#when im 40 im going to look like a balding child

[angelicstalker]

Its The fact that I'm still getting made fun of by high schoolers for me lmao

[murdoc]

this is a weird post to make, but i dont really have many places to say it and i wanna share my thoughts Somewhere lol

so i found my dad after more than a decade of being out of contact with him (probably since 2010? at latest, very early 2011). or rather, after every few years of searching for a little while and coming up fruitless, he made a new facebook less than three weeks ago and i just happened to get Really lucky timing.

just before him i had also found my (former) step sister + mom, as well as my half sister (all sisters younger than me and previously i couldnt find), and.. its a strange experience to finally see people who used to be so close to you in your life show uo again, visibly older and doing their own thing.

its hard to explain.. its almost like youve woken up from a coma. you have memories and have had dreams of these people for years and years and during that time you never really realized that the image you have of them was one trapped in amber; even when youre cognizant of the passage of time, your mind just can't take into consideration the individualized process of aging, both physically and where the passage of time will take them and their relationships. you realize these people are now essentially strangers to you.

my (former) step mom has remarried again and has her own set of children (again), one of my step uncles ended up passing away, my step sister is no longer how i remembered her in 2007 from one of the few photos i have of her in my possession and is posting hippie white woman stuff on her feed, my half sister doesnt share my last name (paternal) anymore, nor her mother or new husband's, whom she is having a child with. i was able to figure out it was her because of the name and how she looks strikingly like her mom and has photos with my dad in them.

my dad himself has aged significantly since he's last shared a photo of himself anywhere. he used to always wear hats, but in a new photo he's got solid white hair despite being in his early 40s and is balding (HE did this to me..) and finally learned what glasses suit his face better LMAO. honestly, he looks better now than he ever did when i've seen him. which i think was one of the biggest shockers because god he looked so lame. this also gives me hope for myself B)

the thing i noticed the most though is how "normal" him and my half sisters turned out. granted, he was always so much more put together than my mother-- i'm sure thats why they didnt really like each other lmao. but, while im not sad about my life, even if it's definitely different than i assumed for my age, i can't help but wonder where i'd be if i had allowed myself to overcome the fear of my mother and went to go live with my dad like we had planned in 2008 or 2009.

however, just from how hard it has been to piece together the state of that side of my family, i don't think any speculation could even be remotely accurate. ive also never really been one to dwell on what could be anyway. at the end of the day i cant undo how horrific my childhood was, but i can make steps to grow from it and learn to love who i am and where i am now.. for how cheesy that sounds 😭

i am glad i finally got a bit of closure on this though. i knew my dad was still around somewhere, but not knowing anything beyond "he's alive" for so long left me with a lot of questions, now mostly answered. it's nice to know he seems to be doing good and that he's there for my younger sisters (not sure about my step sister, but i have an additional half sibling that i never met beyond a few times as a toddler and it seems she's fine too). i know that social media doesn't tell all and is usually finely curated to share the best moments, but i'm saying this in comparison to my mother who would never in a million years do what he seems to be doing.. down to having custody of his kids LMAO.

i don't think i'll ever reach out to any of them though. i know my dad still thinks of me once in a blue moon, as he's dedicated a birthday post to me some years ago on a now deleted profile, but if you can imagine.. i think my change in the last 13 years or so is a bit more drastic than just growing up. not to mention they have their own lives going on and it all seems just fine.

i guess if he ever does try to find me, he'll find out that my former step uncle (different one who is still alive) who teased him about only having girls was wrong LMAO. but i dont think he could ever find me unless he got in contact with my older sister who isn't doing too hot rn, or my mother.... and if it's my mom he goes through, i sure as hell hope he thinks finding his now son was worth it. i sure as hell wouldnt go through talking with my mom if i was him.

i dont think i ever made a post so long and detailed about my life on here??? if someone fsr actually read this... hi :) why did you do that? you are silly

[rjshepherd]

Lords age headcanons.

So I have a theory that Karl is actually MUCH younger than we think. Most people's theories put him as a baby around the 1940s, since he seems to be linked to germany from that era ( given his obsession with WW2 artillery and his WW2 dog tags) but I think he’s around the same age as donna benivento, making them the youngest of the lords. He already looks young, not taking into account the silver hair (which ill talk about in a minute), lacking the wrinkles or crows feet alcina has or the ancient portraits and dress code of donna. Sal is harder to point at and say “thats old” but given he was part of the moreau family clinic he must have been at least in his 30s ( given the years of college and medical school needed) when he was infected.

We know he had to have been born after 1919, when eva died and since alcina refers to him as a child, he’d have to be born after her too. I have a theory that alcina was already an infected adult when karl was born,( meaning he was born after 1958) but ill try and keep this hc canon compliant for now. He’s wearing WW2 era dog tags, but no matter what way you slice it, he wouldn't have been able to fight in either War. Either he wouldn't have been born yet ( my personal headcanon), been a child while the war was going on ( which could have given Miranda an opportunity to take him) or have already been abducted by Miranda, years prior and been locked away in the village while it was happening.

Ill stop beating around the bush and just give you my age headcanon for him. I canon Alcinas murders began the year prior to the maiden demo, meaning 1957. I also canon that is the year she was infected and given her daughters. Everything miranda does with the cadou started around the time of the Maiden demo, including finding more lords after Alcina. Karl could have been born any time after Maiden, that would make him a maximum of 63 in the games. That could explain his silver hair. However i would like to point out Zoe baker in the end of zoe DLC. She starts re7 with black hair, like her mother marguerite, but by the end has white/silver hair, similar in colour to the mold crystals that cover her body. The same crystals that are found throughout re8. I really believe that karl was crystalised at one point, like zoe, and as a result has developed silver hair despite being so young. He mentions spending “decades under that bitches thumb” which could also comfortably put him in the same age bracket as Donna meaning 30-40 . i canon donna to be claudias twin, meaning she was born in 1987. And since we can assume from alcinas diologe that Karl is the youngest lord, he could easily have spent 3 or 4 decades with miranda and still be young looking.

Alright im done rambling for now and im sure you dont want all my dumb calculations so ill just give a ballpark figure for the lords ages in re8/2021

From oldest to youngest

Miranda, born prior to 1909:

im going to say bear minimum she was 16 when she had eva so that would put her at roughly 128 years old in re8

Alcina:

with my calculations the latest she could have been born was 1914, which would make her a maximum of 107 in re8/2021 as she would also have to be a minimum of 44 in 1958 when Maiden takes place

Moreau :

one of the harder ones to pin down since we have no dates to put to him. He must have been at least in his 30s to be a doctor, but this makes the assumption that he actually followed in his family footsteps as the village clinician and wasnt experimented on as a child ( which might actually explain his mental age/ mental regression). His mutations are obviously unstable, so im assuming he wouldnt last forever like alcina or miranda before his mutations became uncontrollable. He’s most likely physically older than Donna, given his balding head. No canon dates for this lad but im guessing he’s anywhere from 30 to 60 by 2021.

