#I really thought it’s not worth it to risk my health only for some notes on tumblr. so yeah ended up deleting all my files of us

[thasorns]

Sometimes I get reminded again why I do things less

[pinkjellyfishgirl-blog]

Always Read The Papers Before You Sign - (Jack in the mascot x reader) chapter 1

Been posting this on my AO3 but thought I might as well put it on my tumblr too.

Just some good old Jack fanfic.

Summary

"Reader was just a normal person. Eat, sleep, work, repeat. That is until one day at work they get an unexpected visitor, she ends up signing a contract which changes her whole world. Now she has to navigate her new world with her new fiancée.

(Or Jack tricks reader into marriage and everything in her life goes crazy)

On going series! She/her pronouns used.

Chapter 1

The sun slowly arose from the behind the high-rise apartments. Inside one of these very apartments lie (y/n). She was fast asleep on her single bed. It was the only size that would fit in her crammed room.

Suddenly, the ringing of an alarm awoke (y/n) from her slumber and made her stumble to turn it off before her neighbors complained about the noise. Her apartment walls were very thin and she could her everything happening above and below her. It caused her to have terrible sleep and on top of a crazy work schedule she was miserable.

(y/n) walked around her room picking up her work uniform off the floor. With a quick niff, (y/n) they deicide her clothes didn’t smell too bad and would wear them to work. ‘They’ll be fine for today’, she thought hopefully. She then headed into her bathroom and got dressed. She splashed her face with some water to wake herself up. Finishing off her routine with brushing her teeth and tying back her hair.

Jogging out of the bathroom, (y/n) grabbed her work bag and put on her coat quickly. She didn’t have a lot of time to hang around, today was the day the district manager was coming into there shop for inspection. She had heard whispers of maybe more high up company personnel being there but that was gossip so far. In all, it would not look good if she was late in front of them. She couldn’t risk losing her job at ‘Jack in The Box’, despite how terrible it was.

(y/n) locked up her place and bolted down the steep stairs of her apartment building. She tried her best not to fall down them. It was sometimes temping on days she couldn’t take work anymore to throw herself down them. (y/n) not having sick days left and no health issuance really stop her from doing so.

After her morning workout of stairs, she stumbled over to her bike which was locked up outside. (y/n) climbed onto her bike and patted herself down before leaving to make sure she didn’t forget anything.

Off she went, cycling along the quiet streets of the city. Not many people were up yet for work, so (y/n) could cruise along with a worry. She soon arrived outside the fast-food chain. She noted a handful of cars parked outside which weren’t her co-workers’ cars. ‘This must be the fancy management type. These cars are too nice to belong to any of us’, she thought sadly. (y/n) know the vehicles were worth well more than she made in a year.

(y/n) locked up her bike and was about to walk in the front entrance when she saw her co-worker, Emma, at the backdoor. She was signaling for her to come over. (y/n) went over to Emma and followed her inside. When (y/n) got in, she noticed all her colleagues hanging in the back. She turned to look at Emma who looked nervous.

“What’s up? Why don’t you want me to go through the front door”, (y/n) asked curiously.

Emma was snapped out of her worried state by the questions.

“You know how it was just meant to be the manager to do the inspection, well it isn’t anymore. There is a whole group of people out there including…. You know who,” Emma replied to her in a hush toned not to be heard by others.

(y/n) shrugged her shoulders and looked confused.

“So… what if it is a bit more people than we expected, we can handle them”, (y/n) said in a positive tone.

Emma shook her head and put both of her hands on (y/n) shoulders.

“I don’t think you are grasping the full weight the situation. You know who as in… Mr. Jack Box is here,” Emma whispered back.

(y/n) faced had gone pale. There was no way they would bring the CEO of the company to their crummy branch. It was just impossible! He is meant to be some multimillionaire psycho; he shouldn’t be here! (y/n) had heard many stories of how he does business and they weren’t nice. The story that always comes to mind is the one cashier who didn’t smile at him so he fired them on the spot. (y/n) could very well be in their shoes as she was also a cashier. ‘He must get some sick since of power from it all’, she thought to herself.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Emma.

“The managers are out there trying to smooth talk and figure out what they are all here for. God knows the CEO has better things to do than come here for a routine inspection,” Emma said frustratedly.

Everyone stopped talking when the door started to open. You could here a pin drop. The older manager entered the room, everyone was looking at them. They all waited to see what he had to say.

“Well, I guess most you know by now that this is not just a routine inspection anymore… apparently this is a full-scale inspection into this store,” he said calmly.

Everyone looked at each other around the room now. Whispers started to form. The manager cleared his throat, trying to gather everyone’s attention.

“It seems that it is so serious even the CEO is here. I can’t tell you anymore about the situation at this point only that everyone will be interviewed one at a time over the next couple of hours. The interviews will take place in the back office. I’ll call you when it is your turn”, after finishing his statement he left the room.

The talking started to pick up again. (y/n) was too nervous to speak to anyone. Her brain went a million miles an hour thinking of what it could be. If the person they are looking for was her. The panic was causing her stomach to flip. She turned to Emma and told her she was going to the toilet if anyone needed her.

(y/n) quietly slipped out the room after that then started heading towards the bathroom. She had to make it across the other side of the store without getting caught. She stepped softly through the kitchen, making sure not to hit anything. (y/n) thought she made it in the clear but she suddenly heard voices coming towards her. She hit the deck not wanting to be caught by any of the visitors and accused of eve’s dropping.

Just after she dropped down behind a counter, a group of people entered the kitchen area. (y/n) recognized one of the voices being her younger manager Katie and the other was a stranger.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t understand how any that could have possibly happened unless the system broke itself,” Katie replied in a panicked voice.

“Are you saying Mr. Box is wrong? Questioning authority doesn’t look very good for you”, the women retorted back in an angry voice.

(y/n) couldn’t focus on the voices for very long as she was trying to find a why to crawl away without being caught. Every move she makes could make a sound and give her away. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might explode.

Then she heard footsteps coming towards her. (Y/n) was going to be caught! She didn’t know what to do. She panicked and jumped under a table. Hoping no one would look under it. To her surprise the group seemed to walk past her.

“This place is filthy, I’m surprised we haven’t found any mice yet,” The women’s voice said as the group left the kitchen.

(y/n) let out a sigh of relief. She took a second to collect herself and started to crawl out of her hiding spot. Before she could get up, (y/n) came face to face with a pair of black leather shoes.

“Oh, I think I found the mouse Martha was mentioning,” the male voice said smugly.

(y/n) slowly raised her head to see the owner of the company, Mr. Jack Box. She was frozen in shock, her life flashing before her eyes. Jack just keeps his smug smile on while looking down at her, he was enjoying this. (y/n) didn’t imagine for him to be so charming, he really did look good in his blue suit.

“Are you going to sit like a dog all day, or can you do a standing trick too?” Jack said to her. He was being so condescending.

(y/n) snapped out of her trance and stood quickly. Her face was bright red and she didn’t know how to reply to him. Anyone else she would have told them off but she couldn’t with him. She was scared because for one he was literally the CEO of the company she worked at. The second was his presence, he was a lot taller than her and had such a dominating presence.

“I was just going to the toilet and … I mean I’m sorry! I didn’t hear anything and I was just hiding there to get out of the way,” (y/n) said fumbling through every word.

If her face wasn’t bright red, it would be now. Jack smile never left his face. He moved his hand and put it on her shoulder. This made (y/n) jump a little.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to give you into trouble. I was move excited to meet an actual employee instead of these fools of a management team. I’ll stop keeping you waiting any longer for your toilet break. It was nice meeting you little mouse”, he said as he started to walk away.

(y/n) turned to look as he left.

“My name is (y/n), Mr. Box. It was nice meeting you,” She replied back.

Jack turned his head to look at her. He was a bit shocked she replied to him. ‘So, she does have some form of a back spine’ he thought to himself.

“It was nice meeting you too (y/n)”, Jack said as he left the kitchen.

(y/n) stood in shock at what just happened. She slowly turned on her heels and walked to the toilet. She walked into a stole and wanted to hide in there forever. She curled up into a ball, just wanting this day to end. It had been too stressful, especially with the run-ins with Jack. Only if she known what was in-store for her.

(y/n) was snapped out of her bathroom crying session by a chap on the door. It was her manager.

“(y/n), it is your turn to be interviewed. Better be quick as Mr. Box doesn’t like being kept waiting”, they said in a firm tone.

‘Oh god’, was all she could think. Jack was going to interview her and surely fire her. She slowly uncurled her self and slowly walked out of the bathroom. Her mood was destroyed and she walked with her head done to the manager’s office.

When she got there another co-worker came out crying. This was not helping her at all. She breathed in slowly and breathed out. She then reached for the door handle and opened it. To her surprise none of Jack’s minions were there. Jack was sitting at her manager’s desk with his legs up on the table. If she wasn’t about to be fired, she might have enjoyed the view of him.

“Come take a seat? You are aware that this is a meeting about the incident that happened here?”, Jack said as he dropped his feet off of the desk.

(y/n) went to take the seat in front of the desk. She was really starting to feel nervous. ‘Was it always so hot in here’, she thought as her faced warmed up.

“Yes Sir, I understand you wanted to ask everyone questions about the incident which took place. I’m sorry about but I don’t actually know what that is referring too,” (y/n) replied back respectfully. Jack sat up and put both his hands on the desk. He looked at (y/n).

“I think you do, because security shows you committing the act”, He replied seriously. His voice still had that chipper sound, but it was hollow.

“But like I told you Sir, I’m not even sure what you are talking about!” She replied back in a panic.

“It’s too late for that, we have already decided your choices now,” said Jack.

That sentence cut through (y/n). This was it, she started crying. What was she going to do without a job? How is she going to pay rent? She had so many questions going on in her head. Jack pulled a tissue out and passed it to (y/n). She accepted it and wiped her face with it.

“Don’t be so sad, you don’t have to be fired,” he said in a happy tone.

(Y/n) face turned up to look at him. Her eyes were filled with hope.

“I don’t”, She whimpered back.

“Of course not. In fact I have a position which would suit you perfectly, just sign this contract”, Jack said while pulling out a stack of papers.

(y/n) moved in closely to start reading the contract, but Jack put out his hand in the way.

“I’m a busy man, I don’t have all day for you to read this. Plus, it is all just legal bullshit, nothing a pretty girl like you would be interested in”, he said sweetly.

(y/n) picked up a pen from the desk. She couldn’t afford to not have a job, so whatever he was giving her she would take. She just couldn’t shake the feeling she was dancing with the devil himself. Jack still had his iconic blue smile on. (y/n) took the pen and started to write her signature.

Once she put her pen down. She turned to look at him.

“So, what is my new career?”, (y/n) asked sheepishly.

Jack got out from behind his desk and walked over to her. He starts to get down towards the floor and went on one knee. ‘Oh god, what have I gotten myself into’ she thought in a panic. Jack went into his pocket and pulled something out. A Box?

“Being my wife”, Jack said as he lovingly looked at her.

Hope you all enjoyed it! Have another chapter all ready up on AO3!

[wellspokenrambler]

Rambler @ PAX East 2024

Hi folks! I just got back from PAX East over the weekend and, while I didn't really take part in the Expo Hall besides a couple of stalls, I did go to a decent number of panels - and thought it was worth writing up my thoughts on each of them. The only thing I love more than playing video games is hearing people talk about video games!

(I didn't take notes while I was there so this will be certainly more of a "vibes"-based assessment and why each one appealed to me personally, so apologies if you came here looking for a more objective description of each panel! I'll put links to the VOD of each panel where available)

Panels and thoughts below the read-more (it's long as heck! get ready):

Metroid: A Community Retrospective and Look Toward the Future

Having only played Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and Metroid: Dread in my time, I wouldn't call myself a hardcore fan - but they are both games I've really enjoyed, and Samus Aran's pivotal positioning as a female character in video gaming history is always fascinating to me, so I had to check this one out.

It's so surreal to see the ways that a community like this had to adapt to long "dry spells" without any official new material for their fandom, and the joy that follows when something like Dread comes along to reaffirm their love for it. I don't know that I learned anything new from this panel myself, but it was still heartening to hear the panellists' clear passion for the games, and it does make me want to dip my toes into other Metroids (at the very least, the other two Prime games!)

Unlocking the Positive Potential of Gaming for Kids and Teens

I hadn't originally planned to go to this one, but met two of the panellists (Dr. David Bickham and Sam Schamm, MA) while eating brunch by the food trucks, and hearing them briefly discuss the subject matter fascinated me enough that I decided to pop along to it.

This was a deeply insightful panel on the ways that gaming can meaningfully help young people and foster their learning, agency, critical thinking, and other useful life skills - as well as thoughts on how to help them through the risks associated with gaming such as toxic multiplayer communities or, for want of a better word, the addictive potential of gaming. Having previously worked in a job which involved helping teenagers make informed decisions about their futures myself, it meant a lot to me to see serious academic thought being given to the subject given how prevalent gaming is as part of a child's social life these days. Excellent panel!

Mental Health and Gaming - Creating a Safe Space for Yourself and Others

While a difficult topic, I am nevertheless glad that I went to this panel as it covered the way that streamers and other "community figures" can navigate the creation of a safe space in the form of their community while also maintaining effective boundaries within that space. Of particular interest to me was reframing some of the language that often gets used in this context e.g. "trauma-dumping" and unpacking our own biases when dealing with uncomfortable situations.

If I had any minor criticisms of the panel, it would be that some of the suggestions occasionally felt like they veered a little too far into the side of... I guess trying to fix the lives of strangers? Now, in the interests of fairness I shall state my own biases that lead to this feeling, because it is not that I do not care about what happens to people: it is precisely because I've had to manage my own proclivity towards hyper-empathy in the past that I tend to take a step back from my emotions on that regard these days. Caring is good, but caring to the point of self-destruction helps no-one, and that to me feeds into what the panel was saying about boundary maintenance.

My own community is a small handful of regulars and a couple of hundred followers so this has not been something I need to worry about yet, but the panel has hopefully given me some tools with which to manage those situations if they ever arise, and for that I am thankful.

How Our Favorite Characters Have Real World Impacts on Us: A Look into Fictional Characters and ParaSocial Relationships

FASCINATING panel. I originally went to this because of my memories of being in the Gorillaz fandom and the weird and wonderful (and sometimes ugly) ways people interacted with the idea of the fictional band members in that space... But the conversation proved to cover a broad spectrum both of what constitutes a parasocial relationship AND what constitutes a fictional character; the panellists made the case that the personas of content creators and streamers themselves counted as fictional characters, and I think they are absolutely bang-on with that.

From my end as a Z-list Player of Games Online, even I am presenting a more polished version of myself there than I would have in the rest of my life - it's not "not me", but it's certainly not all of me, and that is enough to make "Well-Spoken Rambler" a somewhat distinct entity from the person who portrays them.

The inclusion of internet personalities into their definition ALSO meant, however, that at the Q&A I got to name-drop one of my favourite journal articles that I've read this year: The one-and-a-half sided parasocial relationship: The curious case of live streaming. This article holds deeply interesting connotations to me because of what it implies about the "half" of the one-and-a-half... which is that of course, behind the fiction of a "creator" is the person who creates, and that person is just as capable of developing fictionalised ideas of the people in their community (though with a more removed and likely self-aware perspective on it). The panellists had heard of the article and mentioned it was on their to-read list, but agreed it tied in well with the themes of the panel!

(... And yet the reason I was able to re-find the article so quickly is because I had linked it to a creator in a Patreon Direct Message a couple months ago because I thought it would be interesting to them... The irony is not lost on me. More on that later.)

Debate Club with Mari and PeeGTV

This was just a fun old time! I wasn't familiar with Mari or PG before watching this panel, but they have such a fun rapport here that I want to try and watch them more regularly now that I know of them. Jenna Stoeber acted as a firm but fair adjudicator of the panel - and I am definitely not just saying that because she is a recent convert to the Rambler channel and was pleasant and kind when we bumped into each other on the expo floor. She did a great job letting both sides of the debate (Millennial horror vs Gen Z horror) shine. If you listen closely around the 34 minute mark, you may hear a familiar little British voice raise a point about how you can't judge a horror by its synopsis!

Thinking Differently Together: Neurodivergence & Gaming

Folks... I am so so glad that there is a much greater emphasis on self-advocacy these days than there used to be. Look! Look at all those ND creators talking about their experiences and being listened to!! Look how it has a VOD so I can just link it and you can all see it too!!! Conversations like this one in a major event like PAX are a hopeful sign to me that progress is being fought for and won.

Only minor critiques for this one are:

could have used some discussion about more than just the usual ADHD/autism bracket that is discussed when it comes to neurodiversity (but then I think that about most ND discussions)

would personally have liked some chat about accessibility concerns while creating/streaming and neurodivergent (e.g. personally had to tweak my lighting because it was overstimulating me while I streamed)

Otherwise great panel!

