#it HAS to be temporary. everyone always promises its temporary. it has to be temporary.

[esotericbird]

im startin to think i might actually kill myself

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [38] - The End

A.N: The last chapter! ❤️ Thank you so much for your wonderful support throughout the story my loves, you're amazing! ❤️

Summary: The heir becomes the boss.

Word Count: 3537

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Warnings: Violence, crime, blood, explicit language, dysfunctional relationship, mentions of sex. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

The week after you almost died was chaotic, and not even for the reasons you had assumed earlier.

Needless to say, everyone in your life was out for blood, but the problem was that there was a specific lack of people to take revenge on.

“Do you think it’ll go back to how it used to be?” you asked Bucky as you turned your head to inspect your nose in the hallway mirror while he kept pacing in the living room, gritting his teeth while he typed something into his phone.

“We should kill every person who worked for Ian.”

“Because Sarah said it would go back to normal but it doesn’t feel like it.”

“I bet Ryan can give us a list, and—”

“Ryan already killed his inner circle that night.”

“There has to be some people left,” Bucky insisted and you heaved a sigh.

“Bucky, you can’t kill people just because they worked for Ian,” you said. “Most of them switched sides already—”

“That’s not enough, and once a traitor always a traitor.”

You rolled your eyes and made your way to him to stop his pacing, cupping his cheek. He took a deep breath, his blue eyes locked in yours as he clenched his jaw like he was trying to keep it together.

“Buck.”

“They hurt you.”

“Not really, the ones who hurt me are dead,” you said. “I killed one of them, Ryan killed the rest.”

“I need to do something,” he insisted through his teeth. “I…it’s bad enough that I let you get hurt—”

“You didn’t let me get hurt.”

“I was supposed to protect you,” he said. “Not…not you or Ryan.”

“I’ll let the next person who tries to kill me know about that.”

“Charm.”

“Bucky,” you said with a small laugh. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Your nose is broken,” he reminded you. “There are stitches on your head.”

“Both of those things are temporary,” you assured him. “Seriously. Besides I…you know, it’ll be a good look for the sit down tomorrow night. I’ll look badass.”

He opened his mouth to argue but you both turned your heads when someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” you called out and the front door opened before Ryan stepped into the apartment, his hands clasped behind him, his back completely straight in the perfect soldier pose.

“Ma’am,” he said. “Mr. Barnes.”

“Ryan, hi!” you said. “You’re back already?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said before stealing a look at Bucky and you waved a hand in the air.

“You can say whatever you want to say in front of Bucky.”

“When I asked to have the morning off, I took the liberty of visiting Mr. Ian’s warehouse,” Ryan said, making you tilt your head.

“He had a warehouse?”

“Yes ma’am. I wanted to make sure we have cleaned out everyone who might still support him or pose a threat to you, so…” he trailed off and pulled out a flash drive from his pocket, extending his hand. You took it from him, then heaved a sigh.

“Anyone we know?”

“I didn’t check what’s inside, ma’am,” he said. “The only reason why I didn’t say where I was going was because I wasn’t sure if there was anything inside that warehouse, but there was. We found it in the safe.”

“We?” Bucky repeated and Ryan nodded.

“One of my trusted men, sir, he can crack open any case.”

You pressed your lips together as you plugged the drive into your laptop, then clicked on the first file and let out a breath, staring at the screen.

“That fucker…” you murmured. “Ah. Well now it makes sense.”

“What?” Bucky asked and you licked your lips.

“Check out the name here.”

Bucky came closer to see the screen, then raised his brows.

“Should’ve known,” he muttered. “If there was going to be anyone HYDRA had its claws in, it’d be Ian.”

“I didn’t think he was this big of an idiot.”

“Did you know he was making deals with HYDRA?” Bucky asked Ryan who shook his head.

“No sir, I wasn’t allowed in most of the meetings. Mrs. Barnes saw it before.”

“Yeah, he kept him outside,” you said. “Figures. Oh, my dad will hate this.”

“Will you tell the others?”

You paused for a moment, then shook your head.

“No,” you said. “This stays in the family—that includes you as well, Ryan.”

Ryan bowed slightly. “Of course, ma’am.”

“Will you give us a moment please?” you asked him and he nodded, then walked out of the room. You turned to Bucky, tapping your fingertips on the kitchen island.

“This is how they had all those attacks on everyone’s territory—everyone’s but ours,” you told him. “That’s how Ian knew it wasn’t HYDRA, but us.”

“I guess he’s lucky you killed him already,” Bucky said. “This is betrayal. People would be racing each other to kill him.”

“Working with HYDRA though?” you insisted. “That doesn’t just mean betraying others, it means betraying the family. Forget the other bosses, my dad would kill him if he heard about this.”

Bucky grinned. “That argument should come in handy. This afternoon.”

You shook your head.

“I am not looking forward to that,” you murmured. “Especially with my aunt there.”

“She’s still here?”

“She’s leaving the city today, apparently,” you said. “I doubt she’ll go without giving me a piece of her mind first.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No,” you said. “You have your own stuff for preparation for tomorrow, to—”

“Don’t worry about that,” he cut you off. “There won’t be anyone against you being there, we already know that.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to make sure.”

He nodded his head and came closer to carefully kiss you on the top of your head while you pocketed the flash drive, then looked up at him with a small grin.

“Seriously, how bad do I look?” you asked him and he let out a chuckle.

“You look breathtaking as usual, baby.”

“You’re such a liar,” you said with a small push to his arm and he caught your hand, entwining his fingers with yours.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m serious. Broken nose or not, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen my whole life.”

You could feel a smile curling your lips.

“And not fucking you until you get better will be torture,” Bucky added, making you scoff a laugh.

“So romantic.”

“Only for you,” he played along and slapped your butt. “Come on. We both have things to do, boss.”

“Aw I can get used to that,” you said, still grinning, then walked out of the apartment. Ryan was already waiting for you by the entrance, and straightened his back as soon as he saw you.

“Ma’am.”

“Let’s go pay a visit to my dear father,” you said and walked to the elevator with him following you.

                                               *

Your father had been furious when he saw you at the hospital, so much that you thought he would’ve killed Ian if you hadn’t.

Well, technically Bucky would kill Ian before him but…

So you knew he was going to be happy to see you but you weren’t so sure if the feeling was gonna last when he heard what you were going to say to him.

Your aunt was on her way out, loading her suitcases to the car when your car pulled over in front of the house and you heaved a sigh, then gritted your teeth. It wasn’t that you didn’t see this conversation coming, yet that did nothing to put you at ease.

“Here we go,” you murmured as the driver opened your door for you and you stepped out, your aunt gritting her teeth the moment she saw you.

“Auntie,” you said and she held up a hand, gesturing you to be silent.

“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t call me that.”

“Is father inside?”

“You’re a monster,” she spat and you pursed your lips together.

“He was going to kill me,” you told her. “You know the rules, and so did he. Don’t blame me if he was too stupid to win.”

She eyed you up and down, making Ryan take a step closer but you motioned at him to stop.

“It’s fine Ryan, thank you,” you told him before your aunt let out a hysterical laugh.

“I see you surround yourself with traitors already.”

“Ryan is my right hand auntie, you need to respect him,” you told her, making Ryan give you a proud smile before his expression turned stony again upon turning to look at your aunt.

“I do hope you and Bucky have a son,” your aunt said through her teeth. “Because trust me, I will take him away from you.”

You managed to keep your expression completely calm despite the small shudder running down your spine.

“You can try,” you told her and she scoffed, then got into the car and slammed the door. You shook your head slightly, climbing the stairs to walk through the front door.

“I apologize on her behalf, Ryan,” you told him and he shook his head.

“Don’t, ma’am,” he said. “You have nothing to apologize for. She’s a mother, it’s normal that she’s angry at me.”

“Well if my mother were here, she would tear her apart for what her son tried to do,” you muttered as you stopped by the door to your father’s office. The men waiting there nodded at you and you knocked on the door, then peeked your head in.

“Dad?”

“Oh sweetheart, come in!” he said, standing up from his seat. “I was just thinking about you.”

“Good things I hope,” you muttered, letting him kiss your cheek before you sat down on the armchair across from his desk. He filled you a glass of whiskey and put it in front of you, then filled his glass as well and went behind his desk to sit down.

“Any word on that traitorous bastard?”

“Ethan?” you said. “Not yet but any day now. We know he’s not in Chicago, a couple of Bucky’s men are already waiting for him at his hometown and…” you trailed off. “It’s honestly just a matter of who will get him first, you or Bucky or Rhett.”

“Do they know not to kill him yet?”

You grinned. “Oh trust me. Both Bucky and Rhett have a lot of…creative ideas.”

“So do I,” your father murmured and you pulled out the flash drive from your pocket.

“Speaking of traitors,” you said, “You might want to know Ian was working with HYDRA.”

Your father stared at you for a couple of seconds in silence. “What?”

“That’s how they got in,” you said. “And that’s why our territory was never attacked and everyone else’s was.”

“Our territory was attacked.”

“Not by HYDRA.”

“We don’t—” he started, then raised his brows, heaving a deep sigh. “You.”

“Well Ian is dead now so it doesn’t really matter,” you said. “But yeah.”

“I asked you and you said no.”

“Can you blame me?” you asked. “I didn’t exactly have leverage yet, nor had I proven myself. I will use the names in the file to track them down, I figured you wouldn’t want anyone else to get involved, especially the other bosses.”

“You thought right,” he said. “Especially the sit down tomorrow…”

“That’s actually why I’m here,” you said, your heart beating in your ears and he pulled his brows together, then scoffed a laugh.

“Sweetheart, obviously I will name you my heir tomorrow.”

You took a sip of the whiskey, then heaved a sigh.

“Yeah I figured you’d say that,” you said. “That’s the problem.”

“The problem?”

“I didn’t almost die just so that you can name me your heir,” you said, looking him in the eye. “That’s not how it works. You know how cage fight works, I’ve been through worse. Being named heir is not going to be enough.”

He frowned at you as if he was confused before a look of realization dawned on his face and he leaned back on his seat, his eyes locked in yours.

“Is this a hostile takeover?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Doesn’t have to be hostile.”

A silence fell upon the room while he stared at you, then let out a breath.

“And you think you’re ready?”

“I know I am.”

“Just out of curiosity,” he said. “What would happen if I refused?”

“You can refuse,” you said, your voice completely calm. “But it’s not going to change anything. I have the support from other bosses, I have proven myself and your latest choice of heir fucked over everyone, which could backfire on you. So, I’m sitting at the head of that table tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”

An impressed smile curled his lips before he heaved a sigh, then stood up and opened up his arms.

“Come here,” he said, making you frown.

“If you’re planning on stabbing me father—”

“Don’t be ridiculous, come here,” he said and you got up from the armchair, then stepped into his embrace. He hugged you tight, then pressed a kiss on your hair and pulled back to look at you better.

“My little girl all grown up to threaten me,” he said and you shrugged your shoulders.

“I mean I’d rather not, to be honest with you,” you muttered. “I’m just saying, there’s family and there’s business. I’m threatening the former boss right now, not my father.”

He hummed, still smiling softly.

“You have one thing right, you have proven yourself, over and over again,” he said. “Even before that bastard pulled a gun on you. I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner, Y/N. That right there was exactly what I was trying to protect you from.”

“Yeah, protecting me from business,” you said. “You should’ve known I wouldn’t have let him take it from me, dad. One of us was going to end up dead either way.”

That made him clench his jaw. “I didn’t think he’d have the guts to do that to you,” he said. “That will be on my conscience forever.”

“It shouldn’t,” you said. “I mean yeah you fucked up but you know, there’s no one who doesn’t take me seriously in the business after that whole fight. I doubt it’d have the same impact if you handed it to me, so…it’ll work in my favor.”

“Will you forgive me?”

“My father has nothing to worry about,” you told him. “And the former boss is paying for that mistake with me replacing him. Hostile takeover and all that.”

He let out a chuckle, then hugged you again.

“Perhaps I’ll buy another boat,” he said. “I should ask George what he does with all the time he has in retirement.”

A laugh escaped from you and you held up your hands. “Hey, if you want to be a cliché, I can’t stop you,” you said and checked your wristwatch. “I need to go and meet Bucky, we’re having lunch.”

“Alright,” he said. “Tell him I said hi.”

“Of course,” you said and kissed him on the cheek, then walked to the door before turning to look at him. “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not making this harder than it should be,” you told him and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well,” he said. “You’re the head of the family business now. It’s your rules, the rest will follow your orders. Including the former boss.”

You let a smile curl your lips, then walked out of the office and passed through the hallway to step outside, your heels echoing on the marble floor.  

                                              *

There had been numerous sit downs at this place but this was the first one that you would attend as a boss, so needless to say you were way too impatient.

Ever since you had stepped a foot in your father’s house, you couldn’t stop tapping your foot. The guests were beginning to arrive one by one, and you desperately needed a drink but you knew you had to keep a completely clear head so you couldn’t exactly drink what the rest were drinking.

“Here,” Bucky said, touching the small of your back with one hand while giving you a glass of water with the other.

“Thank you,” you said and he pressed a kiss on your temple, making you frown and pull back. “Nope.”

“What?”

“This is a work meeting,” you told him, nodding at Clint and Natasha by the corner of the living room while Tony talked to your father and Bucky frowned.

“They already know we’re married, Charm.”

“Well we can’t be too lovey-dovey!” you whispered through your teeth and he chuckled.

“Babe, it’s going to be fine,” he said. “You’ll do great, I promise.”

“Right?” you felt the need to ask and he nodded.

“Yeah.”

“I love you, you know that right?” you asked and Bucky smirked.

“I love you too,” he said. “And you’re not going to war. It’s your first meeting as a boss, but it is still a meeting.”

You nodded your head, taking a huge sip of your water and turned your head when you heard the familiar chatter. Sarah and Becca walked into the living room, making your jaw drop.

“Hey,” Becca said as soon as she reached you. “Girl talk Buck, beat it.”

“Nice to see you too,” Bucky told her with a roll of his eyes, then turned to Sarah. “Hey.”

“Hi Bucky. Sam and Steve are in the hallway.”

“Great,” he said and walked away from you. You pulled Sarah into a hug, then pulled back to hug Becca.

“Oh my God,” you said. “What are you both doing here?”

“Well it’s your first day on the job,” Becca said. “You know, emotional support.”

