#i find ways to talk about you. mostly negative but i just keep mentioning you bc i miss u. and i hate this. i dont want to miss u

[pigeon-butch]

I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist

[system-of-a-feather]

is there anything you wish youd known about DID-specific therapy before you started? sorry if thats weird or vague, i just finally have a therapist that treats DID and im both nervous and relieved about it, so i guess im just wondering if you have advice as someone who has made so much progress with your own DID

God yeah there is a lot honestly. Like there are a lot of general rules of thumb that I've seen get mentioned here that I can say are usually really good things I found to be mostly true in my experience like

Persecutors are frequently demonized and they can be INCREDIBLY hard to work with, but they are incredibly important, often are parts that are capable of having the most growth and tend to add the most to the system once you figure out a good way to communicate and work with them; that said, don't push anything you aren't capable of handling, if they are being too much, safety first; just remember that they're probably some of the best allies you can have should you make things work with them; there is little stronger bonds - both between parts and as a whole - formed when you can befriend and trust someone / the part of you that you've always hated / avoided. Loving persecutors is self love and self love is important for healing

While keeping track of your parts can be helpful, try not to obsess and fixate on trying to find all the parts and figure out when and where everyone came from. It can become overwhelming (especially if you have a lot of parts), you might find parts and things you aren't ready to deal with if you try to look too hard, and it can take away from the important processing, bonding, communication, and present issues you might be facing as a whole

Its okay to relapse on maladaptive behaviors, especially if it keeps you safe and/or from relapsing or starting potentially more risky / dangerous / harmful maladaptive behaviors. Two steps forward, one step back, it's still progress so try not to be hard on yourself. Struggling and fumbling is part of recovery, you aren't bad, or wrong, or uniquely "broken" or anything for struggling through recovery. Recovery is just fucking hard and engaging with it at all is a really amazing and powerful thing.

Integration =/= Fusion. Integration is just improving and increasing the communication, connectivity, and fluidity of information and coordination of parts. Integration is inherent in any form of DID treatment.

On top of that, I think some of the ones I don't see talked about as much would be...

Splitting, while often assumed to be a negative thing and a result of trauma (true and sometimes!), can be very healing when you look at it from a larger lens. This isn't to say that you should want to split or seek to make new alters as a coping mechanism, because I'd probably say in most situations that is probably not healthy. This is more so saying that if your brain wants to / needs to / does split, its okay to just let it happen. Trying to actively prevent splits can cause a lot of emotional / trauma overwhelm and risk crisis states and honestly, sometimes its easier to deal with two (or more) contained and stable parts than it is to deal with one complex and unstable part. Likewise, sometimes it is easier to be two (or more) contained stable parts than it is to exist as one complex and unstable part. Splitting sometimes - and often is - a mechanism to maintain stability and keep life for all parts within a relative "window of tolerance" that you can function in. Splitting isn't a moral failure or a recovery failure or anything special. Splitting is just part of the journey of recovery and a lot of people split after they start recovery cause it can be a pretty hard thing to go through. You aren't alone if this happens and it is just part of the process and journey.

Similar to that and something that we've been talking on this blog a lot and trying to spread...

Fusion does not have to be a final thing. Fusion does not have to be a huge and notable event. Fusion can last anywhere from a few minutes, to a few hours, to a few months, to forever depending on what works for you. If a fusion isn't working for you or isn't sticking, your brain will likely re-split and if it doesn't, you can always actively try to undo it and we've done it multiple times pretty successfully. Fusion ALSO isn't anything special, it's something that just happens. Fusion and splitting are two sides of the same coin and really aren't anything as permanent or anything that carries any inherent value to it beyond what it means to you as an individual / whole.

And probably one of the things that I was the most astonished by

You don't actually have to process all your trauma to be at a place with your DID where you are considered to be "in remission" or to even reach functional multiplicity / final fusion. A lot of the meat of DID-focused therapy and recovery and improvement to life is not as much in the trauma processing as much as it is in the stabilization period; that is just to say, the main meat of growth, recovery, and improvement is found by working with your parts to establish an internal support system, internal trust with one another, and deeply getting to know each of the parts. Of course, trauma processing will happen along the way, but you can get EXTREMELY far with recovery simplly by focusing on the stability of the system, how you each support and communicate and coordinate with one another, and dealing with the trauma topics that come up in the immediate present. A good way to think about it is that the stabilization period is essentially creating a strong foundation and a strong base so that you feel secure and confident navigating basic day to day life with a lot of internal love and support and the trust that you and your parts can support eachother through a SHIT ton of stuff. If you can develop an internal relationship with your parts and your system that is very strong and built on trust and care, then dealing with trauma and adversities become WAY easier. Thus it can be a lot easier to postpone any heavy trauma processing that is not actively relevant and actively necessary to help improve internal relationships until AFTER you have a stronger and more secure realtionship with your parts. Thus I would suggest focusing on the present issues, the things parts are feeling and experiencing in the moment, and addressing those rather than trying to uncover every secret and trauma that you may or may not remember. If the trauma is something you are ready to deal with and it's relevant, your brain will bring it up when the time is right. Trust your brain thats protected you thus far and kept you alive thus far to let you know things when you are ready to know it, but also don't be afraid to ask parts for help if it does share more than you are ready. That's just to say - Don't Dig for information you don't want to know, but if something comes up that you don't feel equipt to deal with, its completely okay to seek internal or external help to try leave it behind. Again, especially early on, the focus should be on stabilization rather than trauma processing.

And just a little small one about online spaces and what not, but try not to worry too much abotu whether your experiences with the disorder align with others, or if you look "fake" or what not. A lot of recovery will look like things people who don't know better would think is "impossible with DID" and online spaces tend to be a place where a false image of what things "should" look like is kind of developed. Whatever you experience is what you experience and is inherently a real and true experience. Don't try to force yourself to fit into the expectation and boxes of others as it will often slow down your progress.

[khaire-traveler]

🪻 Subtle Hyakinthos Worship 🌱

Pick flowers; press or dry them

Start a garden; tend to a plant

Grow your own herbs or produce

Keep a picture of him in your wallet

Wear jewelry that reminds you of him

Get a candle that reminds you of him (no altar needed)

Make a flower crown, especially with Laurel leaves included

Drink an herbal/flower tea (SAFELY!!!); add some honey to it

Support environmental preservation or LGBT rights organizations

Have imagery of swans, flowers, hyacinths, an iris or larkspur (sources believe one of these are the original flower mentioned in myth), the sun/sunlight, or rebirth (maybe spring) around

Have a stuffed animal swan or any animal you associate with rebirth

Express yourself in little ways if you can't be fully open; a bracelet that represents your gender, pride flag colored shoelaces, etc.

If you have a partner, buy or pick flowers for them; buy or pick flowers for yourself

Pick up trash in your environment

Try spring cleaning; tidy up your space

Take a self-care bath/shower, especially with herbs or flower petals

Make a list of things that made you smile throughout the day/week, big or small

Talk a walk/hike in nature; walk through a field of flowers or an area with lots of flowers

Put up a sugar water feeder for pollinators, such as hummingbirds, butterflies, and bees

Fall asleep/meditate to the sounds of nature - bird songs, forest ambiance, etc.

Take regular breaks from screens; be sure to get some fresh air

Learn about the local flora

Try foraging (SAFELY!!!)

Practice compassion towards others as well as yourself

Donate fresh fruits and vegetables to soup kitchens and homeless shelters (if the shelters accept perishables)

Get some movement throughout your day, even if it's just stretching your muscles

Eat three meals a day; try to eat well if able

Stay hydrated; drink lots of water

Take your medications, if any

Try herbal/natural remedies for MINOR health problems; stomaches, headaches, sore throats, etc.

Take some time to bask in the sunlight

Get accustomed to the idea of change; without change, we cannot progress

Keep a self-love and self-growth journal; write about your feelings (positive and negative), treat yourself with understanding, write ways you've changed throughout the month, etc.

Engage in comforting activities after a hard day; engage in self-care

Engage with childhood media; get in touch with the younger part of yourself

Get comfortable with the idea of growing older; to be human is to grow old; to grow old is not a bad thing

Be kind to children; play with them if offered

Dance/sing to music, especially music that makes you feel free, wild, young, or happy

Recycle when you can; try to make/use your own compost

Leave flowers on graves (ask permission from the cemetery first!!!)

Make your own cookies, pastries, breads, etc.; try to use natural ingredients

Give out handmade pastries, cookies, breads, etc. to loved ones and those in need

Try to ground yourself in nature; stand in a green landscape with bare feet (if safe); focus on the fresh air coming into and out of your lungs, the peaceful sounds near you, etc.

Be gentle with yourself, especially if you're having a difficult time; treat yourself as you would treat a loved one - someone extremely near and dear to your heart

Open your windows, blinds, curtains, etc. on a sunny day; let the light or fresh air in

Stop and smell the flowers c:

-

This is my life of discreet ways to worship Hyacinthus! I found this list a bit challenging, mostly due to the stress I'm dealing with offline, so I'll likely make edits to it in the future. In the meantime, I hope someone finds this helpful! Take care! 💜

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

[wish-i-were-heather]

JUST A LOVE SCATCH⤵ AARON WARNER X READER

ABOUT: 700 words, no use of y/n

STORY: it's aaron's birthday, but he can't erase the memories of his past ones

WARNINGS: mostly fluff, but mentions of his trauma with his father

A/N: THIS IS A REPOST OF MY OWN FIC!!! I'm posting it again because my account got deleted, but I still want to keep all my fics on my blog. Thanks to everyone for helping me get this all back.

“Good morning, love.”

You heard those words every day. Each morning when you woke up, he would be there. This morning started no differently. The familiar low morning voice from beside you, never failing to make you blush.

But this time, it was different. Not the way he said it, no, that always stayed the same. It took you a moment to wake up your mind a bit more, but then it came to you. 

April 24th.

His birthday.

The second you realized, you immediately rolled over to face him and planted a kiss on his lips, staying there for just a little longer than usual. You pulled away with a grin. “Happy birthday.”

Aaron returned the smile, and you couldn’t hold back a giggle at the sight of his dimples. “You remembered.”

“Of course I did,” you told him, exhaling deeply and resting your head on his chest. “How could I forget?”