Bridging the Gender Gap (13+)

Another great panel for encouraging diversity in the games industry - I appreciated the intersectionality of this one as well as the honest discussions about the ways in which things still need to be made *considerably* better throughout all corners of gaming. The panel also discusses actionable steps which could be taken to improve on these issues.

Surprised at myself for not having much to say about this one! I just think the panellists did a really good and succinct job at talking about the subject.

A Hunter's Dream: Bloodborne and Transness

I enjoyed this panel a whole lot - Having watched a playthrough of Bloodborne last year, hearing two trans women discussing the different trans allegories and interpretation of the characters and themes and lore of the game felt absolutely correct, even if it wasn't "canon".

If one was being pedantic one could call this the least polished of the panels I went to, but I honestly don't think that matters tremendously because both panellists were so utterly sincere about what they were covering that it carried the panel. You could easily tell just how much the subject matter meant to the two and it in turn meant a lot to me that they were willing to share it with a bunch of strangers as we were.

And then...

Um, Actually: The Panel

Hoooooo boy.

So remember earlier when I mentioned the irony of using Patreon DMs to grab an article about nonstandard parasocial interactions?

[ID: a meme image of Morpheus from the Matrix saying "What if I told you the guy I sent that article to is at a PAX East panel"]

So of course the panel for the Dropout show Um, Actually was being hosted by its two new presenters, Ify Nwadiwe and Brian David Gilbert:

Ify had been a wonderful host so far, and I really enjoy his work in general (especially his stint recently on Very Important People), so I was looking forward to meeting him.

...And then there's Brian, who has been streaming on Twitch for just under the past four years and who in that time has been subject to hundreds of my fun facts, insightful commentaries, and helpful actions (which he very much appreciated). That, alongside regularly taking part in Patreon livestreams, has led to a strange situation where I would not consider us friends, but we... don't not know each other? but we also don't know each other? Which is why the "one-and-a-half-sided" description in that article and the panel about parasocialness appealed to me (and why I sent the article to him too).

So of course when this panel got announced I wasn't gonna miss it. I really enjoyed what I've seen of Ify's hosting and Brian's fact-finding so far, and I wasn't gonna miss the chance to see the two chat about it - nor to potentially meet the guy who helped me raise £500 for ASAN last year.

But, turns out I wasn't the only one enthused by the panel, because it was Absolutely Rammed, like, an hour and a half before the panel started. I got lucky in that I managed to end up somewhere in the middle of the pack and got into the panel at all, but good grief did it remind me how I don't do well in crowds (even well-managed crowds, thank you PAX Enforcers xx).

It caused me to reflect a lot on the perceived casualness with which I interacted with Brian on Twitch versus the material reality of the level of interest from a LOT of people which he manages. It's the kind of thing which makes me wish to never become famous, because I don't know that I'd have it in me to manage that level of attention from everyone - even the very occasional instance of people recognising me online FROM Brian's streams and acting like it's a big deal always throws me off a bit (this has happened to me several times, I'm not even kidding!)

But then of course the Enforcers got us all in neatly and sweetly, and the panel was a delight! It was fun to hear Ify and Brian (and Jenna!!) talk about working on the show and the kinds of things they enjoyed putting in and what to expect next - such as another new season after the current one, as it deserves.

There was also a live session of Um, Actually questions which was at the time enjoyable, but since then numerous allegations of cheating and defamation have come to light against one of the participants, Gabe Hicks, and it is disheartening that something as grievous as this could have been going on that very weekend. I hope that justice and reparations can be made for the people affected by this, and I am going to move on out of courtesy to those involved.

After the panel, a meet-and-greet line formed for both Ify and Brian outside of the theatre and I was able to join it - it also felt important to me that I follow the proper procedures and not assume any privileges, since I know full well how that kind of thing can read and wanted to put my best foot forward, so to speak.

The play-by-play of our eventual meeting is as follows:

I greeted Ify first on purpose to let him know that he was doing a great job as the new Um, Actually host and I liked him in VIP

I then went to greet Brian, but at that point he had very blatantly already cottoned onto who I was and seemed very enthusiastic that I was there. I didn't feel any sense of star-struckedness, it was more like that sense of when you talk to someone online and then meet them in person - surreal, but not stressful.

Jenna took that moment to gently interrupt so she could rendezvous with the two men before the line ended - seemingly because of our vague familiarity and prior assumption of goodwill on our parts

I made sure to pass along some greetings from a few Discord servers formed around Brian's Twitch streams I was in, which Brian appreciated, and gave him a small gift which I brought with me - a small bottle of vivid iridescent nail polish (Ciaté London's "Forbidden Fruit", sadly out of production now), since nail painting and structural colour is somewhat of a shared interest of ours

Brian made sure to specifically compliment me on my shirt, to which I admitted the reason I wore it was because I knew Brian was the only person there who would appreciate it fully: it was from a game of Tee KO we played on Patreon at the end of 2022, which Brian won using a VERY existential t-shirt illustrated by myself:

(sidenote, after repeated success with these silly skeletons in subsequent games of Tee KO, I am very close to just selling my own legally-distinct skeleton shirt if I ever have a merch page)

Finally, I asked if we three could cap off the meeting with a video'd selfie, to which they graciously obliged me:

Having filmed what can only be described as a Cannes-worthy masterpiece, I said my goodbyes to them and made my way to the next panel...

The PAX Panel Show

...Which was just in the same theatre as the last panel, and with Jenna hosting and Brian on the panel. What a glorious event! I am so sad this one didn't get recorded - a truly deranged set of questions, including Portmantoad (guessing which video games have had their names spliced together based on the description of the resulting fusion), Ornstein and Sullivan (guessing whether a named character was from a Fromsoft game or from an opera), and a whole bunch of real-world questions about farming?? Joke's on all these city-slicker panellists, I grew up on a smallholding! So I was... actually no better at those farm questions than them. I can't tell you about industrial farming practices, but I can tell you how to hold a chicken! (gently, like a big hamburger).

After the panel, I approached Jenna one last time at the con and suggested that, given the inherent strangeness of our interactions (wherein we have become Twitch mutuals but still at best distant acquaintances) it would be funny if we took a selfie but made out like she was "the fan". She saw the funny side of it:

[ID: a tweet by Well-Spoken Rambler @wellspokentweet reading "Always a pleasure to meet a fan, @the_jenna", below which is a selfie featuring Well-Spoken Rambler and Jenna Stoeber. A reply from Jenna beneath this reads "HONORED TO MEET YOU, BIG FAN <3" in all-caps.]

Play What You Don't Know with DesiQuest

This was my last panel of PAX, and a bit of a last-minute wildcard! After relaying the above events to my good friend Hamish, he told me that his friend Omar would be doing a panel the following day, and that I should go and see it. And I am very glad I did!

It was really heartening to learn that a podcast like DesiQuest exists - a D&D actual play featuring an all-South-Asian cast and touching on the disparate cultures and themes that connect with them and their audience. As someone who is of Sri Lankan descent but without the cultural upbringing, it's something that appeals to me personally as another way to try and reconnect with that heritage. Definitely catching up on this one over the week!

I also got to say hi to Omar from Hamish, and it was a nice bonding moment cut short by my having to BOOK IT to a water taxi and conclude my time in Boston for good.

...

Phew!

Well, thanks for reading all of that if you did! It was a weekend that was at once fun, interesting, and thought-provoking. I still don't consider myself someone who seeks out big events, but being much more free and able to take part in those kinds of things now is super refreshing and I hope at some point (though not in the immediate future, boy was that expensive) I will be able to go again! Or at least do other events like that. Possibly something a bit quieter, but conventions don't usually run in flavours of "quiet", haha. Perhaps next time I'll bring business cards to recklessly self-promote better with.

See you around!

-Rambler

[youtubeyouniversitytherapy]

Therapy Exercise 1: Check In! || Danny & Dean Beau

Danny tapped at his legs patiently as he waited to be let in for his therapy session with Dean Beau, ready for the same old questions that were about to be posed to him and ready to deliver the same answers to them. For the same song and dance that he was so over going through at this point. Regardless, he was never one to not show up when called upon.

“You can head in now, Mr. Avidan.” the receptionist said behind her desk.

He looked up, legs stretching out as he stood and walked towards their office, knocking before walking in.

“Hello Daniel! Take a seat!” The Dean smiled behind their desk, a notepad on it, also ready for their routine.

Sitting down on the couch, he sighed quietly in his seat sitting back ready to get this over with for both their sakes.

“How have you been this week?”

He gave a quiet shrug, looking off at one of the axolotl plushies on the other end of the seat. “I’ve been okay. I managed to get some videos done for the PowerHour and have been working with Mark on getting the new Theta settled in..”

“That’s good. And how are they?”

“Well.. honestly I’m not sure. When I’m not working I’m usually just in my room. I’ve been keeping to myself more lately… I barely even see Arin.”

“… Is this because of-“

“Yes.”

He couldn’t think about them now. If he did it would just be too much. He knew the whole point was to talk about these stressors to his illness, but it would only add to it right now. He probably wouldn’t even be able to step into the office without totally breaking down.

“.. Right.” Dean Beau noted that, writing away without another word on that topic. “Well how have you been adjusting then.. since the changes?”

“Well, quite frankly, not adjusting well at all… there’s a lot of memories he that we remind me… of everything. I can’t go to places in town- places here, without feeling this overbearing dread.” He rubbed his legs to feel some comfort through his words. 

“… I’m sorry that this is the case Danny.. I know it’s not an easy feeling to experience, especially as of late, but we want you to be able to replace those memories with other happy ones.”

“Yeah, but what if something happens again? Then those memories will just burden me and turn into triggers too!”

“Unfortunately, that’s the risk. But I guarantee that trying to live your life without worrying about the worst that could happen is going to be all the more worth it. But, maybe try to go to places outside of this place, maybe even outside of town! Not only do I think it would benefit your health, but I think the more inaccessible a place is, the more you’ll feel comfortable going out and doing things with your loved ones.”

Danny took in their words, thinking about a place outside of the university and town, hell even out of the state or even the country! Anywhere was better than here. He thought about how easy it was to go on tours, even with Arin there! Hell there were better with him by his side, out on the road traveling together.

Maybe a trip unrelated to work out of here was long overdue.

“Okay, well, we’ve hit a lot of good points already today, so I think that about wraps up our session, but before you go I have one last thing I’m required to ask.” Dean Beau set down their pen to look at Danny. “With our program, in your opinion, do you think you’re getting better?”

The question hit Dan in the chest, making him have to seriously consider how the University has treated his illness since he’s arrived here. And when he really pondered about it, even considering how he’s had a lot of amazing ups and awful downs, the answer seemed to be resounding to him and echoed through his thoughts.

“….I don’t think it has….”

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

Chaeri's masterlist

❒ member: Jin

❒ genre: fluff fluff fluff

❒ words: 1.1k+

❒ summary: In which Jin takes Chaeri to Coldplay concert.

❒ notes: Happy Easter to whoever celebrates it! I hope you are resting and enjoying your free time this weekend. I enjoyed those days because I managed to buy tickets for a Coldplay concert that will be held in my city in a few months. Finally working so hard is paying off for me in some way :) That's why I wrote this little piece of Chaeri and Jin's life excited about the thought that I will soon be having such an experience. Be happy for me, I have been waiting for this moment for a long time!

❒ warnings: mentions of disbanding

Fix you

April, 2017

Disbanding.

She had been having nightmares since that word started to be part of their conversations more often than she wanted to hear it.

Their success had begun to skyrocket drastically in recent times, leading them to achievements and recognition they never imagined. Of course, fame and popularity came at a cost though.

The highest one to pay was definitely their mental health.

It was becoming more and more difficult to have a private life, to be able to go out without being escorted by at least a couple of bodyguards, to visit a place without it being mobbed by fans who wanted to meet them at all costs, to spend time with their family without exposing them to risk.

Was it worth it?

That was what members wondered, as the days, weeks, months passed. As the whole rottenness of the KPOP industry poured over them, choking them until they could no longer breathe, making them live with the constant fear of making a mistake on camera and being labeled forever for that one, banal slip-up.

They needed time off.

That's why, when Coldplay's tour stop in Seoul was announced for that April, Jin didn't pass up the opportunity to buy two tickets: One for him and one for the youngest of the group.

As lifelong fans of the British group, the boy thought that such a night would be good for both of them.

As Chaeri and Jin took their seats at the Coldplay concert, Chaeri couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement coursing through her veins. This was her first time experiencing a concert as a fan rather than a performer, and she was eager to soak up every moment of it "I can't believe we're really here. This is like a dream come true."

Jin smiled at her, "I know what you mean. I've been waiting for this moment for so long."

"Thank you, oppa. This is the most amazing gift you could have given me" To him, she was like a little sister, and he was determined to make sure she had a night to remember "Anything for my little brat"

The arena quickly grew pitch black, and the audience erupted in a roar of delight. Chaeri and Jin felt a thrilling chill run up their spines as a single spotlight shone down on Chris Martin, standing atop the sprawling stage. They were both awestruck by his presence; it wasn't just about seeing a superstar musician, but embodying the feeling of euphoria that this incredible artist brought to thousands upon thousands of people every night. The music was mesmerizing, transporting them both into another world as they sang along with their fellow fans. Every song gave way to new waves of emotion, culminating in an unforgettable experience.

The thunderous beat of 'A Sky Full of Stars' filled the atmosphere, vibrating through every fiber of Chaeri and Jin's beings. The colorful LED bracelets that adorned their wrists illuminated the entire arena like a blanket of stars. With each pulse of the music, the bracelets bled into new colors, casting an ethereal glow on everything around them. Every time Chaeri lifted her arm or Jin waved his hand, the colors swirled in a dizzying kaleidoscope. It was as if they were commanding the stars themselves to dance for them. The whole experience felt like being in another world - one where light and sound were the only forms of communication. 

Chaeri gazed up in awe at the sea of lights above them, feeling like they were a part of something bigger than themselves. She reached out to touch one of the glowing stars above her head, but instead felt Jin's hand grasp hers, pulling her closer to him. The moment was electric, pulsing with life and energy. They swayed together along with the beat, lost in each other and lost in the magic of it all.

"I love you Chris Martin" She cupped her hands around her mouth to scream as loudly as she could "I love you Coldplay" at the second enthusiastic shout Jin joined in. Their voices were lost in the thousands of others who were there that night, yet they felt they were louder than they had ever been on stage.

As the chords of "Fix You" echoed through the stadium, its lyrical beauty pierced their hearts. It felt like this song was written specifically for them; every word gently cradled their souls and gave them solace in a time of hardship. Every single note seemed to understand their struggles, melancholy, and pain. It was as if the music had been woven from their own words:

"When you try your best but you don't succeed. 

When you get what you want but not what you need.

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face. 

When you lose something you can't replace. 

When you love someone but it goes to waste. 

Could it be worse?"

When the song reached its climax, and Martin sang 

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. 

And I will try to fix you," 

Chaeri felt tears almost streaming down her face.

Jin tenderly grasped her soft hand, and pulled her in close with the crook of his arm. Together they swayed to the melody of the song. He looked into her teary eyes and whispered reassuringly, "We'll fix each other." 

"I don't want it to end, you all are my home"

Jin smiled gently at her, "You'll always have a home with us, Chaeri. No matter what happens, we'll always be a family" And with that, he pulled her into a warm embrace, holding her tight as the song played on.

Chaeri felt a sense of comfort and safety in Jin's embrace, and she held onto him just as tightly. She knew that no matter what happened in the future, they would always have this moment to look back on, this moment of pure joy and happiness.

As the concert wound down, and Coldplay took their final bows, Chaeri and Jin made their way out of the arena, arm in arm. The night sky was filled with stars, just like the bracelets that had illuminated their wrists earlier. For a moment, they both stood there, gazing up at the twinkling lights, lost in their own thoughts.

"I want to make more memories like this," Chaeri finally said, breaking the silence. "Memories that we can hold onto when things get tough. That's why I think tonight should not end here."

Jin looked at her, puzzled. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Chaeri smiled mischievously and leaned in close to whisper her idea into his ear. Jin's eyes widened as he heard what she had on mind, and a playful smirk spread across his face. He tightened his grip around her waist and whispered back, "Let's do it."

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr

[copperbadge]

How did you get started with investing? I've seen you talk about it before and I know that's something I need to do, but I feel so lost in terms of which companies to invest in and how much money I should put in. I have retirement accounts but nothing outside of that. And really, I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because I'm too embarrassed - I'm literally a CPA and do corporate taxes for a living but still find investing to be so intimidating 😞.

I mean, when people say "you should be investing" often, until you reach a certain wealth level, they are actually referring to your 401K. This is more general advice for the readers, but don't feel bad if you're not investing outside of retirement, especially if you're early in your career or if you're in a job where you don't have much disposable income. Don't feel bad in general, honestly, even if you haven't got a retirement fund at all; life is hard and money is necessary but stupid.

