would never! <3 but the uptick in cruel anons/death threats that have happened this past month make me sad and i wish everyone could take a breath and...not do that!), however we choose to deal with it is the best we can do. i tend to suspect she's been going through it, and maybe this won't last long, but that doesn't make it a great look nor is it unconcerning. regardless, you should do what's best for yourself and look out for your well-being. if that means detaching for a while, i promise it doesn't make you a bad fan, even though i know that hurts ("the Taylor who made me feel accepted about being the odd kid in the school or the one who understood about my fear of growing up seems so far away." though i'm older than you, this happened to me in my own sense during my 1989 disconnect. i really do get it, and seeing a similar pattern here is a bit painful). i also want to say that i think, knowing what we do know about her and her character and kindness, she'd still want you to feel accepted and loved, and wouldn't align with the trashy things he's said and done, but i understand why willingness to overlook it hurts as well.

thank you for confiding in me and letting this out, i know it's hard to talk about and feeling distanced from an artist with such meaning to you is a specific ache. the only advice i can give you is to step back however you need to, for however long you need to. whether you feel comfortable still holding onto her music but separating from her personally (and/or from tour), or whether you need space from all of it for a while, remember that it's always going to be there, and you can always come back. in the meantime, you can also turn to places and artists that are continuing to give you comfort (like harry, and i'm so glad he is that for you).

for what it's worth, i love you and i know your identity is worthwhile, and YOU are worthwhile, and you deserve to feel safe and embraced and seen. anywhere you go, you don't need a reason. 💛💛💛