#i forgot how good they look on stage next to each other. i also forgot how 30 seconds in Bruce pulls that shit that makes it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cowgurrrl · 7 months ago

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i love oftm fam so much 🥹 i would love literally any updates on them :)

OFTM GANG RISE UP 🗣️🗣️🗣️

How Could I Not Love You?

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: this isn’t my favorite but I miss them desperately

Summary: “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” [2.5k]

Warnings: newborn stuff, angst, the Garcia-Long family coming in clutch, god they are so in love it hurts, smutty dialogue toward the end but no smut because I chickened out

You don't know that you've ever been this tired. The girls have been in the world for a whopping two and a half months, and you feel like you've been awake for the entirety of those two months. None of the Miller kids are particularly good sleepers— even Sarah didn't sleep through the night until she was two and a half, which Joel conveniently forgot to tell you when you talked about having kids— but with the addition of the girls, it feels much harder. They wake up at different times throughout the night to feed, get changed, or be held, which complicates the rotation. Also, Sam's sleep schedule has regressed, and he's up at random times. Having three under five is not all it's cracked up to be.

You love Joel, and you love watching him be a dad, but your relationship has suffered through the just-barely-surviving stage of having newborns. You try to make time to watch a movie or just talk, but whenever you do, someone starts crying. Even if you're able to sit down for more than five minutes without a kid needing something, you're half-asleep and in no shape for a conversation.

It didn't hit you how much of a toll it's taken on you until you were up for one of the late-night feeds with Violet, and he lay there, watching you through the darkness. You turned to look at him and reached out with your free hand to smooth down some stray hair. He smiled sleepily and turned to kiss your wrist before whispering, "I miss you." You wanted to say that he doesn't need to miss you, and you're right there, but you weren't. Not really.

"I miss you, too," you whispered back, feeling the sting of the truth on the back of your tongue. You wanted to say more—to remind him how much you love him and tell him how you couldn't do this without him—but Sophia's tinny cry closed the window of opportunity before it could fully open.

You love your kids. You couldn't imagine anything better than watching them grow and interact with each other. They are so wanted and loved, but it still feels really fucking hard. You're sitting on the couch, feeding a baby while Joel bounces another and plays Army men with Sam, feeling like a horrible wife and mother, when the lock turns on your front door and your second family enters.

Carolina, Ryan, Elizabeth, Victoria, and Penelope descend upon your living room like well-meaning vultures, and you give them a confused look. Penelope immediately runs to Sam, and they embrace in their awkward toddler way before they scurry off to his room to play. Victoria, now nine and looking more like Carolina every day, gushes over Daisy. Elizabeth, in her teenage grace, plops down next to you on the couch and squeezes you, trying not to disturb Sophia too much.

"What are you doing here?" You ask Carolina, looking at her like she's a saint, and she smiles.

"I heard you could use a break," she says. You're about to argue with her and insist that you've got everything under control, but she stops you. "We have two and a half adults, play buddies for Sam and Daisy, and nothing to do for the rest of the day. Plus, I've been itching to hold a baby." She explains. You turn to look back at Joel, who is now babyless and standing next to a baby-equipped Ryan, and give him a look.

"Did you do this?" You ask.

"Would it be the worst thing in the world if we went to dinner alone?" Just the idea of an actual dinner is enough to make you waver. You've both been living off of takeout and Sam's leftovers since the girls were born, and you're dying for a change of scenery. There's more than enough frozen breastmilk in the fridge for the girls, and they're at ease with their aunt and uncle. Sam is ecstatic to have someone to play with, and Daisy looks excited to get some attention. Surely, a few hours couldn't hurt.

"Fine, but you can't make me wear pants."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Joel says. Once Sophia is done feeding, you hand her off to Carolina and show Elizabeth where everything is. They don't need a rundown of everything a newborn needs, but it makes you feel better to ramble about their routine to make sure it all gets done.

With all the kids placated, you and Joel sneak off to your room to change out of the clothes you've been wearing for God knows how long. You put on a maxi dress and spray dry shampoo in your hair while Joel buttons up a nice shirt.

"Thank you," you say as you put on earrings, glancing at him in the mirror. “You didn't have to do this." He gives you a confused look but shakes it off with a quick kiss to your cheek.

"I wanted to. You deserve a break."

"We deserve a break," you correct, and he hums as he wraps an arm around your waist. Even though he hasn't been dealing with postpartum and breastfeeding problems, he's still been in the trenches with you. For a quiet minute, you stand together and take a breath for the first time in months. Yeah, you desperately needed this.

You quickly finish getting ready before your plans can get thwarted and are shooed out of the house by Carolina and Ryan. They promise to text you updates and have everyone in bed on time, but don't pressure you to come home early. "We've got this," Carolina says with enough conviction that you can believe her. Still, your anxiety spikes once you're down the driveway, and you have to convince yourself that everything is okay. Joel grabbing your hand and asking you a question pleasantly distracts you.

The autumn sun slowly sets over the California hills and casts a golden glow over Joel's face, catching the grays in his hair and beard beautifully. He's fifty now and older than he ever thought he'd be. He told you as much on the night of his birthday, along with his fears of being an older dad and husband. "I just don't wanna miss anythin'," he said. You reminded him that he was only fifty and he's in exceptional health for someone who spent most of his thirties and forties making music and bouncing around the world on tours. Plus, aging looks good on him.

You talk about little things like how he's scribbled lyrics onto a notepad he keeps beside the bed or how Daisy has adjusted to having three little kids around instead of one. You're in the middle of saying something when he makes a familiar turn, and you can't stop the laugh from leaving you as the restaurant comes into view.

"Are you serious?" You ask, looking at him with a big smile, and he shrugs.

"What?" He asks, as if he's not stopping in front of the restaurant where you had your first (contractually obligated) date.

"Joel, we haven't been here in…" you trail off as you do the mental math before gasping. It's ten years to the day of your first date. Guilt immediately pools at the base of your spine, but Joel just sits there with a smirk on his face. "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize. I've been so caught up with Sammy and the girls and-" he leans over the center console and kisses you before you can continue rambling.

Normally, you make it a point to remember days like this. Your first date, breaking up, getting back together, getting engaged, getting married, all of it. That's why it's so shocking that you forgot about it, and on a milestone year, no less.

"I'm so sorry." You say, and he shakes his head.

"I didn't say anything, so it could be a surprise," he says. "I called Caro and Ryan about a month ago to set this up, and I rented out the whole restaurant, so it's just us. We don't have to worry about cameras or fans or anythin'."

Of fucking course, he would do something like this. You sigh and drop your head to his shoulder.

"I didn't even get you anything." You mumble guiltily. He chuckles and kisses your temple.

"You just had two of my kids. I think that's more than enough." He says. You could spiral about feeling like a bad partner (how could you forget when your life together started?), but you have plenty of time for that. For dinner, however, you're on the clock. So, you push the thoughts away for now and stare at your husband fondly.

"I love you so much it's stupid," you say, and he smiles.

"Right back atcha, baby." He says. Much like he did on your first date, he gets out first and gives the car keys to the valet before opening your door for you. You take his arm and walk into the restaurant with him. There's no need for a hostess since there's only one table set up in the space, and it's impossible to miss it. Beautiful flowers surround the table, already set with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of red roses like the ones he turned up at your door with. He pulls your chair out for you and steals a kiss before moving to the other side of the table. Light, romantic music plays over the speakers, and the candle flickers in the middle of the table. It's perfect.

The bottle of wine is from the year you were married, and it has a special label bearing both your names. You haven't had any wine for almost a year, and Joel, knowing this, evidently pulled out all the stops. He pours each of you a glass and raises it in a toast. "Thanks for going on a second date with me," he says, and you laugh.

"Thanks for giving me a reason to." You say and clink your glass against his. The wine is amazing, and it's not just because you haven't had any in so long. You spend some time catching up with each other and talking about nothing important until a very nice waiter comes by to take your orders. Besides the waiter coming and going, you're left alone with Joel, with nobody crying or asking you for anything. It's nice, if not a little strange.

You take your time eating and drinking and giving Joel your full attention. You laugh together and get butterflies when he kisses your hand or brushes his knee against yours. It's a little silly to get so worked up over such small gestures, but it's been a hot second since you've had adult time, so you figure it's fair. God forbid you still find your husband attractive.

In the middle of dessert, a special request of Texas Trash Pie— which doesn't come close to his mother's but is still delicious— you look up from the dish and find whipped cream in his beard. You snort a laugh at the sight, and Joel furrows his brows.

"What?" He chuckles. You gather your napkin in your hands and reach out to wipe his face, not unlike you do with your son, and he blushes a little when he realizes what was making you laugh. "Can't believe you still like a mess like me." He says before taking another bite and somehow getting more on his face. Once you're full and pleasantly tipsy from the wine, you scoot your chair closer to Joel, and his hand finds a home on your thigh.

You can't stop staring at him. You track the changes you've watched unfold over the past decade: a little more grey on his temples, the creases next to his eyes a little more prominent, and his hair a little longer. He still has that indescribable sparkle in his eye that you think can only be a product of his joy. Your heart squeezes when it only intensifies as he looks at you.

"We've been together a long time," you say, and he hums. "Ten years, five kids, one dog, three finished albums, and one in the works."

"And four movies, an Academy Award, and how many others?" Joel chimes in, never the one to just accept praise, and you roll your eyes playfully.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," you say, making him smile. You grab his left hand and trace his gold wedding band back and forth and back and forth a few times before you look at him again. "I mean, considering everything, we've done pretty well for ourselves. Can you handle ten more years with me?"

"I'd take a hundred more years with you." He says so quickly it takes your breath away. "I'd do it all over again if it meant this would be our life."

"Even though we have to change shitty diapers and get no sleep?" You ask, the question betraying the sudden tears, and he laughs.

"There are worse things." Like thinking you'll never see each other again. Like running out of time. Like never seeing him in our children's faces. Yeah, there are much worse things. You take a deep breath and squeeze his hand.

"I love you." You whisper like you told him you missed him not even a week ago.

"I love you, too." He whispers back as he kisses you sweetly. The waiter lets you linger for another half an hour before dropping the check and very politely tells you they'll be closing soon. Joel leaves a big tip as an apology for staying so late and personally thanks all the staff who worked to make this possible. He's all Southern charm and manners, even as you leave the restaurant and wait for the car.

"Thank you for tonight." You say, and Joel gives you a look.

"Y'know, we don't have to go back just yet. The kids are all in bed. Carolina and Ryan said to enjoy each other." He says, and you squint at him, a smirk pulling on your lips.

"And what would we do with all that extra time?"

"I might've reserved a room in a hotel nearby, just in case. We can order breakfast to the room early and be home before the kids wake up."

"Do Caro and Ryan know about this?" You ask, but you already know the answer. You scoff a little and shake your head before stepping close to him. "You must've been really desperate to fuck your wife to plan all this, huh?" Your lips brush against the shell of his ear, and you swear, you feel him shudder.

"Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna take such good care of you."

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethksplz2004 @buckyispunk @d1lf-loverrr @vee-bees-blog @moel-jiller @anoverwhelmingdin @casssiopeia @maried01 @acupofhollie

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rosiesdisneydrama · 12 days ago

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Witch Way Next? CH1: Stanley's No Good, Very Bad Night

Ao3 Link

Stanley and Stanford haven’t seen each other in over a decade. No letters, no postcards, no (direct) phone calls, nothing had connected them over those ten years. Stanford had become a scientist studying the strange and unusual in a tiny town in Oregon with the aid of his assistant and college roommate, Fiddleford. He was dedicated to making a scientific discovery that would change the world and often forgot to pull himself out long enough to talk to his own family. (He didn’t even know where his twin was, never mind how to contact him.) Stanley… Stanley became a witch. A “Handyman for Hire” who traveled all over the country for his work. It wasn’t a glamorous lifestyle, but it was a comfortable one. Neither of them expected to run into each other again. And certainly not because of Stan having the worst stroke of luck possible.

AN : Hey all! I've been playing with an au where Stan became a witch during his vagabond days and everything went off the rails because of it. And, at first, it's not even intentional on Stan's part. XD

Originally, the twins were supposed to run into each other by chance due to Stan being hired to do something in Gravity Falls but when I decided to start writing the story, it decided that wasn't the way things were going to play out. So now this AU is starting with Stanley having the worst night ever and ending up in a hospital! (Sorry Stan.)

Enjoy! Also, heads up, there's some swearing in here.

Stanley clutched his lighter like it was a lifeline. And, right then, it was.

The flames he was conjuring from it were the only thing between him and the two Rippers who were itching to live up to their names by ripping him apart. His chest was heaving from the amount of magic and running he'd been using to get away from them.

But they were fucking Rippers. Creatures of dust and darkness! They didn't get tired, so the only thing the chase had done was wear him out. This was not what he signed up for when he was asked to come to New Mexico to take a look at something weird going on. Some “strange animal attacks” by the woods that didn't look right.

The magic folks thought it might have been some loose beast or a mystic guard animal that wasn't leashed right. At least, that was what his client had thought it was.

“Nothing too worrying,” the guy insisted when he’d hired Stan over the phone the previous week to come take a look around. “The humans think it's a couple of coyotes. I’m pretty sure they’re wrong, though. I just want a clearer picture so I can call in a professional to handle it.”

“Animal Attacks” his ass.

Ripper attacks were nothing to make jokes about. He’d never seen one firsthand, but Pops had made sure to cover them so Stanley would know when it would be smarter to get the hell out of dodge instead of sticking around.

Honestly, Pop's descriptions hadn't held a candle to the real things, now that he’d finally had the chance to see them himself.

They were tall and human-shaped, but there was something wrong with them. And the pitch-dark forest and light from the half-moon above certainly wasn’t making them look any better.

Their limbs were too long and thin, their skin stretched taut over their bones with hands and feet a sickening black and tipped in claws like wild animals. Their snarling mouths were rimmed in the same black as their hands and feet and opened just enough to show jagged-looking fangs. Fangs that looked like someone tried to make teeth out of a bunch of obsidian daggers and stuffed them into a human-sized mouth that couldn’t quite fit them. He could barely see their sunken, hollow eyes glowing a faint sickly yellow in the dark from between the trees. Tattered clothing hung off of their too-thin frames and matted hair draped around their faces, they looked like corpses that were somewhere between the stages of “newly dead” and “risen zombie”.

And they were up and moving in the dark forest, where it would have been near impossible to see them until it was too late. Or if, like Stanley, they had gone there specifically looking for something strange and unusual in the forest.

He’d gone out to gather some evidence during the night since some beasts would only come out at night and he’d been trying to figure out what it may have been.

The client had said it wasn’t a big deal and he’d believed them and hadn’t been ready for anything big. He’d expected something small, something relatively easy for him to handle. Or at least identify for someone else to take care of.

But no it had to be fucking Rippers!

A lone handyman like him wasn’t enough for a single Ripper, never mind two of the damn things! That was a six-man job at the very least! But he’d made the mistake of going off on his own. Admittedly because he hadn’t had enough information at the start but still. (Of all the nights to forget his knife in his duffle instead of strapping it to his belt.)

Clearing them out was beyond his skill range. It just wasn’t possible for him to pull it off alone.

Stan gritted his teeth through his exhaustion, the flames at his fingertips flickering weaker for just a moment. He was running out of steam and he knew it. The damn things had been running him ragged, and the pitch-dark forest wasn’t helping either. He had no idea how close or far he was from town, or if he could find some miraculous way to lose them while he tried to figure it out.

(Damn it, he was already running on fumes thanks to Rico’s bullshit about Stan “owing” him. He’d barely managed to ditch the bastard’s lackeys before he’d gotten this call. Stan didn’t owe him shit, he just wanted a witch under his thumb.)

He didn't know how long it was until sunrise would show up and save his sorry ass. It was probably the only way he’d be getting out of this alive. He just had to hold on until then. Just until the sun came up.

A bitter part of him whispered that he probably wasn't going to make it out of this one.

But, if by some miracle he did survive, he was demanding double- no triple pay from the guy. And extra for the medicine he’d be using to patch himself up. Most of the shots he’d taken so far were minor (or he hoped they were minor) but he doubted his luck would hold for much longer.

If he didn't make it then, at the very least, he was going to take one of these bastards down with him. He wasn’t planning on going down without putting up one hell of a fight.

There was a rattling hiss and one of the Rippers vanished.

Shit.

Stanley wasn't able to get the makeshift barrier of flames up fast enough to stop the attack from hitting home.

In the span of a blink, the creature was in his face, snarling and hissing.

He screamed as a warped hand of blackened claws raked down the side of his face and neck, blood splattering on the ground. He stumbled back from the sudden, blinding pain radiating from the wounds.

(Was it deep? He didn't know and there was no time to figure it out.)

The second Ripper surged after the first, successfully sinking its teeth and claws into his arm, ripping a hole through his clothes and ripping out a chunk of skin and muscle when he wrenched free on reflex.

Fire roared from the lighter clutched in his hand, roiling around him in a wicked tornado of light and heat. Scorching the two horrid things and driving them back enough for Stanley to gasp out a spell to strengthen the blaze and push them further away. But with the dangerous side effect of near-blinding him after his mad dash through the black forest around him.

His heart hammered in his ears and he squinted desperately through the flames to keep watch on the rippers. The two vile things screeched and charged again and Stanley threw himself blindly from their path, once again desperately trying to lose them.

(Distance. Distance. He needed to get some distance between them and him. And find someplace where he could properly see to fight back.)

He’d nearly slammed into a tree in the effort, stumbling over a tree root. By some miracle, trying to keep from breaking his nose on the trunk also managed to let him evade the claws of one of the rippers.

His hair still stood on end at how close they came.

Adrenaline turned the fight into a blurry haze, after that.

A whirlwind of claws and fire and increasingly desperate blasts of magic. Stanley threw everything he had in his (too small) inventory at them, but it was far from enough to keep himself safe from harm.

Even if, by some stroke of good fortune, he’d found his way to the far, abandoned edges of town. But now he was being backed against empty buildings where no one would hear him if he screamed for help.

No, he was still on his own. With the promise of help being dangled in front of him, just out of his reach.

Claws and fangs ripped at his arms, his legs, and his back. He could barely stand from the damage he was taking. There was a serious new slice over his stomach that was agony but he forced himself to ignore it. The only things keeping him upright and moving were the potent mixture of stubbornness, spite, and adrenaline. (And some terror.) All he could do was power through the pain he was in to survive.

(But he was still losing. He wouldn't make it to sunrise. He would never see the people who'd changed his life again. He’d never see his family, his brothers, his Ma, ever again.)

Sunken, glowing eyes glared into Stanley's as one of the Rippers got past his guard again, seizing his face in a painfully tight grip. He didn’t have a chance to do more than gasp in pain from the sudden pressure on the gashes that had been carved in his face before the thing smashed his head against the brick wall behind him.

His world went dark and he never felt himself hit the ground.

(He didn't know that, at that moment, a group of Hunters arrived on the scene after hearing his initial scream, following the blind flames like they were flares. They saved him from the Rippers that had been terrorizing the area and the reason he’d been hired in the first place, though he hadn’t known it when he’d first come.)