“What she said,” Sarah said. “And I figured you’d be nervous, so…”

“I was,” you said with a smile. “Guys, you’re amazing.”

“I even brought a cactus,” Becca said. “Apparently that’s what people get people when they start jobs, who knew?”

“They usually get them flowers, Becca,” Sarah said and Becca waved a hand in the air.

“I haven't worked a day in my life in case you guys forgot,” she said. “Oh and Leila said ‘kick everyone’s ass’.”

“Tell her I said thank you,” you said and took a deep breath. “It’ll go well, right?”

“It’ll go great,” Sarah said, lifting your chin a bit to check your nose from the side. “It is healing nicely. The stitches too.”

“Thanks to my awesome doctor,” you said with a smile and Becca looked around.

“Your bitch of an aunt isn’t here then?”

“Nope,” you said. “She left earlier.”

“Without making a scene?” Sarah asked, disbelief apparent in her tone and you shook your head.

“Of course not,” you said. “She…she told me something.”

“What?”

“That she hopes Bucky and I have a son,” you said. “So that she can take him away from me, the same way I took Ian away from her.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and Becca raised a brow.

“Oh please,” she said. “She does know that when Bucky and you have a child, that child will be like, the most protected heir in the entire world, right?”

“I guess,” you said and Sarah frowned.

“You can’t let that get to you,” she said and you shook your head again.

“I’m not,” you said. “That’s not it.”

Becca pulled back slightly, then eyed the water glass in your hand.

“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant,” she said, making your eyes widen.

“No!” you said. “No, I’m just not drinking because I’m trying to keep my head clear, it’s my first meeting with everyone else as a boss—no, I’m just worried I guess.”

“I agree with Becca,” Sarah said. “First of all, that child will be the most protected heir in the city, with your people and Bucky’s people. Second of all, who’s going to take your aunt seriously?”

“No one,” you admitted with a small laugh. “Yeah. Like I said, I’m just worried.”

“Don’t be—” Sarah started but you heard Ryan’s voice by the door.

“The meeting room is ready,” he said and everyone walked out of the living room one by one. Your father gave you a soft smile and you smiled at him back, then turned to Sarah and Becca.

“Wish me luck.”

“You got this,” Sarah said and Becca squeezed your hand.

“You were born for this,” she told you. “Go get ‘em tiger.”

You let out a breath, then made your way out of the living room to the meeting room before you stepped inside, your heart beating in your ears. Bucky was walking to his own seat and you brushed your hand against his as subtly as you could while you walked past him. He winked at you before sitting down as well, making you bite back a smile.

You got this.

Becca was right. You were born for this.

You took your seat at the head of the table, Ryan approaching to place a file in front of you and you cleared your throat, then lifted your head to look at everyone around the table.

“So,” you said, your voice completely calm. “Shall we begin?”

The End.

[megalomaniacz]

ENTANGLED IN YOU— WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?

ways to help, daily click, do not support neil

ellie williams x reader

a/n: this actually isn’t the best but i’ll post it now and edit it later :D let me know what you think

tags: @astralnymphh

masterlist

…

once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived a castle…

okay maybe it was an abandoned apartment complex, and maybe she wasn’t a princess, but that isn’t the point of our story. our story focuses on how fate is inescapable.

“flower! let me up.” the doctor calls. you look outside of your broken bedroom window and quickly rush to the main room where there is a lever. you then, twist it with all your might. this triggers a series of reactions going downward which opens a space in the wall for the doctor to walk up.

this was a daily routine. doctor would go out and forage for supplies and food while you tidied up your “tower” as you called it. it wasn’t much but it was home and helped protect you from the outside world.

many years ago an outbreak occurred causing a sickness in the people of the world. doctor says it was terrifying to see. disfigured faces as a parasitic virus took over their minds.

but you were special.

you were born a few years later in a hospital doctor had been working in at the time. your mother had been seeing doctor for months and she was finally ready to deliver you. then suddenly, there was a break in. the infected monsters stormed through and bit your mother as you were being born. in a panic, doctor wrapped you up, ran as fast as she could until she found this abandoned building, and promised to always keep you safe.

she waited to see if the affects of the bite were passed onto you, and gratefully reveled in the fact that they did not. she still continued to watch you carefully. just in case. then, one day while cleaning up, she turned her head for a moment and you’d been scratched by an infected that had found its way inside the building.

you wailed and so did she before she realized that you were not turning. days began to pass and you still hadn’t turned. you were completely fine other than a small scratch on the back of your neck.

doctor rapidly got to work. after running various tests she used your blood to create a cure. it’s temporary against the infection, but it helps keep it from doing extensive damage. it gave those who were previously hopeless a reason to be hopeful.

she was excited about the results and prepared to share them with the world.

once she’d gotten in touch with the others in her field, they said in order to make a viable cure for everyone you would have to die, which she did not agree with.

so she rushed back to the tower, closed the doors, and swore to never let you leave out of fear that others would hurt you. even after you’d grown older. even after a cure had been fashioned years later from a mystery flower. even after the apocalypse had been declared over and it was semi safe to leave again. you would never leave. and she was confident that you’d never try to, until…

“are you excited for you birthday tomorrow, flower?” doctor asks as she walks into the lounge area. you were sat in the corner knitting a scarf out of yarn you’d fashioned from leaves. “i am actually. i’m more excited about the possibility of-“

“leaving to see the festival?” she finishes your sentence. you huff. “doctor, please. i look outside of my window and i see people laughing and lights shining just down the mountain. i know that a settlement is out there. have you still not checked it out?”

“no i haven’t checked it out and i’m not going to. i told you it’s probably fires started to control a large population of infected.” her tone is stern. she has checked already, it is a settlement.

you slump down in a chair next to her, hands clasped together. bottom lip sticking out. “please. please! atleast promise you’ll check on your next trip.”

she looks over at your face and smiles. “fine. we’re running out of supplies anyway. i’ll check on my trip tommorow, would that make you happy?”

“very.” you respond, smiling.

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

a loud clanking is heard from underneath the tower followed by a string of curses. “doctor?” you call out. your heart begins to race. what if she’s hurt again and she needs help? or more of the cure? you quickly turn the knob and listen as her footsteps get closer.

then you hear her speak and it is definitely not doctor. you hide behind the entrance, a frying pan in hand as it was the closest thing to you. you watch as the woman steps up and looks around. breathing heavily with dirt all over her. before she can turn around, you knock her hard on her head.

[thesightstoshowyou]

Generosity

Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x F Reader (NSFW)

Summary: The Ghoul has never been one to refuse a lady in distress.

Warnings: Discussions of past domestic and sexual abuse, dacryphilia, dubious consent, biting, use of “daddy,” dirty talk

Everyone go bow down to @lilkrissmuffet and her delicious prompt idea

Gif by @melodyoffire

The Ghoul ought to thank you. You’re an easy bounty to track. In your obnoxious blue and yellow jumpsuit, you stick out like a sore thumb among all the lifeless tans and browns of the wasteland. Shivering and scared, you’re a prey animal in a foreign land inhabited by predators, and you just ran headfirst into the worst of them.

Despite the split lip and jaundiced bruise over your eye, you’re a pretty little thing. Stupid too; you turn and bolt like a startled whitetail when you spot his twisted face and the hand cannon nestled in its holster. The Ghoul doesn’t blame you, though. If he were in your shoes, he’d run too.

The lasso hooks you around an ankle and yanks your feet out from under you. You crash to the ground in a flurry of sand and flailing limbs. A few, quick tugs and you’re thrashing and wailing at his feet. A knife to the throat and a whispered threat to cut out your tongue and fry it up for lunch quiets you down in a hurry.

“P-Please, please, no, I c-can’t go back, please, you don’t know what they do to us down there!” They always beg. Though, none of them beg quite as sweet as you.

The Ghoul turns his apathetic gaze to your watery eyes. Your lips are chapped, the bottom one trembling as you struggle to keep your blubbering contained. Tears streak through the dust that has collected on your sunburned cheeks. Before now, you probably never went a day without a shower.

“Honey, you got no idea what I know.”

On the horizon, thunderheads build. The ominous rumbling and static that fills the air tell the Ghoul it will soon be too dangerous for you to travel. The muscles in his face flex as he works his lower jaw back and forth. If it’s not one fucking thing, it’s another.

Rain pummels the ancient shingles of the ramshackle house, your temporary accommodations for the evening. In the corner, you sit huddled and trembling, your sniveling audible in the lulls between cracking thunder. Flashes of lightening glint off his blade as it slides across a whetstone.

From under the brim of his hat, the Ghoul watches you square your shoulders and inhale a fortifying breath. Here comes the bargaining.

“Excuse me, Mr…?” He says nothing in response to your timid question. A head tilt and a quirked brow are the only indications he gives that he’s listening. Voice quivering, you try again, “Um, I-I know there’s probably a reward for…for bringing me back—

“Yer husband’s offerin’ a handsome sum of caps for yer safe return. So, unless ya’ got double that stashed in that lil’ uniform a’ yers, ya’ can shut yer trap.” The Ghoul sees the tears welling up in your eyes from across the room. Now the sob story….

“Please! Please just listen. They…we’re used like chattel down there! He, my-my husband…” you spit out the word like it’s poison, “…hurts me. Hurts me all the time. I’m not the only one, there are other wives, others he hurts. I’ll-I’ll do anything not to go back, please. I don’t have any caps, but I’ll do…I’ll do anything.”

The promise of that last word hangs in the air, thick and heavy like the humidity from the thunderstorm. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what you’re offering. If he were a weaker man, or if he cared even a little for your predicament, perhaps he’d take you up on your “generosity,” but pussy doesn’t pay for chems.

“That’s mighty generous of you, sweetheart, takin’ pity on a lowly Wastelander like myself.” The Ghoul’s tone drips with sarcasm. He revels in the way you stumble over your apologies, your ‘No-that’s-not-what-I-meants.’

Casually, he adjusts his position, the hand holding the knife draping across his bent knee so he can more comfortably observe your floundering. Admittedly, the desperate tears pouring down your face are beginning to stir something deep in his belly. It’s too easy to imagine how you’d look under that vault suit: So much supple, unmarred skin begging to be bruised….

You’d offered, the Ghoul supposes. He isn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Besides, what the fuck else is there to do around here?

How you ended up beneath him, nearly bent in half and taking him up to the hilt is all a bit of a blur, but it’s too late now to question things. You’re wet and mostly willing, gripping him so tight it almost hurts. You were a fantastic little actress—probably have to be with your home life being what it is—mewling like a kitten just how most men would adore, but the Ghoul isn’t most men. A “performance” isn’t what he had in mind.

Now, you scream for real. Your nails dig into the gnarled flesh of his shoulders and fresh tears wet your face as the Ghoul grips you behind the knees and jackhammers into your suckling hole. “That’s more like it, sweetie,” he urges, his voice clipped and hoarse. “Keep cryin’ for me.”

His teeth find the soft skin of your neck and the urge to sink them in deep and tear your throat out pulls a growl from his chest. However, you’re worth a lot more alive. The Ghoul settles for sucking a purple bruise onto your flesh instead. You taste like salty sweat with barest hint of familiar floral perfume.

“Oh—god, god, D-Daddy don’t stop—

You choke on your words when you realize what you said. He chuckles low in his throat when he feels the embarrassed heat rushing to your face. “Now who told ya’ t’call me that?” he teases.

Furiously, you shake your head and stammer, “I’m-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—

“No, no, baby, I never said I didn’t like it. Let’s hear it again. Tell Daddy how good that lil’ pussy’s feelin’.” Your needy whine makes him groan and renews his desire to fuck orgasms out of you until you pass out.

He does, almost. He fucks you until the downpour outside tapers off into a light sprinkle, until you’re sore and drooling into the dirt. He fucks you until dark bruises in the shape of his fingers bloom along your hips and your blood dries on his lips because he couldn’t help but have a taste of your sweet skin. He fucks you until he has no choice but to pull out and paint your inner thighs with spend; he’d pump you full but he has no desire to share his last bag of Radaway.

Sated and feeling merciful, the Ghoul lets you sleep off your fucked-out stupor until afternoon the next day. He spends the morning resting and refueling and sucking down Jet while you doze, oblivious. Golden rays of sun pour in through the holes in the rickety house frame and illuminate the gentle rise and fall of your shoulders. The word “peaceful” comes to mind as he notes the way your worried frown has smoothed out in slumber.

But, all good things….

The Ghoul stands with a groan and a long stretch before he slings the saddle bag over his shoulder. He nudges you with the toe of his boot and rouses you with an energetic, “Rise and shine, sleepin’ beauty!” You roll over and blink up at him, bleary-eyed and befuddled.

“Wha…?”

“Got a lot of ground to cover today. Make yerself decent.”

“What…what are you talking about? Where are we going?” Your confusion would be endearing if he didn’t already know what comes next.

“Well, sugar, I got a bounty to cash in on. Now, are ya’ gonna behave or am I gonna have to drag ya’, kickin’ and screamin’ through the dirt?”

“But-but last night…!”

“Last night was real sweet, darlin’, but Daddy’s got bills t’pay.”

Most men would be moved or even ashamed by the look of betrayal and rage etched in every inch of your expression.

But the Ghoul isn’t most men.

[celenawrites]

late night drive (m.)

Summary -

After a stressful work day, you spend the night with two handsome men.

Pairing -

Johnny 'Soap' Mactavish x F! Reader x Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Warnings -

Explicit smut (18+ only), slight praise, usage of nicknames (good girl, sweet girl, lass, etc), Oral sex (F, M receiving), Reader has self-esteem issues and it shows heavily, slight angst.

w.c. - 6.5k

masterlist || ao3 vers.

MINORS DNI, or I'll bite your ankles. This stuff is for adults only. 18+ folks only.

You have met them both at a seedy bar set a little off to the left from the heart of the city. 

Johnny and Simon. You remember them sitting at the bar, glasses half-filled with Kentucky bourbon, faint murmurs of their conversation flowing like a gentle stream between them and their hands tenderly drawing mindless shapes on their scarred skins. (as if they were writing their soft declarations of love with their fingers on each other, invisible to the eye and yet etched into their souls.)

You are uncertain how you caught their eye. You are not sure if there is something in you that they had caught in a passing glance, and decided to open their hearts (and their beds) to you for this one night as a result. 