He watched you lay down on top of him, his hand going straight to your hair and gently running his fingers through it. The two of you laid there in a comfortable silence for a bit. There was no need for words, you both know how fragile birthdays could be for Aaron. Especially after what he’d gone through on most of them for the greater part of his life.

“Do you have any plans for today?”

“Why are you asking me?” You told him. “It’s your day, birthday boy.”

Aaron chuckled at the title. “If that’s the case, I might just want to stay here with you.” He leaned forward to whisper in your ear. “Forever.”

“Hm, I wouldn’t complain.”

You continued to lay there, the only sound being that of your synced hearts and soft breathing. And in that moment, it felt like there was nothing that could break the peace. 

But then you felt it- his slight tensing of his muscles, the way his hand stilled in your hair.

“Aaron?” You asked, tilting your head to look up at him. 

His eyes were closed, but you could see the furrow in his brow, the way his lips pressed together, the way he was breathing a lot slower- as if to calm himself down. 

You rolled over to look straight at him and cupped his cheek with your hand. “What’s wrong?”

You knew the answer, of course, but you wanted to let him talk about it. He opened his eyes and you could see the hurt in them, everything he went through hiding behind them. He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. “I just… I can't stop thinking about it.” 

You knew what it was. 

“I���m sorry, love,” he added quickly. “I don’t want to ruin today.”

At his apology, your eyes widened. “No, no, don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re not ruining anything.” You gave a small kiss to his forehead. 

Aaron closed his eyes. “Every year,” he began. “Every year, I can't help but remember. I feel it all over again. It hurts. And I know things are different now, you’re here. But with the scars too… the memories never go away.”

Your hand gently finds its way around him, to his back. You slip your hand under his loose shirt, feeling the scars that he always associated with the twenty fourth day of April. Tracing them. He shutters at your touch, but not in a negative way- you knew him too well. If he didn’t want you to, you wouldn’t be doing that, touching him like that.

He trusted you.

“These,” you whisper. “These aren’t just marks, not just reminders of what happened. They don’t have to be. They also show how strong you are, how much you’ve gone through. And I think they’re beautiful.”

“They’re reminders that I wasn’t loved,” he said, unintentionally bitter.

“But that doesn’t matter,” you told him. “I love you now. Forget about what happened before. It’s not important. I love you, all of you. No matter what. Just a love scratch.”

Aaron scoffed. “They weren’t given with love.”

“Yeah, but my touch is. My kisses are.” You kissed his forehead again.

“I don’t deserve you, love.”

“You deserve the damn world.”

the writing above belongs to me. please do not copy, modify, repost on other sites or claim as your own. © 2024 wish-i-were-heather

[twilightrocksfanfic]

Seth and Cullen imprint talk about sex

authors note: this is part of the larger twilight literary universe I have been writing on. this part takes place between eclipse and breaking dawn. time and place are not really important here though. Seth and Mercy are taking their relationships slower than common amongst the pack to give time Seth time to adjust to bring a werewolf and to figure out what they want a relationship to look like.

warnings: brief mention of negative sexual experience, age gap (Seth is aged up to 19 in my fic but Cullen imprint is still a good 170 years older)

(let me know if I missed any)

---------------------------------------------------

As far as she knew, her family had no idea that her loyalty no longer lay with them. Either Edward hadn’t noticed, or he just hadn’t told them, and Mercy wasn’t sure which version she preferred. Most days she was barely even aware of how intrusive Edward's gift really was but she felt her anxiety rise every time she was around him now.

That's one thing she really loved about being with Seth, that Alice couldn’t see her. This new sense of privacy gave her freedom she had never felt necessary before but now that she knew it, she never wanted to miss it again.

It was this longing for some freedom that made her and Seth decide to take a weekend trip. They didn't want to get away for long or far away just long enough and far enough to feel freedom from the wedding planning and other supernatural complications that were sure to occur.

Carlisle agreed immediately and it made Mercy feel guilty, how excited he was for her to have found a partner. She assumed that Carlisle didn't know what Edward and Bella had asked of her and she hoped to keep it that way as long as possible.

It took a bit more convincing for Sam to agree. He seemed to understand that private time came a lot less easily to Seth and Mercy and maybe he felt, as Mercy did, that there was something looming over them. Because although there was reluctance in his voice he agreed and wished them a nice trip.

On friday morning, she picked up Seth, in a car and all, and an hour later they crossed into Canada. The Cullens had a small cabin in the woods there. Emmett had built it for Rosalie as their third-wedding gift but the two of them preferred more exotic places nowadays.

Mercy truthfully didn't remember the last time someone stayed in that cabin and finding someone to check on everything and turn on water and electricity had been a bit of a hassle. Maybe it was the first time ever someone actually wanted water, heating and electricity to work properly and something about that excited her.

They unpacked the car together, mostly prepared meals that Esme had made for Seth and toiletries. They had emptied the car within minutes. The cabin was small, with no other seating than the large bed in the middle of the room, Emmett had a clear vision for the use of the interior apparently. A large glass wall looked over a clearing into the forest.

Mercy heated up some food on the stove while Seth was in the shower (which worked though it made a screeching sound every time someone turned it on or off) and shortly after, they were sitting on the large bed together and Mercy had to watch in horror as she lost one round of UNO after another.

Maybe Seth noticed her dissatisfaction because instead of laying his next card, he put his deck down and looked at her more intently.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked and Mercy immediately felt the mood shift.

She only nodded. Usually that question was followed by questions that she felt confident the pack had at least some say in.

“Have you ever…?” His voice trailed off and he looked around the room. Around the large bed that she was very sure had been custom built. She noticed his cheeks darken and sincerely hoped the pack didn’t have their hands in this.

He looked at her again but wasn’t able to hold her gaze and it made her smile.

“I’ve… been with people before, yes.” He picked his cards back up and nodded as if in agreement while shuffling them around between his fingers.

Mercy lost her train of thought for a second, watching the thin paper cards slip through his long fingers. She admired the veins moving under the thin skin and only tore her eyes off them once he stopped shuffling the cards around.

When she looked up his eyes were on her and she was once again grateful that she couldn't blush.

“How about you?” She asked back, more to fill the silence than because she was really curious about the answer. His eyes opened slightly in surprise and fell down to his hands again. He laughed but not the carefree happy laugh she had grown to love. It was awkward and stiff. He shook his head.

“I didn’t think so.” She answered in a teasing manner, and he finally looked at her again.

“Okay, ouch” the offense in his voice wasn’t real and it warmed her heart that she was able to tell so confidently.

“It’s just, you couldn’t even say the word sex. Or virgin.” He overdramatically put down the deck of cards and looked at her.

“I haven’t had sex, I’m still a virgin.” He said and there was more confidence in his voice. He seemed calmer.

“How many people?” Seth asked and that caught Mercy off guard. She never thought of those affairs as something serious or even real. Just a distraction. A bodily pleasure that didn’t require much thought outside the act itself. But she started to count. There hadn’t been anyone in decades. With her family around, even pretending that she could come close to the feelings they were feeling for each other, felt ridiculous and unnecessary.

“That many huh?” Seth had lost that sound of confidence again.

“Not that many. 12, I think.” Most hadn’t been long affairs, just one-night stands as people these days were saying.

“That’s a lot more than none.” Seth commented and she snorted. He looked up at her and though there was a smile on his lips, there was also insecurity in his eyes.

“Seth, I have been alive for almost two centuries.”

“Yes, I know, it’s just… I see it happening, for the other guys…” her eyes widened. Most of the time she just completely ignored the mind reading thing of the wolves. The fact that they knew her and Seth’s kisses. The way she had moaned his name that day in the forest when they had almost forgotten they were taking things slow... She cringed and tried to focus again on the conversation.

“And?”

“I feel like I know you so well. Like you’re part of me. But in that regard, I feel so… inadequate. Like I actually don’t know you at all.”

She thought of him lifting her against the tree, of his shaking voice in her ear and his warm arms wrapped around her under her shirt.

“You are not inadequate. Trust me.” She smiled at him and knew that her face would've turned scarlet had she been human. She noted her relief that this embarrassment wasn't written on her face and at the same time loved the shift of color she noticed in his skin.

It encouraged her and she moved on the bed to sit next to him, his knees were pulled up, almost on his chest, and Mercy pressed a kiss to one of them before she continued.

“You can have bad sex even if you’ve done it a thousand times, or with a thousand people.” Seth raised an eyebrow, he didn’t look very convinced.

“What if I'm just bad at it?”

“What if I’m bad at it and no one had the heart to tell me yet. And you’ll have to be the one to burst my bubble?”

“Yeah sure.” He leaned back against the headboard and reached for her hand. She let him intertwine their fingers.

“Yeah sure” she repeated in the same tone of voice and Seth raised his eyebrow in sarcasm.

“Seth I need to make this so clear to you. When, no if you and me ever want to take that step together, being that close to, hearing your heart beat in excitement, feeling your body that close to mine... It will be beautiful. There is no world in which having you in that way will not make me ecstatic.” Seth swallowed but he held her eyes.

His kept darting down to her lips and Mercy felt herself biting down on her lower lip without ever deciding to do so. His heart beat had picked up, much like she had described and she wanted to kiss him.

But Seth made no motion of wanting to lean in and so she didn't. She had said a whole lot of meaningful words and she didn't want to scare him away.

“Is it scary?” Seth asked, his eyes were focused on their intertwined fingers. The question took her off guard and she cringed at the memory.

“The first time was for me.” His eyes darted up. She wasn’t sure whether to elaborate. Her human life had been so long gone. So far removed from the person she was now.

“Well for a young girl without sex education or a husband who cared about her… life was very different then. Sex was very different.” Seth looked hyper aware now. His eyes had widened, his muscles tensed, and she would’ve sworn his temperature rose.

“I would make sure that your first time would be very different from mine Seth.” She leaned down and kissed his fingers.

“I mean do the others seem scared of it?” Seth seemed to pull back at that question. He still held her hand but his posture shifted, like he was turning into himself.

“Sometimes.” He said quietly and it caught Mercy off guard. When she watched his brothers with their mates, they always seemed so… fulfilled and satisfied. Not like they had any problems behind closed doors. The easiness they had with each other, how natural their relationships seemed, she often envied. It made her wonder what a relationship with Seth would look like if she wasn't what she was.