I only really started to invest invest in the last two years and even then I'm pretty conservative about it. On the plus, as a CPA, you will probably have a leg up in terms of knowing a lot of financial terms and kind of...understanding how money works in at least some sense.

I actually got started studying investing with my retirement fund. I was young and broke and mad that a chunk of my paycheck was going into my 401K when I could use that money NOW (see Sam Vimes Boots Theory for more on why ready cash now can often beat more cash later). I didn't know much about finance but I knew that a) I was basically being forced to play the financial markets with that money and b) the fate of our country's economy is tied to the stock market which is a mood ring hooked up to a roulette wheel. Being the Oldest Living Millennial I also understood I might not actually ever get to retire, so I decided to treat my retirement fund like Monopoly money: real but meaningless. And so I thought, well, let's Learn About Investing with it.

When you invest with a 401K or IRA usually you're not buying straight stocks; you're buying some conglomeration of investments bundled together as a fund (this is not a technical term, fund has a specific meaning in the technical sense, but it's easier to just use fund as a shorthand so I'm gonna). These can include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and other more esoteric vehicles. So I started looking into the funds available to me -- there's the "retire in this year" fund that most people just dump all their money into, but there were also ways to invest in small businesses abroad, in health care or in funds that are "socially responsible", ways to buy into funds that did nothing but attempt to keep up with inflation, and on and on.

I didn't know any of that, of course -- I just saw something like "International Explorer Fund" and decided it sounded interesting and I'd learn what it was and what it did, and when I was satisfied that the reward was worth the risk, I'd dump some cash from my 2045-Retirement investment into it. While "past performance is no indication of future success" past performance isn't a bad way to at least pick something to research, and usually there's an earnings graph on the fund's prospectus page. I'd start reading prospectuses and looking up every word I didn't know or felt had a specific context I was missing (mostly on Investopedia, a GREAT resource). I'd take the term, add it to a vocabulary list, and rewrite "what is this and what does it do" in my own words. Eventually I internalized a lot of the terminology but I still check my notes once in a while.

There are financial literacy courses you can take, of course, and I don't think you should be AT ALL ashamed about trying to find a good one (lots of scams out there) or asking colleagues about them. "Hey, I'm not comfortable with my level of literacy about investment vehicles; do you know of any good educational material or class that would fill in the gaps?" is a good way to go about it. Very few people know jack shit about investing and my level of knowledge is just BARELY above jack shit, to be honest, so no shame, my friend. It is also totally fine to find a financial planner or investment advisor outside of your work and have a sit-down with them to get advice, which is what my parents do. Many banks offer that kind of service, so check with wherever you do your banking, and almost any retirement fund administrator (like Vanguard or American Funds) will be happy to send someone to meet with you and advise you. I was never prouder of my financial self-education than the one time I met with a guy from Vanguard who said, "Basically, keep doing what you're doing, this is a model portfolio."

Once I was investing in my retirement funds more confidently, I got the RobinHood app and started studying stocks, which is really just like, "find a stock and do a book report on it". Look at past earnings, who the CEO of the company is, what their board makeup is like, what they're doing in the news. And of course the most important advice: Never, ever invest money in the stock market that you aren't prepared to lose.

Aside from my stock adventures on RobinHood, which is about five hundred dollars that I turned into a thousand dollars over a couple of years, I have money in a few savings accounts. I don't have CDs or money market accounts or any of that, because I still don't have quite enough cash to make it worth it. I just parked some in a credit union that pays 6% interest on the first $1K you put in, and the rest in Betterment, which had a 2% interest rate when I started but now is down to .3% which is a bummer. But I haven't found another vehicle like Betterment which allows you equally easy access to your money while having as intuitive and modular an online interface.

So overall, aside from retirement (which is at $116K, which seems impressive until you remember you're supposed to retire with 25x your yearly salary in your 401K) I have a grand in the stock market, a grand in a 6%-interest savings account with a credit union, a grand in an emergency-only savings account attached to my checking, and roughly five grand with Betterment. It's a fairly conservative setup but I'd like never to be poor ever again, so I'm hedging carefully :D

Some great resources that I've used include:

Investopedia

Planet Money podcast by NPR and its sister podcast, The Indicator

The Financial page of the newspaper (I used to read NYT, now I read Tribune)

Rankandfiled.com, a free stock filings resource site that basically scrapes the SEC for financial data -- this is for if you really want to do a deep dive once you've got more experience

Good luck! It's a slog at first, but eventually it gets kinda fun :)

[losthomunculus]

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

[fnaf-a-palooza]

Hi!! Could I please have soft!yandere headcanons for mike Schmidt, Jeremy Fitzgerald, phone guy, and fritz smith

plz and thank you!!

Little note, since we aren't really given much personality for these guys, this is just my interpretation of them. Also, I don’t really think these were soft but hey :) Hope you enjoy!

★Yandere Headcanons★ — Mike Schmidt, Jeremy Fitzgerald, Phone Guy (Samson) and Fritz Smith

Warning(s): Yandere Themes

Mike Schmidt

Mike is a very possessive yandere and does not take lightly towards people always vying for your attention and time. Sure, it can get busy at the pizzeria now and again. Though if he was being honest, Mike would say that him working the night shift while you work during the day was probably the worst thing he figured out. He’s a little pissed at himself for being such a recluse to wanting the job to avoid others, but the option of coming around in the day makes him feel a little better. It’s something he is not willing to do, but it’s worth it when sees your face.

As a bonus, he gets to scan around for anyone who might get a little too friendly with you. Some might find that silly of him: the whole place is just full of kids and parents. Wrong. Mike has visited this place enough times in his childhood and preteen years to know who comes around. Family friends, older siblings of the kids, older relatives. All of them single is the fact Mike focuses on. So yeah, he’s keeping a watchful eye on you.

Out of the four, Mike is for sure the one who would take extreme measures to ensure no one takes you from him.Life hasn’t treated him nicely, so why should he do so back? He deems you the light of his life and he’ll be damned if he ever lets you out of his grasp or heck, let anyone stop him for that matter. Mike may seem rough around the edges, but with you, he feels like a better person. He feels safe to be vulnerable with you. That’s something he can’t risk losing.

Jeremy Fitzgerald 

This man is the type of yandere who would be incapable of bringing harm towards others. Jeremy is a very hesitant and jumpy man, normally wanting to find better solutions to his problems that involve less confrontation. It just drives him in a state of anxiety when he's put on the spot, but you make everything better. His obsession started when you showed genuine kindness towards him and that's the thing; any form of kindness you would have shown would've gotten him hooked. Jeremy couldn't just let a person like you get away. It's somewhat rare to find people like you, so he wants to make sure you're by his side.

He's pretty content with a friendship with you in the beginning, but then his insecurities start to take a toll. The thought of you ever finding a significant other and making more time for them sends him in a frenzy. Jeremy would want to be happy for you, but his emotional health won't be able to take it. So his goal was to pursue a relationship with you. It wouldn't be that hard; he knows almost everything about you.

It was pretty easy and admittedly he became relieved when you accepted his proposal to be your boyfriend, but of course Jeremy was filled with joy. Now no one will stand between the two of you! It sounds selfish, but…he really wants to be selfish if it means he can have you. Life is tough on your own, Jeremy knows that, but getting through it is better when you have someone. You’re his means of mental stability, so rejecting him in any sense breaks him bit by bit. So it’s better to be careful around him. Jeremy is not cruel, he just cares a little too much.

Phone Guy (Samson)

The most obsessive out of everyone here... And delusion. Samson always uses his time off to talk to you; it's all he ever does as well. Every conversation he has with you, he learns something new to take note of. It's almost like he's known you all his life despite only meeting you about four weeks ago. Samson tries not to be creepy about it, but there are moments when he gets giddy and wants to let you know how far his knowledge goes. It can be when he somehow knows what your favorite flavor of ice cream is. Coincidence, probably. The nervous habit you have? It's been shown during shifts, he probably took notice. The color of the socks you put on today? Now... That seems a little odd.

When I say Samson is delusional, it's because he is fully convincing himself you're in love with him just as he does for you. You just haven’t gotten the courage to tell him yourself. There is no use denying it; he’s seen all the signs and he is very sure that this assumption is correct. Why else would you continue to stay and chat with him? Comfort him when rumors about the pizzeria had started, breaking his heart at the possibility of such heinous crimes being committed here. What a wonderful person you are. He’s so lucky to have a significant other such as yourself.

In terms of rivals…what rivals? You’re in love with him after all, so why should Samson worry over things such as close friends or overly friendly people conversing with you? Preposterous. You’d never do such a thing to him, breaking his trust. If anything, it would be those people coming onto you too strongly and that means it’s his job as your lovely boyfriend to make sure they are aware you are taken. Everything will be fine. He will take care of it.

Fritz Smith

Fritz is an odd case here. Not much is known about him or what he’s done before working at the pizzeria as a mechanic; only the manager would know. He seems to keep to himself and refrain from interacting too much with the other employees, but at a closer glance he does look to be enjoying what he does. That is despite what he’s heard from the rumors. Heck, some suspect he came here because of that. But what does any of that have to do with you? Well, Fritz always believed he wouldn’t get attached. Boy was he wrong. He can’t really explain it, but you fascinate him a lot. That normally doesn’t happen so there must be something special about you that caught his interest.

He’s in denial for a bit that what he is feeling is romantic. It does not seem so, but how would he know? Fritz never really took the opportunity to strike up any relationships nor did he even try to make connections that intimate. He will just have to keep pondering on it, but hey, you’re good company that’s for sure. Fritz will claim he is not a picky person when it comes to people, but it does help to be cautious of those you share details about yourself to. Though that’s the thing, he can’t seem to stop himself from sharing about himself when it comes to you. Everything just gets out of hand beyond that.

He’s kind of controlling; if you see him examining your schedule and making sure you are aware that some of your coworkers are not as good as they seem so you wouldn’t talk to them anymore as such. He just likes to make sure he has every bit of information he needs so there will be no surprises. Call him paranoid, Fritz does not care. He fully believes everything he is doing is completely okay and right. Isn’t it nice to know you have a reliable person such as himself looking after you? Don’t you feel more secure? No one else can do this much for you, so he is the better option. Fritz will always be.

[kookieswan]

Of Blooms & Bounties - Stitches

Pirate!Jungkook x Explorer!Reader (f)

Word Count: 1.2k

Genre: Pirate AU, Magic AU, Fluff, Angst.

Warnings: Light talk of gore (a small chest wound) Stitching of said wound, Talk of blood and scars.

Summary: After a small raid on a bandit camp, you’re more than a little bothered that Jungkook got injured…

Notes: The first ever entry for OB&B, a new drabble series! Thank you to @pamzn for requesting it, I hope you like it lovely ❤️

Find the OB&B Masterlist here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Silly man…” Jungkook stutters out sorries, eyes widening a bit as you pull open the front of his shirt. Not all the way, but just enough to check the damned cut on his chest. You have him sat on one of the barrels on deck, supplies ready to go. Luckily it’s a nice day, the sun shining over the two of you as you glower at his pecs.

“I’m sorry! Really, I am…”The man flushes easily, cheeks pink as he nervously rubs the back of his head. His usual bandana is gone, leaving his hair to fall over his shoulders in soft dark waves. The need to run a hand through it shoots through you, to comfort him or maybe for something else, but you stop yourself and focus on the wound he’s slowly bleeding from.

“You know, I don’t mind fixing you up, it’s the least I can do. It’s the fact that you’re injured that bothers me Kookie. I don’t want to hurt you anymore but this is gonna sting…” Raising up the needle and thread, you start to slowly work it through his skin. You’re no doctor but years of fixing up clothing and work I with a needle has come in handy aboard Blossom. Surprisingly, Kookie doesn’t seem too affected, but the rum you insisted he drank earlier probably helped a little…

“It was for a good reason though… I think.” He nods to himself, hand fumbling over the tops of one of the many books he managed to smuggle away. You want to say they aren’t worth it, that nothing is worth his health, but it makes him happy so you can’t complain as he smiles toothily at you. That smile in itself is worth a lot.

“I’ll admit, the books are quite beautiful…” Some of them have quite intricate designs, some even have jewels covering them with golden embroidery. You know that’s not the true beauty though, no; the true beauty lays in the words scrawled inside of these books. The beauty Jungkook had so flippantly risked his life to obtain.

“There’s stuff I’ve never managed to get my hands on before; poetry and stories and even a few maps we could use to find new treasures! I couldn’t pass it up.” Talking seems to be distracting him from the fact that you’re piercing his skin, hands slightly bloody as you continue your work. These men are truly lucky you like them, you wouldn’t let yourself be covered in just anyones bodily fluids. Letting out a small sigh, you smile gently at him.

“No, I suppose you couldn’t. Next time though, try not to piss off a whole crew of bandits please. We’re lucky Jimin and Hobi were with us.” It’s a silent agreement between the two of you that Jimin and Hobi are the only reason you made it out this time. Without them, you likely would have been fish food, or something worse.

It’s not long thereafter that you finish stitching up him up, the wound being relatively smaller than you thought initially. Jungkook glances up at you, going to poke at the wound before you slap his hand away softly. He pouts, eyes wide and sparkly as you roll your own and wash your hands off before grabbing for a plaster.

“It’s not that deep, just bled a lot. I should be done soon bun…” It’s a good think you were able to get supplies in the last port you stopped at. They had the nicest little market, food and trinkets and all the medicine you could ask for. Looking to the books, you toss your head toward them and give Jungkook a knowing grin.

“Read me some of your new poetry book, hmm? I want to hear.” Like a flash of lightning, he picks up one of the books and turns it pages. Turns them and turns them till he finds an entry and reads it to himself first. You wait patiently, fitting the plaster on his exposed pectoral as he clears his throat.

“With hands like clouds, her soul fell through my wispy fingers. The softness could not tame her, could not hold her steady. I reached out, over and over until my clouds twisted into broken mist…” Literature is always something you’ve enjoyed passively, although listening to it flow through JK’s lips is something else entirely. It’s like he’s entranced, words soft but strong as he reads through the poem for you.

He finishes the poem as you finish with the plaster, patting his chest a few times to signal that you’re all done. He pokes at it again, and you let him this time, glad that gore of red is gone and has been replaced by a clean off white. Remembering that his shirt had been ripped though, you tug at the fabric to get his attention.

“I can sew your shirt up for you too, try to get the blood out…?” It’ll probably come out. Maybe. Jungkook seems flustered at the thought before he nods, hands reaching for the hem of his tattered shirt.

“I- I would appreciate that. Uh-“ He pulls it over his head swiftly, allowing you a view of his naked and slightly bloody chest. It’s so expansive, his honey skin nearly shimmers in the light with his perspiration, littered with damage of old like petals on a windy day. It blows your mind how muscled he actually is under all his clothes, the soft bunny man isn’t actually all that soft.

“… You have so many scars.” It comes out barely a whisper as your instinctively reach for them. The texture differs depending on where you touch, some scars more gnarled than others. Jungkook watches quietly as you touch his heated skin, fingertips soft against him, not minding in the slightest. Neither of you notice how close you are, between his legs and touching his skin like it’s the most natural thing.

“I-It’s nothing really, just minor stuff from my time with the crew. Nothing bad has ever happened.” Pausing, you look up at him with an unreadable expression. You don’t know what it is that you’re feeling, maybe sadness, maybe anxiety. Either way, you know you’ll feel it many more times on your journey with them all. His eyes hold calicoes in them, so pretty and sincere that you can’t help but believe him.

“I know. I just want you and all the rest of those idiots to be safe.” The seriousness of everything washes away as Jungkook laughs loudly. It’s quickly becoming one of your favorite sounds, high pitched and pretty as it dances through the air. Rolling your eyes, you grab his shirt and step back, examining the full damage.

“I have crows nest duty later… You wanna come up there with me? I can read you some more poems.” Folding the shirt up, a yes escapes you before you can even think about it. He hops off the barrel, grin big and cheeks flushed before he pats you on the shoulder and turns to walk away.

“See you later then, doc.”

[xtinyaurora]

Heyyyyy I’m new here :3 could I request ATEEZ reaction to you being a brat? :3

Ateez reaction: Bratty Y/N

__________________________________________

➼ requested?: yes

➼ genre: smut

➼ pairing: Ateez x neutral!reader

➼ Word-count: 2k+

➼ Warnings: nsfw content, strong language, cursing, threads, annoyance, bratty behavior, pet names...

➼ Note: This is not based on their real behavior or meant to represent real life. This is simply a fan fiction and is only for the purposes of fun, it’s a hobby. Read at your own risk!

➼ A/N note: Sorry for updating after a longer time, I had a few mental health issues... Thanks to everyone who waited tho and thank you so much for 200+ followers... Please let me know if you have ideas in mind for a ‘special'! Hope you all like this one tho. Feel free to leave some feedback! Also, let me know if any of you wants to be added to my taglist!