You had been there after bombing another promising job interview, pissed at your failed potential (you were an A plus student - honors call and all, until you weren’t anymore) and the dead-end job of yours that had you feeling miserable for the past three or so years. It didn’t help that any time you fiddled with your phone, you’d be bombarded with pictures of your schoolmates and college friends marrying, or going on vacations and having a family of their own - growing older with someone, anyone; their lives full and moving and vibrant with colors that usually hurt your eyes. 

Meanwhile, you are just living. 

A day at a time. A week at a time. 

Day to day to day has always been the same. You wake up, work, cook and clean for one and you indulge in past hobbies in order to capture the joy that has somehow slipped past your fingers the older you grew. You have no furry companions you can use as an excuse to go out on a walk, no lovers to send raunchy texts to, and no friends who would abandon their children and husbands to give you company while you wallow in your eternal misery as you drink your pain away with a beer bottle with condensation settling down on its neck, leaving your palms wet and slippery. 

You don’t even try to think about your family. 

So there you are, an untouched glass of pink gin kept in front of you and your hands nervously raking through your oiled hair and your rumpled work outfit (a sky blue blouse paired with black pencil skirt) ostracized you further from the patrons of the bar. And then you’re approached by Johnny who eyes your colorful drink with mild interest. 

Johnny with his wild mohawk and kind brown eyes and kissable lips - who wondered out loud what a pretty little lady like you was doing in a place like this (you almost snorted derisively at the casual compliment, but the fatigue had you more amenable to flattery) and then he asked you about your disheveled state, and you tell him that everyone with a job feels like this on a usually busy weekday. He nods like he understands you, and then he invites you to join him and his boyfriend for some drinks. 

Who are you to refuse free drinks and such handsome company?

The conversation is freeing in a way that it allows your mind to forget that the world exists outside of this temporary, delicate bubble that consists of you, Johnny and Simon. Johnny fills the space with his warm voice, enveloping you in comfort and safety as he talks about anything and everything - he tells you that both of them are in the Army (But none of them would budge to answer any questions of yours. “If I answered that, I’d have to kill you”, he joked, but his hardened gaze told you that there is some truth to it.You decided to not let your curiosity guide you anymore.), the football game on the television hung up on the wall, the movie that came out last week, the bourbon they have been nursing for the past half hour or so (“Simon only likes it when it’s Kentucky”, he says and you understand the need for some delicacies of this life staying the same, no matter what.), and then he asks you if you’d like to eat something. 

You and Johnny share a plate of cheese fries. 

The fries are oversalted(the perfect drunk food, but unfortunately you haven’t even worked up a buzz with your neglected drink), and the cheese is too gooey for you to not eat without getting your hands messy. You cringe at the stickiness, and Johnny laughs at your predicament and you wonder if it is possible for radiant, burning stars to be born as mortals. 

His boyfriend, Simon, does not join you in eating the food. 

His face is covered by a black surgical mask, and he is mostly quiet - letting his more jubilant counterpart lead the conversation. But conversation lulls between satiating your hunger and Johnny encouraging you to drink from his glass. (“Try it, bonnie. Real booze hits different”, he offers hospitably, and then he chuckles as you sputter and choke at the liquid burning your throat. At least he’s kind enough to pat your back, and then he orders a tall glass of water for your poor throat.)

Simon shakes as he dryly chuckles at the antics of his partner, and you feel heat travel down your stomach at how rough and rich his voice sounds. You find it oddly comforting against the commotion of the busy bar tonight. 

After you made a fool out of yourself, the masked man (with his dirty blonde hair and white scars that ran all over his face, only for half of it to be hidden by his black surgical face mask) is much more receptive to having a conversation with you. He seldom talks, but he doesn’t shy away from cracking a dark joke or two that almost make you choke on your own spit. His eyes are dark and intense, and sometimes when your own gaze meets his own, you find it almost impossible to look away from him - afraid that the moment you do, you’d find yourself alone and miserable at the bar again. 

There seems to be a pleasant silence settling between you three, and with a warm face and heavy limbs, you lean into the warm hand that cradles the small of your back and let it gently spell something illegible yet almost affectionate into your skin, the fabric of the blouse acting as a poor guard between your sensitive body and the touch you were not aware you craved until now. 

You look on with heavy eyes as the couple has a secret conversation between them with their eyes alone. Warm, lovely eyes that were scattered across the different spectrum of shades of brown. Eyes that pierced you and stripped you naked until you were nothing more than your deepest yearnings and fears. Eyes that carried a never-ending love for each other, and each other alone. 

They talk in furtive glances, and all you can do is give up on deciphering their language and let yourself enjoy the circles being drawn onto your back by Johnny’s teasing fingers. (You possibly cannot expect to unfurl all of that history and love between them just because you get to be a part of it for a few hours, can you now?)

After they have made a decision and with a nod of mutual acceptance, Johnny turns back to you and you straighten up due to the sudden attention. He looks at you with something akin to desire, and you can only feel your mouth turn dry as he asks you:

“Wanna get out of here?”

They hail a taxi for the three of you. 

Johnny is curious and impatient with his hands as he fondles you and leaves fluttering kisses up your neck. You should be mortified; getting frisky with a man you have known for only a few hours, in a taxi no less. But the attention makes it easier to swallow the humiliation that tries to consume your thoughts. Your back is pressed up against Simon’s side, who is all the more satisfied with watching his boyfriend paw at you like a cat fascinated with his new toy. You tilt your head back, and curse out when Johnny’s lips touch a spot that makes your knees buckle. And then you feel a hand engulf your throat, squeezing you gently and you think you might as well just forget to breathe all together. 

“Such a pretty girl”, Simon whispers against the shell of your ear, and you are glad that the only source of light on your way to their place are the shitty streetlights, because you cannot school your expression into one of indifference. (You like the praise a little too much.You like it out of Simon’s mouth even more.)

After what seems like an eternity of being teased and taunted by sweet words and lazy actions, the taxi finally comes to a stop and you send out a prayer to any deity out there who might be awake at this odd hour and willing to lend you an ear, because you’re sure that this night will leave you ruined. 

You get out of the vehicle on wobbly knees and Johnny is all the more willing to support you while he guides you to the apartment complex where he and Simon currently reside. Simon throws the crumpled bills on the lap of the driver, along with a generous tip for putting up with his frisky lover and the sweet girl they have taken home and for not kicking them out in the middle of nowhere late at night. Simon joins you both in the elevator, and Johnny is all the more eager to pin you against him and finally kisses you on the lips. 

You moan into the kiss, your hands finally tugging on his mohawk and bringing you closer and closer to his body. (Not close enough, your body screams. Never close enough, it screams again.) His hands are all the more eager to explore every soft curve of you; restless fingers groping your breasts and making you arch into him even more. 

“Fuck, bonnie.Yer so soft”, he remarks after breaking the kiss, and you can only pant at how breathless one kiss from this man had left you. You can only wonder what more he’s capable of making you feel. 

You are turned around to face Simon, who looks at your crumpled blouse and your messy hair and the neediness that drips from your eyes and your swollen lips. He holds your chin and tilts it to look at him, before commanding you, “Open up, sweetheart”. 

You comply without any complaints, wanting nothing more than to obey the masked man. 

You open your mouth, letting your pink tongue tease your parched lips as you wet them and he pries your mouth open wider with a firm hand on your jaw. His dark eyes look down on you, and you feel as if you’re going to be sacrificed and all you can hope is that he likes the offering you have in store for him. (You you you, you offer him all of you.)

“Suck on it”, he orders and you swallow the thumb he offers you - letting you soothe your oral fixation while you impatiently resist the urge to tap your foot against the floor as you wait for the elevator to finish its ascent. 

You twirl your tongue around it, wetting the finger in your mouth before you let it out with a resounding ‘pop’, a thin string of saliva connecting your soft lips and the thumb. Your eyes look up at him in reverence, pleading with him to reward you for your good behavior. 

“Fuckin’ hell”, he rasps out, and he almost leans forward, almost closes the distance between you both when the elevator lets out a ring and stops on the designated floor. 

Through drunk giggles and impaired body coordination, you follow the men as they lead you to their apartment. The moment the door closes behind them (locked carefully by Simon, while Johnny guides you inside), they’re back onto you - clinging to your body like you’re the anchor that grounds them in the storm of life. 

And it feels nice to be needed like that, if only for a moment. 

You’re on your knees on the floor as you wait for Simon to do something.

You are naked - your clothes peeled off from your body after Simon unzipped it for you and Johnny had been all the more eager to palm your breasts in his hands - warm and calloused and greedy for more. 

Your blouse is discarded somewhere on the floor long forgotten.

(“Lovely tits”, Johnny had groaned as he had undressed you, and you thanked yourself for wearing a somewhat decent bra today. )

You sit waiting - a paragon of virtue and patience as you look up at the men who would be ultimately ruining you tonight. They talk in eyes again, and you feel a pang of irritation at your inability to decipher all that is said between them with just a single look. 

Your arms are folded across your chest - a decision you had swiftly taken after feeling a wave of self-consciousness hit you in full force. You can feel your ankles getting numb at the posture - the pins and prickles forcing you to momentarily shift your weight from the ball of your feet to your knees, taking the lack of notice from either men as an incentive to ensure you don’t end up with numb legs while you wait for them to finish whatever secretive talk they are having without words. 

Simon turns towards you and notices you struggling on your knees, and then he reaches for one of the pillows scattered near the headboard of their Californian-sized bed. He asks you gently, “Get up from the floor, lovie”, and you do, wincing as you feel the blood circulation return to your sore feet. He puts the pillow on the ground near your feet, bending down to fluff it up a bit for your disposal. You thank him for the considerate action, before assuming your position below him again - the pillow cushioning your knees and providing you much needed relief from the hard marble floor. 

“Look at me, lovie”, he commands and you follow him eagerly, tilting your head up to meet his dark eyes. He looks godly, hovering above you like an ethereal deity - his scarred hands and intimidating gait only gives your body the incentive to feel the thrum of desire in your bloodstream as it flows south, making you ready for him. 

For both of them. 

“A little help here, Johnny?” he beckons and the other man stands in front of Simon, shielding your view of him with his back as he helps the masked man take off his shirt, and if the muffled groans are anything to go by - they’re both kissing and you cannot even see Simon’s face. After a moment, he unzips his pants and lets the garment fall down to his ankles - leaving him in nothing but a dark pair of boxer briefs. 

Johnny falls down to his knees in front of him and Simon has his mask back on. Kneeling below him, he uses his mouth on his clothed cock, peppering him with soft kisses filled with drool and lust. Simon groans above him, letting his fingers card through the man’s mohawk as he encourages him with throaty noises to continue his actions. Eager to feel all of him, Johnny slides his thumbs into the band of his briefs as he slowly slides down the garment from his hips, letting it pool around his ankles as well. From where you’re seated, you can see how thick Simon is, and you cannot help the way your mouth waters at the idea of being used by him. 

You snap out of your thoughts when Simon pulls Johnny onto his feet by his mohawk, forcing him to bare his neck to the taller man and you swear you can hear him whimper when Simon catches his throat with his other hand before giving it a light squeeze. 

The sight before you is nothing short of heavenly. 

“Eager, are we?” he taunts him, taking his breath away with just a squeeze of his fingers and he lets out a throaty hum as he eyes up his partner, noticing the semi he’s been sporting in his jeans ever since he got a taste of you. 

“But it’s her turn”, he motions to you and you straighten your back as both men look back at you. 

“C’mere love”, he calls out to you, and you get down to your hands and knees, willing to crawl to him if that is what it will take for him to let you touch him, feel him under your fingertips. 

He shakes his head, stopping you in your tracks.

“No, bring that pillow with you too”, he orders you, “Don’t want your knees to get sore now, do we?”

You feel his hands pull at your hair gently as he brings out his still hard cock out of the confines of your soft mouth. Your lips are sheen with spit and pre-cum and the running makeup paints a debauched picture of you before these men. 

So perfect. So ruined. And all theirs for the night. 

You look up at him with teary eyes and longing and Simon is almost tempted to allow you to keep going, to let himself finish in your warm, soft mouth. But he has quite a night planned for the both of you(You and Johnny, Johnny and you - consuming his thoughts and mind and even his heart.), and he’d rather not finish in a handful of pumps before you. 

“Don’t pout at me, pretty girl”, he chides you playfully, his chest heaving as he takes in deep breaths to soothe the fire in his lungs that you have invoked within him.

You whine noncommittally, eyes focused on him and only him - and it almost shakes him to his core how much he likes having your attention all for himself. (Greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy-)

“Gotta get you ready for the both of us, yeah?” you nod eagerly at his statement, and then you feel a pair of arms around your waist lift you up in the air and you shriek as you’re thrown on the soft mattress, bouncing lightly at the impact as your head falls back on the bed. 

“Johnny!” you scream out in surprise, almost tempted to scold him for scaring you but his calloused fingers trace your curves and they tickle your skin that makes it hard for you to control yourself. You let out a soft giggle as the man hovers above you, letting his hands map out every little scar, every little mole, every little mark on your soft skin. 

He grins at you, before bending down and taking your lips in a soft kiss - growling a little as he tastes Simon on your lips. Pulling away, he looks down on you again as he cages you between his arms. 

“Hi there, bonnie," he whispers breathlessly. 

“Hi there, handsome”, you whisper earnestly, before turning your head to the side and kissing the inside of his wrist. 

“Johnny will help you get ready. Won’t you, Johnny?” Simon asks, and Johnny groans as he lowers himself down over your body till his eyes line up with the hem of your soft black panties. You exhale soundly in anticipation, propping yourself onto your elbows so your head is up and your eyes gaze into Johnny’s warm brown pupils. You let out an audible exhale when you feel his hands grab the meat of your inner thigh, before he leaves a tender kiss on it, letting out his tongue to taste your skin. Your head falls back on the pillow below you, and your hands find purchase in the luscious locks of his mohawk as Johnny lets his tongue rile you up by licking and kissing every inch of your exposed skin, avoiding where you needed him the most on purpose. 

“So sweet”, his teeth lightly bite the meat of your inner thigh, and you wince at the pain before whimpering. 

“So pretty”, his fingers play with the flimsy fabric covering your cunt, slowly tugging them to the side and revealing how needy you are for him. For both of them. 

