#and she pays pretty decently-ish

[tirfpikachu]

tfw i have $948cad and rent is $980 AND MY PLACE IS A WRECK

[elf-simp]

Roundup - "NPC" OCs

Hi, I've finished DT but I'm still ruminating about it and my main OCs so in the mean time I might as well reveal the "secret OCs" I was storing for later. As the title says these guys are "NPCs" so they're not major players for the ongoing stories of my other OCs nor is their lore as expansive. But lets get them introduced anyway starting from the left and going right.

First up, Marcus Fortiramus, Madeline's brother. He's a pretty simple guy. Well mannered, usually keeps to himself, and worked an office job prior to the events of post-SHB / Endwalker. The main thing that stands out about him is that he's always been extremely supportive of his sister, even when she started going insane and left garlemald for 20-ish years! He was a little slow to warm up after they met again though. Mostly because He was not expecting his sister to marry a demon, nor was he expecting to be the WoLs uncle.

Next is "Ronaldy", Beauchene/Tsuwamono family retainer, expert botanist, and giant cinnamon bun himbo. He dropped into the picture pretty early on since he used to (still does) work under Madeline for her apothecary business. Though his roll (and pay) has become significantly greater since those early days. Kingdom and Castle found him in Elpis once. No one is sure how he got there but by god was he excited.

And lastly Hollow Bones, Lominsan born-and-raised treasure hunter and professional asshole. Seiei met him when she took her first boat ride to Limsa years ago. The two didn't really hit it off as pals, per say, but they did get to do a little bit of talking and became decently acquainted. The thing that really brought them together though was the fact that—once they had arrived in Limsa—they both often took on the same odd-jobs/mercenary work. Seiei swears he's a nice guy when you get to know him.

[gremlin-bot]

That ain't happening Thursday

So, last week I posted "That ain't happening Thursday" on Friday. I thought it was Thursday. Time is an illusion, (to me).

This wip is inspired by the song Gladiator by Jann! It's a strip club-ish Au with Danny being the performer among other things and Tim has to find him! This wip also ruined my Spotify wrapped and it wasn't even gladiator! it's Brain Dead for the ship btw!

Anyways, Fic's name is "Body's more than just a flesh, you can sell it for success" hope you like this bit of it!

The music was loud enough to rattle his bones and he could barely breathe with how crowded it was tonight. This is the third night this week Tim was here undercover. He just hopes that it’ll be the last. 

The strip club was a semi-popular one called Miss Fortune's Table. It always has a decent crowd but he had seen nothing like this. All seats were filled and people had started to fill any space they could fit into. He was glad to get there before the rush and snag one of the best seats in the house. 

Tim is at a two person table in front of center stage. He unfortunately had another person filling the space across from him. The guy was built like a tank and was blond. He was pretty sure that it was dicks co-worker from the GPD but he won’t know for sure until the man speaks. Either way he has to be more careful than before. Time to follow his motto in life, fake it 'til you make it, like always. 

He was looking at the female dancer with faked interest as she finished her routine. The crowd had been rowdy with anticipation all night. He wasn’t really paying them, or the stripers really, any attention. No, he was waiting for the recognition spell sitting uselessly in his pocket to trigger. It hasn’t done anything since he was given it by Zatanna. He is really doubting how good the Information was that the JLD got. After all, why would a psychopomp work out of a strip club and not some candle shop or at a cemetery. 

His train of thought was derailed by a sudden increase of noise from the crowd around him. A new dancer was announced, one that he hadn’t heard the name of before but the rest of the club clearly had. It seems that it was Saturn’s Gladiator who brought everyone here tonight, well almost everyone.

[ruina-031]

I'd like to go on a little rant to thank everybody :)

Oh dang-it I might be too tired.

The company I work for faces a bit of economic downturn, that results in me having a workload of 3 people in one position and one pay. To combat inflation, and to support myself and my best friend, I regularly take in Tarot card clients. I never studied art before, I have no art teacher, and my background is foreign languages and English literature (and I sucked at school). I am quite surprised by the support and comments I get on Tumblr, because I don't think I am that good. Thank you all. :)

The reason I got into art was My best friend. She is a history professor, her specialty is in WWII and military/technological systems comparisons between the Germany and the Soviet bloc. She has been a visiting scholar to the University of Moscow. Since the war went down, her grants all dried up, and she has to pay out of her own pockets to continue such researches. That's part of the reason why we have no savings whatsoever.

She got me interested in WWII a few years ago and I attempted to sketch wartime personalities. Here I have Marshal Zhukov, Vasilevskiy and Walter Model. I realized I could capture faces pretty decently, with struggles, of course.

Still everyday I draw is a struggle; my anatomy knowledge sucks, my perspectives are crooked, I use an old ass Photoshop CS2 to do everything because sb gave me that program for free. I don't know how to install brushes on that so it's terrible. I use a second hand year 2000-ish digital tablet because sb sold it for cheap. I am grateful of every like and reblog and my friend who "discovered" my talent (or lack thereof).

OK long rant over~~~

[lakesbian]

five FUCKING am and i am too busy being autistic about alec vasil to sleep. aisha & alec is a fucking nuts good character dynamic to just Casually Slide Into The Background. and the thing that’s REALLY fucked up and evil about it is that it genuinely would not work any other way. their narrative would not Work if they were not constantly in the narrative background because they as people are defined by being in the background. alec is traumatized in this very specific way that means he’s fully aware he doesn’t really know how to be a person like everyone else. he’s fully aware that something fundamental everyone else has was taken from him long ago. so despite the fact that he dresses incredibly ostentatiously, that he loves being pampered, that he wears a little crown, that his power is at its most fundamental level the ability to force other people to obey and prioritize him, he intentionally makes himself a background character in other ppl’s lives. because on some level he knows that if he Doesn’t, if anyone pays too much attention to him, they’re going to notice that he is incredibly fucked up and has just been ad-libbing his way through trying to be a vaguely decent-ish person distinct from the gaping soul-wound the first thirteen years of his life left him with. 

and then you have aisha, whose. (okay my aishanalysis is still somewhat unformed but i Will pay even more attention to her and conduct some proper Scientific Aisha Studies on my upcoming reread.) but anyway then you have aisha, whose life has been defined by either being ignored and dismissed or targeted with entirely the wrong kind of attention. her defense mechanism is that Nobody Fucking Notices her, and her biggest problem is also that Nobody Fucking Notices her. she’s in a constant struggle between the trauma-induced tendency to very literally make herself disappear by default and between the fact that she Wants to be noticed, she wants to have people who pay enough attention to her & care about her enough to give her autonomy, she wants to have people who see her as her instead of as an object of annoyance or desire. and despite the fact that nearly everything she does is a simultaneous cry for both attention and autonomy, she still ironically fades into the background, constantly dismissed by those around her as an irritation just in the way enough to be occasionally noticeable.  

and like. they do both stay in the background for pretty much the entire story. aisha develops significantly more than alec because she didn’t get fucking smote, but none of the circumstances that led to their background positions ever change enough for taylor to get a full grasp on what either of them are like beyond their roles in the peripheral of her life. she sees aisha as an annoyance to rein in. when alec dies and aisha says that “the best part of him would have killed his dad, too,” taylor not only doesn’t understand what she means, but dismisses the idea without a second thought. it’s taylor’s story and they’re just living in the background of it.

but. despite the fact that they are background characters and they Remain background characters. they do find each other. boy who is intentionally side-charactering himself so that no one notices how fucked up he is meets girl who really does not want to be a side character but is anyway, and they see each other in a way no one else sees them. they spend vast portions of the text connecting in the background, with that connection alluded to only through one-off lines and sparsely connected details. and that connection does eventually become so important that it results in something extreme enough for everyone else to notice--alec killing himself for the slightest chance that aisha might live--but the events leading up to the moment alec steps out of the peripheral for aisha? never explicitly detailed, only alluded to. there’s the outline of a love story going on there and it’s kept private solely because no one cared enough to watch. there were parts of alec that only aisha saw and there are parts of aisha that only alec has seen, and isn’t that beautiful? but the only reason that’s true is because nobody else ever saw either of them, and isn’t that fucking tragic?

genuinely fucking deranged character dynamic. background pairing defined explicitly and entirely by the fact that it’s In The Background. i am So mad that we never get to yank the curtain back and find out precisely what was going on back there, and i’m equally obsessed w/ the fact that we’re forced to just watch their shadows thru the curtain instead, because both of them are characters defined by the fact that the curtain is there in the first place.