(He didn't know that one of them had called an ambulance for him. Claiming that they'd found another “Animal Attack” victim and saved his life in the process. Thanks to them, he survived the attack. And that had been more than he’d thought he’d manage that night.)

(He was on the fence about everything that unfolded afterward.)

#gravity falls #stanley pines #stan pines #witch way next au #witch stanley au #witch stan au #rosies aus #rosies wrtiting #gravity falls au

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luvlino · 2 months ago

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ok idk if you're sleeping BUT when you're available i would love to hear about ur latest skz concert experience <33

HI ok saur i’ve just washed up so let’s GO!!!!!

dominATE tour!!! i was so so lucky to get a good seat (cat 1 second row!) but my other concert buddies… were slightly further behind. i went alone but met up with other stays who also went alone, so we became a cute little group of 4! spent the time looking around and taking pictures together 🥺 they’re the cutest bunch ever. tbh it’s not my first time going alone (i.e skz maniac, cha eunwoo just one 10min) so i wasn’t that lost, but some of the other girls were so i became some sort of a mother duck weaving them through the crowds hahah !

i made little bracelets and gave them out as fansupport! was seated next to two j-stays and when i gave them, they went “kawaii!!” repeatedly; they’re so cute uGH

chan said he’s so happy to be able to kick off the start of the world tour in singapore 🫶 (in a later ment, he said he was jealous of stays who live here because it’s so pretty, and would love to spend more time here in the future :() he also made a lot of jokes about how it’s so “cold” here (haha :|) but ultimately said it’s hot because of stay 🥹

changbin did the chilli chilli crab crab dance again!! seungmin said they ate that yesterday, and that probably before their flight tomorrow they’ll eat pepper crab! changbin asked to share and seungmin said no because changbin eats 2 portions each time 😭😭 save my man please 😫

speaking of!!! changbin is my concert bias once again!!! idk man it’s just something about him that draws your eyes towards him… his stage presence is really no joke. he’s also super buff irl (please put me in a chokehold) (lovingly)

THE SOLOS1!!1!1!1! THEY’RE ALL SO AMAZING!!!!! seungmin was so angelic on the guitar! jisung and minho were so cute and fun to jump to! hyunjin!! such beautiful choreo!!!! the fact that they put chan’s and jeongin’s back to back is so criminal tho like how did they expect me to recover from shirtless chan to body-roll jeongin combo???? felix said his solo was based off beast’s pov from beauty and the beast! 🥺 of how life was so unfair for him 🥺🥺 and then when be the crowd was chanting “baby bread! baby bread!” seungmin then went on to say “nonono, he’s a man now” WHAT IF I CRIED!!!!!

they also played cult classics: miroh, district 9, MY PACE, back door, god’s menu, thunderous, case 143. i will never stop loving you, miroh.

at one point they were all just throwing water at stays and each other. they should’ve gone to waterbomb lmao i would’ve loved to see them with the water canons

omg as i was collecting confetti after the concert, a security aunty came up to me and was like “hi can i ask who was the one with the long hair?”

and i was like “oh the blond one?”

and she was like “yeah! the one with the half bun!”

so i was like “oh! that’s felix!”

“felix? like f-e-l-i-x?”

“yes, felix!”

“oh, he’s very handsome!”

“right??”

tbh i think last year’s maniac tour was better :/ maybe its because of the intimacy of the indoor stadium as compared to national? i also preferred last year’s setlist too T-T there’s no hellevator, haven, rock or yayaya 😪 they did have social path this year tho! and stray kids! lonely street and i like it too!! it’s the little wins 🥹

anyways 8/10 solid concert i love skz with all my heart and stays are so nice! it’s a blessing to be able to see my ults three times now 🥹 i’m p sure there’s more but i think i forgot haha will leave off with a message from chan:

#stray kids #skz #˗ˏˋ kimchi! ˎˊ˗#mailbox

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sotogalmo · 3 months ago

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3:00 am (4 days ago) — 12:34

“Come, my prince, kiss me in that forest...”

@alien-til-i-stage / @starry-skiez (small but lots of mentions of Ciaran) :

@solei-eclipse / @junebluues / @chokkito / @4listr / @aakaneeee / @rockwgooglyeyes / @teapotuser + @bluemoonscape

Before it all— continuing from my other post, which is the aftermath.

"now, let's get some rest. Tomorrow is a very special day, is it not?" Yume has said, a lot of the times after seeing the 'Sun' set while being in the garden.

It's something that he's cherished, but not outrightly stated that it's something he liked doing. It's more like a gift- that's what Yume has thought and called it

Sleep is a gift; and those who are able to sleep are given such a gift because it's necessary for them (not for me, they wanted to see if they can push me to the end)

And such a gift, is good for them.

And it's something he wanted to learn about; it's not that weird that he watches others, isn't it?

He's learning about it, and it's better to do it up close and personal- a hands-on type of experiment. So it's not weird of him to stare.

It's actually quite normal for him to stare at others.

Seeing others sleep, whether they sleep within seconds or take longer- it's all interesting to him.

They are also in weird and funny positions to sleep in... But it's nice that they trust him when they fall asleep next to him.

He, Yume Nagai -"the sleep potentate"- finds it's very nice of them to trust him with such dreams and how close he is to them (physically, he doesn't really know what happens in their dreams, but he hopes it's nothing but what they want)

But it seems whenever they sleep close to him, they have happy dreams!

That makes him.. feel... Nice about himself. And it gives him purpose.

To which, he couldn't help but let his mind wander thru his past as he stared at some of them sleeping.

His past before he met the ones in his class; before he met his class.

His past where he would indulge in his own choosing of hanging out with Ald, for as long as he can. That has him asking questions, and never getting a full straight answer— but the fact that he can hang out and hear his voice?

Ah, it's so wonderful that it just drives him wild.

Even if Ald later down the line forgot about him and then got a new pet, oh what was his name? Sebstian? Sebastion? No one cares.

Yume had loved him since they had their first meeting; when they first looked at each other and then a spark happened.

And he was helpful too! Since he could bring Ald to greatness and provide wealth for him; he was technically the son of a doctor.

And he didn't mind! He actually accepted it, outright. And if it means that the silly childhood promise they both made when they met, could be kept in like a secret; a place where he will compromise for Ald's forgetfulness—

Because as long as he has him, surely everything will be alright. Even if he forgets- as long as they are together physically; he can be safe and sweet.

...

To which, it connects to what he's been seeing and what he's seeing right now. Someone is having trouble sleeping- someone not close to him, so they're fine.

But some of them seem to be in a nightmare; granted, Sebastian always has nightmares or just plain black dreams. so it's not surprising when it comes to him—

But for the others. It's a bit of a surprise. But then again, this places does bring them so much anxiety- fear and relentless horror. Even if they don't know it.

At least the subtle-ness of such a place gets to them subconsciously. It always was like that for him, so most likely it's for the others too. It would make sense

And in a way, he has just the right thing for them that can soothe them and bring much happier dreams than the ones that they're having. Well- not really, and he doesn't feel up to it.

In a way, he's jealous because they can have this gift of being human and having a rest. It's a gift that many of them have shared with others since the very start of their birth.

But, also- he's helpful to them because he can lure them to sleep— he was helpful for Ald!

He thinks he's helpful for the others because of how he can help them with their sleeping habits. And it makes him happy that he can help them; which has turned into a thing he does for the sake of their health and overall happiness.

Everyone has worries that weigh them down from day to day, he knows that with perfect -unchained, unscorecard, and unrestrained- knowledge because he's always seen worry.

"mama" he would first think, and then- "or papa... I don't know which is more fitting for them, but mama gives me... makes me a tiny bit of.. happiness..."

But then he'll just continue this train of thought: "mama and every other person I was able to see.. I could see their worries plain as day. Even with their sleeplessness, it wasn't hard to find it. It's under their eyelids, they are called "eye bags" I've been told by ama." — "and that was why some of them have been so surprised when I went up to them, whenever I could. I think."

"But! Now! With this medicine I plan on making, with the tiny leaves I've gathered when I was out playing with Ciaran (ah, ciaran..), and the.. cuts I gave myself. Leaves and liquid are important for making a cure, right?"

Yume hums a small tone, nothing significant. Just something that he regularly hums whenever he's too deep into his mind— "repeated tasks in uninspiring daily life, deepest longings.. ah, you know. Only inside a dream, you can leave it all behind-"

He's thought of that, too many times.

To close his eyes, cast away anything - anyone - everyone and everything he's tired of because if-

Ah. You already know that though. I bet you do, it's the main reason why he was made!

Such irony.

That he, now also does the same for the same reason; to lose himseld in his mind inside of his realities, where it's all true! (oh, who needs reality when you can dream? It's very simple!)

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

. . .

. .

.... . / .-- .- .-.. -.- . -.. / - --- / - .... . -- .-.-.- / --. .. ...- .. -. --. / - .... . -- / .- / --. .. ..-. - .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . -- / - --- / -... . / ..-. .-. . . / ..-. .-. --- -- / - .... . / .-.. .. ..-. . / - .... .- - / .. ... / .- -. .- -.- - / --. .- .-. -.. . -. .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - --..-- / .- / -... .-.. ..- . / ...- .. .- .-.. .-.-.- / .- / ...- .. .- .-.. / .. -. / .... .. ... / .... .- -. -.. / - .... .- - / .. ... / -.. .- -- .- --. . -.. / -... . -.-- --- -. -.. / .-. . - ..- .-. -. --..-- / .- -. -.. / - .... .- - / -... .-.. ..- . / ...- .. .- .-.. / .-.. --- --- -.- ... / .-.. .. -.- . / .-- .- - . .-. .-.-.- / ... ..- .-. . .-.. -.-- / - .... .. ... / --. .. ..-. - / .. ... / -. --- / .--. --- .. ... --- -. -.-.-- / -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / .-- .... -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .. - / -... . ..--.. / .-- .... -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .... . / --. .. ...- . / - .... . -- / ... ..- -.-. .... / .- / - .... .. -. --. ..--.. / .... . / -.-. .- .-. . ... / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . -- .-.-.- / - .... . ... . / .-.. --- .-- .-.. -.-- / .--. . - ... / --- -. .-.. -.-- / .-- .- -. - .. -. --. / .- -. -.. / .-- .- .. - .. -. --. / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / --. .-. .. -- .-.-.- / - .... . / -- ..- .-. -.- -.-- / .-- .- - . .-. --..-- / - --- --- / -.. .- .-. -.- / -.-- . - / .. - .----. ... / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / .-..-. .-- .- - . .-. .-..-. .-.-.- / .- / --. .. ..-. - / - --- / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / - .... . -- .-.-.- / -. --- .-- / --- ..-. ..-. / .. -. - --- / .... .- .--. .--. -.-- / -.. .-. . .- -- ... --..-- / .- .-.. .-.. / - .... . / -.-. .... .. .-.. -.. .-. . -. / ... .... .- .-.. .-.. / -.. .-. .. ..-. - / - --- / - .... . .. .-. / ... .- ..-. . / .... .- ...- . -. .-.-.-

But now,

I can—

Be free.....

Yume hums a small tone, nothing significant. Just something that he regularly hums whenever he's too deep into his mind— He thinks he's helpful for the others because of how he can help them with their sleeping habits; he's shown that! His vial, his medicine- his "gift". And it makes him happy that he can help them; which has turned into a thing he does for the sake of their health and overall happiness.

For the sake of his—

CRASH. (Wink)

Oh?

Ah.

That rat— vermin, again.

Isn't it?

Roaming the halls, seems like he's not actually a heavy sleeper; but that's to be expected. He's always on the worry side of everything.

That's what Ald has been telling him, when he was first adopted he would make these small mistakes just like a new-born fawn! Ald found it funny, and so does Yume.

Hah, how can a faun- a deer survive in these conditions?

Ah.

But if he finds out; oh. He might tell the others— he seems to be that type of person, either way.

A scaredy cat that makes too many mistakes that it's funny, a mouse that tells on others, a rat that hears and whines, a vermin who's nothing but pest— nothing but oblivious to the idea that Yume has; that will set them both and many others free from this place.

So, yes. He has “"broken in"”. Not his fault that the aliens didn't trust him enough to watch the others...

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

They met.

Face to face—

Once again. But this time with no "axe" behind Yume as to "disregard" his 'clone' (ahahah, ahahaha! funny- because he's the one and only Yume Nagai. Why would there be clones of him?)

They were standing near- so damn near- the entrance of the garden.

The ever-shifting colored box; the top of it open. They could see the stars- the other planets— everything.

. .

. . .

But that doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter to him; Yume. It doesn't matter.

It shouldn't, and it doesn't matter.

Why is Sebastian so resistant? Why does he hesitate (Drink up the vial. Take a breath; Suck out the poison, let it touch you) ? Why does he second guess, everything given to him?

This gift, why does he wake so easily from it?

This gift, why does he always worry it would never work?

This gift, why does he call it "nightmare"?

... Yume walks away; oh, he doesn't want to spend a MINUTE longer with this ginger!

He always makes him confused, questioning himself; but of course! What he thinks about Sebastian is nothing but rivalry!

Why should he feel connected, and feel just the same when he was with Ald (with Ciaran)?

Sebastian is the total opposite of them, and that doesn't feel nice.

Yume is now back in his room. Not alone, but he's back in his room. In all honesty, that's better than being in the halls where the others could see them.

This is better, because he can now- revisit the way he did his cure. (Feelin' feelin' feelin' feelin' f e a r)

And maybe have someone taste it (Drink up the vial. Take a breath; Suck out the poison, let it touch you) out! To see if it's perfect for the others.. even if he already gave those said others (those nobodies) their peace!

Yume sits back down, close to the area where he was making his cure; his gift to them all. Before he heard Sebastian's voice;

Of course it wobbled, but only a slight bit before he 'yelled' (more like he whispered this out loud in a very hushed but loud voice)— "Stop this already!"

To which? Of course, Yume responded, in the same tone and everything. You don't want the others to catch you, right?

"Stop what?"

Sebastian's hands waved around in the air (With a slight fever,) as he tried to remember what Yume called that glass bottle- "this- that thing that you're creating!—

You can't keep making it-!" Such a ""hero"" (but he is here with a weapon.. no, it can't be.)

"Why not!? Why not!? What's so bad about finally having rest!?" (wink.) "I'm here to save you all!"

"To start the end of the beginning."

"......"

"So I can finally meet him again... I have to do this."

"How are you so sure that this will make you meet him?"

"you... you just want to die!"

"AND!?"

"if I DIE, then they'll surely ask you about me. And he- he'll ask you about me! He'll finally talk about me!"

"Also...." Yume stopped for a bit, lowering his hoarse voice.

"Are how you so sure, I'll die? I know I will, but I'll not stay dead for long. I know it for sure." Saying it with such childishly sweet reassurance.

Sebastian gripped his scissors. Wondering if that tone should've been comforting, or something. It sounds— wrong. Like it's not supposed, to be that childish. That sweet- that unbothered.

Yume held onto his box cutters, the ones he found and hid away from the aliens- so very well.

"Besides. You know what Ald eats."

Sebastian shudders at the memories of seeing.. three? Or possibly more, human bodies that sometimes look like him; with the same clothes and everything-! The same rat hats, same rat tail belts, and everything. (Even the same things that the other pets would hunt- everything was prey. He was prey. But he lived; why? What's so interesting about him? Why did Ald keep him alive?)

"I only hope to be helpful to him. To be his resource, to be his~."

Sebastian looked away as he slightly drew blood from his own hand holding onto his scissors too tightly. "I should've known it would be like this, for that reason.. because you are weird, and a freak... ..... but why.. just why Yume..."

"it's only natural, that I'll finally be useful to him. And that they'll never let me go... I'm too important to them."

"Why.."

"Isn't painful? Suffocating?

Do you just want to escape it all?"

He's being... He's being vulnerable.

"Too tired of it all?" (A woman is eavesdropping on them; she lightly shakes and then looks down while having her robe on. She understands what he's saying.....)

"But."

What do you mean "but"? (Drink up the vial

Take a breath

Wink

Suck out the poison

Let it touch you)

"That's alright. It's fine; it's just how- and the way humans are."

You're saying that like you're.. you, yourself aren't human.... (Save this game, Mr. A)

Yume brings his box cutters to a spot on his wrist, like he's an expert at such harm (he is, just look at how he needed a glove to hide his marks!)— he didn't even have to look at his arm; his hand.

He knew just the spot, and he knew how to finish his cure; his gift— the heaven's blessing.

Love's love.

. .

. . .

His own blood.

If he can't give it to Ald (not Ald, not Ald. It's Ciaran), then he can at least "accidentally" give it to him.

The leaves, his blood, the poppy lookalike flowers (they are called ANAKT flowers, but he doesn't buy it. Fake? Of course, but it's the best he can do)- along with one silvervine.

Sebastian looks around, continuing to draw blood from his sweaty palm that is holding onto his weapon (Still covering my right eye

I check the tears). ..... He's thinking of doing what he should do- as a way to stop this craziness (yes, he knows that Yume has already been crazy from the start since they met, but this— ....)

A cut; and the drip-drip-drip of fresh blood. The metal smell overwhelms Sebastian, as he dashes forwards to pull Yume away; getting some of it (the blood, the blood coming from Yume's already too far gone wrist) way from the small bottle that Yume has been working on for who knows how long..

To which?

Yume attacks.

How DARE he stop this!

He would've dragged him down with him later or earlier, but now it seems like he should drag him down with him; NOW.

If Sebastian is acting like this, then he must surely want to be dead with him right now— but he can't.. he doesn't have the strength for it. (The woman outside of their door, starts to leave. They don't pay attention- but surely the guards might've- should've heard of her steps. It seems to be close to morning? The time where they would put the place in "day mode"; pink hair in cat-ear like buns sways, leaving with a younger girl who has ear-length ginger brown hair)

So it was easy for Sebastian, the one who can hold an alien back by one hand, to hold him in place and to at least try and help— keyword; try.

He tries.

He doesn't succeeds.

Yume scratches at his arm's bicep.

Not necessarily with his nails, but also with his box cutter. It's easy to do that (he had to, switch? the placement of his box cutters onto the other hand because his hand is bleeding out. Slowly, but still).

He was giving something back; he was giving that pain back. Not to the actual one who caused it, but the one who caused confusion for him.

He lightly smirked again, a last time type of smirk; the same smirk he had when they first met (God, Sebastian thinks, this makes me sound cheesy as hell. As if I liked him- no, not that. As if I "loved" him.....)

But his smirk was hiding something. Sebastian just knows it; how can he smile like this? And use so much force to crave words into his biceps....

He's—

you had used me, and abused me, made me feel small. You had cast aside my feelings, treated me like a doll. Even long before the gift, you'd broken my heart.

It was all I could do to tear the damn place apart! (I'll scream until I rot away)

They are face to face again.

Sebastian is holding in his tears (he doesn't want to be seen as weak, or pathetic. He doesn't like tears because of that. He only wants to be helpful)

Yume is ever smiling back at him.

. . . This feels so weird...

it's a medicine, it brings sleep make no mistake. And the sleep's eternal, so you never shall wake.

With what he can do for now, he reaches over to the glass bottle. Sebastian doesn't move, as he only tighten his grip onto him- trying so much.

"This is okay. This is okay." Yume said, what is he trying to achieve with saying that?