➼ Taglist: @teeztheflag @darkstarlights

__________________________________________

Park Seonghwa

You were sulking because Seonghwa didn’t bought you that dress you saw in one of those expensive shops today. Actually, you could call him your „sugar daddy”. He bought you anything you wanted whenever you wanted, but not today. Today was different, because you already started to provoke him in the early morning, disobeying and yelling at him. He didn’t know what happened to you, even after asking a hundredth of times, you just kept on being bratty towards the male. Soon, he had enough. While the two of you were sitting in the car, at the parking lot of the shopping mall, you kept on complaining about that dress. Seonghwa leaned into your side and grabbed your throat, immediately shutting you up. „You better stop talking, before I lose my shit and hit you right in the face and fuck you right on top of this car, baby. Would you like that? For all people to see how I put you in your place. Huh?” You silently shook your head, a hint of fear written on your face. „I thought so. Now stop being a bratty little bitch and start behaving, understood?” Again, you remained silent, nodding your head this time. Seonghwa then sat back and started the power of the car, driving off, back home.

Kim Hongjoong

Hongjoong finally took a day off, immediately calling you to go on a date but you were mad at him. Why? He knew that you had other plans today but still choose this day to take a break. „Y/N, baby, come on. You know I have no say in this. This is not my fault, so please come to the restaurant we always go to, okay?” You let out a ironic laugh. „Tz. First, you pick the worst day and now you want me to come there myself? Oh no, if you really want to get out with me then you are going to pick me the fuck up.” Hongjoong was kinda shocked, not excepting this kind of behavior. After massaging his temples, since this boy was stressed and annoyed by your way of behaving, he just hung up the call, not in the mood to keep up with you right now. You went absolutely insane. Like, how dare he? When midnight came around, Hongjoong entered the front door, food in his hands. You were sitting in the living room, still pissed about earlier today. A knock on the doorframe made you look up. When spotting your boyfriend, you rolled your eyes and kept watching tv. „Haven’t cool down yet?” You got back to 180. „Excuse me?! Get your ass out of this room Mr. 'I think I can allow myself whatever I want' because yes, I am still mad at you.” He stared at you, not believing what was happing. Since when did you get so bratty? Shaking his head while approaching you and placing the food on the table, he grabbed both of your forearms and looked you deep in the eyes. „Okay now listen here you bratty bitch. You’re gonna listen to me and start behaving or I will punish you so hard that you wish you could turn the time back and thank me for making time for you, okay? I want my good little kitten back because I don’t like nasty strays that don’t obey me. No one would like one, so be happy and appreciate me you ungrateful pice of shit and shut the fuck up.”

Jeong Yunho

He was just staring at you blankly, while you were throwing a tantrum. This already happened a couple of times but it was never this bad. He kept on watching you, until you eventually calmed down yourself. It really provoked you that he didn’t stop you or has done anything for that matter. At some point, you gave up because you knew how well Yunho could control his anger. Honestly, you didn’t even know why you freaked out like that. Both of you were searching for a movie to watch and when Yunho picked one that you already saw and absolutely hated, both of you started auguring. It’s his turn to pick the movie because you picked last time, yet that didn’t sit with you. Maybe you were just having a bad day? At least that’s what Yunho told himself. „Are you done now?” You sat there, at the ground while Yunho sat in front of you, on the couch. „Yea... sorry.” Yunho nodded, pulling you up on his lap. You thought he will cuddle with you but sike, he flipped you over so you were laying on your stomach, over his knees, ass in perfect view for him. „How many hits do you think you deserve? Hm? Maybe 20 or 30? Or... 40 or 50?”

Kang Yeosang

He had this furious and annoyed look on his face. You got kinda terrified now, knowing what a beast this boy could be when he was mad. He watched you until you went silent, sitting next to each other and waiting for what’s going to happen next. You started to get nervous because Yeosang kept looking at you without saying or doing anything. His silence never meant anything good... „Stop looking.” He raised one of his eyebrows. „Stop talking.” You did keep quiet, not knowing what else to do now. „Dumb pet, do you think you’re worth my time? Oh how embarrassing... It’s such a shame that there are so many people who want me yet I chose you over everyone else, an ungrateful little bitch.” His words kinda hurt and you stated to doubt your worth. Maybe he’s right? You maybe should have followed the rules. You shouldn’t have told him no and most important, you shouldn’t have done all of that in front of his friends. You kinda started to regret it but it was way too late now. Even if you did apologize now, Yeosang wouldn’t forgive you, he will punish you no matter what. The more silence there is, the harder the punishment will be. „Go into the bedroom. Take your clothes off and wait for me.”

Choi San

To be direct, you were unnecessarily overreacting. When you visited the boys and watch them while they practiced, San didn’t greet you as usual and you didn’t like that. At all. He was too focused to even notice you tbh. When he finally turned around and spotted you, he rolled his eyes, taking in your grumpy state. He made his way towards you, so he could give you a kiss but you pushed him away. He gave you a questioning look but you just turned your face away. „Hey, give me a kiss.” You still didn’t move, hoping to upset somehow. „Y/N.” His first warning. „Look at me.” Still, you didn’t move. The other members started to notice but kept on practicing because they didn’t wanted to get involved in anything. San exhaled loudly, pulling you up and dragging you out with him. „Don’t touch me!” You yelled at your boyfriend. He didn’t even bother to listen to you. „It hurts!” You hoped that he would loosen his grip a bit, but instead his grip on you got stronger. When he reached his room, he threw you on the bed and undressed himself. „You hurt me!” Still having that attitude on, you again yelled at him. He gave you a murderous look, finally shutting you up. He the hovered over you, staring you dead in the eyes. „If you ever dare to pull something like that in front of the other members again, I will make you regret visiting us, okay? Now better behave, before I completely lose the last bit of my self control, you stupid kid.”

Song Mingi

„Mingi, Mingi! Wake up!” You shook him until he groaned out in annoyance. „Y/N? What’s wrong?” You huffed. „I am bored. You have to do something with me, come on.” You tried to pull him up but he was stronger than you, resulting that you were the one being pulled and laying on top of him now. „Did you loose your mind? It’s three in the morning, let me sleep!” He half yelled, half whispered. As he was about to drift off to sleep again, you pulled on his hair, making him tear his eyes open and cry out loudly. „Ouch! What the heck, Y/N? That hurts!” A smile creeped on your face, finally achieving your goal of waking him up. He just stared at you, giving you a ‘are you serious?’ type of look. „Now that you’re awake, we can do something! Should we watch a movie or should we play some ga-“ „No! We are not going to do any of these! It’s bed time, so lay down! I am not in the mood for all of this.” You smacked his thigh. „No Mingi, get up! What do you not get from 'I am bored, let’s do something’, huh?” He really has enough. „Okay Bunny, you wanna do something? Let’s play a game. It’s called ‘try not to scream while getting your ass beaten and brain fucked out’. Sounds fun, right?” You gulped, then getting pulled and flipped around, so that your backside faced up. At least he’s full of energy now...

Jung Wooyoung

Both of you were sitting in a restaurant. He was already fed up with your behavior but he let go because he didn’t had enough strength to deal with you right now. This cutie was so hungry and tiered after practice, that he didn’t wanted things to go wrong but you really left him no choice. Just because you didn’t wanted to eat in this restaurant and wanted to go to your favorite one instead, you stated to act up, gaining lots of attention from all the nagging and yelling. Wooyoung grabbed your upper arm and pulled you near him, whispering in your ear so others wouldn’t hear. „Shut your mouth now Y/N, I’ve had enough of your bullshit. You’re so fucking embarrassing you stupid brat.” He then let go, harshly shoving your arm away and leaning back. When the waiter approached you two, to note your order, you remained silent. After rolling his eyes, Wooyoung ordered food only for himself. When he finished eating, he stood up and threw some money in the table. He was about to walk away when he turned around to face you. „If you don’t get up within the next two seconds, I will break your legs.” He gave you a last condescending look before walking out. You obeyed and followed him out, joining him in his car. He didn’t even spare you a glance, driving straight to your apartment a grin forming on his face, several ideas for your punishment popping into his head.

Choi Jongho

Hit after hit, you put in more effort to annoy him. You soon realized that this wasn’t enough, so you started pinching and biting him. „Ouch, Y/N, are you crazy?!” Ah, finally! You smirked at him and wiggled your eyebrows, satisfied that he finally showed a reaction. „Do you think that’s funny?” You smiled. „Very. And now that I finally have your attention, you can do something with me. Oh and, get me some water please I am thirsty.” He stared at you in disbelief. „Are you okay, Y/N?” You gave him a look of disapproval. „Uhm, yea? I still am but if you don’t get me my water I won’t be and than I am going to hit you, again.” He was kinda amused now. „Oh? Where does all that attitude come from, all of a sudden?” You shrugged with your shoulders. „I don’t know and I don’t care. You gotta deal with it now.” You laid down on the couch both of you were sitting on and placed your legs on his lap. „I am still waiting for my water Jong.” He didn’t move. You wanted to raise your head up to scold him but he was faster than you, now hovering over you. „I will give you something else to drink. Get down and kneel. We have to clean that bratty mouth of yours, yea? Come on brat, suck me off. You don’t want me to get mad now, do you?”

[blouisparadise]

Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of July. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Jealousy, Jealousy | Not Rated | 1163 words 

Harry gets jealous when James Corden hold his Louis in his lap and pets him on the Late Late Show. He shows Louis who he belongs to and takes care of him.

2) The X-Factor Judge | Explicit | 1635 words 

Harry watches the X-Factor and gets jealous about Brendan jumping on Louis. When Louis gets home Harry reminds him whom he belongs to. 

3) Didn’t Know You Had It In You | Explicit | 1807 words 

Harry sleeptalks and reveals his kinks which Louis is more than happy to try out.

4) Mine | Explicit | 1979 words 

"So you been single for a while now?" Louis gulped as the vibrator slowed down sending a thankful look to Harry before glancing back at the interview who was looking at him with great interest,

"Uhhh yeah," he replied keeping his answer short and brief. He straightened his back shuffling slightly on his chair as the vibrator shifted inside of him hitting his prostate causing him to let out a small gasp as grimaced at the interviewer who just grinned back. She must be an excellent actress or just stupidly oblivious.

5) In The Moment | Explicit | 2611 words 

Note: This is part 2 of this series.

Where it's their first time and Harry is being all fluffy and encouraging Louis to say his name and other dirty stuff?

6) Salvation Under My Breath | Not Rated | 2858 words 

Louis is pregnant...

...and Horny

7) The Sight of You Brings Forth a Peace In Me | Mature | 3254 words

Louis loses inspiration and goes on a nature walk to find some. The inspiration takes shape in the form of Harry. 

8) Put Your Sweet Lips On My Lips | Explicit | 3435 words 

Note: Part one of this fic is #23 on this list. 

Adjusting to one another’s life came as naturally as the sun rising in the morning and brightening the sky, chasing away the darkness that had dared to lurk in its absence. They did not side step each other, did not second guess their instincts once they were finally together. It was the crash of roaring waves - reckless in their paths - but upon meeting had unified into calm waters in the vast sea.

Living with Harry was like a breath of fresh air. In all his years, Louis had never felt alive. He supposed there was some credit to be given to how devoted Harry was to him. The man would rather step in a raging fire than let him suffer even a trace amount of agony.

9) Fuck U (Even) Betta | Explicit | 3568 words 

Note: This is the sequel to this fic.

Harry had sensed Louis was getting antsy all day, prodding and poking at Harry’s psyche like a game of mental whack-a-mole, trying to find that one thing that would flip the switch and push Harry over the edge. Even after all these years Louis still thinks he can get a rise, that he can in any way control the scenario. He couldn’t be more wrong.

10) We Act Like Nothing Is Wrong To Avoid What’s In Front of Us | Mature | 4179 words 

Louis sends nudes meant for Harry to the wrong person on accident. Harry finds out. Rough sex ensues.

11) Love's First Bite | Explicit | 6135 words 

Note: The pairing in this fic is Louis/Zayn.

For Zayn, love was never a part of life’s equation, not when you’re considered a lowly vampire while working in the Vampire’s royalty club, Love’s First Bite. He’s bitter and resentful and sees no point in looking into his past or future. But when Zayn saves a human named Louis, it all changes. He finds something special in him and, more importantly, someone worth giving up everything he holds dear.

12) Your Blueberry Eyes | Mature | 6154 words 

Louis tattoos and Harry falls for blues.

13) Blow Me Away | Explicit | 6471 words 

Louis likes giving blow jobs.

He doesn't exactly get off on it – he's been with people who properly loved it, and he's not quite that into it – but he doesn't mind the feel or the taste and he really, really likes watching his partner lose it, so getting down on his knees regularly is a no brainer.

Which is why it's a bit frustrating that every time he does, Liam hauls him back up again.

14) Thank You For This Prom Night | Not Rated | 6554 words 

Note: This is part 3 of this series.

It's Prom Night. Stuff happens.

15) Can We Make It Anymore Obvious? | Explicit | 6628 words 

Five times the boys accidentally walked in on Harry & Louis plus one time they did it on purpose.

16) It's The Way You Love (I Gotta Give It Back To You) | Explicit | 8153 words 

Stretching, Louis finally pulled the duvet aside and let his feet fall onto the plush rug at his feet. Louis lived for soft, comfortable, plush things. From the fairy lights and fake plants to his plush robe and thick socks, everything in Louis’ little one bedroom apartment was carefully catered to his whimsical and soft aesthetic.

17) My Eyes Want You More Than A Melody | Explicit | 8315 words 

Harry’s brain is short-circuiting at an absolutely awful time, the more expressive side of him is falling to pieces for some reason. The only responses he can give are venerated vibrations and nods, the feeling of Louis’ sweaty skin sliping him further into nothingness. Lightly dewy thighs, so muscular and plush— his lips feel just the same, so dangerously soft, a devious intention lying behind it all. “You’d do anything for me,” Louis mumbles, teeth tugging on Harry’s bottom lip, eyes dragging from his sinfully pink mouth when he lets it go to his hooded green eyes. “Isn't that right, daddy?” Harry whimpers— something that’s so foreign to him— but nods, trailing his hands up his shaved thighs, fingertips passing the hem of the dress.

18) Running Is Different Than Going | Explicit | 9018 words 

Note: The pairing is Louis/OMC.

On the run, the last thing Michael expects from a stranger is help. Louis offers him everything he needs so he can keep running, but makes it harder than ever to continue doing so.

19) Quarantine, Baby! | Teen & Up | 9615 words 

Note: There is no smut, but it contains mpreg Louis, so we’ve included it in this monthly roundup. 

When Harry and Louis get a little too bored in quarantine, they turn to each other for some x-rated entertainment. Then, what starts as a COVID-scare, turns out to be something completely different.

20) Effervescent Horizons | Not Rated | 10676 words 

Note: This is part 6 of this series. There is also no smut, but it contains mentions of bottom Louis, so we’ve included it in this monthly roundup. 

They go to college together!

21) Moments | Explicit | 10726 words 

Looking back, Louis should’ve known that the universe likes to fuck with idiots like him who think they’ve got it all sorted.

Looking back, he should’ve known that the minute he relaxed and let his guard down, when he thought things were going smoothly, that’s when it would hit him.

Looking back, he should’ve known to be on the lookout for a curveball.

He just hadn’t accounted for that curveball to have long legs, green eyes, and dimples; a curveball named Harry Styles.

22) The Blood Is Rare (And Sweet As Cherry Wine) | Explicit | 14270 words 

Note: The sequel to this fic is #8 on this list. 

"Officer, I see you're giving away my secrets already," Harry said as he entered the room.

"It's hardly a secret," Louis accepted the delicate glass, cutting a glance at the man when the underlying scent hit him, "A little early to indulge in such things, isn't it?"

"You've had a long morning, I'm sure. Merely looking after your health, Officer," Harry smiled.

"You don't need to concern yourself with that."

"Someone has to."

23) Violent Delights | Not Rated | 76174 words 

Prince Harry is arranged to mate Princess Charlotte, but first he must spend a month completing courting traditions which ends in a mating ceremony. When he arrives to the Tomlinson castle, he finds the forbidden North wing holds that which the family has worked hard to keep secret. Mainly: the sickly sweet Prince Louis, who’s rare gender has forced his family to keep him locked away for his own protection.

24) Truth Behind Golden Eyes | Explicit | 228727 words 

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[mysterytickingnoise]

Someday

Pairing: Merlin x Reader

Genre: Bittersweet Angst

Word Count: 2,058

Summary: After getting caught and accused of doing witchcraft, and failing to prove your innocence to Uther, you have to take desperate measures to flea the kingdom. Unfortunately your escape plan works a little too well, and without your knowledge the people close to you end up mourning you.

Request from @joyismycenter : "If you’re asking, I’d love some bbc Merlin x reader where he though the reader was dead but she/they turn out not to be. Love me that happy angst"

Authors Note: Thank you so much for sending in the first request for this blog! Fair warning I'm doing all my writing on my phone at the moment and I couldn't really get the ending to flow how I wanted it to so it's not perfect, but I really hope everyone likes it!

