#i felt some dread i did | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cvntdracvla · 5 months ago

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WHAT A FUCKING GAG !!!!!!!!!!!!!

#armand i have to give it to you #the way those unsettling pupils of his started flickering #what a #what a show of power #what a performance #love the theatricality of it all #i heard yall wanted more horror in iwtv #well here you go #this was a bloody delicious moment #i felt some dread i did #assad you have captured me #phenomenal actor #armand #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc iwtv

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edwinisms · 4 months ago

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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.

#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time #that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level #like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that #time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make #things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers #so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much #in a way #but… I mean still #and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he #wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if #but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to #have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible #it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty #or felt a loss. or anything #hoo boy. fun stuff #edwin #edwin payne #rambling #dead boy detectives

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mickeym4ndy · 1 month ago

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i’m gonna say it the shameless fandom sometimes has a weird obsession with making fans prove that they disapprove of their fav characters’ quote unquote bad actions as a way to prove their intelligence or something

#shameless #this crosses to every character #it’s like people want a disclaimer every time someone says they enjoy a character #‘I like this character’ ‘so you’re ok with the fact that they did this???’#or ‘yea but u don’t agree with this heinous act they committed tho right?🫵’#serious question. is shameless the first piece of media u have consumed #. does everything need to be spelled out for u???#it’s like it’s seen as a way to make fans prove their intelligence #ppl need to feel like they’re smarter than others to sleep at night or smthn ig #gOD forbid even ‘terrible’ people make for good tv #terrible in quotes bc it’s subjective and no one’s rly angelic or evil at the end of the day #and I feel like I’ve seen fans post about not liking certain actions bc they’ve felt pressure to do so #not that they are lying. they just shouldn’t have to prove that stuff is my point #and I’ve seen less of it on here lately I suppose and more on the dreaded TikTok #but anyway #there’s an obsession with moralizing fictional characters or smthn idk #some things just go without saying is my point. u don’t need to be spoon fed everything #there’s actually a conversation in there somewhere about declining media literacy and antintilectualism in gen z #but I’m not gonna get into that

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theflyingfeeling · 6 months ago

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...😭

#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one #the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all #i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today #as i was absolutely useless today #and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again #i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again #i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it #i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn #and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now #also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely #and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends #for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations #on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed #i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely #please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby

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ronanlynchbf · 4 months ago

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and then an overwhelming sense of dread apear.

#finished my last exam for this year YAY YIPPEE YAHOO ETC. but also now we wait for if i pass or not DREAD FEAR WARINESS ETC.#which i rlly don't think i will like. did not feel good abt the 1st exam period felt worse abt the 2nd and this one is like.....idk idk...#pretty confident abt the books part of the exam bc i KNOW i got everything on that correct but the thing is it was an oral exam and i was #stumbling over my words so bad + my voice was quivering i could hear it. hoping they don't count that as minus points but for the speech #thing i also had to do 2day they DO include how your voice sounds when you speak and like stammering and such in the final point count so #like. what if it's the same there.....ALSO they include use of gesturing to emphasize what you're saying and CORRECT EYE CONTACT in the #final point count. which. i don't have a problem with gesturing & i had a piece of paper in my hands so at least i wasn't too bad on that #front but when it comes to eye contact it's only flitting eyes or unnerving stare with me and nothing in between so i'm completely fucked i #that regard.#r.txt #WHATEVER it's done now. stupid ass weird rules WHO CARES if i don't have correct usage of eye contact what even is correct usage of eye #contact?????? like HOW am i supposed to know what the quote correct amount unquote is man. ALSO WHO GIVE A SHIT.#anyway going 2 luxembourg with my family for two weeks on august 5th probably. maybe sooner maybe later. we're going hiking + camping ⛺🌲👣#but the hiking is mostly done without backpacks and the camping is gonna be in campings. camping places. however english calls it.#which is a little less fun but also easier. but also less fun. but ANYWAY we're going on vacation and my final exam is done so no more #stress 💪🥳🙏🗣💥‼ (<- guy who's SO gonna be still having stress until the results come in. and then some afterwards. yay 4 me 🙂👍)

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icedille · 27 days ago

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all this to say objectively speaking i know i should try to continue going to therapy but she can't see me outside of my work hours so it will be a whole process of asking my boss and maybe i actually won't be able to work full time bc of that and i. don't wanna. also even if i could go i'm not even sure it would do anything at this point because i'm so bad at talking about the things that are actually a problem and i KNOW i should work on that but seeing how the last few times went i'm not sure it's entirely my fault either