Donna/angie

So i canon that donna is claudia’s twin sister ( the dead girl at the start of house benivento) which would make her 34 in 2021. Not a lot of evidence to support this one but it feels weird that they would give us this grave with dates on it and tie it to donna for no good reason. There is also evidence of twins in the concept art, albeit male twins.

Karl:

I've rambled enough so i'll just say my age headcanon for karl is somewhere between 63 and 30. You can pick and choose which one suits your headcanon best bc there is evidence to support both.

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[masterasmodeus]

Q&A by request

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

I’m fine with all of these, if we measure by done the most, couch

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why?

Good, it was in public but not overt or obvious, very fun.

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed?

Thor

4: Something that never fails to make you horny?

tears

5: Where is one place you would never have sex?

a childs bed

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ?

being farted on while going down on someone.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny?

tears

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]?

i prefer rope for versatility.

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny?

be horny and tell me about how horny you are and what you want to do about it.

10: Top or bottom?

mostly top, but not opposed to bottom 

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

fuck, the bar opened

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

one is never enough but it is always appreciated, necessary ? no, but defiantly preferred. 

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? 

panties that were cut off a play partner during a scene. 

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you?

haven’t been called anything i consider weird.

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex?

Giving: like,the way they respond, dislike hair in my teeth.

Receiving : like the look in their eyes. dislike too much teeth.

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

nothing i consider weird

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? 

yes, depending on my diet i can be sweet or spicy 

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

yes, all things are negotiable.

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Laura B. ..shes still hot

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

strawberrys or whipped cream

21: How big is too big?

this is a little vague ...6 foot 6, double J ?

22: One sexual thing you would never do?

actual rape

23: Biggest turn on? 

eyes, certain looks 

24: Three spots that drive you insane?

here, there, everywhere.

25: Worst possible time to get horny?

job interview.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

love it when it’s genuine, hate it when it’s fake or sounds forced.

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had?

some positions don’t work in small cars.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping?

when you are late to appointments or miss important things to do it. all things in moderation.

29: Best sexual complement you ever got?

No one have ever made me cum like that before.

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji?

bald is preferred, landing strip can be fun.

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut?

lt’s about the journey not the destination.

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin” 

ask properly lol

33: What your favorite part of your body?

eyes

34: Favorite foreplay activities?

kissing and undressing the other person

35: Love 

not sure what the question is

36: What do you wear to bed?

usually boxers, occasionally nothing

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

ever? 5 or 6 

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

no, I delete them after.

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

yes, I love it especially in the rain, its been some years.

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Yes, see 39

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

yes, its been some years, i would consider it but the chemistry would have to be great between everyone involved.

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

back massager

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

never have but have wanted to for a long time.

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

The Kiss by Trevor Jones

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

stormy weather

47: Most attractive celebrity?

Christina Ricci

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

lesbian occasionally

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

two days

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

not that i know of.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

bad smells

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

yes, no one has mentioned them, i sometimes find them sexy on others.

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

yes, its fun and i like the way they respond.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i love tattoos, lets get one together.

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

It might be fun, i would want to know it if I did.

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

pizza

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

i don’t currently have an SO but i have no secrets.

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

nipple suckers and nipple clamps, 4 years (depends if BDSM toys count)

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

sure, see 57

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

maybe, depends on what they suggest.

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

assuming money and safety are the same, prostitute.

62: Do you watch porn?

yes, not often

63: How small is too small?

for what ? 4 foot ? size 0 ?

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

yes, getting turned on by tears.

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Phoenix, it meant time to have fun.

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

only if we had the same model phone

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

casually yes, don’t care for it at my current job.

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

i have before.

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

at least once

70: Booty or Boobs?

boobs if i’m just looking, booty if i want to take them home.

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

i do and i have not.

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes, but not recently.

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

yes, they regularly accused me of cheating when i wasn't, eventually, i cheated because i was being accused anyway might as well do the crime since i was doing the time.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Dr. Steel

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

No, yes as long as they weren’t home.

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

wouldn’t care as long as the sheets were clean when im ready for bed.

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

that looks interesting...how does it work?

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

i have a penis , if i had a vagina .., touch it, put toys in it, find some one to fuck

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[zf7]

I feel like a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it. My 20s and early 30s have been a twisting crisscross of moves all over the West Coast, a couple of brief stints abroad, multiple jobs in a mediocre role with no real upward track. I was also the poster child for serial monogamy. My most hopeful and longest lasting relationship (three and a half years, whoopee) ended two years ago. We moved to a new town (my fourth new city), created a home together, and then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched me to my fifth and current city and who-knows-what-number job.

For all these years of quick changes and rash decisions, which I once rationalized as adventurous, exploratory, and living an “original life,” I have nothing to show for it. I have no wealth, and I’m now saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor decisions, and lack of career drive that I may never be able to retire. I have no career milestones and don’t care for my line of work all that much anyway, but now it’s my lifeline, as I only have enough savings to buy a hotel room for two nights. I have no family nearby, no long-term relationship built on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no children. While I make friends easily, I’ve left most of my friends behind in each city I’ve moved from while they’ve continued to grow deep roots: marriages, homeownership, career growth, community, families, children. I have a few close girlfriends, for which I am grateful, but life keeps getting busier and our conversations are now months apart. Most of my nights are spent alone with my cat (cue the cliché).

---

Also, within the past year I’ve had a breast-cancer scare and required surgery on my uterus due to a fertility issue. On top of that, I’m 35 and every gyno and women’s-health website this side of the Mississippi is telling me my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky. Now I’m looking into freezing my eggs, adding to my never-ending financial burden, in hopes of possibly making something of this haunted house and having a family someday with a no-named man.