[Image Description: A gif of Merlin (from the BBC Show Merlin played by Colin Morgan) looking over his shoulder. End description]

It was such a silly mistake.

You trusted someone too soon, tried to help them.

Next thing you knew you were being accused of witchcraft. It was true but considering your accuser had no real evidence you thought perhaps you could argue your way out of it. You called them crazy, demanded proof, spouted off any alternative explanation for what had happened to no avail. Uther didn't give a damn about proof, the moment the word magic was held against you it was up to you to prove you hadn't used it.

Even if you hadn't, how do you prove a thing like that?

Pleading your case was useless, and the one person who could help you had left with Arthur and the knights before any of this had begun. Even if they somehow showed up before the execution, you wouldn't want Merlin's help.

He couldn't be caught helping you, not with his destiny. You weren't worth the risk, though he certainly would've argued otherwise if he'd had the chance.

No, you only had one choice left in your small cell. You would have to find an opportunity to use something that you saved for a situation such as this. When an old friend came to visit, to say goodbye, that was your opportunity.

You asked them to come back with the blue vial tucked in the back of your armoire. "It's a poison," You had told them. "I don't want to give Uther the satisfaction."

Tearfully, they obliged. In the middle of the night you chugged it down, and not one hour later your 'body' was wrapped in a sheet and wheeled out of the dungeons 'To be buried in the morning.' But the enchantment on the potion wore off before then, and you woke up alone and free.

You crept out of Camelot at the break of dawn with nothing but the clothes on your back, making it to the treeline before your will broke down and you turned back to look at the old castle peeking out over the tall walls.

Your home was behind those walls, your friends lived there, and the man you had surely fallen for. Tears stung your eyes as you thought about him, the fact you never got to say goodbye, how long it would be until you would see him again.

You could risk waiting for him to return, but if someone outside of Arthur's party were to catch you...you would be forced to do something you'd regret. You'd have to cross the line of no return and goodbye at that point would surely be permanent.

'Someday,' You thought, 'Until then, he'll understand, he might even come find me.'

Little did you know the guard who discovered the empty cloth had no intention of telling the king that the body of a prisoner had gone missing on his watch. No, he had a family to tend to, he wasn't losing his position because of some witch. It didn't even cross his mind that you might not be dead.

There was an empty grave in the pauper's field the next morning, and any questions on your whereabouts were contained in the mind of one underpaid guardsman for two years.

Meanwhile, Merlin had been devastated when he heard the news, even confused. Gaius told him the whole story, what he knew of it anyway, but he could never wrap his mind around it. It didn't make sense. He had spoken to you only a few days before, you smiled and hugged him and told him to come home safe. And just like that you were gone? The irrational fear of someone you tried to help, and the blind tyranny of Uther, that's all it took and now nobody would ever see that smile again. No, it didn't make any sense at all.

He eventually did what he had to do, put on a brave face and got back to work. And yes, a while after that night things got somewhat close to normal again. But there were always moments where he'd think to himself that he'd have to tell you about his day or a joke he heard, and then he'd remember. In other moments, he'd see Uther laughing at dinner or be forced to hear one of his speeches and his jaw would clench just a little tighter than it had before. And when he found himself awake in the middle of the night, when the world was dead silent and the only light in his room came from the moon, it was because he had found himself caught up in the memories you had together.

You had those nights too.

You had been dead on your feet by the time you stumbled into the small, reclusive village you'd learn to call your home. You'd been told that nobody really ever passed through on purpose, and they liked it that way. You told them that you could use a life like that, and then asked if they had need a physician. They did.

Sure, a reclusive person probably would've loved the little life you built for yourself. You had a small but cozy spot to live on the edge of the village, not long after you showed up you began to tend to minor wounds and ailments, making a few friends along the way. Occasionally two farmers would ride into the city to barter off crops for supplies and other things, eventually they began to bring you back a book or a small trinket each time to thank you for your work. It was nice.

But still loneliness tugged at your heart, more than you imagined it would when you took that last look at your home. On the most random days, doing the most random things, you'd find yourself thinking about everyone again and crying for up to an hour before you could pull yourself together again. Those moments became more rare over time, but they never hurt any less. You were never quite back to normal.

Finally, you were wrapping a farmers broken finger, speaking about the state of the kingdom and how you were surprised Uther had felt the need to improve anything it all, when you heard the news.

"Oh, no. The king died months ago, Arthur's in charge now."

You knew you must've gone pale, as the next thing the man said to you was a question of your health. You were quick to respond with a growing smile, "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

He shrugged at you, "I'm not all that concerned with politics. These men, they're all the same to us out here, you know?"

But you knew the difference.

Your life depended on it.

You finished his treatment and sent him away without much else to say on the matter. You had to pack, after all. Later on that day you pleaded with a neighbor to let you borrow her horse, and your friends gathered around as they overheard you say you needed to go to the capitol. You honestly felt a bit bad leaving in such a rush, but after you relayed a safe version of your story, why you came here and why you had to leave, they all seemed to understand.

With many promises from you that they could send for you if they ever needed to, and many words of encouragement from them, you took off. Even when you stopped in the night to allow the horse some rest, you never got any yourself, too excited and nervous and overwhelmed all at once. You spent hours contemplating what to say to everyone, but nothing seemed right.

Another days journey, and you were home.

The response you got to your return wasn't what you expected. Your first stop was to check on the friend who got the potion to you in the first place, and strangely they let out a short shriek before slamming the door in your face. You knocked again, speaking through the door. "It's me...I'm back?"

"Go away!"

You furrowed your brow at them, hurt and confused. But ultimately you walked away, thinking a reaction like that might be deserved considering what you must've put them through that night. As you continued down the street there were a few people who recognized you and proceeded to clear out of your way with gasps and whispers, pulling along anyone they were walking with.

Last time you were here you had been accused of witchcraft, and two decades of fear don't just disappear with a new king, so you simply accepted that as the reasoning and started to make your way up through the lower towns.

On the other end of the city, Merlin had just reached the end of an extremely long day. It had dragged on so long that it felt as though the walk from the armoury to his room took another hour. He didn't even bother to get something to eat, he just wanted to sleep. So naturally when he had just layed down in bed when someone decided to knock on the front door, he didn't know any better than to be annoyed.

At first he thought Gaius would take care of it, then he remembered that he wasn't home.

Maybe they'll just go away.

Whoever it was knocked again and he pulled the pillow over his head.

Please go away.

The front door creaked open and he heard a familiar voice call out. "Hello...Gaius? Merlin?"

He sat up, a heavy feeling settling into his gut as he realized where he had heard that voice before.

But...it couldn't be. Could it?

He shook his head, leaving his bedroom to shoo out the person who couldn't have been you.

But there you were, flipping through an old book that had been sitting on the table since the day before. When you noticed he was standing there you looked up with a sad smile, saying the only thing that you could think of; "Hi..."

"Hi?"

"I uh- I know it's been a long time," You started, crossing your arms over your chest in an awkward stance. "I wish I didn't have to leave like I did but..."

"Leave??" He repeated what you said once more. Finally you registered how strangely he was looking at you, not angry or upset but bewildered, and maybe even scared. What he said next confused you even more. "How are you alive?"

"I thought you might've had more faith in me than that." You joked, but he wasn't amused. "Am I missing something?"

He was hesitant to approach you, unsure of how he was supposed to say it but he tried. "They told me you were gone, that you'd poisoned yourself. I mean...Gaius saw you."

"It was meant to look like that, but it was a trick." You said. "I left when I awoke, they didn't tell people I escaped?"

He shook his head no, tears starting to stream down his face. "...I can't believe this."

As the reality of the situation hit you, you couldn't help but cry as well. All you were guilty about, what you thought you put your loved ones through, it had actually been so much worse. "I am so sorry, if I had any idea I would've- well I don't know what I would've done. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm just, I'm so happy that you're here, and you're okay." Striding over with a grin, he pulled you into his arms. "I've missed you."

"And I, you. More than I could ever put into words." With a laugh you continued. "Things got so boring without you."

"I'm sure they did, you won't believe some of things I have to tell you."

And that was all it took, you both sat down at a table as you filled each other in on everything that had happened in the last two years. It took hours, there were multiple times you had to stop and collect yourselves as certain stories had you laughing until your stomachs ached. Gaius came home and after another tearful welcome back he made you all something to eat and had plenty of his own twists on things that had happened.

As if no time had passed at all, the world felt normal again. You were back where you belonged.

You were home.

[windblooms]

childe scenario – after the golden house

you, an ex-fatui executive, decide against your better judgment and tend to the wounds of the near-dead 11th harbinger following his duel at the golden house.  spoilers for the 1.1 archon quest.

gender-neutral reader.  enemies to lovers  soft spot syndrome.  sfw, but contains mentions of blood/injury.  also childe briefly in foul legacy armor.  canon-divergence.  2669 words (nice).  

with the fatui’s nails so deep into the city, staying in liyue probably wasn’t your brightest idea in retrospect.  

you blame your sentimentality of liyue on the exact same thing that caused you to leave the fatui in the first place: wanting to live without fear.  while the fatui treated you well enough, as you were considerably efficient in your ranks, being part of a partially underground, partially illegal business wasn’t exactly the most liberating practice either.  it didn’t take long for you to realize that, behind their scheming and pretenses of fair economics, the fatui would have their underlings wound so incredibly tight around their fingers that their violent tasks would rapidly become suffocating. 

that is, once you were in the fatui, getting out would be akin to scaling qingyun peak with one arm tied behind your back.

the only reason you were able to?  because you ran.  you were desperate for a new life, sure, but also you weren’t below realizing when something was out of the question.  it took a few months to shake them off your trail, having to move constantly between fontaine and mondstadt, but you finally settled in liyue.

it was a quiet, peaceful city.  the governing body was fair enough with its jurisdictions, and after a year of hiding, you were able to enjoy the lantern rite festival without fear.

that is, until the northland bank sat its obnoxious ass down the street.

archons, really, once you found a place you thought was safe enough, you’d have to start moving again.  initially, you reasoned that it had been over a year, and that the fatui surely wouldn’t go hunting for a runaway executive.  hell, you weren’t even that high on the ladder.  however, a few run-ins with scaramouche and pulcinella had left you paranoid enough that, if they spotted you, they would surely put an end to your traitorism. 

honestly, you should’ve ratted them out to the knights of favonius while you were in mondstadt.  make a quick bargain, have jean toss a few coins your way, and you would be set.  it would’ve definitely been worth the trouble, now with the knowledge that the fatui were your neighbors.  

now, there’s no time to dwell on what you could’ve done.  it’s either run again, or hold your ground right under the fatui’s nose.  you might, sort of, maybe, probably do not have the funds to move for the third time in a row, but maybe counting couldn’t hurt –

no, yeah, it hurts, you grimace as you slide the coin bag back in your bedside drawer.  outside, it’s dark, and the sky seems a bit more disturbed than usual.  it isn’t usually overcast in liyue, and the blue lightning does nothing to quell your unease.  the streets are also empty, but lights illuminate each building.

from your window, a quick glance towards the northland bank reveals to you that it is uncharacteristically dark.  no lanterns, no lights.  you frown, troubled that the individuals you were so alert to monitoring, had a lifeless stronghold.  not typical of them at all. 

so, you decide while your long-time enemies are plotting (or whatever they’re doing that prompts them to close an entire bank for), now might be the best time to potentially make a run for it, light coin bag be damned.

hastily, you rid your apartment of personal belongings by unceremoniously shoving them into your bag.  if it’s one thing you were grateful for in this world, it’s archon magic.  you don’t fuss over the science behind it, but whatever made your bag feel like a bottomless pit was an actual life-saver.  packing is extremely efficient with it, and in less than fifteen minutes, you’re ready to go.

all that’s left is to write a thank-you note to the liyuen couple who let you stay while their son was out exorcising.  at the time, they assured you that you would be no trouble for you to take up a guest room, but nonetheless you tried to pay them with whatever you had left over after commissions.

you grab a writing utensil, still feeling a bit rude to leave on such short notice, and swear to yourself that you’ll visit in the future.  for good measure (after sullenly looking into your coin bag), you leave an acceptable(-ish) amount of mora on your former bed.

all right.  now, time to leave, with your foot out the door and wind scratching at your face, as if the odd overhead weather wasn’t already an omen.

you’re barely past liyue harbor, headed towards the luhua pools, when a comet shoots above you past mount tianheng.  no, not a comet, you realize as it dips from the sky, headed for landfall around a kilometer away.  a comet of water?

if a dead northland bank wasn’t the nail in the coffin, this surely is.  you’ve been around enough in the fatui to know that whatever fell from the sky has to be the work of a vision user, or some more powerful being.  turning towards where you estimate to be the crash site, you weigh your options.  you’re already outside of the city, and the fatui are probably preoccupied.  you can manage a detour for now and inspect the hydro-apparition.  regardless, you deem that the farther away you are from the water you are, the safer you might be from what’s about to happen – you look back towards liyue harbor, and nearly shudder at the rising tide and choppy waves. 

after about fifteen minutes of walking in the rain, you find yourself between the slope of the dunyu ruins and mount tianheng.  it’s vacant, save for the weathered ruins, and a sizable crater meters wide.  cautiously, you approach the edge, summoning your sword with one hand and conjuring your vision in the other.  you’re not going to let curiosity kill the cat, especially not if this turns out to be a prank by the archons.

in the center of the mess is, well, another mess.  you blink a few times, wary, as you discern that an individual lies in the rubble.  they’re actually conscious, you soon find out, as they righten themselves from the fetal position into a kneel, supporting their body weight with their arms.  their body is covered head-to-foot in dark, purple armor, and a red mask with a broken, center orb gleams faintly in the night.

it is only when you the individual looks up at you, straight at your head, do you realize that you should not be here this was a bad idea –

and then they collapse.

“shit,” you murmur to yourself, vision still pulsing in your palm, which has become increasingly sweaty.  you step back from the edge as an orb of water surrounds the armored-being, encasing him like a cocoon, before dissipating to reveal a much more vulnerable, tired man underneath.  his hair is matted to his face from the rain, yet a much smaller mask rests on his eyes; his clothes are somewhat torn (you suspect that whatever had happened, his armor absorbed most of the damage), and you can very faintly see his chest heave. 

but, ah, speaking of his clothes,

they were the colors of the fatui.

“no, no, bad idea,” you tell yourself over and over again, sword put away yet vision still bouncing in your hands.  you walk away from the crater briefly, before walking towards it again, peaking down to check on the fallen man, and then scamper back.  the whole idea was to run away, not go straight to them, as if you had managed to doom yourself after all.  

pacing back and forth, you contemplate for another minute.  he’s clearly injured, with how he’s laying on the ground and not moving, so the nice, not-so-hardened part of you wants to help him.  if he was a regular civilian, surely you’d already be down there and trying to take him back to liyue and patch him up, but he’s with the enemy.  no way someone who can transform into armor is just an underling, so he’s probably someone exceptionally powerful –

“i see you,” a voice comes from the crater, and your vision nearly explodes in your hands from your nerves.  summoning your sword quicker than you ever have in your life, you steel yourself towards the bottom of the crater.

except, he’s not holding a weapon to your face, or threatening to skewer you into a million pieces.  except, he’s not scowling at you, or demanding you assist him at once before he blows something up.

instead, he’s on his knees.  looking up at you with the desperation of a man completely robbed, crippled from something he can’t speak of yet wants to scream about.  his eyes, now free from the mask, pierce into you with a vividness that could rival the richest hues of luhua, and archons damn it do you melt. 

you melt, and realize you should run away.  you melt, all while cursing yourself, that this man might not be so kind as to spare you in the future, when he’s back at his full health.  you melt, thinking that, well, you haven’t seen him before, so maybe he doesn’t know who you are either.  you melt, even as you extinguish your vision and put away your sword, and slide to the bottom of the crater to lug his limp body back to the top, to the shelter of the ruins, and rummage through your bag for medicine.

he hasn’t said anything for the past ten minutes, and you’re thankful that there’s finally someone from the fatui who can keep their mouth shut, even if this is half-beaten to death.  “you’re not dying on me,” you insist, as if your words could will him back to full consciousness.  “not when i’m risking my life for someone like you.”

as you work on bandaging his arm, out of the corner of your eye you swear you see his mouth twitch.  is he trying to speak?  no, you want some silence for a bit longer, but pause as you notice a gash on his torso.

“this is medically consensual, okay?”  you wait two seconds to see if he objects, before unbuttoning the lower part of his coat and applying pressure on the wound.  the blood has soaked through his clothes, and just as eagerly, seeps into the cloth you’re shoving against it.  the man stirs as you continue to clean his wounds, and when his eyes open, you’re too preoccupied with your short supply of towels to notice.

when you’re aware of a gaze on you, however, you turn towards him with a hardened face.  you already know what you’re going to say.  even if he doesn’t know who you are, you’re going to make it clear that, for your own satisfaction, you won’t help him back to liyue and he’ll have to make the walk himself.