My Insomnia is transformed to a thing of the past.

Yume pushes them both away from each other. Sebastian brings his scissors to Yume's shoulder; close to his neck and collarbone (he wanted to stop this, in one way to another. Even if blood is made. He has to chase his heart) — to that, Yume somewhat whined. Only for a little bit

No longer the sleep princess, instead the sleeping beauty~—

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

. . .

. .

The same pink haired woman is lightly seen. She's with— no.

It can't be.

It must be a clone, at least!

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mgnifique-tion · 11 months ago

Text

— december 31st.

summary || ``out in the cold with a god, the historian never expected how great the next year would turn out to be.``

pairing: tva!loki x fem!historian!reader song recommendations: where the sea sleeps (day 6 – even of day) lowercase is intended…

— themes and warning/s: fluff, friendly bickering, friends (allies)-to-lovers, cozy, very minimal swearing (literally just one), this is very soft pls my heart–

— a/n: somebody got into loki again (me) and it’s been a while since i’ve written a marvel au (like probably 6 years ago HELP) and just for some backstory, my writer buddy (@yourstrulyksm) got me into this because she wanted me to write a christmas special but uh, the idea came in late……. and also, brainrot for loki……….. so here’s a short, teeny tiny winter special to end the year with! let’s welcome 2024 with a warm embrace (and perhaps a kiss…? maybe ship yourself with the upcoming year??? i’m def going insane)

[ total words: 1.2k ]

support me on ko-fi! ☕

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

“are you alright?”

oh, you were pissed off, and not in a healthy amount. you were unhealthily pissed off. him asking you that question while you both stood in the middle of the wilderness clearly was not a great way to have a brand new conversation that opened with him doubting your mental state in some way. a loose nightdress was the only thing keeping you warm and as much as it looked so good on you, you were now beginning to hate it with all of your soul.

that and the god who dragged you out of your home to fulfill a mission, loki.

“it’s almost twelve o'clock and you’re expecting me to be okay out here, in the cold, outside of my damn apartment, dressed in this sleeveless, thin cotton dress– are you that dense!?” anger was just inching closer with each second that passed as the god looked you from top to bottom, keeping his lower lip under his front teeth as he tilted his head.

‘right, he was a front giant. i forgot,’ you thought, huffing as you crossed your arms in both the burning annoyance and in the cold. to your surprise, that ticking bomb inside your head wasn’t really going to do much to keep you warm.

“why didn’t you bring a jacket, then?” he questioned again. “you showed up at my doorstep panicking! i didn’t have time to get one!” you complained.

and then, there was silence, a moment of clarity which was later interrupted by the god once again. this time, he laughed, shaking his head at the supposed funny moment that took place earlier. “... oh, my friend, i do apologize–”

“you should,” you quickly snapped back, walking next to him as you followed his directions as if you weren’t familiar with the location. “now, i’m freezing like shit here– what are you doing?”

without thinking twice, the thick, dark blazer he wore was slipping off of his shoulders and arms as he gave you a state, later offering it to you by nudging your arm with his knuckles. “come on, wear it. the cold never bothered me anyway,” he said, both of his eyebrows raised as his eyes glimmered, hoping that you’d just take the blazer from him.

“... thanks a lot, elsa.” you still spoke in that grumbling tone you always had when it came to him but deep down, it was all for the humor… and the never-ending stage of denial.

yes.

it’s been a while since those feelings for him bloomed like a flower on a spring’s day.

and now, you’re stuck with him like a pine tree on a winter’s night. “what are you even doing here? didn’t you tell me that we’re just supposed to see each other throughout time like… periodical visits?” you questioned, still wondering why he was now standing next to you.

although he and mobius did need the help of a licensed historian, it was clear that you weren’t like the two of them. you had an entirely different role and just like what they both would say, you should play your role in the timeline.

“why? isn’t this just like one of those periodical visits as well?” his shoulders slowly rose throughout the question as you sighed.

3 days ago. it’s been 3 days since loki and mobius left… and now, one of them is back again and it didn’t seem like he’s in trouble as you assumed.

“yeah, but like, i thought you’d come see me a few months after the last visit,” you muttered, taking steps with him slower this time, clearly diving deep into the talk. “you know? like the last time… for you, only a week passed but for me, it took six and a half months. is there another problem we have to fix or is this gonna be your thing?”

in return, he chuckled and asked back, “can’t i just pay my favourite historian a visit?”

“... but i’m the only historian you know–” “shut up.”

though it sounded bitter, both of you still smiled over the friendly banter and somehow, it was nice to know that loki traveled through time again just to meet up with you.

as a busy historian constantly checking if the two tva employees or sylvie herself made any of those rewrites in the many pages of history, you never really had a chance to go out with friends… you weren’t even sure if you still had contact with those old friends of yours.

in some way, you were lonely.

you’d never admit it to yourself or to anyone around you but it was undeniable that you still were. “so, what you’re telling me is that you probably got bored and thought to yourself that you should seek me out just so you could take me here in the middle of the night? for fun? is this your brilliant idea of fun?” you questioned, syncing your pace with him as leaves and snow rustled beneath your boots.

again, he chuckled. “well… it’s not exactly boredom,” the god answered, taking a deep breath right after. “... i did have plans to see you tonight.”

‘... what?’ that one word danced around your mind in circles because not once did you think of that possibility.

he just said he wanted to see you exactly tonight, how could that happen?

“and it’s getting late, i know. i’m sorry for dragging you out here but this one…” he trailed off, taking another deep breath as he suddenly stopped walking… and of course you did the same, choosing to face the trees instead of him.

“this one’s important.”

then, he raised his hand mid-air, just above his own shoulder as his fingers fluttered, emitting vibrant sparks in every color you could think of. he had a genuine smile on his face, his emerald eyes staring back at you while you focused on how the sparks flew and twirled around his palm. once you looked at him, you held in your breath, absolutely overwhelmed by the situation. “... loki.”

“i’m in love with you,” he said softly, his eyes turning glossy, admitting to it all wholeheartedly. no more secrets now. “and it’s killing me to keep these words to myself for longer so nothing’s stopping me from saying them now. i am so in love with you, y/n… i can’t imagine not seeing you every single minute.”

with the sparks from his own palm flying into the air, syncing with the fireworks that blasted into the dawn skies, he pulled you close, the lips you’ve dreamed of every night brushing against yours soothingly as you started forgetting about how cold it was… the kiss he was giving you was enough to keep you warm.

even too warm, perhaps…

“whoa– hey, wait a second.” you pulled away from him, your palms touching his chest, grazing a little bit against the fabric of his ironed as if it was to restrict you from letting the kiss get deeper than expected. “... we just kissed? is this for real? or are you enchanting me? loki, i swear–,” you were then cut-off by quick peck on your cheek, his hands touching the back of yours so delicately as he looked at you with relief, shaking his head.

“this is for real, trust me.” he smirked, smothering his lips against yours once again as your eyelids closed shut, indulging everything he’s been giving you right at that moment.

well, isn’t this such a great way to start the year?

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malina-33 · 1 year ago

Text

Femme Like You - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Summary: You are the new tour manager for Arctic Monkeys during The Car era. You are practically the only girl in the team, also younger than the rest (27 y.o.), so your skills are immediately called into question. In particular, by the frontman who is not used to being led by a woman.

Word count: 10,2k

Warnings: swearing, emotional swing (is it even a warning?), kind of voyeurism (slight), age gap

A/N: Dear friends, hi!! I know, I know that I've promised you to update the fic every 3 weeks, and the disappeared for 1.5 months, but I spontaneously found a job, so there was very little time. But the chapter is much longer and with some interesting collaborations ;) I'll hope you enjoy them!

And write down what do you think if I make a description of not only the whole work, but also the chapter before each new part? Or is it better to keep the intrigue till the end?

In any case, I look forward to your feedback, it's soooo much important for me. I won't promise to return before the end of September, but I'll do my best not to delay. I already have an interesting plot for the next chapters, you should like it💔

*guys, English isn't my first language so if I have (and I know I have lol) any grammar/logic mistakes don't hesitate to tell me :)

The first week after meeting with the group flew by unnoticed. You dealt with the documentation, understanding how necessary it is, no matter how much you hated it, phoned the representatives of Ashton Gate stadium, made sure that everything was okay and confirmed the presence of the group and even tried to check the weather since the gig would be held outside. However, it turned out to be a little more difficult with the transport company. Apparently, James forgot to warn them about the temporary removal of his duties, so you had to spend time clarifying the situation and explaining who you are. It seemed that your hands-on approach was excessive, because you were trying to control everything in one time, but only due to the feeling of extra responsibility.

Steven, as promised, sent the contacts of the guys and important people from the technical crew, so now your phone had the names of Jamie Cook, Nick O'Malley, Matthew Helders and Alex "dickhead" Turner among others. 19 years old you would definitely envy yourself. So when you got a message while cooking pasta for dinner on Saturday night, you already knew it was from the drummer and not from an anonymous online scammer.

Matthew Helders: "good evening, Miss Y/S! I hope you aren't busy. We'll wait you on the soundcheck on Monday at 2 pm in Domino, need your advice :)"

You almost overcooked Carbonara bacon rereading the message. "Do they really need my advice?" you whispered, furrowing your brows "About what?". But the only answer was:

You: "Sure! Do I need to take some 12% cider?"

Matthew Helders: "you better not show up without a package lol"

Immediately followed by:

Matthew Helders: "just kidding! We are waiting only for you, but in the company of cider it will be even better)"

You chuckled, surprised at how quickly Matt went from formal Miss at the beginning of the conversation to smiles and lols at the end. To tell the truth, you still didn't fully understand how to behave with them. On the one hand, you are their manager and have a certain influence, as well as subordination. Steven and James don't have it, although they are "higher" in position, but they've been friends for half of a life, and you are a completely new person. On the other hand, in this area there is no place for strict formalities, especially since the guys don't look like those who would comply with them. After all they were big kids no matter how mature and pretentious they could look on stage, and you clearly felt it. Maybe your company will help them to relax even more, so there won't be any awkwardness and you will naturally find an edge where all of you will feel comfortable and which no one will cross.

With those thoughts, Carbonara and Rosé you spent your Saturday night watching your favorite series "La Piovra". You got used to such calm and quiet evenings. The era of parties until the morning has passed in the university years, and it’s not that you don’t go to clubs now, it’s just that the older you become the better you began to appreciate moments of silence. Not to be bored alone with yourself is the most valuable skill that you have acquired in your life. Having lived first with your parents for a long time, then getting married early at the age of 20 and having lived with your husband for 3 years, you were essentially not left alone with yourself. Having discovered over time that you feel absolutely nothing for the person whom you said "yes" to in the registry office, you were horrified and frightened to say at least. You thought that you get married once for a lifetime, but it turned out that happy endings exist only in fairy tales. That period of despondency, depression and eventual deepening into work gave its results. Major labels began to notice you, inviting you to musical projects with famous bands such as Maneskin. You worked with them for 1.5 years, leaving after their heyday at the Eurovision, realizing that you can’t give them more. That was your second decision to leave, but unlike the divorce, it didn't bring you much suffering. You understood that you and the group gave each other a lot, and although the parting was bitter, everyone understood that it was necessary. You still remained friends with the guys and periodically wrote off to meet. You planned to go to their concert, but couldn't find the time. And after your assignment to the Monkeys it became even more harder to shedule.

After the divorce you didn't have a serious relationship, instead you had a dream job, money, a car, a country house and even a corgi Grapes. You weren't afraid of the future, loved the time in seclusion and found inner peace by meditating on the production of cider, which was your unusual but very tasty hobby. Were you fully happy, though? Wouldn't you like to cross the threshold of the house and be met not by a dog's barking, but by a warm kiss on the forehead and a quiet "how was your day"? You probably wanted to, but it was hard to admit, especially considering that the fear of intimacy sat somewhere deep inside, not letting you forget the disappointment that you experienced when you removed the engagement ring from your finger. Although you remained friends who didn't hold evil against each other, the bitterness of your marriage was almost impossible to remove from the memories.

But for now, your head has been occupied by the sudden question of where to put Grapes for the duration of the tour...

Monday morning was sunny and peaceful, you woke up in a surprisingly good mood, put on your make-up, put on your favorite lime flared jeans, loaded a case of apple drink from the basemеnt into the car, patted Grapes and drove off to the studio. The road took about an hour, so during this time you managed to phone your father. You haven't talked much lately due to your workload, and now was almost the only time of the day when you were relatively free. You put the speaker phone mode, listening to the slightly hoarse voice of the man, without being distracted from the road.

"Hello my dear! How are you?"

"Hi daddy, I'm fine, going to work right now"

"My busy bee, James has already told me about your progress" you could hear him chuckle, coughing a little. You could only guess what Ford said to your father, because you spoke to him only once in these 2 weeks, when you recalled him after meeting with the group. And not that your story was very colorful. Therefore, the guys or Steven contacted him, and from this point of view, you couldn't imagine what they possibly come up with towards you.

"He assured me the boys liked you"

"Oh, really?" you said on the exhale, squeezing your hands on the steering wheel tightly.

"Yes, James is pleased with you. Well done, babe!" you melted under his words. It felt like you were a little girl again who drew a family picture that was hung on the refrigerator, even though mom and dad looked like monsters.

"Thank you daddy, I'm very happy to be with them actually"

"Of course, in such a company of men. Should I be jealous? 'Cause I looked through their photos on the Internet" dad said proudly, to which you burst out laughing, stopping at a traffic light.

"Dad, c'mon, no! They're too old for me" you laughed.

"10 years are not a big deal. Anyway, your choice. Just don't forget to eat please, I know how tough you work now. Otherwise you'll get drunk on your cider. God, how did you even manage to get into this alcohol sphere..." the man groaned in prostration. You rolled your eyes, but still smiled without answering. You got used to your father's fast flow of different thoughts.

"And don't roll your eyes, little naughty one! I care about you. So if they hurt you, you know who to call, right?"

"Oi, who will offend whom first" you retorted defiantly.

"Okay okay, I won't interrupt anymore. Kiss Grapes for me. I love you"

"And I love you very much, hello mom"

"I'll pass it on, bye!"

You turned off the call, fully focusing on the road. After talking with your parents, you always felt warm in your soul, so up to the studio you didn't leave a smile when you sang songs from the radio under your breath.

You arrived exactly at 2 o'clock, as agreed with Matt, but when you saw a few more cars in the parking lot in addition to the familiar Cadillac, you realized that the guys had been here for a long time. You must have looked a little ridiculous in a business suit and heels and a wooden box under your arm, but you didn't have other choice. Holding the car key in your mouth and trying to press the button at the same time, you clumsily closed the trunk with your leg. A purse was still dangling somewhere on your shoulder, and sunglasses had slipped from head to the bridge of your nose. "Must be an amazing picture to observe" you thought tiredly "Oh, if only Matt were here".

But before you had time to think about it, you heard a soft laugh behind you. You turned around sharply, noticing the frontman smoking alone near the entrance. You spat the key into the box, finally pressing the right button, and shouted

"And how long do you look?"

"I came exactly at the most interesting moment" man smiled, taking a puff.

You heavily crossed the entire parking lot, approaching him. Turner, having finished smoking a cigarette and throwing it into a nearby trash can, silently took the box from your hands.

"Hi, Y/N" he greeted you wheezing nicotine in the lungs.

"Hi," you frowened a little, but slowly added "Alex".

Calling him by his first name was... Unusual. A week ago the appeal to him was exclusively Mr. Turner, but today he was the first to break this line. "Well, apparently, we will both have problems with the boundaries of what is acceptable" bitterly flashed through your thoughts.

You both entered the building - Alex with a box in front, you behind holding the door. The way was silent. You wanted to say something to break this crystal quietness of his, but by the time you mustered up the courage, you stopped at the door 13A. The vocalist pushed it with his left shoulder, squeezing the alcohol forward, and you trotted along.

As soon as you and Alex entered the sound studio, you were immediately greeted with whistling and loud hooting.

"Look who's here, Miss Y/N"

"Hi, guys! I'm here with gifts as promised" you smiled broadly.

Alex at this time put the box on the table and immediately took one bottle for himself.

You noticed that there were Tyler and Tom in the studio as well, so you mentally praised yourself for taking bottles with a margin. You didn't know them personally yet, but was willing to change it. Turner introduced you to the men, and surprisingly you didn't hear his usual sneer in the voice.

"So, welcome Y/N Y/S, she's our manager for the summer before America starts and James gets back"

"Happy to finally meet you!" you were the first to extend your hand to Tyler, which he shook gently, smiling affably, and then to Tom. But he intercepted your hand, kissing your knuckles and making you laugh.

"Mutually, Miss" Rowley said enchanted.

"And she makes her own awesome cider, get one" Matt ordered businesslike, raising his voice from behind the drum kit.

"Yeah, there is enough for everyone, don't hesitate to take"

Evidently you arrived during the break, and before that they had already rehearsed a bit. You were wondering what kind of advice they need from you. The thought that they just needed cider you pushed back with a grin. But Alex, as if reading your thoughts, leisurely started speaking leaning on the table and holding a drink.

"Well, thanks for the cider, but that's not what we called you for. Since you're such a big fan of My Propeller, we discussed it here and decided that it's possible to put one on the set list for a couple of times. So listen to how it sounds, maybe have some ideas or whatevah" he was trying to sound casual, not attaching importance to his words for you.

"I'll do my best!" you almost jumped from such news.

Jamie chuckled audibly, running his fingers over the guitar. You sat down on the couch as Matt tapped the rhythm with his sticks and the melody began.

Seductive. The first association that came to your mind when you heard the intro of this song. It was your favorite from Humbug for sure and one of the band's all time favorites. Alex never told in any interview what was the secret of the lyrics, and probably that was the reason it attracted you even more. The guys played it selflessly, as if there hadn't been those decades that they hadn't performed it. You liked how they gave themselves to the process, even if it was just a rehearsal. They were in simple t-shirts and Matt was proudly wearing pineapple shorts, but you could swear, a real concert was unfolding right in front of you.

When Alex started singing you tried to hide the goosebumps as best as you could, but it hardly worked out well. His voice flowed melodically, not betraying a hint of wheezing or breaking, which could arise due to the age. He closed his eyes, tightly gripping the microphone stand, and moved his feet to the beat, slightly ridiculous, but at the same time gracefully. Throughout the song, you didn’t take your eyes off the group for a minute, sometimes singing along to the words, pulling the last syllable of

Coax me out my law

And have a spin of my propeller

When the song ended, you clapped and Nick even made a mock bow.

“I don’t know how objective my assessment will be, because apart from the words of delight I have nothing to add” you honestly admitted. It seemed to you that you heard Alex's quiet "As I said", but Matt was quick to interrupt him asking you "Actually, we have already decided to play it in Bristol, but the question is where to chip in. We'll definitely not start with this one, and the outro is already completed, so..."

You thought a little, trying to understand what motives My Propeller reminds you of, and then the penny dropped.

"Pretty Visitors!" you exclaimed louder than you should have because your words echoed through the silent studio.