“Johnny, please”, you beg him so sweetly with your fingers tugging on his hair, that he finally gives in to your demands with no further ado. 

It isn’t long until Johnny is fucking you with all he has. 

You have your face buried sideways into the pillow and a leg propped up on his strong shoulder, the position offering him a chance to fuck you deeper that your fingers or any half-hearted partner ever has. 

The pillow is wet from the sweat and spit and tears it has soaked up from you, and you bite the fluff of it, trying your best to mute your incomprehensive noises down - lest the nice couple fucking you right now get a noise complaint from their neighbours tomorrow - but to no avail. 

It’s like Johnny is on a personal quest to make you scream for everyone to hear. 

It also helps that Simon has taken it upon himself to fuck his boyfriend dumb, and what a sight it must be - Johnny fucking into you desperately and letting Simon control the rhythm of his hips as he fucks into him. You’d beckon that he probably has his tongue out - no man can survive fucking someone and getting fucked at the same time without letting it dumb him down like a mutt in heat. 

Too bad the room is pitch black for you to witness the filthy sight. 

At least the dark room allows Simon to take off his mask, even though it stings to know that you may never know the man behind the mask - may never remember the man who is giving you the best night of your life before you return back to your mundane life of spreadsheets, burnt coffee in styrofoam cups and manila folders the next morning. 

You feel your legs shake - the lethal amalgamation of pleasure and exhaustion coating your bones as you feel Johnny hit the spongy spot deep in you that makes you keel and beg into the mattress for the much overdue orgasm that has been building up inside you for the better part of the hour. 

He bends down, letting his tongue lick your neck and his sharp incisors drag over the taut skin as he mumbles about how pretty you sound when you’re fucked dumb. None of that matters to you right now, not when you’re this close to relief - but Johnny doesn’t oblige; either too dumbed down just like you to understand what you need, or denying you what you need on purpose - which is probably the cruelest thing he could fucking do to you tonight. 

You feel another pair of fingers slide up your thighs before said fingers finally map out your swollen clit amongst the mess of sweat and limbs and Simon uses his calloused fingertips to gently rub you until you’re crying and arching your back before you slide down back into the bed, your limbs sagging with relief as you ride out the aftershocks of your orgasm. 

“Fuck, bonnie”, you hear Johnny grunt out, feel him fuck you rougher and feel his hands grope your breasts roughly, but you’re far away now - floating away in a strange, hazy headspace as you hear his groans before his hips finally stutter to a close and then he slumps forward, letting the brunt of his weight fall down on you. 

Simon follows him soon after, slowly pulling out from his partner with a soft ‘Fuck’.

You whine at the impact, pushing at his shoulders weakly as you urge him to get his weight off from your sore body. You sighed out when he eventually obliged, letting himself fall into bed beside you, his fingers gently playing with your messy hair. You feel his stubble tickle your face as he lands a soft kiss against your jaw, “You were so good for us, lass”. 

You preen at the praise, letting his soft words and touch comfort you as you slowly feel yourself regain control of your body and your mind, already missing how you felt just a moment ago. 

You can hear the running faucet in the bathroom next door, and listen to the doors creak and soft footfalls before Simon returns to the scene with a wet washcloth. He taps your knee and you part your legs obediently for him - feeling the wet cloth drag over your innermost parts as he wipes you clean before offering you a few face wipes kept near his nightstand, which you take gratefully and you wipe away the smudged makeup, smearing the ruined mascara all over your cheeks. You hear Simon sigh before he gently pries the thin wipe from your hands, taking it upon himself to help you clean up nicely. In the dim moon light peeking through the windows, you notice he has his mask back on, and you feel disappointed at how you haven’t been able to look at him. You feel Johnny’s fingers gently massage your scalp, and the tension in your shoulders leaves you promptly, making you sag into the soft mattress as he coos at you, occasionally kissing your cheeks. It’s almost enough to put you at ease. 

It’s not long before the boys clean up after themselves before they join you back in bed. Sandwiched between the two men, you feel exhaustion and the afterglow lull you into a false sense of security - and you almost feel like you’re cared for. 

You hadn’t been able to fall asleep, despite your best efforts. Your thoughts have been nothing short of cruel, and you only feel shame creep under your skin the more you think about how this night had transpired. 

You have desperately gone home of two stranger men (who are together, no less), sat down on your knees like a desperate whore (and liked it), had gotten naked for them (and let them see all of your curves and rolls and blemishes), and let them fuck you dumb till you almost forgot your damn name. 

And now you lie between them, unable to put your mind at ease and sleep away the second thoughts.

Mortification seems to be the least of your worries at the moment. 

The worst part seems to be the fact that you wished for nothing more than to prolong the facade of love and gratitude they had for you when they cleaned you up, only for it to be redirected to each other as they checked in on each other with hushed whispers and soft kisses, their intermingled hands serving you a bitter reminder that you cannot overstay your welcome. 

It’s them first. And then you. 

You are just another body they had invited to warm their bed for the night. 

You are quick to wiggle out of the bed, feeling your ears burn in embarrassment as you try your best to locate your discarded clothes on the cold bedroom floor. You find your skirt near the legs of the bed, your cotton panties not far off from there. Your blouse and bra lie near the door, and you’re almost dressed when you hear a light click and see the light of the table lamp illuminate the room in a soft yellow. Johnny blinks, still sluggish from his interrupted sleep as he rubs away the sleep from his eyes, and you stay standing, frozen in your step. You almost feel guilty for waking him up. Were you not quiet enough?

You feel like a child who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar by her mother. 

“Yer leavin’?” he asks with a helpless look on his face, and you almost walk back into his arms.

Almost go back to the space they have created for you - between them. 

The clock reads a quarter past three when they both offer to drive you home. 

It’s not long before Simon wakes up from the commotion. (You turn around and train your eyes on the wall, waiting until you’re certain that his face is covered - having taken the hint that he would not welcome the idea of revealing his identity to you yet.) Soon enough, they’re both asking you why you’re up and leaving and the sincerity in their voices almost convinces you that they want you here. 

But you use work as an excuse to go back home, and despite how obvious that lie is, Simon insists on driving you home nonetheless. (You almost turn him down, but Johnny pipes in, “There’s not gonna be a whole lotta cabs for ye to hail. Let us make sure our lady reaches home safe,”, and you feel your walls crumble slightly, feel your very foundation of self-hatred and pity shake at how he addresses you as theirs. As if you’re now a part of them, like they’ve been a part of each other for years.)

They ask you to stay anyway, promising to drop you off to your home first thing in the morning - bribing you with promises of cuddles in your sleep and breakfast in bed; promising you intimacy you’re wholly undeserving of, and you cut them off swiftly as you tell them that you’d rather be at home right now so that you can wake up later and go straight to office - no detours welcomed. 

Reluctantly, they comply.

So you let them both escort you out of the apartment building and you stand with Johnny while Simon revs up his car and lets the engine warm up before letting you both sit inside. Johnny naturally assumes his place beside Simon, sitting in the passenger seat and you sit in the backseat. You almost feel apprehensive about telling them your address, but your rattled brain cannot seem to care about it - too tired and strung up to give a shit about ‘stranger danger’. 

Simon types out your address on the phone and he soon follows the path - the soft hum of the engine making you succumb to the tiredness you feel and you lie down on your side, the leather seat of the car cushioning your now-throbbing head and you cannot help but close your eyes just for a moment. 

After a few minutes, you hear Johnny talk about buying groceries and he asks out loud if his boyfriend would like to add anything to the list. Simon softly replies back with a few additions - whey protein, some bananas, pancake mix, shower gel and a room freshener spray. Johnny mulls over it before recalling some more things they need to buy soon. (“Dusting cloths. Manure. Oh, gotta get some stuff from the hardware store too!” “Don’t forget to get some cereal and protein bars.” “Roger that, Lt.”)

The conversation lulls. And then it begins anew. 

Simon asks Johnny if he’d like to have biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and he lets out an almost disappointing groan at his atrocious food choices. (Or so he tells him.) Instead, Johnny suggests they have some hash browns. (“Gotta get that carb in for the long day ahead!” and Simon just chuckles dryly at his reasoning.)

Then, they talk some more - about work and people. About how they’d need to go back to work, and how they’d miss staying home together. About how they should get some cigars for ‘Price’, whoever that may be. About how ‘Gaz’ is vacationing in Italy with his family. About how they should have a vacation the next time they get a break that lasts them more than a week. 

They hold hands - at least Johnny does, and he brings his partner’s hand to his face, softly kissing his knuckles, and that is when your curiosity wins over as you open your eyes to witness the sickly sweet scene of two men, two souls being in love. Johnny looks at him like Simon’s his entire universe - and 

You shut your eyes quickly, feeling like an outsider between them both. 

That’s maybe because you are one, your brain supplies you with this thought rather unkindly and you dig your nails into your palms to distract yourself from it. 

The scene oddly enough reminds you of your parents when they were still in love and when you were young and sleeping in the backseat after an exciting evening at the city fair. It is far too domestic and tender for an outsider like you to intrude upon, and so you keep your eyes shut - unwilling to witness them and get your heart broken again. 

As their conversation fades to silence again, you bravely open your eyes - squinting in the dark as the only source of light are the street lights outside. You witness Simon with his hand on Johnny’s thigh, his thumb drawing soft circles against the soft cotton of his black joggers. You witness Johnny humming to himself with a satisfied smile on his face as he occasionally looks at Simon with love in his eyes. Pure, unconditional love brimming in his brown, almond eyes. And when you look at Simon, his eyes reflect the same - unfiltered affection and absolute devotion; all these emotions reserved for the love of his life. His only love of his life. 

It makes you sick. 

Sick with yearning. Sick with the green monster of envy. 

You’re so sick with it all. 

This time when you close your eyes, you feel a tear drip down your nose as you let the soft whirr of the engine and Johnny’s humming act as the lullaby you needed to hear before you sleep.

You feel someone shake you softly by your shoulder when you come into consciousness. 

“Wake up, dove”, you hear Simon call you, “We’re here already”. 

You stare up at him as he hovers over you from outside the car. His masked face gives little away about how he’s feeling at the moment, but you feel embarrassed all the same - for intruding upon them and for sleeping in their car as they drove you home half-asleep and still in their pajamas. 

You get up and use the back of your hand to wipe away any drool, snot or tears you might’ve let out while you were out like a light in the backseat of their car. The opened car door lets in the chilly night wind, and you shiver at the drop in temperature. 

“Here, have this”, he offers you a windcheater jacket - and you gratefully take it and zip it up till the collar of the clothing lightly brushes your chin.  He extends his hand to you, and you take it  - letting his calloused palm warm up your cold fingers as he escorts you out of the vehicle. Once you’re out on the concrete pavement, you notice Johnny leaning against one of the many lamp posts scattered across your street. He’s rubbing his hands for some warmth, and the yellow streetlights act like a halo around his tousled mohawk. He’s angelic. 

The steady echo of your footfalls catches his attention, and he turns to look at you with such warmth in his eyes that you falter in your steps for a moment. His kind, blue eyes look at you like you’re the moon - like you’re something familiar and he’s known you forever. 

You do not know what to make of it. 

“Had a nice sleep, lass?” he asks you casually, and you feel the tip of your ears warm up in embarrassment. 

You nod demurely, before responding, “Yeah, I did. I’m so sorry I troubled you with escorting me back home”. 

“Don’t apologize”, Simon speaks up as he rests a gentle hand on your left shoulder, before he joins Johnny in standing in front of you. He looks at you with an unreadable look, and you worry that he can see what you don’t wish anyone to notice. That he can tell. 

“We had to make sure our bonnie reached her home safe”, Johnny quips, and you feel your resolve crumble just a little bit - his honeyed words coaxing you to hug him and it catches him off guard, just a little. To feel your arms wrap around his body, to feel your heart beat so fast before falling into synch with his

“Thank you”, and you mean it - for taking care of you, for making you forget your shitty office and your shitty job for the night, for driving you back home, for showing you what love is (even though it burnt you from inside to see what they have and know that you’d never have that). 

You’re thankful to them for a lot of things. 

You’re curled up on your side on the bed as you try to catch some sleep before the sun greets you from between the curtains over your window, but all attempts to go back to sleep fail you. 

You almost wish you hadn’t been woken up. You almost wish you were still in their car, letting them drive and talk to each other. You almost wish you hadn’t left their bed - letting their rough hands gently caress her into a peaceful slumber, feeling their love for each other fill her up. 

You should’ve at least gotten their number. 

It was worth a shot, and if they didn’t want anything to do with you after tonight, you’d have been able to console yourself with the possibility that you won’t have to see them in the future and get taunted by the very notion that you have been all too desperate and all too needy for someone to love you. 

But you didn’t, and you caress your own arm with light fingers as you convince yourself that it was all for the best that you hadn’t done anything about it. 

This was all for one night. They just needed someone to warm their beds for a night, and you did just that. Wishing for it to be something more is just plain stupid on your part. They’ve loved each other for a lifetime, and you’ve known them for only a night. You cannot fathom carving a place for yourself between Johnny and Simon. Simon and Johnny. 

Not without becoming an unwanted third wheel - tolerated by the couple since they’re too courteous to tell you off. Not without becoming a placeholder - a human paperweight until a better man or a better woman comes along to be where they rightfully belong. With them. 

So you hug yourself tight with your nails digging into your arm, and gently rock back and forth in the same place on your bed, as you soothe yourself with empty words and tell yourself that what you did was a brave thing - and this was all for the best, even if it makes your chest feel like a hollowed out tree, empty from within. 

Note -

Got inspired by the poem - 'After the Threesome, They Both Take You Home' by Sue Hyon Bae cuz it resonated with how I have always been a bystander or a temporary placeholder between friends and couples alike - always fearing that I will never be able to experience love. Started writing this fic fuelled up on my personal thoughts and projections. Then, October came and seasonal depression knocked my ass out. Got back into writing it. Couldn't handle it well, so I rushed the ending. Bon apple tit, y'all. Or whatever the fuck they say in France.

[mono-blogs-art]

The Loyal Pin Ep. 13

This episode was peak. Truly.

I needed to gather my thoughts for a while to talk about this episode because there was just so much. It's a whopping 75 minutes long, compared to the normal ~60mins that the episodes do, and they spent every minute of it cashing in on character work and payoff from the previous 12 episodes. I was pleasantly surprised because I didn't even think they would handle their breakup this well. It was so fucking good.