“you were out there,” you say simply, motioning towards the crater with a nod of your head.  “i’ll patch you up, but you’ll have to get further help yourself.”

the man with eyes of the deep regards you, but you busy yourself by applying gauze.  he’s propped up against a pillar, and you’re crouching at his side.  when you’re about finished, only then do you meet his eyes.

he beats you to whatever you’re about to say.  “i didn’t think,” he starts, and you’re already frowning, “that you’d come back.”

ah, referencing when you practically left him in the crater.  his words are vague enough when he says that you ‘came back’ that you aren’t too tense, and you indulge him in a bit of silence before responding.  “not like i’m used to rescuing people who fall from the sky.”

despite his injuries, the man manages a laugh.  he seems almost flustered at your statement, although you can’t understand why.  underneath his soaked bangs, his eyebrows rise, and he seems almost . . . nervous?  you can’t possibly fathom as to why, but dismiss your curiosity.  the more small talk he coerces you into, the longer you’ll spend with him.

you finish sealing the gauze, tossing the roll back into your bag before commanding it to disappear.  blood has soaked into the ground at his sides, also you’re sure that it’ll was away with time.  you’re about to stand up, satisfied with your good-samaritan duties for the day, when he stops you by locking his fingers around your wrist.

he’s in the middle of saying something, but you refuse to let him, drawing your sword and pointing it directly at his throat, his mouth agape as he releases his hold on you.  you consider each other, and when you’re certain you have the upper hand, you draw your line.

you spit the words like venom.  “do not touch me, fatui.  i’ve done what i can for you, and you won’t be getting anything else from me.”

your blade doesn’t lower from his form, and as you stand above him, you regard his hands, as if he might summon his own weapons in an instant.  if he’s smart (which you think he is yet simultaneously pray he isn’t), he’s probably plotting how to get out of your sword’s reach.  you’re not going to let him, after you’ve been so self-sacrificing, putting your life on the line for someone affiliated with the organization that suffocated the life out of you.

a tilt of the head, yet silence from his mouth.  he seems surprised that, while you allowed him to laugh mere moments earlier, you’re now pointing your weapon at him, although something in the ease of his facial features tells you that he’s not concerned in the slightest.

“i wanted to say thank you,” he breathes finally, and you look as if he’d just punched you in the gut.  “being in your position probably isn’t easy, and i’m the last one you wanted to see, but you still . . . ”

fuck, no, not this.  you don’t know if he’s a prophet, if he knows who you really are, or the ‘i’m on the run’ stamp on your forehead is that obvious, but you aren’t going to fall for the fatui’s words.  your fists clench, and you once more prepare to denounce his organization,

and you’re disarmed in an instant, sword thrown to the side and fingers restricted by his larger grasp.  archons, you couldn’t even see him move, what a deceptive bastard, feigning injury –

“stop,” he hushes, and despite your fury you register it as a plea, not a command.  the man repeats himself, before continuing,  “we won’t haunt you any more; i’ll make sure of it.”

five seconds, then ten.  you had determined that his grip was too strong to break free of, and are left in no position to move unless he releases you.  he holds your gaze without a hint of malice, even though you try your hardest to find any in his eyes.  

when he does let go of you, fingers skimming past your flesh, you run faster than you ever have before.

you run, past the ruins, past the harbor, and until you can’t see liyue behind you any more.  you run, unable to see a palace fall from the sky and crash into the ocean, and until you’re surrounded by mountains and there’s not a ginkgo tree in sight.  you run, unsure if his words are true, but certain that he knows who you are.

you won’t trust him.  as you lay on the ground, wheezing to catch the air that’s left your lungs, you once again swear to yourself that you can’t trust the words of the fatui.  

as the northland bank lights ignite themselves in welcome of its master, childe presses a hand to his bandaged torso.  a spark of your vision lingers between his fingers, and he observes it before it disappears.

he’s already hurt enough people.  he heads to the second floor, and erases your name from the fatui files. 

[a-marlene-s]

Commission: Actions and Consequences

Tags: (I’m going to do a reblog tomorrow with the tags.)

@miner249er commissioned me to write this fic.

If you like my work, please considering supporting me! https://ko-fi.com/a_marlene_s

Warning: SALT SALT SALT SALT. CLASS SALT! LILA SALT! ADRIEN SALT!

Oh, and there’s a bit of Lukanette in this~

----

You know what they say…

All actions have consequences.

Every choice has a consequence.

Be responsible and be…

You get the idea.

This has been on the mind of everyone in the school of Dupont for who knows how long. Oh wait, that really hit home when one Lila Rossi came to Paris and started her lies. It looks like the only ones that were clearly fooled by her lies is the Akuma Class. Including their own teacher!

Well… except for Marinette.

She is the only one that is not fooled into believing such things. Who in the right mind would believe any of that? Akuma class, that is whom. People began to pull away from them. One by one, not wanting to be connected to them. Not so much for the fact they are known as the Akuma class… it is for the lack of regard they have for Marinette.

How dare they treat Marientte in such a way! After what she has done for them! For all of them! They believe the words of that liar over a friend they have known far longer. Some have tried to reach out, but Rossi is always near or just sucks them back into her webs of lies. Whatever work they have to get their friends back to a world of reality, it is reversed back the moment they step back into that classroom filled with webs.

Many have tried and tried again to help them. To help them see the light of what has been going on, but they all refused to see the light. Many of them growing toxic to themselves that it is better to cut ties then to deal with them anymore.

Who could blame them?

They tried. Truly tried.

Did they want to lose their friends?

No. They did not. But for their own health and sanity… they cut their losses and moved on. At least, they are reassured, that the only ones in Rossi’s grasp is the Akuma class sans Marientte Dupain-Cheng. For which, they made a promise to get protect her from them. She does not deserve the mistreatment. No one does.

-.-

It started out small.

Too busy to hang out.

Leaving messages on read.

Avoiding having them around.

Cutting conversations short.

Many other things to get away.

Some others… are more up front with their dislike with Lila Rossi.

They do not bother to hide their disgust.

Some kept quiet to a degree…

Mireille gave Lila a worried smile as she started to tear up about Aurore’s mistreatment towards the latter. She simply patted Lila’s cheek, leaning close so that she could wrap her arms around Lila to give her a comforting hug… before whispering into her ear as everyone watched on. “Play along… after all… this is just a game for you. You don’t want to disappoint your audience.”

It wasn’t much of an issue to play along with Lila’s games when she tried to bring in the Akuma Class as backup. Long as you show sympathy, play along with Lila’s games against her… you should be good. Lila will never break in character in front of them. Long as you don’t call her out in front of them and act just as deluded to make her mess up, it’s all good.

Then there are the times one has to be more up front…

“Achoo! Ugh, sorry, allergies you see.” Aurore sneered out as she ‘accidentally’ stabbed her umbrella into Lila’s hair when she sneezed. “I’m allergic to bullshit.”

Lila’s jaw dropped as she tried to pull her hair but only wincing as her hair really got caught in the umbrella. She looked around, hoping to catch someone’s attention. But… no one is paying any mind. If anything, one of them even went as far to offer Aurore an allergy pill. “Why are you doing this? I never did anything to anyone!”

“Oh, shut up. We all know you’ve been mistreating Marinette since day one.” Aurore teased, there was a glint in her eyes as she easily untangled her umbrella out of Lila’s hair. “All of us were willing to stand back because Marinette asked us to. Then you got her expelled… Let’s make some truths…”

-.-

Slowly but surely, things began to change for Bustier’s Class. Or better known as, the Akuma Class began to see a change. Then again, things have been happening and have been so caught up in Lila’s lies to even take note of any of it at first.

Many have already put a distance between them and themselves.

It’s silly really. None of them really had taken note of the fact here is now a wall between them. Slowly growing as time goes by. It really came ahead when news spread around on Marinette’s expulsion and her return back to school without much of a say on what happened.

Except for the fact Lila claims Marinette had stolen an answer sheet, her necklace and pushed said girl down a staircase.

Why no one bothered to look deeper into those lies, is beyond anyone at this point. What really got to the rest of the school is how the Akuma Class, Bustier and Damocles’ are so far up Lila’s ass that they wonder if they could even see the sun at this point. It was at that point, the gloves were off and no more.

It was time to bring out the big guns when word got out that Lila supposedly has a lying disorder… only to Bustier and Damocles. Only them, no one else. Thus, only causing more tension for Marinette with the rest of her classmates as they still believe the original lies. All of them giving her a side eye, wondering what she should do next.

Marinette doing something against Lila?

Hah.

It’s going to be the entirety of Dupont against Lila now.

Dupont vs the Akuma Class, sans Marinette. They love their sleep deprived cinnamon roll that could possibly kill them once she finds out what they are up to.

It would be so worth it though…

-.-

“I’m sorry Rose, I’m going to be busy that weekend. Busy, busy at the studio!”  Mireille smiled sweetly at Rose, Juleka, Mylene, Alya and Lila. “Nadja is prepping me to do live interviews over the weekend. I’ve been told I might interview a rock star! Isn’t that great!”

“Wow! That’s amazing, Mireille!” Rosa said in awe. The others following along, amazed by the news.  They were gushing over the fact Mireille is possibly going to interview a pop star soon. Going on and on… Mireille simply smile, keeping her arms behind her back and her knuckles turning white as she kept a tight grip on the back of her blouse. She kept an eye on Lila, her smile only growing as Lila tried to steer the conversation back to herself.

Mireille did not care; this would be the perfect opportunity for her to walk away.

Expect when she saw Marinette walk down the hallway with Aurore.

“Hey Marinette, did you hear? Lila knows who Mireille is going to interview.” Alya mentioned, grinning at Lila’s direction. “

Marinette paused, nose scrunching up. She looked over at Mireille to see her eyes narrowing at the direction of Lila. Clearly, this is one of the many lies Lila has up her sleeves. Aurore smiled at Lila, almost warningly. “Yeah, she told us last week.”

Marinette looked around her classmates to smile at Mireille. “Nadja finally got in contact with them?”

“Thanks to you, Marinette. Nadja got in contact with all of them.” Mireille smiled widely at Marientte and Aurore. “We can’t thank you enough for that favor! Come on! I know the perfect tea shop!”

Mireille walked over to Marinette and looped an arm around one of Marinette’s own. Her smile only grew as Aurore looped her own arm around Marinette’s free arm. The two girls quickly pulled Marinette away from Lila’s sights all the while talking about the interview and the tea shop.

“Did… did they just ditch us?” Alya pulled a face as she watched Aurore, Marinette and Mireille walk away. Mireille had earlier mentioned she was going to be busy after classes which is why they asked her if she was going to be free this weekend. Apparently, she’s supposedly busy with other things than to thang out with them. Why?

“Hey, girls… is everything alright, Alya?”

Alya and the rest of the girls turned around to see Nino and Adrien walking up to them. Her smile grew when she saw Lila warp an arm around Adrien’s own. What she didn’t see is how stiff his smile became but continued on.

Adrien looked ahead to see Marinette with a Mireille and Aurore. The three chatting away without a care in the world. His brows furrowed at the sight. As of late, this has been becoming the norm…

-.-

“Mom said we could hire a DJ for the event, but…”

“Davis already have the day filled?”

“Yeah. Along with Diego, Mei and Lola.”

“What about Nino? He DJ’s, too right?”

“Hah! Dad, don’t joke! Like I want him to DJ the party! Marinette is going to be there and if I have him there, he’s going to wonder why no one else in his class was invited. I am not going to invite a bunch of people that have been mistreating my friend.” Claude grimaced at the thought. He was not going to have Nino DJ his party. If things were different, things would have been different. It is his party. His. He is not going to run the risk of Lila Rossi and her flying monkeys coming to his party and making it all about her.

Yeah… that is not happening.

Lila will find a way turn the party so that it’s geared towards her. She did that at Izzy’s 15 birthday bash and it took Izzy weeks to console her after she regretfully invited Rose, who in turn invited Lila after she overheard the blonde telling Juleka about it. Rose never asked or apologized to Izzy about inviting Lila, who in turn invited her flying monkeys.

Yeah… Claude was not going to let that happen. To make sure that does not happen no one from the Akuma Class, except for Marinette, is invited to his party.

“That’s a bit harsh. I’m sure there’s more to the story. You and Nino were good friends for some time now.” Claude’s father said, worry filled his tone.

“And I thought Nino was close friends with Marinette far longer but apparently that does not matter to him.” Claude deadpan. “I am not going to have Nino DJ the party. Plus his girlfriend is Lila’s main supporter. If I do have Nino DJ, he’ll tell Alya who will tell Lila and I am back to square one. The one I want to avoid! I don’t want Lila Rossi at my party!”

“I’m sure she’s just trying to make friends…”

“…that’s what you said about Clarice before mom divorced you.”

-.-

Adrien paused mid-bite, straining his ears to overhear what is being said on the booth several seats away. He overhead Claude saying Nino and Lila’s names several times but never a clear sentence. It took a while before it caught on what is being said.

Izzy’s party was amazing to say the least! He went along as the rest of his classmates invited him along and he finally got permission to go by his father. The party was amazing to say the least! The music! The food! Everything else!

Why wouldn’t Claude want to ask Nino to DJ his party? It wouldn’t be a bad idea to invite everyone. It would be horrible to note everyone. Wasn’t Claude friends with everyone in his class?

Right?

Sitting across of Adrien is Nino, concentrating on a calendar that he brought out along. Nino has been… struggling to get gigs for a while now. It was not so much he could not get someone to hire him, from what Nino has been telling Adrien, it’s actually doing his job. As of late, he hasn’t been asked to DJ for anyone else outside of his class. Sure, there are some here and there, but at times… he needed to cancel because Alya wanted to do something with Lila and wanted him there for it.

-.-

Luka resisted the urge to pull out his ears as the rest of Kitty Section, sans Adrien and Marientte, whisper to other. All the while sending him weird looks throughout. This is the first time they have met up for practice in well over a month since they keep bailing on practice. Why? They prefer to hang out with Alya… who is hanging out with this Lila Rossi. All. The. Time.

They all have been talking about Lila Rossi… nonstop. Going on and on about her. To the point, Luka suspects that Rose wrote a song about her for some damned reason. Why are they talking about her?

Lila Rossi knows Jagged Stone.

How Lila Rossi’s dance move got stolen from Clara Nightingale.

How close she is to Prince Ali.

Lila knows a lot of people that could, supposedly, get them famous. How Lila has connections to help Kitty Section become famous. Knows someone that would make them better costumes. Along with even knowing how to write better music.

Lila this…

Lila could do this.

Luka stood up from his spot from the makeshift stage with his guitar in hand. There tunes are different, no longer in tune to the music, let alone to their hearts. More so when he is supposedly out of ear shot and they started to whisper about how Lila mentioned that he, the founder of Kitty Section, should no longer be in the band. How Lila told them how he is hold them back and that she knows someone that is better than himself.

Him holding them back.

Really?

Rossi is the one that is holding them back.

If they want to repeat that broken tune, so be it. He needs to find his muse. Luka left them to whisper to themselves. If Lila believes that they do not need him, so be it. Leaving without much of a fight, he knew when it was a time to retreat until they got their bearings. Right now, he now needs to find out more about Lila Ros-

“Psst! Over here!”

“Hey! You! Luka!”

Luka paused, an eyebrow raised as he slowly turned around to see two individuals, some of his sister’s friends from a different class, are calling out to him. They were both holding umbrellas, which only made them stand out more in his opinion. “Hello?”

“Come here!” The blonde motioned for him to walk over to them.

“Hurry before they see you!” The other said, pointing down the hall. Luka looked down said hall to see Adrien and some unknown girl that is clinging onto his arm. Oh.

Luka hurried over to the girls and they promptly hid him under their umbrellas and behind the pillar with them. It was close enough to listen into whatever Adrien and the new girl’s conversation.

-.-

Adrien stood by as Kitty Section walked out to meet him and Lila, and they started to talk about Lila’s advice. What’s this advice? That it would better for Luka to leave Kitty Section as it would be too weird for him to be in the band with them. It is concerning to say the least. Are the really going to kick out Luka from the band?

“It is better this way. Luka is only holding all of you back.” Lila smiled at her classmates as she tightened her grasp around Adrien’s arm. “All of you are better off without him. I’ve talked to that producer friend of mine and Jagged Stone, and they both agree. Luka is no good for your image.”

“I suppose you are right…” Juleka said, twiddling around with her gloves. Rose reached over to hold onto her hands and gave her an encouraging smile. Juleka chewed on her bottom lip as she thought it over.

“I am positive that Luka will understand.” Lila smiled once more and this seemed to put Juleka in a better place.

“We have been practicing without him for the last month.” Rose mentioned, tugging onto Juleka’s hands. “We could do it.”

Lila smiled brightly, increasing her hold around Adrien. She looked at the blonde for support. “Right, Adrien?”