(obligatory endnote i say ‘love story’ but ‘love’ is not an inherently romantic word etc etc. when taylor says she doesn’t know if it’s romantic or platonic but they’re Together, that’s true. i have my own takes on what mix of romantic and platonic their relationship is but the only part that’s really important is that they’re Together. as per usual, the details are kept solely between the two of them.)

[kisuminight]

Since I'm feeling backstories right now, lets do c!Punz and c!Purpled.

Punz has been Purpled's Blade for a long time. He previously belonged to Purpled's father, and reverted to core crystal when Purpled's father died. They were on a hardcore server, so it was a permanent death. Purpled's mother recovered the core crystal. She gave it to Purpled and got him to Awaken Punz roughly a week later. She also died roughly a month later. Purpled was two or three.

So now we have a Blade trying to take care of his Driver, who is a toddler. And eventually raise him into a sane, functional being. Surely it can't be that hard, right? Right?

Punz doesn't actually fail completely. His Procedural Memory is full-on blank when it comes to this, but he knows enough to keep Purpled alive. Mostly common sense-type things, starting with moving to a different server that is not hardcore.

Of course, a young child Driving a Blade is a scenario that can and will attract a lot of bad actors. So Punz keeps them moving, takes mercenary work because he's a Blade and there's not many people who can match him in a fight and they do need money for food and shelter and things like that. Children are expensive. At least the emotional bleed from the Resonance helps Punz to figure out when Purpled's getting tired or angry or frustrated. Punz is decent at figuring out what emotion is coming from the emotional bleed, if not exactly what caused it.

So Purpled grows up knowing he is loved. He grows up knowing the skills of a mercenary, because Punz teaches him what he knows to help him keep alive. He grows up knowing about the Blade System, too, because Punz is a realistic enough to know that the odds are against them. He also grows up very lonely. Unlike a Blade, people need more than one social bond.

Oops.

So it turns out social interaction is a thing that most people need. Even Purpled. He's pretty introverted, and since they always keep moving he doesn't really have the opportunity to make friends. Eventually he stops trying. Punz figures out this might be a problem about when Purpled turns 15 or so.

The reason they both join the DSMP is because there are other people there, including some kids Purpled's age. It's also a large-ish server that's kind of in the middle of nowhere, as servers are organized. If there's a problem, Punz is pretty sure that he or Purpled can handle it because they'll be a lot more powerful than anyone else by virtue of the Blade-Driver status.

Not quite.

Punz and Purpled don't interact much on the DSMP because Purpled is still very much a teenager. He's 16 now, and he doesn't really like being brought to the DSMP instead of, say, Hypixel. He's fine with not interacting with Punz because he also figures that no one else there is strong enough to take them. Even though c!Dream, c!Techno, and c!Philza very much prove that there's other powerful Blades on this server, that doesn't really change. In fact, the hand-waving we're doing of non-canon deaths for the Blade-Driver pairs means that Purpled hasn't ever been forced a Respawn.

Purpled is at the point where most teenagers think they're invincible. He knows that he isn't, that Punz isn't, because he is a mercenary and Punz taught him about the Blade System. But he hasn't internalized it, and he's not really paying much attention to the server's social climate updates he's getting from Punz. It'll be fine. He's mad at Punz right now but he knows he'll get over it eventually and they'll go back to traveling together.

And then the Egg kills Purpled. It's not a canon death. But Purpled wakes up and the world is silent. He doesn't know where Punz is. Because the Blade Punz has reverted to core crystal, and he's not going to be Purpled's Punz anymore.

[harlequinoccult]

coffee shop au?? ohoho please do elaborate~

basically, under the assumption this is like a 24hr coffeeshop/diner-

Xandin- a fucking cryptid. comes in at like 4am for a black coffee with an ungodly and concerning amount of espresso. Everyone is scared shitless of him despite him not doing anything. its the aura he exudes. gives a decent tip no matter what.

Yuuki- is really only there to socialize? is always hanging around to chat but never orders anything. leaves a huge tip anyway. The old folks adore him and he brings in a shit ton of business.

Andrew- he's a busy man, pops in to grab an americano for himself and whatever gimmicky sugar abomination is currently on the menu for Pitrio. The most patient and understanding customer ever. anyone being mean to the workers gets the coldest glare known to mankind. tips royally well

Claudia- Orders black coffee and requests that some grounds be put in it. a woman that is feared by god. give her one of those cute little croissants in the window there. no not the pretty one the fucked up looking one that kinda looks like a face. tips whoever served her directly in crumpled wads of cash.

Vylasia- ALL in for the dumbass gimmick drinks no matter how fucking stupid they are. Doesnt really go to coffee shops often so its always a novelty for her. ends up paying too much but just says to keep the change.

Cy- Despises how dependent on coffee they are but considering they have a clerical job it is a necessity. It's too early for this shit. they keep their sunglasses on indoors as they order a pitch black coffee. Tips with their card and just says to tip whatever percentage, they don't care.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Elysium- Comes in after his morning run, they should be ordering a green smoothie or some other healthy bullshit but he never does. Its always an iced coffee. everyday. they ordered the green smoothie once and the feeling of muted disgust was palpable. Tips generously as long as their order isn't fucked up

Black Dahlia- Not big on coffee, but will order a different tea on the menu everyday and judge them accordingly, especially the iced tea. This is a test, don't fuck it up. If the tea is up to her standards she will become a regular but somehow only shows up when business is slow and no one else is around. only tips if they tea is good.

Overdose- comes in at 2 in the morning and requests that their coffee be brewed with an energy drink. they will provide said energy drink if asked. adds a terrifying amount of sugar to their drink afterwards. beyond their coffee war crime they are easy to chat with and they enjoy shooting the shit with the employees. tips with one of those fake money cards with scripture as a joke but it does have actual money inside when you unfold it.

Cold- Orders a coffee with cream but no sugar. On days where they are not busy they will order their coffee and sit in a secluded spot with a novel until they have finished reading the entire thing. Once they are finished they will tip the same amount every time and silently leave.

Sweetheart- Comes in just to take a pitstop from riding but can be very easily swayed to order something. Not really knowledgeable on coffee but can be recommended a mocha or a latte. Would be delighted with any heart shaped coffee art. more of a weekly-ish regular than a daily one and his tips fluctuate greatly but he does always tip.

The Host- COFFEE SNOB. Will send a cup back if it isnt exactly right. They aren't rude but they are very exacting and will give a lecture on the intricacies of the drink they ordered, ignoring the fact there are other people in line. they need to just make their own coffee at home. tips astronomically well but at what cost.

[peachy-cheeks]

Would You Go Back?

word count: 1,854 words

characters: Nanami Kento x gn!reader ; (minor: Ieiri Shoko; Itadori Yuji)

warnings: None! Just kinda mellow and maybe a lil sad-ish. Takes place around chapter 31.

a/n: Trying to mentally prep myself for the Shibuya arc and how devastating it'll be so... pulling this fic off the back burner and finally sharing after a couple of prolonged edits..

"Ugh... he's lost a decent amount of blood. I'll need a little more time for Itadori..."

Shoko raised her mask above her nose as she turned to fully focus her technique on a comatose Yuji. Stitches of his vascular system carefully regenerated within the steadily sealing puncture wounds.

"He'll likely be alright... seems to be a pretty strong kid. Just give me an hour and a half..."