“They worry about hurting them. You know. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t have to worry about that. That I don't need to check myself around you when I want to be close to you… because the fear and guilt they feel… I feel like I cheated the whole imprinting system or something.” She snorted again.

“So if you're not scared of hurting me, what are you worried about?”

“I’m not scared exactly or even worried just… intimidated. I think. I just- you… You’re gorgeous and I feel like melting every time you touch me, and I am”, he looked at her so intensely that she almost looked away. But just almost, his light smile gave her goosebumps. They had become a familiar sensation every time their ‘slow’ relationship started moving at bit quicker. “I feel myself fall in love with you Mercy. Deeper and deeper every day and what if I can’t communicate that with… with my body.” Mercy shouldn’t have been as taken aback as she was. She shouldn’t have been. She knew he felt this way, she knew it, as she knew her own feelings… But hearing him say it.

She kissed him. She couldn’t help it. He seemed slightly taken aback for a second but then he pulled her closer into his chest and smiled into their kiss. It gave Mercy butterflies.

They pulled apart after what could’ve been hours, she didn’t know and when she looked at Seth, at all his love for her and all his innocence her heart felt full in a way she didn’t know was possible for vampires. She scooted closer to press a kiss on his forehead.

“If you want that with me, just be you and we’ll figure out the rest together.” He nodded, his eyes big.

His hands reached for her face and he pulled her down for another kiss. One that was longer, more intense than before.

[chezgender]

Cha cha cha / It's crazy it's party comparison

@tmrwds post and @izpira-se-zlato addition gave me brainworms. @kylla-kylla also saw the connection between ICIP and CCC and I saw their post after I started writing this. So I'm definitely not alone in being insane. Thus here is my own rant about It's Crazy it's Party.

Notes:

ICIP lyrics transcript taken from @koppitules on twt, translation taken from a Käärijä discord

CCC lyrics and translation from lyricstranslate.com

Disclaimer: This analysis is purposefully exaggerated/dramatic in order to highlight contrast. I do think Jere loves his job and career, ICIP is definitely a fun song in which you can find (or not) a deeper meaning, it's up to your interpretation. I just love angst lol please don't come at me I'm sensitive 🤡😭

(ps. sorry to all the people I tagged. You don't have to interact with this, I just wanted to give proper credit)

Let's start. Bear with me being cringe.

First verse

At the beginning of CCC, we see how partying is reserved for the weekend - it's something cathartic after a long week of responsibility and worries, it's an outlet for stress and negativity. The world can't scare him no more, as he mentions later in the song, now that he's having fun.

In ICIP, people have pointed out how the first verse reminds them of CCC, musically wise. This is definitely on purpose, the main difference lies in the lyrics. Here Jere reveals that partying now it's an everyday thing. It's an endless circus of traveling despite everything, he's the cog in a machine bigger than him. The world that seemed so tiny compared to the fun, is now scary - the party is now and tomorrow and 365 days a year, in Finland and even abroad. As if there was no safe place. He can't escape it and it's overwhelming to the point "you'll feel it in your hair and your ass" (honestly, weird phrasing, but it gets the point across I guess?). Either way, this party is almost ineluctable.

Chorus

In the CCC chorus he says he wants to forget about the pains of daily life by getting wasted and drinking with both hands on as many drinks as he can hold, until he won't even be able to get up. Honestly, although this doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism (but I'm none to judge), it does look willing and deliberate - he makes the choice of getting drunk on the weekend. He's in control of when the party happens.

In ICIP instead the chorus is shorter, and quite tautological: crazy is crazy, party is party, and life is life, you know? (see @tmrwds for a cultural insight on the "elämä on laiffi" phrase). There's a different feeling in this chorus, the singing is soft and maybe even a bit sexy but the lyrics hold a touch of resignation in between. This party is not a deliberate choice anymore, Jere doesn't get to choose when his life is crazy/party and when he gets to rest.

CCC 2nd verse / ICIP Tommy's verse

Without need for lyrics, also because most people have a hard time understanding what Tommy was singing live, I'll talk about this in brief. I chose to include it because Jere himself sang some parts of it during the live - mostly echoing, but still.

In CCC, Jere parties almost alone. Well, it's implied that there's more people to that party but the song is about him, his own liberation from stress and whatever thing was keeping him bound and off the dancefloor. There are no explicit references to other people.

In ICIP instead, Tommy sings about a club in which they enter and people go crazy. They talk about sex in a rather crass way, probably for kicks, but as mentioned in @tmrwds post, it could definitely hint at the wrong kind of attention Jere is receiving. People in his DMs and probably even in person are making more or less explicit advances on him, surely unsolicited, but it's part of the party.

And Tommy invites Jere to party with him (that modulated voice parodically reminds me of the beginning of Barbie Girl by Aqua). Jere says yes, of course he wants to party with him, right here right now (no matter the day, or his condition, does he really have a say in it?)

Another thing I'd like to point out:

Jere in CCC mentions "it's hard to talk when this different side of me does its part" / Tommy in ICIP mentions how the alcohol makes it hard to think (obviously, but I'm clinically insane and I see intertextuality everywhere) - so, basically, the "side of him" Jere talks about in CCC renders him carefree, maybe happy, definitely free of burdens. In ICIP, this "part of him" seems to have taken complete control to the point Jere can't tell himself from it.

Last part of ICIP

"Let's go party" leads to a countdown - inexorable and short, leaving everyone little time to get ready. The song explodes like a bomb, reminds me of a breakdown in a Korn song. The bass hammers hard and everyone is jumping, hearts bursting, everything is out of control. To quote @izpira-se-zlato , there's an apocalyptic feeling to it. Jere can't do anything but let himself be engrossed without a chance to escape. Which he can't, lest he gives everything up.

Where CCC was party metal with a touch of eurodance, ICIP definitely belongs to an insane rave. It reminds me of Dutch hardstyle, dubstep and a touch of eurodance until the end, which screams industrial/nu metal to me, only adding to the concept of hammering and exhausting work/lifestyle.

We could say that It's Crazy it's Party is the Välikuolema to Cha Cha Cha's Viuliunkieli, in a way.

Jere is a storyteller in most of his songs, and it's clear he likes such narratives to carry on between different tracks (i.e: I think the Viulunkieli/Välikuolema narrative carries on to Morgan), so it's only fair to assume the two songs combined tell a whole story.

Further speculation: Jere has often said he's really tired in this precise moment - the relentless touring throughout summer is obviously taking a toll on him, no matter how much he can love what he does. It would be exhausting for anyone. Plus, the "ghost" of ESC follows him everywhere: sometimes I get the feeling many people perceive him as the CCC-guy rather than the complete artist he is, so maybe he's trying to change this.

As many people already said, the story Mikke posted with the grave being dug could hint at the burial of green-bolero-Käärijä. I don't believe Jere is denying the fame and good things it has brought, but he's probably willing to turn the page and carry on with something new (and probably take a long, well deserved break). Or maybe the MV will just be homoerotic softp-rn featuring a grave, WHO KNOWS. I just know I can't wait to see what's next. I love ESC-Käärija (without CCC I wouldn't even be aware of his existence, so I'm forever grateful) and that love will forever be a part of me, but I also welcome this change with open arms in hopes to see him grow more and more.

Conclusion: the speculation is very real and material and I am very very cringe <33

[aspoonofsugar]

Acceptance

This week's thoughts are gonna be quick and not as deep because I really think we need next week's ep to properly analyze this (this was basically just set up).

So, this is just a list of things I noticed...

FINAL STAGE OF GRIEF

So, we are at the final stage:

Jaune: I think I get it. This is how we got here. Why the Tree brought us here. Acceptance.

Acceptance is probably going to take 2 episodes. This one is WBYJ reaching acceptance, while the next one it will be Ruby's turn.

For those who missed my previous post, here we go one last time... (skip it if you already know the motif).

This volume is built on the motif of the 5 stages of grief: negation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. In particular, each episode explores a stage. We got through the cycle twice, as Ruby is mostly grieving 2 people: Penny and Summer.

So, Ruby is the protagonist of the volume, so this motif mostly focuses on her.

FIRST CYCLE

Episode 1: Negation > Everyone knows something is wrong, but Weiss refuses to reveal Penny died until the very end. When Ruby discovers it, she closes off and refuses to talk about it.

Episode 2: From Negation to Bargaining > Ruby still refuses to talk with Weiss about Penny, but when they reach the auction, she is drawn to Penny's sword. She has not enough hope to pursue it (meaning she has not enough strength to really start grieving). Still, Little, aka Ruby's inner child and hope, symbolically takes the sword for her and so Ruby can start the process. She bargains the sword to meet the Red Prince. Through this, she is able to express her feelings over Penny in a way she would have never managed, either way. She grieves Penny through a fairy tale (main theme of the volume),

Episode 3: Anger > Ruby's bargain is refused by the Red Prince, so Ruby symbolically grows more and more frustrated and angry. In the end, though, neither her anger nor the Red Prince's lead anywhere and Ruby ends the episode particularly down.

Episode 4: Depression > Ruby meets the Herbalist, who forces her to face her negative feelings in the form of her younger self. Summer gets mentioned for the first time here.

Episode 5: Acceptance > The Curious Cat mentions the theme of acceptance and Ruby meets the Blacksmith/Tree for the first time. In her Tent, she finds Penny's sword again and is told nobody is really lost (they become a part of you, as we are told last volume). There, she also glimpses at Summer's weapon. Still, she is not ready to fully accept her friend and her mother's deaths.

SECOND CYCLE

Episode 5: Bargaining > Ruby bargains her emblem in exchange of the ingredient to help her friends. It is the first time in the volume Ruby mentions Summer. It is also the first time in the series, she mentions a Mother's Promise, hinting at her feelings of abandonement because Summer did not keep her promise.

Episode 6: Negation > Ruby, Jaune and Weiss all negate their feelings of grief and do not open up to each other. This is especially true for Jaune and Ruby... Jaune negates death altogether as a concept, while Ruby doesn't even see her own reflection looks like Summer.

Episode 7: Anger > The negation and repression of her own feelings leads Ruby to explode at everyone. Jaune follows through and Ruby leaves frustrated.