-.-

Who does she think she is???

They have been practicing without him.  For the past month? Without him? Well, that’s one thing he could easily take with a grain of salt. What his sister is saying has his song beating a new beat that hasn’t been played for so long. What really got Luka’s attention is the fact they were all eating up Lila’s lies.

Are they really that gullible?

“This is just the bare minimum of what Rossi has been doing to your sister’s class.” Aurore explained, motioning for Luka to follow her and Mireille.

Luka’s brows furrowed over the blonde’s words. “…Is something being down about it?”

“More or less, but that’s for later. Right now, we are planning a party later for Marinette and we need you to distract her for a bit.” Aurore said, nudging Luka with her elbow and gave him a sly grin. “The party is for her. Did she tell you about her class situation?”

“Marinette has mentioned she wanted to tell me something but everytime she tried to say it, one of her classmates popped up and she would go quiet…” Luka trailed off as he took that in. Oh, that would explain some things. Shaking his head, he would ask her later about it. “I’ll talk to her later about it. Tell me more about this Lila…? I don’t like her song.”

-.-

Mendeleiev was never one that cared so much to know about the personal lives of her students. In terms that, she does not care who is dating (long as it is a healthy and very much legal relationship), knowing what her students are doing after classes (long as it is nothing illegal or against the rules), and well… whatever she had just witnessed from down the hall.

Ondine just broke up with Kim.  

Which is a big surprise considering how googly eyed they are… were for each other. A big shock, that’s for sure. However… considering what has been going on, it’s no surprise to anyone. Well…

To Bustier’s class that is. Those poor, poor, souls do not know what is coming to them. It was just a matter of time and patience before someone loses said patience. There is only so much someone could stand idly by or do their best to help others, before washing their hands of them. Look at herself? Mendeleiev did so to Bustier due to the fact the younger woman refuses to listen to reason.

Mendeleiev shook her head as she headed to her room. She needed to create some paperwork in hopes that will push some people to see things her way.

-.-

Adrien gulped when he heard the news that Ondine broke up with Kim. That came out from nowhere! Completely out of nowhere. Why did she break up with them? They were so happy together it does not make any sense.

A lot of things have not been making sense for a while now. Many of those things were small at first, but Adrien could no longer shake off that creeping feeling there is more t-

“Adrien… a word?”

-.-

Marinette stared down at her phone, her shoulders shaking as she read the text messages her fri… her classmates are sending her. Varies of texts that has her wondering what the heck is going on to her class, are they finally seeing the rest of the school just does not tolerate Lila?

“Block them, Mari.” Luka murmured into her ear while he played with her loose hair. He and Marinette were in her latter’s room on the sofa, with the bluenette snuggled up to Luka. He reached for the phone and took it from Marinette, ignoring the pout that was sent his way. Placing the phone in his pocket for safe keeping, Luka wrapped his arms around Marinette and reached down to give her a peck on her neck.

“I suppose I could forget about them for now…” Marinette giggled at Luka’s actions, she smiled when she felt Luka grin against her neck. She raised an eyebrow at Luka, despite the fact he could not see it. “Are you hiding something from me, Luka?”

“You could say that… Aurore and Mireille asked me to distract you as they set up a surprise.” Luka mumbled into her neck, his grin ever present. “How am I in distracting you?”

Marinette’s jaw drop when she felt Luka started to press kisses up and down her neck, her mind went blank just long enough to return the favor. This was so much better than dealing with her classmates demanding answers to something they should have known since day one.

-.-

“Ugh, again with Lila crap?”

“I know, right? Why does Alya keep posting those so-called interviews she has for Rossi?”

“I don’t know, but have you seen ClaudetteOneEye’s reaction and debunking of it? Hah! Her best yet!”

“She already did a reaction to it! I need to watch it!”

“We still have time before class, watch it now!”

Alya really wanted to storm out of the stall and yell at the individuals that were clearing mocking Lila, who in turn mocking her. What is there to debunk? There is nothing to debunk! Lila has been most telling about her history with Ladybug. They are best friends for Pete’s sake! Alya took out her phone and started her search to show those gir-

“You know how Alya always goes on and on about how she’s a reporter and always checks her facts…”

Snort.

“Hah. Her checking facts? Has she ever checked on any of the crap Lila has been spewing? Any of it?”

“I know, right? Plus, has she ever asked Ladybug about it before posting any of their interviews?”

“Like the little good reporter that she is? Unlikely. No wonder Ladybug has been ignoring her.”

Has… has she ever asked Ladybug about Lila? Alya ran a hand through her hair as she tried to think of an answer to her question. Of course, there were times when she has recently tried to get an interview, but Ladybug just… started to avoid her.

-.-

“Saving Jagged Stone’s cat? If they looked it up, they would have checked that him and his fiancé are allergic to animal fur.”

“Doesn’t he have a pet crocodile?”

“Yeah. He does.”

“That’s just as pathetic as her knowing Prince Ali and being friends with him.”

“Uggghhhh. That doesn’t even make sense, she’s been here in Paris for months before she started coming to Dupont.”

“That’s what I thought! Among the other bull she’s spewed out, the ones that grinds my gears are all the ones she lied about Marinette…”

“Yeah. They all known her for years and this new girl comes along and what? All that goes out the window?”

“Marinette does so much for them, and this is the thanks she gets? That they’ll believe Lila’s lies that she supposedly pushed her down the stairs, steal her necklace and some other bullshit?”

“Still heated about it?”

“Of course, I’m heating about it! They still think she did those things! From what Marinette told Aurore and Mireille, they didn’t even let her talk or defend herself. They took Lila’s side and expelled her.”

“Tell me again, how Marinette got un-expelled?”

“From what Marinette told them… Lila said she had a lying disease.”

“That is bull. I am so over the moon over the fact she’ll be leaving that class. Come on, Aurore said she’s going to need help setting things up.”

Juleka, Mylene and Nathaniel pushed themselves against the wall as they watched several students run past them towards the courtyard. Their expressions betrayed how they felt over what they just overheard. Did they just hear right? Lila has been lying this whole time… and none of them… No, just their class never caught it.

Except for Marinette.

Mylene shakily took out her phone to look up all of Lila’s stories, the others followed in doing so.

-.-

Adrien sat on a stone bench as he watched Kagami paced in front of him. Every time he tried to say something, she would shoot in a glare. He looked down on his lap as he tried to think of what he should say when he’s finally able to speak. Somehow, Kagami found out about Lila’s lies. All of them. From whom, he does not know. Maybe Marientte told her, he’ll have to ask her about it. She shouldn’t have told Kagami about Lila. “Kagami, did Marientte tell you about Lila? I-”

“Agreste, everyone at school and whoever has met Rossi, knows she is a liar. Everything that has ever come out of her mouth is a lie. Everything.” Kagami said in a tight voice. She stopped pacing to stare down at Adrien. “Marientte told me nothing. I was the one that had to go around to figure out exactly what type of person she is.”

“Why didn’t you ask me about Lila before you asked others?” Adrien asked, head shooting up to stare at Kagami with confusion. “I would ha-”

“You would have attempted to pressure me to not do anything against Rossi once I found out exactly what kind of person she is. However, considering you never told her off about that picture she took of the two of you…” Kagami looked up and down at Adrien, her mouth twisted into a scowl. “You would have attempted to have me stay quiet about Rossi’s nature. Just like you are doing to, Marinette… correct?”

“I-I just don’t want to cause problems!” Adrien exclaimed, pushing himself off the bench. “I don’t want any problems in class, and with Marinette trying to out Lila it was impossible. I don’t want Lila to get akumatized anymore.”

Kagami stood her ground, crossing her arms over her chest. “And what of your classmates? Your friends? Marinette or myself? I was akumatized because of her, remember? Don’t we all matter too?”

“It’s more complicated than that, Kagami.”  

“Complicated? Complicated! How is that complicated! Explain yourself!”

“…”

“…What did you tell Marinette about Lila’s lies? Adrien, what did you tell her?”

“Could we drop this?”

“Tell. Me.”

“I told her, as long as me and her know the truth, does it really matter?”

“Adrien, it does matter! Everything matters! You are allowing Rossi to walk all over Marinette and make her out to be the bad guy for trying to stand up for herself.” Kagami snarled out, causing Adrien to jump. “You are forcing her to stay quiet about someone’s lies. You do realize once your friends find out, they will be the ones that are going to get akumatized. Not Rossi. What then? Who are you going to protect then?”

“I’m doing my best, Kagami.” Adrien pleaded.

“Your best is not good enough. Rossi is escalating and you are doing nothing. What will happen if she says you two are dating? What then? Far as I supposed know, are dating but this is extremely one sided considering you keep putting Rossi’s feelings above everyone.”

“I… I don’t know…”

“…you are pathetic. Your best is not good enough and it will never be.” Kagami sniffed, she pulled out her phone to look at the time and grinned a bit. She put it away before starting back at an obviously hurt Adrien. “What? Like I would allow someone who I am supposedly seeing, to put some other girl’s feelings above my own.”

Adrien opened and closed his mouth, unable to say anything as he was unable to respond to Kagami’s words. How was he supposed to respond that, there was no answer to that for him. “Please understand th-”

Kagami shook her head before she pulled out phone before putting it away. She gave Adrien on last look before walking away. “You need to stop putting horrible people above those that have been nothing but supportive of you… It’s no wonder why Marinette has finally given up.”

-.-

Ladybug swung around Paris at night as she thought over today’s events. It’s safe to say, that today has been one of the best days of her life since becoming Ladybug to say the least. She felt free and no longer held up to an impossible standard. To think transferring to a different class has made her feel as such. It also may have helped she told everything to Luka what has been happening to her since Lila came to Paris. The memory of that conversation made her blush as at the end of it, they are now officially together. It made her happy, immensely so.

Their first date was at the welcoming party Aurore and Mireille threw for her transfer to their class. Best date and party ever. The cherry on top, was when her former classmates crashed the party(apparently that was planned) and Claudette of @ClaudetteOneEye did a live reaction to one of the newest interview of Lila. It was priceless to say the least. Her former classmates tried to approach her but that was shut down immediately. Many other things had happened at the party that made it so much better, but that’s a thought for another day.

Right now, there is someone sitting alone at the park.

Is that Adrien?

Ladybug let out a sigh before she swung down to the park.

Adrien blinked a couple of times when he heard steps walking towards him. He looked over to see Ladybug walking up to him. He smiled at the sight of her. “Hello, Ladybug? Having a good night?”

Ladybug raised an eyebrow at Adrien, she sensed something is up with Adrien but did not make any notion for him to open up. “A little late to be out, Adrien?”

Adrien shrugged before he looked down at the ground, his brows furled deep in thought. “Can I ask you something, Ladybug? I need your advice in something?”

Ladybug stared at him for a moment before motioning for him to speak. Might as well hear what Adrien wants to say and need advice in. This is new considering how his advice has never been exactly the greatest.

Adrien began to tell her about the advice he had given to Marinette, when it came to Lila.

Adrien Agreste is asking her opinion on the advice he had given Marinette, who by extension, is actually herself. The same advice that had weighed heavy in her mind so much so, that it nearly akumatized her. Ladybug had stopped listening to Adrien as she felt anger started to bubble within her. This is too much, far too much. It was one thing to ask her about his original advice. Oh no, now he’s going on about Marinette’s actions that contradicted mentioned advice.

For what? To make sure that Lila does not get akumatized. Again.

“And Marinette? What of Marinette? Were you not even worried if she got Akumatized because of Lila?” Ladybug cut Adrien off. “Have you even thought of the highly possible chance she could be the one getting Akumatized over your advice? Paris got very lucky tonight there were no akumas out tonight otherwise the city would have Akuma’s at every corner of it.”

Adrien looked shocked over Ladybug’s words. His silence, his answer, has Ladybug starting to pace around.

“No, you did not care. What you cared is to make sure Marinette kept quiet and did not stand up for herself. Not only to Lila, but also by extension to Chloe.” Ladybug grounded out, sending Adrien a glare as she continued to pace. “You expected Marientte that as long as the two of you knew the truth, that nothing else pretty matters? That as long as Lila continued lying to everyone and allowing her to walk over Marinette, who is supposed to be your friend, that it did not matter?”

“It’s not like that, Ladybug.” Adrien stood up and approached Ladybug. Ladybug raised a hand at Adrien’s direction to stop him from getting close to her.

“Then how is it, Adrien?” Ladybug questioned. “You are prioritizing Lila over everyone, even if it puts them all at risk at getting akumatized themselves. Is that what you wanted to hear? That your advice is horrible. Let me tell you something, Marinette, your supposed friend to nearly get akumatized. Twice. It’s all because of Lila and the second time, Hawkmoth got to her and for some reason the akumatization did not take place. Lila caused that. All because she wanted to keep your promise when it came to her. Truth is that Lila Rossi is a liar that should have been exposed a long time ago and I am happy that it happened tonight. I am happy!”

“What about Lila? It was horrible what happened to her, she got humiliated in front of nearly the entire school.” Adrien tried to ask but was cut off when he saw Ladybug pulling out her yo-yo.

“To be frank Adrien… when it comes to bad people… you need to knock them down several pegs to get them to understand how wrong they are.”

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

Do you know if supplemental estrogen has the same level of harm for men as testosterone does for women? My cursory impression is that testosterone supplementation is much more deleterious for women's health in the long run, which just evidences the misogyny and female erasure in the movement. Estrogen has protective effects and been implicated in why women live longer on average. What are your thoughts? Signed, a radfem lurker who really appreciates all that you do :)

hey dear lurker!

yes, i'd say testosterone in women is more harmful as a rule than estrogen in men. in the cursory research I did, there aren't the same reports of chronic, debilitating pain in trans women as there are in trans men. However, that doesn't mean estrogen is without risks.

If you read my post about testosterone in the female body, you would see that testosterone lowers Ki67 levels. Ki67 is the protein that increases as cells prepare to divide. Dangerously low levels (as seen in FTMs) probably mean the cells aren't multiplying at all, leading to atrophy. Dangerously high levels means the cells are multiplying out of control, leading to cancer. Estrogen stimulates Ki67 levels. Estrogen is a known carcinogen.

In this study of 2260 trans women, it was found that the MTFs are 46 times as likely as their unmedicated counterparts to develop breast cancer. However, they were still not as likely to develop breast cancer as females.

The other major risk that stands out is cardiovascular. most pronounced is the increased risk of venous thromboembolism, the definition of which is:

is a condition in which a blood clot forms most often in the deep veins of the leg, groin or arm (known as deep vein thrombosis, DVT) and travels in the circulation, lodging in the lungs (known as pulmonary embolism, PE).

here is a table from this study that I will explain.

"expected cases" (ECs) means the control group, i.e. the risks of cardiovascular events in undrugged women and men respectively. The standardized incidence ratio, or SIR, is taken by dividing the number of observed cases (OCs) with the number of expected cases. a SIR under 1 means the incidence of a cardiovascular event is lower in trans women than in the control groups. a SIR above 1 means the incidence is increased.

For MTFS, the SIR is comfortably above 1 for both stroke and venous thromboembolism when compared with the male control group. (we can also see that for trans men, the SIR for myocardial infarction (heart attack) is very high, but that's for another post)

That means they are at higher risk for those cardiovascular events.

Now, because trans people are prone at higher incidences to "psychosocial stressors and smoking", synthetic hormones are probably not the only factors in the increased risk of cardiovascular events. But it's safe to say they are a major factor.

This study documents pain in MTF and FTM individuals after they've started cross-sex hormones.

(again, tangent— 61.5 PERCENT FTMS EXPERIENCED CHRONIC PAIN. OVER HALF. )

But MTFS also had a significant rate of chronic pain at 29.8 percent. they reported headaches, "breast" tenderness, and musculoskeletal pain. They also reported that the pain got worse as hormone "treatment" continued. it is also worth noting that testosterone dulls pain, meaning that MTFS on t-blockers and estrogen will be experiencing pain at a level and type that they've never felt before, which I can imagine is alarming. They also tend to be sexually impotent, prone to depression (as T is a mood stabilizer), and can suffer from lethargy, brain fog, and sleep disturbances off T, which can be partially attributed to the diuretic and anti-androgen Spironolactone.

here is a list of side effects of Spironolactone, link here:

(mild)

diarrhea and abdominal cramping

nausea and vomiting

high potassium levels

leg cramps

headache

dizziness

drowsiness

itching

(severe)

Allergic reactions. Symptoms can include:

skin rash

hives

fever

trouble breathing

swelling of your lips, mouth, tongue, or throat

Electrolyte and/or fluid problems. Symptoms can include:

mouth dryness

extreme thirst

extreme weakness and tiredness

fast heart rate and dizziness

not being able to urinate

Dangerously high potassium levels. Symptoms can include:

muscle weakness

not being able to move your legs and arms

extreme tiredness

tingling or numb feeling in your hands or feet

slow heart rate

Breast enlargement (gynecomastia). Symptoms can include:

growth of breast tissue in males and females

Severe skin reactions. Symptoms can include:

redness, blistering, peeling or loosening of your skin, including inside of your mouth.

now, most of these effects probably have low incidence rates, but the sheer number of effects leads me to think—if you're on this drug, there's a good chance you've got a handful of side effects. most of them are relatively harmless and some of them are debilitating.