"Smooth interlude from Pretty Visitors, yeah, not bad actually" Alex quickly developed your idea, turning to Matt, as if asking "Do you mind?", but the drummer only closed his eyes approvingly. It seemed that they didn't need any words at all, they could understand each other with guitar riffs and drum brakes. Their connection, it was amazing, honed to automatism for past 20 years. They were like scientists in a chemistry lab mixing potions together in an attempt to make a new elixir. It was magic to come true and watching this process was so intimate that you involuntarily felt the heat on your cheeks, as if you were engaged in voyeurism.

***

The hours in the studio flew by. Fortunately for you, the guys decided to surprise fans with the return of Mardy Bum which will be the opener. The exact setlist for Bristol was confirmed at the end of the rehearsal, bringing back Teddy Picker and The View From The Afternoon as well. So looking at the perfect 21 songs, you could only imagine what they would save for London. Originally you were going to visit their concert in your hometown, you bought tickets as soon as sales were announced, but after James's call you easily gave the ticket to a friend, saying that you had won a jackpot.

Tom and Tyler have already left and the five of you are left. You were sitting on a soft chair, moved from the corner of the room, and the guys opposite on the sofas. The boys had laid down their guitars and you were leding a peaceful conversation about life, since the studio rental time ended only in an hour. You told them about your career in the industry, Maneskin and the part time projects you've been working on lately, omitting the details of your divorce because you thought it was too early for them to immerse themselves in such personal aspects of your life.

"By the way, Vic is your big fan and Alex in particular" you giggled, remembering the way drunk Maneskin bassist told you that she would like to sleep with Turner. Those were the carefree times of your youth you warmly remembered.

"Really?" Matt raised his eyebrows as he sipped his seemingly endless bottle of cider "You still have their contacts, right?"

"Yeah, sure, we even text each other occasionally" you quipped.

"And you didn't say you were working with us?" Heldres was surprised.

"Actually, somehow it didn't seem possible" you lowered your gaze, "I mean what would it look like? "Hey guys, look who's here, I now manage the Monkeys btw?" - so what?"

You could tell by the Cheshire smile on Matt's bristly face that this was exactly how he thought.

"Oh no, Matthew, don't you-"

"Oh yes, darling, dial FaceTime, you'll show them our doll" the man neighed, turning to Alex, who had been sitting quietly on the couch until this moment, and fidgeted in place after the suggestion.

"For God's sake, Matt, what a kindergarten behavior" the vocalist howled irritably, rolling his eyes, "I don't even remember their names".

The idea of making fun of Turner a little for the morning case with the box and taking revenge seemed to you unexpectedly delightful. Your hand automatically sank into your pants pocket, deftly pulling it out into the light and finding the right WhatsApp chat.

"Don't worry, you just have to say hi to Vic, I'm sure you'll be fine" you sang sweetly, glancing slyly at Matt, who chuckled approvingly, glad that you supported his idea.

Alex only cursed at this and ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it. Either from nerves, or putting his hair in order before the call.

You moved from your seat to the couch between Alex and Matt, gesturing for Nick and Jamie to join. You put your hand in front of you so only your face was visible in the camera frame, waiting for one of the guys to take the call. It might have been a little ill-advised to call like this without warning on a workday evening, but anyway it was already too late, as the beeps trailed in a string of sounds. You hoped that they didn't have a concert today, in any other case, one of them would definitely pick up the phone from you. And by a happy coincidence, it was Vic who ended up on your screen.

"What the hell, Miss Boogie, are you really occasionally calling after all this time of silence?" despite Victoria de Angelis's accusatory words, she sounded playful. She was a little disheveled and with a bright blush on her face. People were walking randomly with the string interruptions in the background. Apparently, the guys were at the soundcheck at one of the venues, and Vic recently finished playing.

Four pairs of eyes openly stared at you with undisguised interest after hearing the nickname, demanding an answer, but you just mouthed "later".

"Awww, sweetheart, and I'm happy to hear you again too!" you said with an ironic smile.

"I have a lot of news for you, and I will definitely call you in private soon"

"Are you not alone? Who's with you?" the girl even moved closer to the camera in an attempt to see something.

"Well, I have a little surprise for you. Actually four surprises, but one of them you'll find really special" you said conspiratorially, looking around at the guys who were still out of the picture. Alex sat to your right, trying to portray the most distant look, as if everything that was happening was nothing more than baby talk for him.

"Darling, if you have a group orgy without me, then I will be offended and drop the call" the bassist said threateningly, wiping her forehead with a towel that was hung on her shoulder.

You just burst out laughing "Ok ok, I'm not languishing you anymore. I hope you're ready. Boys, say hi to Vics" and you finally moved the camera further so that Matt, Nick and Jamie, who were sitting to your left, got into the camera frame, Alex's appearance you saved for a dessert.

The musician's reaction exceeded all your expectations. At first she narrowed her eyes, bringing the phone even closer to face, and then she widened them with a loud squeal, jumping up from her seat.

"What the hell, Y/N! What the actual fuck, you're a shitty mutherfucker!!!" she covered her mouth with her hand, chaotically moving the phone in different directions. Apparently, other members of the group came running to her scream, as you heard the voice of Damiano asking what happened.

"What happened?" she repeated "The fucking Arctic Monkeys are sitting next to Y/N!" answering a question off-camera and stabilizing the phone. Now you could clearly see the vocalist leaning over her shoulder, Thomas to the side and Ethan slightly behind.

Finally, the men next to you decided to introduce themselves "Hey, guys, what's new?" Matt said smiling to the camera, Jamie and Nick just waved their hands in a friendly manner.

"Oh my God, what's going on" Vic, still dumbfounded, spoke with a face of complete amazement. Damiano, who quickly figured out the whole situation and realized that Vic was unlikely to be able to communicate normally now, carefully took the phone from her hands.

"Hi, Y/N, long time no see! Hi, boys, how fresh you are" the frontman winked. The words "for your age" were suggested mutely, but David left them behind the scenes. The men next to you just laughed quietly at this remark and saluted the Italian boy.

"Vic, that's not all yet, look who's next to me" wanting to finally finish off your friend, you moved the camera to the side, revealing Alex's presence, who was already sitting with a polite smile on his face, leaning on the sofa armrest.

"Hi, love" Turner murmured hoarsely, turning on his usual charisma. You were surprised how quickly he went from "fuck off everyone" to his stage persona. Indeed, a skill acquired over the years.

De Angelis, after looking at the camera for just a second, squealed even harder than the first time, which you even grimaced a little, because in a quiet studio it sounded deafening.

The camera was still held by Damiano, but the girl in the frame could be seen doubled over, holding back cries of happiness. Her guys just laughed out loud at this, knowing full well what a strong fan of Alex she was.

"Y/N, I'm going to fucking kill you, I'll strap your ass so you can't sit still for another week, what are you doing to me?" Vic didn't let go of expressions, which made the men next to you shamelessly laugh, even Turner smiled predatoryly.

"Holy shit, you're real" the girl muttered in one breath.

Her adoration entertained Alex. Celebrities fangirling celebrities wasn't an unknown story for Alex, so the way Vic behaved didn't annoy him, but brought a feeling of sincere pleasure from what was happening.

"It would be strange if I wasn't, mhm?" the man grunted, changing the position - now he rested elbows on his knees, bringing the face closer to your phone. You could smell his light apple scent from the cider you both drank and the cigarette halo that soaked into all of the frontman's clothes.

Damiano finally decided to take control over the situation by turning the camera completely on himself.

"So, Y/N, if you wanted to surprise Vic, then you succeeded 100%! But we are now at soundcheck, and we don't have much time, and she" nodding towards the bassist "still needs to be brought to her senses. We were extremely happy to hear from you, babe. Call us when you are free and tell us everything in detail. Miss you very much!"

"Guys, me too! Love ya, see you at Glasto!"

"Wait! Take a screenshot!" Vic's desperate exclamation came from Damiano's left side.

He made a focused face, looking for the right buttons, while you and the men simultaneously smiled at the camera.

"Send it to the chat" you asked, ending the call and blowing a virtual kiss. You obviously cut off Vic's "I love you" without being entirely sure it was addressed to you.

The studio immediately froze in deafening silence. You put your phone down on the coffee table, still smiling.

"That was a real buzz, they're cute" Matt said leaning back on the couch. The mood of the guys clearly improved by this little conversation. You were glad that you could somehow diversify their evening after a productive and exhausting day. Even Alex stopped keeping his always compressed lips and frowning eyebrows.

"So, Miss Boogie, right?" Jamie began slyly, reminding you of your infamous nickname.

An approving "ooooo" reverberated around the room, from which you hid behind your palms.

"Damn, I was hoping you'd forget" you muttered from your hiding place.

"C'mon, we're intrigued already" Nick reached out to you through Matt, gently taking your hands away from your face.

Jamie suddenly started chanting your name, encouraging you to reveal this terrible secret, and Matt whistled as if Sheffield FC had just scored a goal.

"God, okay, just shut up please" you gave up.

The four men took more comfortable positions in anticipation of your story.

"In fact, there is nothing special in this story, it's just stupid. When Maneskin was approved for Eurovision, we went to celebrate, how can we not. It was in Milan. We got very drunk in a bar and went for a walk around the city. It was about 3 in the morning, and to entertain ourselves we played Truth or Dare. The most banal thing that could be, but nothing better came to mind. And I chose Dare, 'cause everyone else only cowardly told their secrets. So Vic asked me to dance for a minute on the street to any song that a passerby would name. Well, since at such time you are unlikely to meet any adequate passerby, we only found a beggar in the square. I don’t know how old he was, but the first song that he remembered was Boogie Wonderland" at this point you made a dramatic pause, "so yes, I had to dance to this song at night in front of other poor people who came up to us. Since then they call me Miss Boogie. Everyone is satisfied now, having fun, huh?"

You intentionally crossed your arms in insult, surreptitiously watching the laughing band.

"I bet there's a video" Matt said cheekily.

"Yes, there is, but you'll never see it!" you retorted quickly, glaring at the drummer.

"Your hot cheeks make me want to see this video even more" Nick teased tapping Matt on the shoulder.

"You know what," Alex suddenly announced, "choose any song you want. We play it, and you show the video"

You could swear your jaw was somewhere on the floor.

"Woah, did you decide to go all-in?" Matt asked, also not expecting such a generous offer "Be careful, otherwise you will have to play a Taylor Swift song"

"Ouch, why do you think I like her?"

"Who doesn't like her?"

"Your truth" you nodded approvingly.

"I meant our song. We'll perform it at the concert" Turner interrupted your dialogue, looking at you testily from under his eyelashes.

There was a slight silence, which you broke with a heavy sigh.

"Wow, okay, this is getting interesting" you muttered, leaning back on the couch like Helders had done earlier. The three men to your left looked at each other in surprise, waiting for an answer, while you've been thinking, looking at the frontman.

"Certain Romance," you easily stated, "I want this one"

"Your wish is my command, Miss Boogie," he joked without any hint of smile, standing up "you guys remember how to play it, don't you?"

The guys looked at each other dumbfounded, unable to find words for such a drastic change in the behavior of the vocalist, but after a discordant series of affirmative nods, they received a condescending smile from him.

"Well, that's great, there's still time to rehearse. I propose Sheffield!" Alex said solemnly, thrusting his hands into the pockets.

"Al, ru ok?" Matt raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"All right, man" Turner said artificially.

"This house is a circus indeed" swirled through your head. Alex's behavior was defiant. Emerging into conflict. Literally a minute ago everything was peace and quiet, and now he, like a proud peacock, was arranging a show for you at the level of a cheap soap opera.

"No, but seriously, let's even organize a lottery, since Y/N has such an influence on the setlist" Alex didn't let up.

"Come on, pipe down, you suggested it yourself" Nick intervened carefully, not wanting to stir up the smoldering coals of the conflict.

"And I think all of you are into this idea, aren't you?" Turner didn't raise his low, heavily accented baritone, but the underlying toxicity in his tone was evident, "oh, even better, let's ask our Italian friends for advice! Let's get their opinion and her video as well".

"Alexander, smoke?" you stood up decisively from the couch, grabbing your purse and phlegmatically glancing at the wooden cider box you'd probably have to leave in the studio. But you couldn’t leave the guys in such an atmosphere, so out of courtesy you promised to return again.

"Y/N, no problem, see you before Bristol! Send the screen to our group, 'cause I'm getting jealous for these Italians" Matt gave you an encouraging wink in the end, and you certainly promised to do it tonight.

"They'll kill each other"

"He doesn't stand a chance"

Jamie and Matt said at the same time as the door closed behind you.

Alex imposingly walked ahead, not hurrying anywhere. He politely said goodbye to the security guard, noting that the rental period had already come to an end. Almost bowing, he opened the door to the street for you, artificially gallantly holding it with his hand, still making a show from every gesture, which for some reason made you feel disgusted. You were counting on working with middle-aged men, accomplished musicians, but it feels like you are talking to teenagers.

Damp cold air from the river hit your red cheeks, which made you wrap yourself in a jacket more tightly. Alex took out a pack of Marlboro, offering you one, but nodding to himself, removed it, remembering your words a week ago practically at the same place.

"Well?" he said with a cigarette in his mouth, lighting the filter.

The sky was overcast with a milky haze of fog, which wasn't uncommon for these places, a weak wind was blowing, but not a single sound from the road was heard, which made you hear sparks from ignited tobacco hiss like champagne bubbles, falling on the asphalt.

Alex exhaled noisily, squinting at you with his eyes. His face was faintly lit by the flame of a cigarette, but even in such low light, it was noticeable that his gaze was completely blank. "Amazingly indifferent and deep eyes at the same time. It's impossible to tell anything from them" you thought. Or maybe he was like this only with unpleasant people to him, who you apparently were. You can’t even imagine the way these eyes changed on stage "Where are you real, Alexander?". But instead of asking this, you just threw your head back, tiredly closing your eyelids, showing with your whole appearance how absurd the situation is.

"Alex," there wasn't any visible point to call him Mr. Turner even though you were annoyed "I thought we made a deal, didn't we?"

"Really? When?" his voice sounded even more affected than in the studio, despite the fact that now the man spoke rather quietly and slowly. Or maybe even a whisper would be loud in this ringing silence.

"I just don't understand what the problem is" you continued, as if you didn't hear his words.

"I don't see it either, Miss Y/S"

You raised your eyebrows high as you asked a silent question, which made Alex smirk slightly. Taking a puff, he began to explain to you with the intonation of a parent teaching a child not to put his fingers in the socket.

"Listen, I won't hide it, you brought some chaos to our tour. This is different from your direct duties though - to solve all the problems on our way. But you're a stranger who stirred up our peace and foundation. I was initially against this idea, but James left me no choice. You are undoubtedly an educated young lady, and probably from a moral point of view, I sound like a scoundrel now-"

"You sound unprofessional, Alex. You only make me feel contempt, and I don't care about any moral side"

The frontman looked at you from under his brows, taking out a second cigarette in a row from the pack, waiting for a further reaction, but inside you was a frozen magma that didn't want to break out, muffled by self-esteem. For now.

His words contradicted his behavior. In the morning he carries your boxes and asks for a song advice, and in the evening he gives out this shit. If women's logic is ridiculed by society, then men do not have it at all.

“You know what, when James offered me this job, I was damn excited and proud that I would be working with a team like yours. I was on a cloud nine. But you, Alex, you're just a spoiled boy in the body of a 37-year-old man who hasn't overplayed his ambitions and thinks that his subtle nature is so fragile to understand that you need to hide behind the facade of an asshole so that normal people with good intentions don't crawl into your soul. You are cowardly and arrogant!"

You were breathing heavily, and the words "fool fool fool" stretched on repeat in a red line behind your eyes.

You didn't even understand how they escaped from your lips, absolutely thoughtlessly. You even instinctively wanted to raise a hand to cover your mouth, but pulled yourself back in time, deciding to play to the end. Show after show.

Alex hadn't raised a cigarette to his face during your tirade, so that the wick was almost dead in his fingers. You intensively looked at each other without stopping, and at some point it seemed to you that fear flashed in his pupils. Fear of the revealed truth. However, they were covered with a thick veil of indifference to what was happening in a second, and he finally took the last puff, throwing the butt right on the road.

"Miss Y/S, it seems that you have to go" the musician said unemotionally.

You took one last burning look at his features and, without saying a word, turned around towards your car. How ironic, a week ago you left each other in roughly the same sequence of activities - studio, cider, parking lot, but under completely different circumstances.

Slamming the door shut, you sharply revved, not bothering to warm up the engine, and drove out of the parking lot with a clang of tires. Burning tears of resentment gushed from your eyes, covering the already foggy road in front, but you didn't pay attention.

Your cooperation has just begun, and you have already swept on an emotional swing. Only in the morning you were driving in a car towards the sun and rejoicing at the warm words of your dad, and in the evening you return home, wiping the salty paths with the back of your hand from your face.

You were never embarrassed by tears, you cried out almost all of them during a divorce, but if they dripped from your eyes today, then there was a reason for that. Your parents taught you that after rain there is always a rainbow, after tears there is always peace of mind, you need to be able to live through any emotions in order to turn them into your power later.

***

You haven't seen the boys since that evening until today's early departure for Bristol. Of course, you communicated on all sorts of organizational issues during this time and there was no visible tension, especially since they didn't hear about your quarrel with Alex. You were more than sure that he would not tell his friends about that incident. This is what infringes on him, and therefore makes him weaker, which he couldn't allow.

All these days you have wondered what was the reason for such a sharp behavior, however you couldn't really delve into yourself. Why exactly you were crying - from resentment, overstrain or just an emotional outburst, it was also difficult to understand. Perhaps all together. Over the past month, from your first conversation with Ford to recent events, your life has changed 180 degrees, so it's no surprise that your psyche gave a little glitch.

You've comforted yourself with routines though — setting Grapes up with a friend until your next visit to London, inviting your parents over for dinner to tell you all the details, packing your suitcase for the tour, checking out all the technical stuff, and almost forgetting what kind of adventure you're packing for.

And now, without any idea of the nearest future, you were sitting in a black Mercedes Sprinter between Marcus and James Kerr, Ben was in the passenger seat in front, Steven was riding with the group in the bus. It was only 8 am, you were sleepy, only at the last moment you didn’t forget to remove eye patches before going out, you didn’t even put on makeup, so you sat in the wide sunglasses, even though the sun wasn't visible through the tinted windows of the car.

It seemed that everyone was relaxed, easily communicated with each other and knew exactly what each would do upon arrival at the venue. Unlike you. The schedule was pretty clear - check-in at the hotel, lunch, departure for the soundcheck and then free time for the management and the band, but very busy time for the technicians. Of all this, the most sensible thing was to drink plenty of wine at dinner and walk around the rest of the day in a relaxed state of mind, but those were only pitiful thoughts of creeping fear. Deep inside you were sure that everything would be fine, it couldn’t be otherwise, because even if you didn’t know how to do this or that task, the guys knew their duties, and they physically couldn’t play the concert badly.

"Hey, Y/N, you kinda took working with us too seriously" Marcus snapped you out of your thoughts with his mocking tone.

"I'm sorry, what?" you asked, turning to him.

He touched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and chuckled. It took you another couple of seconds to figure out what he meant, so he took advantage of your confusion to explain "you now going to wear glasses in the dark as well?"

The reference to Alex was read transparently, so you imperceptibly flinched and pointedly removed them, as if not wanting to be associated with him at all.