She directed her words more-so to the somber, sandy blonde man next to you. Sitting in between the bit of encouragement that she could offer, a pensive silence weighed on the room.

You and Shoko had made plans to catch up for the first time since your graduation from the school. Nearly a decade ago, you had decided on another path well away from Tokyo and jujutsu society. The reunion was intended to be a sweet moment of reminiscence with your underclassman.

"Ahaha~ I really can't believe we didn't do this sooner..."

"Well you're the one who decided to go away! Besides, I've always only been a phone call away."

"Mmm..." You let Shoko's words settle. "Yeah... I'm sorry, you're right... I just figured you guys were usually busy. Especially.... uh... after everything with Geto-kun..."

"Eh...? Excuses... excuses..." Shoko sat the rocks glass down on her desk.

"Listen, I get it. You knew what you wanted and got out before we did— well, Gojo and I never really left after all-"

"The school would probably be fucked if you guys ever did decide to leave."

"Heheh... the pay is too good. But you took the leap for your own happiness. I can't be upset over you wanting something else... besides, you're not hurting anyone. I think we're all okay with you being okay... now let's go be okay at a bar. You're drinking up my stash."

Her phone rang while you were both gathering your things, alerting her to the emergency at hand. It was only natural that something urgent- better yet- life or death, would interrupt the reunion before it officially started.

The gravity of the situation had almost made you fearful to check the expression of the handsome acquaintance. Regardless of how stoic Kento appeared, you and Shoko both knew that being a spectator in this room would do nothing for his growing feeling of helplessness.

"Nanami..."

Shoko looked up towards him.

"You should have your wound checked on. It might have been stressed during the altercation."

Then turned her gaze to you. A stern request rather than a suggestion... you took the hint. A stint of medical training (traumatic curse-related response and otherwise) had over-prepared you for smaller tasks like these, though, maybe less so for the potential psychological work.

"Oh. I can take over from here..."

Before you could direct him, Kento made his way to the adjacent office, holding the door open for you to follow. He released a deep sigh as the door closed and you quickly scanned the room for the proper supplies.

"Is it alright if I take a look? I'm sure you're fine but... it looked like you both were in a pretty intense situation there."

You spoke, but you weren't sure if he was really present. Rather, how could he be? From what you understood, Nanami and the young boy laying unconscious had both nearly died at the hands of a cursed spirit less than an hour ago. The room felt even heavier and you kept your gaze to the surrounding cabinets and drawers.

"Excuse me..."

You shifted focus to Kento, free of his suit jacket and button-up. Contours of his robust frame clung to his ribbed undershirt; bare and sturdy biceps on view.

"Where should I sit?"

Ears and cheeks flushed, you quickly motioned for him to sit atop the desk. He complied and you drew a bit closer, attempting to hide your bashfulness through conversation.

"So... where and when were you injured?"

He lifted his undershirt as modestly as he could. Despite this, your face felt even hotter, noting the toned and lightly freckled skin. You promptly snapped a latex pair of gloves onto your hands.

"This was only a few days ago. The same special grade. Not quite sure how it manifested but..."

He paused as you put a hand against his exposed side. The off-white dressing seemed clean from the outside which was a good sign.

"You both encountered it again tonight...?"

The question came out as a small utterance. Quietly guessing what could have injured Kento and incapacitated the boy in the next room, you began to peel back the bandage to reveal pink, raised scarring and a barely-there trace of fluid. Some areas were still slightly raw, others stressed and inflamed from the intense battle movements. But overall, thanks to Shoko's polished technique, the frighteningly deep wound mostly resembled a mild, weeks old injury.

"Yes... the curse was able to rewrite the shape of one's soul..."

Curbing your shock, you nodded with a low, understanding hum. Yuji was unfathomably lucky. Kento even more-so for braving it twice. Dabs of cotton dampened with a cooling gel ointment met Kento's delicate skin, causing him to flinch.

"Sorry... So, this cursed spirit is able to alter the soul... and, I suppose, the body. I've never come across this technique myself, luckily. Heard about this but... it's kinda hard to imagine..."

A swipe against the ripple of his obliques. He remained quiet as your focus moved from words to the work at hand.

"What did it look like?"

Extra care and thoroughness was taken in tending to the divots of pink skin.

"... A ragdoll... patched-up. Distressingly child-like in demeanor."

A violent shiver in your spine could not be held down. You nearly apologized for your sensitivity, unsure of how Kento would feel about a near stranger shuddering at his lived experience. Instead, you opted to shake your head and wordlessly began redressing the wound.

"... Forgive me if this is presumptuous... I take it you left this society a while ago?"

Despite the abruptness, the sudden call-out felt affirming. You figured that you weren't cut out for this life a while ago. If anything, your overall calmness and familiarity with combat care, curses, and techniques were fragments of book knowledge, muscle memory, and nostalgia melding together for you to makeshift some sort of normalcy.

But none of this was normal. Burying a quarter of your classmates... only to lose another quarter after graduation... was not normal. Bearing witness to the aftermath of your juniors' psychotic breaks... was not normal. Being given the tools to heal the world with no direction on healing the self...

"Ah... yeah. I'm grateful for what I can see and do, don't get me wrong... but..."

How would you word this for someone who's doing the job you refuse to do...?

"You were tired."

A fitting (undeniable and obvious) interjection.

"Very."

"Me too."

Your heart was heavy. Though you never had overlap in school, you could imagine that some feelings... conditions... traditions... stayed constant for all students to suffer in.

"I left for a while too. Right after school."

Slight surprise appeared in your expression and your eyes caught Kento's. It may have been the first moment you weren't too flustered to really see him, allowing him to properly see you too. The palpable strength and resilience in his presence almost made it hard to believe that he would dedicate his life to something other than this.

Breaking eye contact, you gathered the final sections of bandage wrap as he lifted his shirt slightly for you giving more clearance. His eye lingered, lightly admiring the concentration on your face while you wrapped.

"Hold this for a sec..."

A more comfortable, silent air filled the space between you two as you briefly searched for bandage clips. From a distance, you resumed the conversation.

"What was your time away like?"

"...Fine... but also fairly shitty. My time was filled with just... work. A different type of burden..."

Though your back now faced him, you could imagine the look on his face mirrored yours... sinking into bittersweet recall of the past few years.

"Yeah... The burden of having to hold yourself upright..."

You missed the slight smile of understanding he offered to your response. For better or worse, neither of you had the protection of (or obligation) to a larger clan. Independence was truly yours as made clear by the similar existences crossing over. Otherworldly humans longing for an unextraordinary existence, so long as it was your own.

Returning to sit by his side, you began to pin the remaining sections of bandage with Kento's aid. You continued, attempting to break the remaining tension with more vulnerability.

"There was so much shame involved when I left... most people understood, but... it felt like my superiors would have preferred for me to just die trying than to break away from this. To serve a greater good only under their say... as if 'normal' life is any easier now. Trying to live as a non-sorcerer... it's all kind of just the other side to the same coin. It's not difficult to see why curses are born."

A bit of you felt as though you were rambling, though Kento attentively listened. The physical contact and tenderness the moment required brought a confessional atmosphere that soothed you both.

"I don't regret leaving."

"...I don't regret it either... even though I came back."

Your eyes met again.

"Why did you come back?"

He took his time to ponder the wording of his reply. In that time you could've sworn he peered at your lips before answering.

"Pain is unavoidable... We're uniquely predisposed to it because of where we are, what we see, and our ability to control the spiritual output... it's burdensome but that's what it always is. Curse or no curse, pain just... is... So... why not try where I know I can really make a difference... Different side, same coin."

"...Mm."

Why— in that short span of time— did he understand you so well?

"Are you okay?"

And why were you tearing up?

"Ah, I-I'm okay... Sorry, sorry... I just don't... It's been a while since I've talked about this so I'm like—"

Breaking your apologetic stream of consciousness, Shoko opened the door, visibly lighter in expression.

"Hey, so- oh... am I interrupting?"