Episode 8: Depression > All of Ruby's negative feelings come out in the form of Neo's illusions and conquer her until she gives in and drinks the tea, in order to disappear. Interestingly, here there is no Summer, but there is Penny instead.

It is as if the first cycle is mostly about Penny, but the Depression stage introduces Summer, while the second is mostly about Summer, but the Depression stage has still Penny in there.

Finally, this week's episode leads to Acceptance... WYJ must all deal with this idea:

Jaune does it through the meeting with the Genial Gems and Weiss's words. He starts to accept his failures in Atlas and in the Ever After.

Weiss does it through helping Jaune. She affirms failures doesn't mean one is not good nor brave. She says this to Jaune, but this works for herself, as well.

Yang must do it when it comes to Ruby, with Blake's help. In her case, the point of acceptance is to accept she can't always be there and protect Ruby. She also has to trust Ruby and the person she will become.

As a whole, WBYJ all must accept Ruby as a person, with all her strong traits and flaws. As you see, the theme of acceptance is rather rich and full of different meanings. We have it in regards to grief, but also in regards to people. Accepting losses, failures and flaws in ourselves and others.

THE 4 GIFTS

This volume has the characters go through the 4 gifts:

Knowledge > Herb

Creation > Jaune/Rusted Knight

Destruction > Neo/Jabberwalker

Choice > The Blacksmith

Symbolically, it is very good Jaune's acre and Neo's acre are literally side by side, just as Creation and Destruction are meant to be. On a more general note, the Tree is really all 4 gifts:

The tree's herbs are what gives people inner knowledge of themselves. This is why Herb is The Herbalist... he probably uses herbs taken from the tree's roots. And this is why when Jaune falls into the tree, we see the same smoke there was in Herb's house:

The tree breaks beings and restores them by giving them the Choice of what they want to become.

MACROCHOSM AND MICROCHOSM

This episode just confirms volume 9 is meant to be a microchosm of RWBY as a story...

Volume 9 > Ruby's story

The series > RWBY's story

This is also why it makes sense the final fight is really about protecting Ruby from the CC. I was thinking it might have been about saving the Ever After, but it being about Ruby specifically is just perfect. After all, RWBY saving the world and Ruby saving herself are both philosopher stones. Ruby is the philosopher stone that needs to be saved and refined this volume:

Look! Little Red Riding Gem! (She even has the little basket <3)

This is also why narratively WBYJ have to go to the Tree... this situation can be read as a metaphor:

Ruby attempted suicide and she is now dealing with her issues with the help of a therapist (The tree). Or if you prefer, on her own because right now she can't be reached.

WBYJ's role is to wait for her and to love her unconditionally when she comes out. Accepting her, no matter what. Narratively this struggle is shown through them having to protect their friend from the CC. This is also an affirmation of the theme of trust and faith explored last volume. Do they know Ruby is going to be safe and sound? No, it is a risk. This is the point, they will keep having faith in her.

I also perfectly understand this metaphor might not work for everyone, given how it deals with a very sensitive topic btw.

The CC keeps being wonderful imo and their Neo/Cat's design has really grown on me this episode. Thematically, they are the negation of the negation: they wanna interrupt the cycle. Just like they kept eating butterflies, they wanna eat Ruby up before she can emerge from her cocoon (Herb's emerging as a butterfly really drives the metaphor home). Still, ironically, this makes them very similar to Ruby, of all people.

WHAT ARE YOU?

Curious Cat: She's still here... Yes! All my work... it's not lost! Deep down, she wants nothing more, but to return to Remnant and play hero. I just need to cut her out and she will take me there!

The Blacksmith: You could put anyone of them on... and leave Ruby Rose behind.

Both the Curious Cat and Ruby want to be someone else. They think their problems would be solved, if only they could leave their old selves behind. If only the Curious Cat could leave the Ever After. If only Ruby could put down her burden.

If the Curious Cat becomes human, they might leave the Ever After and fulfill their purpose

If Ruby becomes Summer, she could finally be enough

And yet, it's not so simple. After all, the Curious Cat becomes Neo, but they still can't leave:

Similarly, wielding Summer's weapon might not solve Ruby's problems.

What could then?

The problem with the Curious Cat and Ruby is that their purposes would be too much for anyone.

There is no-way to know everything

There is no-way to save everyone

These goals are too wide, which forces the Curious Cat and Ruby to spread themselves too thin. They keep on going far and far away (The Ever After > Remnant, Beacon > Mistral > Haven > Atlas > The Ever After) in order to escape who they are. What they should both do is instead to go deeper:

The Curious Cat should know themselves

Ruby should save herself

Not far far away, but rather... inside.

WEISS AND JAUNE

I will be writing more about them and their foiling after the volume is over. As for now...

1 - This scene:

They were still incredibly brave. And good.

Calls back this scene:

Jaune: I'm sorry I... I know I am not okay. I'm... I'm not right.

Jaune tells Weiss and the others he is not right and Weiss re-assures him he is good.

2 - Weiss's whole speech:

Weiss: I think you are asking too much of yourself. We've been telling ourselves failing means we are no good. But I can guarantee even the best Huntsmen in history they've all lost. But they were still incredibly brave. And good.

Resembles this speech:

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility… to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be. Jaune: Pyrrha never got the chance to graduate… But she was a Huntress.

In both scenes, Jaune is struggling with grief and self-hate. In the first one, he has just lashed out at Oscar out of anger for Pyrrha's death. In the second one, he has just lashed out at Ruby out of anger for the paper pleasers ascending. Both times, he is doubting himself. He thinks he might not be cut to be a hero. Both times, a woman comes and reassures him. The first time, Pyrrha's mother/ghost/vision encourages him to keep going. The second time, Weiss encourages him to let go. Both scenes end with a family like re-union (team JNR and team RWBY).

Not to count both scenes have mystical symbolic leaves flying around. Someone coming back in the same way, but different (the red-haired woman/ Pyrrha's statue, the Genial Gems/the giant white construction).

Both scenes also put emphasis on the same thing. Even the best of heroes fail. Still, in the first one, there is the necessity to keep going knowing the risk of failure. In the second one, there is the necessity to accept failure. And to forgive one-self.

I would add that by paralleling these 2 scenes you get an additional symbolism when it comes to the Genial Gems:

They foreshadow Ruby coming back

They comment on Jaune's arc and integration with Pyrrha

To make it clear, Jaune is Pyrrha's Genial Gem's form:

Jaune: She should be standing here… Red-Haired Woman: She is.

Pyrrha is standing there not because her ghost is there, but because Jaune is there. He is integrating with and growing more similar to her. So, that in the end he can become a true hero, like Pyrrha. But differently from her, he will not die:

Blake: This is them, isn't it? They're back. Weiss: It's just like they said. They came back from the tree better. Yang: No flood, nor fire would ever hurt them again.

3 - Weiss's words are an inversion of this speech:

Ruby: You did the best you could for Atlas, Weiss. Weiss: But it wasn't enough! We hatched a crazy plan that put a whole kingdom at risk, and we don't even know if we saved the Relics from… Maybe… Jaune and Winter were able to get them out, despite… everything… despite us…

Weiss starts the volume thinking she and the others are no good because they failed Atlas. She also leans on Ruby to grieve. This unwillingly makes Ruby's burden heavier.

Right now, though, she is the one helping Jaune grieve and in this way she starts healing herself. She and the others lost, but it doesn't mean they are no good. They were still brave. They were still Huntsmen.

In short, Weiss here succeeds with Jaune where she failed with Ruby. She does for him what she could not do for her. And I think this is partly because of Ruby's call out:

Ruby: “No time”, right? “Gotta get home!” “Gotta help Jaune!” Gotta find someone who isn’t just going to screw everything up!

Weiss has spent this whole volume looking for someone, who can fix things. For someone who is wise and who can guide them all. It turns out that wise one was none other than Weiss herself:

Curious Cat: I am talking about you, Wise Huntress.

4 - As @hamliet explained, this scene:

Is an inversion of this scene:

In both scenes, an enemy takes advantage of Weiss to hurt Jaune. The first time, psychologically. The second time, physically. Both times, Weiss gets hurt, as well. The first time physically, the second time psyhcologically. The first time Weiss gets hurt indirectly because of Jaune. This time, Jaune gets hurt indirectly because of Weiss. Both times, a spear, which calls back to Pyrrha, is the weapon used to impale. Both times, there is fire involved. (And yeah, Jeanne D'arc has been set on fire)

This scene as a whole also clearly shows Jaune has not solved all his issues, as he is symbolically brought down by the 3 girls he wanted to save:

Pyrrha > Beacon > Knowledge

Weiss > Haven > Creation

Penny > Atlas > Destruction

3 gifts, which all bring him toward Choice. What he will probably asked to make next episode.

THE BLACKSMITH AS ALYX?

Personally, I love this theory. If this is the case, then:

Alyx is the Tree, while Lewis is the Writer. This makes both of them similar to the Gods. A pair of opposite siblings that end up creating worlds. We'll see if this is true and what it means.

Alyx's purpose is then to fix everything she broke.

The Curious Cat directly mentions Jaune:

Curious Cat: Know that after talking to the tree, she had a sudden crisis of consciousness. Decided she wanted to fix everything she had broken in the Ever After. Including poor Jaune.

Personally, I think that if there is enough time (not sure, about that) it might turn out Alyx also meant the Curious Cat themselves:

Curious Cat: The same girl I followed because she promised me she would bring me back to Remnant with her. When in truth, she had no intention of taking me.

We don't know the details, but Alyx tricked them and it is possible that by telling them about Remnant, she might have made their purpose so much greater. One thing is to discover everything about the Ever After. Another thing is to discover everything about a whole new universe.

Anyway, Jaune is probably going to be remade somehow, so I wonder if the Curious Cat will ascend as well in the end. I think it would be the best outcome for them, as they need to gain a deeper kind of knowledge aka wisdom to truly be happy.

If this is the case and if the Blacksmith is indeed Alyx, then does it mean she has finished her purpose? And if that is the case, then does someone else need to take Alyx's place? If so, I have a candidate:

Jaune: So, Neo can't go through the door. Curious Cat: No. She has no attachments to your world. Nothing to return to.