"No, no, I just didn't have time to do my make up" you honestly admitted, shrugging your shoulders ingenuously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we-" the guy looked around at all the passengers, "we don't understand this here"

You laughed slightly, at the same time relaxing, and asked him a question that had been of interest to you for a long time.

"Why don't you have women in the team? I mean at all"

Instead of Marcus, Ben decided to answer from the front seat, apparently as the eldest among you.

“It didn’t happen on purpose, but later it became kind of unspoken rule. We are here like on the fishing, you know? We leave our wives, spend time within our male company, it’s like an alternative branch of your life, you do quality work here, you feel needed, while no one owe you nothing and you feel absolutely free in your actions, understanding thoroughly those who are around you"

"Are you aware that this is how a normal team should work, regardless of gender? It sounds somehow sexist. Am I really embarrassing you in actions?" you smiled slyly, anticipating the denouement.

"Actually, besides you, we have 3 other women in the team.." Marcus embarrassingly chipped in.

"Guys, don't bother yourself with excuses, I knew who I was messing with" you laughed, crossing your legs. Marcus looked at you dumbfounded, but said nothing, and James just chuckled softly at the window.

"Well, if you knew that, then you also should know about our tradition, right, guys?" Ben began in a conspiratorial tone, exchanging glances with the guys.

"Um, about what?" you arched an eyebrow in disbelief.

"The newbie is signed up for the after-party. Tonight is your first concert, and after that we go to the bar, the drinks are off you! We're equal here" Ben imperturbably continued to scan your reaction with a fox-eye, waiting for an answer. It's not that you're greedy or unable to pay, but to buy drinks for the whole team...

And as if ahead of your question, the man added "enough management and the band".

As if it changed the essence. But you couldn't refuse, so you mumbled something affirmative, getting a roar of male hoarse laughter in response, and starting to laugh at yourself. You appreciated in people, especially males, this ability - to make a woman laugh. In a time of constant change and stress, finding someone who will make you forget about it was very important.

The rest of the road was spent in the same good mood, and these conversations did help you to forget about your anxiety due to upcoming events. Upon arrival, all the management team and the band settled in the hotel. As James promise, you've been given a private suite overlooking the most beautiful park in the city center. But due to an unknown coincidence, you lived not on the same floor with the attendants, but through the door from the group.

Matt carried your things to your room and you agreed to meet for lunch in 20 minutes.

Since you were able to miraculously did a make up even in the car, thanks to the sensitive driving, now you decided to change into more presentable clothes in which you will be at the concert.

Without changing the habit of choosing clothes carefully and for a long time, you took off your hot sweatshirt, remaining in only sweatpants and starting to go through the whole suitcase in search of those things that would match your mood. You had a couple of looks planned, but today's unexpectedly warm weather changed your plans a little, so you confidently took out a black leather skirt and a white blouse.

A piece of matter fit all your forms perfectly, so you were satisfied with the choice, spinning in front of the mirror by the bed. The black bodice harmonized perfectly with the skirt, and the crazy idea of staying only in it, without putting on anything, flashed through your head like a bullet, but flew out just as quickly as soon as you heard the muffled thud of heels on the carpet outside the door and a muttered "Jamie?" at your door followed by a knock. You hysterically shouted "No!" exactly at the moment when the door opened without a click.

"Shit, Y/N!" Alex, not having time to properly enter your room, but having clearly noticed you in a compromising way, abruptly recoiled, remaining in the corridor, but not completely closing the door so that he could hear you, but not see.

"God! What a mess" you pleaded, rushing to the door. You stuck out only your head, meeting the eyes of the musician, who was discomposedly staring at you point-blank.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Why are you naked?"

You asked at the same time, shouting over each other.

"This is my room! And I'm not naked!"

"Where's Jamie? I thought he was at 312" Turner asked, a little bewildered, clearly embarrassed.

"I have no idea where Jamie is. How did you even get in?" you were still half-dressed, hiding most of your body behind a wooden door.

"I knocked, but it turned out that it was not slammed at all"

"What the fuck? Maybe Matt didn't close when he left," you muttered more to yourself. You clearly saw the question “What did Matt do here?” that arose in Alex’s head, but which he never voiced. Clearly realizing that the dialogue could not be continued in this form, you abruptly switched the subject, trying to tear his eyes from your neck.

"I was changing for dinner anyway, so see you there" you sharply slammed the door in front of him, not wanting to go into details, and tiredly leaned your head against the wooden surface from the inside.

"Crazy" you heard quiet along with receding soft steps.

It was your only meaningful conversation with the singer, since that evening. You understood that it couldn’t go on like this for a long time, but at the moment you didn’t have any ideas how to fix the situation. So you just finally put on the look you chose, after checking that the door was locked, then decided to add a black headband, and being satisfied with your appearance, went downstairs.

After lunch, the whole team went to the stadium, where the technicians had already set up half of the equipment. The guys immediately went to the sound check, and you and Steven went to meet Ashton Gate management. It seemed like there was still plenty of time before the concert, and you thought you would have a few more chances to double-check everything, but in the turmoil that was going on behind the scenes, this turned out to be impossible.

To be honest, you were overwhelmed by what was happening. The soft music, people around, the sun rays moving towards the sunset - this whole scene that was unfolding before you as you unexpectedly stepped onto the empty stage a few minutes before the crowd was let into the stadium looked surreal and incredibly familiar, as if you had been here many times before. The noise and chaos behind you contrasted with the tranquility in front of your eyes. The empty space that was about to be filled with a crowd in just a few minutes brought both excitement and serenity. These were the moments that seemed unreal, but made life worth living.

***

The show was about to start, and you stood next to the dark staircase, where the guys from the dressing room were soon to come up. Leaning on the railing, you nervously twirled a lock of hair around your finger. You went through all the items on the checklist in your head, checking off each one mentally, but something still bothered you.

Alex.

Your unfinished conversations and evasive behavior were weighing on you. You felt guilty, knowing that as his manager, you had behaved tactlessly, driven by emotions. It ate at you from the inside. You decided that you would talk to him today, apologize and put this issue to rest once and for all.

Suddenly you noticed a flickering light from the security, which meant that the group is entering the stage, and you turned sharply, both wanting and fearing to see them. As always, looking luxurious, these four men made their way up to the platform, remaining unnoticed by the audience.

"Good luck, guys! I'm buzzing as hell honestly" you tried to sound confident, but your voice trembled on the last word.

"Miss Y/S, is it just me or are you worried about us?" Nick lightly touched your shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

"Well, it's my first time with you" realizing how ambiguous that sounded, you interrupted yourself with a laugh.

"Oh, you'll love it, babe" Matt mimicked a voice from a cheap adult movie, tossing a stick in the air. It seemed like he could find the right words in any situation, and in the future, you would highly appreciate this skill.

All this time, you were glancing at Alex out of the corner of your eye, trying to read his emotions, but he calmly adjusted the folds on his unchanging dark blue jacket and stretched his neck with turns left and right. Seeing that the guys had moved a little away from you, you looked at your watch, estimating that you had 5 minutes maximum, and whispered to yourself "now or never".

"Alex!" you called him out loudly, trying to outshout the crowd "I wanted to talk, I know it's not the most appropriate time, but-"

"Y/N, forgive me, okay," the man unexpectedly began, barely approaching you. For the first time, you saw genuine excitement in his eyes, here, in the darkness of the backstage area of a 30,000-seat stadium. For some reason, only now you clearly feel the difference in height between you two. He looked down at you patronizingly. Maybe it was because of his heels or the knot of nerves in your stomach that made you feel so small in your attempt to hide from his penetrating gaze.

"I've been a complete jerk and acted childish from the very beginning. You didn't do anything to deserve such treatment. I don't want our tension to affect the group and our work in any way, so I admit my guilt"

You stood in shock, slightly opening your mouth. You absolutely did not expect such a turn of events, so your entire improvised speech evaporated from your mind instantly. He suddenly smiled softly, raising an eyebrow, as if asking 'well, what now?' Still not believing what you heard, you nodded your head almost automatically.

"Y-yes, you were a jerk indeed. But I also didn't behave entirely correctly, my first impression wasn't great either," you sighed in frustration, recalling your memories, "I suggest we start over, huh? Hi, my name is Y/N, I'm your new tour manager, nice to meet you" and to confirm your words, you gracefully extended your hand to him.

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Alex Turner, sort of singing here," he shook your hand with an energetic movement. His palm was dry and steady, causing a pleasant warmth throughout your body, "just business then?"

"Just business indeed. And a little bit of music" you said, more relaxed, smiling with all 32 teeth, still holding onto his hand.

"Deal, Miss Y/S"

For a moment, the roar of fans faded away for you, and you only saw the outlines of his pupils in the semi-darkness and his fingers firmly holding yours. However, your fragile moment was promptly ruined by-

"Al, c'mon!" Jamie impatiently called, and your hand felt the gusts of wind instead of calloused skin of the frontman. You watched him walk away in his waddle manner, as he suddenly turned and shouted, winking "By the way, nice lace".

It took you a couple of seconds to understand what was said, and when the meaning of his words reached you, you exclaimed in indignation "You, motherfucker!" almost stomping your foot, but your cry was lost in the wild roar of the crowd, as the guys were already on stage.

It was a miraculous sight. Four men made people go into ecstasy just with their appearance - this is the phenomenon of the Beatles, and they were proof that rock and roll is alive. As long as they are alive. Every strum on the guitar strings, every touch of the lips to the microphone, every drumstick strike, every hair flip was special in their performance, they themselves were special.

You were fascinated, to say the least. When the performance came to the last song before the encore, Body Paint, one of your favorite songs from the album, that was definitely made to be played live, you were out of words. The whole song built you up to the climax, to the outro that every time was a pure jamming and improvisation. And you literally exploded in ecstasy when Alex started walking around the stage, unable to stand still from the knocking down energy. He closed his eyes in languor, biting his lips, screaming, throwing out his arms, and you couldn't take your eyes off. You weren't dancing or jumping, you were inseparably watching his every movement, arms folded across your chest. Your mouth was agape against your will, and your eyes eagerly punched a hole in the frontman. This is a unique performance, it's something that is hard to explain without feeling it for yourself. You were made up of his music, you literally felt these waves inside your veins, your brain wasn't able to comprehend what was happening, it was like a catharsis for all of you. And you definitely didn't want to be saved.

Suddenly Alex turned his head to your side, continuing to play some divine riff outlining the Van Gogh fields on the guitar strings. His hair was tousled, shirt unbuttoned, but his jacket fitted perfectly. He rested his eyes on your figure, smiling with one corner of his lips, and you looked at each other for good seven seconds which felt like eternity. You were sure that everything was clear in your eyes, and even if he stood next to you and heard you, you wouldn't be able to utter a word.

What you definitely didn't expect when your eye contact was broken and Alex walked to another side of the stage, that tears would involuntarily flow from your eyes. "What the hell..." you wondered aloud, quickly removing the salty tracks from your cheeks. In fact, you perfectly understood why you were crying. From a sense of greatness. The greatness of music, human synergy and the power of unity. It was too much for you, too strong emotions to bear. It was excellent, it was the taste of life, thanks to which you still were here. "God, if you exist, bless this band, they are saints" although it sounded ridiculous and naive, you seriously were ready to pray for the talent of these guys, for the ability to make other people feel alive. You were in your place, you did everything right, you were cruising the victory. Today he convinced you.

As soon as the last chords of "RU Mine?" were played and the bows to the fans were taken, the men disappeared from the deafening roar behind the dark curtains of backstage. Their hair stuck to their sweat faces, and a distinct masculine smell was coming from their shirts. The guys passed by you with exhausted smiles, unable to utter a word from fatigue, and disappeared into the darkness of the corridors.

You didn't know what to do right now. According to your understanding, your job didn't end with pre-concert organization, there were also post-concert tasks to be done. But you were so lost in emotions that you felt like you were drifting away from an anaphylactic shock.

Unexpectedly, Tyler came to you as he was the last one to come off the stage. He fraternally put a hand on your shoulder, tousling your hair with his heavy palm.

"Well, with the initiation into our hell, sweetheart. How're you?"

"Thrilled, and I want more!" you declared confidently, matching his quick pace that was pulling you further away from the frenzy of the crowd.

"Well, don't doubt that, it's just the beginning" he charmingly smiled, and you couldn't help but mirror his expression.

"Now we're going to celebrate, and you're coming with us" it sounded so authoritative that even if you wanted to object, you immediately closed your mouth, nodding in agreement. "Besides, seems like you need to unwind" you remembered.

You left the stadium only an hour later, apparently, it was a normal time for the guys to "recover". You'd made several jokes about one woman waiting for seven men and received offended and teasing looks in return. You got into the same Mercedes you arrived in that morning, and the driver took you to one of Bristol's typical English pubs that the guys loved so much.

You didn't understand their fondness for these quaint places where the sofa upholstery hadn't changed along with the owner. There were so many modern bars in the city, any of which the band could afford to rent entirely, but they paid tribute to traditions, obviously cherishing memories of their lively youth when they started playing their first concerts in similar places. Such a return to their roots after the thousands-capacity stadiums grounded them well. And the warm nostalgia, slipping across the Guinness glasses every time, was a corner of genuine joy for the guys, the only true luxury they possessed.

And overall, you didn't care where to spend money or on what. After all today's events, which felt like a whole month, you didn't mind anymore. In the morning, you looked at your apple orchard in the early mist of suburban London, then stood half-naked in a five-star hotel room in front of a world-renowned music star, and now, in the evening, you huddled next to him on an old leather couch under a red velvet chandelier, drinking a B-52.

Glasses, shots and colorful bottles flashed in front of your eyes like a kaleidoscope. Your head was spinning from the amount of alcohol, and your cheeks hurt from laughter.

"My dear mates, I propose a toast to Miss Y/S and her first concert with us! I don't know if she understands where she has ended up, but we'll make sure she has a great time with us, right, guys? To Y/N!" Matt solemnly proclaimed, rising from the table, and 8 hands, pouring drinks onto each other, reached towards the center of the table to clink glasses.

"Guys, thank you for this opportunity, thanks to James for his unplanned vacation, thanks to Steven and Marcus-" although the latter wasn't here, you decided to thank him as he had been providing you with all kinds of help during these weeks, "for their support and adaptation, and of course, to you Monkeys, for accepting me. I do like your crazy Monkey house" you joked, but it didn't negate the truth. Despite all the past disagreements with the lead singer, you felt that you were still doing everything right. And even if you hadn't gone on this adventure today, you would still feel grateful to fate for such an opportunity to be at the center of life.

"Glad to hear that," Jamie chuckled ironically, "as they say, welcome aboard"

And with these words, you all whistled, and Tom even shouted like a saloon girl from the Wild West. Your evening, or rather the night, continued until 3 am, fortunately there was no concert the next day, so you could at least sleep in a bit. You looked in horror at the amount you had drunk, trying to estimate how long it would take to recover the contents of your wallet. But you had consumed so much gin and tonic that the only thing that really worried you was how to walk straight for at least 2 meters to the bar to pay for it all.

"Drinks on me!" you declared with a mischievous smile to the group as you headed towards the bar counter.

"What, for everyone?" Matt playfully refined.

"Well, yeah," you didn't have the energy to realize his surprise, but he also didn't have the energy to argue with you, "that's no problem".

And thus, the following events spun in your head like a foggy whirlpool. Here you were finally breathing in the fresh air of the street, tilting your head towards the purple sky, then you were half-lying on someone's shoulder in the black minivan, and finally for no reason you were walking barefoot on a soft hotel carpet, but there were no shoes in your hands as well.

You didn't have any memories of walking into your room either. But in the moment, the feeling of soft snow-white hotel sheets flooded your body with long-awaited bliss. You instantly fell into the arms of Morpheus, only on the verge of consciousness noticing that someone took off the headband from your hair, which had been squeezing your head tightly, and silently closed the door.

You may be too drunk to remember each of your actions clearly, but you definitely wouldn't mistake the familiar scent of cigarettes in the room.

---------------------------------------------------

A/N: Oh, so much has happened in one chapter, and this is just the beginning of the tour... I decided to tell the background of Y/N for a better understanding of her actions. What do you think, maybe you want more of "Italian friends" in the work? Whose line do you want to read in more detail? Share your emotions, it is incredibly valuable to me that someone reads this work actually!

xo🤍

Taglist: @missbabyjay @rentskenobi @findmeincorneliastreet @indierockgirrl here it is!

*if you want to be removed or added to the taglist, feel free to ask me!

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independent-fics · 6 months ago

Text

Leverage OT3 Casual Touches

(Cont.)

This is mainly for @werewolfsmile and anyone else who wants to shout into the void with me about this ot3!

So far season 4 started off strong with lots of little ot3 moments I’ve been clocking on my latest rewatch. Today I watched “The Office Job” through “The Gold Job” and wanted to recap. Ngl it isn’t much…

Still good things but it was a lot of what we already see which is still beautiful. But mainly it was a lot of leaning, being in each others spaces, and a lot of the handshake. (For the purposes of this post I’m skipping “The Girls Night Out Job” and “The Boys Night Out Job” simply because those two are a whole other beast of ot3 moments that I would like to gif separately and also not a lot of touching (besides the handshake in the boys night) which is what we’re focusing on here.)

“The Office Job” is my favorite comfort episode of Leverage. Everything about is pure gold. Despite Hardison and Eliot arguing the whole time about a sandwich they still manage to pull together in the end and have one of the funniest moments in the episode which is of course topped off by the handshake. Once again mainly in each other’s spaces or leaning this episode.

“The Lonely Hearts Job” also such a great episode of basically the ot3 parent trapping Nate and Sophie and Eliot out here doing the absolute most showing he knows his team in the end of the episode.

As for casual touches a lot with Eliot and Parker (I feel like there’s always more with Eliot and Parker in trying to find more with Eliot and Hardison but mainly they just always lean in each others spaces and orbit each other, compared to Eliot and Parker which sometimes have a similar but different dynamic due to comparing how Parker in the beginning of the series was very adverse to touch. Not from Hardison and Eliot now though:)).

This scene starts out with them with a gap but they gradually get closer (I know this can happen when scenes are reshot. As I always say though let me read the subtext how I want. They were further apart then they got closer soooo)

My favorite thing is the shoulder bumping as they’re walking out. All I have to say.

Here they’re betting whoever gets the highest bid gets a steak which is super cute later because Eliot loses and puts up a fight about making it but then totally has heart eyes and smiles when he “loses” that argument too. Why wouldn’t he make his boyfriend a steak. There’s also a later scene I totally forgot to gif when they’re getting the guy flirting with Sophie out of the way and he calls Hardison (who’s in character) an idiot and I know Eliot did not need to take him down as hard as he did all I have to say.

And once again we have the leaning in each others spaces, shoulder touching, and once again the handshake. None of the other bachelors were standing this close on stage just saying.

Then we have “The Gold Job” where Parker literally gets up to sit next to Eliot? Wonderful. But then there’s some shoving but for context the whole scene was kinda tense because Hardison was running his first con. But then right before the camera changes Eliot moves closer!!!

But then they end up further apart again which I’m assuming may be due to reshoots.

Just generally the comfort between all of them gets me in these scenes. They’ve come a lot way and even though the beginning of season four I feel like shows this a lot more I’m still glad I’m finding scenes with their casual touches as I’m finishing out season 4.