Your head whipped around in surprise to view the intruder. Kento calmly lowered his undershirt and began buttoning up.

"No- You're fine! I-is everything okay?"

"Uh... yeah. Yuji is stabilized and responsive. I told him to rest for the night but he's awake..."

And finally, the deep, anxious air you all held released. Motioning to you, Shoko continued.

"I'll wrap up here in the next ten if you want to still grab a drink?"

"Mm, yeah. I'll meet you out front then."

With the door closing, you quickly stood intending to clean up. Kento grabbed your wrist with considerate haste. In the moment that you turned back towards him, his grasp loosened and hand dropped, fingers trailing the inside of your wrist and hand.

"I just wanted to say... thank you."

"Mm..."

'I didn't do anything... but you...'

"Thank you, Nanami-san."

[birdgirl90]

Well preparing for the move is in full swing! Full details below, and thank you all for being so supportive.

I have technically three ish weeks to get everything ready to go, but I want to be done before the week of Thanksgiving so I can spend that week doing nothing except being with my family, so it's more like two weeks.

I've been steadily going down my to do list - stuff for my dog is all taken care of (treats, toys, food and water bowls, etc all for the trip itself), my medications are all called in for 90 days so that I have a few months to figure out insurance and get doctors (parents said they would mail the meds to me if they don't get filled in time), I ordered my contacts for the next six months so that I'm stocked up on those, hotels are reserved for along the way, and so on.

I have a tentative plan for when I get there, but it's still scary as fuck.

My parents are being supportive even though neither of them like that I'm moving so far away. (For reference, I'm in Colorado and I'm moving to Maryland, which I love the east coast and am very excited.) Thanks to my dad helping me out, I was able to get a loan from the bank to pay for my move and living expenses until I get a full time job. Both of them are sad, as is my little sister who is heartbroken I'm leaving, but they all know I have to do what's right for me.

The half baked plan is to take four days to drive cross country with as much of my stuff that will fit in my car as well as my dog, driving about 6 hours or so a day since it's just me. I have my cities picked out to stop in, and I think it's going to be a pretty uneventful drive. I love road trips, so it's great getting to take one on my own tbh.

Then when I get to Maryland, I'll be rooming with my best friend. Once she left her fiance and I got divorced, it was the plan to be roommates, so she got a decent two bedroom apartment last month that she can afford on her own. My contribution when I get there will be to pay for groceries until I work full time and can afford to help with rent too. I figure groceries is the least I can do, and she keeps telling me that I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, which is incredibly generous but I refuse to just be a bum and do nothing.

Once I'm settled, I'll be hitting the ground running looking for work. The job I really wanted I got overlooked for because I'm out of state, so being in state will help for other jobs. So far I'm looking into online tutoring (I have an education degree and I currently work for Sylvan Learning Centers - I've done administrative director stuff as well as tutoring and they have a lot of opportunities) as well as transcription jobs for like court reporting. Both together should tide me over until I find a full time job somewhere, I think.

This whole thing is exciting and also terrifying as fuck. I have never done anything even remotely close to this before, and going out without a job lined up scares me shitless. But as I had it pointed out to me, nothing gets done staying in one place forever, and if I want to make this change, I need to just do it.

Does anyone who follows me live on the east coast of the US? If you do and would ever be interested, I would love to get coffee once I'm settled. I am really looking forward to making friends for once outside of the two or three that I currently have.

Thanks again for everything guys, all of you mean a lot to me.

~Birdie

[thessalian]

Thess vs A CrapSack World

So basically the world is really, really fucked up right now. I can bullet-point a lot of it, or at least I can try.

GENOCIDE BAD, OKAY?

And across the pond from me... Not seeing nearly enough about the fact that "old white dude quietly trying to get shit done as leader of his country but also maintaining the status quo on genocide" is still better than "old orange-ish dude who will destroy your fucking country and exacerbate the genocide if you let him get in again"

Apparently standing up and shouting "GENOCIDE BAD" is enough to panic people in this country so hard that folks are spinning fantasies about some Israeli Deep State controlling all of us (yes, actual government officials are saying this shit, and not even really getting condemned for it - look up Lee Anderson sometime) and start hinting at new anti-protest legislation (as if we didn't have enough of that) because "mob rule is replacing democratic rule". Says the man who nobody voted for.

Everything is way too expensive. And is only getting more and more expensive as time goes on - especially here, since we're having the worst effects of Brexit hitting us in stages and we're just about at the worst of it now.

The wealthy are blaming us for not wanting to work too hard for too little money, and for not buying enough to keep industries running, and generally fucking over everybody to keep their profit margins going ever-upwards. I can almost see the upcoming destruction of the bubble, but apparently we're going to go into "dynamic pricing" first, to make us pay more even for essentials depending on some AI's idea of when they can fleece us the most. Basically I'm tired of being a money-stuffed pinata to be beaten on by our corporate overlords until cash comes out.

On a personal note, I just had to register for postal voting and have no the fuck idea who I should be voting for because for fuck's sake, they're all as bad as each other at that point. I could probably focus on my constituency, but this is such a safe Labour seat that it barely even matters. Still, I'm not going to hike up a fucking hill to exercise my democratic rights, even if I don't know if there's anyone I can actually in all good conscience vote for.

Further personal note: just about every fucking part of the government seems to hate trans people. They all seem to be making the statement about "I know what a man is and I know what a woman is and there is no confusion about that", with the underlying suggestion of "man = penis, woman = vulva", which ... dear gods. We've got people asking, "Were the two kids who murdered a trans pupil really evil?" like, "Yeah, they fucking killed somebody, but ... well, it was only one of those..."

Final personal note: I am still so fucking tired of being disabled. I want to go out to the yarn store in my area, because ... y'know, good yarn, learning to crochet, yadda. Plus some other errands - I need gluten-free pasta, which they ran out of for my big monthly grocery order, and some other stuff. But I'm having to plan this entire trip in the most strategic way you can imagine because ... well, pain. I am so tired of having pain.

So there's all of ... y'know. This. And sometimes I don't know how I don't just despair myself into the ground. Because I can't do anything about most of this. Hell, I can't do anything about any of this. It just sits there, being shitty.

However. I had a really helpful therapist once, after I had my really major breakdown, and she said that the whole thing where I was grabbing at anything that might have the remotest chance of making me even briefly happy was a good instinct, and I just had to learn to do it more consciously. So. As small and shallow as some of these things are, here are my things right now:

I have the most awesome friends.

On the subject of friends, I have D&D nights.

I have pretty decent parentals, all told.

I have a new-old book (an old favourite I haven't read in a long time, and picked up for my Kindle recently)

I have a week off work, so I can recover a bit from the ow.

I have the first game I've pre-ordered since Dredge, which will be available in just over two weeks.

I have a trip to the yarn store ... and the yarn store has a shop cat.