Of course, the point might be that Neo will find once again some form of attachment and will choose to go back to Remnant with them. Still, considering what has just happened and Neo's breakdown, I think it would be a little weird if this were to happen right away. I think her staying in the Ever Afer, maybe to fix what she broke and to heal herself in the process would be a more interesting outcome. She doens't even have to like stay there forever, but just until she feels strong enough to return to reality. Once her Overactive Imagination is fulfilled :P

It would also explain Neo transictioning into Alyx in the opening.

Crack theories apart, the revelation The Girl Who Fell Through The World is actually a fairy tale Lewis wrote to grieve his sister and to find closure with her never coming back is beautiful. It is a powerful metaphor of what this volume is really about. How fiction can help dealing with grief. Alyx never came home. Like Penny. Like Summer. So, Lewis wrote her story by making her a hero, a protagonist. He wrote a story, so that she would not be forgotten:

Ruby: Not just a powerful warrior, the most powerful to ever lived. She was touched by magic, and she gave her life for thousands. She took a message of hope to the stars, and she saw the world through better eyes. (looking up) Take us to the royal birthday, and allow us to present this most precious gift.

Like Pyrrha. Like Penny. Like Summer.

Speaking of Summer:

WONDERFUL DESIGN! She has all 4 the colors of our heroines: black, white, yellow and red. She even combines silver (her eyes) with gold (her weapon). Really an impossible ideal to achieve symbolically ;)

[puppy-phum]

tag game ✨

thanks for tagging me zey @thasorns ♥ i teared up at your addition about me, that is so sweet :( i miss our dff talks too! idk what you're into these days but would love to talk about some show with you again :')

-

1. why did you choose your url?

bc am obsessed with one (1) man who belongs to another amazing guy ♥ (been thinking about an url change lately tho bc i'd like to put last twilight and the hurt it caused behind me but haven't found something else to tie myself to yet. maybe we are and phumpeem if the ending delivers?)

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

not really. the only side blog i have is my og url vishcount saved for nostalgia purposes but there's nothing on that blog

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

started on this hellsite (affectionate) on the lord's year 2013 and it shows

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don't use the queue much so no. you will only catch me reblogging like ten posts in a row when am online/in the mood and then going back to lurking again

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? 

i was into a bunch of animes and tumblr was filled with amazing fanart. i wanted to be able to look at them in peace

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

to show who my url is about ♥ mork my beloved

7. why did you choose your header?

wanted it to fit the theme. also i adore the last twilight rooftop kiss, it's one of the brightest spots of the show

8. what’s your post with the most notes? 

most likely this the untamed edit from 2020. i was truly living my peak back then :'D tbh i feel like the whole of tumblr was living its peak when the untamed was airing and when we all lost it together for the longest time after

9. how many mutuals do you have?

way too many and i adore all of them, tho i probably forget or cannot recognize most of them. especially if you've changed your url/main fandom OR i have, we might not even know each other anymore haha

10. how many followers do you have?

more than i deserve and idk what all of you are even doing here but i like feeling like i'm part of some type of crowd ♥

11. how many people do you follow?

quite recently i unfollowed some inactive blogs and blogs about things i don't really care for anymore so my follow count is a nice number of 205

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

uh. i don't really know? do some posts from my finnish tumblr (suomitumppu) era count? :'D

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

am chronically online and i open this app like a fridge

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no, not really. am not really one to share strong opinions, especially negative opinions, publicly online which i think is the cause of most arguments ppl have here. i'd rather just keep my peace and be nice

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts 

mostly i don't like doing things when am told to do them

16. do you like tag games?

yes! it always makes me happy to know that someone is thinking about me and i do find these a lot of fun to do ^^

17. do you like ask games?

also yes. i just don't often reblog those bc i don't really have a lot of interactions on this site. if i find an ask game with very interesting questions, i might forward it to kiddo @i-am-just-a-kiddo and we do it together privately to enjoy it like that ♥

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

the first one that comes to mind is hanyi @ruanbaijie who i think deserves all the recognition for her absolutely amazing giffing skills ♥ she's also the sweetest so idk what's not to follow, make her even more famous if you can!

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope. idk if i function like that tbh. i have some huge friend crushes tho and want to be closer with some ppl a lot! not mentioning names bc am shy haha

but i want to say that monica @stormyoceans is very important to me these days. she brightens up my days and makes my whole fandom experience so much better by simply being her enthusiastic and authentic self ♥ never change!

and also jessi @oswlld who i still cannot believe is someone i can call my friend and bestie on this site. i am so happy we've gotten to share bad buddy, vice versa, and last twilight together! also happy to hear about your life at times and to just share silly things with you ♥

third one i want to mention is shannen @icouldhyperfixatehim who always manages to stand out in a positive way. we don't interact much but i cannot help but feel very giddy about their presence on my dash. they leave the best tags and every time they reblog any of my edits with their tags, they manage to make me feel like i've made it and my edit was worth the effort :'D so thank you!

20. tags?

want to tag at least @psychic-waffles @foxofninetales @hils79 @sherrymagic @srnileforme and @thitiponqs ♥ also the ones i mentioned before are free to join and anyone else who wants to do this!

[roxannedaybreakermidnight]

Tackling a few of my most recent experiences wiwth the internet. Don't read if harassment and racism trigger you. I don't mean harm, this is supposed to be a safe space. Comments I deem negative will be deleted so that others feel comfortable just going around and say whatever.

1. Shipping

I completely understand people's worries with Punkflower but guys, instead of worrying about non confirmed ages, can we worry about kicking out actually problematic people off the internet doing stuff to real life minors? Miles was 14 when I was 14. He is now 15 and I am 18, I still love Miles the same way, ans that doesn't compromise my morals.

A person's ship between characters doesn't say about their morals entirely. Of course, sometimes it's undeniably creepy, like characters clearly presented as parental figures being shipped with kids that were supposed to look up at them. That's weird, don't do that. Or, idk, thinking it's a good idea to jerk your dog off. (I saw documentaries, those who do too knkw what I am talking about)

Point is, pls don't harass people who don't mean actual harm. Hobie's uncomfirmed age range shouldn't cause as much hate as it does. I disagree with nsfw from time to time because it is weird, but I mostly see couple-y stuff with a few jokes, and honestly? I absolutely adore it. I encourage you to try it. I used to absolutely hatee on people who ship any characters slightly older with whatever character the topic is. I would literally try to gate keep the whole fanart community cause "She's a minor, STOP!" and honestly it was stupid asf. I'm not telling you to encourage it, just don't be mean about it. It feels stupid. If you don't disagree, and the post isn't causing harm, just don't engage.

2. Shameless racism/harassment

Recently I've faced people both in and out of omegle who seem particularly shameless, feeling safe around their little homes thinking ol' mean me won't mind. I am using this opportunity to expose a particular someone who seems very keen on being weird. I grew up around weird guys, and I often identify them easily, but for some reason I pushed the lil gut feeling away. If you have the same problem, pls listen to that feeling. It's there to avoid situations that might be upsetting.

Starting with Omegle, people seem very comfortable with racism (and search of minors to flash them). I receive jokes indicating they want me to be shot, find me ugly, make faces of disgust, call me a slave, etc etc. Not to mention I even found teenagers joking about beastiality being 'awesome'. Kids rlly need to get supervised, cause I am telling y'all, some were barely 14.

Now, I had an interesting interaction on instagram with a Miles Morales account. He came to me cause I was rping as Peter and invited me in his server on discord. I got the gut feeling from his habit of trying to flirt with Gwen profiles and spamming pictures of him in a suit. For some reason, some people have a pattern of spamming pictures when they want praise and always require attention from specific people, and I know this cause I've been harassed over this before. Days later, I was matching with my bff as an anime couple so I changed and he realized I'm born female. He asked me to be rio instead, without knowing my age, and went ahead and offered 'fun', and that 'I can't tell anyone'. What happened essentially is that I called him out, he said I was disrespecting him, I blocked him, so he made a new account to cuss me out and threaten to report me. I feel indifferent about it, but if you have anyone with similar behavior, save yourself the trouble and block them. (His discord is 'dmoney520' so avoid interacting w him pls)

3. Sexualizing a content creator

I don't mean Dream, or corpse husband, or whoever tf. I am talking about a poor 16(ish) year old called Eddie who makes content for the fact he sounds like Hobie brown, and he has people saying shit like "wanna get pregnant?" The guy just started worrying about whatever the place he lives in worries around this time.

It's honestly creepy how people will actively harass punkflower creators but then barely notice a full ass guy who is still deemed a minor regardless of what American law says getting weirdass comments from people they don't even know. Literally flabbergasted at this discovery. Not mad, just genuinely upset.

These people often forget that websites can track their activity and its hilarious to me, so whatever. This was my report on my feelings after a week of internet, and honestly? I wanna delete it. My punkflower AU happy ending is coming so if that's what you wanted, great!

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

TTPD thoughts (under a read more because it's long)

There are no bad songs on this album (reread this point every time you want to scream at me while reading this), but I will be starting with my most "negative" (because none are like truly hateful, just "not for me" category of negative if that makes sense) thoughts and working my way to positive.

I think this is an album that is very Taylor and, in a lot of the songs on the standard edition, in a way that is not personally relatable to me. Like despite being a "I can fix him" girl (in general, not the song lmao) it is in a very different way than is on the album and the way that is on the album (the whole "you're all just haters so fuck off" at anyone who criticises you or your partner aspect mostly lmao) grates me at times, I won't lie. And as someone who listens and picks her fave music based on relatability, the standard edition of this album is quite low on my rankings because of that. Like it has high highs for me and I will talk about that, but the lows for me are arguably the lowest lows of any album from her and songs that realistically idk if I'm going to listen to unless I have all my music on shuffle and they come on. Like the standard album is very clearly into songs I love and songs that I find meh and could have done without, even if I understand why others love them.

"I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me" Girl please make this album one day. I know you love your mainstream success but I promise I will find a way to stream it enough to keep it up. Like I know a lot of people feel that this is that album, and I recognise (and appreciate) that that is because of the bluntness on certain topics, but as I have said about people who call this album weird (affectionate), mainstream disturbed/weird and regular disturbed/weird are two different things and I truly live to see the day that Taylor goes all out ngl.