----

I used to think I was the one who had it all figured out. Adventurous life in the city! Traveling the world! Making memories! Now I feel incredibly hollow. And foolish. How can I make a future for myself that I can get excited about out of these wasted years?  What reserves or identity can I draw from when I feel like I’ve accrued nothing up to this point with my life choices?

h/t sean.  

this is a really poignant, vulnerable, self-deprecating letter in a tough situation.  how do you even react to someone with such a life-consuming issue that spans every facet of her life?  

i don’t love polly’s advice, but the comments are incredibly interesting.  some of them are “i told you so”, others seek to provide optimism.  there’s a lot of pretty antifeminist stuff.   see a psychiatrist!  get a dog!  do shrooms! go to church! volunteer!  date yourself/love yourself!  make an action plan and be strategic!  i was in the same place but everything got better!  i was in the same place and life sucks!  

aren’t women stuck between a rock and a hard place if people reach professional/emotional maturity at a later and later age (let’s say 30) but women’s biological clock deadlines still stay the same (let’s say at 35)?  what happens if they don’t want to date un-successful/matured men in their 20s, but then by their 30s, the successful/matured men want to date younger?  

more generally, the comments made me feel like the self-actualization self-fulfillment everyone-is-awesome movement has someone done us a disservice?  like if we are so focused on the no-wrong-choice rhetoric and we-are-all-beautiful and seek to squash people who are negative, isn’t that potentially giving people blind spots when they make decisions because they aren’t adequately aware of the drawbacks?

but like... that’s sort of the moral of the advice, also, right?  is that everyone IS awesome, just given the right framing and approach.  

the comments are so varied.  

anyway. my favorite comment was the following:

To Haunted: I did everything the opposite of you. Right now, we're in just about the same place. With a few exceptions of course. I invested. I bought my house before the bubble. I married my high school sweetheart, to whom I had every hope and intention of spending the rest of my life with. When that 18 year relationship ended (nearly a decade ago now), I figured I'd be good to go for whatever was next. I was in my early-mid-thirties, athletic, a great business person, smart as heck, and good at being in love. I wanted kids, wanted a life-partner, wanted to work hard, and was ready to make a great life out of the divorce my ex-wife chose. But I had just spent most of my savings on a masters degree. And I'm only 5'8" and went bald at 18. My beard already had a little grey in it. And I had no idea how to date. I'm charging into my early 40's now and, earlier this year, took the lowest paying job I've ever had. (Hooray for starting a non-profit!) I've got plenty of savings, but I'm earning less than I'm spending. And the job sucks, honestly. I've been mostly single (with some serial monogamy in the mix) since becoming single. And my occasional romantic partners keep getting younger. It feel bleak as hell, honestly. My point has nothing to do with my own personal shit-show. It's simply this: (y)our choices, (y)our actions, and (y)our "energy" are only a small part of what led to this situation. Our paths, looking back, are influenced heavily by the terrain through which we wander them. When the terrain helps dictate our paths, a lot of them tend to cross at the same saddle. (Apologies for the back-country hiking metaphor.) Keep wandering, friend. You could have made all your decisions differently. You could have made all of my decisions, the opposite of yours. And we'd still be high-fiving at the same saddle, the low-point, regrouping, on the way to the summit. Cheers, Eric P.S. If you're ever in Southern AZ, give me a shout. I'll buy you some tacos.

side note, one of my friends is having difficulty having a kid.  some of these lines are crazyyy

Date every night.... move home or move to a city with a high male to female ratio. Whatever it takes. I’m 39 now with a newborn and she has filled me with the worlds largest supply of heroin concentrated love. Your friends won’t tell you that because they don’t want to make you feel bad - but stable loving husband and baby will make you love every minute of your existence.

They didn't tell us the peace that you feel when holding a sleeping baby.

I'm 42. I have single female friends of the same age who bitterly regret not having children. I used to attend legal conferences where 50% of the people in the room were single 55 year old female lawyers. Almost none were married and almost none had children. None of them looked like they were particularly happy with life, even though they were probably top 5% income earners.

also this comment lol:

"my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky." According to Galileo's law of motion; all bodies accelerate at the same rate regardless of their size or mass. :)

[automatismoateo]

My first experience having to stand up for my beliefs for buying alcohol on Sunday via /r/atheism

My first experience having to stand up for my beliefs for buying alcohol on Sunday

I thought about posting this since it happened on Sunday. So, in Indiana there's a law where alcohol on a Sunday can only be sold between 12-8 in most if not all places.

I stopped by an elderly woman who was getting water near the alcohol section of a grocery store when I was getting a glass of wine for a date. She, umprompted and about 5-10 feet away, sighs and says that I should support the Lord's holiday. I tell her that I'm going in a date in a few days and want to be ready. Her attitude changed around and started saying how kind and thoughtful I was for thinking about that on a date and hopes that her child gets to meet someone like me. I say thank you and let it drop.

She comes back over and asks me if she could give her daughter my phone number, since she thinks we'd be a good match. I ask her how old her daughter is (I do not look my age). She tells me she's 35. I am 24. I felt disrespected based on that assumption, but Im a bald guy with a thick beard and am used to it. I tell her that I'm looking for someone closer to my age range, where she gets infuriated that I'd disrespect her child's age without looking how pretty she was. I tell her I'm 24. She doesn't believe me. I start getting irate with this gal and bring out my trump card. "Look, even if I were around your daughter's age, I'm gay" (I am extremely straight-presenting, unfortunately). This is where she lost her religiously fanatic shit on me. Everything between how it's Sunday, the Lord's day, how unacceptable my identity is, how I need to get help and reevaluate my morals and how I was living.

And this is where I'm so happy my limit broke. Something much more vain came out, but here's how I tried to word it before the expletives came out.

"Look, for someone who follows Christianity, I suggest you reevaluate your moral compass. I was born in a Christian household and now I'm agnostic. I love my family, every human I appreciate, and my morals are the ones I have set in life. And, frankly, I think mine are better than yours. Please enjoy your day. Actually, do you need help loading that 40-pack water into your cart?"

Don't remember the aftermath, I peddled away from the situation and quickly tried to leave the store. A gay man in a walmart in rural America is not something I needed the public to know at that time.

I wasn't sure if I should post this because of the circlejerkiness of it, but I feel truly accomplished for standing up to ALL my intersecting identities against someone who was too stuck up their own ass to realize their ignorance towards someone who is "white and looks like them" having an entirely different viewpoint in rural Indiana.

Stand up for who you are but don't be an asshole about it!

Submitted July 19, 2022 at 08:02PM by ConsOfPros (From Reddit https://ift.tt/oCI3rcg)

[elainemariemorgan]

12 May 2021

12th May 2021

Strictly speaking, I began the 12th designing a linocut at the kitchen table whilst having a G&T with a recording of ‘Come Dine with me’ on in the background. I habitually get to bed at about 2. Actually, I  wake just before 8 and spend a desultory hour listening to R4, catching up on social media and having a think; I consider this  a privilege of retirement. Six years ago I was Head of Art in a High School, beyond stressed and unhappy with art education policies. Now, I indulge myself.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December, at the end of that strange plague year, just at the point where elective surgery was suspended and the NHS dealt with a surge in Covid hospitalisations. My lumpectomy took place in March, followed by complications which put me in hospital for a week. As the wound heals, chemo is imminent. Tomorrow, I see my oncologist for test results and, I’m assuming, a plan. This afternoon it’s the dentist. Teeth have to be in good nick before chemo kicks in. Cancer is dominating life, though I try not to let it.