That'll do for the time being. It may not seem like much, but it's a good bulwark between me and despair. I remember enough about my really major breakdown to know I really need those.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary135

1/27-28/2024

saturday - sunday

the move will go crazyyy tomorrow.

today was already sort of crazy i guess. before i get to that just some sundry things, the problem song is really close to working i think, i just need to change the bass, that's rreally it and i think i have an idea for what to do, so i'm gonna do that. while ableton loads, what else, oh yeah, i really need to make 1 minute and like 15 seconds of music for the trailer still, for that movie. deadline coming, hopefully tomorrow we'll be moved in basically, and maybe i can just do it then and there. it'll be weird sleeping in a new place. honestly kind of scared.

the new place is bigger, but it's also made worse than the place we're staying. i think whoever got this building now believes people here pay too little and is kicking everyone out to do renovations and to then raise rent or something. this building is so solidly made, you can't really hear anyone through the walls, but there is no one to really hear anymore i guess. the sink in the kitchen is so nice, the space is kind of perfect to me idk, the new place has stuff that just seems like it could fall apart on us, like the a.c. unit is this window thingy i think. it's probably okay. it's really not as big an issue to me as like, the sink, the bathroom is tiny and has no medicine cabinet, but whatever i have a place to live. i'll also have to navigate to my job from there, if they really do call me back/add me to the roster or whatever, and stuff. i filled everything out for onboarding, probably next week i'd guess.

my gf's mom showed up today, and helped us move, her brother came too and he's so injured generally that he did nothing but stand around and smoke and unpack some stuff. he wasn't useless but he kind of wasn't super helpful. next time he might be more helpful i guess because he'll just be driving so we can load more junk. i value all our stuff but it also does feel kind of like junk right now. like, it frustrates me i guess, i wish it could be instant, instead of car rides with her mom who is falling off the wagon again because my gf's brother got dumped and is going to live with her again. i am somewhat certain their relationship is going to get so destructive again that he is going to come crash at our place for a while.

he made her yell at him, or really all of us, or just everyone in her life vaguely, not even in the car, today. he was so unhappy about moving back, he was masking it decently, but he said about the new place and my apparent disappointment (because i am allowed to not be happy about moving because it was never our choice, her mother seems to think different, she's almost offended that i don't like the place a ton (it's just not the place i've lived in for like 2-ish years now)), that things could be worse, and he started talking about his mom's house, and having lived there, it is pretty bad and gross, she went on a rant about how no one does anything, more than a rant, accusatory and loud, vague as well, no one helped her, she's given up, she does all she can, don't fucking talk about this, don't fucking talk to me, etc. it was unpleasant and it at least wasn't directed straight at me or my gf so it didn't spike anxiety in that way but the language generally reads as her being on the outs with everyone in her life. her husband is talking about quitting his job, taking her to florida. currently, all of her family has distant thoughts of florida, her brother's plan is to go there too, with his friend who is offering to take him there. i don't know if that will materialize, and i don't think her mom's husband will quit and go to florida. but maybe. to keep her to himself, even though he's cheated multiple times and whatever.

my gf says i worry about her family too much but it seems acceptable when they're in her life so much and act destructively and irresponsibly, her stepfather is a gambler, alcoholic, cheater, whatever. he threatened to call the cops on me once, her brother is insane and has groped me and attacked his mother and done plenty else, her mother has terrorized my gf for most of her life and the periods of her being kind to her are the rare bright spots in their relationship. they are also the only 'family' i regularly see because my stepdad is so covid paranoid and my mom is so depressed and trapped with my stepdad that she just does not really want to hang out or anything and i don't blame her but it's miserable. there's not a lot to text about. she doesn't even know how i am, these days, as in, being an androgyne or whatever, i have not come out or whatever it is i'm supposed to do re: my identity/failure to have one. her family doesn't care and as far as they are concerned i guess i'm just a weird boy to them. lately that has been kind of bothering me but there's no way to correct it, at least with her mother, she wouldn't understand.

thinking about it now, i even miss my stepdad. there's a lot of frustrating stuff about him, he is basically very bad to my mom in that he's controlling/paranoid, when i lived there, during covid, he basically (i feel like) took financial advantage of me and used guilting tacticvs to get me to give him basically all of my unemployment money, which i could have done something with, like saved in some way, idk, that was a huge amount of money i feel like even now he stole, i was only able to escape because of my tax return. he's taken advantage of my mom and i many times but he is also not entirely evil. i know he's why i basically am so attuned to/worried by ways my gf's mom behaves, with howe she yells at people about them 'not helping' even if they haven't, it's something nested inside about a kind of entitlement to others and stuff, and being a better person than everyone else, that is really venomous, it's in my stepdad too, but i just wish i guess we talked or something. he raised me, whether or not i like it. i am also worried about him 'accepting me' or whatever. my mom i think would but i guess she might be upset i'm partially a daughter now. or that i always was a kind of daughter. but idk how to make sense of that entirely. how does one even come out . it feels like the biggest block in my relationship to her, i can't say, oh i went to the club and did x, it feels like a level of hiding is there becuz there is a hiding there.

i know my dad, my real dad, would disown me, but maybe he has, idk, i have not spoken to him in a long time, over a year now. he is still a crypto obsessed libertarian reactionary who hates the liberal communists grooming american children, i think.

he used to just think about aliens a lot.

a lot of the people you have no choice to be around in life kind of round out to being a little horrifying. everyone is horrifying.

anyway, tomorrow we're going to try and move a lot of furniture. i'm not really excited for taking apart the bedframe. that was so awful to put together it made me wanna die.

the song is getting closer, i think what i need to do is roll off some high transients or something on the bass tomorrow, or up to the mids even, idk. it's hard but basically i can't have it interacting with the guitars in an ugly and weird way.

anyway i need to sleep now, it's 1 am. so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!

[swiftfootedachilles]

I love the Ghost Hunters AU and I really want more of Salem. Especially Salem with the Milkovich siblings.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you. ive always wanted a black cat named either princess or salem and i thought it would make sense since its a ghost hunter au (even tho i skipped over all the ghost stuff so my post wasnt a million words long) with terry not around i feel like the milkoviches would love playing with animals. Salem is a very adventurous, people-loving cat! you know, the kind of cat people say were a dog in their past life. of course she loves the gallaghers too! even carl makes a point to be nice to her (after, when she was a kitten, ian beat him up for making a joke) but the milkoviches dont really get to show affection ever, so they love getting to play with her and scratch her lil belly and give her treats they stole from the pet store. they all adore her but ofc after ian and mickey get together and he comes over to the gallaghers a shitton, mickey becomes her 2nd dad. he goes to the top of her favorite people list. nobody else plays with her the way he does! hes not afraid to get a little rough, but he knows whats signs to look out for when a cat is not playing/irritated. shes still young and she loves playing!! imagine toddlers who like getting thrown around because its fun, shes like that. she gets kicked out and put in a different room when they fuck, and she uses this time to get in as much trouble as possible, knock shit over, and annoy anyone else in the house. ALSO she LOVES liam!! they literally grow up together and fiona teaches him how to treat animals so by the time hes like 5, she moves from sleeping with ian to sleeping with liam

i imagined ian and mandy meeting at the same time, so when salem is 2 that would be s3 ish. when he first found her, ian had just started his job and scrounged up every penny he could find to take her to a low cost clinic to get spayed and vaxxed. other than being skinny and dehydrated (and ofc separated from her mom as a kitten) she was in surprisingly good shape! now shes so used to being spoiled by everyone! ian LOVES taking care of others and being of service so he really found a home in Salem, treating her like his kid and giving her the best life possible. i definitely think once he gets diagnosed with BD, he pays (with mostly mickeys money lbr) for her to be his emotional support animal and takes her to as many pet friendly places at possible!

like i said she becomes kinda the mascot of the ghost hunting youtube channel they eventually start. its not something they see as a career or anything, they do it as a hobby, but they gain decent attraction and make extra money on the side from ads and a few brand deals. ofc Salem is the reason everyone watches the channel 🙄 she's in pretty much every video, and they chose her as their icon bc 1. black cat spooky duh 2. she brought them together 🥺 3. she really does show up A LOT in videos, especially when they're not urban exploring/hunting and at home recording the historical backgrounds and debriefings for each location. also yes they do urban exploring as well, thats mainly mickey and mickey and whatever milkovich wants to tag along and graffiti an abandoned building. imagine a combination of The Watcher and Dan Bell (omfg now im imagining them doing Another Dirty Room???? 😭 they would be so offended at paying money for rooms worse than their own back in the southside) but with less production value

ok omg i wrote so much im gonna stop now before i go off the rails again. how did i fall in love with this random ass au from a trope generator. reminder that i accidentally deleted the og post so it wont turn up in searches unless youre on my blog or the blog of anyone else who rbed it :)