I won't talk too deeply about who each song is about because again, I mostly listen to music for relatability so don't really care, but I will say that I think that far less of the songs on the album are about Matty as what people are making out. I think a mixture of stereotyping, PR over the years and the deliberate vagueness of the album has some of ya'll automatically assuming that drug mention = Matty. Realistically I genuinely only think that (from the standard version) fresh out the slammer and i can fix him are about fully about Matty with but daddy I love him being a mix of an idea rather than a person (first half) and Travis (second half), the alchemy being about Travis and the rest being about Joe in a way that is deliberately vague/obscured to make it sound like it could be about Matty.

As a related note to that, I think that the two most interesting things about the standard edition is the way that she consistently refers to her longest relationship as a short time and the way that she deliberately muddies the songs so that it's difficult to tell if they're about Joe or Matty as a way to show 1. that you can't really tell one story without telling the other and 2. If everyone is being honest, both the beginning and end of both of those relationships were very similar, and not in good ways at that. And I say that without judgement because people are people and no one is perfect you know? But these two aspects really make me want to like the standard edition more than I do because 1. I think her referring to her time with Joe as a short but impactful time in the grand scheme of things is among the most mature things she's said about a relationship and particularly stands out among the deliberate childishness spoken about and shown in certain songs and 2. without giving tmi, the idea of not being able to tell one love story without another because they are so intertwined, even if they don't seem related on the surface, is something I relate to deeply with two past encounters of mine. But the differences that are there just aren't for me.

I have seen others say that they wish that we got the story of Joe and Taylor's last two years together rather than what happened over last year, and in many ways (and obviously in the most "I know I'm not entitled to it, it's just my preference way") I agree but this is what we got so I'm going to focus on that without the expectation of something else. Like I will not let "what I wanted more" ruin what we've got because what we got is still good and I've fallen down that rabbit hole before and just made myself miserable.

Taylor implying or otherwise rolling with the thought that there were no gel pen songs in the standard album is so goofy (affectionate) because girl, I can do it with a broken heart is right there lmao.

I feel something, but I'm not sure what, about her use of 'manic phase' in the prologue, 'asylum' in who's afraid of little of me and seemingly (we will circle back to this when the music video comes out but given the other stuff I think it's safe to assume) asylum imagery in the music video as a response to people's criticism. It is a very mixed feeling and I am still trying to figure out how much of the bad comes down to this fandom as opposed to it objectively (because like it's clear that mental health is a main theme on this album and I don't want to discredit that) because as I have spoken about before, this fandom cannot be normal about sensitive topics to the point that I'm not scrolling until hype for this album goes down.

Ironically enough given the history of jokes/comments I and others have made, I do think Florence got the better feature and wish Post Malone got a more upbeat song and larger part lmao.

Much like how I liked the 3am edition of Midnights more than the standard version, the bonus 15 songs are the stronger part of this album for me this time too. Where the standard felt like a mixed bag of meh and amazing with no in between, the bonus tracks all felt good to amazing and with the exceptions of maybe I look in people's windows and so high school, are all songs I could see myself listening to consistently. I also don't think it's a coincidence that most of these songs are Dessner songs because out of her consistent producers lately, he has definitely been my preferred one lmao.

It also makes me very excited for debut and reputation's rerecordings because it's clear that they're on her mind.

I'm likely going to make a separate post about the songs individually, but a friend who brought a different edition told me today that the manuscript feels like the actual end of the album and I agree completely and so was glad to see that despite not putting all the previously known about bonus songs back to back (which is a super interesting choice and while I don't think we'll get it, I'd love an explanation for that and why these songs were specifically chosen for physical media!), Taylor still chose that as the closer. It also sets my heart on fire as a RED girlie lmao.

As per always, as a physical media girlie, I do hope that we get a cd/cd set with all the songs at some point lmao.

As of right now my favourites (no psychoanalysing me given I said that I listen to music based off of relatability tho lmao) are the title track, my boy only breaks his favourite toys, so long London, who's afraid of little old me, loml, I can do it with a broken heart, the smallest man who ever lived, the black dog, imgonnagetyouback, the albatross, Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, I hate it here, Cassandra, Peter and the manuscript. And like I said, at least most of the rest of the bonus tracks are ones that I could see myself listening to frequently as well so that's like 2 albums worth of music for most artists nowadays and I am definitely not complaining at all despite any other feelings I have towards this album lmao.

Anyway I'm sure more will come to me in time, but right now that's where I'm at, especially because it's almost midnight here lmao.

[sophieinwonderland]

hi o/ jus wana start by saying dis is jus semi incoherent rambling of a sleeby oupy who didnt get to eat 5 borgars for dinner.

i find the anti endo point of “just doing it for attention” so weird

for one its really disconected from real life, like, attention is a basic need fir our body, its why solutary confinment is such good tourture. its like saying “theyre just doing it to get food” :l dumb argument, evyone needs and withholding food because someones starving is an evil thing to do, an so is ignoring someone who’s in need of social interaction.

and two, its blatantly wrong. like, we’ve told 0 people irl about being a system, we’ve only told like, 3 online friends, and we never talk about system stuff with them still cuz we’re scared of loosing those friends for being too weird. we pretty much never post about it on our blog an besides the blog description no one wud probably ever know. the one time someone guessed we’re a system in a discord servr i had a full anxiety attack an avoided any interaction for 2 weeks even tho they were accepting, an then when we finaly went back to talking there i made sure we had any trace of system stuff wiped from the servr profile an deleted the messages that made them ask and only just showed that all again after 2 months of keeping everything hidden. we’re terrified of people we know knowing we’re a system or getting attention cuz of tgat.

tho we’re definitly on the extreme end for that (mostly me tbh… the social isolation and abandonment issues exo-memories and the body’s trauma from similar irl stuff deff made me super scared about this) but its a pretty similar experience for a lot of systems from wut ive seen where telling ppl is pretty much an act of compleat trust an usualy very anxiety inducing.

besides, if someone really wus just after attention, they could just post a incorrect fact online or a really dumb take. thats much easier an will get a lot more attention than faking being a system ever could. like, saying something like “reading is bourgeoisie” on a semi popular post will be a thousand times better at getting u attention than being a system ever could.

theres so much more i wana say about this, like the ableism inherent to that argument point, or the way its linked to child abuse, but phone keyboard is stupid and terrible and im too hungy to think well enough to write out those points properly an do them justice.

anyways, i hope u have a great day/night depending on when u read this.

Right! And if they're claiming people are wanting positive attention, I don't see that as being that hard either.

Like, if someone wants to talk to people on the internet about stuff, there are spaces out there for literally anything and anyone. You're not going to get more attention for being a system than you would for being outspoken in a fandom or a religion or any other social group you're a part of.

People who want attention... don't need to pretend to have people in their head to get it. And the attention you would get for that is often going to be negative because a lot of people are sanist and pluralphobic. But as you mention, it's not even the best way to get negative attention when there are so many actual troll-y things you can do.

You can find hundreds of communities online with people who will support you and give you attention for your takes on various topics! Or you can find hundreds more who will hate you if you push the right buttons!

There's just... no logical reason to fake being plural for attention.

And isn't this, again, the very same claims that have always been made against the LGBTQ community?

It's actually kind of funny how that happens, isn't it?

The people who are getting attention are generally the ones who most conform to society. It's not plural or trans people. It's the ones who do their best to fit in and be like everyone else in their group. Meanwhile, people who have identities that diverge from the norm are often left outcasts and shunned by peers.

And yet it's the latter group that's accused of attention seeking?

It makes no sense. 🤷‍♀️

[abybweisse]

I don't know if you've already mentioned this in any of your posts about Tower Bridge, so hopefully I'm not repeating the same idea back to you, but there's a detail I feel supports your theory regarding Queen Victoria reallocating the Phantomhive resources to that project. It's the abandonment of the Phantomhive estate and land.

I was reading this post and it occurred to me that the Phantomhive manor not being in use when O!Ciel returned with Sebastian is a sign that Queen Victoria didn't care about the Phantomhive's property so much as their other resources. O!Ciel returned to his manor in the same state it was left in during the attack, and Sebastian fixed it. Perhaps Victoria sent someone there at one time, but it seems to have been abandoned throughout the twins' captivity. Furthermore, O!Ciel and Sebastian were able to use the manor in secret for a time. No one came to check on the place until their presence was known.

I find this to be a reasonable sign that Victoria only had use for their other resources. Or none of them, but I feel your theory about her using the Phantomhives' resources is more plausible than that.

Left to decay

I've talked about it before but not with much detail.

Not only was the manor itself left in ruins, but the roads apparently needed repairs. Bridges, too, and getting trenches re-done. All the work that had been done while Vincent was there (ch132) was left to deteriorate. Only a couple months, probably, but weather and constant use will create a lot of wear and tear to roads and bridges. The roads are probably mostly dirt/gravel anyway, and those need constant maintenance to keep ruts from forming where the wheels usually roll along. And erosion, debris, etc. will start to refill trenches. Besides, we don't know what repair/building/digging projects were still just in the planning phase when Vincent was killed.

Some of the estate dwellers were still on the property, like the old man who was probably deemed too old and infirm to work on Tower Bridge, as well as some of his grandkids, who were too young/not skilled enough. I imagine that the vast majority of people who stayed would have been too old, young, or weak to be of much use to the queen.

Our earl might have found out that some of his residents left to work on the Tower Bridge project in London, but he might have figured they left simply because there were better work opportunities in London and elsewhere; he might have not known the queen relocated them... and allocated them. Or, if he knew the queen had used funds and resources (people), he might have automatically accepted it since Phantomhive Manor and the surrounding estate was in such a sorry state of affairs. It had been relinquished to her, so she had "every right" to do with it as she pleased. It's probably just never occurred to him she could have caused this to happen, with the intent to take the money and move people around.

He probably hired more people on as soon as he could. Perhaps a few previous residents returned once they found out it had been restored. And he made repairs as soon as he could, in order for the workers to transport their goods to market with ease again. Even in ch120, that old dairy farmer we see again and again is praising him for repairing those roads.

Even now, there are some younger adults, but a lot of the residents are very old or very young.

Real Ciel says that it looks like cheap goods from the US were having a negative impact on the sale of Phantomhive estate goods, and that might be true. However, if the workers on the estate had trouble even getting their goods to market, and if the workforce was reduced, the issues were way worse than whatever real Ciel realized.