I text my daughter who is due her second Pfizer vaccine today but awaiting covid test results. Lateral flows show negative: its almost certainly the common cold, as incubated by her 2 year old, last week. Consequently, her 5 year old is home from school and she’s trying to work, too. Yesterday, her GP texted to say that no more deliveries of Pfizer vaccine would be received. She is anxious. No test results yet.

Husband says goodbye - he’s off to the gym for a personal training session and I’m pretty sure he’s chewing gum.

Avocado, tomatoes and wholemeal bread for breakfast (a smattering of lemon and olive oil) with strong Yorkshire cuppa and the daily chemicals. Consult the ever-growing pink file of doom for chemo info so that I can properly inform my dentist, then its a blitz on my collection of useful glass containers (which deeply annoy husband). I love making things, from paintings and knitting to ferments and preserves. I shuffle jars of salted nasturtium seeds, cherry gin, wild garlic salt and preserved lemons around in my small stores cupboard to enable me to secrete a few bound-to- be-necessary empty glass bottles for future projects. I whittle the jam jars down by a third. Will husband notice? Be pleased? Who knows.

A quick mosey round the weeds in the garden - its just been redesigned and is now a model of control after 40 years of hit and miss planting and eclectic artefacts. A 90’ long plot, it was designed originally as an allotment garden; I feel honour-bound to take an interest in its upkeep after so much money has been spent on it. We live in a 1900s terraced house in what we like to term ‘the bohemian quarter’ of the charming Sussex village of Bosham. Our youngest daughter, partner and their beautiful boys live round the corner in a slightly grander row of semis. Our elder daughter returned to the UK 2 years ago after 13 years living and working in Thailand and works in London. We’re a close family and see as much as we can of one another.

It wasn’t chewing gum but a Rennie because exercise causes indigestion, apparently.

I wouldn’t know.

Husband back from the gym, quick lunch of baked beans, egg and toast, and off we go to the dentist.

The dental experience proved more traumatic than expected. I had realised that a tooth I had been hanging onto (though I knew its days were numbered) would probably have to go before chemo started. I just wasn’t expecting it to happen today. Its a considerable number of years since I had an extraction, and back when I was a child in the North East - Im 67 now - a visit to the dentist required courage in the face of probable brutality. Fortunately, medicine has moved on; the tooth was removed efficiently and painlessly. I cant really feel my lips yet, though, 3 hours later, and am faced with the prospect of slops for dinner whilst husband enjoys a Turners-Award-Winning-Steak-pie. He also bought doughnuts, because he has a passion for them, but tells me they’re not award winning, so Im not missing anything.

6pm and Im lying in bed, not because Im tired but because I want the peace, calm and reflection accorded by our bedroom. Typically, over the last few weeks, I have crashed out in the afternoon most days - whether its an emotional or physical thing, I don’t know. Today feels a bit disjointed - maybe its the small bereavement in a lost tooth or perhaps it’s apprehension at tomorrow’s appointment at the Big Hospital, where my treatment will mostly be carried out. Two beanie caps ordered in preparation for baldness arrived today and, on the table downstairs, there are a couple of wig catalogues. My white hair is dyed mauve/blue/pink. The models in the catalogues look like newsreaders or Saga Cruise cruisers - neat and tidy people with whom its hard for me to identify. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in someone else’s soap opera: occasionally, reality bites.

I want to know what its like to have my hair fall out dramatically. I’m interested in the impact that the drugs will have, pain, disengagement, whatever. Husband pointed out, as I knew he would, that my expected hair loss could block the shower and then I wouldn’t be able to use it (the shower). Whilst truly wishing to embrace all the new experiences I’m about to encounter,  and being determined to do so with good grace and humour, I’ll clearly have to source an extra hair trap for the shower.

A bit of casual WhatsApp chat with the girls - always a cheering thing.

Daughter’s covid test proved negative and she’s been able to have her second vaccination. Phew! Plus the boys can go back to school and nursery tomorrow.

Go downstairs at 7.00.

Husband makes dinner tonight and has made luscious mashed potato with broccoli, spinach and gravy. So not slops, after all. My mouth is coming back to life - I feel able to eat, if not quite chew. Husband enquires what I will have instead of pie - I remember a can of corned beef in the cupboard. He hands me the tin. And a plate.

Looking forward to the G&T that I wasn’t going to have, now that I’ve changed my mind.

[savetheblackpaladin]

Paladins + Vehicles

Ok so I couldn’t get this out of my mind so let’s mcfreakin do this

Shiro

drives a Ford Expedition just as damaged as he is but listen, Black is a babe (high key based of a car I once drove)

Is mostly black except for some reason the hatch is khaki green and she’s missing bits of paint and has scratches and dents just everywhere

was the first car Shiro ever bought and he got her at a police car auction

he found a broken meth pipe hidden in the dash while he was replacing the heating core (nice)

she was super cheap bc she needed a lot of work but Shiro got her working like a champ!

she looks like she can breakdown at any second but shiro has driven this tank into the craziest situations

has driven over sidewalks to avoid waiting to turn at a light

said fuck it and drove over a huge ass snowback bc why not?

the one you call to move furniture or to get you when you get stuck

the official Camping Vehicle bc not only can she get into places a full size SUV shouldn’t physically be able too she’s the perfect tent/hauler!

Has phone alarms set up for all her checkups so he doesn’t miss a single oil change, brake check, tire rotation, or even spark plug replacement

he’s dedicated as fuck to his poor damaged bby

Has a ‘protection skeleton’ for good luck

his parents always had ‘protection angels’ so it’s traditional. he’s just morbid so protection skelly

Keith

has a red Honda CBR (Lance makes fun of his ‘crotch rocket’ but not so secretly gets him flustered)

Her name is officially Red but Keith always calls her ‘His Girl’

Will cry if she gets a scratch and will spend all day buffing it out

has totally made improvements to her and honestly, she can’t even be called a CBR anymore because wow he has replaced nearly all the stock parts with fancy illegal stuff

has spent the most money on his vehicle, like he spends more on Red than food. Shiro buys him groceries a lot

routinely races muscle cars and wins (of course)

but also has the most speed tickets bc this angry child doesn’t know what a speed limit is

“The day I go the speed limit will be the day my body gets driven to the morgue” Keith bby no

actually likes giving out rides so he always has two spare helmets (for small and large heads) and an extra leather jacket bc safety is important

will not let you ride if you don’t wear the jacket bc even tho he’s a speed demon Keith is super concerned with safety

once Red got bumped in a parking lot and fell over and it was honestly the worst day in Keith’s life

he stormed into the nearest store and demanded to see their camera feeds

WHAT CHUCKLEFUCK HIT MY BIKE I NEED THEIR LICENSE PLATE IM GONNA MURDER THEM

he scared the poor CS gal so bad she started crying and managers got involved and Keith just didn’t understand why he couldn’t see who hit Red bc this boy was out for blood

Police got called, Keith got escorted out, he tried to argue with the cop but things escalated and Shiro had to bail is baby brother out

after picking up Red ofc (Shiro has a portable ramp in his car. He. is. Prepared.)