That’s all I have for tonight :D I’m finishing up season 4 tomorrow so I’m sure I’ll be adding to this later.

Hope you like my gifs :) haven’t gifed in so long but I’m happy I’m learning again. Quality still needs work though.

Bonus:

Here’s a bonus gif of Eliot looking like he’s blowing a kiss in the button cam footage in “The Office Job” because I thought it was funny. This is once again getting added to my “why didn’t I notice this before” list. I just wanna know for whom Eliot. :)

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alien-til-i-stage · 7 months ago

Note

TBH ID LVOE TO SEE U. LIKE. DO A FULL ANALYSIS ON ROUND 3 FOR IVAN?? if not thats okay ur js so cool bro...

AHHH I LOVE THIS QUESTION ROUND 3 IS ONE OF TOP FAVORITES RIFHT BEHIND EOUND 6

and even better yet I already did a pretty in depth analysis that i will break down for you rn. I wont analyze the song this post but if you want id be willing to in a later post heheh

(Ok so, this wouldve been done like yesterday but when i finished this analysis i forgot to save it and went to do smth else and when i came back IT WAS ALL GONE soooo there thats…..)

Round three starts off with Ivan and an unnamed character going on stage, from this episode we can see Ivan’s character being displayed throughout the song.

Some things that are displayed clearly is Ivan’s love for Till and his lack of rebellious spirit. However even this has layers of complexity I think needs to be explored.

Above, we see Ivan hanging off the building by an alien, while the other kids walking away or turning their backs to them. While he hangs off the cliff he looks up at the sky, staring at the stars instead of the alien himself. Next we see a closeup of his face as a shadow passes over him, however the stars still reflecting in his eyes.

Because it seems like Ivan is the only kid being hung off the building, we can assume this is because he did something that the aliens considered wrong. Perhaps either disobeying them aggressively or just not listening, this results in him being punished.

We can also see the other kids standing away from Ivan, almost as if trying to seperate themselves and turning their backs to him. Perhaps out of the guilt that they cannot help him.

This all leads Ivan to the lesson he learns this day. Rebellion will get him punished, he will be hurt if he doesn’t listen. In fact, this is the only time we see him being punished in his youth, showing how Ivan was able to escape punishment and physical abuse by listening to what the aliens wanted of him.

Another detail to point out is the way the shadow falls over his face. We see him bruised and crying, most likely to previous physical abuse we did not see, implying that this isn’t the only time he’s been punished.

I believe the shadow falling over his face is supposed to represent the mask Ivan wears his entire life. After this scene we constantly see Ivan being “perfect” and up to the alien’s standards. The shadow represents the mask he put on and the lesson he learned, in order to survive he must obey.

However he continues to look at the stars, something that is correlated with freedom to Ivan. I believe this is supposed to represent Ivan’s inner desires of freedom. How, despite putting on the mask and valuing his life over desires, he still has the want for freedom. He doesn’t want to be chained and masked his entire life, the desire is never taken out of him, despite him losing his own person by putting on the mask, the desire to be free is never lost.

After this scene, we continue onto these four shots that happen right after the other. He stands in the same position in each scene and doesn’t move unless he must do something. I believe this isn’t literal but rather metaphorical, instead representing his mask. He stands there, dull, and adapting to whatever sitaution he’s in, sitting at the table if needed, holding a trophy when he must, singing with everyone else, this scene is supposed to show how he does not do anything other then what he must.

Its hard to read him because he stands there with the same look on his face, as if his face itself is the mask as it never changes. This would also go to show how well this mask is for Ivan, how good he is at masking himself. He does not express his inner thoughts, he does not do what he wants, he does not move however he desires, instead he only does what the aliens want, shown by his unmoving stance in all of scenes above, he does not make any unnecessary moves, standing in place instead.

It can also be noted that despite the location changing in each picture, Ivan still holds the same position no matter what. I believe this is supposed to represent how, again, he believes no matter what he cannot take off his mask. In the auction, after he’s been bought, after he’s in Anakt Garden, he has banned himself from taking off the mask, continuing to be the perfect person that is demanded of him in order to survive, even if he won’t be punished for simply living in Anakt Garden, seen by Mizi and Sua. This shows how deeply the scene of him hanging off the building has impacted him, it influenced his entire life.

Right after this, we see Ivan standing alone in Anakt Garden, he is standing in the same position as always and he is alone. Next the red flowers pass by his face and Till runs past him. Till continues to chase the flowers into the dark corridor and Ivan watches, before following Till into the corridor.

This scene can perfectly describe their relationship and dynamic. Ivan, as we can, is alone and standing still. As already stated, him standing still is symbolic of his mask. Him standing alone is also symbolic of how alone Ivan truly is. Because of his mask he is unable to make those connections, as there will always be a wall seperating him from that.

However the only to get close to Ivan is Till. He brushes past him and that’s when he suddenly moves. He only looks at him at first, standing from afar, before following him. This is most likely symbolic of how the only person that was able to get the mask off of Ivan was Till. We know this because it was stated before that he seems to become immature and childish around Till, showing how it’s only around Till that he is able to remove said mask. He moves from his position and follows Till, something he never had to do, but something he chose to do. A decision that was finally his. I also think Ivan first watching Till from afar, then following is supposed to mirror how, later, Ivan watches both Till and Mizi stand against the guard dog. How he just simply watches first.

We commonly see Till with red flowers. These red flowers are representative of Till’s love and admiration for Mizi. When we see Till brushing past Ivan and chasing the flowers, not even paying attention to Ivan, this represents how Till continues to follow and chase after Mizi, ignoring the others around him, even if they are right next to him.

Till following the flowers to the corridor, ignoring the darkness of the path, is symbolic of how far he is willing to go for Mizi. It’s similar to the scene of Till rejecting Ivan and running back to Anakt Garden, despite it being the darkest route he could go. He continues to follow Mizi no matter where she is, even if it’s dangerous. And while Till follows Mizi, Ivan will follow Till. He also follows Till down the hall, similar to how, despite not having to, he goes back to Anakt Garden.

Right after this scene, we cut to a room thats assumed to be where the hallway lead them to. We see Mizi and Till in front of what looks to be a massive guard dog like alien. Ivan stands far away, where he isn’t seen as he watches on. Mizi is scared, seen by how she holds herself and stands in shock and Till looks hurt. He’s sitting on the ground as if he was just struck and Ivan continues to watch on.

As Till stands up, we see flashes of falling stars suddenly appearing while Ivan continues to watch Till, and once he fully stands up we can see as Ivan’s pupils dilate.

We can see, in later offical art, that this alien might not be a guard dog but rather a pet or companion given to Ivan. While it isn’t clear, we commonly see pictures of Ivan getting close to the alien or even in its mouth. The relationship between Ivan and this alien is unclear, in fact the entire existence of this alien is unclear. Such as, why is the alien attacking or scaring both Mizi and Till? If it’s supposed to be something related to Ivan, why is it hurting other humans?

The existence of this alien dog cannot be disputed, because this is the moment Ivan fell in love with Till. But it is curious about the entire situation. So let me try and break it down.

I mentioned before that Ivan seems to have a relationship with the guard dog, but I don’t think it’s a literal relationship. The guard dog is most likely trying to keep the kids out of something, however it is unclear what. If thats the case, then it would be strange that Ivan is friendly with this guard dog. I think, instead, Ivan sees himself in this guard dog.

He sees Till fighting, or trying to at least, against the dog. Something that *does* happen between him and Till during this point. The two of them get into fights because Ivan instigates to grab Till’s attention to him. He sees Till being hostile with this alien, something he believes Till is with him. Not to mention, this alien must be alone often. It’s job is to guard something, meaning it must be kept seperate from other aliens and humans and it must keep it up. It’s job is to keep others away. Ivan can relate to this as to him, his job is surviving, which indirectly results in him being alone. I believe the art of Ivan with the alien is not to say he has a relationship with the alien, but because he sees himself in him.

I also think that this is also symbolic of their relationship. How Ivan is there watching and observing Till, just seeing him in general, however Till does not notice him. He doesn’t look back at where Ivan is, because he doesn’t know he’s there. Instead he’s focused on whats in front of him right now. An alien and Mizi, similar to him focusing on his hatred for aliens and his love for Mizi.

I believe after Ivan sees this with Till and falls in love with him, he recreates this scene in his mind. We can see this with the scene above where Ivan looks at whats happening, instead this time he looks different. Before he looked with a curious gaze and intrigue, not too worried or emotionally invested. However now he’s shown with a gripped hand on the wall, with the wall showing obvious signs of damage due to someone gripping it repeatedly. We also see the eyes of Ivan, how it’s focused and this looking much more crazed then last time.

While this could also be literal, showing Ivan might be leading Till here and watching him, replaying the scene in reality, but I believe this is more then likely a scene he replays in his head, for multiple reasons.

Till would stop believing what Ivan says after a while, in fact its most likely that it was Mizi who got him in that corridor. Perhaps he followed her in there and got in that situation. Unless it was about Mizi, its more then likely that Till wouldn’t have even listened to anything Ivan says. I think the change in looks, like the hand gripping the wall and his eyes are supposed to represent how much he repeats this scene in his mind.

And as always, for every Ivan analysis we must talk about this scene.

We see as Ivan takes Till out of his restrains, showing him out of Anakt Garden. The two of them are shown running away from the building, getting far away from Anakt Garden. Yet, Till stops. He lets go of Ivan’s hand and stops in his tracks, suddenly he is scared and realizing that by leaving, he is leaving Mizi. Ivan is hurt as he watches Till running back to Anakt Garden, and he smiles. His smile is full of hurt but he is still smiling. We cut back to the stage where we see Ivan, now he is taking off his mask and finally showing his true feelings, the memories are making him emotional. However he quickly put the mask back on and finishes his song.

This whole scene is very literal, but it’s still worth analysizing. This goes back to the idea Till would follow Mizi anywhere. Just as he follows the red flowers down a dark corridor, he follows Mizi in Anakt Garden. This is a very confliciting for Till to do, it’s not as easy as it seems for him. In that moment when he lets go of Ivan’s hands, thats when the realiziation of everything suddenly hits him. He realizes that by leaving Anakt Garden, he is leaving Mizi. He looks up at Ivan in fear and guilt as he turns around and leaves him, not looking back. This shows that Till is aware of the weight of the decision he made. He knows what he lost, you can see him debating and struggling with this as he stands away from Ivan.

In the scene above, we can see both Ivan and Till running away together, they are holding hands and laughing together. This shows that while Till did reject Ivan and being free with him, the problem was never being with Ivan, in fact it seems he was excited for it. But the problem was leaving Mizi.

Speaking of this, we can see as the two of them are leaving, it’s important to note what they are specifically doing. Till is watching the skys, rushing forward in order to reach freedom, while Ivan watches Till, he is not looking towards the skies but focusing on Till and his reaction, this shows their priorities.

Till would’ve loved to be free, if it was with Mizi and not Ivan. Ivan would’ve loved to be with Till, even if it meant to be enslaved.

We see this pan out as Till runs back to be with Mizi. He wanted freedom, just not with Ivan. This hurts Ivan, now fully knowing his love is unrequited and as he watches Till leave him, he continues back. He is fully aware at this point that he is not loved back, and most likely will never be. But that isn’t what matters to Ivan, what matters to him is Till. He would be willing to be enslaved if it meant to be with him.

#alien stage #alnst #ivan alien stage #alnst ivan #ivan alnst #alien stage ivan #till alien stage #alnst till #till alnst #alien stage till #THEY RBING ME MISERY OMG #LIKE AHHHHHHH #AHHHHHHHHHHH #also thank you for the ask!!!!#ivantill

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youthinluv · 1 year ago

Text

our beloved summer

Cause we lost the summer Whеn we lost each other

sypnosis ; videos of zhanghao being part of a documentary during his teens resurfaced and went viral after 5 long years. while many people found him adorable, most people are also curious about his co-star, who he seems to have good chemistry with. what happens when people start to demand their reunion and an interview?

pairing ; zhanghao x gn! reader

wc ; 6175

genre ; inspired by the kdrama of the same name, angst, some fluff

tags ; non idol!reader, academic rivals to friends to lovers, pretty dialogue heavy, kuanjui as their highschool friend bc why not !! zb1 permanent group (real) since i'll have this set in 2015-2021 and 2026 as present day 😜

playlist ; we lost the summer - txt, why didn't you stop me? - mitski

author's note ; mandatory english isn't my first language message here !!!! the backstory (?) for this is actually more lighthearted compared to what u see in the actual kdrama 😭 not rlly happy w how this turned out tbh but i still wanted to push this out. i had to cut a lot down and speed everything to filter out the filler, so it may seem a little rushed/all over the place. the formatting and povs are also kind of a mess so pls bear w me 💔

———

'ZEROBASEONE's Center Zhanghao Goes Viral After Fans Find Him in An Old Documentary From High School'

Sometimes, we can't help but wonder how our favorite idols were back in highschool, or pre-debut, since we know little to nothing about them back then.

But that doesn't seem to be the case for ZEROBASEONE's center Zhanghao, who recently went viral after an old highschool documentary resurfaced, where he starred the films that walked us through his everyday life as a highschool student.

What's even more interesting is that he also had a co-star alongside him, going by the name Y/N L/N.

While many people found Zhanghao adorable, most seem to be more interested in this mystery person, speculating that they were even dating due to their good chemistry as seen in the documentary.

Fans are now asking for their reunion to see how they're doing and if they are still connected.

———

"Hyung? Who's Y/N L/N?"

Ricky asked, reading through the Koreaboo article that caught his attention after seeing the headline.

Zhanghao, who was on his phone, snapped his head up at the mention of the name.

It was a busy day, they were preparing for one of the many promotional stages they were doing for their debut.

"Huh?" was all he could respond with. He wasn't expecting your name to be mentioned again after so long, especially from one of his own members.

"Oh you didn't see it yet? You're going viral because apparently, people found your old documentary from highschool and someone named Y/N L/N co-starred with you?"

Matthew spoke, he leaned on Ricky's shoulder as he read the article again on the younger man's phone.

Hm. Zhanghao wasn't exactly sure how to answer. In all honesty, he completely forgot about the documentary until now.

Eventually, he settled on a vague answer.

"Oh, yeah. They were a friend back from highschool."

"Oooh! Do you still keep in touch with them? I'm surprised you never told me about them.”

Matthew leaned forward, now interested.

"Yah! You were friends with Kuanjui back in highschool?"

Ricky suddenly exclaims. The older men both look over and see him watching the documentary in question. Kuanjui, Zhanghao and who they presume to be Y/N were all in one frame together.

"Wow, is this Y/N? They're super pretty."

Zhanghao snatches the phone from the youngest, earning him a whine of protest.

"Do you mind? We're almost up next so you can't be slacking off right now.

Ricky pouts while Matthew laughs at their antics. As if on cue, their manager came in and told everyone else that they had to go soon. Zhanghao returns the phone to Ricky with a warning, and they all make their way to the side stage.

As they do so, Zhanghao's phone gets left behind. The phone lit up and a light 'ding!' signified that a text message got sent to him.

———

Soft music played throughout the room, it was calm and quiet.

Y/N sat near the window, the bright sunlight shining through as they hummed along to the song in the background while she painted calculated strokes on the large canvas.

Just then, Y/N's friend barges in, seemingly frantic. "Hey, Y/N! Have you seen this? Why didn't you tell me you knew??"

Eve stops in her tracks, after seeing the confused expression on their face.

"What?"

"You're telling me you know THE Zhanghao?! And why are people saying you probably even dated him? And you were friends with Kuanjui too?? I'm a fan of theirs, why didn't you tell me?!"

She continued to spit question after question to you, who looked at her with confusion and disbelief.

"Wait, hold on... where did you even get any of this?" Y/N interrupts, causing Eve to trail off from her rambling.

"Oh, so you really haven't seen yet? Apparently you were part of a documentary along with Zhanghao, and it showed you being friends with Kuanjui back in highschool. You're on Koreaboo and Soompi! Why didn't I hear any of this?!"

The mention of a documentary hit them with the realization. Of why Eve was freaking out about this, and everything she said suddenly made sense.

"Wait, what? Documentary? And I'm on Koreaboo and Soompi because of it? Is that why my phone's been blowing up?" they sulk in their seat little.

"I completely forgot I even did that..." they mumbled to themself.

Y/N runs their fingers through their hair. "Okay, fine, yeah it was me. The documentary was all Kuanjui's idea too, since he wanted to pursue being a film director back then before he decided on wanting to be an idol. It's a long story."

"Really? I mean... I have all day." Eve grins, while Y/N shoots back an incredulous look.

"Well good for you then, but I unfortunately don't. I still have to finish this project. It's very important."

"Man! You're such a killjoy!"

Y/N's phone lit up, but this time, with a different tone, which was a relief after the plethora of the notifications they got from random people finding and following their personal social media accounts.

Looking at the notification, it was a text message from Kuanjui with a simple "hey".

———

"...I'm sorry?"

Y/N stared at Kuanjui across as if he just told them he lost their most prized possession.

"Look! It won't even be that bad, it's just an interview and you can be done and over with everything by then." he tried to reason.

"Okay, but... why?"

"Why not? The people are curious to see how you're doing, amongst other things."

"Other things like...?" Y/N raises an eyebrow.

"Like how you two are doing as a pair! And I can't blame them, you two really did have good chemistry, everyone can see it, even me! If I didn't know you two personally, I'd also wanna know how the both of you are doing."

Kuanjui leans closer across the table closer to them, a sly grin on his face. "Besides, you'll get paid for it."

Y/N didn't really have any other counter for that, aside simply not wanting to. And besides, they were at least getting something out of it. After briefly pondering, they let out a sigh.

"...Fine. I'll do it."

Kuanjui almost jumped out of his seat. "Really?! Oh my god!"

"Actually, have you even asked Zhanghao himself yet? Do you think his agency will allow this?"

"Don't worry, I'll get him on board with this. Just trust me."

———

Zhanghao almost choked on his food. Kuanjui had to help him and made him drink water.

After calming down, he tries to distract himself by grilling the meat they had in front of them.

"Are you joking?"

"Nope. And before you ask, both Dispatch and I already talked to your agency about it, they think it'll be great publicity." replied Kuanjui.

Zhanghao sighs. "And here I thought you just wanted to be nice and treat me to dinner. If only I knew you're doing this to try and convince me to this... crazy idea of yours." he pauses. "Why though? You know we're both doing fine even if we don't do this."

"Why not? There's no reason for you to not do it, right? I thought you two ended on okay terms? If there's no bad blood and if you really moved on, then you should have no problem with this." Kuanjui counters, folding his arms and staring at Zhanghao.

The older man looks like he wants to say something back, but no words come out of his mouth.

Zhanghao knows he's right. There really isn't any good reason for him to decline. In reality, he was just avoiding Y/N and wanted to keep that up, even if he didn't know the reason why he was doing that in the first place.

"Please! You'll get paid if you do this, I promise I'll make it worth your time." Kuanjui pleads.

"Of course I did! They said yes too. Unlike you, it didn't take me this much convincing for them to be on board."