#like ok maybe the fact that i can't outright say 'i'm wondering if i'm depressed and i'm thinking about killing myself a lot' is on me BUT.#i did try to do the 'describe the symptoms without outright giving an explanatory label' thing and uh #idk when the only response i get to 'i have no energy no motivation it's getting harder to get up in the morning and #planning for the future fills me with so much dread to the point of being paralized and i just can't see myself in it. at all anymore' is #'i think you're afraid of growing up :)' it's a little bit. idk. sure i guess i don't wanna be an adult #but that's bc i don't wanna be alive in general. i think #idk. and the theory in itself is not really the problem it's her job to interpret things and sometimes she's wrong whatever #but for some reason the last two times felt really. if i contradict anything she brings up she sees it as me getting defensive #which probably only proves her point. IDK. maybe i'm paranoid maybe she IS right but i kinda hate the idea of #not getting my words taken at face value anymore. anyway. that was a lot of oversharing wow sorry

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girlcrushau · 8 months ago

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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neriyon · 5 months ago

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Gotta ask for 15 and 20 for the pre-dawntrail wol questions! 😌

Pre-Dawntrail WoL questions

15. What would your wol be if they weren't the wol? What would they do as a job or career? Would they be happier?

Hawu'li would be some sort of travelling healer! Slowly going around from village to village, focusing on helping places that might not have their own resident healer. So technically not that different from now haha - just with a lot less god-killing and world saving, and more focus on individual cases.

As for how happy he would be: he'd defenitely like that and could not think of a better career, but he'd never meet even half of the people he meets now and I feel like that'd be a huge loss for him. Not to mention his separation anxiety would probably always stay around the ARR/HW levels (bad), since he might not have companions he'd slowly grow to trust to be there even when he can't see them at that exact moment.

20. What is your wol's best quality? What's the thing that they do that really gets stuff done of makes people like them? Hard mode: their own perception vs. a friend or partner's perception.

Hmm, I was first gonna say kindness, but maybe his very social nature? He's not afraid to start conversations and seems to naturally get along with people he meets. Like every time Scions arrive to a new location and start the "time to do some chores to get friends", chances are Hawu'li's already chatting up some random passerby. Leave him at it for a hour or so and he'll most likely return with 5 new friends ready to answer questions.

#answered ask #last one was surprisingly hard haha #he's meant to be this lovable jrpg protagonist #like the very “i'm going to save everyone” type of character with a very big heart #since that's what felt very fitting for the concept of wol (and some early game dialogue)#i actually dread writing him sometimes because he's supposed to be really good at talking #and meanwhile i'm an real life npc who's mostly mute until you come and press the talk/action button in front of me #maybe it's what makes him so endearing to me haha #also as a fun bonus fact: he did set out as a travelling healer and not wol #so when someone asks him for his job that's what he usually says #purple catboy #ah and there's still some asks sitting around so dw if i haven't done yours yet #it's most likely just waiting there #i got too absorbed in doing fates and now it's almost 5am again haha

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kitkatnerds3 · 6 months ago

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I think she should be more insane, actually.

#genshin impact #genshin faruzan #Inspiration struck me like an unexpected boxing match and I finished this in like an hour #The heavy stylization and lack of shading probably helped contribute to that. But I'm still proud of myself!#Faruzan has honestly one of my favorite backstories ever #It's so simple yet awful #It was a normal day. She was exploring some ruins in the desert like she had done many times before because she's a professional.#And she just made one simple small basic mistake and it ruined her life #Do you think she was calm at first? Do you think she thought it would just take a couple hours. Maybe a day?#Or that someone outside would come to help her out?#When do you think she realized it would take so much more then just a day for her to get out?#When do you think she excepted that she would die before getting out?#And how do you think she felt when she found out she wouldn't?#Was she hopeful? And how long did it take for that hope to turn to dread as she realized she couldn't even escape through death?#Do you think she ever gave up on trying to solve her way out?#Do you think the walls have marks on them from when she tried to claw her way out with desperate bloody fingers?#Do you think that empty old domain still echos with the sound of her screams?#I have so many thoughts about faruzan and her time alone in that domain #I really need to play her hangout quest

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byanyan · 6 months ago

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so uhhhh. might've had a teeny tiny little itty bit of a breakdown last night. lmao

#it was not actually small it was v big but I am.... okay. for now.#still kinda coming down from it I think. still got a lot of panic & dread going on but like. I did at least get some sleep asjgksg #positive side is it's made me finally take some steps forward that I've been too afraid to take prior #but boy do I wish I'd been able to do them without feeling like this lmao #we're working on it. sorry for oversharing on the dash I just felt like it might help me process adkgksg #I think typing it helps me feel less like. detached from things. idk. hard to explain.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#tbd.#personal cw