Lance

has a 20 yr old Camry he affectionately calls Blue for short but her real name is essentially The Blue Babe of My Heart but he says it in spanish and I am not gonna try and translate that

he bought her super cheap from Hunk who had bought her as a turn around 

Lance was hanging around Hunk’s shop and honestly it was love at first sight

Hunk was all for it because honestly Camry’s are freaking tanks and never die and Lance is a disaster

they’re perfect for each other

has the best smelling car. He lives for those little scenty things you put in the dash

whenever Blue makes weird noises he’s just like ‘I know babe, i know. I got ya. You can make it because you are such a good girl!’

he talks the most to his car and it’s just so precious

Unironically has fuzzy dice and everyone hates them but the last time someone tried to take them down while Lance was driving he nearly flipped the car in his rage. No one touches them if they want to live.

Never locks his car bc you can’t just start it like a normal car so no one can steal it. also, no one wants a 20 yr old car

only Hunk and Lance can start her. everyone else has tried but they can’t figure out how lance and hunk do it.

Group belief is that Blue runs on magic

Has a “My child is an Honor Student” bumper sticker and he loves it. Cue group inside joke about Hunk and Lance being proud parents of their Honor Student child Pidge.

Once tried taking Keith on a romantic date out to the woods but Blue got stuck in the trail bc Lance kept forgetting to replace his bald ass tires

Hunk had to go get them and gave Lance a lecture about it

they still had a nice time though just sitting on Blue’s hood

Hunk

Ok so he’s a mechanic right? Hunk runs a small shop where he buys cheap cars people can’t fix, fixes them, and sells them for profit but he really excels at restoration

Drives a pastel yellow Ford F100 from the 50′s called Butter

She’s actually a F250 under the hood but shhhhhh

the only thing original on this babe is the body, which Hunk routinely checks for rust or damage

There’s usually car parts, wood, or other random things in the bed bc Hunk also does construction on the side but if you wanna go star gaze, Butter is the best

Hunk will make a nest and it’s routine for everyone to just fall asleep in there watching the stars

Hasn’t done anything crazy in Butter bc she’s an antique and he is Responsible™

Like Keith he will spend hours buffing out any scratches and while he won’t completely loose it over bigger damages he will cry and be morose until he repairs it

However, if you put your feet on the dash he will break-check your ass, DON’T. DO. IT.

No eating in his car either

in fact don’t even be dirty in his car ok

Hates driving in winter bc the salt they put on the roads is terrible for cars and he feels her pain so he usually goes places with Lance or waits for the Weekend Costco Trip with Shiro

Is a good one to call if you get stuck bc this babe can pullout anything

Puts the reindeer antlers on his car for christmas

Puts flower bouquets in the grill for summer

Pidge

has two vehicles: a little lime green Vespa for summer and a deep green 2005 Prius for winter

hasn’t really named her vehicles and just refers to them as the Vespa and the Prius

she does love them though, like they are always clean and shiny

Got the Prius for her 18th birthday and she saved up for the Vespa bc she wanted to be that person who goes to Famer’s Market wearing a big straw hat and nice sun dress on a scooter

she’s adorable

shows up at Shiro’s, “I’m here to pick up a fossil” “Pidge I’m 25.” “Yeah, he’s got white hair and 4 children”

shows up and Lance and Hunk’s place, “Get in nerds, we’re going shopping”

sees Keith out on the street while on her Vespa. Challenges him to a race. Keith let her win once and it was all she could talk about for weeks bc she was so proud of her Vespa

modified the horn of her Prius to a semi-truck honk and uses it only for evil

there’s always soil in the back of the Prius bc she uses it to visit the nursery and just never cleans it

smells like earth in it as a result and it’s actually super peaceful

Gives everyone shit about their gas mileage bc she gets like 40+ to the gallon

[prettyflyforacyguy]

all

rlord christ uh okay

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

kitchen Table. ;3

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

good!!!!! it was early morning and aiden was off work so we decided to mess around and it was just v low stress and nice

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

hm uh. who;s that one tiger from zootopia? shit dice drew a commission of him a while back. the sexy one. he’d treat me right.

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

there are like a million dumb fucking things aiden does that makes me lose my gdamn mind!!!!!! like, when he loosens his tie and gives me The Sex Look or kisses my neck in a certain spot... luv that husband

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

somewhere kids could see :/

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________

one time admittedly when i was new to anal i had the inevitable ShitDick scenario bc i didn’t know how to prep myself properly........im so fucking sorry, trey, im so sorry

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

this petsmart flyer came in the mail once. that was a weird jerkoff. made me realize im deep in petplay pff

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

aiden;s been practicing shibari and it’s pretty fun! i’d say its my fav way to be restrained rn 

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

it aint hard idk

10: Top or bottom?

this bitch be bottomin, my ass is Ready

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

it depends on how much stamina u have or if you’re in the mood for more? that time waiting for the refractory period tho suuuuuuuucks, im so jealous of dfab ppl that can come multiple times :/

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

a valentine’s present for aiden, shhh

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

sometimes aiden fuckign. does French Shit and i dont know what he’s saying until after but it’s kind of become a joke because we’ll be having a really nice moment and he’ll lean in and like, whisper some bullshit like “my little lima bean” or “my sweet polished fork” and i fuckignt rftg,,, IT STILL SOUNDS HOT, WHY IS HE LIKE THIS 

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

that “pop” noise when ur mouth comes off the dick. also, when he like, holds your head with his fingers tangled in your hair and bobs your head down on his cock g gg go gogfdoood thats so hot i love it when he does that to me its nice

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

welcome 2 Trauma Land next question

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

yeah. it’s a pretty slutty thing to do, it’s not great tasting if u don’t like, pineapple and shit but it’s a pretty good way to get your partner turned on more

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

if u and ur partner get tested together and r clean and not seeing anyone else

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

my sophomore year humanities teacher in my study abroad program....holy Fuck. hooooly fuck. mr. nakamura still gets me going to this day. he has a wife tho :(

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

whipped creaaaam!

21: How big is too big:

some bad dragons are really intimidating. christ.

