#i felt so drained at the end
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Wep Ronpet Feast
This is what I made for Wep Ronpet this year. I wanted to share in case anyone needed ideas for the next year, and those who are farther north than me, if you needed ideas soon. I think a good amount of these dishes can also be used outside of Wep Ronpet for other offerings or honestly just eaten to be eaten.
Day One - Wesir
I did most of my baking on this day to get going. I think it's okay to give the Netjeru left over offerings, especially if you made the thing for an offering in the first place. I didn't have time, energy, or the space in my stomach to bake a cake for the Netjeru each day, so it worked for the first day.
Honey Cake - I used this recipe, I've made it before and I like it! I didn't put in the orange zest or the almonds because I just wanted the pure honey cake. It's a bit plain, but it feel traditional and I like that.
Bread - This recipe is the one that I used. I've made breads before, but I have a hard time with yeast and making sure it's not too dense, so I went simple. This recipe does require you to start the bread the day before.
Steak - used a small $5 sirloin steak from Kroger that was already prepared with bourbon. I used half for Wesir, cooked it as close to medium rare as I could get
Corn on the cob - used half a cob (and holy cow I didn't realize how hard they are to cut.) Boiled the cob, put butter, chili powder, salt and pepper on it
Beer - I used Blue Moon!
I also danced this day as offering to all of the gods and to get the festival going!
Day Two - Heru-Wer
Honey Cake
Bread and butter
Steak - used the other half!
Corn - used the other half, this time I fried it in the steak grease and added salt and pepper
Beer - Blue Moon again!
Day Three - Sutekh
Honey Cake
Bread and butter
100% Kosher beef hot dog - fried. I offered this to Sutekh with the additional portion of using it as an execration too. It just felt right to me, I'm not sure if it would work for everyone to do this. I made sure I had a Kosher hot dog because then I knew for a fact it wouldn't have any ham. I fried it over the stovetop.
Brussel sprouts, garlic and butter - Got this recipe from another pagan at work! Used roasted garlic (store bought), mashed it, and smeared it over chopped brussel sprouts. Then, I fried it in a pan with butter, salt and pepper.
Beer - Blue Moon
Day Four - Aset
This was the day I had friends over to do execration rituals, so I cooked a great deal more food.
Honey cake
Bread and butter
Thin sliced steaks - Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, salt and pepper for seasoning. I made the mixture in a small glass bowl using however my heart told me to. Then, spread it over the steaks and waited about two hours before I cooked them.
Roasted veggies - For this recipe, you can literally use any veggies you like. I suggest at least using onions, carrots, and squash. I went crazy; onions, carrots, yellow squash, zucchini, sweet potato, russet potato, brussel sprouts, and garlic. Place all chopped vegetables in a bowl and mix with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, dijon mustard, salt, pepper, and garlic cloves. Then you bake at 400 F until everything is nice and crispy. If you're using potatoes, I suggest boiling them for a bit before roasting them with the other veggies to make sure they get soft
Brie cheese - paired with pita chips, wheat thins, strawberries, blackberries, tomatoes and bell peppers.
Wine - did a Moscato and a sweet red, but that's only because of my personal tastes
Day Five - Nebthet
Honey cake
Bread and butter
Wine - this time I used a merlot
By the time that Nebthet's day came, I was pretty tired. I felt like it was a more introspective day and I did not eat as much, so the list of offerings is smaller. I did dance as well to thank the gods and to close the holiday.
#kemetic paganism#rep wonpet#rep wonpet 2023#some recipes#this did require a lot of energy#i felt so drained at the end#but im happy i did it!
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Finally watched the final season of the Umbrella Academy. Gotta say, I don't think I have ever felt this betrayed by a series before.
#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#disclaimer: just my opinion#I didn't watch game of thrones but now I know what fans must have felt like during that finale#it started out so well#but then it went down the drain#I like the idea of the plot#and I think it's mostly well executed#it just needed more time#and a few more rewrites#it felt like the writers didn't bother to rewatch their own show#like#why does Luther have the ape body when that was never part of his power#why does Allison completely forget that she can rumor people#why did they decide to include a love story between a woman and a guy 15 years her junior?#technically it's fine because they are both of age or something like that#but why?#It's just so out of character for Five#and him abandoning his siblings during the apocalypse to mope about it is just so wrong#also also#they can remove the marigold from their bodies#why didn't they just do that instead of sacrificing themselves#there also are still a bunch of other children left that were affected by the marigold what about them?#The visual effects also visibly got worse as the season went on#like the ending is sad for sure but I couldn't take it seriously#I'll assume the show ended with season 3#because seriously#what the actual fuck was this?