[terraliensvent]

Hello Terralien members, I’m posting this to clear up any misconceptions and explain.

I had joined Terraliens because a couple friends of mine were in it, I had been told to stay is the supporter lounge and to not go into the main channels of the server form a friend.

This is why I thought the server was mostly adults, because in the supporter lounge. Majority of the active members in it are 18+, mostly in their mid 20’s early 30’s or just freshly 18.

The reason I refuse to interact with minors online is because in the past when I had just turned 18 I was in a relationship with someone younger than me by a year (they were 17), I was harassed by other individuals who were 15-17, a small handful being 18, for being ‘gross’ and dating a 17 year old when I had only just turned 18 (we were both 17 when the relationship started). I have never been able to interact with younger people without being disliked or bullied for my interests and how I am as a person (who visibly has AuDHD with my strong stims and characteristics), but whenever I had talked to adults they were more patient and understanding of me? I felt more safe and comfortable interacting with the adults.

These adults then gave me the idea to go 18+ to interact, since they were the same just because they wanted to talk about things more in depth on their topics of interest without censorship, topics of which would include criminology, psychology, ect which can pertain extremely sensitive subjects.

I liked this idea and I ran with it.

Now as for the suggestion channel;

the idea of the 18+ channels were originally suggested by other individuals in the chat, I had just given more reasons people may want them. I generally don’t care what people do for their servers, and all I do is give more positive and negative reasons for other people’s ideas rather than suggest my own.

I had being very much in a joke tone the entire conversation in that suggestion thread forum thing, because I thought that’s what everyone did? Now I realise it was the wrong time to make jokes. The bridgeton joke was made because my friends who frequently read this blog made the joke on a post and had sent it in our group chat, so I had used it too as it seemed relevant to joke about at the time.

I only ever use TikTok brainrot as a joke, any of my friends could tell you this. I find using TikTok brain rot such as “womp womp” in serious conversations distracting and severely immature. Hense why I had the /j tone tag to the message, adding on, it was towards one of my friends.

When the chat mentioned Xil was a minor when joining smile demons, I had gotten worried because it was worded in a way that Xil was still currently a minor so I asked about it and expressed my discomfort. Then I had found that someone else in the chat was a minor, keep in mind my friends had told me to block any minors who initiate contact with me in chats for this server, so that’s exactly what I did.

My friend that was in chat asked me a question, to which I answered, “I enjoy banning people on the vrchat group I administrate in” and later clarifying that I enjoyed it because the members, mods, owners, other admins and I make a joke towards the trolls and minors we kick/ban from the group before taking that action.

this friend and I were visibly getting distracted with the talk about vrchat to I initiated to move to the supporter lounge, where I had been told to only talk in from other friends, that is when the mocking had started and I got extremely uncomfortable.

I do apologise for misinterpreting the situation and tone in the suggestion forum, I severely struggle with tone in text, voice and facial expressions so I found it extremely hard to understand where people were coming from after I made a couple jokes and gave some positive and negative reasons to a suggestion made by someone else.

However, I will not be rejoining as this species clearly has no improvements happening in it. And it’s not just staffs fault.

if you guys as members want improvement so badly, improve how you treat each other, the staff and change how you all act towards everything.

And here is all the screenshots with context, instead of the ones the blog got that took everything out of context,

post related

alright im gonna try to be more gentle in this post

so first of all the “cutting out context,” in my original post i was trying to lean into the “alpha with a cold heart” motif with saying you were “striking fear into the heart of the 17 year old you were talking fine with 5 minutes ago.” it was meant to be a joke, i dont actually think you were trying to intimidate a 17 year old. in addition to that, since it was a joke, i really didnt think the fact you were talking to cat specifically was some big crazy detail that flipped the narrative on its head, it was something incredibly minute and had no effect on the general convo in my opinion. but if you see it differently then my bad.

one of your friends actually came into my dms yesterday to beat me over the head with this and try to say im “twisting the narrative,” i wasnt even able to reply because they deleted their acc after

i really did not think it was that heinous of a crime and that it was THAT important that you were talking directly to cat, the bigger point is was making was that it comes off as you were showing off and trying to be the rick friend by saying its fun to block minors.

another issue i have with your statements is that, if you supposedly knew little to nothing about the terra server because you only hung around in supporter lounge, why would you try to speak like an authority when saying that youve seen more adults than minors in the server? im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say you probably dont know a lot about the community of terras, but the fact is an 18+ channel even if sfw just isnt something that should be there. if you really want an 18+ community then you need to look in other places instead of trying to put one up in terras. its a “time and place” thing, terras definitely isnt the place and if you want to talk about the topics you gave without having to interact with minors then respectfully go somewhere else

and finally as for your actual reasoning with blocking all minors, im gonna say it seems like you went from one terminally online community to another. (if you dont know what terminally online means, im referring to people who are so deep in their own internet bubble that they lose touch with reality and spew opinions that no rational human would believe.) nobody in the real world would care at all that you were 18 dating a 17 year old, most people online dont even care about that, and it seems like the community you were in was just really toxic regardless of whether they were minors or not. it seems to me like after that you really jumped wayy to the opposite extreme and went on the “i will never ever speak to minors again ever” which is a terrible approach. you can have normal conversations with minors without it being weird, most people whos brains arent completely rotted by the internet take no issue with someone having a causal conversation with someone below the age of 18. for example, when i was 16 i worked at a job where most of the other employees were middle aged or older, and it was perfectly fine. they talked to me like i was a normal person and it was never weird, nobody ever came up and screamed that its weird and creepy

heres my genuine advice for you, i think you need to go outside more and talk to people in the real world. genuinely. not in a “omg ur so weird go touch grass way,” it seems like you are a person who is extremely susceptible to the opinions of whatever group youre in, and people in the real world would never actually have an issue with the things youve said. nobody with sense would care about a 17 year old being in a relationship with an 18 year old, nobody would care that an adult is having a normal conversation with a minor, and nobody would care especially considering that youre only 19. most people in the real world see 19 year olds as just a step above high schoolers in terms of maturity and behavior, you dont need to police yourself in the extreme way you do currently. it seems like being in these really incredibly online spaces has surrounded you with people who dont have your best interest in mind and have a really warped view on reality. try to go easier on yourself, you will be fine if you just talk normally to minors, and any rational person will never see an issue with it.

[asundcr]

( EVAN MOCK. TWENTY-SIX. NON-BINARY. HE/THEY. ) since you aren’t aware of them yet… that’s ( REECE CANOSA ) wandering around in hollow creek! from what i know they’ve lived in hollow creek for ( 3 YEARS. )  i’m also aware of the fact that they work as a ( WRITER. ) in town! but if you were to ask me, what i see when i think about them are: ( LATE NIGHTS FUELED BY CAFFEINE, THINGS THAT GLOW IN THE DARK, CURIOSITY THAT KILLED THE CAT, CRUMPLED UP NOTES. ) if anything, i feel like they could be ( IDEALISTIC, ADAPTABLE, IMPULSIVE, RECKLESS. ) it’s really weird, though… because they seem to be hiding something that no one else knows. but i sure do! and that is ( REDACTED. ). wild, huh? i know. they’re hoping no one will ever find out. and the very last thing that i’d say about them is that they’re mainly known to be ( THE STORYTELLER. ) just keep a lookout! who knows if they’re putting on a facade! 

STATS

full name: reece cristanto canosa   hometown: new york, ny   sexuality: bisexual  birthday: january 28, 1998   zodiac: aquarius sun, aquarius moon, cancer rising  height: 5’8”  languages spoken: english marital status: single children: none  traits: idealistic, adaptable, creative, impulsive, reckless, disorganized 

BACKGROUND death mention and overdose tw

the middle child of three, reece was raised by two artists in new york city

their upbringing was very untraditional and reece got to pretty much run wild and do whatever sort of extracurricular activities he wanted

when he wasn't running amuck or skateboarding where he wasn't supposed to, reece went to the movies and read a lot — became a huge fan of horror because their uncle who was a lot younger than reece's dad would always give reece stephen king, shirley jackson, and edgar allan poe books to read

he was pretty good in school, but really didn't care about anything besides english class and sometimes science if the topic was cool

they cruised through school, passing easily and applying to mostly local schools

they went to nyu for creative writing and published his first novel his senior year; it picked up a bit of a cult following and was given a lot of positive reviews

he graduated and decided to stick around in the city for awhile, taking the extra room in their uncle's apartment

just over three years ago, reece came home and found their uncle dead of a drug overdose; this traumatized him completely, they were super close and he was absolutely devastated

this triggered reece to want to get tf out of the city and where better than to a spooky place like hollow creek?

since moving, he has published a book of short stories, but has not been able to produce a follow-up novel that they deem Good Enough

PERSONALITY

certified yapper, you will never get them to shut the FUCK UP

overly confident in a way that is perhaps worrisome

he's smart, but doesn't show off about it

absolutely has undiagnosed adhd

knows a lot about a lot of things and also knows a lot about nothing (king of trivia)

loves to lie! for fun, for no reason at all

loves to tell a story, but is it a true story? who's to say! but it will also take 17984 tangents and turn in directions unrelated to the story itself

addicted to sugar, always has some sort of gummy or hard candy on him, skittles melt in his pockets a lot

kind of straight edge in some respects? (due to their uncle's death) but will drink and smoke weed (profusely)

doesn't talk about their uncle, much prefers to just focus on anything but negative emotion

talks very fast, always doing about ten things at once

probably annoying

is going through some serious writer's block, but does not want to focus on WHY that may be in the slightest

loves to go out and have fun, loves to be a menace to all around

fun to be around and they think they are so so funny (jury's still out)

pinterest found here, WC found here

[vulpinesaint]

orchid abelia daffodil <3

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

MAN this is a hard question. mostly because i have such opinions about music i always think that there is something technically or lyrically or melodically that could be done better. if i had to think of one that i think did a good job on all aspects of the song it would probably be a hozier song... talk, maybe... i find the lyrics compelling and the harmonies satisfying and the music interesting enough to keep focus while not being overly/distractingly complex. the thing about art though is that there is always something to be changed/something that could be improved by a different set of standards. i don't know if i would ever consider any song perfect but i will let you know if i think of one haha <3