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

let ppl use me as an object again :/

23: Biggest turn on:

humiliation is pretty good

24: Three spots that drive you insane:

my neck

my back

my pussy, and my crack.

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

driving is pretty rough.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

ch r is  t  y es

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

define “worst,” anon.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping:

who fucking calls it “fapping” still

29: Best sexual complement you ever got:

Yikes^TM

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

is this like, a lesbian thing? i dont get it

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

YA GATTA NUT!

32: Fill in the blank: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"

IF THEY TRUCKIN WE ARE FUCKIN!

33: What your favorite part of your body:

my belly........? idk i used to Hate My Mcfuckin Self but aiden blows raspberries on me and its fkin cute holy hell

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

if i suck on aiden’s fingers he basically fucking Dies on the spot, so that’s fun to use. for myself, uhh. thigh kisses are hot. so hot.

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]

there was a a time when i wouldve said sex is bnetter but no, it’s Lov....i Love Husband

36: What do you wear to bed?

boxers, and my husband

37: When was the first time you masturbated:

probably when i was like nine or ten? in the “i dont know this is masturbating but it kinda feels nice” way

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

there’s a lot floating around there but most of it is during The Bad Time

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

uhhh shit its been a while i can’t really remember?

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

mhm. it’s not my fav tho

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

i;ve had more than a threesome, buddy

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

when i was young and desperate and trying anal for the first time i used a vibrating toothbrush but no one told me you’re supposed to not use the brush end. the bristles were rough. 

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes to both?? im a tiny troglodyte man what do u expect

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

maybe? this is a very specific situation, i know aiden would rather die than do anything on a plane tho

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

i feel it coming - daft punk

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

literally like anything can make me hard im fucking easy

47: Most attractive celebrity?

my husband....he’s a star, to Me...

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

yes. source: am gay

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

Unborn.

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

yes. i dont particularly like to think abt it but there’s a. big fan community wanting me to “come back” and it makes me super uncomfortable.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

girls :/

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

i have a couple on my thighs and my belly from some healthy weight gain, but aiden doesn’t mind. he likes em

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

dick....me Sucky Cock...nya

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i dont rlly care

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

i was a few people’s first lay and it was uh. difficult. they think they can just pound a man’s ass like their fleshlight and it’s rough when you’re like, laying there and your ass is on fire while you remind them to use more lube and also fucking go slower to start

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

sticky rice. good fucking lord, do not use sticky rice.

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

not really? we don’t hide things from each other

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

we own a Shit ton. i’ve had some since i was like, a teenager but i’ve been collectin some over the years

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

oh god no. aiden barely knows what memes are

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

no, me and aiden have already discussed like, scar reduction shit. i have a few nasty keloids :/

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

neither?? i mean, i was both for a while but *SLAMS TRAUMA BUTTON*

62: Do you watch porn?

duh

63: How small is too small?

all dick is good dick!!!!

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

continues to Slam the Trauma Button

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

probably not because aiden’s in a group chat with his work buddies and they’re all middle aged or young mom nurses. im a fish out of water.

67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?

sure, as long as its not like skinny jeans or something

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?

not rlly. good dick is good dick

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

im p sure everyone tries but usually i get my husband to B)

70: Booty or Boobs?

ass. please god, i’m all about ass

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

Ass Blaster 69

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes? like a movie and restraunt thing?

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

not that i know of, but there was a point when i was pretty low in life that i hopped around w/ partners and one night stands.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

the Pole Faller. i have no body strength and im named that bc i’d fall off the pole

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

no??????????? nO??

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

what...what kind of question even is this

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

“god i wanna put my mouth all over that”

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

DOUBLE PENETRATION!!!!!! DOUBLE PENETRATION!!!!!

[skiasurveys]

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? I love musky/pine smells

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? None 

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?  None

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Maybe 24? Were waiting til Im done school

5. Do you know a hoarder? Kinda 

6. Can you do a split?  I wish omg

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? 6 i think

8. How many oceans have you swam in?  Never have swam in one 

9. How many countries have you been to? Just one

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?  Not currently.

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Skia

12. What would you name your son if you had one?  Dean

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? 0 %

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Franklin I think

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?  I think a horse...lmao

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? I have read some of each. I read 2 books of hunger games but i didnt like the way it was written.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? American

18. Did your mother go to college?  No

19. Are your grandparents still married?  No

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? no..i wish

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?  Yes..lmao

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? I think the fair here or galaxyland

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Icelandic maybe

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?  Grey

25. Is your father bald?  He had hair when he was alive

26. Do you know triplets?  Nope

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?  Titanic 

28. Have you ever had Indian food?  Nah

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?  Earls

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?  Yes..meh

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? no

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Nathan I think

33. If you have a nickname, what is it? skia

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? connor or gabbie

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? rural

36. Can you whistle?  no :(

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?  No..unless you count my TV light

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? no

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?  yeah my anti depressants..and my bc

40. What medical conditions do you have?  asthma...depression, anxiety etc

41. How many times have you been to the hospital? a few times

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?  yeee boi

43. Where do you buy your jeans?  Garage

44. What’s the last compliment you got?  You look great

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? sometimes it depends 

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?   i dont like tea

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?  way too many..

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? christian if i have kids

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?  never believed in Santa

50. Why do you have a youtube?  because its fun <3

[turtles-go-quack]

1-100

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? - Nah

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? - I want to but they’re not making it very easy 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” - wonder how the neighbors cat keeps getting into my house 

4: What’s something you really want right now? - mini eggs 

5: Are you afraid of falling in love? - fuck yeah 

6: Do you like the beach? - bar the sand and the sea water its great

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? - yeah 

8: What’s the background on your cell? - a cute lil bunny with a cute lil elephant 

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? - mine, my parents, theres a bed at the gym and my friends 

10: Do you like your phone? - sure?

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?- fuck no

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? - umm the parent of a child im tutoring 

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? rottweiler, poodles scare me 

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? dude the both suck

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? zoo

16: Are you tired? always 

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? idk like 9/ 10 years?

18: Are they a relative? nah pretty sure I had a phone before my parents did 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? - no

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? yesterday

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? well i thought I had the right person, that failed so no probably not

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? none

24: Is there a certain quote you live by? “ just be a decent fucking human” 

25: What’s on your mind? I have to go to work 

26: Do you have any tattoos? a turtle with a wizard hat, hes called squirtle and I love him

27: What is your favorite color? purple

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? fucked if i know

29: Who are you texting? no one right now

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? yeah???