First and foremost this was a very Anil-focused episode, with Pin popping up here and there for some scenes but we didn't get much of her perspective - which I believe is true to the novel, and also my only "criticism" of this episode. At the same time, I wouldn't want to give away any of those minutes we spent with Anin to something else, it was really perfect the way it was.

And that is definitely deliberate. Because now that the cat's fully out of the bag, we have an open battlefield with almost nowhere to hide. And Anin has all her supporters come to see her. Her brother comes to apologize and comfort her. She visits her mother and has a heartfelt scene with her, once again making her feelings clear. Although Princess Alisa is not on board with the relationship, she still wants to support Anin - the problem is just that Anin is asking for the one thing she cannot get. Prik comes to apologize to Anin and they hug. Anan comes to see Anin again to comfort her some more. Everyone is on Anin's side, even if they don't agree with her, she has a whole following and family that just want her to be happy.

And Pin? She has no one. The only person she has, she has to sacrifice in order to not cause her harm. Within the hierarchy of the royal families, Pin's feelings, her body or even her life don't matter to anyone. The difference in scenes of Anin grieving VS Pin grieving really illuminates how alone and powerless Pin really is. A literal bird in a cage.

And that's the excellency of the episode for me: I feel deeply with both of the girls, and I understand exactly how they are feeling and why the breakup was inevitable. From Pin's perspective, her dating Anin was always going to be temporary, because she knows that if the time came, she could never defy authority and choose not to marry. As an orphan and "noble commoner", a noble of the lowest rank in the palace, she's been keenly aware of her powerlessness and rank etiquette her entire life. She's basically a servant. Although she made a promise with Anin and dared to dream about their future for just a bit, Princess Patt made her remember her place. So the only way to protect the person she loves is to sacrifice herself. Anin on the other hand is the King's favourite child, a high ranking Princess and the only daughter the family has. She was never going to marry for love, just like her oldest brother wasn't allowed to. And in this episode, the reality of that finally hit Anin. She's a woman, and although everyone loves her, in the end, she's expected to marry a man and have children, and that is the top priority for her. Her job, her studying abroad, her passion, her mannerisms and shenanigans don't matter and are always policed by the rest of her family. The power she thought she had by cleverly playing people to her advantage, and being just so damn kind and sweet that people will just naturally be on her side, that power has its limits, and she has reached it.

That's the core of the tragedy. Anin loves Pin, and Pin loves her, so ardently and deeply that they would give up everything for each other. And they know that the other is sincere about their feelings. Anin doesn't even hesitate to renounce her title, and Pin gives up her body and heart to marry Kuea. All just so the other doesn't get hurt. But that's where the two of them are different: Anin gives up her privilege, because she thinks she can be with Pin that way. No princess title, no princess responsibilities, right? But it's simply not true, and the hardest realization Anin has this episode is that she's been just stupidly naive this whole time. Pin on the other hand is extremely aware of the consequences Anin would face if she gave up her title, so the only way to prevent that is to take away what Anin wants, which is her. Anin gives up everything to not lose Pin. But when Pin gives up everything, it's only to not have Anin lose herself.

It drives me so insane how they care so deeply that they are willing to sacrifice it all but still it ends in heartbreak, no matter what. The reality of misogyny and class discrimination came in full force, something the show up to this point has only vaguely alluded to with Patt's disciplining and Pin's general worrying about, well, everything. But now even Anin is aware of her position, and her responsibilities, where before she was living in her own little dream world she thought she could expand forever and everyone would just go along.

The confrontation between Anin and Pin after Pin agreed to marry Kuea is just so good and heartbreaking. "I'm just a human, like you, made of flesh and blood and a heart that can break." Pin's betrayal hit deep and Anin doesn't understand it. Pin can only see what she sacrificed, and not that from Anin's perspective, she has given up and betrayed their love.

And truly: Anin is better than any of us. Certainly better than me. Because she is ugly sobbing and quietly fuming with anger but she doesn't lash out. Not at her dumbass middle brother, not at her mother, not at Princess Patt, barely even at Kuea. She is not petty, she is not hurting anyone, she's not even dropping any of her responsibilities as a princess. She even fucking shows up to the engagement party, performs her duties as Princess, and gives Pin back the silver hairpin. Oh my fucking God. You are so good and kind and any lesser show would have made you do something so messy and reckless but she didn't. She's minimizing the damage as best she can, while also trying to leave as much room for her own feelings as possible, isolating herself to her room above the others. Giving back the silver hairpin to Pin's golden hairpin? That's even a declaration of hope. If we can't be together, then at least let our hairpins be together, like they were destined to be. YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

So really, these are some (but definitely not all) of my thoughts, because there's just so much to talk about that came to fruition in this masterclass in angst of an episode. The acting was top-tier this episode from every character. You could even see cracks showing in Auntie Patt's facade - I wonder which route they will go with her. I hear exciting things about next episode and that it might focus on Pin more again, so I'm really excited! This show just gets better every week, only 3 episodes left - what will I do when it's over?!

[bitter-bats-cult-of-the-moon]

Spirit Work II

Spiritual Imposters

Before committing yourself to a deity or spirit one must communicate by learning about the entity in question, making certain they are who they say they are. Discovery of a spirit you thought you were working with is something else that leaves one feeling betrayed, upset, and oftentimes empty. Knowing the signs can really help discern things.

Mental Sock Puppets

A mental sock puppet is the result of talking to yourself and concluding self-talks as something else. The ego talks, you listen to yourself. Not a spirit. Or you establish contact but are incredibly biased hearing your thoughts. Not theirs.

It acts in accordance to your expectations.

You received no new information.

It’s only as knowledgeable as you are.

It only abides by your will. No one else.

It gives no signs unless you’re looking for them.

These are easy to get rid of if you identify the problem, recognize the problem, and let the narrative and ego go. No one needs to hear it. No one wants too either. You only end up hurting yourself and other people if things get too out of hand.

Lying Spirits

Some spirits are opportunists. They can portray an illusion pretending to be someone they’re not in order to gain loyalty and trust. They can take the form of a deity, guide, companion, or anything else that you would be most receptive to. This is why it’s good to know the basics to energy work and magick. Remember to learn different energies and how they feel to you. Remember to analyze the situation, yourself, the spirit, the environment, and working before proceeding forward. A lot of these malevolent entities like to feed off you or cause more drama that’s not necessarily needed.

Spirit Work and Continued Relationships

Veneration and Practice

This is about worshipping the deities or spirits you work with and highly depends on your practices and influences you choose to use and construct.

Most times there will be an altar setup or shrine dedicated to these spirits. Offerings of food, drink, incense, and trinkets would be a way of showing your dedication and interests of the spirits. There are other forms of interaction I have seen before.

Connection through art, music, nature, and meditation are just some of these other mediums. You don’t have to make this complex, and sometimes people have busy schedules making veneration hard to come by.

Try to keep things simple and remember it’s always okay to take a break due to circumstances. Spirits understand life comes first.

Patrons and Matrons

A Patron and Matron are deities that a devotee has a connection to. Its beyond standard devotional relations and is the main contact point for guidance and protection. It’s important to recognize that these types of relationships are built. They are not assigned.

Wicca is known for the patron and matron concept where duo theistic practices entail encouraging practitioners to seek out two divinities. The patron and matron would represent the divine masculine and divine feminine.

This is not a requirement in most practices, but in Wicca it is recognized in many circles.

Fallow Times

There are times where communication between you and the spirits can be difficult, and that’s okay. It happens with everyone. It doesn’t mean a spirit has left or that you’ve lost your ability to communicate. This feeling is temporary, and it’s a reminder that whenever this does happen, you need to take care of yourself first. Get the rest you deserve and try again later. Remember, this is normal due to circumstances – including stress, environmental factors, and any sort of disturbances one may have.

Oaths and Vows

There are many reasons why an individual would take an oath and vow. That’s between the practitioner and the spirit. This promise can come about for many different reasons, and even sometimes at the request of the spirit. However, this isn’t required if you are just working with them. It doesn’t mean control or status either. You can’t parade this around to get your way in certain situations. It doesn’t look good or help. Be aware of that. Remember why you did this, and what does it mean for you. That’s the most important part.

Displeasing Spirits

Those that are new to Spirit Work sometimes worry about displeasing the spirits. Repeat after me, deities and spirits who choose to work with you won’t get mad at you for being a human.

They will know there will be shortcomings, quirks, and variations.

You have NO obligation to listen to ANY person on this subject otherwise.

IF you do upset a spirit or make it angry question yourself as to why. Remember, communication is the key, and sometimes frictions can happen.

IF the behavior seems off and out of place, you may be dealing with an imposter. Check your sources and confirmation methods before determining the circumstances.

[002yb]

Fairtytale!AU

It might be that Jason will always be a cautionary tale, his life twisted into something dark and terrible.

No one knows him, but there are rumors of him. A beast that haunts an abandoned manor in the deepest parts of the woods that used to make up Old Gotham before madness drove everyone to settle further away

People tell stories of him—exaggerated tales for convenience. Warnings for children to mind their guardians; threats to wayward kids to not be reckless, angry, selfish. Hurt. Something scary and horrific and violent. A punishment for criminals and a caution to travelers to stay away from the curse of the old lands lest they be killed by the beast who guards it.

Tim doesn't believe it, despite Bruce telling him otherwise.

Because Bruce has seen it for himself. It's a monster, a beast.

The mystery of why the beast takes residence at the old Wayne manor haunts him though. He can't argue that he isn't curious about all the secrets that make up centuries of darkness and frenzy. For as meticulous as the Wayne family was about documenting their history, there's precious little in regards to that time

In the time before? Plenty. Blessed land before it was cursed.

Much like the land Gotham currently has roots in. It's like the curse follows them. The warning signs being there and that being what Tim hones in on because Gotham is their home; they need to protect it.

Which Bruce is doing to the best of his abilities. He's sustaining everyone, but it's a temporary fix. He's not addressing the root of the problem. Not that they know what that is...

Which is why Tim wants to explore Old Gotham to find clues about what brought about its demise so that they can preempt New Gotham's downfall.

Naturally, Bruce refuses. Because he'll take care of everything on his own. And in typical Bruce fashion, he forbids Tim to leave.

Of course this prompts Tim to do just that.

But it's fine because of course Dick notices Tim's absence and chases after him in typical big brother fashion.

Something something, Tim unraveling the mysteries of a lost generation after breaking into the old Wayne manor and sifting through their records in the library.

Only to be interrupted by beast!Jason, who is every bit the monster everyone spins their tales about.

At which point, fade to black and back to Dick. Who is a blood witch in this AU, for reasons. Mainly for magic aesthetic, but also for story purposes. Maybe.

Something something Dick being able to sense curses. And knowing in his soul, even from a distance, that Old Gotham is something wretched. It's forsaken land, steeped in dark and twisted magic. So unnatural it's been forsaken.

Which is what Dick warns Tim of, but of course Tim does what Tim wants.

Hence: Dick giving chase when he realizes Tim has stolen away to uncover some alleged mystery.

Something something Dick tracking Tim with magic (maybe from a protection thing being broken when Jason gets to Tim and Dick being able to follow that feeling?)

Anyway, Dick ends up at the manor. He makes an exchange of prisoner so that Tim can go home safely with all his stolen relics that hold hints of the truth behind Gotham's tragedy.

And, yeah. Tim rushes home, somehow with everything gained and arguably more lost.

He promises he'll be back for Dick though. He swears it. It's an oath. ;3;

That intro background aside, thoughts on Dick coming to Tim's rescue and fending off beast!Jason:

No thoughts, just Dick being sparked and alight with magic that cuts through the dark and that eats away at the fringes of the shadows that make up the beast.

It's Dick throwing himself into harm's way to protect what's his, facing off with a monster and somehow coming across even more vicious. A beast disguised as a man.

Only to realize that it's not another monster he's confronting

Because Jason is an abomination of nightmares and terrors, more shadow than form with only hints of something other—sometimes feathers like an oil slick or matted fur or gnarled scar tissue, but all Dick sees is a child, wrapped up in curses.

And Jason might bare his teeth in a snarl, growl so low it rattles Dick's bones, but through all the dark Dick sees eyes that are distressingly innocent. Lonely, scared, hurt—

Truth be told, Dick and Tim could both escape.

Dick chooses to stay. For Jason.

But Dick lets Jason think that he has Dick as his prisoner. It's a small concession in the grand scheme. Especially since Jason generally steers clear of Dick.

Just the visual of this monstrous beast being unsettled by some weird man that strolls into his home. And that man being more monstrous in nature than the beast can even pretend to be.

Seriously, just Jason prowling around the precipice of his own home to avoid Dick because Dick is weird and intense, always with the quiet observations and piqued curiosity; the gentle smiles and thoughtless conversations and mellow humor and—

Meanwhile, Dick observing how Jason exists at extremes, both beast and boy: prowling the perimeter of the manor, then sneezing at a flake of snow that lands on his nose. Bloody jowls from a hunt, but then sleeping in a spot of sunlight within the manor, curled small with nodes of dust caught in the air around him.

And...yeah. Just Dick bonding with Jason as he sets about trying to unravel the mystery of what cursed Jason, why, and how to undo it. Which Jason probably gets defensive over (the curse protecting itself?//Jason trying to protect Dick from getting cursed, himself??)

Soft moments with Dick sneaking up on Jason and startling him. Laughter ringing through the manor for the first time in forever because Jason might be a beast, but he startles like a cat - shadows puffing up like smoke around him. And Jason might snap and snarl in response, but Dick just gives him a pat and sees through the threat to the petulance beneath

Dick pulling open the drapes and letting proper light in for the first time in too long. Jason protests and shrinks away at first, especially because of how Dick looks when back lit by dawn. But then later Dick catches Jason basking in a spot of sun, soaking in the warmth. ;U;

Jason being wary of Dick's magic. Threatened by it, even. Only Dick's magic is bright and warm and hopeful so unwittingly Jason is drawn to it. He'll chase it, curl up with it. It's kinder than the curses he's wrapped in.

But it can be vicious, too. Which Jason sees when they hunt together. And Jason has such an adverse reaction to the violence in it that Jason spooks and gets lost in his curses and it takes a long time for Dick to coax him back out.