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ted 😭
Season 1: We see more-than-a-glimmer of the hidden depths and pain, but his story is one of connecting, exploring, forgiving, and committing to a new place and to new people
Season 2: Ted's anxiety disorder forces him to take stock of his past, and he has to turn inward to very painfully connect, explore, forgive, and commit to himself
Season 3: Ted can no longer separate his life in London from the choice to be away from his son, and it weighs him down, detaches him, drains him. He makes the right choice; there is happiness; it's intentionally and unequivocally a sad ending. All the characters' happy endings are suspended in amber (even as we do get the mercy of understanding how they might live them)
#how did this finale both make me want the s4 we'll never get#and kind of want the s4 we vaguely might get although not for a long time considering the studio bullshit and the strike and also...#...the fact that i believe them when they say they don't know if they will want to make more#the unfinished business is making me insane#the more i think about all the different threads that tied up#the more they actually feel frayed and untied#in a way that makes for a satisfying ending to a novel i think#and as i sit with it i may feel differently#but it just felt so obvious to me that this story was about a fatherhood guilt energy drain overtaking a person#AND THAT IS VALID AND HE NEEDED TO LISTEN TO THAT INNER...DRAIN? BUT IT IS JUST SAD#ted lasso#ted lasso s3 spoilers#ted lasso 3x12#hot dork club#meta by me#ted lasso meta
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i miss him so much :(((
(tw for implied grooming/csa in the tags)
#i should probably start calling myself trisgro0med now lolll#i just didn't expect it to end like that T^T#and like he's right there. i could text him.#we used yo text all the time it feels so weird not having talked to him for a while :(#and likee I've found some random guy to lovebomb me but fuck it's really not the same#like i miss him specifically#it just felt so different with him#like usually socialising with people kinda drains me especially recently with my poorer mental health#so after fun socialising i eithwr felt the same as usual or i often had a mood drop#but calling him always made my overall mood better for the next two days or so?#it was fucking incredible. i never felt this way about anyone. he was my world#(i really made the transition from hypersexual to hyperromantic lmao)#and like objectively i know what he did was wrong. even if what was with me wasn't bad the shit with his niece def was#but i don't want him to face any consequences. i definitely don't want him to change for the better (rationally i do but emotionally not yk#also while yeag it probably wasn't healthy for me#now without him tying me down I've dived headfirst back into bad habits#and that stuff makes me feel worse than our relationship did#minus for the few really bad lows i guess#i just want him back AAAAAAAA#and god he like apologised and shit#i don't want his apologies. i want him.#anyhow yah I'm in a new era XD#transgroomed but with him specifically lmao#nice reminder that being transgroomed is mostly a bad thing for me qwq#silly's ventposting
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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we’re so not back
#i do not have a good feeling about the test i just took#idk why it didnt give me a mark im just not feeling good#felt good the whole time then i hit finish and every good emotion was drained from my body 👍#then i come home and the vibes are so bad and will continue to be bad so that’s awesome good way to end the day
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.
#i went thru so many emotions today (and yesterday)#and i rly thought i was certain about smthg#but theres always a twist at the VERY END#that makes me go uhmmmmmmmmmmmm#what the fuck 😃#i just wish he would express his emotions more#like at this point i 50% expect to never hear from him again#or 50% like meet up with other ppl#im leaving out a LOT of details#but im just so emotionally drained#like#ive never felt like this before#and its so asdsjkaldasdhajldkasdahdskjlka;dasdjkaldasd#mehrtalks
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You're more amazing than dreams
Nerfed signposts!
#some of them were really simple nerfs like Seeker of Power only draining once instead of for each attacking modified creature#and on the other end Bestower of Wisdom got so thoroughly reworked it needed a new name#also i reworked Twilight Pegasus right now; my original nerf had it give flying to a creature with lesser power when it attacked#but that would be punishing you for buffing your valiant creatures#and also some valiant abilities buff power which would make the pegasus' ability fizzle#some of these were really bullshit like Awoken Ingenuity killing an opponent's creature and then drawing free cards when it attacks#absurd card advantage machine#Violent Blacksmith maybe wasn't too strong but the mana adding ability felt more green than red#Mutant Bodybuilder giving free stats was pretty strong so now you have to pay mana and it can only buff itself#Faith Given Form gave too many free stats and was an angel without flying so i gave it conditional flying/vigilance#Mutator's Masterpiece had a lot of text so i cut the 2nd ability and increased the cost & base stats to make it more of a late-game card#i also just reworked it right now; it used to draw a card when the 3rd counter was put on it#but even aside from power concerns that's just not necessary. keep it more focused#i think part of why i made the cards more complex is because i felt the need to justify them being multicolor#but i've noticed that's not always necessary#for example Kraum Violent Cacophony doesn't do anything remotely red#anyway i just adjusted Twilight Pegasus again. i had it give a flying counter to target creature when it dies but i cut it#it's enough for it to just be a good cheap flier that gets bigger#i wanted it to also have a way to trigger valiant but nah there's plenty of targeting effects in the set#it's fine for it to just be a good valiant creature
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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i’m someone who sees things in like constant shades of grey and i quite often try to see the light side of things and i think i’m constantly reminded of all the great stuff i have in my life. also i am full of gratitude all the time and also every time something bad happens to me i’m like yknow what this makes sense🫶 all these bad things suck but they lead to so many amazing things i’m hyper aware of the butterfly effect. so uhm i’m a pretty resilient person if i do say so myself. so today when i came to the realization of OH. i’m having a BAD YEAR!