Silence followed. Zhanghao clearly seemed to be thinking and considering it, clear enough for Kuanjui to get the hint and attempt to reassure him.

"Look, you don't have to give me an answer right now, so don't worry. But, please please please just think about it and consider doing it."

At this, Zhanghao reluctantly nodded, mentally going through his possible options and ways to approach this situation.

———

"Jiwoong hyung? Can I ask you for some advice?"

Zhanghao asked the man who was making the two of them a cup of coffee. Zhanghao had gotten home quite late and Jiwoong stayed up to wait for him.

"Sure. What's up? Is this about the documentary?"

He replied, placing the mugs on the table.

"Huh? How'd you know?"

Jiwoong chuckled. "Ah, well, I actually overheard Kuanjui talking to some higher ups at the company earlier. Something about you doing an interview with the other person in the documentary?"

"Well... you know how Kuanjui and I had dinner earlier? He actually asked me to do an interview with the other person in the documentary."

"Okay, and you're asking me for advice because...?"

Zhanghao hesitates, before realizing if he doesn't answer honestly, he'll never get the advice he actually needs.

"The thing is, that 'other person' is actually now my ex, and I haven't seen nor heard from them ever since we broke up, so..." he trails off, unsure of what else to say.

As if he read his mind, Jiwoong cuts in "You're avoiding them and now don't know how to handle seeing them again?"

The younger nods, slightly surprised that he managed to almost exactly pin down the situation.

"Well, did you two end and last saw each other on bad terms? Because if that's the case, then I'd probably turn down the offer if that's the case."

"Ah, no..." Zhanghao replies "I actually don't know why I'm avoiding them, especially since it was basically a mutual agreement."

Jiwoong cocks an eyebrow at this. "So you're asking me if you should take the opportunity? Is that it?"

The former nods again, starting to become a little flustered.

"I mean, if you guys didn't have an unhealthy relationship or a messy break up, I don't see why you shouldn't. You said it yourself, it was a mutual breakup. Maybe you two will find some closure too."

Zhanghao lets his head fall to the table, mumbling. "Kuanjui said something along the lines of that too..."

"If two third parties said the same thing, then it's probably best to follow along with it. Trust me, maybe you'll get something good out of it."

———

"I'll do it."

A thud could be heard from the other side of the phone, followed by the sounds of fabric being frantically ruffled. "Seriously?!"

"Yeah. I thought about it and talked to some people, and I've decided that I'll do it."

"Oh my god, thank you so much, Zhanghao! I promise, I'll make it worth your time."

Beep—

And with that, the call between Kuanjui and Zhanghao dropped as the former immediately went to make another call.

"Hello?—"

"Y/N! Zhanghao just called me. He said he'll do it."

"...He did? That's surprising, but good to know."

"Yeah! I still have to make some calls, so I'll talk to you later, but I'll let you know if they'll release more info."

———

"Oh, so you agreed to the interview with Y/N?"

Matthew looks at Zhanghao, recalling the exchange they had a few days before.

"Really?! Oh, I'm definitely seated for that. I binged the episodes they put out and you guys had really good chemistry." Ricky peers up from his phone.

"Good to know you followed my advice." Jiwoong interjects, stopping himself mid bite, before asking Ricky what he even meant by 'being seated for that'.

"Hm? You asked Jiwoong hyung for advice? Why though?" Matthew asks once again, tilting his head.

"Ah, that's because..."

Zhanghao trails off, stopping himself for a moment.

"Y/N is actually ex. My only one, by the way. I told both the company and Dispatch that so, they might use it as part of the interview. The company didn't seem to mind that though."

The room suddenly went silent, the rest of the members looking at their center, causing him to become flustered.

"Yah! Why'd you guys go all quiet all of a sudden?! You're not supposed to be eavesdropping!"

Then, the room erupted. Now Zhanghao had to endure his members' endless teasing.

Later that night, he sat in his room. After a lot of consideration and debating with himself, he decided to watch the documentary where it all started.

Staring at the screen, he hesitated to press play.

On the other hand, Y/N was also in the same situation. Little did they know that they were both facing the same dilemma.

They both sat in front of their laptops and stared at the screens. In front of them were videos that contained their highschool moments and memories.

After heavy debating, they finally pressed play, all the memories flooding back to them.

—2015—

"Okay, class. I'll be giving back your test papers, so please take note of your scores."

The teacher handed the graded papers back, giving time for everyone to recieve their own.

Y/N recieved their paper. Looking at it, they saw that they got full marks.

'Yes!'

They cheered to themself, peering across the room to look at Zhanghao to try and see his reaction.

"Also, congratulations to both Y/N and Zhanghao for getting full marks! Please keep it up."

At that, Y/N had to resist the urge of banging their head against the table.

'Nevermind. Forget it.'

Y/N always saw Zhanghao as an academic rival, but he doesn't know that. He always kept to himself and carried on.

And that's how it always was for them, back and forth. Zhanghao doing his usual, while Y/N did everything to stay on top.

Sometimes it'd work, sometimes it wouldn't. No matter though, Zhanghao never failed to greet them, which in turn made them more irritated about it.

———

"Seriously? I forgot my umbrella..."

Y/N rummaged through her bag for the nth time again, as if by some miracle, the umbrella will show up.

They sighed, looking up and watching the pouring heavy rain.

"You forgot your umbrella?"

Zhanghao came from behind and stood next to them

"Yeah. What, gonna rub it in my face?"

He looked at them incredulously, almost looking offended.

"Um, no? I was gonna offer to walk with you to wherever you were going. I don't think you have an option anyways, since everyone's already pretty much left."

He's right. It was almost 5pm and the school was almost emptied out. If they remained stubborn and turned down his offer, they’d probably have to wait until the rain stopped, which clearly looked like it wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“Ah… I was planning to drop by this cafe nearby before heading home. I’m not sure if you have the time for that, though, so it’s all good if you just go ahead without me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not leaving you here like this. Besides, I actually have a lot of free time but nothing to do, so I’ll come with you, don’t worry about it.”

Y/N stared at him, unsure of what to feel. Zhanghao then motioned them to go ahead, which they did.

The cafe visit and walk there was silent. Zhanghao didn’t seem to mind but Y/N on the other hand had a lot of thoughts running through their mind. The pair lightly bickered in line, with Zhanghao offering to pay for both their food and drinks while Y/N insisted on covering the expenses instead.

“Please, let me. Just think of it as thanks for helping out tonight.”

Zhanghao then let out a huff in defeat, stating that he’ll pay next time instead and that he’ll walk them home instead. His resolve was made clear and it was obvious he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so they reluctantly accepted.

More silence ensued for the walk until Y/N spoke for the first time since leaving the cafe.

“I’ve been meaning to ask… why are you doing this in the first place?”

“Hm? Why, does it bother you?”

Y/N sighed. “I should be asking you that. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t really like you.” Zhanghao couldn’t help but laugh lightly at that. “Ouch. Is it because you consider me as an academic rival? ‘Cause I feel like the energy you’ve been trying to give me, aside from Kuanjui kind of implying it too…”

“Huh, you knew?” Y/N looked at him shocked, while he returned an amused expression. “You always gave me dirty looks when I’d score higher than you, and you’d always look my way with this smug look when you’re the one who’d score higher than me. It can be pretty obvious you’re rubbing things in sometimes, you know.”

They looked away, embarrassed. Y/N seriously didn’t think they were being that obvious to him about it, but looks like they thought wrong.

The man before them put a reassuring hand on their shoulder as they chewed on their lip trying to come up with an excuse.

“It’s alright, if it’s that serious for you I can hold back and let you rank 1st every time.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered just a little at the idea of him being willing to do that before they quickly snapped back to reality.

“W–Wait, no! I don’t want you to give all that up just for me, I promise. Besides, if I knew you were doing that, it’ll take away the feeling because it's… inorganic? So please, I’d feel even worse if you did that.”

“...Are you sure?” “Yeah. I’ll just work even harder to keep beating you next time! So you better watch out.”

Y/N nodded, hitting Zhanghao’s shoulder which caused him to burst out laughing.

By the time they both got home, they already considered each other friends and were on much better terms.

Soon enough, they warmed up to each other and hung out with Kuanjui together. They became an inseparable trio and always were seen together.

“Ohohoh! What’s this, Zhanghao and Y/N talking? That’s a first!”

Kuanjui approaches the pair and they noticed he held a camera in his hand, talking to it.

“Yah, shut up! What are you even doing with that?” Y/N lightly hits his shoulder as Zhanghao bites back a laugh.

“Ow! I’m trying to record as much of our highschool days as I can, like a documentary! What’s it to you anyways?”

He replies, rubbing his arm.

Y/N doesn’t say anything back glaring at him as he turns away and starts rambling to the camera.

Time passed and little by little, Y/N and Zhanghao slowly developed feelings for each other. They grew closer and more comfortable with each other. Glances from across their classroom turned into small, unsure touches, and little gifts with a “it reminded me of you, I thought you’d like it.” [ITALICS]

—2016—

Summer has come. The sun shone brightly and the pair stood at a spot they always came back to. It overlooked the city and they could see the lotus flowers in bloom in the nearby garden.

While Y/N admired the view, Zhanghao admired the person next to him. Silent and looking softly at their smiling face. Y/N felt his gaze and turned their head, slightly flustered once they realized that he’s been staring the entire time.

“You’re staring” “I know.”

“...Are you okay?” At this, Zhanghao gulped, unsure if he should say it. ‘It’s now or never. If you don’t tell them now, when will you?’ he thought to himself. Mustering all his courage, he takes a deep breath and faces Y/N again.

“Can I tell you something? Please promise me this won’t ruin our friendship.”

Y/N looks back at him with a confused expression, unsure of how to respond.

“Um, okay. Is everything alright though? You’re kind of scaring me…”

“I like you, Y/N.”

Just then, it was almost like time stopped between them. Y/N stood in shocked silence for a while before Zhanghao started mumbling.

“Itsokayifyoudon’tlikemebackIjusthopethisdoesn’truinourfriendshipan—”

“Hey, hey! It’s okay!” Y/N took his head between their hands, forcing him to look at them. After noticing he calms down, they continue.

“I, um. Actually like you too, so…” they continue, sheepishly rubbing their arm and looking away, flustered.

It was Zhanghao’s turn to be shocked and silent. He was visibly processing the information before he looked back at Y/N. “Seriously?”

He gets a nod in response. After realizing that Y/N really was being serious, he couldn’t help but break out into a smile and pull them in a tight hug.

They both laugh and start to excitedly talk about where their relationship goes from here, all while they looked back at the colorful lotus flowers in front of them.

———

“Hey, are you serious about taking the Gaokao so soon?”

Y/N asked Zhanghao, who sat across from them and next to Kuanjui.

“Hmm, well, yeah. I actually meet the criteria and have the qualifications for it. You should go for it, too! You’re just as qualified for that as I am.”

“And leave me here?” Kuanjui cuts in, whining.

“Urgh. I dunno, as much as I wanna do that, I also wanna take it slow and enjoy highschool, y’know? Besides, aren’t you taking up Geoscience? I think I’ll be fine if I don’t rush things since I’m taking Fine Arts.”

Y/N sighs.

Zhanghao hums. “That’s true, but I’m actually not that sure anymore. I might take music if Geoscience doesn’t work out.”

Kuanjui looks up from his food, speaking with a stuffed face. The table shook at the sudden movement, causing the camera to almost lose its balance.

“What are you even still doing with that camera? You’re still doing that documentary?”

Y/N asks and they only earn a ‘shut up’ from him. He then turns to Zhanghao to ask.

“Seriously? So suddenly?”

“Like I said, only if it doesn’t work out. Who knows?”

“You seem so relaxed about a pretty big decision, Hao. You should take this seriously!”

Y/N lightly scolds and hits him. The trio all burst into laughter as the topic starts to divert to their school and classes.

—2018—

“Wah! I’m so glad we both got into the same uni!” Y/N exclaims as they pull Zhanghao into a hug upon meeting each other. “Still, you’re a year level above me which kinda pisses me off. I should’ve taken the Gaokao when you did, too.” they sigh as the pair pulls away from each other.

Zhanghao laughs at this. “Yeah, yeah. It’s a shame Kuanjui had to go back to Taiwan though, we could’ve had a complete reunion!”

“Well, it’s not like there’s much we can do about it anyways. If anything, I can’t believe you dropped Geosci for music! You play the violin now, right? How’s that going for you?

”It was a pretty big decision, I admit, but I found that I really have a passion for music compared to Geosci.” Zhanghao replies, before briefly changing the topic.

“Hey, why don’t we talk about this over lunch instead? My treat, to celebrate your very first day here!”

“Really? Who am I to turn down free lunch?”

The couple breaks out in a fit of giggles as they walk off, discussing a multitude of different topics.

—2021—

“Baobei.”

Zhanghao quietly calls out. Y/N hums, turning to look at him as they both stood at the same spot where they both got together.

The man before them pulls out a small box, softly smiling as he hands it to Y/N.

“Happy 5th anniversary to us.”

Y/N looks at him in shock, before opening the box and finding a Chai hairpin that were decorated with lotus flowers at the ends.

“I know you don’t normally wear hairpins but I saw it and it reminded me of you. It reminded me of us and how we got together when the lotus were in full bloom back in summer. Well, aside from the meaning of the flower itself.”

Zhanghao explains, lightly chuckling at the end.

“Are you kidding? It's so pretty. I love it. I love you.”

They both lean into each other, and as they gazed at the view overlooking the night city, Y/N whispers.

“Happy 5th to us, love.”

———

“I’m leaving the country soon.”

Zhanghao breaks the silence. They stood at their favorite spot once again, where they’d shared a lot of significant memories together.

“Huh?”

“You know Yuehua, right? I told you about it. The agency’s been following me around for over the past 3 years now. I’ve decided to sign with them now that I got my degree. I want to become an idol.”

Y/N stared at him, wanting to say a million things but in the end, couldn’t bring themselves to say it all. “...I see.”

With a deep breath, they fully turn to him with a sad look.

“Let's break up then.”

“...What?” Zhanghao’s brows furrowed.

“Let’s break up, Hao. We can’t be together like this. If you want to become an idol and leave the country for it, then I’ll let you. You can’t be in a relationship as a trainee and I don’t wanna hold you back from your dreams.” “Wait, can’t we talk about this first?” he slowly becomes more panicked at the situation.

“Baobei. Please understand.” Y/N pleads.

“I don’t want to hold you back and maintain a long distance relationship. I don’t want to distract you. Believe me, I don’t want this either, but it’s better for both of us.”

The couple stares at each other, either one unable to say anything further as their tears start to fall. Zhanghao swallows.

“I’m sorry.” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Y/N hesitates, but starts rummaging through their bag. They pulled out a small box that looked all too familiar to the pair. They take the hairpin out of it, snapping one of the pins off and placing it on Zhanghao’s palm with a small ‘here’.[ITALICS]

“We might not be together anymore from this point on, but promise me you’ll keep this, take good care of it, and carry it around with you when you can, so when we meet again, we can piece them together. Doesn’t matter if either one of us has someone else by then. It’ll serve as a reminder of the times we had and things we shared. I love you.”[ITALICS]

They both burst into tears, hugging each other as if their life depended on it, before deciding to (hesitantly) part ways for good.

That was the last time they saw each other since then.

—PRESENT DAY—

“Kuanjui, was this really a good idea?”

Y/N sighs, as they look in the mirror and restlessly adjust their clothes. They seem to be making sure that something stays in their pockets.

“Don’t get cold feet now, Y/N! It’ll be fine, I promise.”

“When is he coming? I haven’t seen him in ages so I don’t know how to–”

Y/N’s sentence gets interrupted as the studio’s doors open, revealing Zhanghao as he stepped in. He looks around before noticing Kuanjui and Y/N standing and staring at him. Upon seeing them, he gives a polite smile and a small bow.

“Um. I’ll go grab a drink. Stay here.” Kuanjui tells Y/N and before they could even do anything, he was already out of the room.

Traitor!

Sighing, they turn back to Zhanghao and observe him. He approaches them and they hold their breath.

“Hi.” Zhanghao greets.

“Hey.”

“Long time no see, huh?”

Silence settles between them and neither one is sure of what else to say.

“...You’ve changed, Hao.” Y/N musters up a smile, but it’s clear to both of them that it’s a sad one.

“Yeah. So did you.”

“So you’re an idol now? Congrats. I’m so happy for you.”

Something inside Zhanghao visibly shifts but Y/N can’t tell what exactly.

As he opens his mouth to try and give back a reply, a staff member comes in, cutting them both off. They decide to get a chance to properly talk again later as they were both led into the interview room, where the staff member explains the the basics

“You guys will be sitting there and we’ll simply show you questions on a card.You can answer as honestly and freely as possible. Because of that, you only have the flow of the interview.”

They both nod and the cameras start rolling. They do the introductions and read the first question.

‘How did you two meet?’

“This was already pretty obvious but we went to the same school and were classmates.”

Zhanghao starts.

‘What were your first impressions of each other?’

Y/N lightly giggles at this question.

“I considered Zhanghao to be my academic rival but I eventually found out that he didn’t see me that way and only thought of me as a mutual friend thanks to Kuanjui. After he helped me out, we became friends.”

Zhanghao chuckles at this before answering.

“Well, yeah. Like they said, I only knew them because they were friends with Kuanjui. I did think they were pretty nice at first, then I thought they were cold after a while because I thought they hated me .”

At that, the studio’s atmosphere instantly lightened and they were less tense with each other now.

‘We heard that you two used to date. What was the relationship like?’

“Ah, well… we were pretty much inseparable once we became friends, so not much changed and we spent a lot of time together. I guess we were more comfortable and open with each other?”

Y/N answers, careful not to say anything that may cause a scandal. Zhanghao simply nods in agreement.

‘Why did you two break up?’

The room goes silent for a while as the pair looked at each other, gulping. As Zhanghao hesitates to answer, Y/N cuts in.

“Just differences. He wanted to be an idol and had to move to Korea for that. I wasn’t sure on what to do yet but I stayed behind. I didn’t want to hold him back by keeping a long distance relationship and distract him from his dreams.”

“It was a mutual agreement, so it wasn’t a messy breakup or anything. We were together for over 5 years.”

Zhanghao adds as he nods.

Using past tense to discuss their relationship stung them more than both had expected. You’d think they should be used to it by now.

‘Did you two keep in contact afterwards?’

“Honestly? No. As far as I know, this is the first time we’ve seen each other since we broke up.”

“Yeah. Even though we lived in the same city and ended up moving to the same one as well, this is the first time we've seen each other in person after all that.”

‘Did your lives turn out the way you expected them to 10 years back?’

“No, actually. I wasn’t expecting to end up being on good terms with Zhanghao back then, moreso dating him. I also wasn’t expecting to move out to the country either, so I wouldn’t exactly say that.

“Absolutely not. I wanted to pursue Geoscience at first, but I eventually decided that it wasn’t for me and that I wanted to pursue music instead. So I switched schools and picked up the violin. If you told my 16 year old self that I’d be a K-pop idol 10 years from now, I’d probably think you were crazy.”

The pair laughs at this, knowing that it was true for the both of them.

‘For this segment, we’ll be leaving you alone in the room for 10 minutes. Is there anything you want to say to each other before we wrap up?’