[officialpenisenvy]

my parents were fairly decent parents all things considered the first few years of my life although when i was younger my mother could be quite mean to me sometimes & my father was often my favorite due to how harshly she judged me. when i hit my teenage ish years my dad veered super hard right (like from casual right winger to conspiracy theorist) & simultaneously became pretty cruel to the rest of the family, particularly me & my mother. i still hesitate to label what he did abuse because it was so much more idk. mild? than what other ppl went through like the closest it got to physical was trying to yank me off my bed & hit me when i wouldnt give him my phone. & because he only started acting like that later in my life. anyway theyre divorced now & i live mostly with my mom but because he pays for my insurance & i need my meds to function he still makes me stay with him (though i am 18). its made me resent both him & my mother for not trying harder to protect me & my siblings even when she could & even when i suggested things like emancipation, which is unfair to her but whatever. & i feel like i have no right to be upset with them because it was just a brief period of time during the worst of it (proportionally to the rest of my life) & even though he hasnt threatened me—seriously or as a joke—in over a year i still feel deeply unsafe around him. my parents are also both transphobic & im in the closet which certainly doesnt help me feeling unsafe.

also my mom thinks that we have this special bond because we're both adhd & my father was the worst to the two of us as opposed to my siblings & honestly thinks we're way closer & have a much better relationship than we do. even though i can express wanting any privacy/independence/disagree with her without her getting angry at me & also emotionally manipulates & guilt trips me often which i just pretend works because its easier than trying to argue. very tiring. its like we're in a loveless marriage or some shit & girl we need a DIVORCE

im so sorry, that sounds like a tough situation to navigate for sure! honestly i feel like your resentment is perfectly warranted, especially towards your father, it might have been a short time but it still clearly had a very negative impact on you and your family to the point you still feel a sense of danger around him, and to me his actions do sound at least abuse-adjacent. i feel you wrt your mother also, i was (and partly still am) in a very similar situation with my own mom and it was so nightmarish, it was what prompted me to move out of the house and now that we're separated for most of the year my relationship with both of my parents is much healthier, though that's not a high bar lmao. peace and love to you, i hope you manage to divorce your mom, get rid of your dad and start your transition 🙏

[smaller-brandon]

Brandons quest for humanity: December Edition

(Hopefully lets see when this comes out)

First off: I live, lads! And honestly life is pretty boring and stressful at the same time. But hey the best part about existential dread and stuff is that you can always make jokes! But I bet the 3 people that are seeinbg this are frothing at the mouth right now, wanting to get to the meat of whatever this is. But first go get treated as you do have rabies! I'll wait....... You're back? Ok cool lets rock.

So lets start from where we left off: The day I posted the first edition and vowed to try and make this a monthly thing. I believe thanksgiving happened the day after, meaning no work unless something happened. I work a job for Panera Bread where I clock out after finishing a set of tasks. Same shit different day kinda deal, once you’ve been there a while, and I had been a baker for one year plus one month, since october of 23.

So I have my dad drive me to where I need to be, walk in, only to see someone else is doing the job I thought I was doing that day. I was off that day, unbeknownst to me till that moment. Now a sane person would probably call and say “hey so turns out I don’t have a shift, could you come pick me up?” or just call an Uber. You know, like a person. What I did for the next six hours however consisted of…

Ordering a vanilla latte and watching youtube

listening to part of an episode of distractible

watching season 2 episode 11 of helluva boss (btw holy shit)

Walking to the nearby Chipotle and having lunch there

Walking BACK to Panera

Ordering an almond pastry (it was decent)

Talking with some of the staff (they know me)

Listening through part of a Jim Gaffigan special

Listening through an entire mike Birbiglia special

calling my dad halfway through

telling him it was just a short shift, with him buying it

Don’t be me kids. Stay monetized out there or whatever.

Apart from work and managing a very quiet queer Minecraft bedrock sfw 18+ discord server (wink wink nudge nudge) I rediscovered a word: Tilted. Now to explain the situation, I have to explain a bit more about my job. So I have to work a different Panera “cafes”, because everyone has different days off, meaning if Joey 1 bakes at location A five days a week, that leaves two days where they still need a baker, so bring in Joey 2. And that system is how you’ll have 2 days at one place, 2 days at another, 3 days at either if you’re lucky. So that first location I talked about earlier, well call it “Circle”, and the other location I work at, “Square”.

Now at Circle, the baker area is pretty concealed, so people cant see what going on back there and try to steal recipes or whatever. ON THE OTHER HAND, HOWEVER, Square lets you see the bakers station, as its right behind the register area (known as bakery), so people can see whoever is baking and be like “oh so that’s how they make the thing I like. Fascinating!” But it kinda backfires because most people that come in go right past the little screens you can order stuff on and pay for it there, and come right up to the register, and with square being understaffed, and whenever someone is on bakery, but just isn’t fucking there even though that’s their job, that they get PAID TO DO, guess who gets yelled at while trying to do his job… If you guessed me, the guy with headphones on, looking in a completely different direction, you’d be correct! If you guessed someone else, you’re either skimming or just haven’t been paying attention, in which case I’m worried . And recently I had that happen FIVE TIMES IN ONE DAY. May not seem like a lot, but it wasn’t even rush hour, and there was someone on bakery that day who kept disappearing thirty-ish seconds before someone came up, meaning I would have to stop what I was doing and walk around trying to find her to tell her she has a customer. And that made me quite mad, or in this case, tilted.

And now for the part where I talk about christmas shopping because its december damnit

So I recently went christmas shopping, for my two younger siblings, (who will not be named so fuck off) and realized that its kinda hard christmas shopping. Because you have to know a person really fuckin well to feel confident in your gift, and then spend money on it. And the plan was: Buy games, piss out. Didn’t even need the colon but you get the point; this was gonna be easy as fuck. (Fun fact: It was both easy and stressful somehow!) From here my siblings will be referred to as Nail and Switch My thought process was “Ok they don’t have a voucher for the game I know Switch wanted, so I gotta think of something, uhhh, no not pokemon that game is broken, uhh, Breath of the wild, he likes those games, otherwise why would he steal my copies? Ok, Nail… fuck, uhhh, she likes weird but cute stuff, right? Pikmin 4! I win! HAHAHAHA! Oh man my brain.” ...I then had to ask a guy to get the games for me, and that just kinda hurt to be honest. Like he probably has war flashbacks to certain karens, or the stanley cups, or a third thing.

Anyway I pay for the games, snag some variations of chocolate candy, and ride home with my mom, where she told me about party city shutting down. That was the day I remembered party city was a thing.

So apart from reaching 91 games that I’ve bought with money (on playstation), and becoming more active on bluesky (wink wink nudge nudge 2) that’s really it. Thank you for reading and ill probably see you next year. Until then, take it easy.

-Brandon

P.S If it seems I wrote this in one go, thats cuz I did

[jestertizm]

Hello invisible youtube audience >:) Welcome to the first edition of me yapping to myself about the media i’ve consumed over the past week. I thought it’d be fun to do a little report every week about what i’ve watched and read and all that and just yap about what i’ve been doing. I’ve had a decent monday, knees and feet hurt like hell but i’m doing alright. we went to the pet store earlier to get crickets for my leopard gecko and they had kittens from the shelter there. and one of them was so friendly and came running at me when they opened the door aND HE WAS SO SWEET AND PLAYFUL AND WAS SUCH A PRETTY TAN-ISH GRAY COLOR HE WAS JUST LIKE MY CAT WHEN I FIRST GOT HIM BUT I COULDNT TAKE THIS ONE HOME AND I AM STILL DEVASTATED AUGH. But anyways-

I rewatched a lot of anime this week because my little sister wanted to watch them, including my all time favorite anime Kekkai Sensen. I could sit here and yap about how much i fucking love Kekkai Sensen but the amount of text i’ve already written is straining my eyes so it’ll try to keep it brief. I FUCKING LOVE THIS ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found it scrolling through hulu when i was about 12 trying to find something to watch since my mom had only recently let me start watching anime, i thought it looked neat and was absolutely hooked by the first episode. It was so funny watching the same thing happen to my sister, up until that point she had only really watched kids and magical girl anime, she used to watch one punch man and death note when she was little, but she preferred magical girls like cardcaptor sakura. when we finished the last episode, the was silent for a second then she slowly turned to me and yelled “THAT WAS THE GREATEST FUCKING ANIME EVER”. That day she figured out why i had been so fuckin stupid about this anime for almost 6 years now. I fuckin love this anime. P.s. Klaus is my wife 🤭

My sister also DEMANDED i rewatch Scott Pilgrim Takes Off with her and oh my god i think i regret it. Now she wants to be EXACTLY like Ramona Flowers to the point where she finally wants to cut her hair after refusing to cut it for almost 12 years. Personally, I really enjoyed the anime a lot (if it wasn’t obvious 💀) though i wanna watch the movie soon. Also she won’t stop fucking sending me this stupid ass photo of Gideon Graves

Last thing i watched with my sister was Mob Psycho 100. I had started it by myself a while ago but told her we could watch it together, so we watched the first two episodes last night. I wasn’t really paying attention both times i’ve watched it, but i really like it so far, def a lotta jokes that caught me off and made me laugh. Not really much else to say, I love Mob though.