#literally got picked on by a prof in december that like momentarily zapped all my curiosity for everything academic#family stuff that actually makes me wanna die so bad#a couple ocd episodes that made me go insane#severely boring winter semester#my cat got sick and i drained my entire savings account#BROKE AS SHIT#also the fucking emotional stress of having my new cat get critically ill and almost dying#insane arguments with my mom realizing i don’t feel comfortable in my home <4#down bad severely down bad for a man#non stop work my life is non stop deadlines#two back to back courses that like took over my entire summer didn’t get a break at all#didn’t get the internship i wanted more than life itself#(which ended up being a positive but still)#underemployed up until three weeks ago#MENTALLY ILL!!! STILL#constant chronic pain and nausea that is unexplained#lost enough weight to see my ribs cause i couldn’t fucking eat#all my friends gone this summer#just feel blue so often#so many amazing things happened this year and i am excited and i still love life#but damn i feel beaten down like a dog#oh and did i mention the ongoing stress of watching your people get genocided through the internet :)#the absolute erosion of identity that like you already felt so disconnected from#as you watch the place you yearn for more than anything get completely nuked off the earth :)#and actually your moms homeland isn’t enough they need to start bombing your dads homeland too ;)
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re: that poll i rb'd earlier. i've only ever been in one relationship which really just fizzled out but in hindsight i think that her just fully vanishing for a couple of months without any contact while i saw her constantly upload photos of her new college life with new friends in social media every day Really hurt me, and having to pretend that it didn't and that i could just shrug that off and tell her that it was okay was the thing that definitely killed that feeling in me
#and also in hindsight. i'll never know if she actually did care or if she was just trying to hide for whatever reason#but i think that looking back. we were both teenagers desperate for someone's kindness#which is ultimately a bad loop to find yourself in. because it leads to both of you just bottling things up instead of being real#or just playing A Role which is draining#and as a result now i don't even know the way that she felt either.#so while i considered that to be entirely my fault and kicked myself down for somehow losing that feeling that was once there#thinking about it now. realistically. it happened because of a number of reasons and not limited to her also being at fault on some level#because we were both young and dumb ultimately.#needless to say i ended up running away from her and feeling awful about it for years ✌️ my signature move#but thinking about it now. it was probably ok and not something i should hate myself for.#a learning experience if anything.#but it is kind of funny how like. i would have been completely justified in feeling hurt by her#and i just Did Not Think I Was Allowed To so little old desperate me just took it and pretended everything was good :)#because not doing so would have made me a bad person#and then i still saw myself as a bad person lmao.