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? always 

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? yup

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? pfft 

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? yeah a few people actually, I think its just because theyre blue

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I’d be heart broken. I mean I know they are kissing other people but still 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day? yes 

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? trying to be 

38: What do your friends call you? Lochhead usually 

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? yeah 

40: Have you ever cried over a text? of course, I cry when I spill my cereal what do you think

41: Where’s your last bruise located? leg

42: What is it from? rough weight at the gym

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? I cant wait to leave this place 

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? my boss

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? nah

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? yeah

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? idk im pretty much bald as is 

48: Do you make supper for your family? sometimes if they dont mind getting food poisoning 

49: Does your bedroom have a door? yah 

50: Top 3 web-pages? my university website, emails and google search 

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? me

52: Does anything on your body hurt? my body is broken it always bloody hurts

53: Are goodbyes hard for you? unbelievably so 

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? wine

55: How is your hair? good????

56: What do you usually do first in the morning? go back to sleep 

57: Do you think two people can last forever? god i hope so 

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? fucking probably 

59: Green or purple grapes? green 

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? idfk

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? yup 

62: When will be the next time you text someone? idk i will see where the day takes me 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? work

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. sleeping 

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? yes 

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? fuck it who cares 

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? my life tho

70: How many windows are open on your computer? three 

71: How many fingers do you have? 10

72: What is your ringtone? idk the automated one the phone gives you im too lazy to change it 

73: How old will you be in 5 months? 19, just about to turn 20 

74: Where is your Mum right now? downstairs 

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? bc life

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? dont think so 

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? yeah and i love them dearly 

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? idk what year 7 is so no 

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? I know a Michael?

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? yeha

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? 1 persono 

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? not that im aware 

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? no

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? friends I hope

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? nah as long as theyre safe 

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? Is spilled my popcorn 3

87: Who was your last received call from? mr car guy asking me about my new car

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? fuck no

89: What is something you wish you had more of? motivation

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? you are looking at the king of oversharing 

91: Do you sleep with your window open? im not a savage i dont want my toes to fall off from the cold tyvm 

92: Do you get along with girls? kinda 

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? nah i hate secrets 

94: Does sex mean love? no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? i would hope not

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? i dont think so 

97: Did you sleep alone this week? yea

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? i have my friends 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight? i believe in lust at first sight but not love 

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? My mumma 

[viralhottopics]

My Heart Broke When My Dog Died, Then My Sister Said Im Overreacting

Sometimes, we all need a little bit of advice! Life is tricky, and there are a lot of situations where two heads are better than one.

That’s why we created theAsk Becca advice column, to tackle all of the complicated situations life throws our way!

Last week, Idiscussed some major dilemmas, from partners who were holding off on intimacy, to what to do if a generous gift is returned for cash.

Every week, I get lots of powerful, important questionsfrom our readers. I then select a few of these to discuss. Ihope that other readers out there will also take the opportunity to weigh in; your feedback is so valuable!

This week, I’ll be tackling a whole new round of challenges. We’re talking about puppy love, pregnancy, addiction in the family, and even baldness.

Scroll through below for my very best advice on all of these issues.

If you have a question or worry of your own, send it my way toAskBecca@LittleThings.com!

Photo Credit: Flickr / J.H. Fearless

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Disagreeing Over Dad

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

Hi Becca,

I have a huge issue with my sister, and I hope you can help.

She and I were close as kids, but we grew apart as we got older. Now we’re both in our 50s, and our relationship is more strained than ever.

It all came to a head recently when our elderly father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s; we just can’t agree on the right way to move forward.

We both know he can’t live on his own anymore, but I think he would be happiest in an independent living facility, where he has support but still feels like he’s in control of his own life.

My sister wants him to move in with her so that she can take care of him, but I’m suspicious of her motives.

She’s clean and sober now, but she’s in between jobs and has a history of addiction problems. She stole money from my parents more than once when she was younger.

Is it wrong that I don’t want her to be in control of his finances? I’m worried he could be manipulated by her, especially as his disease gets worse.

What do I do? How do I protect my dad and try to salvage a relationship with my sister?

Not My Sister’s Keeper

Dear Not My Sister’s Keeper,

I truly feel for you: even the closest sibling relationship can strain under the kind of pressure you’re under.

When a parent is ailing (particularly when they might not be all there mentally), all of the burden falls on the children. In your case, it’s particularly difficult, because your sister has given you reasons not to trust her in the past.

Here, I think there are two steps you need to take: First, you need to decide whether or not you’re ready to trust your sister again. Consider how long she’s been drug-free, what kind of work ethic she has, and what her motivations might be.

Second, talk to your dad and see what he wants. He may be in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, but surely he has an opinion on where he wants to spend his remaining years. Catch him in a lucid moment, and have a conversation about how he wants his future to be handled. Record your conversation, just in case you need to prove it at some point.

Once you know what he wants, work on spending some one-on-one time with your sister to repair your relationship. Things might have been tough for you to in the past, but you’re going to need each other going forward.

Love and positive wishes!

Becca

Ready For A Baby

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

Dear Becca,

I am 42 years old and have a high-stress sales job that has been mylife for years.

I’ve been working hard to advance my career for almost two decades now, but around the time I hit 40, I realized it wasn’t fulfilling me anymore.

I’ve been single since my marriage broke up seven years ago, and I haven’t “gone all the way” with anyone in a year. However, I have the craziest thought: I think I want a baby.

I’m scared to even write it down, because I’m worried I missed my opportunity.

I’m on the wrong side of 40 and I have no partner, but I’m financially stable and have all the love in the world to give to a little one.

Am I crazy to even consider doing this on my own? Please help!

Wannabe Mama

Dear Wannabe Mama,

First things first, you arenot crazy! Some of the best moms I know didn’t take the plunge until they were in their 40s or 50s. Your age definitely doesn’t count you out.

That said, your body might have some opinions of its own. You’re going to need to carefully consider how you want to go about this. You’ll need to check with your doctor to see whether pregnancy is a good idea for your body, since fertility can decline after age 35 for some women. Your doctor can also help you think aboutoptions like in vitro, surrogacy, and adoption.

As for raising a baby without a partner? You’ll be just fine, promise.

Being a single mom isn’t easy, but millions of women raise wonderful kids alone every day.

What’s more, you’re in the position of being independent, financially stable, and really, really secure in who you are, because you’ve had the time to grow into your own sense of self-confidence.

You’re going to be a great mom. If a dad comes along, awesome. If not? You havegot this!

Best of luck, and congrats in advance!

Becca

Pulling My Hair Out (Literally)

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

Becca, here’s my deal.

I’m a 45-year-old married woman who’s always had a sh**load of confidence, until now.

I recently started balding, and I have no idea how to tackle the problem.

I mean, isn’t this the kind of crap my husband should be dealing with?