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transgaysex · 10 months ago

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god remember jake marshall. from rfta

#wind howls #in the ace attorney playthru my friends and i are doing we are now onto rise from the ashes #i think we stopped still on the first day of the trial. the worst is yet to come and im very excited about it.#genuinely one of the few cases in ace attorney that actually made me feel some sort of dread and fear by the end of it when i played it #im voicing jake and also angel starr bc its funny. im trying to make jake sound american to the best of my non american abilities #and angel starr i gave her an uninterested cafeteria lady voice. maybe not original but im having fun #that on top of already voicing thr judge i love voicing the judge so much. i gave him my best goofy impression hes a blast to voice #who else did i voice. i voiced yani yogi. gave him a throaty voice. occasionally i do larry when nobody else wants him (i dont either)#who else is there in the game. OH OH will powers i voiced him. also wendy oldbag her voice fucked me up BAD #before my friend darin joined us i also voiced gumshoe but since then darin took the role and his impression is a lot more fun hehe #voicing characters in a visual novel is so much fun you guys. if you can gather up pals and have someone play the game for the first time-#definitely recommend giving out silly voices. especially if they have rare voiced lines in the game #you cannot imagine the absolute glee i felt when darin gave manfred von karma his youtuber Fred impression. only to hear is objection later #and realizing his voice is actually the deepest in the fucking game. it was so fucking funny i lost my whole mind it was awesome #anyway. game is fun #ghost trick is also a fun game ive seen get voiced by groups of friends. definitely recommend playing that one in a group as well

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theguardianace · 2 years ago

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gender my beloved behated

#love how ive been using multiple pronouns for like two years now and he/him for over a year and only now am like Wait #idk i think i started using she/they out of a rejection of the traditional views of femininity and disconnect from aroaceness #and i do really like that choice i made! it fit me for a while. it sounds nice.#i did feel kind of bad about it at first. like i was copying people to fit in. despite the fact i genuinely liked she/they.#i felt so guilty when people used they/them bc i thought i was faking it #but i did grow out of that thankfully #and then in math class one day i was like hm i would not object to he/him so why not just. add it.#just as a thing to throw in there. girl in a guy way.#cue rinse and repeat the they/them thing.#and then i kinda didn't think about it for a while? it just was?#every once in a while that “you're faking it” voice would come back.#and then a new one came in.#why would i be faking it. i dont think most cis people think like this #most cis people dont have problems looking in the mirror working out.#most cis people dont dread looking in the window with a backpack on.#most cis people dont have nights where they sit there and go “guy”.#i dont really know what my gender even would be #my gender isnt girl. i know that. i don't mind being perceived as one though.#i dont have any issue playing girls sports and hanging out with girls and identifying as sapphic/lesbian #but i also dont think im just a guy. i dont connect with all of masculinity. some sure. but not a whole lot.#i used to consider agender but i dont think that applies anymore bc there is definitely something there.#i dont really like a lot of other labels. none of them fit #i like just identifying as me. im just me! your good friend aura. someone who is kind and passionate and hard working #i just wish i had the language to figure out what it is im feeling.#i know my preferences for pronoun order changes! its just scary when he/him is the favorite for this long.#i like she/her. it's familiar and soft and kind.#they/them is cool too! its yellow. a nice one.#i dont know how to feel about he/him yet. it feels forbidden. like im not allowed to like it.#but i do anyways #idk. i'll figure it out. or not. i just wanted to put this out there.

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euelios · 1 year ago

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there are very specific people in my irl life who can say the most innocuous things on earth and still make me steaming mad

#ooough we love venting #especially tag venting #auden.txt #it’s my blog and i’ll cry if i want to #these tags are not a place of honour—#i got told off for making tea too late at night #and it turned into a spiral about how much worse i’ve been doing since i started my job #and like. man. i. i resolve not to trust what i think about my life past 9pm bc it is not good up here rn #a toddler’s Big Feelings in a 20 something body. i never outgrew the me who thought i could compel ppl into liking me by dint of being #so good and perfect that they had no choice #but now the more i do. work and study and hobbies and and and #the more is expected? and i’m just not learning to keep up #i miss my fucking mom i wish we got along like we used to when i was little but i’m just an asshole now and i hate being told what to do #i wish i didn’t need so much fixing.#there’s not even anything wrong just a creeping sense of dread. like heading jaws music in a sunny meadow #i wish people wouldn’t bring up my mental health to imply i’m crazy #i wish it didn’t scare me to seriously consider it #although i did once tell a friend that i felt like. there would be nothing to write in my obituary? bc i had lived such a disconnected life #like some fuck who died far away from home #jesus. i’m going insane. it’s fucking bedtime it’s been bedtime for ages.#things will be better when it’s light out