The room went silent and their faces slowly dropped. It stayed like that for almost a minute as the staff all walked out.

“Um…” Y/N starts, turning to Zhanghao, unsure if they should even say this. ‘It’s now or never, Y/N’

Taking a deep breath, they continue. “When I was breaking up with you, I was kind of hoping you’d fight for us a little more. I know that I ended it, but why didn’t you chase after me? Sure, I was trying my best to convince you, but why didn’t you stop me?”

Zhanghao’s eyes turned glassy as he stared at them, watching while they continued.

Y/N takes a deep breath. “I was constantly lying to myself that I was over you, even though I moved to Seoul after you did, and throughout these years I would silently wish that I’d run into you and meet you again.” their voice cracks slightly as tears prick their eyes.

Zhanghao smiles sadly. “I don’t know if you knew this, but ever since we broke up, I’d constantly ask one of your close friends for updates. Everyday, I’d ask them. When they told me you were moving to Korea, I was a little devastated because I knew I couldn't ask them anymore, and finding you would be much harder now.”

“You would constantly look for me?”

“Yeah. When I debuted, I thought about you and how I’ve finally achieved my dreams, but you weren’t there for me anymore. You weren’t with me. And I didn't know how to feel about that.”

“Oh.”

…

“I watched you though. I watched you on the show, your debut show, all of it. I watched your life through pictures and the videos your staff would upload.” Y/N fidgets with their hands.

“...Do you remember that promise from before? When we broke up? Here.” Zhanghao asks out of nowhere, pulling out the same Chai hairpin from 5 years before and handing his piece.

Y/N looks back and forth between the pin in their hand and the man before them, tears threatening to spill. “You… really kept it?”

“Of course. I’m not one to go back on my promises, you know?”

At this, Y/N pulls out their half, the one they were fiddling with in their pocket earlier.

“I just… didn’t think you would. I was planning to give you my [ITALICS] half instead.”

“Do you still wanna piece them together?” Zhanghao asks, and Y/N contemplates on it. Complete silence once again.

“No.”

“...No?”

“Yeah, no. Here, keep your piece. The fact that you still remembered and even brought your half of the pin already means a lot to me. You can think of it as me giving back to you. This pin already means a lot to me, so I want you to keep it for good now.” Y/N hands back the pin.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

At this, the staff quietly open the door and pour back in, indicating the end of the 10 minutes, as well as the interview as a whole.

They both dab away their tears and take the time to calm down. After doing so, they did the outro and were finally free to go.

Y/N checked their phone as soon as they got off and saw that Kuanjui had to leave to take care of something. ‘Let me know how it went’, the text read.

They stepped out of the building and were greeted with the sun shining brightly over them, completely contrasting to the bittersweet feelings they were having at the moment.

“So…”

Zhanghao breaks the silence, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“I’ll see you around?”

“That’s it? You’re not even gonna exchange socials, numbers, anything?”

Y/N lightly scoffs, and Zhanghao genuinely smiles at this.

“Looks like you didn’t change much.” they exchange both socials and numbers, and couldn’t help but stare at each other in silence afterwards.

Zhanghao’s phone rings. Seeing the caller’s ID, he turns to Y/N. “My members seem to be looking for me now. Let’s catch up some other time, yeah?” he smiles.

“Yeah. We can do that.”

“It was nice seeing you Y/N. In all honesty, I was afraid to see you again, but I’m more reassured now after all this…” he trails off.

“And I missed you. A lot.”

“I missed you too. A lot.” Y/N smiles at him, mirroring his words.

“I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Zhanghao walks away and Y/N had to resist the urge to chase after him. Watching his figure leave their peripheral vision, they finally allowed a lingering thought to take over them.

“I still love him, don’t I?”

#zhanghao x reader #hao x reader #zhang hao scenarios #zhang hao imagines #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #youthinluv

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dantesunbreaker · 1 year ago

Text

Message Sent

Papa Emeritus IV X Transmale Reader

Copia must leave for a few days after you both finally confess your feelings for each other. But Copia is a bit of an idiot when it comes to these sorts of things and finds a way to mess things up the moment he returns.

Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort TW: mentions of depression. 3.5K words

GIF by ask-papa-iv

“It will only be for a few days, tesoro,” Copia tries to make light of the situation, arms circling tight around you. “Then I will once more be home...and I can perhaps take you to that new place down by the waterfront?”

You’ve been the assistant to Papa Emeritus IV since you joined the ministry, since back to his days as a Cardinal. All those years harboring a silent crush for the older man. Unaware of the returned feelings Copia also shared. But of course, the day you both finally admit to the feelings is the night before he leaves for a special one off show.

“I know, I know,” you sigh, sagging back into Copia’s embrace. “Should have thought about it, I knew you had this show coming up.” There is a lighter tone to your voice as you chuckle to yourself. Of course you knew he would be leaving, you made his schedule. Still, the timing felt right to express your feelings. “Neither one of us has been very good at timing this kind of stuff.”

Nodding in agreement, Copia nuzzles against your neck, wanting to commit your scent to memory before he leaves. Your night ends with a lingering yet shy, soft kiss on the lips before you both depart to your own separate chambers. Come morning, Copia and his ghouls are gone, leaving you to keep yourself busy with your shared workload in his absence.

Throughout the day you share texts as you usually would, recounting the random mundane details of each other's day. But when it becomes late in the night, just before you know Copia is getting ready to get on stage, you send a text with a bit more passion. I miss you already, C... I can’t wait to be back in your arms. Maybe even your bed? You set your phone down beside the bed, trying to ignore the nagging feeling of wanting to check for a response every fifteen seconds. But it never comes.

When the sun comes up the next morning you awake to zero notifications. Confused, you open up your texts and stare at your last text to Copia. Did you say something wrong? Were you going too fast? Maybe you made him too flustered. Maybe you caused too much of a distraction before the show. You bite back the anxiety and you push those thoughts to the back of your mind for the rest of the day.

But the next couple of days pass with complete silence from Copia’s end. You tell yourself that he is a busy man, that he just forgot or didn’t have time to get back to you due to how much he has on his plate. And you convince yourself of this up until the morning after his late night return.

As you approach Copia’s office, as you do every morning, with two steaming cups of coffee in hand and file folder tucked under your arm, you swear you hear sounds coming from just beyond the door. Did Copia have a meeting you were unaware of? Without losing grip on either coffee, you manage to pull the heavy double doors of the office open and step into the room...only to pause midstep the moment you are through the threshold.

Breath catching in your throat, you nearly drop both coffees and the folder. Papa sits behind his desk, a Sister of Sin all but leaning into his lap as their lips are locked in what appears to be a heated kiss. It hits like a knife to the heart, leaving you to gasp at the sudden pain. One of them must hear your gasp, for a moment later they are pulling from each other. The sister turns with a sheepish look on her face, cheeks flushed red as she lets out a barely audible apology before skittering out of the room.

“Ah, good morning fratello,” Copia greets a bit breathless, seeming ready to act as if you did not just walk in on him with another sibling. “Do you have some papers for me?”

Numb, all you can do is nod as you take the few steps necessary to place the coffees to the side of his desk, tossing the folder in front of him. When Copia doesn’t even look up, you can feel pieces of your heart shatter. Was it all just a dream? Some cruel joke? You stand there unmoving, unsure what to think of things.

“Do you plan to stand there all day, or are you going to get some work done today?” There is a teasing hint to Copia’s voice as he finally looks up at you. And it’s enough to make your stomach churn.

Tears sting your eyes, but you fight them back. Of course, this is just some sick little game to him isn’t it? The shatter is complete, your heart crumbling to pieces across the hardwood floor of his office.

“Excuse me, I have to go,” your voice is tight as you turn back towards the door, needing to escape before the waterworks come.

“Wait!”

You don’t know why you pause, holding onto some feeble sense of hope. But you hear Copia rise from his chair and cross around to the opposite side of his desk just behind you. Unable to face him without the tears falling, you keep your back to him.

“Are you sick? You just got here,” the sudden concern to Copia’s voice makes you feel ill. Could he really not see?

“No, Papa, I am not sick,” you feel small, counting the lines on the floor as your vision begins to blur as the tears begin as a small dribble. “I just... I can’t stay right now.”

The quick laugh behind you causes you to flinch.

“Caro, are you jealous?”

Suddenly, the dam breaks. And forth flows not only pain and anguish, but the undeniable anger you feel at both Copia and yourself. How dare he?

"Yes, I am jealous!" Your voice breaks with each word, the tears you tried so hard to hold back running forth quick as a river current. "Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you happy? Yes Papa, you really had me going there.” The tone of your voice is near hysteric as your body begins to tremble. “For a moment, a soft fleeting moment, I actually believed that there was something special between us. That someone like me could actually matter to someone like you.”

Barely able to see through the tears in your eyes, you take a blind step forward towards your escape.

“I can see now that I’ve been a fool.”

“Fratell- ” a hand closes around your wrist in a bruising grip. Just inches shy of the door.

“Don’t touch me!” The words are spit out like venom as you give a firm tug of your arm. It burns. The painful drag of skin on skin.

The hold on your wrist gently loosens, allowing you to pull your arm free without ever having to take a look back at the man who still held the pieces of your broken heart. Footsteps follow you as you sprint down the halls. Copia calls your name over and over, but you run until the sound is barely but a soft whisper in your ear.

When your back finally hits the inside of the door to your bedroom, the tears stop but the heartbreaking pain begins. It feels as though you are suddenly full of cement as you take the heavy steps necessary to reach your bed. Each small movement takes every ounce of energy in your body until you reach a distance at which you can simply let yourself fall forward. Sinking into the inviting warmth of the pile of blankets and plushies that is your bed for once does little to ease your woes away.

Burying your face into the nearest pillow, you scream until your voice is hoarse and there is a deep burning ache in your throat. It is as though a deep hole now lies where your heart should be. A cold black pit that spreads out like a spider’s web throughout your chest. Have you truly been so blind this entire time?

How could you go on living? How could you go on as if nothing ever happened? As if the head of the church hadn’t snuffed out what glimmer of joy was left in your heart. Tears once more sting your eyes at the thought of having to face your Siblings of Sin. The questions they will have. And... of course how will you be able to attend Black Mass without falling apart? Simple. You wouldn’t.

For a week you are unable to bring yourself to leave your room, wallowing in your bed and seeking the comfort of solitude. Not that you remain entirely alone. Some of the ghouls find themselves in your quarters at odd hours of the day, offering what solace they can. Cirrus and Cumulus come most evenings to ensure you have eaten at least once each day and to wrap you in the comfort of their cuddles. On a few occasions Mountain joins the pile, bringing offerings of his own special blend of tea in hopes to ease your sorrow. There is never any mention of Papa. Rumors spread fast around the Abbey. Your feelings for Papa are certainly not a well kept secret. Whispers of His Unholiness having been seen with a Sister of Sin however have circulated throughout the congregation. It would be more a surprise to the other siblings if you had not taken reprieve in your own chambers.

But the ghouls do their best to distract you from the hurt. They also do their part in keeping prying eyes and questions away. Each ghoul, even Dewdrop, has some excuse for your whereabouts ready at the tip of their tongue if ever Papa approaches with questions of your absence. Anything to keep him away. Though you suspect you are far from his concerns of late. Probably too busy wrapped up in a certain new sister.

But as each day goes on, you find it easier and easier to ignore the darkness at the center of your heart. Sure, it is still there. You aren’t sure if it ever truly will fade away. With time though, the pain fades to a dull ache that doesn't always hammer to the front of your attention. You start with small simple tasks just around your room, testing your limits, before you decide to take that first step out of your room. When the world doesn’t immediately come crashing down, you take that as your sign to work back up to resuming some of your sibling duties. You are sure Sister Imperator has not been pleased at your absence, or more importantly your lack of contribution.

While you still refuse to go back to your duties as Copia’s assistant just yet, you do find other ways to remain helpful. Enough that Sister won’t come chasing you down for a lecture about doing your part for the ministry. You start by helping in the kitchen, knowing the staff there were always eager for a helping hand when there were so many mouths to feed. And well, you know it is a place a certain Papa did not frequent often. It was a miracle the man remembered to eat most days with how consumed he would become in his work. It’s why you are always punctual with delivering a warm meal to his office each day... Or at least, you were. You aren’t sure if things will ever return to that state of normal.

It’s nearly three weeks after the incident before things finally come to an unfortunate head, when you finally have to face reality. You’re walking down the hall, eyes adrift unfocused as your mind floats away. But out of the corner of your eye you catch a flash of familiar black and white. By the time it registers in your brain, it’s too late. Still.. you consider making a break for it.

“Fratello, wait!”

A heavy sigh passes through your lips, eyes closing tight as you focus on keeping yourself calm. You can do this. It’s time to face your problems head on.

“What do you want, Papa?” You spin on your heels so fast it makes your head spin, Copia’s official title emphasized with clear disdain.

“Please, caro, just hear me out,” Copia sounds so broken as he keeps a hand outstretched towards you. Sorrow clouding dual colored eyes. He is giving you the choice and space to refuse him, unlike your last encounter.

There is a slight tremble to your bottom lip, too afraid that your words were going to fail you. With eyes trained on the scuffs along Copia’s shoes, you silently place your hand into his. You aren’t sure you are actually ready to face whatever is to come, but you are tired of the unresolved turmoil looming over you. This is a necessary step. Sensing your apprehension, Copia lets out one of his signature soft cooing sounds that he knows you have always loved. He hopes that perhaps you still do. Another gloved hand joins the other, both of Copia’s hands now clasped around your one as he takes a tentative step forward in hopes that you will follow suit.

Without a sound, you allow Copia to slowly lead you down the corridor into his office. Once the door shuts behind you, he releases your hand and steps away to give you space. It gives you a sense of security. You aren’t a caged animal in this situation. You suppose that is his intention.

Sad, tired eyes gaze up at you as Copia sags heavily into his chair. He looks as though he has aged considerably within the few short weeks since you had last seen him. The wrinkles along his forehead are more pronounced, the bags under his eyes plump and heavy, and it seems a frown has nearly been etched into the corners of his lips. For lack of better terms, he looked like shit. But you reign in the sympathy that wants to wash over you. You steel your eyes and wait for Copia to explain himself.

Copia seems to crumble beneath the intensity of your glare, dropping his eyes to his lap where he nervously wrings his hands.

“I am truly sorry for how I hurt you, caro,” Copia begins, wincing at the bark of a laugh you give at his words. But he remains undeterred. “There is no excuse for my actions. But please know that I deeply regret them.”

“Then why do it in the first place?” You take a daring step closer, this time it is almost as if you are the one cornering him. “If you didn’t want to hurt me, why did you lead me on? Why did you.. Why did you flaunt some sister in front of my eyes when my feelings were clear towards you?”

But all Copia can do is gape at you like a fish out of water, struggling to string together a coherent train of thought under your scrutiny. You are keenly aware of the tears forming in his eyes. Through soft sniffles, Copia tries in vain to keep them from falling. But soon enough thin rivers of black bleed into the white of his paints.

“Because your Papa is but a fool,” he is reaching into his pockets, fumbling to pull out his phone and set it on the desk towards you, screen face up at full brightness. He drops his head into his hands with a pitiful whine. “You see, I thought it was you who had been ignoring me during my absence.”

Wait... What?

In your haste you nearly stumble over your own feet as you step closer to the desk, leaning over the vintage oak to gaze at the small screen. The phone was open to the text stream between you and Copia. Your last message, exactly as you remember it, glares back up at you as if to mock you. But you notice something as you look closer. A picture of Copia in full robes and mitre behind a stage is attached, a text message accompanying it. I miss you too amore mio! I would love nothing more than to have you in my bed... so we may come together, eh? Tell me..will you be thinking of your Papa tonight while alone in your bed tonight? But... Copia hasn’t left the Abbey since his return weeks ago? It must be from...

“You didn’t press send,” you reach down, touching the screen and feel the soft vibration of your phone in your pocket in response. A semi soft gentleness has wormed its way back into your voice.

“Si..”

Things begin to come together, your mind tying the crimson strings of your mental conspiracy board to connect the dots. You spent all that time waiting for a response... but Copia thought he was doing the same?

“So,” you take a step closer, taking note of the way eyes ever so slightly flick up to watch you between gloved fingers. "You thought I was giving you the cold shoulder the whole time you were gone. And you, what? Thought that seeing you with someone else was going to have me crawling to you?"

Copia lets out a pained noise, head sinking lower.

"No, maybe, I'm not sure what I thought," his voice is thick, his shoulders visibly trembling. When he brings himself to look back up at you, his paint is a marbled mess of gray. "I thought if I pretended to be interested in a sister th...that you would realize what you were missing. That you would fight to win me over... But I'm a fool, and instead I hurt you and pushed you away."

"Yes," you step even closer, hand reaching out towards Copia as wet eyes watch your every move. "You are a fool," a whimper leaves Copia, eyes closing as your hand drops to run through his fluffy locks. "But... I would still like for you to be my fool."

Hands are reaching out for the one still at your side, clutching at it as if it were a lifeline. Eyes still closed, Copia pulls until the back of your hand rests against his moist cheek. You don’t mind the way paint already begins to rub off onto your skin.

“Per favore. Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace,” Copia slips from his chair, dropping to his knees as he drags his eyes up the length of your body until your gazes meet. “Per favore, I want to be your fool. Let me be your fool, caro. I’ll do anything. Per favore.”

Tears still stream down Copia’s cheeks, snot dribbling from his nose and making a sticky wet mess of his upper lip. He looks like a mess. Nothing will ever take back the hurt seeing Copia with someone else caused, the weeks of anguish and isolation it caused you to suffer. But it doesn’t mean you can’t stitch the wounds closed, letting them scar over and heal into something new. A single tear rolls down your cheek, landing on the tip of Copia’s nose.

Pulling your hand from Copia, shushing him in a soothing tone when he whimpers, you move to cup both his cheeks. Tilting his head up, you search his eyes for the answers you need. Sadness and regret oozes out just as heavy as the tears still dripping down his face. That is all you need to see to decide if you can try and work past this.

“What you did, it hurt me C. Hey, I need you to look at me,” you grab ahold of Copia’s chin when he tries to turn away in shame. “You can’t go back and fix that. But, you can learn from it and fight to keep from making the same mistakes. I am giving you a second chance, putting my heart back on the line. Please, don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t! I won’t, prometto!” Copia surges forward, arms wrapping around you to hold you close. “Let me prove myself. I’m only for you, amore. Only for you.”

You lower yourself to your own knees, pulling Copia into your chest as he continues to give soft wheezing sniffles. Together you rest there until his breathing has calmed and a comfortable silence settles over the room.

“C..can I kiss you, caro?” Copia asks in a semi shaky voice after much time has passed.

With a chuckle, you pull a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away the snot and slobber from his upper lip. Only then do you smile, giving a nod as you lean in. The press of your lips together is soft and delicate. It in itself is almost like an apology as Copia eases into pulling you to him. You melt into his touch. And you think that with time, you can repair this blossoming relationship.

#papa emeritus x reader #papa emeritus fanfiction #ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus iv x reader #papa emeritus iv x transmale reader #papa emeritus x transmale reader #papa emeritus x ftm reader #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia x reader #papa emeritus 4 #my writing

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