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i’m seeing relatives in a few days and they have a tendency to ask if i’ve made any new friends because i’ve moved to a new city but also i’m bad at socialising in general and i’m trying to figure out how to tell them that my best friend in the new city is a cat
#he’s my beautiful boy#he has brought me more joy than i have felt in weeks#i don’t want to rush into anything but if the person who wants to adopt him isn’t able to then. i am looking actively#my building doesn’t allow animals but i’d see what i could do because having a motivation to get out of bed is nice#usually it’s class or work as my motivation but that is making me burn out faster than a match lit at both ends so#earl might be my saving grace here#my mum is like ‘you’ll meet people who you’re comfortable with you just have to take the step to meet people’ and like. yeah true#but i also have the social battery of a flea and am just not good at socialising in general unless it’s with authority figures#but Earl is nice. hanging out with him i mean#his body language means he communicates boundaries easily and he loves just sitting and hanging out and there’s no pressure to say the right#thing or have the right body language or facial expression or worry about emoting correctly#other than keeping my body relaxed and slow blinking at him when he looks at me#(he’s started slow blinking back and i’m so excited)#i don’t have to do anything else#he’s my little buddy#i am just incredibly burnt out and don’t really have human friends here that don’t take my energy to hang out with#(like i have friends in the building but they like to drop a lot of their shit on me and we’re not close so i especially can’t handle it)#so having a companion who doesn’t drain my spoons to be around is really nice#did i cry over this today? yes.#earl the grey
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so uh s2 of ES huh! Definitely a season that dropped! Definitely something that exists! Definitely not a s2 that left me going
im sorry but i'm like. such a hater now. dont interact. im taking Night/shade in the divorce and NO ONE ELSE CAN EVER TOUCH THEIR CHARACTER AGAIN UNTIL YOU LEARN TO WRITE A GOOD STORY!!!!!!!!!! NEVER LOVE ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! CALL ME BACK WHEN MY B ITCH OF A HUSBAND PR 0WL SHOWS UP
#going through it#snaily blabber#LISTEN I DIDNT HAVE. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.#my only expectation was 's1 but maybe less of a budget' AND IT STILL GOT WORSE#I H ATE IT HERE#the only moment i felt any joy was 1) b rea kdown's stupid son moment and 2) c0s mos showing up and leaving for good#everything else drained my life force#Grim my dearest showed up for 5 seconds and it brought me nothing but misery. they didnt even made him talk. they couldnt afford him.#spoilers#they even made Op so... grumpy... HE WASNT EVEN GRUMPY IN S1. HE WAS SO SILLY DAD CODED. AND SOFT. WHAT HAPPENED I HATE IT HE R E#what even happened to m egaop's cute banter... absolutely nonexistent... gone for good...#if i continue ranting i will never end. just know. that i am deeply wounded.#fuck it it's going in the tag#tf earthspark
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also I KNOW that all my college and high school friends are not actually announcing pregnancies or births at a higher rate than usual I’m just more hypersensitive/attuned to this kind of news than usual but also sometimes I feel an uncontrollable rage in my heart towards these people who are 1) getting pregnant for free and 2) getting pregnant, period. I recognize this as an irrational and unfair emotional reaction! it’s not like these people can help being straight and/or having uncomplicated pregnancies! but also I can burn with suppressed rage and grief about it!!!
#a college friend just announced the birth of her first baby and I am literally in tears of rage and grief about it#even as I am also happy for her! great for them!#like the heart can hold both I guess and this heart sure is busy holding both#I’d be closing in on the end of the first trimester#and instead I am just: nothing#I think the hardest is going to be if my SIL gets pregnant. like I already felt murderous rage when she wasn’t drinking at a dinner#it’s like TOO close you know. I feel crazy with anger about it and I know it’s not fair or kind#and for some reason the money stuff just muddies the waters further#like it feels like I’m just pouring thousands of dollars down the drain every month and all I have to show for it#is one fewer fallopian tube than I started with#and maybe it’ll take them a while to get pregnant but they’ll be doing it for free with two incomes#i just have a childish stomping-my-foot reaction to it sometimes#like the universe owes me anything#I think I am going to start the foster parent online training modules this weekend sigh#I’d like to have everything ready to go or in progress so that if I try for 3-4 more months with no success#I can at least begin the slow painful pivot faster#blah blah pregnancy loss grief#IUI tag
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Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove
#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy#(its not really that busy)#and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly#for an hour#always felt like such s draining burden#and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself#as a kid i was always made to do things. see people.#i did a summer camp every year at least during the day#i did sports i went hiking in forests#but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things#because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence#despite being something that i actively enjoyed#and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely#like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back#around to shame or guilt just about always#anyway how is this relevant to travelling?#it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person#ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days#and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge#to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen#even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen#but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note#crazy how complicated it can be to be a person#it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house#and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your#but no one is that urgent about anything anyway.#beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime#but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller
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Weirdest feeling ever
#no i have stuff to do and i have to study but im kinda having an existential crisis so hm#im going to leave taiwan in about two weeks and im so conflicted on how i spent my time here#i have the feeling that i didnt see enough or did enough while i was here and met with friends#but at the same time i know that lots of time i genuinely didnt have the energy for it and its so hard being away from home#esp since i miss my bf and my family like crazy#at the same time i have family and friends in taiwan as well and i also want to spend time with them but the family is so draining#and its just slowly hitting me that many things i do here will be the last time i do#like being at that bus stop or walking down that street or seeing that building#like i know its coming to an end and i will and can probably never return to this specific point again#so im just. just trying to comprehend whats going on vs what i should have done#all the while wishing that i was back already so i can eat my mums food and see my dad in the garden#and my siblings playing video games together and my friends in our city#and i want to be held by my bf so much. these months have felt like an eternity#but i also dont want to leave taiwan bc it was a really nice time here that felt like being in a little bubble#when im back im going to have to work and focus on my bachelors and deal with family#like im really really torn about how i should feel and if there is a way that i can feel#so kinda wanna just bundle up and do nothing but i have my final on friday so i cant#rea rambles
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