I’ve been watching My Deer Friend Nokotan since it started airing. I’m not someone that keeps tabs about what’s airing during what season and watches everything that’s currently airing, i usually just wait til it’s finished and then completely forget about it. if anything, this is this first anime i’ve watched that i’ve been watching as it’s released. It’s already half way through and my opinions so far: it’s goofy as hell. in a good way. the jokes are all so stupid but tbh i love it. some episodes aren’t as good as others, but i thought the last one (the 7th) was pretty good. idk why but the thought of Japan’s Next Top Deer Model made me laugh, kind upset i didn’t get to see Nokotan actually at the deer show 😔 also now whenever some goes wrong that one song that plays in every episode when something bad happens, that “shikaaa shikaaaaa shikaaaaaaaa” song, plays in my head. My only real gripe with the show so far is that the relationship Anko has with her sister Koshi is WEIRD AS FUCK. Like???? That’s one of the things i hate about anime and manga is why there is so much borderline incest in them??? eugh. On a more positive note, Nokotan is very silly and i love her. I bet Nara Deer Park in Japan has seen an increase in visitors lmao.

Second brand new anime i’ve started watching is Delico’s Nursery. I’m already an episode behind but oh well, i’ll probably watch that later. It’s pretty promising so far, the art style is very pretty and the opening goes hard. I know nothing about the stage play it’s supposed to be a prequel(? i think?) to, but if i’m being completely honest the pretty vampire men already have me ensnared lmao. Idk how to describe it, but you know that trope where the older, more serious guy comes across a traumatized kid and he essentially adopts them and is all like soft only towards them? There’s probably a better way to describe that trope but i am a sucker for it. This anime looks to be pretty much that trope except they are their biological children instead. Although one small issue i have is I think (i’m not 100% sure i didn’t quite grasp the plot yet) they are looking for this “true of vamp” guy but they shorten it to TRUMP and i cannot take it seriously every time they say something like “we gotta find Trump!” 😭 A BIG issue i take, however, is that the children are ALWAYS SCREAMING, LIKE MAKE THEM STOP. I hope to god the screaming and crying chills the fuck out in the next episodes but other than that it’s still wayyy to early in the series to cast any kind of serious judgement but i really like it so far just from the first episode.

I’m not really sure what I’m gonna watch next but I’ve got a few anime I’ve started that I should probably finish, like Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and Serial Experiments Lain. Tbh I’m having a hard time finishing Serial Experiments Lain. Like, I do like it, I find it very aesthetically interesting, but story wise I don’t get it. I know you’re not supposed to get it, but I feel like there’s things that I am supposed to get that I don’t. Imo I feel like there’s too much going on but also not much at all. I can’t keep up with the amount of ideas being introduced at once that are discussed for a few minutes and then they don’t come back up until 2 episodes later, and by then I don’t remember what it is. Despite that, it’s also very slow, my little peanut adhd brain is struggling. I could be watching the episodes far too spaced out from each other since im kinda wanting to not watch it anymore, idk I might restart it and try binging it so I won’t forget as much. I really wanna like it, cuz Lain is literally me, I love her sm.

Also the reason why I still haven’t finished cowboy bebop and trigun is cuz my sister won’t let me watch them without her and she’s gone every other weekend at our dad’s house, which is usually when I wanna watch them 😔

I’ll probably wind up watching Ponyo soon. I’ve been meaning to watch the whimsical fish movie. that is all.

I think the next series I’ll watch is FLCL since it’s short. There’s nothing else coming out soon (except one i’ll mention later lmao) that interests me so it’s back to watching the backlog of 90’s/2000’s anime .

Spoilers for Goodnight Punpun (and by extension Blood On The Tracks) -

Ok, so i have started reading goodnight punpun a little over a week ago and oh my god. I’m currently half way through volume 4 and i really like it so far, but holy shit why can’t this family have a funky good time. you literally cannot have a character you like just even a little bit because then they go out and set a pet shelter on fire or something. I’m honestly so glad Punpun’s mom died but the poor boy is NOT gonna make it out there by himself 😭 and i’m conflicted about his dad because like? i dunno if he really is just an abusive piece of shit, or if he was just trying to protect his son from his batshit insane wife. ok it’s definitely both, but still, he probably genuinely cares about Punpun more, but it’s still such a conflicting situation because he seems really mentally absent. and i’d wish his uncle would just get hit by a train already, I wanted to like him but holy shit dude, whatever therapist you’re seeing they’re not doing a good enough job. i know what i’m about to say is gonna offend a bunch of people, but i’m sorry, Aiko is shady as fuck. Since i’m only half way through she might get better, but she seems like she’ll only continue to make life worse for Punpun, and he’d probably make hers worse too. I do have more sympathy for her though, don’t get me wrong, since she grew up in a cult and clearly has trauma, I don’t hate her, but Aiko and Punpun are only gonna fuck each other up. I do really like how Punpun changes appearance depending on how he views himself, though i have yet to figure out how to translates into a floating triangle. So far i’m enjoying the story, as fucked up as it is, it’s a pretty grim yet realistic look at how abuse, neglect, and trauma affects a kid’s development and the mindset they have as they grow up. a lot of the plot points remind me of Blood On The Tracks, another coming of age manga about a boy who grew up with a possessive, manipulative, and mentally + emotionally abusive mother. The way Punpun and Seiichi from Blood On The Tracks grow up with the effects of their trauma are very similar, as well as how every character is a horrible person, but they are also very nuanced. Anyways I’ll probably have this finished by next monday and i will provide my thoughts then too 👍

Ok, so i came across this manhua just completely randomly and looked it up because the art on the cover looked nice and holy shit I am so glad i did. I was not expecting the absolutely GORGEOUS art in it. It is easily the prettiest eastern comic i’ve ever seen, the colors are beautiful and looks incredible with the painterly artsyle. The story its self is pretty simplistic in my opinion. The whole story is only a little over 100 pages long and was a pretty quick read. Spoilers from this point on if you want to read it: It’s about Orange, a teenage girl who is suicidal and is about to jump off the roof of a building til she notices this drunk older man, Dashu, hanging out on the roof and then decides not to jump off that day. The story then goes over Orange’s life, her sneaking out of the house, getting boyfriends who wind up being pieces of shit, getting into trouble, and running into Dashu again. She ends up falling in love with Dashu, but she also has complex thoughts with her feelings about him. On one hand she is in love and is fascinated with him, and on the other she’s disgusted by him. Imma leave the summary off here because if you wanna read this it’ll just ruin the ending. The story itself can be pretty upsetting since it deals with suicide, isolation, and a minor in love with an adult, but i think it does a pretty alright job telling it with the limited time it has. I would recommend it if you like stories that explore the grittier aspects of being an older teenager and the topic of feeling isolated from society and because the art is gorgeous.