((Jason staying scared of the darker side to Dick's magic until Dick uses it to protect Jason ;A; ))

Something something the unnatural magic that’s made Old Gotham a forsaken place wearing on Dick somehow and impacting him in some way? Magic becomes a bit more wild (frenzied) so he has to stifle himself and that being a painful thing, but he endures for Jason?? Jason realizing and trying to force Dick out but Dick won’t be kept away from him???

Additional, scattered thoughts to wrap-up a scattered AU post, whoops:

Starting with some scene where Dick is exploring the manor and comes across what can only be a dungeon. And being so struck with sadness because there are scratches through the stone and stains that smell of blood. The desperation is palpable. Dick can still hear the echoing cries of a child in the air.

Actually, that shackle still being caught around beast!Jason's foot. Dick catching sight of it past the shifting of darkness and curses and faltering because the truth is too cruel

------------------

The blood witch bit being entirely based on an idea of 'blood weaving'. Where Dick weaves his own blood into a cloak. And when he pulls it over beast!Jason, Jason is himself again (if only while the hood is pulled up) ;U;

Ahhhhhh just the visual of them both sat on the floor with Jason peeking up at Dick from the shadows of the hood

And Dick offering a small, adoring smile despite how grotesque all of Jason's lingering abuse is ;A;

-------------------

The way Dick's heart would break when he realizes that Jason cursed himself on accident—a protection spell gone wrong

A desperate attempt to save himself from pain and torture and loneliness.

He's a specter from bygone days, lingering proof of darker times. Where Joker lingered and used Jason for forbidden magic and left the husk of him to rot.

And Jason freed himself, but there was only ruin. Because by that point Joker fucked Old Gotham over and everyone was retreating.

Maybe Jason makes it home to the manor, but he's not the boy he was. Just a beast. And Bruce Wayne (not the same as present!Bruce??) traps this boy someplace just as dark as the grave he was left in by Joker. Shackled at his ankle or muzzled and left to die alone.

Because Jason came back wrong. Or because he was a threat to Gotham and its peace.

=======

This was from an ask I got back in January about a Beauty & the Beast AU. It's months late and kind of rough, but this has been a fun AU to mull over! Thank you for the ask. <3

[deeversuswords]

‧˚₊ Everlasting

pairing: midoriya izuku/gn reader summary: watching Izuku reach the end of his life for the ninety-ninth time doesn't stop you from going back to the day you met him for the hundredth time. word count: 1.2k chapters: 1/1 contains: angst, time loop, temporary character death, established relationship, reader has a quirk, no use of y/n • ao3 link

How many times have you stared at the green fading away?

For the ninety-ninth time, the yellowed hospital curtain swayed with the gentle breeze of spring, the season of new beginnings, of life. But not for you. Over the many, many repeats, it became your nemesis—the season of endings, of death.

Fingers intertwined with his, you grazed your thumb over his scarred knuckles. Tears burned your eyes and parched your throat, but his weakened state had you in a chokehold; you couldn’t cry—not yet. So, you swallowed painfully and forced the smile he loved so much onto your face.

“I wish you didn’t have to see me go,” he said, his voice a broken whisper. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, love."

You cupped his cheek tenderly and leaned forward, kissing his freckles that looked like the constellations you pointed to whenever the night sky was clear, as he held you in his arms on the small balcony of your apartment. It was one of the first things you noticed about him when he had walked into your flower shop and nervously asked for the prettiest flower bouquet you had.

Your response was far from professional, as you laughed lightly and told him, “Beauty is subjective, you know.”

His cheeks flushed a rosy color at your words, yet his lips curled into a boyish grin. “That's...uh—” Scratching the back of his neck, he averted his gaze. “I’m not really sure what to look for. I’ve never bought flowers for anyone except my mom before. Could you, maybe, help me choose?”

“Mm, sure, but there’s a price,” you said, tapping a finger to your chin. His eyes, vivid green like a meadow in summer, grew wide. “Tell me a bit about the lady or gentleman that’s about to receive them.”

A curly lock fell on his forehead as he sighed with relief, his broad shoulders relaxing in the formal shirt he wore. You eyed his tie briefly, suppressing another chuckle at how imperfectly cute the knot was, then stepped from behind the counter and nodded to him to follow you.

As promised, he told you a bit about the lady he was about to go on a date with. "She reminds me of the sun, always radiating warmth and energizing everyone around her," was his description of her; nothing sophisticated, yet you could feel the care he put into the simplicity of his words.

Your smile didn’t falter once as you listened to him talk and answered his questions. Every day, you dealt with all kinds of people, but not many of them radiated the sincerity he did. Needless to say, your heart skipped with appreciation for this handsome stranger.

A breath of fresh air, that was what he was—one that you had never regretted inhaling deep into your lungs.

A profound love, that was what he became—one that you couldn’t bring yourself to let go of.

Your best friend, your lover, your hero, your everything now lay in a pristine hospital bed, hooked to beeping machines, surrounded by air that smelled of antiseptic and something stale, and with death creeping in closer and closer.

“Would you choose me again?” he asked, his voice losing its color.

“Always.”

With the remnants of his strength, his fingers brushed your cheek, and he whispered. “I love you. If only we…had more…time.”

It was those final words that made your whole world collapse each time, that made you grip the front of your shirt and place one last kiss on his lips, that forced your head to settle on his chest and listen to his heartbeat growing fainter.

“I love you too,” you said, asphyxiated by your tears. “I c-can’t—I can’t let go. I…I don’t k-know how. Please.”

And you begged and begged for him to stay just a little bit longer, even as he drew his last breath and his heart came to a halt underneath your ear. Even as the beeping machines screamed and screamed until they lost their sound. Even as the room became stiflingly crowded with frantic people who tried to rip you away from him.

Death never cared, never granted your wish. So, neither did you care about it, always making sure to get in its way and disrupt the natural flow.

Throughout many lifetimes, you’d heard people vow to each other to meet in the afterlife or another life, believing they were each other’s forever. You’d seen them hold onto that belief as the love of their lives faded from existence. And they almost convinced you, but you weren’t them, and they didn’t have what you had—a nemesis of a quirk that became your greatest blessing after you met him.

Unwilling to surrender to their idea of forever and viciously stubborn, you chose to stare death down in defiance, laugh in its face, and pay the price.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Gripping his still-warm hand, you whispered “I’ll see you soon”, and closed your eyes for the ninety-ninth time.

As you opened them for the hundredth time, your dimly lit flower shop welcomed you again. It wasn't long until, drenched by the pouring rain battering the windows, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. Water dripped from his clothes, his hair, and the flower bouquet you sent him off with earlier. He looked like he’d been to hell and just come back. His green eyes, once vibrant and sparkling with life, were muted and brimming with tears when they found yours.

“I realize this…this might seem odd to you, and I apologize for showing up like this, but I…I just…” He let the flower bouquet fall to the floor, allowing his hands to hide the tears that slid down his freckled cheeks. “Is it crazy to admit you were the one I thought of after she broke my heart?”

“A little, but I guess I made an impression,” you joked, and stepped away from the counter, opening your arms. “Need a hug? It’s free. I promise.”

He peeked through his fingers, giving you a long, uncertain look, before his hands lowered and he nodded hesitantly. “...If you don’t mind.”

His arms, strong and safe, wrapped around you, seeking comfort from a stranger. Your arms, weak and numb, wrapped around him, finding what he represented: home.

“Thank you,” he muttered in the crook of your neck as you patted his back softly. “Is there a way I can make it up to you?”

“You can start by giving me your name.”

Droplets of water gathered at the tips of his hair and fell on your cheeks once he raised his head. Green eyes searched yours, basking in the honeyed light of your shop. He looked at you with curiosity, while you looked at him with familiarity.

A meeting of two broken hearts—a first time and a repeat. Today, someone broke his heart, and he cried for a lost love. But today, unbeknownst to him, he stumbled upon another someone who loved him beyond reason, beyond death, beyond time.

Taking a step back, he extended his hand to you. “Midoriya Izuku.”

The smile that he would come to love once again curled on your lips as you took his hand and placed your name in the palm of it. Along with your heart and soul. For the hundredth time.

Because for Izuku, you would defy death and relive it all again.

The time loop would never be broken.

And your love would be everlasting.

[river13245]

Say Don't Go

Navigation / TLOU Masterlist

Part 2

Joel Miller x Male reader

At the very start of this arrangement you had known it was a bad idea. That Joel Miller was not the type of man to commit to someone. He may have been the type before this shit all happened but after everything he has seen and done. Its changed him and you knew that, everyone knew that.

And even though you knew that everyone who knew him either stayed clear of him or slept with him then left the next morning. Even with this knowledge it didn't stop you from getting closer to him. You even managed to become friends with the man.

You've done the one thing you promised to yourself you wouldn't do. Of course Joel was attractive, anyone could see that but when you began to have a feeling in your gut when you were around him. You told yourself that it was just because he was attractive. You could find another person to be attractive without being in love. Oh how wrong you were.

Over the course of your friendship everything about this man made you weak. When he was drunk he would be slightly more touchy, like a hand on your side or laying on your thigh. When he would immediately push you out of any danger that came your way or became very protective over you. Even when everyone knew you were capable of handling yourself.

That's not even the worst of it. The worst part is what you had avoided for the longest time because you knew that if you were to see it, you wouldn't be able to push away the feelings anymore. and that's when he is a good father to Ellie.

Every time he would have her sit beside him as he teaches her the guitar, or when he would try to cook for her. Try is the key word because you and Ellie would have to make something cause he would burn things. Also when he would be protective over her and wouldn't let anyone talk badly about her. That's when you knew these feelings weren't just temporary.

After a year of pining over him and people always asking if you too were a couple, something finally happened. Joel, Ellie and you were all hanging out in the home the three of you had. (yes you lived with them). Everyone was drinking, Ellie didn't drink much because she had plans later on that night. Joel was the one that drank the most.

After a few hours of just talking and hanging out, enjoying the time that you had where you weren't working. Ellie had stood up and threw her drink away saying "I've got to go see Dina. See the both of you later" She headed out leaving you and Joel alone.

Throughout the night Joel had began the touchiness but was respectful in front of Ellie. Ellie had known about your feelings for the man and she even had said that he acts different around you. And oh how you believed her.

The second she was out of the house he stands up from the couch to throw away his drink but before he gets past you, your hand grabs his wrist. "Joel. I think its best you stop drinking tonight. You have drank a lot and you know you're going to regret it in the morning if you continue"

He looks at you and you could have sworn he looks at your lips before he pulls away and walks to the kitchen. A sigh escapes you before you stand up and wince a bit. Months ago you had fucked your leg up and its never been quite the same since, but everyone's got something.

You begin to clean up the place and put everything away. Even go so far as to start doing the dishes. You were in the middle of drying the dishes when you feel a hand on your back. A involuntary gasp escapes you. "y/n"

His voice saying your name so close to you made your heartrate spike. Now you weren't a person who was known for swooning at anyone. In fact you hadn't done anything with anyone since before the outbreak. You may have liked someone before him but nothing ever came out of it except friendship because he had someone at the time.

Turning around after placing the glass down your chests are practically pressed up against each other now. His hand that was on your back is now on your side. "Joel don't" The rational part of your brain was reminding you that this is how he is when hes drunk.

He would never do anything if its not something the other person wants, always respectful in that way. But he flirts with anyone that's around when he's drunk and knows the person. You knew you weren't exactly special, especially when you have seen him flirt, and then heard them because these walls weren't exactly thick.

Joel looks at you and his hands begin to run under your shirt. "I know how you feel about me. I've seen it." His hands run higher and you feel the pads of his fingers brushing against your skin. "Fuck" as soon as the word left your lips your hand moves to the collar of his shirt and pull him into a kiss.

The kiss is very sloppy and yes maybe its only as good as it feels because the both of you had drank a bit. However the both of you weren't drunk enough to not be in control of your own actions. The both of you knew what was happening and so that also means that you knew it was a bad idea.

Things escalated pretty quickly and about an hour later the both of you were laying beside eachother. You were holding eachother for a little bit before the both of you went to sleep.

The morning after you woke up in the same bed. Joel's covers were wrapped around you with the morning sun beaming in through the blinds.

As you opened your eyes you thought that maybe Joel would be there beside you but when you looked over he was gone. Even when you got yourself ready there was no sign of him being here. He must have left earlier that morning.

You felt terrible, almost hated yourself for your actions last night. But little did you know that would not be the last time.

-------

Its been about two years since the night with Joel. You wish you could say that it was the last time. But you cant.

Joel and you had both made it a routine. At first it wasn't terrible because in the beginning he would make you dinner and be super nice to you before the two of you went to his bedroom.

He would take you out, take you to the bar and his eyes would only be you. Would even turn down people because he had you. Now the both of you never claimed to be in a relationship, because you weren't. You were friends but sometimes were something more. And even on some mornings he would stay with you for a few minutes before starting his day.

Everything was going fine. Maybe not how you wished things would go between the both of you but you have him in some way. And any way is better than not at all. Until about a year into this arrangement, he started being distant. No longer was there any dinners between the two of you. Instead you would cook for Ellie and sometimes even Dina when she came around.

Ellie and Dina would keep your mind off things as long as possible. Until they gave you a heart to heart and basically gave you a pep talk about how he shouldn't be treating you like this. Ellie straight up said "you are like his stay at home Spouse. You cook, clean, take care of him when he's drunk off his ass and sometimes get the benefits. But he Gives you nothing." Dina then made sure to sweeten things a bit saying "you would be such an amazing partner to someone that is also a good partner too"

Did this pep talk work...for a short while yes. You had told Joel about how you felt one night. He had came home later than normal and smelt lightly of perfume. However you chose to ignore it because maybe he was around another girl while working. It happens.

After you had told him everything you needed to. He said that you were thinking to much into things. He's here when he can be, that he cant take you out all the time or be home exactly when you need him to be.

His breath smelt of alcohol and so instead of arguing you just started a shower for him and went to make him a sandwich.

------

It was like this until today, when you had decided that you have had enough. You had been worn out, your body thinner than it ever has been because of the stress from taking care of him and making sure he was okay. Getting no sleep and crying had caused you to have bags under your eyes. Even your hair seemed to be shaggier and no longer was their a smile on your face. It was so bad that people even began to ask if you were okay. Hell even Tommy had came around more often to see you.

