today feels a lot like yesterday /this is where i vent/
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Whole reason I moved to 5 am to 2pm was to not ever have to do backroom staging or dispensing and Jodi hates me SO MUCH the minute I get to work that's my job for the day :) lmao. And then she let's me go back to picking 2 hours in because I'm very obviously putting everything in the wrong spot on purpose and I STILL manage to get 700 picks today along with being 1 on the leaderboard. suck my fucking dick bitch. Suck my dick. God I have had the WORST fucking day and everybody EXPECTS SO FUCKING MUCH OF ME IM SO TIRED OF IT. I genuinely just need to get home and sleep. And then tomorrow it's probably going to happen again. I need to find a new job. I need to stop talking to people and acting friendly because every time I do it bites me in the ass. I just want to see my girlfriend and even then I know I wouldn't be able to give her the support she needs today. I just cant bring myself to talk anymore today. I just genuinely can't. I have had too many interactions today and I cannot find it in myself to speak anymore.
#mine#im sorry i just genuinely am having a rough day#and i know she is too and shes having it much harder than me#i juat feel guilty for not being there for her today
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We're making out casually and I let my hand slip inside their panties, only to feel their poor clit already pulsing against my fingertips, hard and swollen. They whimper desperately, bucking their pretty parts into my hand, my fingers slipping through their folds with how wet they are.
Oh, sweetheart, I had no idea. You need me so bad?
I continue kissing them, well aware that they have trouble trying to catch their breath as my fingers experimentally glide down to their entrance, teasing it, making them hold onto me a little tighter.
I rub right over their empty little hole, hear them whine, beg me everytime they think I'm gonna finally sink inside. But I don't.
And then, without a warning, they're pushing themselves down on my fingers, forcing them inside, grabbing my wrist to hold me there, hips grinding down, moans echoing through the room.
I laugh at them, watching them fuck themselves on my hand, no thoughts left behind their pretty eyes. Only desperation.
Go on then, baby. Use my hand, want you to make yourself cum on my fingers.
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Sometimes I think about what it would be like to completely break a needy sub's mind. Just absolutely destroy them, saliva dripping from their mouth and not a thought behind their eyes beyond desperately wanting more of me inside them. Pulling at their leash, seeing their eyes glaze over and hearing such sweet, sacred noises escape their lips between sharp breaths. Filling them until they can barely take it.
It'd be so nice to see someone lose their humanity on my strap; to see them become a pure, unimpeded vessel of pleasure and impulse. Nothing exists but us, and the strap that links us together.
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Awww you're so small and cute~ *gropes you gropes you gropes you grinds my cock against your needy hole gropes you*
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How do you expect me to stop overstimulating you when you make such pretty noises
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why is it that the prettiest moaners are always so embarrassed about it. stop apologizing, get that hand away from your mouth, and ride it till the wheels fall off while letting me hear everything. what's not clicking.
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true love is real and it is stored in the poor pleading eyes of someone being edged
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what鈥檚 life like for ppl who aren鈥檛 obsessive freaks? nvm i shudder at the thought
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Oh my godd,,,,
#i want my fingers inside you#i want to see your pretty expressions amd hear your moans#god i want to do so many things to you#i would completely wreck you right noe#i want to make you feel so good you fucking shake and i want to deny you an orgasm until i fucking say so#god i am obsessed with you#mine
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I've been crying all morning. She has a blank stare. She reacts to nothing. She fell in her own pee trying to go to the bathroom earlier. I'm happy she ate some treats.
#shes been with me through every bad day. everything#and im letting her suffer#the only thing i have cared about in my life since i was 8.#and shes being torn from me#i dont care how upset i am over this#i will cry for days#i will sob my heart out for her for weeks#i will not stop ceying#i just want her to be okay again#i cant bear to see her get worse#i cant#im so scared for her#and i have to think of the possibility of cremation and euthanasia#i want her to go peacefully#i just cant see her suffer#i just want her to be okay#please god dont tskw her from me#please#please just make her better#you can do whatever you want to me#just dont take her away becauae of me#take out all my teeth#take my hair#kill me if you have to just please dont take my cat#mine
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Lmao
#me charging my other phone before work forgetting that we will never see eachother again#im just going to keep rereading our messages until she blocks me and our relationship of 7 years is forgotten#forgotten completely#god#ha i really should have known this was coming#i mean i just keep fucking up#i cant fit into any of her boxes of what she wants no matter how hard i try#i will never be who she loves#there is no point in trying to sugarcoat that#i feel disgusting#i deleted everything about her off my phone#not even just because she wanted me to#because i cannot see her face right now#i cannot live with what i fucked up#i cant even see her or im going to cry and thats one more thing she hated about me#mine
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Maybe it's a good thing.
#maybe i just need to cry and grieve for a bit#i know how pathetic hes crying again#how immature#how swnsitive#i dont care#i dont care anymore#i just want to go home.#mine
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I don't know anymore
#it is hard to get out of bed.#i know i hurt her i know i didnt listen to her feelings again#but its hard to think about anybody elses feelings when youre being broken up with#i dont ever want to love again#i dont ever want to put myself through that again#im not a good person#and i surely dont deserve love#she was the closest i had ever come to wanting to get married and live a life together#i realize thats just never going to happen for us#no matter how much i love her#i just dont know what to do without her now#i dont know#its not like i meant to stop giving her attention#its not like i meant to not see her for so long#its just how life played out for us#and it fucked me over#and im angry and im allowed to be#i just needed time#and i would have given her all the time in the world#and no matter what i say it will be my fault in the end#because i didnt try hard enough#didmt love enough#didnt go see her#wasnt mature enough somehow#everything about me she hated anyway...#everything#im sure she only stuck with me because i was the only one giving her attsntion#and when i couldnt as much because of my sickness and me going through so many fucking issues#she bailed#no matter how i try to see it im just left like i always was and always will be. there is no timeline where i get what i want in the end.
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I've had enough.
#one thing right after the ither#im going to kill myself#maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but i know its coming#i know i am done#i cant feel anymire#its one thing right after the other#im stupid for thinking i could be better#for thingiing i had a future#look at me lmao#she settled#im so fucking pathetic#im so pathetic#im so disgusting#i am not worthy of anything#i dont care what happens to meanymore#i just want to die#i just want to kill myself#i know the exact way im going to do it#i just wanted to get through the reat of this week#i thought if i could get through this week id be okay#ha#that was a lie#how am i supposed to do anything tomorrow#how am i supposed to live anymore#im not#im not im not im not im not im not#i habe wanted to fucking kill myself for so fucking long and i finally have the balls to do it#mine
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