Tell me, how does a girl get her groove back when she’s rocking a shiny dome?

Bald and Bemused

Dear B&B,

You want to go out for happy hour sometime? Cause you sound like a lady who is a lot of fun!

I love your self-confidence, and I don’t think it needs to take a hit just because your hairline isn’t what it used to be.

Your point about your husband is accurate: mendo go bald early and more often than women. That said, hundreds of thousands of women deal with hair thinning and baldness, especially during hormonal changes.

Do you have a hairstylist you trust? I would suggest scheduling a consultation with her and seeing whether there are any products or styles she recommends that might help nip the baldness in the bud.

If that doesn’t work, consider this: You can still be a bald, beautiful babe without losing a single ounce of your personal oomph!

Lots of women look awesome inbuzzcuts, wild wigs, and funky scarves when their personal mane just isn’t doingit anymore. You sound like the kind of lady with the style and charisma to pull it off!

Rock on!

Becca

Not “Just” A Dog

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

Hello Becca,

I just recently lost my dogat the ripe old age of 14 years. Now, I can’t seem to pull myself out of this funk I’m in.

People around me have a hard time understanding how much my sweet Nina meant to me, and think I’m too emotional about it all. I talked to my sister about how devastated I am and she actually told me I’m “overreacting.” Can you believe that?

I’ve lost plenty of people who were close to me over the years my father passed just two years back but nothing has hurt my heart quite like Nina walking over the Rainbow Bridge.

Is there something wrong with me that I feel so strongly when everyone else seems to think she was “just a dog”?

Puppy Love Lost

Dear Puppy Love,

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Losing a dog that’s close to your heart is truly heartbreaking, even when you know it’s their time.

To answer your question: no, no, no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling so strongly.

For so many of us, the animals in our life are like an incredible combination of best friend and child. Dogs in particular are such loyal, good, kind friends to us humans.

You should never feel like you have to measure one sorrow against another. When you lose a family member, sometimes your grief is complicated by past conflict and old grudges.

When you loss a dog, the grief is pure and simple, and it sometimes hits that much harder because there’s no confusion in your heart.

In this sad time, just take comfort in friends and loved ones, and try to remember that 14 years is a good, long life, and your dog got to spend it with her very favorite person: you!

Not now, but maybe someday, you’ll find another pup who can offer you another beautiful friendship and help honor Nina’s legacy.

Condolences and love,

Becca

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

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from My Heart Broke When My Dog Died, Then My Sister Said Im Overreacting

[yung-m00nchild]

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer? I’ve never had sex on either one of those places but a couch sounds the most comfortable. 

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: It was good lol 

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: Sha Gojyo from Saiyuki lmaoooo

4: Something that never fails to make you horny: A guy that can make me laugh

5: Where is one place you would never have sex: In a public place. 

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________ you queef. So awkward!

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: I have no idea...

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]: Rope. Handcuffs would give me anxiety because you can easily lose the keys. 

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: Gently kiss me all over. 

10: Top or bottom? Bottom

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in] We were about to have sex but then my roommate walked in. So glad I have my own room now. 

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? Nope. I need multiple for it to be a great experience. 

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: I don’t have anything to hide. 

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you: I haven’t had any weird nicknames yet. 

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: I like being in control and making a guy feel good, but I hate it because my jaw starts to hurt after a while and some guys just take too long to get off to it smh. 

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: Nothing.

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yes and idk what I thought. 

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: Only if you feel comfortable potentially having a baby with that person and yall are both STD free. 

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? I never found any of my male teachers attractive. 

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: Chocolate syrup lol

21: How big is too big: Anything above average lol

22: One sexual thing you would never do: Anal. 

23: Biggest turn on: Muscles and facial hair, but not too much. 

24: Three spots that drive you insane: Either side of my thighs right near my crotch and the base of my neck. 

25: Worst possible time to get horny: When you’re on your period smh and thats the peak time when you want dick the most smh. 

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: Hell yes!!

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had: Idk

28: How much fapping is too much fapping: lmaooo i dont have a dick so can’t relate. 

29: Best sexual complement you ever got: I have the best arch lol

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: Landing strip. 

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut: Nope. 

32: Fill in the blank: "If they ____________, we are fuckin" ... what? lmaoo

33: What your favorite part of your body: My boobs

34: Favorite foreplay activities: Spooning and kissing. 

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to] Love > Sex

36: What do you wear to bed? If I’m planning on sleeping with a guy, I try wearing sexy underwear and a cute bra, then just wear an oversized t-shirt. 

37: When was the first time you masturbated: Probably tried back in high school. 

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? I got some nude pics lmao no videos though. 

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? I never had sex outside lol unless you count when I gave head in a park (it was dark out though so no one saw us). 

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside? Idk, probably not though. 

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Hell no. 

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? Nothing. 

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? No

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? Probably not lol 

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to? No Bullshit by Chris Brown i guess lol im sure there’s a better option but I can’t think of it. 

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? Nothing. 

47: Most attractive celebrity? Quincy can get it, Odell Beckham Jr can ruin my life, Michael B Jordan can get me pregnant right now and I wouldn’t be mad. 

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? N/A

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? They’d be three days old... LMAO

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? No, or at least I hope not. 

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? A jackass. 

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) Yes. I don’t pay them any mind and dudes dont care. They just wanna get it in. 

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not) Yes and no. I answered this already. 

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Tattoos are sexy af. 

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? I would feel honored if someone trusted me to take their virginity away lmaooo

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Anything sticky. I also am not a fan of whipped cream so thats a no. 

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? I don’t have a significant other so no one can check me for what I post :)

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?) No. 

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? Not really lol not that I have anything to hide but its just my blog. I like being in control of all my social media. 

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? Yes like nigga you gonna love my body the way it is tf?

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Pornstar. 

62: Do you watch porn? No. 

63: How small is too small? To the point where I cant feel it. 

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? Yes smh. Because I just wanna have sex lmao and people think I’m this quiet reserved person when I’m not as innocent as I look. 

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything? My ex boyfriend. It didn’t mean anything. 

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day? No s/o over here. #TeamSingle

67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"? Only to bed. 

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair? Sure. 

69: If you could give yourself head, would you? No lol feels better when someone else does it. 

70: Booty or Boobs? Boobs

71: If you had a penis/vagina, what would you name it? His name would be Sir Strokes-A-Lot. 

72: Have you ever been on an official date? Yes. 

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) No. 

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be? I like the name Bambi as my stripper name lmao

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) No and no lmaoo

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? I’d be disgusted cause wtf???

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina I was taken aback at how big it was lmaooo

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do? I’d masturbate, have sex with a girl just to see how it feels lmaoo, then probably dance around and swing it around LMAOOOO idk