I would throw in some testimonials from reddit, but r/mtf has recently been privated. It seems they felt it was necessary to have a safe space for males where they could talk about issues that pertain exclusively to them. I wonder why the same measures have not been taken for r/ftm. I wonder.

So, in conclusion, trans women do have an increased risk of cancer, cardiovascular events and chronic pain, and the drugs they take may have a range (a rainbow, even!) of nasty side effects. But chronic pain is nowhere near as guaranteed in trans women as in trans men.

edit: a couple of these studies are behind paywalls. I used sci-hub to access them.

[sunfleurry]

II. Soie et Satin

Part 1

Thank you for the lovely feedback on part 1 of modern prince!Harry <33

NOTE: I decided to give my MC a name (which I also edited into part 1). I hope you enjoy Rose and Harry’s story!!!! this part is not edited oops

***

Harry was on TV and he looked like a star. Rose watched him from the comfort of her living room while she sipped her morning coffee.

It was a live broadcast showing his arrival to the event with his family including the queen, his mother. She was an intimidatingly beautiful woman who gained the respect of the entire country, if not the entire world throughout her life. She was known to be strict on tradition, but she’d done so much for the country when it came to helping the less fortunate, advocating for global health, and supporting free education for everyone.

Now that she was older and had quite a few children, she passed on some of her duties to them. They, including Harry, followed in her footsteps, looking out for the population by supporting the same causes their mother dedicated her life to as a young woman. Their role was to represent the queen, and they did so flawlessly.

Rose didn’t want to admit that she’d googled Harry the day he sent flowers to her office, but she did, and she was reminded of the fact that Harry was heir to the throne. She never cared much for learning about the royal family and this was something everyone knew, but reading it after meeting him was like a big wake-up call. She’d danced with a man who would one day become king. She tried not to let herself think about it too much, or else she knew her thoughts would spiral out of control.

Harry and his brother wore a simple black suit, a change from his usual style, and his mother and sisters were donned in modest dresses she knew were designer and likely cost the same as her home.

Men with flashing cameras were going crazy behind the gates, desperately trying to get the perfect shot of the country’s “perfect” family.

Upon seeing the paparazzi, Rose was instantly reminded of how lucky she and Harry were to not have been caught by anyone when they went out. She quickly picked up her phone and googled Harry’s name and filtered the results to hours before the charity event just to be sure. She sighed in relief when there were no photos or stories of the both of them.

She relaxed into her sofa and fixed her eyes on the television, watching the rest of the event, subconsciously smiling every time Harry’s handsome face popped up on the screen.

***

Three days later at work, Rose received a text from Harry. What are you doing tonight?

She quickly replied, I have a date with a really hot guy I met a while back.

She barely put her phone down before it pinged with another message. What? Who is he? Tell him you’re busy.

She grinned. I don’t know. He’s kind of cute. Did I mention he’s a prince?

Her phone vibrated with a call, Harry’s name in block letters at the top of the screen. She accepted the call and brought it up to her ear. “Hello?”

“You’re not funny.”

She barked out a laugh, then winced and apologized to her coworkers whose desks were adjacent to hers. “I think I am.”

She heard him huff through the line then say, “Can I pick you up at seven?”

“Where do you want to take me?” She asked, tamping down her giddiness. It had only been less than a week since she’d last seen him, but she missed him.

“I thought we could take a walk on the beach, maybe have some ice cream?”

“How romantic of you,” she teased.

She could almost see his eyes rolling. “Are you in? I haven’t been able to go out in public since that morning charity.”

“Why not?”

He sighed. “Normally after making such a public appearance, we’re encouraged to stay low-key for a couple days. Something about the media being on high alert.”

Suddenly remembering the thoughts she had the morning she watched him on TV, she instantly knew what he meant. Rose worried her lip between her teeth as she tried to form the words to articulate the worry that had been building up since that day.

“Harry, will there be people following us?” She closed her eyes, hoping she didn’t sound stupid.

The other end of the line was quiet for a moment before he finally spoke up. “You know what, change of plans. Wear something comfortable.”

“Oh,” she ran a hand through her hair and sat back in her chair. “Okay.”

“I can’t wait to see you, Rose.”

She smiled. “You too,” she whispered.

***

Harry said to wear something comfortable, so she slipped on the most comfortable outfit she owned: A pair of joggers and matching crewneck. He’d only ever seen her dressed up, she figured she would let herself look more casual for once. Her doorbell rang just as she was slipping on a pair of Nikes. Reaching over, she opened the door to reveal a nervous-looking Harry standing with his car key in hand.

“Hi,” he said, a smile breaking onto his face at the sight of her then pulling her in for a hug.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, breathing in the cologne she absolutely loved.

“You look lovely,” he said as he pulled back to take a look at her.

She couldn’t resist kissing his cheek. “Please, I’m wearing glorified pyjamas.”

He looked down at his own pair of joggers and t-shirt. “I’d say you understood the assignment.”

She laughed as she followed him to his flashy car. It wasn’t the same one he picked her up in on their previous date, but just as nice.

Less than a half hour later, Harry had driven them to the middle of the city and into an underground parking garage of a large high-rise building. One of the tallest she’d ever seen in person. It had a modern design, the surface covered in mirrored windows. He drove through the garage until the car reached a closed door. He inched the car closer until the sensor detected it and opened the door, allowing the car to enter a smaller parking area containing two other cars, one of them Rose recognized as the one she’d been in on their last date.

“Do you live here?” She asked, taken aback.

“Yes,” he smiled nervously. “This is my private parking.”

“I can see that,” she frowned. “I thought you lived with your family, at the palace.”

“You and everyone else in the world,” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You don’t?”

He unbuckled his seat belt, and pocketed his key before turning towards her. “I come from a not so traditional family, but I need my own space despite the responsibilities that are expected of me. I’m a man in my twenties who values his privacy so I moved out when I was nineteen. Under a fake name.” 

She was shocked by the revelation, even more by the fact that he was trusting her with his information. 

“Nobody knows you live here?”

“I mean, the other residents do, but they’re under contract.”

“And your family?”

“Of course they know where I live,” he chuckled. “They just don’t come here. They don’t want to risk being seen here because they respect my space, they want to make sure I have all the privacy I can get away from the public eye, because, well, one day I won’t have that luxury.”

Rose deflated at the reminder of what his future entailed. “Do you ever think about it? Being heir and all?”

Harry looked down at his lap, picking an invisible thread on his pants. “Let’s go inside,” he said at last. 

Taking the hint, Rose smiled and opened her door, Harry doing the same. He scanned a card inside the elevator and keyed in a code on the keypad. The lift immediately started rising, only halting when it reached the final floor of the building. 

Nothing could have prepared Rose for the extravagance that would welcome her as soon as the doors opened. An entire wall was made up of giant windows, overlooking the bustling city underneath. They were so high up, she couldn't hear any of it. Instead, the height provided a peaceful silence in an otherwise busy area. The flooring was marble, the luxury kind one would only see on TV, and the place was spotless. 

Harry’s warm hand on the small of her back urged her to walk inside, the elevator doors closing behind them. She took in the open concept penthouse, a staircase in the corner of the grand living room leading to what she assumed was his private corner, the bedroom and bath.

“Holy shit,” she breathed. 

Harry laughed behind her, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the kitchen she knew even Gordon Ramsay would drool over. “Would you like something to drink?”

Snapping herself out of her dumfounded state, she looked at him. “What?”

He suppressed a smile and repeated, “Would you like something to drink?”

“Oh! Um, yes please,” she said, wringing her fingers together.

“Relax, Rose.”

“How could I?” She asked, eyes wide. “I feel like I’ll break something just by looking at it!”

“That’s fine, love. I want you to be comfortable.”

“But this place—”

“Is my home,” he interrupted, stepping closer and gently grabbing her shoulders. “And I made the choice to trust you with my secret, so please, make yourself comfortable.”

Her eyes softened. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”He leaned forward to capture her lips with his, and she melted into him without hesitation. She’d been wanting to do this since their first kiss and the wait was definitely worth it. 

He pulled back with a grin, leaving her breathless. “So, drink?”

She nodded, exhaling as an attempt to calm her beating heart. 

“I also made us dinner, I just need to put it in the oven.”

The statement made her heart swell, a feeling of fondness for the man in front of her taking over. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” he smiled, as he pushed a few buttons on the oven until a yellow light started flashing and the desired temperature was displayed. “Can’t bring you here and not feed you.”

She chuckled and pulled out a stool tucked into the island to sit on. “No you can’t.”

***

The food would take an hour, so the two decided to go to his living room to wait. They were cuddled up on his couch, watching a movie she’d chosen and that he’d seen a dozen times. Rose didn’t know that though.

“Do you ever worry people will recognize you?” She asked, out of the blue. “When we went out together, you seemed unfazed by the looks some were giving you.”

He shrugged. “I get used to it, really. Besides, Fen is always around in case something happens.”

She pushed off the couch to look at him. “Fen?”

“My security detail,” he nodded. “He’s always around when I’m out and about.”

“But, I didn’t see him the other night. Or the first time we went out together.”

He grinned. “That means he’s doing his job.”

She frowned as she slowly tucked herself back into his side. His arm automatically wrapped around her. “So, we were being followed all night?”

“It’s for safety purposes, Rose. Plus, I would never intentionally put you in danger.”

“What could possibly be so dangerous?”

Harry ducked to press a kiss to her head, breathing in the shampoo scent that coated her red strands. “Anything could be dangerous, even the paparazzi.”

The thought of being followed by paparazzi sent shivers down her spine. She’d seen videos of celebrities being hounded by them and felt sorry for the public figures who had to live with that.

“What if they see us together. Would they publish photos? Are you scared of what they may think?”

“Are you ashamed of me, Rose?”

She craned her neck to kiss him softly. “I would never be ashamed of you, Your Highness.”

“I knew it!” He cried, dramatically pushing her away. “You’re just using me for my title!”

“How did you know?” She gasped, trying to hold in a smile.

“I’ve always felt something was off with you,” he tutted, leaning his back on the arm rest and pulling her on top of him.

She giggled, raising her hand to run her fingers through his hair before smoothing it down. “Why is that?” She whispered.

“There’s no way someone as beautiful as you would give me the time of day,” he murmured, brushing his lips on the corner of her mouth.

She pulled him in to give her a proper kiss, their legs tangling as he switched positions until he was hovering on top of her, forearms caging her head against the sofa. 

“If anything, you’re out of my league, Prince.”

The words didn’t sit right with him. He pulled back. “Don’t ever say that,” he frowned.

“It’s true—“

He kissed her again. “Who I am... What I come from... Means nothing between you and me.”

She stared at him intently, the conversation taking an unexpected turn.

“Do you hear me?” He murmured, brushing his lips along her cheek.

She nodded.

He sighed. “Good.”

Rose gasped when Harry’s mouth was suddenly on hers, instantly brushing her tongue against his in what could be the best kiss she’d ever had. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him down to feel his comforting weight on top of her. The kiss morphed into something wetter as his hands trailed along her side and dipped under her shirt. She shivered from the contact, bending her knees to cage his body between her legs. Harry brushed his lips against her jaw before slowly making his way down her throat to the fabric of her top covering her chest. His hands inched along her skin to her back where he applied pressure, making her arch, chest pressing against his own.

“Harry,” she breathed as he pressed open mouthed kisses up her throat, leaving a wet trail.

He hummed in response before coming back up to connect their lips. She sighed into his mouth, arms wrapping around his neck as his hands trailed back to caress her sides. “Can I take this off?” He breathed, fingering the hem of her shirt.

She nodded against his neck, where she tongued at his skin, savouring the feeling of just being so close to him. He pulled her shirt up but before he could take it off completely, his phone rang, the shrill ringtone breaking through their bubble.

Harry scrambled to get off the couch, recognizing the ringtone, while Rose fought to catch her breath, mourning the feeling of his weight on her.

Harry excused himself and left the room to speak to whoever it was while Rose readjusted her top and sat up. She decided to braid her hair while waiting for him to finish.

Just as she was tying up her hair, she heard his footsteps before he appeared with a grim look on his face. He tossed his phone on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” he smiled but she didn’t buy it.

She tucked her legs under her and extended a hand towards him.

Harry accepted it and she tugged him over to sit next to her. He complied and slumped back, neck resting on the back of the couch.

“It’s just PR stuff. You don’t need to worry about it,” he said, eyes never leaving the ceiling.

She felt her heart sink to her stomach. “What kind of PR stuff?”

Before he could answer, she jumped at a sudden beeping coming from the kitchen.

He chuckled half-heartedly as she held a hand up to her chest. “It’s just the oven, love. Come on, food’s ready.”

“But what about—“

He kissed her. “I’m hungry.”

She pouted but decided to drop it, not wanting the mood to be ruined.

***

Rose placed her fork on her empty plate and got up to make her way to the sink. “How did you learn to cook like that?” She turned on the water and waited for it to turn hot before rinsing her plate. She reached for the sponge and squirted soap on it, intending to wash all the dishes.

Harry walked up behind her and slid a hand around her waist, splaying his hand on her stomach and pulling her back against him. “My mother,” he said before reaching over and turning off the water.

“Hey!” She went to turn it back on but he wrapped a hand around the tap, preventing her from moving it. “Harry…” She warned.

“Rose…”

She turned around and crossed her arms, ignoring the way her body reacted to his proximity. 

He laughed, and pried the wet sponge out of her hand, then pushed her out of the way to rinse it and put it back in place. 

Rose scowled. “Let me do this for you.”

“No, I have a dishwasher that could do that for me. I want to spend time with you, not watch you wash my shit.”

“You do so much for me, Harry. Let me wash your shit.”

“I can wash my own shit.”

“Okay, this is getting gross.”

Harry giggled and kissed her cheek before walking over to his fridge. She took the time to wash her hands and dry them before turning around to ask if he needed help with whatever it was he was doing.

She was met with the sight of him standing next to the kitchen island, a delicious-looking chocolate cake on it with two small forks. 

Harry chuckled at the way her eyes lit up, knowing her love for chocolate was the way to her heart. 

“I was too shy to ask if you had something sweet to follow up with dinner,” she admitted sheepishly, biting her bottom lip as she sat on the stool while he did the same across from her.

His smile widened, handing her a fork. “I would never forget.”

She blushed and followed his lead by taking the first bite of the cake. “Oh my God,” she moaned. “Is this André’s?”

Harry looked at her, horrified. “Don’t ever say another man’s name after moaning like that.”

She snorted, taking another bite of the delicious cake. 

“Yes,” Harry said finally, expression morphing into one of amusement as he watched her devour her half of the dessert. “He did make it. Something about giving the lovely lady a real treat.”

Rose laughed at the way he mocked André’s accent, and pushed the plate towards him to finish the cake. “I can’t take another bite,” she groaned. 

***

Rose awoke to the sound of faint chattering. She didn’t remember when she fell asleep but once she was aware enough to take in her surroundings, she realized she was still in Harry’s penthouse, curled up on his couch under a warm blanket. A warm feeling engulfed her when she realized Harry had tucked her in.

“Fuck you, I can do whatever I want.”

She frowned, knuckling her eye to try and wake herself up as she heard Harry start pacing, wherever he was.

“I know, I know, she’s been telling me the same thing all week.”

“Harry?” She called out. He didn’t hear her.

“If I hear you call her that one more time, you’re fired.”

“Harry,” she called again, louder. His pacing stopped and a second later, he appeared from around the corner, phone up to his ear.

“Rose,” he sighed, then scowled at whatever the person on the other end said. “Yes, now don’t call me back.” He locked his phone and gave her his attention once again. “Sorry about that.”

She smiled sleepily and reached over to caress his face. He breathed out and knelt on the ground to come face to face with her. Her fingers wound in the short hairs at the nape of his neck and he exhaled, dropping his forehead to her collarbone. “Sometimes I hate being me.”

“Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head and a laugh bubbled out of her, unwillingly. He snapped his head up. “What’s so funny?”

“Tickled me,” she mumbled.

He snorted then got up, asking her to move over before laying down next to her and pulling her to his side. 

“You seemed angry,” she said gently.

She could feel him tense under her. “My mother was just pissed at me, had my publicist relay a message.”

“Did you do anything?”

Harry looked into her warm brown eyes, his own glinting with mischief. “When am I not?”

Rose giggled and laid her head on his shoulder. She could feel herself being pulled back into unconsciousness, and as much as she tried to fight it, she couldn't. She wanted to stay awake for him, to comfort him further but exhaustion suddenly washed over her. Before being completely lost to the world, she could’ve sworn she heard him murmur, “I won’t let anything come between us.”

***

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