After a year and a half he still hadn't given a label on this thing. You were here when he needed you but if it was the other way around. He was too busy. He had even declined your call when you had been hurt and bleeding. You had to call Tommy because you didn't want Ellie to see you like that.

Not even then did you decide to stop the relationship. What finally broke you was when you were with Ellie, Dina and Jesse and had entered the bar. You were planning on dancing and just having fun but that all was ruined when you seen a random girl right in front of Joel.

He must have been very drunk because not often would he kiss like that in public. So you chose to ignore it for the night and you did manage to end up having a bit of fun with your friends you met up with.

However that didn't mean you forgot about what had happened. You hadn't done anything with anyone in the year you had been together. No flirting, no gazing across the room, no admiring anyone. Nothing. So that morning when you were making breakfast for yourself and for Ellie because she said she would be over in about an hour. Joel comes walking in.

He walks past and sets his things down. You stay quiet until he asks "what are you making?" its a simple question but you were still on edge. " breakfast for Ellie and I" You kept all of your sentences short because you couldn't look at him right now.

"what is going on with you this morning?" he had the nerve to ask. You set down your utensil and look out of the window not wanting to look at him. "I cant do this anymore."

"do what. exactly" he says as he relaxes more into the seat. You turn around to look at him while taking a deep breath. "This whatever the fuck this is. A friendship, relationship, or maybe its Friends that use each other every now and then when needed."

There is a pause before you laugh and shake your head. "oh no that's not right either because if we were using each other. That would mean that I was using you too. That you were just another guy. But its you using me..right? I mean nothing to you"

He looks at you and watches as you cross your arms to shield yourself as if you were putting up a wall in front of you. "What I thought you knew the arrangement"

Tears were forming in your eyes but you refused to cry in front of him. "The arrangement...the Same arrangement that you would never have a conversation about. I speculated you were sleeping with women and then I finally got confirmation last night at the bar. But the funny thing is"

Your voice breaks before you speak again. "I haven't even encouraged the idea of another person since we started this whole thing. and the real shitty thing is that I knew this whole thing was a bad idea form the very first night. But I was in love and stupid and I will never let myself fall for someone so stupidly again"

You both look at each other and it looks as if he wants to say something but he chooses not to. Then the ringing from the timer going off is what breaks you from the trance and the food is done. "Ellie should be here any second now. I'm going to get my things"

-----

Joel sits there in silence and its as if nothing has even happened to him. He looks so well while you have been killing yourself for him.

When you walk back down you have one bag in your hand because you never wanted to take up too much space so you never had many things. As you walk past the kitchen into the living room you see that Ellie is there talking to Joel. They were talking about Dina as you walked past. Ellie looks over at you noticing that you look tired, it seemed to be a permanent look you couldn't get rid of. That no sleep would be able to fix.

You grab the book of yours you had been reading that was sitting on the table. "Where you going?" you heard Ellie ask. "im leaving. Ive got to find my own place." She looks at Joel then back at you and gives you a reassuring smile. After saying your goodbyes you started to walk out of the house.

And even as stupid as it is. You stood in the doorway for a few seconds just waiting or hoping that he would tell you to not go. That he wants to make things work. That he needs you. Fucking something and when that didnt happen you were left with no other choice.

Ellie had texted Tommy telling him the news. You and Tommy were close, especially since you knew him before Joel ever came around so she thought he would like to know.

When she finished texting she looks at Joel and shakes her head. "You made a Terrible choice letting them leave like that."

(author note: I don't know if i like this too much. so i apologize. I just needed to post something today. MIGHT be a part 2...just gotta think how i want it to be)

[indigo-creates-chaos]

Context: just watched "Monsters are meant to be slain" and I need to rant about it. Also. This is directed at the characters and not the content creators, just wanted to make sure that I clarify that-

Okay first of all. "Everytime I'm there it turns violent." YEAH FABLE? DOES IT?? I WONDER WHY! You wanna know why?! Because you always initiate the fucking violence! If you actually wanted to talk I bet there'd be way less dead gods now. But no! You just run in head first every time, pretend to talk, don't give them time to consider and then kill them! Sir, respectfully, shut the fuck up. I don't care what you say you're doing, actions speak louder than words.

Second of all. Icarus. My guy. My man. "It's temporary." THAT HASNT BEEN PROVEN YET, MAYBE WAIT TILL YOUR DAD DELIVERS ON HIS PROMISES BEFORE GOING AND KILLING A DEMIGOD THAT YOU CONSIDER A FRIEND?! You don't know if it's really temporary yet. Nobody has proven that it is. It's a theory at best. But oh well, you made your choice. "I wouldn't, not after Momboo." Oh, but you did (: you did and if its permanent that makes you a serial killer bc you've killed three people (: and even if it's not permanent you still killed three people on purpose. Whether you like it or not, you are a murderer. Nobody told you to go after Jamie. That was your choice. Speaking of which... "I didn't have a choice." See if Fable had told you to go kill Jamie I'd understand that you did it. I wouldn't agree, but I'd understand. He didn't tell you to do it though! You could've just stayed put and hung out with your birds or gone and looked for more libraries with Ven. But you didn't. That's a choice you made buddy, and I hope you're gonna get held accountable for that choice. I really fucking do. You had multiple outs. Everyone gave you options to not side with Fable, but you are. I understand that you think you're a bad person or whatever but like if you don't try to change of course you're not gonna change, that's how that works.

Anyway. Time to continue catching up lol, I'm sure I'll ramble more in the future-

[darktapufifi]

Felt silly so I decided to write up some lore/info for Billy :)

Space Riders AU (made by @onyxonline)

SillyBilly (Formerly; The Laughing Priest) - Average critter height - He/Any

(I haven't had time to draw my boy so have some temporary gacha versions)

In order:

Off duty uniform

On duty uniform

Underwater uniform

Casual outfit

Sleepwear

Gala events

Have I thought of their powers yet? Nah

will i eventually come up with something perfect and make it cannon permanently? Probably

SillyBilly's history below (its long)

For the longest time, as far back as they can remember, Billy was under the Prototype's control. He was a high bishop in his ranks, always successful on his outings to conquer and convert and spread the word of his god and the promised 'Joyous Heaven', spreading the 'Joy' and red smoke across many planets. He did this all because, at some point, he had grown reliant on the smoke and lost his sense of self; what he knew before of his life was gone, just a subservient pawn for the Prototype. His reign as the 'Laughing Priest' lasted years, with many outside of the cult referring to him as the 'Devil Priest' due to his horns and mannerisms when confronted; his twisted humor and malicious intentions for any Space Rider that drew near were normal for them; however, there was something odd about him: he would never kill.

Unfortunately, it was never meant to last, as one day a Space Riders unit managed to apprehend him and take him back into custody. He was devastated that he lost, stripped of his mask and the red smoke he so desperately needed and locked up for his crimes and for his own safety, as it was clear to everyone around them at that time that they were not of sound mind. He was given help, against his will at first, constantly preaching on about the Prototype and suffering through the withdrawals of the red smoke, but eventually breaking free of the cult mindset, though ultimately being left with nothing, no memories, no past, just his name and his charm—something from his past that reminded him far too much of his time spent under the Prototype's control.

Over the course of a few years, he grew to know himself better, showing improvement and growth, to the point where he openly expressed his desire to help others stuck in the situation he was in, actively wanting to redeem himself for his actions and to right the wrongs in his life. Doing his best despite the prejudice or fear he might face, especially from those who know of his past. He works harder than most and puts in effort above and beyond what is required for every task he does, even if he doesn't take breaks on top of that. He manages to always wear a smile while doing work and to keep a goofy and considerate personality about him, no matter the situation. He is an asset to any crew he joins, keeping the mood high and the tension low. Once the Prototype's pawn, he is now a loyal knight to the Space Riders.

 

Though that's not to say there aren't any lasting effects of his past, when going out on missions, he always has to wear his mask no matter what, as any consumption (inhalation, etc.) would not end well. Despite what many may think, his humor is a way to cope with them, naturally incorporating it into his personality without a second thought. He also suffers from insomnia due to nightmares of his past, which leads him to be an avid coffee drinker, not letting on to anyone about his situation or how he's doing; only a very select few know of his conditions, especially those of the medical staff that worked on his case, and he likes to keep it that way.

(Also additionally, SillyBilly from the past in his Laughing Priest fit for those who read this far <3)

(all of this additional info is being posted to SillyBilly's UnVale page as well)

[pansysgothgf]

I’m thinking about how this season THEYRE revisiting everyone’s worst traumas: (spoilers)

Bobby- his family’s death (the cruise and 7x08 from the trailer and episode descriptions)

Athena- Harry being involved in an incident at a convince store that could’ve ended up with him dead, similarly to how her fiancé died at the connivence store (correct me if I’m wrong, it’s been a hot minute)

Hen and Karen- their adoption going through, the same way it did with Nia

Chimney- Kevin and Doug (in 7x06 specifically)

Maddie- Doug (in 7x07 specifically)

Eddie- the Shannon of it all

Which leads me to like, what’s in store for Buck? I would say maybe it’s already been addressed (we’re seeing his fear of being replaced (with Eddie in 2x01 and then with Tommy in 7x04) and then his abandonment/intimacy issues in the context of his relationship with Tommy) but…

When I think about Buck’s biggest traumas, I don’t necessarily think about Abby or Ali or Taylor.

When I think about Buck’s biggest traumas I think about him getting blown up. I think about the embolism. I think about the tsunami. The lawsuit. The shooting. The lightning strike. And of those ones, I think his relationship with Christopher is a big part of why they’re so impactful. Christopher gives him the card before he throws a clot. Christopher is with him when the wave hits. Eddie tells Buck that the lawsuit is affecting Chris. Eddie gets shot and Buck finds out that not only would he have been Chris’ temporary guardian while Eddie was in a coma, but his legal guardian in the event of Eddie’s death. While Buck’s in his coma, the person who Buck feels the most guilt over leaving behind in that twisted reality is Chris (not his parents, who finally love him. Not Daniel and Genevieve who will cease to exist. Not Maddie who doesn’t know there could be better. Chris, who asks Buck for help and for the only time so far in the show, Buck has to refuse. Because that’s not his Chris. He needs to get back to his Chris, because that’s the boy he promised to always be there for).

After the truck bombing, every major trauma Buck lives through is at least partially centred around Chris, and we see how their relationship develops through these traumatic experiences.

So, pray tell, what the hell is going to happen to Buck and Chris and how the fuck is Eddie going to cope with it when we’re already watching him devolve into… madness? The death of his moral compass? Desperation? Whatever it is, it’s dark.

(I would also argue that Eddie’s biggest trauma after the death of Shannon was his s5 breakdown, so. I wouldn’t be surprised if we revisited that)

(Also also, I think Hen’s biggest trauma pertaining to the job was the civilian who she hit with the ambulance, and I would LOVE to see that touched on again for angst’s sake. Or you know: Hen’s dad, Eva, Denny’s bio dad, Karen’s journey with infertility, that time Karen got a little blown up, Hen’s med school friends, that time Hen seriously considered letting go of her morals to watch Eva die because that would be the only way to free her family of the mess she created. You know, any of these could work. All I’m saying is that ABC home of Grey’s Anatomy and 9-1-1 and its love of secret siblings and half siblings COULD throw us a curveball and give Hen a secret half sibling on her Dad’s side. For the drama)

TLDR: if we’re gonna talk about the 118’s trauma, Buck’s needs to centre around Chris. Burn down the loft with Buck and Chris in it, Tim. I dare you.

[burningdarkfire]

blood moon (author's notes)

Putting this post on my resume as proof that I am committed to seeing things through to the fucking end. It might be 2024 now but here is a finished author's note for blood moon!!

It's been long enough that the below is more of a retrospective than what we usually think of as an author's note. Some of it dates back to two or three years ago, a lot of it doesn't. With the goal of finishing these notes, I recently reread the fic in its entirety, twice, and I still very much enjoyed it. That's all I can really ever ask of a fic, so I'm happy 💕

Writing Timeline

Blood Moon was a fascinating writing problem. I always knew it was going to be a long fic, longer than I usually wrote, and I also knew that I was bad at finishing long fics. I started writing in November 2021 with the promise to myself that even if I didn't finish it, I would eventually share whatever I had. I initially planned to upload chapters without editing because I suspected that it would bog me down in a lot of small details … and I was entirely correct! So here is the 18 month journey of the fic, in monthly word counts, from start to finish:

November 2021: 18723 

December 2021: (no work)

January 2022: 3591

February 2022: 2872 (finished the shadowgast oneshot, outlined the rest of the fic)

March 2022: 4353 (this is when i first thought "the ending was in sight" LOL)

April 2022: 3667 (i made the decision to edit/rewrite some chapters—at this point i had already written up to fjord meeting back up with the m9 after getting the third eye)

May 2022: 1163 

June 2022: 2028 (this was my initial estimate/deadline for finishing)

July 2022: (no work)

August 2022: (no work)

September 2022: 3371 (i copied over my existing work—up to fjord and astrid's conversation—and started a major edit/second draft)

October 2022: 1228 

November 2022: 2278 (posted the first chapter to ao3)

December 2022: 2144 

January 2023: 1876 (finished my second draft and sent to beta for edits)

February 2023: 126 (finished edits! left some very minor points to polish)

March 2023: 17

April 2023: (finished posting!)

Blood Moon Universe

Blood Moon is an original universe of mine that dates back to 2011. It has all the cliché vampires vs. werewolves vibes that I will shamelessly admit I have never grown out of. We didn't get to see a lot of it in the fic, but it's a very fertile, flexible environment—this is the fourth story I've set in this world, and even though they've all been vastly different from each other, the shell concepts have always served me well. Unsurprisingly, one makes original worlds that are conducive to the themes and motifs that one likes to write about.

Caleb and Fjord live in a dark age, where the last war between the vampires and werewolves decimated both populations so severely that the world is simply emptier than it used to be. Molly and Yasha raid abandoned manors, Caleb lives on ceded vamp territory where the wolves are also absent. Caduceus is alone in the Clay family home except for his temporary companions. Everyone is busy with their own survival, and there's no way for the scarce, scattered populations of the northern forests to repel the Shades on their own.

It was a big decision to write a story about two humans in this world, but Fjord and Caleb have always been underdog stories struggling with established powers. It's hard to imagine them any other way.