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luxeberries · 2 years ago

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me, knowing that carol has short hair again sometime in season 11 and learning that she cut it in the first place because she felt unsafe: oh no what angst is going to occur that makes her feel like she has to cut it all of again

season 11 episode 24, cutting her hair short in the last fifteen minutes for no reason and without giving an explanation or even addressing it:

me: PLEASE

#twd #WHAT WAS IT FOR! !!!!!#WHY DID SHE CUT IT!!!!!!#I WAS SO READY FOR SOME SAD ANGST AND HER CHOPPING HER BEAUTIFUL LONG HAIR OFF AND DARYL TALKING ABOUT IT TO HER!!! LIKE HELLO????#was literally dreading it the whole season like OH GOD WHAT HAPPENS TO HER and it's literally NOTHING #I'm gonna pretend this is the only thing I'm mad about with this finale like lmao we are not addressing daryl fucking off for no reason #(for his spin off i KNOW but that wasn't DARYL that was the writers)#(like it literally felt so forced like you could SEE the predetermined path he was being pushed long set by the script)#also it's so fucking funny that their main character disappears in the bizarrest way and they're like okay now how about ZOMBIE HERDERS OOH #and CLASSISM! over throwing the government!!! WOOO!!!#LIKE MY MAN WAS TAKEN AWAY BY SOMEONE IN A HELICOPTER #in THIS economy!?#AND THEYRE LIKE NOPE DARYL MAIN CHARACTER NOW THIS IS THE CAROL AND DARYL SHOW ALSO MAGGIE IS HERE AND GOODBYE MICHONNE #LIKE HELLOOOO GOD WHAT HAPPENED #it's just so funny #that they're solving this Big Plot thing in a SEPARATE. SHOW.#like no one is going to watch it!#the majority of viewers dropped off by what season 8? 6 even?#how many people (including me) even knew the fuckin show ended???#god #anyway #I'm gonna write some caryl fic I think #ugh. brain rot.

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lysspossum · 2 years ago

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Angry that I keep spending time thinking about people who don’t waste a single thought on me

I would like my brain to be quiet so I can rest, please

#I spent time with some people today #who are perfectly nice people #but my heart and brain were plunged back into feeling like I did in high school #the dread and the insecurity and the shutting down and not speaking #didn’t remember how miserable I felt then #but now I remember and I’m glad I’m not a teenager anymore

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago

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Why am I so proud of myself for doing something that is basically a failure on all levels

#so i started this level 2 certificate back in like march when i first started thinking about quitting teaching #i was like ‘if i just stay busy then the existential dread won’t catch me’#but it turned out that grad school plus teaching plus frantically trying to find a job was uhhhhh a lot #and the one thing that didn’t have a deadline was this random level 2 certificate. so i just sort of. never did the assessments #i still have the textbooks and assessment booklets slung under my coffee table judging me for my terrible time management and general lack #of commitment to things i commit to. but they’ve sort of blended into the scenery now #and i got an email in like.. june i think it was asking me if i’d completed the course yet & if i needed help #and i was like ‘omg yeah i’ll get it done soon! i have some assessments for my main course which are taking priority #but i Will finish this’ [john mulaney voice] AND THEN I DIDN’T #it’s been nearly a year. i cannot believe this #so anyway. on the 9th of this month i got an email from a whole different person. this one was damn near a welfare check #i mean on the surface she’s just asking if i’m still going to complete the course and if i need help but there’s this undercurrent #that’s like ‘are you even still alive?’#so i saw that and i felt bad and was drafting a reply in my head. but then i immediately forgot #i only remembered today. but i did email her back! i said sorry for the late reply; thanks for reaching out & i asked how i should hand in #the assessments. because i genuinely don’t know. i think this is part of what’s causing my mental block #i mean they gave me assessment booklets but does this mean i have to physically take a train 50 minutes to campus to drop them off??#or can i just type everything up. like. i’m fine scanning in the title pages if they need my signature #but it seems so much easier for everyone if i just type this #OKAY she just got back to me and said i can email the answers if i’ve typed them & asked if i can have this back by the end of marxh #*march. which is honestly way more grace than i deserve imo #fucking hallelujah. i’m going to put this on my calendar #i do not know why i’m proud of myself for sorting this out. like. it took WAY too fucking long #i guess it’s true that it’s never too late to own your shit and fix it. but also. god fucking damn #there was no need for this thing to take A FUCKING YEAR #personal

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