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

boy do i!! i'm sure i have mentioned my saint sebastian medallion before but for those who do not know. i have a pendant with saint sebastian on it and i wear it every day. i am not a freak about it that much anymore (got healthier) but over fourth of july weekend i forgot it at home and i was Distraught. near tears. cause i needed it to feel safe and secure. better about it now!! shout out to saint sebastian that's my guy. i don't care if people want to call him a "basic" saint to idolize for gay people now i have ALWAYS been a freak about him independent from anyone else. and i am keeping that tendency well and alive

i also wear my ace ring (black ring on the right middle finger) most places if i can remember. it's harder to do when you have to be putting on sunscreen all the time for work...

if i remember i'll put pictures under this. if there are outfit pictures. um. you have to play a game where you look for these jewelry items. if not i got too weird about putting my face on here more and there should just be a picture of the medallion haha

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

i have two little siblings! middle child is nonbinary and then the youngest is my little brother. i spent a lot of time growing up making sure that my sibling had a safe space to be themself because i could tell that they were Like Me in that way. so i came out and was constantly having conversations with them about how it was okay for boys to be feminine. pointing out queer creators i liked online. offering to paint their nails and do their makeup. and it worked out haha! won at making a safe space. did so well at it actually that they forgot that they hadn't actually come out to me yet. we are very different in most other ways though. for one they are blonde. and they've always been very math-oriented. i was the english sibling so thematically they obviously had to be the mathematical one... my mom always said we were a little chocolate and vanilla pair :)

i am unfortunately VERY like my younger brother which is to say that we have the same negative traits and i find him intolerable to be around lmao. it's not great and i need to be the adult and get over it but when he is sixteen and Stubborn it makes me feel violent 😭 can't physically pin him to the ground anymore so. have to find something else to do besides get in arguments. last i heard he was ostensibly aromantic which is cool and like me! although he told our MOTHER and not ME. HIS OPENLY AROMANTIC OLDER SIBLING. so. betrayal for a thousand years. i don't care if he was only like seven years old and i was twelve i will never feel sorry for beating his ASS at super smash bros when we were both kids

 ﹟random get-to-know-me ask game  !! 

[amimuu]

*insert Ami dragging in a huge chalkboard filled with scrimbles and writings fitting to a madman* Ahem...hello...welcome to the tumblr post in which i explain my vision of how hbt au would be as a musical

Lets start (adding a keep reading so you dont have to scroll if ya dont wanna see it) ALSO. spoilers for hbt au in general including the things discussed over here, Heathers the musical and....Disney's Frozen...

so first of all I think the overall vibe of the music would change constantly as Mark's life goes on, at some points becoming lighter to signify positive changes or gaining new hope. Or the opposite, getting somber when a negative event happens.

ALSO! I think each character would get a "theme". Not directly a song. Just a part of it, a melody that incorporates into the main song each time said character sings or has a protagonic role in the song. Of course, some character's (Mark, probably) Do get their own theme song, and sometimes the lyrics of that could incorporate into other songs.

Also. ALSO. when I mention a song to reference to I mean referenxe the vibe the song gives unless I specify it otherwise

Alr i didn't really think of lyrics or names (just the vibe) so here's a list of how i think the songs would go. For now uhm...I'll give them placeholder names

No room for the both of us - Do I. need to explain. INWCT chapter 1. It starts with a phone ringing a lot as you hear someone making their way towards it, the music slowly building up until said person picks up and Alt!Cesar starts singing. ("Black out days" by the Phantogram mixed with "For the record" From 36 questions and a bit of "Kiss me (kill me) By JerryTerry. Im saying nothing else)

Warmth - Alt!Cesar makes his choice to keep Mark alive for a while but struggles with humanity in return. Warning! Lots of blasphemy in this particular song. He also talks a bit about the alternates and the morningstar....Not really sure how the vibe would go

Deer - Bambi ripoff bitch shows up. Alt!Cesar struggles even MORE with humanity (think of "Kiss me (Kil me)" by JerryTerry, mostly from the alternate's parts in which it sounds sickly Sweet yet creepy whenever it sings (Alt! Cesar does too at the start but it becomes less and less eerie as the songs go on), the song changes its mood whenever anyone else sings, and at the end the deer is cut off from singing by Cesar, who starts hitting it with a stick at the rhythm of the music, that has already shifted its vibe once again)

Bandages - That one part in which Mark is bandaging Alt! Cesar's hands and talking about his faith and stuff (The idea for the vibe is mostly soft, calm acoustic with no percussion ... I couldnt think of a song that fits the vibe ToT)

The truth - they report to Thatcher, head to the church and find the bambi rippoff bitch again. This song shifts povs between Mark and Alt! Cesar-deer also sings (Along with its Kiss me, kill me song vibe) but not a lot as it is consntantly cut off by Cesar. Theres an epic instrumental near the end as Alt! Cesar finally makes the choice to protect Mark-a mix between his theme and Alt! Cesar's (kind of like that one instrumental in "I hear a symphony". The rest of the vibe is pretty much... Tense) The music calms down after its over (maybe it could end with some violin?)

Crucifix - Confrontation between Mark and Alt!Cesar. This one particularly sounds somber, yet there is a little hope between the lines. The music and tension build up until it is cut short by a gunshot. After that there is soft music and a couple last words are sang, softly, no music in the background, by alt!Cesar. He sounds very sad :( (This one is kind of meant to sound like "I am Damaged" from the heathers musical)

---

10:15 pm - 10:15, saturday night. Mark is confused- very. Sad also. Very traumatized, definitely. Theres a couple call back to other songs as well as lyrics from songs to come.. It ends with him choosing to stick to his faith and calling Thatcher (Picture "the 30th" by Billie Eilish .u." for an idea of the vibe)

---

Cold glare - Mark's life from before he turned ten and stuff...bad times. This song is not meant to be completely and all sad as his mom is still there (this one is, actually Sang by present Mark, narrating back on the events)

Angel numbers - Mark makes a new friend :)! What could possibly go wrong? (this song ends with Mark's dad screaming- also there's a couple dialogue cuts.. I dont really have an idea of the vibe)

Cesar - Mark makes another new friend but this time it goes nicely. Cesar's introduction to the story (this song kicks off with their first interaction btw. Maybe there could be a song between angel numbers and this one to smooth out the events. There's a few dialogue cuts, mostly to highlight important events between the friends. Also, this song's lyrics get used in the future, as well as the melody, or a slightly changed version of it is meant to be alt!Cesar's "theme") (also for the vibe of this one i imagine something like "if i could tell her" from dear evan hansen mixed with a bit of "a better versión" from 36 questions)

Mother - More events on Mark's childhood, up until the events from the day his parents died..its kind of a reprise to the first song of this section but not really? Only the melody, Maybe there could be some shared lyrics. (This one in terms of vibes and bpm could be something like "astronomy" By conan gray...just that. Progressively growing more and more tense)

----

Mark Heathcliff - Thatcher's experience with Mark, from their first meeting up until the time in which Mark calls him after the events of INWCT. Meant to be relaxed and a bit sad at times- also forgot to say the shared melody present at "Mother/Cold glare" is Mark's theme- which is also present here, along with some lyrics. (For the vibe of the music i imagine something like "the story" by Conan Gray)

Roll along - Mark narrates his life after the events of INWCT. He's not doing really well but hey! He got a dog! (There are some parts in this song with small dialogue exchanges between Mark and Thatcher, mostly discussing Mark's "saintly duties"). Kind of like rolling girl but imagine an entirely different vibe but the overall mood of the lyrics is the same, Hence, roll along. (But uh in terms of song vibe picture "Dear Theodosia" from hamilton... With a few somber parts)

Crucifix (Reprise) - Mark meets again with a little someone...It doesn't go well. Have you watched the frozen movie? Yeah? remember that part in which Ana and Elsa have a reprise of that one Ana song and it ends with Elsa accidentally throwing ice into Ana's hearth? Well imagine that kinda buildup in the song as they argue, but when Alt!Cesar has enough and he pushes Mark the melody just goes into a religious chorus kinda melody (Picture the part in "Meant to be yours" in which J.D. forcefully enters Veronica's room and sees her "dead". Like that but slower and more...ethereal sounding sort of) Until its cut short by...Mark getting impaled. OOF

warmth (reprise)? - Not really a song, but yeah, but REALLY short. The lyrics change but the melody stays the same, just that...slower. Alt!Cesar is singing in a very low voice too. (Picture "some die young" by Gavin Mikhail- but a lot less instrumental) This one ends with Alt!Ces calling for help, specifially, the sound of waiting for his call to be connected.

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Uncle - SO MARK AND DAVE MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME. Just that Mark is in a medically induced coma so.. Yeah. Dave talks about his past and his life with his parents.. Thatcher sings a few lines! Also between strophes you can hear the transcript of how Cesar's call for help went. (for the vibe its kind of like "Our Word" from the 36 questions musical... But mix it with a bit of "Non-stop" since there's a lot going on. Also its a pretty long song) This one probably ends with Thatcher saying something like "oh. Well..."

Talk - So this one is just. Soft. Thatcher is worried, Mark just woke up. And they talk. About...pretty much everything. The enviroment is pretty peaceful, yet...a bit sad. Maybe Thatcher brings up the call. Mark sure as hell mentions Darcy and they both laugh a bit at this. Probably by the end lol. (So for the vibes, picture "its quiet uptown" from Hamilton)

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And...that's it. I am fried and this mostly were from the parts of the story that we have details off- so yeah hehe-

I think than an interesting one in the future would be about Thatcher's alternate experience...Mostly narrating what happens as the hours pass, with a very eerie tone and a few dialogue breaks from Mark, who is violently texting Thatcher (his voice is also audible in the background as Thatcher sings) until in the end Thatcer just begins singing in a very low voice after....getting rid of the bugs. And then BOOM Mark comes in(Ohhh i think the vibe of this one would be kind of like "El tango de Roxxane" From Moulin Rouge ohhhhh YEESSSSSS)

But...after that one. Yeah. No idea. Ooof. Well...I hope you enjoyed reading that cuz i sure had fun writin' it. (also finding song references for the vibes of some songs lmao)