Canon-Related Concepts

One of my favourite arcs of Campaign 2 is the pirates arc, because the characters are asking themselves such deliciously heavy questions about their place in the world following Molly's death. I wanted to explore those facets of these characters. 

I've also always found it so interesting that Travis said Fjord would have left to find the third orb if the Wildmother hadn't come through for him. 

Caleb seeks an impossible magic for selfish aims, but he does it because he loves his parents. Fjord would make a deal with the devil for power, but he does it because he equates power with agency, and he wants the ability to protect himself and others. Caleb had a taste of that power, but it soured when he used it for the wrong reasons. Fjord is tasting it now, and can't imagine ever letting it go.

Related Works

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley 

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

The initial pitch of Blood Moon explicitly referred to Caleb as a "Frankensteinien" character. Pervasive in that book is the desire for a domestic life, in which love, happiness, and security are enclosed. Frankenstein loses his mother, and then loses everything else as a consequence of the actions of his grief and uncertainty. What if Caleb's desire to undo what he did to his parents outweighed everything else?

Blood Moon borrows heavily from the magic in The Raven Tower, where one can literally speak something into existence. The idea of a world where "if you say something, it must become true, or you die trying" is extremely evocative and has stayed with me. It was a beautiful way to explore how grief can change the world.

If I can be honest here for a moment, I actually no longer remember why I have The Magicians listed as an inspiration for the fic. I started Blood Moon 3+ years ago and read The Magicians shortly afterwards, and I've since forgotten everything about that book except for what it made me feel: a despair that was hard to look in the eye.

Themes

These are phrased like high school essay questions because I couldn't think of a better way to present them. These are some of the questions that I asked myself while writing:

"With great power comes great responsibility …" Perhaps the defining question of the entire story. How is the question of duty explored in the fic? What do different characters feel responsible for and how do those responsibilities compete? How would each character answer the question "What do we owe to one another?"

Magic is intention. In this world, anybody can do magic. How is the magical presented in relation to the mundane? How much agency do the characters have? What kinds of choices do different characters make? How much does magic change their perception of the world? 

The knowing is part of the price. Caleb and Fjord are both characters who don't know who they are or don't fully understand what made them. Initially, Fjord is resistant to the idea of learning more about his teacher at all. Vulnerability, he understands, is something that can only be given when you have power. What role do alter egos and second identities and our strange other selves play in this fic?

Life and death are the greatest changes of all. Caleb is determined to bring back his parents at any cost. Fjord is determined to live at any cost. Both of our lead characters have other forces calling for their dues. How are death and grief explored in this fic? How about ideas of rebirth and change? 

I am nothing like I was. I cannot teach you; I cannot protect you. The story of Blood Moon is the story of what happens when Fjord goes looking for a teacher. In fact, many of the primary relationships in this fic are a mentorship or potential mentorship between a teacher and a student. What role does learning and teaching play in interpersonal relationships? How do different characters challenge these categories?

Home is where the heart is. The residences of several prominent magicians feature heavily in the fic as their seats of power. What role does "home" play in Caleb and Fjord's lives? How do they imagine, think of, and build their homes? What happens when someone's home is destroyed or otherwise absent? 

Return. What is Fjord's relationship with the sea?

Misc. Notes

The enduring image of the fic that still lives rent free in my head is the burning house. Caleb's childhood house goes up in flames -> Isharnai's house goes up in flames -> the manor goes up in flames, and each time the axis of the world shifts just a little bit.

If you read and enjoyed the fic, please know that you have my eternal thanks. It means a lot to me.

And of course:

[moonlight-tmd]

I absolutely love the au where bee is a con!! if you don't mind, do you have anymore info on it? I'd love to know more on bee's own reputation and conjunx lol!

That is not a thing i expected to pop off. Oh well. This is an old idea i had like few months back that i just remembered. It's not really an AU, more like a continuation from the present.

So for short introduction- Bee is one of the counselors to Megatron, he's more of a "give ideas" guy than the one to make them work. Blitzwing, who he's been dating back on earth, is now his Conjunx and got himself his own fleet of soldiers to command. Basically Elite Guard. Bee is known to be very kind and caring but also merciless and strict when needed. He's either feared or loved among the lower status folks. He was the one that helped Megs work out the laws for the workers since he has experienced it himself. On free cycles he plays video games like always, he hangs out on videocall or in person with Longarm/Shockwave(depending on which the transformer is feeling like that cycle). If he's not doing that or working then he's spending time with Blitzwing in their apartment. They have a knack for watching romcoms from earth on evenings. They love each other very much. <3

Anyway, oh boy- a text wall!

As i said it all happened because the others basically neglected their friendship with him. They ignored or didn't notice when he was genuinely feeling bad or upset. He learned that the Autobot Council basically screwed the 'cons over from Blitzwing when they were dating- he met up with Megatron in secret and discussed few things, Blitzwing was so surprised when he saw him at the 'con base wearing the Decepticon insignia.

And so, Bee had few arguments with his team before he disappeared for good and the 'cons gained advantage after advantage and before they knew it they were arrested in their own base and taken hostage along with Sari. Megatron got the Allspark and won the war and now Cybertron's laws are being reformatted, there are few questionable changes but overall it's not that bad- truth be told but denied, it's actually better than what the Council had going on.

The next thing they know is that they are being de-armed and set free to do their job as repair bots. Sari couldn't bring herself leave them alone so she tagged along. She was about 24 i'd say when they arrive at the construction zone in New Iacon, they overhear the coversation and recognise one of the voices- they couldn't believe when the small dark cybertronian turned to them. It was Bee, his paint was matte black with shiny yellow with orange gradient stripes. His frame was different from the yellow one they knew, his alt mode was a Lamborghini. He had heels like Prowl and his horns were bigger, kind of making his helm look like a V shape. And he had doorwings. To add to it all the Decepticon Elite insignia proudly shined on his chassis and his deep lavender optics matched its color. (think Elite Guard symbol but Decepticon, it's really just to show high-placed status of the one wearing it.)

He was oddly cold to them, even corrected Ratchet when he called him 'kid'- "It's 'Sir' to you, old bot. And so is to everyone else in the facility." The others asked him questions but stopped when Bee ignored the first few and just kept talkign about what they will do here. He led them to their temporary quarters before going off somewhere.

The job would be long to be sure, they were building a space bridge gate from scratch- they had supplies assigned and more of them coming soon promised. In the first few cycles there were no issues, Bee was always on topic and polite, which was weird to see. He seemed cold whenever he spoke with them- which is why when one of the guards started talking crap to Sari for being slow and weak, Bee seemed to materialize out of this air behid the guy. He only said 3 words when the guard looked at him, petrified. "My office. Now." He wasn't angry, he spoke in a cold tone with an uncanny calm expression, optics locked on the big 'con guard. Which maybe made it more scary. He only glanced at Sari breifly before walking away, presumably into his office. What surprised them the most was how scared the guard seemed in that moment, like he just insulted Megatron himself.

It was then another guard spoke up, a femme this time. It was she that told the group that guards that mistreat workers end up without jobs and that Bee is a high ranking advisor to Megatron. And that this place is a future orphanage. Bee was strict but with a kind Spark, a respect well earned. For that and for what he did with some of the laws. They never expected Bee out of all people to be so concerned about the law n stuff. It was odd enough to see him sit by his desk signing datapads in his office.

They knew Bee was raised in an Carequarters(orphanage) with awful staff so knowing Bee was in charge of building and almost running the facility they were working on warmed their Sparks.

On all construction sites, it's bound for accidents to happen- one of the heavy-duty workers dropped a metal pillar from the upper scaffolding and Prowl was about to get hit. But Bee pushed him out of the way, unfortunatelly damaging his stabilizer. He even asked if Prowl was fine before being concerned about himself. Prowl helped him to the medbay and they had a little chat; Prowl didn't expect Bee to do that, he asked few question and Bee straight up scolded him for thinking he would be a tyrant and told him that not all of the 'cons are bad, just rough on the surface.

Then there was an accident where the weakly supported ceiling crashed on one of the constructicons. Bee was speeding down the hallway to the repair crew's quarters- they were just talking about Bee when Ratchet said something that might have been offending- "Ratchet!!" Bee yelled as he bursted thru the door- Before the medic could say something let alone apologize if Bee had some 'someone insulted me' senses, "Accident in the front hall! Medic needed- NOW!" All in a worried but stern tone. It was enough to make him grab his medical kit and rush down the hall after Bee. After that Ratchet was put on Medic duty and didn't have to work with the rest of the repair crew.

When Bee was speaking with Optimus one time he noticed a worker having troubles with lifting some materials they had no issue carrying last cycle. He left Optimus mid-conversation and came up to them to ask if eveything's alright. The big bot did say he was feeling a bit under the weather and Bee send him to get checked out in medbay and that he was off-duty for the rest of the cycle. Then he came back to Optimus and resumed the talk just like nothing happened. It only showed that Bee cared a lot about everyone.

The Bulkhead got the offer to paint the play area since it was finished. Of course for a hefty pay bonus. The play area was in a dome, in the middle stood a bronze statue representing earth's tree with swings hanging and a tunnel thru it. Prowl was also artistic in a way so he also got to paint it- the final result was a beautiful mural of a flowery meadow with a forest all around the room. And the higher you looked, there were clouds, stars and even planets near the glass ceiling. The two deemed the work as a success, seeing Bee with that childish smile again as he looked around with wonder was worth more than any of the sights from the most beautiful galaxies.

The moment the facility was finished, Bee gathered all the workers and gave a speech even Optimus was jealous of- He thanked everyone and said how grateful and happy he is to be building a better future for everyone along with them. Everything was perfect- but then the alarm rang and the Autobot rebellio bursted thru the wall and started taking everything apart. And wouldn't you know, it was the old friend Sentinel who led the pack. He tried to get Optimus to join him before being pulled into a fight with Bee who had a staff similar to the ones the guards had. Sentinel and few others were arrested(again) and the rest of the rebellion fled. Don't worry they got caught by another fleet of soldiers further away from the facility.

But that didn't matter- everything Bee was working hard for was ruined. The beautiful area was a ruin covered in dust and gunpowder. "Bee? Are you o-" "What are you staring at?! Get back to your quarters!" He had snapped before retreating to his office to cry his Spark out. The call to Megatron was hard to make, but it was even harder to answer Blitzwing's call after he was done speaking with the Warlord. They called each other at the end of each cycle, this was the first time Bee didn't answer. And he didn't answer them until Blitz was assigned to go aid him with security and arrived at the place the next cycle. He comforted his hummel as he cried- a small conversation between them happened, which Sari managed to overhear when she was passing by Bee's quarters.

From then on, whenever Bee was present on the construction-again zone Blitzwing was always near. Another worker told them about gossips that they were Conjunxes. Later Sari confirmed when they were speaking in private.

And so the construction works go monitored by a lot of guards and soldiers- few of them seemed to recognize the crew from earth but they never mentioned it- whether that was intentional or an order from Bumblebee they may never know. Blitzwing is there for Bee on every step of the way, and even his old friends had few cases to reassure him.

The carequarters are finally finished and Megatron himself comes thru the newly-built space bridge for the final check-up before grand opening later. Bee is very happy and does compliment his workers- he said how good of a job the repair crew has done right in front of them. Once the grand opening is held and done, Optimus and his crew are about to leave- but not before Bee catches them to talk. "Actually... it's just Bumblebee." He says with a smile when they call him 'sir'. he wishes them safe travel and leaves to get the facility going. Upon entering their ship, they are met with a stack of boxes and a note saying "A bonus for fast work!" signed with a cartoony earth bee doodle. Each of the boxes were signed for different crew members. In the end, Bee hasn't changed much.

Later down the timeline he and the crew regain contact after few of other projects Bee was in charge of. Bee gives them better stuff and gifts and invites them to a grand gala. He and Sari have a proper reunition then, he cannot apologize enough for leaving her like that. There is a happy ending after all.

And that's it. I don't have any more info on this. The well is dry. Feel free to ask about anything else.

Lol, on the side note; this Bee's theme song would be Little Girl Gone by CHINCHILLA. (The "Say that again i didn't quite hear ya" song)

[stormblessed95]

Has your interest in BTS / jikook / Jimin / Jungkook declined since solo era has started? Have you noticed any trend like that in the fandom?

My tl gets unusually quiet nowadays which makes me wonder if everyone's kind of ia nowadays, or if twitter is just bugging out, or if it just means it's time to find new accounts to follow.

For me overall, I feel like the number of casual BTS fans has greatly increased and is still doing so despite their hiatus because of their solo works but I do feel like the core fandom that used to be so involved in organised fan events, voting, edits etc has actually shrunk recently. I'm also unsure if people are just on a temporary hiatus themselves as they're more invested in group activities only or if they've permanently left. People leaving is normal of course, but when the number who leave >> new people who join, that's a sign of the fandom weakening.

For me personally, I've just got a lot going on, so I'm not participating vocally in fandom spaces as much as I used to. I have a bookstagram account on insta that had quite a bit of a following that I haven't posted on in MONTHS. I just haven't had the time! Lol so it's not just tumblr/bts/jikook. I promise. I talked about what I've got going on briefly here:

So as for fandom trends in chapter 2, I haven't been keeping up with it unfortunately, so im probably not the best person to ask. I HAVE been keeping up with BTS, their debuts, their solos, their interviews, voting, etc. Just not so much with ARMY/what ARMY has been thinking outside my very carefully curated feed as much as I used to right now.

So has my interest in BTS/jikook faded? Not at all. Has my interest in WRITING about it on here faded? A bit. I had some not so great experiences on here this year that soured my joy of this hobby just a bit. As well as just how incredibly busy and exhausting my life is right now, its just not a priority for me and I'm leaning more into my fantasy escapism of books and fanfic more than I am writing in general and writing here about jikook at the moment. But I like to think that once my life chills out a bit more again, I will find more joy in this space again. And my interest hasn't gone away either, I still like being here and engaging with yall when I have the time and energy to do so!

I do think chapter 2 is bringing forth a fandom explosion in the way of solos and BTS doing more to insist on breaking the bubbles fans like to seem to put them in, but otherwise, idk what else to say. I don't think the fandom is weakening either. Jikook both just hit number 1 on billboard recently and all of BTS have been breaking records left snd right with their solo work! That's impressive stuff as always and the sign of a still very active and involved fanbase