Im gonna take a lil break from Goodnight Punpun (since i usually only read one manga at a time) to read Dandadan. The anime is coming out in October and i’m thinking about watching it so i’m gonna read the manga first. It sounds really neat, with it being about aliens, yokai, and cryptid-like creatures (and i’m a sucker for cryptids). That’s pretty much all, I’ll talk about it more next monday. Also, I wanna know what this panel is about 💀

ough, i haven’t played any games lately 💔 AND I MISSED THE SPLATFEST AGAIN. I have no joke, literally missed every single splatfest since splatoon 3 came out. I AM NOT MISSING THE VERY LAST ONE NUH UH

Here’s the section where i recommend a random anime and manga from my list 👍

Ever thought, “Cowboy Bebop is good but i really wish they were girls instead”? Probably not, but if you like pulp crime and western style action, I recommend Gunsmith Cats. It’s only 3 episodes long and can be easily watched in a day. It’s about two girls, Rally and May, who run an illegal gun shop and get blackmailed by an ATF agent to solve a gun running case for them. There’s plenty of high action scenes of gunfights, car chases, and explosions, and i found Rally and May to be very likable characters in my opinion. The only small issue is there is a bit of fan service if you don’t like that, but I don’t remember it being very obstructive like some other shows with fan service, a lot of it is subtle. Overall it was a very fun watch for me and i def recommend it if you like stuff like Cowboy Bebop or 90’s western style action.

Blood On The Tracks is a very good psychological manga, and i would recommend it to anybody who also likes Goodnight Punpun, but similar to Goodnight Punpun, you should read it in a good headspace. I’m fortunate enough to not have an abusive mother but it still really messed with me with how realistic the portrayal of mental and emotional abuse was. I already gave a brief explanation of what it’s about when I was talking about Goodnight Punpun, but i feel like explaining far too much will take away from the impact of where the manga ends up. Massive trigger warnings for death, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, murder and attempted murder, sex scenes (i think), and so much childhood trauma if you decide to read it.

And that was the first Media Yapfest, see you next monday >:3

[girltomboy]

The Torturous Tortured Poets Department - a 2/10 album

I finally listened to this slop knowing full well it would be beyond excruciating to try and sit through all the 31 "songs" on it, and all my expectations were confirmed. That lady can't do anything!

So I want to mention that only the first 10-ish songs are actually listenable, the rest of it is the same repetitive monotone slop that's ever present on her past ~4 releases (not including the re-recorded greedleases).

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) - flat song, Post Malone fits well on it, but it doesn't have a peak, just goes straight into nowhere. I kind of forgot most of it because it feels like I've been trying to get through this tar pit of an album for a whole day. Forgettable is a good description for it.

The Tortured Poets Department - fake deep, heavily influenced by pretentious clichees, we can tell she had a fling with the racist from The 1975 because it made her even more annoying. Also forgettable.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - this one was better, has a bit of personality to it, some rhythm too, one of the only decent songs if you pay little attention to the lyrics.

Down Bad - the swearing makes it funny, lackluster production, quite flat, verbose & empty. I don't think she understands what "down bad" means.

So Long, London - the same as the previous one, empty production, verbose, flat singing, filler song.

But Daddy I Love Him - I feel compelled to point out she used a comma for the previous title, but not here. This one sounds a little bit like her older stuff, probably because of the lyrics. Still too wordy, and the production is too boring in contrast with her voice and the lyrics, a problem that's prevalent on most of her recent releases.

Fresh Out The Slammer - another song loaded with flat singing and lackluster production. A lot of these songs have long periods of silence, not drops or rests like in most other songs where it sounds nice, just straight up long silences.

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) - stripped back production here and there very unnecessarily. Florence held back a lot, there's barely any singing, of course, to match her little song companion. It's barely a song, really, incohesive and peakless. The build-up, if you can call it that, is sudden and short and leads nowhere. Their voices also don't complement each other well at all.

Guilty as Sin? - this sounds a lot like many of her other songs with boring and empty productions. No peak or anything to make it stand out, just percussion and plain vocals with thesaurus lyrics.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me - silence again; this one is at least richer in sounds. The lyrics are too edgy, reminiscent of Karma. There's a rhythm, but the random pauses kill all the momentum. Corny, high school lyrics.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - these long, cheesy titles are tiring me out. Production copied + pasted from the other songs. No peak, no singing, no music. It could have been an interlude with fewer words. Too many dog allegories for her boyfriends on this album.

loml - another empty ballad with many words and nothing said. Lullaby song, really boring, repetitive, bad lyrics.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - some build up only to sound like a monkey with cymbals song. Really corny lyrics and the same lackluster production.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - this is where the album, already pretty bad so far, takes a down turn and becomes the most unbearable collection of slop I've ever sat through since her Folklore/Evermore days. Those were peak unbearable, this was just disappointing and exhausting. One piano note for each syllable, bland production again, nothing song. Verbose and sleepy.

The Alchemy - I have already listened to this song 10 times on this album so far. It sounds like Halsey and would have probably been better with a trap instrumental rather than this silent 2014 nonsense.

Clara Bow - the same boring slop over and over. She's talking too much, not singing enough, and the elevator music just makes it exhausting. Nothing new, just recycled lyrics over the same bland production.

The Black Dog - here I was kinda starting to get pissed off. Not music. She really made the same song 20 times and said "yeah, it's an album. Release it." Wow my ears hurt.

imgonnagetyouback - Repetitive, heard it before, zero production. Some rhythm, but the backing vocals and empty melody kill it. Silence again.

The Albatross - a little more interesting, something to hear finally. But unfortunately it's just a mellow guitar song, so the novelty doesn't last long into it, since it's just as bland as her previous ones, it just puts you to sleep with different instruments.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - no intro whatsoever, just a plain piano like the practice of a beginner child, repetitive singing, lullaby song. Nothing distinctive, the same stripped back production, drags on forever.

How Did It End? - piano ballad, boring, sleepy, thesaurus lyrics, repetitive, and yet it's not the worst one so far. But we're probably past that point.

So High School - is that... an instrument? Oh, because she "feels high school" (we know, we've heard the lyrics) she made a pop rock sounding song. She barely sings on it, though, so all the momentum is once again suffocated. A breath of fresh air to hear something a little bit different from the dead slime I've been wading through, and this is hardly a compliment for this song. Also, she CANNOT sing.

I Hate It Here - slow guitar song again stuffed with repetitive verbosity to the point where you can't tell what's going on with the production. But it's okay, because nothing is ever going on. Skipped through 2/3 of it.

thanK you aIMee - boring, repetitive nothing. Barely any singing again, every song sounds like she wanted an excuse to speak into a microphone in a monotone semblance of a melody that goes nowhere.

I Look In People's Windows - a song filled with silence again, absolutely zero production, skipped over 2/3 again.

The Prophecy - nothing song, too much singing - sorry, monotone speaking. Zero melody, skipping through it I land on the same plain low note every time.

Cassandra - silence song again, nonexistent production, verbose, stands out with nothing.

Peter - another ballad I can't get through. At least this one has some structure, but again too much aimless verbosity. Skipped the last minute.

The Bolter - how is this not the same auditory sludge I've been listening to for the last 2 hours? Lazy guitars, and boring production. Bland melody, monotone singing.

Robin - sounds the same as 20 other songs, the slow singing makes it even more painful. This song has NOTHING to redeem it. There's silence again and extremely monotone melody with barely any singing. Should have been an interlude, skipped half of it.

The Manuscript - another nothing song, I actually couldn't sit through more than 10 seconds. The only redeeming quality of it is that there's no more songs coming after it.

Overall this album is incohesive, full of incoherent monotone yapping. Her vocals are atrocious, I don't even want to go into that, the excruciatingly boring production was bad enough on its own. Luckily she barely tried to sing at all, every song was almost the same recycled flat note over an aimless elevator melody. However, the best part of it is that it's finally over. Special thanks to the people who provided the piracy link and made this unnecessarily long post possible. 🙏 Without you the world would be nothing.